This drawing… what is there even to say about this

Info

It’s just more of the same more of the same more

of

the

same

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

Get to know me (if you want)

No one asked for this. Questions are from @chvmpagne-and-gasoline so if you wanna answer them, feel free to.

1. 6 of the songs you listen to the most?

La Campanella by Liszt, Humoresque by Dvorak, Rolling Girl by wowaka, Servant of Evil by mothy (?), Circles by Kira (?), Comptine D’un Autre Été (yes I don’t give a damn about pop culture)

2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Brett and Eddy from TwoSet

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“1997—X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter” from Armada by Ernest Cline

4. Who do you think about most?

My real life friends because they’re great, and IkeRev guys (especially Jonah)

5. What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Asking them where they are

6. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With. How do people sleep without clothes?

7. What’s your strangest talent?

Having random thoughts enter my mind that actually predict the future (but I never really tell anyone so)

8: Girls are cool; Boys are cool. (everyone is cool period)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Nope, well at least I don’t think so. But I did write a poem about someone (it was never meant to be a roast poem, just a poem that was meant to be an outlet for my sadness, but it was accidentally written in such a way that it can be interpreted as one)

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Bold of you to assume I ever played guitar. The closest was ukelele but that was for school.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

No

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

No, unless your finger counts (hey, it gets bothersome sometimes to feel something within your nostril)

13: What’s your religion?

Roman Catholic

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Either I’m going out to eat or exercising

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind, but I always end up in front of it

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

I don’t have a favorite band.

17: What was the last lie you told?

It was probs a yes to a question I no longer remember.

18: Do you believe in karma?

I joke about it, but honestly, no.

19: What does your URL mean?

I’m a person who likes piano. That’s it.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is being too cautious to the point I get tense due to fear of failure. My greatest strength is probably scrape by school with grades 90 and above without putting in my best.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Bold of you to assume I even have one.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope, never

23: How do you vent your anger?

If I want to rant, I either rant alone or with people who think alike. But that’s with  really shallow stuff. If it’s really bad anger, I tend to keep it to myself because I feel like I’m gonna waste people’s time and my own energy.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

None

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Depends. But I’ll go with talking on the phone.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Nope. Not yet.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate Edgar Bright’s voice the sound of a spoon or fork accidentally scraping against the plate. I love the sound of pianos and flutes.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I screw up so badly that I’ll end up a failure, a loser, and a loner for the rest of my life and end up dying in pain alone?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts, no. Aliens, a bit.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

With my right, I touch air. With my left, I touch the TV screen,

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothing

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

If it smells like garbage, then automatically, it’s the worst place for me. And I’ve been to a number of places like that so I can’t specify.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

West Coast just because I’ve been there

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Does Jonah Clemence count? He sings lol But in all seriousness, none.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

Life is like a Pokemon game. You’re not going to win all those battles, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give up. But if your life is Pokemon X and Y, you’re lucky.

36: Define Art.

Art is something universal yet personal.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes. Of course, you need to work hard, but you still have to hope that things go your way.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Pretty cool since it’s nighttime. Clear skies too.

39: What time is it?

10:07pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Nope. 

41: What was the last book you read?

Armada by Ernest Cline. It’s a great read, especially if you read Ready Player One by the same author.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes. Everyone around me finds it weird.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Yeah 

44: What was the last film you saw?

Infinity War

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

When I was grade one, I fell and hit my head. 

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Never had, never tried.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

IkeRev I guess

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yep. Quite a bit.

50: Do you believe in magic?

Nope. But I wish I have.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Nope, because that’s a waste of time and energy. Also, I tend to forget they even did anything to me lol

52: What is your astrological sign?

Sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?

For school and food, spend. Otherwise, save.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Takeout from a restaurant because there was no food at home.

55: Love or lust?

Love

56: In a relationship?

Nope

57: How many relationships have you had?

Was single, has been single, always will be single

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

I think I used to, but no.

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Nope

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Nope

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Idk. My dog I guess.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I don’t even try.

64: Where is your best friend?

At home

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@just-shower-thoughts​ @extramadness​ @laineclemence​ @theundyingskeleton​ @valkryie-nyte​

66: What is your heritage?

Filipino with a bit of Chinese and Spanish

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Answering some questions on Tumblr

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

He doesn’t have one.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Sorry, what does that even mean?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Considering I talk to myself a lot, yes.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Go to work. I don’t think I can save that dog.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Yes I will tell my family and friends that I will die. Yes I will be very afraid. I will go to confession as soon as possible and perhaps try to do some stuff before I die.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

The One That Got Away by Katy Perry just because nostalgia

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

My lips are sealed about that.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Being great friends grants a great relationship.

77: How can I win your heart?

You can’t.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

No, but it can make you do the things you want to do by removing all insecurities and inhibitions preventing you from doing those things.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Staying alive

80: What size shoes do you wear?

If we’re talking about closed shoes, size 5

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Never thought about it

82: What is your favourite word?

Right now, it’s Queen.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Jonah Clemence (ok how many times have I said his name in this post)

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“Lol”, “nice”, “I wanna die.”, or “Patayin mo na ako.”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Melt’s cover of Rolling Girl

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Blue and black

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A galaxy

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I don’t want to have that on my conscience and my record so nope.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Do I have a kink?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Clutch my blanket and stay still, trying to think of a way to get them out without inadvertently causing my death.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Psychic powers

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

That one time I touched a thermometer that wasn’t supposed to be touched in grade two. Everyone got mad at me for it. It took me three or four years to get over the shame from that incident.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

2016. What a time waster.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

That’s uncomfortable...

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Iceland just because it sounds great

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Nope

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Never, which is great

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yep

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Jesus is the answer.

DO ALL OF THEM!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?AT THE MOMENT THEY'RETattooed in Reverse - Marilyn MansonSAY10 - Marilyn MansonAnd Sadness Will Sear - TriviumThe Wretchedness Inside - Trivium It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door - UnderoathRunaway - Spoken2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Jana!3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.4: What do you think about most?See 25: What does your latest text message from someone else say?"Absolutely! That'd be great!"6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?With7: What’s your strangest talent?Idk man I'm bit very talented8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)wut wut9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nah10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?GOD probably today. I do it a lot it helps me think about how a song is put together11: Do you have any strange phobias?Trypophobia12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?I'm sure I did when I was a kid13: What’s your religion?Not religious but the closest would be Christian14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Walking to or from my truck. Or taking a walk.15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND I don't like how I look16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?Korn!17: What was the last lie you told?Uhhhh I don't remember. I don't often lie18: Do you believe in karma?To an extent.19: What does your URL mean?It's a Metal Gear Solid reference!20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Greatest weakness is probably mental health issues. Greatest strength is probably that I can just keep going no matter how shitty things get. Belief in something bjgger definitely helps with that.21: Who is your celebrity crush?Don't have one! 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?Nah23: How do you vent your anger?I don't get angry often but I usually use music!24: Do you have a collection of anything?Toys and games25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Phone26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?PFT NOPE but I'm always working on it. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?The sound of snow squeaking hurts my brain. Andd I like any kind of percussive or clicky sound really 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?I don't think much about what if. I spend most of that time thinking about what can be I guess.29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Nah and to an extent.30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.My nightstand and my pupper31: Smell the air. What do you smell?Cold-ish air and clean bedding!32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?Albuquerque was pretty shitty and I live in Phoenix.33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?I literally don't give a fuck. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?Idk man there's not many female singers with the music I like. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?To love and help others any way I can.36: Define Art.Everything.37: Do you believe in luck?Mmmm kinda.38: What’s the weather like right now?Nice! It's finally starting to cool off from summer.39: What time is it?11:46 PM40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yeah I drive. No, I've never had an accident 41: What was the last book you read?My vusiness textbook for school.42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?LOVE IT.43: Do you have any nicknames?Many. DJ and JJ are the most prominent44: What was the last film you saw?Oculous45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Uhhhhhh does depression count46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Nope!47: Do you have any obsessions right now?New music that came out!48: What’s your sexual orientation?Straight49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?Yeah50: Do you believe in magic?Nah51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Very rarely but theres a person or two who I haven't gotten over yet52: What is your astrological sign?Gemini!53: Do you save money or spend it?Both54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Mexican candy!55: Love or lust?Love56: In a relationship?Complicated I guess.57: How many relationships have you had?NONE58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?Nope!59: Where were you yesterday?Home mostly.60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Yeah, a pair of headphones61: Are you wearing socks right now?I am not62: What’s your favourite animal?DOGGOS63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?I don't have any. I'm really shy and awkward.64: Where is your best friend?Germany65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.My favorite is @the-wretchedness-inside!66: What is your heritage?Mostly hispanic!67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?I think I was binge watching Forensic Files68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?Idfk dude69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?Yes?70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?O man I fuckin suck71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?SAVE THE DOGGO 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?1 Nah, 2 Spend time with people I love and 3 nah.73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.They both go hand in hand friendo74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Here to Stay by Korn75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?061776: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Love and trust and honesty77: How can I win your heart?Just be yourself if I like you I like yoy78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?Uhhh not like ACTUAL insanity79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Not killing myself tbh 80: What size shoes do you wear?11-1281: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?I want to be cremated or thrown in the garbage 82: What is your favourite word?Prolly fuck or several.83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Jana84: What is a saying you say a lot?Fuck85: What’s the last song you listened to?JE$U$ CRI$I$ by Marilyn Manson86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Blue, purple, and black!87: What is your current desktop picture?A MGS picture88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?Rachel Ray of the Food Network 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Idk man ask me a bunch and see if I get nervous90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Go back to bed assuming I'm hallucinating.91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Teleportation!92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?I don't think I'd relive anything really. Sometimes the memories are better.93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Uhhh like 7th grade through highschool.94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?No one95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Germany!96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Not that I know of.97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Not while it was moving98: Ever been on a plane?Nope but I will soon!99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?Just quit being a dick, man.Thank you Jana! ❤

