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justalittlebluetiefling · 4 years

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After tonight, how do you think Jester's feeling? Honestly, I wasn't so sure before, but after their conversation, I'm again very certain Fjord is the one she has feelings for

All right, anon. This is a fun question for me, because we talk about Fjord’s feelings a lot, but not Jester’s. I’m going to say a few things that I never thought I’d say in this ask. For example: Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious in the last 60 episodes than Jester’s have been. If you had told me I would say that 100 episodes ago, I would have laughed so hard. But here we are.

TLDR? Jester’s in love with Fjord and has been for a while. I’ve been going off about this occasionally since her second playlist was released. But that is what really convinced me that she had moved from ‘crush’ into ‘love’. And episode 117 helped me be even more confident in saying that.

I also wanted to put some episode 117 receipts in here, but tags in Tumblr are tricky sometimes, so I just made a companion gifset instead. (If this link messes with the tags, I’ll take it out and put it in a reblog.)

Anyway. Let’s get a cut in here so I can get carried away with the why. 2436 words of carried away.

So, like I mentioned above, Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious than Jester’s lately. For a while, I guess. Pardon me while I just quote Laura from Talks for second. And that’s mostly because Jester backed off when she thought her advances were unappreciated. It was all part of Jester realizing that smut novels aren’t what real relationships are like. A very integral part of her development and how she’s more than her crush(es).

The funny thing about all this... I think about this sometimes... is how Fjord didn’t actually not appreciate it. He’s just got low wisdom and didn’t realize that it meant that she like-likes him. He thought they were just goofing off. Because. Sorry, I’m briefly hopping into Fjord meta and then I’ll hop right back, I promise. But yeah. He thought they were just goofing off and I’m realizing as I type this paragraph that it never occurred to him, because “You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don't think you have any right to feel or you never thought that you might?”. Yeah. So, it wasn’t just his low wisdom. It just didn’t occur to him, because he didn’t think that he deserved to feel that way about anyone or have anyone feel that way about him. Okay. Hopping back now.

The other hilarious thing about this is that things between them weren’t awkward until she backed off and stopped overtly flirting. Which also correlates with the end of the pirate arc and how Beau, during that arc, pointed out to Fjord that Jester was jealous of Avantika.

But yeah. Jester backed off, which really threw their relationship into a whole new dynamic. I have a lot more complicated and layered feelings on the pirate arc that require a rewatch for me to properly articulate, but we know that Jester was scared during this time. She was a little scared that she didn’t really know Fjord (Re: Somebody Else being on her first playlist). But that was only temporary. That whole time made Jester start to question her feelings for Fjord. Which in turn made most of the fandom start to question them as well. But I do think that she eventually landed on “my friendship with him is more important to me than a potential relationship and if I keep acting like this, I’m going to lose him”. This is partially her realizing that life isn’t a romance novel, but I think it is also a direct result of her realizing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of being used as bait to distract Avantika. He did it, but he was not comfortable the whole time they talked about it.

But also, Fjord was her first real friend outside of Artagan. He trusted her right away with things he didn’t tell anyone else in their group for months. She knew he was hiding his accent. She knew what happened on the Tide’s Breath. He told her before he told anyone else about how he lost his powers. They promised to protect each other and help each other on their way to their individual goals and they’re still holding up that promise every day.

ANYWAY I’M GETTING DISTRACTED I’M SORRY.

Okay, where are her feelings now. Now. She’s in love with him. When she backed off from the flirting and started focusing on just being there as a friend, it deepened their relationship. I mean, to be fair, it was already pretty deep. I promise I’m not getting off track this time, but he really did tell her things he told no one else. Sometimes it takes him longer to get around to it, because of the group, but he always ends up telling Jester everything. And that opens the door for Jester to be open with him, too, in a way that she isn’t with anyone else.

I mean, okay. Gosh. How do I even word this?

Jester doesn’t actively seek anyone out to talk about her feelings. There are two times I can think of off the top of my head that she’s broached the subject first. One: when she was looking for Beau and ended up talking to Veth about how she felt about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. And Two: the Jellyfish talk, when she asked Fjord if he ever gets sad. But Jester keeps everything buried pretty deeply. So, the fact that Fjord is constantly going out of his way to ask her if she’s okay and the fact that he pulled her aside to tell her that if she ever needs to talk, she can talk to him. That’s a huge deal. And I think she’s still scared to take him up on it, because on top of all these things is that layer of awkwardness. Fjord and Jester are just awkward with each other right now. And their feelings for each other are what makes it awkward.

If the awkwardness was one-sided and only coming from Fjord, I’d say that her feelings had gone away. But it’s not. It’s always two-sided. There’s so much tension in all of their conversations, because while they talk about everything else, there’s one thing they haven’t talked about. Or... I guess it’s a couple things at this point. But they’ve never talked about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. That’s what I mean specifically at this point. It’s just never been brought up. Which is so weird, because the other times (I think it’s two? Maybe it’s one. I’m doubting myself.) that Fjord’s saved Jester’s life with a potion, she brought it up. She made a production about it. But the kiss was different, because she didn’t know if it was a real kiss. I think she’s come around to it not being a real kiss, but it’s got to still bug her.

But that’s planted this seed of awkwardness in all their solo interactions that hasn’t gone away. Jester’s been pushing her feelings for Fjord aside. Or trying to. But he keeps doing things that make her have hope again and it’s getting to a point that she can’t ignore that feeling. Like... He wanted her to be the one to go with him into the wreckage of the Tide’s Breath. The whole day after the blue dragon encounter, he was hovering. He wanted her to have a potion so that she could be safe and he said that he wasn’t being awkward he was disarming her. He dove off the side of a tree when she fell to save her. He tells her how much her help has meant to him in Kravaraad. He makes sure they go visit her dad. He runs after her to go rescue her mama and then he tells her that he’ll wear a stupid hat if she wants him to and that she looks lovely while implying that he’d like to look at her in that dress all the time. And then he asks her if she’d like to get dinner with him instead of go look for their friends. AND THEN he tells her that he likes it when she’s feeling his stomach looking for the orb. He was constantly checking in with her during Travlercon to make sure she was safe and comfortable. He launched himself into the air over an active volcano and begged her to let go and stay with them. AND TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONFUSING FOR HER. He hugged her twice and then he willingly danced with her even though he didn’t know how AND THEN he gave her this tiny unicorn statue, because he knows how much she loves things like that. And now he’s given her the necklace that was meant to protect him, because he’s more concerned about her safety than his own. He told her that he’s having a hard time focusing on his future, because his past keeps getting in the way and he wants to deal with that before........ AND THEN HE SAYS he’s going to be thinking about how she helped him all night.

LIKE.

I got a little carried away again, sorry.

Here’s the deal.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. There has been nothing in canon to make me think that Jester’s feelings have gone away. Everything I can see implies that they’ve deepened. But she’s scared. She’s never really been in love before. It is absolutely terrifying (or it is for me) to admit when you’re in love. Especially when you don’t know if your feelings are reciprocated. Or if you think they’re unwanted. And she thought hers were unwanted. But she’s still been doing little things this whole time. She’s still shown signs of jealousy. She still thirsts over him, just not as openly as she did before. She gets super shy whenever they have one-on-ones and that makes her get awkward in the cutest way. Jester started to be careful with how she was around Fjord, but he’s been making it pretty clear that he doesn’t want her to be careful with him and I think she’s starting to realize that. It’s giving her hope that maybe her feelings are wanted.

Also, the fact that there’s no in-between for these two? They’re either incredibly emotional when they talk to each other or incredibly awkward or BOTH. They are radiating “in love with your best friend” energy. The difference is that Fjord isn’t afraid of ruining the friendship and Jester is. Or... well... yeah. Actually, that’s what I mean. I think Jester’s coming around to not being afraid. She’s got hope again that they might be something more. And I think that hope is starting to be fun for her again instead of scary.

OKAY I’m almost done. I want to very briefly talk about that gifset that I made, because I made receipts for a reason, damn it. Let’s talk ONLY about the conversation in 117.

Gif 1: This one is right after this exchange. Jester: I mean... it's worth a try. He's met all of us, so he could potentially scry on anyone, I guess, now. But maybe it'll keep me from being seen if I scry on him. I don't know how it all works. // Fjord: I guess we'd find out the next time we did it. // Jester: Yeah. Like, she looks down at the necklace and just smiles, because Fjord has literally just told her that his safety doesn’t matter as much as hers. Fjord went out of his way to do this thing for her and she just looks so touched.

