#I guess we can say this underperformed unfortunately
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Who The Hell Is Edgar?, Teya and Salena | Austria, Eurovision Song Contest 2023
#eurovision#eurovision 2023#esc#austria#teya and salena#who the hell is edgar#I guess we can say this underperformed unfortunately#I don't think it was bad at all#maybe the staging could have been different and incorporate some bits from the music video#and idk there's so many camera shots from so far away??#the running order certainly didn't help#oh well what is there to do now#it was still a very fun song and performance#I'll be poe poe poeing for a long time
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Too early to say inflation war is won; infra a bright spot: Arun Chulani of First Water
Arun Chulani, Co-founder of First Water Capital Fund, believes it is the investors’ job to try and create a diversified weather-proof portfolio that one can feel comfortable holding. In an interview with MintGenie, he shared his views on inflation, rate hikes and sectors he is positive about.
Edited excerpts:
What are your expectations from the Q4 numbers of India Inc? IT is expected to witness a lacklustre quarter. Do you see value emerging in this sector?
Of course, one should look at expectations on a sector-wise basis rather than a blanket approach.
Some thoughts are: For metals and more specifically steel, there has been a softening in coking coal prices, so I would imagine that margins should improve compared to the last quarter but is likely to be softer than last year as realisations have generally come off.
Textiles should also see a softening in the numbers, as recessionary fears impact orders.
The IT sector has seen growth so far, but once again the impact on its key customer segment, that of BFSI, will create a softening of future earnings as clients look to re-negotiate or put a hold on projects.
One bright spot should be infra as raw material prices are down, while the government continues to push its infra-led agenda.
How do you expect the trajectory of inflation and rate hikes for the rest of the year? Is the worst behind us?
When it comes to the near-term macro, anything can happen. But, at least to me, it seems that both have started to soften for now.
However, it is too early to say if the war on inflation has been won. Energy, one of the key protagonists of last year, has come off in comparison to last year.
While OPEC+ are aiming to keep a floor, future price hikes should hopefully not be as pronounced given that some producers have increased output and the world seems to be in a heightened phase of energy transition and strategic diversification.
The central bank is going to continue doing its key job, which is to tame inflation, but the decision-makers will be cognizant of the impact on growth prospects. And so, the RBI will likely look to balance between the two.
The Indian market has underperformed most of the major markets this year so far. We see the FPIs have started coming back. The concerns over valuation have eased and the RBI has taken a pause. What is your outlook for the domestic market for the next six months?
Six months is too short a time frame to take a view. Many have been dashed on the rocks of volatility trying to time the markets.
Better to take a long-term view and focus on finding well value stocks or screening for good managers.
Can the RBI remain on pause mode for a protracted period while crude oil prices are rising, and El Nino is looming which can impact monsoon and crop production? Do we have fresh risks of inflation?
Again, as I mentioned, trying to second-guess the impact of all these macro factors in the near term may leave one dizzy.
There is also the question of China’s opening up – why hasn’t there been any real inflation occurring as a result?
Is it because growth boosters have yet to kick in or is there limited juice left in the tank?
On average, China is 40-50 percent of global demand for most basic commodities, so what is happening here? There are too many factors out there and unfortunately, I am not a macro specialist.
But what I do believe is that India does have strong long-term tailwinds.
I would personally prefer to focus on companies that are relatively well-valued and should be in a good position to benefit from these macros.
That way should there be near-term macro-violence, I am not that worried as long as the structural story of my selected companies remains intact.
What sectors are you betting on at this time? Should one look at real estate stocks?
We are sticking to our bets of infra, chemicals, packaging, and metals. Again, while there be booms and busts, we believe that due to the various winds of China+1, the government-heavy infra focus, rising incomes, and per-capita catch-up, many of our stocks should be direct beneficiaries.
What are the key challenges which can upset the market? Can they trigger a knee-jerk reaction?
Market participants seem sensitive at the moment and who can blame them?
Recently we have seen a lot of things we haven’t experienced for a while – pandemic, major conflict, heightened geopolitical concerns, inflation, rate hikes and financial fragility. But still, we are standing.
Any escalation or negative news can create a knee-jerk reaction.
But I believe that it is the investors’ job to try and create a diversified weather-proof portfolio that one can feel comfortable holding and even add to when the storm clouds are out.
The views expressed are the authors own. Please consult your financial advisor before making any investment decisions.
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Do not yell at me (Wheatley & F OC)
Rating: T
Fandom: Portal
Relationship: Wheatley & F OC
Characters: Wheatley, F OC
Additional Tags: Competition, Work, Alternate Universe-Office, Anger, Not Canon Compliant, Self-Insert
Summary:
There's a competition at work and Annie's partnered with Wheatley.
Upon arriving at her office, there was a note taped to Annie’s door.
Worker,
To increase cooperation among employees, we will hold a competition. You will be assigned one partner for this task. The goal is to complete as much paperwork as you can by the end of the day. All results will be recorded by the database.
The winning participants will receive a significant raise. No punishment will be given to the rest of the workers unless they severely underperform.
-GLaDOS
She was completely baffled by this. There was no way that her boss would allow a competition that ‘increases cooperation’. GLaDOS doesn’t give two shits about how friendly her employees were to one another as long as they got their work done. Perhaps, the higher-ups forced her to have the contest.
There was one other piece of information under her boss’s name.
PARTNER: WHEATLEY
As if on cue, Annie’s assigned partner walked up to her after reading the note.
“Hello! Looks like ol’ Wheatley’ll be your work buddy for the day, eh?” He asked with a friendly smile.
“I guess so.” She faked a smile before going into her office.
In reality, Annie was pissed off. Why was she paired with the most incompetent person for this? She really needed that raise no matter how miniscule it was. It had to be her. Her boss did this on purpose.
It’s okay. She just had to push herself enough to complete work for the both of them.
However, throughout the day, Wheatley kept distracting her. He asked her things that he should have known from day one. Sometimes, she wondered how he even got the job in the first place.
Unfortunately, he bothered Annie one too many times. Midway through the work day, he burst into her office.
“Hey, Annie! I…” He tried to say.
“Wheatley, do your fucking paperwork yourself! How the hell do you even have this job, you fucking idiot?!” She yelled.
When she was done, she looked over at the trembling man. At that point, she wanted to take her words back, but the damage was already done.
“Wheatley, I…” Annie tried to apologize.
“Do not yell at me.”
Note: If you liked the story, feel free to give me a kudos! :)
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Hello! I know that it is not actually a pokemon type so to speak but I'm staring down an essay deadline with less than half the word count. Would you mind talking about your favourite pokemon that is a dog or canine? Like the pokemons that are also dogs? Does that make sense? Sorry I'm very sleep deprived right now. Thank you so much for always being such a lovely presence on my dash and I hope you have a brilliant day!
Thank you for the compliments, and I would be glad to talk about some of my favorite PokéCanines! I’ll talk about all of my favorite canine pokémon, though please do note that I am leaving out the Ecruteak Trio because it is hotly debated whether they are canines or not and I do not feel like getting into that tonight. (For the record, I feel that Entei is definitely canine, Raikou is feline, and Suicune is too hard to tell, but still, I don’t want to get into it, so I will leave it at that.)
Growlithe / Arcanine — Probably my favorite of the canines for personal, sentimental reasons. When I imagined my previous dog in the Pokémon world, I imagined her as a Growlithe who would evolve into an Arcanine, because the PokéWorld doesn’t have a sheltie pokémon and I felt that the fluff and warmth of Growlithe fit her best, along with the ‘Dex descriptions of them being very loyal and willing to do anything to protect their trainer. My previous dog was exactly like that. But I also feel that Arcanine would be just such a wonderful pokémon to be companions with because they are gigantic, fire-breathing fluffy puppies, and riding them across the countryside would be AMAZING. (Not that I live in the countryside, but I do live in the midwest, so the plains are everywhere and not hard to find.) They’re just so good.
Smeargle — Okay, I will admit, Smeargle loses some points for being bipedal. HOWEVER. They gain those points back by virtue of how cool they are! While they’re not very useful in battle, sadly, due to low stats and the like, Smeargle are cool because each Smeargle has a different color paint (it’s not really paint, more a bodily fluid they use like paint, but close enough), and that as they grow up they let other Smeargle that they are close put their pawprints on their back. (So in other words, Smeargle A let’s Smeargle B use Smeargle B’s ink to put Smeargle B’s pawprints on Smeargle A’s back.) The ‘Dex always says “comrades,” but listen . . . we know what it means when two Smeargle have each other’s pawprints on their back. They are in love.
Houndour / Houndoom — ACTUAL HELLHOUNDS, THEY ARE GREAT. True, the fact that their breath smells like sulfur is kind of gross, but their design and concept are so incredibly cool, and I also just absolutely love the mental image of a Houndour puppy having gigantic paws they have yet to grow into. It’s just the absolute cutest. I also like to imagine that my current dog would be a mixed-breed Houndour and Poochyena in the PokéWorld, so there’s that, too.
Flareon & Umbreon — Listen, some of the Eeveelutions look like felines, some of them look like canines, and others (such as Jolteon) make it really hard to tell. But I’m convinced that Flareon and Umbreon are both canines, and I love them both. FIRST of all, Flareon DOES NOT deserve the hate it gets. It is small and soft and so incredibly warm, it CAN be useful in battle, and most importantly, FLAREON WAS NOT THE FALSE PROPHET AND DID NOTHING WRONG, EVERYONE WHO HATED FLAREON DURING TPP SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. If you don’t know what I’m talking about there, you don’t need to know about it, but just know that Flareon had a lot of libel posted about it and it was completely unacceptable. As for Umbreon, Umbreon is the Eeveelution I connect with the most given that I am naturally nocturnal, and I love how its rings grow stronger depending on what phase the moon is in. Shiny Umbreon is also choice. They’re definitely the best two Eeveelutions (though Espeon is also up there, sorry Espeon, although Espeon is also one of the feline ones and so shouldn’t be discussed here anyway).
Poochyena / Mightyena — As discussed in another ask, technically hyenas are not canines (or felines), but I’m still going to include them here because the localization team at the very least thought that Poochyena looked like a puppy (“pooch”), hence its name. I LOVE these two. Although my Mightyena ended up underperforming in AlphaSapphire, I’ve always loved the scruffy look contrasted with how loving and puppylike they can be. Also, again, I like to think of my current dog as a mixed breed Houndour/Poochyena, so there’s that, too.
Absol — Absol is another contested one, but I always thought Absol looked canine to me, so I’m going to count it. Absol is wonderful because it not only has a super cool design (though could also benefit from a dual typing, I feel), but also because this is another poor baby who has had so much unfortunate slander spread about it. Absol just wants to help! Absol wants to warn people! And people decide that instead of being grateful, they want to blame the messenger!! Absol does not deserve this at all, and the world likewise does not deserve Absol. That is a fact.
Lillipup / Herdier / Stoutland — Before anyone says anything, NO, these are not shelties. Lillipup is more like a yorkshire terrier, and while Herdier and Stoutland seem like they could be herding dogs of some kind (it’s even in Herdier’s name), I can assure you they do not resemble shelties. More like they resemble oversized yorkies. REGARDLESS, I loved them. Lillipup is adorable, so is Herdier, and while Stoutland is less cute and more gruff, it is also an absolute BEAST. BW confused me because I always took Cheren down easily, but Bianca regularly fucked up my shit with her Stoutland. (And yet they tried to make Stoutland Cheren’s ace in the sequels, smh . . .) My Stoutland was also very reliable. Very good doggos, 10/10
Rockruff / Lycanroc — WOLVES!!! FINALLY WOLVES!!! oh my GOD I waited SEVEN GENERATIONS for this!! To be fair, when I was a child I mistook MIghtyena for a wolf because of the coloring and the fact that it looked like a canine, but as I got older I learned the truth and was back to being disappointed. And while the fact that this line is pure rock (which has a million weaknesses) is disappointing, and while I’m also not fond of Midnight Form being bipedal, I can forgive it because we finally have wolves AND ALSO Rockruff is adorable and perfect AND ALSO because so is Midday Form. Plus, despite rock-type having so many weaknesses, my Midday Lycanroc is pretty strong, so. It works out.
Yamper / Boltund — Okay, I will level with you: a corgi evolving into a greyhound is kind of weird. Also, I do question why they used yorkshire terriers in Unova when they should have saved them for Galar, and instead maybe had like, American bull terriers (a.k.a. pitbulls) in Unova instead (although I guess some could argue that Snubbul / Granbull are pitbulls, but I disagree, I think they look more like English bulldogs than pitbulls). Regardless though, anyone who says that Yamper is anything other than adorable does not have eyes (the puppy has a heart on its butt), and also they are the GOODEST of puppers in how they bring your pokéballs back to you. And while it took me a bit to get used to Boltund, my Boltund, Poppy, is AMAZING and love her very, very much. This line is great and I love them. ♥
Zacian & Zamazenta — FINALLY, SOME LEGENDARY WOLVES!! And not only are they legendary wolves, but one has a tuft of fur it can turn into a shield around its neck and the other CARRIES A SWORD IN ITS MOUTH, HOW BADASS IS THAT. I do get a little annoyed when people call them doggos when they are actually wolfos, but that doesn’t change how excited I was to have some legendary wolves at last, particularly ones dedicated to beating up hellspawn from space. I love them, they are beautiful, 10/10.
So those are my favorite canine pokémon!! If anyone disagrees with any of these pokémon being canines, I do not care and I do not want to fight about it, please do not send discourse my way. And as a final note, here are two lists of future canines / dog breeds I hope to see in future gens:
Dog Breeds: SHELTIES, miniature schnauzers, Italian greyhounds, German shepherds, Siberian huskies, dachshunds, shiba inu, some kind of spaniel, chihuahua (and it HAS to be fighting-type, it HAS to), and many others. You can never have too many doggos.
