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thou-crusty-batch-of-nature · 4 years

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The rise and fall of our love

part one | part two

playlist: gold by nick murphy and chet faker

too young to burn by sonny and the sunsets

cold cold cold by cage the elephant

pairing: reader x james, lily x james

warnings: language, fluff, a bit of angst

A/N: hope you like my first proper series! i've been working on this for a while and i'm so excited to finally post it! feedback is very much appreciated so lmk what you think

also, credits to @approved-by-dentists for the iconic line "I'll drop kick your firstborn", you can check her frog memes here

and credits to the harry potter wiki fandom, I took those amortentia info from there

p.s. the cover is made by me

word count: roughly 2.4K

MASTERLIST

"You can't expect me to believe this!" James was looking at you with his mouth agape and exaggerated wide eyes which made the conversation slightly more embarrassing than it already was.

"5 minutes till midnight!" Sirius announced from a table with several bottles of champagne by his side.

"Well, you should. I'm telling the truth!"

"Y/N!" he shouted in a serious note, as if he was trying to decide whether you were lying or not. Your ears were burning. Someone hex me right now.

"James!" you answered - this was like a bad version of the Marco Polo game.

Something in your eyes convinced him of your honesty. "You have never been kissed on New Year's Eve!" he gasped with such amazement that you didn't have the heart to reveal that, in fact, you have never been kissed by anyone on any other occasion - you still needed that remaining bit of dignity. Well, not a real kiss, that is. The only time you have ever kissed someone was on a game of spin the bottle in 3rd year, when you and Remus shared a very awkward one-second kiss, that James never forgot to bring up every other day.

"Why is it such a big deal - I don't need a kiss to have a lucky year! I can manage fairly well on my own, thank you very much!"

The whole Gryffindor Common Room was buzzing with chatter, clinking glasses and loud music. New Year's Eve meant a great deal to gryffindors, whether it was for the booze, the games or the chance to kiss your crush at midnight.

You could proudly say that your presence was owed to none of the above, but rather to the persistent demands of your best friend, Marlene. Not that you didn't love a good party - it's the opposite, really. The only problem was your low intolerance to alcohol; three big gulps of beer were enough to make you the talk of the school for at least two weeks. And with Marlene and the marauders by your side, the chances of that to happen were outstandingly high.

"It's a matter of principle, it's about the neediness of human nature, about their need for closure and contact in order to feel full and satisfied! It's about the idea of knowing that you have emotional support!" he declared passionately with a hand over his chest.

"So, people are horny and they need to kiss other people for them to feel valid and worthy?" You scrunched up your nose in disgust. "That's messed up!"

"It's love, Y/N! It's not supposed to make sense, it's like magic!"

"You sound like a cringy girl from a romantic muggle movie!" You snorted.

"You're incredible!" James sighed, disappointed. "Alright, I'll show you, you'll see!" Soon enough, a gigantic clock appeared over the fireplace starting the New Year's countdown.

"9…" People were chanting joyfully.

"8…" You could feel James' stare, but you kept your eyes glued to the clock.

"7...6…5…" You sensed him inch closer.

"4…" He spun you around and cupped your cheek.

"3…" You were lost in his eyes. They were an infusion of spring and autumn, a melt of fiery leaves and honey.

"2… 1!" His soft lips met yours, and you could hear fireworks erupting outside the castle. You felt your soul implode. The kiss was shy, yet passionate. His hands were slowly grazing your back while yours found their way to his dark curls. It felt right - perfect, even.

Even though it was your first kiss, you knew it was the best you'd ever have. Everything was easier when you were with James, everything felt at peace. You pulled apart when you ran out of breath, still longing for more. Your whole face was on fire, and you let your forehead rest on his.

"Here you go. Wasn't that bad, was it?"

"Eh- t'was alright." you joked, trying to sound cool. You laughed nervously, though you were pretty sure it sounded more like a squeal. Great.

"Do you think Lily saw it?" Something in his voice made you realise that he wished she did. You were just a puppet in his cruel play. Your heart wrenched a little, but you managed to hide your pain.

"Don't know. I haven't seen her tonight." You were his friend. That's all. The kiss meant nothing for him, and that was okay.

Just great.

"I think imma go check on Marls." you said, trying to hold your tears back. "Thank you, for the kiss." you exclaimed sarcastically, though James didn't seem to notice. He nodded absentmindedly, his eyes already on a certain red-head.

Oh, you were so stupid! How could you let this happen? A wave of nausea washed over you while the knot in your stomach kept pulling at your insides.

You made your way through the sea of people, right where you knew Marlene would be. There she was: lounging on the couch next to Sirius, drinks in hands, talking about Merlin knows what. You suddenly felt very bad to disturb your best friends who were both clearly having a great time, so you quickly turned the other way.

"Y/N!" Marlene shouted. Shit. You quickened your pace, only to hear her shouts over the music. "Y/N Y/L/N stay where you are or I swear I'll knock you down!"

You continued to walk but stopped when you saw James and Lily a few steps ahead. She was laughing while he was whispering something in her ear. Lily spotted you and smiled teasingly. You took a deep breath. Defeated, you turned and saw Marlene's tall figure facing you. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

You haven't realised that until she asked you. Good thing that James was too busy fawning over Lily to notice.

Marlene didn't wait for an answer to take your hand in hers and lead you back to your dorm. She pulled you in her arms while you finally let your tears fall. You felt pathetic; how could you believe he would actually like you the way you did?

You told her everything apart from that unbecoming smile Lily gave you. They were also friends, not as good as you two were, but you didn't want to stir up any arguments.

You and Marlene have been best friends for over six years. You used to be quite an introvert, whereas Marlene was cocky enough for the two of you, so she made it her goal to get you out of your shell. And she succeeded - even too well, some would say.

And as for you and Lily, things were - you guessed you could call them decent. Neither of you made any effort to be besties, as Lily made it quite clear she didn't like you. However, you managed to become acquaintances for the sake of your friends'.

"Y/N! What is our number one rule?" she asked when you finished.

You sighed. "Bros over hoes."

"I will never put a boy over our friendship, Y/N. You come first. Especially when you have a problem."

"Okay, mother." you rolled your eyes. "I should've drank the damned firewhisky. It would have been a far better alternative to get shitface drunk than deal with all this."

"You're right." You glared at her. "What? You really are. That just proves my theory further: technically, alcohol is a solution."

×××

Naturally, the odds haven't been in your favour, and Lily and James were closer than ever. You would be lying if you said you were happy for them.

"Now, Y/N/N, that's just cruel!" Marlene said with her mouth full, spitting half of her breakfast on you. Then, she silently handed you a napkin. You gave her a nod of thanks. "I mean, I get it, you are a tad bit jealous, but that's understandable!"

"Am not!" you defended. "I'm happy for my friend for finding his love." You choked that word out. "Okay, I might be a tiny tiny bit jealous but that's not the case right now! I just don't understand his choice!"

"Ah… here goes that 'he could've had all this but he chose that' speech..." Marlene sighed.

"Yes- I mean no! That's not what I mean! I just don't like Lily!"

"I know…" she said regretfully. "She is a good friend to me, really - she's not that bad. I know you two had your problems, but… Wait, what are your problems exactly?" she squinted her eyes in confusion. "You've never told me the real reason you two don't get along."

"Well…"

"Good morning darlings!" Sirius interrupted, plopping down next to Marlene.

"Good morning to you too!" James chirped with a sheepish smile plastered on his face. He sat next to you, hugged you and you could swear you heard him squeal.

"Well, someone seems to be in an awfully good mood this early in the morning. Waddup?" you ask, popping the 'p'.

"Someone got back to the dorm very late last night after having spent the entire day with -"

"LILY-FLOWER! HERE!" James got up and waved frantically towards her. She furrowed her brows when she spotted him next to you and you quickly averted your gaze.

"Hello there!" she smiled, sitting down on the other empty spot next to James. She took his hand in hers and glanced at you. You rolled your eyes.

"Is there something wrong?" Lily asked innocently.

"Nah, everything's alright." Just my back hurts a little... from all the stabs. The intensities of your stares could burn holes through each other's bodies.

"Y/N, have you finished your DADA essay? I think it was due Wednesday and I haven't written a word!" Remus cuts in, sensing the tension. You made a mental note to thank him later.

×××

"So what was all that about?" You were in the library "helping" Remus write his essay - in reality, you were munching on his chocolate while he was reading.

"What?" You decided to play dumb, hoping he would drop the subject. Remus leaned in his chair and rubbed his eyes. It was too early for any of this.

"Your 'friendship' with Lily." he air quoted.

"There's nothing wrong with us…"

"Oh, then let me call her here and make friendship bracelets together!" he mocked. "You almost hugged to death out there!"

"Quiet!" you heard madam Pince's high screech.

You let your head fall in your hands. "Is it so obvious?" you whispered. He gave you the are-you-kidding-me face and you groaned.

"Fine! The truth is that I don't know why she hates me! I've tried to be her friend for so many years, ever since she became Marl's friend - and she rejected me every single time. Not to mention that she has never been the nicest to me. And now she acts like I drop-kicked her firstborn and I'm sick of it."

"So nothing happened?"

"Nothing that I know of…"

"Huh…" It was clear he expected somewhat of a greek tragedy. You glanced at the clock and cursed, you were running late to class. "Remus, we gotta leave."

You both got up in a hurry, stuffing parchments and quills in your bags. "Potions?"

You checked the time again. "In five minutes."

"Shit."

You sprinted down the halls of Hogwarts, going on every shortcut you knew. You reached the classroom faster than ever - seriously, you must’ve broken a record.

"What time is it?" Remus asked, a bit out of breath.

"10:04" you managed to say.

Remus knocked on the door while you struggled to keep an upright position - you had to admit that you were a bit out of shape.

"Ah, Remus and Y/N, I was beginning to worry! Everybody is late today! Do you happen to know about Potter and Lily's whereabouts?"

"No, sir."

"Probably in a broom closet." Sirius said between coughs. Slughorn decided not to hear this remark.

"Very well, then find your seats and get your books out." You hurried towards the empty desk behind Sirius and a now-seated Remus. Where was he?

"Now, as I was saying. I prepared some concoctions this morning which you can find on your desks. Any ideas what these might be?"

"It's Armortentia!" someone from the front exclaimed.

"Excellent! Now, this is the most powerful love potion in existence. It causes a powerful infatuation or obsession from the drinker. Despite its power, Amortentia doesn't create actual love; it's impossible to manufacture or imitate love."

��You were already growing tired. "Miss Y/L/N, you seem awfully relaxed. Care to reveal what scent do you smell?"

Your head shot up from the desk, trying to remember the question. You were ready to ask the professor to repeat it when you saw Sirius pointing to his nose and then to the potion.

Thanks, you mouthed and Sirius winked.

"I smell…" you started, closing your eyes and sniffing the liquid.

"I smell gingerbread, old books and…"...James. You quickly opened your eyes as the realisation dawned onto you. "... musky cologne."

"Wonderful, miss Y/L/N! Now, in the hour that remains you and your desk mates will have to brew an acceptable vial of Amortentia, helped by the example before you and of course, your books. So, open the books at -"

A loud knock interrupted Professor Slughorn. He turned his head just as James and Lily barged into the room all giggly and blushy.

"Excuse us, professor! We had some urgent Prefect duties!" Yeah, right.

"You are a tad late, I'm afraid. Oh well, you may come in, I've just finished the instructions for today's lesson. Potter, there's an empty seat next to Y/N; Lily, you can take a seat next to Miss Macdonald."

"Hello, roomie!" James whispered when he sat down, wiggling his eyebrows. "What are we brewing today?" he asked. Why did he always have that stupid smirk on his face?

"That!" you pointed towards the tiny cauldron in front of you.

"Hmm - let me see." he leaned forward to look at it, then scrunched up his nose when he tried to smell it.

"Bloody hell, Y/N! Do you bathe in your perfume? And what is with this smell - lilies? Are lilies here? Well, besides the most beautiful one over there?" he nodded towards Evans.

You couldn't help but blush and look away. You were sure you didn't put any perfume on this morning, so that meant…?

"We are brewing Amortentia, you barmy wanker!" you heard Sirius' wheezy voice, who was trying and failing to hold his laughter.

"Oh" James said, rubbing his neck. "Shit."

Shitty indeed.

You were in deep.

****

part two

taglist: @futurewriter2000, @puppycat714, @booksbeforebois, @slytherinquill, @screennamealreadyused, @fific7, @with1love1anu

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unloveable-unreachable · 4 years

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You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 11

Word Count: 6,568

Warnings: Swearing

Author: Me

Y/N POV

France. It’s beautiful in every way, I don’t know what else I can say about it because I’m still soaking it all in. The culture, the food, even the architecture was fucking amazing. I’ve been here a few times, enough to count on one hand, and it still amazes me each time I visit. Anyways, here we are again in another World Cup tournament placed in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Being here with my team makes my heart fill with happiness and pride because we’ve all worked so hard to be here. Being here with Alex was a whole different story, the emotions I have towards that are hard to put into words. We’re here in Paris, the most romantic city ever, happy together. Although to the public it’s still not shared information, we’re still enjoying our time together. We’re also focused on the task at hand: holding on to our title and proving that we truly are the best in the world.

We got to France a few days early since we wanted to watch the matches going on before our first one in a few days. Today was special though. Today we get to spend time with our families who flew out here to watch us play. While standing in the lobby looking at everyone talking, laughing, and spending time with their families, I just feel out of place. Not having my actual family here to celebrate this accomplishment does hurt a little, but that’s short-lived when Uncle Kyle picks me up and spins me around in a hug. “Hello, my favorite niece in the entire world,” Kyle says as he sets me down, causing me to laugh. He really does treat me like I’m a part of their family just like Ali and Ash do, and that cures my sadness on the spot. “Hey, Uncle Kyle,” I say in response. “Why are you over here all by yourself?” He asks with a sad, concerned look. “Just watching everyone with their families, kind of wishing I had one to celebrate with,” I say as I shrug my shoulders. He looked at me with a shocked expression before pulling me with him towards the Krieger-Harris crowd. “How dare you say you don’t have family here,” he says as we got closer to the group, “You know damn well that you’re a part of this family. We all love you just as much as we would if you were actually Ali and Ash’s kid. Which you and I both know that you really are their kid, blood or not.” Damn, he’s really trying to make me cry. “Y/N!” I hear from the crowd, and it’s no surprise who’s pushing through the group to give me a hug- Ali and Kyle’s mom. “I have missed you so so much. How are you liking Orlando? How’s Luna? Ali tells us that your house isn’t too far from theirs, so they get to see you all the time.” I laugh and answer all of her questions as Ali walks over, “Okay, okay mom. I know you missed Y/N, but you’re gonna suffocate her. So, please let my kid go.” Ol’ Debbers lets me go with a laugh and a small apology as Ali pulls me over to stand with Ash, who throws her arm around my shoulders as we listen to both families talk about where they’re going to take us to eat.

Alex’s POV

As happy as I was to finally see my family after so long, I couldn’t help but feel like I was keeping something from them. I mean, yeah I am. But is now the right time to tell them? “Alex,” my mom says, pulling me out of my thoughts, “Are you okay? You look a little out of it.” Of course, my mom would notice that my mind was elsewhere. Elsewhere would be on my girlfriend. “Yeah, sorry mom. I’m okay,” I say with a smile while I held my niece, Liv. She nods her head and continues to talk to Jeni and Jeri. As they talk, I look around the room trying to find Y/N. When I finally find her, she’s being hugged by Ash’s mom while laughing at Kyle. I was so worried that she’d feel left out today, but when I see her interacting with Ali and Ash’s families my heart swells and I can feel the smile forming on my face. She has a family to call her own, and I was so happy about that.

“So, Alex,” I hear my mom say as I turn around to face her, “Do you want to tell me who’s been making you so happy lately? Don’t think I haven’t noticed, especially since you’re practically glowing right now.” Evidently, my face wasn’t great at hiding things from my family. Fucking great. Here goes nothing. “Can’t get anything past you, can I mom?” I laugh as I glance over at Y/N, “There’s actually someone I want you to meet.” I hand Liv over to Jeni before excusing myself from my family. I walk over toward the group of Harris and Krieger’s and wrap my arms around my girlfriend’s waist. She turned in my arms with a confused look before she relaxes when she sees it’s me, “Hey, Al. What’s up? Is there something wrong?” I shake my head with a smile as I try to work up the nerve to ask my question. “Do you possibly want to meet my family? Like right now?” I ask with a soft smile. It takes her a moment to think everything through before she gives me a bright smile as she nods her head. Thank god. I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding in and give her an even brighter smile as I intertwine our fingers, leading her towards my family.

