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teatotaler · 5 days

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THIS IS NOT A JOKE: I Regret Making This Page, And Will Be Deleting It For Good

Some time ago, I was asked whether I had second thoughts about posting on here, and I recall my thoughts being along the lines of 'almost every day. I may leave it at some point.' There was no urgency behind the words, but I assumed that the possibility still loomed that I would not be here forever. That time has come.

So why am I leaving? There is a host of reasons:

The Loss of Enthusiasm For This Hobby: In the first few months of my having this page, I used to get the best thrill from partaking in this odd little hobby. The sense of pride at feeling an entire gallon of tea sloshing and gurgling inside my stomach was absolutely amazing, and a year ago, I could feel it with every moment until it was promptly digested. As I have done it more and more, I noticed how fleeting the sensation is, how it just settles after about 15 minutes of my chugging the first half, and how I had to supplement the rest with an additional liter of water: the thing became work, and it was not very fun. The general taste of tea has become disgusting to me, and even when I drink a glass with dinner, I am near to spewing. I have alluded to my fear of water intoxication because, a year ago, I suffered from it and almost died mere weeks before making this page, which puts me off this the more. Also, looking back, I find it was a terrific waste of time from my real world obligations, and lamented the hours lost to needless, stupid, momentary satiation.

I Was Supposed To Drop This Habit Years Ago: So, I lied about not treating this as a fetish. I actually have it pretty hard, worse than many of you - I can't even look at pregnant women in public without lusting after them - and did a pretty lousy job of hiding it. But I have come to find out that such a thing is simply not natural, and akin to something like demon possession. I vowed to quit in 2021, but returned for health reasons which I would rather not discuss. Since I was for many years on the receiving end, I wanted to see how things were on the other side. It has almost destroyed my health, my finances, my sanity, and to some extent my. How the professionals manage I cannot wonder.

3. Potential Fears of This Preventing me From Advancing Further In Life: If you wondered why I was so shy with sharing much about my personal life, it's because my intention is to one day be known for my art, of which this is NOT. Also, I began to think: is this sort of thing even legal? Without revealing too much, I plan to do quite a lot that requires major shifts in my life, and while it probably won't raise any hairs, I don't want to risk having this out there anyway and prohibiting me from reaching my goal, or encouraging ridicule from my family. It would utterly devastate me.

4. I'm Tired: Let me come out and say this right now: I was not myself making these posts. I had to plan these well in advance so I could be alone from immediate relations, who suspected me clean since 2021. I'm tired of having to hide this from everybody. I'm tired of having this define me. I'm tired of being possessed by this devil which refuses to leave me.

With heavy heart I bid you all adieu, and ask of you a favour. I am aware that some people have reblogged, mentioned, and allued to me on this site and possibly others (@unitbloat and @sticcpicc to name a few). If it is within your heart, any who have done this, I would like for any such assignations to be erased from this sight that I may continue to live as peacefully as I can with this freshly exorcised from my soul. My life hangs on a thin tether, and this simple action may be what saves it.

Farewell and have happy lives. Inform me when such deletions are made and I will be on my way out. Forgive me, as it will be best that you forget me.

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handicappedbuenchico · 11 months

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Happy Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈

I'm just gonna use this first day of June to re-establish some things in terms of my sexuality and my muses' sexualities, mainly for the new mutuals and followers I may have, but also because it's the perfect time to do this imo. So let's start this off with me, the mun!

I am a cisgender female. I am also a lesbian, and I came to that realization when I was 16 going on 17 (I found out my attraction to boys and male identifying people was nonexistent around the same time I got diagnosed with my autism LMFAO). Yes, I am out to my loved ones, and they were very supportive of me in coming out. I've been to at least 2 Pride festivals in my 23 years on this earth (I might make it three on June 4th, but who knows), and I have several lesbian flags in my possession (Including the original lipstick lesbian one, but I got that before it was seen as problematic 😅🫣).

Now for some fun facts about my lesbian ass:

Okay, so um, this is going to be hella embarassing, but I'm sure at least someone will find it funny. I, whether due to me being a clueless gay or my autistic thinking process in general, can not wrap my head around how penis-in-vagina sex works. Like the math wasn't mathing with how something like a penis was supposed to fit inside of my vagina. Before I realized I was a lesbian, and I saw a penis for the first time, I got legitimately scared and nervous about having anything like that in me.

You would think that, with me being a lesbian, I wouldn't have any male crushes. However, I do have one. My family definitely knows who it is, @petpsycho and @depictedmorada both also know who it is. He's the face claim for Spencer and Ted (because he played them both). It's B.reckin M.eyer! This man's filmography made up a good portion of my childhood, and plus he's just such a handsome and wholesome dude. B.reckin M.eyer is my male exception in terms of my attraction lmao. Like I would date this man if I EVER got such an opportunity.

#ooc 💭i'm awake now💭#I'm kind of exposing myself here #but you know what it's who i am and pride is all about being confident in who you are

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nuclearforest · 2 years

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Hello phrend. 😎 2deep4me writer asks:

What's the fic you're most proud of?

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

15. How do you think your writing has improved over time?

Thank u for the ask!! Makes me very happy and lets me ramble abt stuff!

1, Honestly hard to say. Like, I'm proud of One Dog Night because it was the first thing I ever posted and like, really snowballed me into doing more and putting myself out there more. But on the other hand, Month to Love a Werewolf is the first multi-chapter piece I finished! And now Sirens' Guard Dog is on the way. I think those are my big three-- but as far as picking one goes?

It's really hard to say. I can't pick my favorite child lol.

13, Depends on if it is anon online or IRL.

Online? hell yeah i'm proud of being fully unhinged for my blorbo. almost at 350k in 2 years and like. ~300k of that is hans. my really sad sack awful blorbo who i love with all my little heart. stinky, stupid wolfman with a flair for the dramatic.

But IRL? I am a professional with a career you wouldn't catch me dead bringing up writing or fanfic in public. like, my folks asked me once over a holiday why I was on my laptop and what i was writing and i immediately had to bullshit that it was some stupid literary analysis to keep my skills sharp when, uh, it was really werewolf smut. very, very close to being busted but they aren't curious enough to press and i'm a fool not a coward.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION is when i am around those friends that are my enablers and don't care lmao. They think it's funny and it's on brand. Alternatively it's just one facet of the strange little gremlin they've let into their lives. I mean well--promise.