Gifs 2 and 3: These are both just Jester laughing over Fjord talking about her face when she’s scrying. They’re goofing off and being silly. And gif 3 in particular is just... again. She’s having fun! With Fjord! And she likes that.

Gif 4: Jester just asked Fjord “how are you?” and he started up with that big, goofy grin. And she can’t even get through calling her question stupid without smiling. Like, she’s reacting to his smile. And it’s kind of funny, because I think she doesn’t understand why he’s smiling so much in that moment, but she still can’t help but smile back.

Gif 5: I feel like I need to close all of that before.... That’s such an interesting reaction and SO TELLING. Like, that small smile and then she kind of takes a breath and then she still can’t not smile over it. SHE KNOWS. She really hopes that it means what she wants it to mean. And she wants it to mean something.

Gif 6: She’s once again reacting to a Fjord smile. You can see the way the corners of her mouth keep trying to smile. Because Fjord is just touched and telling her that yeah, she should send a message to Kotho. And then it’s the things she’s doing with her hand there, too. She’s all nervous energy and can’t really hold still. There’s that hope again.

Gif 7: She’s SO HAPPY because she’s helping him. SO HAPPY. And again with the hands! So much nervous energy.

Gif 8: It's just a spell! It's easy to do. Again with the hands!!! I mean, okay. Speculation and projection. I’m aware. This is just something I do and I see it in Jester a lot. Where, she’s got to do something with her hands so they don’t do what she really wants them to. I mean, SERIOUSLY. And the way she smiles at him at the end of it. There’s a lot for her to process about this exchange and I think it’s starting to hit her. How much this means. What this might mean. And she’s happy. She’s excited.

Gif 9: I will think about that all night. Still the nervous energy. I won’t repeat that paragraph. But like. Fuck. Fjord told her that he was going to think about that all night. I kind of want to yell right now. In a good way. My heart just hurts in a good way over this moment. I can’t even speculate on her emotions here because that’s like... huge. There was so much tension here. Jester hasn’t had anyone say anything like this to her before. She doesn’t know how to react. And Fjord is also holding himself back. Uh, this is Fjord HOLDING HIMSELF BACK. What the fuck. I mean. Okay I have to move on. I have nothing productive to say here.

Gif 10: I guess I was wrong. This isn’t only about the conversation, but also about the moment later. Where he thinks she’s going to scry when she’s going to send and she realizes that he was going to do what she asked him to before. She is just so pleased that he intended to follow through. I choose to believe this is 100% what Jester’s face actually did in the moment. And I love this because it’s only awkward on Fjord’s end this time. Jester is just happy.

I’ve gotta end this thing, guys. Why are you even still listening to me ramble???

I guess what I ultimately want this whole answer to be: Jester’s in love with Fjord. Fjord makes her so happy. And she is starting to let herself hope that he’s in love with her, too. She can see the possibility of a future with him again and finally letting herself believe that it might happen. So, yeah. That’s where I think Jester’s feelings are.

Hope you enjoyed my mini breakdown over Jester and how much Fjord’s support has meant to her!

#fjorester #jester lavorre #critical role #the mighty nein #cr spoilers #dudes i'm sorry #this got so long #i just couldn't stop once i got started #and i kept getting distracted #anonymous #erin answers things

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stereksecretsanta · 4 years

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Merry Christmas, @deadicateddeath!

Hope this was the right balance for your prompt and that it had just the right amount of Christmas Fluff, Merry Christmas :)

Read on AO3

*****

Maybe this Christmas.

It had been Erica’s idea.

Late one night as the pack had been walking through the preserve, they had been trying to come up with plans for what they were wanting to do for Christmas. Admittedly with every member of the pack at university somewhere outside California and those that weren’t working their fingers to the bone on top of keeping an eye on pack activities, it was rare that they got to spend time together. But it did mean that Christmas would have easily come and gone if it hadn’t been for Lydia’s insistence that they should have a party.

“I mean think about it, we need to celebrate the fact that this year is going to come to an end finally,” Lydia said, her tone all business as they walked along the path, though it was practically a miracle that the redhead was managing to walk on the uneven surface in her heels without falling over.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt, right Derek?” Cora asked, from where she, Kira and Malia were walking either side of Lydia, to where her elder brother was sauntering ahead ever the overprotective alpha.

“I suppose.” Derek’s reply came, surprising Stiles who hadn’t been sure that the Alpha was even paying attention.

“And I think we should do a secret Santa to make things a bit more interest.” Erica quipped, which seemed to get the go-ahead from the other pack members including Scott and Isaac who were probably already planning what ridiculously inappropriate present they would get for whoever had the misfortune of them getting.

“A secret Santa? But we usually end up just getting each other gifts anyway.” Stiles said indignantly. Which was true, for the last few years he’d been getting Scott Pop Funko figures as a go-to present since they started coming out and Lydia over the past couple of years could always count on him for some expensive makeup. While his crush on her had long since faded to nothing that didn’t mean he wouldn’t treat her like the queen she very obviously was.

“Maybe you do, Mr I-have-my-father’s-credit-card-number-mesmerised. But for those of us that are actually students, I think one present should be about enough.” Erica said, looking around for agreement which she seemed to get in the form of murmurs.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll draw who we have to buy for when we get back to the House and we’ll have a week to get the present,” Cora said as they continued the walk.

Though as the rest of the group's murmurs on the subject seemed to fade into the background, Stiles let his gaze rest on Derek who was still far out front. The Alpha's body language seemed to have stiffened a little, as though he was unsure about what he could get for some of the pack members that he didn’t know that well. And Stiles did have to agree, he knew some of the members more than others and the last thing he wanted was to get someone a present they wouldn’t like. But at the same time, there was that ridiculously lovesick side of him that hoped and prayed that he got Derek.

He and the alpha had gotten closer since the whole repercussions that had immerged after the Nogitsune, with the elder seeming to be the only one who knew the right words to say and the right way to reassure him that he wasn’t broken. Yet somewhere in the background had been that niggling sense of affection in the back of Stiles’ mind, the urge to kiss the Alpha, to hold his hand in a less than friendly way as well as the overwhelming collection of fantasies that had plagued his mind throughout his adolescence of all the things he wished he could share with the alpha without a shred of clothing. Things that he continued to maintain were perfectly normal for a guy who was coming to terms with his bisexuality.

Once he had left for the FBI Academy, the closeness he and Derek shared had seemed to wane a little.

There were fewer emails, minimal skype calls and only the odd text instead of the onslaught he was more than used to. He kept hassling Cora and Lydia, asking if Derek was now seeing someone since he seemed to be so distant. But both women had told him to stop being so paranoid and that maybe Derek had less time on his hands with all his Alpha duties.

Still even when he’d come home for Christmas there had been minimal occasions to be alone with the alpha in the way he wanted, especially as he was now in the mindset of finally going for it and asking the other out. At least if he could get the other a present may be the alpha would realise how much he meant to him and it would give him the final push to ask him out.

The group finally called it a night around 1 am and returned to the house they were all staying in, the girls coming up with ideas for the party while the boys just walked along in small groups or in Derek’s case led the way.

Everyone gathered in the lounge as Cora set up the secret Santa, scribbling people’s names on post-its which were folded in half and shoved into a Santa hat which seemed to have appeared from nowhere. Steadily Cora made her way through the group, watching each person look at the name and declining when they asked if they could switch which earned curses and groans of ‘what the hell do I get them?!’ as they left for bed. Finally, Cora reached Stiles who had been sat on the couch with his knee jiggling uncertainly and offered the hat to him.

Biting his lip, Stiles shoved his hand in deep and grabbed the first piece that touched his index finger and pulled it out.

He hesitated before unfolding it and was sure that fate was fucking with him because there written on a slant was the name he had been hoping for.

‘Derek.’

“You good Stiles?” Cora asked when Stiles didn’t make a move to follow the rest of the pack up to bed.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Cora.” Stiles smiled, refolding the post-it and shoving it in his pocket as he got up from the couch in the direction of the stairs.

Now all he had to do was decide what present would be the best to get the alpha who unknowingly held his heart in his hands.

Derek had watched the pack members get their allocated secret Santa from where he’d been sitting at the kitchen island sipping a large beer. Admittedly he had been unable to stop his gaze from lingering on Stiles, who had seemed on the verge of giddy at the notion of having to get someone a present.

He tried to appear like he wasn’t starring, because Cora always told him he seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve when it came to the younger, and the last thing he wanted to do was to ruin what they had by pushing his unwanted feelings on to him.

Because his friendship with Stiles, that he had managed to get through some miracle, was just about the most prized thing that he held in his life.