I also have to have one more final grievance at the fact that we didn’t get shelties in Galar either considering that sheltie is a nickname for shetland sheepdog, and this breed of dog ORIGINATED IN SCOTLAND, which at least part of Galar (particularly the Crown Tundra) was inspired by, ffs Game Freak why did you miss this opportunity.
Wild Canines: Maned wolves, African wolf, African wild dog, dingos, coyotes, and just more wolves in general, honestly. I would say more foxes too, but we already have several fox lines, and while I wouldn’t say no to them, I want to see more wolves get attention first.
Anyway, thanks for asking!! I love Pokémon and I love canines, so this was a fun ask!
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in my skin
i’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time, and I think I’m at a place where, more so than being comfortable talking about it, putting my thoughts down might help me continue to chip away at my complex.
I want to preface this by saying that my fixation on how my body looks is infuriating to even me. this is for 3 reasons:
1) there is an endless list of more important, broader existential crises to be concerned with instead of how I look (what am I heading towards? am I genuinely happy pursuing a capitalistic, societal definition of success? what is purpose or value in my life???)
2) even on an individual level, so many other aspects of a human make up their person and make them interesting other than how they look and its stupid to be so concerned with this one thing that means so little if anything at all
3) I’m not even that stupidly far away from societal beauty standards anyway wtf like stfu
regardless, I think my thoughts about my body are reflective of how I think about myself relative to the world in general. I’ve also found that the relationship I have with my body is often a symptom about how I am feeling about my self worth at a certain point in time, and also manifests in how I see and treat the people around me. for these reasons I think it can be valuable to unpack these feelings even though they may seem asinine.
the first time I became conscious of my body was in my primary school dance club, when we had to get measured for our costumes. most of my friends were generally skinny and I wasn’t significantly larger than any of them. but the nature of (chinese) dance and the kind of girls that joined it made the general impression that it was better to be lithe and delicate - the moves just looked better that way. the revelation that I wasn’t as thin as I could be was not groundbreaking. it didn’t trigger any immediately toxic thoughts either. it was just a thought I hadn’t had before, that my body wasn’t perfect. It also didn’t affect me much because I had a lot of good stuff going on in school; I had great friends, I did well in school, everything looked good on paper and in real life (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I peaked in primary school). so it wasn’t a huge trigger for anything, just a planting of a seed, I guess? dormant.
as I grew into my teens my body was often too busy serving its intended purposes for me to be concerned with how it looked. I played sports all the time, I woke up early and went to bed early (when possible). I ate well and I was active. It wasn’t difficult to be relatively fit, so I wasn’t really that concerned with how “good” my body looked. like all teens, I did become more concerned with standards of attractiveness and whether or not I conformed to them. I noticed how people’s bodies differed and what people liked. I was aware that I was not on the top of my teenage male acquaintance’s who-would-you-bang list, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I wasn’t super pleased with my body but I definitely wasn’t unhappy with it. and frankly speaking, I didn’t think I was unattractive lah like ya I might not be hot shit but I was definitely not ugly and I was pretty confident with what I had to offer. this was probably also due to the fact that I did well in school and extra-curriculars, so I found my validation elsewhere.
for a short time between high school and college I had a body goal I wanted to work towards, time on my hands and a motivated support system, so I started working out for an aesthetic. It wasn’t super serious and there were no hard and fast rules, plus it was genuinely fun to work my body. I had been an athlete for several years at this point and I knew I felt good when my body was well-worked and maintained, so it was never difficult to bring myself to work out. the results were a happy bonus. looking back that was probably the time when I had the healthiest relationship with my body. I liked using it and spending time on it for the sake of doing it, I liked how it made me look but never to the extent that it became my main motivation for working on my body. if I had the luxury of unadulterated, stressless time, I could probably do it again. when I started college I was healthy, I looked good and I didn’t even care (we’ll come back to this).
when I started college things started to fall apart. my time in university was, overall, pretty shitty for my mental health. it was great in a lot of other aspects, and I can say with little doubt that it’s helped me grow into a person I not only want to be but am comfortable with. but the process was a shit show to put it lightly. when it comes to my relationship with how I look in particular, I think my years in London have unfortunately left me with a considerable amount of trauma. to make a long story short, I had an ideal of what I wanted my college experience to be like, but half a year into it I found myself severely unsatisfied with every aspect of my life. I wasn’t doing well in school, I felt like I was underperforming socially, I was conscious about the difference in affluence between me and the people around me and I was generally unhappy with the space I took up in my own and other people’s narratives. amidst all this, I put on some weight because (1) I wasn’t working out anywhere as much as I used to (2) the weather, my mental wellbeing and the food readily available made me eat a lot of junk. but instead of acknowledging and focusing on the underlying inferiority complexes that were eating away at me, I sought alternative validation through things I could seemingly control i.e. how I looked. it became the case that it was no longer that I looked a certain way because I worked out, but that I worked out because I wanted to look a certain way. and when I didn’t look a certain way because I was eating shit or going out or because it just plainly was not realistic given my living situation, the lack of validation would further aggravate the inferiority complexes and unhappiness with my person that started this toxicity to begin with. i ended first year treating the people around me like shit, not having anything to show for the hours of studying i put in, and a lot heavier than when I started it. family and friends pointed it out and i was pretty chill about it whenever it happened. i honestly thought i wasn’t that affected by it (again, brushing under the carpet the problems I had with the expectations I set for myself), and that i could lose the weight if i put my mind to it.
then in second year i developed an eating disorder. a couple months into second year I hadn’t made much progress with either my mental or physical health. I often ate till I was physically uncomfortable because I had a general problem with self control (I had none, in fact I didn’t want any, but that’s a story for another time). One night after eating too much, I went to brush my teeth and I was so full that when I gagged lightly from brushing my tongue, I involuntarily threw up the food that was filled up to my gullet. A normal person would’ve registered this as a cue that they should be more conscious about how much they’re eating. I saw it as an opportunity to eat as much as I wanted (for what?) and still be (or at least feel like I am) in control of how much weight I put on. and so I developed bulimia. the bulimia was closely followed by a binge eating disorder - seeing that now there was a mechanism to keep my intake in check, I could let my eating habits, which were in fact reflective of my control problems unravelling, go crazy. I told a couple friends about it because I thought maybe I needed help, but I never really told them how bad it could get. some nights I would go down into the kitchen in the middle of the night twice. thrice. seven times. I would look for anything I could inhale. cashews dipped in peanut butter. seaweed with a cup of yogurt. three packets of chips and a large slice of cake. instant noodles and jam straight out from the jar. it didn’t matter. it all ended up coming back out of my mouth and into the toilet bowl anyway. I would go out for meals with my friends and we would over-order. the paiseh pieces would be left on the plate and if no one wanted them, i would eat them. immediately afterwards I’d go to the restaurant washroom and throw it up. and all this time while I treated both food and my digestive tract like they were toys, my fixation on how I looked grew. spoiler: i did not lose weight from being bulimic. but I very much did lie to myself about it in order to keep at what was actually a coping mechanism for the rest of my life that was falling apart around me. I threw up everything I ate today, do I look different? I didn’t throw lunch up, but I worked out, so it should cancel out, does it show? I ate a salad but because for dinner we had baked rice I threw half of it up, it didn’t make me bloat did it?
towards the end of second year I had a rude awakening that forced me to drag myself out of the shit hole of a mindset I had casted myself into to address the personal issues and the lazy, irresponsible, selfish attitude that had gotten me to this point. luckily, when I dealt with the underlying dissatisfaction I felt towards myself, my problems with food disappeared along with it. right now I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with food. if i were being generous, I’d say it could even be considered pretty healthy. my relationship with my physical body is also pretty good. I eat balanced meals, I sleep well, I work out when I want to and lay in bed and eat junk when I want to. I don’t force myself to get activity in, I don’t force myself to eat more or eat less. in fact, I think I am really inching towards getting the intuitive eating and living thing down. I’ve lost some weight and I definitely don’t hate how I look anymore. so I think I am in a good place for the most part.
my relationship with body image and the validation I feel from how I look however, has been (permanently?) affected. as it stands, I am scared about two things.
first. I like the person I am right now. my life is not super in check, but I’m holding it down pretty well. but in the past two years, when i had nothing under control, the way I looked was the only measure with which i valued my worth. do I only place less emphasis on how I look right now because, like when I was in high school, I have other things going for me? if, come one day, life happens and the going gets tough, will I once again come down on myself because I don’t look perfect, even though I don’t look shit? will how I see my body and how I feel about it be affected every time something else in my life causes anxiety or unhappiness, and if that happens is there a risk of it starting a vicious circle of self-toxicity?
second. like I said, I don’t hate how I look right now. but I also don’t love it. since coming back home, after a shower or when I’m changing or whenever I’m deciding what to wear, I stand in front of the mirror, and I look into it for what I can tell is longer than I would like. I don’t give myself shit for how I look or dislike what I see. but why am I looking anyways? am i checking to see if i like my body any more or less today? why do I care? why should it matter how close or far I am to society and my own definition of an ideal body?
recently I watched a video that said despite the positive intentions of the body positivity movement, a better approach would be radical body acceptance. body positive says that even though I’m fatter or shorter or flatter or whatever-er than the beauty standard, I am still beautiful. radical body acceptance argues that words like fat or thin or flat or short or thin should just be neutral words. there is no good or bad linked to them and there is no good or bad body type. bodies are not “beautiful however they may look”. they are just bodies. I’m trying to strive towards this idea of body perception, to go back to a place of not caring how I look in and of itself or relative to anything else. how I look will just be how I look. to be clear, I don’t think this mindset is the best one that should be universally promoted. I do however think it is the best method for me. this is because I’ve found that ever since developing a fixation on my body and how it looks, sometimes when I see other people the things I take notice of most are their bodies as well. I don’t think I go as far as to assign worth to their person or character because of how their body looks, but I can tell that I’m developing a fixation on other people’s bodies (even if I don’t compare it to mine) and I feel like it subconsciously blocks a clear, genuine perception of them as people. and, of course, it feeds into my obsession about how I look. the more I care, the more I care. so I want to focus on caring less, and eventually not caring.
I would like for a day to come where I can put on clothes and not feel the need to change out of it because I don’t like how I look in something before leaving the house. I would like even more if I didn’t feel the need to look in the mirror before leaving to begin with. I would like to be able to not feel badly if someone points out I gained weight, but I would like even more to not feel happy because someone says I’ve lost weight. I would like to stalk fewer girls on instagram to see what their bodies look like in different photos. I would like to stop being concerned about how my body looks in different photos. I would like for a day to come where, whenever I’m not actively thinking about it, I forget how I look. slowly but surely, I will take steps to make this happen. it took a while to rebuild a healthy relationship with food, and then a healthy relationship with my physical body. surely it will take longer to rebuild the relationship with the image and idea of my body in my mind. I think the moment I forget the image exists will be the day I manage to do so.
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2020 Fantasy Baseball Sleepers
I was drinking last night (heavily) and decided I would attempt to write about something I love--fantasy baseball. Let me start off by saying, FUCK CORONA. I desperately wish I was able to take Caltrain to a San Francisco Giants game, order some garlic fries, and watch them get boat raced by the visiting team—but I guess being stuck in my apartment constantly refreshing twitter for any semblance of “good news” is today’s reality. I’ve long since completed my fantasy baseball research, league drafts, and crying over the fact we have no idea when baseball will start. In order to preserve my sanity, here are some sleepers for the 2020 fantasy baseball season:
Josh Bell
Fantasy drafters seem low on Bell after a down second half of the 2019 season. He actually finished strong slashing .261/.373/.554 in August ending the season with a robust .277/.367/.569 batting line. His 37 homers and 116 RBI were both top 10 amongst all hitters in the National League. At 27 years old, there is still time for Bell to improve and his batted ball data suggests his power breakout last year was no fluke—ranking top 15 in average exit velocity. I have no problem taking Bell many rounds later if I miss on Bellinger or Freeman. I’m projecting a .270/.370/.550 slash line and above average production in 4/5 categories (R, HR, RBI, AVG).
Tyler Glasnow
Unfortunately, injuries have always been the issue for Tyler Glasnow, and they again took their toll in 2019. After being traded away from Ray Searage and the Pirates pitching staff, the Devil Ray’s analytical approach to pitching has worked wonders for Glasnow. In spite of the injury-shortened season last year, Glasnow had the second-lowest xwOBA against in the MLB, an 11.3 K/9, and a WHIP under 1.00. If he stays healthy, he could easily finish as a top 10 starting pitcher this year. Carried by elite velocity (96.3 MPH four-seamer) and a nasty curveball (43.9 whiff %), developing a third pitch is key to him taking the next step. Even now, when healthy, he is damn near unhittable.
Joey Gallo
Gallo was in the midst of a full-blown breakout last year until a hamate bone injury ended his season—sporting an ISO of .344, a walk rate over 15%, and the highest batting average of his career (.253) in 2019. Although the batting average was buoyed by a .368 BABIP, Gallo was mashing last year and looked ready to push for 40+ homers. Gallo has some of the most prodigious power in the MLB, and any reduction to his strikeout rate could lead to a massive uptick in fantasy value. His upside is immense and I believe he hits the ball hard enough to overcome his strikeout issues. I’m betting on a 240/.370/.565 slash line, and the AL lead in strikeouts and homers.
Tommy Edman
When you can draft a player that is likely to have 25-30 steals and won’t kill your batting average—you do it. When you can draft that player at 137 overall—it’s a no brainer. Quietly, Edman led the Cardinals in batting average and slugging percentage while mashing 11 homers over 326 at-bats in 2019. Even if the power wasn’t for real, the batting average looks legit (.292 xBA). Although he is slated for a super-utility role, he is likely to play every day. If the Cardinals decide to bat him leadoff with regularity, fantasy owners could be looking at a ton of runs to go along with a .285/.345/.450 triple slash. This is an extremely useful player is today’s fantasy landscape that can swipe bags and is eligible at multiple positions (2B, 3B, OF).
