My coming out as a trans lesbian. (A message to my followers.)

Yes, everyone. I am "gay", or should I say, I'm a lesbian.

This may come as a shock to some of you since I would talk about "hot men" and even make captions about attracting hunks and whatnot. If you notice an absurd amount of those kind of captions surfacing this past week until now, that's because I was dealing with comphet, short for compulsive heterosexuality. In reality, I do not like men nor am I attracted to masculinity.

Why until now? One, it’s because I wanted to wait for the right time to come out and it was coincidentally on Lesbian Visibility Day. Two, it’s something I've been questioning ever since I found out I was trans. This didn’t happen in a day or two. It’s been years and I would have thought I was just pansexual. However, I was not sure whether I genuinely liked boys or if I just liked their validation. It turns out it's only the latter and I was questioning whether I was really gay or just gynosexual. I admit that getting positive reception from them turned me on and I could see the kindness and affection they displayed towards other women (something that really made me euphoric). But the moment you would place me next them for more, say, intimacy (I'm trying to keep it PG), I felt that spark turn off. Don't even get me started when they're bare or worse, send me D-picks (it's so nasty).

Now, I've never did any of that IRL. But, I've tried to interact with them through social sites. Not just in Tumblr, but in other sites like Grindr. If you ever think of creating a Grindr to meet, don't bother. It's hot garbage! All of them were chasers and not a single one was attractive. Only one "guy" seemed to be "cute"; it was a femboy, who was commencing their transition into a woman. Those were the only men I thought I was attracted to, but the reality is: I was only attracted to their femininity, but not their body or intimacy. Femboys are still men and I'm not attracted to men.

That got me questioning: Am I really only liking people for their femininity or do I genuinely only like girls? To make a long story short, I've never felt so much better than imagining myself being the lovely girl... of another girl! I always loved women as a guy, but now that I'm about to transition, being into women as a girl feels so right for me! No more comphet for me!

I know this is not the norm on these kind of blogs as the majority tend to be attracted to masculinity. However, I do want to say that even trans lesbians exist on the feminization scene. That leads me to tell all of you for the next update: You won't be seeing anymore new straight trans girl captions after the first few days of the next month. That's why you saw those kind of captions bombard my blog these past few days. It's just my way of saying "Let me just get it done with". I'm actually glad you enjoyed them, but I just don't feel any connection to those kind of captions anymore. I'll try to upload them when I can since I've been busier than usual.

Anyways, I'm happy you read this very long post. Even if you're not a lesbian, I hope this note at least gives you an insight on not keeping your true feelings locked any longer. Everyone deserves to be themselves. You should too.

Sincerely, Nikki.

This Beautiful Day (Love Yourself)

Good morning my friends, and I hope each of you is enjoying This Beautiful Day, even if it is windy and trying to rain on my parade here. By parade, I mean a long overdue trip to walk on the beach and see the ocean. Oh well, maybe tomorrow he smiles. Now I have time to touch on two of my favorite topics, me, and you, and thankfully, one of them isn't even selfish. :D. As some of you already know, 2023 found me very depressed and rarely if ever on Tumblr. I believed I was completely finished with Tumblr and with writing. However, here I am, and there's even a good ending to that story. I guess, including a slightly broken heart, I actually felt down enough to finally, at least attempt to deal with a few issues which have greatly troubled and often even left me too terrified to even try for most of my life. I looked closely at this conglomeration of incurable character defects which looked exacly like me every single time I stood before the mirror, but now, after some very tough, and even painful inside work, I honestly feel probably better, and more like myself, than I ever have. Now, while it sounds like I'm simply patting myself on the back, please let me assure you that this hurt like hell, and yes, there most definitely were tears, and even today while feeling much better, I must remember I'm only taking baby steps. Okay now, this next part is for anyone out there who may be feeling this way as well, it's a little complicated, but I've learned I'm learning that the vast majority of my problems stem from a lack of self love and/or self forgiveness on my part. Ironically, most of the needed self forgiveness turned out to be regarding times or situations which I was never even guilty of. As usual, I'm getting long winded, but please, if any one of you feels even remotely in need of self love or self forgiveness, DO IT! I promise you are deserving. And lastly, just in case any of you feel unloved or even unloveable, please forgive me for saying this, but you are wrong. Why you may ask, because I love you! Love to all, Mike ❤️

✨️ Current mobile/desktop layouts ✨️

Not bad for a day 1 layout half-recycled from my genshin blog at that hahaha but still a wip cause I haphazardly got everything set up from my phone, running on nothing but impulse and late-night cravings.

Links aren't fully set up just yet, and navi links might be a bit busted on mobile cause post links usually work but ones that lead to specific tags instead tend to not 🙃

Tags may change in the future, hadn't really decided on anything but wanted to get stuff set up. Navi/about/layout were heavily inspired by my genshin sideblog ngl, but still tried to make it its own.. just a bit. (Fraternal twins, really.)

close-ups of a commission i did a while back! 🌱

instagram | shop | commission info

my one complaint about the booping day is that now that it's over, all the notifications regarding it are gone too, and though I would finally have time to go through all the random blogs I interacted with massively but didn't immediately think to follow are now gone from recorded history )-:

i'm on some sort of kick lol

i'm the antonymph of the internet

He'd like to play some kinda sport again.

My School Prince President - Ten Minutes Ago Music from Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella (1997)

My brain attacked me this morning yesterday (uploading this was an odyssey 🙈) with the revelation that the music in the dancing scene gives me similar vibes as this song and I kept wondering what would happen if the two were put together.

Shockingly, this is how I ended up spending the rest of the day listening to the movie soundtrack and editing this into a thing lol The deed is done now, I may finally rest 😌

hi guys meet the reason i've barely been online over the last few days

I HAVE HIM TOO

// I feel so sorry for the people who are seeing a side of me they never knew existed.

When I say I’ll write pretty much ANYTHING ( within the realm of sanity and reason, of course ), I DO mean a n y t h i n g. So, if you happen upon that NSFW blog and you see some shit you didn’t expect, well... I dunno what to tell you besides ‘ I’m sorry, ‘ LMFAO.

so maybe things might actually be alright

Some Hualian art I'm working on these days (not sure I'll ever finish any of them but let's see, almost 2 years hiatus is no joke T^T)

Just recently I had the chance to buy the official Hungarian release of the books, and that alone reignited my love for the novel.

Not so coincidentally, I found plenty of unfinished scraps of fan art on my computer and realized I missed TGCF quite a lot, also missed making fan art... so not all of these are brand new haha... drawing style also changed so much even tho I haven't drawn a single line since ~2022.

(+ I don't use twitter anymore (though IG freaks me out with the interface and small picture format, I recovered my acc so I’m using it again), but I found the password for Tumblr saved on my laptop :D hahaha...)

trying to get my creative gears running again !!

My take on @viktoriamaliar's challenge :) (you can check her on Instagram) No process stuff because ... voilà.