14, yeah. like, healthy or not i'm always out here comparing myself in both good ways and bad. some for learning new styles and tricks and broadening my horizons, but some for like. competitive purposes. and there's nothing to be competitive about but i've been in competitive schooling all my life and for a kid who grew up with little self confidence feeding on the praise of being "gifted" it really sticks with you. so there are many a conscious reminder that it's all for fun. that i shouldn't stress and that it's for me, even if some of that is a lie (i mean, come on--sometimes i'll write shit to brighten somebody's day but generally it's whatever catches my fancy).

but like, old habits die hard and i'm hungry for kudos and comments lmao. usually it doesn't get bad but if it does, i just bury my head in a different crafty pile of sand.

15, I HAVE A TIMELINE. we'll summarize it as exponential improvement and development tho lol.

nobody here will see the shit i wrote in middle school. we're talking paper journal self insert fic that i wrote chapters and chapters of (granted these were like, 100-ish words a chapter). talk about humble beginnings.

move to highschool and i have some fanfic and also a bit of OC work that I share in my school's creative writing club (bruh I STILL wasn't sharing fanfic).

in college I didn't write much. too busy under an engineering course load but i have a few things here and there. mostly fun little snippets of fluff to keep myself occupied.

but that said, now that i'm working and trying to live my best life, i've definitely gotten better in coherent plotlines, length, and fleshing out the details. i still have all the old stuff (even the paper journals, somewhere) and a decade+ later it's meteoric improvement lol. when i wrote One Dog Night that was the longest single story I'd written by a mile. and now i'm on a long chapter work i've updated weekly since i started it following an outline. i'm boggling my own mind.

but that said: i've always been creative and colorful, have not always been able to actually finish a story. funny enough, i've also never had a formal, regular beta and something tells me that won't change soon. (altho sometimes I do ask for a second set of eyes-- so thanks to y'all that have done it for me!)

can't wait to see how i keep growing!

#thanks for the ask #mun rambles

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theyearthirtytwo · 2 years

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Day 2.

Knowing what to write about and sitting down to actually write are often, for me, two very different things. I suppose maybe that is the whole point behind Morning Pages a la The Artist's Way and warm-ups in general. Basketball games. Doodling. Vocal exercises. That first morning cup of coffee. We often need a little cajoling to get our best work. (full transparency, I googled how to spell "cajoling" to make sure I got it right. I did. I am irrationally proud.)

So much of the "art" we see on the internet is just shitty first drafts. It's embarrassing, I think, that we've created a society of instant gratification that no longer allows creatives to actually create without near constant production. We ask for more, more, more until there is nothing more to give. That is what happened for me and We Live Here Now. You simply cannot create top-tier prose day after day, month after month, and expect to like even a quarter of what you produce. Or at least, I believe anyone with a [not so] healthy dose of imposter syndrome can not.

When I decide to look at my twenties as a shitty first draft, it feels better. It also is tinged with an ounce or two of regret that I "wasted" an entire decade mostly fucking up, but it's true nonetheless. (I had no idea nonetheless was all one word. Back to standard pride level.) My twenties were, without question, my shitty first draft. I'm still figuring out how to edit out the worst parts.

I am sure my therapist would encourage me to not think of it as "editing out" but rather, lessons learned - the shit that doesn't get to make it to the next draft. And sure, that's fine.

I have this idea about myself that continues to be proven inaccurate. In my version of self-loathing, I believe that everyone knows what a mess I am/was/have-been/will-be. Over the weekend I attended a party at a friend's house in Portland that would prove this theory unequivocally false. I've been friends with this person for close to a decade (wow), meaning - through the majority of my messiest years - and have met/known/loved many of the other dear people in his life during that time. Within moments of stepping foot on the lawn I was swooped into not one, not two, but three massive hugs and gleeful conversations. I didn't make to to the back yard for another 40 minutes....

AHHHHH!!!!! I JUST SAW A QUAIL FAMILY ON THE LAWN!!!!!!!! QUAILS ARE SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!

ok, back to how many people love me.

After the party, my friend texted me how wonderful it was to have me there and how the general feedback he's been receiving since has been "great party, it was SO GOOD to see Sharlyn." Being loved is a pretty special thing.

Not one of those people said "Sharlyn was pretty drunk, but it was still fun" or "She kind of overshared" or "She's put on a few lbs" or "I can't believe she's still not happy" - Probably none of them were even thinking it. Almost certainly none of them were even thinking it.

If I can learn to love myself like my friends do - for the joy and comfort I bring, for the loving and accepting space I leave for people, for the complete lack of judgement or expectation I put on others, and if I can learn to accept the human parts of me that have previously created a "pillar of fire, shooting directly from my chest" (call back), maybe this decade I will be able to create (produce, yuck) the work, the live, the me that I can be truly proud of.

I deleted the Zillow app from my phone. I also deleted Instagram, Pinterest, and Reddit. The applications I onced used to be anywhere else mentally are gone. Replaced with a silence and a discomfort that forces me to be right here, right now. I hate it.

It's probably great for my relationship with the kiddo that I nanny. I imagine it's great for my brain and cognitive function. I can already tell that it's great for my mental health.

I've wanted to redownload Zillow approximately 25 times already (it's been two days), but I am sticking it out for a few reasons.

Reason #1: It's Just Not Helpful

It's not helpful to imagine all of the other places I "could" be or "might want" to be instead of the place where I am. I am in no position to be purchasing a home at the moment and do not even know if I would like these homes beyond the internet (recent research - driving by homes in Salem and Eugene I was convinced that I would love, but didn't - tells me I would not) and even if I was in a position to buy a home (again, I am not), my partner and I are in the process of figuring out some very big things - including where we ultimately want to live together. This future-tripping-game-of-imaginary-house I am playing WITH MYSELF just isn't helpful.

Do I freaking love imagining how I would pretend decorate or renovate a home? Sure. Will I return to my lifelong-favorite-waste-of-time-and-creative-energy again? Without a doubt. But for now, it's unhelpful. So away it goes.

Reason #2: The Gift of Presence

In the era of the internet, being physically and mentally present is fucking hard. It's also really fucking important. Not having these freshly updated apps readily available inside my pocket computer any time of day and night requires me to notice when I would like to numb via escapism (and, unfortunately, how often) and highly encourages me to do anything else - focus on my breath, notice the nature around me, give myself comfort, give myself grace. So I'll start there. I'll notice when I am feeling the need to escape and I'll change my habits to not require the escapism I seek. How boring.

The act of actually re-downloading the apps wouldn't take very long, but the moral failing and personal disappointment I would feel in myself if I did so wouldn't be worth it.

