.

i have seen your tags! so i must say: how about making that another time about jealous venti rn time? only if you're up for it though!

again i am very sorry for this late response but here’s a snippet from a fic (that’s actually all abt jealous venti in a modern setting LOL <3) said fic is 5/6 done so here’s a preview in case i won’t get it finished; 

cw: a lil suggestive. (i should calm down honestly.)

Drowning in your reviewers and notebooks, you bump your forehead on your study table. 

Ugh. 

This. Is. Too. Much.

They can’t expect us to memorize this all! You glare at the piece of note card you made. You wrote acronyms for this stupid topic just so your brain can get familiar with it, but unfortunately, there are so many! And it’s not even a major subject!

“Hi, my Windblume,” There are arms that encircle your waist, and you take a deep breath. Venti’s voice during this time is able to calm your nerves. He presses his front to your backside. “You seem frustrated! Take a break—just for twenty minutes will suffice.”

You glance by your shoulder with a sly smirk. “You just want me to kiss you, don’t you?”

Venti lets out his signature giggle, “Bingo. Now come on—“ He yanks your hand forcefully, and you topple over with a shriek. Venti’s so strong, sometimes it scares (and amazes) you. For someone his own size, who knew that this delicate looking man can generate so much strength and power?

(Oh, isn’t he part of the archery team or whatever…?)

You return to reality when Venti pokes your waist, making you squeak. “Ah! Venti! Don’t do that!”

“Thinking about other people rather than me?” Venti pinches your cheeks, “I’m hurt~ aren’t I supposed to be your distraction?”

You remove his hands on your face, but you still keep holding it with yours. “I was not thinking of other people. I was thinking about you.” Then, you find out where you’re sitting now—on his lap. “Venti, aren’t I heavy? I should get off.”

Venti firmly squeezes your waist. The way his fingers dip on your skin makes you blush a little. He puffs his cheeks, “No, stay! I want you here. Please, love?”

How can you say no to his puppy eyes? With a defeated sigh, you forfeit. “Okay.”

“Yay!” Venti smiles joyfully. “Kiss me? I will be your stress–reliever! Let it all out to me, Windblume—your frustrations, your irritations, the whirlwind inside of you. Tell me all about it.”

You’re really thankful that you have Venti as a lover. He’s just so sweet, understanding, and supportive. He’s one of the main reasons why you can withstand college.

You’re not reluctant to tilt your head and latch your lips with his. It’s so soft. But instead of sweet candy, there’s a taste of the bitterness of the black coffee he consumed. “I hate my professors.” You kiss him again. He kisses you back this time. “I hate them so much—they’re giving us so many projects when they’re aware that it’s midterms week.”

Venti’s eyelids flutter in content. “Have you talked to your professors about it? Aah, mm—windblume...—“ He murmurs, “If… if there are any problems such as this, it’s better to talk it out with them…hmm…”

“I–It’s futile,” you say, and you kiss Venti again and again. “There’s nothing I— I can do anymore when they’ve already made up their mind…” 

You add with a small pant, “Even Albedo can’t negotiate with them…”

You continue your slow pace when Venti suddenly deepens the kiss. Your toes curl and your heart skips from the abruptness. When you detach away from him, you muster up the courage to say something. Your chest heaves up and down as you whisper a “V–Venti…?” 

He opens his eyelids midway.

What you are witnessing right now—it’s a flushed Venti.

And his eyes… they’re filled with want.

You feel like a prey under a predator’s gaze.

It takes him a while to respond. Both of you are catching your breaths. You’re not sure of what’s happening right now. The way Venti looked at you, surely, he’s not…

The room is so hot right now.

You’re disturbed from your thoughts when Venti buries his whole face on your chest. You can hear his muffled voice— Windblume… 

He sounds a little upset, you think as you feel his hold on you tightens.

“What’s wrong?” You dip your head down to thread your fingers on his hair. You scratch his scalp tenderly, “H-hey. What’s wrong, my needy distraction? Are you finally realizing that I’m stopping the circulation of your blood flow, and that I must get off?”

He makes a noise akin to a scoff. As if, he probably wants to say. Venti clutches you closer. “Stay.”

A demand?

“A–alright.” You smile. “I will. But only for like, sixteen minutes.”

Venti lifts his head a little to reveal his beautiful eyes. He still has his nose and lips dug to your sternum as he speaks. “Thirty minutes.” Though subdued, you manage to understand. 

“I have to study,” you gulp nervously. “Midterms will kill me.”

“But I’m your boyfriend,” Venti nuzzles into you. Archons, he is so needy. “And isn’t it your responsibility to cater my needs?”

You narrow your eyes at him. Very needy indeed. “Amazing. What should I do next, then?”

“Ahaha, kiss me.”

“Again?”

“Yes.”

“You really are distracting me from my studies. Do you want me to fail?”

“Of course not. But kiss me. Please?”

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

About Mimeosomes

Everyone who’s played through the main story knows the basics: Mimeosomes were designed to bridge the unknown amount of time it would take humanity to find a new habitable planet. This way, people wouldn’t grow old and be able to maintain the White Whale and protect the Lifehold. We know that they are artificial in nature and that they are controlled from the consciousness stored within the Lifehold.

