It's been a week since Jinki is back and his current schedule has 6 fanmeets, 2 events and encore concerts with SHINee. So… where are all the people that made all kind of assumptions during his health hiatus and were SO SURE he was going to quit music? Nothing more to say now, I guess? 😊

Live reaction/thoughts to She-Ra Season 5:

thought these were p funny so here ya go

-entrapta does have feelings mkay @ mermista

-catra apologized to entrapta even after she bluntly stated all the horrible shit she did to her,, bless

-Scorpia has electricity POWERS WTF YO

-so?? Does Glimmer?? Like?? Not have her teleportation powers anymore?? Or??

-catra + short hair = a strange feeling

-‘wrong hordedak’ is a precioUS bABy

-frosta is so tiny she is supposed to be 13 now but like,, she still smol af

-Micah being apart of the team,, he’s everyone’s dad now

-she-ra’s upgrade?? God is a woman after all

-does Micah know that Shadow Weaver is Light Spinner or—

-Kyle and Rogelio is canon LETS FUCKIN GO

-if they don’t conclude/answer the biggest question I’ve had the entire series aka “what IS Madam Razz?” then imma riot

-SPINERELLA NOOOOO how fucking long has she had the horde chip on her neck??

-THERES no DOUBT in my mind that the chip in Spinerella is the reason why Netossa was crying in the trailer,,,

-catra’s redemption is awesome- it’s very well written- it’s slow but making good progress

-perfuma and seahawk have had almost zero screen time so far so I hope that changes soon

-even tho there’s clearly gonna be endgame ships— the glitra, slight scorptra, entrapdak, catrapta, glimmadora, glimbow, and scortrapta has been good in new content

-GLIMMER KISSED CATRA ON DA CHEEK FHKSDHJDSDHJDHSHSHS aw

-also bow saying catras sneeze was adorable >>>>

-horde prime is very,, i dunno,, weird? Like he has his polite charade/act goin on and then turns into a strict dictator two seconds later lmao

-Scorpia singing?? My SHIT! SHES SO TALENTED

-I never knew I needed lipstick! Mermista and Peruma until now

-Scorpia stayed behind wtf

-DOUBLEEEEEE TROUBLEEEEE THEY BACK

-THE INTROSSSSSS THEY KEEP CHANGING

-entrapta teaching wrong! Hordak to wink is too pure for this world

-the netossa crying scene showed up :(

-bows DADSSSSSSSSSSS EVERY CHARACTER IS SHOWING UP AGAIN I CRI

-okay but what’s shadow weavers deal?? Why she do dis shit??

-I love aunt casta’s and shadow weavers banter tho lmfao

-catra now has a loyal cat companion

-and now she & her gone

-damN Perfuma rlly has faith in people huh

-horde primes gonna fuck shit up oh no here he comes

-hordak is remembering Entrapta lemme just,,,, :’) “your imperfections are beautiful”

-glimbow rlly out here being more touchy than usual huh

-AWWWWWW BOWS PLAYING A CUTE GUITAR WHILE GLIMMER SLEEPS ON HIS SHOULDER HDJDSJJS and she’s blushing okay 👌

-“take care of her, horde scum” “that’s the plan, sparkles” glitra has been popping bottles this season

-Y’know I still ship bowfuma but like- GLIMBOW CANONNNNN THAT FOREHEAD KISS AND THE “I LOVE YOU”s FUCK IM DYING DHDKDHSHDHDHDSHJD

-MARA JUST SWOOPED IN OUT OF NO WHERE wHAT

-is hordak gonna be the one to tackle horde prime or,, no? Bc him hurting Entrapta is gonna affect hordak for sure

-“you’re worth more than what you give to other people” limme just weep for a sec

-“couldn’t wait to sweep me off my feet?” Jesus seahawk dhdkdjdj also why is this show so good at writing good chemistry for hetero ships like damn

-bows message to Atheria? fuckin stan him taking charge

-SHADOW WEAVER GIVING UP HER LIFE TO SAVE CATRA AND ADORA >>>

-“I’m so proud of you, Catra.” I legit started crying at this

-oml even the staff from drill showed up dhdjdhdhd I missed them since season 1

-hordak really just,, said this whole ass speech about defying his rules and just,, fuckin,, drops horde prime off a cliff LMAOO DAMN

-DID ADORA JUST JUMP INTO THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT?! catra has a ponytail, Adora looks like a Greek god, and glimmer has even shorter hair oml I’m dead

-bow has a goatee IM

-catra saying “I love you” hit different

-like my main ship is scorptra just bc Scorpia was able to make catra soft/blush a few times lol but canon catradora is p cute- the way they handled the build up was well-written

-“stay” is a reoccurring line in this season

-UPGRADED! SHEILD!

-hey bro- what if,, we were both main characters,, of the same sex,, and we used to beat each other up,, and we kissed,, hey wait bro- don’t stop bro-

-the angle of the kiss reminded me of the Starco one ngl (but that show ended badly so,, eh)

-who knew kissing catra was so powerful that it made your barrette fly right outta yo hair

-ENTRAPTA DOING A SPINNING HUG WITH HORDAK DHDKDHSHS SOFT BABIES

-DAMN SPINTOSSA KISSED LIKE THREE TIMES ON THE MOUTH THIS SEASON WOOHOO

-scorptra hug? That’s all I needed thank you noelle I can die happily

-so ig we’ll never truly know what madam razz is,, oh well. At least she made an appearance

-the last shot with the best friend squad? Fantastic. Great show, great ending.

Since we have a week off, is there a chance you could do a top 10 Fjorester moments so far?

OH HEY THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN YES LET’S DO IT

10. “Did you just say I’ve been with your mom?!”

This whole sequence is hilarious. Jester is clearly annoyed that this woman is hitting on Fjord (as he tries to hire company for Kiri iirc) and tries to use her mom as leverage which clearly doesn’t work but...

what really gets me is how appalled Fjord sounds. It’s not “The Ruby of the Seas” it’s not “a famous courtesan” it’s not “a big score for a sailor like me” nope nope in his head this is “Jester’s mom” and given the flirty nature of their relationship he’s clearly Not Happy with the suggestion and Idk why but the way his voice becomes high-pitched with panic is just amazing and it was one of the first moments when my brain went PING he has a crush PING

9. Turning into water

Objectively, everything about that scene was hilarious. Fjord’s tired sigh, “nope, but thank you for that terrifying thought” was so funny and bantery... but what really gets me about this scene is how honestly worried about him Jester is at the beginning, just as he wakes up, and how later she tries to lighten the air between them with a joke...

And you can tell that it works because, despite Fjord’s initial discomfort, he turns it around and he gives her a wink and a smooth line and Jester just MELTS and it really just encapsulates so much about their friendship and dynamic and this was like episode 4 or smth

8. Post-Plank King talk

So this scene is pretty good already as a vulnerable and honest talk between them but also I like it for a few particular reasons. Firstly, the context. During the pirate arc, Fjord and Jester had some issues mostly because of Avantika, and Jester was starting to second-guess just how well she knew Fjord and he was pulling back from everyone under the pressures of leading... so to see her seek him out and just ask if he’s okay and how he is feeling was a wonderful thing for both of them. Also, I love how Fjord chose to open up to her about his conflicted feelings towards Vandran and how the whole thing hurt him. It’s just SO RARE to see him be this honest about his insecurities, and it really goes to show how much he trusts Jester. I also like that she mentions the accent thing. For us, as an audience, it’s pretty indicative that the person Jester thought she knew, actually is the real Fjord. That she has known him the best from the start and kept his secrets for him because they trust each other so much.

