#I'm almost certainly gonna lose followers for this but I don't really care anymore
Text
what I've experienced and observed as an asexual trans lesbian is that engaging with certain kinks can be unhealthy and harmful, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.
by and large, most of the people who have "unhealthy" kinks are victims. that is to say, their kink originates from a place of trauma. someone who's experienced sexual abuse in the past, for example, may very well have internalized the idea that they deserved what happened to them. and because escaping that traumatic mindset is incredibly difficult, they may find themselves having sexual fantasies about being abused again long after the danger they were in ceases; to them, it can feel like being sexually abused means they're fulfilling what they believe to be their only purpose. these fantasies can be deeply damaging to a person's self worth, not just because they're blind to their own inherent value as a person, but because they're denying themself any form of sexual agency. they may very well seek out relationships in which they're abused once again. and that is unambiguously harmful! I've certainly seen several people that this has happened to, and it's an incredibly demoralizing and heartbreaking situation to observe and an even more miserable one to be in.
however, that isn't a universal experience. for some people, engaging with their kink with someone can actually be a source of empowerment. let's continue with the previous example. if, instead of seeking out a relationship in which they're sexually abused, they decide to engage in their fantasies with someone who genuinely recognizes their sexual autonomy - someone who they can honestly talk to about their experience, who respects their boundaries, and who communicates with them to establish safeguards to ensure that their consent is never violated - then they may well find a feeling of power over the situation that they didn't have before.
that isn't guaranteed to happen; for some trauma victims, their pain may be too great to replicate, even in a state of significantly reduced danger. some people may try to and discover that it is affecting them in an unhealthy way and stop. and that's okay! their sexual autonomy deserves to be respected. however, others who do engage with it may come out of the experience with a newfound recognition and acceptance of said autonomy. if they know they have the power to make the experience stop any time they feel uncomfortable, they may come to realize and truly believe that they didn't deserve what happened to them, and that they don't have to tolerate anyone who disrespects their boundaries in the future.
it's perfectly fine to not want to see someone's engagement with a particular kink. it can be upsetting for those who have been personally affected by it to witness recreations of it. luckily, in online spaces, there's an easy solution to this problem: you can avoid it by unfollowing or even blocking anyone who posts about it.
I find it troubling that so many people are averse to this idea - particularly because of the way they direct their anger toward trans women. it is a regular occurrence on this website and in fact most online spaces for someone to accuse a trans women (or multiple) of having an "inherently harmful" kink. often, these accusations are made with little to no context or even proof, if they're not simply fabricated outright (which they frequently are). accusing trans women of being sexual predators is one of the oldest forms of transmisogynistic violence you can commit, which is why I find it infuriating that this is such a common tactic in purportedly transfem-supportive communities.
perhaps you might be thinking that engaging in harmful kinks contributes to their normalization. I find this idea laughable, because sexual abuse is already normalized in society - it's baked into its very foundation, in fact. marriage, the nuclear family, christianity, police, the judicial system, and just about everything else was designed to give cishet white men absolute unchecked sexual power over women and children. and while some small advances have been made to chip away at this authority, by and large, these men are still free to perpetrate sexual abuse without facing any consequences.
minorities, on the other hand, have always been and continue to be violently punished for even being accused of sexual abuse. for example, there's a very long history of white women falsely accusing black men of rape with the express purpose of getting them lynched. still today, black people are viewed as hypersexual predators who pose a danger to white women and children for doing things as insignificant and nonsexual as wearing a revealing outfit. trans women are in a very similar position, with our mere existence being nothing more than a fetish to a significant number of tme people. it's no surprise, then, that accusations of sexual predation against us largely focus on the non-normative ways in which we often have sex.
