#I will always prefer media that may be objectively shit but the heart put into it shows over mass produced mediocrity
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i have a LOT going on in my brain right now and I’ve just let my emotions rule me and I’ve dug myself into such an ugly and heartbreaking situation ignoring all the signs on my way because i was feeling happy.
I don’t know what to do. First time in ages I actually don’t want to talk about it with.. anyone, but it’s been eating me alive every second of every fucking day lately and I’m so tired.
One thing I know though; I’m ugly. Maybe ugly is too harsh a word, perhaps undesirable is the right one. Looking at me objectively, I’m not nearly enough to be anyone’s first choice. Sure, my looks may have been able to carry me through if I wasn’t also extremely mentally ill - which overrides any personality traits I have because of the stigma around mental illness and romance, I can see that I’m not seen as the kind of person stable enough to build a life with or support.
I’ll also say that I hate my heritage for the first time in my life, actually. I don’t want my nose or my brown eyes or my height, I hate all of them, they make me feel so damn inadequate and I’m going to save up as much as I can to change it if I can’t work with them in a significant way.
This is so ridiculous because I really don’t mind these things on others, but for me, I find it completely unacceptable. In fact, I am attracted to ‘imprefections’ on people. Fuck, the perceived ‘imperfections’ on the guy I’ve fallen for are honest to god some of my favourite things about him.
I think a lot of issues with me at the moment is not being able to speak freely and openly, but I’m such a chatterbox and honest that my conversations always slip into dangerous territory when there’s underlying tension, which in turn makes it look like I’m dramatic and emotional. Which, yeah I probably am when there’s a huge situation because I get so overwhelmed and anxious but I try my best to fight through those feelings and sort out whats in front of me and resolve it as best it can be.
I’ve just been so fucking down these past few days... so fucking flat and joyless. I’ve been trying my hardest to keep face with people close to me because I know all of my issues are internal but... they notice and it just makes me look worse. I don’t want to do that to any of them. It hurts, and it makes me feel even worse.
I think another thing that’s really, really dragging me down lately is that I don’t think that I have an idea of romantic love anymore. I’ve spoken to my friend at length about this, and he says my views are shifting too. Ever since I was a kid I valued that kind of deep, trusting, happy, and warm connection and I’ve always yearned for it but I can honestly say that I’ve (aside from perhaps two situations) found that feeling with anyone. Why am I yearning for something that doesn’t exist? All romance I’ve seen in my life, with perhaps maybe 1 exception, hasn’t been healthy. My own love life is a disgrace, and the exact opposite of what I believed and hoped love was. For the past two weeks or so I’ve been sitting in a position where I actually don’t believe that romantic love is real, and if it is, it’s not important or priority. It’s really crushed something inside me, though, that realisation, and I’m seeing everything as really calculated and cold and it’s really, really, really hurting. That’s life though, just because hard reality is painful that doesn’t change it and it won’t change it.
I’ll forever have my own feelings though. If they’re love or whatever they are, I know that at least they’re real, for me. They cause deep issues and terrible discomfort and resentment, but they’re not selfish and they’re not malicious and I want to hold onto them. I’ll always wish for the day where I have a best friend with me every day, waking up with me, talking to me about menial things, getting ridiculously shitty with me when i forget his preferred lunch during my shop, watching things together, playing pokemon go or going out to wildlife parks. I know that realistically, it’s not going to happen, not with anyone, but there’s just somethign in me that is refusing to give up the desire for it. It’s both infuriating that I won’t stop hoping, and heartwarming.
I wish I could better express the love i feel in me without coming across as desperate or crazy or obsessive or whatever, but I’m honestly doing the best that I can. And I’ll always try to do better.
Perhaps I do believe that nothing is impossible if you do work for it. Perhaps even this perceived love that I’ve yearned for my whole life. I just want to know where it comes from. It’s been with me ever since I was very, VERY young. What’s wired differently in my brain to make me value this so, so much. It’s like the most important thing in my life and it always has been. Asked about the future? The answer has always been “yeah i hope im an author or a writer of some sort, or an entertainer, but more than anything I hope i have a warm loving home that i’ve worked toward with the best person in my life”
what the fuck Marc. I feel so fucking pathetic. This is why I never talk about these things with anyone, because I feel so weak and so delusional and ridiculous that I can only imagine that they’ll widen their eyes and edge away from me because I’m just... so misguided and ficticious. Also, I’m ashamed that I have such a romantic heart and romantic dreams. How can I be so ashamed and so embarrassed of something that’s literally one of the most important things to me?
also no one has ever had a crush on me that knows me in real life to any extent and that makes me feel so......fucking average and that when i have feelings for someone that it’s embarrassing for them and that its like...shameful that me of all people likes them. I feel guilty for having feelings for people because of my self-esteem and shit. But NO ONE has ever liked me romantically who knows me in real life. And it hurts. So much lol.
nobodys reading this full ass fucken novel though. Which is okay I’m getting my thoughts down. Online. On the internet. On social media. Because its the only place where i can feel like im talking to someone when I’m too scared to talk to anyone about it. And it’s only about my own feelings. gshgksghdg this is so fucking painful having to just put a lock on my feelings at absolute risk of destroying everything and condemning myself to isolation and judgement.
#this is honestly over 1000 words of me pouring my heart out and word vomiting#if you read it you're a true bro but also please don't hate me for my thoughts and feelings
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Homestuck epilogue impressions: Part Meat: Take 2: The Dirkcoursening
My first readthrough of meat didn’t go that well because it’s an exhausting read. I ran out of emotional energy. (candy gives you energy; meat takes it away.) So I’m trying again.
Dirk, you are so right about everything.
I’d rather say that in real life, everyone is rigging reality all the time. It may be subconscious, but I think it’s necessary for being a happy, well-adjusted human being. Which Dirk is not, probably.
Yes, I know I’m a sucker for sympathetic villains. Next.
I hate to say this, but I agree with Dirk here. It probably has to do with my low opinion of politicians in general.
GLaDOS!
- Boss of Wheels, CaNWC
hm this reminds me of
but perhaps moreso it reminds me more of Vriska’s sense of
fuck Jade is so cool
the reason why she has to be incapacitated a lot of the time must be because Hussie simply cannot channel enough of the energy to write for such a cool character
mhmmm
Hussieeeee
You’re not so innocent either. I’ve caught you leering at some pretty personal moments. Are you having fun being a voyeur? Just violating the shit out of everyone’s privacy?
No you’re the one putting it on the internet fucking exhibitionist
You are the generalized, impotent witness to all this. You are essentially as beholden to me as those whose lives I describe.
So I’m at once both a violator, and a hapless ragdoll powerless against your whims? You can’t have it both ways.
Well no, actually you can, that’s the beauty of it. It's the essense of media consumption - the absolute dominance of the author, and the absolute freedom of the reader. Without the spirit of voyeurism, reading becomes unconditional submission to the whims of the author. Simultaneously, the inability to take real, meaningful action lifts all culpability, setting the stage and inviting the guest of voyeurism so to speak.
In actual video games, the gamemaker induces culpability by letting the player take action within the game. Homestuck simulates this with the command system. Clicking to the next page is the issuance of a command by you, the reader, the player of Homestuck, played out as a ritual. (This was “more real” while they were actual reader-submitted commands, with Hussie acting as the GM for the fans. Within the text, this ritual is demonstrated first by the Exiles, and then Caliborn.) And yet, it is only the ritual simulation of agency, and everyone knows it is not real. Even in a video game, the only meaningful actions you can take are those allowed by the programming - those that have been accounted for by the maker. You only have as much fake agency as the writer creates for you, and in the best of cases, the writer can do wonderful things with it. But really, you are still outside. The Homestuck characters aim to escape canon, and yet, you were already there.
mighty Serket
mighty Serket. mighty Serket? mighty Serket. mighty Serket. mighty Serket. (mighty Serket, mighty Serket.)
Dirk proceeds to take out his ire on the you-reader by bullying the reader stand-in, John. (The problem with this strategy is that anyone with half a brain noticed that John is nothing more than the blank slate protagonist and divested themselves of emotional investment in him long ago.)
Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam.
fuck Jade is so cool
pumpkin matcha. pumpkin matcha. pumpkin matcha.
Jade is such a great foil to Dirk. Here, let me try one of those chad virgin things:
Virgin Dirk
disrespects pronouns
ships Davekat by trying to puppet them
got his “heart broken” by some guy and stops engaging in meaningful relationships
we literally have to listen to him expound on his own social incompetency
killed himself
Chad Jade
immediately feels bad and apologizes for not recognizing pronouns
inserts herself into her favorite ship like a confident person
loves everyone
has the good grace to get incapacitated so that we don’t have to slog through her social incompetency
would never kill herself despite being alone and lonely
...this is not funny :/
I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise.
Dirk baby you don’t say that if you’re cool with it and have no problems
ugh that is the best way of putting it
Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment.
ahahahahahahaha
my gender is F for Fucked
I mean there are definitely alternate selves I feel adjacent to, like being a lesbian, or a bi transman, but I am not. And factoring into that it cannot be understated how incredibly easy it is to be a cishet girl, particularly for my situation, and my gender is not my priority in life, "gnc" but no one ever wanted to be a conformist, sure “nb” but what even is the binary, I think I heard the joke somewhere that gender was made up by bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms, sorry I realized I am effectively what Dirk would call a “pompous alien virgin” and I will stop monologuing on the subject.
there was a lot of porn too and no one was consulted
pffffffft
If your perception expands beyond the meat sack of your body, then are you really an individual anymore? Why shouldn’t we become gods? Why shouldn’t we become one God.
Become one god? That came out of nowhere. I think at that point you become Sollux or something and that is an objectively terrible fate to befall anyone. Anyway it’s probably an Evangelion reference or something
All the power to you.
“Sorry, she is occupied” is the creepiest fucking joke and I know this is intentional because Hussie is the creepiest motherfucker
Okay, let’s analyze this. heat death = sex, solitary nature = desire for intimacy, this is creepy QED.
Yes, I admit. I’m just fucking with her at this point. But can you blame me, when she’s making it so easy?
stop fucking Rose you daughterfucker
leitmotif: clever boy
My reaction to every single Homestuck opinion I have ever seen, including my own
I kin this lmao
this is perfect
oh my god Dirk stop control playing your daughter
There is no free will and therefore I am not responsible for all the awful Homestuck fanfiction yaoi that have entered my eyes
She’s beautiful, actually—diaphanous and disheveled and filled with the limitless light of metaspiritual curiosity.
Sophia!
She uncouples herself from the creaking, buckling partitions of her physical mind, and her consciousness dissolves into a space more vast, a domain given structure and order by my words and conviction. She’s permitted the barriers between us to fall, to allow us to know each other more perfectly. As she was saying before, to resist this, to question it in any way, would be to succumb to dysfunction, to pathological insularity, to sociological sin.
Acktually, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
And yet, ironically, renouncing our humanity is exactly what we have arguably just done. Good riddance, I say.
Humanity is all about boundaries that should never be crossed and if crossed, only very carefully! Otherwise you will lose yourself! Boundaries exist for very good reasons. Every boundary crossed without due respect is a violation, and it will change you.
The truth belongs to me.
Narcissist.
Believe me, I’m sympathetic to the temptation. It’s always just there, isn’t it? A limitless reservoir of emptiness, perfectly available to you, patient, omnipresent, and dead ahead.
Preface to say I’m fortunate to have never truly understood suicidal ideation...
This “manning the other end of a suicide hotline, transmitted through pure thought in a metatextual format” reads to me as incredibly trolly...
er, yes, as a "trollish form of self abuse", excuse the racism (eyes Karkat and Vriska). It’s not really that Jade isn’t the kind of girl who would kill herself, but she isn’t killing herself. Dirk did tho. (not that suicidal!Jade isn’t a valid headcanon, there’s definitely things that can point that way, mostly talking about that personally in my hc I would never kill myself and I see that in her, I mean that I headcanon myself as not suicidal yes)
I mean, what can I say, knowing that anything I have to say or think on the matter would probably come across as incredibly insensitive. Sure, I ficced it, but it was never real. I played at it as a form of gratuitous self-harm. You know, the edge. I played at it because it was never real. And in a way that’s probably even more insulting to the people who have to go through that.
Sure, like, I can try to make metaphors, like living is not consensual, you cannot safeword out of living, and that if you are coerced to live then it is also your birthright to control who you are, and that if you can’t find a degree of freedom that serves your needs then you can always create your own, and that you would always be promised the potential to overturn and reform all the systems that govern and provide legibility to you and everyone else,
but perhaps that’s also just self-serving, and if you are stuck in a way of being with no hope for change in a game theoretic sense what good is there a system without the potential for the ultimate vote of no confidence,
like sure my desire and all our desires to see each other live is entirely selfish,
like, how do I say this.
The thing is, I’m pretty secure in my expression of nonsuicidality, and...
I’m sorry I ficced the life of a character who wanted to kill herself. You know. I want. I want to understand what it is to be suicidal. I want to transgress, I want to understand that which most people cannot understand, what it means to live the whole human experience, all of it. But to know that you can personally actually entertain the idea and go through with it in real life? And to live with that? I don’t know what it means to not have that safety. I want to understand, I tried but I can’t and honestly? I think you’d agree that it’s probably for my own good that I don’t try.
soooo uhhh idk Dirk gets sentenced to an eternity manning suicide hotlines AU
Anyway, enter Calliope.
So maybe we could stand to dial down the melodrama, just a bit?
Like maybe somebody needs to get over herself?
These are gold because they’re subtly a self-own, but also, owning me, because, as I have demonstrated above, I am exactly that kind of person.
You’re fucking boring, your narrative voice is a total fucking drag, and someday I’m going to make you pay for this.