I also love the ending so so so much? Jester mentioning his growing tusks was such a soft little thing, and Fjord in turn acknowledging how much she supports him and thanking her for keeping his secrets was so sweet.

Plus, how to forget that perfect romcom ending where they both awkwardly pretend they have something else to do? PEAK SLOW BURN ROMANCE I TELL YOU.

7. Wursh

So this is two separate things, technically. First, their first meeting and Jester obviously noticing Fjord’s discomfort and insecurities and rushing to try to cheer him up after the talk. Jester is super perceptive, and she knows Fjord better than anyone, so I really appreciate that she didn’t just notice, she went out of her way to try to address it with him.

Also, though, the second time when she low-key threatens Wursh and makes sure he’s being nice to Fjord feels my heart with joy. Anyone who thinks Jester’s feelings for Fjord are shallow or performative is missing the point that she’s doing these things in private. He has no idea. She’s doing this out of love and selflessness, just checking in on him and making sure that he’s not going to be hurt by anyone else. And the way she TALKS about him, how gentle she sounds when talking about his insecurities and how she tells wursh that she knows he has a good heart I just- dfljañdlfja

6. Meeting the Ruby

I love so many things about this meeting omg. Firstly, that after watching Marion Lavorre aka the most famed and hot and expensive performer and courtesan in the Coast —at least— Fjord’s first reaction is “Hey, Jester, would you like to do that?” Like he has full faith she totally could do that and even when she voices certain self-doubts and Beau reassures her that she’s pretty and graceful, his contribution is “your singing voice is nice” as if the only thing that could stop Jester from reaching those heights was singing because she’s beautiful to his eyes.

Further proof? This boy, meeting the Ruby of the Seas, again, most beautiful and sensual woman, and his reaction is “I see where Jester got her good looks from” like, damn son, slow down! And Marion, bless her, all flirty but also perceptive being like “i can see you care about my daughter, do you watch over her?” and nearly making him break down right there, like Marion is part of the We Been Knew club.

And AFTER though, Fjord who has all this issues with family and who longs to find them but also dreads it, watching Jester (right after Caleb pointed out that her cheerfulness is an act) and making a point to ASK if she’s okay, “how are you feeling? do you want to have a drink? a walk? a talk?” this boy always going out of his way to make sure she feels okay and making sure they fix whatever is troubling her it’s just peak soft

5.The Tree Dive

Okay so what can I say about this that i haven’t yelled about yet? Travis “No Romance” Willingham giving ups PEAK ROMCOM DRAMATIC MOMENTS that take our breath away? Check. Fjord who just recently had an epiphany as to HOW MUCH Jester means to him and how her unwavering support is the one thing he can lean on, freaking LEAPING after her when she falls off the tree? The fact that there were ZERO seconds of hesitation between her falling and his jump? Feather fall giving them one quiet floaty yaoi moment where they hold hand and look at each other right before he booms them back up? How about Jester’s shocked and scared “Fjord, you-“ once they are back up, like she just CAN’T BELIEVE what he did for her?? AND THEN THE BOY USES HIS LAST SPELLSLOT JUST TO GIVE HER A BOOST WHEN SHE STARTS TO PANIC?!

IT’S FINE IT’S FINE I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY

4. The Second Temple

This one is, like, especially interesting when you consider the context, right? Like, it’s right after the blue dragon fight and Fjord just spent the whole past day trying to patch things up with Jester while she pulls away… and then they are here and he’s ready to go through with this and Jester is just SO SCARED FOR HIM. She doesn’t want to leave him behind, and he KNOWS that.

The way she just sits down to talk to her god, her best friend in the world, and ask him to look after him for her just MELTS MY HEART. And you can see it melts Fjord’s too. I mean, here is a boy who grew up all alone, with no one to help him or stand up for him, who deeply believes that no one in the world would possibly care about his problems, and then there’s this girl who is so worried about him, literally praying for him. And like, just the moment when he sits next to her and he’s so soft and touched by her worry. “Jester, it’s alright. You don’t have to tell me. I appreciate the sentiment.” THIS IS PRETTY MUCH A STAR WARS CLASSIC “I KNOW” OKAY??’  and her quiet “i really hope he does help you” “me too”

*banging pots and pans* TRAVELER SHOW TF UP FOR YOUR GIRL AND HELP FJORD OKAY WILD MAMA BEAT U TO IT BUT YOU GOTTA STEP UP

And the last part is just so cute, like, “just, don’t turn evil to me?” “Or anyone else? just you” listen listen listen if we ever talk dark au’s this is basically the foundation, “fuck the world but i can’t lose you”

3. Tusk Talk

There’s so much to appreciate about this talk, especially with Fjord being so open and vulnerable about his past, but I’m super soft about how Jester chooses to reassure him. “I think you would look good either way, Fjord” because she likes him and not just about his body, it’s about who he IS. And you can tell how much her opinion matters to him by the way he hyper focus on Jester after that comment. Everyone else keeps talking and he’s just like “you’re saying I should grow them back?” and she just reassures him again that it doesn’t matter to her.

And he does something that is still so impactful to the narrative about 50 episodes later: he gives her control, he trusts her enough to overwatch him getting over his worst childhood trauma, and in that moment he makes himself vulnerable in a way he never has before. And she takes that trust and honors it, and she comments on his tusks now and then, she makes them a mark of pride in her tattoos, she reassures him whenever those insecurities resurface. It’s such a meaningful thing that he has chosen to share with her, I don’t think I’ll ever be over it.

2. Underwater Kiss

Again, what can I say that I haven’t yelled about before? Fjord, who just tried to drown Avantika btw, sees Jester drowning right before of him and this protective self-sacrificial boy just grabs her by the face and KISSES HER. Travis used those words exactly, hell he specifically referenced The Shape of Water. And then he gives her all of his air. HE JUST DOES THAT.

He could’ve done so many other things?! Taken the key from her? Pulled her to the entrance with his double swimming speed? AND INSTEAD HE DID THAT

AND THEY HAVEN’T FREAKING TALKED ABOUT IT

ALSO JESTER’S FIRST KISS??? AND HOW JUST ROMANTIC AND AESTHETIC AND EXCITING IT IS?

when i tell you my heart can’t take it

1. Jellyfish Talk

Of course, of course, this is the TOP Forester moment. I mean. How could it not be? The romantic light, the heart to heart, Jester first and foremost checking on how Fjord is feeling with his mission and then carefully bringing up her negative feelings, for the first time, willingly, because she trusts him so much. And Fjord, who just had Caleb open his eyes about Jester hiding her emotions, being so tentative around her, so careful. Fjord being vulnerable too, opening up about his own negative emotions, give and take, so that she will feel better opening up. Fjord being so soft and reassuring for her, coming up with crazy plans to make her laugh and cheer her up. THE SOFTNESS with which he says “Don’t be sad. Your mama is pretty proud of you, that much is clear.” He’s so gentleeeee

And listen listen listen this moment is also key because of how much it affected what came next. Like, Avantika comes and muddles everything up, but this talk lingers between them as a moment of sincerity before all the lies, and then, as soon as they move on from this hell, Fjord’s main priority is getting Jester back to her mom, making sure Jester is okay, trying to return to that point. It takes them a while, of course, but you can tell this moment is a strong foundation for them to find their way back to each other.

Because in this moment, in the ship surrounded by beauty, they saw each other without masks.

Translation of the Ghost cover feature in Finnish music magazine Soundi 06/2018

[T/N: SO I finally finished this translation that I had been meaning to work on ever since I first saw this magazine on the shelves back in June. It’s a really interesting, detailed article with some new insight to how Tobias views the past and future of Ghost, so I would highly recommend giving it a read!

Thanks to @mistashadesu​ for proofreading!]

