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jira-chii · 3 years

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Appreciating Helmaroc King, the most satisfying antagonist in Wind Waker

This post is a retrospective appreciation post analysis on a boss in The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, including how its role in the plot leads to one of the most satisfying and memorable gameplay experiences.

~spoilers for a 19 year old game (up to the Helmaroc King boss fight)~

My first encounter with The Wind Waker was a 20-minute demo on the Legend of Zelda: Collectors Edition, which came bundled with the Gamecube. My child self instantly became enamoured with the colourful graphics and endearing characters, enough to convince a purchase of the full game. After completing the game however, the disc was left to gather dust, as our attention shifted to bigger and newer things...until in the year 2021, nostalgia hit us like a truck and we replaced our broken Wii.

Re-experiencing Wind Waker all over again with something more than a ten-year old’s reading capacity, I noticed something quite shocking. That is, that the game, despite being almost 20 years old, was still as good if not better than I remembered it. Admittedly the graphics were still very much early 2000s quality (that’s why there was a HD remake), but the story still held up so well, and I even have a renewed appreciation of it now that I understand more Zelda lore.

There were so many wonderfully memorable moments seeing Toon Link in action again, but I especially want to talk about one of my favourite bosses: Helmaroc King.

Helmaroc King is very much the first antagonistic creature you encounter in the game, and what an impression he leaves. Link’s peaceful everyday life on the idyllic Outset Island is thrown into turmoil when the humongous black bird flies overhead. After a series of events, Helmaroc King kidnaps Link’s sister, Aryll, thereby setting in motion the gears of fate that lead our hero on his great quest.

There are multiple encounters with this big bad bird. The first is the kidnapping, the next is when Link is catapulted into the Forsaken Fortress, Ganondorf's lair. Our first foray into the Forsaken Fortress is also essentially our first real dungeon...but it's a terrifying stealth mission, because Link doesn't even have his sword!

Poor Link is forced to hide under barrels and sneak under the noses of Moblins, before he is finally able to make his way up to the room where Aryll is imprisoned. But his victory is short-lived. Despite retrieving his sword, he is powerless against the fearsome Helmaroc King, who treats him as nothing more than a tiny pest, flinging him far away into the distance...

Thus begins Link's quest to get stronger. He traverses the Great Sea, visiting various islands to retrieve the three pearls of the goddesses before overcoming the Trial of the Gods. Finally, he returns to the Forsaken Fortress, more confident than ever, with nothing less than the motherf*cking Master Sword in hand.

In stark contrast to the first venture, we are now free to relish in our bloodlust, mercilessly cutting down all the monsters that stand in our way instead of cowering under a barrel in fear. I cannot understate how good this feels; it is such a brilliant way to show Link’s growth as a character while giving us the gratuitous revenge story we deserve.

And now with that brilliant set up, we head into the boss battle.

The first thing that really makes an impact for me here, even before the fight itself, is the music. It is without a doubt my second favourite sound track in the whole game (sorry, Molgera takes first place). As the pirates bustle about saving the girls, Link stands defiant as this heroic tune plays. It is super hype and really highlights our hero's renewed confidence. Aryll is safe, but as Tetra aptly puts it, “big brother has unfinished business”.

And seeing him like that, having experienced everything that has brought him to this point, I can't help but feel so proud of him. It's like everything he's done is finally coming together. Link has finally conquered the monsters and saved his sister. Now it's time for pure revenge.

Everyone appropriately leaves Link alone to face Helmaroc King, and right on cue the big bird descends.

The first stage is a race to the top as the stage floods. It's not terribly difficult but it is exciting. Concealed Bokoblins leap at you from out of pots, and Helmaroc periodically crushes the platforms with his huge beak. What happens if you make a wrong step and fall? Well, nothing actually. Link is fine, he just swims back up. But it's still pretty dramatic!

It's also delayed gratitude. We can't attack Helmaroc, save for one good swing of the hammer at the top, but you just know that damn bird is gonna get it soon...

The lead up to the second stage is cinematic. Link is alone on the rooftop. As the roof opening closes, Helmaroc whooshes up through the gap at the last minute, even doing this majestic spin. Then the battle begins.

I don't think this fight is particularly notable honestly but can I just say the Skull Hammer is one of the most satisfying weapons in any Zelda game period. And we're literally beating in his brains with it.

Helmaroc King's defeat also fully lets you bathe in the glory. The monstrous bird is lit up by spotlights as it dramatically meets its end in an explosion of smoke and feathers. There was no need for all that fanfare, but they still put in all that effort to light him up, allowing the entirety of the Forsaken Fortress to witness my victory...Gosh, it's like they purposely designed this fight to be as satisfying as possible!

The Helmaroc King fight really marks an important milestone in Link’s journey. Being able to gather the strength but most importantly the courage (aha, see what I did there) to make it all the way to this point was no small feat. And the game fully acknowledges that. Given Wind Waker Link is not actually related to the Legendary Hero, up until this point saving and getting revenge for Aryll was his number one priority. Everything he had done since stepping foot off Outset Island was all for this moment. And boy, does he finish the job spectacularly.

(Naturally this incredibly satisfying pay-off is just another build up to emphasise the inevitable disappointment at the next revelatory plot twist when he encounters Ganondorf again but that's a story for another time.)

#legend of zelda #loz ww #the wind waker #analysis #helmaroc king

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sunshinejihyun · 4 years

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The Three Times He Realized He’s in Love || Zen Ryu

Summary: A story told through the eyes of Zen about the highs and lows of his first love.

Word Count: 5.0K

Masterlist

The first time Zen realized he was in love with you was at the second RFA party. You were there with a date, and Zen wasn’t him.

“Zen!” You exclaimed, throwing your arms around your best friend’s neck. “Come dance with me!” The official party was over but you, Zen, and the rest of the RFA stayed behind at the venue, opting to take advantage of the open bar.

Zen rolled his eyes and rested his hands on your hips, failing to notice Jumin glaring at him from across the room. “You’re drunk, MC.”

You brushed your nose against Zen’s, looking at him adoringly and he huffed as he felt your breath brush over his lips. This was torture to him, absolute torture. “Of course I’m drunk, since none of you are using the open bar, I might as well give our bartender something to do!” You ran your hand gently through his hair and giggled as Zen leaned slightly into your touch. “Speaking of being drunk, why aren’t you?”

This wasn’t like you, in the year or so that he’d come to know you, he never once saw you with a drink in your hand. Now, you’re standing in front of him, your cheeks permanently rosy as you talked to him, standing way too close for someone who arrived on the arm of the trust fund kid. “Someone has to be sober enough to make sure you don’t make stupid decisions since apparently your date can’t do that.”

You brought your face as close to his ear as you could, despite the obvious height difference and Zen’s breath hitched. “Come on Zen,” your lips were so close to his ear, close enough for your breath to brush against his throat and Zen was sure you could feel his pulse racing. “Live a little.” You smiled and whipped your head towards Jumin who called your name. Looking back at Zen apologetically, you let go of his neck. “I should go, I’m sorry.”

When you walked away, Zen’s heart cracked and he called out to you. “Don’t drink too much more! Jumin will actually kill me. I heard he has people to do that job.”

You turned back to Zen and sent him a wink. “I’ll be fine, Zen. I’ll find you later.” You blew him a playful kiss, something that he should be used to by now but definitely wasn’t and Zen felt his neck and cheeks heat up.

“See ya later,” he called back, but you were already with Jumin, laughing and smiling and trying to get him to dance with you, although there was no music. If it was Zen in that position, he’d have pulled you close and sang in your ear as you slow danced together.

Zen wandered around the party venue for a while before finding a quiet room and taking a moment to breathe. Flopping down on a huge chair, he took his hair out of the ponytail he was currently sporting and he sighed. God, was he an idiot. How stupid was he to believe that he had a chance with you, his best friend in the whole world, the girl he shared a toasted marshmellow with at the first RFA party, the girl who was dating his sworn mortal enemy.

Zen didn’t mean to fall in love with you, not in the slightest. He loved having you as a best friend and in all honesty, he didn’t even realize he was in love with you until a few weeks ago. You were sitting on one end of his couch, silently answering emails that party guests had sent you, and he was sitting on the other, muttering the lines for his new role to himself under his breath.

“Do you need help?” You had set aside your laptop and was now looking at Zen, curling into the cushions more.

Zen looked up and his heart stopped. This was the first sign he felt something more than friendship towards you. You were wearing one of his sweatshirts he had earlier hung over the end of the couch that he told himself he would remember to put away. He didn’t, and now he was so grateful for that, and for the fact that he liked to keep his place cold, so that he could see you in his clothing. “If you’d like to help, that’d be good. But I know you’re busy so if you need to keep preparing for the party, please do so. I can always practice in the bathroom mirror, so I can look at myself to make sure my expressions are right.”

You silently held out your hand for the script he had been agonizing over and he gave it to you, moving closer to you so that he could see the script as well when you ran lines with him. With your elbows bumping together every once in a while, you stayed up until early morning with Zen working on his lines and facial expressions and when you fell asleep in the middle of him practicing one of his monologues, he felt his heart burst with adoration for you. This wasn’t how he should feel for a friend.

After sitting and wallowing in self doubt for a while, Zen decided it was time to head home. It was late, he was tired, and quite frankly, he was just ready to be alone, and this party was starting to drag on a little too long for his liking. So pulling up his metaphorical big boy pants, Zen marched down the stairs and when he reached the bottom, you were practically in his arms.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” You almost purred this into Zen’s ear and hell, if it wasn’t causing him to feel all these types of feelings he shouldn’t feel for his best friend. He had to remind himself that this was the alcohol in your system talking. You were dating Jumin and you only ever thought of Zen as a best friend.

“I was in another room. Hey, I should head home.” You pushed a piece of hair out of your face

Zen started leading you to the light switch on the other side of the room. As light filled the room, there was a collective groan from the rest of the RFA members who were hanging out in the dark. “Sorry guys, I’m heading home.” Zen called out to your friends, making you pout and throw your arms around his neck again in a tight hug.

Zen’s arms barely wrapped around your middle before Jumin made his way over you the both of you. “Darling, are you ready to go home?” Jumin asked you, tightly smiling at the position he had found you and Zen in. Zen’s arms went limp and he gently detached your arms from around his neck.

You slowly turned your head towards Jumin, a smile still plastered on your face and you blinked once, the smile disappearing. “Yeah sure,” you turned back towards Zen, who was still trying to get the feel of your body against his out of his mind and you gave him another tight squeeze. “Don’t be a stranger. I’ll see you soon.”

Jumin silently escorted you to the car that was waiting for the both of you and you climbed into the back seat after Jumin, already reaching for the music when Driver Kim started the car. “Can we please keep it quiet? My head hurts,”

You retracted your hand, quickly picking up on the fact that Jumin was upset at something. “What’s wrong?”

Jumin’s hands clenched the fabric of his pants and it took all he had in him not to pull you into his lap and whisper in your ear how you were his, and only his; tell you how jealous he was over your friendship with Zen. “Nothing’s wrong, darling. I’m fine.”

You sighed and rested your hand on Jumin’s thigh and he set his right hand over your left. “Jumin, I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid. I know when my boyfriend’s upset. What’s wrong?”

Jumin shook his head, watching out the window as the car pulled up to the front entrance of the penthouse that you and he now lived in together. “It’s stupid, forget it.”

You shook your head and unbuckled your seatbelt. “Jumin, I don’t feel so good.”

He laughed. “I wouldn’t expect you to feel great. You drank a lot tonight.”

You shook your head, pressing a hand to your chest. “No, like I really don’t feel good. I think I’m gonna pass out.”

Jumin ran a hand up and down his face, taking a deep breath, which was a clear sign he was stressed, and got out of the car, walking over to your side and picking you up. “Let’s get you inside and into bed. You just need some rest.” You silently agreed, pressing your nose into the side of his neck and peppering kisses on the underside of his chin. “MC, you should stop. You’re drunk and I don’t want us to do anything we might regret in the morning.”

You pouted against his neck, but stopped your attack on his jawline and Jumin escorted you both to the shared bedroom you both had been sleeping in for the past year. By the time he had gotten changed into pajamas, you were fast asleep on top of the bed, your party dress still on and makeup smudged across your face and Jumin felt his heart thud in his chest with adoration as he watched you sleep, wondering how lucky he was to have someone like you love him.

The first time Zen got his heart broken by you was a week after the finale night. You were laying on his bed, giggling as Jumin continued to text you.

“Do you want to play Super Mario Bros?” Zen had spent 10 minutes pulling out his old Gamecube because he knew you loved to play on it.

You looked up from your phone and it was like you were in a trance. You were there physically but mentally, you were with Jumin. “Sorry, what?”

Zen’s face fell and he could tell you had no idea what you were doing wrong. “I said: do you wanna play this game with me?”

You sighed and rolled off his bed, grabbing your wool sweater off his floor; it got hot so you took it off, opting to just have the black long sleeved shirt on that you always wore underneath. “I should probably get going, Jumin will be home soon and will expect me to be there.”

Zen rubbed a hand over his face, something he noticed he was doing a lot more than usual; he was more stressed than usual which made him more stressed, since stress lead to pimples. He had finally gotten used to the fact that you were dating that jerk, and now he also had to deal with the fact that he was pretty sure he was in love with you? “Okay, I can drive you home.”

He went to go grab a sweatshirt and his motorcycle keys but you put a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Driver Kim is waiting, but thank you for the offer!” Stopping to slightly ruffle his hair, you smiled down brightly at him. “I’ll see you soon!”

Zen felt the bitter sting of rejection in the back of his mouth as he watched you walk off, smiling at something on your phone. Probably a message from Jumin, something that Zen desperately didn’t want to hear about, but something he wanted to do for himself.

The first time Zen got his heart broken by you was on a Monday morning. Zen pulled his motorcycle to the front of the penthouse at 9:40 AM, giving two quick beeps to signal to you that he was there. You and he were going to meet up with Yoosung to help him move out of his apartment. Now that he had finished school, he was going to move in with Zen to save some money while looking for a job. And let’s be honest, them living together would probably be a good thing since Yoosung didn’t take good care of himself and Zen needed something to focus on other than you and his acting gigs, since when he was thinking about practicing now, his mind wandered back to you on his couch that night.

You of course offered up your help when Yoosung had asked for some help packing things and since you volunteered, so did Zen. He watched you open the door and he watched you walk down the front steps of you house, a smile playing on your lips.

“Good weekend?” Zen asked you as you sat yourself down behind him, buckling the helmet he always had strapped to the back of his motorcycle now.

“The best,” the smile still hasn’t left your face. Zen loved to see you happy, don’t get him wrong, but he knew you were happy because of Jumin and that killed him, more than he would like to admit. “Can I tell you something?”

Zen glanced at you as he continued watching your fingers struggle with the buckle before playfully batting your hands away and buckling it on his own. “I’m your best friend,” Zen found that recently, had trouble saying that phrase but he did nonetheless. “You can tell me anything.”

You glanced at the light haired boy and he looked back at you, giving you a reassuring smile. “Jumin’s talking about us starting to plan a wedding.”

Zen’s heart fell to his feet with those words and you looked down, picking at the chipped nail polish on your fingers. “Congrats,”

Zen couldn’t think. His head was pounding and his breathing was starting to become erratic. He started his motorcycle and waited until your arms were wrapped comfortably around his midsection- he didn’t want to start riding until he was sure you were holding on safe. “Are you okay?” You shouted over the wind blowing as he started to pick up speed. “Listen Zen, I know it’s a big deal but this was always going to happen.”

He zoned you out, not wanting to hear about this right now. Motorcycle riding was supposed to be his escape from reality but right now, it seemed he had to face reality more than ever. And the reality was that he wanted to be the one planning a wedding with you. He wanted to be the one to make you smile and hold you when you were upset. He wanted to put on silly performances with ridiculous costumes just to hear your laugh at any time he would like. He didn’t want you with Jumin, not in the slightest.

You looked shut your mouth quickly once you realized Zen wasn’t paying attention, hurt at the way he brushed you off. Once he pulled up to Yooosung’s apartment building, you immediately got off the bike and started to head up to his door. “Zen, I’ll be back in a moment and then you and I can go get tape and boxes together.”

“Don’t bother,” Zen spat but it was too late, you were already too far away to hear him. As soon as you were out of sight, Zen broke down, tears streaming down his face faster than he thought possible.

There was a gentle hand resting on his shoulder and Zen hastily brushed the tears away that were on his cheeks and chin. Looking up, he saw Yoosung standing next to him, an apologetic look on his face. “What happened?”

Zen blew his nose into a tissue that he had in his pocket, Yoosung cringing at the noise. “Jumin happened,” Hestayed quiet, waiting for Zen to continue. “Stupid Jumin came and just wooed MC and took her away from me before I could even have a chance and-”

“You love her,” Yoosungstated, staring at Zen. He nodded, more tears starting to well up in his eyes.

“I love her so much, man. And she broke my heart.”

The second time Zen realized he was in love with you was when you showed up crying at his doorstep at 11:07 PM, three months after he had last seen you. He didn’t blame you for not coming around, you were busy planning a wedding and whenever you talked about it, Zen would withdraw himself from the conversation. He just didn’t want to hear about it. “MC?”

You wiped at your eyes, looking at Zen. “I’m sorry I know you’re mad at me for whatever reason and I probably shouldn’t even be here but I needed to see you.”

Zen felt his resolve fall away and he pulled you into his arms, his shirt slowly starting to wet because of the tears falling. “What’s going on?”

“I’m pregnant,” you sobbed out and Zen felt the world crash around him. He tightened his arms around you, opting to stay silent. “Zen, I’m so stupid. A kid was never supposed to be part of the plan and I know Jumin doesn’t even want one. I don’t know what to do.”

“Shh,” Zen quieted you, rocking you back and forth. “I’m not gonna lie, that sucks.” You let out a breathy laugh and Zen’s heart swelled with affection at that sound. “But we can get through this. Together.”

“Jumin doesn’t want anything to do with the baby.” Zen felt his pulse quicken when you looked at him with big eyes. “Or me, for that matter.”

“I can help you raise this baby, MC. We can move in together. I don’t have to work late hours anymore. I-I was supposed to go on tour but I can decline the role. I just want to be there for you.”

“You’re not giving up work, Zen. You can’t.” You smiled sadly and rested a hand on his knee and this time, he set his hand protectively over yours. “I’ll be okay. Jaehee can help me, my mom can help me-”

“But MC! That kid needs a father figure in their life.” Your tears had stopped and you turned to Zen.

“Zen, stop. I know what you’re trying to do and you can’t. Your work is your entire life. It’s so incredibly important to you. You cannot let me hold you back from that.”

“You wouldn’t be holding me back I lo-” You cut Zen off by pressing your lips to his.

“I know, I do too. But you can’t give this up yet. Not when your career is just starting to take off.” Zen nodded, pressing his left hand to his lips.

“I can’t give this up yet.” Zen repeated back, almost like he was trying to convince himself more than anything and you rested your head on his shoulder, him wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “We’ll get through this, I promise.”

“I hope,” you whispered back, burying yourself more into his side as Zen pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

The second time Zen got his heart broken by you was two years after he went on tour because his musical career kicked off. He left without saying goodbye and cut off communication with everyone from the RFA, ready for a fresh start. He had decided to not meet up with Saeran and Saeyoung for Christmas the first year, even though they had offered him a spot in their ‘orphan Christmas celebration’ and opted to work on his new role that he was going to be starting once this tour ended. For summer break, he went on a backpacking trip in Europe with the girl he was dating then. Her name was Ivy and she was sweet and pretty and liked the same things as he did but she was not you.

So sucking it up for the second winter break off his tour, Zen returned home and found himself on the doorstep of the Choi household before he even stopped to say hello to Yoosung, which he promised he’d do when he came home. He knocked on the door, three taps and before he could do a fourth, the door was ripped open and Zen was face to face with Saeyoung. “Uh, hey, Seven.”

He opened the door for Zen to walk inside and Zen nodded his head, thankful for the heat. “Uncle Saeyoung! Come look at what mommy got me!”

A young boy ran up to Saeyoung, wrapping his little arms around his bigger legs and Saeyoung picked up the boy, tapping him on the nose. “I’ll come look in a second, we have a guest over right now.”

“Saeyoung you’ll never believe…” You walked in the room, smiling at something you were holding in your hands and looked towards your friend, the smile dropping off your face when you saw Zen. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were back.”

Your stance made it very clear how you felt: you were mad. Your hips were cocked to one side and your arms were crossed across your chest. “I just got back off the tour, like, literally ten minutes ago.”

Zen awkwardly looked at Saeyoung, hoping for him to help. He Looked towards your son and shrugged. “Come on, Will, we should go find Uncle Saeran and you can tell him and I all about what mommy got you, okay?”

You and Zen both watched helplessly as Chelsea walked into the next room and Zen heard Henrik exclaim something in the next room. “Saeran? Saeyoung?”

