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#I also might get back on my stardew valley bullshit
formerlyz · 1 year
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I’m so sick right now and drawing them makes me feel better (pose base under cut)
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ladyvesuvia · 2 years
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short blog note
please read!
hi! i’d like to clean up my blog.
i’ve been incredibly busy these past several months hence the inactivity and inconsistent fanfic updates. due to this, i’ve neglected and abandoned the requests in my inbox including my notifications (tags to celebration posts, random posts, and etcetera) which i really apologize for!
i have also been very demotivated with writing, so i apologize for the decrease in quality with my most recent ones.
i’d also like to apologize because i will now be moving forward from the requests i’ve received previously from old celebration events. i’m really sorry, you can always send those requests to other writers! <3
i’m also going to redo and try to revamp my blog, although i think i would very much love to keep the theme. i’m going to create new masterlists, so don’t mind the mess on your feed with masterlists full of incomplete links, they’ll be under construction.
i’ll also be redoing my taglists because i don’t want to tag and bother a now uninterested audience.
i’ve really been considering moving blogs like most of my mutuals have done for the past year but i’ve grown attached to this blog of mine, so i’m keeping this shitpost-stacked blog because i’ve made a lot of great memories here and i’d still love to make some more.
i would like to address my mutuals who i haven’t interacted with so much as i did last year. please know that i love love love you all and please tag me in your celebratory posts, i really appreciate those and i will try my best to respond and participate in them! :))
i’ll be trying to write for marvel and stranger things and stardew valley because they’re the fandoms i’m most particularly interested in at the moment so other fandoms might be dormant for now i hope you could understand that.
anyway, sorry for the serious tone. it’s my flop era rn and i’d love to get back in the game and get more notes in fanfics so i’d love prompts and more random bullshit in my ask box again come back you fucking idiots
love u all mwa
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axolotlwrites · 1 month
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I want to apologize (again), for the radio silence.
As of now, the Valentines Sebastian fic is on an indefinite pause, and I will be working on something else.
I'll be frank, I didn't want to come back to tumblr without making some progress on it. I wanted to come back with it finished and done, nicely wrapped up so I could move on to the next one. But, I'd rather be honest than sit there, leaving y'all waiting for a work that you might not get. So, I'll lay it out.
There's been some stuff going on in my personal life. I don't like specifying stuff like that (anonymity and such) but long story short, around the beginning of March my mother got a date for an important surgery, and we spent that month preparing for it.
At the beginning of April, my mom had her surgery, and it threw our life around a little, as you might guess. The surgery was fairly intense, and though recovery has been difficult for her, she's come out of it better than before. It put a lot of stress on our family's plate for a good bit, but I'm ready to get back into writing again.
However, I have no motivation to write this fic right now. I've been wanting to move on with it for a while, but I feel stumped whenever I try to write it. Like, I feel muzzled or something. Every time I go to write it, I go blank and keep thinking of something else I could be writing.
AND ALSO VALENTINES WAS TWO MONTHS AGO
I will finish it, I promise you that. And I'll tell y'all whenever I start work on it again. But I don't want to force myself to work on something I don't want to work on. It'll come out bad, and it won't be fair to y'all or me. If I make something, I want it to be worth reading, and not some bullshit I spewed out.
I will be making more Stardew Valley fanfiction, I'm not quitting that. This specific Valentines fanfic is the only one on hiatus.
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currywaifu · 4 years
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𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: save file 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: chigasaki itaru/reader 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw 𝐰𝐜: 3.0k words
𝐚𝐧: itaru event? itaru fic! me loving fake dating + direct af titles? nothing changed~ sequencing of events might be weird, oops~
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Itaru’s not the least bit surprised at the sight of your wrinkled nose; neither is he shocked at the crease that formed between your brows nor the narrowing of your eyes. It must be a lot to take in, truly, but it had to be done.
“Chigasaki-kun,” you said, immediately trailing off as though you couldn’t convey the rest of your thoughts. That was fine, he thought, he can wait for his SP to fill up for 100 minutes so surely he can wait a couple more minutes for your response.
It’s a bit embarrassing, but maybe he needs to explain a bit more? He doesn’t mind too much, he was putting you on the spot, after all.
“I know it’s sudden,” Itaru said apologetically, “but I need you. You’re the only one who can—“
“Chigasaki-kun,” you repeated, sounding firmer this time around. At this point, Itaru noticed that your eyes never left the cafe table that separated the two of you, or rather what laid right smack in the centre of it. As soon as he slid it towards you, your eyes had gone from wide and surprised to squinting, almost as though it had offended you.
He was so focused on your line of sight that he failed to notice the sudden rush of red that raced across your cheeks. After a moment of silence, you let out a deep breath.
“Why the fuck did you just give me a replica of Byleth’s ring from Fire Emblem?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” he dug through his pocket to bring out another ring, the exact same design, “I have another one.”
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“Hey, you made it! Thanks for coming, Chigasaki-sa—“ as he took in the sight of your locked hands, his co-worker let out a comically loud gasp, before trying and failing to cover it up with an awkward cough.
