7700 EMERGENCY SQUAWK PANIC - ADR (ABNORMAL DREAM RECORDER) WITH PANIC - NIGHTMARE ADR X2 - FULL PANIC - DISCHARGED FIRE BOTTLE 1 - 10MG VALIUM ADR RECORDS ALL CAPTURED BETWEEN 12AM 2AM - HIGH RESOLUTION ADR DATA In a downtown Chicago hospital, I was in the OR for what appeared to be a pelvic procedure, maybe the spermatic cord denervation? Maybe Northwestern Medicine? The only recognizable calm portion of the dream was grabbing the anesthesia mask and inhaling gases, then awakening from whatever procedure was done I was in extensive pain, suspiciously no IV line was in place. I was immediately rushed from the OR to what looked very much like a jail complex or a psychiatric facility. Upon further review it appeared to match the building description of Jackson Park Psychiatric Hospital. Such high resolution from an ADR is suspicious. Such thermal crashing is highly suspicious. Upon awakening from the surgery I asked for pain medicine before being rushed away from the post op area in a hurried and reckless fashion. They said “Morphine? Fentanyl?” I said “Yes morphine, no fentanyl” They said “You thought we were going to give you pain medicine? Hahahahaa” I then remember there being incisions on the side of my penis bilaterally, on the sides of my scrotum bilaterally and at my suprapublic. These incisions are not compatible with any known procedure modality.

Upon being taken into the seemingly normal psychiatric hospital all on the inside was abnormal, it appeared to be a building being misused as a home for the special needs / infirm special needs. I was in severe pain. They gave me a dirty bedroom with massive amounts of electronics and wiring laying around including what appeared to be a high voltage Ham Radio setup cobbled together from smuggled in electronics components. During what appeared to be meal time me and a group of people in wheelchairs including a young woman with a harness were dining when a fight broke out, one person was killed by another person, another person was killed by gunfire from the armed guards. All persons were evacuated to the hallway. I remember seeing a machine in the hallway that rang like a gong and was extremely loud. The machine was sat next to my room, my room was the first room on the unit and a high acuity monitoring room, though no real monitoring occurred.

Upon being released to do as we wish I was no longer walking around the facility. In fact everything turned into a top down flying view, out of body experience?? Dead?? I saw things that nobody else should ever see, there was a body on a stretcher that had clearly undergone extensive rigor mortis. I then approached the end of the hallway and saw a container that sad DANGEROUS MEDICAL EQUIPMNT DO NOT OPEN, able to see through the container I could see a body, there were electrodes monitoring the brainwaves of the seemingly barely alive person being kept within it, a prisoner?? I then looked over toward a blood splattered door that said “OPERATING ROOM” on the front, immediately at that time the dream ended with a ADR - NIGHTMARE CODE 1:50AM 2:00AM - Very rapidly fell back to sleep, immediately dumped back into the same dream, this time as a staff member. People were running around and a violent individual cornered me into an armored staff booth,, guard post? within the facility. I kept holding the door shut while the person beat on the glass and banged on the door.

Police arrived and shot the individual dead. The dream was very short and ended with an ADR - NIGHTMARE CODE

2:00 AM - AWOKE FROM TWO ADR ACTIVATIONS BOTH NIGHTMARE CODE.

2:05 AM - TRIED TO GO BACK TO SLEEP

2:10 AM - NeuroECAM INDICATED FULL ENGINE FIRE E1 DISCHARGE AGENT 1&2 - AGENT 1 DISCHARGED HOLDING AGENT 2

2:15AM - SEVERE SPASTICITY / INVOLUNTARY SPASMODIC MOVEMENTS. TROUBLE OPERATING RECORDING EQUIPMENT. WILL ATTEMPT RETRIEVAL OF RECORDS AFTER A WAIT OF 3) MINUTES FOR VALIUM

