#Just messing with Roman because he’s my wrestling bro
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bet pt. 2
fem!reader x adam cole
Reader and Adam come face to face after six months apart at Survivor Series ... “please, forgive me”
word count: 3.4k+
warnings: smut, angst, a lil bit fluffy
— hey hey, here’s part 2 of the short adam cole series .... on a side note, i’ve really been in the holiday spirit so i’ve started writing some christmas / fluffmas imagines ... the first two are scheduled to be posted december 1st and 2nd —
masterlist || part 1 || request an imagine here
~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~
Survivor Series. The day you've been dreading for six months since you left Adam.
Six months ago, you walked out on the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Six months ago, you lost a piece of yourself and turned to sleeping with your best friend, Tyler Breeze, just to fill that void.
But it's not filled. It'll never be filled. So you stopped about a month ago, and Tyler now has a girlfriend so nothing's weird between you two.
You've never gone back to Adam. It's taken everything in you to stay away from him. You've barely spoken to him in six months, but since he's NXT Champion and you're Raw Women's Champion, you both have matches at Survivor Series.
You sit in your dressing room, scared to leave. Scared to run into Adam or one of the Undisputed Era boys. It's your worst nightmare.
"Y/N! You're on in five minutes!" someone calls through your door.
Sighing, you get up and grab your title, throwing it over your shoulder. With your anxiety rising, you leave the room.
You don't know what you'll do if you see Adam. It's been so long and he's probably moved on. You haven't, but you've tried.
Once backstage, you stretch out. Your opponents, Smackdown Women's Champion Sasha Banks and NXT Women's Champion Io Shirai, into the small room.
"Hey, girlie," Sasha says. "You have an audience in catering."
You sigh and say, "If it's Adam then I don't care."
Sasha says, "Y/N, come on. I've told you before. That man is head over heels for you. Maybe the beginning was a lie or a bet or whatever it was but he truly loved you. I saw it. We all did."
Your music hits and you say, "I can't talk about this right now, Sasha. I have a match to focus on."
You make your entrance, forcing a smile onto your face as you step into the ring.
****
Adam's POV
She looks beautiful in her dark red gear. It's my favorite ring gear that she owns. It sparkles but is dark at the same time. Definitely her two personalities mixing together.
I miss her like hell. I haven't been able to move on from her. It's been six months and I'm still infatuated with her. I love her. I've loved her for so long. It pains me to see her. Rumor has it that she's seeing her friend, Tyler.
I stand in catering to watch her as the match begins. My match is next and I know they'll call me back any minute and I'll come face-to-face with her when she walks through those curtains.
She's distracted by something. Her footing is off and she's not selling moves like she usually does. Maybe Sasha told her she saw me in catering. I told her I was going to watch Y/N here on the TV.
"Yo, Cole," Kyle says, clapping me on the back. "Your match with Drew and Roman is next. Let's head backstage."
I say, "Yeah, okay." I leave the TV and walk backstage with Kyle, Roddy, and Bobby.
We get backstage and I see there is a TV. I watch it.
Roderick says, "Talk to her after your match. I know that you've been wanting to talk to her."
I sigh and say, "She doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't even want to see me, Roddy. There's no point."
Bobby says, "You should still try instead of sulking."
I look over at Bobby and say, "She left me, Bobby. If she wanted to talk to me then she would have already." I'm starting to get heated.
Kyle says, "Adam, bro, calm down."
"You want me to calm down? Seriously?" I say, my voice rising. "You three are the reason I'm in this mess. You three came up with the bet and I accepted it because I was drunk and secretly was crushing on Y/N. I never should have accepted it because I fell in love with her and now she's fucking gone! I can't live without her, and the only reason I'm still in this damn company is because of the title around my waist. There's nothing else for me here because she's gone!"
What I didn't know was that Y/N's match ended and she came through the curtains in the backstage area with Sasha and Io. The guys were all looking behind me and that's when I realized she was standing right behind me, listening to every word.
****
Your POV
As you walk backstage, you can hear someone shouting.
"... I was drunk and secretly was crushing on Y/N. I never should have accepted it because I fell in love with her and now she's fucking gone! I can't live without her, and the only reason I'm still in this damn company is because of the title around my waist. There's nothing else for me here because she's gone!"
The voice is Adam's. He's shouting at the guys. You've never once heard him raise his voice at anyone, not unless it was important or serious.
You stand backstage with Sasha when Adam turns around and he sees you. His title is secured around his waist and he's wearing his black and gold gear with his Undisputed Era t-shirt.
There's nothing else for me here because she's gone. Those words stuck with you. If it wasn't for that title around his waist, he probably would have left WWE and gone to work with Ring of Honor again or maybe even AEW.
Drew McIntyre and Roman Reigns come backstage at this moment. The tension between everyone in the room is thick. Drew and Roman realize this and ask to make their entrances first.
Right before Adam makes his entrance, you rush out of the backstage room. Sasha right on your heels.
Tears have started running down your cheeks. You get to your locker room and throw your title on the couch.
Your win tonight means nothing anymore. It doesn't matter that you won. Your happiness was swept away when you heard Adam ranting to the guys about you. Six months later and he's still trying to defend his lies.
He'd have left WWE if it wasn't for that title he's managed to hold for two and a half years. It's the only reason he's still in WWE.
You start to throw things around the locker room. You're upset, you're angry, and most of all, you're frustrated. Even after finding out about the bet and after he lied to get you to sleep with him, you still love him. Six months later you still love him. After everything, you'd go back to him.
Sasha grabs your wrists and says, "Y/N. Y/N, stop it. Please. Before you hurt yourself or break something super expensive."
You look at your best friend and cry, "Why do I still love him even after he lied to me? Why would I drop everything and go back to him if he asked me to? Why would I take him back?"
"Because deep down you know that he never lied to you," Sasha says. "You know that he actually loves you and it wasn't for some stupid bet he made with his friends. Love is crazy and makes us do crazy things."
You sniff and wipe away your tears. "Can we get out of here? I don't want to be here when his match is done because I know he'll want to come looking for me," you ask.
Sasha nods and says, "Of course. Get changed and we'll head back to the hotel."
You nod and change out of your ring gear and into your street clothes. You let Sasha borrow some extra clothes you had so the two of you can leave as soon as you're changed.
****
Back in the safety of your hotel room, you order room service and watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix as you lay in bed.
There's a knock on your door at around midnight. You think it's Sasha coming to return the clothes she borrowed earlier so you answer the door.
It's not Sasha at your door. It's Adam Cole.
"What?" you ask. "It's late."
Adam says, "I looked for you after my match. I wanted to talk about what you heard."
You say, "I don't blame you for wanting to leave WWE since I left. I'd want to do the same thing if I was you."
He says, "I tried to leave the company. A few weeks after you left, I went to Regal and Triple H to get them to let me go. I was ready to drop my title just to leave the company but they convinced me to stay."
You look at Adam as he talks. This is going to be a long conversation so once he's done talking, you say, "Come inside, Adam. We can keep talking inside." You move to the side and he walks inside.
Closing the door, Adam says, "I get why you left. I lied to you a few times at the start but within two weeks, I called off the bet."
"Adam," you say.
He shakes his head and he says, "Let me explain."
You sit on the bed and look at him. "So explain," you say.
Adam walks and stands in front of you. He says, "The night of the bet, the four of us got drunk. We drank a lot and we started talking about relationships. I mentioned to them that I had a little thing for you and that's when Bobby came up with the bet. He said that there was no way that I'd be able to get you into bed. Kyle and Roddy joined his side. I accepted the bet because I was drunk and liked you for some time. I was the only single guy in the Undisputed Era. But, like the dumbass I am, I took it a step further and started a relationship. Two weeks after the relationship started, I completely called off the bet because you meant so much more to me than a stupid bet."
You say, "Being drunk doesn't excuse you from accepting it. It won't work on me."
He says, "I'm not done yet. After the bet ended, I told myself that I'd never tell you about it because of this happening with us. You getting mad and leaving. I'd never choose my career over you because I know in the long run, you'd always be there for me. Wrestling is something I'll do until I'm fifty or so but there's nothing for me after that until I met you. Then I messed everything up. You're even seeing someone else right now so I don't expect you to come back to me."
You sit and listen to every word. Once he's done talking, you say something. "I'm not seeing anyone right now. I've been single for the past six months, But if I asked you to retire right now, you'd do it?" you ask, testing him.
Adam nods and says, "Yes, I would. You mean more to me than a bet or than wrestling. I love you, even after all this time. Please, forgive me."
You sigh, "I have forgiven you, Adam. For the most part. I just can't forget what happened and what you said to me that day. You lied to me just to get me in bed. You lied to start a relationship with me. All you had to do was say, 'hey, Y/N. I like you and I'd like to take you out on a date' because I would have said yes. I liked you for so long, Adam. All you had to do ask me out."
He looks down at you and he says, "You don't have to forget because we can both grow from what happened. I'm a dumbass, I know. I was just nervous and in a way, the bet made me talk to you. I just want to make it up to you, Y/N. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you on that date. A real first date."
You look up at Adam and say, "I don't know. I don't fully trust you, Adam."
Adam tucks a piece of loose hair behind your ear and he says, "I can make it up to you, Y/N. Let me at least try. I've learned from this and I want to show you that I've learned from this."
Your heart pounds in your chest as he touches you for the first time in six months. Without knowing it, you lean into his touch and close your eyes.
His hands rest on your cheeks for a second before he pulls you up so you're standing in front of him. You look up at Adam. "I'll think about it," you say, finally reply to what he said.
You feel Adam's hands leave your cheeks and slide to your waist. He pulls you closer to him. You're eye level with his chest before you look up at him with your eyes, meeting his pretty blue orbs.
"Can I start right now?" Adam asks as he starts to lean into you. You grab a fistful of his shirt, not knowing if you should back away or not.
Your lips brush against Adam's and you say, "I still need some time."
His lips move down to your neck and you gasp softly, tilting your head back a bit. Adam mumbles, "I need to make it up to you, Y/N." He starts to kiss your neck gently. Your hands slide into his hair as he picks you up by your thighs. You wrap your legs around his waist.
Sighing as he kisses your neck, you give in and say, "God, make it up to me, Adam. Make it up to me all night if you want to. I need you."