Itaru’s not stupid, at the very least he’s definitely not blind or deaf. Besides the gracious host, he can tell everyone is shocked and staring. They’re not even trying to be discrete about it anymore.
The people from his department had been gossiping for all of last week, creating speculations on his love life. The theories had a lot of exaggeration, a lot of denial.
You squeezed his hand a little tighter, him reciprocating to reassure you.
Envy. Judgement.
Still, as he glanced at your face to check for any sign of discomfort only to find a poised smile, he was once again reminded by your strength and fortitude. He always admired that from you, and it was always so enthralling to see that side of you in action.
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“You’ll come, won’t you?” Itaru let out a quiet hum, yet refusing to answer immediately. Though he’d prefer to sit out of most gatherings, he particularly disliked going to non-essential get-togethers where the only real purpose was for his co-workers to eat and drink less restrained as they would with the higher-ups around.
Normally he would have some excuse conjured up, maybe even pretend to check his phone calendar and reject the invite apologetically. However, he had already skipped out three times, consecutively.
He already breached the three strikes and you’re out rule, and he’s not so sure risking going for four would be the smartest play for his reputation… but it probably wouldn’t hurt to save game and set aside his decision making for later.
“I’ll have to check my schedule. I just need to check with someone first,” he said, thinking back to the director and the rest of spring troupe. Would any of them give him an excuse he has yet to use?
“Ahh, feel free to bring your sister then!” the man paused, a small smirk appearing as his eyebrows waggled. “Unless you wanna bring, you know, a friend.”
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“You just don’t want to suffer alone,” you said, using your fork to prod at the meal he treated you to. Surely a one time gathering wasn’t all there is to it? Chigasaki Itaru, who always kept his life outside work private, suddenly wanting people to know he had a significant other?
Even though he didn’t?
“I’ve been to those— I know they suck,” you continued, your eyes darting away from the silver band to look at him properly, “will this even benefit you?”
“It’ll probably be annoying at first,” he replied, keeping eye contact to let you know how serious he was, “dealing with everyone’s questions, but they’ll eventually just accept it and stop bothering me.”
“What about me?”
“You work somewhere else— they won’t get the chance to bother you,” he pointed out, propping his elbow on the table as he rest his cheek on his knuckles. He continued seeing as you stayed silent, “plus, don’t you have anyone bothering you about your lack of a love life?”
In any other instance, you probably would have made a remark about him being too dedicated to his waifus to date as well, but you could only grimace as you recalled the upcoming family reunion. If your aunts teased you again for not being in a relationship… if your mom kept insisting that you were just hiding a secret boyfriend to delude herself…
“Fine, but in exchange—“
Itaru let out a chuckle, “so the matching rings aren’t enough? I’ll have you know, they’re Class A replicas.”
You snorted, “stop, stop! I’m being serious here!” you said, lightly kicking his feet from beneath the table. When he moved to retaliate, you hastily pushed your feet beneath your chair.
“Oi—“
“Just kidding, just kidding!“ he said, raising his hands up in surrender, “so, how can I help you?”
“… you up for a family reunion lunch on Sunday?”
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“So, like, do we need to prepare any— dude, dude, dude what the…? This part of your island is—” Even without heading over to where you were, he immediately knew which area you were cackling about.
“That’s the nature dump! Obviously not gonna terraform it yet?” Itaru replied, “I need a place to place all the normie flowers?”
He heard you scoff, your animal crossing character running up to his and hitting him with a net.
“Not that dump, dummy! Why are there toilets? The fences— toilets—“ you trailed off, unable to help yourself from bursting back into laughter. He instinctively laughed alongside you, knowing the monstrosity you were talking about.
“What kind of idiot makes a pathway out of toilets?”
“Hey! They create a cool effect when you walk past it!” he said, defending himself as your character hit his on the head again, “kind of like a clam opening up—“
“It’s a toilet! Not a clam!”
“Ya? Well I, Taruchi, am a resident of Urinetown, subtitle: actually an island and not a town,” Itaru said, almost as if he was proud of himself. “Before you come from me, Urinetown is a musical about capitalism. What’s your excuse, Pen Island?”
You gasped, obviously fake but dramatic enough to continue your banter “I’ll have you know, the actual name is Pen Isles? Also, you named our Stardew Valley farm—“ you paused, as though realising something, “wait, wasn’t I going to ask you something?”
“… pfft, GJ.”
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Itaru watched you introduce yourself to the rest of the room, your words polite but brimming with a confidence that was rare to see from his friend turned pretend s/o… or at least, that was what he initially thought.
Maybe this side of you just so happened to be particularly evident tonight, ringing throughout your voice and exhibited by your body language; that didn’t mean it was hidden before this instance.
There was a certain charm to you. Always been, but he never really acknowledged it. It was the little things, like how you were never hesitant about adding to his commentary when you two played Co-Op, or the playfulness you showed from time to time, or your genuineness around him— kind, but not taking bullshit from him or anyone.