Ghost – Against the odds

Matters of Faith

Heavy rock bands capable of making an international breakthrough have become a rarity nowadays. During the past few years, one band has succeeded in this feat better than others: Ghost. Its story is already filled with an astounding amount of interesting turns and strange coincidences, but if we ask frontman Tobias Forge, Ghost has only taken its first steps.

Prologue: Once upon a time…

…there was a little boy from Linköping, who took an interest to heavy rock music thanks to his older brother. Around the same time, the boy, named Tobias Jens Forge, grabbed the book Stone Alone which was about the life of The Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman. The reading experience was so fascinating that the boy started devouring the biographies of other musicians as well. One of his most influential early musical experiences was Metallica’s colossal The Black Album, but soon the darker, more mysterious and dangerous paths of death and black metal swept the boy with them.

In 1998 the boy had grown into a young man, who founded the death metal band Repugnant, whose only album Epitome of Darkness came out in 2006, after the band had already disbanded. On the verge of adulthood, the youth also played the guitar in other underground acts, such as Magna Carta Cartel as well as an early incarnation of Crashdïet.

The same year Epitome of Darkness came out, a song in Swedish, Satans Natt, was conceived “for a possible new project”. A musician friend of several years [of Forge’s] heard the “not particularly serious” demo version of the song and urged him to compose more songs in the same vein. That’s what happened.

Soon the project got the name Ghost, and in 2008 the title of Satans Natt was changed to Stand by Him, whose lyrics begin with the sentence “Devil’s power is the greatest one”. Bingo! Like almost always in the case of the best rock music, the deal with the good ol’ Devil had been sealed.

Ghost did not hurry, however, since the air was thick with a fragile “now or never” atmosphere that was not worth shattering with something unfinished. The D-Day dawned on Friday 12th of March 2010, when Ghost released a three-song debut demo on their plain MySpace Page.

First Act: Year Zero

It’s April 2018, and Tobias Forge has arrived at the Universal Music facilities in Södermalm, Stockholm. The slender musician has taken off his black leather jacket, whose front is adorned with Misfits, King Diamond and Venom pins among other things, and settled into a comfortable position on one side of the black sofa in the conference room. Forge, who has been extremely busy during the past decade, has had some free time with his wife and two children during the past couple of weeks.

It doesn’t require being an adept judge of human character to notice that Forge is positively exuding happiness and calm. Though why wouldn’t he be, seeing as his dreams for his musical career have come true. Even the wildest ones of them all.

–When I founded Repugnant, I was hoping for the band to become a big name in the field of death metal. I was dreaming of achieving something that for example Amon Amarth have reached. Anyway, it didn’t come into fruition for a multitude of reasons. For starters, our timing was completely wrong, since the popularity of death metal was at a low while nu metal was dominating the charts. No matter what I tried, Repugnant didn’t seem to provoke much of a response. It was inevitable that my enthusiasm started to wane.

Despite his adolescence having been permeated by extreme metal, Forge has always been far from a thick-skulled metalhead, who refuses to see past the end of his nose. The time had come to do something other than death metal.

–If you ask what my favorite album is, I might mention Season Of The Dead by Necrophagia, but I could also mention a thousand other albums. My earliest musical memories have to do with the releases of Rainbow, Iron Maiden, Kiss and Mötley Crüe – especially Shout At The Devil terrified me as a kid – and I still love these bands. Queen, Misfits, Pink Floyd and The Doors have always been huge favorites of mine. I really like many Swedish artists, such as Lars Winnerbäck. The world of AOR has killer names like Journey and Foreigner who have affected Ghost’s vocal harmonies tremendously. Yeah, I could continue this list endlessly.

When Forge started planning “yet another project”, that is to say Ghost, his idea was to combine Satanic and occult imagery (“I read Necronomicon at a young age and its impact was pretty huge”) with progressive and organic hard rock (Uriah Heep, November, Blue Öyster Cult), mystic and sinister heavy metal (Mercyful Fate, Pentagram), obscure metal (Voivod) and huge, shamelessly catchy hits (Africa by Toto).

The end result was a some kind of cross between Black Sabbath and Abba.

–After a few Ghost songs had been finished, I started looking for a singer for the band. I’m a guitarist and I wouldn’t have thought I would become the band’s singer. I inquired the interest of many of my famous colleagues, such as Messiah Marcolin of Candlemass, but no candidate expressed any. Not a single one. However, I still wanted to play the cards I had been dealt, so I had to be the singer.

“From rags to riches in one night” is a horrible cliché, but that is exactly what happened to Ghost, at least to some extent.

–I uploaded the demo songs on MySpace and turned off the computer for several hours. When I turned it back on again… Well, I could hardly believe my eyes. During a short time, the page had been flooded with praise from fans, record labels and colleagues alike. At that moment I realized that if I had been given one chance to succeed in the world of rock ‘n’ roll, its time – Ghost’s Year Zero – had now come.

Mysterious are the workings of higher powers, which is something Tobias Forge got painful proof of later on the very same day. Only a few hours after Ghost’s emergence Forge’s world collapsed: his 41-year-old older brother – his mentor and role model – had passed away.

–Two of the biggest changes in my life up to that point happened on the same day. I don’t believe in the supernatural, but the timing of these incidents made my skin crawl.

Second Act: I love Ghost

Ghost’s explosive popularity on MySpace really set things in motion, and it wasn’t long until they signed a record deal with the former Napalm Death and Cathedral singer Lee Dorrian’s Rise Above Records. Their first album Opus Eponymous was released towards the end of fall 2010.

–When Opus Eponymous was released, I was 29 years old and had been playing in different bands for maybe 15 years. I had been involved in making albums that music magazines didn’t pay any attention to – they didn’t even bother to review them. At some point I was seriously plagued by self-doubt, and daunting thoughts like “maybe I will never have a successful music career“ crept into my mind. After all this, the warm reception and positive reviews Opus Eponymous received felt fantastic, Forge says.

–I am a perfectionist, and Opus Eponymous is, of course, far from being a perfect album. If I listen to it today, I find myself constantly thinking that “I could have done that and that so much better.” But Opus Eponymous is a product of its time and it opened countless doors for Ghost. The material on the album was written with no plans for a future record deal on the horizon, and this is why the album is extremely stripped-down and genuine. In many ways Opus Eponymous is and always will be my most important release, because it gave me a chance.

When Opus Eponymous was released in mid-October, Ghost hadn’t played single gig. And performing is at least equally as important as recording to Forge, who has loved the performing arts ever since he was a little boy.

–We played our first gig in Germany at the Hammer of Doom festival five days after Opus Eponymous was released. The gig was such a bizarre experience… As I said, I have the identity of a guitarist, and only doing the singing felt weird at first. And I looked weird too, in the mask and robes of a satanic pope, Forge laughs.

–I felt that the hype around Ghost also caused the audience to just observe the gig instead of really enjoying it. The atmosphere was reserved and I couldn’t really tell if they liked us at all. Luckily we performed in London the very next night, and the atmosphere at Camden Underworld was fantastic. The venue was packed and everyone sang along with the lyrics like there was no tomorrow. It was one of those important moments when I understood that Ghost could really become something.

The character of a satanic pope that Forge, who had been impressed by the “skull mummies” in Indiana Jones films already as a kid, had created answered to the name Papa Emeritus I during the era of the debut gigs and album. For their next album Infestissumam (2013) Ghost “changed singers” and Papa Emeritus II, who of course was Forge’s next character, took the stage. A similar metamorphosis occurred with the album Meliora (2015).