“Hey, guys,” I start with a shaky voice, “I want you to meet my girlfriend, Y/N. We’ve been dating for a little over a month now.” We both stand there waiting for their response, Y/N squeezes my hand for support and comfort. After a few moments, my parent’s faces light up with happiness and my sisters start jumping up and down with excitement. My mom pulls Y/N in for a hug and says, “It’s so great to meet the one who makes my daughter so happy. Thank you so much. She really needed someone and I’m so glad she found you.” The rest of my family hugs my girlfriend and say nice things to her before she comes back to stand next to me, intertwining our fingers again. I can’t help but smile at how happy she looked while she’s caught in a conversation with my sisters and when she makes my niece laugh. She looked so beautiful in this moment, I always want to make her this happy because she deserved it. “Y/N!” we hear Ali yell from behind us a few moments later, “Come on! We’re going to eat!” She looks at my family apologetically, “I’m sorry, I have to go eat with my family. It was great to meet all of you, hopefully we can talk again soon.” They accept her apology and she turns to me, pulling me in for a hug. “I love you, babe. I’ll see you later,” she whispers in my ear before kissing my cheek and leaving to catch up with Krashlyn. As I watch her walk away my mom asks, “She makes you really happy doesn’t she, Alex?” I turn my attention back to my family with a big smile plastered across my face, “Yeah, mom. She really does. We love each other, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Y/N POV

The lunch with my family was very eventful and saying that is a hell of an understatement. I was sitting in between my moms and Uncle Kyle was sitting across from me, laughing at something Ol’ Debbers said. “Raise your glasses, everyone,” Kenny K says from the end of the table, “Here’s to the reigning World Cup Champions. We’re all so proud of you three, and we can’t wait to see you hold up another trophy. I love you three beautiful, strong women more than I can put into words. Go kick some ass.” This only causes everyone to laugh loudly because we rarely heard him curse. “We love you too, Dad,” Ali says after she finished laughing. Afterwards, we all fall into our own conversations while we continued to enjoy our food and each other's company. “So,” Ash says to me while nudging my arm, “You met the girlfriend’s family. How’d that go, kiddo?” The question catches Ali and Kyle’s attention. “Ooooo, yes. Tell us how that went,” Uncle Kyle says eagerly, “By the way, thanks for telling me that you’re dating Alex Morgan. Not like I’m your ‘uncle’ or anything.” I roll my eyes at him with a smirk. “Shut up, Kyle,” Ali says while slapping his arm, “She was going to tell you. There’s a lot of things she has to handle first since this isn’t public information yet. Now, let the woman speak.” I let out a small laugh as I feel all three of them stare at me, waiting for my answer. “Yes, I met her family,” I start with a small smile, “It went pretty good. I was nervous at first but after seeing how happy her family was I just kind of relaxed. I was happy knowing that they accepted our relationship, I’m not used to that kind of reaction. So yeah, it went really good.” When I finished, I gained a collective ‘aww’ from the three of them as Ash and Ali give me side hugs. We continue with small conversations as we finished our meal.

When we got back to the hotel an hour later, I get a text from Sonny saying that everyone was out at the pool and that we should go. It doesn’t take much convincing before my moms agree and we’re all changed into our swimsuits and we’re out at the pool with the team. Ali and Ash leave me to talk to Pinoe while I look around for Alex. It doesn’t take too long for me to find her lounging with Allie and Kelley by the pool. I walk up behind her, noticing that she didn’t see me, and I wrap my arms around her shoulders causing her to jump a little. I laugh along with Allie and Kelley before giving her a quick kiss. “Hey, babe,” I say when I pull away from our kiss. “Hey, baby,” she says with a grin as I sit down next to her, “I missed you. Did you have fun with everyone?” I nod my head with a smirk while I move the hair out of her face. I sit back in the chair and listened to the conversation Allie and Kelley were having with Christen and Tobin as Alex leaned into me, interlacing our fingers. I pull her closer to me, wrapping my arm around her waist, and kiss her softly on the shoulder before resting my chin on the same shoulder. I’m lost in my thoughts of how happy I was in this moment, and honestly I didn’t want to be taken out of them for the time being.

“Y/N! Kelley!” Sonnett yells from the pool a few moments later, “Come on! Get in the pool with us!” Lindsey and Sammy join her in yelling for us to get in the pool with them. I groan and try to wave them off because I wanted to spend time with Alex since I really didn’t get to earlier. Kelley laughs as she gets up, waiting for me to join her and my idiot best friends. “You should go,” Alex whispers to me, “Go have fun with your friends. We can hangout later, baby.” I pout at her before I sigh and nod my head as I go to stand up from the chair to slip off my shorts. “Wait,” Alex says while grabbing my hand as I was walking towards my pestering best friends, “I love you, Y/N.” I give her a soft smile before leaning down to kiss her. “I love you more, Al,” I say after I pull away with a wink as I walk with Kelley towards the pool after I tossed my tank top at her. “Not possible!” I hear her yell from behind us which only causes me to give her a goofy smile right before Kelley pushes me into the pool. Sonny, who begged us to come get in the pool with them, is dancing to the music she put on from the side of the pool while Lindsey and Sammy were sharing a float. “Sonny,” I say to my dancing best friend, “Are you actually going to get in the pool? If not, I was pretty comfortable over there with my girlfriend.” Sonny lets out a laugh and mocks me for a moment before jumping into the pool right next to me, splashing me with water. We spend the rest of the afternoon singing along to Sonny’s playlist and lounging around, enjoying our off day before everything started to get hectic with the tournament.

Alex POV

“So, your family liked Y/N?” Allie asked as we walked back up to our rooms. “They actually loved her,” I say with a smile, “They asked all about her while we were at lunch, and she made Liv laugh uncontrollably when we were in the lobby. You should’ve seen how happy she was, Allie. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” “Awww,” Allie says with a bright smile, “Alex is in love. I support this one hundred percent.” “I second that,” Kelley says from in front of us, “Actually, it’s more like one hundred and one percent from me. Sorry to beat your support, Allie. I have to support my best friends being in love the most.” That causes me to laugh while Allie chases her down the hallway into their room, claiming that she supports my relationship more than Kelley ever could. I’m best friends with children, I swear. Surprisingly, they weren’t the only ones acting like children in the hallway.

Coming from the other end of the hallway I can hear laughing and people running. When they finally come into view from around the corner, I see Sonnett on Lindsey’s back being chased by Sam with my girlfriend perched on her back. Jesus, Jill is going to kill them if she walks out of her room to see this. “Go, Linessi!” Sonnett yells through her laughter, “They’re catching up!” Right after she said that Lindsey realizes that I’m watching the chaos from the other end of the hallway. She immediately stops in her tracks, causing Sam to run into her and Sonnett. “What the hell, Linds?” Y/N says while she gets off Sam’s back, “Why’d you st-” She realizes that they aren’t alone in the hall anymore when she sees me glaring at them. I can only hold my glare for a few seconds before I smirk at the four shocked idiots in front of me. “Alright, children,” I say while walking towards them, “Go get ready for dinner before Jill catches you being childish in the hallway and makes you run your asses off tomorrow at training.” Lindsey, Sonnett, and Sam rush past me and into their rooms while my girlfriend stands in front of me with an apologetic smile. “Hey, Al,” she says while rubbing the back of her neck. “Done acting like a child?” I ask with a smirk. She nods her head with a goofy laugh. Like I‘ve said before, I’m dating a child.

When we get back in our room, Y/N goes into the bathroom to change while I sprawled out on the bed. “Hey, babe,” she calls from the bathroom. “Yeah?” I answer. “How long do we have until we have to be downstairs for dinner?” she asks. I looked at my phone to see what time it was before answering, “Uhh, it’s 6:00 now. So, like an hour. Why do you ask?” She didn’t answer right away which left me a little confused. “Baby? Did you hear me?” I ask while I sit up in the bed. She came out of the bathroom a few seconds later, still in her tank top and shorts, with a mischievous grin plastered across her face. It was hot, to be honest. “Why do you have that grin on your face right now?” I asked with a laugh. She didn’t answer, just shrugged her shoulders. A moment later she ran over to the bed, tackling me back down onto the mattress. I started giggling while she peppered my face with kisses. “I was just wondering because I was hoping to spend some time with you,” Y/N said while she smiled down at me, “I missed you today, babe.” “I missed you too, baby,” I answered with a bright smile. I leaned up to kiss her while placing my hand on the back of her neck. After we kissed for what seemed like forever, Y/N laid down next to me on the bed and intertwined our fingers. “So,” I start while she rubbed her thumb across my knuckles, “I know I asked you this earlier, but did you have a good time with Ali and Ash’s families? I was a little worried about you today since it was a family day. But I was happy to see you with them in the lobby.” She nodded her head while saying, “I really did. It’s funny actually. This morning, while everyone was with their families, I felt so out of place. Because my real family isn’t here…” She paused for a moment. She looked like she was getting a little upset about the whole thing, so I moved the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead softly to give her some comfort. She gives me a soft smile as she continued, “But then I realized, with some help from Kyle, that I do have a family. It’s Ali and Ash and their families. It’s you. It’s the team. That’s my family. So, with that in mind, today was a pretty good day.”

She had a bright smile across her face when she finished and her eyes were lit up with happiness. I was glad because like I’ve said before, I always want her to be this happy. After a moment of being stuck in a trace caused by Y/N’s eyes, she said, “Did you have a good time with your family? I felt bad having to leave right after meeting them.” I let out a small sigh while I moved to lay on top of her. “Yeah, I did,” I say while I rested my chin on her chest, “Don’t feel bad for leaving though, baby. You evidently made a great impression on them.” She gave me a puzzled look before I continued, “In that short amount of time that they got to talk to you, they fell in love with you. Which I don’t blame them. They asked all about you while we were at lunch, especially my mom. She’s really happy that I found you and that I’m so happy being with you.” She was smiling at this point while she ran her fingers through my hair. “Well, I’m happy to hear that, babe,” she said, “I want to spend more time with them soon. I really enjoyed getting to meet them and talking to them, especially Liv.” I smiled softly at the mention of my niece, remembering how Y/N was with her earlier. “I’m sure they’d love that,” I say, the smile not leaving my face, “I know Liv would love to see you again. You were so good with her today, baby. She really lit up when you were talking to her, I've never seen her laugh like that before. She doesn’t act like that normally around new people. It’s adorable seeing you interact with kids, Y/N. You’re going to be a great mom someday.” That causes her to laugh loudly before saying, “It’s a little early to be talking about that, babe. I’ve always been good with kids. My sisters have kids and they love me almost as much as I love them. It kinda sucks that I don’t get to be around them. Oh well, something to look forward to in the far future I guess.” She has a small sad look on her face while she continued to stroke my hair. I leaned up and gave her a kiss before saying, “I love you so much, baby.” She moved a stray hair out of my face to behind my ear as she said, with a smile, “I love you more, babe. And I always will. Now, go get changed for dinner so we can spend more time together before we have to go downstairs.” I groaned at her while I got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom.

A few moments later, after I decided to shower, I realized that I had forgotten the clothes I was going to change into. I quickly wrapped myself up in a towel and stepped into our room, walking towards my suitcase. “And you say I’m the tease,” I hear Y/N say from the bed with a laugh. “You are a tease,” I say with a smirk while grabbing my clothes, “This was unintentional... Stop looking at me like that!” She had an eager look across her face as she got up from the bed and walked towards me. “We don’t have time for this,” I say as she placed her hands on my shoulders, causing goosebumps to travel down my skin. She gently started kissing my neck which caused me to let out a small moan. While she made her way down my neck I say, “Wait, stop. We really can’t do this right now.” She looked at me with sad eyes as she stepped back from me, “Oh, okay...” “No, no,” I say quickly, “I’m not saying I don’t want to, because believe me I do. One hundred and ten percent. I just don’t want to rush it because we have to be down at dinner in like 45 minutes. It’s just not the right time right now, okay?” She nodded her head while I leaned up and kissed her nose before going back into the bathroom. “You’re still a tease though,” I heard her say through the bathroom door, causing me to laugh. She talked to me through the bathroom door during my shower and while I got dressed for tonight. When I came out of the bathroom, I see that she had changed her clothes for dinner. She was wearing a plain black v-neck with some khakis and a pair of her Vans. It was simple but it still managed to get me all hot and bothered. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she says with a laugh while putting on her necklaces as she looked at me in the mirror. I blushed, out of reaction to getting caught staring, and at the sight of her in the mirror, “Can you blame me for staring? My girlfriend’s hot.” She laughed as she turned around to face me, “I’m sorry but have you seen yourself? You look beautiful, Al. I’ll be happy if I can come anywhere close to how good you look.” My blushing returned as I smiled at her. She always knew what to say. Y/N finished fixing her hair and then walked up to me, pulling me in for a kiss. “Okay, let's go,” she said when she pulls away, “I left my watch in Ash’s room, so we have to make a stop before we head downstairs.”

While we walked down the hallway, we see Ash come out of her room to meet Ali. “Hey, mom,” Y/N says while jogging down the hallway to meet them. “Damnnnnn,” Ash says when she sees my girlfriend coming down the hall, “You look fucking good, kiddo. It’s simple but I fucking love it. Ali, look at our kid.” Ali laughed while agreeing with Ash. “Thanks, moms,” Y/N says when we stopped in the hallway while she rubbed the back of her neck, “I actually need my watch. Ash, I left it in your room earlier when we changed for the pool.” “Oh, yeah. I was trying to figure out who that belonged to,” Ash said while she pulled out her room key, “Come on. I put it with the rest of my jewelry.” When they go into the room, I’m left in the hallway with Ali. “So,” Ali says a moment later, “Did your family like Y/N?” “Yeah, they really did,” I answer with a bright smile. “Okay, that’s good to hear,” she says with a relief. “Were you two worried they wouldn’t?” I asked with a concerned look. She shook her head before saying, “Oh, no. It’s not that. We figured they would love her, everyone does. She just hasn’t had the best track record with families when she gets in a relationship. We were just a little worried about that.” I stood there for a moment and processed what Ali said. I didn’t know that Y/N had trouble in the past with other families, other than her own. Well now I’m glad my family loves her, otherwise I don’t know what would’ve happened. “You don’t have anything to worry about, Ali,” I say, “My family loves her just as much as I do. I would never put her in a situation where she’d end up hurt. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, I promise.” Ali smiles as she pulled me in for a hug, “Thank you, Alex. She really does need you as much as she needs us, even if she won’t admit it. I may not have supported this fully at the beginning, but now I see how much you love each other and I couldn’t be happier for the both of you.” We heard the door open as we pulled away from our hug, just to see Y/N laughing at something Ash said. “Thanks, Ali,” I whisper to her as they motioned for us to follow them to dinner.

Y/N POV

Somehow Jill managed to get a private area of the restaurant blocked off just for us and our families for our dinner. I’m at a table with Ali, Ash, Kelley, Allie, and Alex. And just like the first night of training all those weeks ago, I’m sitting in between Alex and Ali. Only this time, it was less stressful since everyone knew about our relationship. As we all ordered our food and drinks, Jill stood up and gave a small speech, “I want to thank everyone here today for coming and supporting our girls. The road here hasn’t been easy, but we all know what our goal is. Another World Cup win. With that being said, and I’m sure Dawn can agree with me here. Ladies, keep the drinking to a minimum. We have training bright and early in the morning, and I don’t want any excuses about a hangover. Yes, I’m looking at you, O’Hara.” That causes the room to erupt with laughter, especially from Kelley. “Don’t worry, Jill,” Kelley says with a sly grin while holding her glass up, “Only water for me tonight.” Jill laughs and gives her a thumbs-up before taking her seat.

During dinner, I notice that Ash and Allie are posting stuff to their Instagram stories, like always. I was holding Alex’s hand the whole time we were in the restaurant until Ash turned the camera towards me. “Wait, Ash,” I say quickly before she started recording. I kissed Alex’s hand before letting it go, causing her to give me a sad look before she realized why I let her hand go. “Are you ready now, kiddo?” Ash says with a laugh, “Wait, let's add some others to this… Sonnett, Horan, Mewis! Come over here for a minute.” Ugh, what is she doing? When my idiot best friends come over to our table, Lindsey pulled my chair out so she could sit in my lap. Jesus, here we go. Ash started recording and said, “What’s up, guys? I’m at dinner with my best friends, my wife, and my kid of course.” She turned the camera to face me and my friends, and we all waved at the camera. “Hey, guys,” we all say while Sammy and Sonny hugged me and Lindsey. “See guys!” Sonny says with a grin, “Y/N does love us! We’re the three best best friends she could ever have!” Jesus, she’s obviously been drinking. After a few more videos for Ash and Allie’s stories, Lindsey gives me a hug and kisses my cheek quickly before following Sonny and Sammy back to their table. “We love you, Y/N!” they yell when they get back to their table. My best friends are idiots, literally. I smile at them and tell them I love them too before turning back to my food. As we all continued with our small conversations, I notice that Alex was being pretty quiet. “You okay?” I whisper to her, but she wouldn’t look at me, “Alex, what’s wrong?” When she finally made eye contact with me, her eyes are a dark blue. Almost black. She leaned in and kissed my cheek before whispering in my ear, “Mine.” That one word got me extremely flustered and confused while she took my hand in hers.

