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cvtqr · 3 years

Text

365

pairings; eren jaeger x reader [+ jean x reader]

notes; this was also posted on my ao3, which has the same username as this one [cvtqr]

“i never loved you y/n.”

“WHAT DON’T YOU GET? I NEVER LOVED YOU SO STOP COMING HERE Y/N.”

he slammed the door in your face. you didn't know why he was treating you this way. you've been with him every step of the road. there was no way he couldn't love you. you didn't want to leave. you didn't want to stop coming to see him. so you didn't stop. you weren't going to leave. you sunk down onto the concrete in front of his door.

on the other side eren was doing the same thing, just sitting against the door. he didn't want to see you. he didn't want to give into you. if he hurt you now he wouldn't hurt you in 365 days. but seeing your face was so hard. he never wanted to scream at you and slam the door in your face. right when you showed up the only thing he wanted to do was pull you into his arms. he wanted to feel your warmth. but he can't. he knew you were like a drug, he couldn't get enough. he also knew that he could never be with you again. no. not after 365 days. he could never give you a family, the life you deserved. his biggest mistake was falling in love with you. it was impossible to give you everything he wanted to. he never even knew when it happened. when you walked with him in the snow during training? when you saved him countless times? your soft, sweet smile? he needed you, but you didn't need him.

you ended up falling asleep on eren’s front porch, waking up the next morning from the bright sun shining directly onto your face. and the blonde boy standing in front of you.

“so he won't talk to you either hm? you should go, you don't deserve that y/n. he hasn't talked to anyone in days, im just leaving a bag for him to make sure he's taking care of himself and all.”

you nodded and stood up, walking down the step on eren’s porch.

“the captain wants to see you too. i think he wants you and jean doing field work today.”

“thanks” you mumbled out before going to meet up with levi.

armin was right, you and jean were out on the field today. jean secretly cared about you and he hated seeing you like this. the bright cheerful girl, now not saying a word. you lost the glow in your eyes. as the sun set, you and jean were about done. riding your horses back to the stables, jean took a turn.

“where are you going.”

“come on, y/n.”

sighing, you turned the direction of your horse, following jean.

he stopped over the lake, the sun setting above you two.

“i used to come here with marco all the time.”

you looked up and over at jean.

“s-sorry, lets go.”

“wait jean.- i, i miss him too.”

“do you maybe wanna get dinner in town? we haven't ate in awhile and you seem very down today.”

“i don't know jean...”

“oh come on, my treat.”

knowing you couldn't go home and cook with eren like you used to do, you accepted his offer.

279 days

the time for you and jean to do field work all day came around again. after, you found yourself in town with him again. over the past 86 days you found yourself going to eren’s less and less. after hanging out with jean all day for the first time, you realized that you both had a lot in common. jean lost someone and even though eren was still here, you lost him. you now only go there about once a week with armin, just to leave a bag with a note on his doorstep. he completely ghosted everyone. he hasn't talked to anyone in almost 100 days. you were the last person he spoke to.

back to today, you found your smile slowly coming back. but were you over eren? no. not at all. jean just simply made you somewhat happy. out in town the both of you decided to try food from a bunch of carts. that was until you got to a small band playing music. jean pulled you close to him and started slowly swaying the both of you together. jean knew you were probably wishing he was eren, but that was ok with him. he had you in his arms.

what you didn't know, eren was sitting on a nearby bench. from a far, he was un recognizable. his hair draped over his shoulders and he hasn't shaved in months. he looked like shit. he questioned his decision of pushing everyone away. should he have spent the 365 days with you? no. no no no no no, he made the right choice. now he would just have to watch your life with jean. even though it hurt, it hurt like hell, this is what he wanted for you.

123 days

wow, its been awhile since you've seen eren. you stopped going there. you didn't feel like need. its been way over 200 days. you had jean now. you were so close, yet so far to being over eren. but you didn't want to hurt jean by going to see your ex-lover. jean didn't bring up marco, you didn't bring up eren. you haven't had as much time with jean that you had with eren, but you were slowly falling in love with him.

just the little things.

4 days

letters. eren had written a letter to each and every one of his friends, but no. he only needed you to see yours. he ripped up the rest, but put yours into a plain white envelope, leaving it on his kitchen table. he needed to think about a lot of things in the next four days.

1 day

eren took all his decorations down. all the pictures of you two that he's been looking at for the past 364 days. the only thing left was the letter, still set on his counter.

2 days after

y/n. open in five years. i understand if you want to throw this out and forget about me, but give it a chance.

that's what you read on the envelope left on eren’s counter.

you and close friends cleaned out eren’s house, collecting his personal belongings.

saying the day was gloomy is being generous. the next few years were gloomy.

1825 days after

“marco kirstein! get back here right now or im getting your father.”

you never imagined yourself chasing after a three year old toddler while your husband drank coffee on the balcony five years later.

