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jahiera · 10 months

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Please,,,, please more rambles about astarion and him healing and his slowly changing relationship with (-tav-) Sex and intimacy and choice and-

LISTEN BUDDY...

Okay gonna talk about the Grave Scene. this scene truly lives in my head rent free. I've been rewatching it a few times and every way it plays out is so touching. Especially the way he.. hmm... expresses himself here? There's such earnestness to him that frankly is unimaginable to the person we met in act 1. He really went from being both so sly & yet obviously lying ("[you trusted me...] an objectively stupid thing to do.") to someone who admits and lists the way Tav makes him... feel.... SAFE? and held? and I understand why it's not something a lot of people focus on but I actually am so heart-touched by how complex and intricate his journey to reclaiming sex and desire is at the end of this conversation. None of it is gratuitous. None of it is for show. The blending of the nonsexual intimacy, and openness (the grabbing of the hands, the showing of the grave, the raw admittance of so much vulnerable material he gives to Tav; all things he would never have even CONCEIVED of offering up in even act 2.)

("I've been dead in the ground for long enough. It's time to try living again." ... "With everything that life has to offer.")

It's an extremely nuanced and thoughtful approach to an SA survivor rediscovering & reclaiming what they want to make of their desires, their sexuality, in the aftermath of what was done to their bodies without their consent. It's so thoughtful & beautiful imo. Finally here at his grave, he tells Tav that they're someone he feels safe & accepted with, & he can experience intimacy on both sides with someone who has put forth the effort, the time, the willingness to learn and wait and watch and care for his own desires in a manner no one else EVER has.

("I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that.")

It REALLY... gets me in the heart here. It doesn't avoid the difficulties of sexuality in the aftermath of abuse, and it ultimately shows one individual's journey toward reclamation and reconciliation with autonomy on their own terms. That's so vital here, that he reaches out, chooses to make the step forward, HIS choice. There's no lingering gratuitously on the trauma, if that makes sense? the descriptions and vulnerability are raw; Tav is grounding person here, Tav gives him room to speak. The true balance of intimacy in verbalizing his feelings, intimacy in being close physically with Tav, intimacy in discerning for himself what he desires, intimacy in accepting touch, contact, affection, togetherness. It's all so... [BITES INTO FIST SCREAMING]. And the ending. Where he and Tav get to set off on another adventure. Get to explore who they are truly now, with each other, without any higher powers looming over and putting a yoke around their necks. I'm personally partial to the "finding a way for you to be in the sun," ending myself but all of them are just ... so delightful. He really SHINES in a way that exceeded my expectations so completely in act 3. he went from totally closed off and locked away and unaware of how to navigate his own personal relationships, no idea what a "relationship," even was, no idea how to express boundary or unravel his complicated ideas and feelings around his body, what it was forced to do for Cazador, to:

("For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost while the person I was lay here, dead and buried. Now I need to figure out who I am. What I want.")

also laying a flower on his grave and all he says is "cute." but there's such a minor moment of tenderness there. I weep I wept I will weep.

#I do get why I've seen the interpretation that he's totally sexless after it all & far be it for me to stop people from #interpreting it that way; interpretation and all that; but I personally really love & appreciate the narrative's conclusion here #in which sex is treated as thoughtfully as it can be; real and tangible and /yes/ an avenue of true togetherness beyond #like. getting off. that's not what it's about at all. (and the way this contrasts his post-ritual ending with all the SHOW...)#there's so much genuine intimacy & beauty here both nonsexually & at the end when it's reclaimed like whaahhaahahhahhhhh #it's hardly nonexistent in media for sexuality and SA to be something explored thoughtfully but I admittedly HAVE NOT #seen it explored this thoughtfully in a major RPG video game before. not to this level and not in this way.#SA survivors re-finding bodily autonomy ohhh boy I have. feelings.#sa tw #sa mention #abuse tw #bg3 meta #bg3 spoilers

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claitea · 2 years

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porygonhd by @startistdoodles, a few doodles complete with gen 5 styled sprites!