2:20AM - MEDICAL ALERT - PT IS EXTREMELY COLD DESPITE ENVIRONMENTAL TEMPERATURE BEING WITHIN NORMAL LIMITS. THERMAL CRASH DETECTOR TRIGGERED. EXTRACORPOREAL HEATING IN USE

2:24AM - REPORT TAPES PULLED SUCCESSFULLY. THERMALS SEVERELY UNSTABLE. MOVEMENT PATTERNS STABILIZING HOWEVER STILL CATEGORIZED AS UNSTABLE. 2:40AM - WAS ABLE TO COMPLETE ADR REPORTS, UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT RETURNING TO SLEEP. DISCHARGING FIRE AGENT 2 10MG VALIUM INJECTION. 20MG BACLOFEN DISPENSED, ABNORMAL MUSCLE ACTIVITY IS EVIDENT OF SERIOUS MUSCULAR SPASM. 2:52AM - MEDICNES DISPENSED BY HOT WATER INJECTION WITH RAPID INFILTRATION INTO SMALL INTESTINE FOR RAPID UPTAKE, PATIENT REFUSES TO RETURN TO SLEEP AT THIS TIME. PATIENT IS REMAINING CALM ON SOFA AND IS WELL ORIENTED TO TIME AND PLACE. PATIENT IS PLAYING MUSIC ON RADIO. 3:02AM - PT APPEARS HEAVILY RELIANT ON EXTRACORPOREAL HEATING SYSTEM. WILL NOT BE RETURNED TO BED, WILL ATTEMPT TO SLEEP ON THE RECLINER. EXPECTING NO FURTHER SLEEP TONIGHT.

3:13AM - PT STABLE HOWEVER STILL REFUSES TO RETURN TO BED OR TURN OFF RADIO. DOES NOT WANT TO RETURN TO SLEEP. NIGHTMARES ARE SO INTENSE THEY ARE CAUSING COMPLETE REFUSAL TO SLEEP. ALERT - NEUROLOGY/NEUROPSYCHIATRY - CALL OFFICE MONDAY MORNING STAT ALERT - REHAB MEDICINE - CALL OFFICE MONDAY MORNING STAT ALERT - HHS // IDPH // IDFPR - NORTHWESTERN MEDICINE IS TRIGGERING MULTIPLE PTSD / ADR EVENTS - TRIAGE TO EMERGENCY INTAKE WITH ALL AGENCIES - EMERGENCY COUNSELING REQUIRED // CONTACT IDPH FIRST ON MONDAY THEN IDFPR THEN HHS RE ESTABLISHED IF NEEDED TO DIAL 988

HSQ EMERGENCY RE-SCORE ORDERED

Depression Level 5/10 5pts above ULN (Massive rage, sick of shit not working, sick of Northwestern)

Volatility 10/10 10pts above ULN (WARNING: EXTREME VOLATILITY, NM & Freedom Foundation primary offenders secondary offenders Microsoft Flight Simulator / Computer -DAS)

Anxiety Level 11/10 11pts above ULN (MASS PANIC, SEE ADR TAPES)

General Stress Score 11/10 11pts above ULN (Slight stress about infection, don’t want to have one, want to be able to do things with Mike tomorrow//high stress level due to hospital and having to process criminal institutions “Freedom Foundation” are union busting thugs. MASS PANIC SEE ADR) Pain Score 4-10, (Highly variable) Mobility Score 0/10 (INVERSE SCORING IS USED FOR THIS SCORE, 10 IS BEST) - A NEAR MISS FALL OCCURRED! FALL RECOVERY WAS INITIATED AND A SAFE LANDING WAS PERFORMED ONTO THE FLOOR, CRAWLED TO THE DOOR TO MEET WITH EMS

@NorthwesternMed you jackasses not doing your ever so simple job of upholding a surgical promise is causing echoing panic attacks and ADRs (Abnormal Dream Records)

ECHO IDPH HHSGov IDFPR - FORMAL GRIEVANCES TO BE FILED ON MONDAY. PUBLIC RELEASE RECORD Night time is *rarely* easy for me, the ADR system triggers up at least once to three times a week, sometimes more often. ADRs did not start triggering constantly until after Northwestern screwed me over. Ever since I have been in a persistent state of emergency. This is a rare glimpse into the A320 black box recorder for the public to see.