So, for now, I have my feelings, my thoughts, my breath, and my body. I have the right here and the right now.

Let's hope that's enough.

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kingandfireheart · 3 years

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Cassian's Love: words from a guy who speaks through actions

Something I love about Cassian is that he doesn't really hide the ball when it comes to his feelings for Nesta. He's most definitely an actions speak louder than words person (physical touch is his love language), but he does use words in ACOSF. I read someone say that Cassian didn't show his love for Nesta, and I completely disagree. Even though SJM never showed us Cassian saying the actual words, we see it so often through the small touches like flicking her cheek, the way that he never makes fun of her (many) questions, or the way he's always there, but he never pushes her too far.

In ACOWAR he confesses his love

" I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you again in the next world -- the next life. And we will have that time. I promise. "

Yes, there is a lot he doesn't say - that they are mates, that he wants more than just sex, that he loves her. He even goes far enough to attack Lanthys to prevent him from revealing the truth. (I can write a whole post on why he wouldn't tell her about being mates, but I think Nesta's reaction to Lucien's declaration at the end of ACOMAF can suffice as explanation).

After his heartbreaking confession in ACOWAR, it makes sense that he's more reserved with Nesta. When thinking about his almost confession on solstice, he even says, "He hardly managed to walk away with some semblance of pride. Over his cold, dead body would she do that to him again." He is protecting himself by ignoring the mating bond too ("Some small quiet part of his brain whispered otherwise. He ignored it. Had ignored it for a long time now.")

Still throughout the book, he owns up to his feelings for Nesta when given the opportunity -- he just doesn't say the words "I love you" or "You're my mate". This post goes through some scenes in chronological order, since they show how Cassian does care.

(I could write another whole post on how I feel cheated of two months of happy Nessian between Solstice and Starfall, but that's what fanfiction is for, right?).

When Mor asks if it pains him to see Nesta like this, he says:

"All of it pains me... It pains me that Nesta has become... this. It pains me that she and Feyre are always at each other's throats. It pains me that Feyre hurts over it, and I know Nesta does, too. It pains me that ..."

When he's pleading her to train, she asks him why he isn't negotiating harder, he says.

"For you, I have no strategies."

Then there's the confrontation before, "I'm always thinking of that look on your face". (Yes, he's goading her here, but I don't think he's lying)

"Why so many questions tonight?" // "Because we're talking like normal people, and I want to know. About all of it." // "Let's nor retread old territory, Nes." // "It never mattered to me whether you took half the Cauldron's power or a drop. It still doesn't matter. // "Why?" "Why do you even bother?" // "Why did you stay at my side when we went up against the King of Hybern during the last battle?"

Answer: because they're mates.

After Nesta fights with Elain, he tells her he'll be there for her.

"Whatever you need to throw at me, I can take it. I won't break." No challenge laced the words. Only a plea. // "You don't understand," she said, voice rasping. "I am not like you and the others." // "That's never bothered me one bit." (emphasis added)

When Rhys gives Nesta a mental warning about Gwyn:

"I'm pissed off that you can't seem to believe one good thing about her. That you refuse to fucking believe one good thing about her."

When they are discussing the Dread Trove and pushing Nesta to scry: Yes Cassian for arguing against only protecting Elain

" There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that should not be exposed to." // "But Nesta should?" Cassian growled.

"It's not right to wield Elain as a threat to manipulate Nesta into scrying." "There are harsher ways to convince Nesta, boy" "You're a fool if you think threats will make her obey you." ... "If we manipulate Nesta into scrying, even by using Elain against her, then we'll do what is necessary." "I don't like it."

After Nesta's nightmare:

"Hey." "Hello" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "Good" "You want to talk about it?" "No" "That's fine." "You want breakfast?" "I like your priorities, General." (italics added)

When Rhys and Feyre mention bringing in Helion:

"He'll help...If only for another shot at her." // Nesta rolled her eyes, and and the gesture was so normal that Cassian's smile became more genuine, edged with relief // You wear your heart for all to see, brother. Rhys said without turning Cassian's way. // Cassian only shrugged. He was past caring.

When they finally have sex , we have this short back-and-forth:

"I'll hurt you." // "I don't care" // "I do."

and my personal favorite

"I'm beyond lies right now, Nesta."

When Nesta asks whether Cassian enjoyed their previous encounter, he tells her:

I enjoyed myself too much. I've thought about it for days and days.

"Whatever you want. Whatever you need from me." He knew those were a fool's words, knew he offered up too much.

And when Nesta asks "How can I need you again so soon?" Answer: because they're mates.

"I've needed you from the moment I first met you. And now that I get to have you, I don't what to stop

When they find out about the new Dread Trove, he's quick to defend Nesta to others:

This scene isn't really dialogue, but I'm including it because I love Cass.

They moved on to far merrier subjects, but Cassian mulled it over throughout the evening. The fighting was only part of it. The Training would sustain her, funnel her rage, but there had to be more. There had to be joy. There had to be music. (emphasis added)

When Nesta breaks down at the end of the hike, we see that Cassian doesn't just love Nesta, but he likes her, he may even admire her.

"I don't know how to get there. I don't think I'm capable of it" // "You are. I've seen it -- I've seen what you can do when you are willing to fight for the people you love. Why not apply that same bravery and loyalty to yourself?"

"You don't need to become some impossible ideal. You don't need to become sweet and simpering. You can give everyone that I Will Slay My Enemies look - which is my favorite look, by the way. You can keep that sharpness I like so much, that boldness and fearlessness. I don't want you to ever lose those things, to cage yourself."

"I'll be with you every step of the way... Just don't lock me out. You want to walk in silence for a week, I'm fine with that. So long as you talk to me at the end of it." (emphasis added)

When Cassian and Nesta go to the prison, there are some more telling moments:

"What if my presence would go unnoticed, but yours sets off a trap? We can't risk that." // His throat bobbed. "I can't risk you." // The words slammed into her heart. (emphasis added)

and later,

"I have always been your friend Nesta. Always"

When Nesta and Cassian return from the Prison:

Nesta brushed her fingers against Cassian's in silent understanding. His own curled against hers, meeting her stare as if to say, See? We're the same after all.

But when Rhys suggests having Nesta dance with Eris, Cassian is territorial to the max

"You're not going to use her."

"Over my dead fucking body," Cassian exploded.

"Nesta hasn't agreed to anything," Cassian snapped. "Even one dance with that prick is too much --"

"I don't like it."