so i’ve been Absent from this hell site

brief relationship turned sour

b/c this manboy is emotionally stunted and it was emotionally abusive, b/c of his total indifference to my wellbeing, also his horrible politics my god, he’s not vocal about them or anything b/c #masculinity despite ~socially liberal attitudes to sex/uality, gender to some extent, race, etc

like it’s ok i’m anti-zionist b/c he’s ½ lebanese, it’s not ok 2 criticize capitalism when his whole identity is contingent upon what he ~does, but all his jobs have been handed to him by his daddy, and he’s gonna inherit this current company most likely. CRY ME A FUCKIN RIVER about job stress, and keep doling out job search advice. the self-awareness!!1! meritocracy!1! immigrant daddy’s bootstraps!1! the free market only rewards the best and the brightest, not children of company owners without the requisite skills who need to learn on the job, then hire acquaintances to do drudgework b/c you’re above the task you’ve been given even though YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY DO WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO AT THE COMPANY YET. omg. idc it’s just so ridiculous

he led me on with his politics early on, like late april apologized of his own volition for pulling some BS about music now being valuable to our economy because it doesn’t produce material good… he was probably still trying to impress me, and i wasn’t having any of it, what libertarian nonsense. this basic bitch literally is obsessed with cryptocurrency. talking about MATERIAL GOOD and useless garbage waste of time. he also works for a company that is contracted to make handbag samples for a big designer brand (ugly WASPy clothing and accessories… w/e) so do not talk about value when that ugly overpriced shit is not demanded by ~society, nor do those handbags feed anyone

he’s also subletting from a friend, despite asking to be on a break an hour after i mentioned her idea, and after we’ve broken up, like it’s tactless to do this. find another room/apartment. god knows you throw money at people. he sees every human interaction as transactional. in fact has directly said every human interaction should use venmo. over 2 weeks ago he ended up lording money over me and then blocked me on that app and elsewhere lmfao, i told him via comment “i know you think you’re your earning power at daddy’s company but i did not ask for your money.” that was 2 much truth for him. he also unblocked me recently on venmo… because that’s his life source and he’s a nosy garbage human

for all of june, which was still part of the relationship despite him asking to go on a ‘break’ from/with me (but still pleaded to see me, talk to me, and can i go to your friend’s party…), and most of july when we weren’t together (’i’m not ready to date’ he writes, like yeah, but you were also stringing me along, iced me out, and emotionally abusive in insidious ways… doing and saying careless shit, dropping worrisome one-liners on me over chat and in person, not being able to hold a conversation or form impressions, it’s so draining to be around that, to have to be “on” 100% of the time and worry about this person you came to care about b/c you do when you get to sort of know someone in any context, especially in an ~intimate one, someone who never has a good thing to say about anyone in his life - parents, sibling, exes he’s ‘friends’ with, exes he’s not over, former roommates he’s not on speaking terms with (because he’s habitual about the lording of money over ppl), acquaintances, friends…

his self-worth is derived from earning power/job and whether someone will sleep with him. his identity is based on… complete self-interest. libertarian economics and techie aspiring BS jargon. he didn’t go to school cos he didn’t have to, but also i suspect he has a mental block surrounding academia and won’t confront it, but still criticizes people who study things he doesn’t find ‘useful’ (so everything that isn’t abstract science and… idk, art. he’s no fuckin da vinci)

he doesn’t have anything going for him, or anything to offer tbh. but conventional looks (i guess 2 some) and he’s all surface level. and narcissistic

he doesn’t have many friends of his own, makes sense because he pushes people away with his behavior, believes that constitutes self-imposed isolation… yet tries to hang out with the friends of people he’s not on speaking terms with - former roommates, an ex (as it turns out my friend who kept their relationship on the DL, calls him ‘toxic’ -wish she had talked to me or something). it’s again, tactless, and weird loner shit. he tries to get sublets (if he has money why not just live alone? because he doesn’t want to live alone, yet is an emotional vampire and manipulative), other shit from people, purely transactional. his few HS chums have moved on and have literally moved away for college/work, etc. even him friend requesting/following my friends he briefly met is pretty weird to me tbh. he leaves no impression on people. just quiet

dumb and cute is ok but dumb and cruel? dumb, cruel, and Fiscally Conservative in the least? only ambition in life being ‘affluence’ - direct quote? someone who thinks they’re unprincipled and have shit values? n o p e. i mean good riddance. if i wasn’t open with my convictions this would’ve lasted longer. and his BS about needing a ‘break,’ we’d come back with new perspectives~* because he’s in relationships ‘for the long haul’ sounded like a threat then. and warnings/threats about ‘now i have to focus on my work/passions’ (gimme a break what other obligations do u have in life, when do u not focus on urself, an excuse to not pay attention to the person you're dating/a copout instead of breaking up tbh) are just lol

since it was my first whatever you’d call it, i guess i tried to ‘stick it out’ and i guess i also understand the perspective of someone being mistreated and emotionally abused cos you sort of hold out hope for decency and a return to the beginning, ~courting stage or w/e… oh wells. i’m doing better not knowing what he’s up to or being reminded what he looks like, should’ve unfriended/unfollowed first but i though that would be immature of me. welp should not have cared. we could never have been friends, and this wasn’t a serious relationship to begin with but i didn’t even get basic emotional respect reciprocated. i do not deserve that

ok this is more typing than i thought i’d do. i’ve been typing at my friends (hello some of you thanks for putting up with me)

and my intake interview at a mental health clinic was in the beginning of june, coordinator said it would take 4-6 weeks to find me a fit, it’s been 2 months i called a few days ago, they called back and said they’d call me by friday. but man i could’ve used a therapist these past few months lol. oh well i’m tryin

