#ITS GOOD BUT IM ALSO STANDING HERE LIKE 'WHAT THE FUCK I CANT TRUST ANYBODY WTF'
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OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19
IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:
Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”
EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.
IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.
(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)
The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.
/gunshot
oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.
Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.
man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.
It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.
in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.
The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.
h
She chose not to dwell on it.
h
i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue
Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”
THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)
We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.
them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA
Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.
im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.
“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”
For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.
GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.
“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”
“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.
im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”
“We’re fine.”
“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”
“Just hurry up.”
The line went dead.
this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING
Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.
[...]
She recognized this now.
Glynda.
stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…
Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.
god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The front door clicked open.
Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.
There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.
offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.
Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”
with my son
with my son
with my son
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
im like sweating rn
Glynda said, “I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
I SAID IM SWEATING
Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”
And Cinder said, “What?”
“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”
I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G
“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”
Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”
so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND
I
AM
so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.
The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.
it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.
a small intermission for a mood:
“Get fucked.”
back to regularly scheduled hell
Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.
i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help
Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”
cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :)
cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,
Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.
this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.
“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”
NOT NOW
Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.
It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.
They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.
She’d burn them black.
never mind! you are already dead,
She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.
She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?
Yeah, fuck that.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.
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Fame - Angus Cloud (6)
Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.
Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 {reading now}
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“Okay! So all we’re doing today is the makeout scene, sound good?”
You and Angus nodded, both sitting on the poster bed with cameras surrounding you.
“What did I do?” He muttered to you for the tenth time that afternoon, and just like the other nine times, you didn't respond. Just hours before, Z had properly informed you of Angus’s secret girlfriend, someone he clearly had a thing with-but made sure to tell you nothing of.
THAT MORNING...
“Z!” You rushed over to her, your eyes wide as Storm came up beside you two.
“You have to film in an hour don’t you?” Zendaya questioned, quickly pulling out her phone. You nodded giving Storm a quick smile.
“Yeah, and you already know what I have to film-”
“Mmmmm right, you gotta make out with Angus, trust me we know. Everybodys talking about it, they won’t let us on set to watch y’all though, we tried.”
“I can’t stand you two,” You laughed shaking your head “Anyway, you know why I’m here. What you find out about Angus? That you texted me about last night? And make it quick, I gotta go to hair and makeup in a bit.”
“I’m debating if we should tell you before or after you film your scenes…”
“You basically already told her Ms. Blabbermouth, so just tell her the full thing.” Storm said to Z with a shrug.
“I am not a blabbermouth! I think its just right that she knows!”
“Then tell me Daya, come on!”
“Okay, okay. So my social media is set up so that when someone is following me I can see who follows them that I also follow without even clicking on- this doesn’t make sense, anyway! This girl followed me and the only person following her that I also follow was Angus. I didn’t think much of it, shes public so I wanted to check out her pictures cuz I was bored. She doesn’t have that many followers, but this girl is hot. Like I’m not even gay and she’s fine as hell, that’s why I was going through her pictures because she was just so gorg-”
“She’s pretty, I get it, can we move on?”
“Oh- Sorry. So yeah, I’m scrolling and I get to this picture of her on some man’s lap right? You cant see his face or anything, and there’s no tag. This was posted last month by the way. So there’s no tag or caption, but guess who commented?!”
“Wild guess, Angus?”
“Exactly! And guess what he said?”
“I don’t have time or patience for guessing right now-”
“He commented- and I quote, ‘Baby I miss you, sit on my lap again’ with those nasty thirst trap emojis! So I’m like wait a minute! And I’m going through her pictures now for a whole other reason. I find out they been dating since 2017 and she has a million pictures with him on her page all booed up but get a load of this- she literally never tags him. She always tags this other guy named Steve.”
You let out a huff and crossed your arms. “That’s fucked up. Real fucked up.”
“Yeah, I kn-”
“But I am not going to let it affect me today. I have to make out with him either way for our scene, so being petty isn’t necessary. I’m going to go on that damn set, and I won’t say a single word to him unless it’s on the fucking script!”
NOW...
“And...action!”
Angus let out a long sigh before jumping into the scene for the seventh time. You could tell it was bothering him why you were suddenly giving him the cold shoulder due to it affecting his performance as being Fez. You wanted to feel bad, but who just decides it’s cute to lead practical double lives? You tried to move the topic out of your mind so you wouldn't feel completely livid again and focused on the scene in front of you.
“Don’t do that girl, you got me fucked up.”
“Don’t do what? This?” You bit your lip and moved closer to him.
“You just tryna get some today ain't you?”
“I've been trying to get some since when I came back last week, Fez. But I’m glad you finally decided to notice.”
“Lemme gives you some then, come ‘ere.”
You got onto his lap wrapping your legs around his waist, just like you had the night before. You looked into his eyes and you felt your heart melt, and at this point, you didn't know if you were in character or if this was just you.
But then you remembered you were most likely the side chick.
Your facial expression hardened a bit, not enough for the cameras to pick it up, but you knew Angus noticed. Before he could ask you what was wrong or what he did for the eleventh time and ruin the scene, you pressed your lips to his and kissed him deep.
“Fuck baby...” he groaned into your mouth, his hands working their way up and under your shirt to cup your breasts. Once his large hands reached them, he gave them a nice squeeze causing your breath to hitch as you bounced a little.
Yeah, sure you were mad at him right now...but you loved that shit.
You grinned a bit wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing him down onto the bed. “You want me Fez?” You moaned out in a breathy tone, pulling your shirt over your head.
“Fuck yeah I want you girl, take this shit off for me.”
As you slowly unclipped your bra, you specifically remembered that at this point in the script he was to say ‘Jess’, not girl. But of course, the one-time {yesterday} you wanted him to say girl he had to say Jes-
Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by a sudden “Cut!” from the crew. Letting out a breath you got off of Angus’s lap and clipped your bra. “Good stuff guys, we need Daya and Hunter next so if you see ‘em remind them its time for their scenes in about thirty minutes.”
You nodded putting your shirt back on, and trying to rush off of the set before Angus could catch up to you- but you failed.
“Aye,” he said walking by you “What's good?”
You shrugged. “I don’t really know what's good.”
“Why you acting like this, all different and shit. It’s on god starting to weird me out, what's the dealio wit’ you?”
“Just fuck off.”
Angus raised a brow and stopped walking. Thinking you finally had gotten him to leave you alone, you slowly walked to your trailer but ran into Jacob on the way.
“Hey!” You said softly. You hadn't exchanged many words with him over the time you'd been filming, but every time you had, he had been sweet and polite. The run down with Jacob was that he was talented and cute...that's about all you knew.
The conversation between you and Jacob was brief but pure. He asked you some questions about filming and you told him about how much you loved his performance in the show. Soon enough he reached his trailer and you two parted ways, leaving you alone as you walked to yours.
You stayed more focused on your phone that your surroundings, leading to you not realizing that Angus wasn't far behind you. As soon as you stopped walking and leaned against the side of your trailer, you felt someone in front of you. Looking up from your phone your eyes widened, why the fuck was he still here?
“Angus what the fu-”
“So you think you can talk to me like that?”
Suddenly feeling shy, your voice and confidence lowered. “I was playing...”
“And you think you can just flirt with anybody and everybody?”
“What are you-”
“Imma tells you something, so imma need you to listen to me real clear.”
You swallowed and nodded, looking up at him.
“Ion think you know this yet so imma let you know.” He placed his thumb on your cheek. “You mine, got it? Not Jacobs, not anybody fucking elses, mine.”
You almost couldn't believe the words you were hearin-
“Uh, Y/N, you good?” Jacob asked you. Quickly snapping out of it you nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine thanks.” What a hell of an imagination you had. You took a quick glance behind you and saw no one at all. Letting out a sigh you said goodbye to Jacob and walked into your trailer. As soon as you closed the door you heard a ding that was specially set for your male costar.
Angus☁️: come to my trailer. now.
and why should i do that?
Angus☁️: now Y/N im not fuckin around
im busy
Angus☁️: busy my fucking ass im fr
alr but don't expect me to stay.
Angus☁️ read at 1:34 PM
And even though you didn't quite know what was up yet, just from the texts you could tell that Angus was not happy.
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taglist:
@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes
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Unknown to you....
So many thoughts, so many unanswered questions, so many things to say and not finding a starting point.
-Will I ever know?
Bottling up, pushing back, ignoring, burying , avoiding feelings. That’s all I’ve been doing for the past 6 months nonstop. Maybe if I don’t think about it, maybe if I just TRY to forget about it, maybe if I just push it far back in my head.. maybe I’ll stop feeling this way. But my subconscious is a bitch; it reminds me of you every Friday night. It reminds me of you while driving around the city. It reminds me of you when I’m trying so hard not to. What do I do? How can I make it stop? I have looked and searched for the answer and I can’t find it anywhere. I have encounters with the memory of you everywhere I go, I see you in the most unfamiliar places. I see you in the eyes of a nice girl at the bar. I see you in the nice gestures of a friend. I see you in the song playing on the background of an Instagram story. I’m reminded of you in everything I do and I want it to stop. I want you out of my head, my mind, my heart but not my life and that’s exactly where you’re at at the moment. No me arrepiento de las cosas que hemos hecho sabes, con el alma por las nubes. Como se lo explicas eso a alguien ? No se. Desde que te fuiste vivo en un eterno NO SE de el que no todos pueden darse el lujo de vivir. Es tanto un privilegio como no, porque te jode. Esa incertidumbre de no saber pero a la misma vez estar bien porque no saber no es algo malo. Como lo voy a hacer para sacarte de mis entrañas mm? No se va por la vida conociendo gente y teniendo la mentalidad de que con esa persona es con quien terminarás casándote algún día. Pero tampoco se va por la vida perdiendo el tiempo en gente con la que no te ves en un futuro compartiendo una casa, una cama, una familia.. todo. Los recuerdos han venido a bailar con tu fantasma y me he vuelto un desaste emocional. Contigo me pasaron las dos; no me veía más de un año contigo pero luego algo cambio y me vi con un par de años en mis espaldas y miré a mi costado y ahí estabas tú. Ahora como se borra eso de un plan futuro? Como se vuelve a empezar de cero ? Dímelo tú que lo estás haciendo a la perfección.
Todo era aún difícil pero al menos estabas tú. Nos emborrachábamos con la mirada pero luego lo jodíamos sin una explicación, un desastre sin nombre. Nos miramos a la cara y ninguno dice nada. Supongo es lo que toca y lo que viene.., supongo. Como se le deja de querer a alguien que se convirtió en más que una prioridad ? Como se le deja de querer a alguien que no solo te dio buenos momentos pero los mejores que alguna vez viviste? Como se sigue adelante si por mas que tratas sigues cayendo en el mismo lugar en donde empezaste? — Dime por qué aguanto yo solo el peso? Por que la rabia me parte el pecho y no se que diablos hacer ya para dejar de sentir de esta manera. Historia sin gloria que nunca termina bien. Aquella ultima vez que nos vimos nunca había sentido más y me asusté. Me asuste porque pensé que iba a ser más fácil dejarte ir después de.., pero no. •••
- I love you. (You)
- You do? (Me)
- Yes, I have never felt this way for anybody... but we need to break up .. (You)
- Wait what? (Me)
- I can’t do this distance, if I get back with you I’ll keep on falling into the same cycle.. (You)
- I love you... (me)
- I can’t be with you... (You)
Next morning...
- hey babe good morning ❤️ (You)
- Hey, good morning.. (me)
- What’s wrong? (You)
- You broke up with me last night, do you not remember ? (Me)
- No I did not, i had a fit but it’s over now... I don’t want to break up with you, I love you. (You)
You’d disappear for weeks... you thought I didn’t know what was happening... you had found somebody to fill your needs.. but you’d come back around and I was there.. why? But not I’m not asking you. I’m asking myself, why did I stay?
Por qué es que veo lo mejor en ti cuando te encargas de hacerme ver todo lo “malo” que dices hay en ti? — Que digo que no me importa? Eso es mentira. Que estoy feliz por ti? Pues si pero no te voy a mentir que me parte el alma no ser el motivo de tu felicidad. Que no se porque me clave tanto contigo. Si es que no eras mi tipo. Yo no te quería. Fue solo un juego en el que después de 3 años la atención que me dabas no caía mal pero si que el Karma es una hija de puta. Si que me enamore y ahora pa’ desenamorarse e’ que ta’ fuerte la cosa.
- Hey nice rings... *you said after not speaking to me in almost a month*
- Thanks *i said*
- How are you *you said*
- I’m good and you *i said*
- I could be better but im good *you said*
- .... *i left*
- Hey!!
- Kharla..
- Woman!!
- Youuuu
- Lady
- Hellooo
- You there????
*you said*
- What happened??? * I said..*
- Nothing *you said*
📞📟📱 *Missed call from •••• *
- you called * i said*
- Yeah it was an accident *you said*
( we had this thing where to break the ice and call each other’s attention we’d “accidentally” call each other.. ) i know why you did it but I didn’t call back... maybe that was my mistake. What would have happened if I had called you back?...
——————————
You had asked for space and I gave it to you. You said you were going to work on yourself before you got into it with anyone regardless if it was with me or the other.. you needed to. The funny thing is that in the process you couldn’t handle the loneliness. You found someone else. But you’d still try to come back but this time around you did not. Was it because you didn’t want to or because you’re trying to respect this one? Which isn’t a bad thing, I give you props for it. But my thing is...
what’s the point of trying to do right in a new relationship and still fuck it up when you damn well know where you had to do it right you fucked it up big time. You fucked me up real bad and I gotta live with that now.
- hey i just wanna say sorry for being so distant and cut and dry lately. I know and an I’m sorry won’t cut it but I’m sorry *you said*
- It’s okay, I haven’t even had time to actually process it. I’ve been busy at work lately and I don’t even have time to think about how I feel or what’s going on around me. *i said*
- Honestly I don’t even know why I texted you. You don’t need to notice it or give me an explanation..... I don’t know why you’re still trying, there’s no point.. (you said)
- I’m not even trying - is said. I haven’t had the time to. Plus, you’ve been doing you so I don’t get what you’re complaining for. ( I said)
- I need to move on and if I keep talking to you I won’t. I’m ready to move on and you’re just a distraction, if I keep seeing you I won’t stop (you said)
I had never felt more pain before. It broke my hard and shattered my soul. Where did I go wrong? What happened to all the love? I came back hoping for change... I came back holding on to the last fucking hope I had and it fucking banished...
- you’re great, you’re perfect, I can’t see myself without you. But I don’t deserve you (you said).
So my question is, why CANT you do something to deserve me? Why can you do right by the rest and not me? What gets me is the fact that you had the chance to change on multiple occasions and you didn’t so I’d like to know if you ever really truly loved me. When you love someone you go against all odds and you gave up on me. You gave up on me when I was on my way to you. We had planned this together. I got here exactly by the time you said you wanted me to move in with you. I couldn’t stand being one more day apart from you but you had found someone already. Why can you be loyal to them and not me? What makes them more special? You said you’d never leave, you said I could always count on you but where are you now? I don’t even know why I’m writing this cause you’ll never see it, you don’t care. But did you ever care about me?