He also agrees to go with her to the cottage in the human lands, and is so damn supportive and kind to her there. Action not words here but I love this himbo so much

Cassian stood beside her through all of it. Not speaking, not touching. Just there, should she need him. Her friend -- whom she'd asked to come her with her not because he was sharing her bed, but because she wanted him here. His steadiness and kindness and understanding.

And of course, the amazing and wonderful solstice scene:

"I'm sorry for how I behaved last Solstice. For how awful I was."// "I know. I forgave you a long time ago."

"Because I was fucking jealous!" He roared, wings splaying. "You looked like a queen, and it was painfully obvious you should be with a princeling like Eris and not a low born nothing like me! Because I couldn't stand the sight of it, right down to my gods-damned bones."(emphasis added)

"You're not going to marry Eris." "No" "There will be no one else. For either of us." "Yes" "Ever."

The big ole fight

"Say what I've guess from the moment we met. What I knew the first time I kissed you. What became unbreakable between us on Solstice night"

"I am your mate, for fuck's sake!" "You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?

"You promised me forever on Solstice," he said, voice breaking. "Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?" (emphasis added)

And the conclusion that just wasn't satisfying enough:

"What do you want? // "You" // "You've had me from the moment you met me."

#nesta archeron #Cassian #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta #acosf #a court of silver flames #nessian #kp analysis #acotar series #mtp

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ben-10-setting-omnicrom · 3 years

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Hey there, you made a post recently bashing one of mine. Totally fine to disagree but bashing other people's posts aren't the way to go about it. Both posts you were bashing were speculation and if you really had a problem with it, you could've left a comment to open up a real discussion about it on my post or the other person's.

I think you misread some of the tones in the posts. We were exploring political themes in a fictional universe. These sorts of things aren't for everyone and there's a wide variety of perspectives on the subjects. The other person's was, as I interpreted it, a "hey what if this happened" sort of post. Mine was a theory about the dynamics between species based on what we see in canon. I don't think either warranted the reaction it got from you, especially considering the fact we're talking about a cartoon. Perhaps they are darker interpretations but not impossible. No bold, declarative statements were made. No one was pushing their thoughts on others. Both were just people sharing their thoughts on possibilities we could not see in canon.

Again, it's okay to disagree. You, however, took it a step further. I deal with discourse on subjects more serious than a cartoon so I really don't care if you think there's something wrong with this but I'm getting the sense you are trying to start drama in the fandom which really isn't appreciated. This is generally a positive space and it's not hard to match the tone, even when you don't agree.

If you keep this up, I'll just block you so we don't see each others posts. Can't speak for the other person, of course, but they're a respected member of the fandom so I'm sure people would also appreciate it if you didn't go after them.

But I will ask two things of you. If you continue making posts like this, consider using a more respectful tone. I have no idea how other people you have bashed reacted but you are saying these things about real people, many of them likely minors. It's not hard to be courteous.

The other thing is to not use the delusional tag or call people insane. Maybe some people have some hot takes or discuss theories in a sphere a bit extreme for a cartoon but that does not mean it's okay for you to directly attack them. And, some of the words you used are ableist language. I am not disabled so I am not necessarily affected by it but a bar must be set and I'm setting it pretty low. You can continue what you're doing but do not disrespect people or use ableist language. Even if you don't care what I think, note that chances are people will not take you seriously if you sound like a child throwing a tantrum or speak like you're trying to hurt someone.

Even though I disagree with your tone, I will admit you weren't completely off target. You had some good points. And if you had brought them up in a respectful manner, I would have been happy to have a discussion about it. But, you didn't and here we are.

Where the hell do I even start with this?

Ok, first of all NO I'm not trying to start drama. I'm expressing my distaste on a trend I've seen in posts in the Ben 10 tag where this echo chamber perpetually spews out ridiculous baseless shit.

"A generally peaceful space" lmao, you mean like the time several users INSISTED Cracker isn't a slur and you can't be racist to white people, after a user called another one it while shamelessly and without irony claim they wouldn't stoop to bullying like @xcatxgirlx was wrongly accused of? Or the fact several users adamantly and insistently warp and twist her words to fit their delusional narrative where she's apparently the next spawn of Satan or whateverthefuck? Or the fact if you disagree with said echo chamber they'll call you bootlicker and say you have brainrot.

Also can you quit with the victim complex? I'm not going after anyone, I'm refuting claims and headcanons by pointing out no such thing is even remotely hinted at in canon.

Gods at this point I'm going to have to pin dictionary.com with how often I've had to quote people the definitions of words.

having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions:

In other words ideas not based in reality or that can be gleaned from pertinent information. Reality in this case being the canon of the series.

Saying Ben wanted to kill Kevin because he was jealous of him saving the day in the Forge of Creation episode is FLAT OUT DELUSIONAL. Full stop.

Saying the Plumbers would practice brutality and gay bashing at the drop of a hat DURING PRIDE MONTH is utterly baseless and ridiculous, not to mention actively insensitive to irl acts of such. Their WHOLE THING is keeping the peace and anyone practicing police brutality would get jailed JUST LIKE THE NUMEROUS TIMES IN CANON THEY'VE DEALT WITH EVIL PLUMBERS.

Saying the Galvans are totally discriminating against a entire species is absolutely baseless especially when shit all is preventing said species from basically doing whatever the fuck they want. Baz-El is literally a damn archeologist after all.

You want to know what all those things have in common?

They take the flimsiest of "evidence", ignore context, and actively distort facts to shine things in the worst light possible, like a corrupted fun house mirrors from hell.

Also why would I ask for permission to document for posterity posts I reference? I'm literally only doing that shit so they can't say said posts didn't say what it did or if said posts are erased. It's no different from using the Way Back Machine to check on old posts.

Also also, like for future reference PLEASE add spaces to your posts. Your ask was honestly kind of hard to read.

#ben 10 #asks #plumbers #kevin levin #ben tennyson #galvanic mechamorph #galvan #mini omni rant #delusional ben 10

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lessonsfrommadamexmas · 5 years

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Ooooh. So good. I'm giving you non shippy ones. Choice is 54 - Roy and Mama!Chris or 29 Riza and Becca (one if my fave brotps). Please.

Thank you so much! From this prompt list (you can still send more, guys!):

54 - Try not to fall this time.

I swear I didn’t see the “29″ there at all so I did 54 for Riza and Becca (and Team Mustang) and only realized it now, sorry. XD

- - - -

Riza was keeping Mr. Fischer company while he set up his camera in the center of the wide room, in front of the parallel bars. She had informed Jean in advance about the plan so he could ask permission to his physiotherapist, Dr. Karen Lambert. That was his big day, after several difficult months he spent trying to regain control of his lower body movements. Major General Mustang, a colonel at the time, couldn’t witness the moment Havoc moved his big toe, as he was waiting his turn to be healed. Thus, the blond man thought he should invite him to his first attempt at standing up by himself.