You looked at Zen and he felt his face heat up under your gaze. “Yeah, turns out Seven had a twin brother who was the hacker that first introduced me to the RFA. After all that came out, he decided he wanted to stop changing identities and finally be able to live life as himself.”

“So, um, how are you?” Zen awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck.

“No, no. You don’t get to do that, Zen. Leave for two years without so much as a postcard and then you come into my home and try to make small talk with me?” You walked closer to him and jabbed a finger in the middle of his chest. “You offered to be my child’s father and then you leave without so much as a goodbye? What happened to getting through this together, Zen? Huh? Because as far as I can tell, it’s only been me, Saeyoung, and Saeran who’s been raising this child.”

Zen stood still, for once in his life, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have a joke to crack, he didn’t have a sincere apology to give you. His mind went blank, all he could think about was you, that night on his doorstep: so fragile, and he held you like he thought you were fine china. Like one wrong move and you would break. You weren’t that same girl anymore; something happened to you after he left and he wanted so badly to reach out and hold you close to him, and beg you to talk to him, let him help now. But you wouldn’t let him, so Zen kept still.

“Zen!” Jaehee calling his name brought Zen out of the staring contest you and he were seeming to have. “It’s so nice to see you! When did you get home?”

Jaejee embraced Zen and he hugged her back, trying to detangle himself from the situation he was in. “Um, actually just a few minutes ago. I stopped by to say hello to MC but I promised Yoosung I’d say hi as soon as I got back, so I should get going.”

“Nonsense, stay for dinner. Come and catch up!” Jaehee Was either ignoring the daggers in your stare was just oblivious but either way she wasn’t taking the hint. Zen was sure it was because she wanted information about the tour and to maybe get exclusive information to share with the fan club, which has now skyrocketed since his career took off.

“He said he had to get going.” Your stern look made Jaehee close her mouth and throw her hands up, silently walking out of the room. “I’ll show you to the door, Zen.”

“MC, please. Talk to me. What happened while I was away?” Zen put a hand over your hand that was on the door handle and you stopped for a second, closing your eyes and letting out a heavy sigh.

“Zen, remember all those times where you didn’t want to talk to me?” Zen nodded, his eyes searching to reach yours. “I respected that and I left you alone. Now, I need you to respect that I don’t want to talk right now.”

“Mommy? Who is that?” Zen heard your son ask you after Zen had stepped out the door. He saw Saeran and Saeyoung come into view right before the door closed and Zen felt his heart ache as he watched his friend with his long lost brother.

“He’s an old friend, Will. He doesn’t matter.” Zen heard you mutter before the door was slammed in his face, his heart falling on the cement in front of him.

The third time Zen really realized he was still madly in love with you was also the first time you told Zen that you were in love with him was three weeks after he showed up at your doorstep. He had already gone back on tour and wasn’t expecting any visitors to show up at his hotel room, let alone have it be you.

“Hey,” you shifted your weight from one foot to another. “Are you gonna let me come in?”

Zen wordlessly opened the door wider and you stepped in, following Zen to the musky smelling couch that all hotel rooms seemed to have and sat down next to him.

“I thought you made it pretty clear a few weeks ago, MC. You don’t want anything to do with me.” Zen was confused, not only about why you were in California in his hotel room, but why after all this time and separation did he still want to pull you into his arms and kiss you until you were breathless.

“That’s the thing, Zen. That’s not what I wanted. I was upset, and rightfully so. You left for two years without so much as a word. I missed you, there was so much I wanted to tell you. So much happened-”

“What happened with Jumin after I left? Yoosung told me you guys got back together.” Zen shifted so he could look at you, really look at you. And his heart ached. He hates the unknown of those two years; so much could have happened.

“That didn’t last long. He wasn’t a good parent to Will, even though he did try to be. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents and so we mutually decided that was the end of us, and I moved in with Saeran and Saeyoung.” Making eye contact with you for the first time in years, Zen felt his heart flutter like he was back in high school. “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m here?”

Laughing, Zen hesitantly put his arm around your shoulders and when you leaned into his touch, he smiled victoriously to himself. “I was getting there,”

“I came because I needed to tell you something,” you wouldn’t look at Zen but he could tell you were nervous, picking off nail polish on your fingers, like you always did. “Something I should have told you all those nights ago on your doorstep.”

“What is it, MC?” Zen’s heart felt like it was in his throat and he rubbed his hand up and down your shoulder encouragingly.

“I want my kid to grow up to be like you, I want you in his life, influencing him. Showing him how to be a gentleman and how to treat people kindly. I want you to show him that it’s okay to be vulnerable. I want him to grow up thinking that it’s okay to cry. I want you to be the father that he needs, not the father that he has.”

“MC, I really don’t think you mean-”

“I do mean it though.” You insisted. “I want him to grow up to be like the man I loved. The man I still do love.” You looked Zen intensely in the eyes and he looked back at you.

“What are you saying?” Zen wanted to believe what he was hearing was what he hoped was what you were actually saying, but there was a part of him that needed confirmation. The same part of him that felt like he was going to throw up from the nerves.

“I’m saying that I love you, Zen. And that I have loved you since that night that we practiced lines together. Maybe even before then, who knows. Yes, Jumin was my first love, that will never change. But you will forever be my las love. I can’t imagine loving anyone as intensely as I love you.”

Zen didn’t wait for you to continue saying anything else before pressing his lips to yours softly. You two had shared a kiss or two in the past but this one felt different. Both of your feelings were laying out on the table in front of you and the feelings were so fragile after being put out in the open.

“In case that didn’t speak for itself, I love you too, MC. So much more than you could ever imagine.” Zen was a man of many words, most of them coming out beautifully and poetically but right then and there, he couldn’t think of anything to say other than that. And you were okay with that, because his actions spoke more volumes than anything else ever could.

#zen x mc #zen ryu #hyun ryu #zen mystic messenger #zenny the beautiful #my writing #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger fan fiction #zen x mc fanfic

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uniarycode · 4 years

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Takari Week, Day 5 - Taichi and Yamato Step In

In which Taichi and Yamato try to help, they really do. Written as part of @takariweek

When it came to the hearts of others, Taichi had a habit of being hopelessly oblivious. Despite being his oldest friend, Sora’s mood swings and eccentricities confounded him. And It had taken years to connect Koushiro’s habit of spacing out and sudden interest in basic fashion with Mimi’s return from America.

There were a handful of confessions he had received, from women purporting that they ‘always seemed to find themselves in the same places’. Taichi had no idea who any of them even were.

So if even he was noticing something, it had to be bad.

And lately, Takeru and Hikari were acting different, even he could see that. In public, they now stood a bit further apart than they used to. He’d come back to his childhood home one day to find them on the couch, sitting as far apart as the parameters of the furniture would possibly allow, faces red.

He’d even seen Hikari lie, telling Miyako she’d been alone, when really, he’d seen her talking to the blond. Had his little sister become ashamed of her once closest friend?

Clearly they were trying to hide it. Perhaps they didn’t want anyone to worry, but something was decidedly wrong between the pair of them.

An emergency visit to Yamato’s apartment followed. His blond best friend had noticed something similar, and the two of them started scheming on how to set things right.

Sora had called them idiots, and told them to stop messing with their siblings.

That wasn’t something Taichi was willing to do. Hikari and Takeru had been friends for a decade. They starred in each other’s favorite memories. There was no way Taichi would let Hikari throw away such a precious friend.

Thus, he and Yamato went straight back to scheming, despite Sora’s disapproval.

The next weekend, Tachi stopped by to take his sister out on a ‘surprise brotherly outing’. She was a little suspicious, but came along without too much fuss. After getting the go-ahead from his co-conspirator, Taichi ‘remembered’ he needed to stop by Yamato’s place.

Hikari, of course, was to kind to reject the Yamato’s offer to come inside, and before she could protest Taichi managed to shove her in the guest bedroom (where Takeru had been waiting obliviously) and slammed the door, using his back to barricade it.

“Taichi? what is going on here?” She asked.

“What’s the big idea?” Takeru asked as well.

The door handle jiggled, but Taichi and Yamato threw their weight against it. “There’s no point hiding it, we know you’ve been fighting lately.” Taichi explained.

“And we aren’t letting you go until the two of you make up.” Yamato added.

“You think we are fighting?” Hikari asked incredulously.

“Yamato, I know you and Taichi like to pass time by arguing with each other, but Hikari and I are more civilized.”

The older blond let out a grunt. “You aren’t going to fool us that easily. I’ve noted something off about the two of you for months.”

“Fine!” Hikari cried, “Takeru, I hereby apologize for every imagined slight and nonexistent insult I threw your way. I will take full responsibility for this fight that probably happened in an alternate dimension.”

“No, no. I could never let you do that.” Takeru returned. “Why, the fault is all mine. I really should have known that our brothers have the emotional intelligence of a spoon and would have invented this fantasy argument. Blame me.”

“Ok, I’ll blame you.”

There was a beat before Takeru responded. “Wait you aren’t actually blaming me, are you?”

“I’m just saying there are many ways I could be spending my Sunday that don’t involve being locked in a room with a third-rate writer wannabe with nothing to do.”

“That’s just cold.” Takeru said, and Taichi could have sworn he heard Hikari squeak. “Fine; there you have it, we made up. Can we go now?”

The door pushed against Taichi’s back again, but he did not budge. “You really expect us to buy that?” the gogglehead asked back.

“Maybe?” Hikari responded.

“It’s true Taichi, we already kissed and made up. You better open the door quickly or who knows what might happen. If we stay here long enough, today might just be the day Hikari loses her virginity.”

“Takeru!” Hikari shot, “You can’t just say that!”

“You could have at least tried to play along.” Takeru deadpanned.

“I’m not one of your floozies, I’m not going to just sit here and pretend to have sex with you.”

“Wow Hikari, ‘floozies’? These are living beings we are talking about. Besides, everything my ‘floozies’ and I do is one-hundred-percent authentic.”

“You keep telling yourself that. It wouldn’t be the first time you thought a girl was having a better time than she actually was.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Hideto’s party, last year? Ring any bells.”

“Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad. Besides, I had to stay”

“Ah yes, the foreign exchange student was there and you and her were the only ones who spoke French. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel.”

“There were no fish and no barrels-”

“But I bet you were a quick shot.”

“Excuse me?! Come on Hikari what is this about.”

“Like you don’t know.”

“Know what.”

“You spend all this time buttering these girls up, and then when you inevitably break their hearts the blame me. And I’m the one who ends up dealing with the fallout.”

“….And?”

“And it sucks. You think I enjoy it?”

“Hikari, one of your suitors literally came after me with a knife.”

“It was plastic!”

“He still could have taken out my eyes.”

“Maybe if he did I would have gone out with him.”

“Hey!”

As the two were fighting Yamato took advantage of the situation to move away from the door, collect the TV and Gamecube, and returned as they set up a game of Smash. They were going to be here a while.

The fight swung in and out over the game music, although if their siblings noticed they made no verbal indication. Takeru and Hikari fought on more numerous topics than Taichi actually thought they talked about.

Taichi had never know about Takeru’s apparent rivalry with Miko, their old decrepit cat, and Hikari had more than a few choice words for the hats Takeru had sported over the years. The two seemed to argue about everything and anything.

Perhaps this was why Taichi had never seen them fight before, they had just bottled everything up, until they could take it no more. If that was the case than they really needed to get this out of their system.

“-and I had to spend the rest of the science fair pretending I hated magnets, or else you would look stupid! Who hates magnets? Their cool, they make things float.” Takeru complained.

“Oh. My. God. That was eighth grade! Who even cares anymore?” Hikari returned.

“No one hates magnets Hikari, it stands out. Do you know how many people still mention that to me to this day? Do you?”

“Zero?”

“That was a rhetorical question.”

A new face popped around the corner, eying Taichi and Yamato, still pushed flush against the door, playing their tenth round of smash while their siblings’ raised voices occasionally broke through.

“What’s going on here?” Sora asked.

“We decided to have them sort it out.” Taichi said “It’s either going really well, or horribly.”

“Well.” Yamato said confidently. “They clearly needed this.”

“You locked them in a room together?” Sora asked stifling a laugh. “You don’t even realize what you did, do you?”

Taichi and Yamato looked at each other. What had they done?

Yamato attempted to pacify his girlfriend. “Come now Sora, I know you didn’t want us to do anything, but we weren’t just going to sit back and let them throw everything away.”

She rolled her eyes and brought one finger to her lips. “I’ll show you.” She said, almost to low to be heard over the music of the game. Her hand reached for the doorknob, and Taichi moved away to let the door silently open revealing a most unexpected scene.

Hikari and Takeru were decidedly not fighting. Nor were they glaring or expressing any form of resentment at each other.

Instead they were kissing.

Takeru was lying on top of Yamato and Sora’s spare bed, and Hikari was lying on top of him. There mouths held together by what was certainly not the first kiss of their relationship.

After a few moments, Hikari broke the kiss, pushing herself up a bit. She winked at her apparent lover, and then began to speak again.

“Always strawberry! I said I wanted it once. Once! Just because you ordered hamburger once doesn’t mean I order it for you every day. There are dozens of flavors of ice-cream that…” her words trailed off as she glanced towards the door, noticing for the first time that they had an audience.

“Hikari?” Takeru asked, craning his neck to follow her line of sight. “Oh.”

“How long has this been going on?” Yamato demanded. Taichi felt a bit better knowing he wasn’t the only one out of the loop.

“How long have we been locked in here?” Takeru asked in response.

Sora scoffed. “A few months. They didn’t want to tell anyone in case it didn’t go anywhere” she informed, cutting across Takeru’s deflection before it could do more harm.

Dots began to connect in Taichi’s head. Lying about being together, trying not to act so close in public, being red faced and suspiciously far apart when he interrupted them. He supposed that could paint a different picture than some friends in a prolonged fight.

“Wait.” He said, fear overriding reason as a sinister thought popped up. “When you said earlier about Hikari’s virginity….”

“Huh?” Takeru asked, craning his neck even harder “You know a gentleman would never kiss and tell.”

He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. That stuff was some of the last things he needed to know.

“I’m not a gentleman.” Hikari said with a wicked smirk, “Does that make it okay for me to tell them?”

Taichi shot away to the kitchen. Doing his best to escape the awkward situation. Yamato was hot on his heals. In the back ground he heard a pair of devils rejoicing as Sora scolded them.

“Stop messing with your older brothers.”

The evil teens responded in unison. “They started it.”

#takari week #takari #Takeru takaishi #Hikari yagami #Digimon #they mean well #but aren't very bright #some innuendo included

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theliterarywolf · 5 years

Text

So... Let's talk about Hetalia. Controversies, Specifically.

Tagging @apply-force-too-begin since they’re the one who was interested.

Hetalia was one of my first big fandoms outside of 'The Big Three' anime (Naruto, Bleach, One Piece) and outside of video games (mostly whatever wee babby weeaboo me could get on the Gamecube).

And, you know what? It's a dumb, silly anime about stereotypes, poking fun at the absurdities of History, and one's relationships with clashing cultures. It's dumb... But, remember, we all need our daily thirty minutes of dumb. And some of the characters are cute.

And, you know what? Most of the most engaging aspects of the fandom were those who used the initial shallow splash of history that the anime gave them to actually research and make engaging, well-written, culturally-sensitive content.

Of course, I'm not going to ignore how... Over-the-top some members of the fandom have been. We've seen how, whenever recent political conflict or natural disaster have occurred, we have to remind younger members of the Hetalia fandom to not cutsiefy it with the Hetalia characters. Examples that come to mind are: when the conflict between Russia and Ukraine was surging up, kids kept trying to draw art of 'Russia just wants his big sister back~!', and the last major earthquake that hit Japan that had people making fanart of the Japan character which, while some was tasteful and was meant to bring awareness and donations for Disaster Relief, not... all of it was...

Hell, that’s not even bringing into account the last time I went to Anime Expo (way back during Hetalia’s hayday), I was walking around and saw a bunch of Russia and Baltic State cosplayers being interviewed by the news and the one dressed up in a USSR uniform was holding up a Communist flag and shouting ‘Whoo! SOVIET TAKEOVER!!’

However, one thing that I have noticed, while researching for this write-up, was this:

Most of the controversies and pieces of fandom-wank that have surrounded Hetalia and its fandom... Aside from one instance... Are the results of the Western-fandom and Western-localization of the anime via Funimation.

Aside from one... Most of the issues surrounding Hetalia are due to the West and not even the source media in of itself.

So, with that in mind, let's talk about the main controversies of both Hetalia and its fanbase.

Controversy 1 – The South Korea Controversy/Protests

As I recently answered a question about this, so I'll just pull that answer for this segment:

'To summarize it: there’s a Hetalia character meant to represent South Korea. As every Hetalia character has a gag related to them (America gorges himself on fast food and constantly proclaims himself to be the Hero, Italy is cowardly, Germany is constantly angry, China constantly builds Chinatowns wherever he goes and sells bootleg merchandise, etc), so did S. Korea.

His gag was calling all the other Asian countries ‘big brother’ as well as groping the chests of male characters (China and Japan mostly), proclaiming ‘these mountains belong to South Korea, da ze!’

Of course, people would draw pictures of S. Korea doing his thing but one day during a meeting between a bunch of South Korean politicians and representatives, someone brought out a piece of fanart that depicted S. Korea groping Japan’s chest with the latter looking embarrassed and what not.

They interpreted the character as being an offensive, lecherous stereotype that was somehow belittling S. Korea’s worth as a country.

There were a bunch of small protests until, finally, Himaruya Hidekazu (the creator of Hetalia) just decided to say “you know what? Fine! I’m not getting rid of the character but he’ll never appear in the anime adaptation, okay?!’

So… Yeah! Fun times…'

Magnitude of Controversy – MAJOR

Like... In what universe is 'this meme hurt my feewings, we need to take VALUABLE TIME DURING GOVERNMENT FORUMS to talk about it RATHER THAN OTHER PRESSING ISSUES' a good response? And the fact that people took to the streets to protest? Come on, guys! There's so much more to worry about in this world...

Controversy 2 – Emperor Heliogabalus and Himaruya's 'Transgender Erasure'

There was a section of time where Himaruya Hidekazu, rather than focusing on the nation characters of the series, made chapters and updates about certain historical figures. They were all done for laughs while interspersing various bits of trivia and facts about them.

One of these updates centered around the Roman emperor Heliogabalus (or 'Elagabalus'). And this is where certain portions of this hellsite got soooooo upset...

You see, Himaruya titled the update centered on Heliogabalus as 'The Emperor Who Tried to Live as a Woman... Even Though He Was Really a Guy'.

Almost immediately people were typing up callout posts about how 'transphobic' Himaruya was for the title and 'how dare he misgender my precious trans baby~!' or 'this just goes to show how ignorant Japanese people are to Western history' and so many more, all because Himaruya didn't use out-and-out female pronouns for Heliogabalus.

Now. Mm, two things!

One! This was during the time when Himaruya had an open blog where, not only did he post pictures and updates about where in the world he was traveling and what he was researching, but it also had an inbox that was open for people to send insight to him.

So, if people were really incensed by this, you would think that they would use such a means to let a creator know 'hey, this is kind of problematic; can you edit it to show this information', right?

Right?

NO ONE tried to inform Himaruya of their upset; they literally didn't want an answer, they just wanted to be upset!

But, here's the kicker: the guy that all of these people were stanning for? Emperor Heliogabalus?

WASN'T FUCKING TRANS!!

The real Heliogabalus was a sadistic little shit who was connivingly put on the throne by his mother via a bunch of espionage and assassinations... Who, as thanks, had his own mother murdered once he was emperor. Other wonderful exploits of this 'icon' that tumblr kids decided to stan was:

Getting politicians and countrymen drunk and then, while they were passed out, brought in lions to kill and eat them

Deciding 'fuck Jupiter, Helios is my husbando – We're all going to worship him now!'

Completely wrecking Rome's monetary system

Promising favors to his lovers (whom he called his 'husbands' despite not making anything official) that strictly contradicted favors to his other lovers

And just generally being a hot mess

So... why were tumblr children so insistent on him being a transgender woman?

You ready for this?

Okay.

Because he occaisionally dressed in women's clothing and called his male lovers his 'husbands'.

Yeah.

One of the earliest case of tumblr children trying to ruin someone's life because they didn't follow their headcanons.

Magnitude of Controversy – Honestly, this was just fandom-wank. But it was one of the earlier instances of fandom brats using serious terms (transphobia) to justify being upset at a creator not following their headcanons.

Controversy 3 – The Passover Photoshoot

…

I'm sorry, just...

Everytime I remember or have to go over this one, I have to stop and reflect; maybe grab a drink.

…

Okay.

So, pretty early into the Western reaches of the Hetalia fandom, a group of friends and Hetalia fans decided to meet up together at a mall for a cosplay photoshoot.

Okay. Cool. Fine.

They were all dressed up as their favorite characters from the series! Germany, Austria, Hungary, P-Prussia, Holy... Roman Empire...

Ahem. Okay. Cool. Fine.

So, they get to the mall and start taking pictures. But then someone in the group gets the amazing idea for everyone to do certain poses.