FACT FOR EACH STAR GO GO GO !!!!!!!!!! :D

⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️When I was little I dropped a can in the garbage on accident and my brother made me crawl in the trash can to get it back out and put it in the right thing.⭐️I have right duane's syndrome. It's a birth defect that makes it so I can't turn my right eye outwards, it stops in the middle and I see double when I try to do it.⭐️I once fell through bleachers from the very top, falling straight down, twenty(20) ft, and I hit five cross bars on my way to the ground. My life did flash before my eyes.⭐️Growing up I wanted to be the first female president. Now I'm a trans man and I hate the government.⭐️I always wanted a husky (I was a wolf and tiger kid) and I got one two years ago and I love her. Her name is Ember.⭐️uhhhhh,,,,,,,, I'm autistic, well specifically I have aspergers⭐️I think you gave me too many stars ⭐️I love space but if I think about the laws of time and space I get too existential and dissociate for hours⭐️I'm having trouble thinking up new facts. F u my friend⭐️I've never been in a play or musical where I didn't have a speaking part⭐️In theatre I played this kid who is two feet taller than me and has non-stop freckled' older brother, so that was fun⭐️How am I supposed to do this without feeling self-centered??? Is that a fact?⭐️I always start writing stories and never finish them.⭐️I have some fucked yo dreams that I will never tell to a single person⭐️Moana is my favorite animated movie, only second to Road to El Dorado⭐️I type like this n lke this n vvvv much like this,,,⭐️I'm watching America's Got Talent right now and it always manages to restore my faith in humanity⭐️also the dancing pumpkin man from that old meme is on America's Got Talent and I love him⭐️I feel so small and then I feel so big and it is weird⭐️I love anyone who messages me, any message or ask. Even hate stuff, like thamknyoi, you took the time to think about me, even if its death wishes, you thought about me⭐️I love doing scary makeup⭐️fucked up shit and horror is my thing, but I can't watch horror movies alone⭐️I used to be really into werewolves and stuff when I first got on the internet and I guess you couldve considered me a furry⭐️I'm in love with my boyfriend⭐️did I mention I love my boyfriend⭐️that doctor who band that was called like Chameleon something??? Idk but they made really good songs. Check them out you guys⭐️COMEDY IS GREAT, FUNNY PEOPLE CAN FUCK ME UP⭐️I'm into dark comedy, but not insensitive comedy. Your racist jokes aren't funny, Barbara.⭐️I love tamale pie. If you haven't had tamale pie you need to have it.⭐️tamale pie and cornbread are the best⭐️sushi is really good⭐️my old choir teacher sang opera and was professionally trained in it.⭐️we had a karaoke day once and he sang karaoke opera for everyone. I'm p sure it was Italian too⭐️we had three foreign exchange students last year at my old school, one from South Korea, one from Finland, and one from Switzerland.⭐️a kid from my school spent part of her year as a foreign exchange student in Spain and when she came back she brought three girls from Spain with her and they cursed a lot⭐️I feel guilty about practically everything I've ever done in my life⭐️SO MANY STARS⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️the Ghostbusters reboot is a very good movie⭐️I want to go to COS (college of the siskiyous) and then transfer to SOU (Southern Oregon University) so hey, hit me up⭐️one is the loneliest number that you ever did see⭐️I'm sad 24/7 but sometimes that sadness comes across as comedy and that the only reason people like me⭐️I'm a minor⭐️I'm hot as fuck, get on my level twunk⭐️I hate terfs⭐️I want to be so rich that if I wanted to I could pay for everyone in the entire North America and South America to have enough food for three square meals a day⭐️i own a hat that says "black lives matter" and I've gotten ripped off my head more than once while riding my bus home⭐️I have a slight hitchhikers thumb⭐️I was born with brown hair but by the time I was two months old my hair was white⭐️I have owned four(4) rats, two(2) rabbits, seven(7) cats, two(2) guinea pigs, five(5) dogs, and one(1) hamster named Eddie.⭐️I am a self-taught horse-rider⭐️I have been to two(2) rodeos.⭐️I have asthma⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️so I love my boyfriend⭐️I chew on ice⭐️I order snow cones without any flavoring⭐️snow cones without any flavoring are cheaper⭐️SO MANY STARS⭐️I could've gotten more asks by now and I wouldn't know because I'm answering your stars⭐️I cry too easily⭐️I pass surprisingly well for being a trans guy who has not started T⭐️my family once sat at the dinner table on thanksgiving talking about how my mom had the right to hit me and I would not be allowed to defend myself⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I didn't know my dad was alive for the first twelve years of my life aside from the fact that we got the occasional eleven(11) dollar child support⭐️I love dogs⭐️I love cats ⭐️I love birds⭐️I love lizards⭐️I love snakes⭐️I love rats⭐️I love mice⭐️I love fish⭐️that guy on YouTube, Coyote Peterson is my goals as a person. If I could just live as a guy who goes around and finds wildlife I would never ask for another thing in my life⭐️I've recently started playing Pokémon Go again. It's fun⭐️my first Pokémon was a pikachu⭐️I've already traded my first Pokémon for more candies because I'm vain and want to be the very best⭐️I used to be a compulsive liars and would spend hours at night crying because I thought I was a horrible person for it. I was seven(7) at the time.⭐️I'm a trans⭐️koala bears are actively not helping themselves stay alive, not a fact about me, just a fact I like.⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I just got a new kitten named Periwinkle Blue⭐️if I die before I travel to at least one(1) foreign country I will have died a sad man⭐️my great grandpa was Jewish and I carry a lot of that culture and its traditions down with me, despite not actually considering myself part of the religion.⭐️I'm a descendant of the Karuk tribe which is located in Northern California. I speak very little Karuk but it's a very pretty language!⭐️I'm also Irish, German, and as mentioned above (or alluded to at least) Hebrew.⭐️I'm white passing as far as my Native American roots go, and trust me, it is awkward being the whitest person at the tribal meetings.⭐️my birthname was the same name my great grandmother had, but is spelt in the newer form, not the Hebrew translated English form.⭐️I live in a very country oriented town. Everyone owns a cow. Or a pig. I almost owned a pig once.⭐️a lot of people say I'm not actually a trans guy because I was too much of an outstanding girl⭐️my insurance won't cover my top surgery⭐️I work as a dishwasher and it sucks ass⭐️I want to quit my job⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I went vegetarian for two weeks and then caved for a bag of salami someone left on the counter⭐️I drink at least one(1) Pepsi zero a day⭐️the first website I ever roleplayed on was QuoteV.com⭐️my mom just brought me a Fitbit that she got for me. What does this mean?⭐️I'm technically overweight yet look like the average "healthy" body.⭐️I have Mono⭐️I had lice in second(2) grade and lost many of my beloved stuffed animals because of that⭐️because of trauma I regress on occasion and my YouTube watch history is always interesting when that happens.⭐️I have extremely bad anxiety and don't even realize it half the time⭐️Jimmy Fallon is better than Jimmy Kimmel⭐️I once played a union soldier in a civil war reenactment held by a traveling group of reenactors and trust me, they do not mess around. If you've ever been in something like that you know that they are practically in character 24/7⭐️I love little kids but feel like I'm horrible with babies⭐️I fear I'll be a horrible parent and make my child feel the way my mom makes me feel⭐️I tried to get myself emancipated once and sadly failed as I'd gone through with a Or of the process before someone told me I wasn't old enough yet.⭐️stars are dying balls of gas⭐️I love my boyfriend ⭐️ SO MANY FUCKING STARS JESUS HAROLD CHRIST⭐️The H in Jesus H Christ stands for Harold, I looked it up once.⭐️I don't kinkshame but people should be a bit more conscious of what they do in general public access places.⭐️I've been in two(2) abusive relationships⭐️I take a lot of meds⭐️I might start T this year or next year⭐️I want top surgery before I graduate high school or the summer before I go to college⭐️I relate to Tony Stark as a person way to much⭐️I hate when the Hulk is only Hulk and never Bruce Banner⭐️I'm pretty self-confident most the time⭐️I've brought a blanket with me to school on more than one(1) occasion.⭐️I'm naturally a night owl and sleep better when sleeping during the day⭐️I take commissions for my art and you should commission me.⭐️currently I own three(3) dogs and two(2) cats. Mattie, the German shorthair mix, Ember the Alaskan/Siberian husky mix, and Memphis the purebred Doberman pinscher. One(1) adult cat named Freckles and one(1) kitten named Periwinkle Blue.⭐️I love video games.⭐️I love theories. Let's talk theories all day. Any theory, let's talk.⭐️I love talking about sociology and social expectations that aren't realized.⭐️I love collecting odd knick-knacks. I have many weird artifacts around my room, gathered by me or my yard-sale enthusiast grandpa.⭐️I hate Donald Drumpf.⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I hope my boyfriend loves me⭐️the best animated characters to ever exist are Jesse, James, and Meowth from Pokemon.⭐️I'm taking PE independently at my new school⭐️I love singing and acting but I worry that I'm the person that is really bad at it and no one will tell me⭐️I also love doing special effects makeup⭐️sculpting is great fun⭐️I'll be going to the San Francisco comic con this September so if you're there come see me⭐️I'm going to be Dipper for comic con and my boyfriend is going to be Bill Cipher⭐️Arya from Game of Thrones is the best young actress I've ever seen⭐️then again she's not actually that young⭐️I once got stung by a scorpion while being inside my own home on my own bed⭐️till I was like seven(7) I had to share a room with my mom because we didn't have a house big enough for me to sleep anywhere else⭐️my dog Mattie's fullname is Calamity Anastasia Strelow⭐️at the school I used to attend a kid dressed up as a "tr*nny" for Halloween and wasn't told to take off his costume till someone who wasn't trans and out at the school complained and that took me begging my friend.⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I'm Bigfoot and my boyfriend is Mothman⭐️Atomic Blond looks like a really good movie⭐️my first(1) two(2) rats were named Loulou and Pepper⭐️my rabbits were Midnight and Petals.⭐️my hamster was a Russian dwarf hamster and he ended up being eaten by my cat Bobby Joe who was eaten by a mountain lion from the local area⭐️a bear has been seen on my old elementary school's campus five(5) times in my lifetime⭐️wolves were once seen by the only starbucks in my town which was only opened up last year⭐️I live in a major gold mining area and I5 runs right through the town next to mine which is practically where I live⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I've had a full body massage once(1) in my life and let me tell you, you haven't lived till you've had your butt massaged⭐️I've taken like three(3) different classes for martial arts and never really followed through with any of them⭐️I've only been bitten by one dog in my entire life and it was completely my fault⭐️this post is too long Jesus fuck⭐️why⭐️the emoji movie doesn't actually look that bad in my opinion⭐️Despicable Me3(three) was actually a really good movie.⭐️I hate bad acting but I respect the effort⭐️every sibling I have is a half-sibling⭐️I'm a horrible person⭐️but I'm also the only good person alive aside from my friends and boyfriend so I'm conflicted ⭐️The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo is a must see by anyone who considers them self part of the LGBTQ+ community⭐️I don't consider queer a slur personally but I understand the history of it and I never have and never will use it to describe someone or a group of people without their explicit permission⭐️before I came out as a trans guy I thought I was gebderfluid⭐️Chase Ross is an awesome guy⭐️I feel like I look like Ronan from The Raven Cycle with my new haircut, but I always pictured him with a darker complexion so idk⭐️I hate Caitlin Jenner as a person, but not for her gender identity in and of itself.⭐️my phone is getting very warm⭐️these stars are horribly shaded⭐️I love being trans and don't regret it at all⭐️my husky is probably my favorite dog so far⭐️TOO MANY STARS⭐️I don't know anythinh⭐️I'm actually a robot and this is all a lie⭐️I want to be a popular blogger or like a YouTube or something but hhhhnnnnnggg⭐️I'm really into literature and English and history and everything about all of that⭐️I made my signature while scribbling and realized a particular scribble looked like my initials⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I watch too many shows ⭐️I want to be a teacher kind of⭐️I want a better job⭐️I want to be who I see in the mirror when I've got all thecright clothes on and I'm feeling confident ⭐️I want to be a better person⭐️I want to be amazing⭐️I want to be a good human being⭐️I want to be special⭐️I want to be good enough⭐️I want to be happy⭐️I want to be healthy⭐️I want to be happy with who I am⭐️I want to be me⭐️I want to be cool⭐️I want to realize that I can be all this things if I just let myself⭐️I want to kiss John Boyega⭐️I want to hug Chris Pratt⭐️I want to smile the way I smile when I see my boyfriend⭐️I love my boyfriend⭐️I want more scars⭐️I want to be more adventurous⭐️I want to be a great person⭐️I want to live a good life⭐️I want Drumpf to resign⭐️I want to be famous⭐️I want to be immortal for all the good and bad it brings⭐️I want to be good⭐️I want to be happy⭐️I want this to end⭐️I love my boyfriend