The General, however, was too busy preparing for the next trip to Ishval, so all he could do was free Hawkeye and Breda, giving them a very important mission: to bring back a photograph. Breda invited Maria Ross, since the three of them became great friends after the Promised Day, and Riza invited Rebecca Catalina, who had called from Central two days prior saying she finally had time to go visit her best friend in the East.

Since Becca wasn’t sure she would make it in time, she asked Riza not to tell anyone she was going, and by now the captain assumed her friend would miss the event. Perhaps it was best to have less people in the room, after all, it was a physiotherapy session and Ross and Breda were already treating it like a military training.

— Now I’m gonna see if you’ve been using the weights I gave you.

— Of course, I have!

— Really? Where are your biceps? Those look like two sticks! — Heymans mocked, although Jean was in excellent shape.

— Are you gonna let those bars defeat you, patient Havoc? — Maria asked sternly.

— No, I won’t! — Jean replied as if he was addressing a superior officer.

— This isn’t very encouraging, guys. — said Dr. Lambert, and Riza realized the woman was worried about things getting out of her control. She seemed to be on their same age range but carry a soul too gentle to the fierceness of the veterans. She leaned towards her patient and continued: — Please take all the time you need and let me know of any discomfort.

— We’re all used to bit of pressure, Dr. Lambert. — the captain stepped up to put the woman at ease, aware that, for Havoc, that would help wonders to build morale.

— It’s fine, don’t worry about them — he smirked at his friends. — It’s just like old days.

— Oh, it’s fine? You think you’re supposed to be fine? — Maria teased.

— No, I’m not!

— You’re right, you’re not. You’re supposed to sweat! — Breda continued.

— Yes, and I will!

— You’re supposed to tire!

— Yes, and I will!

— You’re supposed to hurt!

— No, that’s not quite how physiotherapy works… — the poor civilian attempted to speak out amidst Jean’s determined reply.

But he was already grabbing the metal bars and all she had left to do was give him support to face his mission.

— Is it okay if you move away while we take the picture? — Maria demanded with a disarming grin.

— That’s not a good idea…

— I’ll just stand here, I can do it. — Havoc reassured her. — Now. I’m ready.

Riza saw the reluctant Dr. Lambert release her patient and informed the man behind the camera:

— Prepare for the countdown.

— All set? — he checked with a thumbs up. — Three, two…

— Hi, guys! Am I late? — Rebecca announced herself as soon as she opened the door, waving at them with a big cup in her hand.

Havoc gasped and his right hand slipped from the bar the moment the flashlight doubled the whiteness in the room. Next thing they saw was Havoc sprawled on the floor, groaning like he had fallen face first. Riza and Maria jolted in shock.

— Oh, no! — Rebecca shouted running towards him. — Are you okay, Jean? I’m so, so sorry.

She knelt by his side while Dr. Lambert and Breda tried to take him back to his chair.

— See? This is why I said it was a bad idea to leave him by himself. — lamented the woman with a sigh, seemingly disappointed at herself.

Jean, on the other hand, was a mix of confusion and absolute shame.

— Rebecca? What are you doing here? How did you know… ?

— I wanted to visit Riza, but that doesn’t matter, is your chin broken? Here, I have milkshake — she pushed the cup against his red chin —, I hope this helps.

Riza saw him cringe and press his back against the wheelchair, but his face quickly relaxed at the numbing sensation.

— Not bad at all. Can I have this for a minute?

— Sure, I’ll hold it for you.

— I still have two functioning arms, Rebecca. — he stated in an attempt to dismiss her concerns.

— Of course! I’ll be with Riza, then.

Maria proceeded to apologize to the physiotherapist for all that chaos while Heymans tagged along with Becca.

— Hey, what about the picture? Should we try again? — he asked Mr. Fischer.

— Forget about it, I won’t take pictures with my face like this! — shouted Havoc.

— No more photos, we’re going to start the session as soon as Mr. Havoc feels better and I gotta ask you to leave. — the doctor gave her ultimatum.

— Here it is, if only one second earlier… — Mr. Fischer apologized.

— Alright, we have nothing to worry about, the picture looks great! — Breda informed the others, hiding his sarcasm under muffled giggles as he prepared to join Havoc once again.

The photo was a disaster, although it was a perfect illustration of that day. Jean’s wide eyes and clenched teeth showed the exact moment the man realized that he was about to meet the ground. A pitiful smile appeared in Riza’s lips. The man was strong and his stance was firm. Becca’s entrance had been slightly flamboyant, but nothing compared to the harsh words inflicted by Heymans and Maria. Not enough to spook him. Had it been her unexpected presence? Had the girl shaken his confidence?

— It’s hilarious, but he’s gonna hate it. — Rebecca’s said in a low, sympathetic voice. — Are we really keeping it?

— My mission was to register Havoc’s first standing up and I consider it accomplished. The general will be delighted. — She turned to the photographer and handed him the payment. — Thank you very much for your services, I’ll see you out.

The man nodded and left.

Becca gave Riza a hug as soon as she closed the door.

— I’m so glad the Fuhrer gave me a break for once! I missed you.

— I missed you too.

— Hey, don’t go yet, girls, you can stay for my next attempt! — they heard Havoc call.

— Try not to fall this time. — Riza shouted back with a smile. — No more cameras to intimidate you here.

But she knew very well the camera was not to blame, and by their exchange of looks, so did he.

— No more cameras and no more noise. Everybody give him space and stay quiet, understood? — the doctor ordered as harshly as she could. — I’m the one you should obey here.

— Yes, sir! — the soldiers replied in unison.

Karen Lambert shook her head and laughed. No one was willing to take her seriously that day, but the truth is that everybody was beyond happy with their friend’s accomplishment, and it seemed to Riza that she could understand.

— He looks so lively. — Becca pointed softly. — And he got himself a nice physiotherapist, didn’t he? I bet he’s already all about flirting.

— He tried once. I can’t tell for sure if she corresponded, though.

— Well, if anything, I just gave him a hand on that. Now she’s being extra careful and touchy. — she spiced her words with a suggestive tone and a wink.

— She’s been extra careful about doing her job right, thanks to the traumatic work day we just gave her. Still, I don’t think he’s interested anymore.