The rest of dinner went the same: small conversations, and videos for Instagram. Alex hasn’t really talked to me since she whispered ‘mine’ in my ear, but she wouldn’t let go of my hand. She’s a lot more possessive than I thought, it’s kinda hot but then again I’m a little worried about what she could be thinking. When we all finished eating, I followed Ali and Ash to the table where our family was after Alex let my hand go with a promise that I’d come see her at her family’s table shortly. Ol’ Debbers got my attention first whenever we got to the table, “Are you excited for the first match, Y/N?” I let out a small laugh as I answered, “Yeah I really am, Debbers. I’m just ready to get this started.” She laughed as she pulled me in for a quick hug. “Are things okay with Alex?” she asked softly after she pulled away, “Things looked a little tense during dinner, and she’s giving you a glare right now.” After she said that I looked over my shoulder and confirmed that Alex was glaring at me for some reason. “Everything’s fine, Debbers,” I say with a soft sigh, “Just a misunderstanding, I think.” She nodded her head and told me she loved me before I went to hug Uncle Kyle. “I’ll make this quick since Alex doesn’t look too happy with you right now,” he says whenever I pulled away from the hug, “Good luck in your match, Y/N. I love you so much, kid.” I grinned at him and say, “Thanks, Uncle Kyle. I expect to hear your cheers over everyone else’s. I love you, too.” He gives me a wink and one last hug before I walked over to Alex’s family.

“Y/N!” I hear Alex’s mom yell whenever I got closer to the table. She got up from her seat and gave me a tight hug, which I returned, “It’s so great to see you again. I’m sure Alex told you that we asked all about you at our lunch earlier. I hope you don’t mind, we just wanted to learn about the girl who’s made Alex so happy.” I smiled at her and the rest of my girlfriend’s family, even at Alex who still had a small glare while she looked at me. “I don’t mind at all,” I say, “I’m sure there are a lot of things you could tell me about her. She makes me really happy, too.” That causes Alex’s glare to vanish as she gives me a soft smile. Her mom and sisters let out a collective ‘aww’ as I go stand next to Alex. “Hey…” I whisper to her. She let out a small sigh as she took my hand in hers, much gentler this time, and whispered, “Hi, baby.” Okay, I guess we’re fine now? After a few moments of hearing a few stories about Alex, Jeni catches my attention, “Y/N, someone is very excited to see you again. Here you go.” She lifts up a smiling Liv to me, who’s reaching out for me to hold her. I let go of Alex’s hand and hold Liv, who starts playing with the chains around my neck. “Hey, Liv,” I say with a smile, “Do you like my necklaces? Yeah? Me, too.” I talked to her for a few more moments while rocking her back and forth. She started talking to me in baby-talk which of course I went along with, “Really? Oh, really? Please, tell me all about it.” I walked around the table as she continued talking. After a moment she looked up at me and smiled, “Hey, that’s a pretty smile. Hmm, let’s see if we can get that pretty laugh to come out.” I started tickling her, which caused her to laugh hysterically. I laughed along with her while I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I glanced over at Alex just to see her laughing with everyone else, her eyes never leaving me. When Liv finally stopped laughing she gave me a pretty big hug for a baby, which I returned, causing everyone to let out another collective ‘aww’. “You’re really good with kids, Y/N,” Jeni says as I hand Liv back to her, “And Liv just adores you. Looks like she might have a new favorite soccer player, huh Al?” That caused the whole family to laugh, even Liv, as I walked over to Alex. “Kids just like me I guess,” I say while Alex intertwined our fingers again, “I have a few nieces and nephews that absolutely love me. I adore Liv, she’s adorable and quite the talker. But, I couldn’t take Alex’s place as her favorite.” Alex hits my shoulder before saying, “If anyone’s going to take my place as her favorite soccer player, it’s going to be you. She’s only known you one day, and she absolutely loves you.” I looked at her, seeing nothing but an adoring, loving gaze coming from her. “Fine,” I say with a smirk, “I’m Liv’s favorite soccer player, fair and square.” The group laughed once again before telling us goodnight and that they would see us at the match in two days.

When we got back to our room, Alex was still a little too quiet for comfort. “So,” I say when she came out of the bathroom, wearing my clothes again, “Do you want to talk about what happened at dinner? Why you’ve been so quiet?” She let out a long sigh while she put her hair up in a bun, “Just a lot on my mind, I guess.” “Like what?” I ask while I sit down on the bed. She thinks for a moment before running her hand over her face. “Were you jealous or something?” I ask after she doesn’t say anything. She turns and faces me with an angry glare, “First off, I don’t get jealous.” “Okay, okay,” I say while I lift my hands up in defense, “I just asked a question. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong then?” The anger that was covering her face has softened while she looked at me. “I don’t know,” she says a few seconds later, “You letting go of my hand put me in a weird mood, I guess. I always want to be close to you, but then you let go of my hand and then Lindsey sat in your lap and…” She started rambling while she paced around the room. Okay, she’s not jealous. Maybe just a little hurt and confused I guess. I stood up from the bed and grabbed her shoulders to get her to stop walking and to look at me. “Alex,” I say softly, “You know why I let go of your hand, I didn’t want to but I had to just for a minute. If it were up to me, I’d hold your hand all day, every day. And someday, that’s going to change, okay?” She smiled at me after I finished and placed her hands on my waist. “I know,” she says while she closes her eyes, “Someday… I love you so much, you know that right?” I kissed her forehead, causing her to smile, before saying, “Yes, I do know that. I love you more, babe. And I always will.” She looked up at me with a bright smile before kissing me softly. I pulled her in closer, making the kiss much deeper. After a moment, air is needed. We rest our foreheads together while we catch our breath. “Do you want to watch a movie?” she asked after a few seconds. “Yeah, I do,” I say with a smile, “Let me change real quick.”

After I changed into my pajamas, I got into bed next to Alex while she put on a movie. “So,” she says while intertwining our fingers, “You were really great with Liv again tonight. She really loves you.” I smiled softly at her before saying, “Yeah, she’s super adorable. I love her, too. And I saw the way you were looking at me while I was talking to her. You looked really happy, babe.” Alex smiled softly while she nodded her head at me. “You know who would make a really great mom?” I asked. “Besides you? I don’t know, who?” she answered. I moved a stray hair out of her face to behind her ear before lifting her chin to meet my gaze as I said, “You.” She let out a small laugh before looking down at our hands. “I don’t know,” she said softly, “I never really thought about it before. Soccer has taken up my whole life. I guess I’ve just been waiting for the right person to come along and show me that there’s more than just soccer…” I lifted her chin again and said, “You’d be a great mom, Alex. I know this is really soon to talk about, but you found me. I’ll show you things outside of soccer if you’ll let me…” She looked at me with tears forming in her eyes. She pulled me in for a kiss as a tear fell to her cheek. “I love you, babe,” I say after we pulled away as I wiped the tears from her cheeks, “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” She was still crying but it was out of joy as she said, “I love you so much more, baby. I’ll never leave you, no matter what.” She looked like she just found the one thing she’s searched her whole life for…

Me.

To Be Continued

#alex morgan #alex morgan x reader #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #ali krieger #ashlyn harris #krashlyn #kelley o'hara #allie long #emily sonnett #lindsey horan #sam mewis #uswnt #uswnt imagines #nwsl #nwsl imagines #woso #woso imagine #You’re the One My Heart Wants

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

Text

Regal

A long awaited request by the lovely @trap-house-homiecide : Hey hun, sorry for all the confusion lol!! I had a request for basically a modern royal!reader with tom still as an actor (bc there’s so many where it’s medieval and he’s a stable boy or whatever) but yeah, maybe how they meet, or like just meeting families or smtn like that!! Thanks lovely <3

~~~

You fanned your hands down the playsuit you wore. It was of a bold royal blue shade and fell delicately with bell sleeves on your arms. Normally, you couldn't wear something like this. But, today, you wanted to make the most of your opportunity to do so.

A gentle knock at the door disrupts you.

"Miss (Y/l/n), the car is waiting outside for when you are ready," Your main assistant bows their head politely.

"Thank you, I think I'm ready now," You smile, collecting your purse from the side and slipping your flats on.

"You look beautiful," She beams - having brought you up for most of your life, it was moments like these where she truly felt proud of her work.

You let her follow behind you consciously as you descended the winding staircase down to wear the doors led to an awaiting car.

"Thank you, Steve," You smile to the man holding the car door open as you step inside.

"Off to anywhere nice, ma'am?" The driver asks from the front seat - he was young and evidently new. You hadn't seen him before.

"Lewis!" Steve exclaims, bowing his head to you, "I am tremendously sorry mi-"

"Don't worry about it, thank you," You nod and wait for your loyal worker to close the door, "I'm actually going to a date,"

Lewis shuffles in his seat, evidently shaken by his mistakes.

"I'm pretty nervous if I'm honest," You chuckle, lightening the tense mood as he sets off, "I haven't been on a date in a while,"

"Are you allowed on dates? I thought they just put you with someone else royal," Lewis frowns, his inquisition taking hold over his bashfulness.

"It's not the eighteenth century anymore. The royals have changed since then," You comment, "In fact, my brothers are just as protective and irritating as any normal brothers would be,"

Lewis snorts, "I'm sure the security guards are too,"

You smirk - it always made you feel a slight sense of joy when someone didn't treat you like they'd be destroyed if they bowed incorrectly or they asked the wrong question. Realistically, you were still a twenty-two year old British girl who just wanted to go out and see a pretty damn handsome boy.

~~~

"We're here, Miss (Y/l/n)," Lewis states, something Steve had most definitely taught him from his many years of practice.

"Thank you, and I hope to see you again soon," You smile, watching as your bodyguard opens the door for you to step out.

"Don't worry, we're staying well back, just as long as we're close enough to see you," She nods, clasping her hands together and glancing to the other female beside her, "Who knows, we could even be on a date,"

You smile, "Thank you ladies,"

It is as you turn around that you see the boy who looked as though he'd been waiting forever. He was dressed in fitted black jeans and a button up blue shirt with a dark tie hanging perfectly down the length of his torso. An image of making an effort.

You head over and watch as he turns to see you. The flowers in his hand drop a little as his grip weakens and his lips drop just slightly open, his eyes trailing your form.

"(Y/n), you look-" He stops himself, scratching at the back of his neck, "You look beautiful,"

It makes you blush and you definitely don't mind, "Thank you, you look great too. I hope I didn't keep you too long,"

He scoffs and you can tell he is just as nervous as you are, "No, no, I've only been waiting a few minutes,"

"So, what do you have planned?" You ask him, something you'd been anticipating ever since he'd first asked you on this date.

"I thought we'd take a walk through the park," He says, gesturing to the empty green behind him, "You said you liked low-key,"

"That sounds perfect," You grin, stepping forward to meet his position.

"Oh, and these are for you," He mumbles, lifting the sunflowers in his hands to you, "I didn't know which would be your favourite and ros-"

"Roses are too cliché," You finish for him, "These are beautiful, thank you,"

He extends an arm to hold the gate open for you and you set off into a matching pace down the concrete path through the now silent park. Thankfully, your bodyguards stick to their word and remain a fair distance away.

"So, tell me more about yourself Tom," You begin, evidently taking place for the silence that had formed thanks to his unmoving nerves.

"Well, I grew up here in England of course. I'm pretty close with my family, three brothers. I'm an actor, obviously, an-" He stops his words once again, "And I sound like I'm writing a CV or something. I'm sorry," The laugh he lets out is one you already find an adoration in.

"Maybe that was a bad question," You laugh with him and it feels like both of your nerves evaporate into the welcome chill of the evening air.

There's a silence again and it seems so strange to you that there is no uncomfort in the lack of sound.

"I was so nervous for tonight," Tom mentions, and you watch the way he stuffs his hands into his pockets.

"Me too," You assure him, clasping your hands in front of you.

"Are you kidding?" He exclaims, "What did you have to be nervous about?"

You shake your head, "You're a very prestigious actor, Tom. It's intimidating to date someone with the film credits you have, let alone the fanbase,"

"No offence or anything, but you are literally a Princess. Like an actual part of the royal family," He bursts into a boyish chuckle, "That's beyond any nerves I could give you, believe me,"

"You don't need to be intimidated," You reassure him but notice the way he quickly flicks his eyes to the two women that had been following your every move, "They're soft really. Just protective,"

He nods and you see him wipe his hands on his jeans, "We're just over here,"

You frown and glance over to where he was gesturing to see the set-up he had got ready for the night, "Wh-"

"Okay, so I was going to go for an afternoon tea thing but then I figured you pro-" He stops himself and you see the noticeable blush on his cheeks.

"Probably have that all the time?" You laugh, "You couldn't be more right!"

"Okay!" He clasps his hands like it is a sign of his relief, "So I went for chocolate fondue!"

And it takes off from there. You settle into an evening of chattering away about everything possible. You learnt more and more of the random oddities that made up Thomas Holland and he learnt of the things behind your regal reputation. He made you feel like an extraordinary kind of normal and you couldn't be more grateful for the opportunity to experience normality.

"This evening has been incredible, Tom. Really, thank you," You smile, lifting your head up to see him from where you lay on the picnic mat.

He props himself up into his elbow and turns to face you, "I'm glad I didn't disappoint,"

"Definitely not," You chuckle and push yourself up onto your forearms to match his height.

In a moment of prolonged silence, you know what happens now. Its obvious to see - the way both of your eyes flick between eyes and lips, the way your heads edge gently closer to each other, the way he shuffled a little more over to your side. And then the final connection. His lips on yours in a calm, long awaited kiss. Your noses bump just a little and even that little contact trickles an electric excitement into your childish joy. He tasted of strawberries and the shadows of melted chocolate that had remained on his lips.

"Princess knows how to kiss," He mumbles against your lips as you pull away thanks to the irritating need for air.

You smirk and gently push your nose against his, "Careful Thomas, don't make too many assumptions about us royals,"

"You're full of surprises, Miss (Y/l/n)," He smiles, pecking your lips once more like the break had already felt too elongated.

You feel selfish to want to keep him here forever - to keep all of his perfection to yourself. But it comes to an inevitable end as he climbs into the waiting Uber and you into the royal car waiting with security to follow. A true image of your blending juxtapositions.

It feels like an unwelcome comfort to return home - realising you'd felt more yourself in those few hours than you ever did as part of the pride and joy of Britain.

"So?" Your elder brother is waiting at the bottom of the stairs, the shadows of his ginger hair darkened by his recent shower, "Is he anything like spiderman?"