Elma mentions in one of the chapters (l can’t remember which one rn, but if someone requests it I will look it up) that the Lifehold cannot be too far, since they would otherwise feel the lag. Considering how the player can move freely all around Mira it is suffice to say that while the Lifeholds transmission range is limited, it is nonetheless still huge. Like, encompassing a whole planet huge. 

(Though, this observation might be futile since the endgame reveals that humanity would have been dead all along, so Mira Magic prevents us from making a sensible estimate as to how far this range could have been.)

What the main story chapters don’t tell us are the little details: can mimeosomes get sick, do they need food, etc.

So here is what I found:

Right off the bat: Mimeosomes have organic components. It is why in the sidequest “Lakeside Getaway” the cantors are able to exterminate the workers there, as they had laid eggs inside their bodies. We also see symptoms of sickness in Ajoa (the NPC who either dies or survives depending on your choices) because of that.

Despite that, other NPCs tell us that a mimesome doesn’t experience allergies and that they keep the humans safe from germs and contaminations which means they can’t get sick.

I’ve seen other speech bubble dialogue pop up when you walk past NPCs, talking about the ration bars BLADE use when they are out in the field (unfortunately I didn’t take screenshots at the time because I didn’t think I’d make a blog with all that neat trivia. They didn’t say anything important, just talked about the taste of these things).

If they didn’t need to eat at all, I figure they’d just pass on eating while they are on a mission since it’s just additional hassle – which is why I believe that (part, if not all) those organic components make up the digestive system. A lot of parasites do settle in the intestines, so I feel this is most likely the case.

 Other neat things I found:

We know that mimeosomes are supposed to mimic the actual human as close as possible when it comes to looks, but there are a few NPCs that tell us that there is a bit of leeway included when it comes to outer appearance.

 Hair, for example, can be easily swapped out (or in Felice’s case replaced), so there don’t seem to be any restrictions on hairstyle and color. Used to have straight hair and want curls now? Apparently no problem.

In the same dialogue Dorothy tells us that ‘bells and whistles’ is stuff like less weight, get rid of scars, beer bellies, etc. (I really wish I had screenshotted that latter part too, but again, I didn’t think I’d make a blog with this. I tried talking to her again, but I had cleared a chapter or the main story even and the dialogue didn’t pop up again.)

So from how I understand it: As long as it doesn’t concern one’s facial features (you know, that thing that makes a person actually recognizable, like eyes, nose, mouth, jawline, etc. you are good to go. Height, I assume, is one of them. Not sure on eye color, since technically there do exist contact lenses that change eye color) one is free to do whatever they want. Make oneself skinnier, get rid of wrinkles, whatever comes to mind.

And it kinda makes sense, really. The higher-ups would know that people would never get their old bodies back and start over with newly created ones, so things like scars or overweight and other stuff one did to their body (surgeries and tattoos included) wouldn’t carry over anyway. The new body would be a blank slate in regards to that.

Other bits of trivia:

Another NPC says that one can regulate the growth of their hair and nails, even shut it off completely if they so wish.

 (Unfortunately I do not have a screenshot and I don’t remember which NPC that was, so until I go through the game again and actually find it, take this one with a grain of salt.)

One of the NPCs in front of the mimeosome maintenance center (Kent D. Carr) says that sensory impressions like taste are just data that one could easily recreate by uploading them in the mimeosome maintenance center. Which means that any kind of sensation can be recreated as long as it is in the database. (I assume this doesn’t only apply to the taste of say, chocolate cake, but also touch or maybe even visual recreation of something.)

I find it very interesting that this is even possible to do, since mimeosomes can eat and taste well enough to differentiate tastes (if they didn’t why would fellow BLADEs gush about Lin’s food or complain about the taste of the ration bars. And Lin has this whole thing in one of the official short stories where she complains about the canteen food on the White Whale). I guess it is still different from the real thing. Or maybe this is to preserve the taste of food one can’t get on Mira anymore. All human food is synthesized after all and in no way ‘natural’, so it wouldn’t possibly taste the same.

(I actually do have a screenshot of this buuuuuut it’s in German and I took it with my phone because I couldn’t connect the Wii U with the internet at the time. If anyone wishes to see it, I will gladly upload it though.)

The blood substitute is called “biocirculatory plasma”

This is said by Lin in Ch. 5 after Cross gets their arm blown off (screenshot available, but I didn’t deem it necessary to add as it’s a mainstory cutscene). Not exactly missable, but thought I’d throw it in here in case someone needs it for fanfiction or anything. The plasma is also blue, not red, as implicated by the following things:

a.) Mimeosomes are called Blue Bloods in Japanese

b.) After the attack on NLA (Ch. 8) there are NPC who do express their surprise at the humans being blue blooded/mimeosomes.

c.) This picture:

The plasma also has to circulate somehow inside the body so it’s not a stretch to assume that mimeosomes have an artificial heart that acts as pump.

