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anonblogsfeels · 2 years

Text

WOW HELLO FROM 2022

Let’s recap where we left off---but before we do that, a disclaimer if u will. I have regressed a lot in terms of spelling, grammar, English. I text and type like a middle schooler now. I use cuz and u and y a lot. Don’t ask me why. Probably because I am lazier now as well and I don’t care anymore either. Also use a lot of text abbreviations and will be using millennial hashtags often to display my feelings and emotions. I don’t know why I was so proper with grammar and spelling before in my last posts, but if this is supposed to be a personal diary, then I shouldn’t really care how well written my posts are LOL. Also probably a lot of run on sentences and fragments. I was never really good with that. Now, let’s recap all the years that I have been gone (well from what I remember) I do have better things I should be doing right now, but this is a good distraction :)

2016-2017

-Whirlwind friendship with this girl but I think she was like lowkey highkey in love with me? Cuz she was weirdly obsessed and possessive with me. I didn’t hang out with anyone but her and we did things she wanted to all the time. The friendship ended because I wouldn’t cancel my interview for a research position to go hang out with her for her birthday #ded well that was a major plot line, but tbh after that the relationship went downhill. I remember trying to beg her for her friendship back with Taco Bell and music outside her door??? The fuq. Anyways I think the friendship really ended on my side when she graduated and I went to her graduation and she didn’t respond to my texts or phone calls until like 10PM! I was hurt because I took time out of my day to celebrate her and she wouldn’t even give me the time of day until it was convenient for her! I understand she was with her family, but a quick text isn’t hard! Then the next day I came by to drop off her graduation gift (in hindsight, it was a pretty gay gift...it was a photo album with pictures of us and memories LOL), such a weird friendship. And she never talked to me again after that. But I did reach out like a year later because her hometown was flooded due to natural disasters and tried to reconcile, but she wasn’t very receptive. Recently (maybe this year?) she sent me a snapchat but quickly undid it. So I never know what she sent. I hope she's doing well and has accomplished everything she's wanted and more. She was still a big part of my life even if it was for a short while and I learned a lot about what a good friend should be. Even if the friendship didn’t end on good terms.

-Did not take my MCAT. Did not get into pre college med school program. Deferred a year. Big deal for me. I always did things on time and according to “schedule”. But 2016 was a tough year. I cried a lot. I was afraid of being a failure. I was afraid my parents wouldn’t understand, but they did. I love my mommy. Got a C in AP.

-Had like TWO massive cold sores on my upper lip. IT WAS AWFUL. I had never and still have never had such a severe case of HSV. I was really stressed and going through it so thats probably why. But my lips were juicy tho.

-From the looks of it, my faith was still pretty strong in 2016, but boy was that going to change. Junior year was so tough. Personally, mentally, physically, career wise, class wise. The whole shebang.

-Got a ring and a lot of my friends showed up (now there's like maybe 1 of them that I still talk to sadly)

-Got accepted into a research program! It only lasted a semester cuz the overseeing professor moved T_T

-Got really into calligraphy and lettering, definitely hyper fixated on it and stayed up till like 6am practicing (also think I may have adhd who knows but see 2022)

2017-2018

-Senior year whoop whoop. President amazing for me but the worst experience of my life. And another officer position. Loved this year a lot. Met really amazing people in my research program. Went to one of their weddings. invited to another but in a different city, so did not go. They were really amazing. I wish I kept in touch with them, but I was really emo after I graduated so they are no longer in my life :( I wish them well and maybe one day we can reconnect again.

-Hung out with so many people! Felt so loved and like I BELONGED! I didn’t realize how little I hung out with other people after ending that weird friendship the year before. My friendships really blossomed and was great this year, but of course it didn’t last long because of my never ending habit of self sabotaging :)

-Smoked a bong for the first time and Gorl. Literally thought I was going to have to go to the ER and they would call my parents. Thank God that subsided after my friend started getting loopy too. But what really iced this cake was when my friend KICKED us out because he couldn’t have us over anymore. I guess I don’t call him my friend after that (but we still kept in contact and I went to his ring ceremony...weird. But now I don’t talk to him either lol. I hope he is a doctor now). Like wtf?? you’re gonna invite us to smoke and then KICK us out?? I wish my confrontational skills were as good as they are now because I would love to have talked to him and communicated this with him and mediated this once we were sober because that is not a cool thing to do to people who are under the influence and vulnerable.

-Holy shit. Who knew being in charge of large organization would be so fucking hard?? and stressful??? I hated my board. They were all white. No offense, but all offense. I could not relate to them no matter how hard I tried and no matter how hard I restricted my personality to line with theirs. They were mean. and bullies. and clique-y. And I had to deal with that alone (but I had amazing people who I could rant to and helped me) but damn I CRIED A LOT because of this. I felt like the worst president ever because everyone was so miserable, including myself. I know I tried my damned hardest though, but I am still disappointed in myself. Working with so many people who have different personalities and preferences, wants, desires, attitudes, is TUFF.

-Loved my other org tho. I could relate to them so much more! They were all minorities like me, so I didn’t feel like I had to restrict myself and my personality. I wish I took a larger role like VP, but I passed it up because of the other org. Big mistake looking back. This org should’ve been my priority.

-Save the family drama for ya mama. My dad basically cheated on my mom lol. And brawling with my sister. While I’m 3 hours away. And my bother keeping quiet in his room. I hate how my family will never take accountability for their wrongdoings and will always brush every damn thing under the rug to save face. “oh he has done so much for you, so much for your family” stfu with that bullshit. Just because you do good things, does not mean you are a good person. Does not negate other things you do. And it sure damn well does not excuse your behavior. Awful and I had to bullshit for my graduation and play good daughter while he faked apologized. This will never be forgotten. Or even forgiven. But I should forgive right? Idk.

-Also did not take my MCAT again. Blamed it on my hectic schedule (17 hours, 2 officer positions, and family conflicts), so I would say those are pretty good excuses tbh). I dropped a class because I was lazy and did not do the work and did not want to get a bad grade in my last year.

-Really lost my faith this year...and still trying to regain it to this day. Although it has improved (See 2022). I stopped going to church this year. Didn’t even try to go one last time before I left town. I regret that. It was a beautiful church with beautiful music.

-AND HOW COULD I FORGET??? I WENT TO EUROPE!!!! I was able to fund it through scholarships and my aunt thank her and god bless her she gave me my graduation gift in advance <3 It was the most awesome experience. I went with a close friend (still friends to this day how shocking!) and with a group that I got really close to...again I self sabotaged these relationships and do not talk to them anymore and that is something I deeply regret. I hope to reach out one day, but if I am being honest, it won’t be anytime soon. I feel like I have to accomplish something first, have something to show for- before I can dig myself out of the hole I dug myself in.

-Seguing into that... I ghosted one of my good friends. She tried to each out to me over and over again for years. Every time she sent me a message, my heart would drop, but I never did anything. But stopped in 2020. This is one of the biggest regrets and mistakes I have ever made. And I still don’t have the courage to contact her. I really hate myself sometimes. God has really put beautiful and kind hearted souls in my life and I just ruined those relationships. I will contact her one day. I will apologize for my behavior and hope one day she can forgive me. But until then, I hope she��s doing well (I still follow her on instagram and she's in a professional school program and I am so proud of her!). She really cared for me so much to continue to contact me after so many years. I am a piece of shit.

-Speaking of ghosting...I ghosted so many people after I graduated. Just stopped texting them back. Stopped responding. Some (one) were deserved. And most (all) were not deserved. Honestly, they don’t deserve a shitty person like my in their life anyways...so good riddance I guess...but I let a lot of good people go....and I will always have to live with that guilt and shame. I hope one day, I can reach out, but if I am being honest..I don’t know when I will be able to. Maybe when I am successful, but it sounds like another excuse to me...

-I was really depressed....its not an excuse for my behavior. My family life was shit. I had just lost my independence and moved back home. I did not take my MCAT or applied to medical school so I had to take a gap year. I did not have a job. AND my parents were charging me rent! LIKE WTF. My life felt like the crapper and I just completely shut down and withdrew and isolated myself (a common theme in my life that I am trying to actively do better). Im sure this is a trauma response tbh.

-Things started to do better by maybe July? I did text my friend. But she was on a trip and her phone did not work. So I stopped trying and missed her graduation (I’m shit I know.). But I started a new job. Two actually.

-Then...I met someone. A perfectly silly innocent friendship at first. and it evolved into something much more significant. but not until late 2019-2020 so I am getting ahead of myself.

-Met some awesome superiors that I worked with and really loved.

-Took physics in the fall

2019

-Honestly first half of the year wasn’t really that significant, I worked a lot and met great superiors

-Became obsessed (hyper-fixated) with little things like BSB (omg I saw them in 2022!!!!!) NSYNC, Britney Spears (amazing news in 2022 btw).

-Maybe biggest thing is the coworker I met, we became closer this year. Hung out “officially” in April and she said I guess you're my real friend now. silly girl. She pregamed in a parking lot. That was a first for me. But it was a really fun night!!

-won my first mahjong game. girl was shook. she taught me. it also fell everywhere when we tried to play at where I worked. was very embarrassing.

-Did not take my mcat AGAIN. (Another reoccurring theme). So another gap year it is. My motivation is really starting to dip here but tbh I think it started junior year. Feeling burnt out, loss of motivation and drive. and extreme laziness. or was it adhd???? tried to study for mcat. was not consistent. did not take.

-Started talking to coworker A LOT. like this girl wouldn't leave me alone she just wanted to hang out and bother me all the time and I guess I was flattered, but in hindsight she was also probably in love with me ;p she said it was because she wanted a new friend but im like sureeeee. what's with me and my girl friends being in love with me?? like chill (totally joking but not really cuz 3 people so far, but only 1 confirmation HAHA)

-My grandma stole a kitten from a homeless cat

-coworker and I literally talked all the day every day basically in august. when she started her masters. I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know why I was so interested in talking with her. but I was gonna and soon.

-girl kept inviting me to do things with her and her friends. Honestly it was really fun! her friends are crackheads LOL. Tbh I wish I made a bigger effort in becoming friends with them too, but I was only there bc of girl. we went out of town for her friends birthday to drink and we bonded a lot because I made her take a lot of Henry shots and then we both got really drunk and wanted to run. her friends had to take care of us and we both threw up simultaneously when we got back to air bnb <3 how cute. then I fell asleep on the toilet because I couldn't take off my contacts (I had hoe ass nails on) and I blacked out until like 6am. funny times.

-girl and I hung out a lot. We went back to college for football game with my sister and her friends. we held hands when we were drunk. she tried to cuddle me but it was accidentally my sister LOL. She was like “well that makes sense”. we bonded a lot. she was literally obsessed with my “small” hands. (should've been a tall tale sign tbh)

-we smoked together for the first time. it was really fun experience too. I scared her and almost peed myself.

-she introduced me to my FIRST MUSICAL!!! We saw Dear Evan Hansen. It was awesome and definitely a core memory. I accidentally brought my fanny pack and she had to run to put it back in my car (great stamina btw she was a former runner okkkkkk). Also spoiler alert- she said this is when she realized she had a crush on me bc she had been denying it. I still didn’t know the feelings I felt for her was romantic yet.

-ROADTRIPPED WITH MY SISTER! Great bonding experience but we did argue A LOT LOL. we drove for 17 hours STRAIGHT. I did not want to stop because I was impatient. stupid me. I hallucinated during a rainstorm at 3AM LOL. very dangerous. Would not recommend. Would also not do this without a bedtime break if I did it again. Got a beautiful 14k bracelet from a thrift store that I still wear today :) This was such a fun experience and I would like to do it again. and I can't believe I haven't!