You laugh and make your way past him, "A princess never tells, Harry,"

~~~

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @bringmethehorizonandpizza @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @shamelessbookaddict @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee @darlingtholland

#tom holland #tom #tom imagine #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland request #tom blurb #tom request #tom drabble #tom holland drabble #tom x reader #tom holland x reader #tom x you #tom holland x you #tom x y/n #tom holland x y/n

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thehiddenlawyer · 6 years

Text

Some Thoughts on Some Hope

This going to be extremely spoilory for the entire series so y’know, you’ve been warned.

Of the five novels, Some Hope is probably my favorite for a few reasons that are both technical (me read it as a writer) and extremely personal (me reading it under the circumstances under which I did).

So when it came to thinking about Episode 3, there was a lot of apprehension on my part-- I was having flashbacks of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and how my favorite Potter novel got butchered on screen.

But Saturday, heart in my throat, grateful to Showtime for releasing the episode on the app as soon as it became available on the East Coast, I watched it and....I’ve never loved anything more in my life.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts, both here and on twitter, that don’t seem to get the episode, either finding it boring, hopeless, or missing the point.

Before I proceed, I have to say that this is my extremely subjective opinion about the episode and the novel, and I’m by no means an expert on what St. Aubyn was trying to achieve with Some Hope. And the biggest thing I want to discuss is the general love and appreciation for Julia.....NO. This is a very anti Julia post and I’m not going to hold back.

From an author’s point of view, the way Some Hope is written is....breathtaking. It reads like a party scene from a movie with complex characters and plots, with stories being woven as someone wanders from the garden inside and picks up bits of conversation and story. The miracle is that the reader never gets lost in the stories that are unfolding, and you become invested in Bridget and her mother and Belinda, and you’re wondering what’s going to happen with Sonny and Cindy, what the French ambassador’s wife is going to do and say next in defense of her helpless and hapless husband, you become exasperated by Pratt and pray for George Watford because you like him as much as PM does in those few precious moments, and you follow Patrick and Johnny and with fingers crossed that they survive the party in tact, still sober, and you hold your breath with Johnny when Patrick confesses his dark past, and laugh when the poor waiter gets yelled at.

And when Patrick finds Belinda on the stairs and offers to read to her after the little girl’s been begging any adult in sight to read to her, your heart shatters because you SEE the potential of the man, the true heart and soul of the person he yearns to become.

It’s just an exquisitely written novel from start to finish as Patrick journey’s from his parents world and begins to recognize the world he wants to be in, the world he wants to break into.

The series, of course, changed and omitted a few things but it worked perfectly! From changing the circumstances under which he sees Belinda, to the confession, and meeting Mary at the party and the brightness in his eyes when he talks to her....

The episode was perfect.

There’s been a lot of grumbling that it made so many people feel hopeless, and I think there’s a misconception that joy, peace, hopefulness happen over night. And the series does a wonderful job of demonstrating that it’s not true. Hope and joy and peace after trauma are permanent works in progress, you never really get there.

You have pockets of peace and sunshine, you have your moments with the Mary in your life, where you sit next to her in a crowded room and laugh because she gets your humor without the venom and poison that is permanently showered by every one else. you have your moments with your best friend standing outside, bantering, giggling at the expense of the waiter, you have those days, sometimes weeks of just absolutely hopefulness and joy and inner peace when the sun shines brighter, the air smells of nothing but flowers and roses, where everything is going your way.

And you have your days where nothing is going right, where the sun shines but all you see is darkness. And the thing is, you can swing-- the trauma you endure creates a pendulum attached to your moods. One moment, one heartbeat you’re talking to your best friend or love or an old friend and laughing, the next second you’re overcome with isolation, standing in a crowd and wanting to scream but feeling like no one will hear you if you do.

And that’s what happens to Patrick in this episode. Up until this episode, hope and those pockets of joy have been impossible for him....when you’re on the verge of confessing, there’s this conviction that the person you tell is going to think you’re a freak or want to walk away from you permanently because they see what happened to you as a black mark.

The HOPE, the bit of hope you begin to cultivate starts when your best friend, the first person you tell, looks at you calmly and gets angry on your behalf, that asks what they can do for you, that try to offer you different perspectives to help you break into the real world, as Patrick says.

There’s no sustained promise of happiness after that initial confession but you start to see that you’re breathing easier, that you’re not as stiff around at least one person, that you can say things and they’ll understand the true meaning behind it.

There SOME HOPE offered, it’s not all.

The desolation he feels after the party when he’s standing by the lake, you’re haunted by the past but suddenly you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Something similar happened to me these past few days and I’m starting understand the way it happened was similar to what happened to Patrick...there was that promise of love on Saturday at the pub where i went to watch the game, where i met this lovely British gent that stayed behind me the entire game and called me love and hugged me and whispered in my ear and sang Liverpool songs together....i was over the moon!!! and then I crashed, that pocket of joy disappeared and I was....hopeless, desolate that night, so desolate and lonely that i burst a blood vessel in my eye crying and hoping for....I don’t know what.

(so @sobeautifullyobsessed i figured it out a bit....)

It’s not easy and it never will be and that’s okay, eventually I know there is a light, but getting there is going to require crawling through miles and miles and miles of shit.

And that’s what episode 3 is about, that START of hope, that START of those pockets of joy that he does experience in the next two bits but peppered with moments where he bursts proverbial blood vessels in his eye just the way i did.

Now for Julia--------------------------

I can’t tell you how much I hate this woman, I loath her.

I get that the scene in Some Hope was hot and the passion between them is hypnotic, especially the sounds PM makes and the suspenders, gawwwwwwwwwwd.

But what people keep being blinded to is that Julia is everything EVERYTHING that has led Patrick to hell. His father and mother definitely opened the portal to hell but Julia is his guide down the tunnel of darkness, of addiction. she represents everything he wants to escape but he clings to because it’s familiar, because it’s easier to punish himself with his past then let go and focus on his future.

I’ve been seeing posts by readers condemning Mary and praising his relationship with Julia because she’s what he needed when Mary neglected him.

If you read the novels, and if you truly understand love and what its like living with someone who’s been through trauma and addiction, you understand that Julia is poison, worse than heroin or coke or alcohol.

And even though his relationship with Mary is flawed, there’s still something inexplicable and tender between them, an understanding that neither can voice or are willing to voice until At Last.

I was jumping up and down and screaming MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i saw her on screen, when he glanced at her during dinner and gave her sunshine because she offered him a ray of hope, a glimmer of something.

But I don’t want to go into Mary too much in this post....

And I’ll end this post by saying that I truly believe that a person’s true personality is reflected in the way they reacted to Julia.

I’m so beyond happy with Some Hope that like I woke up today wishing I could watch it and realize it had already premiered.

It is just such a wonderful, subtle episode. I’ve already written about the beautiful touches between Johnny and Patrick, I want to point out the moments in the episode where Patrick truly smiles, where he drops the bored aristocratic mask and lets himself through. Those gorgeous pockets of sunshine....

And the color scheme for this episode, it was somehow very British, wasn’t it? I kept think of the color scheme in Downton Abbey or Gosford Park or even Parade’s End.

And of course, cue to me screaming when I spotted Edward St. Aubyn himself as one of the guests!

#Patrick Melrose #Edward St. Aubyn #Some Hope #benedict cumberbatch #glimmers of hope and pockets of sunshine #the clouds are still there but at least we know there's potential sunshine #showtime #the ultimate survivor story #i'm a survivor and proud

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #113 - Groundhog Day

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) This film is a holiday classic associated with one of the less popular American holidays out there. Hell, this film probably made Feb. 2nd an even bigger deal than it was before.

2) The first thing we experience as an audience member of George Fenton’s quirky score over the opening credits. Fenton’s music I think is one of the more underrated aspects of the film as there is a lot of range to this particular score. There is the quirky comedy music, the kinda faster actiony stuff, but my favorite part is the romantic score featured in this film. You should give the soundtrack a listen if you have the opportunity, it’s pretty damn good.

3) Bill Murray as Phil Connors.

Director Harold Ramis, who frequently collaborated with Murray (mostly notably in the two Ghostbusters films) originally wanted Tom Hanks to play Phil but thought he was, “too nice,” and hired Murray instead. That’s great for us as the audience, because the role is one of Murray’s best. He is able to believably take us through this journey of character, playing the lovable but jerky Phil in the beginning with just as much believability as the guy who’s actually trying to do some good at the end. Murray’s improv is on full display with the film and that helps with the reality of his character.

Unfortunately, this would be the last film Murray and Ramis would collaborate on. An ongoing debate between whether the film should be more dramatic (Murray’s stance) or comedic (Ramis’ stance) was a contributing factor. As well as this, according to IMDb:

Bill Murray was undergoing a divorce at the time of filming and was obsessing about the film. He would ring Harold Ramis constantly, often in the early hours of the morning. Ramis eventually sent writer Danny Rubin to sit with Murray and iron out all his anxieties, one of the reasons why Murray stopped speaking to Ramis for several years.

I don’t know if they ironed out their issues before Ramis’ untimely death in 2014, but I hope so.

4) Chris Elliott as Larry.

This is probably Elliott’s most famous role, which is saying something considering he’s mostly the comedic camera man who’s tired of Phil’s bull. But Elliott’s performance makes it funny and memorable, delivering some of the best lines in the films (more on that later).

5) Andie Macdowell as Rita.

Rita is actually a character who is surprisingly well developed but in a lot of little ways, and I’ll elaborate more on that as I go. MacDowell is wonderful in the part, making Rita a positive upbeat person but believably so instead of just a “life force” character. She plays Rita (and it is written) with some flaws too which helps make her interesting, but again more on that later. Her biggest asset is probably that she can hold her own with Bill Murray in a scene. You can tell (or at least I can guess) in certain scenes that Murray is improvising and that MacDowell is sharp on her toes with a comeback. It makes their relationship a believable one. Especially considering there is a line later how Phil fell for Rita as soon as he saw her. You can sort of see that when you look for it. It’s small, but it’s there. A testament to both actors.

6) Although this film takes place in Punxsutawney, PA it was actually filmed in Woodstock, IL. I was there back in fall of 2015 and the town square where they filmed most of it is pretty much still the same. They even have a black on the corner where Bill Murray stepped into the really bad puddle. It was pretty cool. (Only this time however did I realize one of the signs style reads “Woodstock Jewelers”.)

7) Remember how I said Larry has some great lines/observations?

Phil [after Rita says she booked him a nice hotel]: “You know I think this is one of the traits of a really good producer: keep the talent happy.”

...

Larry [to Rita, after Phil has left]: “Did he just call himself the talent?”

8) “I Got You Babe”, the Sonny & Cher song that plays every morning when Phil wakes up, was the song that was in the very first draft of the script and carried through until the end. The song probably became more popular (or at least, popular for a longer time) BECAUSE of its use in this film.

9) Ned! Ryerson!

Like a lot of characters in this film, Ned Ryerson could have just been a throw away and forgettable little gag. This guy who supposedly knows Phil from high school and is an insurance agent now. But actor Stephen Tobolowsky totally MAKES this role. There’s nothing insincere about Ned. He doesn’t feel like a leech, he feels like an overly enthusiastic and genuine guy who’s absolutely hysterical. Tobolowsky plays Ned over the top in the tradition of Abbott & Costello and it works wonderfully!

Also Ned has the best lines.

Ned: “Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right? Right right right right!”

Ned: “Watch out for that first step there, it’s a DOOZEY!”

These lines on there own are not necessarily interesting but Tobolowsky just gives them such life it is a treat to watch.

10) This film has so many great lines.

Police Officer [when Phil is out in the street in a blizzard, trying to get to Pittsburg]: “Now you can go back to Punxsutawney, or you can freeze to death.”

[Phil takes a minute to stand in the snow. He looks back at Punxsutawney and then at the road ahead.]

Phil: “I’m thinking.”

11) There is never an explanation given as to why Phil is relieving Groundhog Day over and over again. I think in one draft of the script it was a spell cast by a jilted lover, but in the final film and for most drafts there’s no explanation. I think that’s the reason the film works so well. It’s not some Harry Potter fantasy. It’s just a comedy/drama with one fantasy element.

12) It’s fun rewatching this film again because you get to realize that characters who just have a throw away line earlier in the film end up being like Phil’s piano teacher or the drunks he meets a few Groundhog Days later.

13) I love that when Phil asks Rita for a good hard slap across the face she doesn’t hesitate and he’s not pissed about it. They’ve got each other. ;)

14) This line.

15) I like that Phil always goes to Rita for help with his Groundhog Day problem. She has no experience with this! There’s no reason for him to go to her with his problems other than he trusts her and respects her.

16) Hey look, it’s director Harold Ramis!

17)

Phil [to two drunks]: “What would you do if you were stuck in one place and nothing you did mattered?”

Drunk: “That about sums it up for me.”

18)

Phil [after one of the drunks decides not to drive and stumbles]: “You wanna throw up here or you wanna throw up in the car?”

Drunk: “I think...both.”

19)

Phil [while driving towards a train on train tracks]: “I’m betting he’s gonna swerve first.”

20) When Phil realizes his actions don’t have consequences the film gets fun real fast.

21) I find it a little pretentious that Rita’s reaction to this:

Is to quote a Sir Walter Scott poem at him which says he’s egotistical. Like, really? You’ve got this whole poem memorized JUST to call people egotistical? I mean I like it from a writing standpoint, it makes her kind of flawed, but also she comes off as pretentious. Not that she’s wrong, it’s just she’s very in your face with it.

22) The original plan for this film is that we as the audience would not see the start of the loop, instead just picking up on an “average” day and wondering how Phil knew the things he did. Harold Ramis promised he wouldn’t change this to the screenwriter but ended up changing it anyway (I think with the screenwriter’s blessing, but maybe not). I think this works better. It allows us to invest in Phil as a character more.

23) Phil’s attempts to seduce Rita - I think - start out with him trying to genuinely get to know her. He asks her about her life and only then goes down the route of, “Who’s your perfect guy?” I think he does have real feelings for her he just doesn’t know how to handle them in a healthy way so he uses this time loop to his advantage.

24) It’s interesting to see the repeated attempts of Phil trying to win over Rita, with each mistake done over until it’s not a mistake. You can tell that each time is a little less sincere, and the times when they connect the most are typically when he’s being honest with her and just letting things happen.

25) Another flaw of Rita’s:

Rita: “What should we drink to?”

Phil: “To the groundhog!”

Rita: “I always drink to world peace.”

THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK HIM WHAT YOU SHOULD DRINK TO!?!? I like it, it fleshes out her character, but it’s an annoying thing to find in a real person (and I know men and women who act like this).

26) I have so many questions.

Rita [on her ???? date with Phil]: “Do you ever have deja vu?”

Phil: “Did you just ask me that?”

This is the only time we EVER have another character show a hint of someone being aware of something is going on. WHY RITA!?!? WHY NOW!?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?!?

27) The best example of what I was talking about in note 24 is the snowball fight Phil & Rita have with the kids. Phil didn’t know that was going to happen, he didn’t know what Rita was going to say, that’s the first time he ever got that far. And he’s being honest with her! It’s such a nice scene between the two of them. And then when he tries to recreate it the next Groundhog Day it feels super awkward, incredibly forced, and wildly uncomfortable.

28) I think this is such an incredibly important concept.

Phil [after Rita says he’ll never love anything because he only loves himself]: “That’s not true! I don’t even LIKE myself!”

Keeping this in mind as Phil begins his downward spiral tells you A LOT about his character. And it’s that downward spiral that pushes this film from fun comedy to great movie.

29) And you thought this would be a light hearted comedy!

Phil: “I’ll give you a winter prediction. It’s gonna be cold. It’s gonna be gray. And it’s gonna last you the rest of your life.”

30) At one point Phil throws his radio on the ground and the speaker/song is still going.

According to IMDb:

The scene where Phil picks up the alarm clock and slams it onto the floor didn't go as planned. Bill Murray slammed down the clock but it barely broke, so the crew bashed it with a hammer to give it the really smashed look. The clock actually continued playing the song like in the movie.

31) The entire scene with the car chase and the quarry, where Phil kidnaps the groundhog and attempts suicide (which is a more entertaining scene than it sounds), is very well done. It shows just how desperate Phil is to end this nightmare. And it also gave us some pretty great lines.

Larry [after Phil drives into the quarry and the car crashes]: “He might be okay. (Car explodes) Well no, probably not now.”

32) The montage of Phil’s attempts at suicide is good for two reason: it gets across where he is at this point in the film, and it’s short. If it were too long this scene would get too depressing too fast.

33) I love this fucking scene.

Phil has relieved the same day over and over again for what has probably been years and he’s so damn tired he just wants to talk to someone about it. So what does he do? He goes to Rita. He tries to convince Rita and succeeds wonderfully. This scene is a prime example of this film’s beating heart, of why it’s a great feel good movie. Phil knows everybody! He knows all their stories, their names, everything about them, because he’s been living the same day over and over again. It’s wonderful. Even without trying it all just sinks in. And guess what? He knows Rita the best.

Phil: “You like boats but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.”

THIS is why I love this film! This emotion! This heart! And there is a beautiful piece of score on the soundtrack called, “You Like Boats But Not The Ocean,” which sums those feelings up perfectly in music and I love that too! Everything about this just makes me feel good! Also how strange and insightful a little detail about Rita like, “you like boats but not the ocean,” is!

34) And so begins the good Phil tour. The amazing final act of the film where Rita has convinced Phil that he can maybe do some good with this “curse” of his and which carries the same wonderful emotion that was present in the diner scene where Phil convinces Rita he’s serious.

35) Bill Murray improvised this:

Phil [after Ned comes up to meet him and he hugs Ned]: “I don’t know where you’re going but can you call in sick?”

36) But even as Phil works to helps people’s life, he can’t save everyone.