True, somewhere around the week before he disappeared with Cora to Buenos Aires in the hopes of finding somewhere untainted that he belonged, he had known that his feelings for the other were evolving. The amount of times he’d found his gaze lingering on the others lips when in pack meetings and aching to know what they felt and tasted like, that he’d dreamed of the moment when he and Stiles would finally get together or even the nights he’d come to the thought of Stiles’ muscular body fucking into his own was getting close to the millions.

Yet it had been maddening watching Stiles’ crush on Lydia and his subsequent dating, if it could even be called that, with Malia and knowing that the last thing he wanted to do was taint Stiles in the way he’d tainted every other relationship he’d had. Stiles deserved someone better and that was why it had pained him, but he had pulled back from communicating Stiles when he left for the FBI and Derek had returned reluctantly to Beacon Hills with Cora in tow.

Of course, his distance from Stiles didn’t go unnoticed by the younger who was constantly hassling Cora about it and meaning that Cora started coming to him.

“Would you stop trying to do the Derek thing and distance yourself from people you actually like! Stiles is driving me crazy as he keeps asking me why you’re barely talking to him and honestly you couldn’t have made it more obvious that you were crushing on him if you tried!”

But they were now in the same town, for the first time in close to six months, and yet Derek was still trying everything in his power to keep their distance. Though it was taking every bit of strength he had to keep it that way.

The alpha took a deep swig of his beer when Stiles reached into the hat and pulled out a post-it to see who he was going to buy for. He swallowed as he saw Stiles’ face lit and watched him bid them good night before disappearing upstairs leaving him and Cora alone.

“Ok, your turn big bro,” Cora said, shaking the hat in his direction as she approached him, the look on her face just about daring him to turn her down.

“Cora….” He began but sighed when she brandished the hat at him and set his beer down before reaching into the hat.

He cast Cora a glare when she shook the hat up with his hand inside it and grabbed the first post-it that sat in his palm before leaning against the counter as he unfolded the post-it. His eyes widened at the name he saw, and he found himself swallowing over and over in denial, even blinking a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. But no, there clear as day scribbled on the paper was the name that he’d been part hoping for and part dreading.

‘Stiles.’

“Oh you have to be kidding me.” Derek groaned, shoving the post-it in his jeans pocket as he passed Cora on the way to bed, ignoring the way she tried to tease him to get him to tell her who he got.

What the hell did you get the guy who you wanted in your life more than anyone else without seeming obvious?

The next day found Stiles practically begging Lydia to come shopping with him, which given that happened only once in a blue moon at best had the redhead giving him strange looks from behind her breakfast of cinnamon toast and chai tea.

“Stiles, you never come shopping with me. In fact, the last time I tried to drag you out shopping so you could get a decent suit for the prom you locked yourself in the bathroom, climbed out the window and ran across town. I had to actually pay for your suit, so why would I help you this time?” The redhead asked, from behind the physics textbook she’d brought back from MIT for some supposed light reading.

“Because this is for my secret Santa and I want it to be perfect. Please, Lyds.” Stiles whined, groaning when the redhead shook her head.

“Whatever you get them doesn’t need to be perfect Stiles. Whoever you’ve got will love whatever you get them.” Lydia quipped, turning her page and taking a sip of her tea.

“But this is important Lydia…. please…” Stiles pleaded, toying irritably with the paper holding the name of his Secret Santa. Honestly, he knew the whole deal with Secret Santas was that it was supposed to be secret and no-one else knew but he wasn’t above showing her if it would get Lydia to change her mind.

“What’s in it for me?” Lydia finally relented, though she did put her book closed with her own folded secret Santa name used as a bookmark and looking at Stiles.

“Coffee, Lunch, my eternal gratitude and dibs as the planner of my wedding.” Stiles pleaded, causing Lydia to frown and take the post-it from him and unfold it, her eyes widening at the name she saw.

“Oh boy, you are going to owe me more than that. But fine, who I am to stand in the path to fate love and shopping? Get ready and we’ll leave in half an hour.” Lydia quipped, handing Stiles back the paper and sliding off her barstool as she left the kitchen to get dressed.

Stiles immediately followed to get changed, feeling immense relief that if anyone would know what to get Derek hopefully Lydia would at least have some idea. He’d spent most of the night trying to find something that wasn’t ridiculously priced, that Derek would like and would be a perfect tie into asking the other out. But outside of a wedding ring, which let’s just say he wasn’t completely against even if he knew it would make him look desperate as fuck before they even had their first date, he was coming up with nothing.

“Stiles, you have fifteen minutes! You had better be ready!” Lydia called, as Stiles rummaged through his closet for his good pair of jeans.

“Coming Lyds!” Stiles yelled back, as he pulled the jeans off the hanger and started searching for a shirt which wouldn’t make the redhead disown him.

“So why are we here looking for your secret Santa present?” Cora’s voice came from the darkness as Derek unlocked the door to the family vault which had been keeping valuables and some furniture that needed to be heavily restored after the fire.

“You know why.” Derek sighed, finally shoving the door aside and letting his alpha eyes come out so he could see in the dark, before making his way inside with Cora behind him.

“No, I have an inkling. That doesn’t mean I have the first clue as to what is going through your head right now.” Cora sighed, pausing to let her own beta eyes adjust to the darkness before looking around.

The vault looked to be a disorganised mess in every meaning of the word, both Hale siblings could remember how organised it used to be back when they were children playing tag and hide and seek among all the family artefacts. How the safe holding all the jewellery and heirlooms had been organised to the point of insanity which had been the result of their father’s obsessive organizing skills. But all that had disappeared to nothing after the fire, all the furniture which had been in the house when it was set on fire had been sorted into piles in the vault as there was nowhere to else to keep them when the house had been declared a demolition site.

One pile held pieces of furniture that were destined for the dump when they could get around to it. Another was for restoration, often things that had been hand made by family members in the past and the family still wanted to cling to and another was old pieces of the house like Christmas decorations and old tapestries that had gone out of favour centuries ago.

Derek heard Cora make a noise as she spotted the decorations and ignored her as he approached the safe which was embedded into the concrete wall of the vault. From the looks of it, Peter had ransacked it for everything he could get years ago, but thankfully there was a secret compartment which not even Peter had known about hidden in the lining.

With the brush of the tip of his claw, Derek managed to find the catch, pull the drawer out and set it on an old weather-beaten table rested precariously against the wall. He retracted his claw and let his fingers linger over the contents of the drawer once the lid was open. There were old family rings with the pack crest embedded gold or silver which burned his fingertips but he ignored, there were a couple of blocks of gold which had been left to him and Cora in their inheritance and a few family photos he hadn’t seen in years. But the one thing he found which he had been looking for finally appeared, hidden under a couple of old jewellery boxes.

On a boot string strap sat an old rusted pendant in the shape of a triskelion looking every bit it’s age, just the way he remembered it.

It had been an heirloom handed down through the alphas and was always reserved for their mates, often for the human equivalent but it had seen a few wolf owners over the years to demonstrate their status. Its last owner had been his and Cora’s father, not a born wolf but a made one, and it had been so important for Talia that her husband was recognised for his status. All memories Derek held of his father included that pendant and it was that he wanted to share with Stiles.

He knew Stiles had a weakness for supernatural history, especially that involving werewolves, and he was sure if the younger looked it up that he would realise it’s worth and what it meant to the person who gave it to him. Admittedly it was a uniquely Hale thing which would be quite telling but there was nothing else that Derek felt would make a good meaningful present for the younger.

“You found it?” Cora asked, appearing from the other side of the vault with a couple of water-damaged boxes in her possession, all labelled in their mother’s scrawl with Christmas decorations, and yet Derek knew what his sister was intending to do with them.

“Yeah, and a couple of old bits too, but I think this will do,” Derek said, pushing the necklace in his jeans pocket and closing the drawer’s lid before returning it to its hiding place.

“I still don’t know if you giving him that is a good idea. I mean you were trying to back off, right? If you give him that he’ll either think I’m interested in him which gross, or he’ll know it was you and it’ll scare him off.” Cora said, as Derek closed the safe’s doors and led Cora towards the Vault’s entrance.

“Maybe, or maybe it’ll help him to realise what a key part of the pack he is. I mean he is the only human pack member and he always doubts his importance. I just want him to know that he’ll always belong and no matter what he goes on to do in life or who he chooses to be with.” Derek said, holding the door open as Cora passed him with the boxes before he closed and resealed the vault.

True there would come a day where the vault would need sorting, back to their father’s pristine standards, but that day hadn’t arrived yet and part of Derek dreaded the day when it arrived. Because it would be left to the last two Hale descendants and there was something saddening about that fact, being the last out of a pack of so many.