#NightmareHosptal#WorstHospitalsInAmerica#MedicalAbuse#OngoingEmergency#StateOfEmergency

The last thing I need today is jackass Republican pigs contacting me. Get REKT if you are a Republican pig. If you are a Republican you are not welcome on my blog nor on my property and I reserve the right to use lethal force if you show up on my property. So stay the fuck away from my house. This is the only warning you pigs will get.

This deeply disturbing children’s publication was created by COG-TFI and was required reading for children across COG-TFI. It taught children that illnesses and accidents are punishments from God for disobedience or spiritual failings and compared these events to being spanked. It explicitly promoted the idea that children are to blame for the illnesses and accidents that befall them.

Thus, when injured or sick, children in the cult were typically ordered to “pray about it”, ask God how they had transgressed against the cult’s teachings, and repent in order to be healed. This emotional abuse inflicted anxiety and false guilt upon children in COG-TFI, as they were blamed while suffering from untreated sickness or injury. The publication also depicts a child forcibly disrobed and in a humiliating position while being spanked, a form of abuse that was universal to children in the cult, and this image added to the shame that innocent children suffered while being sick or injured and being denied medical care.

As an author, I place my whole being into my art. I don't mind bad reviews, but trauma survival is not something to ridicule. We need to validate ourselves to heal.

#TraumaSurvivor #NarcissisticAbuse #VerbalAbuse #PhysicalAbuse #MedicalAbuse #TraumaIsReal #MentalHealthIsHealth #IBelieveYou #Beware #IndieAuthor #WifeAndMom #BreakingCycles #NewBritain

So I need to relax and rest because I don’t need to let these people get to me with all of the psychological abuse and having to explain everything while I’m also being watched well how does that work guys does Catherine want to just make sure that all of these doctors and all of these lawyers go down as well I think I should get out of her way and let her do her job if that’s what she’s trying to do because I can get out of this based on my psychological distress alone

It’s hard to know sometimes when women care and when they don’t because down here no I didn’t say anything about Karen I said Hair I know I know some of the misogynist will try to say that I am a Karen I’m a Karen who is losing her hair her hair is falling out of her head and a doctor refused me treatment on a day that my hair was falling out of my head and I need to see a doctor I’m looking at the 4th cups I see that there’s a lot of highlights to the things I’m going through osteoarthritis my hair is falling out of my head yeah I’m sure you guys are really happy when your hair is falling out of your head and the doctor refused to see me and you know just so you guys know my Facebook was just as clean as it could be relatively speaking and I have let these kids know that they do not need to cross any lines to try and be vigilantes and get justice just to have Catherine try to press charges against them for doing the right thing sometimes adults like to pick on kids a lot

Like I was saying on Facebook kids don’t do anything violent that’s not the way to handle it and regardless of what Catherine says there are people with a lot of money who can handle these doctors it may not all be legal I don’t know for sure that’s not my department is it

#Pants #MediaAttention #PedophileRingsGlasgowKentucky #WhereSheSaidLMAO #YeahWhere #MedicalAbuse

#CalmDown

you guys you gotta stay calm not just because

Not just because people will try and make you upset intentionally but because they don’t have the experience that you have if you have been trafficked and all of that stuff then life is a very scary place sometimes because there are a lot of monsters all around ready to hurt you that’s how it feels exactly and then people who have never experienced it say that that’s crazy that’s crazy but then why did you throw that aggression out if that’s so crazy but we’re past that

Risperidone for Everyone!