-went out of town to visit family for the holidays! got stuck in 3 hour traffic bc of snow storm trying to go ski. Rewatched all of sailor moon episodes and definitely hyper-fixated on this. then we went to another state and it was fun!!! but stayed in the most ratchet hotel. but it was nice overall and very good memories.

-girl texted me a lot, wanted me to go out with her after Christmas w/ her friends, but I was still out of town. she said I had normal hands as Christmas gift and gave me a fan T_T I still have it and use it to this day. (I like to bring fans to the club and bars cuz its hot and im smart)

2020

-girls birthday was fun! we ate with her friends and went karaoke. She was definitely super flirty HAHA

-visited my college friend for her bday (love her and Im so glad I was able to keep and maintain a friendship with her). she's the best.

-We saw Craig Robinson (we both agree this was our first date even though we never said it to each other at this time). it was awesome! I tried to be cute and we ate sushi and she bought our meal (im getting emotional u will know why in 2022). then we went karaoke-ing because she didn’t want it to be over

-we got crossfaded basically on this one eventful day. we kissed for the first time. my first kiss. WAS WITH A GIRL?????? Crazy I know. If you had told me that in 2016 I would have laughed. I LIKE GIRLS??? That had never crossed my mind. until her. I like her. just her. but I never had an internal sexual crisis. I didn’t hate myself for liking her, although I was still scared and concerned with what it meant for our future, family, friends, etc. it was really interesting that everything I thought I knew or wanted..was thrown out the window because of her. life crazy.

-from then on girl and I basically were dating but not really since we didn't define it yet but we still say that day was our anniversary :) we didn’t dtr until like may when she decided she wanted to continue pursuing whatever this was with me, but the sad thing was....we both agreed it would be temporary since we were at a standstill in our life--career wise. and that we both had no intention of coming out or seeing this long term. I was willing, however, to come out for her. but she was not. this would lead to our demise. see 2022. red flags early on tbh. we broke up in the summer LOL. but due to comp het. and she struggled a lot with her feelings. she never felt so strongly for someone but was so scared with how it would affect her relationship with her family. they are very catholic. but we got back together lol. but it will always be a point of conflict that never gets resolved.

-also did not take my mcat again T_T I blamed covid. but tbh I know it was because I fell in love for the first time and could not focus on anything else. my mom was right... isn’t it funny how moms are always right? she told me to not fall in love until my studies were over because it would distract me and I scoffed but now I agreed she was right all along LOL. I mean I guess she knew from experience because her falling in love caused her to drop out of HS LOL.

-BRO COVID 2020 HAPPENED WTF LIFE WAS CRAZY. It was simultaneously AWESOME AND AWFUL. For the lives that were taken. but also oddly..the tranquility of it. no signs of life anywhere. it was peaceful. but also morbid because so many people were dying, hospitals were overfilled, health care workers were overworked. bodies everywhere and no where at the same time. crazy to think about. holy crap it was like and STILL is like a fever dream.

-I basically hung out with girl like every day since her mom worked. I had excuses to leave and hung out with her for hours EVERY DAY. we became inseparable. it was like we both retired and just lived a very tranquil and retired life. it was beautiful. It was peaceful. it was home. I miss it so much. but it was a really impactful significant time for us. we went to amusement parks, coordinated halloween outfits, tried lots of new foods, shows, and really got to know each other deeply. it was something I have never known, but am so thankful that I had got to experience something so beautiful with her.

-the year came and went. girl and I were deeply in love. in June, she said she thought she loved me but we didnt really exchange I love you’s until I said it in august. 6 months after dating. it was truly blissful. I had never loved someone like I loved her in all my years. makes me question all the little crushes I've had before. I dont think I actually liked someone until she came along. I never actively tried to pursue or liked anyone more than idealizing them in my head.

-we had our first trip together in another city. it was really nice. but my cold sore ruined it lol. but other than that it was sweet and memorable. we cooked and watched movies and I really loved sleeping next to her.

-for some, 2020 was the worst year imaginable. for me, it was one of the best because I fell in love. I thank God that I did not experience any losses due to COVID, but a lot of people and their families weren't as lucky, and I am aware of that privilege. So many people lost family members and loved ones due to the disease. we didn’t do enough to prevent the spread until it was too late. it was unprecedented times. nothing we had prepared could’ve prepared us for what happened this year. very conflicting emotions for me. I feel guilty that I see this time so fondly, while others see it as the worst and heart wrenching times.

2021

-I started work again I think in like march or April

-girl quit because she was going to graduate from her school program soon and do an externship

-RESCUED A DOG!!!! turns out he's batshit psycho crazy bitch with no bite inhibition but I love him to pieces. everyone in my family are now blood bonded in a different sense and my dad is none the wiser

-we traveled out of the city for our first big trip together. I love how detailed and a planner she is because I am not one of those. we need one of those in our lives. it was awesome and amazing. but we did argue. I was on my period. my emotions were bad. I really needed to learn how to regulate my emotions and I did not know how to, so I lashed out a lot. this had a role in our demise. but the trip was one of my first with someone else and it was so memorable and amazing and I wish I could relive it.

-we cried a lot before she left for her externship because we didn’t know if it was permanent and the end of our relationship. I visited her a couple times and it was really nice, like a mini vacation. however we were basically inseparable for 1-1.5 years so it was really difficult to adjust to. her friends did not know she was in a relationship so she would always choose them first. (from my pov). I felt like she would only talk to me if it was convenient for her. we broke up again in towards the end of the summer. 2nd time. because she prioritized her friend, when it was my birthday. I wanted to spend time with her but she wanted to go to see a concert. I was very hurt. she said we could hang out the day after the concert, but she failed to see why I was so hurt.

-she graduated. we reconciled (we broke up but like not really tbh). we got back together in august. and had a really awful awful argument. again with me feeling undervalued and not prioritized. we made up and reconciled...but the things I said really stayed with her and I don’t think we truly recovered from this argument.

-didnt take my mcat again......how many years now? I was having an internal crisis. is this what I want to do? am I cut out for it? am I smart enough for it?

-met up with college friends and talked about this. drove home at 2am. it was great to see them.

-tried jollibee for the first time this shit amazing and this sushi place fancy WAS SO GOOD. we went to this life changing concert that was like a party/rave for 2 hours. people are sleeping on this artist and I did too for a long time. never again. I am a bonefide fan.

-HOLY SHIT HOW DID I FORGET. I MOVED OUT THIS YEAR. WITH MY SISTER. INTO AN AMAZING OLD PEOPLE COMPLEX! for a great deal WITH A GARAGE. such a big mllestone!

2022

-GUESS WHAT I FINALLY TOOK MY MCAT. but voided because I didnt finish a section and a half. BUT I FUCKING DID IT. AFTER 6 YEARS. I DID IT. will have to retake and have to start restudying so......yea

-worse year of my life so far

-went to Vegas. saw a residency. best ever. went to Disney this year as well. fucking amazing. how did I travel so much for being a broke whore? lots of credit card debt. holy shit. so much debt. basically like a student loan. yikes. working on bringing that down......but I am a shopping addict

-girl and I broke up. right before my test. its been shitty. 4 months have gone by. I am still trying to heal. we did not decide to do no contact, she says she's no longer in love with me, attracted to me, or see a future with me- but I call cap. if im being delusional then let me be delusional. thats what tik tok says. I respect her space and her decision though. im delusional on my own. we broke up 2.5 years into relationship. I was and still am devastated. I feel like she moved on so quickly and became ok so quickly. it made me question her love for me and the significance of our relationship. I was her first long term relationship, shouldn't she mourn more than she has? but I dont know what's going on her her head, maybe she's suffering just as much as I am. but she doesn’t show it. I wish she did so I knew we were hurting the same. so I knew we were real. but now that I am healed a lot... I know she loved me. deeply too. and im sad things did not work out the way I intended it, but it was a self fulfilling prophecy waiting to happen. you dont start a relationship with the mindset that it is temporary. it’ll just fuck you up. she grew detached and I clung on harder. I was really angry and bitter for a long time. but now I understand why this was needed. without this breakup, I wouldn't have learned I had anxious attachment style. I am learning a lot about myself. my role in the breakup. how I could do things differently. my faith grew a lot. I leaned on God a lot. and it’s sad to say that I only leaned on him when I needed it the most. but im trying to continually work on my journey with my faith. I dont think I identify with the catholic church and teachings anymore. I dont go to church. I just pray. and thank god for the blessings and the non blessings that are probably blessings in disguised. this break up was needed. I know that now. I just wish she was still in my life like she was.... I still struggle with it every day. someone who was so intertwined with my life...is a stranger now....im trying really hard to adjust to this new reality and accept it. overall I am ok. I am doing better. im proud of myself and how much growth and work I have been doing, but I still have a lot more to do. I have to work on my laziness, my drive, motivation, and how I respond to things when im heated. I’d say my relationship with God now has been the best its been in a long time...and that makes me really happy. I have been wanting to improve my relationship with him for a long time. The one thing I have realized is God is hope. im sure I've realized this before, but tbh I lost hope for a long time. the world is getting worse. my life was shit. but even when its happy or sad, that hope is what keeps us moving on and wanting to do better for ourselves. idk if this even makes sense. im just rambling because I have to walk my dog but want to finish this first.

-I love my mommy. my sister. my brother. my friends. the girl. I want to try harder for them. for myself. because I know I am meant to do great things

-I retake my test next year. I get a 517+ on my mcat. I volunteer. I get amazing LOR. I apply to medical school EARLY. I get lots of interview invites. and I matriculate in medical school in 2024. these are my goals. I will succeed. I am trying to put myself in a better mindset, stop being negative, and open myself up to the limitless possibilities of what can happen.

“I don’t chase, I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me”

Honestly, I thought this was stupid, but now I actually believe in it. Your mindset can really change so much of how you feel and what can happen. And with God on my side, I really do feel so optimistic and happy about my life and my future.

Thank you God.

-oh I also read more and do yoga, this shit helps a lot

-also im addicted to shopping and Tik Tok -- have to work on this

-also my style has improved so much. obsessed with designer vintage bags atm. discovered Aritzia and went buck fucking wild.

-I WENT TO SO MANY CONCERTS THIS YEAR AND IT WAS AMAZING AND I LOVE IT AND WILL CONTINUE TO GO TO AS MANY AS I CAN AND COLLECT ALL THE MERCH. Did not get tickets to tswift bc I dont really care for her lol

-and I love my body and I love myself and I have never been more confident in who I am as a person. life is good even though im struggling a lot sometimes mentally because breakup and also dealing with self motivation/depression.

-Also I reconnected with my friend after ghosting her for a year. I love her. she forgave me and its like no time has passed. I am so thankful for the people god has put in my life. I just need to be more mindful and try harder to maintain these relationships. I told her I was happy and you know what....overall... I think I am. just like girl is when she said she's happy. trying to take things as face value tbh. but I like to be delusional sometimes

-I hope that girl and I can learn to be friends ago. she's too important to me not to be in my life. and she agrees as well. so I guess we will see where this goes. and I hope we both continue to put effort into maintaining a friendship...

-Also side note, I have been working n this post for like the 2 hours. I wish I was this invested in my studies LOL. My spelling and grammar got progressively worse. And now that im done, it sounds more like a love diary. but she was a big part of my life for a long time, so its understandable.