–During an early stage of planning I decided that songs like these that flirt with mysticism and occultism cannot be performed dressed in a t-shirt and jeans in the corner of a pub. In other words, it was as clear as day from the start that Ghost’s show had to be very memorable visually. One of the ideas had to do with the stage, which I had wanted to look like a church of some kind. This in turn led to the thought that the night’s Master of Ceremony had to be some kind of a satanic clergyman or the leader of a cult. The system that the Catholic Church and the Vatican have had in place for centuries, where a new pope rises to power every now and then, offered the perfect model for Ghost’s upside-down world.

Ghost’s concept is so ingenious that it instantly arouses the question of why nobody came up with it earlier. Something that further adds to its ingenuity is that if Forge starts running out of ideas at some point, he can turn his attention to years past and reanimate Papa I or some other former frontman of Ghost. And the fans will rejoice.

–Nostalgia is an important part of rock culture – and it has become even more important as many of our heroes have passed away. Some older rock fans are extremely proud about having seen Led Zeppelin live in the 1970s. Or if we consider Metallica… Did you already discover them during Cliff Burton’s era, or did you only get excited about Load? For die-hard fans this is a question of life and death.

Speaking of Metallica – even though Ghost is superior among newer bands, it would not have reached its current status without James Hetfield. When Metallica played in the Ullevi Stadium in Gothenburg in summer 2011, Hetfield appeared in an interview in a live broadcast on Swedish television wearing a Ghost shirt. “Papa Het’s” comment “I love Ghost” reached millions of metal fans through the internet, which marked the end of Ghost’s days as an underground band.

–We performed at Roskilde that same night, and suddenly my phone was full of messages telling me that Hetfield had praised Ghost on television. It did feel incredible, Forge reminisces.

–It’s been baffling to notice how adaptable the human mind is. As you get to know your childhood heroes personally, they become less exceptional. I don’t mean to say that meeting James Hetfield isn’t great every single time, but nowadays things like these are a part of my life. Just like endless travelling. Before Ghost, I had barely travelled anywhere and now I have visited dozens of different countries.

When did you visit the USA for the first time?

–Oh, this is a fun story! I was determined that I would only go to the United States when I had a gig there, and that’s what ended up happening when we played at Maryland Deathfest in the spring of 2011. It was an unbeatable feeling!

Third Act: My name is Tobias Forge

And the Grammy goes to… Ghost!

Who would have thought that a Swedish metal band in the beginning of their career would win a Grammy, the most esteemed award in the world of pop music, with some help from Metallica or not. That’s what happened, however, when Forge and his then-nameless ghouls picked up the award for Best Metal Performance in Lost Angeles in winter 2016.

–[The Swedish producer] Max Martin probably has something like 50 Grammys, but otherwise there aren’t many of those within Sweden, Forge says.

–I was already dumbfounded by the fact that we were nominated, so winning felt completely unfathomable. So many famous bands have been nominated for a Grammy numerous times but never gotten the award, and we took it right off the bat.

–My mother was so excited about the news about the Grammy that she started telling everyone about “her son’s band Ghost”. Despite all the times I had emphasized that we were going to hold onto our anonymity as long as possible… Well, I did know that the rocketing growth of Ghost’s popularity meant that our road of being anonymous and faceless would end sooner or later.

The words “My name is Tobias Forge and I am the singer of Ghost” were broadcast on the frequency of a Swedish radio station late in the summer of 2017 [T/N:  Here the author misquotes the Sommar i P1 interview slightly – what Tobias actually said was more along the lines of “My name is Tobias Forge and I am the man behind the mask in Ghost.”]. It was the first time Forge had publicly admitted to being Ghost’s frontman.

–I am a control freak, but unfortunately controlling everything is not possible. Especially not when a rock band grows faster than anybody could have expected.

Forge having to reveal his identity has to do with disagreements that arose following Ghost’s success. Some of Ghost’s background musicians – the no-longer-so-nameless ghouls Simon Söderberg, Mauro Rubino, Henrik Palm and Martin Hjertstedt – sued their former boss in the spring of 2017. The reason? Nothing particularly surprising. The four of them thought that they had not been paid enough.

As an outsider, it is easy to understand the views of both the visionary dictator Forge and his former bandmates. It’s one thing to dream of a jackpot, but during Ghost’s early days no one could have predicted the diabolical heights that they would reach. As their popularity skyrocketed, and the original lineup consisting of an old group of friends had no written agreement, both sides could claim anything.

–A famous musician said to me that all successful bands have to settle their accounts in court sooner or later. He added that things like this are a sign of success and that many things have been done correctly. He was right.

The legal battle remains unfinished, but the former members of Ghost got one small win so far – at least if their purpose was to throw a wrench in the works. After all, isn’t it the case that the mystery surrounding Ghost has somewhat decreased, now that everyone knows the identity of the visionary behind it all? Or is it?

–Well, the situation is what it is and there’s no changing it. If Ghost’s brand is as strong as I hope and want it to be, the band will survive this with no significant repercussions. It’s true that a part of the mystery is gone forever, and if someone can no longer enjoy Ghost after seeing my face, so be it. But ultimately I’m not that worried, since I can still control the publicity fairly well. I have no intention of going to speak nonsense in some reality show.

Fourth Act: Don’t you forget that you will die

This summer marks the beginning of yet another era in Tobias Forge’s unholy books. The recently released fourth studio album Prequelle mischievously flits from one atmosphere to another, and has already become a cornerstone in Ghost’s constantly strengthening fortress.

As is the custom, the frontman of the band has “changed” yet again and Papa Emeritus III, who became a fan favorite with the album Meliora and the EP Popestar, is gone with the wind – at least for now – and the group is currently led by Cardinal Copia.

A cardinal is below the pope in Vatican’s ranks, but only a cardinal can be elected Pope, and Forge intends to make the most of the possibilities that the band’s “new and wild figurehead” offers. For example, it’s worth checking out the promotional video for Rats, a song inspired by former bandmates (“Them rats,” Forge croaks) – no Papa could ever have executed such dance moves.

The instrumental songs on the new album are in a league of their own. When I first listened to the advance copy of Prequelle, the stylishly flowing Miasma and Helvetesfönster took me by surprise. Ghost goes… Vangelis?

–I dig instrumental music and was planning a few instrumentals already for Meliora. My plans didn’t pan out back then, but this time I was determined to not leave those ideas unused. Naturally, I also wondered if I was completely nuts for releasing 12 minutes of instrumental music… After all, it is quite a lot in this golden age of short hit songs and music streaming. Well, if someone dislikes Miasma or Helvetesfönster, there is nothing I can do about it, Forge laughs.

–I intend to continue in a similar vein in the future. Ghost absolutely isn’t a band that keeps on releasing the same record over and over again. I could have played it safe and written ten songs like Square Hammer or He Is, but that would have been dreadfully boring. In other words: I love Ramones and AC/DC, but Ghost is a band more like Queen – always surprising and exciting. To me, Prequelle sounds just like that – sometimes the music makes you smile but sometimes cry.

A key song on Prequelle is also the delicate and beautiful Pro Memoria.

–The song is about death, such as the deaths of legends like Lemmy Kilmister and Ronnie James Dio. “Don’t you forget that you will die” is a reminder that you must enjoy life in the present and not take things for granted because tomorrow it may already be too late. For example, if Alice Cooper has a show in your city, you should go and see him, because there might not be a next time, Forge reminds me.

–Death has already been sung enough about in the circles of heavy music and usually the point of view is always the same, which is to say that death is praised and glorified. Ghost’s message is different, a slightly more positive one. I want to remind people of how great it is to be alive and how tomorrow things may already be better, even if you feel low today.

Prequelle is a crucially important album for Ghost, who have managed to gain a foothold in the difficult to break into US market – Prequelle might even be the “make it or break it” release that determines the rest of the band’s career. Forge knows it better than anyone, but he refuses to take any pressure about it.

