that's what good pussy sounds like

As part of temporarily doing my brother’s jobs, it is my privilege and responsibility to let you know that the AWESOME SOCKS CLUB IS BACK OPEN. 

Each month, wondrously comfy socks designed by an independent artist arrives at your home, and as with the awesome coffee club, 100% of the profits go to support stronger healthcare systems in impoverished communities. 

These silly socks have raised over $2,000,000 to fight maternal and child mortality, and I am so proud that my brother’s weird idea has become an absolute phenomenon. Join us! 

Low quality Fionna from last night :)

I wanna treat you like such a princess that your friends are jealous

I also wanna degrade you like such a whore there's no way your friends will believe you're safe with me

He's never been "good" at hide-and-seek, but since meeting his new girlfriend he's definitely gotten worse.

me: worldbuilding is unnecessary unless it supports your story

also me: everyone in this kingdom believes that their ancestors had literally always inhabited the region and has a lot of national pride in being the Only People That Never Left The Homeland but Archaelogy Would Tell A Different Tale, if they had it yet, which they're about 50 years away from

I can think that watching the Richmond team playing dirty on pitch was fundamentally upsetting and a clear display of toxic masculinity and that it’s hilarious as fuck that the two smallest players on the team (Bumbercatch and Richard) got red carded for violent play, ok; it’s called multitasking

I know canonically Nie Mingjue is shredded but I NEED him to have a power belly, I need that waist to be thicc, I need him to have thunder thighs and an ass that won't quit, I need him to have fat tits, do you understand?

lucy carlyle + the angry biscuit bite™

Reading the manuscripts from Alan Wake: American Nightmare is so funny because Alan loves his wife so much and really seems so sad that he was ever an asshole to her. He's pretty much writing "I sucked so much, I can't believe my wife likes me let alone loves me, I'm so lucky to have her, and I miss her so much, I just want to be back with her, I'm a better person now and I want to be a good husband for her".

He's aware it's been at least 2 years that he's been gone, and that she thinks he's dead and is more sad about that because he doesn't want HER heart to be broken, and hopes she's moved on, but also really wants to get out to be with her again? Thinking about her is how he stays sane in a place that actively gnaws at the mind.

I guess by AW2 he's become much more resigned to her thinking he's dead and less actively just thinking about how he misses his wife, but it's still very sweet that as soon as he realises she's being haunted, he's like "nobody endangers MY wife" and continues to terribly haphazardly try to save her.

Alice unfortunately doesn't get much characterisation through the games, and I hope she gets more screentime in future stuff, but it's nice that Remedy shows that Alan is kind of just a loving puppy even years into their marriage. And she loves him too!!!

Anyway I'm pretty much just pointing at Alan now and going "haha check out THIS guy, he LOVES HIS WIFE, what a NERD" but with as much affection as I can because I genuinely love it.

the aromantic desire to do great traditionally romantic coded gestures without a hint of romantic intent

*seeing Namor and Shuri stop fighting, despite everything that went down, ending the cycle of violence and vengeance, forging an alliance of their two kingdoms against the dangers of a world full of colonizers*

Me: The power that that has, the intelligence that that has, the clearance that that has, the access that that has, the influence that that has, the profile that that has, the international implications that that has

Also me 0.75 seconds later: So now you are gonna get married, right? RIGHT?

cherishing him holding him kissing his little head

being the girl you bring home to mom 🤝 being the girl you fuck in the bathroom when you bring me home to mom

It's interesting the blindspots that people can develop through too much information.

I'm not just talking about learning things and then not being able to imagine the perspective of someone who hasn't learned that, which I've seen a couple posts about.

I'm talking about this:

I have a popular post where I translated the Tiger Poem by Nael (age 6) into Classical Maya. In my English notes to the translation, I gloss the word 'Bahlam' as 'Tiger'. This is wrong, it means 'Jaguar'. Tigers don't exist in the Americas. But it actually took me a minute to figure out what was wrong when this was pointed out, and I'm still bemused when people tell each other the correct translation in the notes.

'Jaguar' is a Portuguese loan from the Old Tupi word 'Îagûara'. In Spanish Colonial dictionaries, it's not the word that gets used to translate 'Bahlam.' It was just another indigenous word at the time. Usually, dictionaries use 'El Tigre'. Tiger. The Old World animal with the most similar size and cultural impact. Something they knew, to give an idea of this animal they didn't.

(Not sure why they didn't use leopards, which look a lot more similar, but maybe they weren't as culturally central in the 1600s? Or they're just a lot smaller? Or they were also commonly referred to as tigers?)

I've spent so much time painstakingly translating 17th Century dictionaries, that I forget the modern distinctness of animal species. I read 'Bull' in a central Asian dictionary, and assume it primarily means the local types of ox. I don't bat an eye at a small lizard or hummingbird being considered an insect. A completely random animal will show up, which only exists on the opposite side of the world, and I'll just shrug and bring up a picture so I can guess what local animal is being referred to.

And then, someone forcefully corrects me that hedgehogs don't live in Canada, I mean a PORCUPINE, and I just stand there baffled for a minute. That matters?

me: oh my god not everything is about sex

also me: anyway. they should have fucked