Till next time. hope I dont cringe when I read this over cuz I definitely cringed when I read my past posts. probably will. its inevitable haha

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jonny-versace · 2 years

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Ugh I wish I could watch that era against but the unnecessary brutality of some of the post reveal stuff triggers me to this day, glad I have hindsite and it all made narrative sense in the end but at the time I was #nothavingfun. Mind you I actually remember enjoying all of the build up with rob and Rebecca being weird pals and working together cos you could see rob was over her, wanted a pal and just really liked being good at his weird management job.

oh yeah no we're deffo talking full picture here because like you say.... oof. lol. it's funny though bc the last rewatch we had I said this when we were watching like, post November 2016 (hell)/pre-prison stuff and I got booed out of the country but the dynamic was fun there! I mean there's still major major "I want her dead" moments like that convo in the backroom with Aaron and her reaction to the abuse and whatnot but like they had a fun friend dynamic when they'd got that weird "oooo will they/won't they" thing out of their system. but her characterisation, such as it was, when she first arrived really just killed her dead before she got started. but you can kind of squint and see what might have been if they'd introduced her better than proto-Nate "you know you want me 😏😏😏" every other line. but it is what it is and it was never about her being a real person, it was about them and given a choice between "other people" and "them" I will pick them every time

#anonymouse🐁#rebecca white

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Hm. I don’t think I have for that long, but maybe.

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? Nooo.

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? Um, no... Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? Not always.

Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? Yes.

Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? Ha, yeah. I remember when that was the new thing the first thing a lot of people did was search their own house. Out of everything we could look at lol.

How old do you look? Early 20s.

Do you like movie nights? Yeah.

Is there a trampoline in your backyard? Nope.

Does the thought of having children scare you? I’m not having children.

Are you nice to everyone? I think so.

Would you rather date someone older than you or younger? Older. Not by a lot, though.

Are you excited for anything happening in the next week? No.

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? I should try and attempt sleep.

Who did you talk to on the phone last? My mom.

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? It’s just awkward cause I’m awkward.

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? Thankfully, I’m never home alone at night.

Do you wake up cranky? Sometimes. I’m typically just a zombie, though, until I’ve had coffee.

What is on your wrists right now? Nothing.

Are you a beach, country, or city person? Well, I live in the city but I love the beach.

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? Nope. Never was.

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? No.

Do you like someone? I’m not interested in anyone in the romantic sense, currently.

Are you happier now or three months ago? Wasn’t happy then or now.

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? Nothing has really happened so far, it’s only 5:45AM.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? Sigh.

Are you waiting for something? For the weather to finally feel like fall.

If you could change your eye color would you? Yeah. I wish I had blue or green eyes.

What was the weather like today? It’s supposed to be 93F today aka too hot. Sighhhh.

Do you think you’ll be married in ten years? Nope.

Does your ex still love/like you? Nope.

Are you stubborn? Ohh yes.

Do you tend to hold a grudge? No.

Where were you at 9am this morning? It hasn’t been 9AM, yet, but I know I’ll be right here in bed.

How has the week been? It’s just starting.

Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in of course. I don’t go out anymore, even pre-covid. It’s been a few years.

Something you do a lot? Worry.

How many states have you lived in? Just one.

Can you commit to one person? Yes.

Who was the last person to hold your hand? My doggo, ha.

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? I give out many chances. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years? My mom has and always will be my best friend.

What do you miss most about your ex? He made me laugh like no other. He was just a fun guy to be around. That was also part of the issue, though. We could never have a serious conversation because he turned everything into a joke.

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Not anymore.

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? He’s into writing, photography, and drawing.

Something you really want right now? My back to stop hurting.

How long have you liked the person you like? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Yes.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Probably.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Yeah, back in 2016.

Are you happy with the way things are going? No.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Nope.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? Not recently, it’s been a few years now.

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? Yes.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? No.

Do you and your last ex hate each other? No.

When was the last time you were sick? I feel crappy in some way or another all the time, but as far as like a cold or something not since earlier this year.

Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I’m always hot.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I can get carried away sometimes with stuff I don’t need, but this year I think I’ve been pretty good for the most part.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No.

When was the last time you got a haircut? Back in February.

Did you sing at all today? Not as of yet.

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? The weather, most definitely.

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? Yeah.

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing on the computer.

If you won a trip to a nude beach would you go or give the trip away? Aw, it can’t be a regular beach? lol. I don’t care to see a bunch of people in the nude and I certainly wouldn’t be nude.

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? Both are very strong, intense emotions.

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? Not my thing.

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? Only skinny jeans.

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? Neither would be possible for me.

When it comes to Baseball would you rather be on the field or in the stands? Neither.

I’ve got to know, who do you prefer: Mario or Luigi? Luigi.

Have you ever changed clothes in a public area (not a dressing room)? Nooo.

How many months apart is your birthday from your best friends? Two months.

Yes or no: Techno music? No.

Yes or no: pigtails? Not for me.

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I mean, they’re beautiful but I’m not super into jewelry.

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? Yes.

Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? No.

If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? Noooo. I never would want to be famous.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? Nope.

Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? Not yet, but later on.

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? I like people who know when to be funny and when to be serious. <<<

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? Yeah, I always did. I don’t have “the time of the month” anymore, but I’m moody all the time.

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? The friends I had at the time did, yeah.

What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? My mom would never.

Your last relationship, who dumped who? He ended it.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? 16.

Is your hometown nice? No.

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? I’d be freaking out cause claustrophobia, but at least I’d be with my aunt, who I’ve always been really close to.

When/where did your last hug take place? Here at home.

Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? At 31 I should be, but I certainly have made a lot of bad ones...

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? My mom has told me about a high school boyfriend.

You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? I don’t have any friends, so.

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? My family and I do.

Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? At this time, no one likes me romantically and I don’t like anyone romantically.

What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? Uh, no they would never. The only people I text with are my parents and brother...

Do you believe in love at first sight? Explain. Nope. I just don’t see how you can love and have such strong, intense feelings for someone you haven’t met or just met. You don’t know them. You don’t know if you even vibe or connect. They may have the shittiest personality. You gotta get to know a person first and see if you have a connection.

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? No, I’m perfectly fine with being in bed right now.

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? Sometimes.

Can you remember what you dreamt about last night? No, but I know it was something super weird and random cause they always are.

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? It’s only 6 in the morning, too soon to say.

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? There hasn’t been anyone other than my family.

Are you mad at anyone right now? No.

Is there one thing all of your ex’s had in common? Sense of humor.

What’s a compliment you receive often? I don’t receive compliments often.

Have you ever had a friend that got a bf/gf, and then completely ignored you? No.

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? No.

Who was the last person to comfort you when you were upset or crying? My mom. Do you prefer to text or talk on the phone? Texting over talking on the phone for sure, but I don’t text much either.

Do you know anyone that’s gotten an abortion before? Yes.

Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you? I don’t know.

Have you ever been arrested? No.

Who’s the last person that gave you roses? I haven’t received roses, but I’ve received flowers of a different variety by family for graduations, hospital stays, and birthdays.

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? Nope. It’s been like 10 years. What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? Nope.

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? Yeah.

Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? My aunt.

What’s a cuss word you use often? “Damn”, “shit”, “hell.” If I drop an F bomb then I’m really upset and in a bad mood.

Have you learned from your past mistakes? I keep making them.

Who’s the last guy you texted? My brother.

What about the last girl? My mom.

Who was the last person to make you cry? It was just out of frustration with stuff I’m dealing with.

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Yeah, for a long time. I wouldn’t think about my ex nearly as much, if at all, anymore if surveys didn’t keep bringing him up. I mean, I would randomly now and then, but surveys won’t let me go a day. Although, the thoughts don’t tend to last too long after the survey is over, so. They’re gone until the next batch f surveys, ha.

What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person? I admire people who are passionate about something. I love how animated people get when talking about something they love; their whole face lights up. I also really envy that quality.

When was your first real relationship? Technically, I’ve only had boyfriend and that was when I was 16. It had the title anyway, but it wasn’t what I’d consider to be a real relationship. It didn’t last long, like seriously it was 2 months, so it never got very serious at all. My heart wasn’t really in it either, I wasn’t ready. Then there’s the whole Joseph situation, which lasted 3 years and in a lot of ways is the closest thing I have to a relationship, even though it never was one. The feelings and intensity were definitely there for me. But honestly, I have yet to actually experience a real relationship.

Have you ever cried over an ex? Yeah, too many times.

Do you ever think about your ex and cry? Not anymore.

Is there anyone in your life who you won’t ever want to lose? I don’t want to lose any of my loved ones. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No, I was a good kid. <<< Ha, same. But also, I wouldn’t have had to anyway. I could have hung out, I just didn’t. I was such a homebody then, too. My social life came when I was 19 and into my early and mid 20s. Then I became a total hermit crab.

Have you ever snuck someone into your house? No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? No.

How many people have you kissed? Three.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done on a dare? I’m usually too much of a chicken shit to choose “dare”. Haha. <<< Hahaha. We’re so much alike.

Have you ever cussed someone out? Not to their face.

Have you ever cheated on someone? No. I was loyal even to Joseph, who I was never officially with, so I definitely would be to someone I was actually in a relationship with.

Have you ever had a friend-with-benefits? Yes. Have you ever spread a nasty rumor about someone? Nooo.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes. :/

Have you ever been physically abused? No.

What’s something you really regret saying to someone? There’s many things I wish I could take back.

Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? I’m pretty boring, so I don’t think so..

Does it take a lot to make you feel guilty? No.

Have you ever broken a really important promise? Yes.

Have you ever gone out with a best friend’s ex? No.

Have you ever made out with someone who was just a friend? Yes.

Have you ever cheated on a test? No.

Have you ever told someone’s deep, dark secret? No.

Do you ever lie to make yourself sound better? Ha, based on my survey answers I clearly don’t. I’m open with ya’ll, and it’s not pretty.

Have you ever made up a false rumor to get back at someone? No.

Have you ever gotten in a fist fight? Nope.

Have you ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? Nooo.

Have you ever caused someone major embarrassment? I feel like I’m just embarrassing.

Have you ever pushed someone into a pool? No.

Have you ever got in a fight with someone and never made up? Yes.

Have you ever farted and blamed it on someone else? Um, excuse me I don’t fart.

Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? No. I was the person people tried coming to so they could copy mine. I hated that.

Have you ever skipped school to do something more fun? I have for family vacations.

Have you ever skipped school to get out of a test? No. I wouldn’t have gotten out of it, I would have gotten a zero.

Have you ever kissed someone the same day you met them? No.

What’s under your bed? Nothing.

What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet? Medical supplies.

Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it? Now why would I share that if I did?

Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about? No.

What is your last thought before you fall asleep? My mind goes to some random places.

Have you ever you shop lifted? No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

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mytearsrricochet · 5 years

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color icon tutorial

ok i’m not super great at making icons but an anon requested a tutorial for my icons so i will post my process! it’s good for beginners i think (even tho i have been making these icons this way since 2016 lol)

you’ll need:

Photoshop CS5 or higher (I have CS5 which is quite old, I know, but I pirated it many years ago oops)

relatively hq pics to make icons out of

a psd (if you need some, tumblr.com/tagged/psd is what i periodically check for some).

an action (preferably sharpening action, since that is what i use)

a texture if you want

you, yourself, and you, and i guess this tutorial

i’m going to be making this as a beginner’s tutorial so it’s gonna go about as in-depth as one can be! it’s gonna include a lot so feel free to skip a lot of it if you are already pretty well-versed in photoshop or icon-making.