1826 days later

“have fun on your camping trip boys. connie loose my child when jean goes on that interview and ill kill you.”

“mommy stop worrying! uncle connie is a great babysitter!”

6 hours later

you un crumpled the old envelope sitting in a box of belongings.

hey sugar! so i see you didn't forget about me. if im right you have started a family? or that's what i hope at least...

those last 365 days were painful as all hell. sorry for bringing up old memories but i just want to clear things up with you. i lied the last time i saw you. i love you. i loved you so much. that's why i needed to let go. I've been watching you and jean over the past few months. you seem happy. stay that way please. i fucking cannot stand jean but please don't let go of him. if you're reading this and you did, i hope your children get/got your genes so they don't have horse faces.

i don't even know why im writing this, i guess i just wanted to say i had to let go so you wouldn't get hurt once i died. i thought it would be less painful for you that way. im so sorry if i hurt you at first. so, so sorry. at least you had jean. someone, just like i wanted you too.

im not sure if i regret my decision. actually scrap that i shouldn't have wrote that because i don't have an eraser. i don't regret it. but i just wanted to let you know that i loved you over those last 365 days. tell the gang i said hey.

i love you, my atlantis.

-eren

#aot #attack on titan #eren jaeger #eren yaegar #eren x reader #eren angst #aot angst #attack on titan angst #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #aot smut #attack on titan x reader #eren smut #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtien #marco bodt

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spencers-dria · 3 years

Text

Slaying Dragons

Someone To Stay Ch. 18

Spencer x fem reader

I start to gather my things as I finish up the last bit of paperwork piled on the corner of my desk. With a wave and a quick round of goodbyes, I make my way to the elevator.

Thirty minutes later I am standing outside of Y/N's door. I know we are dating now, but she still makes me nervous. I figured I would surprise her by stopping by after work.

After three swift knocks I hear a muffled reply. "It's open."

I step in to see Y/N curled up on the couch in a blanket, her eyes are bloodshot and her face is red and tear-stained. I quickly drop my bag and rush to kneel in front of her.

I reach up to move her hair out of her face as she looks up, her eyes finally meeting mine. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?"

I feel a slight panic as my mind runs through every possible scenario. She just manages to motion towards the television screen in front of her. I turn glance over my shoulder to see one of her favorite medical dramas is playing.

"Y/N, it's okay. It's just a show remember? It will be alright."

I rub my hand across her knee in an attempt to sooth her. I am settled by the fact that nothing is seriously wrong, but I know she still needs comfort.

She shakes her head and looks at me again. I have seen her cry during some of our movie nights. This is different. I can see it in her eyes. She's truly hurting. I move up onto the couch, sitting next to her and completely enveloping her in my embrace, leaving a kiss on top of her head.

I whisper softly "What's wrong sweet girl?"

"It's not just a show. Their patient who was dying, they couldn't do anything to stop it. Sometimes neither can we...Sometimes I feel so helpless. I watch family members breakdown. I see patients who don't even understand what's happening to them. There is so much hurt and pain and death."

I feel my heart sink in my chest. I am all too familiar with the feeling. She knows all too well the feeling of what I go through at work. I'm not sure if I ever stopped to consider that before. We both see death and loss. Neither of us have complete control, both of us do out best to save lives, to make a difference. Sometimes there's nothing we can do. Knowing all this to be true, I know there is nothing I can say to convince her she is wrong, because she isn't. So instead I continue to comfort her the best I can.

I rub her back as I rock her back and forth, in attempt to slow her breathing and calm her down. After awhile of being held, she takes a deep breath before leaning back to wipe her eyes.

"Thank you, so much Spencer. I don't deserve you. I'm sorry you had to see me like this. It's just been a rough week at work."

I reach out to hold her face, bringing her gaze back to me.

"Don't ever apologize for your feelings. You've already helped me through several breakdowns. And with my job I can guarantee there will plenty more. We may never be able to completely take away the pain of others, but we have to appreciate the people that we can help and the things we can do to make a difference. I know how much you care about your patients. They are so lucky to have you caring for them."

As I try to comfort her with my words I wipe away the last few tears. I'm rewarded with her warm smile shining back at me.

"What do you say tonight we watch a movie, your choice, and then tomorrow we can go shop for those Halloween costumes you talked about?"

Her eyes lit up as she quickly nodded. We spend the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch watching our way through several cheesy Halloween movies.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I return the next morning, sending a quick text to let her know I am on my way. Before I can get out of the car to head to her apartment, she's bolting down the stairs, ready to go. She plops down in the passenger seat, a huge grin spread across her face.

"Someone's excited for today?" I chuckle at her enthusiasm.

I look over to the passenger seat to see her in an oversized Halloween sweatshirt and denim shorts. She has mismatched socks on under her converse. One is purple with dogs in costumes, the other grey with black cats and pumpkins. Her hair is hung in loose messy waves, my favorite.