Risperidone is an antipsychotic medication designed to treat schizophrenia in adults and children. Like most antipsychotics now a days, its also being used to treat a rainbow of other, unrelated mental illnesses including depression and anxiety. Although I have yet to find a report where this drug was used successfully to treat the latter conditions, its use and over use in psychiatry continues to haunt me because of my personal experience with this drug.

In theory, Risperidone works by blocking dopamine and serotonin receptors. These two receptors are associated in psychiatry with a person’s ability to feel good. When they are blocked – the reward system is suppressed and people are rendered flat and lifeless. Why then, I continue to ask myself, are they being prescribed to people with depression and anxiety if their very mode of operation is to suppress your brain’s ability to feel good?

The reason is because drugs like these are never accurately measured. Anecdotal reports of what these drugs do are taken as proof that they will work on a large group of people if one patient reports a positive effect from the drug. How these medications really work remains hypothetical, but it was enough for my psychiatrist at the time to force me to take this medication for months and months and months by involuntary injection after I complained of life threatening side effects.

I do not believe that all patients taking this drug cannot benefit from it – antipsychotics are extremely effective in treating patients with psychosis. However, depression and anxiety are not psychosis. So why are these drugs being lauded for curing things beyond psychosis? I don’t know. But I have some theories.

I will get it out of the way that I don’t believe doctors in Canada are financially rewarded for administering certain drugs. I know the system doesn’t work that way, for the most part. But what does work is marketing from drug companies. Marketing that is so effective based on the principal that the developers of this drug are proposing it be used because they believe it works to cure a variety of psychiatric ailments based on a few studies. They then market this belief to psychiatry, and it’s a win-win situation. The drug company profits and psychiatrist treat people with a drug they feel confident works. Its both economically and ethically sound if both parties are honest in their claims about the drug. However, I have not yet found any quantitative scholarly articles supporting the claim that Risperidone treats things outside of psychosis. However, its absolutely deadening effects that render a patient lifeless are likely misinterpreted as an improvement for a variety of mental illnesses.

Risperidone doesn’t treat anxiety or reduce depression. It reduces your drive to do anything at all – rendering you almost comatose. Many people have referred to the antipsychotic as being something that is used to chemically lobotomize people. I agree.

I know it didn’t work for me. It caused unbearable mental impairment, depression, anxiety, terror, absolute misery. I recognized that it was caused by Risperidone, but my claims were dismissed. Repeatedly. I was forced to take this medication and live in a state of dread and dysphoria for 6 months. I’d supplement myself with hard drugs just to get a break from the overwhelming depression caused by Risperidone. Just so I could do the things I used to do – like enjoy a TV program. Despite making desperate pleas to get off for months and months, I was forced under threat of incarceration to take Risperidone. In order to ensure I didn’t skip doses, I was injected with a long lasting dose. I was stuck in a mental hell for the duration of that dose. Usually two weeks. If I refused to get my next dose: psych ward, isolation room, and an increase in the amount of Resperidone I’d have to take.

I can’t understand why this happened. Did the psychiatrist just not want to be wrong? If I’m complaining about severe side effects – why didn’t he attribute them to Risperidone which they should have been attributed to? The side effects I had were known side effects of this drug. But still, my psychiatrist and his colleagues at Psychiatric Emergency Services in Victoria BC insisted that my claims were premature, and that the drug took time to work. How on earth would you know it takes time to work? You let people get tortured for months and months and expect a change? The method in which this drug works is simple – it blocks dopamine and serotonin. It makes you listless and docile because you don’t have any motivation. It doesn’t cure anxiety or depression, it suppresses your reaction to it.

I did end up getting off Risperidone after an painful cold-turkey withdrawal. The withdrawal lasted weeks. I experienced restricted breathing, shaking, insomnia, anxiety and unrelenting depression. However, its lingering effects of promoting anxiety and depression wore on since my dopamine and serotonin receptors had to revive themselves. This anxiety was treated with, yet again, an antipsychotic. Luckily it was the lesser of the evils, Abilify.