#pokemon #porygon #clai's art #maybe i went a lil overboard but i just Really liked this concept haha #i actually have always been a little annoyed the porygon line ended at z yknow?#like dont get me wrong i love the whole porygon line but it was cool how porygon seemed to develop along with the games #so while it makes sense to stop since its a full three-pokemon evo line. why stop at a Glitched version?#i was looking at the porygon lines' bulbapedia pages while drawing this out of curiosity #and porygon-z's smash bros trophies suggest a patch was on the way. but that never happened :(#also fun thing to note is that porygon seems to have been made purely to poke fun at people lmao #bulbapedia says people told satoshi tajiri it was too late to make a game boy game and he should make games with 3d polygonal graphics #so instead he made porygon. which is techincally polygons as they told him but still in sprite form lmaooo #but does that not make right now and even better time to make an actual split-evo for porygon2?#since pokemon switched to full 3d ages ago why not commemorate that with a fixed up final porygon evo?#anyway thats my porygon rant haha #porygonhd is Such a perfect concept i would do anything to have this in a real game #EDIT: //DANG// THE SECOND AFTER I POSTED THIS I READ THE ASK ABT HOW HD CANT OPEN ITS WINGS HAJGHVDHGD #ah well. its cute here isnt it

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amethystina · 3 months

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Hello, I hope you're doing better.

I just wanted to tell you that since I read the latest chapter of Who Holds The Devil you have revived in me some ideas and scenarios I had in mind about the show.

Like what if everything worked out for Yohan's plans after episode 12 (when Gaon left Yohan and Elijah) without K or Soohyun dying? What would happen then?

Yohan will definitely leave after some point to Switzerland with Elijah because he already planned it for her treatment, even if he is not a criminal in Korea or presumed dead. But how long will it take him to leave?

And what will Gaon do? Will he start dating Soohyun or keep whatever they have between them as it is? If he dates her, will they work out or realise they were better together as friends and family but nothing more? ( I personally believe that when they start dating at the beginning, everything will seem perfect. But as time goes on, they will realise that it won't work out between them as they took a very long time to get to this point, and that it was too late.)

Will Gaon stay in contact with Elijah? (Maybe.) Or Yohan? ( I doubt it.)

Will Gaon miss them? Will he ever realise that Yohan loved him or that he had some kind of feelings for Yohan?

Basically, what would've happened if all the baggage from the last episodes never occurred. After the rejection on Gaon's part in episode 12, I believe Yohan will want to stay away from Gaon but I could be wrong.

The latest chapter reminded me of all these ideas and questions I had, but now we have a lot more baggage and issues to work through which makes me even more excited to explore what will happen next.

I trust your storytelling abilities as they have not once failed me for all this time I was following this fic.

Take care of your self, and when you feel better come back with a new amazing chapter as always.

I'm doing better, thank you 💜

Wow. Yeah, that's a lot of thoughts! And very interesting ones! And I think some of it depends on exactly how Yo Han decides to finish his plans. Like, killing people on national television would still make him a criminal, so I'm guessing that's not what he does? But he still gets his revenge somehow?

But yeah, he'd definitely still go to Switzerland since that has clearly been a part of his plan for years. And I think he'd actually go as soon as possible. Maybe he'd give Elijah time to say goodbye to Ga On, but that depends on what terms he and Ga On are, I'd say. If we assume that none of the baggage happened (including Soo Hyun dying, Ga On attempting to murder Yo Han, etc.) I think that Yo Han would keep his distance from Ga On, yes. Out of sheer pride and self-preservation, if nothing else. And Ga On has Soo Hyun so he wouldn't seek Yo Han out, since he knows that Soo Hyun doesn't like Yo Han and he wouldn't want to upset her.

So, sadly enough, I think Yo Han and Ga On would drift apart. Maybe they'd still cooperate somehow to take down the baddies, but, as horrible as it may sound, Soo Hyun's death actually brought them closer together. Even Ga On trying to kill Yo Han did in some ways since, from that point on, they're forever tied together what with Yo Han carrying the scar Ga On gave him. And without that? With Soo Hyun there to plead with Ga On not to do something dangerous? Ga On wouldn't chase after Yo Han. And Yo Han wouldn't chase after Ga On since he's already been rejected and is too prideful.

So I think that Yo Han would leave for Switzerland with Elijah and Ga On would stay in touch with her, yes, but not Yo Han. Maybe he'd try a couple of times, but Yo Han wouldn't respond. And, eventually, Ga On will stop trying because who is Yo Han to him anyway? Just his weird boss who he lived with for a while — and kind of wanted to take care of because he seemed so lonely — who was also a terrible influence on him. So, clearly, it might be for the better that they don't talk anymore.

(You keep telling yourself that, Ga On)

As for Ga On and Soo Hyun, I think they would start dating, yes, and I think they'd be pretty happy there at the beginning. If in a pretty boring and uneventful way. Like, there's not really much passion between them, is there? But they'd be content. It'd be safe and sweet.

I'm not sure if they'd notice that there's something wrong, though. I think that both of them have been waiting for this for so long that they'd be determined to make it work, even if that means ignoring the warning signs. I honestly think they'd both pretend everything was fine long after the point where it's not. And that both of them would silence the niggling doubts by saying that this is just how all relationships are — there will be dips. Nothing is perfect all the time. And it's not like they're arguing or anything.