ITS SO LONG IM SO SORRY IT IS SO VERY IN-DEPTH I’VE EXPLAINED EVERY POSSIBLE THING I COULD’VE

but also if you have any questions at all, please let me know. i love teaching people stuff.

example of the icons that i make:

Hi hello welcome

Ok, so first open up Photoshop. I am using CS5.

You will need hq pics of whatever you plan to icon. I do 99% Taylor Swift, so I use taylorpictures.net for all my icon needs. Make sure they are of semi-decent quality, they don’t have to be amazing since we will be shrinking them down to a very small size so much of the quality is gonna disappear anyway but like, make sure you can at least tell the subject from the background distinctly (you’ll see why later).

This is the picture I am using for this tutorial (and will post icons separately):

Open this in ps (File > Open > the picture)

Ok so now it’s the actual tutorial lol

1. Crop the image

We are not going to crop it to 100x100! Select the Crop tool and set the dimensions to 300 px x 300 px--MAKE SURE THAT YOU TYPE IN PX AFTER YOU TYPE IN 300, OR ELSE IT WILL CONVERT TO CM AND THAT WILL NOT WORK FOR THIS!

Next, crop the picture you want as much as you want--as long as you get what you want in the icon. For these kinds of icons, you just want to focus on one item--like Taylor, for example--instead of multiple (not Taylor and her backup dancers since this isn’t what my icons look like and you won’t be able to do that very well on a beginner level). Crop that to a 300x300 px size and click the check mark on the top bar to finalize it.

If your pic is hq enough--meaning a larger picture--it will probably look super small. That’s ok, it’s just proportional to the old picture. Go to the right side bar and select the Navigation tool.

If that tool isn’t there, you will just have to go to Window and select Navigator, and it will bring that up for you.

See where it says 100% in the picture right there? It will likely say something like 25% or whatever if you just cropped it, so change it to 100% which will bring it to full size.

Cool! now it should look like this:

2. Use the Quick Selection Tool

Go to the left sidebar on Photoshop. Depending on which PS you have, it might look different. This is what mine looks like. Regardless, the icon should look relatively the same I believe across all Photoshop versions. If it’s not there, you might want to left click and hold down on some of the icons and see if it is an alternative option (it should be there already--but it is grouped with the Magic Wand Tool just in case).

This tool has three options in the top bar: free select, add, and subtract. Start with the middle option: add.

This will allow you to choose which parts of the picture you want to select to cut out for your icon. You can change the selection brush size, but I always keep it at 3px because it keeps it really precise.

Drag your mouse over the area of the image that you want included in your icon. This tool will automatically choose parts of the image that are similar--for example, Taylor’s blonde hair will like all be selected around the same time, but the pink/blue background will not be, since it can tell that those are starkly different colors and thus two different objects in the picture. It should have a crawling ants moving line around the areas of the picture you want to select. If you go outside of what you want included in your icon, that’s ok! That’s why the subtract option is there. Just select that--to the right of the Add option--and go over what you do NOT want in your icon to get rid of it using the Subtract tool. You might have to go back and forth between those tools in order to get exactly what you want in the final product.

I can’t show you my final outline for Quick Selection since it goes away when I screenshot, but after you’re sure you got what you want in your moving ants line, it’s time to finalize it.

Remember, this tool effectively cuts out the selected portion of the picture from its background.

3. Refine Edge

On the top bar, click the big rectangle button that says Refine Edge. It will bring up a window that looks sort of like this, but I have settings adjusted the way I like:

You can change these settings any way you’d like, but I generally stick with this. It’s also okay to mess around with them and see how you feel. If you don’t want to do that, you can just use my settings and edit anything you don’t like later.

Click OK to cut.

This has pretty much removed the background from the picture and only left what we cut out and a transparent background (hence the checkered background--that is space that doesn’t actually exist). You can also see some shadow from the background around her arms and hair, which we can delete out later very easily. That is a result of the settings from Refine Edge, which is why some people choose to lower the Feather bar so that it doesn’t include as much shadow--which is good for many pictures since a lot of these are straight cuts, but this can occasionally cut out part of the icon you want to keep or make it look weird since you want just a little space to mess up when it comes to the Quick Selection Tool.

Bonus step if you want a selective colored icon:

Some people like really vibrant icons that include re-coloring. I’m not very good at it, but what I do (and it sometimes turns out well--this is typically the way people do it, though they are less sloppy than I am) is select a color from the Swatches at the right that is similar to the one that they want to paint over. For example, if I wanted to make Taylor’s hair more yellow/gold and vibrant, I will choose a yellow. Select the Paintbrush tool. On the top bar, the Opacity will likely be set to 100%, which will basically color right over the picture and look weird. Set the opacity to something very light--mine is 20%--and paint over the part that you want to color. Make sure you do this in one stroke--if you paint over her hair with 20% opacity once, let go of the mouse, then go over it again, it’s gonna start building up and becoming more opaque!

You can also completely recolor a picture this way, like if you wanted Taylor to have entirely pink hair, you can use this same method but choose the pink you want instead of a similar yellow. This can be very difficult and tedious, so I don’t typically selective color my icons, though occasionally I do because I love those icons with obnoxiously vibrant colors.

4. Open texture/create new background.

Ok, so I do both of these things depending on the background I want. I have some textures saved such as this that I use for icons:

I didn’t make it--it’s pre-made by another artist on tumblr from whom I downloaded their texture pack. You can make backgrounds like these too, but I’m not very good at them.

SO you can either File > Open one of these pre-made backgrounds/textures, or you can make your own.

In order to do that, you can do File > New and change the settings to width: 100 pixels and height: 100 pixels. Under Background Contents, choose White. That’s very important! You don’t want transparent, it doesn’t help us. That brings up a new window on Photoshop next to the picture we’ve just cut out, just a small white square. You can paint that whatever color you’d like. Use the Paint Bucket tool and choose a color from the Swatches section on the right. This will make the background completely one color. However, if you want a gradient, you can do this several ways, but I do it like this:

Click that, go to Gradient, and mess around with the Gradient options and see how you like the background. Here’s one I made, for example:

Boom! Background for icon. I will use this since I made it for this tutorial so yeah it might not look amazing but here we are.

IF YOU USED THE TEXTURE I JUST POSTED OR YOU KNOW THE TEXTURE YOU ARE USING IS NOT 100x100--THE ONE I POSTED BUT DID NOT MAKE IS 200x200--THEN YOU NEED TO RESIZE IT TO 100x100.

You can do this by going to Image > Image Size and changing the 200 pixels x 200 pixels (or whatever is there) to 100 x 100.

5. Duplicate layer

Now it is time to combine these two images we’ve created. Go back to the original picture we worked on--mine is Taylor at the BBMAs--and go to the right sidebar. You should have two copies of this image now: Background and Background Copy. Background Copy is the cut out picture we are using for the icon. Right click on Background Copy and select Duplicate Layer...

This will bring up a window that asks what you wanna do with this layer.

Select the dropdown under Destination. Currently, the Document selected is the image we are already on (my Taylor pic was saved under 056.jpg) but we want to click the dropdown and select the pic that we are using for the background. In my case, it’s titled Untitled-1 since I didn’t change the name. Yours probably is too. Select whatever your background image is saved as and click OK.

Now go to the background image or texture that you just selected--your cutout should be there, but you can probably juuuust barely see it! That’s because your picture is about 3 times bigger than your background.

6. Resize layer

Use the Select tool--the very top icon on the left sidebar--and make sure Show Transform Controls is selected on the top bar. If it’s not, you’ll know--because you won’t be able to resize the image.

The square you are seeing (that isn’t the picture) is the layer we just duplicated onto the background, aka the icon. You’ll want to hold Shift and select the bottom right part of the image to resize to whatever you would like visible in the icon--it could be the entirety of the picture we cut out, or just part of it, if you realize you like how only part of it looks. Either way, you need to hold Shift while you do this, or else the image will NOT stay proportional, and it’ll look all wonky. Hold Shift the entire time you are resizing. This is what mine looks like:

You can see I both resized it and moved it a little to the right--you can use the Select tool to move it, but that might move it way too much since it does it incrementally, you can just use the arrows on your keyboard and move it by pixels which takes longer but is way more precise.

You can still see the shadows from the background on the icon, so select the Eraser tool (if the shadows bother you or you don’t like how it looks) and zoom waaay in. You want to be careful with the Eraser tool! (Also make sure Background Copy is still selected so you don’t accidentally erase the background. If you just have Background Copy selected while you erase, it will only erase whatever is part of that layer, it won’t bother the background).

While zoomed in, erase the pixels that are obviously discolored from the rest of the image. You can zoom in and out to check how you like it as it progresses.

Here is mine after I used the eraser tool on any parts of the image I thought were bad! It should lay on the background naturally.

Now that we’ve figured that out...

7. Sharpen/action

Now is the time to apply an action! Please sharpen your icons. You want them to look good on your blog or others blogs, and in order to do that, you need to sharpen them.

If you already have actions uploaded, cool! If you don’t know how, well, I sure am going very in-depth here so you’re in luck.

Download an action from any photoshop resource (or tumblr.com/tagged/photoshop-action is where I look occasionally). You will have to load them onto your Photoshop now. Click the button that looks like a movie Play icon on the right sidebar. This will bring up the Action list. Photoshop likely has pre-made actions for you, but we don’t use those because I never taught myself how to use those so maybe you can use them, I don’t know. I just use ones I download from Tumblr.

Click that little dropdown menu and click Load Actions...

This should bring up a file opener and you can select the action that you downloaded for this icon. It will download it into Photoshop and will now always be there--you don’t have to load actions every single time you want to use them. If you load them once, they should be there for the rest of forever.

Scroll down to find that action and select it. Now, make sure you still have Background Copy selected. I don’t care about applying an action to the background, just the copy, which is still our image that we cut out. Click the Play button on the Action list--pictured above on the very bottom of the screenshot, next to the Circle and the Folder icon. This will apply the action to the background copy. (Hint: if the Play button isn’t available, it’s probably because your action is in a folder. Click the dropdown of the folder and click the first thing under it--that should be the action and it will apply it).

There it is with the action applied! It’s muuuuch sharper--perhaps a little too sharp, but that’s ok, it won’t look bad on people’s blogs.

8. Add a PSD

To apply a PSD, File > Open and choose the PSD you want to use. I listed above where I find most of my PSDs, just download one you like. You can choose 100 different ones and try it out if you want. I use the same one for everything, by @toxicpsds (I believe it’s #6). This should open a third window with the PSD over a sample image (thanks to the artist!). You just have to select the PSD layer--not the image with it--and Duplicate Layer and put it on the image that we have produced thus far. It is the same process as when we took our cutout and put it on the background. (The PSD is probably under a group--mine says Group 1--so just select the group in its entirety--shift-click it if you need to).

You can tell the background is also lighter. If you don’t want the color of the background affected by the PSD, select Background Copy and the PSD together, right click on one of them, and select Merge Layers. This will put the cutout and the PSD in the same layer, which should take the PSD off of the background and revert it back to the color we had before. However, I really like what the PSD did to the background, so I will keep it this way.

I am finished now with my icon!

9. Save it for Web

To save the icon to be able to post on Tumblr, go to File > Save for Web & Devices, which will bring up a window like this. It might look a little different since I have my settings a certain way, but whatever.

(Sorry this looks weird here, it’s just what happens when I screenshot. I’m not a tech wizard).