You look down at Adam and he looks up at you, pulling away from your neck. He kisses you hungrily. Your lips move feverishly against his, both of you letting out soft moans into the kiss.
He lays you down on the bed and hovers over you, not breaking the kiss. He grinds his bulge against your clothed core. You moan into the kiss, reaching down and pulling Adam's shirt up over his head. That breaks the kiss momentarily but your lips connect again like magnets right after.
The passionate kiss becomes more intense when Adam slips his tongue into your mouth. His fingers dip into the waistband of your sweatpants, rubbing you slightly over your panties. You moan against his lips.
Adam's hands run up your body, slipping under the shirt you're wearing. He pushes up the shirt until his hands are on your breasts, massaging them. You gasp and moan, pulling back from the kiss. You lift your arms above your head so Adam can pull off your shirt. You never put on a bra when you got changed earlier.
He pushes up your shirt, kissing and sucking on your breasts. Your eyes close and you smile.
"You're so beautiful," Adam mumbles against the sensitive skin on your breasts. "I am so in love with you."
You sigh, "Less talking, Cole. More fucking."
Adam smirks and says, "With pleasure."
Within seconds, both your pants and Adam's pants are off with both your underwear. Adam hovers on top of you between your legs.
His lips are on yours, moving feverishly against yours. Your hands are on Adam's back, holding him close to you.
The tip of Adam's erect member runs through your wet folds, making you moan into the passionate kiss.
"Adam, baby," you mumble against his lips. "If you don't stop teasing me instead of fucking me, I'll walk out the door. I swear to God-" You're interrupted by Adam thrusting hard into you, making you cry out in pain and pleasure. Your fingernails dig into his back.
He has a smirk on his lips and says, "You were saying?"
You stare up at him and move your hips so he's completely inside of you. "You gonna do something or are you just gonna lay there?" you ask.
Adam positions himself above you so he thrusts into you. Slowly but deeply. His hips are already flush against yours as he pushes your legs up so they rest against his arms.
He's kissing your neck as he thrusts his hips into you. Every few seconds, his thrusts get faster and harder. Your fingers slide down his back, definitely leaving scratch marks.
The room is filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping together. A layer of sweat has appeared on both your bodies. It's a little warm in the room.
Your moans get louder the harder he moves. Your hands eventually make their way into his hair, gripping it a little bit as he moves.
Adam lets out soft groans as he thrusts harder and deeper into you than he ever has. You throw your head back and pant, "God, I love you so much. I love this so much."
He smiles and starts to kiss your neck. His thumb rubs your very sensitive clit, making you almost scream out his name. "Fuck, Adam. Just like that," you cry out.
The bed begins to creak and hit the wall a bit when Adam picks up speed again. Your legs begin to shake and your walls clench around Adam.
Adam realizes how close you are and he says in your ear, "Come for me, baby. I want you to come around me like you always do."
You don't wait anymore. You release around Adam, crying out his name. He pulls out right before he comes, releasing his seed all over your core and stomach. His fingers help you ride out your high.
Adam collapses beside you, grabbing his shirt and wiping you down. You pant and stare up at the ceiling.
You think about the day you left and you close your eyes.
Maybe you overreacted a little bit by leaving. You never heard the whole story, until today. You never let him fully explain.
You let out a sigh and ask, "Do you really love me? Even after six months apart?" Your eyes open and you look over at Adam.
Adam looks over at you and says, "I was ready to love you forever. Of course I love you after six months apart."
"Do you have any other secrets you need to tell me?" you ask.
He shakes his head and says, "I'm a completely open book to you now. No more secrets, I promise."
You lean over and press a lingering kiss to his lips. After a few seconds, you answer the question he asked you six months ago right before you walked out the door.
"Then yes," you say, not pulling back very far from the kiss.
He tilts his head and asks, "Yes, what?"
You smile and say, "I'm answering the question you asked me six months ago before I left. Yes."
Adam thinks for a second before he finally gets it. He smiles wide and puts his hands on your cheeks, pulling you down for another kiss. You giggle against his lips.
He rolls onto you then gets off the bed. He fetches his jeans, pulling something out. "I've carried this with me everyday for six months, hoping that one day you'll accept it," Adam says, coming back to the bed.
In his hand is the same velvet black box that he held out to you six months ago and inside, the same diamond oval engagement ring he presented to you.
You smile as he pulls out the ring, sliding it onto your left ring finger.
Adam lightly kisses you and says, "That's my promise that I will not keep another secret from you, unless it's a secret to surprise you in a good way."
You giggle and look at your ex-boyfriend turned fiancé before you say, "The guys and Sasha will be so confused when I show up with a ring on my finger."
"Let's worry about that tomorrow," Adam says. "I still have a lot to make up for and it might take all night."
And with that, you spend all night having the best make up sex with Adam. You don't fall asleep until the sun has begun to rise.
#adam cole imagine#adam cole smut#adam cole angst#adam cole fluff#wrestling imagine#wrestling smut#wrestling fluff#wrestling angst#wwe imagine#wwe smut#wwe angst#wwe fluff#nxt imagine#nxt smut#nxt fluff#nxt angst#imagines#imagine#nswf imagine#smut#fluff#angst
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Sanders Sides Coraline AU
It’s nearing 3AM here, and I’m watching Cinema Sins Coraline. So... I decided to write a bit for my Sanders Sides Coraline AU.
This excerpt is when Thomas find the Other World, because I don’t feel like writing shitty parents tonight. And hey! Finally learned how to the do the ‘keep reading’ things!
-0-0-0-0-0-
Thomas bent down his eyes narrowing as the tunnel of rainbow like colors expanded out in front of him. Now, for most people, this might seem like a bad idea. But for Thomas, after hardly having anything fun or exciting happen for the 2 weeks of moving in, this seemed like an adventure and chance he was willing to take. Not like his parents would notice he was gone... or dead.
Pushing his throw blanket off and crawling inside, Thomas let his curiosity guide him into the fabric tunnel. He got to he end and pushed open the door to find that... he was in the parlor room again? He blinked confused at that looking around at the area.
There was some key differences, more furniture, cleaner, and the paintings on the wall were more cheerful. There were also some photos, but it was hard to see in the darkness. There was however one light, and some faint humming from that direction. The warm glow lead to the kitchen, and the sound was male by the deeper tones.
Carefully he moved down the hall and pushed open the door to see someone in a blue polo shirt with a tan cardigan and tan pants making food. Thomas blinked in shock at the intruder in his home, taking a step back only for the floor to creak. The person turned and looked at him with bright blue button eyes.
“Well hello there, kiddo!” he said happily, he had round glasses on a short, slightly rounded face. “Come, don’t be shy now!” he said happily putting down the bowl and whisk holding out his hand.
Thomas swallowed, “W-Who are...” he asked shakily, trying not to panic.
“Me?” the man laughed, sounding cheerful as ever, “I’m Patton, your Other Father kiddo!” he said with a bright smile at him, moving his curly brown hair out of his face.
“Other... Father?” Thomas echoed confused to him, looking around at the full cabinets of foods. The lights cast a warm glow on the clean walls and counters.
Patton beamed at him, “Yup! I’m your dad, kiddo, I guess I’m just ‘better’.” he jokingly said going back to stirring the contents in the bowl. “Mother dear is outside in the gardens getting some fresh vegetables for dinner.”
Thomas looked at the stuff on the stove, though did keep his distance from the open flames. Patton then looked at him with his unblinking, button eyes, “I’ve got an idea, why don’t you go get your brothers, dinner should be ready by the time.” he suggested to Thomas, ruffling his hair.
Looking at him confused at that Patton beamed, “Virgil is upstairs in the attic and the twins are in the basement.” he told him, “Go on sport.” with that he turned back to getting the ham out of the oven.
Thomas walked away confused, but the other had every opportunity to harm him so he must be okay. That or Thomas was dreaming, one of the two. Walking to the hallway he decided to go to the attic first, as he disliked the basement of the house.
The way up was quiet, not even the stairs creaked as he got to the attic door and knocked on it twice. Thomas for a moment thought this was a joke, until the door open and he was looking up at a teenager with a baggy purple and black hoodie. Thomas eyes traveled up from the holey black pants to the purple button eyes looking at him with a raise eyebrow
“Something you need?” who Thomas guessed was Virgil, asked him.
Thomas swallowed hard, “Uh... Patton... Dad, said that dinner is ready and to get you and the twins.” he said carefully, a little scared.
Virgil titled his head then smiled, “Well we best get the twins then.” he said to Thomas as he walked out closing his door. “Come on then bro.” he grinned ruffling Thomas’s hair, his hand was firmer than Patton’s as Virgil lead the way down the stairs. Thomas carefully following behind, this dream was just getting stranger.
“So... your my brother?” he asked Virgil who nodded looking at him over his shoulder.
“Yup, your Other Brother.” he said calmly though he was smiling.
Thomas frowned, “But I don’t have a brother.” he told him.
Virgil shrugged, “In this world you do though, and that’s me and the twins. I promise, I’m telling the truth.” he said as they turned in the hallway. Thomas followed quickly turning to see someone in the doorway who turned them.
“Out of your room Emo?” the man in a lack caplet and yellow button eyes said hanging his hat on the hanger. “That’s a first.”
“Oh hush dad.” Virgil snarked back, the man made a face playfully messing with Virgil by shoving him and ending with them play fighting for a moment.
The man then looked at Thomas and grinned, “You must be who my darling Patton told me about.” he said with a grin, “I’m your Other Father as well child.”
Thomas just nodded to that as he grinned, “Names Janus.” he said holding out his hand as Thomas shook it awkwardly. “Guess you two kids are gonna get the rascal's.” Janus hummed looking at the door.
“Yeah, dad said dinner is ready.” Virgil said with a shrug putting his hands in his hoodie pockets.
Janus nodded, “Well don’t want to let the food get cold, best hurry along. Logan dear won’t be happy if you keep him waiting.” he chuckled as Virgil nodded with a smile and walked outside.
Thomas took a minuet watching Janus leave as he walked after Virgil, once outside he frowned, “How can I have two fathers?” he asked confused.
Virgil looked at him, “You like to question things, don’t you?” he asked back as Thomas flushed at that. “Look kid, you just do, and they are the best dads one could ask for.” he promised him as they walked down the porch stairs and turning to the stairs that lead to the basement door. “This one is normally unlocked compared to the one in the house.” he told him.