what this inequality often looks like in practice is that cis men are free to browse the step-sister category on pornhub to their heart's content, whereas a trans woman who might, potentially, call her girlfriend her "sister" as a means of recovering from a form of sexual abuse she faced in the past is stalked online by people who believe her to be a physical danger to others, who will then publicize all of the details they can find about her private sex life with the intention of isolating her from what is likely the only community and support network she has. this should be obvious, but a trans woman without any community to accept her is significantly more likely to attempt to commit suicide, making this form of social outcasting a form of violence.
so the question then is, why does this happen? because let's be honest, it's not really about "removing predators from our communities", as much as people like to claim it is. if that were the case, then it wouldn't happen so disproportionately to trans women; the demographics of people accused would be more representative of their actual proportions. the real reason this happens is specifically because of transmisogyny. tme people, even those who are outwardly supportive, harbor internal conceptions of trans women based on stereotypes of us being sexual predators, and they react to our every action with undue scrutiny and vigilance. and because they hold the privilege of being transmisogyny-exempt, they can exert power over us in a way that they can't do to cishet white men by exiling us, knowing full well that they'll be believed by other tme people, even if they have no evidence of actual harm being done.
and that's the metric by which we should actually be judging the validity of claims of sexual predation - whether or not someone was actually harmed. if no one has genuinely been harmed, what good does it do to isolate someone from the only community they may have? that in itself is obviously harmful to the person being exiled, so the question to ask before utilizing it is: will doing so actually prevent more harm from being done unto others?
trans women as a whole are a deeply traumatized demographic. I can almost certainly list off more trans women I personally know who have been raped than who haven't. we are victims, in the vast majority of cases. despite that, we live under a veil of transmisogyny that constantly calls us dangerous degenerate freaks. as a result, some trans women develop coping methods you may find unpalatable. I'm not a very kinky person myself, and a result of me being ace is that a lot of even the most basic and common sexual acts are physically repulsive to me. because of that, I feel uncomfortable when I see people engage in certain kinds of sex and kinks, even if they're fellow trans women. you know what I do in these cases? I just don't follow them. I mind my own business and move on. it's really that easy.
arguing that nobody can engage in certain trauma-based kinks because it can harm them is short-sighted at best and actively dangerous at worst. how can you claim to be a feminist who supports bodily and sexual autonomy and be opposed to people having consensual sex you don't like? it's the same conservative rhetoric that aims to suppress women for taking control of their own sexual desires. it's one step removed from telling trans people not to get bottom surgery because they'll regret it. if you truly believe that people have the right to do what they want with their bodies, you're going to have to accept that some people will do things that personally make you uncomfortable, and you're going to have to acknowledge the fact that just because they make you uncomfortable, that doesn't mean they're harming anyone. just mind your own business. it's seriously not hard.
#I've finally had enough I'm done playing nice and tiptoeing around the blue whale in the room#I'm almost certainly gonna lose followers for this but I don't really care anymore#if after reading this you're still a reactionary who chooses to paint trans women as degenerate perverts just get out#txt#transmisogyny#my writing
359 notes
·
View notes
Text
When the stars collide
— Pairing: Oikawa x f!reader
— wc: 1.4k
️— Sypnosis: Oikawa wants to fullfill his goals but he has to go to Argentina to do so, and you decided to just stay in Japan, but he doesn't want to leave you so he's dropping all of his hardwork. You're trying your best to persuade him to break up with you and follow the path he's longing to take.
Some weeks after you graduated high school along with your boyfriend Oikawa Tooru, you two have still been dating, which you're suprised that the both of you are almost a year together too. Well, will last almost a year.
You keep convincing your boyfriend that you two should split and move on to the paths and careers you both longing to achieve. But Oikawa never listened. ” I Certainly not and would never leave you. ” He was assured, he would say it in such a soft tone, him attempting for you to just leave it at that.
You know how stubborn he can be. You don't want him to lose his way when he's so close to reaching his dream, you don't want him to waste that opportunity because of you.
You visited the brunette's home unannounced, his family is used to your sudden visits so this isn't new to them. You knocked then opened the door to his home. You walked straight to the the living room, passing a small hall then what awaits you in the right room lightly suprised you.