This old homeless man is someone who Phil passes everyday and, when he starts acting kind, gives a ton of money to everyday. Towards the end of the film Phil meets the man and takes him to the hospital where he dies. So the next day Phil tries to save him. He takes him to a restaurant, gives him a big meal, and the man still dies. The man dies everyday. And that scene is heartbreaking and adds such weight to the film and I love how sad it makes me every single time.

I wish I were this kind, but honestly I’m scared to be. I’m scared to be taken advantage of but there are people out there who need help and hopefully I’ll be better about giving it in the future.

37) If you pay attention to the people in the background at the hospital you’ll see this kid:

Remember that kid. You only notice him when you’ve watched the film ten times (that’s not a hyperbole either), but remember him.

38) The final Groundhog Day is a wonderful thing to behold. It starts with us hearing the end of Phil’s report on the groundhog.

Phil: “When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. Put standing here amongst the people of Punxsutawney, and basking in the warmth of their hearts and hearths, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter. From Punxsutawney, it’s Phil Connors. So long.”

And EVERYONE is paying attention to it, hell rival news networks are recording it! It’s THAT moving!

39) Do you remember the kid?

youtube

Continuity! (Boom)

40) The final party is a great scene too. It’s the culmination of probably Phil’s best Groundhog Day yet. He helped as many people as he could and even plays for their pleasure at the party. It is his least selfish and the only time in the film we ever see the party, even though it was happening every single night. And also Rita spends $300+ to win Phil in a bachelor auction when the highest bid before that was $60.

41) Kneel before Zod!

42) I love this.

Phil [after ice sculpting Rita]: “I know your face so well I could’ve done it with my eyes closed.”

43) And then tomorrow finally happens.

youtube

A great end to a great film.

Groundhog Day is just amazing. It has a heartwarming story, a feel good vibe, an intriguing concept, and a wonderful cast. It is just so good for so many different reasons and if you haven’t seen it yet you should. Right now.

#Groundhog Day #Bill Murray #Andie Macdowell #Harold Ramis #Chris Elliott #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF

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aryanarecords · 6 years

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INTERVIEW WITH DAN TAYLOR (aka GOld Genesis)

It’s been a whole minute, but I’m very excited about this interview with my good friend Dan Taylor. I met him at NYU over the summer, and right off the bat I thought he was (and still is) the coolest guy I’ve ever met. He had these rings on his fingers and when I asked him where they were from, he said he bought them at the local pharmacy across the street. I just found that so dope; it’s not everyday that you meet a guy who wants to wear women's jewelry and something about that made me admire him. Dan is also very woke. We would discuss our political views sometimes and it was really cool to see how openminded he is. I think my best memory with Dan was showing him and some of our other friends this really cool store in SoHo called Broadway Market. There was this one booth in it with an artist who sold really unique stickers, and Dan and I stood for about half an hour just going through them. We left the store with like twenty stickers and I still don’t have a place to put over half of them. After NYU is when I listened to his music, and I fell in love with it, which is obviously why I HAD to interview him. From being in two rap groups, making his own label, AND having two stage names, Dan is a self taught producer which is also amazing. I’m really glad I crossed paths with such a creative person, and I can’t wait to see where the industry takes him.

Give us some basic facts about yourself!

My birthday is November 29th of 2000. My zodiac sign is Sagittarius, but I'm not a fan of zodiac signs because I feel like people look to deep into them and let them control their life, when they should live freely. I’ll just say in general Italian Food is my favorite, because of my family’s nationality.

How and when did you start making music?

I started learning music from my schools program, but I’d say in 7th grade I started to really make “music” on garageband. I had no concept of music theory at the time but I learned quickly how to make intricate drum patterns, and I think that’s really what got me into producing. I’ve been writing raps for the same amount of time too, but I still had a very minimal understanding of musical timing, so it was all jumbled. Occasionally I’ll take a remembered line from old old old verses and incorporate it somehow.

Who are some of your musical influences?

People that are rappers and producers is where I pull inspiration from. People like Chief Keef, Young Chop, Erick Arc Elliott, El-P, Sonny Digital, Alchemist, J Dilla, Dr. Dre, Kanye West, and Pharrell. Being able to make an entire rap song by yourself, is a beautiful thing, and I see myself as a person that is capable of doing that and I love it. I’m also a big fan of pop-punk, and new-age rock. I’m a big fan of This Town Needs Guns, Tiny Moving Parts, Tigers Jaw, and We Were Promised Jetpacks.

What have you been listening to lately?

I’ve been listening to a guy named SOS Mula. He’s an NY based rapper that blends the sound of metal music with rap, and it’s crazy. Also a lot of Dave East, Keith Ape, Playboi Carti, Don Q, Retch, Earl Sweatshirt, Da$H, and Dalyb. Keith Ape and Dalyb are rappers that don’t speak english, and I think that makes them mad cool. All of these rappers aren’t on the radio or huge ass names, but that’s what I like. I dont want to listen to Drake Future and 21 savage all the time, I want to see people that are still working hard to get famous work, because in my eyes that when people put out there best work.

Where do you find your inspiration for your beats?

I can find it from anything. Sometimes I’ll be at the beach and I’ll hear waves crash to somewhat of a tempo, and all I can think about the entire time is that tempo and making a song with that. I also will listen to rap songs and get inspiration from drum patterns, I’ll hear a word that sounds cool and make a whole song just from one word. I’ve listened to Nirvana and sampled guitar parts from there. Believe it or not I sampled the Final Jeopardy song and made that into a beat. Everything and anything influences me, from thoughts, to nature, to songs, to other people in the world.

How long does it normally take you to make a song?

Too long. I have to make sure very single detail is perfect, and it kills me. Sometimes a few hours, a few days, a week, or a month. I have unfinished tracks from over a year ago, it really just depends on the song. And it really frustrating when I can’t necessarily get it right.

How did you think of your stage names, Young Glock and GOld Genesis?

2 reasons. I combined two names actually of two people I was listening to at the time. That being Domo (Genesis) and Issa (Gold). So I was making a soundcloud page and knew I had to have a cool name so I put GOld Genesis. And My name actualyly has a capital “O” in “GOld” because I held the shift key on my computer too long and thought it looked cool. Also GOld Genesis is because I’ve had such a great support base of my family and friends from the start, so GOld Genesis for me can also mean “Great from the Start”. I have another name for whenever I rap though. GOld G is just the producer name, but I go by Young Glock when I rap. One of my friends came up with it and I thought it was the best thing I’ve ever heard, so yea, Young Glock and GOld Genesis.

How did your group form, 7.23?

Really it was just a bunch of friends that hung out all of them time before I was a part of it. They’d skateboard a lot, something we still do to this day, and smoke weed and just hang out. My friend SIREJPSH on soundcloud started rapping first under the name NY$CUM, but later changed his name. I was always listening to him and a big fan. Soon my friend Phil, or he goes by Fil of 723 started writing rhymes too. Joey put out his email for beats and I sent him some. Soon enough Fil got hold of beats and said we should all chill and make music sometime. So then I turned from a fan of 723 to a part of 723, and that’s something fuckin’ cool to me.

What's your favorite song you've produced?

Frequency

This is my favorite song because it’s extremely hard for me to make NY beats, and I was surprised I was able to pull this off. Also it had Fil, and an artist I always wanted to work with from Long Island, Talent Harris, so he hit me up to buy it and he did, and here we are. It’s also my first song with over 1,000 plays, so that felt really good too.

What genre would you define your music as?

I make so many different kinds of music, it depends. Sometimes it’s trap beats, or NY beats, or Florida beats. Man it’s whatever you want it to be. You’ll know what type of music it is when you hear it, and it’s more fun for people to figure it out and see what they think.

Who would you want to work with in the future?

I have a list of who I want to work with in the future. Ironically enough, Future is one of them. Him, along with Keith Ape, Meek Mill, Playboi Carti, and Earl Sweatshirt. Mostly because these are my favorite artists.

Anything else you want to add!?

I have a single coming out titled “Pink Newports” where I produced the beat and am rapping with someone from my other rap group that I formed myself, called “Death Mafia”. So yea, I made my own label and am constantly looking for people to create music with, so send me an email.

You can listen to Dan’s music HERE!

Rock On,

Aryana

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topmixtrends · 6 years

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IN RETROSPECT, it seems clear that Norman Mailer, the author, director, columnist, TV personality, war veteran, and wild-eyed raconteur, developed a sense of himself over his varied career as playing the part of a character in a novel. As he wrote of himself in his enduring record of the 1960s war protest movement, The Armies of the Night: “His consolation in those hours when he was most uncharitable to himself is that taken at his very worst he was at least still worthy of being a character in a novel by Balzac, win one day, lose the next, and do it with boom! and baroque in the style.”

At several decades’ remove, Alex Gilvarry has taken Mailer up on his daydream (with apologies to Balzac), starting out with Norman Mailer and transmuting his essence into his own Alan Eastman. Eastman Was Here, premised on a trip to report the Vietnam War for the New York Herald that Mailer never in fact made, follows a once-celebrated author in the aftermath of his wife leaving him. To win her back, Eastman decides to venture out into harm’s way — or in the general direction of harm, where menace might be lurking in the streets outside his hotel in Saigon — and there encounters a talented, young journalist named Anne Channing. Not so much a story of the Vietnam War, Eastman Was Here explores the absurd excesses and shameful depredations of the masculine ego, somewhat in the manner that Jonathan Franzen renders his Lambert family patriarch vulnerable in The Corrections.

“Women commanded their own destiny,” thinks Alan Eastman, “unlike in his mother’s time. In fact, this is what he most admired about the women in his life. All of his past lovers had some big, commanding presence, an outward destiny, that made him feel the need to attach himself, for maybe that’s what made him happy.”

Well, at least Eastman’s heart is in the right place.

I set out to speak with Gilvarry, a friend, by first attending his book release party at McNally Jackson where he spoke with Saïd Sayrafiezadeh; then in Brooklyn at Greenlight Bookstore, where he was in conversation with his wife, Alexandra Kleeman. I wanted to hear what was said so that I didn’t ask the same questions when I got my chance. In the end, we discussed Eastman and Mailer, the place of the “macho male chauvinist” and obscenity in contemporary fiction, finding sympathy in satire, and the concept of authorial humility.

J. T. PRICE: Eastman Was Here, like your first novel, From the Memoirs of a Non-Enemy Combatant, pivots between two seemingly incongruous “worlds”: in the case of the earlier book, fashion in New York City and captivity in Guantanamo Bay, and now in the current, high-wire literary salons and high-tension Saigon during the Vietnam War. What is it about spanning incongruous social spheres that attracts you as an author?

ALEX GILVARRY: I want a book to bring me into a world I’ve never been to before. That’s an amazing feeling when it happens, when as a reader you’re fully immersed. Many of the locations I write about attract me with their problems, their people, or through nostalgia. Like the literary world of the past. I’m not really nostalgic for the martini lunches and all that. But in the book there’s a point where Eastman takes a walk down old Book Row in New York and remembers his life and career in the ’50s. Those are the moments I’m looking for.

Was there a particular scene that served as the genesis of this book? That walk down old Book Row, now gone, is a vivid one for those of us who love old books.

Not really. I started at the beginning, in chapter one. An aging journalist in his house who has just been left by his wife of 10 years. It all started from there.

Satire often registers as unkind to its subjects. Several riotous set pieces aside, Eastman Was Here does not feel purely satirical. How did you find your right balance between satire and sympathy in writing Eastman?

I think because in my mind I wasn’t writing a satire. I was writing a roman à clef, like The Moon and Sixpence or something. All I was thinking about was the character and taking his story as seriously as possible, and maybe that’s where the sympathy comes from. It turns out this can be read as a satire, for sure. But I wrote it as a story based on real life.

Your character, Anne Channing, an intrepid photographer and war reporter, stands as a foil to Eastman’s washed-up celeb status. All the same, in the story, she confesses to feeling drawn to him. Stepping from the novel’s “reality” to our own real lives, what is appealing about Norman Mailer as a writer, in the books of his that you see as his best?

Anne Channing is attracted to Eastman in the way that we are sometimes attracted to people who aren’t good for us. I think we can all relate to that, at some point in our lives.

Mailer was first appealing to me as a controversial figure. I knew his reputation as a rabble-rouser and someone who would knock your teeth out before I had read any of his books. And then when I was in college I remember watching a screening of Town Bloody Hall in a literature class, and from that film, I found his reputation to be quite true. He talked very fast and sometimes didn’t make any sense to me …

Then when I went to the Mailer Writers Colony in Provincetown, I was forced to look at Mailer as a writer. To be honest, before this, I had no desire to read him. But there I discovered some good things and some you might expect. The contempt for feminism, the willingness to pounce on anyone who offended him. Though some of the books hold up. Like Advertisements for Myself — which shows the male mind and ego of a writer in the ’50s. And The Armies of the Night, which is a great snapshot of literary life and politics during the ’60s. Armies is probably the most relevant book to read today, as it shows a country divided and the meaning of protest and the doubts protesters may feel.

Yes, The Armies of the Night is terrific and relevant.

Isn’t it? That’s Mailer’s sweet spot. He’s learned humility. Arguably, not always present in his other work.

Also, The Executioner’s Song is really good for true-crime heads. So for anyone interested in those subjects, please, read him. His thoughts on ancient Egypt and good and evil and God I’m not so crazy about.

You and I have had beers before. Let’s pretend for a moment we’re having beers now. Norman Mailer, circa the late ’50s, walks into the bar and shouts out your name. “Gilvarry,” he says, approaching, “I’ll have you know that I read what you may call ‘a novel’ but I call…” and here he unleashes a string of choice obscenities while waving his arms around in aggravated ape fashion. How do you respond? (I’ve ducked bravely beneath a nearby table.)

[Laughs.] You see, writers like us today are not good at handling confrontation. So my initial instinct would be to duck under the table with you. But I suppose since there’s no way out, I’d tell him I read his last hand job of a novel, too, and found it as exciting as watching paint dry.

And things would only escalate from there.

Mailer, from what I learned from his friends and family, liked to spar a bit. You have to hit these guys back or they won’t respect you.

Once almost baited Sonny Liston into a fight, or so he claimed.

He also claimed that he was five foot ten. He liked to exaggerate.

Much fun is had in Eastman Was Here at the expense of Eastman’s Mailer-like ego, which made me think of the sensibility of the novel as somehow deeply informed by its opposite: authorial humility. How would you describe that quality, i.e., what does it mean to you? Say, within the context of, let’s call it, contemporary letters — our present-day book publishing scene?

That’s a very good read. You have to combat your ego with humility I think. It takes an ego to think anyone would want to read what you write. But I realize that it’s only a book, a novel, a fiction that I’ve written. In the scheme of things — considering all of media and entertainment today — it’s a very small spec.

I’ve heard you tell of the research you did for this novel, traveling to the Harry Ransom Center in Texas. What was it like studying the life and letters of a writer who moved during most of his career under the hot lights of literary celebrity and then to find that now, among the younger generation, he goes relatively unread?

You see, Mailer was important in his day and people treated him with importance. He was a literary celebrity, and he could do anything he wanted artistically or in journalism. (With the exception of writing in The New Yorker, I don’t think he had an easy time over there.)

Ah, The New Yorker. Holding the line, then and now.

Going into anyone’s personal and professional archive is a thrill. You get to know what they were really thinking about so and so. You get to see them at their most vulnerable and at their most proud. It’s an incredible adventure. But the best letters were not those regarding celebrity or literary fights. The best letters were those he might have sent to his first wife while he was stationed in the Philippines. You discover love and passion, and then you fast-forward and they broke up. This stuff can be heartbreaking. What a debt I owe to the Ransom Center.

Indeed. Beautiful, unexpected little recorded moments of consciousness. And reconciling that, as you read, with both his outsized reputation then and where he stands with the readers of today.

Yes, that’s pretty much what you begin to feel. But I was writing a novel so I was looking for ways into a very hardened, unlikable character. So I’m not saying, “Hey, let’s give these old dead white guys a chance!” For my purposes, in crafting a fiction, I found a way into a character. Reconciling with the way readers feel about Mailer today is hard to change. He wrote what he wrote, said what he said, hurt some people along the way. A reputation is not yours to control.

Is Eastman Was Here a feminist novel? I think it’s compelling, how even as an exploration of the grandiosity and excesses of male ego, the cover shows us a ghostly vision of a woman … as if that is what most constitutes, or haunts, Eastman’s interiority. (And in the story you write, yes, it is.)

Yes. It didn’t set out to be. But the women in this novel are feminists or embody feminist ideas because I believe in them too.

Nowhere in our contemporary lit landscape do we find a presence like Mailer — at least one as outwardly outrageous as he was. We might even say that the qualities of personality Mailer performed have been “repressed” within our contemporary scene. Meanwhile, the man sitting in the Oval Office has reared up in our collective consciousness like some sort of monstrous Mailer-esque id: an outer-borough born creature of tabloid celebrity, ego-driven, quick to hold grudges and pick senseless fights, scornful of “P.C.” culture, self-destructive, vain … yet also — decidedly unlike Mailer! — completely ignorant of contemporary literature. Maybe I’m getting a little vainglorious here, but in some sense, was Mailer as literary celebrity a sort of three-headed dog that kept darker forces of raging male id somehow at bay?

It’s a good thing that the qualities that Mailer exhibited, the macho male chauvinist, have been repressed. Not repressed, but cast out of literature, exiled altogether. A year ago I would have said that this had no place in politics either. My god, how wrong we were. Trump, by acting like an imbecile and a chauvinist, has signaled that hateful rhetoric and behavior is now okay. But this is beyond a culture war. Real policies are at stake in all aspects of American life and that’s what I want to concentrate my energy on now.

Here’s a passage from The Armies of the Night that I take to be Mailer giving a summation of his work:

He was off into obscenity. It gave a heartiness like the blood of beef tea to his associations. There was no villainy in obscenity for him, just — paradoxically, characteristically — his love for America. […] What none of the editorial writers ever mentioned was that that noble common man was obscene as an old goat, and his obscenity was what saved him. The sanity of said common democratic man was in his humor, his humor was in his obscenity.

On an immediate level, Mailer’s talking about himself. But is it true about America at large, do you think? By “casting out” that rollicking obscenity that Mailer sees as endemic to the sanity of common democratic man, does literature lose something?

