Do you think the Withereds will be in the FNAF 2 movie?

Midnight Sun, Chapter 2 - Open Book

Not even a full paragraph in and I have to call Weirdo on something. In the Twilight canon, it is often mentioned that vampires are always always always cold. Like, big old blocks of perfectly sculpted ice. But here, Eddie boy says that his skin had cooled to match the air around him. Can’t work that way. Either Pires are heat sinks that are always freezing, or their temperature can change based on the temperature around them. Can’t be both.

Also gonna bring up the chapter titles real quick. Maybe SM will try to hamfist it, but in Twilight the chapter titles were (supposedly) related to the chapter. First Sight was Bella (supposedly) falling in love at first sight w Edward, and Open Book was Bella going on about how she was an open book and couldn’t hide anything and wore her emotions on her face etc etc. It doesn’t make sense to me to keep the same chapter titles when we’re obstensively living in the head of a different character.

Would have been, if I'd been able to really see it.

What SM was going for here was ‘Edward was so lost in his own head that he couldn’t even see the sky above him even though it was beautiful’ but this doesn’t work. Wanna know why? It’s because of this:  The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black universe - an awesome sight

Weirdo described the sky with perfect, flowery detail, expressed outright the colors that were swirling above him and the way the stars swirled and made shapes. He wouldn’t have been able to do that if he was too focused on his own thoughts to pay attention to it. This is what I mean when I say that SM hasn’t really mastered the First Person POV. This would have absolutely worked if instead of ‘I’ it had said ‘he’. 

As a note: Weirdo calling Bella ‘unremarkable’ in terms of how she looks just comes off as those shitty ‘you aren’t even that hot’ responses from people when they get rejected.

And Weirdo describing the way Tanya leaps at him reads really flat and boring. The play by play method to show how Graceful and Ethereal the Pires are is gross and the flat emotionless tone makes it read like a laundry list of actions. 

Chagrin sighting number two. And I’ve gotta say, this little thing with Weirdo and Tanya reads a little more realistically than any interaction between our main couple throughout the entire Twilight Saga. Sure, Widdle Eddie isn’t into her, but they’re openly and honestly communicating about it, which is more than Bella and Weirdo ever did.

Mostly Tanya preferred human men

This sentence right here completely invalidates Weirdo’s entire argument about how he would murder Bella with his Schlong if he ever gave into his desire for her, as there is clearly a way to hook up with a pathetic, weak human without killing them.

Two chagrins in one chapter, I am blessed.

though her feelings were not deep, hardly pure, and, in any case, not something I could return.

This goes back to that thing I was bitching about in chapter one about Weirdo and only reading surface level thoughts. He isn’t an empath, he can’t descern from her surface thoughts how deep her feelings might be. Based on how his power comes across, it’s likely that he can’t actually interpret any kind of tone at all, and is guessing at the emotion behind the thought. Just because Tanya makes a passing thought about Eddie that may be ‘unpure’ (gag) doesn’t mean that her feelings for him are strictly lusty and naughty.

By the way, it’s only chapter two and I’m already sick of hearing about Bella’s ‘chocolate brown eyes’.

That time jump that they did from Snowy Alaska back to Fork High cafeteria was jarring. We have literally travelled through space time to get back to The Plot(tm) as quickly as possible. Maybe, just maybe, it would have been beneficial to see some of Weirdo’s drive back, get some more introspection, more of an idea of how he plans to handle himself re: The Bella Thing, even if it is in his whiny, affected urple prose.

Humans were constantly desperate to feel normal, to fit in. To blend in with everyone else around them, like a featureless flock of sheep.

Unlike our great, wonderful, perfect Pires, of course. They would never dare to try fitting in with the Sheep that they have decided to live among and try to blend in with. This goes to prove my point that SM’s Pires don’t give a flying shit about blending in with humans, even though it is supposedly Vampire Mafia Law that they don’t get exposed.

"Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are,"

Despite the fact that SM tries so hard to make him come off as the stereotype of ‘dumb jock’, Emmett deserves a better series than this one. Not being afraid to roast Weirdo is absolutely fucking A+ in my book.

We are, yet again, applying Pire logic and physics to not Pire things to show how Strong and Powerful and Amazing our Pires are. I must once again posit that these things are not Pires, and therefore, would not behave in this manner, even when a Pire is interacting with it.

I am once again unconvinced by this Let’s Shit On Jessica Stanley thing I’m having to schlock through. Sure, she’s a lil petty, but she doesn’t come across as overt mean girl bully and she never has. SM never made her feel like anything more than a (in fairness, extremely stereotypical) teenage girl trying to be nice to the new girl in school and being put off by her weird behavior.

Small point to make here, just because I realized how bored I was with the debate over whether Weirdo would go to class and murder Bella or not. Because this is a companion piece to an already published novel, we know what’s gonna happen. Now, a good author wouldn’t let that stop them from making the tension feel real. Even though I know the outcome, I would still be focused on the journey to get there. But I’m not, because it reads as dry and dull. The tension isn’t there and I’m not enjoying the journey to get to the ending I already know. The characters aren’t even likeable enough to keep me entertained. This is why companion pieces and POV shift retellings are so hard to do.

it was hard to believe that anyone so vulnerable could ever justify hatred.

I feel like this is supposed to be the first lil glimmer that Weirdo is In LUV with Bella or whatever in this POV, but the thing is, his patronizing tone and the way he is seemingly always going on about how weak and pathetic Bella is just kinda makes it feel like he’s acting like her Dad. 

Though they didn't want to stand out from the herd, at the same time they craved a spotlight for their individual uniformity.

I only have one thing to say about this. Fuck You Edward Cullen.

I feel like Weirdo is starting to craft this idea of Bella in his head, much like he does with everyone else, but because he doesn’t have the crutch of using his surface thought mind reading powers, he has to guess at her thoughts (much like typical normal human people do because we’re weak and pathetic unlike the Pires), and he’s basically assigning her the thoughts he thinks she should be having. He’s crafting Bella into the perfect ideal for himself without taking her atonomy into consideration.

"Ladies first, partner?"

This is a continuity error. In Twilight, he did not say ‘Partner’, just ‘Ladies first’. It’s nitpickey, and I’m aware that it’s nitpickey, but it’s jarring if you know Twilight well enough to know the dialogue. If we’re going to see the same scene from a different POV, the only thing changing should be the inner monologue, not the dialogue between characters.

I could feel myself warming slightly to the higher temperature.