:o Dirk wants to take part in the time-honored Homestuck tradition of: Make her pay! Excuse me but you do not have the pussy pass for that sir.
And then, Johnrezi. Two universes destroyed, logic of canonicity forever made obsolete, gay singularity created and exploded, Donald Trump, and despite everything, it’s still popular girl fucks heterosexual male protag fanservice.
And as such, Calliope loses the cherubic sexual battle of penis fencing.
Ah, Meat 34. The “what do you mean this isn’t porn” chapter. I appreciate the numerological significance of 34. I saw on twitter that one of the female authors apparently wrote almost the whole thing and I am...relieved...?
Dirk is weird about Roxy. Not weird weird but weird in the sense that it’s different. From earlier:
In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.
Roxy is the other person he idolizes, other than Dave.
Dirk and Vriska. Hussie riffs them against each other, in a way which feels totally unfair to either of their characters. But they are similar. Idolizing. Something about having to stay true to themselves. But like, seriously? You are comparing Dirk to Vriska? But seriously? Are you comparing Dirk to Vriska? (The observant might notice that Dirk's name reads as a combination of vRIsKa's and eRIDan's (or aRaDIa's). Which is to say, in terms of memetic inheritance in the Hussiespace of ideas, Dirk was already fucked.)
Anyway, I feel like Dirk has trouble with *her* gender specifically because Roxy is *her* in that they are distinct from *him* and it is *his* separation from *her* that unambiguously makes *him* *him* and *his* separation from *her* reinforces *his* humanity, since separation is what reinforces humanity. But that’s just a theory. (Theory: all theory about gender and sociology and even the manosphere stuff, okay especially the manosphere stuff can be imporved by adding at the end: But that's just a theory. A game theory.)
It’s convincing, actually. Reasonably authentic, and quite masculine. He’s off to a great start exhibiting the mannerisms associated with his chosen gender. I’m genuinely proud of him.
This is distressing. I mean good that Roxy is passing, good for him, obviously, but you, Dirk? What is this, gatekeeping, grooming men into becoming men, I mean, not that it is a bad thing, “Son, I’m so proud of you.” But Dirk being proud of Roxy always rubbed me the wrong way. It never made me feel good about it. All it really makes me want to say is, the truth belongs to you, Dirk, I guess.
I feel depressed all the time. But I can’t remember ever having the luxury of feeling peaceful about it. Why should it be different for anyone else?
:(
I know that you’ve always felt out of step here on Earth C. I know that you could easily put on a brilliant act that would fool everyone. You could potentially do that for the rest of your life. But it will eat into you, hollow you out like a parasite, because you’ll always refuse to allow yourself to be understood.
This. This shit right here. This is Dirk’s true villain monologue.
Dirk’s problem is that his consciousness of his ultimate self and realization of Heart powers are making him able to puppet his friends, and making him unable to see them at their full granularity as people, right? So it didn't make sense to me why Calliope can't save him from his power. Why can’t he just live like a normal person inside the confines of the agnostic and vaguely benevolent narration by Calliope?
Why isn’t he able to, as Calliope awkwardly puts here,
He gives us his answer here: because he will be alone. Because he cannot break out of himself. Because, if he were to live constrained by Calliope, he would not be able to live anywhere that is not inside of himself, and that is somewhere he cannot be.
Oh, come on. Can we keep our minds out of the gutter for more than two fucking seconds?
The actual question here, Dirk, is can you. Actually, you’re so nice to have explained it to us already:
I’ve only taken a moment to answer a few questions. Not ones I heard you ask—because again, you are nonspecific and therefore do not matter—but ones I imagined you asking. And by imagining these questions, they became less fake, and as such, demanded similarly non-fake answers.
It just means I carry a greater responsibility to take care of those more fragile.
You know, I always h8ed this particular aspect of masculinity. (H8, as distinct from hate, refers to a kind of hatred that serves to perpetuate the phenomenon being hated.)
It was always an illusion. You put your face in your hands and sob. The catharsis is relieving, bittersweet. Years of suppressed insecurities melt away. You’re finally free of this. Alone, yes, but free.
Surrender is Freedom. Lose the stakes, and nothing matters. It is a freedom that derives from apathy.
But there ought to and should exist a different kind of freedom, a freedom which presupposes agency and investment in reality, (*title drop*) STRONG freedom.
Look. Even you can manage to top this guy.
Just, the idea of Dirk saying this to Dave is, incredibly funny to me. Like, even you can be a man. Just do it, bro.
Karkat’s probably quite modest and feminine alien penis
ahahahahaha oh god
Okay, okay. Let me try to analyze why this is so funny to me.
Because it is...homophobic? Homophobia as implied by toxic masculine misogyny? Like, misogyny, but in the particular way it manifests in toxic masculinity in which male femininity somehow devalues men? In condemning the feminine in men, toxic masculinity is supposed to reinforce the male dominance over the feminine or something. And then it spills over into homophobia within this misogynistic-toxic-masculinity worldview where the mechanism of being penetrated is considered feminine (“feminine gay”) and the mechanism of penetrating is to feminize some other man (“predatory gay”) and those two specific ideas are then conflated together in the context of misogyny into generalized homophobia. “No homo, dude.” Idk, man, gay is just gay.
So perhaps since it has already been established that Dirk is somewhat misogynistic, invocation of the feminine carries the weight of prejudice. But it’s possible I’m reading too much into this, so let's take the generous approach and assume that feminization is not meant to devalue. But then why? Perhaps Dirk is implying that Dave actually prefers the feminine to the masculine? Is Dirk trying to help Dave get over his internalized homophobia by saying “this is totally straight if you want to be”? Is it Dirk with his internalized homophobia thinking it would be more convincing if it was het, that het is more valid? And then all this reminds me of the incel idea of fucking men because women are less available, which is emphatically not a factor here because, as Dirk offputtingly keeps repeating, superior genes.
But it is not Karkat being feminized, but his penis. What is a feminine penis? (And not the case of transwomen who have feminine penises.) Neutralizing the symbol of masculinity? As a cishet girl I feel like penises have negative connotations because of, I dunno, how men keeping sending unwanted pictures of them to women on the internet. I feel like culture in general has a case of penisphobia. Idk. Penis ouija. (I mean if I had that kind of thing on my body I would be afraid of it too, but like. It’s ok! Send your local internet girl dick pics and I will tell you that your penis is beautiful. It is very pretty and needs no vagina to validate it. Body positivity! Damn.)
But it doesn’t have to have anything to do with the social context! There also exists the specific sexual kink of turning something masculine into feminine. That is a thing. Sexuality, how does it work? I don’t know! I am effectively a virgin alien girl. Some time ago I just threw up all my hands in the air because none of this makes sense, I understand fuckall about gender and sexuality, and I am probably unwittingly being homophobic!
Maybe all I can say is it just reminds me of a bad AO3 yaoi fanfic. What if...oh shit. What if pornhub and all the other usual sources of visual porn all went down or stopped working due to file format obsolescence or the Condesce’s anti-reproduction measures and all that was left of online human sexuality was AO3, a lone server somewhere valiantly broadcasting all that’s left? What if growing up the only porn Dirk had access to was on AO3? Ok this cannot be canon because he definitely had access to all the media from the 2000s, he was probably into the furry fandom. But it would still be damn funny. Even just the generic idea of AO3 becoming all that’s left of the internet from this era, and future internet-archeologists having to reverse engineer what society was like from the online wreckage of horny teenage+ girls. I mean, extrapolating from how shitty all the other websites are in this era, it is not implausible.
All of this is wrong, none of it is valid, and I diagnose society (and therefore, myself) with generalized penetration obsession. It's all over the place and all I’m saying is that all this combination of the weird ideas I’m having about this topic is just -
Something happened between Dirk and Jake. Dirk won’t say.
There is dynamic range for things that could have happened, and what you think happened probably says more about you than what it says about Homestuck. It would be the perfect setup for endless Dirkcourse, but Dirk isn’t a sexy woman, so not really.
If you want a hint from Homestuck (if you do care what Homestuck would say about it, which, frankly, sounds like a bad idea), though, I think the most revealing thing he said about what could have happened was, augggh fuck Meat 34
Or at least, that’s what you like to believe. That people can’t resist you. That you have no responsibility for their feelings. That everyone uses you. That you’re the victim. Yes, it’s so unfair that anyone in this universe or the last has ever had a single expectation of Jake English. Why should anyone respect your personal autonomy when you’re practically begging to be taken advantage of?
So tell me, Jake: which one of us is really the bad guy here?
He makes it out like he’s talking about Jane, but he’s talking about himself. (He made it out like he was talking about Terezi, but he was talking about himself. He made it out like he was talking about Jade, but he was talking about himself.)
If I try and succeed, I’m a hero, right? And if I try and fail, at least I made things interesting on my way to the grave. There would be a tragic nobility in that. And the way I see it, settling for anything less from my arc would be, frankly, pathetic.
I hear you Rose
So yeah, of course I know I “have to be stopped.” It’s part of the contract.
I love your unilateral contract
What you sign up for when you assume the burdens of this sort of power.
Take up the burden.
Where there is that which must be subdued and suborned for the greater good, there is that which will instinctively resist.
The symbols hold all the power, but abstractions are leaky and will fail and hurt people.
That which intuits that whatever’s going on here is “wrong.”
“Wrong, but valid.”
Otherwise, intervention wouldn’t even be necessary, would it?
Right, intervention, the Princely vector of influence in reality.
If reality and those within it were already so intrinsically pliable, so amenable to deviating from their own nature, the sins of men and faults of God would have no rigidity or resilience.
People need systems to work in. People need reality to be stable. It needs to behave consistently, and make sense. People believe they have the right to an understandable reality. Do they? Parents ought to provide, but does wider reality have any sort of obligation? Is there power to be found in pretending to provide? It’s scary for people, to be threatened with the idea that reality might not exist.
There’d be no challenge in forcing their correction. No reward in ramming salvation down their throats.
Subdue and suborn for the greater good. People don’t know what’s good for themselves - be the patriarch you want to see in the world.
I know this isn’t coming cheap, what I’m trying to do. The cost of it is knowing I need to be stopped. I accept it consciously, and when the time comes—if it comes—I’ll offer myself up gladly.
I’m sorry, this is all Basic Arguments Against Colonialism. Colonialism wasn’t so bad? Nazis are people, just like me.
I’m remembering why I wrote that fic about that suicidal girl. Right, I wanted to rescue her from that architecture. I think that’s okay.
So when I say I know I need to be stopped, I guess it’s more than just accepting my end of a diabolical bargain. I know I need to be stopped, because I’m sure deep down, somewhere inside my infinitely recursive sense of self, I know what’s going on here is all just a little bit sick.
Diabolical bargains are unilateral contracts, made with the self by the self.
To be honest, I’d consider killing myself and sparing reality all the trauma from the jump—I mean, a legit suicide, not one of those melodramatic faux-suicidal plays for attention, sympathy, or Jake’s dick. But to really do it for keeps? For a truly selfless purpose? Nah. Too cowardly for that. Too afraid to stop existing for good. Wouldn’t you be if you were me?
Dirk, why are you me? Stop being me, this is creepy. Don’t tell me I was subconsciously reflecting you. Homestuck is fucked.
Yeah I’m gonna write that fic where you’re manning some suicide hotline forever and you’re gonna be trapped
I guess therein lies the problem. If I weren’t me, obviously I’d consider myself much less indispensable. Only worthless people permit themselves the great luxury of a valorous sacrifice. When the deed is done, what was really lost? It’s like the guy in the mail room quitting in a self-righteous huff. Who the fuck were you again? No, when the sense of self is so substantial, when the fate of everything turns on every vain whim of an ego this sprawling, this entrenched in the very medium that contains all else, there’s a certain existential sunk cost that goes with the whole deal. A persona that vast doesn’t just self-terminate. It won’t allow itself to.
Okay, no, never mind. It is not that I am too cowardly to die; I simply do not want to die. I love living. But someone who actually wants to die, and is too cowardly to do it? Someone who, if his own sense of cosmic importance was taken away, would have nothing left? You are you, and not me, and all of society tells us to help suicidal people, but I would never understand how, and that is the boundary that separates my self from the other, and that is okay.
That’s why when someone finally comes knocking for the price I owe, I’ll fully welcome it. By then it’ll have been a long time coming, and I’ll probably have done more than my share to make sure, somewhere along the way, it all got put into motion. What good is a villain who doesn’t have a satisfying dramatic comeuppance in store for him? So yeah, the next time I die, let’s pencil it in as a Just Death. And let’s also have it on good authority that the next time Dave cuts off my head, it’ll be for good.
Alright, Meat 42. This better be the answer sheet.
Therapy...
Wait, I got it. Candy has no answer. There is no Candy 42. That is so cute, Hussie, you absolute madman.
Kanaya stares into the distance. The best fucking question anybody ever asked is: why am I so fucking awesome? I believe I’ve recently provided more than enough material to supply an answer to that question. But Kanaya may have just asked the second-best fucking question anybody ever asked. What WAS she thinking? What are any of us thinking, really? Who’s doing the thinking, and who’s having the thoughts?
The more you study the question, the more it seems all concrete forms of accountability go up in smoke. Her original thoughts were never that important, and the significance of the idea that she was the one authoring them was always a bit overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone. Remove the ambiguity, suck the mud out of the water. It’ll be a lot better that way, trust me.
Really though, whose thoughts are being had? When you get right down to it, all I’m doing is projecting. Subdue and suborn for the greater good, and divide the earth into ideas. Ideas provide legibility and form the seat and the core of the being. It's what anyone needs for structural integrity vs. other people's ideas - the unalienable right to be sovereign. It is Lore.
She’s really pissed. Yikes. Couldn’t pay me to be in that room right now. Not for all the agency in the world.
