Doctor Who companions summarised in ten words or less (classic edition)
Susan Foreman: Gallifreyan teenager abandoned on post-apocolyptic earth because love.
Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright: Married schoolteachers educate grumpy alien about morality.
Vicki Pallister: New granddaughter acquired!
Steven Taylor: Future Blue Peter presenter enjoys double act with adoptive sisters.
Katarina: She's lovely- oh, wait, now she's dead.
Sara Kingdom: She's cool- oh, wait, now she's dead.
Dodo Chaplet: Northerner loses accent due to BBC classism, more at ten.
Ben Jackson and Polly Wright: Opposites attract couple near-immediately overshadowed by new companion.
Jamie McCrimmon: Himbo highlander as gay as sixties television will allow.
Victoria Waterfield: Nineteenth century teenager has worst week of her life.
Zoe Heriot: Master martial artist knows one (1) throw.
Liz Shaw: Scientist is too competent for this nonsense.
Jo Grant: Cinnimon roll has no self-preservation instinct.
Sarah-Jane Smith: Feminist journalist surrounded by idiotic military men.
Harry Sullivan: Otherwise-sensible medical professional becomes world's biggest imbecile.
Leela of the Sevateem: Knife lady kicks ass, takes names.
K9: Robotic dog malfunctions for ninety minutes.
Romana: Sheltered Gallifreyan has surprisingly good fashion.
Adric: Math kid go boom!
Tegan Jovanka and Nyssa Of Traken: Hypercompetent space girlfriends have unintentional homoerotic subtext.
Vislor Turlough: Universes most incompetent assassin accidentally becomes friends with intended target.
Kamelion: BBC producer gets tricked into buying cursed prop.
Peri Brown: Dubiously-accented botanist struggles with sexism and BBC wardrobe department.
Mel Bush: Health nut weaponises volume of scream.
Ace McShane: Awesome butch bisexual pyromaniac hits things with baseball bat.
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We were all so scared about what was going to happen in The Giggle, how the Doctor was going to suffer or if Donna was going to die, that we didn't even stop to think about the most groundbreaking plot twist: a happy ending.
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this is so funny because Kate, Shirley and Mel all look scared after Fourteen fumbles with the ball
but it’s clear Donna was ready to kick his arse if he dropped that thing
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