library book haul

these are all many months out of date

Conservation of Shadows, Yoon Ha Lee This sci-fi and fantasy short story collection is Good Shit. Plus it includes my favorite short-story-collection thing, aka Author's Notes on the stories, which enhances the experience even more. So: I tried to read this in the previous batch with Lee's other work, but Lee's work requires your full attention and is not suitable for reading in the breakroom at work, where people come up, see you with a book, turn on the TV, and then proceed to ignore the TV the entire fucking time while they talk excessively loudly with the other people in the breakroom. I've been enjoying the fact that they put a real chair in the department so if I don't work the morning shift I can take my break in the department where the din from the customers is, in fact, quieter. And I don't have to walk to the literal opposite corner of the store, wasting time and chronic pain! Anyway. So I waited until I was on vacation, and had large stretches of quite time, to read this, and it was amazing. I did not do the write-up then because I am lazy. However, I am in the middle of rereading now, and I can tell you that these stories only get better the second time around. I was a little worried it'd be like Shakespeare--you have to read several Shakespeares before you finally get into the Shakespeare zone and can actually, like, read the Shakespeare. These stories, on the other hand, remained accessible and are enhanced by having half a clue where the story will go. I like them all, but some of my top favorites: Ghostweight--Lee says this was the second-hardest story to write because it took months to nail the intro/outro of the story. Well, it pays off. The Bones of Giants--Lee says the fantasy equivalent of mecha is to dig up some giant skeletons and apply necromancy. I'm bad at recognizing "zombie" when you don't use the word "zombie", so like the Abhorsen series I don't really consider this "zombie lit which I would hate." Mostly it's just a little soft and when I'm reading I picture big sweeping landscapes, like a Studio Ghibli film or Breath of the Wild. The Unstrung Zither--Lee just talks about the music stuff, but this one feels to me like Gundam Wing if I'd actually finished watching Gundam Wing because Gundam Wing had turned out to actually be anywhere near as interesting as the quantum versions of it I'd imagined. (Thanks to Lee's other stories, I'm now using "quantum" instead of "noodle incident".) Well, now I no longer feel any need to actually go back and watch Gundam Wing. Cool! It's occurring to me that Lee's works mostly fall into the category of: soft; this is the literal cost of genocide and occupation; and both at once. It's a hell of a lot better than ~the glory of war~. Anyway as I said it's all good.

Always Coming Home, Ursula K. Le Guin I actually quit reading this one pretty early on. Not exactly a quit, though. I wasn't in the right mindset; I just couldn't get through it and realized what I was in fact craving was Adventure. So I went on to reread The Prydain Chronicles instead and I'll pick this up again sometime later when I am in the mood for something quiet, reflective, domestic, and not big on plot.

Ursula K. Le Guin: The Last Interviews, ed. David Streitfeld This was interesting! Although I always have mixed feelings when I'm reading about authors talking about the craft. IDK I think it's a me-thing. Like, I pick up this essay expecting the author to tell me what works for them, and then I get annoyed because I decided the author was telling me "this is the only way" when that's bs and now I want to rebel??? Or maybe because Le Guin talked about how even a novel ought to be poetry and as someone who understands the theory of meter but has been flunking everything related to meter or stress since grade school in the practical sense, I find that idea Highly Overrated. I honestly don't remember what else was in here, because I waited for many months to do this write-up. I didn't actually hate reading this though so.

The Prydain Chronicles, Lloyd Alexander These are Peak comfort food to me. All I want to say this time around is, I should write some fics as Alexander's penance for making Eilonwy Very Cool but mistakenly doing so by making her Not Like Other Girls. (Crying and having feelings is gender-neutral in these books; what's portrayed negatively about Eilonwy through Taran's view, despite the fact that she's objectively better than him lol, is her ~chattering~. Which is annoying because not only does Eilonwy internalize that into putting down non-sword-women for "clucking like hens", Fflewddur chatters at least as much as Eilonwy, if not more, and because he's a guy it's never phrased that way even though we're all aware he's super flighty. I really wish this had been done with more nuance, because Eilonwy also has internalized misogyny about things like dresses and washing your hair and sleeping in a comfortable bed, and Fflewddur again is always the first person to be like "um but I would like to be comfy tonight though.") Anyway I just think that after Taran is king, if he wants to go someplace and keep his hands busy to think, presumably the gardens and fields are enough out of the way that this would make your king difficult to find. So instead, I propose that he goes to the spinning and weaving rooms, because that's literally in the castle, easy to find, he knows how to do that shit, Dwyvach schooled his ass good about how work doesn't have a gender in book 4, and he did enjoy weaving, and as a bonus he can realize that "chattering" is not bad and gossip is a good way to learn things you, as a king, probably need to know about the working of your castle, and Eilonwy can join him for bonding and realize this is not so terrible after all, and we will all value these women who spend a lot of fucking time and effort making sure you can have some goddamn clothes to wear. THE END.