Stiles was beginning to regret asking Lydia to help him as he followed her in the direction of the food court for their second break of the day. While he knew that Lydia was a big shopaholic, he just hadn’t realised the extent of it until he was left carrying her bags while she continued to browse. At some point, she claimed to have got her own secret Santa which was hidden in a Victoria secret’s bag which he knew was her way of deterring his curiosity, but she seemed to be struggling about what to get Derek just as much as he was.

True, the alpha had the body of a damned god and would easily look good in Calvin Klein underwear, which god if that wasn’t one of Stiles’ daydreams, or even in one of those geeky t-shirts that Stiles loved and again that was a constant daydream, of watching the way the material clung to his abs was his own version of porn. And yeah maybe cologne would work if he wasn’t a werewolf with a ridiculously sensitive nose. But honestly, he didn’t want to get something superficial for the sake of it. Part of the reason why that wedding ring was starting to seem more and more like a viable option.

“How about one of those dorky pop funko things you get Scott every year?” Lydia asked, as she tried another shade of red lipstick on the back of her hand before returning the tester and continuing to lead the way towards the food court.

“I can’t see Derek being happy about that somehow. I don’t even know if he watches anything that would make those.” Stiles sighed, switching Lydia’s collection of bags between hands when he felt the blood circulation disappeared.

“Hm, ok,” Lydia said thoughtfully leading Stiles towards the café opposite the Starbucks they’d been sat in hours before and picking a table out front.

Stiles set her bags down in a spare chair and went to the counter to order when Lydia had told him what she wanted. As he stood at the other end of the counter waiting for their food, his gaze kept lingering on a jeweller a couple of rows down as he tried to narrow down his options.

Derek wasn’t big on sports, though according to Cora he had been when he was a teenager before the Kate incident. He did have a Netflix subscription that the pack seemed to use more than he did for movie nights. He was a book worm from time to time, but his choice of reading material was random and never something that could be pinned down. To be fair he’d never seen Derek wearing jewellery as it seemed to interfere with his shift and his choice in clothes were baggy enough to accommodate the change. But for some reason, his wardrobe continued to stick with Stiles.

It wasn’t until the barista had set both his and Lydia’s coffees and food down on a tray, that he realised why he was so fixated on his wardrobe. Because the first time he saw Derek, that night so many years ago when he and Scott were trespassing on Hale Land, he’d been dressed in a leather jacket.

Since the years had progressed, the presence of that jacket had disappeared, something which he was sure was to do with Braeden. Yet it was something that Stiles missed the sight of. Since then part of Derek’s essence had disappeared and he had become more the Alpha he was supposed to be because there wasn’t much choice. But now he needed a persona that was less fake, and more the real him, and Stiles had an idea of how to go about it.

Stiles set the tray down once he reached their table, causing Lydia to look up from her phone as he sat down opposite her.

“I think I have an idea.”

The Christmas party came around quickly, Lydia surpassing herself as always by making sure that the House was decorated to within an inch of its life with Cora’s help. Though the decorations looked older, almost like they had been in storage for a long time which he was sure wasn't the redhead's style. But when Stiles had asked Cora she'd just told him they were Hale family heirlooms and that had quickly silenced Stiles’ curiosity.

The food had been ordered in through a caterer who had brought it promptly and the drink had appeared by the case later. The music was playing but not loud enough to irritate werewolf senses, and a fair few allies as well as Scott’s Mom and Stiles’ own Dad, had come to join them.

Lydia insisted before any food was eaten that they deal out the secret Santas which had been sat under the large Christmas tree in the lounge. Everyone had murmured in agreement, taking a seat as Cora started to hand them out.

In turn, each member of the pack started to open their presents once they were received. Scott had got a lacrosse jersey from a professional team that had been signed by all the players, which was interesting considering he hadn’t been playing at college as far as Stiles knew. Isaac got what appeared to be a sex toy of some kind, causing the beta to flush bright red and let out a nervous laugh as he shoved it back in the wrapping.

Kira seemed to have got some lingerie, which had her meeting Scott’s gaze pointedly as she too pushed the item back in her bag which quickly had Cora saying that next year serious presents would be a rule. Malia got a book subscription for the next year which went down like a lead balloon as the were-coyote complained it was like doing homework which she didn’t need to do anymore.

Erica got a decanter set and glasses, which looked expensive enough to have even Stiles’ healthy bank account shrieking in disbelief through the she-wolf seemed happy with them even if Cora then started complaining that price limits would have to be a thing next. Boyd got a new tool belt and from the way, he and Erica exchanged glances it was obvious that the two had got the other.

Lydia got a collection of tester perfumes from a brand she didn’t usually use but she still seemed happy with them, like she had been considering trying them for a while. Cora received what looked like an anthology on supernatural history which was surprising as she never usually associated with that aspect of pack life, but she seemed interested if the way she read the blurb was anything to go by.

Finally, the only two that remained unopened looked to be for Stiles and Derek, which immediately made Stiles nervous, especially by the way that the rest of the pack seemed to be looking between the pair knowingly.

“Derek, here’s yours,” Cora said, handing her brother the overly large gift bag covered in a white candy cane pattern on a red background. It had taken Lydia ages to convince Stiles to get a relatively normal gift bag instead of one of the superhero or Star Wars ones he usually got for his friends but it definitely seemed like Derek wasn’t repulsed by it so that was something.

Stiles watched Derek remove the tissue paper that had been put on the top of the bag to obscure the contents and pulled out an expensive brand-new black leather jacket. It was the right size which was something Stiles had to thank Cora for as the younger Hale had ransacked her brother’s closet to make sure he found the right size.

Derek’s eyes had widened as he held the jacket up against himself, letting his fingers linger over all the pristine stitching and yet there was no denying that he looked happy with what he had been given. But when he turned back to the bag just to double-check if there was a card or something, a frown covered his features as he pulled out the other package inside.

This was the one that Stiles was nervous about, not knowing how the Alpha would take it. He watched as Derek pulled out the burgundy hoodie that easily matched the few that were hung up in Stiles’ own closet, it was a better brand and infinitely more expensive than any Stiles owned but as he watched Derek hug it to him and take a deep breath it was obvious he was catching on to its meaning.

Stiles had spent the past week wearing the hoodie, even going so far as to wear it to bed a couple of nights, to the point that it smelt like him. He remembered reading how important it was for alphas to have things to remind them of pack members when they were missing, whether it was a shirt or a scarf coated in their scent it helped to settle them. And he hoped that by wearing the hoodie, and dowsing it with his scent, that Derek’s wolf would recognise Stiles’ intention and affection for him.

The rest of the pack, with the exception of Cora, seemed to be a bit confused at the second gift but when Derek returned it to the gift bag and put on the leather jacket it seemed to assure them, he liked it.

“Stiles.” Cora’s voice pulled his attention from Derek who seemed to look up at the sound of his name and look at the remaining present under the tree.

Stiles took the present when it was offered to him and settled it on his lap. The gift bag smaller than any of the other presents the others had been given, covered in gold with the shape of Christmas trees engraved in white. He pulled out the small box and was surprised when he realised it was a jewellery box, like the kind you would see when buying a new necklace or bracelet. He just hoped whoever it was hadn’t spent too much on him.

Opening the box, his eyes widened at what he saw. It didn’t look new, but there was no denying that sat on the blue velvet was a triskelion pendant tied on a boot string necklace. It was rusted with age, easily speaking of the many decades’ hell even centuries that the necklace had been within someone’s family. He gently removed the necklace from the box and held it up so the others could all see. He was surprised when he heard rumbles of recognition from the wolves and even the odd flash of wolf eyes in agreement like the pack recognised it’s meaning.

“Wow, it’s beautiful Stiles.” Scott’s Mom said, looking the pendant over in his fingers like she knew it wasn’t her place to touch it.

“Yeah, it is.” Stiles murmured, loosening the bootstrap enough that he could get it over his head before letting it rest on his collar bone.

It was surprising how the feel of the pendant against his skin seemed to settle something inside of him, that little voice that had always doubted his place in the pack even after all that they had gone through together immediately going silent. It didn’t help that he was the only human, and with that, there was always that second thought of if he even belonged. But all those fears seemed to disappear, now that in his own way he had found his place within the pack which was recognised in the eyes of those who mattered.

He let his fingers linger against the pendant and looked up to see Derek’s gaze rested on the pendant on his skin. When their gazes met, he watched Derek look away and get up to grab a beer from the fridge, leaving Stiles wondering if he had just missed the chance he had been waiting for.