If he was reading the room right, he can’t blame them for being even a little bit enthralled with you.
Even if it didn’t exactly sit right with him.
“I didn’t know Chigasaki-kun was dating someone!” a brave soul piped up from the sidelines, probably vocalising what everyone else was holding back from saying. Huh, wasn’t she one of the people who fiercely denied the rumour that he was in a relationship?
He doesn’t miss the way the corners of your lips quirked downwards for a split second, before lifting back upwards as though it never happened.
“Well, Itaru can be a bit private,” you replied, a muffled but silvery giggle escaping escaping your lips, “though I suppose I’m a bit of the same? Might be why we’re compatible.”
The woman who asked flushed slightly, and he was sure it wasn’t from any alcohol consumed. Even still, he found himself mirroring the pink hue.
Itaru?
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“Itaru,” he repeated to you for the third time tonight.
“Shoot, sorry,” you apologised, making your animal crossing character portray your shock at your slip-up again. Lmao, that was cute. “Damn… it’s weird going from Chigasaki-kun to just Itaru.”
It was his turn to hit your character with a net.
“Taruchi isn’t that far from Itaru, and you call me that all the time,” he stated, snorting at the little huff that was somehow still audible on call.
“Calling you your IGN is way different though?” you protested, “I can’t just call you that in public?”
“Shame it might expose me irl,” he sighed in disappointment, “it would have been cute to have my gamer s/o go ‘uwu Taruchi, fighto!’”
“Hahhh? Was it ever cute any time I called you Taruchi?” you asked, incredulousness present in your tone as you proceeded to mock him, “uwu, Taruchi, fighto!… there, was that cute at all?”
Itaru’s hand slid up to cover his face, his growing smile lifting his cheeks upward. You were clearly just joking around, but, well, “who knows? Maybe if you said ‘Taruchi-sama, ganbatte! I’d be able to—“
“Itaru!” you interrupted, immediately making the human equivalent noise of a keyboard smash, your little avatar running around in circles as he imagined what expression your face had right now.
Amidst his unrestrained laughter, he managed to squeeze in his next sentence in parts. “You— you finally said it! Otsu~”
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You had only called him ‘Itaru’ that one time, every other time being ‘Taruchi’ in private or ‘Itaru-kun’ in public. Still, hearing you say his name in person instead of on the phone made it feel like the first time again.
Luckily for him, he didn’t get that much time to dwell on it. Someone had lead you two to sit somewhere, surrounded by more of his polite and friendlier coworkers. Exchanging pleasantries with them was easy enough, as was answering questions about your relationship.
They’ve had multiple test runs after all. There was no way they were messing up any details, there was no room or possibility of either of them even fumbling.
“How long have you two known each other?”
“We’ve been friends since university,” you replied, something that was actually true, “it took years for me to even confess! I’m just glad Itaru accepted,” you gave him a purposeful glance, your bashful expression nearly enough to lead him to believe that you really did have a crush on him all this time.
“So you two have been together since—?”
“After my graduation,” Itaru supplied helpfully, “so it’s been a few years.”
“That’s so sweet! You know,” the woman in front of you lowered her voice, and you leaned in a little closer to listen in, “a lot of us were wondering if Chigasaki was dating anyone after we saw his ring. I thought it was just a fashion statement, but now I know it’s the real deal!”
She eyed the silver band on your ring finger, one that completely matched his.
“The rings are beautiful! The design is completely unique,” another person commented. Itaru felt your ring finger loop around his own, and the two of you turned to look at each other, sharing an amused grin.
If only they knew it was actually really well-done game merch.
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“What’s the point of the rings, though?” you asked, curious of just how far Itaru was taking this plan anyway.
“Do you not like it?” Itaru asked. Undeniably, he would be a bit upset if you ended up not liking the ring. After all, he bought it because—
“It’s lovely,” you said sincerely, carefully picking up the ring, “just surprised you already had rings on hand?”
He chuckled apprehensively, “I was going to save it as a friendship anniversary gift,” he explained, “I still feel a little guilty I didn’t get you anything last year.”
“You don’t have to get me anything anyway,” you said reassuringly, “but I appreciate it.”
He watched you slip the ring on your left ring finger, mouth opening up to apologise as he saw how loose the ring was on you, about to offer to have it resized immediately before you interrupted with quiet laughter.
“It’s a bit awkward right now, but I love it.”
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The get-together was going really well, surprisingly. He still would have preferred to be in the comfort of his room, but your presence just made everything so much easier. Even the questions people threw at the two of you weren’t so bothersome, dodging the more nosy people and sticking with anything general.
It had somehow become a game between the two of you. It was like an act off, almost, of who could give the more impressive or heart fluttering statement. Whether it was for the sake of your audience or to just affect each other remains unsaid.
“What do you like about Itaru?”
You looked away from him, closing your eyes as though you were thinking. To be fair, anything real personality or gaming related was out of bounds. Would you cater your response to his work persona, or—
“Everything!”