It was your boyfriend, on the couch, watching tv, blankets covering his whole body, only his head sticking out. He never placed a look on you but he knows your presence. He opened his arms along with the blankets, not letting out a single word.
You know what he wants and you gave it to him. A hug, a cuddle. You put your purse on a single sofa beside you and sat beside Oikawa, snuggling in as he slowly wrap his arms back, covering the both of you by the blanket.
The both of you were silent, not saying anything. Oikawa being really focused on the show airing on the tv. You didn't want the silence to keep going, so you decided to break it. ” So... We've graduated... ”
No response. ” Tooru... ” You looked at him with a gloomy expression. Still no response from the brunette.
You look down to think of what other things you wish to say. ” Tooru please let's— ”
” I'm not breaking up with you. ” you glanced at him, eyes widen. His eyes still glued at the tv. Finally he have replied, a reply you expected. ” Tooru please— ”
” Y/n please... ” His brows furrowed, as if he was sick of you trying everything to break up with him. And he is. ” I'm not breaking up with you, no, never. It can still work, me in Argentina, and you're just here, in Japan. It's gonna work! ”
’ Funny. ’ Last time he said something different, he said he would prefer staying with you. But this new response of his made you realize how much he wants to achieve this desire of his.
” You said you wanna stay with me? ” You looked back to him, still not laying a single glance on you. ” Don't guilt trip me. ”
” I'm not. You said it yourself. You want to go to Argentina. Do you really want to? ”
” Yes I do. ” He replied with infuriation, he removed his arm around you along with the blanket. You leaned back up on the couch, sitting a bit away from the brunette.
” I just... I just want to stay with you. Please... ” He added, looking down the opposite way as you. ” Oikawa, look at me. ” You pushed yourself to sit nearer Oikawa, brushing his hair, persuading him to lay his eyes on you. ” Let's talk this out. We've been arguing for weeks. I don't want it to be like this. ”
Quietness filled the whole room. While you just keep gently brushing his hair.
” Do... Do you love me? ”
That sudden question made you blink twice. You were distraught. ” Of course I do. ” You slouched, attempting to look at his countenance. ” Is that what you think? ” Brows furrowed, lips a bit curled, showing concern. ” You think I don't love you anymore because I want to break up with you? ”
No response from the brunette. ” Tooru, you're not usually like this. Quiet. ”
And again, no response. Which you took all of his silence as a yes. ” Tooru, listen... ” Slouching a bit lower and sliding near him. ” I'm only breaking up with you because I want what's best for you. I want you to achieve your dreams. I know you want to go to Argentina, then go— ”
” Y/n if you're just here to convince me to break up with you, I will not. I am staying, with you, that is that. ”
your forehead narrowed in annoyance. ” Tooru, I don't wanna argue anymore! ” You shouted, standing up in unison. ” I've been persuading you for WEEKS. I know you want to be a volleyball player in Argentina. I know you Idolize someone from that Country... ” You paused. The brunette heard you sniff multiple times and that's where he finally lay his eyes on you. seeing your face the tint of light red, and eyes watering. Broke the Seijoh Grad's heart, he couldn't control it, he felt the almost exact pain your feeling. The whole room was quiet, only hearing unsteady sobbing.
You sat down beside him idly, slouching with both of your elbows on knees. completely ignoring his gaze. ” I don't wanna be the reason why you're not where you're supposed to be years later. ”
A single tear fell down out of each of the two's eyes. ” Years later you would become a great volleyball player, guest on tv shows, have more fans that you can imagine. Get known by the whole world! That's what you want. ” You continued, ” Look, I'm just doing this for the both of us. I'm not just trying to break us up because I want to. WE HAVE TO. ”
Silence filled the room once again, Oikawa Tooru not saying a single word.