Bzzzzt, no. I already talked about this earlier, but everything established in canon shows that Eddie doesn’t ever warm up. He and Bella cuddle under a blanket and he is still described as rock hard marble adonis ice. He can’t warm up, according to established canon.

And in this chapter, we finally start the Shitting On Mike Newton run. Mike is the fucking worst in this book and is treated like shit, all because -- can you guess??? -- all because he thought the new girl was pretty and had a little crush on her. Mike gets shit on SO FUCKING MUCH in this series just for daring to think Bella is pretty.

Ignorance was bliss to the human mind.

OR EDDIE YOU’RE JUST ARROGANT AND RUDE AND NOT AS INTERESTING AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. The Cullens fucking PRANCE around this school in their designer beige turtlenecks with their flashy fucking cars and look down their noses at the pleb humans who could never be as good as they are, and especially with the way SM wants to paint Forks as this fucking insular hick town where everyone knows everyone and are probably socioeconomically lower than American average, its RUDE AND GROSS and makes them look like stuck up fucking JERKS. But sure. Keep touting on about how humans are scared of you.

And yet again, we get an example of Eddie boy ignoring the fact that Bella (for all of her faults) is a HUMAN PERSON and not some game for him to play. ‘Wahhh, I can’t read her thoughts, that makes me angy and frustrated’ and whining about how he wants her to GO AWAY because her blood makes his froat hurt but how he wants her to stay because she’s so MYSTERIOUS AND DEEP. 

This didn't fit with the scenario I'd been constructing in my head.

And this is exactly the point I was making up there. Edward is making wild assumptions about Bella based solely on his experience with the human condition from his immortality, but he is also crafting her into what HE thinks is the right way for her to be in his mind without taking into consideration that she is a complex human with feelings and emotions. But instead of actually correcting himself, he continues to do this, and we know he does because he continues to posit that she’s deep and wise even though we know different from being in her POV for three and a half books. 

A lot more of this dialogue is changed from the conversation in the original Twilight than I thought. It should be easy to keep at least the dialogue consistent.

I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for.

This is the most true thing that Eddie is going to think in this entire book, and it isn’t even genuine and that upsets me so much.

my mother always calls me her open book.

I would like to use my solid four years of Twilight knowledge to point out that Bella Swan is not an open book, she’s a lying liar who lies about things, even though she says all the time that she doesn’t like lying. She was always going on about how she fakes her emotions for the benefits of others, she is not an open book at all.

The reason she was upset was because she thought I saw through her too easily.

And, of course, Weirdo eats this shit right the fuck up.

"I find you very difficult to read." "You must be a good reader then,"

This exchange didn’t make sense in Twilight, and it still doesn’t make sense here. Unless Bella is being sarcastic based on her previous statement, the exchange just... isn’t good. And it’s pretty clear that Bella isn’t being sarcastic. So. Explain it, someone, pls.

Emmett still deserves a better book than this one. He is literally out here like ‘Everyone makes mistakes, Eddie boy.’ But we are still talking about murder here, so... 

And that’s chapter two. I didn’t mean to do it all in one long post, but I couldn’t really see a good break in it to cut it in half. The human bashing is already getting worse and it’s making me annoyed. As you can probably tell from the Cap Locks. We get the first glimpse of Eddie being ‘protective’ that we know is gonna get creepy and paternal as the story goes along. And I know that SM was going for an old timey thing with Eddie, but Bella’s inner monologue was really dry and boring, and Weirdo is even worse in that area. Yet again, we see the First Person POV slipping. Little things that just don’t work in Eddie’s head.

Join me tomorrow for more, and thanks for reading along. 

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

if you had to recommend some songs by queen for someone who had never listened to them or only know like one song by them,, what songs would you recommend? -🌱⭐️

ehdjrfghkdgdkjh AAAAAH this is v relevant (well queen always is to me but shh) cause i watched the rest of the rock montreal concert last night and cried during SONGS I HAD NO REASON TO CRY AT they just make emotional waah :,)

first off!! a couple of things to note about queen: they literally have a song that will??? never be surpassed in how popular and iconic it is, srsly. NONE OF US have any recollection of learning the lyrics yet when it comes on everyone in the nearby vicinity is like OH FUCK YEAH!!!!. another thing, queen is the only band where each member has individually written a number one single and i think that is pretty iconic so i’m gonna list these songs by band member because honestly KNOWING SOMETHING LIKE…. OH I DONT KNOW… A NOW Astrophysicist writing a song called fat bottomed girls….. yeah! and last thing, u may or may not know so many more queen songs than u think :))

ANYWAY YEAH THERE MIGHT BE A LOT HERE, LISTED BY BAND MEMBER AND KINDA CHRONOLOGICALLY/BY ALBUM (also genuinely i havent even heard all of their songs SO THIS MAY BE INACCURATE IN THE FUTURE BABIE)

* means my personal faves :D

freddie (cat dad, loved his husband jim hutton :D read mercury & me, u fools!!, literally can’t look at him in the 70s vs 80s and believe they’re the same, actually was v shy irl and finding that out made me feel ok abt being shy myself 🥺):*my fairy king liar (JOHN DEACON HAS THE SICKEST BASS SOLO IN THIS OK.)seven seas of rhyefunny how love is (CRIED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS TBH)killer queenin the lap of the gods (AAaaAAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAH)death on two legslazing on a sunday afternoon*seaside rendezvous (feels like a summer boardwalk or carnival. ur gonna love it)love of my life*somebody to love (honestly thinking too hard about how many looking for/wanting love songs freddie wrote makes me SO emotional bc he really wanted somebody to love and then a year after he wrote it’s a hard life about the same kinda topic he met jim and they were together until the end :,) and freddie said in an interview that he had “found that niche he was looking for his entire life” and OHH MY GOD THAT MAKES ME CRYY)good old-fashioned lover boy*we are the champions (i can’t listen to this too often but when i do DEFINITELY OPT FOR A LIVE VERSION LIKE LIVE AID BECAUSE IT. HITS. MY HEART)bicycle race (freddie rlly just wanted to write a song about bicycles. and also don’t listen to anyone who tries to say this is about bisexuality oh my GODDD)*don’t stop me now (the happiest song on earth, according to science, IT CHECKS OUT!!! I FEEL SO MUCH SEROTONIN BC OF THIS. EVEN WHEN IT PLAYED THAT ACAPELLA BEGINNING AT THE END OF BO RHAP OHHH MYGOD) *play the gamecrazy little thing called love (inspired by elvis, FREDDIE COULD PLAY LIKE 3 CHORDS ON GUITAR AND WE LOVE HIM FOR IT)staying power (watch me put all of hot space on here. ITS A FUNKY ALBUM!)body language (LISTEN. I KINDA LOVE IT)life is realcalling all girls*cool cat (FREDDIE SANG THE FULL THING IN FALSETTO. DO U SEE THIS)*soul brother (HE WROTE THIS ABOUT BRIAN/DEDICATED TO HIM U GUYSS :(((( AND THEY WERE SOUL BROTHERS!!!!! ohmyodtheywereosulbrothrsrs)*it’s a hard lifepain is so close to pleasure (also composed by deaky!)the miracle (it’s credited to all of them but it says the main composers were freddie and john!)*breakthru (THE JOY OF THIS SONG AND HOW MUCH FUN THEY WERE HAVING ON THE VIDEO :(((( IT GETS ME EMO)was it all worth itinnuendoi’m going slightly mad*the show must go on (makes me cry too much to listen to it unless its SAD FREDDIE HOURS but when you think about how close to the end this was yet how fukgignhn incredible his vocals still were it’s so heartbreaking and admirable like waah i just :( love freddie mercury sm)