 Ch. 5 also shows that mimeosomes can be shut down to prevent pain or further plasma loss. It is also possible to just turn off the pain response and stay conscious (I think this was said in the Sylvalum mission “Predator and Prey”).

 Mimeosomes are able to feel some sort of “reverse phantom pain”, i.e. feeling the (partial) lack of a body part even though it’s connected and up and running. This is also part of Ch. 5 after the player awakens in the maintenance center and is asked if they feel okay. One of the options leads to this bit of trivia.  

 Okay, I think that was all I had for now. Thanks for reading :D

 If anyone can provide missing screenshots or has found other bits of trivia regarding mimesomes do tell – or even better, submit!

 An extra bonus:

The name mimeosome may come from the Greek μνήμη (mnimi, pronounced as mnee-mee)) and σώμα (soma). Minimi means memory and soma body so the word would basically translate to memory body. And that’s kina dope.

  Not sure if this is right, obviously, the “mimeo” might be latin or some shit (or ancient Greek which is NOT the same, lemme tell you, as a native Greek speaker) and just mean mimic (as in mimic the human body), but, oh well.

Edit:

So, someone in the tags said that “Blue Bloods” is a term used in Japan to describe the rich and exempt (makes sense, here in Germany the nobility used to be referred to as such as well because the veins look blueish against pale skin. And back then pale skin meant you didn’t bust your ass open working in the fields), so basically sth among the lines of “rich and lucky ones” which is a neat bit of foreshadowing that got lost in translation. (I know who you are but since this was just tag-rambling I figured you might wanna keep your name outta this - if not, I can edit your name into the post.)

They also wondered how tf this mix of organic and mechanic components would even work; now, I don’t think the game is ever going to give us an actually coherent and scientifically sound explanation for that - I think they most likely settled on bullet points of what mims can/can’t do to keep things consistent (bc one would need not only a medical, but also a scientific and engineering degree to have a good grasp of everything and I’m sure af the developers didn’t study up THAT meticulously on this), but I was thinking about it, bc ya know, I studied biophysics and find this kinda stuff interesting af.

And then I remembered that one of the research groups at my university studies the interaction between organic molecules and solid surfaces.

This kind of research can be used to get new insights on how those molecules function, and also helps developing better prostheses (in regards to biocompatibility) - obviously they aren’t trying to make artificial organs or anything related to mimeosomes, but it IS a pretty big field afaik. 

Organic molecules can be viruses or bacteria for examples - and bacteria are a very important part of our intestinal flora.

So, what if a mimeosome’s intestinal tract is made out of a material that those kinda bacteria can thrive on? (It can’t be cells imo, bc human cells have to replace themselves very regulary. Intestinal cells get replaced every 2 - 4 days for example - and making use of life cells that need renewal seems to defeat the purpose of almost-immortal machines since the point was to live in and with them as long as possible as it was unclear when they’d find a new planet to settle on.) Gut flora can digest carbohydrates and certain sugars, so there is a starting point as to how mims could digest food. These bacteria can’t break down everything, but it is common practice in life sciences to use bacteria as hosts to express certain enzymes (even though they weren’t native in that bacterium before), so engineering bacteria that could digest all kinds of food doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch to me.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Big ‘ol personal post

So despite having a loving family, I am still an intensely internal person who tends not to share what’s going on in my day-to-day with them on the regular. I know they care, but as a general rule I just don’t want their fucking input the majority of the time. Maybe this is a youngest thing, that as a kid I was so used to unsolicited advice from my parents/elder siblings that I was in a constant war of attrition to keep them the fuck outta my business, and now these habits have extended into how I express myself as an adult... but let’s save the psychoanalysis for later and get down to brass tacks here. 

Living far from home, the occasional status update is warranted. Parents like to know I’m still alive on this gd island, brother likes to know about the beaches and the night life, sister likes to know I’m not isolating myself to death. Mom and I talk... occasionally on Sundays, we’ve set up an FB chat that’s basically a place where we tag each other with funny goat memes, but don’t discuss anything of substance because mom texts like a snail. Brother is more ADHD than I am, so don’t tend to discuss serious things with him unless phone call. Sister is focused, empathetic, but works all the fucking time so we often forget to poke each other. Point is, it’s been 3 months since I gave anyone the lowdown on what the fucking hell is going on out here.

Sister poked me last night, asking how life is going.

I just... casually dumped 4 paragraphs of STUFF into our FB chat

P sure she’s asleep rn

Also I don’t think I realized just how much bullshit has happened in the past 3 months? Like I think I had my armor on because writing it all out and laying it straight, I feel like I’m about to cry. I’ve been questioning why I’ve been so stressed out lately, but then I read this shit back and it’s like HOW AM I NOT HAVING A NERVOUS BREAK DOWN RN???? 