I... You know, why did I start this, I could have just not done thi--

Nazi salutes. You had a bunch of dumb kids dressed up as Germanic nations. Performing Nazi salutes and shouting 'Heil Hitler'.

Now, as bad as this was... you could have just drawn it out as shitty edgelord humor; we still have plenty of that going on today.

H-however. There were two factors that made this photoshoot 50 Shades of Tasteless.

Number one. This photoshoot took place during Passover.

And number two. The mall that this photoshoot took place at...

WAS JUST A HOP, SKIP, AND A JUMP FROM THE UNITED STATES HOLOCAUST MUSEUM!!!

This is the one, THE ONE, instance where, anytime someone talks about 'lol, young Hetalia fans are so cringey', this is what pops into my head.

Those of us older members of the fandom can never fucking forget this. Yeah, the perpetrators were called out; yeah, they learned their lessons, yeah it opened up a conversation about appropriate behavior in fandom. But this one event will always remain as the big 'Ooh, baby, nooooo! What are you doing?!' moment in the fandom.

Even moreso than what the current batch of hatedum is about.

Magnitude of Controversy – Huge. The South Korea controversy was discussed on a governmental scale, but the Passover Photoshoot is what remains as the biggest mark on the fandom.

Controversy 4 - FUCKING FUNIMATION!!

Okay, I...

This one is so infuriating because it’s the result of Funimation just not giving a DAMN.

So, Hetalia got popular enough to be localized! Yay... And it was going to be handled by Funimation. Yay... They do quality work... Sometimes.

*kicks the Black Butler dub into the sun*

So, they dubbed Hetalia. And, you know what? So many questionable decisions went into this fucking dub.

You have Vic Mignogna! You! *clap* Have! *clap* Vic! *clap* Mignogna! You could have easily put him as one of the Axis characters or the Allied characters and you...

Don’t use him...

Until three seasons down the line...

And then you have him as Greece.

A character who barely says anything.

... And this was WAY before the clusterfuck of KickVic, so they really had no excuse.

Oh, also! For China, who is a main character, maybe we should have an actual voice-actor?

Pssh! Fuck that shit, let’s just have some random chick from accounting voice him.

... They literally had some random-chick from accounting do an overly stereotypical Chinese accent and said ‘yeah, that’s fine; print!’

And she gave us such... wonderful line-reads as: during the Hetalia movie Paint It, White! --

“SUCK BALLS! I knew za fortune cookie today was bad ruck~!”

But as bad as the dub got sometimes (Oh God, I’m having war flashbacks of Russia...), the exchange from the dub that people constantly point to as ‘see! This show was antisemitic all along!’ were these:

Exchange 1 -

S. Italy/Romano - ‘Hey asshole, I have a surprise for you~!’

Germany - ‘What is it? Another Jew?’

And, you know what? As asinine and idiotic as that brief exchange was...

IT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL MATERIAL!

Funimation, in their infinite wisdom, wrote that in and thought ‘yeah, that’s fine; print!’

So, there goes another issue of ‘problem that only existed because of the idiocy of a Western presence’.

Magnitude of Controversy - Well, people are still talking about it, despite it literally being because of Funimation’s laziness, so...

'Controversy' 5 – The Civil War fanart

So, this segment will be short because it doesn't even need to exist. But, you may have noticed an upsurge in people hating on the series again; even going so far as to raid Discord servers for fans of the series with gore.

Hell, I even scrolled past one person doing a 'call to arms' for people to spam any server that has to do with Hetalia as a big 'gotcha'.

And you wanna know where this fandom-wank started?

Someone on tumblr re-posted an old piece of... questionable chibi fanart of Confederate!America and Union!America. Union!America is hiding a slave woman behind him while shouting at Confederate!America to 'Pick your own damn cotton!'

(deep breath... okay)

And, while the art in of itself is... not great, the fact that it is an old piece of fanart and that someone posted it onto tumblr for the 'lol, look at this cringe' lolz, is what rallied some people to start shitting on fans of the show and raiding servers.

There also may have been some drama over on picrew by some teenage LGBT user lashing out at the whole 'stop spamming Picrew with gay shit' sentiment and then some edgelord over on this hellsite screencapping their game and talking about 'lol, of course it would be a cringey Hetalian to post some dumb shit like this; get off the site, queer' but, honestly, this last one, while being the reason why people are acting dumber than usual, is the most inconsequential.

Magnitude of the Controversy – It would be minimal at best, especially compared to the other ones in this write-up, but like I said, it does have some trickling into the current hatedumb.

So, yeah, here was my little write-up/mini-dive into the madness. You guys can let me know if you want more insight or if you have any questions, and I love you and buh-bye!

#fandom-wank #fandom history

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adambombvilivus · 5 years

Text

Confession: I once broke into a friend’s house with malicious intent

and it involved jelly sandwiches

Okay, so first off, I want to keep things vague and anonymous, since I don’t want this former friend to be connected in any way. Now, it’s been a good few years and more since this happened, but I’m still very paranoid and nervous and, as I hope you’ll understand from reading, traumatized from it. It was a pretty strange saga of events on my end so I would appreciate you read all the way through before judging me please.

To give the best background, I’ll start from the beginning of knowing this guy. We met in middle school, sixth grade I believe; we weren’t friends for about a year but we shared common friends and often sat together so we just got along in time, of course. This guy, this kid, seemed pretty normal in every way, for a middle schooler. Well, “normal” among my friends and I, but we were misfits who just gathered at our own spot since we didn’t really belong to a group identity. At least that’s how I saw it, but I don’t know what the rest of them thought. We got along pretty well, finding out we shared common taste in games and music and shows we liked, and he was one of those friends, I thought, you could always trust to be real with when needed. We weren’t best friends but he was cool when it mattered.

Okay so here’s what you’ll find weird, probably: every single day, without fail, I kid you not, all anyone ever saw this dude eat was jelly sandwiches(not even peanut butter & jelly, just jelly. I always assumed it was strawberry jelly, but I never asked). All he ever said about the sandwiches is that he really loved jelly and it was homemade. I would’ve thought that someone in the faculty or something would’ve stepped in, since I knew teachers knew about it and thought it was a bit strange and unhealthy too, but he claimed he didn’t mind it at all and he seemed in good health all the time, minus regular illnesses. Not that I mind jelly sandwiches, but personally, I can’t eat something every day for more than a couple weeks in a row without getting fully sick of it for a long time, but hey, everyone is different. Oh, and I nearly forgot to put it in here, but he had mentioned the red room all the way back then, just a couple of times. Once or twice he brought it up in conversations where we were talking about making houses in The Sims games, and he said something about this “red room” in his house that he really liked. He never described the red room, because apparently it was one of those things that was ‘embarrassing to talk about at school’, but he said it was cool and I’d probably like it if I ever saw it.

I’ve never been good with locations and addresses, so it took me until midway through high school to find out from some random situation that he had been living only a few blocks away the whole time! Both of us had lived our whole lives to that point in these homes, so that was funny to me. Since we enjoyed a lot of the same games and I had never really hung out with anyone outside of school before, I thought it would be cool to just walk over to his house and hang out for a few hours and play stuff. He seemed fully down for it and after I told my mom where he lived, she was fine with me going (I was just only 16 and it was late in the year, so it was getting dark early). Getting to his house was easy since we would just go a certain way from school that I had never walked, but it was in the neighborhood and I knew the area. That first time hanging out at his home was awkward for me but nice; we talked more than I had anticipated, about a lot of things around growing up with divorced parents and annoying older siblings and all, while he showed me some of his collections. We played games on his GameCube which I had never tried before, and his mom offered to feed me dinner, but I politely refused since we were going to have steak at home haha.

I went home and had my dinner and said I had a nice time, and that was all, nothing strange that time. When I got into bed that night I kicked myself for forgetting to ask about the red room he had mentioned years ago! I only had that little bit more to make me want to hang out again and it could be another fun thing to do or talk about, so I figured I’d bring it up the next day. He seemed pleasantly surprised that I remembered it after the years and wanted to show me next week if I came over again. Jump to that next visit, walking to his house and all, mostly the same until we had a quiet moment, and the thought came back for me to ask about the red room. He perked up and said something like’ “ooooh..right! Yeah right down here”. Same door as any of the other rooms in his house, nothing strange from in the hall; I was nervous but excited, the way you would be at anything small and silly but with years of mild curiosity behind it.

Okay, pause for a second to imagine the weirdest thing, realistically, you’d expect to see from something called “The Red Room”. I’m expecting you’ll probably imagine, like I had, that his mom just had a room where the walls were red and everything was colored red and it was some kind of hobby or something, maybe with neat art inside or whatnot.

I promise you, this...was not that.

Seriously, what my friend did was open the door, lightly push it all the way open, and walk back to his room and shut his door back closed, all without a word, but I only ever thought about that fact in following years. What I did notice first, however, was naturally, the red, but I’ll give you extra context:

First: the room was totally empty. When I say totally, I mean totally. Not so much as a small piece of forgotten trash on the carpet. It looked like the barest room of a freshly built house.

Second, the room was just a square, just a box. No closet door or sliding door, just the four equal walls.

Third, maybe the strangest of these three: Never before had I seen a room in a home with neither windows nor power outlets, or a room light on the ceiling, I don’t think.

When I say this room was just four bare walls and carpet, that is not an overstatement in any way whatsoever. I just want you to know how serious I am about everything I say here, and it’s important you really take that in before you continue reading.

Now, for what I noticed first. This room, whose doorway I was only standing in, must’ve been called the red room because of the red lighting inside. I say lighting instead of light, because I feel that more accurately conveys that there were no actual lights in this room. It wasn’t red like from a lamp, not like a glow, but similar to the way a sunset can make the outdoors look completely orange. A subtle but sure red, that lit the room like 2 o’clock sun, but there was no window, and even if there was a window, this was during the winter where it gets dark by 6 pm. If you know me, you know I am a coward and so obviously, this is uncharacteristic of me to do, but I’m guessing that I was simply in shock from anxiety to walk away. I walked into the room and I heard this sort of strange buzzing. Putting my ear against the wall, I still heard the buzzing, not much louder, but also vague machinery noises. I’d think with all of the How It’s Made I used to watch, I’d have an idea of what I heard, but nah.

Now that I had a moment to let myself absorb the oddity of this place, I turned around, walked out of the door, closed the door in the most gentlest way, walked down the hall, downstairs, and out of the front door. Like my friend, I said nothing. I was too stunned to walk home fast, I think; I mean, I was traumatized from this. Maybe it’s silly, but I’m a coward. I can’t remember much else from that night since my mind couldn’t focus on anything else. I don’t think I told my mom about it. I don’t think I slept that night or was even able to sleep. Maybe it wasn’t scary but sometimes you just have an experience that just gives you a whiplash being what you are ready to process. I hope you understand.

Just so it’s out there, I’ll go into the boring bits that I’m sure you can infer. Of course I never spoke about it. It’s not like I saw a murder. A story of a weird blank room is one thing, but I can’t tell someone that a room was illuminated by some paranormal red lighting. Yeah, I’m serious and able to open up now, but some teenager isn’t going to feel secure with being as honest-to-god as they can be and being doubted and made to feel crazy. I was already quiet, called weird, not very socially secure my whole life, maybe you can relate. As for that friend and I, well I can’t remember exactly the way we were the next day, but I think it was something along the lines of him saying he hoped I had fun and acting totally normal as before. I didn’t mention the room. I didn’t mention the room at all to anyone since this. I never went back to hang out with him again and he never asked, to my relief every day. We stayed friends through school like normal, although I had the added gift of a little well of anxiety every time he approached our group, sitting down with us eating his jelly sandwiches and joking around about stupid shit that I hate myself for laughing at and saying back then. I think other people noticed me being a little more nervous and distraught than I had been before, but nobody, even at home, ever asked what was on my mind. Most days I had only one thing to tell them regardless.

That is just how it was for a couple of years until graduation. On the last day of school he randomly told me that he hoped we could stay in contact or hang out again sometime, and I just let out a “Heh, yeah that’d be cool yeah.”, but we haven’t spoken or seen each other again after that day. Maybe the odd text counts as communication, but it never held my interest. One time out of nowhere, he texted me a jar of jelly emoji, which I never responded to; only today did I check and noticed there is no jar of jelly emoji on my phone. Neither of us had moved for a few years, so the though of that house being so close to mine that whole time never stopped making me feel uneasy, especially when we would drive near or down his street, and my mom felt like asking about him every damn time for some reason, nearly giving me a panic attack each time. Maybe if I had went to therapy or opened up about it I could’ve started an adult life after graduation, but IMO, trauma never helps anyone grow into a stronger person. Others may be stronger than me in the first place to handle these things, but I’ve never felt that concept.

To jump back into the story though, it was about a year and a few moths after graduating high school. That night still haunted me and, I don’t know, it was just a strange week in my head. I had mustered up this idea to go back but I can’t imagine why. One day after driving down his street, I noticed that the cars at his house were gone from the driveway, and my mom mentioned to me that they had been for a while and they must’ve been on vacation, since nothing suggested that they moved out (their garage was always full of clutter and they never had parked the cars in there). The next day it just came out of my mouth to say that he texted me asking to hang out at his house and catch up from the years, since they just came home from vacation and he said that I would probably like to see some souvenirs he brought home. It was a good enough lie for the time.

I knew I would be breaking in, so I sneakily grabbed a hammer before I left the house just as it would be getting dark. I don’t know why I did any of this. I was haunted, traumatized, I didn’t feel like I could talk, and I sought peace and resolution so badly. I didn’t know where their family really was, but I figured, to hell with it, if the cops show up while I’m there, I’ll tell them to check out that room or I’d plead insanity or something; I spent the past four years or so being very depressed and fixated on this surreal memory, I didn’t really give a shit.

The walk to his house was a blur from being lost in my head, but I got there anyway. I put my hoodie up as cover, but that was about it. I know I wasn’t being discreet, but again, I didn’t really care. I only barely tried the front door, and of course it was locked, so I used my hammer on their window in the front of the house. I’ve always been weak, so it took me a few swings, and being louder than I should have, to get a break, but I did it. Maybe I was too numb to feel how sore my arms were. I cleared the spiky shards around the window and turned on my phone flashlight before climbing and stumbling into the house.

Being in the kitchen, it just clicked to me to think about his jelly sandwiches. Even by that point, that’s all I ever saw him eat. When I had looked back before, I never even saw anyone else in his family eat, but I was only there twice briefly so that never stood out to me. It was almost out of frustration or anger or spite that I wanted to find a jar of his jelly and smash it with the hammer or something, just as payback for the trauma I had been living with.

I opened their fridge to look for that fuckin stuff and I found it.

Yeah I found too much of it. I found a whole entire damn refrigerator full of red jelly. That is it. Same as the room upstairs was truly empty, this refrigerator was full of nothing but red jelly. I wasn’t horrified, I was disgusted. I took a jar out and set it on the counter. Homemade fuckin jelly. The cabinets? All jelly too. Every nook and cranny for where food should’ve been had homemade red jelly. I bet I didn’t even have to tell you that. Heck, did I see any bread for making sandwiches? No, not even a loaf of white bread. Maybe they took it with them to use while away. I think I can remember laughing that they still had standard junk and cutlery drawers, and beneath their sink had everything you’d expect as well. Like a cat, I just slid that jar of jelly off of the counter and watched it shatter. It just spilled out a little liquid, but mostly still gooped up like normal jelly. I was/am so angry that things weren’t weirder than that. Was I an ass for breaking in and being angry over a family that loves their jelly. They had a whiteboard in their kitchen for reminders and such(I saw it mentioned a vacation countdown), and I erased it fully before I took a marker, and I wrote, with much anger and shakiness in my hands, ‘Too much fuckin jelly. Eat something else besides fucking jelly! Fuck you, fuck your family, fuck your jelly, fuck your window, fuck this house, and fuck your fucking boring red room!’.

I dropped the marker on the counter and let out the breath I was holding in and breathed again. I stood there for just as long as I could while the anxiety crept in and I started to shake. Sometime during that standing I heard the creaking of floorboards from upstairs. I grabbed my phone before I even grabbed my thoughts, and thus it was another blur. As I made my way just a very short distance from the kitchen to the front door, I could clearly hear footsteps down the stairs. I do remember trying my best to be quick but also as silent as possible as I left through the door and leaving it wide open. I didn’t speed up my pace nor look back. I just walked home, quite similar to that last time, no more settled or at peace. I think that’s why I have to share the story now, because clearly breaking and entering didn’t help. I didn’t even have the guts to see that room again, and I’m sorry if you wanted to know if there was anything more to it. I got home and didn’t say much of note about what I was up to, or how I explained not being gone for much time, but nothing ever became of it. I never heard of a break-in report or anything. Moving away has been the biggest relief from that place I have ever had, and the only. The only evidence I have of any of this is just what I saw with my own eyes and have as memories. Sometimes you go through things that you just have to accept and live with because you’re a lonely person and are more used to facing loneliness than the pain of distrust and different looks. I just couldn’t stand the silent guilt anymore. I have been living with this experience, but it was hitting a point to where I didn’t want to live at all. I’ll certainly never be able to see a jar of strawberry jelly again without vomiting.

#confession #story #spooky #scary story #homemade jelly #spooky scary jelly-tons #red room

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jimothysomebody · 4 years

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Christmases Past, Present, Future.

At present, it is 4.27am. I am seated downstairs on my living room couch. The room is dimly lit, illuminated by the colorful glow of my Christmas tree and the lights winding up the stairway rail. These little moments have long been my favorite. Long, quiet, pleasant moments around the tree late at night, when everyone else is asleep. I am accompanied by little else other than my thoughts, and at present... the company is good.

I've long had many pleasant memories of Christmases past. The much of the joy does seem stole away, with Dad having been gone nearly 8yrs now, but there still have been many happy occasions. I think my earliest memory of a Christmas at home is one where my parents (Dad, likely) devised some sort of bizarre hut for many of the presents, I must have been roughly 4 or 5. It was in their room, fashioned from blankets. I couldn't tell you whether they were wrapped up nicely and had already had their tags all made out, I've no idea. But eventually, Christmas morning, I vaguely remember waking everyone up super early, my older sister included, so I could have my stocking and gifts, gifts which I remember seemingly materializing, in vast multitudes, beneath our tree Christmas morning.

Another not so dissimilar time, I may have just turned 5 or 6, I remember one of the first things I opened was an insanely large box which, after leaping at it in a hyperactive fervor (likely mimicking a character from Killer Instinct in the fashion of the attack, an SNES game I was obsessed with at the time). My combo of attacks would reveal a very large wagon with easily detachable pieces. Also some of the more memorable gifts that Christmas were a massive plush Koala bear. My sister got a much larger fuzzy teddy bear with Christmas themed clothing and a hat. It was nothing personal against the very cute Koala, but I was envious of my sister. But, that envy was short lived, upon opening a big, yellow tub of Legos. I forget just how many thousand legos were in this behemoth, but they were still being found scattered throughout the home even a decade later.

The next highly memorable Christmas, for me, would have been Christmas of 2002. While the Nintendo Gamecube had already come out a year prior in 2001, I had to hear from a few friends of mine how cool it was, much to my envy. But that all changed that year. I can't remember much else from that morning, other than it being a big, bright, beautiful sunny morning, and being positively elated and shocked that we, a low income family, managed to produce a Gamecube for me, along with a 2nd 3rd party controller with interchangeable face plates. The first game I fired up was Super Mario Sunshine, which is still to this date perhaps my favorite major Mario title, perhaps due to the nostalgia factor.

There was also one other Christmas morning I remember. It was Christmas of either 08 or 09. My parents had been separated a few years at this point, and Dad was coming back into town. My older sister and her 2 kids had moved back home with Mom & I briefly. There's not much I remember getting, perhaps because of 2 things that stick out most in my memory. My sister very kindly replaced my broken Polar Ice DS Lite with sleek, new black Nintendo DSi. The other thing that shines brightly in my memory, and of course I still have, is my very regal looking nutcracker with a sword my father bought for me, which remains to this day my favorite nutcracker. I very fondly remember that morning and how together we all felt. It was very nice.

In 2010, I remember spending part of Christmas at my father's mother's house. It was a tough time, my dad being sick with cancer, but he was there, coherent, and it was nice to be able to spend time with my father & grandmother. One of the things I'd gotten from him was the 20th anniversary edition of Super Mario Allstars for the Wii, I'd also scored an early birthday gift of a neat 12MP Camera with a 4x optical zoom.

There have been Christmases that have yielded nice gifts and memories since, but for one reason or another (and I have my suspicions), the memories aren't quite as vivid, quite as strong. But still, here, in 2019, I am reflecting on Christmases past. Vividly remembering getting up at 0 dark thirty for middle school, the sidewalks often being too unshoveled and the side street we lived on often being unplowed as well as the others, my father would opt to take me to school instead of letting me walk to the nearby bus stop and freeze waiting for the bus. Fond memories of warm breakfasts, hand warmers in my pockets that lasted until 2nd or 3rd period, and just relaxing in the dim glow of the Christmas tree lights, which in my middle school years was often accompanied by the tv light of ESPN Sports Center. They were quiet, calm moments in my life to enjoy and reflect, and I seize them every opportunity I get, at least when I need them most.