Thomas just nodded, deciding not to ask why as he didn’t want Virgil to snark at him. Walking over as Virgil knocked hard once and just walked in. Looked at the open door for a moment, before following Virgil inside after hesitating, he walked into a large room that had one side painted in green and silver and the other was in gold and red.
“Oi!” Virgil yelled out, “Things on and two, dinner is ready! Get your asses in gear!” he called out.
Sounds were heard from the double bathrooms as out of the one from the red side came a guy in a very princely outfit, and dark red button eyes with green thread. This teen huffed. “Really my chemically imbalanced brother, must you just barge into our room?” he scolded.
“It’s my house too Princey.” Virgil said back calmly with a nonchalant attitude. “Beside our little brother decided to show up.”
“Little brother!?” came from the green door as it opened, out stepped a guy in a very... exaggerated outfit. Thomas wasn’t sure if he was going for the opposite of his twin or over done villain. Green button eyes with red threat stared at Thomas through wild brown and white locks. “Great! We need a prince for the castle!” he cheered going over and picking up Thomas and tossing him up into the air.
Thomas squeaked as he landed on the bed of the other, Virgil moved his head in the way that would be someone ‘rolling their eyes’. But, as they were buttons, he wasn’t sure. “Come on, we don’t want mom getting upset at us for letting the food go cold.” Virgil grumbled. “Bro, meet your twin brothers, Roman and Remus.” he said quickly.
Roman squawked, “For shame, such a lame introduction.” he then bowed to Thomas, “Prince Roman actually, your amazing older brother.”
Then Roman yelped as Remus pushed him out of them, “And I’m Duke Remus! the even better brother!” he said, Roman scowled as i ended with them wrestling each other.
Virgil huffed, “Guys come on! I’m hungry!” he said as Thomas giggled a bit, these guys didn’t seem half bad.
Getting up from the bouncy green and black bed with tentacle pictured covers, he ran up after Virgil the twin following close behind and into the house. Inside Patton looked at them, “Wash your hands kiddos!” he said quickly, Thomas went to do so as the twins and Virgil grumbled at that trudging after him.
Inside the dinning room when Thomas went in after finish up first, he walked in to see another man setting the table. This guy had on a black polo shirt and blue eyes with black pants that were more dressy than Virgil. Sitting on his face, framing the dark blue and silver thread button eyes, was some thick rectangular glasses.
Thomas wondered if they could even ‘see’ to have ‘bad eyes’ but kept that thought to himself. He did near jump when the man looked at him and hummed, “Well hello Thomas.” he said to him calmly.
Blinking in shock Thomas hesitated, “You know my name?” he asked, the others hadn’t said he name yet so he figured they didn’t know it.
Nodding to him, “Ofcourse, I know the names of all the kids here, you’re no different.” he promised, “I’m your Other Mother, Logan.” he said with a curt nod. Thomas blinked at that, his ‘mother’ was a guy? Well, he did have to dads, so this couldn’t be any stranger.
“Care to help me set the table?” Logan asked him, with a dumbfounded nod Thomas gripped the plates setting them out at each place with a cloth in front of the chair.
“Don’t worry Thomas.” Logan said after Patton started to set the food on the table, “We’ve been waiting for you, we aren’t here to harm you.” he smiled faintly, after only ever giving cool or calculating looks.
Thomas shifted a bit, “That’s... comforting, but what do you mean you’ve been waiting for me?” he asked curiously.
Virgil looked up from helping Patton set the table, “Every kid has Other Parents, Thomas. Right, mom?” he asked looking at Logan who nodded.
“Yes, and you happened to find yours, which is lucky. We are here to help you where your real parents are lacking.” Logan told him calmly.
“Oh...” Thomas muttered looking down, was it really that obvious his parents weren’t the best of people?
A hand that was cold and smooth lifted his chin to meet Logan’s button eyes, “Don’t cry now, I know your home life isn’t the best, but we are here now. We’ll be a family you need, promise.” he looked at Thomas with a faint smile that was kind and loving, like how he was told moms were to smile at you.
Patton hugged him quickly, the other was rather squishy to the touch, but he was bigger round than stick person Logan, but at least slightly taller than Janus. “We love you Kiddo, and this place was meant for you to find it.” he giggled kissing Thomas’s forehead.
Taking their seats at the table, Thomas was next o Virgil and Logan, with Remus across from him. Patton was at the other end of the table flanked by Janus and Roman. Logan gave thanks calmly and helped Thomas get some food so the other had a healthy balance, while the others got theirs.
Thomas was sheepish about this whole thing, but the food did smell good and looked edible. “How is it Kiddos?” Patton asked, smiling brightly.
“Great as always dad!” Virgil said cheerfully as Roman and Remus said the same.
Thomas shyly nodded, “It tastes amazing.” he said softly as Patton beamed at him, his freckles showing when he did. The ham did taste great, it was tender and juicy, he happily ate his corn with his mash potatoes.
“Ha! See I’m not the only who who mixes them Roman!” Virgil declared point his fork at him.
Roman scoffed, “You two are just weird.” he said with a wave of his hand, Logan chuckled at this smiling fondly at his kids.
“Whatcha guys want to drink?” Janus asked everyone as Thomas blinked in shock when the chandler came down for them with different drinks in it.
Logan hummed, “We have sodas and flavored water along with milkshakes.” he told Thomas who looked a little overwhelmed.
“Er... I’m not picky.” Thomas said honestly, Logan hummed with a nod getting Thomas some grape juice as it was higher up. He happily drank some, smiling a bit at the sweet, but very flavored taste.
He looked around the table to see the group was very happily chatting to each other, then he looked at Logan. “No need to be scared Thomas, I can bet this is a bit overwhelming.” he said calmly.
“Kind of...” Thomas said shyly, Logan nodded slowly and seemed to be very understanding.
“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” Logan promised to him placing a comforting hand on Thomas’s shoulder. It did make him smile at how gentle Logan was being and he wasn’t forcing Thomas to speak like his real mom did.
Thomas took a moment, wiping his fingers on the napkin in his lap, “it’s just...” he looked conflicted but Logan remained silent. “This all seems too good to be true, almost magical in a way... I must be dreaming.” he said to Logan honestly.
“Understandable that you’d have doubts, given how your current life is. But, this is very real.” Logan said softly to him, though he didn’t have eyelids, Thomas could tell the button eyes were soft in their gaze.
Before Thomas could say anything he yelped in pain when Remus pinched him under the table, “Felt that right?” Remus cackled out.
Logan gave a stern glare, “Remus.” he said carefully, as Remus looked sheepish and ducked his head.
“Sorry Mom, sorry Thomas.” the duke mumbled out quietly as Logan nodded to him.
Well that did prove Thomas could feel pain, so he wasn’t dreaming, but still. Logan sighed looking back at Thomas, “Don’t worry Thomas, he’s just trying to help.” he smiled at him, going back to dinner, Thomas finished his plate and drink, feeling a bit more at ease as time went on.
“You kiddos gonna play outside later?” Patton asked happily to the group.
Remus grinned again, “Yup, now that we have our Prince here, our castle is complete!” he said was Roman nodded along.
Virgil scoffed, “Am I playing Dragon Witch again?” he asked.
“Oh don’t be like Emo! You play a great dragon!” Roman whined as Thomas snickered at Virgil’s playful scowl.
“You like games Thomas?” Logan asked curiously, “The twins are great at games in the forest.” he promised.
Thomas looked at Logan and shyly nodded, “Yeah, tough there aren’t many kids around the house.” he said softly, especially during this covid stuff.
Logan beamed at that, “Well now you have brothers, right kids?” he asked as Remus was nodded along with Roman happily, Virgil gave him the peace sign with a relaxed smile.
Thomas did smile at that with a nod at that, yeah, Logan was right. But, before he could say anything he found himself yawning. “Goodness, it is late.” Janus said looking at the clock, “Might have to change plans boys.” he said sadly.
Remus pouted, but Virgil tried to stifle a yawn himself as Roman did look a little sleep now that the other two started up. Patton giggled, “Come on kiddos, tomorrow you can play outside all day.” he promised them as they got up together.
Thomas sleepily followed them, as Logan looked at him, “Head onto bed, we’ll be up to tuck you in after the others.” he promised.
Tuck him in? His mom and dad never did that. Sluggishly making his way upstairs, as his stomach was full for once and it was late, Thomas opened the door to his room on the second floor. “Woah!” he breathed out.
His room had new rainbow rug, with stars and planets on the ceiling that seemed to move on their own. Heck, it didn’t even look like there was a ceiling! Little lights danced around the room like fire flies and stuffed animals waved at him from the bed and walls.
Thomas gazed around his mouth gaped open in awe as he sat down on his bed that had puppys and cats on it.
The door opened as he turned to see Logan, Patton, and Janus walk in, “Like it?” Patton grinned, “Jannie and I worked hard on it.” he told Thomas.
“I love it!” Thomas cheered as he hugged Patton and then Janus, then jolted away a little sheepish that he did that. But looking up he only saw bright smiles at him.
“Glad to here it darling.” Patton cooed as he helped Thomas to bed. “But, tomorrow is another day, and we expect to see you back here soon.”
“That’s right, wouldn’t do for you to be tired.” Janus teased him bopping Thomas’s nose.
Smiling at that, Thomas yawned again as Logan pushed the covers over him kissing his forehead along with the two other fathers. “Goodnight Thomas.” Logan said softly, “Sleep well.”
Humming faintly as Thomas closed his eyes, feeling utterly exhausted for once since moving here.
“See you soon.” the three said in unison as Thomas fall into a dreamless sleep under warm covers.
Light filtered through his window as Thomas opened his eyes, lifting the covers only to find his room wasn’t colorful again. The stars were gone, and the walls were there dull grey.
He frowned, had it really all be a dream?
#sanders sides coraline au#sander sides coraline au#coraline au#sanders sides au#ts virgil#ts janus#ts logan#ts remus#ts roman#ts patton#c!thomas#ts thomas#chubby patton#short janus#tw button eyes#other mother logan#other father janus and patton#other brothers remus virgil and roman
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Don’t mess w/ my Bro!
Aka someone hurts Roman and Remus is a protective older brother.
(Authors note): this fic is based off this post I made, and forgive me as this is my first time writing Remus. I hope you like it!