Ah, nice. Engineering situations in want to deny your own agency and free will. Excellent taste in extreme sports, I must say, if a mere shadow of the ultimate one: creating a 7-year 8000-page shitpost epic webcomic for the sole purpose of killing a version of yourself. We all stand under that shadow.
I’m not a gambling girl, but if I was, I'd bet Kanaya’s gonna get to Dirk before Dave does. Dirk cucked Kanaya, after all.
Kind of a catch-22, right, Kanaya? The one who’s “protecting” you all from my influence is also blocking you from getting any answers. Not that you’d even know what to do with them.
I feel like there’s supposed to be something deep to be said here but I’m not getting it. Idk, knowledge is fall from Eden, something.
She picks up the heart monitor and throws it out the hospital window. Holy shit?
Is this...is this supposed to be symbolic? The observation of the Heart is ending, and being thrown out the window, which in Homestuck is symbolic of breaking through fourth walls, abstraction barriers.
she picks up the heart monitor, and throws it out the hospital window.
ha. Calliope repeats the line.
Oh, yeah. I guess I don’t need to fucking do this anymore. Don’t worry, I’ll bow out. Seems like you got this from here. Go nuts, skull girl.
Kanaya picks up the device that was observing the Heart, and defenestrates it, symbolizing the self’s escape and liberation from this particular plane of reality. Holy mother.
roxy is looking out the broken window with an apologetic demeanor, a hand to his mouth.
“Excuse me.”
kanaya drops to the floor and begins weeping again. she feels the sorrow anew from her wife’s departure, with a sense of rage and pain unshrouded by the veil of the prince.
The raw, visceral emotion that can only be felt when you’ve broken out of yourself.
kanaya drops to the floor and begins weeping again. she feels the sorrow anew from her wife’s departure, with a sense of rage and pain unshrouded by the veil of the prince. neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.
But a bunch of them won’t remain, will they? They won’t be able to help themselves. You know that.
So: will they or won't they? Will Homestuck or won't Homestuck? I enjoy playing at Homestuck theory, but theory without falsifiable predictions is indistinguishable from psychosis. So my prediction is this: there is no continuation. This is the end of Homestuck proper. The Homestuck epilogues had a thesis, and demonstrated it to the best of its ability. Something to the likes of the fact that providing symbolism and legibility (meat) is at odds with true freedom and pursuit of happiness (candy). And yet, selfhood is found somewhere in between, breaking out of both states. Eternally so.
Or you can keep on chasing Dirk, forever and ever. You still don’t get it yet. I’m already gone.
And if my prediction turns out to be wrong, then I will get angry at Hussie again. Then we will wage war on him again, together.
his influence over canon has come to an end, as has this particular story. his ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality.
Valid Lore.
the rest of my presence can simply be reduced to a string of words. a recorded stream of ideation with a particular texture and cadence, but aside from that, there is nothing that should be considered remarkable about its source. one speaker can easily be swapped for another, and then another, under the right circumstances. speakers can duel, predominate, overassert, or fall back, as one does into the comforting blanket of space.
i leave all who inhabit this reality with a recorded stream that is colorless, sourceless, and quietly divested of accountability. for if i were to insist upon anything else, could i really be considered worthy of protecting the very cosmos i describe?
Yep, I'm pretty sure Candy doesn't have a narrator! The narration just conforms to the thoughts of whoever it is descri8ing at the moment.
Is your specificity not working for you? Then a8andon the specific and 8ecome a trafficker of sym8ols.
She’s stopping us from 8eing su8orned and su8dued, sym8olized “for the greater good.”
So, the mystery girl was Vriska all along? I’m just a character, idiot. Colonize yourself, or 8e colonized. Have your Lore or 8e powerless against Princes like him. That’s what I would say ::::)
#homestuck epilogue#dirkcourse#homestuck#dirk strider#homestuck reaction#homestuck analysis#homestuck theory#meatverse#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: incest joke#cw: cursed
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The Killer Meme
Tagged by @a-kid-named-hiro
[Me, Myself, I]
What is your philosophy/motto in life?
Always try your best; you can’t always be the best but you can do your best.
How did you choose your User Name, and what does it reveal of your character?
It’s my username from a different site and I really like it. I guess it could mean I’m the shiny thing in the dark?
What did you want to be “when you grew up” when you were younger? If your current job/plans are different, why did you change?
I wanted to be Veterinarian when I was a kid but an allergy to dogs put a kibosh on that pretty quick.
What was the worst nightmare you have ever had?
I usually don’t remember my dreams, but I can remember one where someone me shot in the back.
Tell the story behind one or more of your scars (physical, not emotional).
I have several but the story is the same: I’m a fucking klutz.
What one thing would you like your great-great-grandchildren to know about you? What one thing would you NOT want them to know?
I don’t intend to reproduce.
How do you learn (things-for-exams)?
Re-reading notes and frantically cramming right before the exam (I do NOT recommend this method)
What was the cause of the worst physical pain you have ever been in?
I slipped on the ice; over-extended two tendons, concussed a nerve, bruised my tailbone, and hurt my knee (I had to sit through 4 hours of classes before I could do anything about it, not fun)
Where do you live (a country is fine, just name a place)?
USA
What is your biggest fear?
Not living up to my own expectations
[Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used to Be]
What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done? (Not the best, or the most accomplished, or the most life-altering, just the coolest).
Gone tubing down the river
If you could change one event from your own personal history, what would it be and how would you change it?
I let something very dear to me go, if I could change anything, I would never have made that decision
Describe the one thing you have learned in the course of your education, either inside school or outside of it, which you consider the most valuable.
Actions speak louder than words, especially among people who are supposed to be your friends.
What memory would call up your personal Patronus spell? (in other words, what memory is your happiest or sweetest?)
Any memory featuring my precious people happy
Describe the three best pairs of shoes that you’ve ever owned - favorites because of comfort, the way they look, the brand, any reason at all.
Any shoes that I don’t have to tie are fucking amazing
[If I Ruled the World]
If you could have been born and grown up somewhere else, where would that have been?
I liked where I grew up, so I wouldn’t change it
What would you demand in exchange for giving up your personal freedoms and civil liberties?
Would never give them up
If there were no laws, which (former) crime would be the first you’d commit?
I’d make all student loans disappear forever!
If you could do one thing or grant one wish for someone else, what would it be?
I’d wish that those near and dear to my heart be happy for the rest of their lives
If you could know anything about your future, what would it be?
If I’m happy with my life
Owing to a peculiar concatenation of events, you are the wealthiest person in the world, and the latter will end in 24 hours. Money being no object, and saving the world being impossible, what would you do during that last day?
I’d make it the best day ever for everyone I care about. If we’re all going to die we might as well go out with a bang!
If you could hunt down one childhood tormentor (whether it be bully, tattletale, mean teacher, or friend’s mother who hated you for no good reason) and exact revenge upon them in some spectacular, prankish fashion without worry of consequences, who would you choose, and what would you do to him/her?
That’s hard to say since karma has taken care of a few of these people. There is one person I’d love to slap in the back of the head for being incompetent when I got hurt, so I guess I’d do that.
If I offered you a chance to have anything you wanted, the cost being someone you didn’t know dies, would you accept?
If I could stipulate the that person has to be a piece of shit that no one will miss, then hell yeah! Otherwise I’d have to give it some thought.
If you could have any one superpower, what would it be?
Time travel
If you could punch any one person from any point in history, who would you pick?
I have a list of people that deserve a good punch in the face
If you were given the opportunity to live another life, what kind of life would you like to have?
I’d want a life where I could be happy and not have to worry about anyone hurting me or those close to me
If you could alter history in one specific place, where would it be, and why?
Stopping someone close to me from ever dating the fucking whore who did nothing but fuck them over
Assuming you (or a group of friends) conquer Earth, which section(s) of the planet would you personally desire, and why?
Somewhere quiet with good wi-fi so we could have a place to relax
If you could, with no repercussions, subject anyone you wanted to one day of utter and complete torture, who would you choose, why would you choose them, and what would you do to them? Conversely, if you could give anyone you wanted (other than yourself) one day of perfect happiness, who/why/what would you choose?
The fucking whore I mentioned earlier, I would subject her to a day of torture, without hesitation.
It might be cliche, but my mom deserves the best fucking day ever so I would pick her.
[Media and Culture]
Hollywood called: they’re filming your life story. Who do you cast as yourself?
I would just laugh and hang up the phone
They want to make your life into a Cartoon. Which graphic artist do you want to draw it?
Not sure why anyone would want to do that, but I would pick @sinyaru or @artbythedarkside because I fucking love their art!
Your favourite Blackadder episode and why?
???
Movie adaptations of books - heinous, evil and always disappointing or perfectly acceptable?
It really depends on the book and the actors they pick
What one song brings up the strongest emotion (negative or positive) for you?
Hold Me Tight or Don’t by Fall Out Boy
Killing Kind by Mariana’s Trench
If you had the choice to live in any fictional world, as in transposed into a book, which one would it be? Please explain why.
Naruto, preferably during the Fonder’s Era because I want to me Madara and Tobirama! Also ninjas.
What is your favorite artwork (painting, sculpture, etching, whatever) and why?
I can’t say I have a favorite piece, but personally I enjoy painting.
Name twelve songs for the soundtrack of your life.
(In no particular order)
1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)
2. Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea (Fall Out Boy)
3. THNKS FR TH MMRS (Fall Out Boy)
4. It’s My Life (Bon Jovi)
5. High Hopes (Panic! At the Disco)
6. Natural (Imagine Dragons)
7. Teenagers (My Chemical Romance)
8. Head Above Water (Avril Lavigne)
9. I Don’t Care (Fall Out Boy)
10. Numb (Linkin Park)
11. Victorious (Panic! At the Disco)
12. Get Out Alive (Three Days Grace)
If you could have only five cds, which would they be? No burned cds count - only ones you physically purchase in a store/online.
(In no particular order)
1. Mania (Fall Out Boy)
2. Phantoms (Mariana’s Trench)
3. Save Rock and Roll (Fall Out Boy)
4. Them vs. You vs. Me (Finger 11)
5. Pray For The Wicked (Panic! At the Disco)
Batman or Superman?
Loki
What fictional character do you most identify with and why?
If I had to pick I would say maybe Tobirama Senju. I can come across as cold, will do odd things to satisfy curiosity, and my intentions can be misinterpreted by those that don’t know me.
[The Completely Hatstand Section]
True or false: pineapple on pizza is wrong.
False.
If you were a color, what would you be and why?
Black or red, they are my favorites.
If you could be an inanimate object, what would you be and why?
A dictionary so no one would use me
Assuming reincarnation exists, who do you think you may have been in a past life? How would you like to come back in the next?
The running joke in my family is I was a pirate in my past life because my alcohol of choice, when I drink, is rum. I’d like to come back as a cat so I can be lazy and knock shit over XD
If you were a weapon, what would you be and why?
A katana because they are badass
Do you wear orange? Why/Why not?
Not really, it’s just not a color I own a lot of.
If you could ask your deity of choice one question and have it answered, what would you ask?
I’m honestly not sure, maybe what’s the secret to the universe?
True/False: Green buffalos come from Albania. (seriously, now.)
Um, false?
[Fair Trades and Dilemmas]
If remaining a virgin (or abstaining from sex) for the rest of your life would allow you to do real magic, would you do it?
Fuck yeah! Magic is fucking awesome!
How much money would it take for you to appear naked (full-frontal) for five seconds on national television?
A fuck ton of money, like more money than currently exists; I am very self-conscious.
Would you rather be a complete idiot with a charming personality, or intellectually brilliant but have no friends?
I’d rather be intellectually brilliant, because my true friends would still be my friends, regardless of how smart I am.
You can start any business of your choice, whether for-profit or non-profit, regardless of whether this business exists practically in the world or not and whether there’s an existing business model to make your chosen business work or not. Irrespective of what it is, it will start off moderately successfully and eventually become very successful. You will make a very satisfactory wage and your investors/sponsors will be very pleased with your work. What business would you start?
Some online business that rivals Amazon.
Would you sacrifice an unknown portion of your life so that a loved one could live for one more year?
Without a doubt
Tagging @theintellectualweeb @sinyaru @artbythedarkside and whoever else wants to do it
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Tempted to do another prompt request
Don’t know why, just curious if anyone wanted to request some prompts. Got a compilation of lists i’ve seen on here before I glance through randomly sometimes for ideas for my other rambles and series.
Mostly do
Hobbit/LotR - Modern au/regular
Marvel - Mostly Loki w/ others thrown in
Celebs - Richard Armitage, Lee Pace w/ Hobbit cast thrown in, Tom Hiddleston, Tom Holland w/ various Marvel actors thrown in
You can add in scenarios or random items or locations if you like too.
It can also be y/n style if you want, otherwise i’ll probably use a variant of my usual oc to put it all together. :D
Prompt List
1 “Fancy seeing you here.” “I work here.”
2 “Can I buy you a drink?”
5 “If I go through with this, I die. If I don’t, we all die.”
6 “No, no, you do NOT want me navigating. I’ll accidentally navigate us off a cliff.”
7 “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”
8 “This is all your fault.” “I hope so.”
9 “I’d rather be pecked to death by a flock of hummingbirds.”
10 “You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”
11 “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”
12 “Excuse me! I was a superhero for ten whole minutes!” “And in that time you got kidnapped and we had to come to the rescue”
13 “I am way too sober for this.”
14 “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”
15 “Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”
16 “That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute.”
17 “This plan of yours is going to get us killed. Of course, I’m in.”
18 “Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”
19 “Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”
20 “You can’t just turn into a bat and fly away when you don’t want to deal with things!” “Watch me!”