It is December 8th, Christmas is in 17 days, and I am excited. I've yet to mail my holiday greeting cards out, I'm a terrible procrastinator. I have done some shopping thus far. Nothing too elegant or opulent, but things I hope my loved ones and people close to me will enjoy. In my younger years I may have very heavily dwelt on the things I desperately wanted. New video games, new consoles, new tech, clothes, whatever. As I age, I find myself not caring nearly as much. I find myself enjoying simpler things, too, increasingly even. Time spent with family and friends. Reliving memories, making new ones. Calm moments writing and journaling on the couch, next to my cat. Small gifts, things with care and thought put into them have begun to threaten (if not assume) precedence over big, flashy and fancy. Somewhere, my inner child is shocked and repulsed by this adult I've become. Not lusting after insane expensive frivolous things? What a martian!

I cannot say what Christmas future holds in store. With any luck, fond recollections, making new fond memories, time spent with loved ones, and time in the dim glow of Christmas lights, to reflect on my life, what I have, what I've lost, and what I long for, and all that I have come to cherish.

#Jimothy does an entry #an entry #Jimothy does a Christmas

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365daysofsasuhina · 5 years

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[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Two: Game Console ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

“Hey.”

“...hey!” Turning from her locker to look at Sasuke fully, Hinata takes a moment to adjust. It’s still taking some getting used to: him talking to her again. Only this past Summer did they finally break the years-long silence between them that bloomed from the loss of Sasuke parents, Mikoto and Fugaku. The time prior - where the pair of them had been best of friends - had then seemed like a bygone dream.

And now, it feels like she’s dreaming all over again. It’s strange, and yet...in some ways, it’s like they never stopped. But a lingering feeling makes her cautious: like if she makes one wrong move, he’ll just...leave again.

But she tries not to think about that.

“Doing anything tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? Uh…” A moment to think. “I don’t think so?”

“You wanna come over? I just got a new game I’ve been waiting for in the mail.”

Hinata blinks. “...sure!”

She’s not much of a gamer herself - her father’s mostly against the idea of video games. Thinks they’re a superb waste of time. But he indulged her every so often as a child...mostly to keep her out of his hair. Hinata got a Gameboy for a birthday one year, and a Gamecube several after that. And recently, she saved up and got herself a Switch. Nintendo’s all she’s ever really branched into. Pokémon, Mario, Legend of Zelda...maybe childish in some eyes, but she grew up with them, and just...never really got into anything else.

Something tells her that’s not Sasuke’s style, though.

With the day over, they walk home together...which they’ve done since he started talking to her again. For the most part, they just chat and walk. But every so often, he’ll glance her way, and she suddenly feels shy all over again.

She tells herself she’s just...still adjusting to it. That’s all.

“So, um...what game did you get?”

“It’s a zombie game.”

“Z...zombies…?”

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of zombies, Hyūga.”

Her cheeks puff with a pout - partly at him calling her a scaredy cat, but mostly because he’s still calling her by her surname despite her insistence otherwise. “I’m not scared, they’re just...creepy.”

“Which means you’re scared of them.”

“No I’m not!”

“Then how do you feel about them?”

“I just...don’t like them.”

“Are you sure you still want to come over, then?”

“I won’t be playing it, so...i-it’s fine.”

“You play any games, Hyūga?”

“Yes!”

“Let me guess: cutesy ones. Or dating sims.”

“What? No! I...I play, um...retro...games.”

“Retro.”

“Yes.”

“Like…?”

“M...Mario. And Zelda. And...Pokémon…”

She fades into silence, expecting him to poke fun at her.

“Classics. Can’t go wrong with those.”

Or...he’ll like them? “...my dad doesn’t like video games. Says they’re useless. So I don’t really have a lot to play...”

“So are most hobbies. Hobbies are just ways to waste time and keep your brain busy. Show him one of those articles talking about how they help people with Alzheimer's. Maybe he’ll change his tune.”

“They do…?”

“I think so. Something like that. And, there’s people who play games for a living. Streamers, professionals on competitive teams...there’s money in it if you do it right. But, for most of us...it’s just a way to engage our brains and not be totally bored. Like a book...but better.”

That earns a small snort. “Hey, books aren’t bad!”

“No, but games are better.”

“That’s your opinion, Sasuke - not a fact.”

“And some opinions are better than others.”

Hinata just rolls her eyes as they turn onto the proper block. She doesn’t remember him being so...sassy. But then again, he’s a teenager now. The last time they really spoke was when he was seven.

How things change.

Heading into the house, Sasuke kicks off his shoes. “We’re probably here alone. Itachi’s gonna be home for the weekend but I don’t see his car yet. Shisui’s working, and so’s Manami. Staying for dinner?”

“Um...I guess -?”

“Okay, cool - we do takeout most nights cuz she works too late to really cook.”

That earns a frown. “...well, I could make so-”

“You’re a guest, you’re not gonna cook for us.”

“But I’d be happy to! I cook at home a-all the time!”

Pausing at the base of the stairs, he looks back at her. “...well, guess I can’t stop you from digging through all our stuff.”

“T-that’s not what I -!”

“I’m kidding, Hyūga. Do whatever you want.” Something shifts in his gaze. “...you’re home now...remember?”

She stills.

“...come on, let’s go boot up my game.”

Stepping into Sasuke’s room is like opening a time capsule, but...in reverse. It’s completely different from when he was a little boy. Posters litter the walls, and bookshelves are full of games, CDs, movies, and figures of...something. She doesn’t recognize any of it. A high-end PC sits on a desk, case glowing softly as it sleeps. It’s otherwise tidy, and he collapses into a beanbag chair in front of a flat screen TV, complete with a game console, once it’s all powered up.

“So...what one do you have?”

“PS4. Drives Naruto nuts cuz he’s a Microsoft fanboy.”

Hinata blinks. She...has no idea what that means. “Um…?”

“...he has an Xbox. We can’t really play together much.”

“...oh!”

“What do you got?”

“Um...a-a Switch. And...I still have my Gamecube.”

“Yeah, retro,” Sasuke replies with a grin as she goes pink. “Well, have a seat.”

Eyeing the beanbag next to him, she asks, “Which one of us is retro again…?”

“Hey, I think they’re comfy.”

Hinata eases into one, immediately feeling like it’s swallowing her up.

“I had it downloading and installing all day while I was at school, so we’re all good to go.” Sasuke boots up the game, navigating his way through the console menu, game startup, and then finally into the game itself. As expected of a zombie title, it’s dark, grim, and immediately spooky.

Hinata sinks a bit more into her seat.

The introductory level isn’t too bad...but it segues with a jumpscare that makes her eep.

“C’mon now Hyūga, we’ve only just started!”

“T-that wasn’t fair! It...it jumped out, and -”

“You wanna play?”

“N-no!”

“You sure?”

“Yes I’m sure! It - it’s too -!”

“What?”

“Scary!”

He just smirks, apparently prideful he got her to admit it. “C’mere.”

“What?”

“We’ll play together. Come sit with me.”

She’s...not exactly sure what he means. With him? These beanbags aren’t huge, she can’t exactly sit with him on it. Not unless...they…

Seeing his expectant look as the game pauses, she heaves a small sigh before managing to free herself from her own. Standing nearby, she curls a hand at her chest hesitantly. “...um -”

“Here.” Controller in one hand, he uses the other to tug her down to...sit between his knees. Arms around her and holding the device at her front, he says, “You tell me where to go.”

“B-but -?”

“You’ve clearly got better reflexes than me. You jumped a whole second before I even knew that scare happened.”

Another pout. But it’s hard to concentrate of being miffed when she really has no choice but to lean back on him to make room for his grip. Hinata’s heart pounds in her chest, all too aware of just how much of her is currently touching him.

“Where to next?”

“...u-uh...l-left?”

Off he goes, watching from over her shoulder as he stares at the screen. No matter how many times Hinata glances to him, his gaze doesn’t waver.

Unlike hers.

They continue like that for a while, Hinata giving directions and Sasuke following. Every time a zombie comes up she can’t help a sound of fright, one so bad she actually turns and buries herself into Sasuke’s shoulder.

Above her, unseen, he grins.

And, of course, it’s right then that Itachi opens the door. “Sasuke, have you heard from -?”

Both teens turn to look at him, and Hinata immediately goes bright pink.

The elder brother blinks, but otherwise doesn’t seem phased. “Have you heard from Manami or Shisui yet tonight?”

“Nope.”

“Hm...I’m going to go give them a call. Any preference on dinner orders?”

“I-I can make dinner!”

Both brothers look to Hinata, whose eyes are wide and face pink, but otherwise determined.

“Hinata, that’s not nec-”

“I know! I-I want to!”

Itachi perks a brow. “...well, all right then. Let me see if I can get ahold of them, and...we’ll plan from there.”

“...’kay!”

He takes his leave, and Sasuke looks down at her.

“...what?”

“...nothing. C’mon, we can do another level before he gets back.”

OMG I've wanted to continue Day 63 FOREVER and I finally took the opportunity xD I dunno why this prompt jumped out at me to, but it did! This is a follow-up of the piece where Hinata and Sasuke were childhood friends in a modern-day verse...until he lost his parents and became reclusive. They had a brief reunion at the end of 63, and...I finally continued it! With some fluffy shenanigans to counter the angst of the first part, lol But yeah, that'll do it for tonight! I had a rather long day including treating a sick moo, so...I'm gonna call it a night. Thanks for reading!

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #uchiha itachi #best years of your life [ au ]#365daysofsasuhina

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hypnomule · 6 years

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THE BODYBUILDERS

Chapter 1

Sam walked into Michael’s room, he wasn't really good friends with his older stepbrother they were complete opposites. Sam was a small hunched nerd; he was a freshman this year and was struggling to make friends in his grade. His brother Michael, who had graduated last year, was a tall muscular bodybuilder who had no trouble getting anyone or anything he wanted. Michael looked up as Sam entered the room.

"What's up little bro?" Michael said as Sam shut the door behind him. Sam looked around nervously for a minute or two before softly saying.

” I want you to train me so I can become strong like you." Michael perked up he had been waiting for something like this to happen for years, but he was concerned at the sudden change of heart.

“Why what is the matter lil bro?” He asked sitting up in his bed. Sam looked down with a sad look on his face.

“These kids at school are bullying me.” He said starting to cry.Michael saw how bad his little brother was hurting, and couldn’t help, but to remember when he was bullied in elementary school.

"I can train you little bro, I can make you a whole new person if you want." He said grinning.

"That would be awesome!" Sam exclaimed wiping the tears out of his eyes.

"Good we will start next weekend after you get home from school." Michael replied.

Sam excited for tomorrow night ran out of the room, Michael waited a few minutes before going down to the basement. The basement was old and dark so his family never used it; he had converted half the basement into his private gym. He walked into his gym, and began to adjust the equipment so Sam would be able to use it, he couldn’t wait to have his brother like him.when he finished he grabbed a box out of his equipment storage, and smiled.

"So I finally get to use this." He thought to himself as he peered into the mysterious contents of the box.Putting the box away he began to lift some weights, feeling the need to workout again because of his excitement. Michael left his gym around midnight his body covered in sweat.Sam watched Michael sneak upstairs, he couldn’t wait for the next weekend to come. Michael noticed Sam staring as he went up the stairs.

“Hold on lil bro soon you will be just like me.” He thought to himself as he walked upstairs getting on his laptop.He still needed to buy a few things before he was ready for the next weekend, but he was sure that Sam would love the new him.

Chapter 2

Sam woke up marking off another day on his calendar. His big day was only a day away, but michael had already been making changes. His old room filled with action figures, and video games had been completely redone.The walls were covered in posters of sports teams, and famous bodybuilders. His gamecube had been replaced with a new Xbox One with call of duty games.

“it will get you in the mindset for your new self.” Michael had said when he was redecorating the room. Even though Sam had cried when his stuff was thrown away, he now understood what he was talking about, and each day he was looking more, and more to the weekend.

Sam walked into the school. This was the only part of the day he couldn’t stand. He walked into the school, and was surrounded by a group of kids.

“Heard you are gonna get it today freak!” One of the kids shouted.

“Yea Danny is gonna kick your ass!” Another one shouted.

Sam broke free of the group running to the bathroom to cry.He eventually went to homeroom, his teacher excusing his tardiness. He made it through most of the day perfectly fine, even lunch came with nothing bad happening.Seventh period, which was the last of the day, began.

“This is our new student Tyler.” His teacher said. Sam looked at the new kid, he had a light athletic build, his hair a mahogany color.

“Hi all.” He said a slight accent coming through “I’m tyler, my family just moved here from canada.”

“Everyone make sure to make him feel right at home.” His teacher said. “Now you can sit in that open desk over there.” She said pointing to the empty desk in front of Sam. He sat down as the teacher began the daily lesson.

“Hi, I’m Sam.” Sam whispered to Tyler.

“Nice to meet you.” He replied. The two spent the rest of the period getting to know each other. He learned that Tyler had moved from his old school because of a new job offer his dad had. He liked his school a lot, and was very popular. They made plans to meet after school on friday. School ended, and sam started to leave. He saw Danny sitting outside the school in front of Sam’s bus. He gulped knowing that if he went out the door he would be beaten into the ground. Sam turned around walking against the mass of students trying to leave the school.

He walked down the hallway to the old half of the school.This part of the school had been shut down years ago after the school got funding to built a new high-tech wing.He walked down the twisting hallways that the old half was famous for. He passed by a room filled with kids making art, and another with kids smoking.As he passed by a room filled with goths, he began to smell the odor of hard work, and dedication.He peered around the corner into a huge room filled with guys most of them lifting weights or doing some other sort of rigorous activity, of all the activities that took place in the old half this was seemingly the most innocent. Sam looked around at all the muscled jock guys, they came here every day, and worked out some of them graduated years ago but they didn't seem to care, they came every day just to work out. He watched them for a few minutes before walking in.He walked around trying to find his brother.Most of the people exercising didn’t notice him at all as he walked among them looking for his brother.

Sam stopped when he found Michael, he was benching weights in the weight room. Sam sat down on a bench he knew Michael would be unable to focus on him until he was done working out.

Chapter 3

Sam woke up as the engine started. He was in Michael's car in the parking lot behind the school.

“Hey lil bro glad you are up.” Michael said looking over. “You fell asleep when I was working out,”

“Oh, I don’t remember that.” Sam said as he yawned.

“Yea. Hey! bet your excited for tomorrow night” Michael exclaimed as he drove home.

“Yea about that.” Sam began seeing the sadness instantly fill his brothers eyes. “I am still doing going to do it don’t get me wrong, but I may be late.”

“Late?” Michael asked in confusion.

“Yea after school I am....” Sam started before he was cut off.

“Do you have a date? Does my little brother have a date?” Michael questioned in happy tone.

“No.” Sam started in a sad tone.”But I made a friend in class today, and we are going to eat.” He finished in an excited tone.Michael smiled, and nodded his head. Even though he was sad he was going to have to postpone helping his brother, he knew a friend is just what his brother needed.

“Thats fine, just let me know when you get home, and take this.” Michael said throwing a condom at Sam.”You never know what is going to happen.” Michael joked as the reached home.

“Very funny” Sam said as Michael left the car. Sam out the condom into the back pocket of his backpack not knowing what to do with it.

Chapter 4

Michael woke up yawning, he checked the clock it was 12:34 in the morning. He got out of bed slipping on a pair of briefs, and walked downstairs to the basement. He didn't have to worry about dressing appropriately or making a lot of noise, his parents went on a mission trip to Chile, and wouldn't be back for a few months.. Michael checked himself out in the mirror outside of his gym. His bronzed skin and muscled body only complimented the tight yellow briefs he was wearing. He never was fond of clothes other than underwear, and always worked out in his briefs. He brushed his hand down his chiseled abs, that seemed to glisten under the little light visible in this part of the basement. He sat there for a moment admiring his body before remembering he had work to do. Michael began to workout, his body becoming sweaty, and filled with endorphins.

He finished his nightly workout around 2:30, he walked up the stairs seeing a light coming from the tv room.Sam sat up watching ESPN. He smiled knowing his messages were beginning to work. He walked up to Sam’s room flipping on the lights. He walked over to his computer downloading a file to it. He began to play the file on a loop. Sam’s room was filled with a low barely audible sound. It was a special binaural beats file that encourage the brain to gain muscle, and workout. Michael went back to his room until he heard Sam coming back upstairs, and going to bed. Michael smiled heading to sleep.

Chapter 5

Sam went to school waiting for seventh period to roll around. When it finally did he, and Tyler began to talk, waiting for the teacher to arrive.

“So right after school at the cafe a few blocks over?” Tyler asked.

“Yea just meet up with me, and I will show you how to get there.” Sam replied excitedly, as the whole class groaned.He looked up to see the substitute walk into the room.

“Who is tyler?” Tyler whispered

“Mrs. Fichburn” Sam started as she sat down at the desk. “She does nothing at all, and makes students do things for her, unless she falls asleep first.” The pair looked over at the overweight sub as she took out a pillow, and closed her eyes.The class remained silent knowing when she fell asleep they could get away with anything.Within minutes she was dead asleep, and the class was alive with chatter. Tyler, and Sam chatted as Danny walked up to them.

“Hey loser you didn’t show up for your daily beating yesterday!” He shouted spraying his spit into Sam’s face.

“Whoa, say it don’t spray it.” Tyler shot back.

“Shut up you canuck hoser, how about you go back to canada, and we will consider making your pathetic excuse of a country a state.” Danny shot back smirking, proud of himself.

“Danny, stop it!” Sam shouted back in surprise to himself, and everyone around him. “Its me you want not him.” He said in a quieter less sure voice.

“Oh yea! You earned this you little nerd!”Danny exclaimed punching him the face. Danny wailed on Sam delivering punch after punch.Mrs. Fichburn woke up in her chair watching the sight.

“Don’t just sit there! Help him!” Tyler shouted. “You are a teacher, you are supposed to protect him!” Mrs. Fichburn slowly got up yawning.

“Danny stop punching him, and wait until after school.”She said “And go clean yourself up Sam.” She finished readjusting her seat, and sitting back down.

“This is over for now” Danny said looking at the sub. “But your dead after school. “ He walked back to his seat, and Sam ran out to the bathroom. Sam rubbed the blood off the face at the sink.

“Hey are you ok?” Tyler asked running up behind Sam.

“Yea, I just...” Sam stuttered through his tears. “It will be fine my brother is going to help me.” He finished as the bell rang. “Come on lets get out of here.” Sam said leading to Tyler to the old part of school.

“What is this place?” Tyler asked as they walked down the hallways.

“its an old wing of the school.” Sam said hurrying past the various rooms, and groups. Sam looked behind him, saw tyler was stopped at the art room. Sam walked back to get him looking into the room. They were painting based off a nude model, who he recognized as the star quarterback. Sam pulled Tyler forward reaching the gym.

“Wow.” Tyler said as they entered. “There are so many people here!”

“Yea it is one of my favorite places in the old wing.Now hurry up we have to get to cafe before my brother gets here.” Sam, and tyler ran out of the school past the football field. The two arrived at the Cafe quickly ate, and hung out for hours.

Chapter 6

It had become late at night, and the pair were still talking.

“So your brother works out there everyday?”Tyler asked as he sipped his third milkshake.

“Not everyday, but he is there most days.” Sam replied watching his friend. “I don’t want to sound rude, but what was up in the art room today?” He asked.Tyler looked down twirling his straw nervously.

“I...um....” He started. “I am gay.....” Tyler finished nervously fliniching.

“Oh ok” Sam said surprised. “thats cool.” His phone rang “Hey its my brother. I gotta take this real quick.” He told tyler running to take the phone call.

“Ok I will....” was all Tyler managed to get out before Sam ran off.

Sam paced in the parking lot, he had missed the phone call, but his brother had left a voicemail. He opened up his phone playing it.

“Hey lil bro, time is running out if you really want to this you need to get home soon.” He heard his brother say. The subliminal messaging programed into his brain activated, and he texted his brother that he was on his way. Sam ran down the streets towards his house leaving Tyler alone at the cafe.

Chapter 7

Michael saw the text arrive on his phone. He knew he only had a matter of minutes to set up everything he needed.He walked upstairs to Sams room grabbing a pair of under armour underwear their grandparents had bought for him. He wanted Sam to see how good he would look after his transformation.

He walked down to the basement opening the box he looked at earlier pulling out a jockstrap. He had bought a pair of jockstraps online years ago, and he was excited to finally get to use the second one. He sat down on the bench waiting for Sam to arrive, and his own experience.

Michael was fifteen when it happened.Every guy in school had become obsessed with bodybuilding, and he too had become obsessed with it.He wasn’t willing to put in the work for the muscles every other guy was starting to develop so he looked for quick ways online. After searching for hours an ad popped up from Daemonsports.com. He looked at the ad offering quick, and easy muscles for the price of $20. He bought the item without even seeing what it was, weeks later a package arrived at his door containing two jockstraps.