The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle Everybody really loves The Last Unicorn, by which I think they mean the movie? And I thought that I did as well, even though I remembered exactly nothing from it save for the title when we watched it once in either kindergarten or first grade in place of recess for a week because it was, idk, cold?? raining nonstop??? Anyway I always thought that I loved it and then I finally rewatched it as an adult and it was. Not. Great. And then I forgot and watched it again a few years later and was like Nope, still Not For Me. And now, finally, I decided to get off my bum because for me books are almost always better than the movie, and lo and behold, it is. From what I can recall, the movie is the general plot structure of the book portrayed as an Adventure, stripped of the thoughtful, reflective narration and the deeper narrative themes. Which is 100% why that movie appears to me to be some kind of acid trip. I wish I had read this as an early teen, so that I could have absorbed some of Beagle's writing style, his turns of phrase in simile and metaphor. "His scimitar smile laid its cold edge along their throats," etc. He never really makes it seem like Too Much. (Side note, that's something I notice about Yoon Ha Lee too. Very lush and descriptive similes and metaphors, very much get the job done and are not things you have ever heard before. Although Lee's tend to make me stop and go "wait what???", and catch me off guard. I suspect it's a mix of innovation and cultural difference, whereas for Beagle everything sounds so exactly right and smooth and perfect probably because everyone else has been copying off him for years and I'm familiar with diluted versions. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, I got a bit away from that in my writing, but dang I am gonna have to up my game and purple my prose a little bit more because I really love what these guys are doing!)

Trail of Lightning, Rebecca Roanhorse Okay so Ann Leckie recommended this book to me, both in a general sense and also in person. And I looked at the description and thought, "Well, it's not my genre but it probs can't hurt me to pick it up and try." And so I finally did. Reading this was an interesting progression (probably most especially for my roommate who gets my live-reading reactions while she's trying to DnD) of watching me go from: "It's not my genre but it's not like the writing sucks so it's not bad" to "Well it is engaging and I do like garbage loner protagonist is a woman instead; I'm not compelled to buy this but I will read the rest of the series as it comes out from the library" to "Oh snap I love it when the critical reviews of a book were actually recommendations for me to read it" to "*weeping* Kai is a soft good boy and I support Maggie and her Emotional Support Shotgun, I will buy ALL THE BOOKS" At one point there was a perfect place, in the midst of a discussion about how you can like flamethrowers and makeup at the same time, Maggie, just because you don't like makeup, etc, to insert a joke about "it's called flaming gay for a reason". BUT in Rebecca's defense the entire scene was great anyway. The whole book was great. It's great. Read it. Oh speaking of the critical reviews, one of them was like "the protagonist claims to be unable to cook and then a few paragraphs later makes a 5 star meal, so this book is garbage." Lol was the reviewer confused because the word "bread" was used, and believes that bread is an art form unable to be accomplished by mere mortals (which, I mean, is how I feel about the idea of babying a loaf of bread all day)? Because bread only has to be "I made a paste of flour and water" which this. Basically was. Fried in a pan. And then the side dish was a can of beans with a can of chiles thrown in for fancy. This is literally the definition of can't cook, because you can't exactly order takeout on the reservation after the apocalypse when you prefer to live in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. I'm just saying, this scene was perfect. Also this was the point in time where I started summarizing all apocalyptic books as "After the events of the year 2020" to my roommate. It. It continues to hold true. Every year for like the past five years we've been saying maybe next year will be better, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm terrified of what 2021 will bring. One final visual: me, unable to pronounce Navajo words to my roommate when reading select passages, and also not being able to spell them on account of not knowing the names of accents in English: "so it's c-h-apostrophe-i accent aigu cedilla-i cedilla-polish l with a line through it…" (not an actual word, I don't remember the actual words, I returned the book to the library long ago, this is for illustrative purposes of my ignorance only)

To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf I tried to read this because Le Guin praised it a lot in The Last Interviews, and it was on the Wizard's Library shelves and I thought maybe I should broaden my horizons. But I quit early on because I, a disaster of run-on sentences, could not parse half of these and I was not invested and if I don't have to read ~classics~ for literature class it probably won't ever happen. Honestly a lot of the contemporary literature I'm reading is better for me anyway.

Sunlight and Shadow, Cameron Dokey This was also on the Wizard's Library shelves and I like fairytale things in theory and despite reading the wiki summary on various occasions I really don't know anything about the plot of The Magic Flute, which is this a retelling of. This book queerbaited me. It's unfair of romances to always put more chemistry between the people who aren't getting together than who are. In this case, both girls and both boys, who were to pair off into het couples. There's literally an entire chapter of Gayna going from "You've ruined everything!" to "I wish I could hate you!" to "Oh no you're hot!" to "And that doesn't actually make me jealous oh shit!" to "Okay I'll help you" to "Oh no she smiled and my heart skipped a beat huhhh!" about Mina. The word gay is even in her name!!! What is the author doing with her choices??? Seriously what is the author doing with her choices, in the author's note at the end of the book I learned Statos (Monostatos) was originally "evil character just because he's a Moor" so Dokey Fixed It by making him just a guy who wanted Things like the rest of the characters want Things and he just happens to come off as bad because he's not aligned with them and also he's very, very white. Noooooo that's not how you do it, that's not how you fix racism, you redeem him while keeping him black. I also, as a rule, dislike first-person-narration-that-changes-each-chapter, especially when you're not skilled enough/don't care to write in such a way that the narrator can easily be identified, so basically for a long chapter and a half I assumed Lapin was a girl and when the Queen of the Night was like "fuck you, boy!" I assumed it was a sick burn and Lapin just ~wasn't pretty~ but it turns out he was, in fact, a boy. Also for a book that points out that you can be perfectly happy settling with a decent person and marrying your not-soul-mate (Lapin's parents and grandparents), it's awfully insistent that the main characters all be properly paired with soul mates. HM. Basically this is marketed as feminist but I think it fell pretty damn short on that mark.

Was tagged by @emerald-psyche​ (a while ago and then i forgot and then i remembered so now im here)

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs that you would like to get to know better! Aaaand go!

Nicknames: Bel

Gender: girl or something

Star sign: virgo

Height: 4′11.5″

Time: 5:00 PM

Birthday: August 28th

Favorite bands: I like linkin park! That’s... mostly all i listen to, or at least a fairly large portion of it

Favorite Solo Artists: Adam Young/Owl City is good! I should maybe expand my musical tastes but im also kind of picky

Song stuck in my head:  None currently

Last movie I watched: Either the 20th pokemon movie or uhhh christian mingle (due to poor life choices) i dont remember which i watched first

Last TV show I watched: first episode of “a place further than the universe”

When did I create my blog: Uhh many years ago i don’t remember but i was probably in like 9th grade

What do I post: Mostly whatever thing im currently into aka bnha right now. other things might show up from past interests. and then memes and sometimes art i guess

Last thing I googled: “what to include to use swap”

Do I have other blogs: i have an art blog and an ask blog, though haven’t been keeping up very well with either bc of school and Obligations

Do I get asks: hahahaha no. probably like one every 8 months

Why did I choose my URL: homestuck. or more specifically the paradox space comics were a Thing and i like to adverb/adjective words together. forgot that spacial is actually supposed to be spelled “spatial” but the c looks nicer with all the other letters anyway so ya know. kinda thinking of changing it at some point since its not like i have any sort of “brand” with it, but never really felt like bothering just yet.