He nearly choked on air, trying to ignore the urge to clutch at his heart.
“That’s no fair, give something more specific!”
“I do like everything about Itaru, though?” you said with a cute pout, “but I guess I like his kindness the most. He’s always so thoughtful and considerate. He’s a busy man, but he always finds the time to help me out when I need it.”
Everyone cooed at the two of them, but he found it difficult to concentrate on that when he could only cling onto the words that started to sound more and more real as the night went by.
Out of context, everything you said could be interpreted as you just being friendly, but there was something in the way you pronounced his name and the expression on your face as you talked about him that was… different.
“What about you, Chigasaki?”
Escaping from his thoughts, his mind was filled to the brim with thoughts, but the words refused to spill from his lips.
Was there a way to describe how captivated he was at your little quirks, from the random filler noises you’d make on call or text when words failed you, to the literal quirk of the corner of your lips as you shifted expressions.
Was there a way express his appreciation for sticking by him for years, regardless of his hidden side? Was there a way to express his gratefulness for the laughter rendered and the tears wiped off by you; the smile blooming on his face as he imitated your own subconsciously?
This was the one thing he couldn’t have a manual or guide to study, so he could only hope that he went with the right dialogue choice.
“Everything too, actually.”
■■■■■■■■■■■■■□  AUTOSAVING AUTOSAVE SUCCESSFUL!
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The drive back home was quiet. He was exhausted, and he could tell you were too, but as he neared your street his driving got slower and slower, almost unmoving. From the corner of his eye, he saw you fiddle with your ring, twisting it around your fourth finger before pulling it off completely.
“Oh, we’re here,” you said out loud, yet you didn’t make a move to reattach your seatbelt.
“Itaru.”
Oh, wow. If hearing it a while ago trumped hearing it over call, then hearing you murmur his name in private, with just the two of you present, was…
“You look like you have something on your mind,” you continued, “all throughout the whole get-together, actually. Are you okay?”
When everything about this, about you simultaneously felt so new yet so familiar to him, how could he possibly convey his feelings? His admiration, no, his love for you?
He took the ring from your grasp, and before you could question what was up, he had grabbed your hand as well. With a serendipitous conscientiousness, he slid the ring back onto your ring finger, admiring your rosy glow that managed to be visible even with how dark out it was outside.
“The things you said a while ago,” he began, some hesitance still remaining as his thumb glided over your ring, “sounded really convincing.”
You wouldn’t meet his eyes. For a few seconds the both of you kept silent, until you finally broke it off, “maybe I wasn’t lying in the first place.”
He stiffened, pausing his previous ministrations as you continued, “… were you?”
Looking back at the past week, he almost laughed. Other than already being in a relationship, was anything between the two of you ever a lie to begin with?
“I wasn’t, either,” he replied. Taking in a deep breath, your gaze finally locked with his, he took the next step.
“If… if I promise to always be there for you, to hold your hand, help you fight your battles, and shield you from attacks… would you have me?”
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want to order again?
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mynewchapter · 3 years
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I’ve been kinda offline since Jan 4th. I was hoping that this year wouldn’t have been total shit from the start...And sadly it has. On Sunday Jan 3, my father messaged saying that he and my mother had a type of stomach bug, and that he was hoping I would be able to come over and help her take her meds because he couldn’t. I found that they both had a cough, so my bf and I decided that I couldn’t go over because since they had a cough, I would have to isolate for 14 days. So my father and I agreed on calling an ambulance. Later that night my father messaged me and told me that she was being tested for covid. It wasn’t until the next day at around 10am that I found out that she had a stroke and tested positive for Covid. She also vomited at some point and she swallowed some that got into her lungs.
She’s been placed under sedation with a tube down her throat to help her breathe. But with the fact that she is 73, there is a high chance she will not recover. With her testing positive for Covid I can’t see her. She’s alone in ICU under sedation for the last week and chance that I might lose her and can’t even see her. I cried for 2 straight days, I cry periodically, I feel numb most of the time. My bf has been having me play Stardew Valley with him to keep my mind occupied. If I focus too much and if I don’t cry it out, my known bicep strain causes me pain. It breaks my heart. I saw her on December 13th to exchange gifts. I couldn’t even hug her, I also stood far back to not accidentally get her sick in case I was carrying anything. I called her on Christmas Day, I called her on New Years Day, we didn’t talk long cause she said she had another cold and she was coughing every time she spoke.I told her I would talk to her later when she felt better. I’m so mad, my father has never taken Covid seriously. The last time my mom, my father, and I hung out, we went to see TNBC in theatres in October. He told me that he has not changed how much he washes his hands, he hasn’t done anything extra, like disinfect everything that comes into the home or sanitize their hands after touching doors and whatnot, and that he only wears the mask because it’s a bylaw in my city. He told me he couldn’t understand how they got it he said “We wear the masks religiously and wash our hands often.” Which is a bullshit lie. They live in an apartment, it didn’t even clue in that when they go into the elevator they don’t wear masks. He took my mom out often, the last video he sent me of her was on Dec 14th, they were in a restaurant....I haven’t dined out in months! Hell even the food we get delivered my bf and I wash our hands after touching the bags, the wrappers, etc. Make sure our hands are fully clean before we touch the food. Also when I did call my mom on Jan 1 and her she was sick, I asked, “Have you gotten tested? Are you sure it’s not covid?” You hear him in the background “She doesn’t have a fever”. He did not her to get tested because since she only had a fucking cough and not a fucking fever. Shes 73 fucking years old.