And it’s extra hilarious because my BODY knew I was stressed tf out. It’s doing all the things it does when I’m just about at breaking point-- I cough like I’ve been smoking for 20 years despite having no phlegm to give up, the muscle in my lower back that likes to spasm goes apeshit and causes the stabby pains, and I break out like a teenager who forgot bathing was a thing. And I just... ignored all that as oh I’ve just been sitting around a lot, my body is yelling at me for not being as physical as I should, only LETHARGY IS ANOTHER SIGN THAT FUCKING DEPRESSION IS TAKING OVER AGAIN AND I SHOULD BE GOING TO WAR AGAINST MY OWN BRAIN’S SELF DESTRUCTIVE HABITS BY NOW. MOBILIZE THE TROOPS, FUCKING GO PEOPLE

Man I would really like to punch the hell outta something. This bitch needs a punching bag. Might tape some pillows to a wall to suffice. 

Anyway I’m gonna eat an orange now, peace!

The Arrangement Pt. 7

WARNINGS: SMUT. DubCon/Definite NonCon. 

Hey!!! SMUTTY SUNDAY!!!! This is Dark!Ubbe and this fic could make some people uncomfortable. I have put the trigger warnings in the tags and also in the Warning section! Other than that, for those of you who do decide to take a gander below the break… If you would like to be ADDED/Removed from the taglist! Let me know! Enjoy!

Catch up Here!!! 

There was not such thing as open with him. You’d figured this out through his lack of communication and though he liked to talk, he rambled and the conversation other than moment you two were in, had no meaning.

“I’m going to the store.” Ubbe peaks into the room you two shared.

Your stretched across the California King bed with the first good book you’ve read since high school. “Okay.”

“Do you want something?”

“No, thanks.”

He says nothing once he leaves, just closes the door. You listen as he hits the steps and then the door. The car engine starts and you’re up. You climb out of the bed and head downstairs. He spent most of his time in his study. He never allowed you in there, you assumed because he counted over one million dollars and hid in the room one night, but at this point money was not what you desired from him. You wanted to feel human with him. It’s easy to pick the lock. Bending down you slide the hair pin into the lock fiddling until you hear it click and the door pops opens. You check outside again, making sure he’s still gone.

The office is warm, not just in temperature but colors. Like Ubbe’s clothing it was all black with dark mahogany wood like his bedroom. There is a picture of a woman and four kids. You recognize the faces of his brothers and the woman must be his mother, he never talked about her. You admirable the past Ubbe. His smile was wide and innocent. There in the picture he’d half hugged his mother and there was none of the dark bleakness you’d seen over the past few months.

You move past the picture to the desk with the large safe. Out of curiosity you lean down turning the knob to zero. You put your ear to the safe and beginning turning it. You’d done this so many times it seemed to come naturally. After five minutes the safe is unlocked and you open the heavy chrome door. It’s no surprise that there is a stack of money as high as the safe itself. All 100-dollar bills and all banded and organized. The old you would have taken the money and hauled ass to a plane but this new you… had a thing for this demon. You look at the back of the safe and see a picture. Carefully you slide the picture from the safe realizing it wasn’t a picture but an obituary.

Modesto Lucero-Lothbrok born, April 18th, 1987 in Long Beach California died at the age of twenty-five.  You skim down the obituary skipping little things and then you see it. Modesto is survived by her husband Ubbe Lothbrok and a host of other friends and family.

It made sense. You shake you head sliding down to the ground. He was guarded because he’d already experienced the worst life had to offer. You place the obituary down, and you’re tempted to take a stack and leave because there is no way that he will ever be able to open up to you. This little relationship you’d developed with him is likely the best that it gets.

A hand bunches your hair tugging you up to your feet. Your pushed chest down against the desk, shaking. “I wasn’t stealing.” You plead.

“No you were being nosey.” Ivar sneers in your ear. “Tsk, tsk, tsk.” He chuckles. He spreads your legs. “Now what would Ubbe say if I told him you were in here stealing from him, again?” He nips at your ear, grazing his teeth and then biting down hard. He pushes your dress up. “Can I taste what all the rave is about?”

“Please, I just wanted to see what…”

“Answer my fucking question, Y/N?” It doesn’t matter what you say for it’s too late. His thick finger prods into you once and then twice and your body fails you as you become wet. Fear and arousal were one in the same for you now. He drags his finger across your swollen clit and leans closer to you. “You’re always fucking ready aren’t you.” You feel him pressed against your thigh, thick and hard. “No wonder he wanted to keep you tied up.” He pumps his fingers into you faster and you find yourself panting. You swat at his hand and like a vice grip he pins your hands above your head with one hand. “I could fuck you right here…” He threatens.

“Ivar.” You feel the wave of pleasure starting to flow. “I’m his…”

“Do you think I give a damn?” He laughs feeling you come around his fingers. “You dirty slut, you.” Your body spasms lightly, making you feel a hit of guilt and you shouldn’t. His fingers leave you and he turns you around to face him. “You’re only alive because I okayed it. Remember that when you think you want to tell him about this. And stay out of his shit. Get out.” He pushes you to the door.

Ubbe returns with a few groceries and clothes for you. He liked to shop, that you liked. There wasn’t an amount of soap that could get the feel of guilt off you. You’d showered over an hour locking yourself in the room until you heard Ubbe’s voice.