” That's it. ” You face back up and turned to the former captain, you held both and his hands. ” I'm breaking up with you. I'm doing this matter into my own hands. ” Both of you look at each other, eyes wet.
” But on one condition... ” You grinned before continuing, ” I have to see you on TV years later, doing what you love. If I don't, well.. Then I'll be disappointed. ” You let out a soft giggle, lowing the the dreary atmosphere, which also got brunette calm down. ” Well then. I have a condition also. ”
” I'll have to find you, and I'll gaurantee that I will marry you If I do so.” He said as tears fall down his cheeks.
” Wow you're so cheesy. ” You teased as you rolled your eyes, lips curled up.
” I'm serious! So don't you dare make a family yet. ” You laughed, which got him to smile to see your joyous self, oh how alluring he sees that, but it will probably the last time he'd be pleased with your beauty and silly self.
” But what if... ” your smile slowly dropped. ” What if? What? ” Oikawa said feeling jittery.
” What if you forgot about all of this and you're the one who started your own family? That, doesn't include me. ”
The awkward tension risen up, he didn't thought of that. ” I would never. ” Is what Oikawa would've said.
” Well... Okay change of conditions. I will promise you that I WILL be a volleyball player in Argentina and get a chance to be a guest on TV. I WILL not break my promise to you and Iwa-chan. And my condition is... ” He paused, you got desperate on hearing it, so you widen your eyes, looking curious.
”...Promise me, you have to do what you love. I don't want you living in hell not doing what you desired to be doing. ”
You blinked, ” Sure. Of course. Deal! ” More tears fell down on your cheeks, your lips forming a painful yet wonderful smile. Oikawa patted your back, his love for you for the past year and a half was real, he took care of himself for you, and if it wasn't for you and his bestfriend Iwaizumi he would've still overwork and make his injured knee more severe. Now seeing you in tears once again have broken the brunette, tears filled the both of you as you both smile.
So is this true love?
” Just a question.. ” you sniffed, as you rest your head on his shoulder”...Do you think we'll meet again? ”
” Well, let's just say it's up to the stars. ” He answered quickly, making you raise a brow, ” Why is that? ”
” Stars can collide right? ”
you hummed in response. ” Well, let's say if we meet each other. That must mean a star collided to another star. ”
Your heart beated fast, smiling genuinely by how Oikawa smartly thinks of this. Kidding.
” Wow you're so cheesy, Tooru. ”
— A/N: This is my first fluff angst(?) so it's not good. It was so much fun writing this though, I lost hope in finishing this earlier, but I got motivated again and finished it!!! Thank you so much for reading the whole thing. I can't believe you took your time to read this, you must have enjoyed it WAHAHA here are some donuts if you got tired from that reading 🍩🍩🍩🍩
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#x reader#oikawa tooru x reader#Oikawa Tooru#Oikawa x reader#Tooru x reader#fem!reader#Oikawa Tooru x fem!reader#oikawa tooru#Oikawa Tooru x reader
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
BTHB - Anger Born of Worry
When Fao left on tour, he seemed to take most of Harrison’s sense and stability with him. The younger wolf began causing issues almost immediately, quickly squaring up to Sheila and Fred. Even Steve couldn’t control him, or his wolf.
After a particularly vicious moon, leaving both Harrison and Fred bruised and sore, things took a turn for the worse. He’d started on Finn, rounding on him over breakfast. They’d scrapped over nothing, Finn ending up landing on the floor rather roughly. He’d yelped immediately, scrambling away as he tried to protect himself. Still, Harrison didn’t stop.
The Daniels were furious, struggling to believe Harrison would do that to Finn, the kid he’d always adored. He was kicked out, the rest of the pack watching him as he collected his belongings. It was clear he wasn’t welcome.
Theo took him in, let him crash on his sofa while Steve patched Finn up - while he’d done what he could at the clinic, but it was clear he needed their hospital. Harrison, being bigger and more prepared, hadn’t fared too badly; a few cuts and scrapes that would heal soon enough.