Its a good thing my bf talked me out of going and that my father called an ambulance instead. I can’t imagine how much worse this could have been. I know my mom is very old, I know she’s in pain, I know she doesn’t have much time left. That...I have come to terms with...What I haven’t come to terms with is I don’t want her to go alone. I’m not fully ready to lose her, and I want to be there with her when she does leave me. I love you mommy, I’m not ready to lose you.
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frenchibi · 3 years
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hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)
Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)
Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.
(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)
Movies
I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!
Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???
(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)
TV Shows
So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^
Musical Theater
One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.
Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).
Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!
(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)
Video Games
Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!
In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao
Books
So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:
Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!
Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.
The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.
I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah
Music
Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)
Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)
History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)
Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)
I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)
Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)
((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))
Youtube
Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??
...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!
But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??
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What’s up gamers!!! Our fourth episode plowed through the chaos of thanksgiving holidays and is Here w/ some Facts and Opinions about creating shit and being LGBT and how being LGBT influences creating shit. HEADS UP we recorded this while I had a cold so my voice is probably a little off, but ik Isaac put SO much work into the editing so it would be ready on time and we have recorded statements from some amazing artists (transcriptions under the cut below!) & this is honestly one of my favorite episodes we’ve done so far, so give her a listen if you’re gay or enjoy fun things!
BIG thank you once again to everyone who participated in this month’s episode!! Your contributions are so valued and so beautiful!!
You can find us on the Itunes Podcast App/Webpage at Gay As In Stupid Podcast! You can also find our episodes uploaded to Youtube and Soundcloud!
You can also follow us on twitter at gayasinstupid!
Further Reading on LGBT Artists
Montage of a Queering Deferred: Memory, Ownership, and Archival Silencing in the Rhetorical Biography of Langston Hughes
The Political Provocations of Keith Haring 
Pop art politics: Activism of Keith Haring 
E M Forster’s Gay Fiction
Alok Vaid-Menon Tells Us What It’s Like To Be Femme In Public
Shea Diamond Speaks Her Truth
Aaron’s 2018 November Recs!
Alok Alok Vaid-Menon is one of my favorite poet/activist/performance artists out there! Their writing and stage presence is gorgeous and witty in a way that’s SO clever and still feels like you’re in a room trading jokes you don’t need to explain with your closest trans friends. The way they balance their art creates a real, deeply touching experience that feels very essential to our world.
Miles (2016) Miles is set in 1999 and is a coming of age story about a gay teenager trying to get a volleyball scholarship for college in Chicago. It’s not revolutionary and it’s not over the top dramatic, but it’s funny and honest and it makes me feel nice. Definitely the movie to watch when you’ve just been through something emotionally taxing and need a light crying session and some mediocre pastries.
Isaac’s 2018 November Recs!
The Adventure Zone I know half of you already kin the Mcelroys while the other half either don’t know or don’t care, but the Adventure Zone is one of my most favorite things in the world. It’s a DND podcast (yes, all episodes are transcribed, and they have a graphic novel for the first arc of Balance with a second one on the way!) by three brothers plus their dad, and not only does it have the most amazing story and is ungodly funny, but TONS of gays (Griffin went ape with those Lesbian NPCS)! And just because they can! Same with trans characters. It’s a story where they just exist, and that’s really important to me because in a lot of media LGBT have to almost prove why they deserve to take up space. And it’s not just something that goes on in their first campaign, Amnesty also has those sweet sweet gay! I could talk about this podcast for hours, so if you needed that final push to give it a listen, THIS IS IT!
Stardew Valley You get to farm and be gay. And if THAT hasn’t sold you on this charming video game, then maybe the super cute graphics, beautiful soundtrack and a handful of interesting characters will! TBH I spend so much time playing this game it’s concerning. It’s just such a fun way to relax, and I just really REALLY like video games were I can chose to be gay. Like. God Tier. YOU CAN HAVE CROPS AND CHICKENS AND BE GAY C’MON YALL!!
The Amazing Quotes And Artists Featured!