I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever know. My thing is. Why did it become so toxic and why NOW you’re making yourself the victim and making me seem like the “bad one”. Porque una explicación es un erro bien vestido y a ti no te gusta declarar tus errores, igual que yo lo declaro que te hecho de menos. Pero no te hecho de menos a ti, a ti ya no. Echo de menos la complicidad, el pensar que estarías en mi vida para siempre, la amistad que teníamos. Prometimos no dejar que se perdiera la amistad y hoy día no me diriges la palabra. Now I’m just somebody that you used to know, not even. Long and over due break up, an endless loophole. CLOSURE, something I have been seeking but never seem to get. LOVE, love is so many things. Love is support, listening, friendship, trust, freedom, consideration, respect, honesty, working TOGETHER, it is UNDERSTANDING. But on the downside, it is disillusionment, disappointment, it’s HURTING, it’s loving so deep to the point of carving your wounds as deep as your love went. Now what tells me that this love was real or not? Cause here is the thing, I don’t know if I’m too stubborn to understand or if I’m just stupid. Help me understand this kind of love if you may. This is a kind of love that starts as a joke. These two individuals start to play a game in which they say they like each other. But do they really? At first they don’t, it is just the simple satisfaction of getting attention from one another. Now this backfires and leads them to find out that they really DO like each other. After a couple of conversations a relationship is formed, very nice with its ups and downs but still feels real and genuine. It was the kind of love that made you believe in something, in a future. Never in a million years would you have thought that you were going to even consider marrying this person. You’d never think something that once brought you so much joy will also become so toxic. I am not one to say if what they felt was genuine or not but you can’t tell me that just because it looks like you’re gonna go though a somewhat long of a bad period of time in your relationship servers as an excuse to walk out. UNCERTAINTY… A lot happened. So maybe I’ve stayed because I’ve seen how great of a significant other and partner in life they were capable of being and I know with a little help they could go back to it, so I didn’t want to give up but at this point I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if what I’m feeling at almost 4 am in the morning is list or love. I don’t know if I miss you or if I’m just overly emotional and today I was reminded of you in a thousand different things. I don’t know when I’ll stop writing about you but it’s my only outlet. You’ll probably won’t even see this, you won’t. This is just my word vomit but fuck man, I just need to be able to get over you but I fucking can’t. I hate the process, it’s a bitch and it hurts. Are YOU hurting? Do you still think of me? Do you miss me? Can you still listen to the same songs and not go back to one of the million drives around the city we shared? If you loved me the way I did how did you move on to someone else so fast?
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Potent Savages
Chapter 1 Part 2 : Disruptive
genre : Thriller/Angst/trigger warningsss/smut/exo, oc, and blackpink gang au
Summary : This fast paced kind of life style isnt for everyone, but for these young rich savages this stuff is second nature.
I told you i would catch you up, and im a girl of my word when i want to be. So imma take you back, Back before the drama with jiyong the dragon. Back before i even knew baekhyuns weird ass was a member of the notorious exo gang. Before he knew i was a member of the infamous blackpink gang. Before we all started to hate eachother.
“I am so gonna make a virgin cry tonight” jennie spoke to herself while looking in the mirror as if she was taking a selfie, which i love watching her do for some reason, but in my defense she does look really hot. Looks like tonight is going to be one of those nights that we put on our less expensive clothes and act like we’re regular teenagers, i hate these nights, i’d much rather be at the club in balenciaga, sitting in the vip lounge with jiyong, but my girls wanted me to go and if my girls want something from me the word no always goes into hiding.
“Ayyye lit wayyy.” lisa sang out as she took a picture in the mirror with jennie
I looked over to the room that jisoo and rosé share in our three bedroom condo, I wasnt getting a good enough look at them so i decided to go inside of the room, i know i sound like some kind of crazy smother but the relationship between me and my girls is not normal and probably never will be. I cant be away from them for too long and if im not close to them i have to atleast be able to lay my eyes on them or i just might kill someone. Yes i do tell you alot but i dont know if im ready to talk too much about that, so lets change the topic.
Snapping out of my thoughts, i realized that jisoo and rosé still werent ready at all. Instead of intervening or saying anything, i decided to just do something else, guess ill call my mans.
“jiyong?”
“honeyy, how is the party going?”
“Haii oppaa” i said with a higher voice than usual you know the one you use when you talk to the boy you like? yeah that one. “im not there yet oppa”
“Aaahhh okayyy i seee” judging from the way he was using that sly sexy voice of his, i think he wants something from me.
“What is it oppa?”i said, i dont know why im getting an unfamiliar feeling about this.
“babyy?”
“yess”
“babyy, at that party tonight....”
what the hell does he want with this dumb high school party, i should be the only thing in his mind that has anything to do with high school... okay im kidding....alittle.
“Some of my associates will be there i want you to keep an eye on them.” his voice switched up this time.
“What the fuck jiyong, who the hell are these “associates”?”
“exo.” well he never was one to beat around the bush for too long, i could already hear it in his voice he was getting impatient.
“First of all, fix your tone, and second, boi you know i know most of all that the whole damn exo gang hates you and all your men, dont talk to me like im just another one of those dumb skanks you like to play with.”
What did you just ask? oh, well let me tell you alittle more about him. Jiyong the dragon is the top dog the ultimate big man in this business. He was one of those get down or lay down type of guys, of course that shit didnt work on me and my girls, which was the reason why he took such a liking to me in the first place. Does that cure your curiosity? what do you mean you didnt ask that!?
“Hahahhah” hes laughing at me.
“ugh, oppa im supposed to be relaxing at this party.”
“i know babyyy, all you have to do is keep an eye on maybe three of them and...”
“And!?”
“Aaand make sure they dont leave until my men get there.”
“What!?, jiyong are you seriously going to try to kill them at a highschool party!?”
“Who said anything about killing themm...babyy come onn for mee?”
“You know that type of shit dosent work on me oppa.”
“please baby? ill owe you one big time.”
That caught my attention “ owe me huh?” thats what i like to hear. I could care less if those exo guys die or get kidnapped or whatever jiyong is gonna do with them, and the mention of him owing me sounds so delicious “hmmm....”
I hear a little laughter on his side before i make my decision,
“You got yourself a deal oppa” i say with a sinister smirk. And with that we say our goodbyes and i hang up.
My girls are so quiet.......shit.
I whip my head around quickly, with my anxiety building up, getting ready to run to where ever they are, whether it is in the house or not.
“Cha cha?” jisoo called out. My real name is park bong cha, aya is just a street name. Not alot of people know my real name, and i like it like that.
My girls were standing in the doorway of my room which i share with no one due to the fact that all of the extra space in the room is filled with all of our weapons and money.
“Damn i wish you saw the way your head turned just now” rosé said with a small giggle. She and jisoo looked like they were finally done getting ready.
“Lets dip girls.” i said, actually feeling alittle excited to go now, which is such a first.
“AND IM LOVIN ALL RACES HELL NAW DONT DISCRIMINIZE AYYY WE LITT!”
I was posted up on the wall with some concoction lisa had some girl she was macking on make for me. It tasted good though. I had already informed the girls about the little deal i made with jiyong, they took it well thankfully. i have been occupying my eyes with this cute guy who is dancing his ass off. And just when the song finally changes and he notices, the entrance door swings open and some heads turn, and mine follows the others.
Just the boys i wanted to see, i think to myself while smiling.
I let my girls know by text and we all, being on the same floor of the house, exchange looks.
shall we?
“IMMA MAKE YOU MIINE TONIGHT!”
I watched the exo gang walk in all together, some were rubbing their hands together like fuckboys, and others just looking around observing the party and the people, easily you could tell they are a close-knit group like me and my girls.
“JUST ONE TOUCHH AND ILL MAKE MY MOVE!”
I decided to keep my eyes on the linky big eared one, the one who looked like he wanted to scream in someones face, and the one-
“omg” I said under my breath as I watched one of the exo members slightly bite on his beautiful index and middle fingers.
Lisa quickly slapped my shoulder with a grin “aye, you thirsty girl?” she said as she tilted her drink towards me with her adorable smile, “shut the fuck up.” I said with a dead expression.
The other girls came up to us in three different directions. “So whats the plan?” rosé asked while referring to my end of the deal I made with jiyong oppa. I wasn't listening though, still stealing glances at the exo members mouth and fingers.
“Stop bitching guys, I will remember what she looks like, trust me, damn.” chanyeol stated as he scrunched up his face a little. All I can think is that its such a damn shame chanyeol is the only one who saw jiyongs girl, putting all our eggs in chanyeols fucked up basket is really fucking annoying. “Baekhyun, I know what your thinking, and no im not stupid enough to put all our eggs in chanyeols fucked up basket, just know that.” Suho spoke while he squeezed my shoulder as if he was trying to make me feel his words, what the hell is he? a fucking mind reader!?
We already know what jiyong the fucking snake is going to try to pull tonight, we heard from a mole hes going to have some girl hes been fucking to watch us all night, but we came here tonight in spite of that to do our usual rounds, because not a lot of things are better than money and confrontation.
“Alright split, chanyeol stay with Baekhyun” Suho said with an exhale
Chanyeol puts his arm around my shoulders as we walk towards the crowd of dancing teens. “Anybody lookin familiar?” my voice giving off my bored and annoyed mood, I spoke with a quick elbow into his stomach. “Nahh, just lemme go get a drink real quick. want one?” chanyeol asked and got a nod yes in return.
I start looking around, eyeing all the girls in the room.
“ERRBODY GETCHA MUTHAFUCKIN ROLL ON AYYY!”
“Girls really love this song huh?” I said to myself as I watched a swarm of girls running to the impromptu dance floor as they screamed and giggled.
My eyes automatically land on two girls that looked like they just jumped off a runway stage or some shit, “damn” I said out loud on accident, could they be jiyongs?
“Damn is right.” chanyeols deep voice crept from behind me, “all the girls in the kitchen were uggos.” he tilted a red plastic cup my way.
I took it from him and stole a quick sip, “those two girls right there ring any bells?” I asked as I brought up my left hand to wipe my mouth and used the index finger of the hand holding my cup to point in the direction of the girls I was talking about.
Chanyeol licked his lips, “I don't know I think I need a closer look.” he voiced as he rubbed his hands together, his fuckboy mode starting to kick into gear.
I smirked at the possibilities.
“Okay I guess we can have some fun then.”
“You know if you don't make this shot im going to make you strip right?” the guy I now know as Baekhyun spoke to me sexily with a sharp smirk on his face while he held a ping pong ball that had earlier been cover in cheap beer.
“Well maybe I want to strip.” I stated, readying another ping pong ball. Hopefully I can finally make a shot.
Baekhyun, and his friend who is also an exo member, chanyeol came up to me and jennie a little while ago, the convenience being too perfect, we've been talking to them ever since, and somehow I ended up in a game of beer pong with Baekhyun, while jennie and chanyeol decided to look through each others instagrams on the couch next to us.
I finally flick my wrist with hopes I get it into one of the cups on baekhyuns side.
“Yess.” I said as my ball landed in a cup on the left of Baekhyun.
“aahh noo” Baekhyun spoke playfully.
my phone buzzes at that. I quickly look at jennie, Jiyongs men might be....
“What is it?” Baekhyun speaks. I don't answer, instead I remove my phone from the back pocket of my jeans to see if my earlier thought was right.
oppa
my men are there baby where are you
“Aye jennie the girls are looking for us we should go.”
“awww already?” chanyeol said, his voice giving off a new dangerous tone.
They know.
I saw ayas face change after chanyeols comment.
that's right bitch, feel it.
chanyeol told me she was the one three minutes into talking to her. I have to admit shes good. I totally would have fallen for her act. too bad I didn't.
“Jennie lets move now!” aya yelled at the other girl as we heard screams coming from all around the house.
“Grab her chanyeol!”
The moment I jump on the ping pong table and take out my gun, jennie jumps off the couch, chanyeol grabs her, and Baekhyun pulls out the gun hes been hiding so well.
Jennie struggles in the hold of the huge man, while I stare Baekhyun down. Both our guns pointing at each others head. aiming for an instant kill.
“You don't think im about to just give up do you?”
I quickly shoot at the gun in Baekhyuns hand and roll off the table, about to shoot at chanyeols foot, he kicks the shit out of me, and jennie took the chance to get out of his hold, all of a sudden a crowd of people fill the room.
Jiyongs men come running in like the CIA.
“Shit!”
I start shooting the men coming at me. suho and d.o run into the room probably getting ready to carry out plan b.
Me and chanyeol somehow end up back to back in the middle of jiyongs men, this isn't looking to damn good.
I grab jennie and run to the exit of the room in full panic mode because I don't know where the hell my other girls are.
A exo member with bushy eyebrows comes out of nowhere and stands in front of us looking like satan himself, looking calm despite all the chaos going on.
I don't have time for this.
I push jennie backwards getting ready to jump out of the next window I see, until I turn around and see another exo member staring us down with one of his eyebrows lifted, as more of the exo gang pile in the room to help with jiyongs men. fuuuck meee.
I charge in the other direction gripping jennies wrist, and my girls come out in front of us rushing to get to the men chasing behind.
Me and jennie continue running with intentions of getting the car ready, hating the fact that I have to leave the other girls here.
We reach a window and I look for something in the room I could use to break it. I find golf clubs in the closet and take a hard swing at my target, breaking it in one go. we both jump out and sprint for the car we came-
“AYA! AYA! AYA!”
My eyes feel like led but I finally start to open them, looking around to only find darkness. shit I must have gotten knocked out by one of the exo boys.
“aya?”
my eyes widen. jennie.
I feel her breathe on my neck as she tries to get closer.
“same plan as usual?”
“ Yeah.”
These exo assholes should have fucking killed me when they had the chance, they should know never to cage wild beasts.
When the car finally came to a stop I realized my eyes were closed in anger the whole time.
I heard muffled voices and doors opening before closing right back.
My eyes shot open in anticipation.
Open the trunk, I dare you.
as if on cue the trunk door pops open and the exo men look down on us laying in their trunk, this isn't all of them though, where are the rest? I look up at them wishing looks could kill.
“awww you are such a good girl, I didn't even have to gag youu.” a dinosaur looking exo member said as he bent down to get me out of the trunk.
This time, this time when I shoot I wont miss.
The moment my feet touch the ground I feel a rush of adrenaline, I keep my composure until jennies feet does the same.
I close my eyes again readying myself for the moves im about to make. as they start walking us to what seems like a rundown hideout.
They are circled around me and jennie as we walk towards the destination and I look at the men in front of me, eyeing them up and down in search of a knife.
Bingo.
Spinning around as fast as I can in the direction of the knife in the mans pocket on the left of me, jennie quickly backs up planning on distracting atleast two of them.
I get my hands on it and move swift and fast cutting myself loose, cutting up an exo members leg and whatever else is in the way of jennie,
I cut her loose and spin again, always trying to use my speed as an element of surprise, I grab hold of a gun in someones hand and start shooting at everyone around us, as jennie follows my actions.
my shoulder takes a shot, as jennie grabs my hand and makes a run for it.
we keep running into the dark forest for our lives as we try our best to avoid the bullets the are flying from behind us.
What a fucking night.
We spent the rest of night running through the woods and making sure I don't bleed to death. When we got back to condo, the sun was up and the rest of the girls were crying and loading machine guns.
“We thought you guys were never going to come back!” they cried at us. I couldn't help but feel like shit, I wasn't on my a game last night and because of that my girls suffered.
After that my shoulder was tended to by jisoo and we made our way to jiyongs place to talk about everything.
“I cant fucking believe this shit!”
“Jiyong what the hell are you talking about?” I said as I walked into his office with my girls
“im never gonna trust you with shit ever again.” oppa spoke in a vicious tone while walking towards me.
“Chill the fuck out jiyong!” jisoo said about to step in front me, I put my arm out in front of her and walk into his personal space.
“Got a fucking problem?”
“Its your fault they got away, you unprofessional piece of trash. Do you know how much that night cost me!” well look at the balls on this one.
“I tried my best you fucking asshole don't do that to me I held up my end of the deal all you said I had to do was keep them there!”
“Get the fuck out of my face aya, you and your girls are making me sick to my stomach, and don't even think for a second I was serious about me owing you!”
Ah shit my hands are gonna misbehave. suddenly my fist made their way to his jaw and accidently on purpose clocked the shit out of him.