Derek had felt the shift throughout the entire pack when they had set eyes on the pendant, even though the teenagers themselves may not recognise its meaning it was clear that their supernatural counterparts did. That they had realised Stiles’ place in the pack was a constant that they had always relied on and would always need more than they could even imagine.

It was something he knew made the younger feel settled and a part of the pack even if that had always been the case.

He sipped his beer as he leaned against the kitchen island, watching the pack members as they piled their plates with food and grabbed a drink while they chatted among themselves about their family plans the next week. But every so often a small tinge of the scent that had been left on the hoodie seemed to catch his attention from where it had been rubbed into his leather Jacket.

“You going to eat something or just stand here like a creep and watch everyone?” Cora asked, appearing beside him with a plate of cheese and honey roasted ham.

“Not exactly feeling hungry at the moment,” Derek said wistfully letting his gaze linger over the pack as he tried to find the source of the scent, even though his inner wolf seemed to be berating him for not picking up on it sooner.

“Have you realised who your secret Santa was yet?” Cora said, seeming fixated on getting him to actually be sociable instead of just standing on the outside as he seemed to think he should as the alpha.

“Do you know?” Derek asked, watching Cora roll her eyes like she obviously knew but wasn’t about to tell him.

“When you’ve figured it out, you’ll kick yourself. Just don’t let them leave without talking to them, I think you both have something you need to say to each other.” Cora said around a mouthful of feta as she disappeared to tease Isaac about his secret Santa which Derek was sure she was the source of.

Derek bit his lip as he made himself weave through the crowd of the pack, discreetly letting his inner wolf indulge each scent as they tried to find the right person. But finally, as Stiles was passing him with a bowl of trifle chatting animated to Scott about something, he caught a whiff of that alluring scent of aged paper, ink, jasmine and something that seemed uniquely Stiles in a way that he couldn’t describe. And Cora was right, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realised who was behind it before.

And though he wanted to speak to him, it seemed best to let Stiles enjoy himself instead of bothering him. Because surely the other couldn’t understand what it was that he had done by practically offering him his scent on a platter.

Stiles was chatting to Scott about his time at the Academy when Cora appeared beside him, looking determined in a way that he was more than used to after seeing it on Derek’s face several times in their years of friendship. It was definitely a Hale thing.

“Scotty, I’ll catch up with you later yeah? I think Cora wants me for something.” Stiles said, watching Scott nod in acknowledgement and take his plate of chocolate over to Kira.

“You need to speak to Derek; he looks like he’s trying to keep his distance from you and honestly this whole thing is getting tiring,” Cora said, gesturing to where Derek was hovering by the Christmas tree, letting his gaze linger over the decorations like he was remembering all the memories of Christmases past with the family before the fire.

“I guess.” Stiles sighed, reluctantly setting his half-finished bowl of trifle aside and approaching Derek once he was sure Cora wouldn’t follow.

He stood beside the Alpha a little, watching him brush his fingertips over a bauble with his name engraved in the red glitter.

“We haven’t seen much of each other since I came back into town, so how are you, Derek?” Stiles asked, watching Derek look up and offer him a small smile even as his eyes seemed to stutter from alluring green to alpha red and back again.

“Yeah, I guess we haven’t. I’m good mostly, just dealing the usual. How about you, how're things at the academy?” Derek said softly, looking back at the decorations.

“It’s going well, I’m looking into a few junior positions towards the end of my training but I’m not sure how well I’ll manage,” Stiles said, causing Derek to look back up and roll his eyes.

“From what you told me your training is going well, I’m sure you’ll be more than ready to get started in the field when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, that means a lot. I was just wondering if you felt like taking a short walk through the preserve? I’m sure the others won’t mind.” Stiles suggested with a smile, watching Derek set down his empty beer bottle and nod.

“Sure, it sounds like a good idea.”

The pair walked out the house through the back door, knowing they would get more attention from the others if they went out through the front, and started walking into the preserve along the path that they usually used on a full moon.

There was silence between them like there often was when they weren’t around the rest of the pack, neither of them feeling the need to just talk for the sake of talking. But there was still a sense of comfort between them, like a connection which they felt like they didn’t have to talk about. And yet, from where Stiles was standing that was exactly what they needed to do, breaking the habit of a lifetime.

“So, I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit more distant since I left Der, and I’m wondering if maybe there’s a reason why that has to do with just you and me,” Stiles said, fidgeting with his new pendant.

Derek seemed to stiffen at his choice of words but kept his gaze ahead instead of looking at the younger.

“Depends what you mean by you and me,” Derek said, uneasily.

“I mean, you and me as people Derek. In the way that people who like each other as more than friends would say you and me.” Stiles said, watching Derek bite his lip but finally look at him.

“You must know how I feel Stiles, why else would you have done what you did with that hoodie?”

“What?” Stiles asked with a frown.

“Only mates of Alphas willingly give the alpha of a pack clothing with their scent on it,” Derek said, causing Stiles’ eyes to widen.

“Is that why your eyes keep giving me a light show when I’m close? Because I’m your mate!?” Stiles asked, watching Derek give a small grin and roll of the eyes but silently nod.

“I want you to find who you really want in your life in your own way Stiles. I don’t want you to feel pressured to be with me just because….” Derek began only for Stiles’ fingers to curl in his new jacket’s collar and cut him off with a kiss so deep and filled with love that it made Derek stumble a little before he stopped in his tracks and let his arms curl around Stiles to bring him closer with his teeth nipping at the other’s lips.

Stiles groaned in his throat the feel of the lips he’d been dreaming about against his own, feeling a sense of relief that his move hadn’t backfired on him. But at the same time, he had needed to stop Derek before his self-deprecation about not being good enough had taken hold and from where Stiles was standing that wasn’t true in the slightest. Derek would always be more than he deserved.

“Pressured isn’t at all how I would describe what I’m feeling for you, Derek.” He murmured breathlessly when their lips parted, and he met Derek’s now alpha red eyes looking back at him.

“I get that now.” Derek whispered, resting their foreheads together and curling his fingers between Stiles’ beside him with his other hand toyed with the pendant.

“And you’ll have me always, ok? No matter where I am.” Stiles said reassuringly, feeling a shudder through his very core at the feel of Derek’s attention on the pendant that defined him.

“I know, and you’ll have me. My mate.” Derek smiled, brushing a kiss to the pendant before catching Stiles’ lips with his own again and pulling him closer into his space as he guided his mate’s back up against a tree out the view of the house.

“Yours.” Stiles panted, tilting his head back against the bark as he felt Derek’s lips and fangs worshipping his neck in a way that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was and would always be loved by his alpha.

“Yours.” Derek echoed against his skin as he met Stiles’ gaze with a sly smile that caused a shudder down Stiles’ spine at the feeling of an all-encompassing kind of love that would follow him no matter where life took him.

Wherever Stiles went Derek would always follow one way or another, from one secret Santa to the next.

Fin.

#deadicateddeath #stereksanta14 #*fics19 #*gifts19

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ciarawritesmarvel · 5 years

Text

wanderlust [1] - steve rogers

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 4.2k (yayyyy)

Warnings: Mutual pining to the max? Lots of secretly loving Steve. Minimal language.

A/N: Eeeee I know I know, I have a Bucky series ongoing what am I doing but I’m in such a Steve mood at the moment, and I have to do this! A little mini series following Steve and the reader’s trip around the world, just a little one, full of pining and love and fluff and sunsets and intimacy but not smut. This has really sparked something in me and I can’t stop writing it. I love you guys and please do let me know what you think of this if you have time! <3

Summary: Your best friend and colleague Steve Rogers only really wants to make you happy, even if that means taking you around the world to do so. Will you satisfy your wanderlust or somehow wander into love?

Prompt: I love you. And I’m sorry if that scares you but it won’t change. I love you. I have for a while now. [written for Attie’s 4K Challenge Challenge! @barnesrogersvstheworld]

I’m going to start tagging in reblogs and my masterlist is in my bio if you want to find it! Enjoy!

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new york city - usa

Your bright smile and smart dress were the only thing keeping the fact that you were sleep-deprived and exhausted a secret. The black skirt suit was too hot and you felt yourself pulling at your neckerchief whenever you thought no one was looking.

“Hello and welcome to Gaia Airlines! Could you place your luggage on the conveyor belt for me?”

Over and over and over, that sentence was seared onto your mind like a brand, so natural were the words that fell from your lips that it felt as if you were on autopilot, not really thinking about anything as you asked the typical questions and ripped tickets with the mechanical movements of a bored human being.