–Nowadays Ghost has many fans all around the globe, and they will surely check Prequelle out. Will they fall even deeper in love with Ghost, or find the album lousy? I don’t know, I really don’t. But what I do know is that I wrote every note and every word on Prequelle from the bottom of my heart.

Epilogue: One more time…

Who would have thought that an unconventional underground band calling itself a “satanic doom metal band” at the start of their career would rise to world fame? No one, not even Tobias Forge himself, though he knew his own skills as a songwriter.

But this is where one of the greatest attributes of rock music lies. You can make all kinds of probability calculations, but the weight of strange coincidences and sheer luck in the equation cannot be measured.

Now Ghost is on the threshold of an ultimate breakthrough. The band is facing that imposing gate that leads to fame similar to Black Sabbath’s, Iron Maiden’s and Metallica’s.

Towards the end of this year, Ghost will be performing at Forum in Los Angeles and at Barclays Center in New York among other places, and both of these two American venues fit approximately 20,000 people. Strangely, even concert plans this huge feel like a logical next step for Ghost.

Tobias Forge, what will Ghost be doing in 2051 when you turn 70 and reach Lemmy’s age?

–(Pauses to think and starts laughing) By then Ghost will be the biggest theatrical rock band in the world, the Queen and the Rolling Stones of its time. Do I really think this will happen? Maybe!

Guess who’s back, back again.

It’s me, your favorite 20 something, one year later from what I can only surmise as a shit show from what I just read because I thought it would be a great idea to recap myself on what you all must think of me.

I cried a lot reading the posts I didn’t remember writing because I was out of my mind curling up at the bottom of whatever bottle I’d come across that day; I cried, even more, reading the posts I did remember because all of that pain and melancholy still exists like boulders in the luggage of my runaway heart.

There have been too many boys, friends, men, bottles, smiles, drugs, laughs, cries, midnight vomit sessions, breaths of fresh air, happy days, and days I didn’t think I’d recover from to count. Honestly, 2018 was the happiest and saddest year I have lived this far. I’m sure as we chat a little more, details will begin to reval themselves and stories will come up. These are just the important ones I don’t want to half ass.

I want to start this post with a small message to Janurary 2018 Angela:

I know you’re really butthurt about Nathaniel but WE (I) FUCKED HIS HOT COUSIN NICK AND HE WILL NEVER FIND OUT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE THAT OR DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS BUT IF WE EVER DID TELL HIM IT WOULD SHATTER HIM AND HIS FRAGILE EGO. So forget that dude, Nick was a fucking 14/10 and you fucking nailed that REPEATEDLY and Nathaniel still sucks even to this day so get over it you big, beautiful fucking queen.

Anyway, back to raw, emotional, reflective Angela (our regularly scheduled programming):

New years 2018 has become an iconic day in my life and the lives of every person in my once close-knit group of high school friends. Ryan’s girlfriend Monika slept with Ryan’s best friends Matt and Mason, and all three boys were some of my closest friends for years. 

Sure, it’s a huge joke amongst those of us who still strain relationships through the wreckage that night and the nights leading up to it caused, that everyone got to see everyone topless and I made out with Jordan and Ashley like it was some innate thing that I’d always wanted to do (because we literally all made eye contact and just started making out, zero prompting from anyone... I totally admit that it’s the only moment where I genuinely questioned my sexuality lmao). However, no number of boobs of old friends is ever going to make me forget the way two of my friends betrayed Ryan.

Nevermind the fact the Monika gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months ago. Don’t worry, we all did the math, it’s not Matt or Mason’s... but the lack of loyalty on that girl does not suggest he is genetically Ryan’s, which isn’t stopping him from being with her, which makes pretty much all of us dead to him. Can we blame him? I don’t, not even one bit. I can’t imagine the feeling Ryan must have carried for months, the betrayal. I’m not saying I understand why he stayed with her and shut every single one of us out, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that he did. I have, and always will wish him the best; I hope his son grows up loved, happy, and healthy, and that Monika can grow up for his sake.

With that being said, I really do think that day was the last nail in the coffin for this page. I was so overwhelmed with processing the entire thing and how exactly I fit into it, that I really do think I had to turn my mind off for a long time to survive it in a healthy way. I lost faith and respect for two boys that I had watched grow into men that I loved and respected like the older brothers I had prayed for years to have. I would never be able to look at them the same way, and it made me feel selfish for making it about me that I just didn’t, not even to myself. 

I did not speak to anybody in that group for about 10 months before I responded to one of the many invitations to come together with what was left of the group, which was Lucas and his girlfriend Little Taylor, and that only lasted a little while until New Years 2019 when they got into an immature fight like they always do, and I couldn’t help myself; I called them out on it, and now I guess we aren’t speaking. New years 2019 was the first time I had seen Matt and Mason, it was as if nothing had changed, and like always, they made jokes about what upsets them: Ryan being gone, Ryan being a Dad, our group is in pieces and we don’t talk about it unless it’s a low blow to someone who isn’t even around to stand up for themselves.

I had an alright time. I had gone with my friend Tim from Bdubs Dekalb circa 2015 to his sisters wedding, and missed the stroke of midnight, which was okay because I was perfectly comfortable spending the first two minutes alone in my car. We got drunk, nostalgic, and silly, just how I wanted to remember them. I really do love every single one of them for surviving all of the teenage recklessness we stirred up together, but part of growing up was realizing that not all of your friends are friends who can be trusted with anything but drunken jokes and stupid nights. I love them for being drunk and stupid, and I am okay with just that.

2018... what a fucking year. I Don’t even think I remember all of it. From the looks of my posts, it might not be because I naturally have a horrible memory, Rumplemintz definitely had something to do with it.

2018 was that year I loved Cirissa and Chris, the couple who gave me hope and faith in a love that slowly matures but never grows old... until I realized that they had too many problems for me to start analyzing the way they were. Chronic alcoholism, a marriage that was a mix of co-dependence, lack of confidence to get anybody else, and fear of being alone sprinkled on top of a genuine love that was the root of my admiration. Every night we were together, we were the three best friends that anybody could have, our soundtrack was every Disney song we could get our hands on; we got off work, and my tongue always tasted like peppermint schnapps, and they would let me hit the button on the slot machine they chose that evening.

It was a fast, hard, deep, loving friendship for a year, and I wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the world. I have never for one second doubted that Cirissa truly did love me like a sister, and sometimes like a mom, and she did everything she could to make me feel that love as deeply as this heart could let me. There isn’t enough time in the world to go through how grateful I am for the emo sing alongs, drunken heart to hearts, and hugs that really did hold me together when I was falling apart.

Chris truly is one of the greatest men I have ever known, and I know he loved me like the really cool tomboy sister he never had. So many heavy metal nights and pep talks about how amazing I am, and how much better I deserve, and I am literally sobbing like an idiot because I miss the support and friendship that these two gave me so dearly.

The truth is, as much as I cherish them and all the crazy shit we did, it wasn’t healthy at all. I cannot blame anybody but myself for all of the liquor that I let take a shot at filling up my emptiness, but they were the cheerleaders that helped me believe that one day my demons would drown.

I know well enough now that there’s never going to be a moment where my vices beat my pain or complexities, and that mentality has tried to thrive in the little wasted snowglobe we created for the three best friends and died every single damn time.

There is no way in hell that Christian Boyajian will ever fit into words on a computer screen or a book or even an encyclopedia. Not because he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me; not because he is particularly special; not because I’ll never forget him or get over him or stop loving him.

Christian was simply someone who came into my life, and changed it forever, He changed me in ways that I had always written about but had no idea how heavy the words I was saying actually were.