“SHIT”
My girls start giggling at the scene and I back away from jiyong as his eyes become wild with anger.
“Do you have a fucking death wish you bitch!?” yes.
“Nah, not really.”
He starts walking towards me again and I can finally tell that he’s not sober. He takes a slow swing at me and my face scrunches up in disgust.
I push his head backwards and he falls completely over. What a pig.
“Jiyong stop come on your better than this.” I said with a frustrated tone.
“DIGGIE” he screams for his body guard who does all his dirty work. Truth is jiyongs actually a little bitch, but hey gotta fake it till you make right?
“Do you really think that guy can kill our crazy asses?” rosé speaks with a raised eyebrow to jiyong, who is on the floor looking completely distressed.
“DIGGIE KILL THESE SLUTS”
“DIGGIE”
“diggie” his cry for his body guard becomes soft as he starts to sob.
“Come on, lets get outta here girls, he’s obviously really fucked up right now.”
“Don't worry jiyong, we’ll leave diggies head at the door for you.”
All caught up?
AUTHORS NOTE : woooo! im doneeeee ayyy I had a lot of fun with this chapterrrr. I hope you guys enjoyed it! its like 5 30 right now sooo imma go to sleep nowww but thanks for reading! kisses <3 ~ laila
#potent savages#gang au#exo gang au#blackpink gang au#exo fanfiction#blackpink fanfiction#blackpink fanfic#blackpink#exo#exo baekhyun#blackpink jennie#baekhyun angst#baekhyun smut#baekhyun thriller#baekhyun fanfic#baekhyun fanfiction
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Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones
JENNET
nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔
(a little later)
why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*
(after building a bamboo bed)
super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳
JESSICA
No song 4 today
Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario.
If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now.
The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because....
...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet.
However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.
PETE
so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol
(after dropping his rice into the sand)
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
JENNET
trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((
JABARI
So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.
JENNET
in love with ethan hes the best person in the world
(after staring at Ethan)
really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳
LINDSAY
https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk
lmk if this works
also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here
SAM
https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A
PETE
The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.
LOVELIS
Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!
ETHAN
Ok so tribal time:
I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell
JESSICA
Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.
PENNINO
Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.
MADISON
I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.
JAKE
https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo
JONES
ok bet lets get strategic:tm:
i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ?
for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy.
speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails:
but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge
NICOLE
Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)
SHANE
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing
SAMMY
so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new
anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.
DAISY
https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY
TRIBAL COUNCIL
youtube
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you too buddy all the SO questions
ugh why damn it i did not ask to be punished by means of talkin about vantas until my fingertips bleed
but fine
Significant Other Asks
1. Tell the story about how you met.
it was over the summer about three years ago and tumblr kept pushing a certain blog at me and upon checking it out i decided to give him some troll asks (which looking back upon now were lame as fuck? what was i thinking honestly)
anyway that became me revealing my blog over tumblr and then lo and behold we had a college class together and we realized we were sitting beside each other and i told him that his major was an “easy major” or something and basically he hated me for a while there
2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?
it was gradual for sure i went from picking on him to agreein to let him tutor me in english to craving his friendship and then falling in love with him without even realizing
before i knew it i was head over heels and here i am, happy as fuck that im dating my best friend
3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.
his eyes go from being like cinnamon to being like hot chocolate, in color accordin to lighting and in mood, his hands are warm and comforting to hold and are quick as all hell on a keyboard, and his laugh is rare but memorable, like its dusty from misuse and drizzled over with the annoyance i usually provide him
4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?
i had to google what my zodiac was because i think both of those things are bullshit but im a saggitarius and an isfp (or was it istp i dont remember its been years)
vantas is a gemini and...
i dont think he ever tested for it because he isnt internet quiz garbage but hey what does it matter without knowing his results i know that we are a fine match
5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?
no, yes, and probably this evening when i bring back dinner
6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.
something that makes me feel really happy to remember is the new years eve after he got those color correcting glasses and i took him to watch the fireworks and he was so happy and amazed at the color and the show and i was so proud that i could do that for him
7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.
one time i groaned into his ear and called him daddy to test and see if he had a daddy kink or not and he was SO into it so now im waiting to call him daddy again when he least expects it
8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?
yeah as far as i know both sides are
9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?
we sort of have pets together but theyre also just kinda our own pets but with shared care
10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?
i dont really want kids and i dont think vantas does either like ever we arent even married and also having kids would be a hassle
11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?
i usually just sit and talk to him and support him like a friend and boyfriend should do its not really anything special but it works every time
sometimes i surprise him with relatively cheap gifts or food too but he doesnt like me splurgin so i try not to make him uncomfortable
12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?
same thing really hes always there for me to make me feel better and talk things through
13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?
scolding me like he is a third parent, somehow its endearing when he does it
14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?
yeah weve gone on a few sort of technically
that one road trip to texas we took and spent a while on
the trip to malibu
were planning (or i am) for a trip to europe this summer if its at all possible with our schedules
15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?
that im enough just being who i am and that i can have a relationship without cash at the forefront
16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you?
you dont have to bend over backwards for somebody to please them or make them like you just be yourself
not the exact wording but that is the moral
17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?
we take turns but i dont like to kill them unless theyre wasps or venomous spiders id prefer to catch and release
19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?
neither of us can cook for shit so other people prepare our meals for us always
20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?
i like taco bell and pizza hut, yes, and i dont think weve ever done either
21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly.
we used to get aggressive over gay chicken sometimes early on in our friendship that was always fucking ridiculous
22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?
one time vantas said he was disappointed in me and i took it hard and im pretty sure it ended with him leaving but i dont remember what brought it on or how serious vantas had been or how sensitive i had been
we got over it. not sure i learned any super moral from that but it did help me learn about him better in the long run and vice versa
23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner?
will and jada pickett smith
24. Do you have a shipname?
vantder i dont know
maybe film boyfriends because he writes and i sort of direct
27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa?
we sort of click here and there but mostly our interests are different
i know he isnt super into art but he shows up to support me like he went to the award event with me and said he was proud of me and i like to offer up romcoms and movies akin to his interests when we settle in for date nights
he is supportive as hell but i dont think either of us have ever made a point of saying we arent interested in the other’s interests
28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?
he helped me to be better about takin school seriously so id say yes
he has also changed my opinion about myself almost completely
29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them.
when he got that book deal i was so happy i felt like huggin on him for days
i knew he could do it and it made me real proud to know that he did it and i am STILL proud of him
30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled?
yeah both are heavily involved and fuck i hope so im not sure how much more i can step up my game
31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?
we talk all the goddamn time and basically never leave each others side
i know i regularly stay up hells of late talking to him because i like it so much
talks get so much deeper at night when youre curled up next to somebody you love
32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?
were both assholes with sarcasm as our main crutch and im pretty sure we have both laughed at the others expense at one point or another but i would have to say that we are damn near a tie because both of us have a pretty deplorable sense of humor stand up comedy will not be in our futures any time soon
33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?
no i cant think of anybody who is against our relationship
nobody that matters anyway
34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?
i mean i hit my head and got retrograde amnesia and still had feelings for him so i think that eliminated any doubt i developed feelings just because of sex
i didnt remember it and i still loved him
35. What’s their contact name in your phone?
vantas
36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?
vantas has stamina when it comes to running and shit for DAYS i thought id die the first time i went running with him
hes also a really great writer and im not just saying that to be supportive i think if he sat down and wrote a book itd get a film adaptation nigh instantaneously
steven spielberg would shit himself
37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?
god i just fucking love his eyes and his lips and his hair and the way that he scoffs over dumb “rich guy” things and how good his coffee is when he makes it and how i can NEVER replicate it that good even when he guides me through makin it. i love the sound of his voice in the mornings and late at night when i should be asleep but am clinging onto him and talkin about nothing in particular. i love how he says my name and i especially love that hes the only one who really calls me by my last name so affectionately. i love the way he reads and i love the way he still looks a little too long at colorful things sometimes when we are outside and walking. i love the way his hand fits with mine and i love that we can reassure each other through anything, that we will be there for each other through anything. i can easily see myself spendin the rest of my life with him and if not as a boyfriend then as a best friend
38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?
weve talked about moving in together or gettin a house but our careers are pretty up in the air right now except for vantas’ teaching job. i think we make a fuckin great team and id love to spend the rest of my life with him in any way shape or form
39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple?
pick your best friend to fall in love with because youll never have a better love than that
40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.
@crimsongenetics hey vantas sorry for gettin all gushy here i hope i dont make you throw up at school i love you
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EPISODE SIX A&B
“Honestly this game is starting to heat up and I've already set up all my pieces its just time to play with them.” - aria
HOH: Brianna
UPSIDE DOWN: Josh C & Nick
NOMINEES: Nathan & Nash & Jev
POV: Brianna
FINAL NOMINEES: Nash & Jev
EVICTED: Nash (9-0)
HOH: Joshua
UPSIDE DOWN: Josh C
NOMINEES: Brianna & Nathan
POV: Emma / DPOV: Jacob
FINAL NOMINEES: Nick & Nathan
EVICTED: Nick (4-3)
JOSHUA
i think i should be safe this week! well that's what brianna told me.. so hopefully she doesnt alivia me and put me up. other than that monty going home was ideal for me i think, yes i liked him as a person but he definitely didn't trust me as much as joey might. and he was a duo with nick so like.. he had to go ewp. nathan and nick were probably the votes to keep him. hopefully jury is at f11 which could possibly mean a double, which could possibly mean im fucked! :D
EMMA
I think its a high chance of me getting nominated i mean i got the upside veto but its like still i hate and love this game im having fun meeting people i love joshua play with jev again been fun i love aria i love jacob i love and miss gina and saira but its outside reasons why i cant focus however today is the very first day that i havent felt depressed but im scared of it creeping up on me again this game has been so confusing these people are so quiet yet so cracked it makes me frustarted the fact that the alliances or supposed alliances are all people who played in pasio or bbdanganronpa idk if its true but if it is it feels like i got no chance of winning the game alot of people are pretty outsided to me i like to think i got a good social game but i aint some social goddess idk its gonna take for me some dark magic for me to survive or have a chance of me winning this game at this point also the nathan thing i am pretty sure i go to him more then he comes to me and also im pretty sure if he and monty were final noms i would probably kept nathan over monty uwu but damn the victim card isnt cute like i been there done that games are fucking hard but u need to pick urself back up if you want to do well like damn nathan i hope ur okay its hard but he could probably do it if he tries i just guess i need to tell him that i dont want him to feel isolated.
JOEY
Sooooooo..... TANK BOWL SZN is still on. I threw yet another competition, but I’m literally so fucking safe this week, all I have to do is just relax, let Brianna take some blood on her hands, and hopefully Nash or Nathan go home this week. Nash and I don’t talk, but that’s what half the house has said. I need Jev here as a shield. Nathan I also need gone since I think he’s tryna manipulate me, and honestly, I ain’t here for it. Literally, if I have to get rid of Nash or Joshua myself, I’ll do it.
NASH
like... genuine congrats to brianna for making moves but i also think this decision was a bit of a choice? getting nathan out would be a predictable move, yes, but hes also messy/chaotic so i don’t see why i or jev would be seen as bigger threats than him? idk....
BRIANNA
https://youtu.be/YxxaFmBTQXc
ARIA
well. Perhaps its been a while HBFSDJF oopsie whoopsie,, so yeah this is going to be realllllyyy long but ive been doing a lot!! and yall deserve to know the mental olympics ive been going through these last couple weeks so its time for bullet point time!! ALSO I MISS SAIRA GINA MO AND MONTY A LOT BRING EM BACK
-in the stab comp, josh c has some sort of connection with jev and emma because they both stabbed him when they've both told me they liked him, so he threw
-joey finally snapped and made the alliance between me/kiki/joey/bri
-kiki is in a GREAT position but wbk (kiki jev joshua have to be together in some sense)
-joshua takes a shot at monty/nathan,,,conviently leaving nick the person WHO EVICTED SAIRA alone,,,inch resting
-joshua heard someone said his name, asked monty who ratted out josh, asked jos who ratted nathan- which leads to a nathan/joshua fight
-nathan ratted out the nathan/monty/nick alliance first
-joshua good at comps
-nash and emma(?) won something from the ud
-nick then leaks the alliance to me,,,after the veto is announced
-nick hinst at going after jacob
-nick warned me i was being grouped with bri/jacob
-whole house considers bri/jacob a group
-NATHAN WINS VETO FUCK YEAH
- jacob leaks kiki/nash/joshua/jacob alliance
-emma feels close with nick (REMEMBER THIS)
-jacob AND nick told nash gina was after them
-leaked to jacob nick is after them
-josh acted like he didnt know nash was connected?? is it a front???
-BRIANNA WINS HOH YASSSSSSSSS
-jacob tells me and bri nash has a dpov (might be fake)
-nathan blows up and clocks the majority thing and pisses everyone off
-i come up with cracked plans that WILL NOT be shared
-JOEY RECORDS CALLS!!! REMEMBER THIS!!!
-joey wants to go after joshua on live night
-joey feels close ot nick
-nick comes to me with a plan of voting out nathan with joshua/kiki so jev and nash come after bri and take her out weakening jacob
-using that knowledge i convince bri to veto nathan :)
-nick is super close to kiki
-talked to joshua josh nathan emma nick who are all evicting nash
-nathan wants kiki out before joshua
-nick thinks jacob leaked the everyone but... alliance
-nick wants to take a shot at jacob live night
So here we are. I somehow have no blood on my hands and someone whos very connected with major players (jacob and nick) is leaving :))) literally this week turned out so well im still squealing that the rumored "dpov" didnt get used fhbasjfd like when i saw the time limit passed i jumped around my room and squealed But!! the next big thing is where do i go from here. I THINK me bri and jacob are all safe in live night bc jacob's dpov can help if we're in trouble so im feeling kinda confident for the three of us, and then for some reason nick trusts me?? like a lot??? so i can get information and the perspective of the other side whenever i need it. Not super sure where to go from here but i want to keep the "sides" even so if someone like joshua/kiki/jev could go next that would be great although it probably won't. Honestly this game is starting to heat up and I've already set up all my pieces its just time to play with them.
Also kinda want to address that people in this house think that bri just ruined her game by doing that but i think i made a good point when i wrote this in my dr-
"You have a clocked group but you don’t want to take a shot at them because you might have “connections” within that group and think you can be the last person standing but at the end of the day they’re always gonna choose each over over you"
and i think Bri just broke the expectations of sheep being taken to the slaughter and rewrote her own destiny and im proud of her, shes literally the SWEETEST human being ive ever met and the rest of this house is NOTHING compared to her. This is @ someone btw you know who you are :)
and thats on pewiod <3
JEV
So just a little recap of the week, I wasn't surprised to be nominated in the slightest. It kinda bugged me that Brianna brought social interaction into her reasoning for nominations since she doesn't seem to be very responsive in PMs to anybody but I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I just hope me and Nash can survive this week because I don't think either of us deserve to leave over Nathan. Being called out by Nathan earlier this week really annoyed me since he was literally grasping at straws to throw anybody but himself under the bus then had the nerve to say he isn't a messy player... girl the delusion but hopefully he'll leave this week, that's if Brianna is smart and doesn't use the veto on him. He's loyal to nobody but himself and he's proven that this week with his house meeting.