“I got food.” He smirks. “Why are you already showered?” Ubbe opens the fridge tossing in the food. You go behind him fixing the food.

“I just got tired.”

“You’ve been reading that trash all day.” He chuckled. “We can do something if you want?”

“Whatever you want,” You can’t fake a smile as Ivar strolls in the room looking you up and down. You’re rigid. “I’ll leave you two.”

“Ivar’s leaving…” Ubbe adds grabbing your arm for you to stay in the room. “He wants to talk about the heist. Go ahead and tell her, we have shit to do.”

“Next week you are meeting with Marcus.” Ivar bites into the apple staring at you with an arrogance you can’t stand. “You sure you can handle being alone with him?”

Your eyes widened and Ubbe steps in pushing him out of the kitchen. “Go, we will see you later.” Ubbe closes the door behind him returning to the kitchen staring at you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing?”

“You were happier earlier.” He said plainly. “Am I boring you?”

“No.” You answer quickly. “You’re not.”

“Okay.” He steps closer to you and he leans against the counter across from you, folding his arms across his chest. “I am not good at this shit… I haven’t been in a relationship in a while. And my last,” He pauses. “I was a different person from who I am now.”

“Who were you then?”

“Someone who was weak and unguarded.  I allowed things to happen that shouldn’t have in my life and it cost me some things I can’t get back. So, no I can’t express my feelings to you, Y/N. I don’t even know what they are really.”

“So, why did you even offer me a deal?” You touch his face hesitantly and he doesn’t move as your finger flows down the Xs on his face. He closes his eyes. “Why not make me another x?”

“Because.” He doesn’t answer.

“Was the arrangement you little fucked up way of a first date?”

Ubbe’s face actually softens and turns a pretty shade of pink. “Likely.”

“A simple steak and fuck would have sufficed.”

“I can offer you the fuck now, if you cook the steaks I bought later?”

“I can handle this arrangement,” You tug him closer to you knowing that it would be the only dominant thing you got to do. Ubbe tosses you over his shoulder and carries you down stairs to the torture room which had grown from your worst nightmare to your favorite room in the house. He strapped you into the manacles and left you hanging there naked and anticipating.

The cool air flows from the vents, hitting your chest, making your brown nipples become erect. Ubbe’s stands before you, admiring for a moment. He grabs the small silver clip clamping them down on your breast. You squirm for a moment as he tightens them and then steps back returning to his drawer. He returns with a small chrome rolling pin with small spikes coming from it. Your eyes grow large and he gives you that demon like smile.

“What?”

“What is that?”

“It’s not wax.”

“It looks like a murder weapon.” You say jokingly.

“I haven’t killed anyone with it.” He adds. He is in front of you and then he squats rolling the pin up your thighs. The sensation is odd but enjoyed as he traces your inner thighs and then up your stomach. He stands and pulls of the clamps from your breast. It sends a rush of pain and then pleasure through your body and he rolls the pin over it. The ecstasy from the sensation makes your mouth water and your panting grows shallower. He pulls the other and repeats it dropping the pin to the ground. He pushes a finger inside of you, then two and then three. He pumps until your nearly there and the turns you around on the manacles. He reaches for the roller again and sends the picks over your cheeks. “I want your ass.” He whispers. His finger circles your rim and he pushes in gently. It’s unfamiliar and tense. He leaves you and returns again and you feel the small plug slide into you. Its cold foreign but your body conform around it as he moves it in and out. He leaves it and turns you back to face him. “Not today though.” He smirks. You watch as he lines himself and then lowers the manacles down from the ceiling. He starts to fuck you, deep and hard. This feeling of being consumed by him is tantalizingly dangerous. His hands travel up your back pulling you down to meet him with each thrust. Ubbe locks eyes with you and for the first time you see something under all that darkness and all you want to scream is that you won’t break his heart.

  Taglist: @captstefanbrandt @wilddrabble @sparklemichele@imgoldielikehawn@earthsmightiestasses @siren-queen03 @titty-teetee@hvitserksgirl @amour-quinn@whenimaunicorn @sunnyfortomorrow@proudcoiler88 @perfectus-in-morte@g4u15 @lol-haha-joke@allinestarr-blog@doloreschanal@mads---world—world @xilyadax@leaderradiante @letsshamelessqueen-m@marvelsviking @equalstrashflavoredtrash @sassymcgonagal1651@kenzieam @igetcarriedawaywithyou @daughterofthenight117 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn@cris101071 @vikingsmania@valynsia @alicedopey @indecisiondecisions @byzantium-glytch @silkambition @mockinghijack @ivarsshieldmadien @pebblesz892 @romanchronicles 

have been tagged by @itshillaryrodamn and @gefiltefishwhereareweonthis

A- Age: 23

B- Birthplace: IT

C- Current Time: 21:25pm

D- Drink You Last Had: chai (w/o milk because Idon’tenjoy them together and because I have a tummy ache rn :/ )

E- Easiest Person to Talk To: uhm, that’s difficult. I talk about different things with different people, but I used to have one person I felt could talk about everything. Sadly, after 7 years of friendship, I got discarded without even a parting message and now this person studies abroad. It hurt so much.