Meg | instagram | esty
“My identity as a bisexual woman influences my art in many ways. As a woman, i create art about the issues that effect me, such as abortion and gender equality, in order to resonate with the people that matter most to me. As a bisexual individual, my subjects often appear from a gaze that falls outside of the stereotypical eye. My figure drawings and portraits all come from a place of admiration, and don’t fall into the stereotype of the male gaze or womanly care- they are the space inbetween, equally sexualized and normalized. I feel lucky to be a bi gal in the art world because it is a place that is my own to create in. There are so many queer artists that i look up to such as Mapplethorpe and Warhol, and many female artists i can cite as influence (Jenny Holzer, Kiki Smith, and Louise Bourgeois to name a few). My identity gives me a whole new world of content to draw from and allows my work to resonate with a wider audience, and I really think that any artists goal is to reach and touch as many people as possible.“  
Cameron | twitter | instagram 
“I don’t think that it influences the form really, but it definitely influences the subject matter! (Much as I hate to admit it, my identity influences the majority of choices I make in life.) I write a lot of poems about lgbtq related things and religion, as well as other stuff too. I was raised catholic, so realizing that I was “different” at more than one point in my teen years was scary AF. Being a member of the lgbtq+ community and also trying to still feel like I belong, or wanting to, in a religious community is hard, the two things are usually at a crossroads in my life so writing about them makes it easier for me to get through. My hope is that someday someone reads what I wrote and finds some peace in their own life/experience.” 
Vince | art instagram
“Well, being transgender I feel like I’m constantly aware of the lack of representation of my community, and I feel like it might be because of that I tend to experiment with showing all sorts of different type of people in my work. Because there’s so much diversity in the world, why not showcase that?”
Fox | art instagram  
“Oof…I’m gay so my characters always be gay. Gotta Fill the void in media w my own bullshit so I don’t have to rely on straight showrunners who will inevitably discard the character since they themselves seem to have no personal attachment and treat lgbt characters as disposable extras. Bc if I don’t at least attempt to create representation in the field I’m going into then I can’t rlly complain about the lack of it right? If I don’t try and change it I can’t complain about the lack of change so being an lgbt artist is lowkey Big Pressure to be revolutionary in your work but sometime…..I just wanna draw funkey animeal and that’s aight too”
Jen | twitter | instagram
“As a female bisexual poet, I worry often that my poetry and art will be too niche to be appreciated. I’ve spent years editing my poetry down to its barest bones in hopes that someone will relate to it. Changing pronouns back and forth because I worry that if I do talk about a woman, the poem will be stripped of its context and suddenly be about my queerness when in reality it never was. When I write about love and people I have dated and have crushed on, I want the poem to exist outside of the gender of who I love. I fear my authorial death will result in a complete misinterpretation of what I mean. When I write, it truly does not matter to me if I am writing about a woman or a man. If I feel what I write and I can make someone else feel it too does it matter that I also love women? I write what matters to me overall, regardless of gender, I try to make my poetry as true as possible. Sometimes, when I catch myself over editing I try to take myself back to the moment, to the person, what I loved about him or her. “
Lain | art instagram
“My LGBT Identity has significantly impacted almost all of my art, especially my work over the last two years. Ever since I have allowed myself to accept that I am trans and began my transition (6 months on T!), the impact that my Roman Catholic upbringing has had on my bisexual trans identity has bled into my artwork. Because of the way I was raised, accepting and allowing myself to be authentic has been an upward struggle. And what better way to process and document struggle than art?  
Much of my recent work has had a focus on the trans body, particularly the “sanctity” of self-actualization and the god-like power that comes with accepting and creating yourself in the unique and exceptional way that LGBT people must in order to live authentically. Two of my pieces on this topic were actually recently exhibited at UWM in the Trans-lucent exhibition, and will remain there until December 15th (I think). I got sick and tired of never seeing trans representation, so now I am creating that space that I crave in my own work.”
Kobe | instagram | soundcloud
“My art from is very influenced by my LGBT identity. It is very influenced by my LGBT black Identity. I think that whenever an artist makes their art (in my case writing music, singing, dancing) they should incorporate as much of themselves as possible. I think my LGBT identity definitely adds a sense of representation as well. I want people like me to listen to my music to know they aren’t alone. So it influences my work a lot. “
Nat | art instagram
“I think the fact that I am part of the LGBT+ community influences my art directly. Even though I don’t draw as often as I wish, I believe both my drawings and college projects (I am a 3d art/animation student), and my creativity in general is inspired by my personal experiences as a gay woman and common things experienced by the community. I try as often as I can to bring representation of some kind in the things I do, mainly personal projects. I also feel that it influences me on my motivation to keep creating; whenever I listen to, see drawings, watch movies or see whatever form of artistic expression from LGBT+ artists it gives me the energy to keep going, to keep creating.”
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atomicshakespeare · 4 years
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Rambling Speed Run Notes From Latest Attempt, written part stream-of-consciousness and part summary of notes
GLITCHLESS MARRIAGE% - ELLIOT - STARDEW VALLEY
There's a reason that nobody's done this run yet. 
For some reason, all the favorite things are too hard to acquire, and the time running back and forth to the beach to give items that aren't his favorite aren't really worth the time put into it.
[KEEP READING TO READ THE ACTUAL RAMBLING, TANGENTIAL THINKING, STRATEGY PROCESSING, AND IN-TEXT CURSING TO SOOTHE MY ACHING SOUL]
So, the easiest thing to get him are Pomegranates. However, it's a 6,000 dollar tree, and there's a chance of that a lighting strike could destroy the tree. Or maybe it doesn't destroy it, but we haven't gotten that far yet.