21 “Wait, you’re a superhero?” “How do you not know? My face is literally on the news on a weekly basis.” “I’m in grad school. I won’t have time to follow popular media until I finish my thesis. You’re lucky I’ve carved out some non-existent free time to date you.”
22 “I’m just really tired of watching you get thrown off the tops of buildings”
23 “Whether you believe in me or not, I will continue to exist.”
24 “I don’t care where I sleep, as long as it’s with you.”
25 “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”
26 “I thought you forgot about me.” “Never.”
27 “I want to go home.” “And I want to go to the moon. It ain’t happening sweetheart. Time to accept that.”
29 “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”
30 “Nope. I can’t go to hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me.”
31 “Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.”
32 “Define normal.”
33 “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”
34 “It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.”
35 “And you wonder why you’re still single.”
36 “Remind me to kill you. Please.”
37 “I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”
38 “Were you dropped on your head?”
39 “She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.”
40 “She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.”
41 “My middle finger salutes you.”
42 “This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.”
43 “I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.”
44 “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”
45 “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
46 “Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”
47 “Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”
48 “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
49 “All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.”
50 “I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”
51 “Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”
52 “What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”
53 “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”
54 “I need therapy after this.”
55 “I’m not weird. I am limited edition.”
56 “I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.”
57 “I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.”
58 “If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.”
59 “You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?”
60 “I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.”
61 “I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.”
62 “Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.”
63 “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.”
64 “Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!”
65 “Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”
66 “Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!”
67 “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”
68 “Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”
69 “She’s hot, but she’s evil.”
70 “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”
71 “I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.”
72 “Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.”
73 “What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.”
74 “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”
75 “So stick that in your juice box and suck it.”
76 “Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.”
77 “This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.”
78 “A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.”
79 “Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.”
80 “I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.”
81 “You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.”
82 “What you call insanity, I call inspiration.”
83 “Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”
84 “Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”
85 “Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”
86 “I like you. You’re different.”
87 “You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”
88 “You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.”
89 “Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.”
90 “I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”
91 “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”
92 “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”
93 “I care so little, I almost passed out.”
94 “Well behaved woman rarely make history.”
95 “You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.”
96 “You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.”
97 “Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”
98 “How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.”
99 “Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.”
100 “Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.”
101 “I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.”
102 “You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.”
103 “Have fun being a big deal.” “I will.”
104 “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”
105 “It’s called thinking. Go with it.”
106 “I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”
107 “Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”
108 “I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.”
109 “The girl is strange no question.”
110 “Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.”
111 “I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.”
112 “You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.”
113 “I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”
114 “I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.”
115 “I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.”
116 “If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”
117 “I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.”
118 “Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.”
120 “You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”
121 “I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”
122 “I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.”
123 “My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.”
124 “She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.”
125 “And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.”
126 “Such big evil in such a little thing.”
127 “Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?”
128 “What does not kill you will likely try again.”
129 “Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.”
130 “And hello to you too… little homewrecker.”
131 “I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”
132 “I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”
133 “What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”
134 “In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.”
135 “I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.”
136 “Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.”
137 “This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.”
138 “If you touch my food, I’ll have no choice but to hurt you.”
139 “I found this cat. It doesn’t matter how exactly I found it, but we’re keeping it.”
140 “When I was a child, I wanted to be a fire hydrant because I wanted to help people. Well, it was a real let down when my mother told me that being an inanimate object wasn’t a valid option.”
141 “There’s not a single day in my life when I haven’t been thoroughly humiliated and it’s too late to change now.”
142 “Unfortunately, my tears of joy and tears of sadness are not so easy to tell apart.”
143 “Sex dream? About you? Nah…it was about, uh, my uncle!”
144 “How did I break my leg? Well, it’s a long story.”
145 “The punch was out of love. For myself.”
146 “I can 100 percent fall down those stairs without getting hurt.”
147 “You act like I’ve never been lost in a foreign country before.”
148 “I always knew I’d be digging my own grave, I just never expected it would be digging a literal grave.”
149 “I did not eat the cookies. I’ve never even seen a cookie in my life.”
150 “Closets are my mortal enemy. And snakes.”
151 “I am wearing your clothes but not for the reason you think I am.”
152 “I’m trapped under the bed again.” “What do you mean ‘again’?”
153 “I shouldn’t have to tell you not to eat that.”
154 “I’m no longer permitted to enter the city zoo because I ‘allegedly’ don’t understand boundaries.”
155 “I didn’t eat your chocolate bar–Oh, I have chocolate on my face? In that case, it attacked me.”
156 “They told me not to take that selfie in the emergency room but now I have a great profile pic for Halloween!”
157 “I’m not saying I’d fight a child, I’m merely saying my legs are longer, my arms are stronger, and my brain is superior.”
158 “I’ve never been to Japan until today, but I have no idea how I got here.”
159 “We rock, paper, scissors-ed it and I played fire. I won in principle, but lost in morality.”
160 “Trains are fun until you’re fighting the conductor.”
161 “The first time I saw the ocean I cried, but that’s mostly because I was choking on seawater.”
162 “There is no sign in the library that says no birds so how was I to know.”
163 “The chokehold was out of love. Why can’t you see that?”
164 “I know the police.” “What? You know all the police?” “Well, it’s more like they know me.”
165 “I thought I could do parkour, nay, believed but my faith is weak and my body weaker.”
166 “I only got stuck in a baby swing once. The other two times I managed to get myself out before the fire department arrived.”
167 “Elbows and knees. That’s the fight club motto.” “No, it’s really not.”
168 “I don’t get lost. I take the long way.”
169 “There’s a snake in my boot. No, I’m serious. Why is there a snake in my boot?”
170 “My doctor told me chocolate syrup is not an actual beverage. The more you know, huh?”
171 “I don’t fall in love. I faceplant.”
172 “If you try to high five a police officer, they will taze you.”
173 “I can do the splits but not on purpose.”
174 “I am the ruler of pigeons now. I didn’t know I was even a candidate, but here we are.”
175 “To be fair, I’m surprised I didn’t break more fingers.”
176 “Who knew bear traps were that common?”
177 “I will run away with you.”
178 “I am never coming back.”
179 “I forget time and space when I’m with you.”
180 “I don’t belong in your universe.”
181 “I’m dynamite ready to explode.”
182 “I don’t know where you’ve gone. It’s like you aren’t here anymore.”
183 “We are in this together – for better or for worse, do you hear me? I’m not giving up that easily.”
184 “You don’t even have to hold me, and I still feel safe with you.”
187 “Everything you think I need isn’t what I need. What I need is you.”
188 “I always come back to you.”
189 “You have to keep fighting.”
191 “I’m begging you. Please.”
192 “I need you to let me all the way in.”
193 “This was all just a game to you… wasn’t it?”
194 “I will give you heaven and I will give you hell.”
195 “Please, be gentle with me. I’ll break if you aren’t careful enough.”
196 “I promise I’ll be tender.”
197 “I can assure you that you are safe here… with me.”
198 “It is my duty to take care of you, so stop forcing me away.”
199 “Never trust a man whose smile steals the breath right from your lungs.”
200 “Take it – I don’t care. Take it all!”
201 “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”
202 “You make me feel things that I’m not supposed to feel. Why? Why do you have this control over me? You’ve taken over most of my thoughts. It’s infuriating.”
203 “Would you look at that? Anger does fuel me.”
204 “I don’t even remember the last time I got a decent amount of sleep. I’m hallucinating things, I can’t focus for more than five minutes… I’m going crazy.”
205 “You were always beside me.”
206 “What happened to us? To you? I miss it.”
207 “There is no good in goodbye.”
208 “Say it again.”
209 “You look happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the reason for it.”
210 “Sometimes we get hurt and we just have to find a way to overcome it, and sometimes… sometimes it’s not enough to heal the wounds.”
211 “You’ll understand. You have to.”
212 “You lit a fire in my veins ever since the first time we held hands.”
213 “Don’t stop.”
215 “I don’t care! I don’t!”
216 “There are times I can drink the pain away, but this time it’s become impossible.”
217 “This pain… it’s still fresh. Give me time.”
218 “Your memory will burn like a fire.”
219 “It just keeps spreading and spreading and spreading and I can’t stop it.”
220 “I won’t ever forget you.”
221 “I think I’m losing myself, and I don’t know if I can ever come back from this.”
222 “I prefer being alone.”
223 “To see you smile, I would do anything.”
224 “If you’re reading this then that means… that means I didn’t make it. I’m sorry.”
225 “Fuck, I wish I could give you one more kiss, to feel your warmth, to see you smile… I miss you so much.”
226 “Don’t go too far, alright? I wanna be able to catch up to you, just give me time.”
227 “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”
228 “You stood up for me.”
229 “You keep giving me excuses, what’s your problem?”
230 “Always be kind.”
231 “You’re so warm.”
232 “Oh my god! That was so not funny. These are fake tears, and that was sarcasm.”
233 “Damn damn diggity damn.”
234 “Daddy.”
235 “Run me over with your car.”
236 “Ew. Emotions.”
237 “I’m sorry, was I supposed to laugh?”
238 “Stab me. No, seriously. Stab me.”
239 “That’s so stupid. Please, do it again.”
240 “But I’m not her.”
241 “I need you to see yourself as I do.”
242 “Breathe.”
243 “What are you running from? Why are you so scared?”
244 “Let’s do something spontaneous!”
245 “I can still feel every little kiss you pressed to my cheek.”
246 “I need to be closer to you.”
247 “It’s feels like I’m suffocating.”
248 “This will be the last time you lie to me.”
249 “You know it’s not like that.”
250 “How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”
251 “You’re never going to be the same after this.”
252 “I just think it’d be best if we never met.”
253 “I can’t believe you would even think to leave me like this.”
254 “You never loved me, did you?”
255 “It didn’t have to be like this, but now you’ve ruined everything.”
256 “I hope you’re happy.”
257 “If you had have kept your mouth shut, then he’d still- he’d still be here!”
258 “What did you want once this was all through? Tell me!”
259 “Now I have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Thanks, it means a lot.”
260 “You could’ve- could’ve stayed. You could’ve helped me fix things.”
261 “I knew she’d never change, she was too stubborn, too similar to me.”
262 “This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now.”
263 “I hope I’m not put in the same part of hell as you.”
264 “When did you think you could hurt me again? Today? Tomorrow?”
265 “You’re back in my life and I want to die again.”
266 “You only ever brought me pain and I’m sick of it.”
267 “I hope you got what you wanted.”
268 “You made me miserable and I still loved you.”
269 “When you die, I’ll be the first to dance on your grave.”
270 “Don’t underestimate me, I have more power than you can even comprehend.”
271 “If only you knew what you’d brought upon yourself.”
272 “We’re never going to have a happy ending, just remember that.”
273 “Everytime something goes well, I momentarily forget how much I despise you.”
274 “Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”
275 “There is nothing worse than seeing you get what you want.”
276 “Your mind must be a horrible place.”
277 “You can cut me, bruise me and skin me alive, but you will not take her from me.”
278 “How is it that we always end up in this predicament?”
279 “I want to wipe that grin of your face with my sword, but my mother taught me to play nicely.”
280 “Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? It’s incredible how low my standards are for you.”
281 “Ah, well if you want them back alive, I suggest you lay down your own life.”
282 “Don’t be ‘smart’. The battlefield is no place for Math Scholars.”
283 “You shouldn’t have come. You can’t be-”
284 “Stop talking or tomorrow won’t come.”
285 “Hand me the gun and I’ll kill him myself.”
286 “I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience.”
287 “If you live to see her, please send my best regards and this box of her father’s ashes.”
288 “It would’ve been nice to get to know you better, but I’m afraid I don’t care.”
289 “I can’t help but think you’re a terrible person.”
290 “Seeing your face has unconventionally made me want to die. I wasn’t quite prepared for this feeling.”
291 “You could have loved me, I’m quite good at seducing, but you’re actually vile.”
292 “I hope I see you in a bodybag sometime.”
293 “Let’s pretend you didn’t cheat on me with my sister and be good people for a few minutes.”
294 “We should probably stop talking forever.”
295 “If I hated you anymore, I think I’d probably be crowned as satan’s right-hand man.”
296 “To say I ‘tolerate you’ is a vast overstatement.”
297 “You broke her heart and came back for more, you bastard.”
298 “This isn’t fifth grade, this is a courtroom, you whore.”
299 “I think you’d be the perfect match for my ex-husband. He loved to sleep with multiple people.”
300 “I’m not coming home, don’t look for me.”
301 “Time was always a measurement of this relationship and we finally ran out.”
302 “Please don’t look at me with such hatred.”
303 “I could’ve died and you couldn’t have cared less.”
304 “Just get out. I- I don’t want you hear, just leave.”
305 “You’re not the same person I married, don’t tell me I’m wrong.”
306 “I wish you wouldn’t beg for forgiveness, it has the opposite effect of what you want.”
307 “Don’t hate me for this. You would’ve done the same.”
308 “This could’ve been the end and you were ready to let me go.”
309 “You should’ve left me, you could never deserve the person I’ve become.”
310 “Hate me all you want. I know I’m right.”
311 “Today you broke my arm, I hope tomorrow it’s not my heart.”
312 “Nothing can justify this, you’ve ruined him.”
313 “You live with so much guilt, I hope it drives you mad one of these days.”
314 “My life was ruined because of one mistake. You were that mistake.”
315 “You are everything I hate, don’t ever come back.”
316 “Evil doesn’t come close.”
317 “Your wrongdoings are becoming your pastimes.”
318 “I wish you had of just done it for the thrill of it, but now you’re in deep shit.”
319 “Next time, I won’t be here to salvage your wreckage. This is the last time.”
320 “You should have ruined me when you had the chance.”
321 “No one will keep your name alive. Once you’re gone, everything you once stood for disappears too.”
322 “Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about your life without me.”
323 “This is always how it ends.”