June 2017 or somewhere in there, we had met on POF and bonded over Batman and how we both grew up so close to each other. I remember feeling like he was funny, smart, worldly, and clever. He’s in the Navy, and we lost touch because I’ve been a fuckboy for years, and he deployed before we got close enough for me to ever imagine signing up to be a navy girlfriend.

Fast forward to March 2018, we reconnected on POF. I was wasted at coach house with my friends, and it was like no time had passed.

He was living in San Diego, I was back in Illinois still, and we facetimed every night for a month before I decided to fly out to meet him. He told me he loved me before I even got on the plane. I knew it was fast, but I was so sick of being drunk and numb that I let myself feel whatever I wanted. I did know that I wanted to say I loved him to his face, like I always have with anyone.

I didn’t even write love poems about him, just fragments that still litter the notepad on my phone, because I knew it would be over faster than I could write it down and I wanted to soak up every single fucking second of being loved because I genuinely didn’t know if I would ever get the chance again.

Standing in front of him for the first 24 hours, I was on top of the world. I was loved. I was worshipped. I was unbreakable. But after that euphoria gave way to reality, the conversations about me moving to California didn’t seem as exciting to him. He started petty fights and didn’t look at me like his world was in my eyes anymore.

The worst part of finally getting to feel all of the beautiful things that I wrote about being in a love I knew nothing about before him, was having to feel all of the soul crushing things that I wrote about after I thought I had failed at love, except this time it was so real that it really did break me into a million tiny pieces.

I literally watched him lose interest infront of me without the barrier of a screen to make it feel a little less human. He stopped holding my hand in the car, made heart-breaking attempts to pretend he still wanted to keep all of his promises, and tried to break up with me at a Portillos. I, of course, didn’t let that happen because nobody gets dumped at Portillos. I will be fucking damned if you try to ruin the world’s best goddamn beef sandwich for me, fucking asshole. 

I loved him so fucking much that when he called me after a week of the silent treatment, all I could say was “you promised me. You fucking promised me, Christian. You won, you got me, that actually hurts” and he was so cold and disassociated that I knew that he had. I had finally felt something and it went from being so beautiful and reckless and amazing to an earth shattering sound I can never reproduce clawing its way out of my throat and dragging me to my fucking knees in my garage. I had poured so much of myself into him that I didn’t even have the strength to get off the concrete for 15 minutes. I just laid there and cried when we hung up because I had been so stoic during the call. I remember he had said “Goodnight, Angela.” and I replied coldly with “Goodbye, Christian”.because I wanted to rob him of the opportunity to feel like he would be missed, like all of this meant anything, just like he had robbed me.

Christian was everything I projected onto all of those boys before about how I craved to be loved, and everything I had projected on those goodbyes before him that I fabricated to write gut-wrenching poetry.

The only hard part of that was actually feeling it, and I finally understand that I cannot ever write things because they sound good because someday I will have to feel them and I have to be incredibly careful what I wish for.

I found out in October 2019 that he had gotten into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up, and all the pain I had tried to pickle in vodka took a new breath of life, and it took me months to build peace with it again.

I didn’t even speak to a boy romantically for six months after that, which actually occurred a week ago... so there’s that for a timeline. We’ll get to present day soon, I swear.

Taylor, my beloved person, my forever friend, is gone. Not dead, just fucking gone. Christian and I had broken up in the beginning of July, she had gone through all that with me, gotten into a relationship with a guy named Ben who laughed like a goose and constantly saddled her with his alcohol issues (totally not judging because I have my own issues with alcohol but she didn’t and I wanted to protect her the best I could because I loved her so so much) (that ‘d’ was really hard to put after love, I guess it’s still raw). September came around, time for my birthday. I wasn’t particularly excited this year because if the depression and alcoholism and crippling loneliness, but she was determined to revive my normal birthday over-enthusiasm. So, she did, and when it came time... she couldn’t seem to follow through. 

She’s a beautiful writer, but I think every writer is guilty at some point in their life of having more beautiful words than beautiful actions, and this was hers.

An extravagant birthday dripping in mimosas and mani pedis before a night of dressing to the nines and going out on the town somehow got stripped down to Walmart face masks and painting each other’s nails at home for the weekend I had requested off work an entire month in advance... and I had to tell her that I could do that on a normal day, but not my birthday weekend. 

She got her wisdom teeth out just days before, and tried to tell me it wasn’t an appointment scheduled months in advance. I told her I was driving to Nashville for my birthday, and we could do a DIY spa day upon my return, but it really hurt me that she couldn’t be bothered to follow through with her promises, even if they weren’t as big in real life as they were in my inbox. She knew it was a dark time for me, and she put forth so little effort to build me back up the way I have always worked so hard to give her a big beautiful life full of laughter and stupid jokes and amazing memories.

We have spoken once since I sent that text. It was an accidental 2am FaceTime butt dial where she immediately hung up and said “sorry I left my phone open in my pocket”. I didn’t respond, and I lost my best friend because I told her that she hurt me, and the best way to deal with that is not to deal with it at all, I suppose.

Treasure and I reunited shortly after this, but not too shortly because I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need a “person” or a best friend or anyone because it had been such a horrible year for depending on others that I truly never wanted to do it ever again.

I got all of the best parts of Treasure back, the jokes, the stories, the laughing in unison, making everyone else in the room uncomfortable because the only ones that mattered to either of us was US. We were stupid but mentally sparred regularly, and kept eachother sharp on political, social, and emotional topics, and really worked to support and better eachother. In my time away from her, I grew my own voice, opinion, and sense of direction. This new characteristics allowed our friendship to flourish, and still is. She is still with DeAndre, and loves his son very much. I met him once, he”s smart and amazing and loves me. Her life is so filled with love, and I could see that she had found her corner of the universe. I was so happy to have her back in this new and healthy way, that it almost made it impossible to leave her.

Oh, here’s the kicker: I picked up my life and moved again, but this time? I moved to Seattle.

This is day 22 that I am wrapping up, 

and that’s exactly why I’m back, bitches.

SHINee in MNL (OneK Global Peace Concert) 03/02/17

P. S. I’m just going to blog about SHINee since I’m a SHINee blog but I wanna commend all the other artists that performed. They all did an amazing job.

OKAY SO I AM STILL FREAKING OUT OVER THE FACT THAT I SAW SHINEE LIVE IN MANILA YESTERDAY!!! AND THEY WERE FINALLY COMPLETE!!! (SHINee already visited the Philippines twice before but the Taemin wasn’t there on their first time and Minho wasn’t there for the second time)

My Shawol friend and I decided to just buy the general admissions ticket because we knew that they will just perform less than five songs (and we’re still students so we can’t afford the VIP seats TT.TT)

The concert was supposed to start at 7pm but it actually started at 8:30 pm. It’s good ‘cause we arrived at 8pm since we ate dinner first. During the dinner, I was just chill and all and eating slowly ‘cause I knew that SHINee will perform late since they’re a senior group. My Shawol friend was agitated for some reason and she wanted us to eat faster. (There were five of us who watched the concert together. Two of us were Shawols. One girl was a kpop lover in general. Two of us were foreign students who just wanted to check kpop out and one of them is the guy I’m dating rn hahahaha) I was like “Allou, chill, it’s not starting rn and SHINee will probably perform late” And she was like “Minho’s hosting!” And I was like “OMG WHAT MINHO’S HOSTING? ASDFGHJKL EAT FASTER GUYSSSSSS”

When we got to the arena, it was already packed. We were lucky enough to get tickets with SHINee World PH so pretty much everyone around us were Shawols. AND AND AND Two rows below us, there was a group of Korean Guy Shawols!!! They were so cute!!! AND AND AND All their stuff were in pearl aqua. Their bags, their shirts, their accessories, they were so adorable I wanna squish theeeeeem

When the event was about to start, fans are starting to chant “Minho Minho Minho” since he was the host. When he actually came out with Seolhyun, the arena erupted with cheers HAHAHAHAHAHA PH Shawols were already screaming their lungs out omg I was the complete opposite. I was just staring at him while covering my mouth because I can’t believe that I’m actually seeing Minho live omg (The guy I’m dating was like “Is that Minho? Are you okay Mars? Is that Minho?” he was so cute bye)

They were speaking in Korean ‘cause there was a screen that was posting their translated script but I can’t read it because the font was small and we were in Gen Ad huehue

Minho is like the cutest person in the world TT.TT You know that he maintains eye contact with the fans and he takes care of his co-host (there’s more to come just wait)

SHINee was the second to the last to perform (PSY was the finale) When Seolhyun came out alone, everyone lost their shit because they knew SHINee was next!!!