While Theo’s offer was kind, Harrison couldn’t stay. He wasn’t sure if it was couldn’t or wouldn’t, but either way, he had to go. He left notes, an apology to Finn and then the Daniels, a few notes he’d saved up included to pay for the broken plates and chairs; another to Steve, for taking the chance on him and him screwing it all up, like he always did; one for Theo, a quick explanation and a (polite) request to not throw his stuff out, not that he deserved it; and finally, one for Fao. He wasn’t sure if it was a plead for him to come home safely, or an apology for everything he’d ever done. A love letter of sorts, things he’d never say out loud, but since he wasn’t coming back, that didn’t matter. Fao might as well know.
He waited until Theo had gone to bed, the older man offering to stay up and chat, sensing something was off. He’d declined, lied until he was left alone. Despite the other wolf trying to wait up, he’d drifted off, giving Harrison his opportunity.
He’d taken food from his cupboards - old stuff, nearly out of date, things he’d heard Theo complain about. It wasn’t like Harrison to just take charity, so he left some money too, under his letter of apology. With nothing left to do, he shouldered his backpack, shoved his rolled duvet under his arm and slipped out into the night.
When Theo woke and found Harison gone, he called everyone he knew, panic clear in his words. Nobody had seen or heard from him. And then, he found the letters.
The pack was out searching as soon as Theo raised the alarm - Harrison was still part of the pack, even after his actions. Everyone was distraught, worried about him - it wasn’t the first time he’d ran off, but everything felt wrong. His letters held too much finality, too much goodbye.
When Fao came back from his tour, it was to the family and the pack in chaos. Harrison missing was worrying, and the letter Fao read made his stomach twist. He was exhausted, just come back from war, but he threw himself into searching. Of course, after he'd spent some time with Finn. Something about what Harrison had said in his letter sent Fao searching further afield than he usually would. He spent days scouring the woods as wolf, sleeping under bushes despite the cold and wind. He clung to every hint of a scent, desperate to find him.
Haarrison kept his distance, travelled North. He’d never been far from London, only ever travelling to the south coast on the ‘family’ holidays he’d had. There was nothing for him in the north, but that was part of the (pull) of it. He wasted most of his money on hotels, trying his best to find somewhere to stay out of the cold and rain. There wasn’t much he could do; he couldn’t work, had to be careful where he left his leg when he shifted too. He did his best to hide his scent, to keep the pack from finding him, not that they’d be looking for him anyway.
The food was gone quickly too, despite his attempt to ration and hunt when he could. The idea of fish had quickly grown stale, rabbit and pigeon following suit.
He didn’t dare to beg, though would often find some safety in sleeping in doorways in city centres, his duvet wrapped tight around him. He was caught out a few times too, woken up to someone trying to rob him and beat him up. Bloody lip and bruised eyes left him more suspicious, made him sit awake at night. His black eyes grew into dark bags under his eyes, his tiredness past exhaustion.
With the days slightly warmer, more crowds flocked to the streets. His usual sleeping places disturbed by foot traffic and prying eyes. As much as he tried to sleep during the day, every instinct in him begged him to keep moving, to try and evade any search efforts that might still be going on. After all, he’d caused so much trouble within the pack, they’d surely still be out for blood.
It took Fao a long while to even get close to finding him. But his letter kept him going, scanning over each word to try and find any hint of where he was. It took him much further North than he expected. He lost the scent, and had pretty much given up as he headed into the town, very much human, in search of a hotel room to stay in and get cleaned up. But then he caught a scent again, and whilst he couldn’t be sure, it certainly seemed like him.
And there, curled up in a shop doorway, was Harrison. He was curled under a filthy duvet, and he smelled sick, but it was him.
Fao stopped dead.
“Harrison? Tomcat?”
He didn’t move at first. There was no way Fao had found him, not this far away. He sniffed quietly. Well, shit. Not one to give up, he pulled the duvet further over his head, trying to hide.