Frankie Montas
Montas was on an upward trajectory since being traded to the Athletics in 2018. In 2019, he pitched to a 2.63 ERA and 1.11 WHIP over 16 starts before being hit with an 80 game PED suspension. He throws gas (96.8 MPT four-seamer), has two elite off-speed pitches, and a chance to be one of the biggest breakout pitchers of the 2020 season. When selecting players outside the top 100 you want to look for upside and Montas has the arsenal to easily outpace his current ADP. Being drafted around the same as Zach Wheeler and Madison Bumgarner, I’ll draft the upside with Montas and reap the benefits whenever the season starts (May?).
Zac Gallen
The Pacific Coast League (‘PCL”) is well known for being the most hitter-friendly league in professional baseball. In 2019, the league average OPS in the PCL was .829, compared to .758 in the MLB. None of those numbers mattered to Gallen who dominated the PCL with a 1.77 ERA, .71 WHIP and 11 K/9 before being called up by the Florida Marlins and eventually being traded to the Diamondbacks. Gallen dominated the MLB with a 2.81 ERA and 10.8 K/9 and looks to build on that by reducing his walk rate in 2020. Gallen’s 10.8% walk percentage is sharply divergent from his minor league numbers (6.26% walk rate) indicating he should improve in that category during his second season in the MLB.
Marcell Ozuna
Ozuna will likely be batting cleanup for a stacked Braves lineup. As long as he stays healthy, he is a strong contender to lead the league in RBI. Recently signed as a free agent after coming up with the Marlins and two years with the Cardinals, Ozuna is a great value at his current ADP. He was in the top 10 percent of the league in average exit velocity and xWOBA during 2019 despite his modest .800 OPS—meaning he very likely underperformed last year. Not a lot else to say here—when people inevitably overlook Ozuna, be smart and take a player who has a great chance to lead to the league in RBI in 2020.
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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Spain to Eurovision with whole lotta fun
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Dare I say Operación Triunfo is a little bit of... a Choice?
I mean, you got yourself a format that a bunch of young-aged/teen/late-teen aged droolies follow for the drama more than the music, at least that’s what I suppose it is because it’s one of those singing reality shows where you’re oh so very welcome to follow the lives of all the 20-somethings that were unfortunate to sign the contract of the show, not being able to read all the fine-prints in the contract and later regretting not doing so because things like Eurovision. In Israel. But more on that later.
But this is Espain, and this is the sad state of television that is today - if they like your shitty talent show with 24/7 followship of the contestants, and if they watch that, and if they eat that with a spoonful, chances are you’re going to prolong its post-mortem revival state in order to maaaaaybe attract a new audience and acquire a new shippable couple people will vote “a Eurovisión”. Even if your last couple sucked. And even managed to break up unceremoniously sometime before the 2019 show’s Eurovision final <3 god bless them for finally breaking the chain and breaking the hearts of thousands who were ‘dying’ for the ship. It was never EVER meant to last.
So is it a no surprise that Operación went thriving for another year? Certaintly at least it’s no joy to bear with another amount of subpar desperates from every other corner of Spain, but only because Spain deserves a better NF format. I mean, with these other NF formats we can at least have a variety of artists with their own (or composed by others) songs, and it doesn’t matter an inch whether the public’s big fave gets rigged out to me - as long as it’s just a NF I can get easily over with, it’s all fine to me! And of course OT is also fine for me, it’s just that people are begging for it to get axed for some reason. Maybe because of all the ships?
I don’t want to put too much more thought of what happened in the reality show other than the Eurovision Gala, BUT I seemed to notice something rather crazy. You see, at first we had Natalia (or was it Alba Reche or Sabela even?) heavily speculated as the winner pre-show, but in the end the OT glory was all handed to some Dutch-born boy of Nigerian origin named... Famous. Not shitting you, it is his name. But what’s the saddest part about this? Famous CLEARLY wanted it all to himself just because of Eurovision being included in the contract. Yet his only victory in life is being the best among the rest of these stars that were watched over 24/7. Unfortunately, Mr. Oberogo couldn’t make this out to be in his favour in the Eurovision-special gala, to which the “triunfitos” can attend if they have songs chosen for them in the lineup, and yes he was admitted, but then he was given a SUCH DISAPPOINTING SONG EHMERGERD!!!!!!!! :’(
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(lol calm yer ladyhormones, “No puedo mas” wasn’t THAT bad, it’s just that given Famous did songs like “Nobody but You” (yes THAT one) on the show, you’d expect something contemporary soulful, not just blatant radio filler that could have easily been an EYD reject?)
So how did it all happen that the girls were rooted for to win OT, but in the end the one that wanted Eurovision the most won? And how come the one that wanted the Eurovision the most was given a song that paled in comparison to that one song that was performed by someone who was blatantly against going to ESC because “nuuuuu Israel stop hurting Palestine” and that one being favoured to win? AND HOW COME ONE OF THE BIGGEST SHOW’S VILLAINS GOT HANDED ABSOLUTE SLAYAGE OF THE SONGS?? Honestly it’s for the best if Spain is just there to subdue everyone’s expectations, just like they did when choosing Manel (be it because of a corrupt juror or whatever). They did it every single turn of the time this year during OT’s run.
And of course I’ll forever love them for that, as the end result was AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING FIESTA BANGER. Courtesy of Miki (Núñez).
Ngl, the first thing I went in for about “La venda” before listening to it was through this first impression tweet on Miki’s ‘eliminated’ song from the selection, “El equilibrio”:
BITCH HOW WAS SHE NOT READY TO SEE THAT COMING AT HER.
Granted, the sudden start of happy sounds rushing right at me was a little startling, but I was able to cope with it and jam to the song in the end.
I completely adore this one, it’s so powerfully joyful with all its instruments and the Spanish language, the interesting turn of events in lyrics, the incredibly easy probability to sing along to this (LO QUE EEEEERE! LO QUE ERE ERE E!), the authenticity, the cultural roots (tbqh Eurovision countries should be welcome to embrace their culture rather than stray further away from it! also this is why more native languages other than English are encouraged)... mmm-mmm.
And like I said, for some reason Miki was seen as a grand villain to the show, and even if I didn’t follow OT all that much, I was constantly questioning why, and after seeing him eliminated I only wanted to know if people in Espain were rejoicing about it. The against-agenda turned up onto him again when he happened to have the most songs in the internet selection bunch handed to him (THREE!!! Two solo tracks and a duet.), but nothing there was to worry, as instead other favourites were discovered, therefore Miki ended up in the dust for a while. Up until something happened that got him a big surge of votes at the end. Go figure.
Despite all this, I think it’s the right direction for Spain songwise! Me gusta mucho, and not only personally, but also objectively, honestly. Miki’s got a right enough good song for the nation and provided the revamp doesn’t make it crash and burn (yes, the good friend of a Eurovision song - the revamp! It’s happening), it’s safe to say that Spain can stand a chance. Not win, for now, but stand a chance. Yes.
Before I repeat myself some more I’d probably have to add this part for no reason as it came from my Twitter review for “La venda” this time, as I heard songs 1 day before the NF as when I expected the NF to go on Saturday but it was on a Sunday:
BITCH HOW WAS I WRONG. Well mostly thanks to the fact the fanwank-ess of OT ESC Gala actively asked to direct her votes to Miki’s song (Monika Marija teas amirite), but still, WRONG!
Now that I finally composed my thoughts I guess, let’s all go and read the below verdict I’m putting this up for:
Approval factor: I’m giving this a big fat SÍ!
Follow-up factor: Of course I like it way better than “Tu canciYAWN”, there’s no doubt in it :) and after Almaia’s romance advertisement they’re doing a great job by coming back to their great Spanish roots of music, honestly. And it’s better that way than forcing a ship onto a Eurovision 2018 ship, so yeah
Big 5 factor: As of this time Spain lowkey fizzled out with everyone now that a big wave of other faves arised, BUT I don’t think that Spain’s drowning in misery this year, not at all! With right kind of energy of the staging and uplift Spain can totally woo them televoters this time around, making them “lo que ere” their worries away to the sunset. And this is a positive thing - as if juries decide to drown this sometimes and televoters don’t, it will still soar somewhere up high enough in top 15.
NATIONAL FINAL BONUS
Now, I don’t quite think this year’s OT was quite as memetic as I expected, but we still have had some pre-NF gems, just like this:
• “THEN POLKA”. That one moment was also brought up to her on her OT Eurovision Gala postcard.
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• and this one contestant’s gloriously accidental butt-shot
Though we did have a handful of these kind of moments on the Gala itself (and surrounding it), such as:
• NF’s biggest favourite to win songwise not even trying. Yes, there are those NF winners which underperform but only because they don’t seem to know better, but did you know that there are THOSE like María Villar who decide against it? Basically, she was one of those opposing against the situation in Israel with Palestine, so out of protest towards all this, she voluntarily went against doing Eurovision in a nation like this by encouraging her fans to vote for Miki the night before and sacrificing any slightest grains of trying with her performance - by barely dancing on stage and not outselling anything vocally. And it worked to some extent, as she came SECOND only, and shortly after Miki won, she spoke out loud that she was satisfied to not have become the victor (I mean she just thanked everyone for not voting her to ESC lol). But you know what, for situations like these I really do love ESC NFs - where everything predictable is upturned by some sort of events like these. I mean, I like "Muérdeme", it’s catchy, Latino-appealing enough (for those whores thirsty for Luis Fonsi and similar fucks who sing in Spanish on English songs these days), has a cool breakdown and what not, but it would just probably bring back another disappointing result from Eurovision much to fans’ dismay, especially if the Tel Aviv (oh wait sorry... for Maria’s case this would have probably been Limassol or Vienna) edition was to bring many bops for this time around that are BIGGER and BETTER than this one. It’s just happening that it’s unfortunate to be Spain...
• Yet again, putting Famous up on here, but of course he was disappointed to not get that win. I know I’m not the right person to judge considering I’m WHOLE THREE DAYS YOUNGER than him, but I’d still tell him he only had RTVE to blame for giving him THAT in the end and putting him through online voting rounds... and speaking of:
• Like I mentioned before several times, there was an online voting round for to pick-pocket the songs that sounded the best out of the demo-ic snippets of a minute or less. Its top 3 was of course dominated by ladies and their own bangers/just likeable enough songs, with poor Famous being 4th in it (and the top 3 is a must on there to be automatically admitted to the show without any higher-ups shuffling the other competitors ‘round later on and toying with their fates). I liked the complete final cut of the Gala for the most part, but boy did they miss out some, like this male laidback-acoustic pop bop “Sale”, courtesy of Damion Frost. I can at least forgive the loss of “El equilibrio”, but this? Nah siree. And yeah I know this whole shtick is a tire, but I like some of it, and I saw a worse track from the same shtick collection qualifying through higher-ups and that’s NOT boding well with me.
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(yes of course Manel happened but still)
• Miki joining the glorious wall of epic NF victory reactions with his O face of total cartooney awkwardness <3
• and Eleni Foureira being able to rock a trashbag as a dress during her guest performance of both “Fuego” and her ‘new’ ‘smash’ hit in partially more Spanish than “Fuego” was - “Tómame”. Granted the juxtapose transition was a little too jarring, but hey - 2 songs for a price of 1. Go get them Spanish audience people acknowledging your pop art Elli <3 (also her chitchat with the ESC Gala host about what do you need to do good in Eurovision <3)
At this point I’m too not fucked to remember more of them but I’m really sure I missed a lot of the OT lulziness that happened before the Gala, during and after it (such as Natalia (who also sang one song in the NF with Miki himself) not wanting ESC but still trying better than Maria). I don’t want to be reminded of them, as my review’s as long as it is. But I’m sure someone else remembers, so I’ll let them judge.
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Week 4 Pick’em
Look, I know I’m late on the picks this week. I wanted to get them in yesterday, but other things came up and I didn’t get to it. I’m sorry, ok? To make up for it, I have written quite the long pick’em for this week. I’m not entirely sure if I will be able to make them this long every week, but I think I should be able to.
Why would I spend all this time writing the pick’em? Great question. Isn’t there a more productive use of your time? Probably. Will, you’re moving next week, shouldn’t you be packing or something? Are you just spending way more time writing picks as a means to delay the inevitable anxiety you’re going to feel about starting a new job and moving? Do you think this is the healthiest way to deal with that? Psh, you’re not my therapist.
Anyway, here goes
Yerboi vs Brenner? I hardly know’er
This Will vs. Brenner bout, should be promotionally billed as “Chronically Injured and Underperforming” vs “Complete Lineup Ineptitude”. Both teams come into Week 3 at a resounding 0-2, and are looking to get their season on track after some of high profile trades in the first couple weeks of the season.
There are always big expectations when you make a trade in Fantasy Football. Typically speaking, you hope and expect that the players you got are going to outperform whomever you traded away (or at the very least perform somewhat similarly). Unfortunately, that won’t always be the case. Sometimes there are weeks like last week, where JuJu outscored T.Y. Hilton and I am forced to sit there and reflect on how I would have won if I just kept JuJu. Other times, there are weeks like this week, where Brenner ensures he doesn’t have to deal with the emotional trauma of a trade gone awry because he benches the players he traded for. (No there aren’t, this literally never happens)
I pick myself, simply because I don’t think I’ve actually ever seen a team projected to score as few points as Brenner.
Story To Watch: How quickly it will take Drew Brees to score more than the 3 points Brenner got from Tyrod Taylor. My guess is 4 plays.
Tangiphil vs Hewie and the Hashslingers
After a fairly explosive first week of the season, we can all finally exhale — Phil’s team is bad again. Shockingly, his 3-headed Running Back Monster is down a head. Unlike the legend of the Hydra, instead of another head growing in it’s place, Phil decided to chase last week’s bench points and play Nelson Agholor. If you check his bench this week you may notice Joe Mixon outside of the IR slot, Isaiah Crowell’s wasted 18 point TNF total, and another Jets receiver. That’s right folks, it’s week 3 and Phil is already in midseason form.
