I FORGOT I NEVER FINISHED THIS IM THINKING ABOUT THEM AGAIN

I wanna feel like I’m gonna die any second— I wanna feel calm!

it's a dactar, it's a manta ray! WRONG, its Alien Aircraft Half Life 1.

[id: a digital drawing of gordon freeman, tommy coolatta, and dr. coomer from half life vr but the ai is self aware. gordon is a white man with long, brown hair, and red goggles. he is wearing the half life hev suit. he has blood around his head, nose, gut, and left arm. he has one arm raised to the air, blocking the sun, and looks very scared and overwhelmed. tommy coolatta is a tall, white man, with short brown hair. he is wearing a rainbow propeller cap, the default half life science team outfit, and a purple tie with stars on it. he is pointing at something above him, and looks surprised. there is a red text bubble above him, with a picture of a bright purple pterodactyl. dr. coomer is a black man with white hair, and a bushy mustache. he is wearing red boxing gloves, a green bowtie, and the default science team outfit. he has his arms raised to the sky, like hes ready to fight, and looks thrilled. there is a bright blue text bubble above him, depicting a manta ray. the background is a large, dark tunnel, and an orange yellow sky. end id/]

Look, I would never say that Buck being bi is pointless if buddie doesn’t happen. I’m bi myself, and I am SO happy for Buck because I’ve been waiting for this realization for literal YEARS. And all rep is important, especially in a case like this where a masculine 30-something former womanizer discovers something new and unexpected about himself and comes to an understanding about himself.

That being said

Why now? Why make this happen if it isn’t leading to something BIGGER than Tommy? Cuz we all know that Tommy isn’t sticking around so it’s not like this relationship is ultimately going to work out for the long haul. Oliver said this is going to be an ongoing journey for Buck. This isn’t going to end with “oh, I’m into guys too, the end”. What is Buck truly missing from his life? What is the one place where he’s unfulfilled? It’s not attraction to men, it’s a partner. Someone who will choose him and love him always. Someone he can spend the rest of his life with. Remember, Buck is bi, not gay. And his relationships in the past haven’t worked, but NOT because they were with women. They haven’t worked because he wasn’t with the right person. Because all of his emotional connection is already invested in someone else. Someone who has been right there in front of him all this time. And now that he truly knows himself and knows that he’s attracted to men as well as women, we are in for another realization from Buck.

Day 31: Free Day

Hlvrai good ending where they don't all die while Tommy goes home with Stage 7 asbestos poisoning

Fun fact I made that background a while back for something else completely unrelated. This was just the perfect opportunity to reuse it

On a gathering storm comes a tall handsome man

In a dusty black coat with a red right hand

I can’t get the idea of c!dream’s mask out of my head. what if it wasn’t always a part of him? in the beginning, dream is an evil man. he’s obsessed with holding power and has a vendetta for tommy. but even though his eyes are cold, he’s a man. his eyebrows furrow when he’s caught off guard and his lip quivers with anger most of the time.

and then tommy gets exiled. alone. nothing to his name but he tries so hard to give himself meaning. and dream accepts the role of boogeyman. he never tries to pretend he’s anyone else, but tommy sees the white mask and he ends up frozen in fear. tommy knows it means that his work will be torn down while he’s forced to watch the taunting unmoving smile. dream’s eyes light up when he notices how tommy relaxes upon seeing his face; the next day, he comes without his mask and does his worst.

tommy never sees his face again after that moment. ranboo asked him once because they’d forgotten ever seeing it, and tommy wasn’t even sure if that man was ever dream. but he still tenses whenever anyone mentions it, and he still prays every night. he grips his own hands with white knuckles, unsure if it’s to forget his face or see it again.

i like that he's canonically autistic

i think he liked trains as a kid /silly

(this also funny considering....steam engine man....)