brian may (TALL. big hair. what is his routine tbh???, ASTROPHYISICIST?? THEY’RE ALL SO SMART. LOVES ANIMALS AND IS TRYING TO END BADGER CULLING. i’d offer him my life):keep yourself alive*doing alright (this was written before queen was properly formed and the band was still roger, brian and tim staffel, who also helped write it, in smile!)the night comes down (you can tell ESPECIALLY well in this song that the only time slots they could get at the studio to record was super late at night ksjfdgjkfdg)father to son*now i’m here (SOUNDS SO GOOD LIVE BECAUSE ITS FASTER AND JUST MORE ENERGETIC AND WAAH OH MY GOD CAN’T RECOMMEND LISTENING TO LIVE VERSIONS OF NOW I’M HERE ENOUGH)*’39 (um. the only song to exist actually! queen’s designated yeehaw song. jsut listen to it played live at earls court babie!! the story of the song is here and TBH LIKE. BRIAN WENT OFF AND CONTINUED TO GO OFF WITH HIS SONGS)*good companytie your mother downwhite man*we will rock youall dead, all dead*sleeping on the sidewalk (MY FAVE BRIAN VOCALS TBH)*it’s late*fat bottomed girls (:^])dragon attack (GONNA YEET THAT SOUND EHYEYEYAAH)dancerput out the fire (PEOPLE GET SHOT BY PEOPLE. PEOPLE WITH GUUUNS)las palabras de amor (depacito song.)*hammer to fall (I PREFER THIS SONG LIVE BUT STUDIO VERSION IS STILL. SO GOOD. THESE LYRICS??? ‘HERE WE STAND, HERE WE FALL, HISTORY WONT CARE AT AALL’ UHHHH!!! HEHEHEHEY HAMMER TO FFaaAAALL?)*who wants to live forever (dont TALK TO Me about this SONG ill cry i literally never listen to it its been months it makes me SO sad and how the music swells and ohh my god I CANTT.)i want it allscandal*headlong (just how cute they all are in the music video ALONE…. hoop diddy diddy… hoop diddy doo :(( wow)roger taylor (for some reason the fandom thirsts over him. its kinda just creepy. i just thinks he’s cute in a rat way and i love him AND ROGERINA see: i want to break free :)) also he said trans rights and as the wise jim hutton said freddie and roger were ‘clearly soulmates’)i’m im love with my car (OH YOU THOUGHT BO RHAP WAS THE WEIRDEST SONG ON ANATO????)drowse*action this day (oh sidenote brian and roger hated hot space and NOBODY IN THE FANDOM NOR ROGER’S OWN CHILDREN AGREE WITH THEM. IT SLAPS HARDDDDD)*radio ga ga (nothing can communicate my joy whenever i hear this song but like with a lot of other songs NOTHING COMPARES TO THE LIVE VERSIONS OF IT AND SEEING ALL THE PEOPLE DO THE HAND CLAPS LIKE :((( their power..)*one vision (yeah its by roger but ever wondered why the last lyric is fried chicken? jim hutton saying to freddie after the band were messing around adlibbing ‘u should leave that in’ AND THEN THEY DID. THANK YOU JIMOTHY HUTHICN)a kind of magic*these are the days of our lives (:()

ALSO AGAIN I HAVENT LISTENED TO ALL OF THEIR SONGS, SO THERE’S A LOT I’M LEAVING OUT DFJHKGFFKGLJ

john deacon (born august 19th 1951 :) and he rlly wants u to know it. his dream when asked was “wet.”, he likes cheese on toast, HAS A LOT OF KIDS, wrote some of the most iconic basslines in the world and is just overall incredibly bouncy and groovy. whether u call him deacy or deaky is up to u and then ur fate will decided by the disco gods)misfire (the general fandom agrees this is abt premature ejaculation. the song’s only 1:50 long AND IT’S MORE OF A FANDOM INSIDE JOKE THAN ANYTHING BUT REALLY.. LISTEN TO THAT SONG AND TRY TO THINK IT HAS  MEANING THAT Isn’t That. again, JOHN HAS LIKE 6 KIDS)you’re my best friend (john was only like early 20s when we wrote this but it’s about his wife and :((((( wtf true love)*another one bites the dust (REALLY JUST LIKE. MADE THE BASSLINE FOR ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC SONGS IN THE WORLD. AND HE DID IT MULTIPLE TIMES???)*back chat (another similarly inside joke kinda thing in the album, THE GENERAL CONSENSOUS IS THAT THIS IS ABOUT BRIAN AHAHSHDSFHKJDF BECAUSE THE HOT SPACE ERA WHAT KINDA TENSE SINCE THEY DIDNT AGREE ON THE ALBUM BUT WE’LL NEVER KNOWWW)under pressure (ANOTHER BASSLINE FROM THE MAN THE MYTH THE DISCO LEGEND HIMSELF)*i want to break free (OH AND HE DID THIS SONG AS WELL UHH. EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU JOHN DEACON????)*friends will be friends (makes me so emotional :((( queen were a familyyyy :()

and bonus stuff:

LISTEN TO FREDDIE’S SOLO ALBUM ‘MR. BAD GUY’ I AM BEGGING U,,,, U WON’T REGRET IT IT’S SO ??? JUST LIKE SO FULL OF FUCIGNGN,.. LOVE SONGS AND IT’S S DANCABLE AND ALSO MADE ME CRY AND GOD. it was literally just remastered and rereleased THIS MOnth this is such a good time to listen to it,, pls… their solo stuff is so goodas for live performances definitely recommend live at the rainbow, rock montreal, live aid, hungarian rhapsody & wembley ‘86 HELL I HAVEN’T WATCHED MOST OF THESE MYSELF I’M TOO EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE WHEN IT COMES TO QUEEN….. BUT I HOPE U LIKED THIS LONGWINDED POST :)

Public Humiliation (Yuta x Reader)

Rating: M

(A/N) It’s ya girl, Ry, back at it again with that smutty goodness, now kinkier than ever! Let’s all be honest: Who here has been personally victimized by Nakamoto Yuta? Everyone? That’s what I thought. What better way to celebrate our combined demise then with some kinky Yuta smut? Enjoy my little nasties!