They started their set with View. The first thing I actually noticed was the fact that Onew wasn’t really that bubbly. Like you know how smiley Onew is naturally, right? But during View, he looks more like Jinki than Onew. Even my Shawol friend who is an MVP also noticed it and said that there was something off about Onew. We kinda brushed it off because after Onew’s line, we were just simply mesmerized with SHINee as a whole huehue Plus there was a tiny JongKey moment when they had a duet part and the cameras showed them together in the screen and I can feel that all the JongKey fans screamed hahahaha

SHINee World PH released a set list of songs that SHINee would perform the night before the concert. We knew that View, 1 of 1 and Everybody will be performed. Allou and I were speculating about the fourth song because no one knew what it will be. My guess was Beautiful. Allou doubted it and we started eliminating songs but we ended not having a final hypothesis. Haha. The sound system wasn’t really very nice so we couldn’t tell if SHINee was singing live. (In our defense, some of the artists weren’t singing live. And during one of SHINee’s visits in the PH, they lip synced huehue) All our doubts were erased when the second song started playing. I couldn’t here Jonghyun’s first part because of the screaming around me so I started hearing the actual song on Onew’s part. I think his Jinki aura suited this part of the concert. He looked so solemn while singing. We all know that he is an actual angel given by the heavens to us but he looked like one and his voice actually opened the gates of heaven bye then it dawned on me that THE SONG WASFUCKING ENCORE AND THEY WERE SINGING LIVE AND WHEN IT GOT TO MINHO’S PART EVERYONE WAS SILENT AT FIRST THEN AFTER HIS LINE WE STARTED CHEERING BECAUSE HE WAS REALLY SINGING LIVE AND HIS VOICE IS SO GENTLE AND PURE AND BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOD AND OMG AGAIN KIM JONGHYUN WAS SO EXTRA WITH HIS VOICE LIKE WOAH BOY YEAH I KNOW YOU’RE ONE OF THE BEST VOCALISTS IN THE INDUSTRY CHILL YOU DON’T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING BUT GAHD HE HIT NOTES SO WELL YOU CAN SEE HIS EXTERNAL JUGULAR VEIN PROTRUDING GAHD 

I’m not really sure when exactly they had their talk cause my feels were overwhelming but when they actually had it, Key spoke in English and we were screaming again so I didn’t understand most of it I’M SORRY HAHAHAHA Oh but it’s sad again ‘cause Onew didn’t introduce himself but the rest did :( (But his energy started to build up on their next set and he was full blown during the last one so I hope he gradually felt better) The complete opposite of Onew was Taemin. The baby boy was just smiling the whole night and with his mushroom hair cut again he looks like a toddler omg he was so cute why is he even real please protect him. JongKey were talkative as usual and Key was trying to translate it to us ^.^

The third song was 1 of 1. What really caught my attention during this part was Key. Boy oh boy your attention should be really caught by Key. I always read fans saying that Key’s energy is really different compared to the rest of the members. Knowing Key, I’m not really shocked whenever I read this kind of stuff. but when I was the one watching him dance the way he’s dancing, it’s really different. Key loves attention and I can say that attention loves him back. And the way he pops his body is so extra. I’m a Flamer for years now but my attention can’t really stay too long on Minho whenever Key’s near him because the latter’s aura is out of this world I swear!!! 

After 1 of 1, SHINee members started laying down and then it dawned on us that it’s Everybody time so we started chanting “SHINee SHINee SHINee” DUDE BRO MAN I THOUGHT THAT I WAS IN A SHINEE WORLD CONCERT BECAUSE THE WHOLE ARENA WAS SINGING TO THE SONG AND CHANTING WITH US!!! (They were already singing with us on the first three but the fan chants were superb on Everybody like no joke we had ZERO chill) For years I knew that SHINee is one of the best dance groups in Kpop but when I was watching the choreo for Everybody, I got GOOSBUMPS. Even the guy I was dating admitted that their choreo was amazing and he got taken aback by the fanchants. I told you it was amazing how these fans of different artists were singing one song and fan chanting like we were all in the same fandom. Omg I’m actually crying while remembering that moment bye But wait I need to commend our baby boy Lee Taemin because his dance moves were on point from the start and was extra extra on point during Everybody (plus he removed his jacket for a few seconds that got everyone screaming then he smiled after doing that what a little shit omg that brat) 

Right after Everybody, the members went back to the backstage except for FREAKING CHOI MINHO WHO WAS PERSPIRING SO MUCH HE LOOKED LIKE HE JUST SHOWERED BUT HE WENT STRAIGHT TO SEOLHYUN’S SIDE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED ANS STARTED HOSTING AGAIN THEN HE FLASHED THAT CHOI MINHO SMILE THAT MADE ME DIE FOR THE NTH TIME THAT NIGHT HUEHUE HALP

During the encore, all the artist gathered on the stage. SHINee members were being clingy together as usual. Yonghwa from CNBLUE, being the crowd pleaser that he is, started to walk to the extended part of the stage to wave to the fans. I was waiing for SHInee to do the same. Minho pointed Yonghwa to Jonghyun and I assumed that they wanted to do the same. After awhile, the rest of CNBLUE followed their vocalist then the other artists followed as well. When SHINee got to the extended part of the stage, they were all waving to the fans. THEN MINHO SPOTTED THE SHINEE WORLD PH PART AND STARTED WAVING AT US AND WE WAVED BACK THEN HE WAVED AGAIN HUEHUE AND THE REST OF THE SHINEE MEMBERS WAVED TOO OMG Except for Lee Taemin because guess what, he was the last member to get to the extended stage because he didn’t know what’s going on HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So yeah, that’s my One K Global Concert experience for you guys. I hope every Shawol will meet or watch SHINee live someday. I never knew this day will happen but it did. Keep the faith, loves :*

Music Review: Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.