Antipsychotics, unlike dopaminergic drugs, are not mentally addicting. There is no urge to re-use and there is no desire to use excessively because it blocks the brain’s reward system instead of flooding it like addicting drugs like amphetamines and opiates. But just because they aren’t habit forming doesn’t mean they’re good. Drinking bleach is horrible, deadly and non-habit forming but that doesn’t mean its good to ingest.

There are no winners in this story. I honestly doubt anyone who’s in a career aimed at assisting people with mental illness can be proud of themselves for ignoring a patient who rightly identified serious debilitating side effects of a drug they were forced to take. What in the hell was in it for them? Why are antipsychotics being prescribed for everything?

I WANT A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY. I believed for a very long time that I had to be the one to fix it, and I know now that it has to be them. They love the person they think I am very deeply. But because I'm not that person, they manipulate and guilt and pressure me into "at least" pretending to be that person. I can't do it anymore. I've told them that pretending comes at a cost, and they've been perfectly happy to have me pay it. I'm not. 🌜What I want is for my family to see, love, and respect me as I am. And by respect, I just want to be able to make statements about my own life without them telling me I'm ridiculous, it's not possible, but also that the impossible situation is my fault. 🌜This means I'm on the fence about having a relationship with my family as-is. I want something that doesn't exist- but I give up even the glimpses of it I get now if I go no contact. And I give up having a family, I give up the only people who knew me as a child, the family history, and a lot of my culture. But I'm gaining myself. Most of the time now, I believe I'm worth it. 🌜 ID: An ombre sage green background. A square turned on its point contains a white line drawing of a pussywillow branch, underneath which are the words, "Sick Asians Anonymous." Below the square it reads, “Do you want a real relationship with your family?” 🌜 #Asian #AsianDiaspora #AsianMentalHealth #Filipinx #Filipino #ChronicIllness #InvisibleIllness #Sick #SickGirlsClub #Spoonie #POCwME #Disabled #DisabledPOC #InvisibleDisability #DisabilityAdvocate #MedicalAbuse #Ableism #Crip #Trauma #ToxicPeople #ToxicFamily #IntergenerationalTrauma #ComplexPTSD #FamilyTrauma #Queer https://www.instagram.com/p/CAQWrrFgDFe/?igshid=rurh2wshv2jc

Repost from @conmijente • Action alert ‼ Help stop the deportation of survivors and witnesses of medical ICE abuse in Georgia at Irwin detention center. Sign and share widely- Link to petition and action steps in bio #AbolishICE #End287g #georgiaonmymind #forcedhysterectomies #immigrantrights #forcedsterilization #medicalabuse #stopdeportations #humanrights #signalboost https://www.instagram.com/p/CHQ9txyAxlj/?igshid=1sn9zplav3l2m

Hospital/dread IPhoneX #hospital #fear #abuse #medicalabuse #hallway #washingtonstate #mentalhealth #ptsd #dread #emotionsinartwork #scary #bwphoto #perspective (at Harborview Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8WvAGKn5oF/?igshid=1lhu9hg14ugg5

https://twitter.com/ThisCrazyLife3/status/1244222598373924864?s=19 #PsychVictims #PatientsRights #MedicalAbuses #Abuse #CrimeVictim #HospitalAbuse #Choked #PrecribedHarm #AntiPsych #HorrorStories #RealLife #Psycholgy #GoodLife #HappensAllTheTime #Treatment #UnNatural #InHhumane #DogsGetTreatedBetter #GotMoney #HumanRights #NormalizedAbuse #NeverAnyJustice #HardKnockLife (at Florida, Cuba) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-WU05BjKY8/?igshid=x8e8fzm7ld37

The judge in doctor Larry Nassar sentencing hearin, the gymnastics sexual abuse case, said that there was “no way” she will punish Randall Margrave, the father of three girls who were his victims, after the man tried to attack the former US gymnastics team doctor. #briefnews . . Real news @briefworldnews 👈🏻 . #briefworldnews #realnews #judge #usgymnastics #sexualabuse #doctornassar #larrynassar #randallmargraves #usagymnastics #medicalabuse #helpathletes see some great videos @wetonia . . Video Source:theGuardian.com (at Michigan)

TW: child sexual abuse and other child abuse

The Family International cult (previously known as the Children of God) has attempted to whitewash their image as a happy Christian fellowship spreading God's love across the globe. Nothing could be further from the truth, as this brave survivor’s story demonstrates.