But enough about Phil. Steve is 2-0 and I expect his win streak to continue this week. In my humble opinion, his team is underprojected with only 98 points, as Big Ben, Melvin Gordon, and Marvin Jones all look poised to be playing catchup in potentially high scoring games. Look for Steve to hopefully rise in the power rankings after squashing Phil.
Story To Watch: He may be the second head of a three two-headed running back monstrosity, but Adrian Peterson is going to look more like Mike Wazowski than James P. Sullivan this week. The Packers offense comes to FedEx Field with an offense that looks like two-day expedited shipping, while the Redskins offense has been looking like the Pony Express. Game script gets away from the ‘Skins and they abandon the run.
Kyle vs Sean
Close to half of this league isn’t from Rockland, so I’m going to use this opportunity to tell a story. To the hometown heroes - some of the overarching details may be incorrect, but I don’t care I have the talking stick. If you want accuracy you can write the damn blog post next week. Anyway, in sixth grade every middle school student has to take World History. The curriculum is geared towards ancient civilizations, and a decent chunk of time is spent on Egypt. As such, every year there was (is?, not sure if they still do it) a grade-wide Egypt project where students had to use their knowledge of Egypt, make something, and showcase it to the class. Think of it like a science fair, but with crappy Egyptian dioramas instead of baking soda volcanoes. Since I was a bright eyed ambitious young man who loved art and mythology, I knew I would do great on this project. I chose the ambitious task of making a sculpture of Horus, the Falcon-headed man prince of the Egyptian pantheon. It wasn’t long before I realized my doodling skills didn’t translate well into making 3D models, but I was in far too deep. I molded the clay as best I could, and then “accidentally” left it in the oven too long so it burned to a crisp and was nearly unidentifiable. Needless to say, I didn’t do very well on that project.
Why am I telling you this? Because look at Sean’s team. Does it look real good on paper? Sure. Does that mean he is likely going to win this week? Probably. But has his overconfidence blinded him into creating a team made of glass with absolutely no depth in a 16-team league? 67%, yes. (Because that is the grade I got on the project.)
Story to Watch: Alex Collins has become the running back equivalent of Hillary Swank. Hot or not? Stay tuned this week and find out…
You Guys Again vs. Johnson Ertz
The moment you’ve all been waiting for is here folks. I…..I can’t believe it’s finally happening. After almost two full years, the day has finally come. Dylan Feldman vs. Dylan Costa are facing off in a fantasy football matchup which I am officially dubbing “The Battle for the Right to be Called Dylan in the Fantasy Football League Group Chat” (and since we love our acronyms here, aka TB4TR2BCDITFFLGC). Two Dylans enter, only one Dylan leaves. This matchup is arguably one of the most important matchups we have ever seen in this league, and has a chance to change the history books forever.
Unfortunately for Dylan Costa, his squad isn’t exactly striking fear into anyone these days. I’ll have to go with Dylan Feldman, but his lineup has more red letters than Hester Prynne after an all weekend slumber party at Arthur Dimmesdale’s Dimmesdale Dimmahome.
Story to Watch: With the return of Aaron “I smoke Marijuana so Bowers thinks I’m a bad person” Jones coming back to Green Bay, Jamaal Williams’ usage should be monitored. As the kids say, he hasn’t been very good over the past two weeks, and Aaron Jones is ready to come in blazing *~!420!~*
Bearkley vs. Watch Me
Imagine my shock when I saw I won the bidding war for Ryan Fitzpatrick. I immediately rushed to find the owners of the Tampa Bay WRs so I could celebrate our good fortune as Fitzmagic showers us all with fantasy points. Now imagine my shock when I saw Samantha has benched Chris Godwin, not only a rookie (we all know my irrational hype with rookies), but a rookie whose name is lit a combination of God and Win. I don’t know about you, but doesn’t it feel like Samantha has renounced God and doesn’t want to win this week’s matchup?
On the flipside, Nico runs our Dungeons and Dragons group, and if the 80s taught me anything it’s don’t feed weird aliens after midnight, and that D&D is for devil worshipping heathens. With any hope of good Christian fun squandered for this matchup, it really is anybody’s game. I want to believe in the underdog, but more favorable matchups lead me to believe that Nico will pull out the W.
Story to Watch: Saquon Barkley caught 2 of 6 targets week 1 against the Jags. That number increased to 14 of 16 targets last week as Eli Manning completely lost interest in holding on to the football for more than 1 second. Is it possible that Saquon receives 28 targets this game as Eli Manning has to look JJ Watt and Jadaveon Clowney in the eyes?
Washington vs. Walshington
I want to take a second here and pour one out for Walsh, who didn’t answer my trade offer or my text message regarding Dalvin Cook and Allen Robinson. Walsh, you took an injury bullet for me and I will forever be grateful. It’s appropriate that I mention taking a bullet, because rumors have it Frank Gore was actually there when the first metal bullet was shot in 1425. Between Gore and Kerryon Johnson, Walsh will be lucky if he gets 14.25 points from his running backs this week.
Andy surprisingly continues to ride or die with Andrew Luck, despite Luck being unable to throw the football more than 15 yards. At this point I assume he is just taunting Arielle with Bortles on his bench, and we have to assume that if Bortles continues putting up 30 point games, eventually Andy might start him. The biggest story on this squad is how Andy managed to get two of the best big play boom or bust WRs with John Brown and Will Fuller, while also having Amari Cooper and Mike Evans. That’s a solid receiving core you got there pal, and I just want you to know I see it and appreciate it.
Story To Watch: C’mon, it’s Philip Lindsay. Every week it’s Philip Lindsay. Everyone loves a hometown hero and I have greatly enjoyed watching this kid ball out.
Bowers v Arielle
I’m high on Dylan Leone Arielle’s team this year. How could you not be? It was drafted by a man who has $45,000 in fantasy football great young woman who has shown her commitment to the league. For whatever reason, ESPN’s site stopped working just as I was going to look at this matchup, so unfortunately I am going to have to give an abridged write up of my pick. I have played these teams back to back so you would assume I know who is on their rosters, but I can’t remember anything other than Russell Wilson and James Conner on Arielle’s team, and Golden Tate and Kirk Cousins on Bowers’.
Based on this limited memory alone, I suppose I am going to pick Bowers in what will likely be another close matchup for the Reikland Reavers
Story to Watch: The story of life as I take this momentary absence from ESPN’s Fantasy Football to reflect on the finer things in the world. Like Yahoo Fantasy Football.
Jason v Harnsowl
ESPN is still not working for me, neither on my phone nor my computer, so I can’t really give much analysis here. However, not much analysis is needed. Unlike his godless sister, Jason is a man of faith. And if George Michaels taught us anything, it’s that you gotta have faith. You gotta have faith, faith, faith. Carson Wentz returns this week and I don’t care whoever Harnsowl is playing, it doesn’t really matter. I mean, as far as the matchup is concerned it might matter, but emotionally speaking, Jason has already won this week.
I can’t be expected to pick a winner in a matchup that already has a winner, so instead I’ll take this time to remind you to spay or neuter your pets. Bob Barker used to do a fantastic job of reminding the American people to do so, and if I am being completely honest I just don’t think Drew Carey delivers the message with the same panache. Like sure, I know Drew still says it at the end of the show, but does he really even believe it? Only Drew can really answer that question, but if I had to guess I would bet $100 $101 Drew. While we’re on the topic, if any of you ever manage to go on Price is Right and you do that thing where you bid one dollar higher than someone else did, you can consider our friendship over. Not only is it the worst strategy ever, it’s also rude as hell to the other contestant. In some cases I’m sure the people legitimately don’t know what to bet after someone else bet around the same thing they did, but for the love of God at least bet like $10 higher so there is some tension in the room.
But yeah, back to football, I pick Jason
Story to Watch: The next episode of Price is Right, Monday September 24th
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5 Takeaways/Surprises From NFL Free Agency
With the draft only a few days away I thought it’d be the perfect time to discuss some of things that stood out to me most from the NFL Free Agency period.What moves stood out to me the most and what’s surprised me so far. This is a long one so let’s get right into it.
5) Stefon Diggs to the Bills
As a Vikings fan this one is somewhat near and dear to me. Diggs has been one of my favorite players on the team since he was drafted in the 5th round of the 2015 draft by the Vikings. I somewhat followed his career at Maryland during my younger years so when he came to the Vikings I was excited. It’s sad to see him go but it’s something I’ve been preparing myself for. I never felt he was completely happy in Minnesota, especially after the incident early last season when he missed a practice and was sending his cryptic tweets. He has a new home in Buffalo with the Bills after they sent a 2020 1st, 5th, 6th and a 2021 4th round pick to the Vikings for Diggs and a 2021 7th rounder. As much as I’ll miss seeing Diggs in the purple and gold, I’m pleased with the value the Vikings got for him and excited to see what they’ll do with the picks in the upcoming draft.
The grass may not be greener for Diggs who is coming off season with a career high in yards with Kirk Cousin. Now to be catching passes from Josh Allen, who is average at best, may show him what he’s leaving behind in Minnesota may have been the perfect situation for him. It’ll be interesting to see what he can do in the 2020 season, if there is a 2020 season.
4) Cam Newton and Jameis Winston are still jobless
The fact that these two guys are still without jobs is astounding to me. We can start with Jameis. The former #1 overall pick has had a pretty up and down career thus far. It would land him in a tier with the average, maybe a little above average, quarterbacks in the league. However, he did show glimpses of greatness last season, posting career highs in: yards ending the season with a league leading 5,109, yards per game averaging 319.3, and touchdowns with 33. But to go along with all that he added 30 interceptions, making him the first QB in NFL history to throw 30+ touchdowns and 30+ interceptions in the same season. Turnovers have been his achilles heel his whole career due to the unnecessary risks he sometimes takes with the football. With that being said, if I were a GM though I’d take a chance on him. Even if you don’t view him as your starter there’s no reason why a guy with his arm talent should be without a job when he’s shown he can make plays and win games while guys like Mitch Trubisky continue to skate by. There are a couple teams I’d say could use him somewhere on the roster. Whether it’s a team like Miami, who doesn’t have a QB at all. Or I could see him as a backup in a few places, for example Pittsburgh backing up Big Ben Rothlesburger whose career is winding down or on a team like the Jets or Browns to put some pressure on their early round draft choices who haven’t produced much of anything. Or maybe he should go to the Colts (hint hint).
Cam Newton is a different story. There should no questions on if the 2011 #1 overall pick and 2015 MVP can still start in the NFL. The only question is will he be able to stay healthy. His last 2 seasons have ended prematurely due shoulder and foot surgery, which is unfortunate because he’s easily one of the most exciting players to watch in the league when healthy. In 2018, before his shoulder problems began, he was in the MVP conversation, if not the front runner. He’s had so much time off now I believe he’s finally 100% healthy and ready to get back to MVP form but what team will he play for is the question. This would never happen but I’d love for him to be able to go home and play for the Atlanta Falcons, with Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley and new signee Todd Gurley. This would give Cam the offensive weapons around him that he’s lacked his whole career and make the Falcons truly dangerous. Way more dangerous than they are now with Matt Ryan, who I’ve been saying is overrated for a while now. But that’s a conversation for another day. But since that won’t happen I look at teams like the Chargers and, you may have guessed it, the Colts, as possible destinations.
I hope we see both of these guys suit up to play in 2020, it’d truly be a shame if we didn’t. Especially with players like the next guy on the list getting picked up.
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/years/2019/passing.htm
3) Philip Rivers to the Colts
I easily could have thrown this in the last section but I needed to give this one it’s own category. I feel like this one may not have made too many people’s list but this one really angered me when I saw it. I have respect for Philip Rivers, I love the way he plays the game, the attitude and intensity he brings to every game is truly admirable. But why do people think he’s so great? Especially now in 2020. As far back as I can remember Rivers has been in the league and that whole time he’s been praised while never winning anything. Over the course of his 16 year career he’s only led the league in passing once (2010), has never won MVP, never won the super bowl, he’s never even been to the super bowl and he’s only been to the playoffs 6 times with a 5-6 record. When I look at Rivers’ career as a whole he’s been average at best. I view him in the same light as Matt Ryan. Their teams seem to always have the talent to compete, are picked to be there at the end and almost always underperform. So for me to see 38 year old Philip Rivers signed by the Colts while 26 yr old Jameis Winston and 31 yr old Cam Newton are still free agents is sickening. Jameis, with 30 interceptions, still had a better season than Rivers in 2019, who finished 5-11 with 4615 yds, 23 tds and 20 ints. He was on the LA Chargers, who were a hot super bowl pick coming into last season, and finished last in their division. Cam Newton has taken his teams to playoffs nearly the same amount of times as Philip Rivers while being in the league nearly half the amount of time. I can’t seem to find the rationale behind the Colts signing him and I fear there may be an underlying reason that I’d hate to blame. Years ago you possibly could have justified their reasoning but in my eyes Rivers’ career is all but done. If he couldn’t get it done in LA with the weapons he had there I highly doubt he’ll be able to do anything with the few weapons he’ll have in Indianapolis. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what will happen for these 3 players in the upcoming season. Maybe Rivers can justify why he was signed over Jameis and Cam.
2) Brady and Gronk to the Bucs
Of course this had to be on the list and it moved up higher once Gronk decided to join Brady. Although I’m not a huge fan of the man, Tom Brady’s move from New England to play in Tampa Bay for the Buccaneers is one of the most interesting moves of the NFL offseason. On one hand I was completely shocked by the move. One because Tom Brady is synonymous with the Patriots organization, having been quarterback there nearly as long as I’ve been alive (he was drafted 2000, I was born 1999). He won 6 Super Bowls with the Patriots and the team always seemed to be in contention in his time there. I’m also stunned because of the destination he chose, nearly no one predicted he’d land in Tampa Bay until closer to the day his decision was announced. I kept hearing he’d be out in LA with the Chargers but he had other plans.