Rebecca was so absolutely clueless. The woman was able to believe her own lies and also a master at not letting herself suffer. She genuinely wanted Jean to be happy and that’s why Riza would say nothing else.

— Nope, you said he flirted. I know what you’re doing, don’t. It was never serious and we’re both over it. I only move forward, okay? — she said with a hand on her best friend’s shoulder. — Hey, there he goes!

Jean propelled his body up, hands tightly folded around the metal bars. He exhaled through his mouth and found balance with both feet planted on the floor. He nodded, staring at his own legs, allowing them to take some of the weight his arms were supporting on their own. Dr. Lambert let go of him, and Riza could sense everyone holding their breaths as the seconds passed.

— Congratulations, Jean. — the woman said kindly and his face lit up in awe.

Finally, he dared to look around the room, and his eyes glistened with pride and joy when they searched for one specific pair of dark irises. Shyness invaded him once Jean met his target and he looked away from the radiant Rebecca Catalina, who smiled with both her hands pressed together in excitement.

Riza wondered if it was still up to her to find her best friend a good catch, and if money was still the requisite.

- - - -

OMG this was such a pleasure to write!! Not sure if you like Havolina but I hope you had fun with this ultra messy little piece. It was based on the picture of Havoc in physiotherapy with Breda and Ross shown at the end of the manga. :D

#fanfic prompts #havolina #fullmetal fanfic #team mustang #riza and rebecca #jean havoc

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lovefoolheart · 6 years

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shame that nobody of gays treats with kindness anyone who is not the same as them, on the contrary they are hysterical. The truth is that your tolerance is fake, you can't even stand anyone who doesn't even think the same of you. I am gay and I'm not friendly with this carnaval presenting gays like crazy prostitutes on the streets. You can't even realise you're part of a lost generation (suddenly so many gays?). Harry Styles can only inspire shit from the ass.

- (2)Gay Parades are deeply RACIST against anyone who is not the same as you, that is pure HATE. Grow up little girl, one fine day you’ll find out if you fight something, you become that thing. (3) no wonder all the people with a brain think you’re rubbish. Go on, continue with carnaval please._____________________________________________________________

(Putting all of this together bc i’m pretty sure you’re the same person)

First of all, chill. You aren’t that much of a better person by insulting people you don’t know online (and hiding yourself with anon). I don’t know what made you this hateful against pride. I hope you at least know why pride parades started (check out the Stonewall riots, if you don’t). Truth is, you don’t know how important it is here in Italy. We’re still fighting for some rights that this community already has in other countries. We show the government that we exist and that we deserve better, thanks to the institutions that believe in this parade. And we’re still fighting because last month one of our ministers said that lgbt families don’t exist for the law. Every year our parade has a sign with a political motto in the front because that’s the goal of the whole thing. In 2015 we gained civil unions thanks to parades and demonstrations. We fought for 30 years to have this right. Just try to tell me it’s useless or whatever.

We aren’t a lost generation. LGBT+ people have always been this many. It’s only that in the past most of them hid themselves or didn’t even know the lgbt community was a thing.

You call Pride a carnaval. The thing is, you wouldn’t be able to show your true self in public if it wasn’t for the carnavals that we made in the past. Everyone wants us to stand back and accept injustice and prejudice, and I’m sorry but I refuse. I want to show my true colors because I exist and I have the right to be myself. Pride is one of the few days in which people feel free to be themselves without fearing the people that still think it’s a sin to be different. Don’t take this from us. Let us be happy for at least a day in a world that keeps telling us that we don’t deserve shit.For the record, Milan’s Pride Parade accepts everyone (lgbt, allies, poc, disabled people). And since here in Italy we have problems with immigration, we also fight against racism and the construction of borders. So if you don’t wanna take part in the parade, it’s ok, don’t partecipate. But don’t come here and tell that it isn’t inclusive or that it’s racist.

Another thing: I can assure you Harry Styles has inspired and helped many people by acknowledging the lgbt fanbase and by waving our flags on stage. He does his best to make us feel accepted and to pass the message of treating everyone with kindness. Fans all over the world are trying to pass this wonderful message because this world needs kind people. I find it amazing.

Maybe the one that needs to grow up is you, cause that way you’ll understand. We need pride. Harry Styles inspires people. You can fight for what you believe is right and have fun at the same time.

Please learn to treat people with kindness everyday, it’ll be worth it.

#anon #message #lgbt #words #milano pride 2018 #harry styles #i know you will never read it all but whatever #kilachu talks

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allsystemsarenotgo · 5 years

Text

“The Novel”

I've been needing to talk to somebody about something. Last night, somebody I don't talk to very often anymore was willing to give up some sleep to talk to me.

I gave them the abridged version. I knew they needed sleep and didn't have time for a novel.

Here is "The Novel".

---

A child learns their name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

A pet learns its name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

When bullies call you gay and queer repetitively because you've never had a date much less a girlfriend in 12 years, ... At some point you begin to believe it.

When that trend continues to a statistic of 3.25 years of relationship out of 30 years of life.....

You begin to question the things you ever thought you knew.

I was an opinionated ass in high school that knew better but did the things anyways because I had nothing to really lose. Except I did lose alot of pride along the way.

I didn't like many things, and I didn't understand the decisions of many people. There are days that I wish I was still friends with people that I alienated or that alienated me because I didn't believe in drinking alcohol or having kids before college, or at a young age at all.

There are alot of days that I wonder....will I have to be find a lady 8-10 years younger than myself to love me for who I am...and potentially make them have kids at a young age so I'm not the age of their peers' grandpa's when they graduate?

^ That image was me in high school.

I never dated in high school. I courted and got shot down a ...couple... times. I didn't go to parties, I wasn't a part of the cool kids' clique. I didn't really....do anything high-schooley in high school.

And it got me bullied. My eccentricities made me well known. I was generally outspoken and firm on what I believed (no sex, no alcohol, scientifically agnostic) and...it basically made me live in infamy. It got me bullied alot. I was called gay and queer alot. And it wasn't just from 1 or 2 or 5 people.

I had 3 crushes in high school. Two were a grade younger than I.

The first I asked out my Sophomore year. We talked alot, sat next to eachother, did classwork together. We were both above-average students, so the teacher us let us do what we wanted while she dealt with the rest of the class.

That was really what entered me into the downward spiral of depression. I'd never asked a girl out before, much less been shot down. It took me a long time to get over that.

The second I asked out my junior year. We didn't have any classes together, but I had worked my way into her family via a mutual friend. I felt like we knew eachother fairly well.