Warnings: Remus is in this so, foul language, foul and gorish imagery and threats, major bodily harm. (Let me know if i need to tag more!)
Incudes: Familial Creativitwins, platonic Intrulogical, platonic Demus
Remus King was known to be the high school's local crazy. It was pretty much common knowledge that the eccentric senior outmatched any theatre nerd with his improv and hyperactive kooky persona, though most normal students were sure Remus was legitimately crazy. Which left to question how easily his impulsive nature made him a danger in any chemistry lab had Remus not had his best friends Logan and Dimitri to reign him in from time to time.
[[MORE]]
It was often hard to believe that he was the twin sibling of one of the most popular and passionate students of the student body, Roman King. It was unmistakable, though, when they ended up in the same room together. From pranks to the rare full-on play-wrestling in the middle of lunch, undignified screeching and fake evil cackling and all. It was also hard to believe that both Roman and Remus were straight A students due to the amount of bickering they did, how they got anything done at home was a mystery to most.(though, again, Remus's best friends were some of the smartest in students in their school, let alone the fact that Remus himself was definitely smarter than he let on. But no one had to know that.)
And yet, there was this unspoken rule amongst most students that had the sense to realize it; you shouldn't mess with Roman King.
With how crazy his twin acted, there was no telling what would happen if they got on Remus' bad side.
Then again, as senior year raged on, the twins became more and more tense from the stress of school and college applications. The playfulness in Remus's usual demeanor had died down, and was replaced with a darker, more pessimistic imagery in its place. Roman and Remus bickered less, though when they did things seemed to get more heated then intended.
There were a few senior school bullies that, in light of the lessening interaction between the twins, grew bolder in their harassment towards Roman. It had started off as small taunts, jabs at his acting career and his impulsiveness to break into song.
It was senior year though, all those things would come to a stop as soon as they graduated, right? So there was really no use in fighting it, right?
Except, one day after school, they took it too far. Roman found himself doubled over on the ground suffering from a good punch to the stomach just as he began waiting for Remus to walk home together. Another punch to his head sent him reeling, and next thing the dramatic teen knew, he was on the ground. Roughed up and definitely bruising, the teen looked up at his attackers, who glared jealous daggers back at him. There wasn’t much that could happen next before there was a loud bang of a door being forced open and hitting the subsequent wall. Within the door, stood Dimitri, Logan, and a furious Remus.
In a matter of seconds, Remus was out the door, having shed his backpack and all to leap over the railing blocking the way down( foregoing the sideways stairs because, at this point, they’d just slow remus down). The moment Remus’ feet hit the ground, the crazed teen was walking, no, stalking up to the trio of kids surrounding his brother.
It was very rare to see Remus so silent, angry, lucid, and contemplative all at once. It took one look at his brother’s roughened face to form it all into sheer protective rage.
“NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO! ONE! HURTS MY BROTHER BUT ME, YOU GOT THAT YOU HIGHLIFE-TRASH FUCKS!?” Remus all but roared in a tone that easily overlapped into crazed, which matched his tense stance. When the trio remained in place, all unsurely looking at each other, Remus took a single tense step forward, and lowered his voice to an eerily quiet growl.
“So help me I will hunt all of you down and rip all of your nails off one by one and hammer new pretty metal nails in their place if you don’t fuck right off and never mess with my bro ever again.” At that, two teens bolted, but the ringleader stupidly remained in place, looking only mildly unperturbed.
“You’re lying, you don’t scare me, prick. You’re just putting on an act, and saying creepy shit. I could beat you to a pulp.” Before Roman, Logan, or Dimitri could intervene, the kid reeled back and took a crack at Remus’s head.
Only to find that it really did nothing other than piss of the other more. In a matter of seconds and some roughened scuffling, Remus had this kids arm held in such a precarious way, his combat boot keeping the struggling teen in place as he pulled just enough for it to hurt. If Remus yanked hard enough with a sharp twist, the teen’s arm or wrist was likely to at least crack.
“Apologize now, or i’ll break your arm.” Remus growled, eyes wild and keeping watch as Dimitri and Logan tended to Roman, though the trio often spared worried glances Remus’s way.
“No way i’m apologizing to your wimp of a fa—”
SNAP!
“Oh dear, would you look at that. I’m sure arms aren’t supposed to bend like that. Now, about that apology?”
The teen was cringing and hissing from pain now, though gave in to the apology, if only to be let go. “You’re fucking Crazy!” The teen shouted. Remus leaned down near the guy’s face with a wild, empty smile.
“Kids can be cruel, can’t they, hm?” He finished with a head-tilt, before letting the teen go and watching him run off. Eventually the adrenaline of the situation wore off, and Remus found himself sagging into Logan’s side.
“Did you really just break that kid’s arm?” Asked Dimitri, incredulously.
“Yeup! A small price to pay, really. If I really wanted to I could’ve-“
“No, no, that's fine. Even if it really isn’t. Let's just.. get you and Roman home and cleaned up. We’ll call Virge and Pat and I suppose, if your parents are okay with it, have a sleepover. It’s the weekend after all, and it would be optimal…” Logan continued.
Yeah, despite the possible repercussions that Remus might have, he doesn’t regret breaking that kid’s arm. Above all else, you never mess with Roman, not his pride, not his ego, not his singing voice, nothing. Remus would make sure of that.
#sanders sides#roman sanders#remus sanders#creativitwins#sympathetic deceit#sympathetic remus#logan sanders#luka writes#tw bodily harm#tw gore imagery#tw cursing#tw remus
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Ignite The Fire
Chapter 3- Backstage
I pushed my hair out of my face as I walked into the back. I waved to Alexa as I walked passed her. I needed to get me something to drink. I went to the small cafeteria that was set up and got a bottle of water. I took a drink and put the cap back on it. I still had three more hours of this show to go through and I am ready tired. I was ready to go to my hotel and go to bed. I walked throughout the backstage area.
I stopped and sat upon one of the WWE crates to talk to Roman Reigns. Yeah I know I despise Seth Rollins, but I am good friends with his brother in arms. Aren't I a good person. It ain't my fault that's how things turned out. Roman and I were there walking when Seth started walking into our views. Roman put a hand on my knee and looked at me. Giving the puppy dog face saying to be nice for me, please. I sighed and I agreed to be nice as long and I possibly could. No promises for what comes out of my mouth.
Seth walked up and talked to Roman. He looked up at me and said hello. I said hello back to him and continued listening to them both. It was for maybe two minutes and Roman had to leave. I looked at him like "What The Fuck Bro". He still gave me a be nice look as he walked away. Ooh, Roman you better be lucky you are one of my good friends. I didn't want to make it awkward so I made small talk. It was the least I could do. I spoke" So how fun was it interrupting me?", Seth smirked and said" It kinda was fun epically seeing your reaction", with a smile. I gave him a death look, but I ended up smiling back. I'd have to say my reaction was priceless from him coming out there. Seth said" So this means we friends?", I said," Uh no Seth Freakin Rollins, I still despise you for interrupting me".
I hopped down from the crate and started walking away. I called back" Your match against Bobby is about to come up. So I would advise you to get prepared for it", Seth replied" Or what?", I responded" Want me to put a stipulation on the match?", with an attitude. Seth shook his head and spoke," No I do not want that". I nodded my head and walked away. Since he said No I was not going to put one on the match. Everyone knows not to mess with me cause I will make their matches even harder for them.
At eight-fifteen it was time for Seth to have his match against Bobby Lashley. I stayed in the back and watched the entire match. Along with the other nine competitors that are going to be in the elimination match. They all wanted to see who was going to be the tenth person. It kept going back and forth like a football game. Seth would hit Bobby and then Bobby would hit Seth. Just chaos between the two. Soon it wasn't long and the bell rang to let everyone know. That we had a winner and the tenth competitor.
Mike Rowe said" Here is your winner... Seth Rollins!!". Michael Cole spoke" With this victory, Seth heads on to the part of the elimination match later on tonight", Corey Graves backed him up with" Just how much of this match took out of Seth and will it cost him later on". I did agree with Corey how much did this take out of Seth? The others nodded their heads and walked away to get ready. I stood there with mixed feelings about this whole thing. I felt angry cause Seth won to go on to fight later tonight. Well because I despised him the most out of every superstar I work with. I felt happy that he won and that feeling is the one I am so confused about. I could not be feeling this way towards Seth Rollins. There was no way. I shook the feeling off and prepared myself for the big match tonight.
The time finally came to determine the number one contender for the Universal Championship. A few competitors walked out without their theme song. Then the rest came out with their theme songs. I am so glad that it was the last match of the night. I was so ready to go to sleep. I watched the match like I always do. I needed to know the winner so that way Stephanie and Triple H knew. Then they could start booking it for everyone to see. One by one the ring started getting smaller and smaller with superstars. Seth was still in it, from that I knew he was determined to win. It finally came down between Dolph Ziggler and Seth.
I will tell you my nerves were going everywhere. Like " No Seth can not win, Seth needs to win, he earned this opportunity". I rubbed my tired face and smeared what was left of my make up. I checked my watch and it said nine fifty-five. Five more minutes left of tonight's show. Soon the bell rang and I looked up. My heart lit up cause Seth won. Again why am I acting like this? Michael said" Now Seth will go on to Wrestle Mania and challenge Finn Balor for the Universal Championship", Renee Young spoke," Finn better be ready cause Seth is determined to take his championship from him".
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There it is! I've been trying to figure out what Gabriel is being jealous about since c.11/12. If he's jealous of Flynn because Gabriel's also falling for Lucy; or if he's jealous of Flynn for having someone who adores him in spite of everything; or if he's jealous of Lucy because she has Flynn's love & devotion. I feel like it's a tumultuous mix of everything. But if I were Gabriel, estranged from my brother and denying missing him for centuries, I'd be incensed if some newbie shows up in my
my ancestral domain, and effortlessly commandeers my brother’s attention and loyalties. Yeah, that’ll definitely cause some existential crisis, wrestling with multipronged jealousy! Hope we’ll get to see a Gabriel POV somehow. Why are you making these trashy vampires so relatable?! I feel their pain! And that goodbye hug he gave Flynn?! Oh, Gabriel, Flynn misses you, too! I can’t wait to see how you’re going to fix things between the brothers! Thanks for gifting the fandom with this gem!