On the other hand there is also part of me that wasn’t too surprised by his decision to ultimately leave the Patriots. There was almost a feeling of inevitability to it when reports started to come in about him leaving New England. He’d been there, linked with Bill Belichick forever and I feel like they both want the opportunity to prove they can win without the other. In my eyes Belichick is more important to Brady than Brady is to Belichick. I’ve always felt like Belichick’s genius is the cause for Brady’s greatness. But we’ll just have to see how this season plays out because the Bucs have a squad.
Whether they kept Jameis or did bring in Brady, the Bucs offense has firepower with two Pro Bowl receivers, Mike Evans and Chris Godwin. Now adding Gronk and it’s a pretty scary sight. I know Gronk only came back because of Brady but they have OJ Howard on roster as well, who’s a solid target at TE. It’ll be interesting to see what Gronk looks like after a year away from the game, will he be rusty or will he be rejuvenated? Only time will tell.
1) DeAndre Hopkins Trade/Bill O’Brien is completely clueless
This easily took the top spot for Free Agency 20202. The Houston Texans traded, arguably the best wide receiver in the league, DeAndre Hopkins and a 4th rd pick to the Arizona Cardinals for a 2nd rd pick, David Johnson and a 2021 4th rd pick. After reading what the Vikings were able to get for Stefon Diggs above you should see why this didn’t make much sense. Diggs is good but his production in his career doesn’t come close to what Hopkins has been able to do, there’s no reason the Texans didn’t get a 1st round pick for him. I’ve read many reports as to the reasoning why they decided to part ways and it seems to fall squarely on Bill O’Brien, who is not just the head coach but also the GM for whatever reason. The Texans have given him Belichick level power without him doing anything to earn it. He has a career win percentage of .529 as a head coach in the NFL, which is about average for current head coaches, but he’s never made it out of the 2nd round of the playoffs. Over the course of the past several years I have watched the Texans underperform time and time again. And I have to say that I believe Bill O’Brien is to blame. I have watched this man make so many nonsensical decisions between play calling and clock management. His situational awareness is terrible. Yet they gave this man the power to make allll the franchises decisions for the most part. The Texans do not have a first round pick in the 2020 or 2021 drafts after trading them to Miami for Laremy Tunsil and Kenny Stills last season. Which was way too much to give up if you ask me. Especially since they lost Jadeveon Clowney in the same deal and Laremy Tunsil may not even resign with them. They also traded for two running backs last season who played well so to add David Johnson, who had a horrible season last year, instead of sticking with what they had didn’t make much sense to me. David Johnson was coming off injury last year so I’ll cut him some slack. But Carlos Hyde played well last year and would have most likely been a cheaper alternative in the long run. Bill O’Brien should have jumped at that idea since cap space seems to be something concerning him and a contributing reason to why he says he traded D Hop.
But O’Brien was on a roll this off-season because not too long after trading Hopkins he signed Randall Cobb (predominantly a slot receiver) to a 3 yr, $27 million contract, with $18.75 guaranteed. That is waaaayyy too much money for Randall Cobb and he’s not going to come close to replacing what Hopkins gave them. They would have been better off just giving Hopkins more money, his connection with QB Deshaun Watson is special. Then O’Brien proceeded to send one of the team’s two 2nd rd picks to the Rams for Brandin Cooks. Which wasn’t a terrible move, but remember they don’t have a 1st rd pick this year. The two 2nd rd picks should have been used to help that struggling offensive line and defense in my eyes. But it had to be Bill O’Brien’s way as he continues to leave a sour taste in the mouths of Texan fans. I wouldn’t be surprised if Deshaun Watson didn’t resign when his contract is up.
I’m upset for Deshaun but I’m excited to see what D Hop will do in Arizona teaming up with last year’s offensive rookie of the year, Kyler Murray, breakout star from last season RB Kenyan Drake, Larry Fitzgerald (or Larry Legend as I like to call him) and Christian Kirk, this offense is going to be scary.
https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2870915-report-randall-cobb-texans-agree-to-3-year-27m-contract-after-hopkins-trade
https://www.footballdb.com/coaches/index.html
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The Den Fantasy League Recap: Week 9
Fellas,
I’ll say what we’re all thinking: things are starting to get interesting.
El Commish v. Wilmore Cinderella
Less than 24 hours before kick-off, JP and Gabe made a trade to shake things up. JP definitely benefitted from said trade. He came out strong with good games from Jameis (20.2), Lindsay (15.2), and his newly acquired players in Sutton (12.3) and Hyde (14). JP had one of his better weeks in memory as he’s trying to fight his way into a playoff spot. I, for one, went the opposite way. Having one of my worst weeks of the season, no one performed except Henry (21.9). Not a single other player reached their projection this week while I had two of my go-to starters on bye. JP’s win helped him get back into the hunt and we’re both just trying to survive becoming the Cabana Boy.
Debbie Rowe v. Stick With Us PVO
Speaking of the playoff hunt, we have one team that is pretty much the team to beat and a team still searching for its identity. Jake’s team only has two losses on the season and I can’t really see him getting any more. Led by Deshaun, McCaffrey (34.6), Lockett (27.2), and Butker (18), Jake was once again the highest scorer on the week. I’m hoping Jake doesn’t get too greedy in the next few weeks as he’s already declared he’s going for the scoring record. Jake may be going for the scoring record but none of that will matter if he falls early in the playoffs. Dylan, again, is like his Browns. A team with a lot of promise but can find themselves underperforming. Right now, Dylan sits one game below .500 which isn’t terrible, but not great. In his defense, he’s had great scoring outputs but unfortunately, those good weeks get overshadowed by great ones from his opponents. Dylan was led by Russ (39.2), Jarvis (11.1) and Cooper (14). Dylan still has some time to turn things around and fight for a playoff spot.
The Perfect Ten v. Team Timshel
Like last year, we find our previous (and two-time) champion flirting with last place. E, like Dylan, has put up respectable numbers and then some. In fact, E’s lowest point total on the season is 83.2 with every other game being 93 and up. These are the frustrating seasons. E had his second-lowest game of the season with 93.8 points and was led by big games from Stafford (MVP, 24.8), Ingram (12.4), Tyreek (20.5), and Marvin (18.6). Mike, after a long drought from the win column, was able to bounce back and secure the win over E with 106.8 points on the week. Mike was able to get five of his players into double figures with good games from Gay (11), AP (13), Sanu (14.1), and massive games from Melvin (22.9) and Dak (21.5). Mike moved back to a game over .500 and was able to push E closer to the Cabana.
Hank Mardukas v. VP
Speaking of Cabana, we had two teams face off this week that flirted with it last year. Scott, who also seems to be a powerhouse, secured his seventh win on the season. He was led by Lamar (28.6), Jacobs (24), Golladay (19.2), and DK (21). Scott’s team is definitely playing well at the right time, despite his bench’s production falling off. Vinny, who has had a couple wins in the last few weeks, came back down to reality as his team took another L. I’m sure Vinny felt good after a big start to his week on Thursday night with good games from Sanders (17.2) and Drake (24.2). Unfortunately for him, that pace wouldn’t continue. An injury to Brisset and some wrong plays took Vinny out of the game. Vinny had two backs on his bench that combined for 33 points and a defense that got 19. If there is any solace Vinny can find in his loss, it’s that his bench outscored Scott. A marvelous feat.
Professor Remus Lupin v. Kalabar’s Revenge
Remember that trade we mentioned earlier? There’s always to sides to it. As Gabe mentioned in the chat, he sacrificed this week for the long-term and sacrificed he did. Although he had two of his normal starters out on bye, he put a respectable squad out there. Unfortunately, the embarrassed the franchise that hadn’t taken a loss since week 3. This is an unofficial stat but Gabe didn’t have a single player reach their projection, a first for the league in 2019. Gabe’s only players to come close were Darnold (12.5, USC Trojans - Fight On) and Zeke (13.9). Gabe’s hoping his trade can help him bounce back but only time will tell. Speaking of bouncing back, G needed this win. After a piss-poor October, Kalabar got his first win since Week 5. He was able to put up a respectable 103.8 and got his win with his star QB in the lineup. G was led by Carr (19.6), Montgomery (19.6), Kittle (13.9), Cowboys D (19), and Boswell (16). G did his best to survive without Patty so we’ll see if he’s able to bring some more life back into his lineup.
Fire Jarn v. Virg. Gardening Minmaxers
This was our Yuck-fest of the week. Al, who had only one win leading up to this week, earned his second with HIS THIRD LOWEST SCORE OF THE SEASON!!!! Al put up 63.6 points and was able to somehow beat a spiraling Robbie. Al had two players reach their projections: Duke (14.1) and Ertz (16.3). Al bought some time in the Cabana Boy race. Now to Robbie. I mean, I knew we’d see him implode but my goodness. After winning his first three, Rob has now lost four of his last six. He hasn’t even surpassed 64 points since Week 6. Rob only had two players in double figures: Rodgers (12.9) and Williams (11.3); only one of which met his projections. Robbie hasn’t been the same since Kamara went out, interestingly enough, in Week 6 and now is suffering after the loss of Kerryon from his lineup (the injury occurred in Week 6). Even Godwin, who was the #1 fantasy receiver, hasn’t reached double figures since (you guessed it) Week 6. If you haven’t picked up on it by now, week 6 was a turning point for Team Fire Jarn.
Cabana Boy Clinch:
Scott and Jake have officially clinched their absence of being Cabana Boy. Al’s win kept hope alive for him not being CB and some other teams who suffered losses didn’t get the separation they were hoping for. At this point, there are four weeks left in the regular season. The numbers below are based on Al’s current record of 7 losses and if he were to win out.
Magic Number:
CLINCHED: Debbie Rowe
CLINCHED: Hank Mardukas
2: Professor Lupin
2: Team Timshel
2: Fire Jarn
2: Kalabar’s Revenge
3: El Commish
3: Wilmore Cinderellas
3: Stick With Us PVO
4: The Perfect Ten
4: VP
Virg. Gardening Minmaxers: 2-7
Week 10 Matchups:
Virg. Gardening Minmaxers (2-7) v. El Commish (4-5)
Wilmore Cinderella (4-5) v. Debbie Rowe (7-2)
Stick With Us PVO (4-5) v. The Perfect Ten (3-6)
Team Timshel (5-4) v. Hank Mardukas (7-2)
VP (3-6) v. Professor Remus Lupin (5-4)
Kalabar’s Revenge (5-4) v. Fire Jarn (5-4) - GAME OF THE WEEK
Good luck to everyone as we get into crunch time. Things are getting stressful so be sure to keep your cool as we only have a few more weeks left.
P.S. - In an effort to see if this recap is worthwhile, I’d like anyone who made it to the end to throw these words in the group chat: “Rob sucks”.
Your beloved Commissioner,
Jared R. Mosqueda
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The Fight and the Forfeit - Hibs and Hamilton Accies search for successors
No sooner had the football cranked up into a high gear again after Scottish football’s brief Winter break (a winter break that, typically, sees the first proper Arctic blast of the year come just after it ends), so did the patter ratchet up as Hibs and Hamilton both find themselves managerless a week into the second section of the season.
Hibs, perhaps unsurprisingly given the nature of the man who occupied the hot seat, have had by far the most volatile experience and the definite future of Neil Lennon, currently suspended, is up in the air. Accounts range as to what exactly happened, but the most common series of events appears to be a dressing down being given by Lennon to the team that may have focused particularly on Flo Kamberi. One way or another, this got to Leanne Dempster and the board and a heated discussion between them and Lennon was had, the result of which was Lennon getting suspended.
It’s not the greatest surprise in the world, to be fair. Hibs are undoubtedly underperforming this season, languishing in the bottom six. Their irresistible attacking outlook from last season which put them in a run in the second half of the season was as consistent as it was exciting. It has also not been present much this season as the midfield departures of John McGinn and Dylan McGeouch bit. What was relentless consistency turned into fleeting form as Hibs have spent the season so far sparking, but failing to truly fire.
Neil Lennon, of course, deserves a considerable amount of credit for his work at the club. In getting the club promoted, he did something that Alan Stubbs never seemed likely to do – erased the Hibsing it out of Hibs. In his first season in the Premiership, he crafted an extremely effective attacking team. In Europe, Hibs performed admirably also and Lennon was backed. The money from John McGinn’s sale was spent on the likes of Kamberi, Horgan and Mallan. It should have been the foundation for kicking on and challenging for honours – after all, Hibs are the side this site picked to finish second this season.
Hibs aren’t going to do that and, arguably, Lennon was in a fairly shaky place on merit. As things stand, he appears to have let his mouth run once too often and landed himself out of work as a result. He remains merely suspended, but his time at Hibs is through. Some have lauded him as one of the best managers the club has had. The real damning thing for him has been that a Killie side that finished behind them but in similar form at the end of last year continued that form and are challenging for the title, some way clear of Hibs. Lennon was backed by the board and it was becoming harder to defend the club’s performance in light of that. Arguably, it’s surprising a rupture hadn’t happened prior to this, but this one is certainly one of the irreparable variety.
Where next for Hibs is very much up in the air. The club lack an obvious candidate to take charge and the best call so far has been for a short term Gordon Strachan reign to the end of the season to either give the club time to sort someone out properly or, if Strachan wants it long term, to just have a manager full stop. Strachan’s Scotland time simply ran out but if he has the energy for it, Hibs would be an interesting proposition. After all, there aren’t exactly much in the way of options going spare. Even were I asked to wrack my brain for a particularly obscure name, I’d be having difficulty naming an obvious choice (Ok, Oliver Bogatinov, but the point stands) – Hibs are the wrong club looking around at the wrong time to be getting someone who would look like a sure-fire bet.
Where next for Hamilton is possibly easier to guess on the departure of Martin Canning. Canning, the manager of the club for four entire years, oversaw the club stay in the top flight for their longest stay in post-war football without ever really excelling. Arguably, Canning’s real talent has not been in management, it’s been in always managing to find a team or two worse than his, even as Accies’ points total has slowly dropped over the years.