Your pre-saved things might look different, but make sure you are saving a a PNG-24 for the best quality. Just make your settings look like this, basically, then click Save.

There she is! All done!

If you have any questions, let me know! I tried to be really specific, but I’m not sure what level people are on Photoshop (probably better than I am) so just ask if I need to clarify anything!

#icon tutorial #tutorial #*mine

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popliar · 7 years

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K-Con Australia, 20170922-23

The first Australian K-Con was held over the last two nights in Sydney, and @proteinscollide and I were there. I'm very behind on everything else as a result! I need to watch Knowing Bros! ANYWAY, short version: IT WAS SUPER FUN. Lots of rambling under the cut as usual.

22 September: SF9, Pentagon, Victon, Girl's Day, Exo

23 September: SF9 (again!), Up10tion, Cosmic Girls/WJSN, Wanna One, Monsta X

Overall this was an extremely well produced show and a really fun show - I had such a good time! Okay, the "convention" part not so much (I'll talk about this a bit at the end of the post) but at both evening shows, the concert ran like a slick machine, stage following stage with no pause, good sound and no technical hitches. Visually the show looked great, with massive screens giving good views of every performer as well as fantastically atmospheric backdrops.

It didn't sell out on either night, and again I'll talk about possible reasons for that more later, but as a vehicle for hallyu and for promoting Korean culture this is potentially such a powerful instrument. One of the most striking K-Con images for me is the footage of K-Con Paris from 2016 - the pan from the section of the crowd for the French dignitaries and delegates, all politely seated and clapping, to the massive auditorium of French youth going absolutely wild for these pop groups from the other side of the world. This show didn't have that element of official endorsement, it was much more a straight-up pop show, but hey you never know, that might come…

Soft power has its limits, for sure, but within those boundaries Korea is working so very hard at being the very best it can be. I admire the gumption, and more importantly to Korea I am happily consuming the product! Give me more product! I'm here for this!

As far as line-up goes, this K-Con wasn't the best. Exo are absolute stars of course and there were other notable groups like Monsta X and Girl's Day; on balance however this was a really rookie-heavy sausage-fest. The prevalence of rookies is probably partly bad timing - the show coincided with the DMC Music Festival (which was eventually cancelled anyway due to labour disputes, argh, we could've had it all!).

But the boy-heavy line-up? Frustrating. Apparently WJSN and Girl's Day are the first girl groups to perform here since 4 Minute some three-four years ago. WHY? Perhaps there's a perception that since Western fans are mostly girls then they'll only turn out for boybands - I know in Korea the audience for girlgroups is skewed towards boys. However, here in the West, pop as a whole is coded so heavily female that I'm sure wouldn't be a problem. I've been to many Western female pop star concerts and trust me, the girls SHOWED UP. Hell, at this very same arena, Little Mix are performing later this year. Besides, this argument falls flat if you look at other K-Con line-ups which, although boy-heavy, still manage more than a measly 2 girl groups. Gosh I'd have been so happy with the addition of any ONE of Red Velvet, Mamamoo, Blackpink, Pristin, Gfriend, Twice, etc…

...that was a long intro. Let's talk the show.

Chanyeol (EXO)

Night 1

The first night of K-Con began with a pre-show of kpop dance cover groups (they were all good but some were REALLY GOOD) and Kevin from U-KISS as MC (did u know he looks like Lee Pace around the eyes?), doing his cheesy best to hype up the crowd and also promote the con's primary sponsor.

Then the show got started with a VCR, featuring Monsta X's Minhyuk in a sort of spaceship-themed narrative? I don't know what I saw but apparently K-Con's first Oceanic showing needed heroes or defenders or something, i.e. kpop groups? Whatever cool. I do know it involved Minhyuk looking at a picture of a kangaroo so we're all good.

Also apparently Sydney is the city of "arts and culture" and also "romance"? I'm flattered on behalf of my home, and I can assure you we have plenty of all three, but really?? Those are not, like, the first words I associate with Sydney. But ok, you do you K-Con!

Exo's Suho and Sehun then came on as the night's special MCs to deliver a brief introduction and be cute together and make the crowd scream. Naturally, there were Exo jerseys and banners and lightsticks all over the place; earlier in the day I got handed a cute banner to celebrate Chen's birthday, which I then promptly used to test proteinscollide's knowledge of Exo band names. (She improved greatly through the evening!)

First group up were rookie boyband SF9 - I've enjoyed their songs and MVs without knowing much about them. This rapidfire 3 song performance made me more of a fan! They just hit all their beats really well, both in terms of performance and in their brief introduction ment, advantaged by one member who was a fluent English speaker. Their line distribution is kind of weird - there's maybe three members who dominate the vocals and the dancing, especially Taeyang who I kept thinking of as "that one guy who looks like Shinee's Jonghyun" - but not enough to detract overall. I have no favourite but maybe my favourite is the rapper with currently red hair who reminds me of SVT Jeonghan and Pentagon's E'Dawn.

Something like K-Con is the perfect platform for a rookie group to get this kind of exposure. My own first exposure to kpop (aka the reason for my eternal downfall) was winning free tickets to a Boyfriend & JJCC show - I knew nothing about them, knew next to nothing about kpop, and JJCC were a hot mess sorry - but seeing the groups in person and live was enough to make me want to know so much more. I feel like this SF9 set functioned in much the same way. It was SO much more impactful than just an MV or a youtube clip or a gifset. This is how fans are made! (That said… I'll get to it, but SF9 got two bites at the cherry. Why?)

Next up were Pentagon and their brief set was great. Their songs are such bangers - I SAID BANGERS, DON'T AT ME - and they were really polished and powerful. Kino's opening dance solo was super charismatic, and E'Dawn (aka the only one I can consistently recognise) was working that jawline of his so well, lol. He does the bad boy thing very well! I admire it! For their ment, they played the "Pinata" game as seen at other K-Cons this year, i.e. a random game was selected. (Would the game be 'Propose'? It was not propose, but one member did get down on one knee to E'Dawn anyway, good job good fanservice.) In this case it was a random dance play, and it was very amusing and silly.

Probably my favourite thing about Pengaton is how far and fast proteinscollide has fallen for them. Can you believe at this time last year she didn't even know all the MX member names? Now the student has exceeded the master! Post your Pentagon post bro!

Sehun and Suho came back to introduce a special stage: Exo's Chanyeol in duet with WJSN's Seola, for his OST track Stay with Me. This was a nice, pretty interlude and a bit of a breather after the fast pacing of the first two sets.

Seola (WJSN)

Third rookie group Victon bopped cutely to a very Australian-themed video backdrop and they were very entertaining, without necessarily making me want to seek them out further. I think that's more to do with their concept being more cute than Pentagon and SF9's, so less appealing to me on those grounds. But they have their charms and most importantly one had a mullet! I'm HERE for the mullets, don't even think I'm joking.

Next up were Girl's Day. They're down to 4 members now but their experience and their casual confidence made them so enjoyable to watch. They played their hits including Something, Expectation and Ring My Bell with such a sense of fun and sexiness, dominating the stage and playing to the crowd with the relaxed ease of vets who have nothing to prove. There was a hunger to the rookies that gave them more edge but sometimes you just wanna watch really talented ppl relaxedly doing their very talented thing.

With everyone acutely aware there was only one act left to take the stage, a couple of SF9s came out to MC a special stage. They did the usual "how are you guys enjoying the show" and "we love Australia" and all that jazz, and then made the fatal mistake of asking an open-ended question:

SF9 MCs: so who is Australia's favourite boy group? Crowd: BTS!!! MCs: Yes, Exo!!! #awkward

I lol'd! I am sorry! Bless you Exo but c'mon!

This was followed by a brief VCR of Australian fans naming their favourite boybands, and then a really fun special stage of boyband covers: Pentagon covered GOT7's Hard Carry; SF9 covered Exo's Monster; and Victon did BTS's Fire.

At last it was time for EXO - MUCH CHEERING FROM CROWD! Exo-Ls were out in force. There were also tons of lightsticks in the crowd and everyone was hyyyyped.

Now some context for my reaction: I can name all the Exo's and I like some of their songs, but I don't quite click with their aesthetic/dynamic in the way that I do with BTS, etc. They were also at something of a disadvantage, with D.O absent from the line-up (I had to count them twice to make sure sob) and Lay MIA from this entire comeback (though I guess that's no longer surprising).

So let that be the background for me saying that I was totally entertained and impressed by their set. Starting with Power and ending with Ko Ko Bop, they came out and gave a great show. They are after all professionally charming and who was I to resist?

For me again it's that idea of a live show being so much more powerful than a video, even for something as preplanned and artificially constructed as pop. A concert is such a powerful reminder that it's more than the performer, and it's more than the audience too - it's about the relationship between the two, that alchemy of atmosphere and act that you only get in that specific environment.

Yes, Kai was deadly with his fucking winks and seductive looks (how dare you sir), but the way the audience reacted to his performance is what made the show go off. Xiumin aka Cat Pirate was also a scene stealer for me, and it was very darling when Chanyeol threw confetti at his head at the end awwww.

(I just wish, like, SM were less SM-y. I got a message from proteinscollide after the show - "Girl walking thru car park: shout out to SM who never give reasons for why members aren't there and if they're ok". Um, yep. I had to check on twitter to find out that D.O was off filming a movie.)

Ending stage was as usual with everyone coming out as tons of confetti rained down. I think a SF9 hugged a Victon? AWWW FRIENDS. A good night.

Night 2

We started again with dance cover groups - colour me EXTREMELY impressed by IME Dance Studio - and Kevin from U-KISS giving away a prize to whoever in the crowd did their best impression of their favourite thing to do in a hotel room. This led to a really hilarious scenario as the cameras zoomed in on 2 girls "dancing" together. "Yes, they're dancing!" Kevin said, "of course they're dancing!" Everyone just cracked the fuck up, Kevin included. They got the prize, bless them, which was - ofc - a free hotel stay!

The show started with the same VCR as the day before and then I was EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED by Monsta X's Jooheon and Shownu taking the stage together to drop an absolutely fire performance. Jooheon's duality is amazing - cuddly scaredy-cat off stage, fucking monster on stage - he was SO GOOD. Shownu's dance break was great as expected and I cried tears in my heart bc I love them.

SF9 returned for the second evening - again, they were slick and impressive, and they namedropped kangaroos and meat pies in their intro ment, good work on ticking off those keywords lol. But I really don't know why they got sets on both days? Did FNC decide they really wanted to build that fanbase and made the necessary commercial arrangement with the promotors? Like I said, stages like this can be real turning points in making a fan. So that's fascinating. If anyone knows, lemme know?

Daehwi (Wanna One)

Three Wanna Ones then took the stage to briefly MC. It was definitely Kang Daniel and uh, two other Wanna Ones! *hastily googles* It was Daehwi, who was the most fluent in English and was super cute & cheesy, and Minhyun, who was also cute but I don't remember much? Sorry team. The only Broduce bro I can 100% identify is Daniel, and sometimes Jaewhan. But! I think I'll remember Daehwi from now on - he was pretty memorable and did the most heavy lifting in the ments. Anyway they delivered some potted intros and then on to the next one.

WJSN then performed a special stage, covering two Kylie Minogue songs as two subunits - Locomotion (which I note came out in 1988, older than every single K-Con performer except for Sojin of Girl's Day) and I Can't Get You Out Of My Head (2001 - there are rookies debuting born in 2001! And younger! God i'm so old). Firstly much love for preparing a special stage with local appeal that didn't feel pandering and really spoke to the long history of amazing women in pop, and secondly THEY WERE SO GOOD. Fun, bright, poppy - I love them.