It's just a little dull, that's all.

In short, I think they'd be stuck. Not in a way that makes them genuinely unhappy, but they certainly wouldn't be honest with themselves or each other, either. Which isn't the worst way to live, but it's also not the best one.

And I think that Ga On would miss Elijah and Yo Han, yes, though he wouldn't be honest about why he does. He'd just say it's because he cares about them and it's sad that he can't talk to them as often — or at all, in Yo Han's case. And, in a similar vein, I don't think Ga On would try to explore his feelings for Yo Han, or Yo Han's feelings for him. Because Ga On would be able to tell that danger lies in that direction and he'd rather remain in denial.

But he would think about Yo Han a lot. And probably do a doubletake every time they mention Yo Han or show his picture in the media. And he'd ask Elijah about how Yo Han is doing. He'd find himself cooking Yo Han's favourite food, even if he's not there to eat it. He'd miss the house. He'd miss the quiet nights reading.

He'd still wear the watch.

And all that longing would only make Ga On double down and be even more determined to make things work with Soo Hyun. Because the alternative is just too scary. He doesn't want there to be another explanation as to why he misses Yo Han. He wants his safe and happy life with Soo Hyun.

Everything else is shoved aside, pushed down, and ignored.

And, eventually, I think Soo Hyun would notice that something is wrong. But she doesn't know what and, even if she kind of hates herself for it, she's too afraid of the answer to ask. Because she doesn't want to lose Ga On and, deep down, she can tell that he is slipping away from her, slowly but surely. Just from the fact that his smiles are a little too hollow sometimes, and he's often staring off into space, lost in thought. So she tries her best to help him, as always, but, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work as well as it usually would.

But of course it'd eventually come crumbling down. And — since I'm a dramatic bitch — I suggest it'll do so when Yo Han and Elijah eventually drop by for a visit (mostly Elijah's doing, of course, with Yo Han reluctantly agreeing). More specifically the moment when Ga On comes face to face with Yo Han again for the first time in months — maybe even a year? — and everything he's been trying to suppress rushes to the surface and hits him like a freight train.

Because he's been living comfortably with Soo Hyun, sure, and he loves her dearly, but there's not much of a spark. But the one he had with Yo Han? That's been just a softly glowing ember since they parted ways?

Turns out that seeing Yo Han again — and being faced with all that intensity and enticing hint of danger once more — is all it takes to ignite it again. To turn it into a wildfire.

All of a sudden, Ga On is reminded of what real attraction feels like.

And the fact that it's not aimed at his girlfriend is definitely going to be a bit of a problem.

... aaaaaand maybe I should stop now. Because I'm not sure if you actually wanted me to answer what I think x'D

Anyway! Yes, very interesting things to ponder! And I think there are several ways to go, depending on what angle one wants to take and what happened during those last episodes. Like, if Yo Han and Ga On reconciled after their breakup, I think some parts would obviously play out differently. But, if they didn't? I'd go with something like what I said above.

But, again, that depends entirely on what you want to accomplish. Trust me when I say that there are always ways to tweak what happens to your liking but still make it feel in character and realistic. I'm somewhat of an expert on that, I've been told xD

Thank you so much for sharing, anyway! It was a very fun thought experiment! And I do hope to be able to get back to writing sometime soon. I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time, but I think I'm going to make a separate post about that. We'll see.

I hope you have a great day! Take care 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #The Devil Judge #For real though #I don't need much to get going #I got this ask 23 hours ago according to Tumblr #And I'm not lying when I say that I already have a vague outline for a possible story #That starts around the point where Yo Han and Elijah return to Korea #Mainly focused on how Ga On will have to navigate the extremely gay feelings he suddenly has for Yo Han #While also coming to terms with the ones he DOESN'T have for Soo Hyun #My brain works fast and doesn't stop for anyone #Not even me #My favourite scene is one after Ga On has put on his big-boy pants and actually broken up with Soo Hyun #And has no idea how to say that to Yo Han in a natural way #(because he's secretly hoping that Yo Han will be interested in him now but he can't just SAY that)#And eventually just ends up blurting it out without any context whatsoever #And Yo Han just looks at him #And with an INCREDIBLY deadpan voice goes: 'My condolences?'#Because Yo Han is NOT going to be easy to approach #(until he is because it's Ga On and he's a big softie for Ga On)

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noirandchocolate · 1 month

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I gotta get back into my new Age of Calamity file (been knitting and playing our second Tears file all the time), 'cause I am still soooo far away from unlocking Kohga and I need to get himmmm again. I mean I could just go in my old file and have him kill some vicious lynels to get my fix or something but. No I want to rebuild My Best Guy and see if I can possibly make him even more Best.