That drop looks likely again and, eventually, a continuing points drop will lead to a literal league drop and Accies appear to have taken heed of the very real issues the club face – small budget, Nigerian Princes, small and low quality squad, defensive football no longer bearing fruit, a disconnected fan-base and, as a result, general disarray.
Ultimately, it is difficult to say whether Canning did a good job. By all normal metrics, it’s hard to say he did – few wins, some dull football and an inability to keep hold of their best players. But, when measured about the specific goals that Hamilton Accies work under, namely finding at least one team worse than them over the course of a season, Canning was a resounding success. He did, slowly, get better and the amount of Accies’ issues that were down to tactical naivety as opposed to tactical rigidity fell over time. Unfortunately, as his side lost Ali Crawford, Lewis Ferguson and more over the summer, Canning’s improvement to being sound as a strategist was overtaken by the impoverishment of the squad leading to the inevitable.
It is, however, a very odd time to do it given that, as we are two days before the transfer window closes, any new manager will have no time to bring anyone in so the team as it is will be what it is to the end of the season. Hibs at least had the excuse Lennon’s departure could hardly be predicted as to it’s timing. There have been four weeks between the start of the winter break and Accies moving to do something they could, maybe should have settled on as a course of action then – a course of action that would have given a new manager time to put a bit of a team together to fight the drop. It’s rather mad to think that Canning was kept on for a month for two league games against Aberdeen and Celtic that Accies would never have gotten anything from no matter who was the manager. It is, if anything, a forfeit to the fans that the board have been listening to their dissatisfaction and that now is the time to do something so as not to be accused of doing nothing.
Much like Hibs, it’s also difficult to see an obvious candidate. Accies are a thankless task of a job primarily due to the likelihood of relegation isn’t that attractive. Any Championship manager looking at it would also look and think that the probability is that they will start next season back in the Championship at a weaker side than they are currently at.
Both Hibs and Hamilton have an odd period in front of them – one with great uncertainty as to how it will pan out. Hibs need to rediscover their mojo, Accies need to not slide into the Championship as they have seen so many do that and not bounce back. If both make successful appointments, then the league for the remainder of the season will be shaken up. If either make a poor one, then they could easily be thrust back into those not all that long gone darker days.
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My Brief Encounter With the Sun
It has been a while since I've posted here, at least relative to the rate I would like to be posting and to the events I would like to be attending. To start, I guess I should come clean and admit I didn't attend GP Portland. By now I've drafted three separate posts about my not attending, but they all sounded self-indulgent. Instead of a dedicated post, here's the bullet points:
- I did not know anyone playing in the main event. When I started this blog, I knew two people locked in to the event, but leading up to the event they all dropped out. This is not the end of the world, but it is nice to have friends around to celebrate and commiserate with.
- My deck choice was up in the air. As I have mentioned before, I own Hardened Scales and Lantern Control. My results leading up to the GP with Scales were middling at best. Lantern on the other hand has a better track record, but underperforms against skilled opponents. Plus both are faced with the daunting amount of sideboard hate present for KCI decks right now.
-Lastly, and most importantly, social anxiety was the big roadblock. This is something I have struggled with for awhile. It is far from crippling, but it is stifling at times. I get in my own head about it. Though the other two points were factors, they probably could have been ignored. My anxiety just let them become excuses.
There were still silver linings. I had a great time at the event site with friends playing EDH, and I bought and sold a lot of cardboard.
Plus, the Friday of the GP, I registered for Oakland. Maybe that little bit of disappointment in myself was the perfect push to get me to register for Oakland.
If you're reading this, it means you probably keep up with Magic pretty frequently and are already aware that I did not top 8 the GP this past weekend. It was the most successful weekend (in fact it was pretty heartbreaking), but I had a great time. Friday night I got into Oakland pretty late so did not have time to go to the convention center. Instead I went to the home of my friend David and his partner Kayla who graciously housed me this weekend. We ate some dinner and stayed up way too late drinking, catching up and playing games of Scales versus Mono-Red Phoenix.
Saturday, we got up and made our way to the hall for what was going to be a long day. Before Round 1, I got my beautiful full-art Bolt promo as well as my not-so-beautiful Tigtone playmat and sat down for my first round. Unfortunately for me, I got paired against a pretty rough matchup to start my tournament: UB Faeries. If you have never read the card Mistbind Clique, I would suggest giving it a look cause it is a very messed up card. We went to game 3, but ultimately, the tempo power of his deck combined with his suite of removal and counters proved to strong for my robots.
Round 2 can be described pretty easily. If you are playing against TitanShift and your opponent fails to ever draw a Primeval Titan or a Scapeshift, then their deck looks pretty atrocious.
The following round was the one that really hurt. Most of it is a blur besides the last turn. My opponent was on Grixis Death's Shadow and sitting at 5 life with a few cards, two shocks, a fetch, and a Gurmag and Death's Shadow. I had three lands (2 Nexus, 1 Citadel), a Hangarback on 4 counters with and activation up, a Mox, and a Ravager on three counters at 15 life. My opponent cantrips main phase, plays a second fetch, and goes to combat swinging with both. I know that if he has a Temur Battle Rage, and I don't block the Death's Shadow, I am dead, so I immediately block the Shadow. He then goes to 1 life by fetching a shock and fetching a basic and TBR's the Shadow. I activate Hangarback and the Inkmoth and sacrifice all of my permanents besides the Welding Jar and a Thopter to the Ravager. We do the math. I have a 13/13 Ravager to his 12/12 Shadow. He tramples over for 11 and deals 5 with the Gurmag for lethal. There were two mistakes I made here. The first you may have noticed. If I was going to sac the Hangarback, why not block the Gurmag first. This one felt bad. The other was that I simply did the math wrong and thought the attack put me to 14.
This round spawned the quote of the weekend when I texted Dave: "I just punted my round 3 into the fucking sun." Unfortunately for Dave, he also made a round losing misplay this round, so we vented to each other which helped. Having a friend around can really help alleviate the anger/stress/sadness from moments like this.
Round 4 is where my tournament ended. My opponent was on Devoted Evolution. Game 1 I had a Hardened Scales and Ballista and was able to kill all his creatures easily. The other two games he assembled infinite mana and a mana dump with the first four turns. The only really relevant statistic I have is that all of the games where I resolved a Hardened Scales and was able to put a +1/+1 counter on a creature while it was out, I won easily. The deck felt extremely strong in those instances, and it won a couple games without the Enchantment. Overall, I can't be too disappointed given the amount of preparation I put into things and walked away proud of the fact that even though I scrubbed out early, I took my opponents to game 3 every time and had a nice time.
The rest of the weekend was side events which were super fun. I managed to play a couple Battlebond drafts with Dave which were great, but I want to quickly tell you about my ridiculous Ultimate Masters draft.
The draft started with me taking a Demonic Tutor and getting passed an Unholy Hunger followed by a blue card. Pick 4 I saw a Spider Spawning and went all in. By the end of the draft I had an absolutely insane U/B/g self-mill deck that's win cons were pretty much just a Spider Spawning, Rise from the Tides and a Lab Man I picked up pack 3 pick 7. Round 1 I was paired against Dave, of course, and proceeded to slowly crush his U/W Heroic deck and killed him with Lab Man in 2 quick games. Round 2 didn't go as well. I got paired against the only other competent drafter at the table who was on G/W Heroic and made a 4/4 on turn 3 both games while holding up protection for it. After the games, my opponent told me that she thought my deck was the sweetest and probably the only other good deck in the pod which was nice.
There's not much else to say about the event, except it was a ton of fun, and I am already looking forward to the next one (GPLA in March maybe?).
Before I end things, I feel obligated to talk about the bannings announcement scheduled for two weeks from now. I know most of the world will never read this, but I want to stake a claim and call my shot now.
Modern has a problem that needs to be fixed: KCI. In a typical tournament 4 of the top 8 decks being the same archetype isn't the end of the world, but KCI has been showing a dominant performance in the modern metagame for months now. No matter how many copies of Stony Silence and Rest in Peace are running around, the deck still puts up amazing results. Plus the addition of Sai has made it so some games they just attack you to death. None of this even takes into account how the deck can have 10 minute turns and is a nightmare to sit down across at your local FNM.
As I see it there are a few different permutations for possible bans and unbans that may be on the horizon.
The first, and perhaps most vocalized ban, is Ancient Stirrings. This card is probably the best card draw spell in Modern and sees play in KCI, so it seems like the logical card to target with a ban. Unfortunately, I don't think banning it would actually do too much to KCI. If it were banned, I would expect the deck to just abandon green in favor of more blue sources to take advantage of Whir of Invention. Plus, if you ban Ancient Stirrings, then you are also hurting Tron, Amulet, Hardened Scales, and Lantern/4-Color Prison. Some people might say that it is for the good of the format to take the card out of it, but I have to ask, when is it good for a format to hurt 5 different decks with one banning?
The next most likely banning in my eyes is Faithless Looting. Much like Ancient Stirrings, this card is extremely powerful and is the only other card in the running for most powerful draw spell in the format (at least in my eyes). Looting is almost never used as a fair card and has shown how strong it can be in the recent resurgence of Dredge as well as the new Arclight Phoenix decks. The only reason I write about it here is I believe you cannot ban Ancient Stirrings without also banning Looting. If you get rid of Stirrings it will make the Looting decks stronger in the format. Now, if you ban both of them, you would be hurting a huge chunk of the format. Maybe this is what WotC wants. A fairer looking field of decks in modern. Personally, I don't want to play a format where the combo decks are Storm and CoCo with the other decks all being things like GBx, UW Control and Spirits. I cannot imagine a world where they ban just Looting and not Stirrings as well.
This brings me to the card that people have been asking about banning almost as much as Stirrings. Krark-Clan Ironworks. KCI as a deck obviously couldn't exist without the card KCI. The free sacrifice outlet is powerful and maybe is too powerful for Modern. It creates the mana to cast the spells. If WotC banned KCI, I think it would be a fine decision while only impacting one deck in the format.
Still, I don't think banning KCI is the answer. The card has potential and provides a unique effect to the format, that could see other uses. Maybe people start turbo-ing out their Emrakuls or making giant Walking Ballistas with it. I don't know, but the options are there. Scrap Trawler on the other hand doesn't really seem to have the same potential and is the card I would most like to see banned. If KCI makes the mana, Scrap Trawler is the part that makes the loops actually happen. It gets you back the Spheres and Stars to draw the cards. Plus, it is hard for me to imagine this card ever doing anything other than degenerate interactions with egg-like artifacts. Just like with KCI, banning this would have no effect on the format other than hurting KCI, but I think KCI has more potential for fair things and for that reason should be left in the format.
A few other thoughts I have on the current ban list. Though at this point in time it is pretty much a meme, I do believe Stoneforge Mystic would be a safe unban. It is rare that I find myself in a game where Stoneforge Mystic would be too good. Though it is a powerful card and will assuredly see play in fair decks, modern has become a strong enough format over the past few years that I doubt it would be an issue right now.
The other unbanning I could see happening, and actually want to happen more, is Preordain. Green and Red should not have the best one-mana cantrips in modern. Blue is the card draw color and blue deserves the best cantrip. There are a few worries with unbanning Preordain, specifically blue based combo decks like Storm would become oppressive. That may happen, but I believe that has more to do with storm being a bad mechanic than Preordain being too strong for the format. Plus, I think this might be the best solution to avoid having to ban Stirrings and Looting anytime soon. Maybe this would make the format too combo-centric, but this isn't Legacy where we have Ponder and Brainstorm. Fair blue decks would play Preordain and be better off for it.
Also, they should unban Punishing Fire just to see what the fuck happens.
Well, then. See ya soon I guess. Next time I will probably write about an EDH deck.
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18, 34, 51, 82!
b l e s s
18.) Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
For context: I am…shall we say, fond of ugly selfies. The uglier the photo (and the more chins there are), the funnier I find it, and the more I laugh. I LOVE TO LAUGH. Ergo: LOTS OF UGLY SELFIES ABOUND with me and my #squad.
So, there was this one time when we were talking about something—and, in a shocking turn of events, I GOT VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT. I sent them a snap of myself (and my ten overly-excitable chins), with a caption exclaiming that “MY BODY IS READY!!!”
…except it wasn’t.
Because, as it turns out, my body wasn’t ready. No, pals, it was ROAST.
“#MyBodyIsRoast”
(It’s been two years, and I still haven’t lived that typo down. MY LEGACY IS TO LITERALLY BE #ROAST)
34.) Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it?
I had LOTS of stuffed animals when I was younger, but the one that was ~nearest and dearest to my heart~ was a stuffed brown monkey that I named Sylvie. (I can’t even tell you where I pulled that name from, especially given the age I was when I got her—but, hey, given the francophile I’d become later on, it’s nothing if not appropriate!) She’s roughly a foot tall, with brown velour fur and an old necklace of mine around her neck (with a black and iridescent star pendant). She’s still next to my bed now!
51.) Think of a person. What song do you associate with them?
My brother. If he doesn’t end up working for the Disney company, especially in the creative entertainment division (where a lot of the technical aspects of shows are covered, like theming, storyboarding, audiovisual element design, etc.), I’ll eat my own hat. You hear me? I’LL EAT IT.
One of my most favorite memories with him was the time we spent closely following the development of the World of Color nighttime spectacular out at Disney’s California Adventure in 2010. Now, you should know that my favorite film (Disney AND in general) is Pocahontas. You should also know that one of the very first segments created for the show (and, as it turns out, one of the most significant) is the “Colors of the Wind” segment, featuring “Just Around The Riverbend,” as well as a fully orchestrated re-recording of the “Finale” track of the Pocahontas OST, complete with choir.
I distinctly remember watching the early storyboards of that segment, the first lighting tests, the projections, the water jets—and, finally, after months and months of watching the progress over a computer screen, seeing the breathtaking final product in front of my own eyes, all while holding his hand.