You felt your face blaze with heat as the audience members burst into fits of laughter, practically busting stitches while you fought the urge to run off the set. "Oh my, Yuta," the television host chuckled cordially, eyes crinkling at you in sympathy as you looked down at your hands folded in your lap in shame. "It seems your translator needs to brush up on her Japanese quite a bit, don't you think?"

You furrowed your brow in embarrassment when Yuta picked up the mic and grinned, "Maybe just a little bit, I'll help her out later." You glanced out of the corner of your eye to see said boy smiling secretly at you as you sat behind the other members, staring into Taeil's back to avoid his gaze. You saw his smile falter when you refused to acknowledge him, the show moving along as you translated the Japanese questions into Korean for the boys, careful with your answers this time to avoid messing up again. Poor Mark was blushing as well, sending you sympathetic looks that signaled he was just as sorry as you were. Mark, as someone who has lived in Canada, had been asked if he prefers to use chopsticks or western utensils. His answer has been chopsticks, but when you went to translate it for the MC and audience into Japanese, you had accidentally mispronounced and said he liked to use 'bridge' instead. So here you were now, furious with yourself and at Yuta who had simply topped off your anger with his teasing comment. You wished and wanted with all your heart for the show to end as quickly as possible, so you could scurry your way to the nearest bathroom and maybe cry a little. It didn't seem like it, but you could still feel the amused stares of the audience as they payed special attention to how well you pronounced things now. It made your palms sweat where you clutched the mic and your voice go hoarse when you had to repeat what one of the boys said. This felt like a land of eternal embarrassment and suffering. A few more commercial breaks later and the show was finally finished, the boys being showered in a thunderous applause as they bowed gratefully to the MCs and audience. The hosts thanked them for being able to be there, and just as you were about to sneak off stage, they turned their evil eye towards you. "And let's not forget to thank your hardworking translator! She certainly did the best she could," one of the MCs grinned, practically sneering if the camera wasn't capturing them at that moment. You bowed and thanked them with a tight lipped smile, once again seeing Yuta's concerned face out of the corner of your eye as you stalked off stage. You walked without a single glance behind you, trudging with a purpose to the closest bathroom you could find backstage. You spotted one, already feeling your throat tighten and eyes prick as you reached for the handle. There was a sudden strong grip on your other wrist, stopping you from pulling open the door as you were whirled around. You didn't have to even turn before you knew who it was as you greeted them politely, "Yuta." He watched you cross your arms with a furrowed brow, running his tongue over his bottom lip nervously, "Are you okay?" "If 'okay' means completely and utterly humiliated, then absolutely," you retorted, swallowing hard as you tried to force your tears back into your eyes. You hated the fact that Yuta looked absolutely comforting in that moment, his handsome face soft and his chest practically begging for you to bury your head in it. You wanted to stomp your foot like a child you felt so petulant about the whole situation. Yuta noticed you struggling with your emotions, and spoke softer this time, his tone considerate, "Baby..." "Don't 'baby' me," you hiccuped, tightening your arms around your body as you looked down at the floor, watching a single tear drop down and splatter on the boring white linoleum tile.  "Come here," he smiled, arms opening up to you encouragingly, wanting you to embrace him as his fingers wiggled invitingly. You let out an exasperated sigh and sob in one breathe, pushing yourself deep into Yuta's hug. His lovely designer shirt muffled your soft sobs and soaked up all your tears better than any tissue, one of his hands drawing comforting patterns on your back as he tucked your head underneath his chin. "I-it was an honest mistake, you know," you sniffled, pulling away to look up at him with puffy eyes. His own big brown eyes were understanding and warmhearted as he nodded along with your words, lightly rocking your bodies side to side to some silent music. "I know," he agreed, his thumb wiping away the tear tracks from your cheek and the mascara that smudged underneath your eyes. He twisted his mouth to the side, his brown eyes dulling with his words, "But guess who gets the worst boyfriend award for adding to his girlfriend's embarrassment on live television? Me." "No you don't," you whined, already feeling bad for taking your mistake out on him even when he was just trying to lighten the situation earlier. You tiptoed and kissed his lips to relax his features again, unable to see an unhappy Yuta for more than a second. A frown simply didn't fit his face, he was too happy and beautiful when he smiled. He met your pecks, a small smile gradually returning to his face with every kiss you placed on his mouth, "What do you think you're doing? Stealing my own technique for making you not mad at me?" You blushed, but not from humiliation this time as he landed a good and full kiss on your mouth, one that made your eyelids sink shut and your knees weaken. You leaned into his hold, hands gripping his shirt as he caressed your lips with a cheeky swipe of his tongue. You gasped and you could feel him grin into the kiss as he invaded your mouth with his wet muscle, tasting you fully as you let out a quiet moan of appreciation. A sudden loud noise back on the set made you pull away from him quickly, taking a full step back as you glanced down the hallway nervously to see where the crash came from. You heard shouts of people reassuring others that it was simply a wooden prop falling, and calmed down, looking back up at Yuta to see a smirk fixed on his lips. "What?," you asked exasperatingly, arms flopping by your side as he laughed at your childish action. "It's so cute when you act like we're going to get caught," he grinned, tugging you close by the waistband of your skirt. Your eyes glanced down for a split second to observe the way his fingers slipped inside confidently, your tummy tumbling from such a simple gesture. "Pretty much everyone knows at this point, you know.” "I do know that," you sighed, folding your arms again as he pulled your hips to his, his gaze already burning with something else. You pointedly put more space between the two of you, "But we should remain professional in a place like this." "Oh, so that moan just now," he feigned confusion, pointing between the two of you. "That was professional or...?" "Quit it," you pouted, smacking his shoulder lightly as your face got heated again. Rolling your eyes, you grabbed onto his hands and placed them back to his side like a teacher telling a student to keep their hands to themselves, "It's like you still live to tease me, Yuta." And by still, you meant those months before he began to secretly date you where he would absolutely torment the living soul out of you. Teasing and picking on you in private, in public, in front of the other members, in front of his seniors, even in front of your boss sometimes. You had thought he wanted you gone, fired, out of his life and maybe Seoul completely. But in the end, after a heated make out session on the hood of your car in the SM Entertainment parking garage and the roughest sex in the backseat of your car, you realized his real intentions. From that day on, Yuta and you were a secret item, though, like he said, more often than not people could guess that the two of you were together just by the way you treated each other. "How can I not tease you when you're always acting so cute when I do it?," he smirked, eyeing the adorable way you were pouting up at him. "And besides, it's not like you don't tease me back." "You think I tease you?," you scoffed in disbelief, smiling with a dumbfounded look on your face. "You haven't seen nothin' yet then.” "Haven't I?," he said in a challenging tone, obviously excited by the fact that you seemed geared up to outdo him. Yuta loved it when you could knock him down a few pegs, call him a masochist, but he loved seeing you fired up to beat him at something. "What do you think you’re going to do exactly?” You feigned innocence, avoiding his gaze with disdain, "And now why would I tell you? Who said I'm going to do anything at all. Jeez," you huffed dramatically retracing your steps to rejoin the rest of the staff in the break room, leaving Yuta with a smirk on his lips as he followed you with his hands in his pockets. But, boy, did you have something sneaky planned.