“Harrison?”
“No.”
“It’s only me.”
He sat up slowly, breathing deeply as he tried to check if it really was just Fao. The others wouldn't be too far away. “Fao.”
“Hey, stranger.”
“What do you want?” He got stiffly to his feet, backed in the corner.
“Wanted to find you. Came back from tour and you’d gone.”
“Yeah.”
“I've missed you, Tomcat.”
“So what have you come to do?”
“Came to find you. Your letter… Well, I…”
“I said what I said.”
“I was scared I'd lose you.”
“I’m not coming back.” He frowned. “If you’re going to kill me, just get it over with.”
“I'm not gonna kill you, don't be daft.” Fao said. “But I swear I've been wolf for like a week, I was gonna get a hotel room, grab a shower and some food? Wanna come?”
“So you can tell the others where I am so they can get me? Yeah, sure.”
“They don't know I'm here, and I'm not going to tell them. I won't tell them I've found you, if you'd rather not. But nobody wants to kill you.”
“Of course they do.”
“They don't, Hars. They're all really worried about you.”
He shook his head with a bark of a laugh. "Don't be daft."
“They are. Sheila's a wreck.”
“She hates me.”
“She doesn’t.”
“They’re not my pack any more.”
“They’re always going to be your pack, Hars.”
He scoffed. "They kicked me out. I deserved it."
“They told you to leave the house. That doesn't mean you're gone from the pack.”
“As good as.”
“Not at all.”
“I’ve said what I said, Fao. I’m not going back.” He squared his shoulders, clenched his jaw. “Just leave me alone.”
“Come on, let’s at least grab a shower, some hot food and sleep in a real bed tonight.”
He shook his head, though his heart desperately wanted to. “No, I’m not...I’ve got to go now.”
“No commitment. Have some food, a soft place to sleep. And then if you still want to walk away… I can’t stop you.”
“So you can kill me in my sleep.” He laughed drily or dryly whatever. “Yeah, sure.”
“You don’t trust me anymore?”
“I trust that pack will come before I do.”
“They’re not coming. I can’t even tell them, my phone is dead.”
“You can charge it.”
“Why would I tell them? I’m just here for you.”
“Because you all want me dead.”
“We don’t.”
He couldn;t allow himself the hope. “No.”
“I swear, tomcat. Swear on my life.”
Fao wouldn’t lie to him. “No, mate. It’s okay.”
“Come on, let’s get you warm and fed, eh?” Fao said, offering him a hand.
He flinched away; his back hit against stone and he groaned. “I’ve said no.”
Fao frowned, and stepped back. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know, I know.” He wrapped an arm around his stomach, protecting himself. “I know.”
Fao dropped his gaze, wolf body language taking over by default. “I’m just here to help you.”
“Honest?”
“Honest. I wouldn't lie.”
He hesitated, almost giving in. “I’ve not got any money.”
“Let me worry about the money.”
“I’m not taking charity.”
“Do I look like a charity? You're family, shut up and let me take care of you, tomcat.”
"I'm not family." He spat.
“You are to me.” Fao said, folding his arms over his chest. “Don't snap at me.” His tone betrayed where he'd been for the past few months, a hangover from his tour.
"I'll do what I want."
Fao raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't say a word.
Harrison's lip curled. "What are you going to do?"
“Dunno. Figured I'd just wait for you to stop being an ass.
"I'm packing my shit and going." He all but snarled, starting to roll his duvet up.
“Okay. You want a hand?”
"Does it look like I want a hand?"
“Well, you seem to be making this a big thing. Bit dramatic if you ask me, all I did was offer you some food and a warm bed.”
"You only offered so you'd have the chance to hurt me."
“No I didn't. I don't want to hurt you.”
"You have to."
“No I don't.”
"An eye for an eye."
“Nobody cares about any of that crap.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I'm not lying.”