Music With Meaning (MWM) was a radio and television show created by the cult in the 1980’s. It generated significant revenue for the cult with its cheerful Christian children singing songs about faith and love. However, away from the public eye, MWM was rife with sexual and other abuse against minors, all in the name of the cult’s twisted interpretation of love (for more details see Music With Meaning - XFamily - Children of God).

This brave survivor shares her story of contracting a herpes infection in her eye whilst living in the MWM compound at only four years old. As a result of the abuse and medical neglect this survivor experienced, she has been left with lifelong vision loss.

Please share this story and help us hold the abusive leaders who are still operating and profiting from the cult accountable: bit.ly/3rt5Bms

TW: Asking for prayers; mild throw up, Medical PTSD & Death mention CW: Frustrated with my medical care. Most of what I wanted to say is in the picture but I just wanted to reach out and ask if anyone reading this has EDS/fibromyalgia/pain in multiple places and has done #ivketamine #ketamineinfusion, has/had an #intrathecalpainpump #intrathecalpump OR has used another form of #pain control other than meds by mouth, patches, steroid/nerve block injections, or alternative therapies (acupuncture, massage, chiropractic, etc) and is okay answering a few questions? Image Description: If y’all could keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers that something positive happens soon, the last few weeks have been the worst, most exhausting, hopeless weeks I’ve had in a long time... My body is so exhausted it’s shutting down from the stress of the constant excruciating #pain, 24/7 #nausea & not being able to hold almost anything down in 2.5 months (Basically just my meds sometimes with sips of juice) Those things plus other random things (Including the #panicattacks about these appointments caused by my #PTSD from previous #medicalabuse) can cause shock/coma/death due to my #adrenalinsufficiency. I’m fighting so hard to work with my #painmanagement and #gastrointestinal doctors to find a new solution but they’re not doing anything to help me and are on the edge of giving up on me because my case is so rare. I’m trying to hold on to hope. I’m trying to listen to @taylorswift I’m trying to believe that these things will change. That some day I won’t remember this pain I think will last forever. I’m trying to listen to @kelseaballerini I’m trying to keep dancing even if it feels like the sky is falling. *Im trying to listen to @maddiemarlow @taylordye @maddieandtae I’m trying to keep climbing even though the ground is shaking I’m trying to make them proud. But it’s so hard when I’m so tired and doctors are giving up on me. *didnt have enough room to write this on the picture it kept cutting it off. #painrelief #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicillnessawareness #chronicpainsucks #chronicpainawarness #spoonielife #spoonie #taylorswift #kelseaballerini (at Nashville, Tennessee)

COMPLICATING NO CONTACT WITH CULTURE. If anyone else in my life refused to accept that I am sick and disabled, insisted I act as if I am not, was consistently dismissive of me, and was controlling to the point of making decisions on my behalf, I would cut them out. But I don’t want to cut out my family. I love my family, I love the raucous parties and the hoards of screaming children. I love having lumpia and roast beef on the same plate, with vinegar chili sauce on the side. I love the short hand I have with my cousins, the understanding that comes with having shared our childhoods. I hate our toxic family culture: the lack of communication, the strict hierarchy of the generations, the way we can name abuse as it happens but strip it from our minds immediately after. While I brace myself for our interactions, I also find that other parts of myself relax. In our white dominated society, I take on the role of #ModelMinority or the Exotic Ethnic. I find myself explaining my otherness constantly, if not tucking it away to be more approachable. Among other Filipinx people, I question whether or not I am Filipino enough. With my family, I am exactly the kind of Filipino I need to be. If I give up my family, I give up nearly all of my connections with my culture and my childhood. I’m in an interracial relationship! My only family culture would be one I do not share. I value my family, even if they only value a certain version of me. Maybe that’ll change in the future, (I suspect it will) but for now, I’m holding on. #Asian #AsianDiaspora #AsianMentalHealth #Filipinx #Filipino #ChronicIllness #InvisibleIllness #Sick #SickGirlsClub #Spoonie #POCwME #Disabled #DisabledPOC #InvisibleDisability #DisabilityAdvocate #MedicalAbuse #Ableism #Crip #Trauma #ToxicPeople #ToxicFamily #IntergenerationalTrauma #ComplexPTSD #FamilyTrauma #Queer https://www.instagram.com/p/B7oU0ZyAqQN/?igshid=18o9ero8y70zo