Ahahaha. So, uh, who wants a shit ton of Gabriel meta, because I have Many Feelings about this trash man and his Feelings and his general Mess-ness? Which we could probably have seen coming, but anyway?
So…. yes. We learned more about Gabriel’s human life this past chapter, which was that he had a wife, but he was a really crappy husband and wasn’t there for her when their children died and only cared that she hadn’t given him an heir and (like most Roman aristocratic men) was not in the least faithful to her. And he now realizes just how lonely she was and what he put her through, and still feels guilty about that, because he himself is so lonely that he can’t stand it and has been that way since 1762 (when his son was murdered and the Matej disaster happened and he was permanently estranged from Flynn). Gabriel clings to his mask and persona of being super successful and rich and cultured and living in Paris and working as an art dealer with billionaires and museums and so on, and he speaks tons of languages and does charity work and makes everyone else feel inadequate about themselves. So to the outside, everyone thinks he’s perfect and successful and great, but…. this man has been a solitary, heartbroken, bereaved mess who barely speaks to his family for 250+ years, lost his son, lost his brother, lost his father, and is completely unable to fix that and just isolates more. His only real company has been Houdini, who lives with him in Paris and works as his butler, and he’s had… half a relationship with his niece Jiya, which is fraught for various reasons (I wrote them in this fic prompt). But really. That’s it. He’s very, very alone despite the glitz and glamour and money.
Then he goes to Sept-Tours because Garcia has brought a goddamn witch home, because Maria called him in a panic, since the family blames witches for preventing them from rescuing Asher from the Nazis, and it’s just this…. mess of things that have never been resolved and which brings out the most painful parts of their pasts. Because we’ve also learned that turning his son Christian in the 9th century was a) when Gabriel finally understood the loss of Iris and the pain that was driving Flynn to get revenge, and b) when Flynn himself became human again and stopped being this violent bloodthirsty out-of-control force of chaos, who until that point had required all of Asher and Gabriel’s efforts to hold back. So Christian was this thing that healed their family and he was in some ways Flynn’s son too, even if he couldn’t face up to actually being a father right thing or really having it or anything else after losing Iris. And that was when Gabriel saw something different in him and they bonded very quickly and it was literally almost overnight after centuries of Flynn being, well, the height of Garbage Flynn and acting like a wrecking ball.
And after that came Gabriel and Garcia’s medieval knight days, where they were super close and together all the time and fighting together and having adventures and whatever else and… they loved each other so much and Garcia gave up his chance of finishing Michael Temple in 1307, after they killed Gerbert of Aurillac, in order to save Gabriel’s life. Even if Garcia never agreed to Gabriel’s threesome shenanigan suggestions (except for a memorable few times) because he is a turtle allergic to getting laid, they were each other’s everything – as Gabriel calls him, “my companion and my soul.” They resented Wyatt joining the family in 1179 because they felt that they were fine as they were, they didn’t need anyone else, and Wyatt never really felt accepted by them or included in their activities (which was why he became bros with Christian instead). That of course still plays out now when they’re all estranged from each other, because they never made a proper effort to include Wyatt or tell him anything, and it’s biting them in the butt.
Then of course came the eighteenth century, and the Matej tragedy, which Gabriel blames himself viciously because he chose Garcia and Garcia’s lover and committing active treason for seven years, over the entire rest of the family, and it got his son killed as a result. There are just so many layers to that betrayal and to that heartbreak and the way he feels it can’t ever be mended. Because Garcia still tried to save Matej after he was shot, and turned him into a monster because the siring went wrong, and Gabriel had to kill him as a result. After that, Gabriel and Garcia had an almighty battle where they almost killed each other for real (it’s noted that they both still have scars from that fight) and their relationship just… absolutely never recovered. They went from being together every waking moment to barely seeing each other for decades at a time, because they couldn’t face or come to terms with the scale of the emotional and physical damage. Then Flynn turned Jiya in 1888, and Gabriel is like “well that’s nice you get to have a child again when you’re the reason I lost mine,” and then Asher gets murdered by the Nazis in 1944, which is the last straw for this poor family since Asher held them together through most of this, and….yeah.
So by the time Lucy gets there, Gabriel is being forced to face his darkest deja-vu (because the last time Garcia brought a lover to Sept-Tours, obviously everything went to hell) and is exasperated with Flynn for doing it again and afraid that it’s going to be a repeat of last time. But then, because he is a Trash Tragedy Boy and they have a type, he can’t help falling for Lucy too, and yet she has marched into their house and effortlessly wrapped Flynn around her finger, and he has resentful feelings about that. Like, why does she get to have that when I can’t? Why does this outsider, this witch, get this and bring this danger and we’re still going along with it? Because Gabriel misses Flynn until he can’t stand it, but he also just can’t forgive everything that happened with Matej, and they’re both so terrible at talking about their feelings and they are both so hurt that they just can’t fix these cumulative decades/centuries of estrangement and solitude and pain. Gabriel loves Flynn to distraction and he has for 1100+ years, but that’s also why he can’t just handwave away the consequences of what happened – even while realizing that he’s about to do it again, he’s about to pick Flynn’s side and Flynn’s war over all the more sensible options, even after what it cost him last time. And he just… can’t deal with that. And he’s been hurt by Temple, and he’s bitterly jealous of Flynn and Lucy getting together, and… yeah.
So the answer to your question is definitely “all of the above.” He’s jealous of Flynn and he’s jealous of Lucy and he’s jealous of them together and he’s heartbroken over what he’s lost and the way he feels he’s the biggest failure in the whole family, because he’s the oldest son and the head of the family and the grandmaster of the Knights of Lazarus and he has so many talents and so much money and yet…. he has still let this happen. He has no one to turn to, he can’t fix things with his brother who he loves more than anyone in the world, he is exasperated at said bonehead brother for starting this mess with the witch, he has feelings for the witch that he did not expect at all, he just lost it when she was kidnapped and was willing to do anything to save her, he’s been badly hurt by Temple, and it is just So Many Degrees of Nuclear Mess. So Many.
…anyway. Yes. My Gabriel Feelings are legion, and he has acquired quite a fan club, which pleases me. We will have to see what the hell these idiots do now.
#gabriel de clermont#this is now a gabriel de clermont appreciation inbox#the alchemical wedding#anonymous#ask#taw asks
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WWE SummerSlam 2016
Date: August 21, 2016.
Location: The Barclay Center in Brooklyn, New York.
Attendance: 15,974
Commentary: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves (Raw). Mauro Renallo, John “Bradshaw” Layfield, and David Otunga (SmackDown).
Results:
Kickoff Match: The Usos (Jimmy and Jey), The Hype Bros (Mojo Rawley and Zack Ryder), and American Alpha (Chad Gable and Jason Jordan) defeated Breezango (Fandango and Tyler Breeze), The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor), and The Vaudevillains (Simon Gotch and Aiden English.
Kickoff Match: Sami Zayn and Neville defeated The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von).
Kickoff Match, First in a Best of Seven Series: Sheamus defeated Cesaro.
1. Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens defeated Enzo Amore and Big Cass.
2. Raw Women’s Championship Match: Charlotte defeated Sasha Banks (champion) to win the title.
3. Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (champion) (with Maryse) defeated Apollo Crews.
4. AJ Styles defeated John Cena.
5. WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson defeated The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) (champions) via disqualification.
6. WWE Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (champion) defeated Dolph Ziggler.
7. Nikki Bella, Natalya, and Alexa Bliss defeated Naomi, Carmella, and Becky Lynch.
8. WWE Universal Championship Match: Finn Balor defeated Seth Rollins to become the inaugural champion.
9. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) defeated Randy Orton via knockout.
My Review
SummerSlam 2016 is one long ass show. I’m aware that’s a bit of a redundant statement because, in the age of the WWE Network, every show is long and, more often than not, they’re also ass. However, the point still stands: this show is a whopping 4 hours and it’s not something you can digest in one sitting on a rewatch. For the record, I totally support making the SummerSlams and Survivor Series and so on seem just as big and important as WrestleMania. It’s fine by me for WWE’s Big 4 to feature absolutely stacked cards. Unfortunately, in modern WWE, this approach also results in the shows running out of gas midway through and some of the matches going on way longer than they should. The 2016 edition of the summer classic isn’t exactly the worst example of this trend, but it definitely shows similar signs of fatigue.
On top of that, it’s such a heel-dominated show. It’s only occasionally satisfying. In their crusade to make the audience finally embrace Roman Reigns, the WWE would pile on the heel victories in hopes the crowd would pop like crazy once the Big Dog got the W in the main event. It’s inherently flawed psychology to think the crowd is just going to accept a long-awaited face win from just anybody. That can really only work in a particular situation. Needless to say, it often failed because while Roman would get the W, the crowd still hated him. Worse here is that he doesn’t even wrestle on this show. So who was this booking supposed to benefit? I guess you could make the argument for Finn Balor, whose Universal title win remains a highlight of his WWE tenure. Even then, it was rendered irrelevant 24 hours later, as Balor would vacate the title due to injury.
With all that in mind, it shouldn’t be surprising that such a heel-heavy show ends on a rather depressing note. Brock Lesnar pummels Randy Orton into a bloody mess and that’s it. That’s the show. Fade to black. It would’ve been fine if placed somewhere in the middle of the card, but it’s such an awkward way to close up shop. They did have a pretty workable story going into the match, and I’m not gonna pass up the rare occasion to see Orton get beaten into oblivion, but talk about deflating. The whole thing winds up looking like a pale imitation of Lesnar’s squash of John Cena back at SummerSlam 2014. Oh, and there’s some drama with Shane McMahon at the end because, as we all know, that’s exactly what the WWE needs: more McMahon family drama!
The far more successful dream match is John Cena vs AJ Styles. Truly something special. It’s essentially the same finishing move and near-fall spam fest that plagues every major WWE main event, but I don’t mind it here. This is meant to be an epic blockbuster between two of the biggest stars in wrestling of the post-Monday Night War era. It makes perfect sense for both guys to throw all of their deadliest ammunition at each other right out of the gate. Styles was in the midst of one of the hottest stretches of his career at this point, but Cena deserves just as much credit here. It’s kind of amazing. For all the times he’s proven that he can rise to the occasion in a big match situation, there are still anti-Cena bros to this day who’ll deny it every step of the way. His record of putting people over isn’t perfect, especially at SummerSlam, but what he does for AJ here is pretty selfless. I don’t think even his haters can deny that.