"I'll pay you back." He softened.
“If you want to.”
“I will.”
“Come on then. Food, a shower and sleep in a real bed.””
“I’ll sleep on the floor.” He said. “Nothing I’m not used to.”
“No, come on. We'll get you a good bed.”
He could fight it later. “Okay.”
Slowly, Fao offered Harrison his hand again. “Come on, then.”
Harrison shouldered his pack, then reached for Fao's hand. "Thank you."
“I've missed you.”
"Don't be daft."
“I really have!”
He didn't say anything. He still wasn't sure where he stood. There was no sign of ill intentions with Fao, but he couldn't be too careful.
Fao sighed, but didn't push it. Harrison was going to take time to trust him again. But he lead him to the hotel he'd planned on staying in, and managed to reserve a double room. They'd both have somewhere proper to sleep, hot water, and food that night and the next morning.
Harrison hesitated again. “Can I grab a shower?”
“Of course. You got some clean clothes?”
“Clean enough.”
“Grab some of mine, they're clean. And we can buy some more for you.”
“It’s fine. I can wash them in the sink.”
“No, Hars. We’ll get you some nice clothes.”
“I’ve got clothes.”
“Clean clothes.”
"They will be once I've washed them."
“Alright.”
“I told you,” he said gruffly. “I’m not taking charity.”
“I know. But there's a difference between pity and help.”
“And I don’t think you know the difference.”
“Of course I do.”
"Then stop pitying me."
“I'm not pitying you. I'm just trying to help.”
He scuffed his feet. "Feels a lot like pity."
“But Tomcat, you think anyone who's trying to help is pitying you.”
“Because it’s the same thing.”
“It's not.”
“No?” He raised an eyebrow. “Could have fooled me.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“How far is the hotel?”
“Not far.”
“I’ve had enough walking.”
“It's not too far. But I can carry some of your stuff?”
He jerked away. "It's mine."
“I'm not gonna take it. Thought it might just make the walk easier if you didn't have so much to carry.”
“I always have to carry it. Otherwise someone would nick it.”
“I'm not gonna nick it.”
"You might." He shrugged his backpack on again. "It's fine."
“Okay.” It hurt that Harrison didn't trust him any more, but he didn't know what else to do or say.
Harrison could sense the pain from Fao and he sighed. "It's filthy anyway, I'm better off carrying it."
“Whatever you're comfortable with.”
"Not fair on you."
“Not like I'm not fit.”
He huffed. "Yeah, that's true."
“So I'm happy to carry if you need it.”
"It's okay."
“Let’s get going, then.”
He sighed. “Yeah, sure.”
Fao led the way to the hotel, trying to keep a slow pace so Harrison didn't have to rush.
Harrison hesitated outside, turning to Fao. “They’ll kick me out again.”
“No they won't. They've been paid enough.”
“Still, they’ve seen the state of me.”
“You look fine, just a bit scuffed up.”
“I look homeless.”
“Well, Hars, I hate to break it to you, but you have been living on the streets.” Fao attempted to joke. “Come on, take my hoodie.” He pulled it over his head.
“You think I don’t know?” Harrison snapped at Fao.
“Sorry, sorry. Stupid joke. Come on, just take the hoodie, it’ll be alright. You’re clearly with me, so it’s fine.”
“And what about my shit?”
“I’ll carry it.”
“They won’t let you in.”
“Give it here, I’ll shove it in my bag?”
“Let me carry the bag though?”
“Sure, so long as you don’t break it.”
“I’m not going to.”
“Good.” Fao shrugged his bag off and rolled Harrison’s duvet and other crap up to shove it inside. “That’s alright?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” He swung it onto his back. “Thanks.”
“Let's go, then.”
“Right.” He nodded. “After you.”
Fao led the way inside, glancing back at Harrison to make sure he was still following.
"I'm not going to run off. Don't give me that look."
“But you thought about it.”