You cast a glance down the line of people on the night shift alongside you and saw the similar subtle signs that lack of sleep adds to your features. Sam was rubbing his face, Bucky’s shoulders had sagged, Nat’s heels lay strewn on the floor under the desk and Steve beside you had dark circles under his eyes and a slightly more worn smile than usual.

He’d caught you stealing a glance at him between customers and inclined his head towards you just slightly with a small tilt as if to ask if you were doing okay. You gave him a soft smile and a tiny, almost imperceptible nod that you knew he would pick up on. Not only was he good at reading others in the first place, but you two had gotten to know each other rather well over the past five and a half years. Calling him a best friend, calling all four of them best friends, didn’t feel out of place.

He turned back to his next customer, satisfied with your answer, and began to serve them, you continuing with your own line. Why people couldn’t just get flights in the daytime like a normal person would baffled you. But not really.

You’d take any flight you could get if it meant you’d get to go out and see the world.

Working at an airport and watching people flying away on magical adventures every single night whilst also being someone who had never left the United States and had a serious case of wanderlust was an interesting situation to say the least. The irony was certainly not lost on you.

Almost a whole night of the same old, same old checking in had gone by and if it was even possible, everyone appeared to be flagging so much more. You’d lost your own heels a few hours previous, secretly reaching down to massage your aching feet every couple of minutes. It wasn’t as if you even got a decent break in your 12 hour shift, just two half hour ones that were just used for a much needed sit down, a run to the bathroom and a quick snack.

With just an hour left, it was Steve’s turn for a break and as soon as the clock struck the hour he put a rope across his station and stepped back from the podium with a stretched out sigh. He walked behind you to make his way to the break room and squeezed your shoulder on the way past with a pitying smile and you brought your hand up to cover his for only a second, meeting his glance with grateful eyes.

“I’ll grab you a coffee,” he whispered on his way.

“Thank you!” you mumbled, even though he was already gone and you could hear his shoes clicking on the floor, quieter and quieter as he travelled down the corridor.

There was a part of you, your heart most likely, that seemed to warm at the thought of Steve offering to get you a coffee and none of the others, however selfish it may have sounded. But in reality, it reaffirmed your belief that the relationship the two of you held went a little beyond the rest of your work relationships. Steve was a little more than that to you than a mere best friend and it was nice to know that feeling was reciprocated.

There were other feelings in the back of your mind for Steve, ones that used to be right at the forefront, begging to be set free, but it had been a long time since you had properly listened to those. They just happened to lurk there, completely unwanted and unreciprocated, of that you were sure, and so you cast them away in fear that they may one day interfere in the best friendship of your adult life.

You heard a mini beep from your computer screen that indicated a chat message. You continued to talk through the protocol safety questions with the customer you were currently serving but clicked on the little bell icon to open up the chat window at the same time. Sam had set up the chat about a year ago, installed it on the five workstation computers only and done it in a certain way you didn’t quite understand to ensure that the airline wouldn’t see it and that the day shifters couldn’t access it either.

You were added to a chat with Badass, Princess and Birdman.

Nat: Sorry, am I mistaken or did somebody just offer just one singular person a coffee?

Bucky: No Nat, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what just happened.

Sam: What would possibly cause such unabashed favouritism?

Your brow furrowed at the messages but you ignored them for a second as you ripped the tickets you’d just printed from the mini printer and handed them to the customer in front of you as you told them to have a wonderful flight. There was no one left in the queue for the time being, though you knew it wouldn’t last, so you turned your attention back to the messages.

Y/N: If you guys ever want to stop being children, just let me know.

Bucky: Someone’s tetchy. It’s as if we haven’t all just done 11 hours of a 12 hour shift.

Y/N: Less of the sass, Barnes.

Nat: You’re willingly blind, Y/N.

Sam: Willingly ignorant, blind isn’t a strong enough word.

You have left the chat.

You could feel a couple of glances at the side of your head as the others noticed your exit but you ignored them, focusing on the person that had arrived in front of you to be checked in. Your colleagues, as you currently felt compelled to call them just colleagues, had been alluding to a crush from a certain other colleague for a good few months now, but it was something you wouldn’t even consider a possibility. It wasn’t up for discussion. Not anymore. Not when you’d had to spend months locking away every thought of Steve that you couldn’t have, months boxing up every inappropriate feeling you found in your brain.

Steve returned and you felt his arm just brush your side lightly as he placed a steaming hot mug on your desk, not stopping to talk to you but just returning to his station. You glanced at him and he was already looking at you, a weird glimmer in his eye and a grin adorning his features. You shot him a quick puzzled look but he shook his head lightly, the grin only growing.

And then he did something completely new. He winked at you.

It was playful and excitable and he was like a puppy that had just been given a new home. He looked revitalised, a different man to the one that had trudged away to the break room half an hour ago. Completely bewildered, and just slightly more flustered than you’d like to admit, you hurriedly dropped your gaze away from him and towards your work instead, silently wracking your brain for anything that could have happened to him to have made him so cheerful so suddenly. The others were looking confused too, with Bucky and Sam shaking their heads at each other and rolling their eyes and Nat mouthing expletives at you. You resolved to ask him about it as soon as your shift ended.

You had never seen such a sudden change in Steve’s mood. And he had never sent you a wink that made you shiver.

30 minutes earlier

Steve struggled through the corridor, desperately trying to keep his feet moving, one after the other, even though it was difficult to keep it going. He was so tired. He’d taken the early and late break this evening, so that the others could have the middle ones that they really needed. Especially you, since you’d been secretly signing yourself up for the early and late breaks for the past week in order to help the others.

He’d now signed himself up for the coming week. It was the absolute least he could do.

As was grabbing you a coffee.

In the break room, there were a myriad of other airport employees, flight attendants, duty free salespersons and even a few pilots scattered around. Steve’s ears automatically tuned in to a familiar voice and his lips turned up in a knowing smile.

“...so I told him, look Rhodey, just because you’re my co-pilot doesn’t mean I’ll hesitate to send you out the door with a parachute!”

A few of his colleagues laughed at his clearly exaggerated tale as Steve walked over and tapped him on the shoulder, watching his face break into a grin when he turned around.

“Steve Rogers!” he exclaimed, cupping his face with both hands and planting a kiss on each cheek, something Steve had grown somewhat accustomed to.

“Tony Stark,” he replied, clapping a hand on his arm, “It’s been a little while. How was South Korea?”

“Wonderful. How’s Y/N?”

Steve’s whole face seemed to slump into one of a grumpy teenager although there was the faintest hint of a blush forming on his cheeks that told Tony his teasing wasn’t unwarranted. He’d been teasing him as such for about four years, however, so it was beginning to become tiresome.

“Wonderful,” Steve mumbled reluctantly, “But you could really ask her yourself.”

“Where would the fun be in that?”

Tony grinned and Steve glowered at him, but still he sat opposite him at one of the tables in the break room when Tony indicated to do so. Tony may have been a pain in the ass, but he was an old friend and one of the only people Steve would willingly endure such teasing from. The other was Bucky, and sometimes Nat but never Sam. He had his limits.

“Seriously, have you still not said anything to her? You know she-”

“Tony,” he warned, sounding exasperated, “Move on. Was Pepper on your flight to Korea?”

“No,” Tony grumbled, “They don’t let us on the same flights more than once a month now, something about not trusting us to keep the plane...sanitary.” Steve’s nose wrinkled in light disgust.

“You know how gross that is, right?”

“We most certainly do!”

“Pepper’s such a lucky woman,” Steve said sarcastically and Tony laughed, Steve congratulating himself on successfully changing the subject, even if it was just for now.

“That she is. She’s back from Thailand tomorrow so best to stay out of our way for at least 6 hours, then feel free to stop by the apartment and say hello!”

“I’ll give you 12 hours, but I will pop over, I haven’t seen Pep in such a long time!”

“Chief flight attendants don’t get too much free time.”

“Neither do pilots, Tony. How do you two manage it?” Steve asked, curious and a soft, genuine smile played with Tony’s lips as he shrugged lightly.

“We get by. Cherish the time we do spend together. It helps that we’ve known each other for ten years. Though five and a half is probably enough too.”

“Tony-”

“Oh come on Steve! It’s been four years of you being in love with this girl and four years of being too scared to anything about it. Do you realise how long that is? Four years!” he insisted and Steve felt a small anger building in his stomach.

“I’m not too scared to do anything about it, Stark,” Tony looked slightly taken aback by the bite in Steve’s words and knew that he was only referred to as Stark when he’d gone just a little too far, “I’m not doing anything about it because, above everything, I count myself lucky to have Y/N in my life and I refuse to do anything that might jeopardise that. Period.”