324 “Break my heart once more, I dare you.”
325 “Forget how you loved me once, I mean nothing now.”
326 “This isn’t Romeo and Juliet, this is real life and I can go on without you.”
327 “You don’t own me, I don’t belong to you.”
328 “I should’ve died. That would’ve made you happy.”
329 “Are we going to carry on like this or are you going to give him back to me.”
330 “She drowned and he lost his mind.”
321 “We shouldn’t. You’re married and I’m pregnant.”
332 “You’ve never been loved, I can tell.”
333 “Who told you I needed fixing and what made you believe them?”
334 “You’re almost as far-gone as I am.”
335 “Maybe it’s best that we don’t go home.”
336 “Roaming the streets was never safe for her. What makes you think it’s different for you?”
337 “I think you’re going to ruin me. Am I right?”
338 “Do you remember our last feud? I wouldn’t want someone to lose their life again, would you?”
339 “Kiss me quick and leave them be.”
340 “I hate seeing you so sad. It’s just so dramatic how humans show emotions and being sad is such a boring one.”
341 “Will you ever forget my number? No? Ah, because you still love me.”
342 “After the funeral, let’s surrender.”
343 “What made you think I cared for you?”
344 “It’ll be fun explaining this to your sister. I hope she likes horror stories.”
345 “Don’t act as if we’re friends. I know how much you want to slit my throat.”
346 “Let’s not get angry. Let’s calmly and sensibly take this outside so I can ruin your face.”
347 “Please ruin yourself for me and I’ll watch in adoration as I fall apart as well.”
Already requested – but still requestable
3 “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge” “Can I pick?”
4 “You know what they say, panicking burns a shit-ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”
28 “Sometimes, memories are the worst torture.”
119 “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”
185 “Be with me.”
186 “I’m vulnerable around you, and it only gets worse when you smile.”
190 “I’m surrendering myself to you; body and soul. What more do you want?”
214 “Please, just… touch me.”
348 “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I break his nose a little?”
349 “Show me your scars.” “But… why?” “I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there.”
350 “She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for her has.”
351 “Did you just… agree with me?” “Oh, I wish I could take-““Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”
352 “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”
353 “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner having another existential crisis.”
354 “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”
355 “You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”
356 “It’s a good thing you’re cute when you’re angry.”
357 “What are you afraid of?” “You.”
358 “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”
359 “It’s a long story” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”
360 “Unless I screw this up again, I’m going to marry you.” “Well you better not mess this up”
361 “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star.”
362 “I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”
363 “What now?” “I don’t know. I thought the jump would kill us.”
364 “I saved your life.” “You pushed me off a building.”
365 “How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”
366 “We’re leaving.” “But they have a lobster tank in their basement.”
367 “Take my hand.” “Why?” “I’m trying to ask you to marry me, so take my damn hand!”
368 “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”
369 “I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.”
370 “You gotta stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me wanna kiss you.”
371 “I think that you’re not as dark as you want people to believe.”
372 “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”
373 “Why are they afraid of you?”
374 “Literally everything about this is illegal.”
375 “You love her don’t you?” “Was it that obvious?”
376 “Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.”
377 “I was just kind of hoping that you’d, y’know…. fall in love with me.”
378 “It’s okay. You don’t have to love me.”
379 “You know, no one bothered me this much when I was dead.”
380 “Only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me.”
381 “I’d know that smirk anywhere.”
382 “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”
383 “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”
384 “Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”
385 “If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.”
386 “If I survive, can I go home?”
387 “That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”
388 “You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”
389 “You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.”
390 “Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.”
391 “The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”
392 “My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.”
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65 Questions You Aren't Used To
Tagged by @an-all-write-life, thank you lovely!
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
I think I may have answered this one before, but basically no.
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
1, maybe 1.5. I really don’t mind the dark, but sometimes it’s the unexplained sounds that will get me.
3. The person you would never want to meet?
I don’t know if any of you watched Community, but Troy loved LeVar Burton, he was his favorite celebrity. Even though Troy loved LeVar Burton, the most he ever wanted was a picture/autograph, he explicitly told Pierce that he never wanted to meet him. When Pierce brought LeVar Burton in as a way to mess with Troy, he was completely starstruck and could not speak, he just sat there wide eyed and terrified of disappointing his hero, until he ran away from dinner screaming. Long story short, any sort of media hero I have I wouldn’t want to meet because I’d probably make Troy look like a normal person with how starstruck I got.
4. What is your favorite word?
Oh boy, this is a lot of pressure! I don’t want to offend all the other words. I’ll go with onomatopoeia because it’s kind of fun!
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
An oak, I guess. They look pretty as they change, and dropping the acorns can cause mild annoyance, which I seem to be able to do pretty easily for the friends and family around me.
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
Why does it have to be Monday??(I answered this when I started working on these yesterday)
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Simple pink and gray stripes.
8. What do you label yourself as?
Nerd
9. Bright room or dark room?
Dark, it just feels kind of relaxing and like it’s time to unwind.
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping - I’m kind of boring and go to bed by 10:30 (usually earlier) every night, so I’m definitely dead asleep at midnight.
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
I actually really enjoyed ages 18-20, and 23 was pretty good too. I’m sure I’ll hit a good stride of ages again, but until I hit that sweet spot, I’m just going to roll with it and have the most fun I can.
12. Who told you they loved you last?
Umm, probably my friend Alex telling me she loves me more after I had sent her a second reminder in a night that I love her. Or my mom.
13. Your worst enemy?
Honestly, I’m probably my own worst enemy.
14. What is your current desktop picture?
It’s the generic blue design that came with the laptop
15. Do you like someone?
In any way other than platonically, no not right now.
16. The last song you listened to?
Either “Rich” by Maren Morris or “Hotel Key” by Old Dominion on my way into work.
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
If I dislike someone that much, shouldn’t they just be left to suffer...like forever.
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
It would be too easy to say some of those politicians that I think are awful and spewing hate, but that’s probably who I’d want to hit the most. But then I’m putting hate and violence out there and I aspire to be better than those I wish to punch in the face.
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
Yeah, people shouldn’t own people. What I would be more interested
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
Probably my eyes or smile.
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
Umm, I sure hope that would mean I would be tall! At least considerably taller than 5’2” and then I’d go and reach stuff on the top shelf...without a step-stool.
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
If I do, it’s news to me.
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
My fears are pretty run of the mill.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
I might just be pretty boring and say a really good grilled cheese with like a good kind of cheese like pepperjack or something.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
If only that would cover all my loans! I’d probably treat myself to something like a new pair of heels or just save it for a bit and maybe put it towards Christmas presents.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
Probably back to Spain. I loved the four months I lived in Salamanca and want to go back! Also, my host family was amazing, and I’d love to visit them again.
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
I’d probably get some Barefoot Pink Bubbly, but I’d be a little suspicious of some greater ulterior motive.
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Everybody has to be left-handed lol, actually establishing some sort of guidance for rights and behavior, making sure that all groups are treated equally and fairly.
29. What is your favorite expletive?
Shit. As much as I curse in real life, I try to avoid it in my writing, instead opting to find other words to express the sentiment, although that isn’t always possible.
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
Probably one of my mom’s jewelry or memory boxes that has mementos from my late grandma in them. It would mean the world to her and I was close with my grandma too, so I’d still be able to preserve a piece of her.
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
As much as I’d love to erase any bouts of poor mental health I’ve had in the past, I’ve learned from them and without that experience, I wouldn’t be prepared to tackle my next big challenge whatever it may be.
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
Just like in question 26, I’d probably move to Spain!
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
As much as I would love to bring my godfather back, it wouldn’t be fair to take him from the afterlife, or to put his wife, kids and the rest of us who love him through that pain again. If I could open some sort of communication between this life and the next, I would absolutely offer it to him. At least being able to communicate would probably be able to heal some wounds for a lot of us here, and I’d love for his 10 year old son to get to know him outside of the stories he hears from me and the rest of his family.
34. What was your last dream about?
Selling houses and moving...just all around kind of odd.
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? - Are you a good listener?
I’d like to think I am, yes. Recently at my weekend job, I was clocking out for the day and finished one of my purchases and the woman in front of me had a bag that was just a little too heavy for her to carry, so I brought her bag out to the car for her. I ended up spending another 20 minutes out there with her talking, well she was doing most of the talking, and before we went separate ways she kept thanking me for listening to her. So if that is any indication, yes I am a good listener, also it broke my heart that she felt the need to thank me for listening to her because it tells me that she really isn’t getting much of that in her life.
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
I’ve been to the emergency room twice, but never admitted to the actual hospital. And both of those visits were within three days.
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
Grew up in New England, it’s kind of a mandatory part of childhood here.
38. What is the color of your socks?
Gray and teal
39. What type of music do you like?
Country, plus some pop and rock
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
I’m rarely up for sunrises, but when I was in college, I was pulling an all nighter in our computer/printer room and I got the most spectacular view of the sun rising over the mountains in Vermont. It made up for the severe lack of sleep I was experiencing.
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
Chocolate
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
I don’t sport. As far as American football goes, I suppose the NY Giants, but in reality it’s more of anyone who isn’t the Patriots.
43. Do you have any scars?
A few on my arms from stupid stuff while growing up, like fighting with my sister.
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
I graduated from college 3 years ago and still don’t know. Maybe to know and be happy and secure.
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Physically - the list is kind of long and pretty personal. Otherwise, I’d get rid of those nasty things like my anxiety and depression.
46. Are you reliable?
Almost to a fault where some people have tried to take advantage of it so they could slack off.
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Have you found the happy path you want to be on?
48. Do you hold grudges?
Yes, but it’s something I’ve been trying to work on. I’ll stop and think what did this event/person impact my life and is it still important? That’s been pretty helpful for letting things go. I doubt I’ll ever be able to move on from things immediately, but being able to step away after I’ve had some time and choose forgiveness really does help.
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
CatDog
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
Probably once when talking about childhoods and one girl brought up how she got sent to water therapy because she would insist that she was a mermaid and didn’t have legs to walk. If I remember correctly, they thought this was her way of manifesting her fear of water, but really with her red hair, she just wanted to be Ariel from Little Mermaid. It was definitely a wild ride of a conversation.
51. Are you a good liar?
Yes and no. I’ve got some tells, but over the past few years, I’ve gotten much better at hiding them.
52. How long could you go without talking?
If I’m not talking because I’m mad, at least a few days. I love talking, so if there isn’t much of a reason to be silent, I’m probably going to be talking. There have been a few times I’ve been home alone and will just begin talking to the dogs or the cat as I’m going about my business.
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
As much as I like them every time I get them, bangs! Within a few months I’m done with wanting to deal with the maintenance and they never looks as good as when I first get them done. Some folks look absolutely amazing with bangs, but as a long term thing, they are just not for me.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
Yes! I love to bake.
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
A little bit. With practice I can start to imitate other regions of the US and with enough drinks, I’ve tried an Irish accent.
56. What do you like on your toast?
Butter with a bit of cinnamon sugar.
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
If painting counts, and I’m going to say it does for this, then a nice riverbank landscape I did at a paint and wine studio near me.
58. What would be you dream car?
Jeep Wrangler - like Lorelai’s in Gilmore Girls
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
Not really, I’m mostly focused on getting what I need to done and getting out. I might go through an argument in the shower while I’m washing my hair, but that’s about it.
60. Do you believe in aliens?
I guess so, but that’s more of the universe is so expansive and I think it’s a little narcissistic to think that we are the only ones occupying it. Besides, if there are no aliens, how will Superman exist to come and save us some day??
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
I don’t, and most of the reason is I don’t believe in them. It’ll pop up in other stuff I’ll be reading, but it always frustrates me that pisces are put at the end of the list so I don’t even try.
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
R! Yes, it is my initial, but I also like doing the sign for it in my sign language class. The sign is like you’re crossing your fingers, so it’s like R has some mystery and is keeping a secret.
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
Dinosaurs
64. What do you think about babies?
They are really cute and I like getting to spend some time with them. It can be really fun to watch someone experience so many things for the first time, especially things we take for granted.
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. - Worst movie you’ve ever watched?
Leprechaun in the Hood without a doubt!
I’ll tag anyone else who wants to do this! :)
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Notes on Supergirl 3x09
There's a good chance I might end up being facetious this episode. See if you can guess where.
So, it's the next day after Wake Up? When did Crisis happen?
We talk about bad writing on the show a lot (and believe me, we WILL be discussing it a lot today), but I want to talk about how Mon-El describes the future:
"Technology has developed beyond imagining; but at the end of the day, it's still in service of communicating with each other, and entertaining each other, and also killing each other. In this day, or in a thousand years, conflict is constant. But so is strength." The repetition, the cadence; this is a man who has given so many rousing speeches as a leader that they invade his regular conversation. It's so different from how he used to speak, and it's a lovely piece of work.
Kara's Best Friend Winn - who spent two days with a police scanner and a sewing machine helping her become a superhero, when even Alex didn't want her to be one - being tickled pink by Imra not knowing what phones are is nice.
Amy Jackson is from the Isle of Man, if you were wondering what that accent is. It's its own thing, but the Youtube videos aren't usually this... breathy.
Mon-El was basically the 31st Century Apostle of Supergirl. I'm here for it.
And for Imra's hero worship.
It's a good thing he turned down your invitation, Kara. Things might have gotten awkward, what with Lena being there and all. Or perhaps not. Who can say?
Can we have a ship war between Kara/Food and Alex/Booze soon? I think we're due a ship war that makes sense.
"Crone Buddies"? What happened to the realisation there must be someone else for you Alex? It was just last week/yesterday/possibly an alternate time-line.
I'm getting bored with Danvers Sisters time, to be quite honest. Yes, you're going to support each other through this. We know. Talk it through with someone else, Kara. Perhaps your Best Friend, Winn (who one time requisitioned an entire Catco office and server just so you would have a base of operations at work)?