They were followed by Up10tion who did a high energy set and I remember why I liked them! They're good! I don't quite click with all their songs, especially their more recent ones which I feel are a bit hit and miss, but just like every other group in this K-Con they delivered their set with professionalism and skill and charm.

There was then a brief interlude with MX's Kihyun and I.M, MY TWO LOVES, MCing an audience dance game. We got to see Kihyun doing the Twice TT dance and my world was made. Gosh I love them.

WJSN

WJSN then came back for their set and I just really like them so much. They have that sleekness that I've come to associate with Starship because of them and MX, with both groups always having good choreo and catchy hooks. I like their concept a lot too - they're cute sassy cheerleaders, yes, but I also feel like there's this very cool edge to them, they could easily cut you! I love that! As they acknowledged in their ment, 2 members couldn't make it due to filming schedules (I think it was Cheng Xiao, the dancey/gymnastic one? And Mei Qi, possibly? I'm sorry, I don't remember) but they were still very good and I enjoyed their set a lot. And their main rapper - god, I'm sorry, I don't know if it was Bona or another member - she was SO GOOD? She had so much stage presence. Gosh. I need to find out her name.

Next up were Wanna One. Now, ofc, Produce 101 never officially aired in Australia. We had to watch it on the internet like a bunch of animals. And yet out of all the groups on both days, their fans were definitely the most intense and the most scream-y - yes, more intense than the Exo-Ls and the Monbebes!

I only ever saw snippets of P101 and as I said I can only ID Daniel with certainty, but I was, hmm, not surprised I guess that they turned out to be endearing? CAN U IMAGINE, a group of young men voted for according to their charms turns out to be extremely charming?! The shock! (From a purely commercial standpoint, what a brilliant exercise this has turned out to be. I think the limited timeframe for Wanna One to make bank lends an edge of urgency to their fandom and means their machine is also geared to maximum efficiency. Make! Bank! Now!) And because they're young and new, there was a certain edge of rawness and spontaneity to them which is naturally part of their appeal too. I still don't quite know what I feel about Kang Daniel - like I know he's very fond of cats and therefore a good person, and he has this easy, cocky stage charisma which makes his appeal seem very straightforward. But I think I found him most endearing when he missed a step at the end of his dance solo and there was just the cutest expression on his face, like "my bad."

For their Pinata game, they did photo time with hyung line posing "cutely" and maknae line posing "sexily" followed by some kind of free for all - A HOT MESS, lol.

Daehwi also went off script - or at least, he said he went off script, but can you ever really know? We need to go deeper! - and wished happy birthday to Kuanlin, getting the whole audience to sing along too, awww. As I said: what a group of charming young men; the self-awareness that they were constructed to charm ultimately means nothing.

FINALLY MONSTA X. They're, like, my second favourite group after BTS so I think I would've been just fine if they'd shown up and waved at us and sang like a song or two. But they didn't! They were really, really good. As headliners they had a signficant chunk of time and I think I was smiling from start to end, non stop.

They've turned into such good performers - with something similar to that same easy confidence that Girl's Day and Exo had - and I felt like they really did the most, on the second night, with connecting to the audience. Their performances were all on point, and everyone of them looked and sounded great but Jooheon especially killed me with swag and Wonho's collar & cleavage can fuck right off, ISTG. It just made me so happy to see them doing these songs and choreo I love so much - Shine Forever and Beautiful and Fighter - and they ended with Hero, my very first MX song, which was amazing. (I am a little sad they skipped All In but ok I can live with it.)

For their ment, they played the proposal game, with three members doing their very best fanservice lol. A very happy woman in the standing area got to be audience surrogate as I.M laid on cheesy lines (something about angels and heaven, IDK, why is he like this and why do I love him so much), Kihyun sang a ballad to her (next to me proteinscollide died a death), and Wonho came down to the barrier to to give her a heart, selfie & cheek kiss. It was so! Cheesy! And Wonderful! #the selfawareness does nothing

Everyone then came out for the goodbye, though MX were the only ones who felt relaxed enough it seems to actually get silly with the confetti and do some more spontaneous bows & waves to the crowd. By comparison to every other group on the 2nd night, they must be the old hands at K-Con by now - they've done SO many. Gosh I hope they come back to Australia for a full show. I love them so much.

Fuck, I'm now at 3300 words so let's wrap this up quick:

Unlike other K-Cons which seem to have a proper programming and convention stream, the "convention" part of this was really a disappointment. Minimal programming, minimal stalls (less than 10 vendors), all in one room. It was free entry which is fine I guess except that people were queuing up forever to get inside due to the limited capacity and it was H O T (over 30 C each day) out there. In the end I queued for an hour, and spent about 15 minutes inside. It was really not worth it. Luckily proteinscollide & I had options and just went away for a few hours to pass the time before the show, but I imagine there were a lot of kids left hanging around Olympic Park all day with nothing to do.

The shows didn't sell out. What does this mean? Possible thoughts:

-It was really expensive and the audience skews young. Like, the premium tickets were REALLY REALLY expensive and good tix were expensive. I could afford decent tix, but if I were in my teens? No way. I'd have had to ask my parents for it.

-Sydney has had a run of shows including an Australian-exclusive BTS show. If you're interstate and you already spent $$$ going to BTS, or for that matter $$$ to go G-Dragon in your own state, how much money do you have left over for concerts in this year? There is a limited capacity for this audience to keep spending. Promoters should be careful not to spread us too thin. Put more shows on in Melbourne! (Though I don't know - are there more Koreans and east Asians in Sydney? I suspect there are. The audience, again, skews heavily to those of us who are Asian-Australian.)

-Exo, MX, and Wanna One are very popular but don't have the same mainstream reach in Australia as BTS. BTS also had the advantage again of being earlier in the year, only the 2nd major kpop tour in the year I believe. Since then there's been other kpop and khip-hop shows for people to spend their money on. I really thought Exo would give BTS a run tho, given how well their latest album performed on Australian iTunes charts.

...that was not a quick wrap-up.

TO CONCLUDE: I HAD A GOOD TIME, THANK U FOR READING.

#kcon australia #exo #monsta x #wanna one #girl's day #wjsn #cosmic girls #pentagon #sf9 #victon #up10tion #sydney #kpop #actually using tumblr as a blog how strange #this is really really long #i'm sorry lol #kpop shows

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bentchcreates · 7 years

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Beyond Light and Darkness (Part 1)

This is going to be a two-part blog feature because I want to write about the book as a reviewer, as well as the experiences I had as one of the authors of this wonderful work. Also, fair warning that this is gonna be a long-ass post because I am on a roll. Haha.

Before BLaD

Let’s start from the very beginning, just a brief intro, for context. LOL.

Kath Bute (https://www.wattpad.com/user/kathbute) is actually a group of writers on Wattpad that bonded over the community forums a few years ago, and decided to collaborate and release an anthology of stories we wanted to read.

I was actually the last Kabute to join the first anthology, Beyond Fate and the Stars. I don’t know much about the group before I joined; except that they were working on an anthology based on the 12 Chinese Zodiac (with an assigned emotion) and they were short of one writer to do the Ox. I was very new to Wattpad then and basically just happened to be active in a forum for Filipino Writers, so they asked if I wanted to contribute. And I did. It was one of the first few times people actually asked me to write a new story.

After a few weeks I came up with Seek the Ox, Find Happiness (https://www.wattpad.com/183607408-beyond-fate-and-the-stars-self-published-seek-the) and in the summer of 2016 we had a book! My very first printed book! It wasn’t until MIBF that year that I got to meet my Kabute friends in person for the first time but it didn’t feel weird at all, kindred spirits and all that. (@AlaraChan & @lunatrix)(http://bentchcreates.tumblr.com/post/151133454706/bentch-at-the-37th-manila-international-book-fair )

As originally planned, printing BFatS was solely for us to have a physical book with our names and stories on it, a dry run. And while we might’ve discussed eventually making it available for selling, logistics and other business matters were tougher to figure out once the book is done. (We’re still trying to figure out if this is possible. Hehe.) But we wanted to do it again, and we wanted to do more this time, so we decided to take another shot at a second anthology, with selling the book as part of the plan from the very beginning.

The Stories

We tried our hand at a little bit of indie publishing. We had reviews that helped us with things to improve. We learned a lot from the first take and we had a clearer vision on what we wanted to become of this. The instructions this time was almost similar to the previous one: write whatever genre you want but there will be assigned prompts to follow and a sub theme of light or darkness. Even the interpretation of these themes was free for the author to make his/her own.

I got “A broken wristwatch, peppermints and a hug that goes too far” and in the ‘light’ subtheme. I had finished an NA romance manuscript by then and I got off easy. Others who got perky prompts and then a ‘dark’ subtheme were a little more challenged! Hah!

*Artwork by Trix Luna. My story prompts are here. ;)*

It was quite fun to write. And in the weeks that we were planning this second anthology, my inbox were constantly filled with book ideas; as well as funny messages (and abs!) from friends that were miles away from me. We talked about the book, and then about our personal writing projects, and cheered on each other when the writing gets tough. The friendships I’ve made with this book has got to be the best payoff in this journey.

Anyway, we also decided to open the proverbial doors for two more stories – two new bloods so to speak – so in June 2016, we called for short story submissions for the anthology. Four official entries were screened in anonymity (there were 5 stories, but we later found out @RK Sanchez should’ve already been part of Book 1 so she got in) and it was what I would say was the most challenging part of this. As an old Kabute (heh) and judge, I had a hard time choosing only two over four wonderfully written stories. In the end, I had to choose those who have showed the prompts more creatively and whose stories have captured our hearts. We welcomed @Nigel Libranages and @Raine RIllera into the fold. :P

With the stories and authors completed, we set out to editing, and because we didn’t have a professional editor, nor the funds to actually hire one, we did it ourselves. Around 14 pairs of eyes went through all the stories and different people who wrote different genres offered advice and suggestions for the improvement of our stories. It was team-effort every step of the way.

*My review copy with all the original members’ stories after I was done with my first run through. heehee.*

Development Hell

Development hell or development limbo is media industry jargon for a project that remains in development (often moving between different crews, scripts, or studios) without progressing to completion.

– Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Development_hell)

We were 14 authors whose writing were more passion projects than actual dayjobs so when each of us got a little busy in the real world, the book got lightly shoved in the backburners. Some authors weren’t able to finish their works and to this day, we’re still waiting for them to release them (*wink wink, fellow kabutes!*) Most of us had a lot on our plates, I for one had to uproot and move back in to my parent’s house, and completing a book seemed like a huge task to strike off our To Do list.

I also had fears. Being a writer who could sell his books had been a big dream of mine and when felt like I was so close to grasping it, I feared it wouldn’t be as amazing as I hyped it up to be. I had to process it for a while, to learn more things about the industry, and ultimately, about myself, before I could fully commit to taking the plunge. And when I felt I was almost ready, I did it. I can only speak for myself but knowing I wasn’t doing this on my own, that I had friends with me, achieving our shared goals together, helped quell those fears. I’m still afraid, I have to say, but it’s more manageable now that I’ve got all these lovely people behind me, as I to them.

It took a few more weeks before we got our fire back (some slots had to be refilled with new stories, we had to hold a small face to face meeting to iron out everything) and when we got to see the artworks for the cover and the genre divisions, the excitement was renewed. I almost missed the cover reveal but when we all saw it, we knew that beauty had to be shared to the world.