Tony blinked a couple of times.

“Okay, fine. That makes sense, I guess,” it almost sounded as if Tony was being serious but Steve knew him better than that, “Or at least, it would if I wasn’t 100% sure without a doubt that Y/N is head over heels for you.”

“She isn’t.”

“I’ve known her for just as long as you, Stevie, and I know that she does.”

“You don’t see her everyday like I do. We’re best friends; I would know. Drop it.”

Tony sat back in his chair with a heavy sigh. He couldn’t count how many times the two men had had this conversation. It was growing unbearably annoying. Steve was forthright about his feelings about you and had been for a very long time and whilst you wouldn’t dream of admitting anything to Tony, who was little more than a friendly face that you saw around sometimes, Tony had seen the way you looked at Steve. He knew that look. It was the look he got when Pepper was around.

It was that of a lovesick puppy.

And whilst you weren’t much of the puppy type and that was far more Steve’s game, he knew what he’d seen. You were smitten. Steve was smitten. Why neither of you were brave enough to take this further was beyond him. Though this was coming from the man who had showered his wife with bouquets upon bouquets of flowers and one ill-begotten batch of strawberries before she agreed to date him, so subtlety wasn’t exactly his strongest suit.

“She means that much to you, huh?”

A pause. Full of weight. Meaning.

“You know she does, Tony,” he said softly, looking down at his hands which had starting wringing together nervously without him even noticing, “I’d do pretty much anything for her. Which reminds me, I should really be getting her coffee so-”

Steve pushed himself up from the chair with his hands on his thighs, not noticing the look on Tony’s face and the clear fact that he’d just had what he thought was a genius idea. As Steve wandered over to the coffee machine in the kitchenette area, Tony bounded up from his chair and over to his friend, taking off his pilot cap and tugging it over Steve’s head.

“I’ve just had an incredible idea!”

“No.”

“You haven’t even heard it yet,” Tony pouted as Steve waiting for the coffee to brew, having put your favourite pod in the machine. He turned from the counter and leaned back against it, hands pressing into it on either side of him. He nodded reluctantly for Tony to continue, “Why don’t you and Y/N take a trip? All expenses paid by yours truly, a holiday from the night shift, a chance to spend some quality time together. It would be perfect!”

“Are you out of your mind?” Steve scoffed, shaking his head, “I am not going on a trip with Y/N.”

“Why not? You said it yourself, you’re best friends. Best friends go on vacations together.”

“Yeah but-” he floundered for some other excuse, “I can’t let you pay for it!”

Tony laughed at that. Steve could admit that was a pretty weak point. What with Tony’s air miles and his ridiculous amount inherited from his father, he wouldn’t even notice if somebody stole from him, Steve was sure. And he was a generous man at heart, so accepting such a huge gift, though difficult, wouldn’t be that hard to stomach.

“Forget the conversation we just had. Forget romance. You love her. That means something, even between best friends. And wouldn’t this make her happy?”

Steve paused. It would. There was no denying that this would make you happier than he’d probably ever seen you. Work was beating your ass lately, and there wasn’t a day, or night, that went by when you didn’t talk about some part of the world you wanted to see, or lamented about an incredible place that one of your flight attendant friends was flying out to that night. You’d always wanted to travel.

He could make it happen. He could make you happy.

Or, at least, the trip could.

“I don’t know, Tony-”

“You think too much, Rogers,” Tony pointed, accusatory, at Steve, a stern look overtaking his features, “For once in your life, just do something spontaneous. Invite Y/N to come around the world with you. Why not?”

There were so many reasons why not. Because it was ill advised for a man in love to go away with the object of his affections. Because he shouldn’t take a free trip from Tony Stark. Because you might say no, he might be crushed. Because you did not love him back and he should be distancing himself from you in order to deal with that fact and not throwing himself before you in some grand gesture that wouldn’t win your love or make him feel any better about his unreciprocated feelings.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

Tony clapped him on the back in his excitement with a grin of glee on his face.

“Ask her tonight, ask her tonight!”

Steve chuckled, because, although it was clear that Tony was getting ahead of himself, he couldn’t deny that he was feeling a little lightheaded himself. A world trip? The only thing that made those three words exponentially better was the addition of another two words.

With you.

He picked up the coffee cup, the steam rising in a steady stream from it and disappearing into the air above. Smiling at Tony, he placed a firm hand on his shoulder for a second.

“Thank you.”

It was sincere and the look of happiness on Tony’s face, in the crinkles around his eyes, was evident enough. With that, and a final word that he would come visit him and Pepper in the coming week, Steve left the break room, fulling intending to arrive back to you a little earlier than was necessary and forgo some of his break.

You needed your coffee after all.

And so here he was, grinning unnaturally at anyone who arrived with tickets at his stations, messing up his perfectly practised lines and questions and, instead of stumbling and apologising profusely, simply chuckling with a light apology and a small shake of the head at himself. He had even winked at you and hadn’t thought twice about how ridiculous he must’ve looked. He was the epitome of giddy.

A beep brought him out of his reverie.

You have been added to a chat with Princess.

Bucky: What is going on with you, pal? You’ve been smiled manically at yourself for the past ten minutes.

Steve: Tell you later, Buck.

Bucky: Can you at least tell me how to change my damn name on this crap?

Steve has left the chat.

Princess suited him too well. He couldn’t rob the team of that chuckle every time he was added to a chat.

The shift finished quicker than ever for Steve and what felt like slower than ever for you. Steve’s change in mood was almost worrying, even if it seemed positive, and you cornered him in the staffroom as soon as you arrived there. You both had your lockers open, ridding yourselves of suit jackets that would be needed tomorrow night, Steve passing you your heels that he had carried back for you.

“Okay, come on Rogers. Spill.”

“What are you talking about?” he feigned nonchalance, but he was such a terrible liar and he was still smiling. He hadn’t stopped smiling since. It was unnerving.

“You. Your face. It’s weird,” you argued, pulling out a black duster coat from your locker and weaving your arms into it, pulling it tight around yourself as you hoisted your bag onto one shoulder and shut your locker, “So tell me what’s going on.”

“Okay, fine, there is something. Just, don’t freak out.”

“...Okay.”

You were beginning to get a little worried, but you tried not to let it show, not wanting to put Steve off telling you whatever was on his mind. He was easily spooked.

“I saw Tony on my break-“

“Oh my god! Tony! How is he? Still a little shit?” you said playfully as Steve closed his locker and you both began walking through the airport towards the staff car park.

“Still a little shit, yeah. But he’s good, Pep’s back tomorrow and they have a week off together so he’s naturally ecstatic,” you laughed slightly but looked genuinely happy for your pilot friend and his wife. Steve found himself falling for you just a millimetre more at the happiness you held for other people’s happiness, even those you didn’t know well. Little moments such as this could add millimetres and millimetres to his fall, “But anyway, he offered me a gift. And you.”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Steve could feel his voice getting more excited and his steps becoming bouncier as you walked through the huge rooms, arms bumping each other every few seconds, “What would you say if I told you he was going to pay for us to go on holiday?”

You stopped in your tracks and held out a hand to stop Steve too. You stared at him.

“Is this a joke? Because it’s not funny, you know how much I want to-“

“Travel, yes I do which is why I would never joke about this Y/N. It’s true.”

“Shut up,” you hit his arm then, not being able to process this, “Shut up! Wait, wait, we can’t let him pay, that’s ridiculous.”

“Do you know how rich Tony is?”

“...Fair point.”

“I would never usually accept such gifts from him either, trust me, but this? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Two weeks off work, a trip around the world, to the places you’ve always talked and dreamt about.”

There were tears in your eyes and whilst Steve was sure they were happy tears, he couldn’t help but be a little scared by them. You were still gripping his forearm tightly, to ground yourself, because your head was spinning. You couldn’t take this in. Steve wiped a tear that happened to fall onto your chin with the pad of his thumb with a shaky smile.

“And you’d be coming with me?” you asked quietly when you found your words.

“Yes, I mean, if you don’t mind-“

“‘Cause I don’t think I could do this without you.”

He breathed out a long breath. He was worried you wouldn’t want him but he should’ve known you would. Of course you would. You were best friends. He knew he was an important part of your life, even if not in the way he would like, just as you were an important part of his. He turned his forearm in your grip and held your own arm in his hand.

“I’d be there every step of the way, doll. We’d see the world together.”

His words were so comforting although they did a number on the locks of the boxes at the back of your mind and made your heart jump in its place. Together as friends, you reminded yourself, filling in the blank. You mulled over the proposition in your head. It was all too much.