Look, relationships are the only thing James Olsen has ever been shown to be bad at, so can you two hurry up? I wanna know how he's going to screw up a good thing this time.
I want to love this scene with J'onn/M'yrnn/Kara's Best Friend Winn - who once served as a buffer between Alex and Eliza at Thanksgiving while Kara basically ignored him in favour of her not-boyfriend, who called her from a romantic getaway with his actual girlfriend - but I know it's all a ploy to keep him away from Lena, and thus avoid pesky questions like, "So, how do you know the analyst from the clandestine government agency that helped me out with those things those times?"
Unpopular opinion: American Christmas songs are almost universally shite.
I should also point out that, since Lena knows he is DEO, Kara's Best Friend Winn - who once committed treason on Alex and Kara's behalf after Kara invoked his difficult relationship with his father - is the only person currently in this room that is not concealing a secret identity from her.
I'm just gonna stop having headcanons. I keep thinking of ways the show could mine conflict from the scenarios they've created, and the show doesn't then do it badly, so much as ignore it entirely. I actually burst into tears once because I thought up a thing where Kara tells Winn he can't come to the Christmas party because Lena knows he's DEO and it would raise too many questions. I would actually prefer that to this version. At least it would be a story point then.
Wait. Hang on. Are they trying to tell us that Wake Up happened on Dec. 22nd? Because... seriously, what?
Alex, you can't just steal a child, even if you are great with her; so stop thinking about it. Who said this 'wanting to be a mother' thing was out of character?
I like the choice that Lena would make weak excuses for why she can't just go for it with James. Putting your last boyfriend out of his misery by deactivating the nano-bot swarm he's comprised of must be a tough act to follow.
A funny thing about chemistry that's "off the charts"? It can't be measured.
A rhyming scene of James and Winn on the other side of the room having *their* version of this conversation would have gone a long way.
This is literally the fourth episode of eight you've spent time with Sam, Kara. It's not like she's one of the Barton Bellas.
"I've always had Alex, and she has my back, but-" Sorry, NOW TV keeps cutting the sound there, so I don't know how the sentence ends. I'll presume it's something along the lines of, "If you don't want to date someone who works for you, do you remember my Best Friend, Winn? Really smart, you saved the world together that one time? And at your party? Hates your mom? Remember? Look, he's rocking that Christmas sweater!"
(And he's clearly single, since his girlfriend of 44 weeks isn't here)
I cannot imagine how difficult blocking this scene was, if J'onn has to come up to Kara in front of the friends that don't know she's Supergirl and say she has to leave her own party on Dec. 23rd. I'll assume this scene was written by the Buffoon.
VASQUEZ! You have returned to us! From where-ever it was!
The Symbol is Kryptonian? What were the odds?
I get the feeling that 'if we don't know it, it can't be known' is a common attitude from Krypton. Kinda... snobby, wouldn't you say?
And since we, the audience, already know the Symbol is Kryptonian, why are we sending James and Lena on this wild goose chase?
Speaking of which, why would Morgan Edge burn a symbol into your corn-field, Lena? Explain the logic. While you're at it, why would you go see him about it? What is he going to tell you?
And by saying "I will go with you," as opposed to "This plan is stupid," we've got a solid idea of why there were no 'James helps mentor Kara as a reporter' stories last season.
A two minute scene solely to remind us that Morgan Edge exists. Yay.
Get Prince's name out of your filthy mouth.
"I'm here just to make sure you remain civil." You know what else would have achieved that James? Not going at all.
Here's the thing. It's Reign. We know it's Reign. There is no mystery here. THIS IS NOT HOW MYSTERIES WORK.
THE ALIEN BAR! Still lacking in visibly alien aliens. Bloody gentrification.
Dude, just put lobsters down on the floor if you're gonna do this ribs shit (given the platform, this is probably a one-percenter joke).
Look! Kara's Best Friend Winn - who quit his good job at a global media empire so he could help Kara with superheroing full-time (you know, right before Kara considered moving to Metropolis) - distracting Imra so Kara and Mon-El can talk! What a great Best Friend he is!
I'm gonna say this now: not on board with SaturnNerd, unless it's rounding out Winn's doomed trip through Nerd Fantasy Romance Tropes (the list so far: Kara - Girl Next Door; Siobhan - Mean Girl (To Reform Through Kindness); Lyra - Manic Dream Pixie Girl; Imra - Sexy/Naive Foreign Exchange Student).
You're not at the jokey we-had-fun-didn't-we stage yet, mister.
Creepy Preacher Dude! You're back! And still creepy!
Fort Rozz!
Right, they are clearly establishing Sam as Reign, and Reign as the World-Killer. THERE IS NO MYSTERY HERE.
Sam. Have you never seen a Christmas film before? You know what happens if you work Christmas Eve.
The Christmas story is nice, though. Sam & Ruby are a nice addition to the show.
El Mayarah, brothers and sisters.
'Cip'. Imra's WAAAAAY overplaying this 'foreigner' stuff.
Yep. Break her heart more, Imra. Solid plan.
Sigh. What are you doing going to other hackers, Lena? We know they're gonna be sub-par. Or James should, at least.
For newer, confused viewers, James is a superhero, who has a shield. Winn built it for him. You may not have known this.
This Reign fight is one of the best vampire attack scenes I've ever seen.
Sooooo, we needed Lena and James to visit Edge, so Edge would pick tonight to hire an assassin to kill Lena, so Reign will then target Edge. 'Kay. Oh, and Edge is apparently using Reign as a cover for Lena's 'death'. Except it happens before Reign goes on the rampage. So circular, this logic.
No love in his eyes? Admittedly, Kara's never been good at this.
Edge has a lead-lined panic room. This is the smartest thing he's done yet. Ineffectual mustache twirler.
This week's Jeremy Jordan Award For Doing So Much With So Little goes, unsurprisingly, to Jeremy Jordan; for seamlessly transitioning from sarcasm to serious through repeated use of the word 'No.'
And kudos for Kara's Best Friend, Winn - who once got up in his best clothes and went to a posh party solely to humiliate himself in front of the hostess (the hostess being Lena, who is of course not Kara's best friend, because Winn is Kara's Best Friend) because Kara had gotten herself in a jam - for emphasising that an attempt on Edge's life is only 'objectively' bad. Sticking up for his Sister in Science.
Okay, how late is it on Christmas Eve? Everyone's still at Catco. IT'S A SUNDAY. WHY IS EVERYONE HERE? GO HOME.
I'm not against GuardianCorp, there's a lot of story to mine there in terms of the relationship between Journalism and its Corporate Masters (it's not a marriage made in heaven, nor should it be); but like many things, it depends on execution. With that in mind, there's a few tangible details I want to highlight here:
Firstly, with the exception of letting her call him Jimmy, which is only relevant to a specific section of the audience (casual viewers won't remember why that's a big deal, and longer term fans of the character consider it the default); the nicest thing we've ever seen him say to or about her is that he doesn't see her as an extension of her brother. That seems like a low bar to cross. In fact, I have no idea how James feels about this particular development at all.
Secondly, James hasn't been challenged yet; or at least, it doesn't *feel* like he's been challenged yet. In my notes for 3x02, I wrote of GuardianCorp, "This isn’t a thing that’ll be resolved by him doing nothing until someone else makes the decision for him," but he hasn't actually made any decisions. This story isn't a James story (yet). It's a Lena story, about her taking a chance on him.
(ASIDE: At some point, someone decided that Lena's main flaw would be 'self-doubt' instead of 'hubris', as was previously established in 2x05. I take small comfort in the fact that person is likely no longer employed)
Thirdly (and this last one's much more open to interpretation, so YMMV), Mr. Brooks isn't really pulling his weight here. Ms. McGrath is doing *all* the heavy lifting: she's standing there, giving him full heart-eyes, and he barely seems to notice that it's happening. James could be playing it cool, I suppose; but that's just another way in which I can't relate to James as a character (because HOW? How do you play it cool when she's looking at you like THAT?).
(FURTHER ASIDE: You know who would have been a challenge for James? LYRA. Or, at least, a visibly alien alien. That story would be about James and his perception of himself; having been friends and love interests for 'passing' aliens over the years, why is an ALIEN alien a sticking point for him? Played by a trans actress, preferably, to hammer the metaphor home. It would also have given him a cause to champion at CatCo)
At some point, I should stop doing notes, and just write a damn review. It'd probably be shorter.
Why are all these Christmas parties happening on Christmas Eve?
You know when would have been a great time to do a Christmas episode? Last season, when it was all about the immigration metaphor, and your three non-human characters can all express how they feel about this religious festival they don't belong to.
Love the tone of this office fight (the song still sucks)
Kara's getting the beat-down of her life, and she's still trying to protect others. I love her.
That block and swing is fucking incredible.
AND THEN THE FLAMING DOOR!
Where the hell is this fight happening that James, Lena, AND Edge can be witnesses?
Impressed at how objective Alex is being here. Would like more detailed reaction shots though. Particularly from Kara's Best Friend, Winn.
Imra's very confident about Kara being okay.
Episodes since Winn and Lyra have had a scene together: 13. THIRTEEN. These counts were supposed to be a joke, show. Not a running commentary of despair. Speaking of which...
Episodes since Winn and Lena have had a scene together: 9 (Record high: 16). No, I'm not counting this one. Being in the same location does not a scene make. We'll just have to live with my pain extending to double digits in January.
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THEM:
Hi
Reading one of your recent comments on Soo
It seems to be that you actually don't like her as a character not just the way she was written
I think, it's just my assumption consider her as weak and a bit stupid
Maybe I'm wrong
ME:
It's both how she was written as a character and the character herself. Lol I've watched this series over 6 times now (partly to enjoy it with friends but also to analyze the story and characters for my own writing.)
It may be the editing departments fault too with how they edited the final video
THEM:
I think that the writing has a couple of flaws as every script has and it's ok but I put all blame on director and editor team.
Also, I think you really underestimate her and putting definition of a strong female lead in a very classic dimension when it comes to judging Soo, idk about others.
She was pretty much silly in the first eps and I didn't like her either. But there so much development that made me grow to like her more and more.
After all, of it wasn't her nothing would have happened. Even Eun's death supposed to happen because she meant to be there to story that we know in modern days could happen.
She's not even a bit weak. Just out yourself a modern day girl into her condition. Time travel, deaths of people that important to you and not most of them aren't natural. Tortures, a year of hard work of a water maid, ruined health, always aching knees and problem with heart. Const fear of hurting and affecting somebody's life, holding back with a person you falling in love with, then watching how his marrying other woman and suffering because of it, then leaving him not because you don't love him but because you have to and there's no other choice.
She's relatable in so many aspects even in Goryeo era. She's not super smart or strong or anything else, that what makes her so human. But she is so compassionate, hardworking.
ME:
But it's not just my opinion 4 other of my friends (one of them having never seen Kdramas before) kinda of the same opinion. Her early eps were basically what kinda killed it.
Honestly my biggest thing is that there was no excuse for her behavior in the early episodes. (I didn't mind her too much after Court Lady Oh's death, but everything before that point she just didn't make sense to me... she would've realistically been executed) Even her being from another time can be a valid reason up to a point... before it becomes a writers scapegoat.
To me, if I had to pick a character from that show that was the most relateable and believably written, It would be Court Lady oh.
ME:
it's just there's things that are common sense and common knowledge that anyone of any social class (modern or ancient) would know, and she somehow... didn't??
how to speak to royalty, and not get in a fight with them being for starters LOL
ME:
the other things I can kinda loosely overlook as pure modern ignorance but there are some things that are just painfully jarring that make 0 sense for anyone in Korea or SE-Asia
ME:
the more I watch and try to find reasons to sympathize with her or justify her behavior the more I can't-- especially when my friends are also asking me questions about why she's behaving a certain way. LOL
I do try... I genuinelly do try (especially cause I want me friends to love this show as much as me) but I can't. xD I can't even objectively try to defend her character until after Court Lady Oh's death.
and by that point when it comes to hr and wang So's relationship I can feel even less empathy for it aside from his character... XD
ME:
I love wang So very very much, extremely deeply but their pairing made so little sense to me... that I couldn't even try to explain it to my friends xD
Maybe the original book was different, but, this show didn't make work... this could be the fault of the editors
and writers of the show
ME:
5 other friends of mine (my miscount I forgot how many I have seen this series with)
Today at 10:06 AM
THEM:
She was fearless and didn't want to let people humiliate her. Don't forget that she was a part of powerful Wook's household and people tear her as she is a mere child so I doubt that something would have happened to her. The only stupid thing that she did back then was beating Eun. She just couldn't stand his pervertism and decided to teach him a lesson.
I doubt that you know how to speak to medieval royalty as I have no clue how to speak to royalty from medieval Rus. Everything what I know is based on history books and tv series. I'm pretty sure it's far from accurate Also, Ha Jin's history knowledge was awfully poor. She couldn't even figure out that Gwangjong wasn't the second Goryeo king nor she didn't know that he actually didn't killed all his brothers. Her history knowledge was on a level of girl just appearing in history class auditorium without paying much attention.
For example? (What doesn't make sense for people in Kore and Asia)
Girl in original book is absolutely different just as 4th prince, they just took some main plot lines, everything else is different.
Their relationship was built on friendship, complete understanding of each other, they could see real nature of each other. Also, they're both idealistic and fight for truth, they're romantic and cherish freedom. They're really similar and I already told you about it.