Michael was confused, and mad that he got ripped off.He sighed taking them into the basement. He walked into his man cave, a room for him to get away from his little brother, and parents. The room contained a television, a pool table, and a small workout bench.There was also a mirror on the wall, seeing it he decided to try on the jock strap. He looked at himself in the mirror he thought he looked good in the jockstrap, and felt good wearing it.

Michael was overcome with a serious need to workout. He felt his legs walk over to the bench, and felt his arms begin to lift the weight without his need to tell them to. Michael spent the night lifting in his jockstrap before he blacked out.He woke in the morning body sore, and filled with pain. He got up stretching, and saw himself in the mirror. His muscles had already grown quickly, and his abs were more defined. He also felt a need to workout more, and from that point forward the new michael existed, working out everyday and loving it.

Chapter 8

Sam ran into the door panting, he had ran all the way from the cafe to his house. He entered the basement walking to Michael's gym.

"Good you are here put these on." Michael said handing him a jockstrap, and under armour boxers. Sam looked around for a moment.

"Right here?" Sam asked uncertain. Michael rolled his eyes.

"I will leave the room, I guess." Michael said leaving the room. Sam undressed naked putting on the jockstrap. The room was surrounded with mirrors making it impossible for him to avoid looking at himself.He saw himself in the mirror surprised his he looked kinda good in the jockstrap. He put the underwear on over the jockstrap, and signalled for michael to come back in.

“You look great!” Michael said as he saw sam.

“I honestly feel good.” Sam said looking at himself in the mirror.Michael took him to a bench in the center of the room.

“Just left when you're ready. It will all come naturally.” he reassured stepping back. Sam began to lift, he was surprised he could even lift that much his muscles already in pain, and a tingle from the jockstrap. It wasn’t long before he blacked out.

Michael watched amazed he knew the process, but had never seen it.Sam’s body kept lifting, his muscles growing faster than any humans should possibly grow. His flat chest becoming ripped, with larges pecs and abs chiseled by gods. Michael sat up for almost an hour watching this take place, before finally drifting off to sleep.

Chapter 9

Michael woke up the next morning seeing Sam already awake.He was flexing in the mirror checking out his new body in just the jockstrap.

“Hey bro.” Sam said not able to take his eyes off the mirror.

“You look great little bro.” Michael said. “But why do you still have the jock strap on?” Sam looked down.

“Highlights my package.” He said continuing to flex.Michael remembered this phase, being completely obsessed with how you looked, and your fitness.

“Well come on it's time to workout again isn’t it?” Sam asked walking back over to the bench. Michael joined in working out with his brother feeling like they were truly brothers for the first time in a long while.

Monday came quickly again, and Sam went back to school.Everyone was whispering about him, half of them didn't even realize it was him. He smiled knowing he looked great. The school day went quickly, and soon it was seventh period. Tyler turned around ignoring Sam’s change in appearance.

“What the hell man!” Tyler screamed furiously. “You left me alone there! Is it because I came out to you?” Half the class was now staring at the two, half of them recording it on their phones. Sam looked up, he had been staring at his arm muscles.

“No, something just came up bro.” He said in a calm manner.

“Oh.” Tyler said silently realizing all the people watching. “well want to do something later?”

“Can’t really”Sam said. “unless you want to work out with me.”

“Sure that sounds good” Tyler said.

“Cool come to my house after school.” Sam said going back to staring at his muscles. The school day ended, and tyler got on the bus with Sam. They rode in silence to his house. Sam took Tyler down to the basement, where they began to work out, after twenty minutes Tyler stopped.

“This is boring.” Tyler said sitting up on the bench. Sam stopped working out annoyed by the interruption.”Can we do something else?” Tyler finished. Sam looked up annoyed, he wanted Tyler as a friend, but could not stand him like this. He thought sitting at the bench before reaching an idea.

“I can make it fun.” He said with a wicked smile. “But you have to trust me.”

“Sure I will do anything.” Tyler said flopping out of the bench.

Chapter 10

Tyler looked at the object sam held in front of him.

“That’s yours?” He questioned. “and you want me to put it on?” Sam held the jockstrap in front of Tyler, looking at it.

“Yea, pretty much.” He said without hesitation. “Trust me they work.” Tyler looked at them for a long minutes, before grabbing it out of Sam’s hand.

“Fine on one condition.” Tyler said looking at them. “While I wear them you will go naked.” Sam shrugged, and stripped off his clothes. His full naked body visible, Tyler couldn’t help staring.

“Your turn.” Sam said smiling. Tyler shook his head trying not to stare. he stripped down naked pulling the tight jockstrap onto his body. Sam stopped in place, Tyler suddenly looked attractive, sam naked could not hide his erection. He had to have him, but first he need to make sure Tyler was like him.

“Just left some on the bar now.” Sam said.

“o.........................k” Tyler said getting distracted by Sam’s erection. He began to lift on the bar feeling his body taking over. Sam watched from the other side knowing it could only be matter of time now.

Chapter 11

Michael returned late that night having been at his girlfriend’s house all day. He walked down to his basement ready to get in his daily workout. what he saw surprised him. Sam naked on the couch cuddling against a fairly muscular boy wearing Sam’s jockstrap. He smiled covering the two up. He knew he should be mad Sam used it on someone else, and they couldn’t be sure of the consequences, but was happy his little brother had someone he loved.

Day came around again, and Sam woke up. Tyler was staring into the mirror checking out his body. Even though he wasn’t as muscular as Sam he was pretty impressive for his size. Sam walked up behind him kissing his neck.

“Damn you look sexy.” He said feeling Tyler’s muscles.

“Thanks, bro.” Tyler said treating each touch like it was a gift. The two sat in the basement flexing all morning. After working out together, Tyler had to leave to go home.

“So working out together tomorrow bro?” He asked wearing normal clothes again.

“Yea, bro just hit me up in class.” Sam kissed Tyler, and watched, staring at his firm ass, as he walked away from the house.

“So it was a date lil bro.” Michael said from inside the living room.

“No bro.” Sam said disgruntled. “Wasn’t till I saw his sexy ass in that jockstrap last night.” He finished smirking at the thought. Sam highfived his brother, and laid on the couch watching ESPN. He couldn’t wait to work out with tyler again, maybe they could both work out nude next time.

Chapter 12

Several months had past when michael realized it was almost time for his parents to be back from their mission trip. He walked down to the basement where his old gym was. He had given it to Sam for him, and Tyler to use, while he worked out at the gym, or his girlfriends house who he was staying with more, and more. He knocked on the door before opening it to prevent seeing anything he didn’t want to see. Tyler, and Sam stood at the mirrors flexing both of them already being much bigger than the jockstrap had allowed to be. They still wore jockstraps each time they were in the basement, and never got completely out of the self obsessed phase.

“Sam I need to speak to you.” Michael said. his own obsession with muscles had decreased since Tyler became obsessed with them. He still worked out to maintain the muscles he had, and let Tyler have his old jockstrap to help him grow.

“What’s up bro?” Sam said staring at tylers muscles in the mirror.

“Mom, and dad will be back from Chile soon.” Michael said. Sam looked over with sadness filling his eyes, he knew once his parents were home he wouldn’t be able to maintain this new lifestyle the way he had for the past few months. He needed to find a way to keep them there.

“How long do we have?” Sam asked already trying to plot a way to keep them away.

“About a week.” Michael said sadly before leaving the room. Sam sat down on one of the benches. He needed things to be like this for him, and Tyler they worked so well together.

“We could run away.” Tyler said flexing in the mirror.

“Where?” Sam said interested in the idea.

“ I don’t know find a place.” Tyler said walking over to one of the benches to lift more. “ A place with people like us.” He finished as he lifted.

“People like us....” Sam said thinking hard. “What about the place where these jockstraps are made? I am sure there have to be people like us there!”

“Sounds cool bro.” Tyler said completing another set. “Where are they made at?” Sam walked over to Tyler pulling his jockstrap to look inside.

“Cedar Falls, and it has an address for the company.” He said sliding his hand down from the jockstrap to Tyler’s ass.A wicked grin covered Tyler’s face.

“Never heard if it. It will be perfect.” He said tackling Sam to the ground wrestling him.The pair wrestled for some time before Sam pinned tyler to the ground, and kissed him passionately.

Chapter 13

Sam woke up early in the morning leaving a note on the table. He met Tyler at a train station in a town a few miles over.

“Great morning for a jog.” Tyler joked as Sam arrived at the station.

“Very funny.” Sam said rolling his eyes. “So which train is ours?”

“This one Tyler said pointing to an oncoming train showing no signs of stopping. “Come on!” He said running down the platform into an empty cargo car. Sam followed behind jumping into the car.

“This will take us right outside of Cedar Falls.” Sam said putting his bag in a corner. “But its a long ride so get comfortable.”

Michael woke up late that day, bummed his parents were coming back.He went downstairs grabbing the jug of milk, and drinking what was left of it burping loudly. Noticing the note, he walked to the table picking it up. He opened the letter reading it aloud.

“Bro, me and Tyler have left to find cedar falls a place we believe is filled with people like us. Tell mom, and dad you have no idea where we are. We hope you join us one day- your lil bro”

Michael finished reading the letter when he heard the door open. His parents walked through the door, home earlier than they should have been.

“We are home!” They exclaimed running into the kitchen hugging him.

“Where is Sam at honey?” His mom asked with that worried look all mothers have.

“Not sure mom, he was staying at a friends last night.” He said crumpling the note in his hand. as the day passed by their mom became, more and more scared. Michael gave her Tyler’s family’s number hoping it would calm her down, and that she wouldn’t call it, but she did.

“They say they haven’t seen their kid either!” She said crying at the table as police took accounts from Tyler’s parents. They had filed a missing persons alert, and since they were kids they became a top priority.

“It will be fine mom, they will find them.” Michael comforted his mom. He felt him secretly wishing no one would find them, and they found the place they were looking for, but he couldn’t tell his mom that. His dad comforted his mom as he walked down to his gym.

Sitting in his gym in was a box labeled Daemon Co. He opened the box checking its contents. Inside was a note, and another jock strap this one a shiny golden color. Michael took the note out reading the words imprinted on it.

“For your years of service, and service to come-Daemon Co.” He shrugged off the note pulling on the jock strap. The cool fabric felt good on his body as he felt energized, and ready to work out. Before he could think he felt himself working out again, his muscle increasing, and thoughts about building muscles also increasing. He was back better than before ready to complete his new goal of being a bodybuilder.

Chapter 14

Sam , and tyler hopped off the train, following an old cracked road for miles when they reached a sign.

“Cedar Falls, one mile.” Tyler read out loud looking at Sam. “I’ll race you!” He screamed taking off down the road Sam following behind, and catching up quickly.It had been almost a week since they left their home, and tensions were running high between the two. A large manhunt had started across the nation from them labeling them as missing. At one point Tyler losing hope suggested they went back, but seeing the sign now he was filled with hope of a new life all over again.

The pair stopped in front of the sign welcoming them to the town.

“New record.” Tyler managed to cough out laughing. Neither one of took a step forward. Even though there was nothing in front of them they both knew there was line in front of them, and crossing it would change their lives forever. Sam grabbed Tyler's hand, and the pair the pair crossed the line together.

Epilogue

Almost a year has passed since they crossed that line, and much has changed. After crossing the line almost everyone who knew the boys forgot about them, everyone except Michael, and Danny. Michael has spent the last year traveling the country participating in bodybuilding contests. He is known as the golden boy for the golden jockstrap he always wears in contests.

Danny, who was insistent on convincing people the boys were real, is now seeing a therapist two times a week to help him get over his delusions. The parents of the two boys became great friends. They are vacationing in italy this summer.Mrs. Fichburn was fired after Tyler made a fake call to the school about her receiving a DUI.

Sam, and Tyler found it easy to live in this new town living in an house that was abandoned. They often stayed in the town gym everyday where the owner had given them free lifetime memberships. Their muscle building became the center of their lives as the two lived in harmony together, but their journey was just beginning.

#hypnomatic hypnosis #hypnomatic #story #oc #jock #jock story

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sage-nebula · 6 years

Text

(do NOT reblog or I’ll delete the post and block you)

This past week I’ve really felt like I might be relapsing. I’ve been back on my nocturnal (i.e. normal for this hemisphere) sleep schedule for a while now, which leaves me constantly tired; I haven’t felt in the mood to eat anything, though I’ve been forcing myself to do so anyway at least; I’ve been finding it harder to think of myself as pretty or cute when I look in the mirror; my depression and anxiety have felt like they’re kicking up again despite the Lexapro, and the negative intrusive self-talk has gotten worse, to the point where I just blurted out, “I’m so stupid” one night for a simple mistake, and it took a moment before I corrected myself with, “No, I’m not stupid, I’m actually quite smart and intelligent, it just slipped my mind because I’m tired.”

This morning it was bad enough that I was actually fretting on my way to work about, what if the Lexapro is losing its effectiveness? I’m on a 10mg dosage now. We can still increase to 20mg, but I’m pretty sure that’s the limit. And even if it wasn’t, can it lose its effectiveness over a mere two months? Where does that leave me, if so? I don’t want it to lose its effectiveness. I want it to keep helping me. I need it to keep helping me.

All of that said, this evening I got a clue that my shark week is I think just starting (like this is the very very first day of it, not even the first full day), and when I realized that, my reaction was just, “Ah.” If that is the case, that . . . probably explains things, and also means that the Lexapro is likely not losing its effectiveness. That’s a relief.

But I still also have to remember that even if I relapse some, that doesn’t mean I’ve failed, or that it’s a permanent failure. If you’re climbing up a mountain, and you slip and fall back down part of the way, you can still climb back up. It will be painful, and hard, but so long as you’re alive---so long as I’m alive---I can do it. Relapses are a normal part of the recovery process, and recovery like what I have to go through is an ongoing journey without an end. I just have to keep climbing, and try not to feel too badly about myself during the periods when I slip and fall. I can climb back up, and get back to where I was, and I deserve to. I deserve to make and have that progress, and I don’t deserve to be hurt or treated badly, least of all by myself. I need to be in my own corner first and foremost, so my brain needs to start giving me consistent positive self-talk instead of negative. I need to keep working on that. I need to keep climbing.

Though I will say that certain recent events have had me thinking about my childhood and adolescence again, and the abuse I went through back then that left me with the C-PTSD I’m constantly trying to recover from now. And it’s little things from back then, too, like---there were really, really bad incidents, and some really, severely fucked up times I went through, and stories that are too personal or painful for me to share here (both because I don’t like thinking about them, but also because I don’t like to hand them over to others to use against me, as has happened in the past). But it’s also little things, like---I like to get physical copies of video games so that I can have the game cases lined up on my media shelf. I have the actual game cards in my Switch carrying case, so I can have them with me wherever I have my Switch, but I like having the cases on the shelf, and seeing them all lined up there. Counting them off, you know. And I was thinking about why I like this. I don’t think I’m a materialistic person, generally; I do want my house to look cool, but I’m not one of those people who, if I won the lottery, I’d by a sixty room mansion and fill it with pointless, but expensive, garbage. I’d keep my same place, my same car, all that. I don’t really want a life of luxury, I just want to live comfortably.

So I’m not overly materialistic, and I don’t value collecting things for the sake of collecting them . . . but I like seeing my cases lined up on the game shelf, and I’m just as excited to add more cases to that shelf as I am to play the new games as they come out. (Also, I wish that games like Celeste and Night in the Woods would get physical releases so I could add those cases to my shelf as well.) I was thinking about why this is, and I realized that it’s because I never had a lot of games in my youth. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve owned a lot of video game consoles in my life time, but for every console or handheld I had, I usually only had a handful of games. Like, I had six games for my N64 growing up. I think that back when the Gamecube was actually relevant, I had about seven games, and even then, over my lifetime I only got that number up to about twelve. And this isn’t a Dudley Dursley kind of temper tantrum competition game, wherein I whine about just not having enough games, because I did like and appreciate the games I had. But like, with the N64, I had those six games, and meanwhile my brother had over thirty to choose from. This was because I lived with my biological mother, whereas he lived with my dad and (step)mom, and our economic situations were very, very different. (Read: My biological mother was dirt poor and spent any money we did have, including the child support, on herself, whereas my brother had the middle class lifestyle with three parents and tons of extended relatives who doted on him and gave him anything he wanted.) And I never complained about this back then, but I remember feeling so impressed when I opened up his N64 cartridge case whenever I was at my dad’s house and saw all those games to choose from, whereas when I opened my own cartridge case (identical to his), it was . . . much emptier.

And then with the Gamecube (which I got later than everyone else because even though my dad sent me money to get one as a Christmas present, my biological mom took that money and spent it on herself), there was an extra level of messed up because my biological mom decided to run a scam with Wal-Mart for a while. Basically what she would do is she would buy things with a credit card, and then return them later to get cash money that she could then spend on necessities. (Why she didn’t just buy the necessities with the credit card instead of racking up credit card debt I don’t know. I stopped trying to figure out her thought processes a long time ago.) The reason why this is relevant to the story is because she decided the best way to do this was with video games. So when I was about thirteen, she told me to go to the games section and pick out a few games. I very excitedly ran over and picked some out, so happy I was getting to add some new ones to my library, and I remember specifically that Mario Kart: Double Dash was one of them, because I had wanted that for a very long time. We bought the games and went home. And when I went to go put Double Dash in to play it, she told me I couldn’t do that because we were going to return them. I was hurt and confused. I didn’t understand. And when I questioned her, she grew furious that I was back talking and arguing. I guess the one benefit is that I knew to choose games I wasn’t actually interested in the next time she used me to run the scam.

Anyway, this is all relevant because I wanted a bigger games library growing up, and I just didn’t have the opportunity to have it. Even after I moved out of her house, I never wanted to ask my parents for too much, not only because I felt the answer was likely to be “no,” but also because I was just grateful that Shiloh and I were away from my biological mother. And even after I started working, and especially after I moved out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment, I still didn’t have a lot of disposable income to spend on video games. Not only that, but I usually got new systems a couple years behind everyone else (with the 3DS being the first exception, but even then, I didn’t have a lot of disposable income at first so I couldn’t keep up with the library the way I wanted to), so trying to figure out which games to buy was a nightmare. The result of which being, although I helped form my university’s video game club back in my sophomore year (I was nineteen), I felt like the weak link of the officer squad. I loved video games, and I was pretty good at a lot of them, but I also was so inexperience compared with everyone else, who had way more games than I did.

But with the Switch, it’s different now. I got the Switch on launch day thanks to Christmas money allowing me to preorder it, and although I’m still supporting myself and still struggle bussing every month, the games I want are usually either a bit cheaper (such as Hollow Knight being only $15), or they’re spaced out enough so that I can afford them (+ I have credit cards I can use). Since I’ve had it since launch and I’ve been in this position since launch, I’ve been able to keep up with new releases. My library still isn’t huge (I have nine physical games, plus three digital that I love---and one of those digital games is getting a physical release in spring), but it’s growing, and I know I’ll add more games to it in the coming months. And I guess it’s important to me not because of materialism or anything like that, but because it’s symbolic that I’m at a place in my life now where I can grow this library, where I can do what I always wanted to, but never could as a kid. When I buy games myself, I know they’re mine, and no one can take them from me. And I’m here, in my own house, with my own media shelf (that I wallpapered with special starry paper I bought at Nijo Castle in Japan), and all of this---the house, the media shelf, the games---represent how far I’ve come, and how far I continue to go. And I know that’s weird, that I’m using a growing video game collection as a symbol of recovery because of rather small parts of my abusive childhood and adolescence (and again, I’m not saying those things were the worst I suffered, because they by far were not, but I’m not sharing the details of the worst things for personal reasons), but I’ve been thinking about it nonetheless and I think that’s how my brain has processed all this as I move through recovery.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for tonight. Reminder to NOT reblog this, or I’ll delete the post and block you, thanks.

#recovery is a weird and complicated thing #c-ptsd is a knotted mess to deal with #and anxiety disorders and depression don't help #but i'm trying and i know to keep trying and that's what matters most

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vriskaserbet · 6 years

Text

Far In Time.

Summary: Smack was once Victor and once, he was someone completely else, though the whole story is hard and long to track. Through three small parts, plus a bonus, one can get a glimpse into the life he (had) has lived through and begin to understand the bigger picture.

Rating: General audience.

Warnings: N/A.

Characters: Smack, Shelby, Pent, Gino, plus some OCs that are smacks family + shelbys parents!

Tags: Fluff, angst, humor, weddings, unrequited love (seemingly), polyamory, etc

Ao3 link: Right here!

From the very beginning of existence, his Desire had always existed.

He never pushed nor shoved, he simply gave a gentle, guiding hand upon the beings of Earth; regardless of their species or their makeup. Soon, he could see the effect of his presence upon Life’s creations. Curiosity began to make the foundation of each creature, as they explored the world They had all created.