When thinking of Donald Trump and the shameful America he envisions, there might be a bit of truth to this saying. But god, the “heartiness like the blood of beef tea,” what a terrible turn of phrase. So Mailer. Each book had some of his best stuff and some of his worst.

Beef tea. I’m going to have that taste in my mouth for the rest of the day. Eck.

J. T. Price’s fiction has appeared in or is forthcoming from The New England Review, Post Road Magazine, Joyland, The Brooklyn Rail, and elsewhere.

The post “A Reputation Is Not Yours to Control”: A Conversation with Alex Gilvarry, Author of “Eastman Was Here” appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

from Los Angeles Review of Books http://ift.tt/2iHTmhh

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unloveable-unreachable · 5 years

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You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 7

Word Count: 3,196

Warnings: Swearing

Author: Me

Headlines for the USWNT:

~~The USWNT World Cup roster announced. Many players from the 2015 World Cup return.~~

~~Ali Krieger added last minute to the World Cup roster, Jill Ellis happy with her team.~~

~~Will the defending champions hold on to their title?~~

Y/N POV

“Thank god Jill got her head out of her ass and added Ali. I was afraid she wouldn’t and that would’ve been another, yet again, Jill Ellis major fuck up,” Ash says over breakfast. I nod, agreeing with her statement while looking over at Ali. She smiled brightly at both of us before going back to eating her oatmeal. She wasn’t wrong. Jill could’ve really fucked up by not adding Ali, not like she hasn’t done it before as we all know. Ali almost didn’t answer her call because she thought it was a joke and she was tired of Jill’s bullshit. But Ali was happy to finally be back on the roster, and she definitely let us know it. She wanted to show Jill what she missed out on all these years and knowing her, she would. Even with all of the stress surrounding the situation and all the bullshit, I was happy. Me and my moms playing together again to secure another World Cup title. What more could I ask for? There wasn’t anything I could think of that could beat that, or at least anything that could come close to this feeling.

It’s been a few days since my date with Alex, and I still haven’t told Ali and Ash. Not that our date went bad, believe me it didn’t. It’s just that Alex wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet, she wants to stay in our bubble for a little while longer while she figures out how to tell the team. So we’re keeping our relationship a secret, for now. I didn’t mind it. I wasn’t one to flaunt my relationships, the very few I’ve had, because it just puts pressure on the relationship and that only manages to fuck it up. I wanted to have Alex all to myself for as long as I can, knowing the media frenzy that comes with dating her and the lessened privacy that comes along with that. Our bubble was something I was happy for, so why mess that up? Keeping it a secret was hard though because we keep sneaking looks at each other at training and obviously talking more off the pitch than we had previously. I know we need to be more careful but I can’t help it, she’s fucking beautiful. How could you not stare at her? It’s impossible I tell you, impossible. She makes me happy and she says I make her just as happy, so I’m just going to keep respecting her wishes even if it means keeping our relationship a secret for a little while longer.

After breakfast, Ash loads up the car with all of our bags so we can get to the airport on time. I was riding with them because: one, I always travel with them if I can manage it, and two, Alex had already left for training camp the night before. Also because I hate flying alone, just a stressful situation I try to keep myself out of as much as I can. The whole ride to the airport we talked about who didn’t make the roster and their wedding planning. “So this is what the venue looks like, and this is where we’ll be standing for the ceremony,” Ali says while showing me pictures on her phone, “I’ll be standing on this side, and you’ll be standing next to me with Syd next to you. And then next to Syd --” I cut her off after hearing that last part, “Wait, wait...I’m your maid of honor?” She looks at Ash, who gives her a smile, before looking back at me. “Well yeah, why not? We haven’t really asked people yet because we’ve been so busy with the planning for the venue and everything else, but I want you up there with us. We want you up there with us. So I guess this is us asking you if you want to do it,” she says while giving me a smirk. I swear my heart grew five sizes on the spot, and I have to keep myself from tearing up. “Well of course my answer is yes, duh. There’s no way my answer would ever be a no. You guys have always been there for me through everything these past four years. You’re my moms. I want to be there for you two on your special day,” I practically yell at her, overly thrilled by their offer. She smiles at me with one of her big ass smiles and looks over at Ash, “See, I told you she’d say yes.” Ash starts laughing and we continue talking about their wedding as we walk to our gate.

“Y/N. Wake up, kiddo. We’re here,” Ash says as she pushed my shoulder when we pull up to the hotel. When I open my eyes I immediately regret the nap. We have training later when everyone gets here and I know I’ll be dragging the whole time, even though I’m still stuck doing light training for a few more days. Ash practically has to drag me into the hotel up to Jill and Dawn, groaning while trying to shake the sleepiness. When Jill gives us our room assignments, I literally wake up immediately after hearing who my roommate was. After getting my bags from Ash, I practically run up to my room, unlocking it to find my roomie, Kelley, on her bed. I drop my bags and immediately jump on top of my best friend. “Smalls!! I’ve missed you so much!” I yell as she lets out a loud laugh. “I missed you more, Biggie Smalls!” she yells back while trying to push me off of her. When I finally get off of her, our room is filled with laughter as we catch up after not seeing each other for two weeks. “So, how’s your head? Alex told me she banged you up a little in the locker room,” Kelley says from her bed while I unpacked my training clothes. I try not to let the mention of Alex affect me, but I pause a moment before answering. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just needed a few stitches, no big deal.” She accepts the answer, and we both start getting changed for training.

While we wait downstairs for the rest of the team, I’m pulled into a group hug with all of my best friends, except Kelley who was off with Allie somewhere. The hug is filled with ‘I missed yous’ and giggles. When they finally let me go, Sonny asks, “So tell me Y/N. Have you met anyone special in Orlando?” She wiggles her eyebrows at me and I notice all three of them, Sonny, Sammy, and Lindsey, staring at me waiting for an answer. Of course Sonny would ask me that, she was always concerned about my love life when I played in Portland. She was determined to find me a girlfriend, with the help of Lindsey and Sammy (when she was around). Why did they have to bring it up now and here of all places? My eyes widen and I look around the room, realizing Sonny’s question caught the attention of some of the other players around us. Others being Ali, Ash, Kelley, Allie, and of course Alex. I catch her eyes, seeing that she was worried that I’d tell our secret, before looking back at my nosey best friends. “No, Sonny. I haven’t met anyone, not yet at least,” I smile a little, knowing I had met someone but they’d never know, and they accept my answer. Or at least I thought they did. “Well I think I found someone for you,” Sonny says and starts talking about one of her friends on another club. I stand there awkwardly, trying to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. “Alright kids, leave Y/N alone. Her dating life isn’t anyone’s business, especially not you three,” Ali says as she pulls me away towards the vans for training. Thank god for overprotective moms like Ali.

Training sucked, to say the least. I played great, well better than anyone should expect from light training, but Sonny and Lindsey wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. They followed me around the whole afternoon trying to get answers from me, which I brushed off every question like they weren’t there. When I finally managed to get away from them, I sit down on the side of the pitch to watch the remaining of everyone else’s training, which was just 2v2 drills. I watch Alex mostly, I mean can you blame me?? She was a great player, and she was fun to watch since she always managed to show up most of the team. Also because she’s the most beautiful thing to ever grace the soccer pitch. Since it was team drills I can look at her without anyone noticing, which was a perk to this light training bullshit. Alex notices me staring at her and gives me a quick smile and wink before focusing back on the drill. Like I’ve said before, we weren’t being careful at all. But literally no one was catching on to our flirting no matter how obvious we were being, so who’s going to stop us? At the end of training, while I was packing all my things into my bag I feel someone sit next to me. “Hey,” Alex says with a soft smile. I smile at the sound of her voice, and then I end up smiling bigger when I look at her face. “Hey, long time no see,” I answer back. “Are you okay? I saw you sit down over here all by yourself and watch the end of training,” she says with a worried look clear on her face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just still doing light training for one more day before I can get these stitches out and get checked out one last time,” I answer while giving her a soft smile because I knew she was still sorry. She nods with a soft smile as we both stand up to go back to the hotel.

The team wanted to go out to dinner after training, which I wasn’t up for but Ash begged me to go with them. Who was going to argue with a begging Ashlyn Harris? Not me, that’s for sure. I was just happy that I packed my sleeveless suit (that showed off most of my tattoos, hidden and not hidden, perfectly) just in case we went out to eat, and that Ash had enough jewelry to ice up the whole team. I start getting ready, making sure everything was taped down. We don’t want anything accidentally popping out now, do we? I check myself out in the mirror just to make sure I looked decent enough to go out with 22 beautiful women, especially my girlfriend. I fix my hair one last time before meeting Ash and Ali in Ash’s room. “You look fucking sharp, Y/N,” Ash says, giving me approving looks. She was also dressed in a suit, her’s a dark grey and mine black, and wearing a significant amount of diamonds. We were probably the only ones in suits, but we didn’t care because we looked fucking good. Ali smiles, agreeing with Ash’s statement. As we walk out in the hallway, Ash is asking me about my new tattoo on my sternum and if it hurt like her’s did, which of course it did. The three of us are met in the hallway by Kelley, Allie, and Alex. And to say she looks beautiful would be a hell of an understatement. She was practically a Goddess in every way. She was in a black dress that fit her in all the right places, and her hair was down and wavy. The whole combo made it hard for me to control myself from kissing her right there on the spot. She notices me staring, and smiles a little before moving everyone’s attention to Ali and Ash, the happy couple. I try to focus on something other than Alex as we head downstairs to the restaurant.

When they finally seated us, I’m sitting between Ali and Alex. We’re screwed if either of us starts drinking, secrets aren’t easily kept when drunk. And we both were known for being VERY open while drunk. The night goes on without any slip-ups or indications we were hiding something, even though we kept catching each other staring a little too long at the other. Thank god. Most of the conversations around the table were either about our chances in the World Cup or personal conversations that only a few knew about. It was nice being around all of the girls again, it’s a good feeling knowing that no matter what happens between our clubs in the NWSL we all had each others backs no matter what. Near the end of dinner, Crystal pulls half of the team to the dance floor and of course Ash was the first one out there, dragging Ali with her. That meant they would be gone for a while, so I could finally be ‘alone’ with Alex. When they leave Alex whispers, “You look really fucking good, by the way.” That one sentence causes me to turn bright red. I turn to look at her and she gives me a goofy smile, knowing what she just did. I roll my eyes at her, and whisper back, “You look beautiful, Al.” We take what short amount of time we have left before our friends came back to stay in our little bubble for a moment. It’s the most time we’ve spent around each other since we got to training camp, and I was soaking every second in. I squeeze her hand under the table as everyone else returned to the table.

I manage to get away from the group when they mention more drinks, of course Kelley was the one with the idea. I knew drinking wouldn’t help my head ‘injury’ or keeping mine and Alex’s secret, so I told Ali I was heading out. She frowns before letting me leave before Ash noticed. I leave Alex with the group with an upset look covering her face. I hated to leave her, but I was over all of the drinking and just wanted to get in bed. I was glad to be away from everyone for a moment since they make me extremely anxious because you never know what they’ll do next. I’m pulled out of my thoughts when someone calls for me to hold the elevator, which I do. To my surprise, it’s Alex who gets on the elevator with me. Thank god. “Hey, you,” she says as the doors close, giving me a hug. Fuck, I didn’t realize how much I missed her touch till now. “Hey,” I say with my head nestled in her neck. I pull away and look into her eyes as I smile at her, completely happy in the moment. I lean down, placing my hands on her cheeks, and kiss her softly. She recuperates and slides her arms around my waist. The kiss is short but passionate, to say the least. We pull away from each other as the doors open and walk out of the elevator. Once we see that we’re alone in the hallway, Alex laces her fingers in mine. “So are we counting tonight as a date, or do I still owe you a second date?” Alex says with a laugh. “A date that was supervised by our whole team? Could’ve been better, I didn’t even get to hold your hand till now. So that ‘date’ was a bust,” I say with a small laugh, “No, this time I owe you the date. If we can manage it, I want to take you out on our off day in two days.” We stop outside my door while I wait for her answer, which naturally doesn’t take too long. “Of course I want to go out with you if we can get away from everyone. I’ll make sure I’m free,” Alex says before kissing me again. I smile as she pulls away because she immediately looked around the hallway since she forgot to look before kissing me. I laugh while trying to get her attention. “Do you want to come in for a minute? Kelley shouldn’t be back anytime soon if you want to, but if you don’t want to risk it I --” I’m cut off by a very drunk Ash and Kelley calling my name from the end of the hallway, being led by a very annoyed Ali. Alex groans and steps back from me towards her room across the hall.

“Y/N, you missed soooooo much,” Kelley slurs when she reaches me in the hall, as I wave goodnight to my moms, “Oh hey, Alex. When did you get here?” Alex looks at me for a moment before dealing with Kelley. “I didn’t feel like drinking, me and Y/N were talking about training since she missed the last part of it,” she says to Kelley. She accepts the answer before saying she needed a shower, leaving us alone in the hallway again. When I look at Alex, she has an apologetic look on her face. “What’s wrong?” I ask, stepping towards her. “I’m sorry for putting you in this situation,” she starts with tears forming in her eyes, “I hate keeping us a secret, too. I’ll tell them soon, I promise.” She was crying now. I pull her into a hug, rubbing small circles on her back trying to calm her down. I knew how hard all this was for her and I didn’t want to pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for, especially since I haven’t come out to the team yet either. “Alex,” I whisper trying to calm her down, “It’s okay, don’t cry. You don’t have to rush and tell them just because you think it’ll make me happy. I’m already happy with you. If we have to keep this a secret for however long you need, then I’m okay with that.” When she looks up at me I can see that the tears have stopped, and there’s a small smirk forming on her face. She looks to her left then her right before leaning up to kiss me. I can feel her desperation behind the kiss, so when I kiss her back I put as much passion and comfort into it as I possibly can in a short amount of time. I pull away first, seeing in her eyes that she didn’t want to stop. I wipe away a stray tear from her cheek and give her a smile. I step back to my door, looking back at Alex who looked like she wanted to follow me into my room.

“We’ll talk about it more tomorrow, okay?”

To Be Continued

#alex morgan #alex morgan imagines #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan x reader #kelley o’hara #ali krieger #ashlyn harris #krashlyn #uswnt #uswnt imagines #nwsl #nwsl imagines #woso #woso imagine #You’re the One My Heart Wants

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

Text

High Society (Chapter 8)

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @sleepwalkingdragon @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @shamelessbookaddict @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee

Warnings: Mentions of murder, language warning, suggestions of sex, mentions of gang crime/activity, depictions of crime

"Oh you're just so funny Harrison!" Imogen squeals at something extremely mundane that Harrison had just spoken. The entire evening had been like this and now the four of you were curled on the comfort of the couch, ignoring the view of the Netflix film playing on Tom's grand TV.

"Yeah," Harrison nods, wanting nothing more than to pull away from her clinging onto him.

You and Tom were much more natural in your intimacy, he had snuggled into you to lay his head on your lap as your hands absently trailed through his hair and over his exposed biceps.

The sound of the front door opening made everyone thankful for a break away from this awkward atmosphere. You glanced over to see Sam greeting Noah into the house. Huh, didn't realise they were friends...

Tom's eyes peek open minimally and he peers over the back of the couch to see the visitor, "Noah?" He frowns.

"Oh, hey guys," Noah smiles and you notice his embarrassment as he scratches at the back of his neck, "(Y/N),"

"Hi," You respond, washed over with a feeling of guilt about how things were left between you and Noah and Zendaya, "I'll be back in a minute okay?" You say to Tom who realises his need to move by the shuffling of your thighs.

Noah looks at you as you move over to him and realises that he should be following you as you walk out of way from their prying ears.

"Listen I'm-" You start, not really sure what to say after your apology.

"I know, me too," Noah nods, relieving any of the tension that existed between you, "We were way too harsh with you earlier,"

"No, you were right. All of this stuff with Tom, it's made me get caught up in all of their drama and that's definitely not what I had planned for this year," You sigh and you can't help but let your eyes dance back over to Tom who looked so alone without you.

"Yeah, I think we've all done things we didn't plan to so far," He chuckles and you notice his eyes falling onto the younger of the Holland brothers in your sights.

"So, you and Sam, huh?" You raise your brows, "I didn't even know you two were friends, or spoke!"

"Me neither," He laughs, "I was in cooking a few weeks ago and he needed some help so we worked together. And we just got on really well. He's still struggling with his sexuality and I'm not exactly confident with mine so... I don't know, we're good for each other,"

"Noah that's really great to hear," You smile, "Go on, get back to your man,"

He laughs as the two of you walk back into the lounge, "And you get back to yours,"

You look over to Tom once again to see his look of anger as he sees Imogen's treatment towards Harrison. The way she glares every time he acts in a way she doesn't like, the constant desire for an unnecessary affection.

"Hey," You break his gaze, sitting back down in the empty warmth beside him.

Tom's attitude changes instantly as he wraps his arms around you, lifting your legs over his to try to keep you as close as possible, "Is Noah here for Sam?"

His question is one you don't want to answer, you didn't know how much Tom knew about Sam and you didn't want to be the one to say something Sam wouldn't be comfortable with. Your lack of response gives him enough of an answer.

"I'm glad he has someone," He comments, nuzzling into your neck, "I'd hate to think that he feels like he's alone. And I hate that he's not comfortable with telling us,"

"Well, these things take time. It's a big thing and he's still coming to terms with who he is, but he knows you're there for him," You answer, running your hand through his locks.

Tom leans into your touch and for a moment feels more sure of himself than ever, "Are you staying tonight?"

You pause for a moment and scan the details of his face. The crisp continuance of his jawline, the clean shaven skin that settled above it, the warmth in his dark eyes.

"I'd love to," You smile, pecking his lips softly.

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"You and (Y/N) began an intimate relationship is that correct?" The woman asks but of course she knows it is.

"Yes," Tom states bluntly, becoming increasingly irritated at their fixation on your relations with him.

"Her parents weren't a huge fan of the life she was creating for herself. In fact, they were willing to take her out of school," She proceeds, "All because of issues they had with Imogen,"

"It wasn't just Imogen," Tom is quick to respond, knowing the woman was likely to suspect him if she continued, "They didn't like me either,"