“We need to talk about this properly.”

“Of course,” Steve replied readily, feeling you begin to waver.

“And I’ll need to talk to Tony.”

“I’m meeting him and Pepper sometime this week, you can come with me.”

“But if we can get it all sorted… well then I’m in buddy.”

“You are?” Steve was shocked and overwhelmed and felt like he was jumping over the moon.

“Of course I am! How could I say no? Oh Steve, this is amazing!”

There were a few tears falling now, happy tears that were actually rather unnoticeable, since your grin was taking up your entire face and there was a light in your eyes that Steve hadn’t seen in at least a year. He’d forgotten how beautiful true happiness looked on you.

All too soon he couldn’t see it anymore though, because you were clasping his shoulders and bringing him down for a hug, clutching at his back with a ferocity that was new. But this meant so much to you. More than you’d ever be able to tell him.

Tony might be paying for it, but Steve was going to take you around the world. That was everything.

“Thank you,” you mumbled into his shoulder, your chin resting on it as his arms melted into your back and he held you to him tightly.

“Tony’s paying-“

“Thank you.”

Your insistent tone told him not to argue and so he just squeezed you impossibly tighter.

You were happy. He’d done his job.

next chapter

#attie's challenge challenge #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers angst #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers series #steve rogers #captain america angst #captain america imagine #captain america series #captain america #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel series #wanderlust

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corinnaleala-blog · 5 years

Text

Do you know if CORINNA LEALA has arrive in Edana yet? They’re the TWENTY NINE year old, LADY IN HOUSE LEALA. What if CORINNA CORA is a Lysander loyalist, I hear she can be UNYIELDING & ALOOF. But I also hear she can be INTELLIGENT & CARING and she has sworn to House Thadea, so we’ll have to simple hope and pray she arrives soon before rumours spread.

hello there, here i go again. actually haven’t done one of those in a bit lol but let me bring you The Sad Mom Friend ™. since i am a public information directory anyways, here i will link you to the blog’s index, where you will find info about house leala, corinna’s profile and timeline, some of her app, and the tags; pretty much, all that you will need to make sense of my baby.

however, if you don’t feel like reading a bible so much (i don’t blame yall i’m still embarrassed to have made the admins suffer thru 10 pages of app), bellow the cut is your way!

inspiration: demeter and kore from greek mythology, megara from hercules, sansa stark, jeyne westerling, the tully mamas & daenerys targaryen from asoiaf/got, mary crawley from downton abbey, brianna fraser from outlander

tw: mention of misogyny, pregnancy, mention of abortive intent, miscarriage/stillbirth, emotional abusive maternal relationship, non con relationship (unwanted arranged marriage), implicit depression and ptsd, parental death.

background

first, house leala. a small house, on the territory of the kingdom of rainer -- they are the closest bannermen, within riding distance of the capital, which has made them claim to be the most loyal of the people from the kingdom. their main wealth comes from lake asteria, both the lake itself, and the fertile grounds in its margins; the lake used to have diamonds in it, but now it is all gone, and only recently they have begun to culture oysters for their pearls, which has given a boost to the economy and the status of the house.

corinna was the first born daughter of the current lord leala and lady ellanor leala, nee rainer. there is always an enchantment when it comes to your first child -- children, in this case -- and with cora it was no different. her gender never proved to be a disappointment, and instead her mother, a woman of forward ideas, rejoiced and took the girl as the apple of her eye.

thus, cora grew up by her mother’s skirts, trying her best to both be the best shadow possible, and to please her lady mother. for most part, it seems she had achieved that: she was proficient in her studies on how to be a proper lady (although admittedly, she was a poor dancer); she did not have much interest in broader politics, but had a keen mind for the details and musts of how to keep a household and to care for the people; she was passionately interested in the idea of children, of becoming a mother, of caring for babes, even going out of her way to take care and raise her younger siblings.

because she seemed to be well rounded enough, cora’s faults were often overseen. she was able to get off unscathed after childhood mischief, she had freedom of speech and of thought, and her mother even fed her not so lady-like interests in the flora of the terrain around their house, and her adventures by lake asteria. she lived an ideal life, a life that not many of her gender could enjoy, even those of higher birth than her -- actually, she preferred not to be the daughter of a bigger house; while she was in love with terenthia, house rainer’s capital, she also saw that her rainer cousins had more put on their shoulders than she thinks bearable.

at the dusk of her puberty, her idyllic life took a fall, when she discovered herself pregnant, without a husband. the father (big wc!) had been a boy she cared for too much to burden with a heaviness like this, but she still wanted the child, desperately so. her parents weren’t so fond of the idea. all her life all she knew from her mother was that overwhelming love--now, it took a turn for the worse, for the opposite. when lady leala didn’t treat her unkindly, she simply ignored her -- which, for cora, seemed to be even worse.

still, she stood her ground and refused any discussion of termination of the pregnancy. tbqh she didn’t really think much through, all she could think of was that she would feel fulfilled and useful and everything would just work out in the end, when she saw her child. unfortunately, six months or so in, she went for a sail in the lake, and ended up in an accident that caused her to suffer a miscarriage (google says the term is stillbirth but). the pain and the loss left her in a deeply catatonic state, impairing her of thought, speech and of her warmth, leaving her traumatized enough to even now, still be fearful of bodies of water (a great loss for an avid swimmer as she was).

her mother took advantage of the momentum and shipped her off to marry an unknown lordling (an wc on the main!) to be honest, he probably wasn’t cruel or bad to her at all, but cora was scarred and never truly opened up to him, going as far as treating him with scorn and coldness. she didn’t get pregnant again--which was devastating to her, since she imagined a child could make her less lonely in the strange place; and also damaging to the match, since her husband needed legitimate heirs. after some years, the husband decided to divorce her, so he requested an annulment by non consummation, which she was more than glad to grant him (even if it meant she was lying, and that her future matches would be scarce).

she thought she knew maternal disappointment, but when she returned home after years married, now unmarried and “soiled”....hoo boy. the annulment was an offense for ellanor, who took it greatly; her health deteriorated and she became more cantankerous, finding every fault in her daughter, belittling and attacking. because they all thought if this continued lady leala would be dead within half a year, cora was sent to terenthia to serve as a lady in waiting for her cousin lyanna, alongside her sister elyse, who had already been there for over a decade.

there, corinna found some room to heal. she had her younger sister by her side after so many years apart, she had healthy companionship, more freedom and less judgemental eyes over her than she has had ever since she was a young maiden, and, of course, she had always loved terenthia. although she was far older than most of lyanna’s ladies, she found a place to fit in. she may still have had bursts of melancholia, and become quieter and sharper than she had once been, but she felt herself better, worthy of life, at last.

her mother’s death just a year ago changed that. the guilt came back strong, like a river flood, and corinna found herself obliged to return to leala keep so she could be of service, useful in any way possible. ever since, she has kept herself in mourning, and has yet to return to terenthia; instead she stays to aid her father and her brothers, and to run the household as her mother had taught her to, so many years ago.

personality and interests

cora had once been well known as vivacious, warm and curious. in some ways, she has had a change for the opposite after the unfortunate events in her life.

she has an incredible amount of empathy, which mixed with her undying curiosity, is still an alarming feature (dangerous it was, may even still be). her goal is to help anyone in any way she can, but she is also familiar with taking charge and being an older sister so she can be a bit domineering and more insolent than she should; she is well intended, though, so the minute she notices she has been too harsh, she mostly falls into an anxious daze of guilt, which makes her seem either chilly or incredibly awkward.

she is also very very passionate and somewhat constant with her interests, like, she is still very much into botany, into technology and its uses to improve humankind and she is still unbelievably stubborn, sometimes way more than she should. she is also closed off -- which can be a contradiction when she is modern minded -- and politically engaged at all, which may make her seem too passive to live in a cut throat society as this.

plots

first, the plots i have mentioned on the app that are the most necessary for her characterization/background would be:

her best friend

her past lover/baby daddy

her ex-husband (and/or his family)

however, i am really really excited for everything that is thrown at me. friendships, enemies, maybe people who despise her because they think she’s too passive, people who are interested in her (romantically, sexually, professionally, platonically, idc)

corinna is especially very into female friendships, since she grew with the idea that women are no lesser than men in any way, and that women should have one another’s backs -- thus i feel she might fluctuate towards befriending women more, especially in a way that seems she is coddling/mothering them which is like cora 101, pretty much her modus operandi, like it doesn’t even matter who you are, cora is probably struggling NOT to behave like your mother (and failing lbr)

#rebellions:intro

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