As far as everything else goes, how do I optimally cut wood for the house and the bridge, route in an additional 15, 200 for the house upgrade, bouquet, and mermaid's pendant?
So we take up SPRING 1 -- Here, we clear the land ASAP, plant the 15 parsnips, spend the 500 gold on 6 CALIFLOWER AND 2 PARSNIPS. Then, we clear the land some more for additional Mixed Seeds and put them down, possibly getting a chance of more Califlower or more potatoes as it goes. Run around until no energy.
SPRING 2 --FUCK UP BECAUSE I ACTUALLY DIDN’T BUY MY OTHER SEEDS UNTIL TODAY, WHEN I HAD THE 500 GOLD ON DAY 1 INSTEAD, THUS LOSING TIME RIGHT OFF RIP. Water shit. Fish all day until no energy. Ship. Sleep.
SPRING 3 - From fishing and random gathering, should have roughly enough for 10+ Potatoes and however many Parsnips to fill the gap. This run was 13 Potatoes and 1 Parsnip. Plant, and fish until no energy. Ship. Sleep.
SPRING 4 - Fish money bought 17 Potatoes and 1 Parsnip. Harvest the 'Snips from Day 1. Ship. Fish. I forgot to ship the fish.
SPRING 5 - Not sure what happened this day, ended up missing a day of productivity. I think it was a water, ship, sleep day.  
SPRING 6 - Fish money bought 22 Parsnips. Fish??
SPRING 7 - ACTUALLY DID THE 22 PARSNIPS ON THIS DAY. NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED. I RECORDED INCORRECTLY OR DIDN'T MAKE ENOUGH NOTES AS IT WAS GOING ON. OPPS.
Things started getting a bit wonky. At this point, I was straggling, trying to save up for strawberries. Did some more fishing, not sure which days I picked or if it was completely until energy was empty.
Fishing seems to be important supplementary income, and probably wouldn't be able to manage without it, as long as it takes.
And then there's also the debate on whether the Mixed Seeds give enough profit for how much work they take to actually acquire. All my attempts feature me trying to go for the Mixed Seed start up plan, and I end up with enough money to really go for it.
We ended up with 53 STRAWBERRIES ON THE DAY OF THE EGG FESTIVAL. 5,300 in Gold. The next day the Califlowers were ready from Day 2 because I missed planting them on Day 1 like a fuck, and ended up having spare cash regardless.
After Strawberries are planted, it's water and sleep.
Hit ~8,000 gold and it's time to buy that Pomegranate tree and get it planted early so it's guaranteed to grow and if there's problems I have enough time to ensure that nothing gets in its way.
Water and sleep until the end of spring, harvest and ship.
SUMMER OF YEAR 1 -  WE in it. Bought 45 Blueberries. Water and sleep. Water and sleep.
And then I got tired in real life and distracted by real life things and sleep in real life, and reset the timer.
By now, ALL OF THIS took 2 hours or so before I hit the reset on the livesplitter. Ew.
BUT - once the Blueberries start harvesting, we're watering, harvesting, sleeping, and shipping.
Summer is spent being a blueberry and then FALL WILL HAPPEN.
-x-
I hadn't actually played out Fall yet, but I assume it's going to be the loop of this -- COULD ALSO ROUTE IN COFFEE  AT THE END OF SUMMER BECAUSE WE HAVE EXTRA MONEY, BUT IT DEPENDS ON IF ITS GOOD - WE HAVE ABOUT EXTRA 12,000 IF THINGS WENT RIGHT:
UPGRADE HOUSE PURCHASE WOOD INSTEAD OF CHOPPING???
SAVE FOR PENDENT
SPEND EXCESS ON COFFEE
OTHERWISE THE GAMEPLAY LOOP IS:
WAKE UP COLLECT POMS CUT WOOD UNTIL ELLIOT WAKES UP WALK TO THE FUCKING BEACH GIVE ELLIOT HIS STUPID FUCKING POM WALK BACK TO THE BEACH Repeat twice a week Sleep all the other days of the week
Collect Poms all Fall. Pray. Take Fruit Cave as a back up and pray for RNG. Check the Cart for random chance of other things he likes. PRAY.
PRAY THAT WE DON'T END UP TAKING IT INTO FALL 2.
But here's the thing??? There's no way to get another Pom tree planted and grown in the first year without sacrificing Blueberry game or other gains. Fishing only does so much.
So FALL is Poms, gifting, running around. Winter is continued gifting, sleeping. Spring is continued gifting, sleeping. Pray that we've made enough progress to buy pendent in Spring 2. If not, gift and sleep. Gift and sleep. Also protect Pom tree in case of stupidity. Possibly plant a second one as a back-up, if things haven't progressed far enough by Summer 2.