This song (which should start at 14:53) is the soundtrack for an infinitely precious bundle of memories (co-starring an infinitely precious person) that I’ll never forget. It’s very special to me.
82.) Are/were you good in school?
OHOH, YES.
I was what they called a ~gifted child~ (…but only in English/writing, LOL). Like, I couldn’t balance your checkbook or put together a (non-deadly) chemical reaction, but ASK ME TO SPEW OUT 10,000 WORDS EXPOUNDING UPON THE VIRTUES OF THE OXFORD COMMA and I’M YA GURL. It was a source of pride, in a sense, although it also meant a lot of unfortunate implications in a few other ways, too—the source of comments like “Wait, you didn’t know [x]??? Wow, I thought you were SMART,” or “I can’t believe this; I had higher hopes/expectations/WHATEVERS for you. I thought you knew better than doing/saying/thinking [x], GUESS I WON’T MAKE THAT MISTAKE TWICE,” or, y’know, plenty of other delightfully fulfilling experiences like that. SO HEY I GUESS ANXIETY WAS MY PARTING GIFT IN A TERRIBLE AND UNWINNABLE GAME LOL ISN’T THAT GR8 “THANKS FOR PLAYING HERE’S A CRIPPLING FEAR OF UNDERPERFORMANCE YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT NOW.”
…To be fair, it wasn’t always that bad. I mean, sure, I have ~baggage~ now, but I also have skills that were honed far more sharply that those of the “””regular kids””” (/side-eyes the public education system hard). It’s all good, though. When it comes down to it, I like my words, and I like knowing to use them. All’s well that ends well, I suppose.
(Plus, on bad days, I can console my anxiety-ridden self with the knowledge that, apparently, my reading/writing scores on our college entrance exam thingy [and on the same type of exam for my French language stuff] set new records for our school? LOL OK COOL HEY LOOK MA GUESS I’M NOT COMPLETE GARBAGE I HAVE A ~HIGH NUMBER~ TO PROVE IT)
#exemplarybehaviour#Don't you enjoy how you ask four questions AND I WRITE FOUR BOOKS#THANKS MICHELLE and also I'M SO SORRY LOL
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Eurovision 2018 is many Eurovisions being called back to in one
2005
Just a reminder that a Hellenic banger has won that year (and Eleni Foureira is an Albanian-born Greek whereas Helena Paparizou is a Swedish-born Greek :ooooooo could this mean Albania will do mediocre in the final just like Sweden 2005???), and there was at least a rock act that... at least finished 10th? Could this repeat
2006
Of course because of the harder rock entry that was sent to Eurovision, Hungary. And somehow bookies love us this year, so there’s a possible potential of this scenario repeating too if we believe in coincidences actually repeating themselves. I propose Ukraine 2nd because of a man emerging from piano as opposed to a ballerina, Sweden 5th because... you know... and since Montenegro didn’t qualify, there’s no way a token Balkan ballad will finish 3rd, sorry guys. :’(
2008
But then again, Cyprus is hailed to be having “the new Ani Lorak”, and wouldn’t it be just the tea if she ends like... 3rd or something? Ukraine could get 2nd again just for the trolololololo, or even 1st because... Mélovin’s a Slav, and that year a Slav with a... rather interesting way of singing words in English has won. Worth noting he was barefoot though, so this opens up to have Lithuania and Hungary getting ready for something...
2010
You know the elephant in the room. Hungary might be as well 2nd (and might be as well last for all we care and tied with someone for qualification) or even end up like Teräsbetoni (which, as you all know, were somehow a bit too underrated. I hope it has nothing to do with the fact they sang rock music in their beautiful Finno-Ugric mothertongues, just like AWS). All possibly thanks to jury (hey they did have maNga lower than quite an amount of acts, but still in the top 10 I assure you!!) Also the Danish entry being a Melodifestivalen reject. Too bad Sweden still qualified :’( >:)
2011
A rollercoaster in every aspects of itself. No one knows where juries and televote will be geared towards. Will the diaspora votes prevail now that a large part of ex-Soviets are missing out of the final and there are at least some in that could snatch (that being Lithuania, Moldova, Ukraine and Estonia. My personal pick is Moldova because Kirkorov himself says that a vote for Moldova is a vote for Russia as well xD). As the Turkish diaspora was gearing towards Azerbaijan now that Turks were out of the semi. And since Italy is now underestimated thanks to being drawn after a banger, their emerging would be a surprise.
2012
Oh IDK I just had a feeling to mention a lot of ties between the past Albanian entrant and the current one because of the current one indeed covering Suus. Top 5 is, however, a wishful thinking because “Mall” isn’t a headscratcher song that sounds sorrowful but is not understood because of the waaaaaaailing (sorry but I had to bring Hungary on to this as well, no one understands what’s it about because of the language, a bit of a headscratcher because of the screeeaaaaaming and a song about... actual death??? Wouldn’t you want to scream after losing someone too, through tears at least?), “Mall” is mostly longing for hope and the close one to come back because (s)he can. And it sounds rather... cheerful, which is why I love it so much to the levels of Naviband’s one. Speaking of which, it’s a year my #1 was predicted not to qualify by a lot of authorities, but it FUCKING did and was announced late-ish, so of course I was happy for Malta 2012 and Albania 2018 qualifying against all the odds! ^^
2013
Lots. I was a 13-year-old who foolishly believed in the victory of Sweden with deeply knowing that “yeah Denmark’s gonna win this, it’s the bookies fav, what’d you expect?!” and therefore there’s no chance for a host victory. That’s not the same I feel about Cláudia Pascoal, and I even wonder WHY people think this could also be a surprise winner! No. Instead I want my 4th place to win and I know it won’t because there are now bigger cheers for other few songs?! A dance song from the radio already tanked this year (Cascada kind of underperformed and sorry not sorry but the dress was ugly imo, Lukas Meijer kind of recreated the bad vocal vibes he had in the national NF and esp. in second chorus). Hungary doing at least a “Kedvesem” type of result would be just great enough, because oddly enough, AWS were placing 4th in jury’s result for to make A Dal’s superfinal and so was ByeAlex. Bizarrculous? 0_0 There might also be a theory for me to have Albania 2018 and Lithuania 2013 attached (more like Hungary 2018 could relate to Lithuania 2013 because the lead singer of the former was shown drinking a lot while the latter looked like he was already drunk) because... we had to have a token chill guy with a rock-sounding song through and they could also do really badly. For this one, don’t mind me.
2014
The odds were different before rehearsals, so they are this year as well. Austria and The Netherlands rushed up to the to-o-op (i x my heart haha lol) after rehearsals and during the heat of dress rehearsals, and so does Cyprus, Lithuania, Ireland (can you BELIEVE Ireland was 3rd in the odds after being 17th in the QUALIFICATION odds?! Yeah, things bizarre. #gaypower), Moldova... etc etc. No token Sammarinese qualification unfortunately. And Lea Sirk had to do something with qualification of her nation, sweet.
2015
Guess a fellow hero who got drawn 13th in semi 2... >:) Yeah, believe it or not but apparently the name Örs (the name of the AWS frontman) has to do something with the word “hero” in Hungarian, or so I was told by a friend, but that also could be a quite skewered meaning of that word because the actual meaning of that word in Hungarian is “hős”, so it’s not an exact meaning of the name but somewhere up there (also might mean “man”). Fun fact, according to one Hungarian chronicler, one of the seven chieftains of Hungary was bearing that name (the other chronicler of the name Anonymus (I shit you not) thinks it was Ond). Also, Italy is drawn last and gets quite the following on Tumblr, so if they don’t win, that will mean that some will definitely regard this song as the true winner of 2018, just like they’re doing it to Il Volo (and some doing the same to Sergey in 2016 and Francesco in 2017). Token rock act, this time again from a Finno-Ugric nation, except that this one smelled like a delibarate failure because the song is short, there’s no melodic singer per se and the band was made up of mentally disabled middle-aged men who’re already a cult in their homeland. Not to mention that their 3 letter acronym, PKN, always had the same meaning ever since creation, but there’s a whole more lot you can do with AWS and the number of it keeps on growing, and even the band itself acknowledges it. There’s a wheelchair girl from a Slavic country too, but she got impacted in an accident while Yulia had that disease somewhat since childhood. Montenegrin balkan ballad. And a song titled “goodbye” (in another language and also did way better than this year’s “goodbye” title that was sole, the other one has another word in it so yeah). San Marino sent an almost delibarate failure (as Switzerland were the actual last placers in semi) by pairing two people. I thought I could think of more but my mind is dry
2016
Guess who else just got the 21st draw in the final~ okay I need to cut this more often. Israel was also hailed as divisive, and even if their momentum has faded, maybe they will win afterall? Except that it is more positively divisive than negatively. Also, lots of Bergendahlizations (well not that many but Greece and Bosnia & Herzegovina were finally out of the final for at least a year, and Greece can add a second year out while Czech Republic can add a second year in! Will this be the new Finland-Cyprus?).
2017
Madame Monsieur/Metamoro are the new Salvador Sobral maybe (with their acronym letters being similar like MM MM SS)? Netta is the new Francesco Gabbani? Sennek is the new Blanche during rehearsals, yeah that’s for sure, except that Sennek flopped and Blanche’s fragility was rewarded by televoters en masse. Also, Macedonia got a good modern song whose chances was smashed by the poor performance and the draw 3rd wasn’t so cursed afterall, at least in semi 1! ^^ Another Maltese try-hard artist in their NF finally went to Eurovision and failed to qualify. Guess that’s all I can think of at the moment? (Also a country with red-green colors on flag won last year, but there’s a drill that their coat of arms is on their flag too, which has yellow on it... :’) )
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Phils’ Offensive Woes Return as Momentum Disappears in Loss to Padres
If you were hoping Charlie Manuel’s presence would magically provide a sustainable fix for the shortcomings of an underperforming lineup, well, I’ve got bad news for you.
The offense immediately heated up when Manuel joined the team in the dugout on Wednesday night as it batted a combined .337 and plated 26 runs over three games (8.67 runs per game).
That production and the good vibes have each quickly disappeared, however, as the Phillies reverted back to their familiar struggles at the plate over the final two games of a disappointing series loss to a Padres team that entered the weekend only 11-20 since the All-Star break.
The Phillies were blanked over the final six frames on Saturday night. They followed up that effort today by scoring only two runs on four hits. The lineup produced a combined .156 batting average in the back-to-back losses.
And just like that, their momentum is gone, although manager Gabe Kapler seemed pretty pleased with the team’s overall effort.
“Obviously, it’s frustrating to lose today’s baseball game,” Kapler said. “Really proud of the grind in the at-bats, saw 110 pitches off their starter, saw 27 pitches with three outs in the ninth inning.”
They did see quite a few pitches, particularly in the ninth against Padres closer Kirby Yates, but Phillies couldn’t do anything against a San Diego bullpen that began the day owners of the NL’s fifth-worst ERA, though they also had its second-best fWAR.
How exactly does that happen?
Padres relievers have the league’s second-highest K/9 (9.89) but also possess its second-worst BABIP. In other words, they’ve been unlucky.
That luck evened out in the final two games of this series as the Phillies produced only a single hit while failing to score in six innings against San Diego’s bullpen.
In the process, the Phillies wasted another solid performance from starting pitcher Jason Vargas, who was one out away from recording his third quality start in four appearances with the Phillies. He limited the Padres to only two earned runs over 5.2 IP and now has a 3.52 ERA since arriving in Philadelphia late last month.
Despite the Phillies’ offense reverting to the familiar lifeless iteration that we’ve too often seen prior to Manuel’s arrival last week, Adam Haseley worked his way back from an 0-2 count to draw a crucial two-out walk in the sixth inning. Jean Segura followed with his second double of the game to score Haseley with the tying run, and it appeared the Phillies might yet still find a way to scrape together a win.
That thought would be short-lived, however, as recently-acquired reliever Jared Hughes gave up a go-ahead solo home run to San Diego’s Austin Hedges, who also had a career-high four hits, on this 0-2 curveball:
Austin Hedges homers (9) on a line drive to left off Jared Hughes
Exit Velocity 102 MPH
Distance 388 FT
Launch Angle 20.06#FriarFaithful vs #RingTheBell pic.twitter.com/EgNLR0T6Be
— Strand Sport Stats (@StrandStats) August 18, 2019
Like it has for many Phillies pitchers in 2019, the home run continues to be problematic for Hughes, who had been excellent in recent seasons at keeping the ball in the yard. Here’s his HR/9 over the last three seasons:
2017: 0.6
2018: 0.5
2019: 1.2
Interestingly, Hughes entered today’s game throwing his curveball on only 8.5% of his total pitches this season. Opponents were 0 for 10 with 5 Ks against it prior to Hedges’ home run. So there’s that.
Harper Exits With Dehydration
Bryce Harper left today’s game in the sixth inning after experiencing symptoms of dehydration. After the game, Kapler provided an update on Harper.
“Bryce was experiencing some blurred vision, and we weren’t sure what was going on with him, so we took the most precautionary measure we could and got him out of that baseball game,” he said. “Turns out he was dehydrated, he got an IV, and we were able to clear the symptoms, at least for the time being.”
Harper spoke to reporters after the game, but I didn’t feel like transcribing my recording, so here’s part of his comments:
Bryce Harper said he feels fine after the game still has a little headache but he’s OK after suffering from dehydration. And even with the #Phillies losing two of three to San Diego he still trying to have a positive outlook on rest of season. pic.twitter.com/OiwaNjj3BX
— Howard Eskin (@howardeskin) August 18, 2019
Thanks, Howard.
Anyway, it doesn’t seem like anybody is overly concerned.
Hoskins’ Miserable Stretch Continues
What in the world is going on with Rhys Hoskins?