*BLaD F2F meeting with Bebe Kabute Irina Jean and the secret agents again! heehee!*

*BLaD Cover reveal (art by @RK Sanchez) and this pre-order promo graphic is by @Johanna Lee

At this point, Summer Feels had been launched and I got to be part of the promo team on social media so what I learned from that I pitched in. In no time, we had a solid contract, a promo schedule, a pre-order form, a slot at #FilipinoBookFriday; and a launch date. @Lunatrix and @AlaraChan were sending us updates on what the book would look like, printing schedules and all. I was so excited I have picked clothes to wear on the launch weeks before. Haha!

*#FilipinoBookFriday promo graphic. Hosted by me and @Johanna Lee

BLaD Book Launch

What we called the book launch was just going to be a small author get together, a meet-up to see each other, collect our books and have a small meal together. I thought about working on an invitation, a graphic I could print out and stick to my journal later, when I found out Trix already made a Programme (so HYPED, I’m telling you!) and we had activities to really set off our baby to a great start.

On November 30th 2017, we met at the CBTL in Trinoma where we rearranged tables on one side of the café as if we got a reservation (We didn’t. They don’t so reservations. Or maybe not for an event as small as ours. hah). We chose that venue because it was sort of a midpoint for where the authors were coming from; Baguio was the farthest point from the North and Laguna in the South (Okay, if we count Australia as the farthest point in the South, then we’re screwed because the midpoint is probably in the middle of an ocean. XD).

We started with a short Kath Bute intro and welcome remarks from Ate Kabute; and then all authors got to introduce ourselves (we introverts get all weird introducing ourselves to people we’ve been talking to for months online!). We got gifts and goodie bags from our artist Kabutes; I even got to do an unrehearsed live-reading of The Time Banker! And then we got to the Q and A part where we got to know more about everyone else.

We also got to sign a ton of the first batch of the print books. Seeing the book for the first time is just totally amazing (the cover is more beautiful in person) and seeing stacks of it together before they are eventually distributed is even better. I took a lot of pictures of the beautiful books and forgot to take pics of the people, haha!

It was such a fun experience, and knowing it had been possible because of this dream we all had, that we were now making into a reality, is priceless. I got to write, I got new friends and now I got a new book! There was hardwork, and I know the others worked harder than I did, but we can all say it is worth it.

What’s Next?

I don’t know how to end this blog. Haha. I rambled on and on about recent history and yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, but now I don’t know what my parting message will be. Classic Bentch! Haha!

I guess I’ll leave you with a link to order our book because now I know you’re itching to get your hands on it: http://bit.ly/BLADBatch2 (Batch 2 is set for printing in January, so delivery dates might be late January-early February)

We’re processing an e-book version for international release so watch out! (Naks, ako yung in-charge dito, so good luck to me. Wahaha) And we’ve discussed the initial phases for Book 3! No further announcements, thank you! Haha!

I think it’s also better to end with a thank you to everyone who has made this possible.

My fellow BLaD authors, thank you for sharing your talents – writing and editing AND artistic skills – especially to Mama and Ate Kabute who started all of this and pushed us to bring our collective best to the world. To my other author friends, who showed support by cheering on us and buying our books!

And to God, because this is your design. Thank you.

*next part will be my review of BLaD as a reader. It will be biased because, you know, I wrote the preface (not-so-humble-brag!) and is currently in charge of promotions, but it’s a GREAT anthology, 500%!

#bookish #bentchcreates #book launch recap #beyond light and darkness #blad #kabute sa wattpad

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ohmyknit · 7 years

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Going with God to #OML2017

So I thought I would give you guys a little background info on my personality so you can understand my thoughts and actions better. I am a very shy person and I tend to hide that fact by being confidence. I am the last of five kids so I'm use to being part of groups where I never really had to do any the talking, figuring things out, etc. I don’t go out very often. I rather stay in and make, read, or watch anime. That being said here’s what’s was going through my mind when I went to attend the Our Maker Life 2017 Toronto Canada event.

Thursday (July 13, 2017) I left everything I knew behind to head to a country that I never been to, to meet a bunch of people I only knew from an online site. And although it was scarey it was an amazing experience. It had it's ups and downs but mostly a lot of firsts. It was the first time I took public transportation, an uber, and attended a knit night. This weekend I met complete strangers who turned into friends and people I felt like I known for years; only through their social media pages! What really loved about the whole experience was that everyone was exactly how they were online. Down below are my thoughts and feelings on the whole trip. Well at least my before and afters.

Pre-trip thoughts:

I’m really looking forward to going on this trip. I’ve always wanted to travel but I never had a traveling partner. I’m hoping by going on this trip alone I will gain the confidence I need to start traveling on my own and also reach the point where I can live on my own in another state or country with minimal problems. It’s kind of weird going to a place where I don’t know anyone and will be on my own most of the time. Of course, there are the other makers that will be there but I have not met any of them offline before. It seems surreal to me that in an hour I’ll be on my way to the airport then eventually on a plane and leaving behind all that I’ve come to know in these last 17-24 years. It feel almost as if there will be a part of me that I’ll be leaving behind to die because when I get back I feel as though I will not it recognize it and it me. “The old has pass away.” My sister, Andie, said to me once, and I’m paraphrasing; “Living on your own is hard but you learn and experience so much. That makes it all worth it.” And my mentor told to me, “Being on your own is a bit surreal. Out there you’re all alone. Just you and God.”

My family is panicking because I am the youngest of the bunch and we usually always travel together. They’re worried and I just keep telling myself that, that’s what they are suppose to do. After all, they all love traveling in groups. I, however, found out that I love being alone so traveling alone seems like something that’s completely obvious, it’s funny because I didn’t find that little fact out until just last year. A lot of stuff changed last year;

2016:

Jan - I started going to a new church

July - I went to a concert out of town with a friend

Sept - I went to a concert out of town on my own while visiting a friend

Nov - I met up with a small group from my church to go a concert

2017

Jan - June - Attended a bunch of different events my church was hosting; I haven’t made any friends yet so I’m usually alone. (Don’t get me wrong everyone at the church is sweet and helpful. I just haven’t found a buddy that I can hang with regularly.)

July - Going out of the country on my own to meet up with a group of friends

The Lord has guided me through all the new experiences and I believe that he will guide me and make my path straight to get to where he wants me to go. And the best part in the midst of all of this is that I am enjoying life. He has come to give us life to the fullest! No matter where you are. For I have plans for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

I did have to give myself a pep talk when I got nervous when I was in Canada though you can read about it here.

Pre-Trip Exceptions:

Weather: Cool but not freezing. Says it’s suppose to rain maybe. I brought an umbrella just in case.

Plane Ride: Long but I will keep myself entertained

Hotel: Nothing fancy and no wifi but it’s a great deal though. All I need is a roof and a bed.

Knit Night: I won’t know anyone and I might not make any new friends. But I will give lots of hugs.

Meet up: I should take notes. I’ll bring a notebook I might need to bring a bigger bag though. I will give lots of hugs.

Last Thoughts: So excited to go on this trip. My greatest fear is forgetting something but it’s okay because I can also buy what I don’t have. But still why buy when you can save?

Post Trip thoughts:

It was loads of fun & I wouldn't trade it for the world. I definitely feel more confident with traveling on my own. Whenever I was nervous about something I simply prayed about it and that calmed me down. It almost felt like I’m been traveling for the longest. It felt so natural. I was able to easily communicate with people; even complete strangers! (That’s really big for me!) I checked in the hotel, I took public transportation; a bus and two trains to downtown all on my own! & I didn’t forget anything. The only downside was that I didn’t plan any sightseeing. Other than that I had a fantastic time. I even started planning my next trip as I was getting off the plane from Canada. I’m thinking at least one trip every 6-7 months.

Post Trip Reality:

Weather: It was really nice. Not nearly as hot as Florida it was more of a dry heat; which is so much better than a wet heat. It was chilly when the sun went down but nothing that I needed a winter coat for. Also no rain!

Plane Ride: Ascending sucked because my ears popped like crazy. The descent wasn’t too bad. I had my knitting with me so they time flew by. When I was flying back t; maybe it’s because I haven’t flew since 2008. Coming back was a breeze though; I was asleep (or trying to sleep) for most of the time; my flight was in the AM.

Hotel: There was wifi and my room was amazing. & I had it all to myself.

Knit Night: As soon as I sat down people started talking to me and I made good friends. It felt as though we knew with other even though we didn’t follow each other on Instagram. I suppose it’s because we had things in common.

Meet up: I took a few notes.The notebook fit into my smaller bag good thing to because we receive so much swag. The swag bag were seriously so big. I’m thinking I’ll contribute to next year’s swag. I also fangirled at everyone I knew.

Last Thoughts: Basically had the best time of my life. I’m seriously already looking forward to next year & planning out my vacation. Praise God that I can say all of this. Seriously God has blessed me and built me up to this point and He deserves all the glory.

Now enjoy these fabulous pictures:

My first ever Knit Night! These ladies were so welcoming! Shout out to Courtney (@ilovetinderbox), Ania (@creativecolourfuldreams), Zoe (@knitbyzoe), Lauren (@amenagerieofstitches) and Luna (@luna.craft).

Sarah from @repeatcrafterme was the first one I took a picture with. I was talking with her for a good 5-10 mins and it wasn’t until we exchanged social media handles that I knew who she was. She is amazing!

Jewell from @Northknits She knew who I was before I even introduced myself. She’s the founder of OML & a great speaker. You should listen to her Instagram lives!

OMGOMGOMG Brittany of @bhooked I fangirled so hard. She sounds just like her podcast. If you haven’t listened to them here’s the link. She taught me how to shop good deals for yarn.

Chantal from @Knitatude She’s real you guys! & she’s exactly as she is online.

Alison from @la.reserve.designs She’s the reason I block my projects, y’all.

Ashley of @ashleyerikadesigns was sweet.

I can’t believe I got to meet Emily of @thebluemouse_ I wish we got to talk more!

Vanessa (@vanessaknits) and I are the same size! She was also the first one I hugged when I got to Canada!

From left to right: Vanessa (@vanessaknits) Chelsea (@chelsea_knit_photography) & Tristan (@theartrist) These ladies are amazing and so kind!

Twining is wining! Love this picture I got to take with Kelly of @Knitbrooks

Last but not least. Toni from (@Tlyarncraft )Shes does it all guys. She’s a big part of the reason Ohmyknit.com exist today!

Now for the fancy pictures. I stole this from Our Marker Life’s facebook page, shhh.

Speaking with Toni. #bestillmyheart

When I won one of the giveaways. It was literally my first time winning a giveaway. (Did I mention that I made my cardigan and skirt. Both knitted.) Cardigan is a longer version of the Cropped Raglan Sweater by Lion Brand The skirt is of my own design.

Talking with Ashley and fangirling. I see you too Courtney! Courtney (@ilovetinderbox) was my Toronto “tour guide” I had Indian Food for the first time with her and Lauren (@amenagerieofstitches)

Caught me off guard in this one. #forevertouchingmyhair

I saw this one coming lol. It’s @knitterei beside me! Can you believe I was sitting beside her for hours and didn’t know until I saw her social media handle on her name tag.

Group shot, groups shot! Can you spot me or any of your favorite makers?

Here they are, the OML Dream Team! From left to right: Alison (@la.reserve.designs) Kelly (@Knitbrooks) Jewell (@Northknits) Nathan (@loopnthreads) & Kathleen (@country.pine.designs) I got to take pictures with 3 out of the 5. Next year for sure I will take all the pictures!