When the humans began to flourish upon the Earth, that is when his Desire truly flourished. From the beginning, the humans were some of the most curious of all animals. Even at their earliest states, they had found unique ways to change their existence, to building, to invention, to experimentation, and shared it all with their peers.

He became quite famed among the intellectuals, those who debated in public, the scientists who tested abstract concepts, those who wrote books filled with all sorts of complex and detailed theories. They always looked upon him with great pleasure, even insisting he was the true measurement of a man, of an intelligent man; to have Knowledge.

October 25th, 1996.

After a final push, Victor Alifrazier is born into the world. Almost immediately, he let out a fierce wail, letting the entire cramped delivery room know of his arrival. The nurses and doctors laughed gently, placing him upon his mother’s bare chest. Margaret Alifrazier smiled, tears in her eyes, feeling his small hands move against her chest, still crying as the doctors began to quickly dry off his body with a towel.

She reached her hand out, giving just a small comforting rub to his head, mumbling absolute nonsense at her baby boy. It was only for a moment though, as they cut his umbilical cord, then took him off for quick tests. She rested, sighing with relief that it was finally over.

“I’m so proud of you honey, he’s beautiful,” her husband, Joseph “Joe” Alifrazier, gave her a kiss against her damp cheek. She lazily smiled back, simply waiting for when her son would finally be returned to her.

When he was brought back, he began breastfeeding, eagerly drinking his first meal. It was here she gasped, for when he opened his eyes for the first time, she saw a right eye of vibrant blue and a left eye of stunning green.

March 5th, 2014.

The Sonic he was going against was a tough one, playing an aggressive game. It was hard to fight back from how fast he was going, quickly attacking his character, then retreating back to go on the defense. Though, Smack wasn’t just any beginner Smash player. He spent hours training his game on Lucario, his current main. He stayed focus on the match, rapidly tapping the buttons of his 3DS as he continued the brawl.

“Y’know, Smack,” Gino began, adjusting his seat so he could recline back better. He had his window open, so he could blow out his cigar smoke easily. Their usual getaway driver handled the wheel, blending into traffic perfectly. “You did a good ass job today. But, I really wanna say, I like the way your brain works. I mean, who else can break into a building, sneak through that fuckin’ maze of air ducts, take out those guards, keep the ball rolling for an important heist… then immediately go to his video game without even breaking a sweat? A genius like you, no one else.”

Smack grinned. He had cracked the predictability of the Sonics’ movements and the flaws of his approach. Now, he had the upper hand in the fight, countering his attacks easily. It wasn’t long before he made Sonic lose one of his three stocks. “Thanks, Uncle Gino. But, it’s really all about experience and practice.”

“Though, you ARE a genius. Einstein is rolling in his dusty ass grave.” Pent said. As always, he had taken the right seat, Shelby taking the middle seat. They held hands, their engagement rings shining from the passing by street lights.

“I’m not a genius, guys.” He insisted.

Everyone objected to that, even the driver. Smack snorted, taking down another stock. He rolled his eyes, despite how his hair completely covered them from view.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop protesting. Thanks, means a lot.”

“No problem! You don’t need to be so humble, y’know! You really are smart.” Shelby said, reaching to his shoulder to pull him closer. It was an awkward position, his seat belt pressing into his chest and stomach, but he kept steady in Shelby’s hold as he finished up the match. Lucario posed dramatically, as the announcer declared Smack’s victory.

Winning another match, getting to practice more on his Lucario game, stealing an incredibly valuable set of jewels, practically cuddling with his best friends… now, that was Smack’s favorite kind of day.

December 5th, 1996.

In the weeks to come, Victor stayed surprisingly quiet. After his initial cry, he had barely cried again, especially at such a loud volume. Perhaps, Margaret was simply just experienced after raising twins. She just understood what he needed or wanted faster, this time. Her friends had theorized the second go at parenting always seemed to be easier and the parenting books seemed to agree with them. Of course, she wasn’t complaining, just curious of the way he never seemed to burst into tears like either of her twins had at the smallest of problems.

On the subject of the two, both had reacted well to Victor. Janya, the elder one, enjoyed talking and playing with her baby brother. Though, she was always more interested in his future, of finally getting to teach him all she knew or showing him her favorite movies. Johnny, the younger one, was the one who found joy in the quieter moments of Victor. He enjoyed rocking him to sleep, just getting to hold him, even reading stories to him. He was just like his father, who similarly loved every part of Victor’s development, every hard part of raising a little baby.

As the winter months came, the parents wrapped their baby boy in a blanket and held him close, as love filled the house.

February 14th, 2015.

The spotlight followed the newlyweds, as they made their way to the dance floor together, hand in hand. Everyone’s cheers and claps silenced, replaced by the speakers playing a soft, slow love song. Shelby and Pent danced like no one else were in the world, their gaze only on each other. Pent’s wedding dress seemed to sparkle in the light, with the long tails of Shelby’s tuxedo twirling around as she moved. It was only when Shelby dipped Pent downwards that they even looked at anyone else, managing to find Smack in the crowd.

They eagerly waved at Smack like the dorks they were. Smack waved back, hoping the lack of lights ensured they couldn’t see the thick tears on his face. Shelby brought Pent back up, continuing on their dance.

Gino, who sat to his left, offered him a tissue. Smack eagerly took it, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose as quiet as he could make it.

“…They look so perfect together…” Gino whispered out, a proud smile on his face. “I still remember when you were all little kids… playing your GameCube… drawing your little weird stories…”

“So, you mean we haven’t changed one bit?” They laughed quietly, silent again until the dance was finished. The venue erupted into loud cheers and cries, the spotlight shutting off as the lights all came back on.

Pent and Shelby walked, holding hands again, to the same row of seats where Smack was. It was where their immediate family members and close friends had been grouped together. As one would expect, Smack was placed right next to them.

“So! How’d we do?” Shelby asked, with a hopeful smile.

“Hmm… well, you finally didn’t step on Pent’s foot, so- “ Shelby gave an offended gasp, making all three of them burst into loud laughter. Nearby, he could hear Gino and Shelby’s parents laughing amongst themselves as well.

“I am SO kicking you out of our house, I swear to God,” she said it with a smile, well aware he was there to stay.

“You’re not going to move out?” Shelby’s mother asked, though her tone didn’t seem to be negative, only surprised. “Aww, I just knew it! Y’know, he,” she gestured at her husband, “was saying that you might move out after the marriage. And I said no, they’re too close! They’ve always been together! They wouldn’t let anything like this come in between their friendship. And look, I was right!”

Her father spoke next, with a sheepish look on his face. “Ah, I never said it to be rude, by the way. I was merely saying my concerns to her. Smack, you’re already aware of how close I view you. You’ve always been a wonderful part of my family, especially with how happy you make my little princess.”

Smack shrugged his shoulders. “It’s no big deal. Unless you have the strength of a hundred men, there’s no way you’re dragging me away from my best friends.”

His parents, who took the place Pent’s parents could’ve sat at, spoke up next. “And Smack can win any fight!”

“Hey, this is their day!” Smack replied, making the row burst into laughter. It was then for the couple to make a toast, so the conversation ended there, as they gathered everyone’s attention. Smack stared up at his best friends with a smile, his hidden eyes shining with love.

For as happy the day was, Smack felt a sense of guilt building up in his stomach. He kept everything hidden as always, under his usual smiles and attitude as he had been for countless years.

For he loved them so, so much.

However, it was an incredibly foolish act to view his Desire as only a part of those groups of people. The snobbish perception that true Knowledge only existed within academia, with those of a certain “class” was a false one. He was in all humans, who uniquely used him as they saw fit.

The warriors drafted battle plans, engineered new weapons, hid in plain sight to gain secrets, they fought with everything they had learned until they were left dead on the ground.

The everyday workers, those who cleaned, who sold things, who greeted customers, who put away packages and everything in between; they found every little way to work faster.

Children explored their world, slowly learning their language and the motions to walking.

Mammals, reptiles, birds, all sorts of animals, while Life’s own creation, inevitably flocked towards him. Most with born with everything they needed to know, some even able to take care of themselves fully from the moment they emerged.

To every living being, he influenced.

October 25th, 1997.

“Happy Birthday, dear Victor!” his family sang to him, as Joseph presented a small cupcake towards him. He sat in his chair, his eyes focused solely on the single candle, the flame flickering.

“Happy birthday to youuu!” Everyone cheered, Janya blowing on her party horn loudly. Yet, Victor stared at the flame, uncaring of the cupcake.

“C’mon, blow it out! Like this,” Joseph blew softly, careful not to hit the flame. He still didn’t move.

Johnny snickered. “Dad, I don’t think he can do it. Maybe we should blow it out for him.”

Margaret nodded. “I think so too.”

“No way! He can do it! C’mon, like this Victor,” he blew again, frowning when Victor didn’t even move an inch. “Maybe he’s just stubborn.”

Victor started to move, raising his hand in the air. “Oh! See! I think he’s got it— “ Joseph went silent when, with all of his strength, he smacked the flame. It disappeared in an instant, causing him to look at his hand and the cupcake with a curious expression. Everyone blinked.

“My baby!” Margaret ran to him in fear, uncaring that the crowd around them began to laugh.

“Is he okay?” Joseph asked, while Janya and Johnny snickered to themselves.

“He’s a little smacker, isn’t he?” Janya said.

“Smacker sounds like a cute nickname.” Johnny said.

From that moment on, Victor began to be jokingly called ‘Smacker’ by his siblings. Within a week, it was shortened to Smack. His parents joined in on the joke, to the point where it ceased to be a joke, simply just Victor’s official nickname.

(Though, later on in life, especially in his early years of school, Smack had practically forgotten his legal name; confusing those around him as he introduced himself as Smack and wrote Smack on any drawing or piece of classwork or homework he did. His parents sighed, his siblings laughed, but in the end, Smack winded up becoming what he identified better with.)

October 31st, 2015.

“Have a Happy Halloween!” The trick-or-treaters thanked her as they returned to their parents and siblings, rejoining with the crowd of children across the street. Shelby rocked in her chair, smiling to herself. She rested a hand on her growing stomach, rubbing it gently. The three of them sat in chairs just outside their front door, so they could greet the incoming trick-or-treaters easily, especially for Shelby.

Like every Halloween between the trio of dorks and nerds, it was an excuse to cosplay. This year, they had chosen a theme, of Super Smash Brothers characters. Shelby went for Rosalina, Pent went for King Dedede, while Smack went for Ness. They kept their hair the same, keeping it somewhat casual for a simple Halloween night.

Though, their house didn’t exactly scream casual. The entire house was completely decked out with Halloween decorations, along with the front yard. One could only imagine the amount of pumpkins and ghosts inside, as well.

“Hey, Shelby,” Smack spoke up, twirling his baseball bat as he waited.

“Yeah, Smack?”

“So, I’m curious. When the kid is born, are ya gonna take them trick-or-treating or are ya gonna wait ‘till they can walk?” Currently, Shelby was five months pregnant, thus the trio had plenty of time to think of the future.

“Oh, I’m definitely taking them trick-or-treating! It’ll be so much fun! …Plus, I finally have an excuse to trick-or-treat again! Now no one can judge me!”

Pent snickered to himself. “I’m just imagining us fully decked in cosplay with this little baby in our arms, they might not even have teeth yet, and we’re just like, GIVE US CANDY NOW.”

Laughing, Smack added onto it, “And we’re just like, what? A small ass bag of M&Ms? THIS IS THEIR FIRST HALLOWEEN BRENDA, BE GENEROUS!”

“Don’t be rude, Brenda! They needs them king sized candy bars!” Shelby finished, causing all three of them to break into a fit of laughter.

Once it died down, Shelby spoke warmly. “Though… I really am looking forward to it. Having a Halloween with my little baby in my arms… showing them my favorite Halloween movies… making Jack-o’-Lantern’s for the first time with them…” she sighed happily. “It’ll be amazing. I can’t wait for it.”

Pent reached for Shelby’s hand, holding it gently. “Me to.”

Smack stretched out his arm, resting it on their hands. “I will personally make sure they watch Scooby Doo’s Night of Hundred Frights.”

“Hey! Stop using your powers in public, jackass!” Pent cursed, though Shelby just laughed in response. Smack pulled his arm back, with his usual grin.

“But, to be serious. I’m really happy I get to be a part of their life. I promise, I’ll always protect them.”

Shelby smiled sweetly. “You’re the best, Smack. Thank you for always being there for me. That’s why I’m always here for you to!”

“Of course! What are best friends for?”

Another group of kids started to head their way, so the conversation stopped there.

Through his smile, he wondered if his time to confess was slowly slipping away.

He was running out of time. They all were.

His head was bleeding. His future vision wasn’t working. Everything hurt.

But he had to keep running.

They only had one shot at escaping.

He could see it so clearly, especially when he used his future vision. The unlimited possibilities were quite overwhelming at times, but it always made him so joyful to see how far-reaching his Desire had become.

“You make me incredibly proud,” Life would coo to him.

“You’re so amazing,” Death would lovingly say.

Over and over, they would compliment him. He would wrap his first pair of arms around his lovers, using his second pair to hold their hands and typically, he would bring his third pair to his mouth to cover his embarrassed smile.

“It’s only because of your work, that mine can travel so hard.”

“You always say that.” One of them would complain, but enjoyed his close affection anyways, typically taking a break for quite some time from their jobs.

#Khonjin House #Supermental #KH #Smack #Pent #Shelby #Shelby Uavou #UWA HERE COMES ANOTHER FIC #ANYONE ELSE STAN SMACK?? ME TO #TY FOR READING IF YA DID #LOV U

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zachsgamejournal · 3 years

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PLAYING: Super Mario Sunshine (3D All Stars)

Played this about five years ago through a GameCube emulator. It was a lot of fun, but it didn't quite feel like a full Mario installment. I'm glad I get to try it again via Super Mario 3D All Stars.

At the time of Sunshine's original release, I was a.) Anti-Nintendo and b.) More interested in "mature" games. But also, I was turned off by the focus on sunny locales and water. Now that I'm way more environmentalist, I appreciate the focus on cleaning up the environment and water + sunshine being our best friend. But still, the fact that every level takes place in a tropical paradise gives the game a monotone vibe, despite the great things it achieves.

I just recently finished Super Mario 64, so it's fresh enough to make some comparisons. Firstly, Sunshine has a story--kinda. I love 3D platformers, and I love story. But They maybe put too much emphasis on a ridiculous concept. Some kind of shadow Mario has made a mess, for which real Mario was thrown in jail, and now real Mario has to use a back-pack water gun to prove his innocence.

Compared to 64's Castle, I kind of like the hub town. It's large and interesting. I remember exploring it a few years ago. It's neat how it's filled with secrets and townsfolk. Great place to test out the mechanics. It's not "traditional" Mario, but it's pretty cool.

Bianco Hills

The level layout seemed a little weird the first time I played this. It starts off "linear" with a path. Then leads into an open area. But it probably should have led to a more welcoming town entrance. Instead, it feels like a back entrance, or maintenace entrance. Just doesn't put its best foot forward. Still, it's an interesting township next to a palm orchid and windmill. Compared to Mario 64 levels, this has a strong sense of "place". It almost feels lived in.

The windmill almost functions like the tower in the first level of M64. It has a path that wraps around with a few jumps, and then leads to a boss fight. This boss fight was a bit more challenging than was necessary. It's an interesting idea, but I still wasn't comfortable with the controls yet, and there's not much of a window to attack the plant. Then at the same time, a variety of other enemies are always after you. So it's pretty hard when you're still getting used to the game.

There's a couple of "obstacle" levels. Basically floating platforms with no real theme, very reminiscent of Bowser levels from Mario 64. I remember hating these, especially because I didn't realize Mario could just walk across edges of the rotating cubes. But even with that knowledge now in hand, these levels are annoying. This is probably where I spent most my time.

After completing the level, you can go back and hit a red-button. This activates 8 red coins to be collected before the time runs out. Luckily, they let you keep your water-pack, but this was some really stressful gaming.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna go for all the Shines (stars). There's 30 blue coins to be collected in every level, and that's a lot of work for what's supposed to be a casual experience. I may save those for last and see how I feel.

Controls

Mario 64 had mostly great controls. You could run, walk, sneak, jump, double jump, triple jump, butt stomp, back flip--everything!! Mario Sunshine feels a little more limited. There's no back flip, as far as I understand. It seems a lot has been replaced with the water-cannon. It's taking me some time to figure out. I kind of wish instead of toggling the nozzle, they were just different buttons for water-hosing and jet-packing. Do we really need to waste a shoulder button on a useless map? Also, the camera is a little awkward. It's better than Mario 64, which basically had a crap camera that did more to hurt the player than help at times. This camera has way more user control, but instead of looking "up and down", the camera moves "in and out". This probably helps sometimes, but for the most part I just got confused why the camera was zoomed out so often.

Super Mario 64 still holds up to me. Sunshine needed to make a huge splash to truly differentiate, and it just doesn't feel like it does at the moment. If anything, Mario Sunshine feels like it should have just been a level, or series of levels, as part of a larger Mario experience.

#Zach's Game Journal #ZGJ #PLAYING #Super Mario Sunshine #Super Mario 3D All Stars #Video Games

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bmaxwell · 3 years

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Best Games of 2020

2020 was a lot. It will be remembered for many things far above and beyond video games. COVID-19 shut the world down in a way never seen in my lifetime. It changed day to day life for many of us, and cost many of us loved ones. It was also the year when the ugly parts of our capitalist society were shown in broad daylight. It feels like 2001 again in that our lives will be divided into pre-2020 and post-2020.

For me personally, I was able to keep my job and work from home, and no one close to us died to the pandemic. We stayed home as much as possible, wore masks, wiped down groceries, and did our best to control what we could. It can be hard to talk about stuff like video games and sports with the usual sort of fervor when the world feels like it’s falling apart around us. It feels like playing the violin aboard the Titanic. But self-care is especially important in times like these, and it’s healthy and necessary to close Twitter, or for-the-love-of-god fucking Facebook and get a breather sometimes. Finding a balance where I could stay informed without completely submerging myself in misery wasn’t always easy.

And so. 2020 was a pretty good year for games, though it must be noted that there is a cost to that escapism - the industry is rife with stories of abuse, burnout, and coverups from companies such as Ubisoft and CD Projekt Red, Naughty Dog, and many others. That can add an additional layer of exhaustion to what is supposed to be a relaxing escape. So I can understand the people who say they don’t want to hear about abuse in industry, they just want the games. But also, fuck those people. “I don’t care if you suffer to entertain me, I just don’t want to hear about it.” Fuck the whole entire way off.

But I digress. Like most years, I played a lot of games. I played a lot of coop beat-em-ups with my kids this year. Minecraft Dungeons and Streets of Rage 4 didn’t make the list, but I spent hours playing them with my middle child. And it wasn’t a 2020 release, but I had a blast playing River City Girls with firstborn. It was a good year for fans of tactics games with stuff like Gears Tactics, Troubleshooter, Wintermoor Tactics Club, and Fae Tactics. 2020 also saw new console releases, though the launch lineups were especially thin.

Gaming-wise, 2020 was the year of Xbox Game Pass for me. I spent most of this console generation (justifiably) dogging Xbox for their lack of platform exclusives, but I decided to pursue an Xbox Series X before a Playstation 5. Game Pass is the main reason for this. The “Netflix for games” thing has finally become a reality, and Sony just doesn’t have an answer for the bonkers value of Game Pass. We head into the new console generation with Microsoft leaning heavily on Game Pass subs, Sony still banking on a few console exclusives, and Nintendo, uh, doing their own thing over there. What a fascinating time for the industry.

Honorable Mention

It’s an honor just to be nominated.

Monster Sanctuary

If you start with Pokemon, strip away the anime, and mix in a healthy dose of metroidvania, you have Monster Sanctuary. This means there are monsters to collect, level, and evolve, and lots of combat revolving around elemental strengths and weaknesses. And I am here for that shit. A game like this lives and dies by its combat, and it’s very satisfying here. The game has plenty of choices about which skills to focus on for each monster, which gear to equip, and which monsters to keep in your active roster.

That said, between a couple of nasty difficulty spikes and some super-frustrating puzzle rooms, I was close to walking away from the game on multiple occasions. It’s a testament to the game’s quality that I kept coming back to it.

Animal Crossing

Animal Crossing on the Gamecube is one of my favorite games ever. Each game in the series since the first has felt like a small incremental change from the original. I played Wild World on the DS quite a bit, City Folk a bit less, and A New Leaf not at all. I was thinking that maybe enough time has passed that I could get wrapped up in New Horizons, but I fell off it after a month or two.

I’m wondering what I would want from a new Animal Crossing game, and the answer is nothing. How much can you change the game and still have it be Animal Crossing? I don’t think the game is bad by any means. My whole family shared an island community for a couple of months. It’s impossible for a new game in the series make me feel the way that first game did.