Getting shot down by her didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But given the nature of high school, the backlash of her friends and friends-of-friends, and probably half the school altogether...that is what hurt. It showed the true colors of many whom were already primadonna status, approaching it, or (falsely) thought they had it. She did apologize to me after a period of time, and ultimately, she probably made the better decision.

I never asked my third crush out. After being shot down twice in two years, I didn't want it to be three for three. I worked with her, and we got along awesome. Maybe not asking her was a fatal flaw in my life. I will never know. We have stayed friends over the years despite not seeing eachother until earlier this summer. I met up with her twice, and both times wrenched my emotions. I've since found out she is actually taken, which shot down my chance of ever knowing the true answer.

Then I finally went to college.

I went from a school of 450 kids in a town of 360 people to a dorm of 500+ kids in a college of 10,000+.

But I did not change with the scenery. I was still outspoken.

Neither of my roommates liked it.

Neither of my roommates liked me.

I was outspoken enough to write a persuasive essay on Abstinence for my college English class. I didn't see the problem.

Until the Prof said we had to read them aloud, after she had graded them.

Then I panicked. I crashed and I burned.

I felt so....little and insecure.

I wasn't one to force my thoughts on people. Yet, I just had.

Do you know how bad that feels inside?

Pretty damn bad.

One day, I got a message from a high school friend I hadn't talked to in a while. We started talking. In the end, she admitted she had a crush on me through high school and asked if we could give it a try. I was 1.5-2 hours away from home.

It was a hard juggle, but we made it work as best as somebody that'd never had a GF before much less a LDR could.

After a few months of LD dating and the start of my second year of college, a topic came up that would change the rest of my life mentally.

And something clicked in my head.

- What if this girl was 'the one'?

- What if something happened. Would I want to die a virgin?

- What if this doesn't work out. I'll always be the inexperienced one?

That last one hit me hard. There was no way around the fact. And for what I knew, I knew that being the lesser experienced would likely never be a good thing.

(10 years later, a friend put it perfectly....)

I convinced myself to break something that I had let run my life for the previous 10+ years.

I think it's safe to say that very few peoples' first time is "great". But it's a learning experience.

-learn-

Then we broke up after 9 months.

We rarely saw eachother, it couldn't be that difficult to get over right?

Wrong.

-sulk-

-lonely-

-stressed-

-imbalanced-

And...

-addicted-

I was broken. The fire inside of me had been lit, and nothing was putting it out.

I had a raging wildfire spreading within me within a few short weeks, and no way to control it.

I had just started a job at the school newspaper, running the website. I shared an office with the two graphic design artists. We were getting along pretty well and it was fairly evident that both of them were really relaxed and loose about what they wanted to talk about. I was the reserved one, sitting at my desk, listening with minimal contribution.

Until one day, I finally had the courage to chime in to their conversations. It didn't take much longer before I was in my second relationship.

I learned alot of new and different things during that 2.5 year relationship.

Example: telling her father about my shellfish allergy. It was good because he cooked alot of it. It was because he knew my weakness and made no secret that some things would easily justify using it against me.

I learned to get over my fear of public image. I was dating a woman almost twice my weight. When we first started...dating...I was petrified to be seen with/around her much less hold her hand. Over time that phobia subsided.

I learned that addiction comes in many forms. I spent many nights at her apartment, sometimes I went home and sometimes I didn't. Spending 4 hours a day with her at work and another 4-12 hours with her at her apartment...it got to the point that I missed her when I was away from her. I missed having her company, and I missed cuddling.

I learned that I'm very much a physical contact person. After all those years of being an only, lonely child...I wanted to give and receive physical touch.

She would print off a piece of artwork, I would lay on my stomach on her bed, and she would trace the outline onto my back, then start filling it in. That's usually when I would fall asleep. She would keep drawing as I slept, and eventually I would wake up.

As long as we were touching, I was happy. Sometimes I would lay on her, sometimes she would lay on me, sometimes we'd be side by side with a leg on the other.

I learned that calculated risks are worth calculating to the limit. And that mis-calculating is not fun.

I learned that parents are smart and figure out almost everything.

There was only one real issue and one hybrid issue with the relationship.

Both of us were mentally strained. I could not speak my emotions or feelings. I couldn't handle the 'adulting' conversations regarding the future. I couldn't explain when I was sad, mad, upset, or anxious in voice, only text. I couldn't "use my words". When scolded, I just wanted to ball up in a corner and cry. At the same time, both of our academics were on a downward spiral of death. She ended up dropping out completely and going back to junior college, I ended up changing majors twice and barely escaping with any pride left at all and a very expensive piece of paper that said "Bachelor of Science in Miscellaneous Bullshit". Okay, University Studies...but same thing.

The relationship had evolved far beyond what it had originally been intended to be.

It was supposed to be more of a cover-up for a FWB situation than an actual relationship. But we caught some sort of feelings, and....

I've been single since then.

It took a few years, but we still talk to eachother and are still friends.

But I miss the cuddles.

I miss the touching.

I miss being relaxed and falling asleep while being drawn on.

I miss...alot of things.

I had a few more crushes develop during college. Some I let go, some I got turned down on. At least none of them laughed at me.

One of the ones that I let go...I reconnected with a couple months ago. I was going to ask her out...and I kinda did...only to find out that she was secretly in a relationship that hadn’t gone public yet. That was a pretty good kick to the twig and berries, knowing that I was just too late to the party.

Once I learned about High Functioning Autism, alot of things made sense. I slowly learned better coping mechanisms. I learned to do more "normal" things like making eye contact.

My senior year of college, I met an awesome lady in my coding class. We got along great. She helped crack my shell. We went on walks, we played basketball, we played on pool tables, we played soccer. We sat on balconies and talked. We kind of...had a thing going. She was my only friend to attend my college graduation. We even took a picture together in my cap and gown (which I have tried many times to find. I'm guessing it was deleted....see below).

But we didn't. I wasn't allowed to hug her much less kiss her, even on the forehead (I wanted to...many times). I was barely allowed to hold her hand.

I got shot down. I felt like I was in a plane that was missing a wing and didn't have an ejection seat.

I plummeted into the ground and crashed and burned.

We stopped talking after that.

I still don't know what exactly I did wrong.

I could say that about many friends that I have lost over the years.

I still don't know what exactly I did wrong.

That was 5 or 6 years ago. I honestly don't remember anymore.

That's how long I have been lonely.

That's how long it has been since I went on a date.

That's how long I have not been able to have an unweighted conversation.

Sure, I have seen my second ex a time or three. But it's not the same. That's not a date. That's not something to lead to the future.