After finishing up their schedules in Japan, NCT and the rest of their staff returned to good 'ol Seoul, hardly given a break as they would be appearing an another variety show. Not only were you prolific in Japanese, but you were also working on your Chinese in order to help Winwin as best as you could. You knew that being able to speak numerous languages would certainly keep you in good standings with the manager and your boss, so you worked your hardest to study when you had the chance. While in this particular interview, Winwin was your primary concern when it came to translating what was being said, Yuta liked to pretend that his Korean really wasn't as good as it truly was. He might as well be fluent at this point, but he said he fibbed just because he wanted to sit closer to you. You'd promptly rolled your eyes, but let it slide just because you secretly thought it was cute. Your hand was scribbling words down quickly on your notepad as you did your best to keep Winwin up to date with what the hosts were saying, cursing how fast they were speaking. You leaned in towards him, whispering slowly into his ear as he nodded along with your words, giggling sweetly at the jokes that had already been said. You grinned at his cuteness, showing him your notepad that you had scribbled down a few easy characters for him to read, his finger following your writing carefully. On the other side of you, Yuta was practically radiating jealousy, even though he definitely knew you loved Winwin and the rest of the boys like brothers, he still was going to act pouty just because he could. If the cameras weren't rolling, you would have smacked him in the back of the head with your notepad by now, knock some sense into his thick skull. You suddenly felt a devious idea pop into your own head, a small smile spreading across your face as Doyoung began to tell a funny story to the MCs, the perfect distraction. While Winwin began to doze off, you took your chance to lean in towards Yuta, the cameras unable to catch your breasts pressing into his back as you felt him stiffen from the sudden contact. You scribbled absentmindedly on your notepad, leaning over his shoulder so your lips were almost close enough to brush his ear, whining softly, "Baby." It absolutely drove him bonkers when you acted whiny with him, his pants tightening almost instantly at the tone in your voice. He couldn't even do anything, he had to just keep on smiling pleasantly for the camera as you smirked to yourself, completely over the moon with how much power you had. Still pretending to translate for him, you whimpered gently, "Last night I had a dream about you, it was so good." He shifted in his seat, a shaky breath escaping your lips as you absentmindedly gestured for him to read your notepad, which had nothing but meaningless scribbles on it. He nodded at your writing, sneaking a glance at you out of the corner of his eyes as he whispered softly, "And?" "Well," you answered coyly, glancing up toward Doyoung to make it seem like you were listening to him before looking back down to write again. "We were in my car again, and I was on top of you, grinding against your thigh. I was so wet, Yuta, that your jeans were soaked all the way through from rubbing my bare pussy on you." His breath caught in his throat, his hands coming to fold in his lap to cover the very obvious erection that he tried to hide by crossing his legs, "Stop it." You couldn't though, he was finally getting a taste of his own medicine, constantly embarrassing you in situations like this in public. You bit your lip and pressed your legs together as your own words began to turn you on, "And then, you flexed your thigh just so, and," you shuddered as you met his eyes for the first time, seeing the deep lust and anger in his brown orbs. "I came so fucking hard all over you. I ruined your favorite pair of jeans." Yuta pressed his lips together as he swallowed thickly, turning back toward the audience with his usual bright smile as the show began to wrap up. The members said their goodbyes as per usual, and you slipped out before anyone had the chance to notice, darting for the staff room and closing the door breathlessly. You'd never in your life seen Yuta look so angry before, and deep down, it made your belly flip flop with anticipation. What would he say? Is he looking for you right now? Your questions were promptly answered when the door to the staff room was ripped open, practically falling off the hinges as Yuta slammed it shut and locked it. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was set into a frown, as he bit his words out, "So that was it, huh?" "What was what?," you smiled pleasantly, struggling to keep your emotions neutral as Yuta paced towards you, flinching as he did so. He saw that look of panic on your face, and his own frown slid off, being replaced by a softly annoyed look, "Don't play dumb, sweetheart, I know you're smart." You knew you were getting a bit too close to comfort with teasing Yuta, but you couldn't help yourself as you folded your hands neatly behind you, rocking on your heels, "Oh, that. I was just having a little fun-" One of your hands was gripped by the wrist and ripped out from behind you, Yuta placing it deftly on the still growing bulge in his rather tight pants, seething, "There's nothing little about this. Understand?" You nodded, gulping as you felt him twitch against your palm, your eyes unable to meet his as you looked away with a blush. He smirked, taking your hand off of him, "Good. Now go be a good girl and wait for me in your car outside of the dorms. Keep your lights off." Nodding meekly, you smiled secretly to yourself when he bent down to kiss your cheek chastely before he left you alone once again. You were quick to gather all your things, saying good night to the boys' manager and your other friends on the staff, turning down their offers to go grab late night dinner with little lies. Your body practically vibrated with anticipation when you slid into your car, hands gripping the steering wheel tight as you sped off towards the boys' secret dorm location. Technically, not even you were supposed to know where they lived, but Yuta had let it slip months ago when he told you he would be alone in the dorm for a few hours. You could never ever let it be known to any of the other staff, and especially your manager, that you frequented NCT's dorm on a weekly occasion. You parked across and down a ways from the quiet apartment building that SM owned parts off in order to house their artists, careful to turn off your car and switch the lights off as you waited impatiently for Yuta to arrive. You smoothed down the little skirt you were wearing and brushed your hair with a comb you found in the glove box, on edge as you attempted to make yourself presentable. Even after dating Yuta for quite some time, you still felt self conscious whenever you went to meet him, keen on looking nice enough to look at though you actually belonged with him. Yuta was always shining and gorgeous, and you felt like just a dim little glow beside his radiance, even when he whispered how beautiful you were to him. Caught in your musings, you almost didn't see a dark and familiar figure approaching your vehicle, which was parked as far from the road as can be, tucked into a shadowy little corner that almost concealed it from sight completely. Yuta tapped on the window before pulling the door open, his hands immediately coming in contact with your hips as he slammed it shut and pushed you up against your car. His mouth was feverish against yours, nipping and pulling at your bottom lip with his teeth as you released a breathy moan. His hips pinned you on the cold metal car door, the slightest movement of them eliciting a quiet whimper and earning your the softest of groans whispered in your hair. While he abused your neck with marks and sucks, you finally found your words, "Yuta, someone will see." You gasped