Kendrick Lamar DAMN. [Top Dawg; 2017] Rating: 5/5 For Jill, who would have hated this shit. So I was taking a walk the other day… Sometimes, when I’m taking walks by myself, I make lists in my head of what’s going to get me killed: CANCER. CARDIAC ARREST. PULMONARY EMBOLISM. The worst part about being a hypochondriac is that this shit isn’t just in my head (as if that would make it any less valid); it’s all corporeal, it’s all in my DNA. I’ve had a BLOOD clot, my grandfather died of a HEART ATTACK while shoveling snow when my dad was six years old, CANCER killed my sister. Some say that LOVE can get you killed, but it’s FEAR that’s going to be the death of me. It’s in my DNA. I’ll prolly die from anxiety. What is Kendrick Lamar afraid of? On his latest release, Kendrick reveals that his greatest fear is loss, whether it be of money, creativity, LOVE, LOYALTY from PRIDE, GOD’s light, HUMBLEness. There’s a FEAR present here that no degree of straight fire will ever reverse GOD’s curse against all things black. Doubt and duplicity permeate Kendrick’s lines while he maps his way forward, but he delivers his thoughts with unmatched clarity. Kendrick knows even more now (or at least when he spits knowledge, it’s more succinct): murder, conviction, burners, boosters, burglars, ballers, dead, redemption, scholars, fathers dead with kids. When Kendrick takes a walk, he’s also making lists of how he’ll die, vivid in his imagery in a way that only somebody who’s almost died can be: “anonymous… with promises… walkin’ back home from the candy house… because these colors are standin’ out.” To Pimp a Butterfly saw Kendrick going home after making it out. This time, we hear him wrestling with whether making it out was enough. DAMN. Damn is a derivative of damnare, a rather mundane Latin word meaning loss or harm. John Ayto, author of The Dictionary of Word Origins, reveals that it didn’t become exclusively a theological term or an expletive until its original meaning was lost around 16c; its Biblical use is therefore contested, as its original connotation of mild condemnation does not fit what has eventually become synonymous with exemption from divine mercy. Its use on DAMN. encapsulates all of these historical permutations, as loss, harm, and exclusion (from both divine and mundane spaces) are all prominent themes. There’s a recurring motif, delivered at one point through a voicemail from Kendrick’s cousin Carl, of people of color being cursed by GOD for being inequitable and following other gods. Damn, as a verb here, is something that GOD does. It’s a top-down kind of smiting, but this kind of exchange is also present here between mortals. On opener “BLOOD.,” there’s a sample of FOX News reporters misquoting and deriding his song “Alright” after his 2015 BET Awards performance. “Oh please, ugh, I don’t like it,” one anchor says of its supposed anti-police message. It’s another, fleshier example of punching down, of condemning (or reinforcing condemnation of) a disenfranchised people. On “ELEMENT.,” a song that mostly eschews religious imagery for pointed digs at fake rappers, Kendrick uses “damn” as a participle, adjective, verb, and an expletive in one line, highlighting how those most affected by violence are pushed out of those very positions of power that could protect them: “Damned if I do, if I don’t (yuhhh)/ Goddamn us all if you won’t (yuhhh)/ Damn, damn, damn, it’s a goddamn shame/ You ain’t frontline, get out the goddamn way.” It’s a biting twist on Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous line, delivered as a sparse bridge in between sexy James Blake-produced keyboard stabs and grimy snares. Kendrick is asserting through this track that nobody can take him out of his ELEMENT, which in this case is wherever he’s at. While “damn” itself is used in a plethora of different ways throughout DAMN., it is “DNA.” that sets these permutations into motion through its sheer power, eliciting that initial reaction from its audience: “DAMN.(!)” Kendrick is cracking open his genes all over this thing with vigor, unravelling strands of his pedigree like a Pandora’s ladder, choking those who are offended by his inner duplicitousness: “I got millions, I got riches buildin’ in my DNA / I got dark, I got evil, that rot inside my DNA / I got off, I got troublesome, heart inside my DNA.” There are multitudes here, mutations, mutilations, meditations, millions. Packed so tight that it never stops popping. Unpacking it all is an impossible task. Luckily for us, trying is a Helluva time. I got so many theories and suspicions… As both a religious person and a scholar of religion, I’ve always been fascinated by religious rhetoric and imagery, especially in non-worship music. Biblical imagery is abundant on DAMN., but its intentional juxtaposition with profanity is what makes it stand out. Deuteronomy 28:28 is referenced multiple times and presents us with DAMN.’s central dilemma: “The Lord will afflict you with madness, blindness, and confusion of mind.” This is essentially a curse, one that Kendrick’s cousin Carl uses as an etiology for black suffering. This divine curse leaves Kendrick wrestling with two options throughout DAMN: keep defying it by succeeding against all odds, or guarantee everlasting life by repenting and coming clean. “YAH.” exemplifies Kendrick’s quandary: “I’m not a politician, I’m not ‘bout a religion I’m a Israelite, don’t call me Black no mo’ That word is only a color, it ain’t facts no mo’ My cousin called, my cousin Carl Duckworth Said know my worth And Deuteronomy say that we all been cursed I know he walks the Earth But it’s money to get, bitches to hit, yah Zeroes to flip, temptation is, yah First on my list, I can’t resist, yah Everyone together now, know that we forever” In one verse, there is both a rejection of religion and a reclamation of an ancient religious lineage. Kendrick respects his cousin Carl’s faith amidst adversity, yet offers that temptation is often stronger. Ultimately, Kendrick professes a message of togetherness, locating eternity in fraternal bonds. Attaining redemption, however, rides on making it out in America, a land plagued by its own inequities divorced from those that drove Kendrick’s people out of the Promised Land, America itself a land that promised radical equality for those who have been oppressed and suppressed. As Bono sings in “XXX.,” “It’s not a place/ This country is to be a sound of drum and bass.” U2’s chorus reminds us that America is still at war with itself and is so by its own cruel design. Three months in, DAMN. feels like our first Trump-era classic. It’s as bold and as hard and as hopeful as it is bursting with vitriol. It’s as distracting as it is inciting. It’s as cohesive as it is dense. It’s a volatile, unpredictable chapter in a legacy that’s followed Kendrick from Compton to Congress and now to the Cosmos, as we all struggle for meaning together in a Universe that’s on fire and covered in BLOOD. DAMN. is an expletive shouted into infinity, a judgment of our own judgments, a wrestling with GOD, a letting go of loss and harm, something that we could all give a little more of. It’s a DAMN masterpiece in a world that too often feels like a DAMN shame. FEEL (alternate version) I FEEL like my only accomplishments are reflections I FEEL like my privilege only silences my message I FEEL like I’m losing my GOD DAMN edge if I had one I FEEL like I never had much to say in the first place FEEL like, I FEEL like we’re on two different planets FEEL like I am part of a problem that I can’t fix I FEEL like too many people out prayin’ for themselves I FEEL like violence is a function of FEAR and that’s BULLSHIT GOD. DAMN. you GOD. DAMN. me GOD. DAMN. us GOD. DAMN. we GOD. DAMN. US. ALL. GOD bless every DAMN one of US ALL. Are we gonna live? Or die? “It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be put to shame in any way, but that by my speaking with all boldness, Christ will be exalted now as always in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer.” — Philippians 1:20-22 “Pay attention, that one decision changed both of they lives One curse at a time Reverse the manifest and good karma, and I’ll tell you why You take two strangers, and put ‘em in random predicaments; give ‘em a soul So they can make their own choices and live with it” — “DUCKWORTH.” Two Christmases ago, my sister died of cancer. Around that time, I started experiencing stomach pains and frequent dizziness for no discernible physiological reason; part of me convinced myself that I had somehow contracted cancer from her ghost and that ghost cancer just wasn’t detectable. We weren’t that close, but as those holes have closed up tightly in her absence and my other sister and brother and stepmother and I have grown closer, I’ve realized more and more just how intimately people can be connected. Loss can be physically devastating. On hard days, I’m reminded more than ever before how violent disconnection can be. For a lot of people, life isn’t a choice; it’s a sentence. It’s hard finding lessons in what so often feels like a cavalcade of creative and destructive accidents. But here’s where hope enters: we have some control of that speeding, blistering motorcade. We can listen while others mourn, we can hold each other up when foundations bottom out, we can rebuild this house together, and we can forgive when listening and holding and rebuilding and forgiving seem impossible. Life is DAMN. hard, but it’s shit like DAMN. that make it a bit easier. It’s fresh air over a gravestone. Sunshine on an epitaph. GOD BLESS these molecules, bent on decay. So I was taking a walk the other day… http://j.mp/2oRE5gA