KIKI
im super excited to make jury.... hopefully ill be able to make it this time longer... i seem to be cursed with horrible situational circumstances lately JDJEIDJDJFKD. anyway as of now my strategy was just to lay low until jury but i think i might continue that for a while... try not to win hoh. i have a finger in every pie as of right now and am in an alliance with everyone in the cast but nathan.... and in doing so have hopefully reduced myself as a target in the eyes of others.... kiki is a master of psychological manipulation. for the live night im banking on that to keep safe but i do tend to be good under pressure so if need be i can count on myself and probably even my closer allies such as joshua and nick to help me out if i end up in a sticky spot. shakes ass in here for the hosts. thats all thank u
ARIA
https://youtu.be/wekzYKEGI-8
HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJtu5a78U8c&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=7&t=0s
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Ep. #2 - “Shit ain’t over till the fat lady sings and I didn’t warm my pipes.” (Cameron)
Day 4:
Well. I survived my first tribal council of the season, and even though it went exactly according to plan, while I slept my entire day away, I'm still really hesitant to tell myself that I'm doing well on my tribe. I'm really nervous that my tribe mates are playing me, and that I'm really boo boo tha fool here.
I called Megan post-tribal, and I was finally able to get some closure on something that happened between us in our personal lives, which felt really good. After that, she asked me about the idol, to which I had responded "Wait, Julian didn't tell you?", which hopefully sows some seeds of doubt in Megan about Julian. Ideally, if the Enlil tribe has to go back to tribal council, the four of us can bear witness to a Megan vs. Julian war. Because unfortunately, the connections I have outside Enlil, are shared with either Julian or Megan. If Megan and Julian are going after each other pre-merge, or during a swap scenario, I don't have to share those connections anymore. After that, Megan and I just talked about the nudes we received during quarantine ~
I then promptly ran to Will to tell him about the potential crack I just formed between Julian and Megan, which was met with genuine excitement. I think I'm really gaining Will's trust, and I think we vibe so well together. Love that guy!
Overall, it wasn't a very productive day because I woke up at 4:30p PST. Love that for me, thanks for shading me @ Tribal Bodhi.
going into this scavenger hunt as the tribe that went to tribal last is worrysome. It's a challenge that's fully dependent on our activity, so we are at a serious disadvantage against the other two tribes that get to choose someone less active to sit out. We don't have that luxury. The point/life system eases the blow, however, since we can get less active players 1 life while more active players can get 3.
In case we lose, I'm trying to connect with everyone on the tribe. I really don't want to vote anyone out though. I have an alliance with Julian and JJ, and one with Will on the side. Chrissa wants to work with Julian, JJ and myself, and I think Megan and JJ have something on the side. I'm nervous for who would be the target in the vote, and any vote would hurt all of our games collectively. Hopefully we win because the next vote will not be easy AT ALL.
Done w typing this sheet
youtube
jj and zachary are so fucking annoying to this challenge and if i vote for you first at the swap, its probably because youre typing too much during this challenge
sorry not sorry xoxo - sincerely johnny a month from now
let me be clear with andrew I was not calling his hosting unfair i was calling the fact that a majority green item giving him a point unfair not the hosting but lack of yellow, also i have a headache i don't feel that good. and I just don't think zach should have had a point for it nothing against hosting obviously i watch a movie trivia thing where literally they have a challenge to challenge any questions that are unfair, that doesn't mean they are calling the question writers or the answer writers unfair.
Zach just won the tribal challenge for us which is fantastic. We can maintain the illusion of a unified tribe longer, which keeps us together in a swap situation, and Zach has clearly painted a challenge target on himself over the last two challenges which will make him go before me if our Triforce ever becomes the minority. I'm really happy with my position in the game right now
youtube
me and monty trying to find the idol and decode this annoying ass video https://imgur.com/a/lu7sbMu
Forgive me father for I have sinned it's been approximately three days since my last confession so far can't complain really we be winning they hating we be riding pretty damn clean I've got a majoritu alliance I didn't start so odds of it falling around me and being the first voted out slim to none thank the sweet baby jesis and all that good shit. Oh well that's all for now
JULIAN’S HOST CHAT GUEST, ZEE:
I am filling in a confessional because you told me to. I am in front of my fan because it's hot. I'm thinking that it seems pretty stupid to ask me for a confessional. Julian's prod chat isn't very interesting because he's distracted.
youtube
youtube
also just threw out madison's name to johnny. if this shit backfires on me ill be ):
https://youtu.be/Pqck1gayfJU
https://youtu.be/FMay7NycsPw
yo yo yo homies!!! fuck the scavenger hunt and the mobile Skype app !! Lowkey scared but I think I’m close with everyone on the tribe except madi soooooooooo that’s probably who will go tonight. I’ve connected a lot with Monty and am hoping we can work together closely moving forward 💕not sure how useful my relationship with Zach is going to be come swap/merge bc it seems like he’s ALREADY making himself a target like the big doof he is. More later 💋
https://youtu.be/Qg47yupj1bQ
https://youtu.be/vUK8A1qWVoA
Hello tumblr survivor world! Sorry I didnt confess for episode 1, I was going to but i accidentally exited out of the page when i almost finished writing it. Anyways, it was just a cast assessment for my tribe so tl;dr everyone on my tribe is great and its really sad that we have to vote someone out now.
So this whole weekend I was away so I was REALLY worried that I would be voted out since I sat out of the challenge. But after talking to Johnny and Isabelle, it seems like Madison will be voted out tonight. Which is so bad bc this her first game in a year, but hey it's our first vote and it's not me so it's not really the time to make a stand.
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Okay I took a break from writing this confessional and there's moreeeeeeeee so part 2 I guess. So I had a call with Johnny and we came up with an alliance of me, him, Isabelle, and Benji. What an iconic alliance, right? But also while Johnny and I talked we got onto the topic of idols and why it is that there hasn't been an idol post yet. I brought up that wayyyyyy back when in Malaysia and some other games around that time, some of the idol hunts were less clear cut. We ended up looking at the blog and clicking the "idol system" tab and it brought us to some weird crab video with audio that sounds like a pokemon cry? Idk part of me thinks its just a joke but I also have to consider that it might be SOMETHING. It said remember to like and subscribe so I sent a screenshot of me liking and subscribing to see if that would do anything but nope. Johnny said he'd do some thinking about it and get back to me later if he figures something out. Also tribal seems super clear cut so I'm a bit less worried now but y'know how it is I can't not worry about tribal.
i just spent $8 on a spectogram and STILL cant find this fucking idol im gonna kms... monty im sorry im steam rolling ahead looking for this thing without telling you, but thank you for the first clue xoxo... if i get stumped in the future ill reach out for SURE (but idt you trust me that much so this seems kinda valid to me) ((FOUR HOURS LATER: i told monty lololol))
ALSO FOR FUCKS SAKE I think madison is gonna go, and truthfully, im fine with it because it's the easiest thing to do due to her poor performance in the past few challenges and just being the least AROUND the tribe, but i know that it'd probably be better for me long term to get rid of abby because i just dont see her as a long term ally for me. i think she's close to JJ and Megan on the other tribe, and she's becoming much more acclimated to the tumblr survivor community that i just BET that she maybe has an additional connection on the rookie tribe. If I can attempt to break that up before we get to a swap, I think that's what im going to have to do figure out if we lose another challenge before a swap... i dont really want to see ANYBODY else go besides abby if im thinking about a second boot. i bet it wont be easy to take her out tho
also, if madison goes, this is like...... lowkey vindication for game changers???? last night i talked about this with monty and i was like hmmmm "is it ugly to bring up past game history?" and his response was "not if it's within the same series" .... so. vindication
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omg i just told madison how to find the idol system thing i hope she doesnt tell anyone i told her about it LMAO........ this almost seems too easy.i got added to two alliances today. why do i not feel safe? is it me going? WTF IS GOING ON
excited to be first boot because no one will TALK TO ME!
Things haven’t changed much since my last confessional! As far as I know the tribe hasn’t started into alliances and we’re all riding some excitement at having so far avoided tribal. I think the rest of the tribe and I are all feeling good and just focusing on making the tribe switch without losing any members.
from round 2
https://youtu.be/fk002uG2HoI
Hi sorry I forgot to do a confessional this round so this will be short imma just say a few things 1. I don’t trust julian one bit he can stop being shady to me 2. I can’t believe we aren’t going to tribal I’m so fkn happy i was able to pull out the win for our tribe because I didn’t want to lose anybody else 3. I love and adore will with all of my being and he’s my number 1 ally right now 4. I find it highly doubtful that there’s only one idol in this game and that you can’t find it until merge but that’s as far as I can get in the idol search for now so I guess there’s nothing I can do about it 5. I’m still having fun can’t wait to fuck up another flash game yay!!!
My Purple edit is amazing right now. But having played more games than most of these newbies, I have decided to take on the role of teacher and becoming more of a "role model" for these newbies. I feel like I have the closest bond with Zach, and I need to get a little closer with Collin. I have Grace from past games, and then there are the others who I do not really have any strong bonds with at the moment. I guess I need to start going to them more and show that I want to work with them.
https://youtu.be/yhwXzqrTcsA
Confessional 2 for round 2
https://youtu.be/TVnpwqc8XLY
Madison voted out 6-1
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angsty trans/gay rant
like a lot of people are saying they wouldnt be cis assigned gender and/or het if they could choose and. i super admire that and im happy that they can be in a place where theyre happy with who they are and not ashamed of themselves but. i would. i really fucking would. like i will stand up for ppls rights to be able to come out in a safe & supportive environment where they dont have to be shamed for being themselves til my dying breath because they deserve those good things.
but that doesnt mean i will do those things for myself. i would still rather be a cishet girl whos uncomfortable with her body rolls and a bit too depressed to do anything about it than. idk a gay trans guy whos so ashamed and disgusted with himself that it took him years to come out. to a family that claims theyre supportive but are now trying to convince him hes either spending too much time online, letting his hyperempathy get the better of him for people who actually live through that, (implying) hes just faking it to make it seem more real to him or just psychotic to the point that he lost his grip on the difference between delusion and reality. just basically trying to tell him hes not clear in the head, and telling him that if there is literally absolutely no other way out, they will let him transition. and having most of his depression stem from his body dysphoria. even though there are clear underlying issues.
ofc i know lgbt is an ok thing to be. i get so happy when ppl refer to me as male even tho i feel so much shame and self hate for making people cater to my needs at the same time. but i would rather be a cishet girl who just used to have a problem with bullying and a few abusive friends than have yet 15 more added on layers that make it so bad that i literally cant think of any other way out than to slowly kill myself either by drinking, cutting, or just end it outright and never let my issues be known to anybody. going back to therapy can only help for so long and i already bring enough shame to them by that as is.
i fucking hate causing my parents and brother this much trouble and forcing them to go through yet more things because of me. i shoud never have come out and instead just stayed in the closet and waited for this to pass. i should never have bought a binder in the first place and instead just quietly waited for this to end. but i literally just couldnt wait anymore when i was pretty much forced to come out bcus i was so upset at this point that i felt i was going to either explode or die if i kept this to myself and my circle of friends. even if i had a panic attack before telling them. and everyone around focuses specifically on the ppl regretting transitioning and are trying to tell me that basically nothing will change. my brother knows someone who went through this first hand and tells me its ok to be a masculine girl even when i told him that it just isnt enough anymore. thats great. its also the last thing i need to hear.
im really happy that i have lgbt friends that can be themselves comfortably and not hate themselves for being lgbt constantly. its so good to see them walk forwards in life with pride even when im right here wishing i wasnt myself and wishing i was literally anything else because its so much easier and i feel so weak because of it i feel like a quitter
on my period and thats probably whats making me so upset abt this but im so angry and tired of constantly being shoved back in the closet under the guise of focusing on my happiness first and people telling me how long it will take to transition and do everything and constantly repeating “but what if halfway through you realize its not The Thing™?” and how much transitioning costs the state. and just constantly trying to make me doubt myself again and again when i just keep realizing after a while that it hurt me more than it did good. and each time it just gets worse. i dont want this either, you know!!!!! id rather not have these issues more than anyone!!!!! id rather fucking die than be like this!!!!!!!! theres nowhere to vent this but here i dont know if i can trust anyone irl anymore because its just false hope on top of false hope getting crushed time and time again but i know i just cant keep clinging to things with online friends. idk i guess im just. so used to keeping things to myself i guess.
idk im just nauseous becuase of my body but i cant drink or cut because i will just get in trouble again and i cant go to any websites because nothing helps.
thinking about my body makes me crazy. trying not to think about my body makes me crazy. trying to keep myself from thinking abt having sex with men (because lets be real thats never going to happen irl) is making me crazy. trying to think about transitioning makes me crazy. talking to my parents about me getting help for this in some kind of way is making me feel like im literally 5 minutes away from being completely delirious because they make me feel like im just hallucinating this entire ordeal and deluding myself into thinking that i must be trans being the solution. i know theyre trying to focus on my happiness. i know theyre trying to make me more levelheaded about this and think rationally about what transitioning will really do to me. idfk im just a textbook crazy at this point. i dont even know anymore.
dont even make me start with being gay haha thats just a whole nother layer of bullshit and shame i dont want my parents to go through because of me.
idk i m nto meant to be crying but ut hurt sso much
#ha. this made such a pity piece.#d.txt#idfk anymore maybe the people areuodn me are right but this has been going on for so long idkf anymore#suicide / maybe#internalized transphobia ig#i feel so bad about posting this while everyone else is still mounring jonghyun but its just so bad#and i wanna go to emergency psych but everyone else is like 'thats not the solution to everything sweetie :)'#self harm /#alcohol abuse /#reply or like if u saw this post so i can at least know u looked at it u dont have to read it because shit gets Bad in the readmore.
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Episode #13: "im so EMO (TION)" - Bryce
I cant believe that im still here. And we have majority. 3 vs 2. Matt is coming to me know saying that he wants to work with me but like. Bruh. But that could be good tho having him. I have to see what happens with immunity first.
OKOKOKOK CAN WE JUST DISCUSS HOW AM I A FUCKING GOAT. FIRST OF ALL Jock destroyers was a pretty dominant alliance i played a SNITCH RAT GAME with exposing plans and i was lied to but like can i get some credit here like
first of all it was my fucking ideal to even force a tie, bryce wanted sharky out he didn't want rocks i wanted rocks when my ass was literally on the line here and i was still willing to go to rocks because i don't want to be a fucking goat and do what bryce or sharky wants this is the only way i could get brian SHARKYS #1 ALLY out of the game so that you know who sharky's #1 ALLY IS NOW FUCKING ME. so you know what yeah i'm a goat, greatest of all time actually and i at least deserve some level of credit or respect here to pull some shit off like this. only person on the fucking tribe with the balls to do this shit and i don't even have balls. OK BYE.
i literally dont have words. i keep having meltdowns and like its so not like me i usually just treat games as fun but im just so upset bc brian went home when we could have prevented it and now im in a spot where annabelle and sharky control things and im basically going to get 5th. i really thought i was doing something and life came at me real quick and said learn ur place KJFSHKJDFHSKJ. like the play anna made was smart so go her i just hate that i got played and that brian left with the vote steal and that my game is ruined and i came so far and i thought i was playing alright also i hate how everyone and their mother keeps calling me out for playing the middle KJSFHFKS like grow up and shade me in ur confessionals not to my face im SENSITIVE AUBRY. basically the point is: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/506665419092918273/541697763788980225/image0.jpg
I'm SHOCKED. I swore to Annabelle I wouldn't right her name down. And yet she writes my name down! And just as I was thinking I could trust Bryce HE RALLIES VOTES AGAINST ME! I'm so pissed off, and scared, and hurt, and now I have to scramble to figure something out.