I have a two best friends that I can talk about almost anything with. But I never see them. One lives two states away, the other lives several hours away (any other state besides Texas, and they'd be in another state).

They help. They give me a method to vent. But I am afraid of losing them.

I have lost 3 best friends in my life already.

One cut me out of their life as a birthday present to me after 4 or 5 years, my freshman year in the dorm.

One cut me out of their life after many conflicts over 7 years. We never met in person.

One cut me out of their life after I became a burden to them. We saw eachother on a regular basis, I even stayed at their house once after they tried to break my shell and I (mentally) collapsed into a puddle of goo. They also hurt me once by calling the police for a welfare check, and my parents got involved.

Of the two best friends I have managed to keep, the closer of the two has issues in their own life going on right now. I feel guilty and sad for even talking to them...they have asked that I limit interaction while they try to straighten out their own world. They have also called the police on my for a welfare check, and got my co-workers involved.

I already had a hard time making friends before. Anymore, it's hard for me to trust anyone at all.

I don't have any friends to go places with.

I'm always working my ass off (working 7 days a week these days, haven't had a real day of rest in months).

Social Anxiety says that I can't go anywhere alone. Plus I don't really trust myself alone, much less in a foreign Environment.

How am I supposed to meet a friend, when I work my ass off 7 days a week? When I don't know what resting is?

How do I elevate a non-existent friend to "More than a friend" status?

A child learns their name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

A pet learns its name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

When bullies call you gay and queer repetitively because you’ve never had a date much less a girlfriend in 12 years, … At some point you begin to believe it.

When that trend continues to a statistic of 3.25 years of relationship out of 30 years of life…..

You begin to question the things you ever thought you knew.

Sometimes I wish I was Ace.

Sometimes I wish I knew what I am.

Historically, I can be described as a smart, odd, minimally sarcastic ignoramus. But that is only my personality.

Am I straight? Am I gay? Am I bi? Or am I just hopeless?

Will I ever find love? Will I ever have kids?

Is there something wrong with me that revolts women away?

Will I have to find a woman 8-10 years younger than myself and cause her to have children at a young age to avoid being the age of their peers' grandparents at graduation? If I find a woman now, we date for 3 years, engaged for 1, married for 3, then have a kid...I'll be 37 when they are born and 55 when they graduate high school.

We're the bullies in high school right all this time? I don't want them to be. But what if they are? Or am I just that broken inside?

The things that I like/enjoy...they scare me a little. And that's coming from me. For years I have said I was a sapiosexual (turned on by intelligence rather than personality or looks)...but it never occurred to me, what if the gender lines do not in-fact exist? What if....

These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

These are the questions that feed my depression.

These are the scenarios that feed my anxiety, my trust issues, my loneliness.

These are the reasons that, more than anything....I will never turn down a hug.

Because a hug means you love and care about me.

And I need that reassurance.

But it feels good on the inside, too.

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simplelittlebrowngirljae · 5 years

Text

Sometimes we all need help

The past few weeks have been an entire rollercoaster for me health wise. I've had pneumonia, total upper respiratory infections and bronchitis all back to back to back. And by being autoimmune and having a delicate heart condition makes any acute sickness way more complex.

In this latest ER visit, things were pretty rough and I was just over being sick. The doc ran even more tests than normal and that made feel at ease that all avenues were being investigated. I spent quite a bit of time in the ER getting stabilized, which once again comforted me. I was finally discharged but had strict instructions to follow.

48 hours after my release from the ER I had my follow up with my PCP. As I'm waiting for her in the exam room I had a terrible coughing fit. This of course made me feel worse and aggravated the ribs I dislocated earlier in the week from coughing. Super start status right???

My doc finally comes in and she says "you sound terrible!! I heard your cough all the way down the hall!" I laughed a bit and then we proceeded to the check up. And this is when the ball drops...

My doc was not happy with how I sounded or just how I looked in general. So to reduce the severe inflammation and stress on my organs, she put me on bedrest. Normally I fight this but this time I couldn't. I am way to exhausted at this point. I realize I need this rest.

Now here is where I get a little scared and somewhat mad when I'm put on bedrest: I have nobody to help me around the house so I really don't end up resting because I'm constantly up and down. Even though you are supposed to be resting you can't ignore the needs of going to the bathroom or getting fluids or even fixing food. That requires movement. And sure I can order take out but a lot of that is not as healthy as making my own stuff, which is what I prefer most days.

Now I know you are probably thinking that I should just ask for help and that'll fix it all right??? Well it could but it's easier said than done. I hate having to ask folks for help and struggle with an internal guilt of repeatedly asking for help and using all my favors with friends. Now, I know you are thinking if people were your tried and true friends it wouldn't matter how often you ask for help. And yes this is true but it doesn't erase the angst of having to rely on someone else or feeling like you are always wanting something.

But in this there is another side. Sometimes we are so sick and downtrodden you need to ask for help because your body can't do it any longer. We have to push that pride aside and just open ourselves up, be realistic and honest and ask for assistance. I myself struggle with this because I don't want to be a burden and sometimes even feel embarrassed to ask but as time has moved on I have come to cast all of that angst aside and just admit I am not ok and need help. BEST DECISION EVER! While we do live in a society where being selfish reigns supreme in most circles, there are still many folks who are caring and want to be kind. When these folks ask if you need something or even just call to check in, embrace it, accept it!!

I have been in a flare and have had an infection for about a month now. And it hasn't been until I was forced on bedrest that I am actually taking my own advice and asking for help. I am reaching out because my body can do no more. Now did I hesitate at first? Yes because it's summer and folks are out having fun and living their best life. But then I said to myself "those who really know you and understand what you go through will get it". And that's exactly what happened. I have called/texted a few friends and family members and got great support and help. My heart was so full I didn't know what to say or even how to show my thanks of course they all said no thanks needed, I'm glad I could help. The other awesome thing is that those who couldn't physically come help, me would send me food because well it's the 21st century and you can order from anywhere and have it delivered anywhere lol.

So I have said all of that to say this: it is ok to ask for help. It is okay to rest. It is ok to realize hey, I am not okay and I just need some support. We by design are not meant to go things alone. And you don't need 100 friends to make you feel supported or to try to fill the voids. You just need a few to trust in and feel comfortable with while you are on your journey.

I hope this inspires some, provides a sigh of relief for others and maybe even encourages a patient and caregiver.

#autoimmunelife #chronicallyillandstrong #chronicillnesswarrior #heartpatient #endowarrior #patientpatient

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