MY ESTIMATE: SUMMER 2, the second or third time it fucking rains
Meaning: We ended up putting in another 4 hour run or so, and it took about the same amount of effort doing shit.
HOWEVER, I missed some days, and had sub-optimal movement. Cutting wood is not as fast as just buying it. We'll get it done. I'm gonna finish this save file at least and then develop further from there.
I have confidence that I can get this overall run down to 3 hours with optimal movement and solid strategy.
WHAT I NEED TO FIND OUT:
> Does the chance of Cauliflowers in the Mixed Seeds outweigh the time loss? Probably not worth the time loss.
> How much fishing? Am I doing too much or not enough? Probably fishing enough, it just takes forever. Every day until energy is low, until Strawberry Time. 
> Do I really need 45 Blueberries for Summer? Probably. That extra 12, 000 might become something else, either back-up gifts or coffee, but it would depend on how the run is going.
> Elliot's Schedule in Fall primarily, Winter, and then Spring to hopefully finish it up since it doesn't happen in Year 1
> Flower Dance might matter if we're behind on Affection Values on the deadline.
> Is the Fishing Farm the way to go? Yes, because you have the water nearby for watering without a fucking walk, and you have the water nearby for fishing because that's our seed income in the first fucking month of crazy bullshit.
> WHEN IS ELLIOT'S FUCKING BIRTHDAY HOLY FUCK DON'T FUCKING MISS IT YOU FICKIT (It's Fall 5th, by the way)
-x-
So it still fucking takes 5+ hours to do this Glitchless. Fuck.
FALL 1 was successful. Having a Gifting schedule of Fridays and Sundays allowed for me to check the cart and accidentally end up gifting him on his birthday because I forgot what fucking day it was again.
FALL 1 -- went perfectly. Took my wood that I cut down throughout the playthrough, went to Robin’s. 457, into 7. Bought 300. 307. Made my way to the beach, fixed bridge. Now 7 wood because I am a fuck up. Gifted Elliot his first Pom, went to Saloon at 12. Bought 27 Coffee. Drank Coffee and ran home. Day went perfect.
THINGS I’VE DISCOVERED: 
Outright buying wood is probably faster, but not cutting wood means a lot of standing around for nothing.
Routing in Coffee was easy, but is it worth taking the extra time to do it?
Running back and forth to the beach is almost as bad as waiting for the fucker to come out.
We got to 3 hearts pretty soon, and it meant we could go to his house at 10 AM. STILL TAKES A WHILE FOR HIM TO OPEN UP THOUGH WHEN YOU’RE WAITING ON HIM.
One Pom tree produces enough gifts in one month that we don’t need any back-up gifts. Going to the Cart just means an extra load screen/shop pause and it usually doesn’t have it, but the very first time we checked it we actually got a Tom Kha Soup, which is another one of Elliot’s Favorites. Ended up never giving it to him anyways.
So, Cart doesn’t matter. Fruit Cave doesn’t seem to matter either, but it’s good for an early fruit if we need it, but we usually won’t. It is additional income instead of fishing, at least there’s that.
Need to figure out how to Death Warp for speed sake. Killing myself with Energy might do it, but the Mobile version has limitations. Sooo, fishing myself to death probably?? If we can Warp, we don’t need to route in Coffee. Subsitute Fishing for Hoeing or Axing instead on PC.
WINTER 1 was Gifting, running back and forth, sleeping. Went exactly as planned, but it was not fast because of waiting on him til 10 and still having to walk back. The walk to the Beach doesn’t matter because you still have to wait on him to open the door, but getting home faster is where the major time losses are.
WHAT IS THE FASTEST ROUTE HOME? DOES IT REALLY NOT MATTER? IS THE DEATH WARP ACTUALLY FASTER THAN WALKING BACK? Probably, even if you’re waiting on animations.
SPRING 2 -- Accidentally lost a Heart due to me reverting a save because I wasted time, but we had 8 hearts and gave him the Bouquet by this point. Just more gifting and running, but we’ll probably need to route in Deaths because of money from revival. Will have him by Flower Festival most likely, but probably not before first rain. Might have him before the beginning of Summer 2.
-x-
Married by Spring 19, pendent bought on second day it rained. Warping seems faster and is a good use of time/energy while waiting on Elliot, but the actual warping might be faster on PC because the tool limitations on the Beach don’t matter in PC version. Fishing pole is good enough on mobile, but doesn’t finish you off and you have to switch to Hoe, which has its own problems.
But, all in all, run finished in roughly 5 and a half hours, which is faster than my first timed attempt at 6:27.11 using the Lobster method. 
RESULTS: Poms are faster and no RNG involved. Hard money grind to buy tree before Fall 1. Fall is when the romance happens. Spring 2 is the wrap-up. PROBABLY NOT GONNA EVER GET A SUB 5 HOURS.
There’s an absolute reason why nobody does this run AND I HAVE TASTED IT AND NOW I ACCEPT THE TRUE CHALLENGE OF GRINDING THIS OUT AND POSTING A TIME EVENTUALLY.
This run is a fucking meme. 
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