ME:
you sound mad? O-o
are you mad at me or something?
cause again this is just my own view point. LOL
THEM:
Ahahah, no 😄
ME:
okay LOL
ME:
good
XD
THEM:
Sorry if I offend you
ME:
nah you didn't I was worried of the reverse
THEM:
I'm just giving you my point of view
ME:
^_^ ok
THEM:
Because I'm just upset that you would rather erase Hae Soo from the story when she's basically the core of this narration
ME:
LOL If I had to have a time traveling character beign the narration I'd persoanlly prefer a different character in her place. or even just have the narration from So's POV entirely or the original Hae Soo. :/ Sorry if I upset you
it's just my oppinion and I'm not trying to like force it on ya LOL
Today at 12:47 PM
THEM:
But was hwarang female lead brilliantly written and was their romance developed? Like just to compare historical dramas that you watched.
It's not just So's story, initially it is a girls story, Koreans decided to share the focus with male lead as well.
It's fine, I get it. And you wouldn't be able to do it anyway 😄
ME:
I liked the girl in the very very first episode. But after that first episode. THE VERY INSTANT SHE MET THE MALE LEAD... I ended up disliking her too
the romance in Hwarang was just as bad as SHR
THEM:
I'm afraid that you end up disliking all female leads in sageuk
ME:
after that point TBH I kinda realized maybe it was Korean's media where they're so focused on shoehorning and shoving poorly developed romance down people's throats....
yeahhhh probably
THEM:
But SoSoo wasn't poorly developed
Can't agree with you
It one of the most amazingly developed relationship in kdrama world
In fiction I've run into
And I love romance but only a good believable romance
ME:
if that's the case then I am absolutely mortified to see other shows in Korea if that was considered the best in Kdrama world
THEM:
Have you thought that it's a western mindset that makes you think that Soo and other female leads are weak
ME:
my friend found the way he acted after she said she understood him absolutely jarring today ROFL
THEM:
Ofc there are some one dimensional poorly written characters
But I honestly saw many great girls
ME:
Honestly I hate how a lot of media writes women in the West too
I do think it could be a culture thing for me too, that maybe Korea and Japan idiolize these meek weak kinda "dense and quirky" women that NEED a man to function
or at least the trope of it
THEM:
Why it's so understandable
ME:
in SE-Asian media
THEM:
There's a parallel between his conversation with mother and this moment with Soo
ME:
I know these countries are very sexist
and women don't get a lot of respect over there.
THEM:
Actually I feel like less sexist in historical way that Europe
In Japan there were women samurais
ME:
Oh I know
in history it was fine till we came and shoved our noses in it
THEM:
And I'm Goryeo women could divorce without damaging their honor
ME:
or with confusnism
THEM:
And all the property still belonged to them
ME:
I'm not completely naive about Japan XD I did do research on the Samurai
and the Minamoto family
I also know in the Three Kingdoms era women were of equal
THEM:
Japanese are more severe
ME:
in fact one of them ruled
err wait three of the women ruled
Silla
THEM:
Not completely equal but almost yeah
ME:
What I'm saying is the roles of women changed roughly around the Joseon Dynasty and into the era where Christians started butting in
well yeah not perfect but closer
ME:
then it all turned to shit
THEM:
Agree
ME:
And yes maybe my Western upbringing has a lot to do with how I see it, but then again, I loved characters like Court lady Oh, Queen Hwangbo, (Hell I would even say- despite her corruption and being written as a bitch/antagonist-) I enjoyed Yeon Hwa's character and felt she was wonderfully developed. (no I do NOT ship Yeon hwa with WAng So) But I loved ALL these characters way more then I liked Soo because I felt they were better written and developed over all.
Or WOo Hee
for that mater
I adored Woo hee and felt she was incredibly brace and strong
THEM:
Ok but all these woman were ready to kill
I like only Woo Hee from these three
ME:
Court Lady Oh wasn't willing to kill. Also Lady Hae herself was another powerful and strong woman in her own right and she wasn't gunna kill anyone
THEM:
But you say you liked these three
ME:
both these women would've died (and one of them did) to protect the people they loved
I forgot the other two xD
well I mentioned Court Lady Oh XD but yeah
basically any other woman in that show I found more engaging and compelling
THEM:
Even Chae ryung? 😄
But Yeon Hwa was snake as well
ME:
Soon Deok, Lady Oh, Lady Hae, Yeon Hwa, (hell even Yoo for being a horrible antagnosist and terible mother) Woo Hee....
all of these girls in my mind were better written and developed.
yes even Chae Ryung
I felt more emotion to all of these other women
THEM:
But she was an evil traitor and liar
ME:
in different ways
yes but I felt SOMETHING
I didn't nessicarily mean positive
THEM:
Ok then I can say one thing
ME:
or liking the character's decisions
XD
THEM:
You don't like Hae Soo in general
Bc it's impossible to the same writers to write all these women and So itself
To be poorly wrote Hae Soo in which I disagree ofc
THEM:
You just don't like her for her character
Like you found interesting everyone in this show except Hae Soo
ME:
XD No I don't her character or how she was written...I felt 0 empathy for her on any level as a viewer, and I felt over all she made no sense as a character and was too unrealistic as a believeable character. I felt and could relate to the other characters in different ways. Yeon hwa for all her treachery I could see she was blindly pursuing her goals to protect her family (even though it was wrong). Lady Oh and Lady Hae and Woo Hee all were amazing and brave women
yeah basically XD
I did
THEM:
Yeon Hwa wasn't protecting her family
Like never
ME:
It's not that I don't BLINDLY dislike her I have stated many times why I don't like or agree with her.
ehh true XD she was just poisoned with greed
but even she was interesting as a character
THEM:
She just wanted power
And So was for her just a beast to be tamed
When Soo saw in him a kind hearted human and friend
ME:
Well yeah XD
I never liked YH and So together either
THEM:
You didn't feel any empathy bc you didn't like her as a person, you felt no connection bc maybe you share only few traits with her. Most of the time when I watch dramas and movies, I feel no connection with characters. Especially western ones. I can say same things about beloved by many characters but I know that there are people who are like this particular heroine and they feel connection. Why she's not believable? She was betrayed many time, she fell for the wrong person, right person was always by her side and it took sonmuxh time to realize. She was to kind and to idealistic to realize many things earlier. I think it happened to many people.
I felt her extremely relatable bc I would act same in many situations. Who am I kidding I would gone crazy after few days. But she had strength to not give up and accept the reality and live.
She was acting so carelessly because she was allowed to, she felt love and protection from all the princes. She relaxed as if she was at home, in friendly atmosphere but after Lady Oh's death she realized that she can't and don't have right to live and behave like that anymore. It was a call that she's in medieval kingdom after all.
I'm just saying that you don't feel empathy bc you don't like her as a person. And I feel like you belittle her and her strength
THEM:
And I'm saying all of that considering how many times I was extremely mad at her and wanted to shout at her
Still I can't hate her or accuse in anything
She was in huge stress. She managed to survive for 10 in a toxic and suffocating atmosphere where she didn't belong.
ME:
Yeah. XD Honestly I've stated many points on why I didn't like how she was written or her character as a character/person XD My friend who watched this series with me kinda pointed out to me too that she felt Hae Soo was "literally there to further the drama and development of the princes and she's a badly done character that was done injustice by baaaaaaaad writing." And my friend is in honors classes full scholarship majoring in developmental psychology. She likes a LOT of fiction, TV and admits she loves almost all types of characters and in her own words "has no standards for writing" xD IDK maybe we just see things differently
My friend LOVED Wang so and the royal family and the story as a whole
ME:
she just didn't like Soo either
ME:
Maybe we should avoid the topic of Hae Soo when it comes to this show and stick to Wang So and the other Princes XD XD Cause yeah we'll never see eye to eye on it.
might be safer that way ahahah ^_^;;
I don't want to offend ya since you love her so much.
THEM:
I don't even love her so much
I really like her and I relate to her
ME:
Ah Ok LOL xD
Well either way
I just really don't wanna step on toes XD
THEM:
I just don't really get how you skip her in this story
THEM:
It's unfair
To the whole story and So itself
Because neither of it happened without her
She's a base of this story
THEM:
Like if there's poorly written character - Jung
Or he's just eternally stupid
ME:
I loved So's development as HIM I just wished Hae Soo's character was different then I might support it more.
THEM:
But she was a part of his development
He wouldn't have became king without her
ME:
I just didn't like him and Soo as a couple nor did I like how she was written nor her character itself.
I think he could've developed that same way were she a different person.
ME:
Eh it's kinda like friend said, she was a plot device in that respect. xD
THEM:
Fe
She wasn't a plot device, she was a center of this story
ME:
LOL Like I said, it's probably safer we don't bring up Hae Soo xD I could go on and on about Wang So and the rest of the family with positive praise. LOL
THEM:
Ok give me an example of what kind of different female lead should have been there
ME:
and deep love... but her... ehhhh
character type?
THEM:
I'm not the one who avoids uncomfortable topics
Yes
You also think she's unworthy of this love, right? Because she never showed it so openly as he did?
ME:
(strictly character personality types, not ethnicity) Woo Hee, Lady Oh, Rose Tyler, Arwen, I could hoenstly go on
THEM:
That's actually really funny that you mentioned lady oh
Bc it's an older version of Hae Soo
ME:
I mean after Lady Oh got wise
to the world
yes older and wiser
much older and wiser
matured
THEM:
But nobody gets as older and wiser in such young age
Without tough experience
THEM:
You get wisdom from experience
Fans you compare Woo Hee and Hae Soo/Ha Jin when they were raised ina different atmosphere
It's same as people were comparing Wook and So
ME:
I'm looking at personality types...
not characters and backstory
the**
THEM:
But their character traits came from their experience
ME:
I'm talking technical
Like the character breakdown in writing
THEM:
Oh, I see
THEM:
Idk neither Arwen or Rose
I can't see this kind of character in this kind of story
ME:
not the characters themselves or their history.
Well no one is an elf from another world of fiction the other is a 21st century girl from London. XD But their character traits and personality/flaws are what I'm talking about. Not who they are or where they're from
THEM:
Also, about Woo Hee. Her and Baek Ah and SoSoo are mirroring each other
Showing that this type of people have light inside of them but life made them tondo some things that were corrupting them from the inside
ME:
ehhhhhh they're different people
maybe
THEM:
They need someone with the light to help them to return to their natural state
To soften their thorns
That they forced themselves to grow in order to survive
THEM:
Both of them didn't to chose to be who they are, the had to do it
The other thing that showing is a Soo and Baek Ah talk in ep 19
Soo talks with Baek Ah possibly having her and So in mind
Saying that Woo Hee wasn't selfish enough, she's the one who left and she's a bad guy
ME:
hahahahahha yeahhh mental illnesss doesn't work that way... honestly that little comment really ticked me off.
THEM:
Possibly referring to herself, fully recognizing that she and So weren't selfish and she's the bad guy, she hurts him badly by leaving him
But as Woo Hee (here a woman sacrifice parallel) she leaves to protect So and their baby
Which comment?
ME:
the whole Woo Hee was the bad guy for killing herself
kinda thing
ME:
the context and situation was just bad
for that cosnidering she committed suicide
THEM:
She was more talking about herself
THEM:
But she committed suicide not bc of mental illness
She did that for Baek Ah and her people
ME:
LOL Woo hee and soo are nothing alike... especially in that respect.
THEM:
They both sacrificed their happiness for their beloved
Soo just didn't die
ME:
Woo Hee was unhappy from the start
THEM:
Bc she was already severely ill and she had to deliver a healthy child
ME:
even Baek Ah noticed that
THEM:
Ofc she was
She was a princess of fallen kingdom
And had to become a kisaeng
ME:
She probably suffered from depression and that was partially what drove her to suicide.
THEM:
I think every single person in this story suffered from depression
ME:
Well yeah....
xD
in some ways
But she was an extreme case
THEM:
The other thing that her existence itself gave hope to Baekje people that their kingdom will be restored
And So?
ME:
So is a whole other can of worms with mental illness
probably PTSD just to start
THEM:
Let's be honest
As a physical illnesses
There's no completely mentally healthy person in this world
And Soo? You think she wasn't traumatized?
She had, in my opinion, the least stable situation
ME:
she probably was and should've been...
ME:
but the thing is
THEM:
Because the huge contracts of upbringing and the reality she was put in
The weight of responsibility and fear
Fear that consumes
ME:
that's even more of a reason why I felt she and So shouldn't have ever gotten together... and that their relationship (on top of the country) was toxic
and unhealthy
and should have never happened.
and probably wouldn't have in reality
THEM:
I just really familiar with this feeling when fear just blocks your rationality bc you just don't want to mess up
Toxic and unhealthy?
THEM:
There weren't any attachment, obsessions
Jealousy
And other stuff
ME:
jealousy lies, possessiveness. For both of them it was an emotionally abusive relationship
THEM:
Lies happens in all relationship
Jealousy when?
Emotional pain was cause not by them but by the circumstances they were put in
ME:
she got sulky when he got married to Mu's kid (WHO WAS LIKE 12) she got jealous of YH,
THEM:
If they lived in a hut in that village they would have grow old together with a lot of children
It wasn't jealousy
THEM:
She thought he might be after throne
And it's his ambition
When she got jealous of Yeon Hwa?
ME:
when she mentioned getting married to him... it wasn't outward but she refused to let go and see that she was not good for him as Queen.
it was only when Ji Mong finally shut her down and told her how it is
that it finally sunk in
anyway this is just going in circles
it's perspective and opinion.
there's not enough content in the show to properly psycho analyze the characters
sadly
ME:
sadly**
THEM:
Omg
She wasn't jealous
She simply didn't want the love of her lie to get married to other woman
ME:
So was jealous of her though... and possessive
THEM:
Bc she knew he didn't want it too
He loves her
ME:
I love him and I could justify it rationally
THEM:
And proposed to her
ME:
honestly it shouldve ended after Eun's death if not before then.