“No.” He lied.
Fao raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. They got inside, and spoke to the person at the desk. He shot them some slightly odd looks, but Fao spoke in a way that dared him to give them shit, and nothing was said. They were given keys, and directions to the room. They headed up, and Fao unlocked the door to let Harrison inside. “Here we go. Much better.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Do you wanna grab a shower?”
“Yes please.”
“Go on, then.”
He glanced at Fao before heading into the bathroom, backpack still on. “Won’t be long.”
“Harrison. My pack, please?”
“It’s got my stuff in.”
“Take your stuff out?”
“Fine.”
“Thanks.”
He shoved his pack towards Fao. “I’m getting a shower now.”
“Yeah, go ahead. Enjoy it.”
He headed back into the bathroom, dumping his stuff on the floor before stripping. He ran the water hot, used as much shampoo and bodywash as he could, and just stood under the stream. It was a stark difference from his previous attempts at a shower, a hurried wash in the mcdonalds toilets. After washing his hair and body, he slumped down, sliding until he was sat on the shower floor. His head in his hands, he let himself cry, all his emotions coming to a head.
Fao gave Harrison plenty of time in the shower. He deserved his privacy, and it was no doubt the first shower he'd had in far too long. He sorted through the other wolf's stuff, only to neatly fold it for now. He'd go through and wash it later for him. Even the duvet could be washed, he was sure. Of course he wanted to bring Harrison home, but if he chose to keep living this way, the best he could do was make him more comfortable.
Harrison eventually emerged from the bathroom, hair still dripping and a mess on his head. He was in slightly cleaner clothes, his others having also had a wash. When he saw Fao, his lip curled.
"I told you not to touch my stuff."
“I just folded them for you.” Fao said, guarded. “That way you can pick out what wants washing and if anything needs fixing. It didn't seem right, just leaving it in a pile on the floor. It's all there, you can check it for yourself."
"It's not yours to touch."
“Look, sorry. I was only trying to help.”
"I didn't ask for your help!" He shot back, his wavering voice betraying him. "I didn't ask for any of it."
“Look, I don't know what the fuck happened back home, I don't care, but I'm your pack and I'm your family and we help eachother out when we end up in the shit! I'm not long back from fucking Afghanistan, and yet here I am with you, because I'm not just going to walk past and leave you to suffer. So get your head out of your ass and just let me help, for fuck's sake. It's not pity, it's not charity, it's me helping a friend. And I'm sorry I touched your stuff, I am. But I was only trying to make your life easier!”
Harrison didn’t say anything, visibly shrinking back on himself, his lip trembling. He turned away, grabbing his clothes and stuffing them haphazardly into his bag.
Fao softened, and stepped back. He'd gone too far, he knew he had, but Harrison was just so frustrating. It didn't help just how worried he was about him.
“Look, Tomcat, I'm sorry…”
He shook his head, his wet clothes shoved on top. "Don't."
“Don't go. I'll leave you be, the room is yours. Don't have to see my stupid face. But take it, sleep in a real bed, eat real food. For your own health.”
"It's fine." He tried to slink past Fao. "I'm fine."
“No, Hars, you're not fine.”
"I am."
“You're so far from fine it hurts. I read your letter, I really thought I was never going to see you again. I thought I'd lost you. Please, don't go…”
He stopped, finally looking at Fao. "You weren't meant to find me."
“And yet I did.” Fao said, stepping closer. “Come on, don't throw it all in now.”
"I can't." He shook his head, clenched his jaw to try and stop the tears that threatened again. "It's already over."
Fao couldn't help himself, he pulled Harrison in for a hug, crushing him against his chest. “Oh, Tomcat, nothing is ever over.”
#Harrison#Fao Blackwood#whump#bthb card#whump prompt#Harrison is sad#anger born of worry#what immortal au#he's been homeless a While#bc he's a dick#harrison is having a bad day#tomcat and wolfie
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