Overall, SummerSlam 2016 isn’t a bad show by any means but, again, the length ensures it will inevitably start to drag. A shame, because there’s probably a pretty good show somewhere in here. It’s nice that the WWE is trying to make the biggest party of the summer feel important, but too much partying can make even the most diehard fan eventually feel pooped.
My Random Notes
I can only imagine what someone like Jon Stewart really thinks of WWE’s comedy. I mean, he’s probably had plenty of experience doing his best with bad material, but you’d have to think he had to grin and bear it here at several points.
In light of Sasha Banks’ recent spat with the company, I can really see why she’d be frustrated with her booking. Would it have killed them to have her hold the Women’s title for longer than a month? I know an injury is cited as the official reason she dropped the belt here, but it’s still the first of several instances of them yanking the rug out from under her.
Man, Enzo and Cass were so frickin’ over. They’re such laughing stocks now that it’s quickly become lost to time how much the fans were digging them. Of course, they only have themselves to blame for fucking it all up, but they really did have something special there for a bit.
Dean Ambrose in his black torn shirt gives me some serious Bobby Heenan singlet vibes.
Funny how the pre-match hype package for Dean vs. Dolph centers so much around who Dolph Ziggler is because, as I’ve stated here previously, I still have no frickin’ idea who Dolph is supposed to be. He’s some anonymous hybrid of HBK, Mr. Perfect, Billy Gunn, and an ‘80s Trapper Keeper with literally no individuality. I find it ironic that he later got into a storyline where he kept changing gimmicks only to never find anything of his own. What a summary of his entire WWE career.
Hey, Balor may have had to surrender the title 24 hours later, but at least this meant him getting another run with the belt in the future, right? Right?!?
Man, Nikki Bella was so frickin’ over. Why does it feel like I’m repeating myself? In all seriousness though, people can hate on the Bellas all they want, but in no way should it be surprising that they still get big pops. They’ve done more for WWE’s mainstream visibility than a lot of other superstars allegedly have.
Speaking of Nikki, crazy to think that she’s only one in the six-woman tag to not hold the Smackdown Women’s title.
I can’t be the only one who felt a little kick to gut when they showed fans waiting outside the now-deceased Toys R Us. I don’t need another reminder that my childhood is dead.
When did Lana drop the accent? I don’t watch Raw and Smackdown weekly anymore, but it horrifies me to know I let this travesty pass me by.
I know some people were upset they allowed The New Day to surpass Demolition’s record for the longest reign as tag champs but I’m totally okay with the decision. Sure, they occasionally get into terrible storylines like this ringpostitis shit, but they’re incredibly over, sell a ton of merchandise, and can wring out some entertainment from even the worst material. If they really wanted to insult Demolition, they should’ve given that honor to The Ascension.
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WWEm - The Chairening
((25-6 Sep))
!WAR NOONRETFA YADNOM si siht ,secnerefer s'relggiZ hploD naht ytrap eht ot retaL
niaga yaw gnorw eht epat eht dedaol ev'uoy ,leinad lleh gnickuf
tuo ti tros
--------------------
ahem
technical difficulties aside, let's watch some wrestling
it's monday because fuck off, i don't do schedule
this is the go-home show from no mercy, so presumably something will happen
even if it's just cesaro getting new teeth
and miz is already here
wait, shit, apparently this is actually ontario, california
now i need to retract that whole rant from last time, on the grounds that this is apparently a real place
anyway, slideshow of jj gettng fucked on by the miz to resounding cheers
everyone loves miz cos they're still in SoCal
even if he is wearing a janky-ass check suit
oh, and he's here to interview roman
great
now people love miz even more by comparison
miz kicks off by mentioning taker so people remember how much they hate roman
throws roman a softball question about how it feels to take over from cena, he stares into the middle distance for an uncomfortably long time
and then canned monologue about how he now respects cena
and he doesn't see why he should be spending time in a room with miz
who's like well i'm the one here with a belt so nyahhhhhh
takes the opportunity to throw shade at jj, roman stands up for him and says miz couldn't beat him one on one
asks the miztourage for a beer
miz is like no my talk show has standards
and like hey yeah it's such a bad thing to have two guys helping you out oh waaaaaait
floats the idea of the miztourage vs the shield, the crowd goes nuts
roman laughs, is like yeah fuck that, crowd hate him
and then talks about his path to the universal championship, manages to mess up brock's name
miz commences to a+ ranting about how he's the most important champ on the show
certainly the most hardworking
roman's like fuck it, okay, let's fight
miz desperately backpedals
is like nope sorry can't wrestle in this suit and also my wife is pregnant
so relevant
makes his farewells, leaves, but OH WAIT here's kurt
to be like yeah cool let's do this shit
roman/miz later on, mizoturage v matt hardy and jj now
because jeff's shoulder's fucked AGEEN
but first let's have this advert for hiac
although why you'd need to advertise it is a mystery to me when you could just read kevin's outstanding twitter feed
back in the room, and here are the hardyz
jeff's here to watch
and rock out to their music
slowmo replay of the tower of doom spot that fucked his shoulder, doesn't look pleasant
and here's jj, met with overwhelming ambivalence
matt's got his green trousers on so at least they're coordinated
bell rings, jason commences to dismantle the other team by himself
finally tags matt in, crowd start paying attention
matt brings his usual brand, laughing like a goat and shambling curtis axel to death
ad break, so the miztourage get some offence in
because we all know heels are allergic to being filmed
apparently they did it by stepping to jeff and making jj defend him
you'd think that'd be a job for his actual brother, but then you clearly don't know the hardyz
corey talks about his time in the ring with bo for some serious oldschool nxt nostalgia
jj throws curtis out of the ring, double hot tag, cue matt mashing bo's face
side effect, curtis breaks the pin, jj spears both of them into the corner, twist of fate on bo for the pin
cole manages to mix matt and jason up
i guess they are both basically the same colour
positioned on the thin line between actual poc and tan as fuck
up next, we talk about the universal championship match
yay, more brock on my tv
after this ad for smackdown
and total bellas
featuring nikki and john arguing about power of attorney
thrilling
corey claims the universal title match was like a sci-fi movie, offers precisely no information to back this up
well, i guess it was less interesting and well-executed than the premise would suggest, so i guess there's that similarity
yeah, that's me throwing shade at disappointing adaptations of hugo award-winning books
(all of them)
come at me
in any case, here's elias
wearing his chicago tour shirt
(which i now own)
ontario have mixed opinions on walking with elias
apparently we're having a rematch of him and apollo tonight
this diss track is primarily about apollo, because nobody has anything interesting to say about ontario, CA
anyway, here's apollo
and titus
fight starts immediately as the bell rings, ref has to sneak in to pick up elias' scarf
booker talks about titus' political ambitions, corey reprimands him that "we don't do politics"
if only everyone in the company took that view
(wow, there's shade for everyone today)
the crowd are vocally behind apollo, which is novel
elias punches titus in the leg to distract apollo, superkick and drift away for the pin
after which titus runs in to fight elias
and everyone's like ohhhh yeah he's a wrestler
very short scrap before elias runs away
up next, finn does a thing
and we need to stop hyping the whole 'Man vs Man' thing
how was nobody on creative like welp that's a fucking stupid tagline, let's just do some more coke instead
cancer kids ad, and now charly interviews finn in a room made of curtains
i wouldn't put it past finn to have an interview in twin peaks
finn thanks bray for pushing him to succeed, restates his universal title ambitions, leaves
well that was short
meanwhile, here's curt hawkins and his 118-match losing streak
and here's braun
this'll go well
curt's like waaaaaaait a second this was a bad idea
and runs away
into the crowd
braun doesn't give a shit, leaps the barricade to chase him throw the crowd
and chokeslams him through a table
guys, that table was presumably there for a reason
now where will the tech guys keep their snacks
picks him up, takes him up to the stage and powerslams him through the led boards
god bless you, curt
bumping like a champ
braun goes back to the ring, gets a mic
like fuck that guy who wants to come and give me a real fight
and it's dean, because ill-considered decisions are totally his thing
walks over to examine curt's corpse, shrugs, heads to the ring
dean is, as ever the living embodiment of eh, fuck it
he's here with the scars of having the best match on the last night's show
but all his teeth, so could be worse
so braun's just focusing on working his bad shoulder
which is weirdly technical for him
you'd think just pounding the shit out of him would work just as well whether he's got a bad shoulder or not
dean tries the princess bride-style sleeper, gets smashed into some turnbuckles for it
keeps trying punching braun and getting headbutted to death
collapses, braun tries the foot pin
doesn't take
this match is like 90% just dean ragdolling around the arena, but it's actually p good
he gets a bit of offence courtesy of an eye poke
dean tips braun over the ropes, braun's like whatevs dude i'm tall and just stands on the floor
booker makes reference to braun having a "cloak of invincibility" [sic] despite the fact that he lost the night before
and dean gets powerslammed into oblivion
where's seth anyway
not here for his best bro
corey's commentary on the highlights package from that suggests he may not in fact know what a ddt is
backstage, kurt tells a ref to be extra careful in the miz match
and now here's enzo
who we gave a belt for some godforsaaken reason
he proposes a 'celebratory brouhaha'
kurt's like dude that was the shadiest win do you actually deserve it
enzo makes more noises, kurt caves
offers some advice from a longtime champ, enzo's like nah dude you're good and leaves
up next, alexa exists
after this archive footage of stone cold driving a beer truck into the arena eighteen years ago
presented by snickers for no particular reason
but now here's dean in the trainer's room
seth's brought him ice, asks him to be less ludicrously self-destructive now they're working together
like dude maybe at least let me know next time
dean calls him predictable, seth tries to prove he's not
so he's going to ask for a match with braun next week
dean's like yeah, fair, i did not expect that
perhaps not a great idea though
ah well
in the ring, here's alexa
in a sleeveless silver jacket that i would so totally wear
now maryse isn't on the show, i'll just have to steal alexa's wardrobe ideas
alexa thinks of all of us as her personal friends, and she's very disappointed in us
for not appreciating her victory
and looking forward to asuka too much
and here's...mickie?