Okay let recap everything that has gone down in this 24 hours since I was betrayed. So I talked to Annabelle A LOT. Basically we've talked to each other a ton. I discover that Anna made the plan for the tie and then Bryce was only willing to flip if the vote was for me. SHADY. I knew I should have never trusted him. So basically either I convince Annabelle to save me, everyone goes to rocks, or Matt and Brian flip on me and I go home. I would have said the last one was super unlikely. So I start busting my ass to sway Annabelle. We have really opened up to each other about our games, she is feeling like she has to make a big move. I talked to her about how I feel hurt because I've busted my ass all game to save Anna and Matt and now they both seem unwilling to save me. I tell the guys we just have to be nice but imply to her she stands no shot of making the end without me and how Bryce is going to win. She has no idea we have the vote steal so Brian/Matt would definitely get Bryce out next. So I go to sleep thinking we are making progress. I wake up an Anna is like "Matt was rude to me so I'm definitely not flipping" so I'm starting to feel really hopeless. And then Matt and Brian both started to dodge the idea of rocks. And Anna is telling me Bryce thinks Matt is probably going to flip. So i'm thinking it's over. And in the FB Bois chat Matt and Brian both keep being like "I'm so conflicted" "we'd be guaranteed f4" "blah blah blah" So now I'm realizing these two aren't willing to go to rocks for me. I've spent this whole season trying to save our alliance at any cost. And now that I'm the one in danger...they aren't willing to take the risk. SO now I get it. I've been too nice. If they are going to put their games above mine and aren't willing to risk it so all 3 of us can make F5...I'm going to have to make sure we take that risk because it's my only shot. So I pitch to Anna a way she can get her rocks and I can be safe. We tell them that Anna agrees to save me. That way they think were set and it'll all work out and then it'll go to rocks and I'll be safe. It's super risky and I'm putting all my faith in Annabelle and I feel so scared and guilty and idk but this is the only way I survive and there is a chance Anna goes and it all works out. But...it's also not lost on me that Anna is willing to risk her own game to save me...but my own alliance isn't. I'm feeling...weird.
Brian went home. I...honestly am just feeling horrible. And he was so mad at me. Like mad to the point that I'm worried I ruined a real life friendship over this game. And Matt is furious too and he's going off on me in our group chat which fucking sucks. Like that was the worst case scenario for me. And it sucks. But I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. Like both Brian and Matt were willing to vote me out so they didn't have to go to rocks. They put their game first so why am I a villain for doing the same thing? And they want to be like "we were up front with you about not being sure" like that's supposed to make me feel better. Yeah of course you were honest you weren't the ones in danger. It's easy for y'all to be honest when you're just going to vote me out. I couldn't have been honest with them or they would have flipped and I would have gone home. How do they not see that? Was I supposed to just give up? How is that fair? And how is it that they can vote me out and I just have to accept that but they can't accept that I saved myself. I'm feeling super alone, like I can't trust anybody, and like my best friends won't even take a second to look at it from my point of view. Of course I feel terrible. I just hope this doesn't come between genuine friendships.
ANNA REALLY JUST CLOCKS ME AND SHE KNOW SHE CAN BC WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO. me matt maynor better be this f3 matt might win tbh but idc! anna has CROSSED ME and like laughs in my face FKJADSHFKAJ like yes ur iconic yes u did #that but im in this game with u and its a lil rude to flaunt ur success at me FKJADSHFAKJ when i do sth good i would never constantly bring it up (btw i won immunity once and got that cute blue color so everyone is jealous prob...) also im so emo i miss dennis and i miss brian they were the 2 ppl who i felt close to in the game and theyre both gone i literally am so upset i feel like if i wasnt so busy before tribal i could have talked to brian more and convinced him he had to vote sharky bc i KNEW anna was voting sharky but he bought her lies and i was convincing enough so i just feel its my fault i lost my closest ally (and his vote steal) although maybe he would have beat me in the end so this is good thing? nope! like i think i played alright in the middle but ppl prob wont respect it and idk if i would bc clearly im biased and maybe i am just a goat and thats why im still in like i rly tried to do sth this round but didnt i just ugh so demotivated hehe but maybe ill snap or sth insert positive uplifting quote here i just hope that i can turn this around and defeat anna and her pet shark. ALTHOUGH ITS LIKE WHERE THE BIG DOG PULLS ITS OWNER AND WALKS IT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. im so EMO (TION)
yesterday i was feeling a LOT of emotions and now that i have distanced myself i realize that my emotions were VALID and i am perfect and had the RIGHT to be upset that everything went wrong. i am speaking my immunity win into existence it WILL happen. i HAVE done the homework and even if i flop it (which i wont) i will still NOT GO HOME bc matt and maynor are hopefully on my side. OK BUT LIKE IM JUST SO JKAFSHKAJDSFHADSKFJA
This immunity is very important. We cant let Matt or Sharky win it. We need to have the opinion for them available to be voted out.
So like.... I am upset and feel very alone now in this game. Brian got rocked out and i was lied to again. I am just like so over it. I feel manipulated when I did have all the power and could've got a big threat out. but NO sharky and anna the fucking dynamic duo they are decided it would be fun to go to rocks! I am just so over it. Im getting fucking 5th place and I am MAD.
OR AM I? I decided to lie last night and say i gave my idol to brian last night. Why? It would paint an even bigger target on my back so i can go idoling. Cause of course I am not dumb enough to go and give my idol away hell naw. Instead, I need to knock sharky out of the immunity comp tonight but then get everyone on my case so they vote me. then boom idol. i know that this should get me to f3. I hope. If sharky goes next, and anna/maynor win FIC. then i know i can get at least maynor with me cause Bryce will then be the clear winner out of us 4. then maybe i will have a shot at the win but eh, need to get there first. I hope to god this can work and if not, final juror here i come!
I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. I feel so bad about the Brian situation. Matt won't respond because he probably hates me. I feel like a trash person. And tbh I'm questioning if I even deserve to be here.
I feel sick. Literally this is the worst case scenario. If anybody else had won everything would be fine. And now Matt has like given up which makes me even sadder. I'm honestly considering asking everybody to vote me out. So that Matt at least has a shot of making FTC. This sucks.
I WON IMMUNITY WOOOH IM SO ICONIC IM LITERALLY A LOSING FINALIST AND EVERYONE WANTS ME OUT I FEEL LIKE ILL LOSE IN THE END BUT THAT WONT STOP THESE PPL FROM GIVING ME 4TH WHEN I LOSE THE NEXT IMMUNITY AJKFDSHKFAJ THEYRE ALL LIKE SO VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED I WON IM SO SAD NNNN I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM! i really hope they vote out sharky now bc its literally the smart move but im willing to bet theyll keep him to spite me annas gonna be like sharky needs to stay we get him out NEXT round and maynor might be convinced or sth idk and matt idk askdjfhdkjf i thought we were good but he ghosted me all day today so hm. club 96 nina and tina really falling apart
Matt is literally shutting down. Like I'm trying to talk with him and mend things and try to rally him so we can figure out how to keep us both safe and honestly he's just not interested. He seems disinterested and honestly he's being kind of a brat. Stop pouting! Sack up and help me fight. Because yes I was selfish last round and that put us in a tough spot but It was never my idea to trust Bryce or my idea to ignore that we had a vote steal to secure our vote at F6. I'm not the only one who made mistakes. So come on and let's freaking recover! Or are we just supposed to lay down and award Bryce the win? UGH
I was really on the brink of asking everybody to vote me out. But Matt is being so useless right now. If he's going to act like that he'll just get picked off at F4. He has no fight. So I'm over it. I really do love him but at this point I'm going to have to just try my best to get Annabelle and Maynor to believe that they stand the best chance at FTC against me, instead of Bryce or Matt. I've already ruined my reputation so I might as well at least try to fight. I feel over everything but I have to get it together.
The vote hopefully is between Matt and Sharky. I know Bryce really wants Sharky gone. Annabelle and I are talking and seeing which route is the best for us to make it to the end.
Like wow. My brain is so big. Im pretending that I threw away my idol to brian at the last second, and that I am leaving this round. Whereas in actually reality I still have my idol and sure as heck im playing it tonight and making final 4 YEET.
like woe is me, woe is me, lol no bitch im here to stay. Sharky like, needs to leave as well. I love him but 2 big if a threat and I would quite like to well, win.
Oh and as I write this annabelle needs me huh. Well listen here, you lied to my fucking face and got brian out. Thus, you also need to leave bish. I am fed up of being lied 2 constantly by these fuckers called my tribemates and I am NOT here for it anymore. Time to play the lies and deceit game myself huh
This round is so weird for me. I felt like I was in such a tough place and feeling really defeated. But now Anna is getting paranoid and there is a very slim chance I could get her to to vote Maynor and then Matt and I both make F4. But my issues is I can't trust anybody. Because I don't think anybody trusts me. Like Maynor is being very noncommittal. Anna keeps flip flopping and maybe she'll flip onto me. Matt seems on board but honestly maybe he deeply deeply hates me and is just lying and will vote me out.
There is a little over an hour left before tribal. I'm convinced that it's me going home. Everyone seems to be too easy to agree to vote with me. It's not looking good.
Literally wtf. The Biggest plot twist of the century is occurring. I'M THE SWING VOTE?? Like since when in hell was I going to be the deciding factor. I mean I like it, I have the power for once and I am safe but still omg i LOVE IT!
I am bunsen the Berner in this image, deciding between 2 fates:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD8lXwUwAAgTlp?format=jpg&name=900x900
Having a panic attack. Im really nervous. Like i know its between Matt and Sharky. But there is still a chance that somehow me or annabell could still go. I hope it doesnt and its clear cut with Sharky and Matt. Fingers cross. Or imma die.
i had a good talk with anna today and i kind of love her (as long as she votes sharky) i think maynor might go now which is sad bc anna says matt/sharky are doing that but like matt says that he wants me maynor him f3 so who knows! anna like was honest with me about not knowing who to vote and seems to be voting sharky but literally anything can happen so whomst knows.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokok i feel so fucking badly about this move like so badly ughhhhhhhhhh but i feel like it has to happen i'm so so soooo sorry sharky like you have no idea i've been torn all day on what i should do and idk i feel like i lose no matter what this fucking blows
Sharky is voted out 4-1.
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SA: i have never seen a small troll so happy in my life.
SA: I bought them ice cream.
TT: what flavor TT: if you say smTh like vanilla you are going To a(\/)Tually die
SA: why do you hate vanilla so much?
SA: I bought them what they liked best.
SA: it was butter pecan.
ID: guess what chat, i'm bored and bitchy so someone should give me a reason not to be.
ID: or a reason to be more bitchy. that works too.
DD: i think i would prefer to give you a reason to be less bitchy
DD: and in light of that it might be worth asking what you are feeling bitchy about!
DD: you can think of it as talking about your problems but also lets be real gossip is fun and bitching about yout bitchy feelings is cathartic
ID: pff well at least you're honest about why you're concerned. =:P i'm just bitchy because of some stuff that happened that i'm not about to share on the chat. for fear of the wrong eyes seeing.
ID: so sorry, no gossip!
DD: well thats unfortunate clearly i have no reason to keep talking to you DD: im joking of course i am sorry that bad things happened the fun part of gossip is getting together with friends to trash talk the people you dislike not the nature of the suffering itself DD: in the end it is my overall preference that my friends do not feel shitty DD: and as we have totally established we are at least on the first tier of friendship >:D
ID: you a trash talking pro then there daz? =:P i'll have to remember not to upset you. so you can't drag my good name through the mud.
ID: the first step of a long climb, you gotta be dedicated to this friendship.
DD: well okay to be honest i am not usually the one doing the trash talking unless it is in respect to my mechanical equipment some of which has developed an attitude as a result of the artificial intelligence frames i have installed to assist me with my work but that is more affectionate trashtalking like one might perform when calling their pet cuttlefish fat DD: mostly it is my friend trash talking but when i have issues i have to acknowledge usually it is me messing up like it was earlier with prisma and in those cases i just kind of go be by myself a bit because trash talking is fun but me crying to someone is significantly less so
DD: and of course i am dedicated or well as dedicated as i have reason to be which is to say you are fun to talk to and i can see myself doing so for the forseeable future but i am afraid i am not yet ready to lay down my life for you no matter how much colorful claw varnish you introduce me to
ID: man can you type. or is this a talk to text program. either way you're fast. and wordy.
ID: not saying its bad.
ID: before you get offended.
DD: i type very quickly but i am told i talk very quickly as well it is sometimes a problem but unfortunately i have a hard time telling when it is appropriate to stop because really i want to say all of the things that are relevant and i think theyre all important DD: also i am not offended dont worry you are only saying the truth
ID: and you should trash talk more, it's great.
DD: i dont really have anybody to trash talk though!
DD: except maybe the people on team jaycob
DD: they have awful taste that is quite worthy of trashing
ID: so far i don't think we've seen any of them around.
DD: the problem remains! 😦
DD: to clarify that is a sarcastic smiley i am not actually that torn up over the issue of not having a fight to pick with people and i am afraid i have been coming of as sufficiently ditzy lately that that may be unclear
ID: hahah, well. if it makes you feel better chat rooms are hard to guage that sort of shit.
ID: though some people put /s at the end of sarcastic remarks to indicate sarcasm.
DD: i feel like thats a little bit too on the nose sometimes
ID: also the colorful claw varnish is the best and you're really missing out by not going out and purchasing some that changes color.
DD: but its still probably better than a long paragraph explaining my intentions so i will keep it in mind!
ID: it's hella fun to run under different temperatured water.
ID: just use it when you reallllyyyy don't want someone to get offended.
DD: and oh dear well that is what we are going shopping for later isnt it! DD: there is not very much of anything at all to buy here in such a small town though admittedly the local burgers are delicious and its always more fun to buy that sort of thing in person with friends than just ordering it online for drone delivery
ID: because when they're already het up a long explanation can make it worse.
DD: why would people be offended?
ID: also yeah you probably went to the same burger place as i did with gliese and they had some fantastic burgers.
ID: because it can come off as...
ID: what's the word.
ID: that means you're talking down to a troll because you think they're dumb.
DD: condescending!
ID: that.
DD: and oh dear that makes sense DD: i think that was the issue with my apology explanation earlier as well DD: i was worried that i might be misrepresenting myself and i did not want prisma to think i was acting out of malice but really it came off like i thought he was dumb
DD: that sucks 😦
ID: yeah, it's a slippery slope of being understood and coming off as a prick.
ID: slipperier for you since you're a fish.
DD: !!
DD: what do you mean
ID: ....look, you know how stereotypes work right.
ID: the biggest stereotype for a fish for us lowbloods is that every troll with fins is a jerk.
DD: i have had little experience with socializing with large numbers of people DD: i have had much experience with watching tv
DD: and oh dear
DD: ... i guess i knew that i just didnt really think about it or how it might apply to me
ID: yeahhh. see you're in a position where you can just. not apply things to yourself and be safe doing it.
ID: where us lowerbloods have to be more wary and careful.
ID: better to assume a highblood is gonna mess you up. rather than trust one and get fucked up. y'know?
DD: ... yeah
DD: that makes sense DD: D:
DD: ... do i maybe come off like a person that would mess somebody else up though like generally stereotypes aside
ID: well i mean.
ID: if you were really devoted.
ID: some fish like to play the long con.
DD: the long con??
DD: i mean i understand what you mean i just dont understand why that would be something that you might be concerned about somebody else doing
ID: ...because i like living.
ID: and am also maybe a little paranoid.
DD: hm! DD: i am just asking because i mean yes i understand that i am a seadweller and this means i am sturdier than most lowbloods but also there are other seadwellers fully capable of hurting me too both physically emotionally socially and financially and in fact i have recently narrowly escaped an assassination attempt but i suppose i still do not see that much reason to be consistently concerned about somebody playing a long con on me DD: thought maybe that is why somebody tried to cull me so you may have a point in that respect
ID: hahah why did they try to assassinate you...? =:/
ID: is that what happened to your horns.
DD: yes!