when he pressed a hard thigh between your legs, lifting you up so that you felt the loveliest of friction on your clit whenever you moved. "I don't care," he murmured simply, his tone curt and impatient as he moved you around to the hood of your car. "I'm going to fuck you right up against your car, where everyone can see how well you take my cock." You moaned at his words as he laid you down on the hood, his hands working quickly to slip your panties down your legs and into the back pocket of his jeans. He always stole your panties, practically having your entire underwear drawer at this point. He frowned and considered how loud your breathy pants were, his hand reaching behind him to grab your panties out of his pocket, "On second thought, you'll be screaming as I fuck you and we can't have someone interrupting us." You didn't understand what he meant until your mouth was suddenly stuffed with your essence soaked panties, gagging slightly as he shoved them in deep. He smiled at the glints of tears shining in your eyes, spreading your legs wide and placing your thighs over his shoulders as he pushed your skirt up to reveal your dripping center. He blew cold air onto your folds, making your thighs shake as he simpered, "Baby girl when will you learn? You can't beat me at my own game." You silently begged for his mouth with your eyes, breathing out of your nose hard as he considered you with an amused expression. "What do you want?" You, you thought with desperation, but instead, you shifted your hips toward him with a whimper, indicating clearly what you wanted him to do. Yuta did this often, making you beg and cry for him, only to offer you more questions and teasing, driving you insane until the only thing that mattered was him and his gorgeous mouth and tongue tasting your pussy. He nosed along your inner thigh, looking thoughtful as he softly bit down on the sensitive skin, bruising like a peach even from the tiniest of nips, "Now, after that little stunt of yours at the tv station, you really think I should give you what you want?" You could only sob and nod your head as the panties in your mouth was soaked with your saliva, his eyes tracing the spit that ran down your chin with a smirk. You were already looking so fucked and he hadn't even touched you yet. He gave you a little respite by tracing your clit with the tip of his tongue slowly before pulling back, "Do you deserve to come, sweetheart?" You gave a louder cry and nodded again vigorously, frustrated from the way the makeshift gag obstructed your words. You thought he would tease you some more, but was surprised when his mouth was suddenly sucking harshly against your lower lips, making your throw your head back against the hood of your car with a thud. Muffled moans poured from your mouth as Yuta sucked and tongued your pussy, the relief of his touch making your back arch off the car as his hands struggled to press your hips back down. You shook in his grip, locking your ankles around his head as you urged his tongue deeper inside of you, the groans spilling from his throat creating the best of vibrations all down your body. One of his hands left your hip and fingers soon joined his mouth as he immediately shoved two of his digits deep into your pussy. You screamed from his relentless thrusting, his mouth attached solely to your sensitive bundle of nerves as his fingers scissored and curled inside of you brutally. The pit of your stomach felt so tight, your walls flexing on their own accord as you suddenly came hard, your thighs trembling and twitching around his head as he continued to pleasure you at a breakneck pace. You breathed hard through your nostrils, shoulder blades digging into the metal of the hood as Yuta continued to push and push you, his voice unsteady from how fast his fingers were thrusting into you, "Are you coming for me, sweetheart? You're a fucking mess underneath me right now, aren't you?" Your body suddenly shuddered, eyes going wide as a second orgasm washed over you, but the feeling was more intense and different as you squirted around Yuta's fingers. Your face turned red as you whimpered pitifully, hearing the splashing of your release against the hood of the car like raindrops as it dripped down to the ground. With your chest heaving, you looked up at Yuta with quivering pupils, a satisfied expression on his face as he watched you continue to spray your release when he pulled his fingers out, "Oh, kitten, you look so fucking good when you squirt for me. You groaned at his words, eyes holding with lust as he began to unbuckle his belt and shove his pants down, pulling his hard member out and teasing the inside of your thighs with it. You were hypnotized watching him collect your release with the tip of his cock, but was startled out of your reverie when a car horn honked. Your head whipped toward the road, a panicked look on your face as your eyes darted between the street and Yuta, who looked completely complacent and calm as he continued to tease your lips. He finally turned his gaze toward the car that drove by, leaning over your carefully and covering you with his frame protectively as he watched the vehicle pass with narrowed eyes, "What's wrong, _______? Scared of a little public humiliation?" When the car finally passed, Yuta wasted no time entering your finally with one hard thrust that shifted you up the hood, burying his cock all the way to hilt with a long, drawn out groan, "Fuck, you're still so tight." You squeaked at the sudden intrusion, your wrists pinned against the car with his hands as he began to rock in and out of you, the slickness of your walls making his thrusts feel luxuriously smooth. Yuta considered your panty-stuffed mouth for a moment before he reached in and pulled out the soaked undergarment, tossing it to the side carelessly before he dipped down to kiss you. Even though you jaw was sore from being pried open for so long, you still kissed him back with as much energy as you could muster, allowing his tongue to slip into your mouth while he continued to rut into you at a steady pace. Yuta's stamina was no joke, he could fuck you for an hour at a time if he really wanted to, his self control sharply honed. But due to your surroundings, he seemed to let go a little, his lips pulling away from yours with a small trail of spit as he panted. He picked up his pace making you dig your nails into his shoulders as he flicked his hips with newfound vigor and harshness. His belt jingled with each thrust and your body shifted up the hood and back down with each push and pull of his hands and hips, making your eyes squeeze shut when his movements became frantic. You let your ears soak in his grunts, fingers digging into his skin until yor knuckles turned white as he suddenly stiffened and stilled, pulling out quickly to spray his cum between your thighs onto the shining metal of your car. He came silently, the only indicating his release was the heaving of his chest and the sound of his heavy breathing. A few moments after his release, Yuta leaned up and captured your lips, his tenderness surprising you as he lifted you off the car, careful of the mess sprayed all over your hood. He set you down gently before tucking himself back inside of his pants neatly with one of his signature grins, suddenly back to his normal self as he fixed your skirt and patted it down. He lifted the corner of his shirt and wiped the spit from your chin and mouth as he tsked thoughtfully, "Look at you..." You smiled shyly up at him through your lashes and he couldn't help but pull you into his arms and spin you around, your voice muffled in his shirt, "You know, maybe you could lay off the teasing just a little." "Maybe," he smirked, cheekily squeezing your ass underneath your skirt as he pressed his forehead to yours. "But you'll probably miss it." "Oh, trust me," you scoffed, rolling your eyes at his cockiness. "I won't." Turns out, you did. One point for Yuta.