In his first 102 games this season, Hoskins hit .263 with a .922 OPS, but after an 0 for 4 afternoon Sunday, he remains in the midst of a brutal 8 for 73 stretch that has seen his average and OPS plummet to .237 and .854, respectively.
Despite the ugly numbers, Kapler remains confident that Hoskins is on the verge of breaking out.
“I thought Rhys’ at-bats were great today, and I’m feeling pretty protective of him right now because I know how hard he’s working,” he said. “I know how much effort and time he’s putting in, and I think the at-bat quality remains strong even though at the end the results aren’t there. And I know how disappointed he is in it, and I’m disappointed for him because I know this is going to turn around for him.”
In the eighth inning, Hoskins did drive a 3-1 pitch to the center field fence that fell a foot short of tying the game. According to MLB’s Statcast, the swing produced a .520 xBA (expected batting average). It’s been that kind of stretch for Hoskins in recent weeks.
Here’s what he had to say about his prolonged slump:
I feel great. Obviously, it sucks to not contribute and not produce, but swing-wise I feel great. I feel like for the most part I’m seeing pitches. I’m seeing the ball fine, just for whatever reason, things are a little off. The last couple weeks when I do click something, it’s right at somebody, so that’s baseball. Unfortunately, I know it’s really cliche. I wish I had a different answer. I’ve sat for hours and hours and looked at film trying to find something that I can go in the cage and take a thousand swings to fix, but at some point, you just gotta keep going up there and stuff will turn.
Segura Hustling
We will end on a positive note, I guess.
Segura has been criticized for a lack of hustle at times this season, but his heads-up base running stood out on what appeared to be a routine RBI single in the first inning. Segura’s hit left the bat with a 103 mph exit velocity, but he aggressively rounded the first base bag and took second when center fielder Manuel Margot fielded the ball flat-footed.
It didn’t amount to an additional run, but with such little margin for error in a packed wild card race that’s filled with average teams, the Phillies need to take every inch they can get. Plays such as that one could end up being the difference. Maybe.
I don’t know, I’m trying here.
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What is the Most Effective Performance Management Approach?
In an evolving workplace, there is a growing trend suggesting end-of-year performance reviews are no longer effective. To remedy this, some companies have decided to utilize software to improve their process. Other companies have elected to eliminate reviews altogether. What is the most effective performance management approach?
Sarah Haynes
Performance reviews are often the subject of much scorn and mockery in the corporate world. In my 15 years of consulting with dozens of clients, I’ve only encountered ONE that actually considered their performance management process to be integral to employee development, and truly valuable to their company. For the rest, it was a forced exercise that did not appear to be linked to results, aside from bitterness and regret. According to a Deloitte Insights survey, 58% of the companies polled reported that they view their current performance management process as not being an effective use of time and only 8% reported that their process drives high levels of value. Why is this?
Performance reviews are almost always linked to compensation.
Reviewees are motivated to score themselves as highly as possible in order to secure the best possible raise for themselves. Reviewers (the managers) are pushed by the company to average out the performance rating across all individuals in a given cost center. So, for every employee considered “exceptional”, there must be one considered “underperforming”. It’s a terrible trade-off, and one that often pits managers against staff. I’ve actually had a boss ask me if I’d be OK with a sub-par rating, because he really needed to give a large raise to my co-worker in order to keep him from quitting.
In order to make performance reviews effective, the direct link between reviews and compensation must be broken. This is the only way to create an environment for an honest conversation, where employees do not have to feel like they’re fighting for dollars and cents. Secondly, managers should be coached on how to provide effective feedback to employees. It’s not easy, and many managers will do anything to avoid an awkward conversation. Lastly, performance feedback should be provided on a regular basis, at least once per quarter. If you wait until the end of year to provide feedback on annual objectives, it’s way too late to correct course.
Only one of my bosses throughout my career actually cared enough to provide me with constructive feedback, during performance reviews, that I could use to improve my performance. I truly valued the insightful feedback he provided. Of the others, some were not involved enough with my work to be able to provide feedback, and the rest – well, I guess they just didn’t want to get into it. I know I would have appreciated it and felt more valued as an employee, if they had.
James Lawther
Fortunately, I am a deeply experienced manager with a track record of motivating and developing difficult employees. I know exactly how to create a team of world-class employees with outstanding engagement scores. So learning from the workplace I have put in place an annual performance review at home.
I love my wife very much, she is funny, clever, tolerant and — if I say so myself — very pretty. But when it comes down to domestic chores there are a few things she really could do better at, things that would dramatically improve her output and also increase her sense of work life balance.
It was important that I did this properly, I spent many hours researching my wife’s performance and crafting a review. My relationship is important to me, so I have done it by the book, I:
Sought out 360 degree feedback, consulting neighbours and children
Made sure the evidence I used was specific and to the point
Catalogued her strengths (of which there are many) first
Captured a few clear weaknesses development areas for her to work on
Her review reads like this:
Annual Performance Appraisal Manager: James Lawther Employee: Christine Lawther Role: Wife Key Skills and Competencies 1. Focus on Results: Below Average Strength – Action focus: Proven capability to cook amazing meals during visits from your parents. B. this strength could be leveraged by cooking amazing meals when your parents are not visiting. Development – Attention to Detail: On 3 separate occasions in the last week I have had to empty the washing machine and load the tumble dryer. This is a task for which I am not responsible as it is contained within your job description (wife). Development – Completing and Finishing: Constantly distracted by fighting children whilst trying to complete simple jobs e.g. ironing. You need to develop your multitasking ability. 2. Influencing Ability: Good Strength – Presentation: Very good at assuring me of the business case behind an investment in an expensive skiing holiday Development – Influencing Junior Staff: Repeatedly have to shout at children in an effort to get them out of the house in time to get to school. This is a particular problem with the 15-year-old daughter. 3. Communication Skills: Below Average Strength – Feedback: Ability to provide strong and timely feedback to me about my personal habits, specifically in relation to nocturnal activity and time keeping. N.B. there is a risk that this strength could become overplayed. Development – Instruction: Your map reading ability is less than perfect. We have repeatedly found ourselves lost in large cities because of your inability to communicate clearly and concisely. Unfortunately last year’s investment in satellite navigation technology this has not improved performance. Overall Rating: Below Standard The Performance Conversation The meeting I arranged with my wife to discuss her performance didn’t go nearly as well as I had hoped. My wife was withdrawn and I don’t believe she was really listening. She was very focused on the overall rating and we didn’t have a value adding conversation about the developmental feedback I had collated. My “active listening techniques” fell on deaf ears. Her demeanor was downright chilly until we discussed her annual pay rise. Then she warmed up quite dramatically. Pay for Performance I’m a big believer in linking performance appraisals to performance pay, nothing focuses attention in quite the same way as money. As I want my wife to be motivated to improve she needs to understand the consequences of poor performance. As evidenced in her appraisal her performance was below standard, so I had little choice but to hold her house keeping money at a constant level. If I had increased it I would have been accused of favoritism. When I explained this to her, my wife had the audacity to suggest that many of the things I discussed were outside of her control. She then become quite defensive and told me that I was equally accountable for household performance. A Waste of Time I won’t try another appraisal round next year. My wife wasn’t remotely grateful for all the time and effort I put into it. Instead I think we might just have a chat every now and then about the children. It might be more productive.
A Simple Question
If performance appraisals go badly at home, why on earth do we think they will go well at work?
Ted Hessing
The Science of Encouraging High Performance
We humans are funny creatures. We don’t always act in our own best self-interest. And when we get into groups we don’t always make better decisions. Sometimes we build entire organizational practices that are nonsensical, counterproductive, anachronistic, and/or that we ourselves would not want to be subject to. Case in Point; Performance Management.
let’s take a user perspective rather than a managerial perspective. After all, they should be the same thing, right? It’s always a good idea to start with the client in mind and, under this perspective, the contributors we are seeking to encourage to high performance would be our clients. This perspective can be best understood by the concepts of Servant Leadership. Here’s an overview of servant leadership if this term is new to you.
What’s My Motivation?
Most performance management techniques revolve around 2 axis; rewards or penalties. On the rewards side we can call it salary, bonus, compensation, or whatever. But generally people are incentivized to high productivity via rewards. The flip side are penalties which could range from reduction or absence of rewards to reduced or eliminated security, status, and stability.
But is that carrot and stick approach the best system to use? Turns out the science says ‘no.’
Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose
In Daniel Pinks excellent book Drive: the Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us (and eponymous TED Talks), he reveals that the research say unequivocally no. Rather than re-state Pink’s message (see above 10 min video for a great overview); Rewards don’t work the way you’d expect them to.
It turns out that after a certain amount of compensation, rewards are actually counter-productive in terms of increasing performance in any endeavor requiring a modicum of cognitive skill. After that magic level of compensation, people require other attributes to be present in order to Got that?
In other words, if you want higher performance, you have to pay people enough where they aren’t worried about money but then you have to enable 3 other key attributes; autonomy, mastery, and purpose.
Thus,the overwhelmingly most popular way of incentivizing performance, reward vs penalty, is wrong. if you want to maximize performance, it turns out that you must optimize for motivation.
So, how does one do that? What’s the right way to handle performance management? If rewards are wrong (or at least only part of the story), then it seems we’d best change our performance management process to the other key factors Pink identifies; Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose.
Let’s take each one step by step.
Purpose
Per Pink, Purpose is each team member being able to say “I know why I am here and what I contribute with (as an individual or as a team)” How do we maximize a sense of purpose? So, as managers with a strong background in quality and strategic deployment techniques seeking to maximize performance, how do we maximize a sense of purpose?
I like Simon Sinek’s approach of ‘Start with the Why. Again, if you haven’t seen this Ted talk, you’re missing out.
To my mind, conveying Why is all about alignment. Alignment between the strategic direction of the company and the front-line personnel executing the vision. Some techniques quality leaders can use that we can use to achieve, communicate and measure that alignment are:
Hoshin Kanri
Value Stream Mapping
Critical to Quality Mapping
Quality Functional Deployment
If we want to maximize performance management, it behooves us to make the alignment of why behind what people are being asked to do explicitly clear.
Often, when we make that alignment clear we find that much of the resources of time, talent, and energy that people are currently expending
are in pursuit of things that don’t matter or don’t matter as much as other goals they could be working towards. And that is clearly a waste.
Mastery
If the next attribute in results is Mastery, then it makes sense to incorporate this into our performance management techniques. How can we best help people pursue and achieve mastery of their professions?
Some tools we can use to monitor and maximize mastery are visual management principles and gauge R&R techniques. Perhaps the two that I like best are Skill Matrix boards – an excellent
visual management of team skill mastery and credibility as described by Ray Dalio in Principles. However, there are countless adaptations of each that we can apply to skill acquisition.
Also, it is helpful to recognize that every member of a company has a profession (what they do) and an industry they perform it in (where they do it.) It makes sense from a performance management standpoint to help contributors to develop a strong understanding of both the skills and context for their role and their industry at large. T shaped employee management is an excellent framework for this/
Autonomy
Now that we’ve addressed how to manage clear alignment and skill acquisition – the why’s and what’s of a role – let’s move on the how’s.
Again Pink helped us by illustrating how autonomy and empowerment are crucial pieces of the performance management puzzle. And we helped ourselves by showing the alignment of the highest strategic goals of the company
Now, autonomy is scary for many managers. To overcome this hurdle we could use a ‘trust but verify’ model of cascading dashboards and assigning responsible parties for work streams. And the autocratic manager will be happy with this. But autocratic leadership has it’s limits.
Sources: Business Case Studies and Cleverism
Perhaps the best way to encourage autonomy to meet our desired performance management goals is to favor the empowerment of a Team of Teams model such as the ones favored by General Stanley McChrystal (and others) in his book Team of Teams.
Autonomy is best served by employee empowerment. There is a link between employee desire to participate on autonomous teams and having a significant sense of ownership in team outcomes. Simply put, members of autonomous teams desire the ability to make decisions in an entrepreneurial climate without too much managerial interference. And arguably employee empowerment is best achieved through managers leading by illustrating a clear vision and then getting out of their way.
Bringing it All Together
As leaders it is important for us to recognize that performance management is itself a process. It’s subject to an equation Y=f(x) where f(x) is often more complex than we think. But fortunately, like any other process, it can be measured, faults found, and hypotheses tried, tested, and improved upon.
Robert Mitchell
As a Baldrige Examiner, I like to begin my roundtable discussions with a review of the Baldrige Criteria. Category 5 of the Criteria focuses on the Workforce. The Workforce category asks how the organization assesses Workforce Capability and Capacity needs and builds a workforce environment conducive to Engagement and High Performance. The Baldrige Criteria defines High Performance as ever-higher levels of overall organizational and individual performance, including quality, productivity, innovation rate and cycle time.
High performance results in improved service and value for customers and other stakeholders. High performance stems from and enhances workforce engagement. Some characteristics about workforce high performance:
It involves cooperation between management and the workforce; cooperation among work groups and teams; empowerment of employees and building personal accountability.
It may involve learning to build individual and organizational skills; creating flexible job design; decentralized decision making and making decisions closest to the front line.
My career experience, and observations of applicants to state and national quality programs using the Baldrige Criteria has revealed six key processes necessary to effectively encourage high performance:
A Formal on-boarding as part of the New Employee Orientation process
Providing immediate, open and honest feedback
Regular, periodic “pulse” surveys to measure employee satisfaction and engagement
Frank, two-way skip-level meetings between management and its people
A Career Pathing process to manage employee progression
A Learning & Development System that supports organizational needs and employee development
Systems & Structures supporting compensation, benefits and policies, rewards, recognition, as well as incentives to encourage continuous improvement, intelligent risk-taking, innovation and customer focus.
For more information about these key business and workforce processes, I highly recommend learning about the Baldrige Excellence Framework and attending Baldrige Evaluator training.
The post What is the Most Effective Performance Management Approach? appeared first on Quality in Mind.
from Quality in Mind http://asq.org/blog/2018/12/what-is-the-most-effective-performance-management-approach/
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