The most memorable part of New Horizons is the museum. The museum is huge and absolutely lovely, with fish, bugs, fossils, and art each having their own wing. There were a few nights where the tranquility of the museum made for a nice end of the day.

Tell Me Why

My wife, firstborn, and myself have made a nice routine of playing through “choices matter” games together (starting last year with Detroit Become Human and following up with Life is Strange 2). Tell Me Why is the latest one one of these we tackled as a group. These game have created some memorable moments for us; who could forget their child yelling for them to “shoot the hooker”? (thank you, Detroit Become Human).

Tell Me Why was on my radar because it’s One of These, but also because it features a transgender protagonist. As a parent of a trans child, I was both excited at the prospect of this and also worried that it is such an easy thing to fumble. I’m pleased to report that DONTNOD handled the writing of the trans person very well without being hamfisted, preachy, or tryhardy with it. The character of Tyler is a believable trans man, and the topic is spoken of matter-of-factly without placing special focus on it; being trans is a part of Tyler’s story, but it’s not the entirety of his identity.

Less impressive to me was the story itself - especially the way it wrapped up its main conflict. The game trades in the idea of memory being imperfect, which is fascinating in and of itself, but I did not like it as a game mechanism. How did this REALLY happen? One character remembers it one way, and the other remembers it differently. Choosing between them felt cheap and hollow to me; I want you to tell me what happened, don’t ask me to choose. Still, I enjoyed my time with the game, and it feels like a step forward in mainstream storytelling for LGBTQA characters.

Ghost of Tsushima

Ghost of Tsushima is flat out gorgeous. Practically every area and every moment in the game is begging to screenshotted to the point where it can sometimes pull me out of the game world a little bit. That’s not necessarily a complaint because, as I said, the game is freaking beautiful. But every part of the world looking like a painting makes it feel more like it takes place in a fantasy world and less like a game from feudal Japan.

I also had some ludonarrative dissonance going on with the game; you play as Jin, one of the few surviving samurai in his homeland which has been invaded by the Mongols. His uncle is being held prisoner, and combatting the occupying force would be impossible without using dishonorable techniques like hiding, attacking from a distance, and ambushing from the shadows. I, however, have no qualms and savored every opportunity to catch my foes unaware. So Jin voices his doubts, then goes into a camp and proceeds to cut his enemies down from shadows as I cackle with glee.

Ghost of Tsushima also combines dark souls-esque* combat with Ubisoft-style open world gameplay where you’re hunting down icons on a map. That kind of open world game is hard for me top stick with, especially after I spent ~30 hours with Assassin’s Creed Origins early in the year. All of makes it sound like I’m pretty down on Ghost of Tsushima, which I’m not. I’m hoping I’ll come back to it at some point when I have more of an appetite for One of These.

Crown Trick

My Dungeons of Dredmor hole has not been properly filled in a long time. Chcocobo’s Mystery Dungeon is the closest I think. These games are what I think of as roguelikes, though the progression between runs makes them roguelites. *tips fedora*

Crown Trick is a turn-based dungeon crawler where the map is a grid, and each time you act, the enemies act. Add to this clockwork puzzle gameplay a good variety of weapons, relics, and events and you’ve got a lot of replayability. It doesn’t have Dredmor’s ridiculous combination of skill classes, but it does have a neat Mega Man-esque system where you defeat minibosses and add their skill set to your build.

Top 10

10. Star Renegades

Star Renegades was not on my radar at all until I heard Austin Walker talk about the game on Waypoint Radio. Two things gave me pause:

- It’s a sci-fi-ass game. It’s a setting I don’t care for. Star destroyers and aliens and galactic battlecruisers aren’t my jam. - Austin Walker’s enthusiasm is infectious. I’ve tried games after hearing him gush over them and those games haven’t worked for me.** That’s not an indictment, he and I just have different tastes.

Star Renegades ticks a few important boxes for me: it has a lot of characters to unlock, it’s highly customizable, and the combat is turn-based with a twist. Every action, whether friend or foe, appears on a timeline. Some attacks will push their target’s action back on the timeline, so there’s a puzzle element to the combat that keeps it feeling fresh. You can choose the makeup of your party on each run, which helped give the game a buttload of replay value.

It’s not flawless by any means. The writing tries a little too hard to be cheeky and ends up feeling tryhardy and a little flat. A decent run in the game would often take 2-3 hours, which makes it feel deflating when it ends in failure - which it frequently did. The sections of the game where you move between zones on an overhead map feels needlessly clunky, and sometimes I ended up with movement points I couldn’t spend because of how the game handles that system.

I enjoyed Star Renegades a lot, but my time with it was weird. The game has unlockable characters, so unlocking them all was my first priority. The game’s runs are pretty long, I was playing sub-optimally trying to unlock things, and the game is more difficult than I’d expected. It took me a long time to complete the unlocks, then I had a hard time actually finishing a run successfully. Eventually I was ready to be done with it and turned the difficulty down to easy**** just to finally get a W. Still, the positives far outweigh the negative here, and Star Renegades is one of my favorite games of 2020.

9. Immortals Fenyx Rising

Man, something happened to me this December. I’m currently finding myself playing a lot of Forza Horizon 4, Destiny 2, and Immortals Fenyx Rising. None of these is My Kind of Game. Immortals is probably the least surprising of these, because it at least has swords and bows and stuff.

Still, I dismissed and mocked Immortals Fenyx Rising when it was first shown. It was called Gods & Monsters back then, and the idea of Ubisoft making yet another open world game, this time aping Breath of Wild was not appealing at all. I only ended up with the game after trading in Cyberpunk 2077 for Xbox credit and looking into Immortals because I was very surprised to see it on Game Informer’s game of the year list.

To get a few things out of the way, it absolutely recycles a lot from Breath of the Wild: you’ll be hang gliding, scaling walls as a stamina meter drains, finding shrines that contain puzzles and combat and climbing towers to get a vantage point and find points of interest on the map. The latter feels the most fumbled in this game - you can zoom in and survey the landscape, and your controller vibrates when you are looking near a point of interest. Move the cursor over it and press a button to reveal it on the map. They split the difference between Assassin’s Creed’s “all the icons pop in automatically” and Zelda’s wonderful “manually mark places that look interesting to you on your map” system and ended up with something neither functional nor interesting.

That’s where my complaints end though. The game’s art style is similar at a glance, but it’s vibrant and gorgeous, and never feels like Breath of the Wild. The combat is snappy, responsive, and challenging. The puzzle design is often creative, clever, and rarely frustrating; most of my frustration has come from my overthinking the puzzle solutions. There is plenty of gear to find, and the game’s cosmetic options are intuitive and welcome. The game’s narrative is better than I expected; it feels like a B-tier Disney movie. The writing has made me smile a few times, and made me roll my eyes a few times. Zeus as comic relief is a pretty major miss, but it’s fine apart from that. It helps that I’m already familiar with Greek mythology.

It’s a huge, beautiful world where traversal and combat feel great. It’s sometimes hard to get anything done because I am constantly distracted by tracking down an icon on the map, or just exploring because I saw something cool or strange. Not all of the puzzles and challenges work, but that’s okay because I can move onto something else. Immortals Fenyx Rising is this year’s Dragon Quest Builders 2: gaming comfort food where it feels good to sit back and check things off a list at the end of a long day. Still don’t like the name though. And fuck Ubisoft.

8. Atomicrops

The first mention of Atomicrops I remember was “What if Stardew Valley was a twin stick shooter?” which is bullshit, because the games bear no resemblance beyond “there’s farming”. Beyond that first blurb, what appealed to me is the idea that the game’s days take place in 2 phases: during the daytime, you go out and fight baddies to gather seeds, and at night the baddies invade your farm and you fight them off while planting and watering crops.

It’s also a run-based roguelike, and I am 1 of 26 remaining people who is still psyched to play those. Give me a challenge, mix up the details, let me upgrade stuff between sessions, and turn me loose. The game has a good variety of weapons and the challenge is satisfying and rarely feels unfair (apart from the bullet hell problem of too much stuff on the screen at times). I don’t love the art style, but the music sure makes up for it.

7. Wintermoor Tactics Club

A game needs more than charm to be memorable and enjoyable. Charm can go a long way though, and Wintermoor Tactics club has it in spades. It takes place at a small college, and you play as a girl named Alicia. She and her friends are members of the school’s tactics club, and much of the game takes place around a table littered with graph paper, rulebooks, and snacks. As someone who loved tabletop RPG’s in simpler times, and never had the traditional college experience, a prettied-up version of that appeals to me in a huge way. It’s not wholly idyllic though, and it touches on issues of discrimination and what it’s like to be an outcast.

The gameplay itself is pretty straightforward tactics stuff and it works fine but isn’t really the draw here. I was propelled through the game largely by a desire to meet the next character, get the next story bit, and keep basking in the game’s wonderful aesthetic and smart writing. There’s something lovely about sitting around the table and playing a game with friends, and this game really captures that.

6. Ratropolis

Ratrpolis is “A fusion of roguelite, tower defense, city-building, and deck-building!” which sounds like a hodgepodge of nonsense. And it kind of is. It’s a city building game where you are periodically being invaded from either the left or right side of the screen (or both). You choose from 6 leaders, each with their own pool of cards and play style, start with a basic deck of cards and slowly evolve it. The cards consist of buildings, military units, and various economic and military buffs. The major things that set this apart from favorites like Slay the Spire are that it happens in real time, and there is an economic aspect to manage. Tax money comes in every few seconds, and it’s possible to make poor decisions early on and not understand why you feel hamstrung later.

I spent a lot of games like that, not really understanding why I’d be doing okay and then get overwhelmed. I had a few rage quits early on, but I could tell that there was something there. I started approaching it with the mindset of building an economic engine in the early game, and I started having a lot more fun and success. Each of the 6 leaders feels distinct, and figuring them each out has been a lot of fun. Runs are usually no more than about 30 minutes, which feels about right.

5. Final Fantasy VII Remake

Despite identifying as a big JRPG fan, I’ve never enjoyed a mainline Final Fantasy game enough to finish it. This year I finished 2 of them: Final Fantasy XV and the Final Fantasy VII Remake.*** I played the original Playstation Final Fantasy VII release, I think I got through disc 1 and a little ways into disc 2. It didn’t resonate with me, so I came to this year’s remake with no reverence for the game. When many of the original game’s fans got upset with how much the remake changed the script from the source material, I didn’t have a horse in that race.

The remake is gorgeous, the combat and upgrade systems are engaging, and the story is interesting enough to keep me wanting to see what’s next. The 1997 release of the game had some stuff that isn’t going to play the same in 2020 like the scene where Cloud is crossdressing, the game’s themes of environmental activism, and, uh, the entire Don Corneo storyline come to mind. But the game handled all of this pretty well. I’m glad to say that this is one of the best RPG’s I played this year, and I look forward to the next entry whenever the hell it comes along. Cloud is still an unlikable punk though.

4. Monster Train

Slay the Spire was a surprise hit a couple of years ago, and inspired a lot of folks in the indie space to take a crack at the deckbuilding genre. Monster Train managed to to take inspirations from Slay the Spire but still feels like very much its own thing. Both games have you progressing through a series of encounters consisting of battles, shops, or small events trying to defeat the big bad at the end of a journey. You start with a deck of basic cards and upgrade them and add new cards along to way. You can’t really start a run planning on making a certain style of deck, you just choose from the cards available and watch the strategy form. The way this process tickles my brain makes these games endlessly replayable. The “one more run” is very strong here.

Monster Train differentiates itself in a couple of ways. First, where Slay the Spire was always just your one character battling one or more enemies, here you are summoning multiple creatures on the lower 3 levels of a 4-level train (I don’t know either). If the enemies reach the top floor of your train, they attack your core directly and eventually defeat you. This adds a strong spatial planning element - now you’re thinking about which combatants you want on each floor, and in what order.

The other notable difference between the games is that while Slay the Spire has four heroes, each with their own unique pool of cards, Monster Train has five factions. It’s one better. The first three factions feel pretty standard from a creativity point of view - red/green/blue are fire/nature/ice. The last two factions you unlock feel wholly unique though: there’s a faction that summons weak, cheap units and feeds on them for combat bonuses, and one that is made of candle beings who are powerful, but melt away. Okay, the real reason is that each time you play, you’re choosing a main faction (each has 2 champions to use from) and a secondary faction (you don’t get their champion, but you get access to their pool of cards). This makes each run feel unique and makes the game feel endlessly replayable. Even after unlocking all of the factions and their cards, and winning a run on the hardest challenge setting with each faction, I’m still playing Monster Train.

3. Spiritfarer

If Kentucky Route Zero is my “It’s Not You, It’s Me” game this year, Spiritfarer might be my “Love at First Sight” game of the year. The game’s striking visuals grabbed my attention immediately when I first saw the trailer at E3 2019, and it was billed as a game about saying goodbye. My only reservation was that it was coming from Thunder Lotus Games, whose previous titles (Jotun and Sundered) both fell flat for me.

Spiritfarer ended up being everything I was hoping for. You play as the newly-appointed ferryperson for the boat that transports souls from the land of the living to the land of the dead. Your ship acts as your base of operations, and you build living quarters, a kitchen, a forge, and lots of other facilities on it. The beings who join you on your ship are anthropomorphized animals, each with their own story. Your job is to help them be at peace, then send them to the next life once they’re ready.

In practical terms, you’re spending a lot of your time sailing from island to island to talk to people and find resources. There’s a plenty of crafting and time sinks in the game, and I appreciated the excuse to luxuriate in this game world. No game made me cry this year, but Spiritfarer (Alice’s story in particular) sure did try. It was the perfect respite for the nightmare that was 2020.

2. Yakuza: Like a Dragon

A lot of Yakuza fans were concerned over this game’s switch from the series’ usual brawling combat to turn-based RPG combat. I was not one of them. Everything about this game sounds like the sort of fan fiction someone like, well, like me would come up with on a late night drunken bender. “What if it was Yakuza, but like, JRPG battles? Why would that happen.....OH oh oh what if the main character was a big fan of DRAGON QUEST so he just, like, saw the world in those terms? You could have party members, and a Pokedex of all the weirdo scumbags you fight, and you could change jobs by going to a temp agency!”

All of that is in Yakuza: Like a Dragon. And I love it. The series’ producer says they decided to pivot to a turn-based combat system after positive reaction to an April Fools Day Yakuza RPG joke they put online. And there are some rough spots. Your party members get caught on the world’s geometry sometimes, and combatants are constantly milling around so AOE abilities feel like a crap shoot. The Yakuza series has always had about 30% too much combat, so translating it into a genre known for grindy gameplay feels like a perfect storm of sorts. Thankfully, I’m a fan of grindy RPG’s so all of this is directly in my wheelhouse.

This eighth game in the Yakuza series is the first with a new protagonist - goodbye Kiryu Kazuma, hello Ichiban Kasuga. Where Kiryu was very stoic, Ichiban is a hothead with the perfect mix of kindness, earnestness, and stupidity for a JRPG hero. He is an incredibly likeable and charismatic character, and I hope Ryu Go Gotoku Studio tightens up the battle system and keeps this iteration of the series running.

1. Hades

Hades seemed like a slam dunk. My favorite studio was making an action RPG based on Greek mythology. The announcement was the best possible version of “AND you can play it right now!” I bought it (in early access) immediately and played it a bit, but I didn’t want to burn out on it so I only briefly checked in on it every few months. As a result, my hype was pretty low when the game reached its 1.0 release.

Once I decided to fully engage with the game though, I was unable to put it down. SuperGiant’s games have the best writing, music, and voice acting in the business. That’s a pretty high bar to aim for, and they hit it once again with Hades. Both of their post-Bastion games (Transistor and Pyre) are games that I have to recommend with an asterisk though; the gameplay parts of each game is an acquired taste and will put some folks off.

Hades, however, I can give a full throated recommendation for. The gameplay is tight and the combat feels good. There’s a lot of variety in the weapons, so you can either find one that fits your style and stick with it, or do what I did and change it up every run. They also managed to achieve something incredible - they largely took the sting out of losing in a run-based game. There are things to unlock between runs as you’d expect from a roguelite. I found myself enjoying chatting with the denizens of hell as much as the moment to moment action gameplay. I’d respawn back home and make my rounds, taking to people and spending my cash. I had a route I’d travel each time, and that route ended with Skelly in the weapons room. Oh, the gauntlets grant a bonus if I use them this time....the door to start a new run is just right over there....okay I can do one more run tonight.

That personality and dialogue is sprinkled throughout the runs themselves too, in the form of the various Greek gods you talk to and get boons from. The variety in weapons and boons give the game tremendous replayability and give the game a deckbuilding feel. Every character in the game is incredibly well developed and well-acted. Zagreus is a likeable and relatable protagonist. He wants to get away from his disapproving father and find his estranged mother, and he and his father can’t see eye to eye.

The story and gameplay in Hades do equal lifting, the game is an incredibly complete package. The game also provided a couple of the most memorable moments of the year. Hades might just be SuperGiant’s best game. It’s certainly their most complete game.

*It’s very much on the lighter side of this gameplay style, akin to 2019′s Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order. Plus there are difficulty settings, which I appreciate.

**Invisible Inc, Dragon’s Dogma, and The Outer Wilds come to mind.

***Final Fantasy VII Remake is only the first installment in a series

****Cloaked in shame and failure.

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alightinthelantern · 4 years

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Because the decade is ending I’ve been revisiting old interests and past fandoms from when I was a teen, and boy is it a trip down Memory Lane.

Listening to old Vocaloid songs from when I was in high school back in 2010, when I was 15 and new to internet culture, and it was one of the first Japanese culture I ever discovered. Apparently Vocaloids are still a thing? I knew Miku was still popular bc I’d seen stuff in the past year featuring her, but apparently the other Vocaloid characters are too, and there’ve been a whole bunch of new ones introduced in the past decade? I remember when the whole Daughter of Evil saga was being created. I remember all the alt characters people created by taking the main vocaloids and pitch-altering their voice banks. The Vocaloid community was fresh and thriving back then. That was back when Gender-Bending was a staple of fandom culture, and making male “versions” of female characters and vice versa was hugely popular. This was when “Caramelldansen” and “Ievan Polkka” weren’t Classic Memes, this was when they were new, and all the rage.

I remember the Gamecube days, back in the 2000s, and watching my stepbrothers battle my sisters interchangeably on it or the old Nintento 64 they had, in Mario Kart, or Mortal Kombat, or the original Smash Brothers (I, who had terrible hand-eye coordination, wasn’t fit for playing, but was more content to passively enjoy anyway). I remember when the Wii was first introduced (my mother didn’t believe in video games for a long time, and only bought a console for the family about four years later). I remember the GameBoy, I remember the release of the first XBox. I remember the online dress-up doll games. I remember when the Lego Star Wars video game was first released, and being an avid fanatic of those famous bricks as a kid enjoyed watching my siblings play that probably more than than anything else.

I remember how huge the cosplay scene was in the early 2010s, for all kinds of shows. I remember reading Emma: A Victorian Romance by Kaoru Mori with glee as a teen, siting in a bean bag chair in the Teen Area of my local library, because they had a dedicated manga section and had the entire print run. That was back before Borders was bought out by Barnes & Noble and ceased to be, and I’d often sit in the second-floor manga section of my local Borders and read the volumes that caught my eye for a half-hour or more, and the store clerks didn’t care because it was a different world then, a different culture, and I was always a polite, well-behaved kid anyway who always physically respected the books. Apparently the anime adaptation of Mori’s Emma from years ago finally got an English dub in the past year? I’m going to have to track it down and give it a watch.

I remember loving the Romeo x Juliet anime as a teen, that crazy and brilliantly original high-fantasy reimagining of the classic play. I loved that the English dub script was mostly in Elizabethan-era English. I remember Ouran Host Club and Baccano! too, and the first of those being one of the funniest things I’d ever seen in my life at the time. Same with The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. I remember liking Fruits Basket back in 1010, and only realizing years later how fucked up it actually was. I remember Baccano! and Nabari No Ou. I also remember some other shows whose names don’t bear repeating. I remember downloading their OSTs off dedicated websites that no longer exist. I still have these soundtracks in my iTunes library. I remember when burning playlists onto CDs was popular; they finally became obsolete and passé sometime in my high school years, after the rise of mp3 players and programs like iTunes crystallized the superiority of the .mp3, and then people would laugh when I mentioned my own burned CD collection.