But. I mean.

That would be pretty hard.

(I accept the challenge but I gotta be patient and get through the 'let's destroy the Yiga Clan woohoo!' parts first astfglaslkfjsldfkj. I mean not that I hate those missions, I love fighting Sooga and Kohga as I have said before, and I adore the cutscenes involving them. But I wanna play as them even more, they're just so fun. Also I got sosososo lucky with Kohga's weapon drops last time so hopefully I will again this time too so I can make him an even better Demon Carver. If that's even. Possible. I will do my best! Glory to Master Kohga etcetc!)

#legend of zelda #age of calamity #yiga clan #master kohga #me: *playing as Urbosa blowing up the clan and all the valley's entry gates with Vah Naboris* i'm sorry i'm sorry I'M SORRY #me: *still plays the other parts of the mission more times to have fun fighting my banana boys* hi kohga hi sooga HI THAT POV CUTSCENE #((obv i can't get him to be better than lvl 100 but it MIGHT be possible to make a better weapon? idk the one i made is pretty fuckin good)#((my man will just do strong attack after strong attack opening weak points etc and building that stress gauge))#((so he can go big glowy blast real efficiently. plus that sp atk charge rate + sp atk up combo is soooo handy))#((truly serving up a whole lotta hurt))#((super convenient that the charge rate and the shockwave hidden seal are the same shape too for bonuseeeesssss))#((but idk would it be even better to ditch the squares and go all stars this time? hmm but the shockwave is thematically appropriate HMM))#((like maybe the all star seals build would end up with technically higher attack bonus BUT gameplay-wise the squares do help/are fun. HM!)#anyway he's genuinely my favorite and i gotta get back to it so i can BE HIM ONCE MORE

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piningprecussionist · 4 months

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Template by @juni38

Im going to be completely frank with you all... and admit that I read these options and wasn't sure how to take this chart,,, so uh. Under the cut is Another Version. I'd apologize but I've given you the option to keep scrolling ¯\_(･･)_/¯

(If you notice characters missing on Kim's side, I probably figured she doesn't know who they are lol)

For the record,,, if they *wanted* me to pull their hair-- *is shot several times before I can continue*

Uhh Matthew is here because I have been converted fully on he/him or enby lesbian Matthew I think. He lives in my brain rent free now, very gender. I'd pull his hair but also I think he mostly just deserves to have it played with nicely.

And Scott's here because 1) I enjoy trans Scott, 2) Kim Pine Brain Rot possibly, 3) idk he's like,, the exception. God damnit, I've fallen for the inexplicable Scott Pilgrim Effect. What the fuck--

I did think about doing this chart like everyone was actually applicable to my tastes, but even if they were I think the ones I didn't put up would have to fall on the caress side bc I just don't feel that way abt them lol.

Again, not to say that's the case for the gals over on that side,,, I just think I would want to be gentle w them shxkdjsdhbd with the exception for Lynette who probably deserves to have her hair pulled, but again I fear she would Hurt Me,,, but maybe in a fun way,,,

Anyway No One Look At Me....

(,, also,,, Ramona is so far over bc I think she would enjoy it,, otherwise she'd be closer to Kim in that section. Same thing w Roxie)

If anyone actually looks at this version, I'm not opposed to doing a version like this for Kim btw! Just ask for it so I feel like I'm not just Dropping This and scurrying away

#sp comic #meme #kim pine #id tag more people but i Do Not Have The Strength....#also i like Living and I think the idea of more people seeing the suggestively taken one makes me want to Die a little #(not to say you cant reblog this or whatever im just being dramatic shdjejsdhdhgdd I am generally a fairly Reserved person)#for the kim chart- i based my other scott placement on the interaction theyve had here! i think if they interacted for real or more often +#+ he'd end up definitively in the Pull Roughly suggestion with most people #ooc #he maybe if i finish edits for everyone i could try this w the au stuff. kit's thoughts might be different here...#hey*#also let me know if i forgot anyone??? i thought abt including the robots but. no hair. and gideon the cat has Fur so. on technicality-#but like barring parents and peter i think i got most people #i guess if lainey was here she'd go somewhere in the middle or right? w/out knowing what she'd be like #FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO POST THIS. I MEAN IT'S HERE NOW SO IM NOT REMOVING IT BUT I AM S C R E A M I N G I WASNT READY #ah i forgot crash and the boys actually. thats why i wasnt supposed to post this yet #uhhhh Pull Roughly for like all of them. except trasha. trasha gets head pats and a juice box #except for on Kim's chart. on Kim's chart she's in the pull roughly section I can't lie to myself. she hates that kid 😭 also on that note +#+ knives should probably be in the middle section. like she wants to pull it for her having copped her style and being stupid abt scott.#but I didn't put her there bc I feel like even if she wants to she wouldn't ya know? knives is a Precious Angel after all