F- Favorite Song: I go through songs a lot, I don’t think I have an all time favourite, but pretty high are Baba O’Riley, Little lion man and The Boxer (as played by Mumford and Sons, not Simon and Garfunkel), The sound of silence, Solsbury hill, Queen’s Under pressure, Lfe on Mars, so many by the Beatles, Take this waltz, and a rotation of songs by Linkin Park (who have been a constant in my teenage years).

As for Italian ones, definitely Il cielo d’irlanda (a magnificent song about the Irish sky), Songs from De Andrè (actually closer to a poet than a singer), Gli Anni by 883, some songs by Ligabue, Tiziano Ferro and Elisa, and my all time favourite Rapper who raps about environmental causes, writes songs against Berlusconi and Fascism, Caparezza.

And a hilarious Canadian band called Arrogant Worms and their satyrical songs like Jesus’ Brother Bob or The last Saskatchewan Pirate.

G- Grossest Memory: the smell of autopsies and seeing a vegetable soup exit the stomach of a lady they cut open during one. You could see the bright orange carrots floating around the broth.

H- Horror Yes or Horror No:“In real life” gore doesn’t bother me, but I don’t actively watch films that will scare me, I am someone easy to jump scare.

I- 😍?: People who have compassion, empathy and have the general sunny disposition I don’t have. People who encourage others and help them through their struggles. People who are patient and make you feel like you’re not a bother.

J- Jealous of people: Who seem to learn notions easily. People who “have their shit together” in life. People who have a better time management than I do. People who have the strength to do many things in a day and don’t get easily tired. People who are daring. People who have the money to travel extensively

L- 💛 at first sight or should I walk by again?: walk by again, and again, and again. I am like a baby deer, you really have to approach with caution because I get scared if things move at a fast pace. Unfortunately, people tend to read my caution as a sign I’m not interested.

M- Middle Name: None. My parents had the worst experiences with their middle names and they swore not to give me one, lol.

N- Number of Siblings: None :(

O- One Wish: Die happy of the life I’ve lived.

P- Person You Called Last: My mum. Look, I am Italian, this should suffice as to explain why I called her (heheheh), plus I am being a big baby because I’ve been having this dull ache all day and it’s driving me nuts.

Q- Question You Are Always Asked:  If it’s cloudy up there. Cos I’m tall.

R- Reason to 😁: my cousin’s little girl, the most adorable baby on the planet, cats, food from home, cute little surprises and gestures that let you know people care about you, Innsbruck’s mountains

S- Last song you sang to: Pocahontas (a very soulful song in German about a breakup, would recommend if only for the spectacular voice of the singer, definitely to listen to if you like Mumford and Sons)

T- Time You Woke Up: around 7 because I had very hopeful plans for the day (which I never manage to fulfil), then reset to 8:30 am, but I think I actually slid out of bed around 9 after something for my tummy had its effect.

U- Underwear Color: always had white or black but it’s because as I was little my mum never bought me underwear with designs or disney characters or whatever and I just kept doing it, even though I think I would like a colored/patterned one more

V- Vacation Destination: Japan, definitely, a well and good tour of Europe, Ireland <3 and... space? Elon Musk can I hitch a ride with you?

W- Worst Habit: worrying too much, projecting my life 5 years in the future in the possible way and then getting upset about that. Complaining about stuff instead of starting to fix my life, in general, being on the depressed/depressive side of things, a strong negative self image, comparing myself too much to said people above who “have their shit together”

Y- Your Favorite Food: Pizza over everything. And also Pasticcio and damn yes white asparagus risotto like my dad does it <3 ( i wasn’t home for Easter and MY PARENTS ATE IT with my aunt and uncle gggggrrrrrrrr)

Z- Zodiac Sign: Gemini. I used to love my birthday, but the Orange Anus decided to have my same one and now I can’t wait till he’s out of office to start enjoying it again. Which I won’t do anyway cos I’ll be getting older. So please, Mueller hurry up.

tagging: idk, I’m drained. If you like it, do it.

Not to be heinous but I kinda wanna read all the soft questions from u bc I love to learn about friend s

well if you were ANYONE else i would say no but i love you so you can have them all. get ready

what song makes you feel better? i have two whole playlists of feel good music here and here :} 

what’s your feel-good movie? i don’t really have a feel good movie tbh.. i don’t watch movies that much

what’s your favorite candle scent? very basic but vanilla, nutmeg, and sandalwood are the best candle scents

what flower would you like to be given? again basic but i just really like roses.... 