We conclude the month of September, and our Medical Neglect awareness campaign, with this vulnerable and heartbreaking account from a second generation COG-TFI survivor. Born into COG-TFI, E.S. suffered decades of severe medical neglect for treatable conditions and was left with lifelong consequences including the loss of some of her reproductive organs. This survivor's account also provides a window into the toxic shaming and gaslighting many experienced in response to chronic pain or illnesses. Through her account and journal entries, it is not hard to understand why she repeatedly prayed to die.

The cult’s doctrines that strongly discouraged medical care and condemned those who sought it, as well as blamed members for their illnesses and health conditions, caused untold avoidable pain and suffering for cult members young and old. Even in life-threatening and extreme medical emergencies, seeking medical attention was widely regarded as an inferior option to seeking God’s healing (through exorcisms, memorization of cult literature, fasting, and other religious rituals), and was at times resorted to only because of legal concerns. The repercussions of the cult’s medical neglect were and continue to be far reaching; they include long-term health problems, disabilities, PTSD / anxiety / depression, and death.

Thank you to each one who held space for COG-TFI survivors this month by reading and engaging with the posts. It is a heavy and heartbreaking topic, and your choosing to support survivors in raising awareness and telling their stories means more than words can express.

In this 2004 publication, COG-TFI co-founder and current leader Karen Zerby condemns a young man in the cult who was hospitalized due to a severe nervous breakdown. This lengthy publication was sent to all cult members, globally and publicly naming and shaming a young person in his time of crisis. Zerby accuses the young man of spiritual pride and unwillingness to do what is required for God to heal him, thus necessitating the seeking of medical care. Zerby made this statement despite admitting in the same publication that family members and medical professionals had confirmed hereditary factors in the young man’s manic depression.

Zerby’s words, which include a direct reference to and affirmation of Berg’s stance on medical care, reinforce the cult’s doctrine that physical and mental health conditions are brought upon cult members by their own sins or failings; that God prefers for members to be healed without medical intervention; that God’s healing is thwarted only by members’ sins or lack of faith; and that seeking medical care is a last resort after failing to be healed through the superior path of faith. This underscored the cult’s culture of guilt for seeking medical care and especially contributed to the deep shame surrounding mental health and mental health treatment.

COG-TFI survivor Verity Carter describes how seizures, food allergies, and even injuries were disregarded or improperly treated in COG-TFI. David Berg’s teachings on trusting only God for healing and strongly discouraging cult members from seeking medical assistance under any circumstances caused many children to suffer needlessly and even develop long-term health issues or disabilities as a result of medical neglect.

What’s worse was that the children themselves were blamed for conditions that they could not control, such as food allergies and seizures. Physical ailments were seen as manifestations of spiritual problems including demonic attacks (which children were blamed for) or as the acting out of behavioral problems such as rebellion and disobedience. Thus, children were punished for their conditions in addition to suffering from the conditions and the absence of medical care. The trauma of being condemned for something beyond their control and left to suffer pain without relief had lifelong psychological and physical impacts on many children raised in COG-TFI.