She leans over to kiss my cheek before answering. "Considering you and Halloween are my two favorite things, can you really be surprised?"

I feel my face warming at the compliment. I'm not used to such open comments about her affection towards me, and I don't think I will ever grow tired of it.

I reach her phone and plug it in as she gives me a questioning look. It only takes 2 second of the song before she recognizes it. She gives me shoulder a playful shove.

"You actually went and listened to them?"

"Yeah of course! I like learning more about what you like. This song was my favorite of their's, by the way."

She brings her hand over her heart and wipes away an imaginary tear with the other. "I'm so proud."

I shake my head letting out a small laugh before shifting the car into drive. For a few moments I almost forget how completely tone deaf I am, singing along with the lyrics.

When you were younnnggg

I quickly remember how awful I sound when I try to sing, glancing over to Y/N to see if she happened to hear me over the music. She's staring at me, but she's not laughing. She is looking at me as though I'm her favorite person in the entire world. Filled with a confidence I have rarely ever felt, I continue singing as she joins in and we belt it at the top of our lungs.

We pull up to the thrift store make our way to the formal section to look for what we need. During our movie selections we had finally settled on which of her ideas would be best. I finally found some pinstriped suit pants and a suit jacket a bit older fashioned than anything I already owned.

I glance up to see Y/N coming out of the dressing room in a beautiful wedding gown. From her waves falling onto her bare shoulders, to the way the corset top fit her, and the lace that trailed down the dress, she was beautiful. She does a quick twirl, allowing the skirt to flow around her like waves.

"You like it?"

All I can manage was a nervous nod. Can she see the effect it has on me? How nervous she makes me? I sure hope not.

"Look at us, wedding dress shopping and you haven't even gotten down on one knee." She jabs me in the side as she laughs.

Surprisingly this makes me relax a bit, although I'm not sure if it's the joke or the musical sound of her laughter.

After we stop at a couple more stores to pick up more items for our costumes along with makeup and temporary hair color, we make our way to her apartment. She was used to doing crafty things, so she has plenty of supplies ready to go. We took out the dress and I help her to effectively ruin it in just the way we needed. I have to admit, it was a bit fun to mess something up for once. Keeping things so put together all the time can be...exhausting.

The evening couldn't last long enough as eventually we say our goodbyes and I headed home. As I lie in bed and try to fall asleep, snap shots of the day play through my mind. Every day with her feels like a fairy tale romance. I usually fall asleep after hours of insomnia just from exhaustion alone, but tonight I drift off into a deep sleep, full of happy, warm feelings.

We had agreed to spend all of Halloween together. We planned to get ready at her apartment, which has the perfect spooky atmosphere. I love that she decorates so much. It makes me feel so at home in her apartment. After lunch, we start on our costumes, hers requiring several hours to come together. I wait, reading on her couch, until she's done with her shower. Eventually she comes out and asks for help. We cover as much of her face, neck, and arms as we can in a dusty blue color. She begins spraying blue throughout her hair, requiring my assistance in reaching some parts in the back. I try to tell her I don't know what I'm doing, but she insists it doesn't matter as long as it's all blue.

I decide to sit on the side of the tub and watch her finish her makeup. It's fascinating to me. I don't know how she transforms her face so easily. She helps me with mine as well as I sit on a stool in front of the mirror, adding some makeup to make my eyes look sunken and my cheekbones even more prominent. She finishes off with some gel in my hair, using a come to slick it back in the right directions.

"You know I used to gel my hair back for work?"

She looks up to make eye contact in the mirror, still fixing my hair. "Oh really? I always wonder what you used to look like. You don't have any photos with you in them, just your friends and family."

I clear my throat before answering. I'm not quite ready to speak on this topic.

"Yeah I don't...I mean I never really...you know people just always said I look..."

Before I can bring myself to finish, she walks around to face me, lifting my face to look at her.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

"You are..." she bends down, kissing my right cheek,

"the most handsome..." again on my left cheek,

"man I know" and finally on my lips. The last one lingering for a moment more before she pulls back. I can see in her eyes that she means every word. I don't doubt it for a moment.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I whisper, feeling as though all the air has left my lungs.

She returns to her spot behind me, wrapper her arms around me before placing one last kiss on my cheek. "I might ask you the same question." This time she leaves me blushing.

Once we have made our way into our costumes, we grab a skeleton costume Y/N found for her dog Juneau. It just so happens to work perfectly with out couple's costume. We make our way to her car and she drives us to JJ's house. We had made plan's to take Henry trick-or-treating so that Will and JJ could attend Will's work party.

After a few knocks, the door opens and JJ greets us in a costume I don't recognize.

"Victor and the Corpse Bride! I love it! You guys look amazing. You even have Scraps!" She leans down to pet Juneau.