who do you feel most you around? you and my good friends mars @litchkiing​ and danny 

say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical). damn okay...  physical - 1. i have good hair 2. i really like my eye color 3. my scars are fun and make me look cool non-physical - 1. i’d like to say i’m pretty outgoing and friendly, i have a decent collection of acquaintances and casual friends 2. i am a good friend. this i know. 3. i’m very personable and have a good sense of humor but also am good at comforting people i think

what color brings you peace? softer toned warm colors like pale yellows, oranges, and reds/pinks 

tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. @mosshugs​ [tags you on the ask you sent me] and @litchkiing​ [tags you for the second time this post]

what calms you down? music..... just zoning out some tunes. plus talking to my friends and hangin with my cat

what’s something you’re excited for? getting to see my friends again whenever that happens.... plus the starset concert whenever that happens also LMAO

what’s your ideal date? honestly? just a vibe session. hanging out at like the park or even just their house, goin out and getting some food, just being able to enjoy the other person’s company for a while and getting to talk to them is all i’d need. i’m a simple man

how are you? i’m pretty good rn! in a voice call with my pals :}

what’s your comfort food? answered!

favorite feel-good show? don’t really have one either.. again i don’t really watch things that much anymore lol

for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word. i can’t do this one lmao

compliment the person who sent you this number. you’re very sweet and kind despite everything and also have a very good sense of humor and i diagnose you with i love you

fairy lights or LED lights? fairy lights 100%. i need so many

do you still love stuffed animals? yessss of course

most important thing in your life? the people i have :’)

what do you want most in the world right now? a moment of brevity from all the shit that sucks right now.. a moment where i could just hold close the people i care about and forget about the world for a second, even if it doesn’t last. i think it’s what we all deserve right about now :’/

if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be? shit doesn’t get any better but hey man, suffice to say that you’re still here. just hold on. keep your head above water. it’s all you can do. 

what would you say to your future self? i really hope you’re finally happy, or at least getting there, because it’s the very least you deserve. i hope you keep holding on.

favorite piece of clothing? answered!

what’s something you do to de-stress? draw... or listen to music with my head down and ignore everything

what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.) playlist for sure

what movie would you want to live in? i don’t have a good enough frame of reference for movies to answer this. one better than the current goings on of the world lmao.

which character would you want to be? this is just a “diagnose yourself as kin” question................................ this isn’t a kinnie answer tho i just wanna be gordon freeman cause he has a cool physics degree that i want and also a good boyfriend and girlfriend and i’m jealous. i want what this man has. 

hugs or hand-holding? yes. both. what kind of question is this. unbelievable. 

morning, afternoon or night? none of the above - evening twilight is where it’s at. 8-11pm is the best time of day

what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)? the sound of pouring rain on closed windows in a warmly lit house, candles and incense burning, the sound of an acoustic guitar, campfires, and that quiet feeling in the air you get when you’re sitting in the same room as someone but you’re both just chillin and enjoying one another’s company. does that make sense. i hope it does lmao

80 🌙

okay buckle up bc this is gonna be a long one *cracks knuckles and starts to type aggressively* honestly where do i even start?? there’s so much i want to say about you and all of these things are solely positive. you are without a doubt one of the most thoughtful, caring, gold hearted, selfless and loving persons i have ever had the privilege to get to know. you radiate so much positivity, warmth, love, generosity and just good vibes!! talking to you is always such a pleasure because you are so incredibly passionate and excited about the things you love especialy when it comes to bts and of course jimin!! your love for him makes fireworks burst inside of my heart and i low key feel like a fake jimin stan whenever i read your tags. you are seriously THE QUEEN™ of tags!! you always use so many emojis and you are just so full of love like you always go ALL OUT in your tags it never fails to amaze me!! i know i’m already overly dramatic and extra when it comes to him but you’re on a whole other level!! your love for him is seriously out of this world!! it’s the purest, most wholesome love to ever exist tbh!! whenever you talk about him i really feel like he is the root of all your happiness and it fills me with so much joy that our baby boy makes you feel this way!! he really is an angel and it only makes sense that he’s your bias since you’re just as angelic and kindhearted as he is!! but your love doesn’t stop there!! you are so passionate about animals and wildlife in general!! i sincerely believe that you will change this world for the better!! you have already enriched my life with your friendship and i can only imagine the amazing things you’ll do for both animals and people in the future. honestly getting to know you is hands down one of the best things that has happened to me last year. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