#OMK #OhMyKnit #Small business #Etsy #Etsy Seller #Etsy Shop #Etsy Owner #Business #Knitter #Crochet #devotion #devotions #traveling #oml2017 #ourmakerlife

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thekirstenkhaye · 7 years

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#LifenigmaCafé Vol. 8 – Ohmar’s Cheesecake and Coffee

October 7, 2016 – it was raining that afternoon I planned on visiting this cute café two blocks away from the apartment where I was staying at during those times.

Again, just like the 7th volume of this dreamtag, this post has been long overdue since it’s been almost 3 months from the time I visited the place. Today that I am constructing this, we’re already on the last full week of January 2017; sorry about that. I promise, this will be the last overdue blog post for a dreamtag this year. After all, this will be the last volume for #LifenigmaCafé anyway. :)

If you want to read a glimpse of why I didn’t get to post this last year, click here. Now let’s proceed to the main purpose of this post…

Ohmar’s Cheesecake has been known in Olongapo for quite some time already before it had its physical store. Actually, one of my cousins only told me about this when I went to their house and asked if I was still looking for a café to visit for my blog. But when she first told me about it, I was planning to visit other cafés already so I haven’t got to check it ahead. Thinking about it now, I guess that wasn’t so bad for me to do back then, you know. Because if I had checked it the first time my cousin suggested it, the physical store wouldn’t have been operating yet hence it’ll just end the same way—me looking for a different café to visit. However, after going to Hugot Burger last year on September, the same cousin of mine suggested again this place. Thus, I said Okay, give me a link so I can look ahead of what this café is all about. Of course I’ll have to do that first so I would know what I can write about, what I should expect or you know, just to make sure that it has something different with it from the places I’ve visited before.

Once I’ve had looked through Ohmar’s facebook page, I instantly decided that it should be my last volume because they’re pretty known already so I thought that it’ll be easier to write something about it because I thought they would prove all the reviews right anyway. Other than that, I loved how they have a tag line and it was a great one. Right there and then it was fixed, I told my cousin who suggested it that we’ll visit the place, and I’ll just call her when that would be. But it hadn’t even been after a week yet of my confirmation to my cousin, I’ve had been seeing my friends from Olongapo posting about it already. It was booming so much that I was just like, oh fuck it, I’ll just go and blog about it already while it’s still hot on trend. Because duh? It might gain me readers, you know. I wanted that to happen during those days because the previous establishments I’ve visited had noticed me and was inviting me and all that to their expansion day or something like when they have something new in their menu. That was pretty crazy and it was fun, okay? So I just went with it. Strike while the iron is hot, right?

I told my cousin we’ll go on Friday if she’s free that day because I sent a message to Ohmar’s page already before deciding for a day to go. I asked what would be the ideal time to go when there wouldn’t be much customers yet. I love my solitary moments, alright? LOL. Okay, going back. They replied ahead—very responsive so that’s a plus point! They told me that it should be by morning when they’ve just opened for the day. When they told me that it should be that early, I realized shit would they be available that early? I asked one more cousin of mine to go with us so that was the dilemma so I told them about it and asked what day would they be available that kind of time. So that’s where the Friday came up. So, did I go early?

I did not do just that. LOL. Of course, the procrastinator that is me thought it’s okay, it’ll be fine, it’ll work if we will go by afternoon. Okay, but can I just give that it was raining endlessly that day as an excuse? No? Okay, whatever. Haha. But yeah, that’s what happened. It wasn’t so packed with customers, though so it still worked when we got there. I got to take decent photos at least without other people ruining the view (lol sorry, that’s so mean of me). What got me a bit shy (and so very conscious) was when I told them that I was the one who messaged them, about having to take photos hence asked the time when people are less. Because since then, Miss Daisy and Sir Ohmar told me that they were waiting for me and told me the story of how they assumed one customer for me because that person came early. Oh gosh, that was such a facepalm-ing moment. What’s more embarrassing there was that, I planned to bring a DSLR camera that day but I ended up taking pictures using my phone (it’s only iPhone 5s so I’m sorry with the photos’ quality) because my cousin (the son of my uncle who owns the camera I was supposed to use) decided to use it on the same day. So you know, it was just soo awkward and weird, and so embarrassing taking pictures with strangers around looking at you adjusting, taking photos when I was just using a phone. You know that thinking of people nowadays when you want an aesthetic shot of your photos, they’d instantly comment with “ayy blogger” like can’t they just shut up and mind their own business by not looking my way. LOL kidding. But yeah, somehow that’s how I felt.

These are the lovely couple who owns Ohmar’s Cheesecake and Coffee, Mrs. Daisy and Mr. Ohmar Garcia.

I guess that was too much blabs pre-tasting what’s on their menu. Now let’s move on to what we ordered, shall we?

DISCLAIMER: I haven’t had faced my peculiar intolerance for cheese that day yet, so I wouldn’t really go in depth commenting with how their cheesecakes are, okay? Although of course before I even went to this place I’ve loved Blueberry Cheesecake already because (who doesn’t in the first place? Lol) we’ve been making it at home so that’s the only taste of cheesecake I know. Alright? And again, I must remind you, I am not a professional blogger, so don’t think I’m a food blogger. I just explore, discover and blog the things I want to share about my experiences in life. Okay? Are we clear here now? If you get what this disclaimer meant already, you can now continue reading. :)

Cheesecake ala Mode – Php 100.00

This is probably my favorite because it has 2 scoops of ice cream on it. I mean, yeah, okay the other cheesecakes didn’t taste bad, but this one really stood out. I wouldn’t ever complain for its price. I honestly couldn’t say anything more because everything in this place balanced each other out.

Yema Cheesecake (miniature) – Php 50. 00

If you’ve been reading the #LifenigmaCafe tag from the beginning, you’d know that I am not really into sweets that much. Unless of course if I am in the mood to feed my diabetic genes and risk my body to the possibility of me having diabetes. Living life gets tiring for me sometimes, yes, I won’t deny that. But I am passionate about living life and proving the entire world that whatever life throws at me, I’ll make it through to the next day. So, I still watch my health as much as possible. We all have to in the first place. So yes, this cheesecake was okay. Nothing really tasted bad. It’s just I wasn’t really into sweets that time, plus well, there was a grated cheese on top so that was kinda… my cousins liked it though so I guess that says something more than how my irritating picky taste buds reacted.

Blueberry and Oreo Cheesecakes (miniature) – Php 50.00/each

I bought these to bring home for my cousins and aunt that I lived with that time at the apartment. They loved it, they actually visit the store from time to time now when they get the cravings for cheesecake since it’s just two blocks away. One thing I like about this is there packaging for the take-outs. I’d say it’s bad for the environment since it’s plastic (gotta take care of mother nature you know) but then I couldn’t really think of a better alternative for it. Probably a carton pack would do? But either way, since I still couldn’t think of a better stuff to suggest about that as of the moment, I’d say that I was impressed with the take-out box because they made it so handy for their customers to bring home. So kudos to that!

Mixed Berries – Php 110.00

I loved this so much. If I ever go back to the place, I’d still probably get this and partner it with some lightweight cheesecake. The flavors of the berries are just so on point. If I wasn’t already full from tasting everything we ordered I would definitely have had emptied my bowl too. That’s one thing I loved about it actually! They put it in a bowl. It’s unique, you’ll know it’s a different type of beverage because it was put in a different container.

I ordered 3 different things for our beverages. Only my order is all I could remember the name of so just click here for their full menu. Actually I just figured that the photo I linked through the phrase on the previous sentence for the menu board don’t show their entire menu so if you want to know the prices and all, just head onto their FB page and message them there. The two photos above are the ones that I couldn’t remember the name of. Sadly I also forgot where I’ve put the receipt I asked from them so I couldn’t really figure out what the names of those are. My cousins loved them though.

We didn’t get to empty everything out (aside from the cheesecake ala mode because I destroyed that, I can’t not do it, it was amazing) maybe because all we ordered were very sweet and they all didn’t balance much. Maybe if we ordered hot coffee too instead of all lattes and a shake, there’ll be a possibility that we’d get them all done. Besides, it was also raining that time so it’s kind of weird to be honest to eat and drink all we’ve got. If it wasn’t for all those excuses, we’d surely get them all cleanly finished. They all tasted great, their serving were great too. There’s really nothing bad that I can say with what they offer from the kitchen. I’d very much want to try their hot coffee though. I’d probably go there with Gravity on Februaury because yayy we’ll finally get to see each other in person and it’ll be on the love month. And I mean, where else should I bring him at, right? Of course I’d love to drink coffee and eat sweets in an establishment that promotes love more than anywhere else.

The atmosphere inside the place was superb too, though. But I don’t think it would be the same if the place was packed. I’m just glad that when we went there, it wasn’t that packed with people, or else I’d probably have a bad review about it. Speaking of the things I didn’t very much appreciate about the place, it’s probably the chairs. I mean, alright, don’t come at me, okay? The interior design was outstanding! No doubt about that. I love the quotes on the walls. It was well matched with the theme they’re going at. I love the color combination. The lighting was great too but having more natural lighting would’ve been much better, nonetheless everything is great. It’s just, this is only for me, okay? In my perspective, I don’t think I could be comfortable sitting alone in that place. Especially because you wouldn’t get to lean your back when using their chairs. The high chairs were cool, yeah. But if you would want to read a book or do something on your laptop there, the chairs won’t add up for anyone to be comfortable. Ohmar’s Cheesecake can compete against Starbucks and Coffee Bean, okay. That’s all I wanted to say. They could be that big. But those store have so much comfortable ambiance, even the new Seattle’s Best in SM has the same ambiance. And with almost the same prices of products to offer? If I am a consumer, especially for someone like me that could spend hours in a café reading a book while ordering stuffs once I finished my initial order, even though I love what Ohmar’s can offer me than those mainstream cafes could I’d probably still choose to go to them because I can do anything I want and stay as much as I want there even though they get packed with people. You know why? It’s because I am comfortable, I wouldn’t get anxious about the people waiting for me to get off of my seat. That’s the only problem I have with Ohmar’s Cheesecake, I guess. But if they get that all worked out. It’ll be haven of love.

This is their tagline that I was talking about up there n the first part. Isn’t it great?

I decided to finish writing and post the last two cafe reviews from where I went to last year for my dreamtag because of this place’s tagline. I love living life, I love experiencing things and share them to other people through this personal blog of mine, and when I saw my post on Instagram from the day I went here while browsing through my profile, I remembered why I started my dreamtag. And this is what I love more than anything else about Ohmar’s, their tagline reflects from the couple. Once you are in the store and you get to talk to these two, you’d feel the love of them for each other radiating and you wouldn’t get to help but feel giddy for them and be like, “ Oooh they’re so lovely” and you know, just believe that what you are going to get from them are really made with love. And I think that’s the best thing about Ohmar’s Cheesecake. It’s not just business for them, it’s shows you that it’s their passion.

As I said on my post last year on Instagram when I went here: Even on a rainy day, a dream will still be a dream if you do everything for it to come true.

So just go for what you want to do in life, never give up. Setbacks are normal, but you just have to keep on going.

Keep enjoying small grabs, and making big memories!

~Kaye

#cafe #cheesecake #coffee #olongapo #OhmarsCheesecake #Ohmars #LifenigmaCafe #LifenigmaDreamtag #Lifenigma #thekirstenkhaye

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