DD: and i suppose it is because i am one of the two chief executives of a very rapidly successful starship tech company and there are some issues with you know brand competition
DD: and resentment because the field thus far has been dominated primarily by long-standing memebers of it an i am fairly young as well as the issue that well
iD: oh. yeah. cut-throat business, they don't like the new fish muscling in on things. i get it. i mean it's shitty but i understand.
DD: one of the other recent entrants into the field of helmstechnology development is qpin and they are uniquely known for their ruthless competitiveness though of course i cant strictly say that they were behind it
DD: though my co-ceo says it was likely them because the queenpin is the head and she has a lot of trouble in terms of competitiveness on account of being a jadeblood
DD: but all of that is politics and i am afraid that i am not particularly great at it and i have no idea who it was
ID: ...also jeesh i guess i should have. expected you to be working on helm shit since you're at the helm station. i'm kinda glad you're not allowed to talk about what you're developing now.
ID: but congrats on not dying.
ID: or becoming too maimed to continue working.
ID: sorry about the horns though.
DD: thank you!!
DD: i appreciate your celebration of my narrow avoidance of death : P
DD: also what is wrong with as you phrased it helm shit?
DD: i will refrain from talking about it if it makes you uncomfortable but i am afraid i dont understand
ID: you're the only person who is apparently willing to chat tonight so i'm glad you survived long enough to chat. =:P
ID: i don't like helm shit. it's like.
ID: the text version of claws on a chalkboard for me.
DD: truly high accolades
SA: nobody asked if they wanted me in the chat :/
DD: and oh my goodness well i will keep that in mind
DD: umm
ID: pris! sorry, i assumed you were napping.
SA: i'm teasing.
DD: i think maybe the assumption was that you were not present on account of earlier hads said-
DD: oh
DD: oops
ID: =:P
ID: 💚
DD: 💜 >:D
DD: do you maybe have anything that you would like to trash talk about because we have recently arrived at the conclusion that it is a worthwhile endeavor but i have nobody to trash talk and hads is being very secretive about the source of his miffedness
ID: yeah pris, give us some trash talk. =:P
SA: oh.
SA: um.
SA: ...
SA: this is. rather hard.
DD: unless of course you would like to join hads in the club of secretiveness which i assume is alternatively titled the club of the subjects of the trash talking being potentially present in the chatroom at a later date?
SA: no, I have no secret salt. I have made most of it known.
ID: yeah pris is a pretty honest guy.
DD: oh in that case what is difficult?
SA: I do not tend to hold on to animosity for extreme periods of time.
SA: It takes energy I do not have.
SA: I would rather reserve it for stopping hadean from getting into a bonus fight after Ashley.
SA: let me think.
ID: =:PPPP
DD: oh dear DD: see that statement there sounds a little bit like salt though maybe perhaps not the sort that is meant to be a source of amusement
ID: i need a post-victory fight tho pris!
SA: i think that it's very stupid that high bloods become very offended when I enter their space.
SA: they can't stand the idea i have as much money as them.
SA: that is sufficiently salty.
DD: also i think i understand that i tend to not hold onto angry feelings for very long but i in general am a lot more inclined to be sad rather than mad
ID: i'll take it! that's some salt. fuck them for getting snooty.
DD: and i appreciate the pun there though i am not sure what you mean DD: i dont find you offensive to be around at all
ID: the stereotypical fish daz.
DD: oh this is about stereotypes again
SA: it must be hard to live life with such a fragile ego that because someone is well-tailored and capable of pulling several thousand out of their wallet in cash, you must threaten them as much as possible to feel powerful again.
ID: do i gotta punch someone for you pris?
SA: you do not need a post victory fight you need a post-victory ice cream and bandaids.
ID: =:PPPP
SA: also dazzle I am regularly somewhat salty at Hadean. it is the spice of our friendship.
DD: yes seconding hads though more in spirit of concern rather than desire to actually punch anybody what i mean is that it sounds like you recently had a bad experience
DD: is that why hads is the saltlick
SA: yes but taht's also because he's salty anyways.
SA: ❤
ID: is salt a spice now.
ID: 💚
DD: <3< ??
ID: what.
SA: i did not recently have one, no. It just happens when I leave the loft. I live in West Haven, which is majority high-bloods.
ID: no. definitely no.
DD: platonic spade i suppose but i cannot find it in blue
DD: or purple or green
SA: oh no. It's not like that at all.
SA: I thought salt was a spice... is something only a spice if it grows?
ID: idk.
ID: daz is salt a spice.
DD: i am going to say yes though mostly out of convenience for the sake of making puns and less because i actually know
SA: oh.
SA: well that's as good of an answer as any.
DD: although on the topic of growing i can at least say acid is often used to spice food underwater so
DD: there is at least that
SA: that sounds like. hell.
SA: but i suppose i won't judge i eat scorpions.
ID: ...how does. acid food taste...?
ID: does acid impart a flavor?
SA: is it citrus-y, dazzle
DD: that depends on the acid you use i suppose sometimes it is bitter and other times it is more sour and unfortunately i cannot tell you if it is citrusy on account of i have never had a citrus fruit though it does not taste much like orange candies if that helps
DD: also it is often used to cook food not just season it
ID: huh.
ID: weird.
SA: you should try an orange sometime. they are wonderful
DD: more weird than eating scorpions?? :{
DD: and apparently also squirrels
ID: i like berries the best out of fruit. but they're usually more expensive.
SA: I do not eat rodents.
ID: since they spoil quicker.
ID: i eat squirrels. =:P
SA: horrid.
ID: any port in a storm pris.
DD: i will have to try both oranges and berries in that case maybe even a smoothie consisting of both 😄
SA: do not do that.
SA: Orange is a very particular flavor.
DD: i am taking this landdweller food thing step by step
DD: oh
DD: interesting
SA: citrus pairs well with other citrus.
ID: try orange juice.
ID: that's easy to find.
SA: lemon and lime, for example. Or Mango and orange.
SA: yes.
SA: orange juice.
ID: mango is a citrus? =:????
SA: ,...I always thought it was.
SA: "While both citrus and tropical fruits are grown in warm climates, citrus fruits refer specifically to the genus of flowering fruits in the Rutaceae family, which include oranges, grapefruits and lemons as well as certain other species and hybrids such as the pomelo, key lime and citron. Mango is not a citrus"
SA: now I'm mad at Hadean for telling me mango is not a citrus.
DD: i think i will just buy a pile of fruit
DD: and see which ones i enjoy
SA: and ruining sweeps of disbelief.
ID: ...i mean. mangos are too sweet for a citrus.
ID: was my logic.
SA: are... are oranges not sweet to you.
ID: not as sweet as a mango!
ID: oranges have that citrus taste!
SA: make sure you learn how to prepare them, Dazzle.
DD: you mean you cant eat them raw??
ID: yeah but some of them you don't eat the outsides.
ID: like citrus fruits.
DD: maybe i can go to a fruit restaurant
SA: just putting a mango in your mouthi s not the most brilliant idea.
ID: but you can eat the outside of a mango can't you?
SA: no.
SA: you also can't eat the outside of a banana.
SA: or.
SA: You can but it will make you very sad.
SA: I learned this the hard way.
SA: It was unfortunate.
ID: 'Answer: Although the pit of a mango isn't considered edible, some people do eat the mango skin. The skin is bitter-tasting, but the peel contains several healthful chemical compounds, including powerful antioxidants mangiferin, norathyriol, and resveratrol.'
ID: i have no idea what any of those words mean.
SA: so the short version is it will make you sad.
SA: healthy.
SA :but sad.
DD: i need to be healthier i think but i do not want to be more sad
DD: but maybe the health will be making up for it because honestly most of my sadness as of late has come from my health
SA: are you of poor constitution?
ID: i'll be honest and admit i've never eaten a mango. so i was guessing on eating the skin.
DD: not usually!!!
DD: i am just
ID; adjusting to being on land?
DD: not used to living on the land and everything is very dry and my gills hurt a lot and everything tastes weird so i am also hungry all the time
DD: and also everything is very hot
SA: you would probably be happier in a bay area.
SA: why they let you move to a desert
SA: Is beyond me.
ID: because of the station pris.
SA: yes, but... why put it there.
ID: close to a lowblood settlement.
DD: because it is a remote location where i am unlikely to be found again by the person who previously attempted to assassinate me and also because there is a psionic training station that is located in the area on account of it being a lowblood locale with a high psionic concentration
SA: oh so abducting.
DD: and that is very useful for my research
ID: easy to lure them away from a shitty town to be experimented on.
DD: i mean i am
DD: unsure i would phrase it that way
DD: ... the luring not the town thing the town is pretty shitty
ID: good thing i did it for you.
DD: oh dear
ID: you're poor and life sucks and maybe your lusus is dead and you're scared.
ID: some highblood offering you candy if you come to his station sounds pretty good.
DD: actually i believe most of the recruiting is done through online means
SA: a more polite way of saying it would be that it is often easier to accept being an pet and know you are cared for than it is to be free and struggle.
ID: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ my point remains.
DD: and the payment tends to be in caegars and i know that is not what you mean i simply think you maybe are not representing it very accurately
ID: it's still sucky to do.
ID: most of those trolls have to choose between that and death.
DD: i mean it is also kind of sucky to work public service at a cafe but
ID: ...i mean a cafe doesn't screw things in to you.
SA: being a living experiment and test subject is very different from being subject to a screaming indigo about how their latte was not enough foam.
ID: you can leave a shitty cafe job.
SA: ...do they foam lattes...
SA: I dont know.
SA: I have the all the time, and I have never thought about it.
ID: and you're probably less likely to die in a cafe job.
ID: or fry your psi.
ID: and probably get culled for that.
DD: well i mean first of all the only test subjects are the two cerulean trolls i believe and also the people that volunteer to help me out but that part is not mandatory the main purpose of this station is to prepare trolls that have been conscripted for helmservice for an easier transition upon ascension and also accept anybody that would like to volunteer for the service without conscription not
DD: testing things really
ID: yeah well i bet if you asked a lot of wrigglers why they volunteered.
ID: you'd get a lot of 'i didn't have any other option' answers.
DD: hm
DD: i guess i do not know
SA: does it not
SA; unsettle you.
ID: you sure don't! but the first step is realizing you don't know.
SA: that our ships are using an archiac biotechnical method of power when we could built a technical system or a disocnnecting system for them.
SA: My pilot training used my inhibitor to join and disconnect me from a ship without hurting me in the slightest.
SA: and yet this isn't the norm.
ID: man you also hear those stories about them chopping a helms' fronds off.
ID: since they don't need them for anything.
DD: well as a starship technician i kind of have to argue your useage of the word archaic because the biotech we have developed is currently eons ahead of our purely mechanical methods of transportation which are heavily limited by both fuel systems and speed and also i am not sure that you are hearing accurate stories about limb removal that is definitely not a standard practice and would probably be actively detrimental to the process and helmsman adjustment and biowire integration DD: as would be constantly placing the pilot into painful situations upon connect and reconnect though maybe that may be the case withoutdated systems??? DD: the point of helmsman system design is to ensure a fluid and efficient connection
ID: ...huh.
ID: i mean tbh i never really paid attention to schoolfeeding about helms since. you gotta figure that stuff is just propaganda to make you think it's great.
DD: a decent amount of it probably is but that is the case with all fleet propaganda!! which is not necessarily a bad thing to be honest if you ask me personally because focusing on the negative aspects of a situation is never going to motivate anybody when you think about it regardless of what the job it
ID: i mean the ratio of cons to pros of some jobs are a lot easier to swallow than others. =:P
DD: that is very true DD: i would not want to be a garbage person i am not ashamed to admit this
ID: and i like walking.
DD: or a fighter like sipara i am fairly sturdy but i do not like being attacked
ID: if you could not tell by my adventurer lifestyle.
ID: and you can say that i can explore wayyyy more stuff in a ship but i'm pretty sure it is soooo not the same.
DD: haha yes that is true i suppose i do not consider it much considering i am both very fond of swimming over walking and also my experience on starships as a nonpsionic troll involves not very much walking anyways
DD: partially because i am stuck in my coon trying to adjust to orbit but also primarily because there is also not much room to walk
ID: ...i guess since i've already dived in to this ball of squick i might as well ask since you'd know best.
ID: does like. your kind of psi make you better or worse or not usable for a helm?
DD: yes very much so!
DD: there is a psionic ranking system of course in terms of the amount of raw power available but also the type of psionics make a difference for example cerulean psychics and indigos are not functional for ship powering at all and varieties among lowbloods that exhibit nonphysical properties such as clairvoyance are typically not high enough on the actual kinetic energy production to be able to power a ship with any efficiency as conversion to a useable power source is often very inefficient and also takes up energy in the process which rather defeats the point
DD: for example telekinetic type psionics tend to be the most effective for helming while more psychically oriented powers are not
SA: sometimes hybridization allows multifaceted psionics but it's also very rare in natural occurance.
SA: i can pilot a starfighter with my telekinesis as long as the ship and my inhibitor are programmed to allow the link through.
Sa: But an entire ship wuld be beyond me.
SA; and for the most part starfighters rely on a psion's ability to generate shields and manipulate other variables for a quicker reactions time, but not flight itself.
DD: there are also augments that assist with that!
ID: hahahah okay can this be enough helms talk now.
ID: i've exceeded my comfort zone.
DD: that is part of what the psionic training facility that i am part of helps with-
DD: oh dear my apologies
DD: i will stop!
SA: 😃
ID: i mean i asked so it's fine.
ID: just. new convo now plzkthx.
ID: ...i mean i should volunteer a new subject huh.
ID: pris did you have dinner?
ID: both of you for that matter.
ID: miss hungry because i don't eat.
SA: ...
SA: maybe.
ID: =>:I the ice cream you had earlier isn't dinner btw.
SA: i had a fruit salad.
DD: dinner??
DD: ...
DD: oh dear
DD: i am afraid i lost track of time
DD: i was going to say i did have dinner but that feels as though it was a long time ago and it occurs to me that that may have been dinner yesternight and it is possible that part of my discomfort with my health is because i am actually very hungry
ID: i'm gonna make you both set alarms to eat. =>:(
ID: a fruit salad and ice cream isn't enough for a night pris.
SA: mrmrm.
SA: I'll be back in a bit.
ID: if you get lonely while eating call sips' mobile and i'll steal it to vid chat. =:P
SA: well I may as well call it now then.
SA: i am.
SA: go find it.
ID: woofbesat, fetch. i see how it is. =:PPP
DD: i unfortunately tend to not notice my alarms it has been somewhat detrimental my friend used to ahve somebody come pull me away from my work and i thought it was sillybut now i am realizing it was probably very necessary
ID: get one of those bracelets that vibrate as an alarm.
ID: they might work better.
DD: but also that is my cue to go find food before i keel over and die so goodbye it was lovely talking to you and also that is a good idea i should find one of those
ID: ...damnit now the chat is empty again. =>:(
VC: Not quite.
VC: I'm taking a rrest on a courrierr trip, what's everryone else up to?
ID: uh i sent all the hungry skeletons off to eat because they all forget or think that a fruit salad is a meal.
ID: so they're doing that. and i'm just sitting here twiddling ym thumbs and watching pris eat on vid-chat on another mobile.
ID: ....is it rude to text someone while watching another troll in a vid chat.
SA: i'm talking.
SA: asshole.
SA: that. that wasn't serious
VC: Oh, I don't think I've met you before, SA.
SA: Hello.
SA: I am prisma.
ID: =:P i can multitask pris!
VC: I'm Cennef. And you and Hadean apparently know each other well, I take it?
ID: yeah we're buds.
ID: pris is cool, so be nice to him. =:P
SA: cennef. it's nice to meet you.
VC: He's yellow, what reason do I have to _not_ be civil?