it’s so rare to find someone as honest and good hearted as you are!! i can’t help but smile whenever we talk to each other because you just emit so much positive energy and happiness. you are such a soft, sensitive and emotional person and that’s exactly why i love you so much. you always say what’s on your mind. even though i am older than you, i really look up to you. i respect and admire you so much for leaving your home and family behind in order to do something you truly care about. even though we’re both very busy and don’t manage to talk on a daily basis i’m always so thankful when we actually get to talk to each other (we both always go off tbh and that’s why it’s so difficult to catch up lmao but i love it!!) i honestly feel like i can talk to you about anything and everything, you’re always there to listen and to give advice without judging me. you really are one of a kind and i hope the people who get to interact with you every day appreciate the gift that you are to this earth. i am infinitely grateful to be able to call you my friend and it seriously amazes me how much we have a common!! we always have the same faves in every group (if i have to share my men with anyone i want it to be no one else but you tbh), the same music taste (LOOK IT’S SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE THAT LOVE RNB, HIP HOP, REGGAETON & BACHATA AS MUCH AS I DO AND I THANK ALL THE GODS FOR HAVING MET YOU!!! WE’RE ONE AND THE SAME SIS!! I REALLY GHOSTWROTE I AM YOU, YOU ARE ME BY ZICO ABOUT US ://), same movie tastes (we deadass wrote essays about studio ghibli movies... wow i love us, thanks for all of your amazing suggestions again god i really love you so much) and we usually have the same opinions on almost everything!! man this is already so fucking long but you know i can’t let you off without dragging your unloyal ass... i can’t believe you seriously admitted that you would cheat on jimin with jeon... WHAT KIND OF EXPOSURE!! WHAT KIND OF TEA!!  AND WHAT KIND OF AUDACITY!! WHO THE FUCK WOULD CHEAT ON THE LITERAL ANGEL THAT IS PARK JIMIN??? 😒😞😣😪😓😩😤 well at least you’re being honest with yourself and thanks to your confliciton i am always greatly entertained when i read your tags lmao. jeon really got you ripped around his finger but i know if you really had to choose you wouldn’t hesitate and pick jimin (or at least i hope so akjshfkajsf). also it never fails to amaze me how you’re simultaneously the softest and nastiest stan at the same damn time. you’re ALWAYS the one to bring up nsfw topics and you’re also the one to write paragraphs and essays about your soft feelings for jimin kjfjkasfsfh honestly i didn’t know such people even existed before i met you. OKAY I FEEL LIKE IM ABOUT TO WRITE AN ENTIRE NOVEL IF I DON’T STOP MYSELF RN FSLJSFLK. the thing is i could actually write 894546541651 novels about how much you mean to me and it still wouldn’t suffice to describe how much i truly love and cherish you. i hope you always know how important you are to me and that you can talk to me about anything. i’m sorry i’m so horrible at replying to messages but you know i always get back to you. i seriously love you so, so, so incredibly much and i wish you nothing but happiness, success and love for your life! may all of your dreams and wishes come true! i have no doubt that you will be an outstanding zoologist one day, making this world a better place. YOU ARE WORTHY OF ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN THIS UNIVERSE I LOVE YOU!! 💝💘💞💖💕💓💗💝💘💞💖💕💓💗

Tagged by @tokyotheglaive <3

Rules: Tag nine users you want to get to know better.

How old are you?: 25

Current job/ Dream job?: Editor

What are you talented at?: Turning tiny worries into massive death scenarios, eating more dessert than anyone else, public speaking, manuscript illumination, driving, playing the flute, convincing myself that no one likes me and my life is an elaborate set-up. 

What is a big goal you are working towards (or have already achieved)?: I’m working toward being healthy enough to work 40 hours per week, so that I can apply for better jobs. 

What is your aesthetic?: Fashion -- rural feminine Japanese/1940s housewife since they’re basically the same rn; A-line skirts, shoulders covered, high collars, soft colours, heels, cardigans, but with lace and ruffles wherever I can stuff them. Otherwise -- medieval nonsense, yellowed books, tea and coffee.

Do you collect anything?: I used to collect seashells(/shark teeth/whale bones/etc.) but my family has moved so many times that I have no idea where they are, now, or if any of them made it to the present day. It’s kind of a painful thought so I try not to dwell on it. I don’t collect anything these days; seems like unnecessary clutter and materialism.

What is a topic you are always up to talk about?: hhhhh. Sometimes I don’t have the spoons for anything, really, but writing and books are usually good bets. Honestly sometimes it’s just nice to exchange hellos and how-are-yous, even if it ends there. 

What’s a pet peeve of yours?: Off-key music, and dissonance, and UNRESOLVED CADENCES OH MY GOD. The THX soundbite. Vagueblogging. When people lack empathy and are quick to judge. 

Good advice to give?:

Remember that confidence is practiced, no matter how effortless other people make it look. 

Always offer guests food and bring food to events with strangers; food is the universal gatherer. 

The keys to world peace are alcohol and karaoke. 

Improving at something requires suffering and frustration; don’t feel guilty when it crashes over you. 

Just because it didn’t work for you then doesn’t mean you should write it off now, especially if other options are open to you. 

If you’re feeling awful, drink water before you decide how to proceed, and always drink water after crying. 

Understand that most people will not care about you, and don’t chase after people who don’t care about you as much as you care about them, but begin all your interactions with love and empathy regardless -- wouldn’t you rather be That Person to the people that come across you?

Unless you’re in Japan Don’t put down gifts you give to others, even if you’re nervous about how they’ll be received. It makes you sound like you didn’t put any effort into the gift.

Likewise, don’t argue against compliments. It often makes the complimenter feel uncomfortable and insinuates that they’re a liar, regardless of your intent. A simple “thank you”/”you’re sweet” and a quick topic change will suffice.

Look for the original source and follow the money. Everyone has an agenda. 

Recommend three songs?:  “Danse Macabre”, Camille Saint-Saens (for the #aesthetique) “Darling”, Nishino Kana (for the cute/ballady) “St. Thomas”, Sonny Rollins (for dat chill, upbeat jazz)

Not gonna tag, this time. Most people have done this already anyway.