god, this division is so arbitrary with who the next contender's going to be
apparently alexa said some uncomplimentary things about her on raw talk
i was busy not watching it
in my defence, it had 100% more lawler than i need in my day
alexa is just doubling down on the sarcastic praise of mickie
can't really narrate it, because we all know how sarcasm works in text
damn this restrictive medium
alexa's like hey i would fight you, but i don't want you to break a hip
mickie comes back by making fun of alexa's boobs
class
she wants alexa to repeat what she said on raw talk or fuck off
oh, apparently it was calling her an old lady
alexa repeats, gets kicked out of the ring
yet more hype for roman/miz
i am resolutely unhypened
but up next, seth/sheamus
after this asuka advert
still with the sun tzu quote for whatever reason
here comes seth, still burning it down
i love the person in the crowd with a giant milk carton sign with MISSING above a picture of cesaro sans teeth
sheamus is in full kkb gear, cesaro's just in a grey suit and aviators, which mostly has the effect of making him look like pitbull
cue slideshow of the match at no mercy
including the spot that should totally have been the finish
ooh, apparently cesaro's teeth were pushed up into his gums rather than out
ouch
not that i ever really trust wwe's descriptions of injuries, tbh
seth suicide dives sheamus, takes a moment to mock cesaro, eats an irish curse for his trouble
sheamus gets seth up in a stretch muffler, which is a move that seems to have undergone something of a resurgence just recently
and then into a cloverleaf
eventual rope break, but that did not look fun
speaking of moves that are coming back, seth gets a punt to the face
sheamus and cesaro take a moment to grandstand, giving seth time to dodge the eventual brogue
sheamus goes to the top rope, seth meets him downstairs with a gut kick, kingslayer for the pin
which apparently they're calling the ripcord knee now?
well w/e
up next, talking about cena
yaaaay
after more ads for our other shows
and now finn's backstage
runs into goldust, who's got his mojo back
goldust takes issue with finn positioning him as a victim and someone who needs help
a view you might recognise from previous editions of this blog
hi, dustin
finn apologises, goldust accepts but then punches him in the face a bunch
quotes godfather 2 at him, breathes in his face, leaves
but now it's time to talk about cena/reigns
have this slideshow in which we try and make it look way more dynamic than it atually was
and the clip from raw talk with cena being magnanimous
which i did watch, thanks to the miracle of...THE INTERNET
*internet theme plays*
(answers on a postcard what you think that would be)
video package ends, we move on
really thought we were gonna get something more than just replays of last night
but hey
nexg up, roman/miz
after this advert for story time and title card about how wwe's the best at twitter
here's roman, nobody cares
case in point: i spent his entire entrance staring blankly at my facebook feed before realising i should probably say something
a+ journalism
as i type that, enter the miz in a delightful silver lamé sheath
and also his minions in human clothes
bell rings, miz kicks off by trying to talk his way out of this match
makes the point that nobody really has anything to gain from this entirely meaningless match, and he's not wrong
roman accepts the handshake, then punches him a lot
such mixed messages
miz gets out of the ring and hides behind his dudes to rant, roman stands there and laughs douchily because his current gimmick is 'You know that smug fucker who's in your friend group for no reason you can really establish and whom you could quite happily punch in his big grinning twat face? Yeah, him."
miztourage are continually interfering whenever they're more than about five degrees from the ref's eyelines
wwe refs are like the shitty starting enemies in any stealth game
roman's selling an injured back, corey waxes lyrical about sciatica
as you do
and then takes the chance while roman's getting kicked in the face to say 'xiphoid process'
superman punches to all three heels, giving miz time to get away
that last line spoken in the voice of sandra bullock
(yeah, esoteric references)
miz eats a driveby, hits a big ddt for a nearfall
roman counters a finale into a spear, pin, #romanwinslol
the miztourage immediately come in to kick the shit out of roman
they'll be a long time at it
he is so full of shit
fights them off, superman punches miz again, stops to taunt him
sets up to powerbomb him, curtis and bo hit him with chairs
oh yeah, we're setting up for the furniture PPV
makes sense i guess
miz hits a finale, gloats
end thing]
or not
miz decides he didn't get to take part in ç, runs back to the ring to give roman some
and then another finale onto a chair
hits him with another chair, then the three of them do the shield fists over him
good moment
speaking of things that are not that, enzo's brouhaha is coming later
but next, finn/goldust
after this ad for 2k18
and nxt
back in the room, goldust is here and i've only just realised how much his music reminds me of music from freespace 2
*does the arms*
wait, does this mean we're having enzo's dick party as the main event?
well, i guess that means something eventful will happen
and it'll presumably be in the form of everything going wrong for him
this match just went really quickly into both of them being really vicious
finn's like i'll be helpful and magnanimous and shit, but if you cross me i will fucking end you
seems reasonable
goldust is floored by a pele kick to the air a couple inches above his shoulder
followed by a really sloppy sling blade
who do i blame for this
and then, despite selling hurt ribs, hits a coup de grace for the win
i know when i've hurt my ribs, i like to concertina my body onto another human from a significant height
wyatt cut, house lights go out, creepy child singing
wyatt cut again, end thing
huh
apparently later we have sasha/bayley v nia/emma
and here's bayley and sasha backstage
tension abounds
they both try and passive-aggressively semi-apologise for fighting over the belt last night
and bayley tells a sad story about her shoulder trauma and physiotherapy
they bond, end thing
and now here's kurt backstage
enzo accosts him, kurt has the facial expression any of us would have when accosted in a corridor by enzo amore
enzo wants a stipulation for his party
anyone touches him, they lose any shot at the belt
kurt's like fine whatever please go away
"Oh, and one more thing: you're annoying as hell. Annoying. As. Hell."
kurt angle, speaking for all of us
time for the women's match now
here's noa
or indeed nia
Pro Wrestling NOAH Jax
have a hispanic heritage month thing for julio cesar chavez
just under the bar before we run out of month
back in the room, emma's here, as is her excruciating new music
what are cfo$ even on atm
and now sasha in her matador jacket
and bayley in a cancer charity tshirt, because if one wrestler was going to wear one, it'd be her
did we really need that slowmo footage of bayley's shoulder shitting the bed?
this match presented by novartis, because we at dubby dubby wee are 100% cure there could be no problem with emphasising the link between wrestlers and pharmaceuticals
nia leg drops bayley's bad arm, which is a move that would look nasty as hell on an uninjured arm
bayley throws emma into nia, ensuing tension gives her time for a hot tag
sasha and bayley both outside doing some strong team work, bayley runs nia into the post
emma almost gets a rollup, eats a bayley to belly off a blind tag for the pin
that was...functional?
as long as the intended function is continuing the shittening of emma, i guess
backstage, enzo rants at strangers like a homeless methhead
guess what we've got next
after this ad for raw in denver with rollins/strowman and roman/miz for the belt (why?)
enzo arrives, corey commences to rage against them taking the belt away from the best thing in the division and giving it to "essentially a Muppet"
and now he's trying to convince booker to cover for him while he sneaks off
wait, can i do that?
daniel?
...
daniel is gone
touché
enzo's doing a speech
and he's personifying the belt as a woman again
essay question: Are there objects or status symbols that Enzo Amore *doesn't* want to put his dick in?
[30 marks]
mocks cass for getting injured, rails at the fans
compares himself to cena, batista and the rock
unveils his baseball jersey which he's had framed
mocks 205 live
...is he still a face?
i have no idea
cue the 205 theme music
and the entire fucking cruiserweight roster pouring out onto the stage
he starts talking again, they all stand on the stage looking just beyond done with him
mocks rich for dancing and cedric for having no charisma, they're both just like dude have you seen yourself
calls gran metalik fat
"I call it how I see it, right?"
the clarion call of the douchebag everywhere
mocks jack, drew and noam for...unclear reasons, is interrupted by neville's entrance
uses the phrase 'real man', i reach through time and the television to slap him in the face
makes fun of neville's ears
this is some incisive material right here
neville gets on the mic, so i'm happy
calls enzo out for being a toxic shitbag who's alienated everyone he's ever met
fair
spins us a tale of how enzo was dumped on the division's doorstep and the rest of the division convinced him to keep him
and does a superlative rant at him for making the division into a joke
and announces he's here to kill enzo on behalf of the whole division
enzo pulls out his piece of totally legally binding paper
which may in fact be a post-it note?
talks shit at him some more, continues to mock everyone in the division
tells him to fuck off
neville thinks fuck it, i have principles, kicks him in the stomach
and throws him into his framed douchebag jersey
and also everything else
enzo tries to run, the entire roster walks up the ramp to block him in
this is some heartwarming shit right here
neville catches him again, resumes the murder
feeds him his piece of paper, kicks him in the head to raucous applause
this is the greatest double turn ever
red arrows him so hard he does a full handspring out of it
and we fade on a fallen douchebag with a mouth full of paper as a conquering king breathes heavily on him
as all great works of literature do
right, since daniel's not here i guess i need to do the technical bits
which lever is it that switches tapes to smackdown
gonna try this one
----------------------------------------
Well, let's all just accept that that was not the correct lever to pull and try and move on
daniel got back just in time to get my leg out of the tape deck
also he brought sushi, so is forgiven for being slightly late for the second show
with all that said, let's get on with some THURSDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!