~~~Saturday 17th November 2018~~~

You awoke the next morning and were sure the events of last night were a dream you would swear yourself to secrecy over. But there he was. In his exposed vulnerability, Tom's arm was wrapped around your waist, his head nesting against your shoulder.

Your slightly movements made his hold tighten just a little bit and you regretted trying to move an inch when you saw his eyes begin to flutter open.

"Morning," You mumble, breaking the thick air that had settled over the room since the events of last night.

Tom groans in response, welcoming your form beside him and nuzzling into you further, "Morning,"

You shuffle in the bed and eventually manage to turn to face him, noticing the disheveled mess of his bed hair that was probably more of your doing than of anything his natural sleeping had done.

"I hate to be that person," You begin and you know he is certain of how you will respond, "But I need to go,"

"So I'm just a one night stand, hmm?" He questions with mock offense but his showering of tired kisses across your collarbone said differently.

You roll your eyes and kiss the tip of his nose, pulling yourself with all your mental strength away from his touch. His eyes remained shut as he shuffled over to your side of the bed, hoping to collect some more of your scent from there. When you stand up to collect you discarded clothes from your previous evening and glance over to see Tom peering at you through slightly opened eyes.

"Thomas Stanley Holland!" You exclaim, "Are you looking?"

"Come on, darling, you know I saw it all last night," He smirks and the pride on his face makes you blush beyond belief, "But, I won't look,"

He rolls onto his back and tucks an arm underneath his head, averting his eyes to the ceiling.

"So, do you think Harrison is going to be okay?" You start, interested to see his reaction after last night.

"I'm scared he'll do something he's going to regret if I'm honest," Tom admits and you notice his deep sigh by the large rise of his chest.

"What do you mean?" You frown as you tug Tom's tshirt from last night over your body, welcoming it's loose fit over your skin.

"Harrison... can act without thinking sometimes. And he's not a bad person, but part of him is always willing to do bad things," Tom admits and all you want to do is go over to him and promise him that he wasn't going to lose his best friend. That all of this was temporary like all of their high society problems were meant to be.

Tom glances up to you and the smile that dances as a shadow on his lips is a clear response to your natural beauty in his view.

"Stop staring," You exclaim and he laughs at your inability to accept his excessive affection, "We're meant to be talking about Harrison,"

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2018~~~

"You got yourself involved in something you shouldn't have done," By Harrison's silence, the woman knows she's going to have to continue, "More specifically, you got yourself involved in a gang. They were willing to provide you with an escape from all of your domestic issues and you accepted completely. Tell me what happened after that,"

"They started off as just an escape. I just wanted to find any way of pretending this was only part of my life, and I wasn't surrounded by everything that I was losing," Harrison admits, head in his hands as he re-lives events he swore against ever considering again, "But then they started getting me involved in their business,"

"And what did you do, Harrison?"

The thought returning made him feel utterly sick.

~~~Friday 30th November 2018~~~

"Are you coming round tonight, mate?" Tom asks Harrison as he closes his locker door and turns to his friend.

Haz scratches at the back of his head, "Not tonight T, I've got plans,"

"What?" Tom laughs, "The boxing's on, we always watch the boxing together. You, me, Sam, Harry, Paddy," He pauses as he sees you walking up to them, "And this one's even joining us,"

"And I'm sure you'll have a great time," Harrison sighs, slinging his rucksack over his shoulder, "But, like I said, I've got stuff to do,"

He'd been weird like this for the past two weeks. Sometimes he'd just leave class to take a call from random numbers, or he'd just not turn up to school at all. There was always a lingering hint of alcohol and tobacco staining his pristine clothes and there was a certain 'on-edge' feeling to all of his movements.

"What was that all about?" You frown, walking up to Tom and welcoming the arm wrapping instantly around you.

"I don't know," He mumbles, his voice distant and clearly not focused on you, though he soon snaps away from it to look at you, "We should follow him,"

You pull away and look him in those heart-melting eyes, "You want to follow him?"

"I think he's in trouble," Tom comments aimlessly and soon he's tracing the invisible footprints of his friend, whether he had your approval or not.

~~~

The two of you follow Harrison all the way to the river where you notice him meet up with a group of people you were thankful you didn't know. They all held cigarettes and drink, Harrison included in only the drink, and their conversations made you feel a bit sick.

"Who are they?" You whisper to Tom from your cowering position behind the concrete wall.

By the stern expression tainting Tom's innocence, you could tell he knew exactly who they were. His hand gripped onto the wall a little more and drained a little more blood from his paling fingers. His pursed lips open to expose some information but it all stops at your next sight. One of the group who appeared to hold some authority over the rest pulled out the distinctive shadow of a gun from his pocket, it curved in his wounded hands like he knew every part of its body. And then it was in Harrison's. The way it seemed to weigh him down, the way he refused to look at it, the shudder down his back that he hoped he could hide; you knew it was all foreign to him.

It is like you can see the lump in Tom's throat that resonates in your own. You can see the way his hands would shake if they weren't so clenched against the wall.

"What are they going to make him do?" You ask quietly, though maybe it was better if you didn't get an answer to that question.

"I don't know," Tom responds, his words cold in this November chill, "But I have a pretty damn good idea,"

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"They were manipulating him, everybody was," Tom shakes his head, hands clasped on the desk in front of him, "He was desperate and he wanted to find somewhere where he felt like he could be somebody else. Where he didn't have to be the Osterfield son or Imogen's boyfriend,"

The woman opts to not respond this time, for what felt like the first time in forever. She knows Tom's continuance would probably give her more information.

"But those guys, that gang or whatever you want to call them," He continues, "They're bad people. I know they are. I knew it before and I know it now, they're willing to destroy people's lives,"

~~~Friday 30th November 2018~~~

You followed Harrison like stalkers, watching his every move and interaction. All the way to Imogen's house. With a gun.

He hid in the seclusion of her gardens, pulling a balaclava over his face and tugging the hood of the jacket those guys had given him over his head. The gun was pulled out of his pockets and you were sure that your heart stopped in that moment. What was he willing to do?

Tom lunged to go after him but it was too late as Harrison was already off. Starting his criminal steps towards the house like he would never return.

And you were sure you were about to be sick, the churning in your stomach like a ticking clock until he would walk back out of that house. If he ever did.

"We can't let him do this," Tom confirms after what felt like an eternity, "He's going to kill her,"

"Harrison doesn't have that in him, that's not like him," You assure him, feeling like it was the best thing you could say for now.

"He's going to kill her," Tom repeats and he was shaking now, slumping against the wall and certain that he was losing his mind.

"Tom," You cup your hand over his cheek, tugging him back to you, "He won't. We can't believe that he will because that's a worst case scenario,"

"Then what do we fucking do?" He raises his voice and you find yourself flinching away from him.

Before you can respond, Harrison comes charging out of the house, stumbling over his own feet and rounding the corner towards the alley where you and Tom were hiding.

Tom and you both stand up quickly and Harrison haults when he sees you.

"H what the fu-" Tom begins but Harrison simply grabs onto both of you and continues running.

It feels like you're running forever, feet pounding against concrete floors away from ths peering eyes of security cameras and the consistent policing of neighbours.

"This way!" Harrison yells and he hurries ahead through a tangling matrix of bushes, tripping over his feet but somehow faster than ever.

Tom grips your hand and pulls you through too and you find yourself in the back garden of Tom's house.

You can see them share a nostalgic thought and can't help but picture them taking that route every day when they were little, just two boys determined to play football when it was too cold outside.

But then it breaks. And Tom is full of a fury that he doesn't care to hide.

"Haz what the fuck do you think you're doing?" His voice rumbles as he grips at the material covering Harrison's chest, shoving him with full force, "What is that shitty mind of yours thinking?"

"Tom!" You exclaim, trying to break them apart.

Tom is quick to dismiss you, "H what are you getting yourself into? What have you done?"

Harrison can't respond, his eyes full of an utter fear that wouldn't be subsiding any time soon. It is then that he drops what he had been concealing this whole time, a velvet box falling to the grass beneath your feet.

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

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High Society (Chapter 4)

~A Tom Holland AU Series~

Inspiration: It's interesting to see how the other half live, how their perfect lives are pieced together by secret scandals. It's beyond anything you can imagine until you're a part of it. It's High Society. (Based on the Netflix series 'Elite')

Warnings: Mentions of murder, language warning, depictions of abuse, mentions of drug use

~~~Wednesday 19th September 2018~~~

The house in front of you was already overwhelming and you weren't even through the front gates yet. You made your way slowly towards the door, tugging slightly at the sleeves of the jumper dress you wore.

"Hey," Tom smiles, already opening the door before you'd even knocked, "Thank you for coming,"

"I don't really know why I'm here," You admit, stepping cautiously through the threshold.

"Can I get you a drink?" He suggests.

You were too busy absorbing the grand house in front of you. The living room seemed to continue further than your entire house and you couldn't even see all of it yet.

"I know, it's ridiculous," He laughs, noticing your interest in the place, "Far too much room for only six of us,"

"It's crazy," You mumble, more to yourself than anyone else.

"Come on," He encourages, leading you through the corridors to reach a state of the art gym, "I thought you'd feel a bit more comfortable here," He chuckles.

You smile lightly and follow him to the weight section where he takes a seat in front of the bench, resting his head back against the cushioning material. You copy his movements.

"So, I think I have a lot of explaining to do," Tom starts, his eyes flicking to look at you for just a second.

"You don't have to tell me, I get that I'm not one of you guys. In fact, I'm nothing like you," You shrug, staring up at the ceiling.

"It's more complicated than it seems," He sighs, "Lily. She knows more than someone like her should know, because someone like her will always hold stuff like that over you."

"She knew something about Harrison's dad right?" You comment, your intrigue getting the better of you.

"Yeah," Tom takes a deep breath, "Haz's dad, he deals drugs,"

You don't respond, you're frozen in silence for just a moment.

"About a year ago, his business lost a lot of money and he became desperate to make up some more income. He turned to drugs. Harrison found out but his mum still doesn't know," Tom explains, still uncertain why he felt so comfortable to admit all of this.

"And that's what Lily was threatening to tell everyone," You complete the explanation for him because you were piecing it together yourself.

"Exactly," He nods, "Which is why I have to go along with what she says,"

"And that means you two are back together,"

"No!" He snaps his head round so he's facing you and you find yourself looking at him too, "We're not together, we've never been together."

"Are you sure she knows that?" You raise your brows.

"She seems to think we need each other. Like we wouldn't survive without each other," He responds, his eyes not once leaving hers, "But it terrifies me that I'll ever get to that point with her."

"So you just have to pretend?" You frown, feeling some guilt for this boy who appeared rid of any problems until now.

"I have to do it everyday anyway," He mumbles.

You want to pry but know in your heart that you shouldn't. It wasn't your place.

In your moment of silence, Tom's hand grazes against yours and soon they are locked together. He shuffles closer and you find yourself resting your head on his shoulder. It felt comfortable, not forced or strange.

It is then that you hear the front door slam to recognise that someone is home. Tom jumps up and heads straight for the door of the gym, listening intently. You follow suit and stand a little behind him.

The voices were evident through the door muffling their clarity.

"You can't just embarrass us like that!" A male voice, who you assume to be Tom's father, bellows through the building.

You hear a female voice trying to respond but with no avail as her words are quickly stopped by the distinctive harshness of a slap. Tom is quick to respond as he pulls open the door and makes a beeline straight for the pair.

You follow quietly because you feared the worst. You didn't want him to get hurt.

"Dad! Stop!" He yells, you'd never imagine that his voice could be so harsh.

As you're stood there, you notice Harry, Sam, and who you assume is their little brother all stood together to witness the same situation.

You snap back to Tom, watching as his Dad shoves him with enough force to make him collide with the wall behind him, his head hitting with a shattering blow.

Mr Holland rambles some words of irritance about his son's need to get involved in business that isn't his before he drops his grip on the boy, throwing him to the side like a piece of forgotten waste. And then he leaves.

Your instincts are to run after Tom because you were terrified of the consequences if you didn't. His mum was still shaken from her own experience and was now the sole focus of Harry, whilst Sam tried to keep the younger boy from seeing anything more.

"Tom..." Your voice trails off as you see the cut across the side of his cheek that had formed from his ordeal, "Let me clean that up,"

"I'm fine," He coughs, but his eyes looked as though they didn't even believe his mouth.

You crouch down onto the balls of your feet and the look in your eyes proves to him that his two word refusal would not be enough.

"I'll show you where the first aid is," He groans, pushing himself up and leading you away from where the scene had just unfolded.

You're silent when you reach the bathroom and he hands you the first aid kit. Tom perches himself on the side of the bath and watches your movements.

"Now do you see why I'm constantly pretending?" He asks, looking up at you as you push the hair away from his forehead to fully look at his face.

"Is he always like this?" You question, knowing he already knew the answer to his own question.

"Only when nobody's here to see," Tom admits, wincing slightly as you press the cold alcohol wipe to his wound.

"Has it ever been worse than that?" You want to know because you care. Because, deep down, this boy wasn't an absolute idiot who ruled the school corridors. At home, he was a boy trying to save his mum by putting himself in danger.

"It depends, some nights I'll wake up and hear him and it's bad," He explains, "But the worst thing is when Paddy can hear everything, or see it,"

You take it that Paddy is the youngest brother.

"Thank you," He mumbles as you finish up with his injury, "For coming here, and for staying and... Just thank you,"

You smile and brush your thumb across his cheek before moving your hand away. He leans into your touch and it's comfortable to stay like that for a moment.

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"You've never had a good relationship with (Y/N)," The investigator, Claire, persists with her questioning towards the girl.

"She was far too entitled for a scholarship student," Lily rolls her eyes, manicured hands tapping at the wooden table.

"And this was nothing to do with her and Tom?"

"Her and Tom had nothing. He just forced himself to think that he could like her because she seemed like a good person. But he could never feel the same way about her as he did with me," She snaps, "They probably didn't even sleep together. That was just a pathetic rumour,"

~~~Monday 30th September 2018~~~

You'd spent the entire week with Tom. Just doing anything that could take his mind away from dealing with home. School days were normal but you spent the evenings and weekends together. You'd been to his gym and spent hours there, you'd been out for food and done anything possible. It was nice to spend time with him and not the him that walked the corridors.

Until you got back to school the following week.

"Ooh there she is! The talk of the town!" Harrison laughs when you walk into class, nudging at Imogen who sat beside him.

"Oh shh Harrison," She giggles, though she clearly didn't want him to stop his taunting.

You take your seat beside Noah and turn to him for some sort of help.

"What's going on?" You frown at your acquaintance, looking around to see that the entire group was stealing looks in your direction.

"Imogen knows, (Y/N)," He sighs, "She saw you this weekend and she's told everyone,"

"She saw me doing what exactly?" You frown, looking in her direction and seeing the smug look on her face.

"You know... You and Tom..." His gestures leave little to the imagination so words aren't necessary.

"What? Nothing happened!" You exclaim but the class falls silent as the other half of this story, Tom, walks into the room.

He doesn't pay attention, his eyes finding yours to give you a warm smile. You don't manage one back, still concerned about this sickening rumour.

"What's going on guys?" He questions, sitting down on the other side of Harrison.

"Oh, come on man," He clasps him on the shoulder, "Let's say the action wasn't just in the movies this weekend, am I right (Y/N)?"

Tom isn't an idiot, he knows exactly what this means. And by the absense of Lily beside him, he knows that this rumour has spread to the entire group.

But he doesn't deny it. In fact, he laughs along with what Harrison had just said.

Go fuck yourself Tom.

You grab your stuff and get up to leave, hearing the blurred words of Zendaya making a sassy remark to the boys in your defence. But it was lost on you, you were more concerned about that asshole who just went along with it all.

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"Imogen spread a certain rumour about you towards the end of your first month at the school," The woman's voice had started to irritate you now, her shrill tone and arrogant attitude, "She said that you and Tom had been together, sexually, and you claim that this wasn't true,"

"It wasn't,'' You answer completely transparently, "None of that was true. She just wanted to have some gossip that she started,"

"Earlier you said she was one of the good ones," The woman points out, reading directly from your past comment, "Doesn't seem that way now,"

"It was one rumour and it was months ago. It wasn't her I was annoyed with," You shake your head, "So, no, one rumour did not give me a motive to kill her if that's what you're insinuating."

~~~Wednesday 10th October ~~~

In these isolated corridors, you'd surprisingly managed to avoid Tom all week. You only went to the gym when you knew he was in a lesson and you managed to find excuses to miss form every morning. So you'd just not seen him.

But, of course, it wasn't going to continue like that.

"(Y/N)," His voice is normally calming but today it makes you tense completely.

You were stood by the trophy at the bottom of the staircase and you had to keep your eyes focused on it's strangely beautiful figure to avoid looking at him.

"Since I don't know better, I'd think you've been trying to avoid me," He comments and you can see from the reflection in the glass case that he is stood behind you.

"And if you did know better you would know that your thought is completely correct," You respond with no empathy for his attempts to rectify this.

"(Y/N), come on," He sighs, holding your wrist to turn you round. It makes you give in and face him eventually.