Y/N does a quick twirl, showing off all of her costume. The lace has been ripped and distressed in all the right places. I have to hand it to her, it looks exactly like the one one in the movie.

"JJ, why are you holding a frying pan?" I ask.

Y/N and JJ share knowing looks before busting into a fit of giggles.

"I'm Rapunzel, and Will is going as Flynn."

"If you're referring to the fairy tale by the Grimm Brothers, I don't recall there being any mention of cookware. And who is Flynn?"

"From the Disney movie Mr. smarty pants." JJ quips.

We all take a moment to laugh before interrupted by Will chasing Henry, trying to get him in the rest of his costume. He eventually makes his way to the door with Henry donned in a orange and green dinosaur costume.

"Woooaahhh, what a scary dinosaur!"

He lets out a loud giggle, my favorite sound in the world.

"It's me Uncle Spence! It's Henry!"

"Oh my gosh! Henry, you look amazing!" I sweep him up off the ground to bring him in for a hug.

I don't keep his attention for long as he squeals "Puppy!" wriggling to get down and pet Juneau.

He pulls the two of us inside to show us each of his toys while his parents finish getting ready. After everything is set, the four of us set off to make our way around the neighborhood. After we finish, we fix his car seat in Y/N's vehicle before taking Henry to a surprise we had planned.

We pull up to Rossi's house, which he immediately recognizes. After quick greetings with Rossi, we start to make our way around the new neighborhood. Henry's eyes wide with amazement at the large candy bars given to him at every door.

It doesn't take long before Henry wears out, but he is insistent that we all continue.

"Come here little dinosaur" Y/N coos before sweeping him up in her arms. She talks to him about his school, his friends, and whatever else pops into his fast paced toddler mind.

I can't help but admire how great she is with him. I have heard her mention how much she wants to work with children before, but this was my first time witnessing it. It really does to come natural to her, and she seems so happy. She catches me staring a few times and shoots me a sweet smile before returning her attention to Henry, who has not stopped to take a breath for at least five minutes.

Once we get the message that Will and JJ have returned home, we bring Henry back and work to get him from the car seat to his parent's arms without waking him. He passed out about halfway home. We share quick hugs and goodbyes before driving back to Y/N's apartment. I walk back up with her, waiting for her to get Juneau settled.

"If it's not too late, I have a surprise planned."

She bounces on her feet, already eager with anticipation. "Oooo what is it? What is it?"

I pull out a couple tickets for a haunted house and she squeals before embracing me in a hug.

"Yes! Thank you! I love haunted houses! I can't wait!"

I can't help but smile and laugh a bit at her excitement. She has a child-like wonder at times, in the best of ways.

She does some quick touch ups to her costume and we make our way downstairs, where I offer to drive us. We eventually find ourselves driving down a long dirt road, surrounded by woods and darkness. It certainly sets the tone.

Once we have parked and made our way through the line, I feel her wrap her arm around mine, pulling me close.

"I thought you loved haunted houses?" I tease.

"I do! That doesn't make them any less scary!"

I chuckle before removing her arm from mine so that I can wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her as close to me as possible.

"Don't worry sweet girl, I'll protect you." I lean down to give her a reassuring squeeze and a kiss on top of her head.

This seems to calm her a bit as she smiles, snuggling in to my side as we creep down a long dark hallway.

With the things I have seen and done as an FBI agent and member of the BAU, I don't scare too easily. One thing that does scare me, however, is the dark. And right now we are completely enveloped by it, with no flashlights, no guns, and a certainty that things will be jumping out at us. I get by on reminding myself that nothing here will actually hurt us. Unlike so many of the cases I have been on, I know I will walk out of here in one piece.

I find myself less scared and more focused on making sure Y/N feels safe, rubbing her arm and talking to her after I feel her wince with each jump scare. After awhile, she surprises me by choosing to take the lead. She leaves me side but reaches back to hold my hand. Before I know it, she's making witty remarks back to the characters who try to scare her or follow us for awhile. She doesn't even jump when a girl springs out from the darkness, letting out a blood-curdling scream. Y/N decides to combat this by walking straight up to her and letting out a scream of equal proportions. She turns back to face me and we both end up in a fit of giggles at how ridiculous it was. She never ceases to amaze me.

We eventually make it out the end, and I can feel her heart racing. Now illuminated by the moonlight, I can see the huge grin on her face.

"So you're okay huh?"

Still grinning she answers, "That was perfect! I loved it! Thank you, Spencer. You're my real life knight in shining armor."

I feel silly blushing at such a cheesy comment, but I can't help myself. I know in that moment that I would slay dragons for her.

A/N: sorry this took so long to get out! I hope you still enjoyed it. Comments and questions welcome as always. Thanks for reading!

🖤💀🎃 FairyTales1896

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