Following blogs: 1004 🙃

Followers: 422

Favorite colors: green! like a deep or bright foresty green or something. sky blue or light blue or whatever is also nice

Average hours of sleep: 5-6 on weekdays bc im garbage but have made only very weak efforts to try and get more

Lucky numbers: i like things that come in 2′s, 3′s, 4′s, and 5′s? 8 as itself is also okay? idk what would make the number lucky to me (ask me abt olp tho, numbers are fun)

Instruments: Piano, violin, timpani (+chimes), vibraphone (and by extension marimba and xylophone i guess?), steel drums

What am I wearing: Jeans, a longsleeve shirt from marching band, a shortsleeve shirt under it bc its cold, socks w music on them, a watch

How many blankets do I sleep with: one, unless the room is cold

Dream job: Probably most likely something with computers since thats my major. Would be cool to do stuff with virtual reality or augmented reality or artificial intelligence but so far i don’t have the background enough to know whether I’d actually like to work with any of that. Something that has arty things might be fun

Dream trip: Probably take some close friends and travel around wherever? Anywhere that has like a lot of interactive things I guess, rather than just straight-up sightseeing, but I dunno what that would even mean

Favorite food: 广东汤圆 which is like a soup or something with balls of dough made with rice flour, plus various meats and vegetables. I think in other parts of China they have tangyuan but its like sweet or something? But this one’s salty and apparently is traditionally eaten on the first day of winter, or so I’ve been told. Is v good

Nationality: American of the United States (tho parents from china)

Favorite song right now:  eugrhg uhhh idk cant think of any song that particularly sticks out to me right now

I tag whoever wants to do it bc its now dinner time farewell friends

This was made for kids in high school and I did it anyway

1:Is there a boy/girl in your life?

No

2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

I don't know who that would be, but probably. I assume I've forgiven them if I can't remember. Unless we're counting me, in which case, no. I have not forgiven myself.

3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Cats. But, like, TV cats. I don't think of real cats as making this noise.

4:What’s something you really want right now?

Money. Which is stupid. I have money, or enough. I guess actually I want money so I don't have to plan my spending, and I don't want to plan my spending because I'm scared of numbers and because I don't like cooking and because I can't keep anything in the fridge without it rotting, as food tends to do if you forget about it and leave it in there.

5:Are you afraid of falling in love?

No. I am afraid that I am unlovable. I don't think I'm a person most of the time. I can't do things people can do. I'm something less-than.

6:Do you like the beach?

I adore the beach. I should go.

7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

I think I've been asleep while some nephew was sitting on me. If that counts. Otherwise no. I haven't had an opportunity to in many years, and I don't like touching people mostly, and I can't really sit still without fidgeting and that makes me nervous when in situations where I have to sleep near someone. I almost can't believe I typed that. I'm the fucking worst.

8:What’s the background on your cell?

Default. D:. I've never thought of changing it. What's wrong with me? What would I even put there? People? Friends? I don't like any of my friends enough to do that. It would have to be a pretty hilarious picture.

9:Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, my roommate's... some of the bonus ones at my parents' house I guess. I don't go in people's bedrooms.

10:Do you like your phone?

Kinda shit tbqh fam

11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

I've never been a planner. I kind of always assume I'm going to die imminently. I think that's called “generalized anxiety” but it's my experience of life. If this is a roundabout way of asking if I feel like I've accomplished anything, the answer is no.

12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Either my therapist :X or the phone at work, idk on the timing exactly they both happened kinda recently

13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

I don't like dogs. But man do I hate poodles. Rottweiler might be okay if I could get it to be nice (I'm aware this is dependent mostly on me, and frankly I'm irresponsible af)

14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Does anyone say physical? I mean I get headaches sometimes and I can't really do anything but wallow when that happens, and I'm in fairly constant emotional turmoil and it doesn't stop me from going to work or doing my laundry or anything. So idk. But fuck emotional pain. At least I know the physical pain will go away. At least physical pain has causes I can identify, things I can do to prevent or mollify it. Emotional pain is just mind poison and you can't get it out and you can't stop it.

15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Art museum. I don't like animals really.

16:Are you tired?

Typically.

17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Like 2 months. I assume this means first in alphabetical order, cause I got no way of determining any other order that I know of.

18:Are they a relative?

Nah. Friend of a friend who played DnD with me a couple of times. She's cool but I can tell from the way she talks to me that I don't make much sense to her.

19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Just the one. And no. I think that would just make me hurt worse. I think I'm poison, and I think other people are poison too. And I'm still really mad at her for like no reason. And I'm still upset about the entire thing. Why did I do that? Why did I do anything?

20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

2009. So like ~7 years. Same person as last answer. I don't want to talk to her. I see her around sometimes and all I feel is shame.

21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I don't believe in marriage, I don't believe in other people, and I don't believe in tomorrow.

22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I think I would just start crying instead.

23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

0. I don't do adornments.

24:Is there a certain quote you live by?

Everybody else is just trying to get by, too. If you can do anything to make it easier for them, do it. Also, I don't like to be first and I don't like to be last. I don't think those are quotes but they inform my thinking a lot.

25:What’s on your mind?

I'm horrible. I wish I was a better person. I wish I was thin. I wish my skin was better. I wish I wasn't so abrasive or critical. I wish I didn't get tired of people. I wish I was better at talking and making people feel like I'm interested in them, I think people who can do that have a better time. I wish my brain worked right. I wish I could keep things together in my head and in my life.

26:Do you have any tattoos?

No. I don't like anything enough to tattoo it on me. I don't generally believe the events in my life have meaning, let alone have enough meaning to be converted to a symbol and affixed to my skin.

27:What is your favorite color?

Orange, followed closely by green.

28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Possibly never.

29:Who are you texting?

My friend group.

30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Yeah. Was many years ago. But we did more than that on couches.

31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Yes but that doesn't mean anything. I feel like something bad is always about to happen and sometimes bad things happen. There's no causal relationship there, and not even a particularly strong correlational one.

32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

I like to talk to my friend J when she's around. I feel like she understands me and likes me. She's an old friend's sister, and the daughter of my mom's friend. I'm not really friends with her brother any more but I still like and talk to J. Just, not very often. I wish I was better friends with my friend E's fiance but I dunno how to make that happen.

33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Good feelings? I dunno, I think some of my friends think I'm okay. Romantic feelings? Lol who would that even be. If there is, they should say something to me because I'm p oblivious. But no, I doubt it.

34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Maybe? Not many people look into my eyes, and I don't like looking into the eyes of other people.

35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

I'd probably leave. I assume (I hope, on some level) she is kissing someone, because that would mean she was with or pursuing someone, and I want that for her if that's what she wants. I also would feel really, really bad, and go outside and look at the sky and think about how shitty I am.

36:Were you single on Valentines Day?

For the last 7 years

37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

No. Don't want to be. I don't think I could do that. I think I used to want to, or think I could, and somehow that feeling has shriveled and all that's left are fear and anger and sadness.

38:What do your friends call you?

My name. :/

39:Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yeah. Lots of. Not on purpose I don't think. I just tend to ruminate and let things accumulate until I'm just all sorts of a mess. And that's been like that for the last 28 years.

40:Have you ever cried over a text?

I don't remember. Don't think so.

41:Where’s your last bruise located?

Arms probably.

42:What is it from?

Dunno. I bruise super easily, and I bump into stuff a lot.

43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Couple months ago was the last time I thought about seriously leaving my situation. Before I got a job. I also have some persistent but passive suicidal ideation and if I'm being rational I can think “you don't want to die, you just want to not be doing what you're doing or going through what you're going through,” and that helps a little.

44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Friend E. Just making plans I think.

45:Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

No. I don't keep them long enough for that. I wear them until they fall off.

46:Do you wear hats if you're having a bad hair day?

What does this mean? I wear hats when I haven't washed my hair in a few days and I look shitty.

47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

I have been bald, not sure it was the style. I would do it again, it just isn't super socially acceptable.

48:Do you make supper for your family?

Lol what family. And I'm a garbage cook.

49:Does your bedroom have a door?

No I live in a cave and I drape a sheet over the entrance.

50:Top 3 web-pages?

Sfw, I like certain reddits, giant in the playground is cool too, love me some twitch.

51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Me and everyone who has the attention problems I do.

52:Does anything on your body hurt?

Not at the moment.

53:Are goodbyes hard for you?

Depends on the permanence. The act itself isn't. I'm not so great at dealing with the aftermath.

54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Who can say, I do this all the time, it's a miracle I keep myself clean at all ever.

55:How is your hair?

Short, and garbage.

56:What do you usually do first in the morning?

Look at my phone, try and get some music playing, helps me get up.

57:Do you think two people can last forever?

All permanence is an illusion.

58:Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yeah.