Love in the age of Facefuck: Iphigenia Baal’s Merced es Benz

Original unedited text; a poorly edited version appeared in Real Review issue 4, Summer 2017. I guess I always was a little bit in love with Iphigenia Baal. I remember seeing glimpses of a whirlwind careening through parties, pubs, gigs, the backstages of shows with all of London’s seedy nightlife scrolling behind her as if the rolling backdrop of a private theatre, moving like a comet burning its own path through the heavens, a singular orbit governed by laws all its own and beware all those that fall within its thrall.         I recall a hazy cloud of curling hair, gap toothed, cheekbones, eyes that I now want to say were green, deepest hazel green flecked gems. Eyes that burned right through you, unforgivingly. Contemptuously. They had an intensity, a holding you to something, whatever it was. That’s what I remember most, a kind of smouldering raging intensity to truth — the kind that no one can really live with.         She was staff writer at Dazed at a time when, on the dole in a band and sleeping on friends couches or at the studio, I thought being on staff to write was just about the greatest job anyone could have. Somethings never change. And she was simply beautiful. Beauty like in a Greek myth, with something timeless to it, otherworldly, at once raw and serene. All carried with such attitude, an always more hardcore than you kinda attitude. I guess I was struck. Intimidated.         From afar, a distance. I never really knew her, of course, friends of friends of an acquaintance, the occasional party, a couple of words here or there, nodded acknowledgement outside an opening, doorways, corridors, street-level passings by. Stories and rumours and gossips…I guess I was a little bit in love with the idea of Iphigenia Baal. I’m probably wrong about the eyes.         And so a decade later, in another life, Miss Baal’s second novel arrives in a package for me at the office sent by her publisher. Merced es Benz is a love story, a non-fiction novel charting the relationship between the author and one Ben Thomas — seemingly the love of her life.         Bookended by Baal’s own reflective prose, we’re witness to the relationship through a little over eight months of Facebook posts and chats, SMS, BBM, email, and google searches. It’s an exhaustive record of every digital exchange between them. From SMS setting up a date or time to meet, likes on each other’s posts or updates, arguments raging across different handsets, emails, sponsored posts, Merced Es’ google search results into drug networks, police informants, flights to Australia. A transcript of all the links and communiques between them logged in the system run out in chronological order. Objet trouvé. Print All.         It’s all text-speak dialogue, slanged abbreviations, the ping-pong chat messaging we’re conditioned to now. Bite-sized fluid snippets. Situated in the media that now frame our social exchanges, it feels utterly modern. And it reads quickly. Pages are scanned, scrolled rather than read. The layout echoes user interfaces — like the wireframes used to blueprint a webpage design. And yet it’s also antiquated, a rolling-back to an archaic version — Facefuck v1.3.2 circa 2011.         The drama is often in the details. You find yourself checking the timestamps of text exchanges, noting the gaps, the jumps, the ellipses. Merced Es traveling across London to meet Benz, only to be stood up, the messages repeating, ten minutes, twenty minutes, two hours no response, ‘where are you’s turning to anger then rage towards the other who only resurfaces the next morning. Everything feels real, and these are conversations, relationships, exchanges, acts of dickishness and inconsolable rejection that everyone can relate to, has been, played out. It’s London love baby, utterly relatable stories as old as the hills and bitched across spilling pints in pub corners across the capital forevermore.         As a teen, Baal was nicknamed ‘that Mercedes chic’ by her friends for wearing one of the iconic three-pointed-star-in-a-circle emblems snatched from the hood of a fancy MB motor around her neck. In Benz, she finds her completing half. Star-crossed lovers, a real-life Romeo and Juliette for the digital age. Merced es Benz has that touch of fate about it.         Love is a fiction, a story we weave, to entwine us together.         After opening with their first exchange online, Benz responding to a characteristically disdainful ‘Facefuck’ status update from Merced Es, the book jumps ahead to the immediate aftermath of Thomas’s untimely death from a drug overdose in July 2012.         Everything unfolds under the shadow of this tragedy — a death that perhaps if not accidental, if not a suicide, might awfully be wilful. Heartbreak even. A deep sadness pervades the reading of the couple’s exchanges. A constricting fatality born of the knowledge of what is to come. The whole book is a looking back, involving both a deciphering and an occlusion. You read searching for clues why, as well as vainly attempting to forget what you know so as to experience the couple’s shared moments in something approaching an authentic innocence. But death shadows, a constant companion inexorably pulling us back towards the curtain closed.         It’s a story of a doomed love told from the surviving half. A story of survival, of the telling required to ensure the other half lives on, can become full again once more. No longer simply that Mercedes chic.         There is of course the gap here between the author and her avatar or handle, between Ben Thomas and Benz. Merced Es both is and is not Baal. They elide, and this layering, merging, pulling away, leaving out, this différence, is dynamic.         In the same way, all the events and action of their relationship are absent. In between texts or emails we have to guess and imagine what transpired. Read between the lines, and project our own experiences into their exchanges, in order to make sense of the trace. A deciphering of what-must-have-to-have-happened to provoke this.         Thus as one looks for the source, for the reasons why, all we have are the traces of events that have always already happened elsewhere. Events that have been removed, isolated, quarantined. What we read is reductive — reduced to a trace that itself is raw, it’s copy itself, a copy of a copy, and we’re left with the bare bones. We see the outlines of rich media, image boxes with no filler, YouTube links vacant. Absentia in media res. Just like the object of love (Benz) himself.         Severed from both real life and the interconnecting digital web, the printed page is a mausoleum, but doubly here, triply even. Perhaps the only true archive or resting place of our online conversations is precisely offline — otherwise they are still live, active, full of potential to change, be rewritten, re-skinned.         I toy with the idea of looking up the video links on YouTube, copying the URLs out verbatim, for veracity, to establish the mood, to listen to the same track by The Rutts. But somehow that’s not the point. Memory, clouded and somewhat made up, filled in over the gaps, feels more authentic to this story.         