okay hear me out modern au where Tommy and Maria first meet in a club in their 20s and they bump into each other while dancing and just start dancing together and they just hit it off but in the end they both forget to give each other their numbers so both of them go back to the same club the next week to hopefully meet each other again (also Tess and Maria definitely go clubbing together because I love them as best friends)

cowboy!!!! yes yes YES i LOVE this. and u could extend this meet-cute into like a whole thing where tommy and maria keep trying to meet at the club and exchange information, but something gets in the way everytime!!!! kid emergency!!! bar fight!!! cocaine bear on the loose!!! zombie apocalypse—who knows????

im thinking the first time, tess drags maria to a bar she likes because she’s been trying to get the attention of this hot dilfy guy at the bar, but he’s always tailing along with his friend. by tess’s design, maria and tommy meet and and hit it off and dance (to maria maria by santana) the night away. they fall in love and decide they want to go home together, so maria goes to the bathroom—but joel randomly comes up and is like “tommy, hey sorry selena’s mom called, sarah had a nightmare and she wants us both to pick her up, we gotta go” and in true miller dad-uncle panic they BOLT. by the time maria comes back, tess is like “idk dude, mine got a call so they had to go. seemed like an emergency. bummer” and they assume thats that

on the flip side: everythings okay with sarah, but after tommy and joel tuck her in tommy’s suddenly just like “fuck—fuck!!!!!” and joels like “what? what???” and he’s like “i didn’t get her number :(:(:(:( fuck” and so joel’s like “it’s okay, i see her friend there all the time” and so tommy’s like “omg :D do you have her friends number?” “well… no” “joel… what the fuck man.” so they make a plan to go back next week with the hopes of at least seeing tess and getting maria’s number from there—tommy also wants to get tess’s number for joel, but he doesn’t need to know that

little do THEY know, tess and maria are already plotting for next weekend. they show up to that bar looking fine as FUCK—they quite literally turn heads walking through the door. of course the miller brothers are there, sitting in a booth all the way in the back and waiting, making eyes. tess and maria are not shy, so they start making their way over. unfortunately, some drunk asshole decides to try to get handsy with tess on her way there—which results in her punching him in the face, which results in him trying to punch her in the face. she dodges, of course, but it starts a full-on bar brawl that the miller boys jump into without hesitation (joel manages to tackle and land a few good ones on og drunk asshole too so. slay.). none of them get arrested or anything, but they definitely don’t get eachother numbers on account of joel and tommy having to duck the cops

so i guess they gotta keep trying ;)

I drew a innit

back to obsessing over Richard

at first he doesn't seem to have any obvious fatal flaws - no hubris, no hunger for power etc

but his fatal flaw is this little voice in his head that whispers sometimes ''maybe violence IS the answer tho"

it's not like he believes that it's a good solution; but sometimes it's the more reliable solution. more efficient solution. faster solution.

and oh how he wants to speedrun his way back to being respectable citizen

(which is, of course, very ironic given the methods. but deep down he believes that he's so good at killing he can afford being immoral. he tries to get rid of this belief but to no avail.)

long tag ramble below u have been warned

Song of the Day: February 26

“Diamonds in the Mud” by Gerry Cinnamon

It's the way T2: Trainspotting tackles nostalgia. Like that's exactly it. The first movie was all nihilism, anti-"choose life", apathetic, depressing, but still glorious and colorful and fun because they were all young. The sequel completely acknowledges that and runs with it. The characters grow up and realize how much the world has changed. They hate where they ended up, and they blame each other or they blame the world but they can't handle that that might just be what life is. They're stuck with the aftereffects of a 20-year-old betrayal, but they're also desperately clinging to the beauty of a 20-years-gone adolescence and friendship. They're "tourists in their own youth", watching flashbacks before their eyes, reliving the same moments with the same outcome because they haven't yet accepted how much they've grown, how much of their life has already gone by.

y’know like nya

“ tommy jarvis is a very sick boy “ || “ how can you tell, are you going to take his temperature? “

anyways i’ve beeen testing out some new markers :))