I remember when Over the Garden Wall first came out, in 2014, and how groundbreaking it was at the time in terms of what an animated show could be, visually and plot-wise. That show still has a small bud dedicated fandom it seems. I remember the character ask-blogs that were so popular from 2014--16 on tumblr, both ones with drawn replies and ones with live cosplay photos or gifs. God, the ask-blog community was so huge at the time. That might have been the height of tumblr’s popularity, the mid-2010s. I remember DeviantART and the thriving fanart community it had before tumblr took over in the early 2010s. I remember all OCs people were making, and the ask-accounts before ask-blogs were a thing. I remember the roleplay groups. I remember all the fucked-up things people were into back then because the Scene Phase had come but not yet entirely gone, and because teens were emo little shits in general. I remember when anime pairings were written as “[name] x [name]” in full before people started mashing names together around 2014, I remember when words like y*oi and y*ri were the norm. Oh how times have changed. (And thank god they’ve changed)

I remember when the Twilight movies were being made and my high school health teacher put the first movie on in class one day and had the class point out different ways in with the romance was toxic and unhealthy. It’s mind-boggling that in 2019, after The Discourse had come, burned, raged, and gone, that people are still stupid enough to like those films. Even back then I was smart enough to see them for the creepy, badly-written dreck that they were. I remember when The Hunger Games was published (I never read it). I remember the first Hunger Games Movie coming out and the controversy surrounding Jennifer Lawrence being cast as the lead. I remember coming into school one day to find two of my teachers casually debating it (I never saw the movies, and didn’t particularly care about that conversation).

I remember watching an independent showing of Studio Ghibli’s From Up on Poppy Hill in 2015 at a local indie theater, and the audience roaring with laughter when one of the boys at the old club house asked “How can we make archaeology cool again?!” and another replying “We can’t!”, and then a woman in the audience said out loud “Archaeology is cool!”

I remember the birth, life and death of Vine, and despite The Discourse raging on tumblr at the time, the humor on that app was still largely Mainstream and often racist.

I remember Teen Wolf, and Glee, Sherlock and Supernatural and Doctor Who. I remember the emergence of “Superwholock” and the sheer insufferableness of the fandom before they eventually, blessedly died out. I remember the disappearance of shows like J*njou R*omantica and the rise of shows like Free! and Yuri on Ice!!!, Modern “woke” animes that still featured vapid, cliché-driven writing, with Modern “woke” audiences that were puerile-minded and cliché-hungry as ever, the same y*oi fangirls as those that had existed in the early 2010s, only now the shows had done away with the nasty R*pe-As-Romance and replaced it with cringey, ham-fisted pretenses of Realistic Psychology or Social Conscience. And I realized that anime fans my age weren’t worth their salt, and by that time I was too old for anime anyway so I finally dropped it. New animes have come and gone, new live action shows have come and gone, and all the same terrible fandom drama that has burned year after year regardless of show still burns. Same shit, different sewer.

I remember how different online culture was for teens a decade ago. I remember how different real life was for teens a decade ago. Everything has changed so much in the past decade. Teens were children when I was teen. Now, ten years later, teens are like miniature adults, thinking and speaking maturely, socially and politically conscious, wise beyond their years. Racism is acknowledged for the evil it is, and bigoted trolls are no longer socially accepted. When I was a teen, been an edgelord was in, and kids like me who were unusually conscientious were labeled Babies and Oversensitive whenever something didn’t sit right and we voiced objections. Anons telling people to kill themselves was routine. People were violent and ruthless online, and the culture was truly reminiscent of The Lord of The Flies, a cutthroat free-for-all among girls and boys of all ages.

But not anymore: as people keep saying these days, being an Asshole is Out, being Kind is In. Shit like H*zbin H*tel, that would’ve been immensely popular ten years ago, is acknowledged for the violent, vile crap it is. And the language around sexuality and gender has changed so drastically, and has opened up so much. There was no trans content a decade ago in fandom, and Gender-bending, when done to explore the social ramifications of a character as the “opposite gender” (because nothing outside the gender binary existed as far as fandom was then concerned), and not just for titillation, was always cisgendered and done by way of Alternate Universes.

I had a miserable experience as a teen, and I wish that I could have experienced this kind of environment in my formative years rather than the one I did. But although I never did, I am so happy for the teens of today, that they are able to experience this kind of social openness, that they can experience this kind of unity and conscientiousness that exists in a way it never did before. That, even with as bleak and awful as the world is, they are fighting to make it better for themselves. Because it really was them that changed it.

Because, as much as Millennials like to pretend otherwise, we didn’t make the internet culture what it is today, We were edgy shitlord brats who loved laughably bad media, whether it was edgy and featured protagonists who murdered for fun, or maudlin and featured Mary Sue protagonists. We had flame wars over who was “uke or seme” for characters that weren’t even gay. We were nasty piss-stains, and even the teens like me who were better than the rest still had our awful moments. I’ve done and said things as a teen that I’m ashamed of, and no amount of nostalgia can change the fact that fandom and the media it consumed was objectively awful a decade ago. And though “Fandom Moms” and other nasty, disgusting, overgrown-children may be a proud bastion and defenders of the Old Ways, reminiscing about their LiveJournal Days and telling themselves their age is somehow indicative of wisdom rather than how creepy and pathetic they really are, their days are numbered, and I can’t wait to see their +30yo asses slowly die out in the face of progress.

#personal #''Old Radio'' is a good song tho. Kaito was def my favorite as a teen.

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dannitan · 7 years

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84 Questions

Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs. When We Were Young - London Grammar; Do I Wanna Know? (cover) - CHVRCHES; 18 - 5 Seconds of Summer; Penny Lane - The Beatles; Night Changes - One Direction; Everglow - Coldplay; Dancing Queen - ABBA; The Motherlode - The Staves; After the Afterparty (feat. Lil’ Yachty) - Charli XCX; Sad - Maroon 5

If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? KOREA. So I could enjoy the culture, sights, and food again. I have never been there so it would be awesome to visit. I’d take my family or good friends along.

What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) Black ballpen.

Favourite month and why? January or February because it’s still cool.

Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. My dad’s side (by way of the Nubla clan) is distantly related to Coney Reyes (actress).

Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. a) a mug with coffee; b) black ballpen; c) colored pencils

What brand logo is closest to you currently? Resorts World Manila

Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites? Sometimes. I like Game of Life, UNO, Monopoly Deal.

A musical artist you love that isn’t well known Astrid S

A musical artist you love that is well known Coldplay

What is your desktop background currently? Kate Spade striped wallpaper

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them My yaya (nanny). We talked to each other in person.

First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow Black (does it count?)

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? My iPhone.

What kind of headphones do you use? JBL

What musical artists have you seen perform live? Most recently, Sam Smith. He was AMAZING live and looked real good. <3

Does virginity matter to you? Yes! Absolutely.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? We have a Wii and GameCube that are long unused and broken.

What pets do you have? What are their names? 2 dogs :) a Yorkie named Chili and a toy poodle called Chip

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? Being a behavior technician at ABC Center Philippines. I would not change it for anything else, good or bad.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? None but does an internship count?

What magazines do you read, if any? Preview, travel magazines. Not so much into magazines compared to before. :P

Inspiration behind your URL? my nickname from secondary school + surname

Inspiration behind your blog title? N/A

Favourite item of clothing? My Anello backpack.

Are you friends with any exes? Never had a boyfriend yet!

Name at least one book you loved as a child. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) Philippine English. NOTE: I also speak Filipino but not super good at it. :\ I regret not taking Chinese (both Hokien and Mandarin) when I was younger.

What email service do you use? Gmail.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? A board with some Polaroids and positive quotes on it.

What’s your favourite number, and why? 5. It it not too big or too small in amount!

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? Watching VHS tapes at my grandparents’ (dad’s house) house during the weekends. I miss being a kid. :(

What did you have for dinner yesterday? Korean food from Kogi Promenade.

How often do you brush your teeth? Twice a day.

What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? Kitkat. Hershey’s Cookies & Cream. Milka Triolade.

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? None. Just this one.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? RICE.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? Probably a fangirl of Benedict Cumberbatch and Eddie Redmayne. <3 <3

If you could study anything, what would it be? Applied Behavior Analysis. Fashion Design. Abnormal or Clinical Psychology. Sociology.

Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) Lipbalm. On special occasions, lipstick.

How would you describe your sense of humour? I like satirical and dark humor.

What things annoy you more than anything else? Tardiness, rude people, stupidity, traffic, extreme weather.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? Happier. :)

Do you wear much jewellery? Not so much anymore! Just studded earrings sometimes.

Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) President- Rody Dutertre -__-

Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own I can’t see them as of now.

What do you carry your money in? Wallet.

Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? I don’t drive.

Longest drive you have ever been on? A car ride to Baguio.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? USA with the family.

How many times have you moved house? Twice. Once when I was a baby and then when I was 10.

What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? My laptop bag.

How many devices do you own which can access the internet? 4.

Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? My dogs. Chocolate. Good reading material. Shopping. My loved ones. Travel.

Is there anything that always makes you sad? Remembering my grandfather and his condition before.

What programs do you currently have open? uTorrent, Google Chrome, Spotify, iTunes.

What do you associate the colour red with? Good luck (Chinese tradition).

Last strong smell you can remember smelling? Smoke from the area next to our center.

Last healthy thing you ate? Kimchi.

Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? Both but coffee much more often! I drink it at least twice a day.

What do you associate the colour blue with? Calmness and my college alma mater, Ateneo. :)

How long is the closest ruler you can find? None?

What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? Maroon.

When was the last time you drank water? 2 hours ago.

How often do you clear your browser history? Every month.

Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? It depends.

Ever written fanfiction for anything? Nope.

Last formal event you attended My cousin’s wedding.

If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? January 1, so that my birthday will be on the start of the new year!

Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? Countryside!

Roughly how many people live in your town? Too many to count.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? My godfather’s sister.

Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores H&M, Zara, Dorothy Perkins, Plains & Prints.

Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? yup I do! I have an iPhone 6S.

What is your least favourite colour, and why? Can’t really choose haha.

How do you spell grey/gray? Grey.

Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) I think it’s a video clip!

What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? Huge!

How many posts do you have? More than a thousand!

How many posts have you liked? Same as above.

Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? Reblogs.

Do you track any tags? Nope.

What time is it currently? 12:09 PM Manila Time.

Is there anything you should be doing right now? Taking a bath!

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63824peace · 4 years

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Friday, 25th of november 2005

Female detective Sunny Randall is the heroine of Robert B. Parker's latest novel, Melancholy Baby. During the course of the story, she consults the lovely psychiatrist Susan Silverman. Silverman has also appeared in Parker's series of Spenser novels.

Sunny learns that her ex-husband lately re-married, and the knowledge instills her with a suffering sense of loss. She has a dream one night, and she asks Silverman about the dream's meaning.

"What are our dreams?" Sunny asks. "Do they reveal our desires?"

The psychiatrist answers her without digging deeply into Freudian dream analysis. "Sometimes dreams exaggerate the circumstances of the dreamer's waking life."

I cried out from another nightmare this morning. I felt emotions and stresses like those felt during the dream that I recounted in my October 2 blog.

I always forget good dreams, but I remember all my nightmares.

I don't know whether the dream's circumstances were good or bad... but I was about to accept a tremendously prestigious award. Imagine some combination of the Emmy Awards, the Grammy Awards, and the Academy Awards. Multiple entertainment media qualified-movies, music, and games could all compete equally.

The ceremony would start soon. I needed to head over to the ceremonial hall, or else I would arrive late. I didn't understand why, but I was still fixing an anime clip that I had planned to show at the ceremony.

I don't know why it was specifically anime. I only knew that I needed to edit a segment from the footage --- no, I needed to edit several scenes! The presentation had screwed up somehow.

I hastily tried to correct each scene, but my anime support staff was slow. They were positively inflexible. The corrections shouldn't have taken long, but my staff worked at a snail's pace. We could have edited everything digitally, but everyone insisted that we shoot from animation cells. They couldn't understand the concept of digital editing -- and all of the studio's technology was over ten years old.

Nevertheless, we somehow finished the corrections. I ran to the ceremony hall.

I couldn't find my outfit when I arrived at the dressing room. I asked someone where to find it, but he explained that he couldn't open the suitcase that held my costume. He didn't have the key!

I noticed the gigantic suitcase in the corner. It looked large enough to have held a few corpses.

"Why is it in the suitcase?" I asked. "Who has the key?"

"Well," said the fellow, "The guy with the key left for the airport."

"What?! The airport!?"

I couldn't go onstage in casual clothes. The event had a dress code. Everyone had to dress formally for the live broadcast, even the camera crew.

"Hey, come on! You're up!"

A man opened the dressing room door. I could only see his upper body. He pressured me to come onstage. He had a foreigner's face, but he spoke perfect Japanese.

"All right, we're running out of options," he said. "Put on anything, just hurry!" Strangers surrounded me. They dressed me in a costume covered with patches.

Someone pushed me from behind, and I appeared on-stage beneath dazzling lights. I could still see the faces beyond them though.

The audience stirred. They seemed surprised to see that I had dressed like a street performer, or a vaudeville comedian. The MC froze on the spot.

A musician was supposed to have handed me the trophy... he looked like Mick Jagger. He whispered into my ear, "What the hell kind of costume is this? Is this some kind of joke?!"

He slandered me with words that sounded as though they had been translated, and then he laughed out loud. The ceremony hall's audience erupted into a storm of booing.

They threw all sorts of things at the stage. Something hit my head…

And I suddenly awoke.

It hadn't been a frightening dream, but it was definitely unpleasant. I've had these types of dreams before... dreams wherein I lose or forget something, or I can't proceed according to plans, or all my teeth fall out.

"What sort of dream is this?" How would Parker's Susan Silverman respond? Was this merely a menagerie of "exaggerated forms of circumstances from the dreamer's waking life?"

I ate a combo plate for lunch at Del Sol, followed by a double Macchiato. I looked into my coffee cup and saw the shape of a heart. I stirred the surface to erase it. I don't need any more hearts... hearts are troublesome.

I'd rather fill myself with something more substantial -- something more stable.

We left the restaurant and headed back to the office. On our way, Kenichiro found a provisional booth selling lottery tickets. Was this fortune?

"What's up?" I said.

"I thought that I'd like to buy some lottery tickets."

I hadn't seen one of those booths until yesterday, and then I remembered. They start selling End-of-the-Year Jumbo Lottery tickets today.

"Do they usually sell winning tickets here?"

"Well, I wouldn't know. I'm generally lucky at the lottery."

I looked more closely at the booth. The sign above it read, "Sister shop to Yuurakucho Daikokuten, seller of many big winning tickets!"

"Ha! Looks like it's the sister of the real winning booth."

"Well, that's hardly persuasive, is it?" said Kenichiro.

"We'd better get tickets from the real seller instead of its sister."

"I don't even need to buy them. I'm just that lucky with lotteries." Kenichiro recounted his many lottery victories as he walked away from the booth.

I've never won the lottery -- and what's more, I usually lose games like rock-paper-scissors. I never draw a winning raffle ticket, and I've never won a game of Bingo. Consequently, I don't expect gold to rain upon me. I never gamble or take huge risks... I'm better suited for work that requires steady, serious pacing.

Kenichiro, on the other hand, seems to have good luck.

I've theorized that everyone has received an equal distribution of luck, and each person's luck has a limit. You'll run out of luck if you squander it on lotteries and gambling. We're not like Fortune from MGS2. We won't have luck stored for important things like work if we use it excessively.

If I win the lottery, then I've spent that piece of luck. I try not to use my luck frivolously since I want to save it for my games.

Kenichiro boasted that he always wins back what he spends on lotteries, even though he's never won the big prizes. I said, "Don't you think that's why you've never made a hit game?"

"What are you talking about? I've already done that."

"For example?"

"You know… that game!"

"Oh, that," I conceded. "That was definitely luck."

"I'm lucky with women."

"Same here."

Neither one of us could laugh at that.

I've looked for Masaki Yamada's book Magic Opera since yesterday. It's printed by the Hayakawa Publishing Corporation. I finally chanced upon the set of books today at the Aoyama Book Center.

Mr. Noriyoshi Ohrai made the cover, of course. His composition and layout are fascinating as always!

Magic Opera is the second book in a trilogy. I started with the first book, Mystery Opera, which I had bought back in August. I've just read Magic Opera's first sixty pages, and the story has already captivated me. It looks interesting.

Mr. Masaki Yamada's most notorious recent work is Kamigari-2. Russian Roulette isn't as popular, but I still found it outstanding and interesting. The Opera Trilogy is his newest saga; it's part of the Kiichiro Midashi series that started after the Kami Trilogy. I'm looking forward to its narrative development.

I learned that he'll title the third book Final Opera.

Mr. Masaki Yamada contributed an article for the limited release of MGS: The Twin Snakes on the Gamecube. He always responds whenever I mail him my impressions of his books. He is such a remarkable, intellectual man.

I first discovered Mr. Yamada's writing when I read his novel Agni-wo-nusume. I was either a junior high or high school student back then. Agni-wo-nusume was an adventure novel. Some salary-men had been deceived, and then they received company orders to infiltrate a Himalayan fortress. They risked their lives at the fortress, fighting against the CIA and the special assault team.

I have read so many books published by Hayakawa Publishing Corporation. I might say that they practically raised me. They have really bustled for their sixtieth anniversary. Since the beginning of the year, they've released a variety of reproductions and reissued books.

This month they distributed a short story collection by one of their more unusual authors. They've only done this once before. Hayakawa Publishing Corporation's line-up included Theodore Sturgeon's collection titled One-Horned Beast, Many-Horned Beast. They also featured my much-loved Richard Matheson's collection, 13 Shocks.

They've reissued the books in the B6 standardized publishing format, so we can carry the books around more easily. We can also read the larger print more easily. So many interesting books remain in this world... I'd like to see the good, older book reprinted more often.

I bought the mook-book for the film that I saw yesterday, Always: San-cho-me-no-yuuhi. Nippon TV published it, and they included a pair of red and blue 3D glasses in the back. Solid Eye ought to recall memories of the Shōwa Era now!

Later in the day, Tojin the sound director burst into my work booth. "Director! Can you spare a moment?"

I looked up at him. "What is it? Another problem?"

Tojin wore a huge smile. "I registered my marriage on November 22! That's the day of Ii and Fuufu!" Ii and Fuufu are the old-style Japanese numbers. They have double meanings: Ii means "good," and Fuufu means "married couple."

His face didn't betray any self-consciousness or embarrassment. I could sense the willful pride of man who has taken a wife.

Well then... Ii Fuufu, eh? A good married couple?

Tojin's romance was dramatic from the start. He and his new wife met on top of Mount Fuji, at the eighth and highest checkpoint. She had loved Mount Fuji so much that she chose to live and work in the hut at the top for the summer.

Tojin would climb Mount Fuji just to see her. In other words, Tojin had climbed the whole mountain again every time they shared each other's company. I wonder how many times he climbed Mount Fuji that summer.

One day he realized that he had become an expert at climbing Mount Fuji. He hadn't even paid attention to his growing prowess! He has organized every summer trip up the mountain for the sound team because of his experience. Unfortunately, I had to miss it two years in a row.

I'll never forget the time when he proposed to her.

We had met with some creative staff members from outside the company. Right in front of our guests, Tojin whispered an apology into my ear. "I'm so sorry, but I need to go to the panoramic viewing platform at the Hills. I need to propose to my girlfriend. May I leave now?"

"You're making her wait?" I said. "As cold as it is tonight?"

"Yes, well... I thought about staying here until the end, but...." He was obviously worried about the time.

"You go on," I said. "It's better on the rooftop lookout point, by the way. They've got a heliport up there, and it's much less crowded. It costs five hundred yen to enter."

"Got it."

Everything was so serious that I couldn't keep it to myself. I explained the situation to our guests.

Tojin's spirit and determination had moved them too.

"Hurry on up there!" we yelled, bidding Tojin farewell. It seems as though it happened only yesterday.

It turned out that the rooftop had already closed, but I don't think we need to guess her answer. He's said everything by informing me about Ii Fuufu.

Congratulations, Tojin!

Today I led the MGS4 project meeting in the glass room. Only three of us attended -- Murashu, Rettsu, and myself.

Between the meetings I autographed the placards to send with the Subsistence gifts. These are totally different from signing the MGA2 cards. I have so many presents to send, it's no joke!

I just handled the cards for the Japanese version today. I had only taken care of one-third of the total. It was still some hard work though. Whew!

We received the sample Ghillie suit that we had ordered. We bought it in case we're unable to make one during training.

Toyopy tried it on. He looked like the monster Waiaaru Seijin from Ultraman.

In the evening, I had a small dinner party with Ms. Yamanaka and Ms. Miyamoto, KojiPro's assistants. I occasionally throw them a small party to express my thanks for all their support.

We're able to make good products thanks to them. If game-makers need to present an ordered list of people who deserve thanks, their staff and fellow workers come first, then everyone's families, and then the office assistants. Game-makers ought to recognize themselves last.

Kenichiro is Ms. Miyamoto's supervisor. We four went to a sushi bar in the Roppongi area. I drank a white wine called Sushi Wine, and I got pretty tanked.

I had a couple of sidecars in my Nishi Azabu hideout after that. The Kansai bartender doesn't seem to work there anymore.

I was in a mellow mood, so I turned my thoughts to last night's dream. I felt as though I were forgetting something about it... but I just couldn't remember what. I didn't get anyone's help explaining last night's dream -- no Susan Silverman for me. I decided just to find an answer myself.

If the costume had disappeared, then I should have just bought a new one. I think I got the hint that my dream had left me... "Get a new leather jacket this winter!"

I'll sleep well if I can keep thinking like this.

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