(okay, daniel was *very* late)
i'm only a week and a bit behind, i've done worse
although hiac is on sunday, and i'm going out tomorrow and saturday
this could be fun
need to watch a week and a bit of wrestling in like a day an a half
woooooo
anyway, the show's starting with a recap of vincegate
and shane talking about how great the mcmahons are
and somehow being a face, despite the fact that the mcmahons are just objectively the worst
and everything kevin has done is totally proportional
speaking of, here he comes in the present
(the present time, that is)
(kevin owens has not been giftwrapped)
just had that smackdown moment of remembering how good the announce panel is
or at least it should be, if tom could remember how to speak english
we're like two minutes into the show and he's cocked up three times
kevin gets in, calls shane out
and also everybody who called him a coward
like sure, i wasn't here last week, but now i am and shane's nowhere to be seen hmmmmmmm
calls shane a very smart man
[citation needed]
kevin claims to personally like vince, so that should get some heel heat
and he's like look what i did to someone i respect and like, so how much will i fuck you up, you twat
on a related note, here comes sami
looking serious
steps in and just straight asks kevin what is wrong with him
like dude, we hav our problems but you are seriously off the rails here
apparently this feud is going to destroy kevin's career and also his life and family
kevin's like yeah w/e you're just jealous
sami is despondent
some people just can't be helped
no kevin, don't draw our attention to the fact that shane mcmahon is going to be headlining hiac
kevin argues sami has never done anything as important as him headbutting vince
sami comes back like yeah, while this is all technically true, you're a cheating fucker
sami will have his day and it will be beautiful and wholesome
(when all of current creative have died)
calls kevin trash, both drop their mics and square up
here comes bryan to interfere
confirms that shane is not here, and might not turn up tonight
a+ commissioning there
proposes kevin/sami tonight
well that'll be original
oh, who cares
i mock, but every one of their 84736395 matches has been great
end thing
later we have a pride of bulgaria celebration
apparently
and also dillinger/corbin next
after this ad for new day/usos at hiac
which is so going to be the best match again
and the first of many plugs for the hiac theme
by a band i've actually heard of for once
and here's baron
i think they've tweaked his music again?
i don't remember this many vocals on it
but it's possible i just stopped paying attention when baron came on screen
roll recap vt of the ongoing feud
tbf, i don't mind this new music of baron's
it's kind of shitty nu metal, but he's a shitty nu metal kind of person
and here's tye
i miss his alien waistcoat
(five words i have never said before)
and also here's aj for some reason
possibly just to show up both of their themes by being so much better
tye throws baron over the ropes while he's looking at aj
cue ad break
during which the heel has had a bunch of offence
funny how that works
the internet confirms that baron's music is new as of this ep
good to know i'm not completely unreliable
meanwhile, tye is wrestling a good match and baron is being baron
and aj is on announce
baron gets chased outside, ends up face to face with aj and throws his bottle of water over him
and then throws tye at him
and tye loses to a weirdly fast countout
so that happened and wasn't bullshit at all
aj runs into the ring, baron fucks off like a shitty nu metal motorbike wolf guy type
oh, he's sticking around
gets up to the stage, decides to get a mic and head back down to taunt aj
claims aj can only win with help, because he apparently hasn't been watching wrestling in the last decade
challenges him for the belt at hiac
end thing
another ad for the pride of bulgaria celebration
during which rusev will apparently receive the key to the city of plovdiv
which sounds like the shit i'd make up, but it's actually what they said
anyway, next it's jinder being just the worst
after an ad for total bellas
and a recap of all the shit that just happened with aj and baron
and confirmation of their hiac match, if we needed it
but now here's the indian contingent
flanking jinder
(sick burn)
this week jinder is apparently here to compliment shinsuke
oh, no, he's going to laugh at his face some more
who wrote this angle
and who didn't fire them
ha
as they were laughing at one picture, he started moving
THE FEED IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING
shinsuke announces his presence, cue the best entrance
jinder freaks out, the singhs rush him and get beaten up
allowing jinder to come from behind and slam shinsuke into things
like he does so...
well, like he does
shinsuke fights back, beats up all three and kinshasas jinder
end segment, hire new writers
apparently tonight will be the first owens/zayn match on smackdown live
this is the only reason they rebranded, so they could make that matchup fresh again
up next, hype bros/usos
and here come the new day, who are notably neither of those teams
they've brought popcorn and snacks
presumably to lurk and be hilarious for this match
after this cancer ad
i'm not convinced by the SUPER DELUXE FURNITURE KALEIDOSCOPE graphics for tlc
better or worse than HANDS AND SKUUUUUUUULLS
hard to say
but i think the designer of both needs to calm the fuck down a bit
back from ads, the bros are already in but the usos get an entrance
new day are in the front row of the crowd
but e still has binocualrs
bell rings, the usos immediately kick a significant percentage of the shit out of mojo
new day start a mojo chant, giving him enough of his namesake back to get a hot tag
looked away to answer the phone, came back thirty seconds later to see the usos get the pin
why is this such a ppv setup show when there's another week to go
usos get mics, go over to call the new day out
e produces a mic from his box of popcorn, because of course he fucking does
new day clap back, xavier challenges them to a cell match
that match will be every flavour of bonkers, and i am very excited for it
corey's like well we have to wait and see whether it gets made official
because apparently he doesn't know how wrestling challenges work
but up next, plovdiv pride
wait, i'm being told that that may not mean what i think
after this ad for raw
and here's aiden?
in a lovely suit
he's emceeing the party
what a cravat
(actual cravat for once)
and he has the mayor of plovdiv with him
huge if true
aiden does a big hype piece for rusev, he comes to the ring as aiden sings the national anthem
crowd boo and do usa chants, because dicks
okay, imma have to look up the bulgarian national anthem and see if this is actually it
if it is, props to aiden
well, at least half the crowd held the boos until after the national anthem
okay, one research break later i can confirm that someone in dubby dubby wee actually did their homework this time
the mayor is reading from a scroll kindly held by aiden
in bulgarian, obv
boos resound
i caught some of it, because it's quite similar to russian
repeats the speech in english for the cheap seats
and apparently september 26th is now rusev day
add that to your calendars
i didn't mention it, but rusev is wearing a natty waistcoat and on a bulgarian flag podium throughout
rusev thanks the mayor, replays the vt of his nine-second win over randy
plovdiv has the cheapest-ass key to the city i've ever seen
and believe me, i've seen the keys to many cities
rusev repeats his claim to have ripped out randy's fangs
p sure i'd remember that
it's apparently his jungle now
which is handy, because nobody had said anything about a jungle before now
aiden has a rusev day song he wrote for us
randy appears out of the crowd to rko aiden mid-flow
and then i thought for a minute he rko'd the mayor as well
but rusev had pushed him out of the way and gallantly taken the fall for him
there's way more nationalism on this episode than i'm comfortable with, ftr
but now, sami gets called into bryans office/curtain corridor/upholstery and poster shop
apparently shane is on his way
sami wants him to hold off so he can beat on kevin himself
bryan will see what he can do
but up next, charlotte/carmella
after this ad for 2k18
and yet another total bellas plug
and now randy's in a corridor
accosts renee, rather than the other way round for once
gives her a challenge for rusev at hiac if she sees him
wishes her a happy rusev day, leaves
and now we're back in the room
with charlotte
but still no peacock robe
booo
really long recap vt of charlotte/nattie
when it could be summed up with 'she's a hart, she's a flair, not gonna go well'
carmella arrives with her briefcase and her boo on his leash
which she then fastens to the turnbuckle
i have no clue what they're trying to go for with this, but i'm enjoying it
tom's like corey, you're down with the alternative kids, the fuck is this about
carmella distracts the ref with deviously detachabale jewellery, letting ellsworth push her off the turnbuckle
which was kind of charlotte's own fault for going up the turnbuckle her enemy's minion was chained to, tbh
carmella hits her with a dodgy-ass crossbody
charlotte kind of had to jump into it to take the bump
and after a functional few minutes, carmella eats a superkick for the pin
this remains such a ppv setup show
what will we do next week
now here’s nattie in new gear
even more transparent than usual
she's like hey char good to know your dad's ok he can watch me kick you to death at hiac lollllll
grin, end thing
this episode, snickers brings us the debut of cena for some unstated reason
but more importantly, fashion files returns next week
and by next week, i do of course mean two days ago
time, eh?
and...
undertaker bongs?
whaaaaaa
oh wait, it'll be dolph
the announce team are all buying into it because of course they are
oh hey, corey's got his number
just like really dolph the fuck is wrong with you
while this is true, the big hat kind of suits him
the crowd twigs, they hate him
he's like come on guys, did you really think you'd see taker twice in one year
which is fair
i need a gif of him going "Ahhhhh, the 90s" there
halfway through his usual rant about how anyone can gimmick, here's a walking gimmick to...prove his point?
anyway, it's bobby roode
i could cheerfully slap both men in this feud
bobby gets into the ring, calls dolph out for being a hypocrite
someone had to
are they trying to angle him as a kind of face-of-the-people babyface here?
cos that's just weird after his nxt run
challenges dolph for hiac
crowd chant for it, dolph's like i don't give a shit guys, shut up
dolph accepts, tries to do the rest in peeeeeeacehmgrlfrgn, bobby shuts him up so he can say glorious some more
but now, main event time
all the matches in this episode have been functional at best, so hopefully this'll pick it up
after this ad for 205 and a recap of all the shit that went down with enzo
and here's a sami
specifically zayn
although i do kind of want him to ride a eindeer to the ring
and here's kevin, no bullshit
bell rings, mutual pummelling begins
these guys are fighting like they're very aware that another segment overran and they don't have a lot of time
so they're just having the same match, but sped up like 20%
sudden cut to another feed, shane is in the building
back in the ring
kevin dodges a crossbody into a beautiful superkick
clip from the ad break of sami hitting a brainbuster on kevin on the apron
okay, yeah, these guys are elevating it
sami jumps over a popup attempt, counters into a blue thunder bomb
kevin dodges a helluva kick, so sami hits an absolutely brutal tope on him instead
and by 'on him' i do of course mean 'largely on his own ankles'
goes for a torpedo ddt, kevin blocks with another superkick
lovely timing there
and hits the apron powerbomb
at which point the ref calls for the bell
because apparently that move was worse than sami's apron brainbuster?
enter some medics to do helpful yet unspecified medical stuff
sami tries to fight them off while being functionally dead in his usual 'dead fish who will fucking have you' style
kevin sits on the announce table watching all this, then decides he sitll has more rage to vent, and bodychecks through sami and all the medics
and now he has a chair
KEVIN OWENS OF EARTH.
YOU HAVE GREAT RAGE IN YOUR HEART.
puts the chair around sami's neck, sets him up to throw him into the post, and HERE COMES THE MONEEEEEEEY
shane mcmahon, a man of deep principles who will only intervene when one of his employees is inches from death
kevin throws sami at him, hitting him in the face with his chair necklace, and runs away
another average day in the life of kevin 'maladjusted preteen' owens
everything focuses on shane and kevin staring at each other between the ring and the top of the stalls, and corey's like ummmm should someone maybe check on sami?
and we fade with that question still hanging in the air
but hey, sami'll be fine
we all know those two are like those irritating paired bosses in every rpg where you have to kill them at the same time or they'll just keep bringing each other back
nothing short of a complete detonation of canada will stop them
and on that bombshell, good night!
(i hate myself)
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