VC: It's not like he's one of this room's silly highbloods.
VC: You seem well-mannerrred, so I agrree in turrn.
ID: he can speak kinda highblood-y sometimes but it was just how he was raised so don't pick on him. =:P
VC: Mannerrs and phrrassing of some things isn't an exclusive highblood trrait. I harrdly would.
VC: Pherrres talks like he's trrrying to sound cerrulean sometimes and that doesn't botherr me.
ID: i mean glad you understand that. some lowbloods get so offended when you use a 'highblood' term!
ID: like saying tub is gonna turn you blue.
VC: Ha. I may not carre forr highbloods, but - oh _rreally_
VC: Using theirr language isn't exactly a sin.
VC: That's rridiculous.
ID: you've never met a lowblood who got all snooty with you over it?
ID: the 'uhm, did you mean ABLUTION TRAP?' types?
VC: I suppose I have now that I think of it, but they arren't exactly trrolls I spent a lot of time arround.
VC: My ex quads werren't like that at all, norr arre any of my currrent frriends.
ID: wise move. there's having a grudge against highbloods and then there's overcull.
VC: I rreally only have a grrrudge against _one_ highblood, but I do lack fondness forr them in generral.
SA: i overcull teal bloods.
VC: Though perrhaps it might be prrrudent to stop talking about it in case any of them do come in.
SA: they have always patronized me.
SA: 😉
VC: Pfft, what
VC: I know you'rre joking, but I don't rreally get it
ID: hahah, it's a chat thing. we joke that teals are the worst because they're in the middle so they lash out more.
VC: Ohhhh
VC: To be honest, I have only met one tealblood outside of deliverries, which don't rreally count.
VC: He was...verrry odd.
ID: that's a tealblood for you.
VC: Well, he wasn't a lawtroll orr anything. He was some sorrt of perrforrmer.
ID: ...huh. was it the dumpster troll.
ID: ...do you know what i'm talking about. probably not.
VC: ...he cerrtainly _belonged_ in a dumpsterr but otherrwise no, I do not.
VC: Mine talked like some sorrt of flowerrry idiot and called himself barrd.
VC: Is that what this dumpsterr trroll did.
ID: yes!
VC: Oh my god.
SA: why is there a known dumpster dweller.
ID: he got ceruleans mad about historical bulge piercings.
SA; what dessert should I get?
VC: _Oh my god._
ID: and they threw him in a dumpster.
ID: ...the fluffy one.
VC: For once. I am on the bluebloods' side.
VC: _What is wrong with him._
VC: Correction.
VC: How many things arrre wrrong with him.
ID: and then he started dueling them in the dumpster.
VC: Though I'd probably be -
VC: _Highbloods._
ID: until someone came and rescued his hide.
ID: it was hilarious.
VC: That's completely rrridiculous.
ID: it was. but that made it hilarious.
ID: so what are you delivering...?
VC: Sorry, I was getting back on the road. I have my phone on talk-to-text now. It's some sorrrt of book collection for this olive.
ID: you're fine. how are you traveling? and that sounds. boring.
VC: Haha, I have no clue. They could be about stunning adventurrres, for all I know. I don't usually get told the details of what I deliverrr, unless they'rre imporrtant forr trransit.
VC: I rrride my lusus.
VC: She's not exactly a hoofbeast orr anything, but she can go at a decent pace with a trroll as small as I am.
ID: heyy a troll after my own pumper. though my lusus is a variety of hoofbeast.
VC: Ohh, what kind?
ID: antelope kind. but one of the big ones. he can carry me and my stuff no problem. and we have similar rocking racks.
VC: Pfft. Do you now.
VC: I have decently sized horns myself.
ID: about time. like this chat is mostly nubhorn central.
VC: I can prrrove I am not nubhorned.
VC: Ignorre the goofy exprression, this is just what I had on frrond. Also unforrrtunately I should pay attention to the terrrain now, it's getting rrough.
ID: huh. sorry i've not got an image right on hand to share. and i'm not in the prettiest shape for selfies, so you'll just have to take me at my word. =:P
VC: Haha
VC: Well I fully expect one laterrr
VC: But underrstandable - ow
VC: I rreally _should_ stop talking, dammit
ID: your lusus bad at navigating?
SA: the fluffy one
SA: that didn't tell me anything...
ID: point the camera at the menu for me.
SA: there...
ID: uhhh. the lemon tart thingy. since you said you like citrus.
SA: okay.
SA: delicious...
ID: you're welcome. =:P
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> Last week sometime...
caepaecaesurae
... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by. My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through.
brackishbarracuda
so i noticed
i didnt mean to start shit
caepaecaesurae
You havwen't, and he holds no animosity. Only memories.
brackishbarracuda
i cant reely say shit tbh w u
i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts
i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was
caepaecaesurae
.. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates.
brackishbarracuda
an nearly all a mine are fucked so
caepaecaesurae
I'm glad you're doing better
..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you.
brackishbarracuda
trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them
but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas
caepaecaesurae
There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes.
brackishbarracuda
aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement
caepaecaesurae
I'd agree. WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse?
brackishbarracuda
i dont think so i aint been payin attention
i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate
complicated efin
caepaecaesurae
Reasonable. ... I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain.
brackishbarracuda
as in dont tell me or u wont out me
caepaecaesurae
Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay.
brackishbarracuda
s fair
caepaecaesurae
But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity.
Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business. I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be.
brackishbarracuda
trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is
caepaecaesurae
Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand.
brackishbarracuda
pike i said its complicated 38/
and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular
caepaecaesurae
If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings?
brackishbarracuda
violaceousvanity
too many to fuckin count
brackishbarracuda
most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher
an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low
caepaecaesurae
.. Ugh.
brackishbarracuda
im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started
its platonic af
caepaecaesurae
I knowv the feeling.
Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be.
brackishbarracuda
hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently
brackishbarracuda
ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are
Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM
caepaecaesurae
I sympathise. Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best.
caepaecaesurae
Pardon for disappearing on you.
brackishbarracuda
nah shit happens
u aight
caepaecaesurae
> Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words.
Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all.
brackishbarracuda
count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep
caepaecaesurae
You havwe wvrigglers?
I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance.
brackishbarracuda
i dont talk aboat them much
naut publicly anyway
brackishbarracuda
too much shit can go wrong
but yeah i got five a them
caepaecaesurae
It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about.
Gods, that seems daunting.
brackishbarracuda
i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel
cept one
ones actually mine
caepaecaesurae
I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology.
He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though.
brackishbarracuda
yeah
caepaecaesurae
May I ask about the inheritance?
brackishbarracuda
bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen
caepaecaesurae
That's fairly accurate, aye.
brackishbarracuda
dead red
caepaecaesurae
I'm sorry.
brackishbarracuda
they didnt really have anybody else
me and the rails look after em
caepaecaesurae
Good that someone or something does.
If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere. I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it.
brackishbarracuda
loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now
brackishbarracuda
theyre mine
caepaecaesurae
I'm glad you care for them.
I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you.
Are they young, still ?
brackishbarracuda
it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u
little shits grow on u
yeah
caepaecaesurae
Has Arlequin met them yet?
brackishbarracuda
ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn
i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet
brackishbarracuda
lotta shit goin on rn
caepaecaesurae
I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers.
brackishbarracuda
yeah i can sea that lmao
hes a big cod damn nerd
brackishbarracuda
hey i got a question
caepaecaesurae
Aye?
Fire at wvill.
brackishbarracuda
do u no anybody youd trust w a needle
pike tattoos
do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar
caepaecaesurae
I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor.
I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use.
brackishbarracuda
idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this
but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it
tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him
caepaecaesurae
Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too.
I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others.
brackishbarracuda
thats fair
caepaecaesurae
I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted.
At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy.
brackishbarracuda
hell let it be trashy
caepaecaesurae
References to the Kraken
brackishbarracuda
lMAO
caepaecaesurae
A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it
brackishbarracuda
PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS
caepaecaesurae
Haha
Gods. Maybe.
brackishbarracuda
oh my shi t
absofuckinlutely i am behind this
and behind u so i can stare at it
caepaecaesurae
I appreciate the vwote of confidence.
"This side up"
brackishbarracuda
im la ughign i swear to fuck
man embrace that shit
caepaecaesurae
On the one hand, yes.
On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill.
And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it.
brackishbarracuda
i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer
caepaecaesurae
..Oddly true. Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay.
brackishbarracuda
embrace ur inner trash prince
caepaecaesurae
You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie.
brackishbarracuda
i am tho
caepaecaesurae
This Side Up is the best one I can think of. Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv
WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front?
I am preparing something.
brackishbarracuda
suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav
isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk
visual pun
put ahabs on ur bicep
caepaecaesurae
Oh, perfect
brackishbarracuda
i am all for this please dear cod
also ur attractive just fyi
caepaecaesurae
Thank you, I appreciate that. You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen.
brackishbarracuda
the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone
caepaecaesurae
Oh, aye, I need to do this more often.
brackishbarracuda
u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again
caepaecaesurae
One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future.
brackishbarracuda
oh my shit
ohhh my shit
caepaecaesurae
And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that -- Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh right."
brackishbarracuda
i am here for this
brackishbarracuda
plz at least keep the gun
caepaecaesurae
Hah. I don't knowv. The tiny one?
brackishbarracuda
yeah
i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker
caepaecaesurae
It is at that.
If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real. Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again.
brackishbarracuda
i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself
wtf me
caepaecaesurae
I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it.
brackishbarracuda
hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails
caepaecaesurae
I'm glad he is.
brackishbarracuda
i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance
caepaecaesurae
Hah. Both vvic and his brother?
Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it.
brackishbarracuda
yeah
f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own
caepaecaesurae
I havwe a fewv friends like that.
Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice.
brackishbarracuda
tru tf to that
Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM
brackishbarracuda
are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice
caepaecaesurae
No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him.
Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good.
brackishbarracuda
(that was a joke )
tru af tho
caepaecaesurae
I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest.
brackishbarracuda
aight fair
caepaecaesurae
Sorry, chief.
brackishbarracuda
nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for
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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME
warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.
im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.
last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me!
i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed.
in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES
first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!!
and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!
i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.
it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.
all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!
what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!
ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.
#trumpet hate#personal#wow this was..... so much..........#literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji]#caps /#negative /#self hate /#transphobia /#cissexism /#menstruation mention //#the experience#ask to tag
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Episode #11- “spouted”- Liam
That was such a risky move for me but I hope it pays off. I love cheatham so so much as a person but I cant beat him at the end and I'm here to win. So telling sara ,liam,and annmarie that info was best for me to gain there trust even more. Idk who I wanna go to the end with but It doesn't matter if I cant get myself there so that's the goal. Tumblr survivor gods please be with me !
I have NEVER felt so hopeless in an org before. Literally every time there's some glimmer of hope something comes to ruin it and lo and behold! The plan to flip the game failed. I'll tell ya this much though, I'm glad Vincent decided to show his cards on tribal soon because im making it my mission to not only tell Sara/AnnMarie that he is the one who got me off Liam and onto Sara, but that he is the only one who can claim legitimate ownership of this move. I think I benefit sort of out of already rested on the low end of the game...Annmarie is the key and if I can convince her that she can trust me and not Liam/Vincent and the others..then its a miracle.
So much drama has been happening so time for a juicy conf! I'm super ecstatic to win my first immunity this season! After Cheatham blew up his spot last episode to no avail, I'm gonna gun for him at this forthcoming tribal council, but I could similarly target Chris and get a step closer to the pool, but that would also mean I'd have to target Sara at F6 and that'd potentially ruin my end game plans since I want to be surrounded by people I believe that would take me to the end. I have a very close relationship with Vincent on the low, and I have my alliance with AnnMarie, Sara, and Austin, but I obviously can't be at the end with all these people. My most ideal scenario I suppose is gonna be flipping myself and Vincent over to vote off Sara with Cheatham & Chris, and then get me and Vincent to flip back next tribal to get rid of Chris, then I get to visit the pool, but it'd totally blow all the trust I've built with the Renegades...so much to think about this next 24hrs but I'm not letting this "getting dragged to the end" bullshit these people spouted in Touchy Subjects to define my game, I'm a much better player than that.
As hopeless as I feel, I recognize game when I do see it so you better believe Im gonna HAMM up a sob story with these guys with the hopes they get less likely to want me out. And so I have to spin each conversation I have. Vincent? Yea I think Austin is a threat. Austin? Yeah I think Vincent is a threat? Liam/Sara/AM? Awe man I feel so alone. Cheatham? Flap on butterfly
Knowledge is power in this game and I'm just over here absorbing it like a sponge for later use. Idk if Cheatham thinks he needs to save his ass or what but he's suddenly willing to fill me in on alliance chats and plans for this vote...even ones Austin hasn't told me. Cool...but you still tried idoling me out and I'm still going to come for you. As we now see, timing is everything in this game. Gotta just slither through the grass for a while and strike when the time is right. I see three sets of 'duos' in this game and there's no reason they shouldn't be split in the next three rounds...starting with Vincent/Liam.....hopefully....
It appears that we have a case of poor timing. I admire the move that was made, however, the timing was just terrible. By Vincent doing what he did, he allowed a hint of exposure to be had on his part and now the very thing we labeled Austin he has become. The supposed plan is to get him out. I got no clue how Liam feels but Sara and AnnMarie were for it so I figure why not. This game's always changing and hey anyone but me is a good motto to live by!
(LATER)
Howdy! So there's the plan to blindside Vincent BUT I pretty much am trying to save face and say Austin or Sara to Vincent and Liam who stopped talking. Its interesting to me because from Sara and AnnMarie's perspective I'd probably do Austin and then save Vincent for F6, thus ensuring a safety- which is why I pray they dont do it!
(LATER)
Moving forward, I hope that AnnMarie is uber willing to work with me, I decided to be honest about having her name but zero interest in voting her- to be fair I have yet to do so! Cheatham now loves me which is nice and I suspect Austin might be interested in taking me more seriously. Liam I just am talking to and Sara I've tried rekindling but I ultimately plan go vote and take whoever will help me win the most so stay tuned
(LATER)
If today's my last day, I want to leave feeling satisfied and right now I know Im in a meh spot but what I predicted would happen at the start of merge happened and I've done what I can to survive- thats all I can really ask to do
I feel its either me or vincent going tonight. I hope I made the right connections to keep me but ya never know. If they was smart I'd be going bc let's be honest I'm a huge threat to win the game
oh no final 7 it's my unlucky number, see you in ponderosa :wave:
this is my 6th time making final 7 out of every org i've played, and i've only made it to final 6 twice. but this time i'm actually going to make it to f6!
To me, there are two threats standing between me and the end. Sara, and Austin. I've heard from Liam that Austin wants me out, so he probably realized that I know he'd crush me at the end. Or Liam lied to me to try and make me scramble more, I'm keeping that in mind. I think Sara wants to go to the end with AnnMarie, and Liam knows that sticking with her is a terrible idea, considering he has brought up voting Sara to me. There's no way he sees that he'd lose going with Sara and not flip. So I think it's possible that we can get the votes on Sara. Liam threw out the name, Cheatham and Chris seem to be good with it, so we'd have the votes. However, if Austin hears of this, then if he is voting me, then him telling Sara and getting her/AM to vote me is very possible. Could they get a majority?I don't know, but it's stupid to risk it when I can get the majority without his vote. And he betrayed me last round so then I can say an eye for an eye. At this point the biggest threat to me is Austin voting me out, but Sara could do that too and is probably more easily able to. I hope I'm making the right move here.