59:Green or purple grapes?

Green.

60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Next time I feel bad for them, or next time I see someone I haven't in a while and that I like (this is p rare), I don't like touching people.

61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yes, and no. Yes because always I wish my life was not my life, no because I like my bed, it's a nice bed.

62:When will be the next time you text someone?

Tomorrow sometime probably.

63:Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Here, sleeping hopefully.

64:What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Think I was still asleep.

65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

I don't like people. I haven't felt attraction to anyone in a long time, until recently, when I stopped taking some of the drugs I take. I frankly don't know what to do with this feeling and it's upsetting to me and makes me feel alone and pointless and horrible. How come other people get to have this thing I can't have?

66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

No.

67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Niece/Nephews, other misc family.

68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Anxiety about church today. It was bad but not as bad as I thought it would be.

69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

This is what life is. You have asked me if I have been alive, and by my count I've got 28+ years of living behind me.

70:How many windows are open on your computer?

4

71:How many fingers do you have?

Is this a trick question? I have 12 like everybody else.

72:What is your ringtone?

Keep it silent. Heartbeat buzz pattern.

73:How old will you be in 5 months?

Just turned 29. RIP

74:Where is your Mum right now?

At her house.

75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

What a dreadful question. Because she got tired of me? Because I don't know what love is or means? Because I'm garbage? Fuck you question 75 you made me sad.

76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

I. Don't. Like. Touching. People.

77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Yes. Hopefully always. They are the only things in my life that make me feel good.

78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Like, 7th grade? Fuck me. Uh. Yes. Ansley. I dunno why. She was mean and sharp and sad. She dated a friend of mine and was awful to him. I'm a messed up person.

79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

My brother.

80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yes.

81:How many people have you liked in the past three months?

???

Zero mostly. Though as mentioned above I've been recovering my sense of attraction to people. But I don't interact with anyone consistently enough to, uh, 'like' them.

82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

My roommate. It's hot in here and it's usually no pants o'clock. It's not weird, you're weird for thinking it's weird.

83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

No, because no and because there is no person.

84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I've never been drunk. I don't yell at people. I drive around with my roommate and other friends though.

85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Is it disrupting their life? Is it a problem? Are they hurting themselves? If yes, then yes.

86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

Ate dinner with my family tonight, Uncle+Aunt (in law), both brothers, niece/nephews.

87:Who was your last received call from?

I think a debt collector, smdh.

88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Yeah. I'd be upset about it though. Look we all live with certain unpleasant realities, I don't have any control over that, I can't just not exist in this world where someone offered me $1000 to kill a living creature in a horrible manner just to see what kind of detrimental effect it would have on my psyche. Also, it's an insect. It's basically a really complicated robot. If it was a cat or something I'd say fuck no, probably to any amount of money.

89:What is something you wish you had more of?

Attention and Concentration.

90:Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Maybe? It's been a while since I've been taken abject advantage of.

91:Do you sleep with your window open?

When it's too damn hot, yeah.

92:Do you get along with girls?

About as well as I get along with other types of humans, which is to say, no. I'm agreeable and conflict averse but I'm not really engaging and I don't like to be engaged.

93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Does it qualify if there's an obvious truth and a path to change in my own life and I can't see it or refuse to acknowledge its existence? Because this might be the case.

94:Does sex mean love?

No? Does anyone think this? I think the problem here is one of equivocation. If you think sex means love you necessarily don't have the same definition of love that I do. It means your definition of love is sex. So what you're saying is do I think (word x) means sex, in which case, maybe it does, sometimes words have synonyms. But if you're asking me if I equate my idea of love with my idea of sex, then no, those are different things, specificity in definition is what leads to knowledge and understanding.

95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Maybe that would make us talk. I think I would have a panic attack, though. I think that would be a conversation I wouldn't want to have. I would want her to tell me there's nothing wrong with me and that we weren't right for each other, and that would would go a long way maybe.

96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Nope.

97:Did you sleep alone this week?

For. 7. Years.

98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

I find fault with the premise; if everybody has somebody that makes them happy, and I don't have that, am I not everybody? I already know I'm not everybody. If we're starting from the assumption that the former is true, how could the latter be not true if we assume the former? If we can't assume the former, then the question should read, “Do you have somebody that makes you happy?” which was alluded to in an earlier question. And no, I don't. I'm aware that mostly I'm in control of my own emotions, or that I'm in control of my interpretation of information and evidence which has an effect on my emotional state.

99:Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, for the reasons put forward in question 94. To believe in the above I would need to equate attraction with love and I don't. I do believe in attraction, and that attraction is (initially) strongly dependent on sight for some people, and also that physical attraction is not an indicator of future relationship or of compatibility (though it might be a precursor to a sexual liaison, and there's nothing wrong with that. And yeah, I am speaking only about other people. I don't do that, don't think I would want to do that with a rando).

100:Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I wrote a short script where two characters have a special promise called a “chigsy swear” where they both brush their chins with wiggling fingers and say “not by the hair on my chigsy chig chigs.” This is the closes approximation to the question I can recall.

Tagged by @wearethenewknights Sorry I took so long to do this I’m just garbage ahah

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi : Coke all the fuckin way get that Pepsi shit outta my facE

2. Disney or Dreamworks : Mmmm both have their strengths. I love dreamworks’s attention to detail but Disney has some killer songs yanno

3. Coffee or Tea : generally if given the option I’ll have tea rather than coffee, when I drink coffee it needs lots of cream and sugar and idk it’s just a pain I can drink tea without any sweeteners

4. Books or Movies : I suppose movies since I can do other things while watching them. I don’t have much time for reading now with my job and art.

5. Windows or Mac : *windows start up noise*

6. DC or Marvel : Meeeegh i guess Marvel? Their movies are better than DC’s imo, I don’t really care for either’s comics (oddly enough given I make my own comics)

7. Xbox or Playstation : i think GTA V is on the Xbox so I’m gonna say Xbox. I’m not much of a gamer so I don’t really have a preference (nintendoooooooo)

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect : Dragon Effect: Mass Age (again not a gamer tho I feel I’d like dragon age more? It just seems more up my alley than mass effect from what I’ve seen on tumbrle)

9. Night Owl or Early Rise : I’ve never been a morning person I’ve always stayed up late and slept late as far back as I can remember. I tend to be more productive at night anyway

10. Cards or Chess : dear gods this is gonna make me sound so old and weird but I actually like dominoes?? I’d always play dominoes when my grandparents came over. My mom and I did play solitaire a lot together tho 


11. Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate!!! Unless we’re talking about vanilla bean ice cream, that’s a different story entirely

12. Vans or Converse : I like converse tbh. I had vans as a kid and they were ok, I just feel converse can be worn with more clothing options??

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar : What The frick frack, tic tac, nick knack, paddy whack, snick snack, back pack, crick crack, flick flack, click clack are these

14. Fluff or Angst : Fluff

15. Beach or Forest : mmmm I think right now my preference is the beach, I kinda live in a forestry area and it’s not a great one lemme tell you

16. Dogs or Cats : cats!! I’ve never been a huge dog person

17. Clear Skies or Rain : Clear skies!! Or even cloudy, I love clouds. I’m so sick of rain we had rain for like a month and a half

18. Cooking or Eating Out : ironically I like eating out at places where you can cook your own food

19. Spicy Food or Mild Food : I’m starting to like/actually be able to eat spicy food and ohmygoodness my white ass has been missing out on fantastic food

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas : Halloween!! The one holiday I actually enjoy that I don’t think is ridiculous like Valentine’s Day (when it’s probably one of the more ridiculous holidays out there)

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot : Cold because warming up is easier than cooling off after a certain point.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? : Flight 


23. Animation or Live Action: animation

24. Paragon or Renegade : *x-files theme music*

25. Baths or Showers : showers. The last time I took a bath I had a panic attack

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man : Neither really. I don’t particularly care for either one

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi : fantasy!!!