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moongothic · 6 months

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Crocodile having such an explosive debut in his early 20s and such deep trust issues could also point to him having an even EARLIER start a la Shanks as an apprentice or something to an older pirate and their crew as a child/teenager — doubling down on the humiliation factor from facing off whitebeard as also a failure to “come of age” and broader sense of betrayal in watching eager encouragement fickly turn to “what did you THINK would happen”s like the kid who gets egged on by their peers into doing something dangerous and then immediately abandoned when they hurt themselves

Can't say if he did have like an early start for sure, since we really don't know anything about Crocodile's early childhood

But simply considdering how Oda typically layers backstories, I absolutely agree, I do think it's more than likely he has somekind of pre-Whitebeard trauma, be it either unrelated childhood trauma or early-pirating-life trauma (or something else)

Like the way Oda structures backstories, although we always remember like The Big Life-Changing Tragedy that happens at the end of the flashback, more often than not the flashback already begins with something horrible to indicate the character's already had a rough life

Robin was already alone, abused and rejected by most of Ohara even before the Buster Call Incident (followed by a life of running in fear for decades)

Franky had already been abandoned by his family before he lost Tom and got ran over by a train

Law had already lost his entire family before Doffy killed Rosi

Etc etc. Like not all the flashbacks are entirely like this, especially the East Blue-saga ones, but the backstories have been growing in complexity and structure, adding layers to the tragedies (like 🧅 onions 🧅) as the story has gone on

And with Kuma, his backstory doesn't end at two layers of tragedy. Like there's the early childhood tragedy of slavery, then there's the tragedy of losing his loved one in the most cruel, inhumane way possible, and we know there's at least one more gut-punch of a tragedy coming in the next two chapters to finish it all off

So with Crocodile especially I feel like... Like yes, possibly getting betrayed once in his life and having his dreams crushed by Whitebeard could break the man's psyche. But considdering just how seemingly broken his psyche might be, I do absolutely believe there's more layers here. Like his trust must've been broken more than once for him to end up the way he has.

Which alone gives Crocodad a bit more plausibility in my mind, because being rejected by the person you loved and trusted the most would most certainly break your heart (even if it was understandable why). And that really would make for a fine Final Nail on the Coffin for Crocodile's ability to have faith in others

But to really get that broken trust to be an on-going theme in his life that just happens again and again.... yeah it needs to start earlier

Personally, I think some kind of early childhood trauma would make the most sense, at least to me, not just because it could help Crocodile get started "on the wrong foot", but also because Rough Childhoods is just. A General Theme in One Piece lmao. Of course, it wouldn't be The Key Life-Changing Tragedy (I think Dragon would be that), just a "bad start"

#Moon posting #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #Sir Crocodile #Crocodad #Honestly this is kind of why I ended up becoming fond of the ''Croc is 1/4th merman'' idea #'Cause it really would like. Lay the basic groundwork for what's to come without it being like. IDK too much?#IDK I wrote a whole separate post about that not gonna go over the whole thing again #Other and one more plausible option was that he was just a really queer kid from the start and was bullied to hell and back for it #Dude just wanted to play pirates with the boys and kiss girls and everyone thought he was weird for it because he was a ''girl''#And somehow being called that stung but for reasons he couldn't understand (if Crocodad Real then he didn't Figure It Out until 27)#((Crocodile just seems bisexual as hell to me leave me be))#((I'm entitled to my unfounded bullshit headcanons until Oda gives us canon))#Alternatively if Crocodile WAS Xebec's kid then knowing his dad got ditched by Whitebeard and co would definitely leave An Impression #Especially if he ended up stranded and alone after God Valley #(...Unless... Whitebeard adopted him??? Which would be a very Whitebeard-y thing to do???????????)#((IDK I'm not into the Xebec theory)) ((It's plausible but it just doesn't spark joy for me))#((IDK I would prefer if he just kind of had a ''chill'' childhood kind of like the ASL bros had)) ((Just far lonelier))#((Especially since loneliness is such a key factor in so many characters and why they are the way they are))#((It's just that everyone else was able to find companionship somewhere eventually (be it thru Luffy or otherwise) but Croc didn't))#There's so many options and ideas on what could've happened we could stay here all day #Regardless of what it is- I'm sure Something Happened. Just gotta wait for Oda to tell us what #Asks

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