I finally made up my mind & honestly just to change up this game and to (hopefully) get into the pool @ F5 I've decided I'm gonna go with vinnie and flip to Chris/Cheatham and hope it doesn't bite me in the ass in the very foreseeable future. It's such a risk but I need Vincent to stay in this game & they're wanting to take him out which just isn't on the cards for me, and since it's impossible for anybody to be in the pool yet I don't have to worry about them doing anything to prevent this vote from going smoothly, so all in all this move is gonna be so defining for my game & I can't wait to see the chaos unfold! The road to end may not be easier this way but I hope it destroys all the shit spouted bout me in touchy subjects!
Well the idol didn’t go as planned. I fucking told myself to use it on Kyle because i knew vincent would flip. Vincent for some reason thinks that he can convince me that it was chris... oh wait no it’s austin.... oh no it’s chris.... AND THEN back to austin. I’ve told Vincent everything that he wants to hear but i know him and liam are a F2 and they are not gonna take me far. I somehow convinced Sara that everything was Vincent’s idea and he tried to blame it on me. Then convince Liam and Vincent to vote Sara. Anything they tell me I tell Sara to make SURE that she votes out vincent. And Ann Marie will vote with whatever Sara is down for (i’m sorry AM i love you but it’s true) ANYWAYS. my plan is to get vincent out this week. Then next week, convince Liam that he has to make a big move or no one will vote for him in the end. So hopefully he will come with us. Luckily, He is burning his own bridge with Sara by literally TELLING HER that he is voting for her. Hopefully next week. Austin, Chris, Liam, and I can take out Sara and AM. I don’t think I can use the idol at that point but my list ALSO just so happens to be Sara and AM. So we will see how this goes! Hopefully I make it!
youtube
5 votes Vincent, 2 votes Sara.
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Life Imatating art.
Im a warrior. Dont get it wrong i have survived, but im not a survivor IM A WARRIOR!
#evenMorriganwascrushbylove, #homewreckerthisallyou #owie
Are you proud of Who You Are. Do you like Who You Are. I don’t know how you could! I couldn’t like somebody who purposely hurts children and ruins their homes. I couldn’t like someone who would knowingly cause pain 4 no reason other then she had a ache in her crotch.
Did it make you feel accomplished or strong, 2 get your hands on my husband. Real strength is in doing what’s right. Strong women get their own man, not act like sneaky whoring holes that cant understand right from wrong.
How do you sleep at night I ask because my children can’t they keep having nightmares about a divorce or if I leave. You took their security way. Shame on you curse you they dont deserve someone like you taking there home and family from them on a whim, how alful. You put them through this only because you want to see if you could, just some game to you, a challenge but its nothing, you dont even really cared about anyone.
you have destroyed seven people my family is shattered your affair with my husband has stripped my home of joy so I asked you are you proud?
it doesn’t seem right that you get to smile well my adult children worry about a mother that seems empty anymore they watch me fight for so long just to live now i wish i hadnt. Why did you walk in and take what little bit of joy and hope and happiness I had. Take the pride of family and make it a joke. You took form him to my husband, he lost the respect, lost the trust of his children wife nieghbors church. You stole from the children the sleep and carefree youth, the younger two keep having nightmares since this happened they’re afraid if I leave or we get divorced what will happen to them,they remember what it was like before me and they know what it’s been like up until now the short lived happiness of family and wholeness and none of us are sure we can do that anymore and here’s a really screwed-up thing if you cared about him you would have thought about these things you would have thought about the fact that if I don’t pay the rent and I’m not here if I leave my husband he will lose this house because he cannot even afford the rent on his income muchless add electrinity Child Care food xcetera. I on the other hand would be just fine my monthly annuity would go up by $450 my medical would be reinstated at full free and I have family here now. I am heartbroken I truly have lost everything I love my family but you don’t care about that you just wanted to get laid. I want you to fully understand the situation you caused the selfishness of your actions I hope someday that you feel the anguish of having to go on while simultaneously know that the happiness the joy and the trust, everything you believed has dissolved just suddenly gone. because some girl walked into your life ripped your family like you did mine. I hope that you have to hit your knees like I do and that you pray you wont wake up the next morning because these nothing worth the pain you gonna feel. and I hope you feel the crushing despair of waking up the next morning and knowing you’re still there and the situation still exist and then the other woman still exist but she’s smiling and you’ve got no smiles only uncertainty there is no choices left really, cant leave without children lossing everything, dont want stay anymore because now there is nothing to stay for. And you cant just get over it and forgive because you nolonger have a heart to forgive with. I hope you have to come to a decision for sake of the children because without you they won’t have a home they won’t have their care because you’re the only mother they’ve ever had and see it’s a little different than other children because these kids have already gone through being abandoned these kids have already been shipped from foster home to foster home. and while your head spins and you can’t think straight and all you hear is your own silent screaming inside. you have to paste on a smile and you have to do day-to-day life and you have to see doctors and therapist and help your children and you have to pretend everything’s okay even though you’re dead inside. The love you felt is fire that only burns you tourtures you. they emptiness were your faith in love and husband were is now dark cold ugly impossising and swallows all hope all of you like black whole devoring your soul .And the pain spreads he looses frieds and his family, then three verry good people who called him dad nolonger can look at him with out shame and anger. we are all stuck in a Time Loop of endless imploding doom what gives you the right to be so flippent with other people lives and well being. You devastated me in a way ( I have to give you credit because you did to me but cancer couldn’t, being raped couldn’t, losing family couldn’t) your actions brought me to my knees your actions have taken form my kids their sense of values our sense of family their belief in wedding vows loyalty and honesty. you ruined the respect for their father and you’ve left them wondering if relationships never work. If anybody is ever faithful because I mean Dad couldn’t do it, oh but I did and there witnessed to what i got for it. All I can do is think about the whole situation over and over and there is no going backwards no matter what I do there’s no fixing it it’s just too smashed up. One of the things I thought of since my husband wasn’t exactly faithful honest or trustworthy wasn’t exactly respectful of our marriage. Maybe he wasn’t completely honest with you either about me. So I introduce myself I am the woman the wife the mother you so casually took all hope from. the ones whose foundest memories are now only painful
I am his wife we have been for 8 years you probably don’t know. But when I met him he had nowhere to live is children were in foster care and about to be adopted out his oldest son had already been adopted . He was struggling to get sober, he had court issues and fines and a record. but I fell in love so I gave him a place to live with me and my children in my home and I filed all the paperwork with the courts to get his kids back I took him to all of his DUI classes & parenting classes, anger management things that he had to do for the courts. I took him for his drug testing I got him his Sr 29 I paid for his alcohol classes and I made sure that he was able to go through with every hoop CPS through at him. and then together we went back to court with CPS and we got custody now something you should know is his little daughter Mia and Andrew had been in the foster care system being bounced around for almost 1&½ yrs at that point they were only 33mo and six when I brought them home. It was hard those first 6 years I was the sole provider. So he could do all the things that the courts and CPS wanted him to do. Then there was his criminal history he was unable to get a job so I got all the paperwork and I wrote his dissertation for his judge and I got a lawyer to stand in court with him so he had an opportunity actually talk to the judge and I expunged his record. now he has been working for just over a year. And this last month March was the first month in 8 years that my husband’s pay any rent we split it. he has contributed to electric bill twice in 8 years. so you see I keep the roof over our heads and his children I keep the power on I get them to school I take them to doctors to therapy I do the all the homework I clean the whole house, he doesn’t do housework at least never has I do the laundry I watch the children this is my day. I get up at 5:30 I have half hour to make coffee take a shower and come to life before I wake up the kids they get on a school bus at 6:30 then I clean the house I start whatever laundry check to see what bills need to be paid or what appointments need to be kept and then my husband rolls out of bed at 10 I drop him off at work we leave here at 11:30 I get back home at 12:30 I now have two hours to clean other people’s toilets to subsidize our income so I can put food on the table because at 2:30 somebody has to be here to get Andrew off the bus because if you don’t know Andrew is physically and mentally disabled and he requires 24/7 care it does not go to regular school he’s in a day program Mia gets home at 4:30 usually I’ve gotten Andrews homework done by then I know it’s time to Mia. Next I have to make dinner so it can be served at 6:30 cuz one of the things with Andrew is autism and he has to have a schedule thats consistent or it throws him into episode he also has ADHD and oppositional Defiance disorder which means that any day the school can call me to come pick him up because he’s not getting along. if im not here what happens to them. I can make it with out him I do have my annuity from the cancer. A long fought lawsuit after years ago the government put a magnesium plant at the bottom of the hill we lived on. my mother, father, three Sisters two brothers and my grandmother have all died from cancer I am sole Survivor after 12 surgerys so I get paid every month a breakup of award from the lawsuit that’s what Shawn lives off my misfortunes. I have to stay up and get him after work, and am expected to have time together while he unwinds after work im lucky if i get more than 4 hrs a sleep a day. I havent had a day with out his kids in yrs. I was home with his kids, paying his way, loosing my medical care while him and his kid get free medical through state, because the kids are not my bio. so i nolonger have depents and his income is held against me but i get no bennifits or bills paid from him no it gose to his games and nights out with friends, and fucking around with you. You two get drunk and go dancing at the bar, and full around in front of all my nieghbors. He gets pulled over and gose to jail for dui and i get all your fucked off inappropriate sex text to him. So for all my doing “the right thing” for being his rock and wife in every sense possible. Along comes you and 1000’s of dollars in fines and court fees and impound fees. As it is he only sees his kids while they are awke for 8 hrs wk after school on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time hes asleep when there leaving for school and they’re already asleep when he gets home. But you two can go out on the town? I have only been out with my husband with out his kids 3 x in 6 yrs. How dare you how dare both of you. That is some shady shit, you two did to this family so dirty AND YOU HAD NO RIGHT OR REASON TOO.
If there is any justice in this world i hope it finds you. I hope you get a taste of my life. I hope you get cancer, i hope you get so sick and your teath fall out from it the chemo and the puking. I home the treatment robes your bones of strenght and you get degenerate disc disease and loose use of different extremities all the time with no warning,. and you get to feel the pain of neuropathy from having a stroke. Be cause your so physically over extended and exhausted from doing it all for your family. And I hope you fall madley deeply in love with some that you would do everything for them and you get to be a mom but to kid that are his not yours and then i hope someone like you comes along and and suduces your husband and it ruins everything and you have to hold those kids why they cry and beg you make it work cause there scared to death of the life had before you, and everyone including that other woman knows, if you go thats exactly were they will be. So you really cant do any thing but struggle to breath and cry and hurt in ways no one ever should. And i want you know i mean really understand what a selfish awful person you are. i want you to beg for death like i do because of you. The only difference between us then
will be you will have deserved it.
Amy cannday and your little check out friend now the world knows what you are
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EPISODE 6 - Going Home Now Would Be Embarrassing - Willa
(If a confessional is just a gif or a picture then it was most likely Veronica, winner of Jeju Island, uwu <3)
ASHTON
Okay Swap Time, Im happy with the new tribes...My goal is to just keep my last swapped tribe together. We have a majority of 4 and Im just gonna keep that 4. Im especcially happy to be with Richie again cuz hes the only person Ive really talked strategy with.
LILY
So busy with life. I realized I have zero alliances in this game. And now my tribe has a majority of people who played Bahamas??? Super weird. It looks like I'll be caught in the middle. It may benefit me. Either I can choose to get closer with my original alliance or with the Bahamians. I'm not sure but I'm glad that I know have options I think. I'm a mess and need to get it together #bigmess #halpme
KAI
Wow.. another tribe swap... I hope I'm In a good position
WILLOW
I literally cannot stand the counting challenge bc I always fuck up so early lmao
ZAKRIAH
im so close to 8th i can almost taste it
LILY
I like being immune. Hi!
DANA
"Well RIP ME. I got swapped with a crew of people I literally voted out about a week ago in another game. It's 3 of them, 1 of me, and 3 people I barely know so time to fight over who can rip me to shreds first I guess.
Why is everybody who doesn't want to hurt me on the other tribe? and why am I the most unlucky girl in the world @America? I can't even decide what approach to take here so I don't die this round. Do I try to make amends with people I know or go the unknown route? There isn't really anybody I'm dying to work with on this tribe right now. That sounds bad, but I just think people need some time to get over getting voted out, even though this is a completely different game.
Also lets talk about how I thought I was going to be able to count to about 4,000. I gave myself plenty of time and I was taking breaks, but i fucked up at 121. Of course. Right when I need individual immunity I can't have it. I knew I would be punished for being trash at math some day. "
MICHEAL
so I am all alone in this game after Jake And Ribbons quit on me but I think people will need me as a swing so I might be in a good position ???
WILLA
That challenge was a flop lmao, hopefully I won't need that immunity, going home now would be embarrassing
ASHTON
Damnit. I was so close to being immune this vote if I didn't fuck up at 221. My goal was to get to a thousand with that challenge and I fucked that up. But now knowing I was only 100 away from winning makes it hurt even more.
NICHOLAS
whew so i dont talk to anyone and regan just tells me how to vote so im voting out the person who is MIA woo lets see what happens yeehaw!
KAI
This tribe swap has worked in my favour!! Yay!
WILLOW
I think Bulgaria will be the easiest vote since they don't talk much
AUSTIN
I'm worried for tonight but I hope Richard Dana Lilly are solid with me
RICHIE
"i dont even want to discuss how badly i fucked up at that immunity so we'll pretend it never happened! double tribal. lily immune. its my first tribal of the game so im excited to finally do something. i have the idol and i'm 99% sure it's a one world idol rather than tribal idol so i think i'm the only one with an idol in the game which makes things so much less scary i mean i could be wrong but all the clues i've gotten from chips from different tribes lead to the same location that i already have so i'm playing under the assumption that i'm right about that for now at least until we merge?? and that makes this tribal easier because i dont have to worry about split votes or blindsides hopefully!!
me ashton lily and austin were on apopa together and we never went to tribal so i never talked game with any of them but since the 4 of us are on this tribe of 7 it just makes sense to vote together and everyone seemed to be on board they could all be lying because i dont actually trust them and i havent talked to anyone besides lily beyond like casual surface level convo so who knows but it just seems like the easiest and safest move for all of us if we just vote together and we're guaranteed to make it thru hopefully the other 3 people on this tribe arent going to be trying to flip someone because they havent approached me so if they're planning something i'm not involved which could mean trouble?
i think the vote is dana which is fine i havent talked to kai like at all we were on the starting tribe together and didnt speak much and i havent spoken to them once since the tribe swap but dana seems like a bigger threat and willa and i bonded over nicole franzel earlier in the season so i havent talked to them but i cant vote them out right now "
REGAN
Well recently I made a final 3 alliance with Zakriah and Willow. Rob said to name it. And we named it "It". Because rob said to and Willow thought it was funny. Anyway, I'm also super close with Dana and cannot wait until merge to reunite with my fave. I might meet her soon how iconic. And I'm happy Will is out because then Josh is all mine so then Josh and I can be an iconic duo. And maybe Ill win because no one sees me as a threat, as I got 2nd in jeju- but I almost won. I feel like the only person who stands in the way of that is Zakriah- because he knows my last game and could see IM just as much of a threat here. And since Dana is close with me Zakriah and Willow- and Nicholas is close with dana, Nicholas will work with us. And lily loves me so there's that. Hopefully everything works out for the best.
RICHIE
austin doesnt want to vote dana.... but i think its because he was on the starting tribe with dana and willa and then after the tribe swap he was with me ashton and lily so voting out kai would be the smartest move for him to have open doors going into a merge but bitch i dont want that??? so we'll see if he'll accept the loss and vote out dana or maybe he'll choose her and vote me or ashton out
ASHTON
Well it should be 4-3 this vote. Me Lily Austin wnd richie. I don't fully trust Austin tho he's the only one K could see flipping. we will have to see
JOSH
https://gyazo.com/d8f5fff1ce0dddc89f95a2b7a58d5c34
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