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes? If so, what are they : “constant sunshine makes a desert” “nevertheless, she persisted” “you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink”

29. YouTube or Netflix : Netflix because it doesn’t have ads lmao

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson : Given I’ve only had time to read two Percy Jackson books I have to go with Harry Potter by default here

31. When You Feel Accomplished : when I go to sleep not feeling like a piece of decomposing garbage

32. Star Wars or Star Trek : mmmm i dont really have a strong opinion on either one right now

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books : hardback, Im always worried I’ll ruin paperback covers by accidentally tearing them off

34. Handwriting or Typing : typing because my handwriting sucks if I don’t concentrate on making it legible

35. Velvet or Satin : satin I guess? Velvet has always felt weird to me idk it’s a weird texture imo

36. Video Games or Movies : movies, you generally don’t die if you stop paying attention for five seconds

37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon ? Be a dragon, then I could just sit in my room and hoard webcomics and cute fictional boys and no one can question me without getting eaten

38. Sunrise or sunset : I like sunsets if there are clouds out, it makes the sky more interesting and colorful I think

39. What’s your favourite song ? Right now it’s the ending song from the Little Witch Academia tv series

40. Horror Movies yes or no : ABSOLUTELY THR FUCK NOT

41. Long hair or short hair : I tend to keep my hair short lately, but I tend to like longer hair on others

42. Opera or Theatre : Theatre, I’ve never been to/had any real exposure to opera outside other media

43. Violin or piano? : for listening to I like both, for playing I’d like to learn the piano

New question! 44. What’s one thing you know you’d eat the entire package of if someone left it alone with you? For me it’s definitely baklava~

As always my optional tag victims are @kirschteins-delivery-service @moe-moe-wesson @destinationfarstar @cissf and @erupan

ALL of the author asks

all right, you anonymous rogue, let’s do this. under the read more for length. I’m answering this instead of doing my accounting homework mua ha ha. But thanks in advance for asking for these it made me feel really nice and it was so fun!!!

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Ah I mean not really? I have a bunch of ideas bouncing around, but I don’t have the time or the energy to sit down and start another multichap really. Still recovering from the last one haha. Plus I need to have the main story planned out before I start writing, as well as most of the big details, so I don’t want to start something without knowing where I want to ehh vaguely end up.

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

oh my god. Everything that’s on ff.net. I wrote SUCH garbage from like 13-16(?) it’s just all such a disaster. But there’s quite a few multichaps there that are complete so I’m proud of little me completing those haha. But it’s all SO cringe-worthy.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

(lol “““““book”““““) I do write from beginning to end! Sometimes if there’s a scene I suddenly have a really good idea for I will sit down and get most of it out, or at least jot down some notes for what I want to happen. But I try to write in the order of the story so that I can update consistently! And I try really hard to write ahead, like I didn’t start posting School Daze until I had a few chapters as back up, so I could work on the future ones as I updated weekly, like a bad ass.

4) favorite character you’ve written

I LOVE writing Trucy. She’s one of my favorite characters in the whole AA series - she’s just so fun and lovely. Plus it’s fine to like write a regular person instead of prissy ass Edgeworth or Blackquill.

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

I mean I personally never expected to go as hard with Blackmadhi as I did and in such a short time span either!! I’ve written 80k of Blackmadhi in 2 months like girl can you cool it for a minute? Also I didn’t like Blackquill AT ALL while playing DD so the fact that I’m such a thirsty bitch for him is surprising to me. Here we are though.

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

tbh I don’t tell anyone really! Well, not people who are already confirmed dorks like me. Mostly because I don’t want to get into the “oh what do you write?” conversation hahaha. “uh…..gay lawyer fanfic?”

8) favorite genre to write

Hmm…….I mean I’ll go for angst and hurt/comfort all day long, because there’s nothing more satisfying to me when I do something terrible to the characters, everyone gets mad at me for it, and then I fix it later on with a happy little scene of pure love and compassion between the characters.

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Hm. I’ll normally put on some Disney music, because that has been my go-to inspiring music for a very long time. Sometimes I’ll go back and reread some parts of whatever I have written recently to be like “Look! You actually like this part! Write more so you can keep feeling this way!” Or I’ll read the last bits of the last update to remember where I was even going with the plot line LMAO

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I like to write with music! It has to be very specific music though. Being with people who are also writing/being productive helps, so then I feel obligated to get stuff done too haha.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

??? man I have no clue. I guess I’m pretty good with like……not sweating the little stuff. If I feel like I don’t have much sentence variation in one paragraph, I leave it, because it’s okay. Not everything has to be poetic (literally NOTHING I write is poetic). I feel like I make up for it later on with a paragraph with better flow. I hope. Idk these things, friends.

12) your weaknesses as an author

I guess like……descriptions?? Both like physical background descriptions like where they are, because I feel like knowing the scenery can be pretty important. but also like facial and behavioral descriptions too? Like sometimes I’m too lazy to find the exact word I want so I just pick a generic one and move on. I love getting things done, so sometimes the quality isn’t what it could be because I just like finishing things hahaha.

13) your strengths as an author

I’m pretty good with writing things out the way I want them the first time, because if I’m going to write I want it to be right (hehe). Obviously I go back and edit things to tweak it, but if I’m sitting down to write something, I don’t want to half-ass it and come back to it later. I HATE finally finishing some huge ass 12k chapter and then remembering I left a scene unfinished because then that means I’m NOT DONE AHHH.

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

Not really! Mostly because I can never just like listen to whatever music I want. I listened to Hozier for a month straight as I finished up School Daze because for some reason that smooth hipster really did it for me.

15) why did you start writing?

Who knows man!! But it’s fun!! I got super into a book series called Skulduggery Pleasant like it was my first HARDCORE FANDOM that I wrote for. My ff.net is under the same name if anyone wants so suffer through it. Let me know if you do because it’s all disgusting and I want to laugh about it. But ALSO it’s all really problematic so please don’t judge 13 year old me okay thanks.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

LMAO WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

oh man…..keep on sticking with it man. I’m glad you are writing (even if present me thinks it’s god awful) because you made so many friends and really learned a lot, actually. Good on you for doing what you want to do. Maybe also stop thinking of yourself as the greatest fanfic writer of all time I mean just maybe, girl.

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

Yeah, Skulduggery Pleasant again! The author, Derek Landy, writes so sarcastically and I guess kind of simple (not like bad simple haha). I would just crack up every few minutes reading the series so I wanted to be that funny author with clever little deadpan lines like him. idk if I succeeded haha.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I have a separate document where everything is planned out. Well, not everything, but the majority of stuff. For School Daze, I always wanted to have the next two chapters planned out from where I was currently. I just always gotta know where I’m headed so I don’t get anything mixed up or forget anything.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

It depends! Both usually just depending on the time. I write for a looong time on weekends like a loser with nothing else to do, but if I have like twenty minutes to kill between stuff I’ll think up some lines or finish planning out a scene.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

I literally cannot stop laughing at it. I guess it’s not BAD like my grammar was always good and I tried really hard but just like…….I know I thought I was the fanfic SHIT back then so I’m just like “Laura like how could you ever let other people see this???? it makes no sense!!!!!!”

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

I guess kind of the usual suspects…..No non-con, incest, underage stuff. I don’t write it, so I’m never uncomfortable with it!

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

Hmm not really?? Not too obscure, but I took a looong break from writing mostly because I fell out of that Skulduggery Pleasant fandom and I got super depressed in high school. So now that I’m way better, I really enjoy writing again because I remembered the old feelings of being SO happy when I got a review on ff.net. Makes me feel 13 again, which is actually pretty regrettable.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Ah not really! I don’t write too much stuff that needs expertise (and also tbh I haven’t written that much like idk what I’m doing here) but also I’m just a lazy shit and will look up the minimum required information for what I need to get done hahaha.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of“Meaning, Miles concluded, that she expressed a very high level of care and compassion for nearly everything in her life. Soon, her thousands of questions in class made sense, because she just wanted to understand the information to the highest degree. And now that Miles was witnessing nearly a private glimpse into the art teacher’s collage project, he saw the same level of attention that Trucy bestowed on her own projects in Phoenix, as well.With this knowledge, Miles assumed, logically, that Phoenix had been the one to impart this trait into her. And from their date, he now knew the man had taken her in unexpectedly and still managed to raise her right.Phoenix Wright was clearly not only an amazing father and art teacher, but also a wonderfully kind, considerate, and determined individual. How could Miles not be drawn physically and mentally to the man?” I really liked this paragraph, because this was a part of the first time that I had written as Miles Edgeworth and had taken a very long chunk of time to go into some gay-ass introspection. Thought it turned out pretty well???