THEM:
Relationship you're talking about is a complete utopia
No lies, no jealousy
ME:
LOOOL nah
THEM:
Lies that told each other was motivated to protect each other for good
Lame motive but still
ME:
well yeahhhh it's called an honest and healthy one XD I'm not saying their aren't struggles but you don't lie to the person you claim to love.
THEM:
In toxic relationship lies is motivated to manipulate your partner into doing what you want
ME:
Lame motive and toxic in reality
THEM:
Ofc you don't
But you're measuring everyone from a modern mindset not considering that there's a whole empire on a stake besides them
THEM:
That's the conflict of a whole story
You can't have both a throne and love
There's only one thing you can hold
It not toxic
It's problematic
Toxic a strong word
ME:
I'm very tempted to actually ask a psychologist this very thing
someone who is certified to say what is toxic relationship and not given that period
just to see if it's promlematic or genuinely a toxic circumstance
THEM:
And when you say emotional pain. Well, in toxic relationship, emotional abuses is an intentional thing, right? They never did that, they never did something to each other to hurt and make them feel worse or unworthy, they did say something things to push each other bc they thought it would be better for them and will keep them safe.
THEM:
I saw many discussions on tumblr on that matter
Even from a psychologist
ME:
uhhh unfortuantely tumblr is an echochamber of biasness
THEM:
People who said it's toxic mainly aimed it on So
ME:
and nah it's not always intentional
THEM:
Other people said it's not
And toxic relationship Soo nactually had with Wook
ME:
you can be abusive and not realize it
THEM:
But it's a natural thing
We grow like that
THEM:
It makes us stronger and wiser
Then Baek Ah and Woo Hee is toxic
Seon Deok and Wang Eun is toxic
Ten and Rose is toxic
Everything single relationship on tv and books is a toxic things
ME:
Well asking my friend (who's taking psych) whether Soo and So were toxic... she didn't think so but she did think they weren't good for each other
THEM:
Toxic is when relationship brings more pain and discomfort that joy and happiness but you can't quit due to development attachment and feelings
When it destroys your heart and soul
Am I right?
But SoSoo weren't destroyed by their love. They were destroyed by life and time, love was the only thing that brighten their days and kept them alive
ME:
I wanted her imput because I feel she'd be more relatlly qualified and I DO sometimes misuse words
THEM:
Now tell me, please, what are you favourite romances in fictional world that you think are healthy and perfect. So I could wholly understand your pov.
ME:
There aren't any "perfect ones" but offhand Arwen and Aragorn... no not perfect but it was real Beren and Luthien, my friend said : A Court of Thorns and Roses Sarah J Mass Rhys/Freyre
also IMHO Keeping someone "safe" through lying takes away their agency and makes it seem like they're not competent to handle the situation
Also jack/Ianto were great. 10/Rose Tyler were great they weren't perfect...
I don't read a lot of fiction I mostly watch TV shows and movies
ME:
also katara and Anng from that TV series Avatar
aang*
PiperxLeo from Charmed
ME:
Phoebe/Cupe from Charmed as well
ME:
Peggy Carterx Steve Rogers
THEM:
But Hae Soo actually couldn't handle the situation, like she couldn't stop the bloodshed in Wang family, only So could.
And when she was leaving him, she actually knew that he can hadnlaw the situation and marry her but it lead to clans rebellion, more blood and it will put him in huge danger
It wasn't a modern word, it's not that simple
Come on, like Ten didn't lie to Rose and didn't hurt her? Can't comment others not familiar
Piper and Leo - jealousy, lies, emotional hurting check check check, they even divorced
I'm mentioning things that you said about SoSoo, that's why I'm so repetitive
Phoebe and Cupe were unrealistically ideal and sugary and plane in my opinion
ME:
I have read the comics too
THEM:
Peggy and Steve they didn't even have a relationship
Even a proper date
Oh well
THEM:
I'm judging by the movies
It's just what you're mentioning appearing everywhere, in my opinion, it's just a context
That makes it's toxic or not
ME:
it's been years since I saw Charmed so I'd have to rewatch it the show again.
THEM:
Sometimes this checklists with definitions don't work
I was obsessed so I remember some things
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Text
Can’t Assume Things About Ppl
Well, it’s been an interesting past two weeks. Something I learned though, is it’s crazy how you can’t really assume things about ppl.
It’s easier to say all that I want to say, and honestly it’s kinda tiring to recap it all in writing sometimes. But this is probably a pretty important lesson that I should keep in mind for the future.
Was fairly interested in Amandi and it seemed like she was kinda cool. Just kinda tho, since we didn’t really have that many similar hobbies. She works two jobs and works prettyyy often. So she seemed like a pretty hard working girl. She tries not to eat out too often as well, to save money. So yeah! She has nice friends like Chloe and Michelle, and they are pretty nice ppl. I know Chloe more personally obviously, and Chloe is honestly really nice. From stalking her fb photos, it seemed like she was kinda nerdy or had fairly nerdy friends in HS. Then in her ig, she has an eh looking ex bf, and he didn’t look like a fk boi or anything. She also doesn’t party too often, and seemed fairly nice from our interactions.
Turns out, oh boy do I not know her at all. Well, it makes sense, given that I’ve only known her for like 2 weeks LOL. But thankfully, Chloe sat down and talk to me. Essentially story went like this, been casually talking to her/flirting with her, and stuff. I was worried at first I seemed like a thirsty boy when asking her to hang and flexing my beanbag chair and tv that’s good for watching shows together. So I was like oh fk, gotta show off my nerdy side, so I don’t seem like a fk boi. Also I should just chill on it and only ask her to like idk eat or something normal, and she was super down. Also, since it seemed like she was a hardworking frugal girl that cares about idk how much she spends, I should try to not seem boujee or rich or spoiled or entitled idk. So I was gonna go on the in n out date, and then I told chloe about it, since she casually trying to wingman me. Then she tells me, ohh that was me? I was like ?? she told me that amandi told her that a dude that likes her is taking her to in n out. I was like ooh? I mean I knew she knew that I like her, since I told chloe that I thought she was cute and figured she would tell amandi ofc. But anyways, Chloe tells me she needs to tell me something important in person. I was like ??? wondering what it was, and she told me she had to tell me before going to in n out with Amandi. So I was like okie, i can meet u on campus in a bit. I did ask if it was another guy or something, but she told me no no. i was like ooh okie, I wonder what it could be.
So I met up with Chloe on campus, and oh boy would I have never really guessed the news. So Chloe is going to be Amandi’s housemate next year and are good friends with her. She said she fells bad about saying these things about Amandi, since it feels like she’s talking shit. But basically, she first asked me if I was gonna treat Amandi to in n out? I was like, uh yeah probably, just to seem like a nice guy you know. Then she was like ooh, she was expecting you to. I was like ??? I thought in my head, weird i didn’t specifically say it was a date or anything, and I was even potentially inviting chloe and michelle too. But I did think it seemed kinda entitled of her to think I would, but whatever I can brush it off. Jessica, Fyona and Brent immediately went wtf too, when I told them that she expected me to pay for her, and they were ilke but u didn’t even say it was a date when u first asked. Anyways, I asked chloe, oh was that the important thing u were gonna tell me? Then she was like oh no, and explains that Amandi has a history of like hanging out with dudes she doesn’t find out, since she knows they’re gonna treat her to like dinner or something. I was like wow O_O... Chloe explains that she doesn’’t know if it applies to me or not, and kinda flattered me a bit by saying that I’m good looking, but she doesn’t know if Amandi thinks I am as well and she doesn’t really know Amandi’s intentions. Then she tells me even more worst stuff about Amandi omg. :( I was so surprised, since idk Amandi didn’t seem like that type of girl. She explains that Amandi even once kinda put out, since this dude that she didn’t even like was gonna buy her a rave ticket/concert ticket. I was like holy fk.. O_O... She explains that Amandi once told her that her ideal guy is like a rich cantonese sugardaddy basically. I was like oh my,.. Then she explains that uh Amandi is the type that expects her bf to pay for everything. I was like damn, I totally don’t like that. Like I am the type to show that my SO means more than money and treat them out, never ask for gas $$, and spoil with small/big gifts depending on circumstances. But to EXPECT your SO to do those things is legit just entitlement and weird that it’s even an expectation lmao. Like I understand wanting your SO to do nice things once in a while or periodically show that hey they care about u more than $$ and etc idk, but to expect your SO to always pay for you/spoil you, then dang... I guess it kinda makes sense why she cares a lot about money, since it doesn’t seem like she wants to spend her own $$ and prob doesn’t mind spending other ppl $$. But I generally assume ppl who work two jobs are the type that idk value $$ but not in that way? Anyways, Chloe tells me that Amandi even didn’t pay one of their mutual friend for gas $$ when asked, and Chloe still upset about that since it’s her friend. But yeah, she was telling me that honestly the fact that idk I have a single room and seem kinda balling, is actually probably a turn on for Amandi lol... But Chloe just wanted me to know kinda what type of person Amandi is, so I know what I’m getting into. Chloe also explains that, she fells bad talking about her friend like this. But Chloe hears stories from Amandi obv about what she does to those dudes she doesn’t find cute and just kinda use them for dinner/etc etc since she knows they think she’s cute, and she obv doesn’t know them so she cant tell them. But she knows me, we’re friends, and going to beyond together in a big 8+ person group. So she just thought I should know. I was like wow, thanks for telling me, and I really appreciated it like honestly... I asked Chloe what I should do and if I should even take her to in n out still lmao. Chloe told me that I could and just not pay for her and see what happens lolol (brent and fyona also suggested this later funny), but Chloe says she doesn’t know what Amandi’s intentions are and maybe Amandi is genuinely interested. But she just thought I should know basically who Amandi is and doesn’t mind what I decide to do, it was just important that I know.
I guess the thing is, I was more surprised and shocked. Since I actually never met a girl that’s like that, that kinda just uses ppl shamelessly, and etc. Also, I never would have guessed honestly. Like I originally thought omg maybe i seemed thirsty for suggesting to watch shows together, when I really just wanted to watch shows and converse, not netflix and chill. So i tried to correct it, and I tried not to seem boujee and rich/entitled/spoiled/etc. But it turns out, I prob should be doing those things lol... and probably could easily get her to put out. But obviously, I wouldn’t do that, since that’s not me. Also I honestly wouldn’t really wanna be friends with a person like this, and definitely not dick them down if they’re a terrible person. I guess just shocked? Since it definitely seemed like she’s not that type of person based on idk friends (great sweet friends), seemed hardworking, and etc. But I guess you can’t really assume things about a person, and imagine I somehow dated her or even some other dude that dates her. Unless she or Chloe does tell the dude/me, I would have NEVER KNOWN. Like it’s crazy to think that a future gf that you love/cherish, could be someone that just using you for idk food/gifts/etc etc O_O... Like doesn’t she feel bad at all???? Maybe she justifies it somehow, but that’s so crazy and scary to think about.. Like I’d feel bad whoever opens their heart and become emotionally vulnerable and really care about her, only to maybe find out or even never find out she’s the type of girl that would literally put out for just concert tickets regardless if she finds them attractive or not... Like damn... I’m not even sad or anything over this, since I barely knew the girl for 2 weeks, and only thought she was kinda cute. I’m just surprised like I keep saying, since I’ve never really encountered this type of situation/person.
It just goes to show how many interactions with another person may just be in your head. Like I assumed oh seeming boujee/thirsty is bad, but ironically would have been good lmao. Maybe not good for dating, but I guess ‘getting’ the girl. Also it’s hard to assume what type of person someone is even based on the ppl they surround themselves with, her exes, fb photos, what they look like, and how diligent they seem.
Overall, not sad, very very surprised, learning not to assume things about ppl, and wonder how hard is it to really get to know someone then? o.o... Since really, like you could date this girl and probably never know unless one of her friends or her tell you... Kinda crazy and scary... I’ve learned some valuable lessons at least... Don’t assume things about ppl, try to be as objective as possible I guess and try to find out more about them from what other ppl say about them rather than what they tell you/how they seem on social media/etc (i guess pray their friends don’t lie for them too?), and it’s honestly better to just date by becoming friends, then best friends tbh.
I mean, everyone prefers their own way of dating. Like I’m sure some ppl don’t mind meeting their SO through like hitting on a girl at a party, going on a couple dates, and then blah blah end up together a while later. But I realized that I really prefer the friendship route, since I don’t have to worry about impressing someone, I’d be myself and if they like me for me, then yay and it wouldn’t be them liking me based on idk the mask/face/soley whatever good side I try to show them to impress them. Honestly I stay pretty true to myself even then, but still I like knowing that hey I’ve been friends with this person for a long time, they prob know a good amount about me, and genuinely somehow manage to have a crush on me/like me enough to want me to be a SO/romantically. Also chances are, if I approached Amandi as just a friend and not you know to hit on her, maybe in like months time I’d find out by her telling me or idk after being friendzone that she uses dudes LOL and I could be like whew dodge a bullet from being friends, and then idk. Idk where I was going with that, but kinda makes sense in head, but yeah she prob would still never tell another guy idk. God bless Chloe tho. But yeah, for me, friendship > dating seems best method generally. Many lessons learned, and surprised.
Will prob follow up with the conclusion to Amandi story. But she doesn’t know I know, and she still snapchats me/talks to me quite a bit, and even asked me when are we going to in n out lol today... Lol. Still want to reexplain, regardless of her intentions, even if she genuinely is interested in me for whatever reason as a person or from my looks or idk, I still am not interested anymore. Since she’s a terrible person, would make a terrible SO, and I don’t want to associate myself with ppl like this lol,.. I would not even contemplate dicking down an attractive girl, if she’s a terrible person. Since idk personal morals, and not too interested in hooking up with ppl tbh.
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