Across the transposed Facebook group patter names are scratched out, effaced for anonymity but still recognisable, half legible, if you know what or who you’re looking for. Photographers, stylists, former colleagues from one magazine masthead to another, public house heroines and pinups. It’s a familiar world, that London of the turn of the decade.         Perhaps always in negative, Baal captures the nihilistic decadence of modern urban twenty-something living. Our protagonists are neurotic, directionless within a drifting affluence, never short of a party full of people they loath who are their best friends. Alienation for the trust-fund generation at the end of history. All this… and nowhere to go, nothing to do. Baal’s unforgiving cynicism and rejection of this scene shines through. The tawdry sub-gossip milieu of rich kids idling the world from party to party to beach to island to who cares where next with the touch of overly perfumed Louis XIV court intrigues in their drama and tousling themselves up with all the braggadocio of a rap promo. This centrifugal star-lit social scene is contrasted with hints of stunning dawn views from her 15th floor flat in a Bow housing estate tower block out in deepest East London.         But how much of all this is true I ask myself, is this real? I certainly remember seeing some of these posts on Baal’s Facebook, the letter that got her fired from Dazed, the ‘I fucked… and all I got was this petty vendetta’ t-shirt. Maybe one of those anonymous likes is mine.         Who was Ben? Did the author make him up? If not, what would his friends or family make of who you read about here? Did she write/ make all of this up? Within a couple of quick searches Benz is revealed in the tabloid daily reports of his death. But even these always by a kind of second degree, headlines that the friend of so and so rock star kid it boy died. His death simply isn’t the story, isn’t the news, it’s his associates. Even here we miss him.         I think perhaps Merced es Benz is an attempt to reclaim part of this person lost. A way of saying it did happen, that for all of everything else he was/is/was this, at least to me. The idea and love of a person is surpassed on all sides by them, until that love is all we have left.         How much of this is a transcript? Untouched, unedited, unwritten? To read is to be invited in to be a witness, but of what? All the events here, everything that happens, happens elsewhere, IRL somewhere, off read, off piste, off script.         Merced es Benz is an account from the aftermath of a cataclysm. It’s the act of piecing together how we got here, a looking back and re-reading of archives. It’s the act of the bereft that Baal puts us as readers into, into her shoes.         It’s also the act of writing today. Through technology tracing our every move, thought, exchange, calorie burnt, website visited, link clicked, the great book of being is being written by machines in a language we can’t read. What we mean is our trace, the trail we leave behind through the systems we traverse. In this way the writer is effaced from the writing. Baal tries to take herself out of the equation, effacing herself, by instead reaching towards becoming a pure conduit to this trace of her past. It’s an act of carrying that trace forward — an act of not acting, of not writing but rather of reading — the writer in negative. In absentia.         But in this way we become her — recalling and returning to the aftermath, trying to make sense of the event(s) of our lives. This non-writing — this archaeology, this digging up — this is ours, perhaps all that we have ultimately.         There is a great vulnerability and honesty in Baal’s non-fiction novel. It pulls no punches, about anyone, least of all herself. If we’re sympathetic to her characters, they’re not faultless. We’re welcomed inside the expressions of their neuroses, doubts and rages to each other just as much as any love between them.         And here’s the thing, thinking back I wonder if there is really love in this story, in so far as it’s a story of a failed, doomed romantic encounter. Almost as if the love each of our protagonists held for the other, living outside the book, the traces of its expression and thus their ability to communicate it to each other, couldn’t navigate these mediums between them — perhaps it’s a warning about love being innately atrophied in the age of Facefuck. You’ll only find love in the real world.         Recently I’ve been seeing clips of scorpions and crabs shredding their shells recur on my social feed. There’s something strangely satisfying in watching the disconnecting, withdrawing and pulling away under the hard surface, the reveal of the soft vulnerable pink fresh skin exposed underneath and then the empty husk left behind. The hollow shape of the thing, there but without substance, without content.         I think of this husk in relation to Merced es Benz. There is bravery in letting oneself be so laid bare, opening out the vulnerability and shape of oneself. An affirmation to say a kind of, I once was this.         To be a writer is to share of yourself, invite others to step inside this externalised piece of you. You can only really write what you know, or write to unlearn yourself. Perhaps in reaching for an already externalised trace of herself at the intersections with another person, Baal finds something that enables an authentic intimate encounter with an other for a reader, a kind of genericity that everyone can reach towards.         Ultimately, I think Baal suggests that writing today is neither simply the digital trace nor using that trace as a medium of expression, but lies beyond, within a composition or choreography that primes the possibility for encounter. And against the comforting alienation of our self-reinforcing media bubbles, her book asks how one can encounter the other, perhaps even how can one love today?         Told almost entirely through social media posts and digital communications, about love and about death, Merced es Benz is an uncovering of the past and a trying to come to terms with it; it addressing the nature, and thus future, of writing itself as confronted with technology and the mediations of today; and, for the old Badiouian in me, it is about fidelity to an event, twice over, that of their love encounter, and that of his death; the one nested in the other, for only by faithfully expressing the truth of the first can one face that of the second.         I guess I’m still a little bit in love with Iphigenia Baal, but not in the way I was before. Now, perhaps on her terms, in the way that she invites us readers all into a love that is forever lost, to step into these moments, and feel and watch and recall through the moments of our own lives, what it is to know, to love someone — if not the writer then perhaps her Benz.

Merced Es Benz by Iphgenia Baal is published by Book Works as part of the Semina series guest edited by Stewart Home. Order a copy here.