"Careful, we wouldn't want to spread another rumour," You raise your brows, "Or maybe you'd enjoy that,"

He looks defeated with your stubbornness, "I'm sorry, okay? I should've denied it. But... It's complicated (y/n),"

You tilt your head and he takes that as a sign that you want him to continue.

"There's a lot more that's happened here before you got here," He explains, "And there's still a lot going on that you don't know. And you're not one of us, in fact, you're pretty far from any of u-" He stops himself because that was harsh.

"That's your excuse?" You scoff, "I'm not like you so it's fine for you to treat me as a plaything in your fake stories?"

"No, that's not what I meant," He sighs, dragging a hand through his hair.

"Well, I'm leaving now. So, you can think about what you do mean and then get back to me on that," You push past him and you swear the corridor has never felt longer as you're walking away; he was watching every step.

(Let me know your thoughts so far on who the killer will be, if you have any!)

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

Text

Dressing Room Daydream (5)

Inspiration: Storylines don't end when the curtain falls

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @sleepwalkingdragon @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny

Warnings: Mentions of struggles with the aftermath of domestic abuse.

Notes: Thank you so much for the recent love for this series! It’s been overwhelming! Also, I have a masterlist now!! So, if you’d like to be a little angel and check out some of my other works then feel free! Anddddd send in any requests or submissions that you have if you fancy! Much love and Happy New Year lovelies x

You and Harrison left the theatre instantly and took a taxi straight to his place that he shared with Tom. Tom had only just got home from his trip and, clearly, there was going to be a lot of explaining to do. He’d returned from a press tour to be met with a new roommate, one who he had left just before his flight. One who refused his attempts at help.

"Hey H-" Tom begins as soon as he sees Harrison walk through the door, "(Y/N)?”

"Hi," You smile, still slightly guilty about the way you'd shut down his help before he left. You’d barely known Tom before all of this, and how things had changed...

"(Y/N) 's going to be staying for a while," Harrison announces, setting your bag down on the side. He hadn’t let go of your hand and you welcomed the small measure of intimacy.

"At least until I can find somewhere to stay," You interject, "I promise it won't be long,"

"I don't care how long it is," Harrison confirms, pressing a kiss to your temple, "But you're not going back there,"

He can't help but divert his eyes to your torso, that was now covered by his sweatshirt that drowned your form. The sickness in his stomach was yet to subside. It made him a kind of angry that his innocence always diverted him from.

Harrison disappeared to his room to take your stuff and you were stood in your new residence with your new flatmate.

"About before..." You begin to say to Tom as he walks to the fridge to get a drink.

"No no it's oka-" He starts, bending down to grab a bottle of water.

"Thank you," You interject and he stops in his movements.

"I might not know you very well but I know when someone's in trouble, and I'm sorry I left," He says, turning to face you, "If I had a sister, I'd hate to think of her in the situation that you were in,"

You don't reply, just look to the ground and smile lightly. Yes, you could see yourself living here. With Harrison and Tom, a boy you loved and a brother.

"You okay, darling?" Harrison smiles when he walks out of his bedroom. He had changed into a grey t-shirt that fitted his form and a pair of burgundy joggers that hung low on his hips. Damn, you were glad they cast him to play your love interest. Very, very glad.

He comes over to you and snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side.

"I need to go to the station and pick up Harry and Sam," Tom explains, grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter, "They’re staying for a bit too. I'll leave you guys to it,"

He clasps Harrison on the shoulder before leaving the apartment, with just the two of you now. You turned to look at him and allow yourself to absorb all of his handsome features. His piercing eyes, his deathly jawline, the messy style of his mousy locks.

"Hey," Harrison mumbles when he sees you looking up at him without break.

"Hi," You chuckle in response, welcoming his gesture as he leans down to capture your lips in a passionate kiss.

He turns you round so that you're flush against him and you hide your wince without him noticing. Your hands go to his hair and his hold your waist. It felt like the most passion you'd ever felt. It wasn't ruined by fear of someone walking into the dressing room. It wasn't ruined by Alex appearing. Or perhaps it was.

Harrison's hands roamed your form and, as they moved to tug the sweatshirt from you, you couldn't help but react with instincts you despised. You pulled away from him quicker than you could do anything about.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," You repeat, hands clutching at the material so you could give yourself some comfort that it was still there. It was covering you.

"Hey, hey, hey, stop apologising," Harrison shakes his head, knowing to keep some distance between you and him. The worst thing he could think of doing in a moment like this would be to scare you.

"I just... I can't," You shake your head, matching the trembling that ran through your whole body now.

It felt like you'd gone been dropped from your cloud nine. And everything was falling with you. And Alex was the one to give you the push.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me (y/n), ever," He assures you, panic in eyes he was trying to calm.

Harrison was the complete opposite to Alex. He was compassionate, caring, honest and loving against a person who was nothing but evil to you. A man who threatened and abused you. But his touch, like that, still sent that same fear running through you. Because you still weren't away from Alex, and it would be a long time before you would be.

"I can't even begin to imagine what he's done to you. And I don't expect you to tell me. But you need to understand that I'm not him, I'm not Alex," He assures you. One step closer. You welcomed it.

"I know," You say through tears that spilled over your eyes, squeezed shut.

"And he's not going to get away with this. I won't let him get away with this,"

There it was again. What he'd said before, in the dressing room. What did that mean? How far was he willing to go?

"Come on," Harrison says, and his hands come into contact with you again, gently brushing against your clenched fists, "Let's order in some food and put on a film or something," His voice is calming and it makes your fists relax slightly, enough for him to intertwine his fingers with yours.

"Thank you," You whisper, watching him lift his other hand to swipe at the tears grazing your cheeks.

He need not respond, simply presses a kiss to your forehead to let you know he was there. And to remind you that he was as different from Alex as anyone could be. You still had to stop yourself from flinching.

~~~

"Oh come on, why on Earth would that be a good idea?!" Harrison exclaims at the TV screen. You'd let him choose a random Netflix movie that was meant to be good but you'd already got lost in the plot. It was something where he had to pick the options himself and it had already become too confusing for your fatigued brain.

Though, you welcomed the scene that you were currently wrapped up in. Harrison and you were curled up in his bed, blankets on top of blankets sprawled around you. He was sitting low against the headboard with you between his legs, holding his arms around you with the TV remote in his hand. The other hand had absently begun to draw patterns across the skin of your exposed leg.

Harrison opted to pause the film and you hadn't even noticed, "I actually think I'm bad at this," He admits, throwing the remote control to the side of the bed.

"I hadn't realised," You chuckle, a reference to his growing annoyance every time the film rewound after he picked the wrong decision, "I thought you were doing brilliantly,"

"Is that sarcasm I hear hmm?" He cocks a brow, a playful smile growing on his lips.

You roll your eyes and turn back to the screen, too preoccupied to even care that nothing was playing. He noticed the shift in your demeanour - the way a frown settled between your brows and how you chewed the inside of your cheek when you were nervous or overthinking. He’d picked up on these things in the months of rehearsals, in months where he’d had to watch you from a distance.

“Something you want to talk about, honey?” H frowns, now using both of his hands to invisibly doodle across your warm skin. It felt like more romantic intimacy than you’d ever dreamt of having with Alex. The thought of his hands being anywhere near you made you sick.

“What did you mean earlier?” You sigh, already feeling the weight lift as you finally asked what you’d been thinking about this whole time, “When you said you wouldn’t let Alex get away with this.”

“It was just a figure of speech,” Harrison answers, kissing your cheek. His response didn’t feel true, however. It felt practised, like he was trying to protect you from a truth he wasn’t willing to share.

“Harrison, please, please don’t do anything to risk you getting hurt, or worse,” You say, even noticing the shake returning to your words.

“And leave you on your own for the shows?” Harrison fakes a gasp, “I couldn’t think of anything worse, we all know you don’t like the understudy!”

You laugh along with his joke but there’s an anxiety that you don’t manage to shift. Harrison wasn’t truly aware of how threatening Alex could be. You would tell it all to him one day, when it didn't consume you like it did now. But, for tonight, you were thankful that you didn’t have to sleep with one eye open, you didn’t have to make sure your phone was always tucked into the sheets with you. Tonight, you could sleep.

#Harrison osterfield #Harrison #Harrison imagine #Harrison one shot #Harrison drabble #Harrison osterfield imagine #Harrison osterfield one shot #Harrison osterfield drabble #Harrison osterfield series #Harrison x reader #Harrison x you #Harrison x y/n #Harrison osterfield x reader #Harrison osterfield x you #Harrison osterfield x y/n #Dressing Room Daydream

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

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High Society (The Reveal)

~A Tom Holland AU Series~

Warnings: In-detail depictions of death and murder, language warning, mentions of violence and gang crime.

Notes: Wow! It's finally here!!! I hope this reveal lives up to your expectations... I'm so nervous to post it ahhhh! Let me know allof your final thoughts...

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"-I am arresting you under suspicion of the murder of Imogen Clarke. You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention something that you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given as evidence," Her voice is certain of every word and you swear for a moment you feel all hearts drop to the tiled floor. Going, going, gone.

~~~Friday 25th January 2019~~~

"Dad, please stop going on about it," You sigh, fixing the light curls of your hair for the millionth time, "Can I not just enjoy tonight? Or is that not allowed after the big sister reveal?"

Peter and Evan were stood in the doorway of your bedroom, clearly giving you extremely unimpressed looks about your decision to attend the Winter Ball.

"It's not just Imogen," Peter points out, nudging at his husband, "You know how we feel about that Thomas kid,"

You let out an exaggerated groan, turning around to face them, "Stop it! You're acting like he's completely destroying who I am. In fact, he's the only reason I actually want to be there tonight. I would be very happy to never have to see Imogen again. But I want to spend one last night at that school before you flip everything upside down again, okay?"

Your outburst was unexpected by all of you and your Dads are stunned into a welcomed silence, both of them looking at their baby girl with blinking eyes, refusing to believe that this school had changed her that much. But it had. And, of course, they wouldn't accept that. She was too pure to be tainted by the posh kids at that school.

"Tom's here," You sigh, more thankful than you'd be able to express to him. Turning quickly to check yourself in the mirror, you brush your hands cautiously over the material of your dainty dress, making sure the boxing gloves still hung right over your heart. You welcomed the nerves, it made this all feel like a real school dance - and not a shattering goodbye.

Tom was waiting at the door when you made your way down the stairs and the shine in his eyes made you instantly know you'd made the right choice with your dress. It was a dark sky blue colour and fell over the curves of your hips, cutting off at the point on your thighs where your stretch marks faded. His eyes echoed a mix of complete adoration and an utter surprise that you'd be the one he'd attend the ball with tonight.

"Hello stranger," He croaks out, quickly clearing his throat to try to avoid his cheeks growing too much of a pink glow.

"Hello, Thomas," You chuckle, realising just how much you'd missed that damn face.

He grabs your hand when you're just close enough to him and pulls you flush against his chest, "Do we really have to go to the ball? Can't we have our own party?"

You hum against his words, welcoming the hot air that they bathed your face in, "Maybe we could sneak a few moments to ourselves,"

"I know this is meant to be some big reunion or whatever but can we please get going?" Sam calls from his seat in the back of Tom's car, poking his head out from the open window.

You laugh and greet the twins who had opted to dress in matching suits for the night. Tom opened your door for you and, soon, the four of you were journeying towards school; still with the sickening feeling in your stomach that it would be your last time.

~~~

The school was electrified with a warm buzz, with all of your year filtering through the doors and welcoming the familiarity of chart songs blasting through the overhead speakers. Tom was greeted by everyone he walked past and he made sure to say hello to them all, still happy to take the title of King of this school. It was only when he saw Lily that he really had to force the 'nice boy' demeanour.

"It's nice to see you Lily," He smiles politely, twisting his hand in yours slightly as though he still needed to confirm you were there, "Did you have a good holiday?"

"Oh relax with the small talk," She rolls her eyes, "Talk to me when you've got rid of the downgrade, honey," Her lips press against his cheek in a bitter display of affection before she's strutting off with an excessive display of confidence.

You speak up before Tom can even try to apologise, "Let's get a drink, I think we might need something stronger than punch if we're going to make it through comments like that,"

His laugh is a sound you didn't realise you were missing as he willingly accepts you tugging him towards the refreshments stand where Noah and Z are visible.

"Well hello, stars of the show," Noah wiggles his brows at the two of you, handing over a cup of fruit punch to Sam who had walked over too.

"Hey guys," You grin, reaching over to get two cups for you and Tom, "Did you have a good holiday?"

All of you engage in relaxed small talk until the sound of the microphone cracking makes everyone's eyes divert toward the stage.

Mrs Osterfield took her position behind the microphone and cleared her throat. It was only then that everyone else joined you: Harrison, Lily, Harry, Noah, Zendaya, Sam, Imogen, Tom and you.

"Well, you all look beautiful tonight guys and I'm glad we can all be here to celebrate together. Something I've really noticed about this group is the community spirit - you are all one big team and that's something that you should really embrace-" She continues with her speech about how brilliant you all were before the lights dim in the sports hall and you're all left in a strange, prolonged darkness.

It is only then that something flashes. You can't help but divert your eyes to Zendaya and Noah, both hiding a deep pride for all of this, clearly being at the heart of the plan. You go back to reading the words spilling across the electronic screen.

'We were all told this term to expose something about ourselves and about each other. But it's time we expose something about the school we're relying on for our futures. How about them completely dismissing everything fucked up that's going on in our year? The manipulation of their teachers by eighteen year old students. The manipulation of other students by people forcing them into twisted relationships,'

Everybody in your group looks to Imogen who is red with a burning fury.

'We're living in a fucked up school. And Lily, Imogen, all of you, this is where it stops,"

The lights don't come back on but the chatter of every student in here is enough to cover any need for illumination. Enough had already been seen. And, in the blue light glow of the enlarged screen, you watch Imogen storm away from the crowd. When you glance back up, Zendaya and Noah have disappeared into the crowd and it is too dark to see where they've gone.

You find yourself following the focus of the recent exposure and you finally catch up with Imogen at the stairs.

"Imogen," You start, watching as she pauses in her high-heeled steps on the inclined floor.

"Did you set this up? Was this all you?" She questions, clearly not holding enough respect for you to justify her making any eye contact.

"No, god, no. I had no idea," You respond.

It felt strange to be seeing her now, not just as the bitch Imogen but as a girl you had spent your first moments as the sibling of. The girl you had the potential to grow up to want to be just like.

"Then what do you want? Are you here for an apology or something?" It is only now that she turns round, arms folded and looking in all ways dissimilar from you. Maybe you were thankful for that - her beauty held a chilling sin.

"I found something out over Christmas and I think it's important that you know," You begin, wrapping your hands around each other to express your nerves without trembling onto the ground.

"Well? Spit it out,"

"You're my sister," You manage to finally release, the words feeling sickening to be directed at someone you wanted to completely despise.

The look on her face was one you were all too knowing to not expect. A mocking smirk and the delicate release of a pathetic laugh.

"What the fuck is that meant to mean?" She scoffs, stepping one stair closer to you.

"What I just said. I was ado-" You begin but she is quick to cut you off, stepping so close that you could see every particle of her makeup.

"Oh, honey, don't act like there's some familial bond between us," She lets out an exasperated laugh, "Because, sis, I'm pretty sure family wouldn't be willing to help somebody steal from me,"

You're sure it is audible when your words clatter against the floor, echoing irritatingly through mocking halls.

"Don't test me, (Y/N)," She shakes her head, "And don't ever assume we're family, darling,"

And then she's gone, leaving you at the bottom of these stairs, sure that you were going to wake up in any moment. Nothing.

You're not sure how long you stay there, sitting against the cold stairs, until someone is there to greet you.

The familiar aftershave of Tom's wraps around you like a blanket as his arms hold your waist with a relieving comfort.

"So I lost everyone at the party, I literally couldn't find anyone," He comments, a harmless remark for now.

Tom pulls himself closer to you, his head only inches from yours.

"Is this our chance to get away?" He mumbles, breath hot as his lips brush your ear.

Tom needs no reply as he pulls you through the corridors and out through the doors towards the swimming pool.

"Tom," You hiss but you can't say anything more as you feel your back press against the harshness of the cold wall tiles. It forces you to let out an involuntary squeak that is instantly silenced by Tom's lips on yours.

You melt into the contact that you had been missing for weeks and forget all about the rest. It was just him.

When he pulls away, his forehead is on yours and his nose bumps subconsciously with yours, "(Y/N)," He begins, welcoming the breathless nature of his words, "I know. I know your parents want you to leave. And I know you're going to leave after tonight," His confession feels like you've just been hit against the tiled wall once again, forceful and unforgiving.

"I-" You start, "How did you find out?"

"I knew your Dads were still debating it so I found Evan's number and I spoke to him whilst you were away," You find yourself gripping onto him a little tighter as he speaks, "I pleaded with him for ages to try to get you to stay. But he said the only way you'd ever be able to carry on here would be if you separated yourself from everyone who's had a bad impact on you. From me,"

"Tom I'm not staying here if-"

"I also knew that would be your response. So, I want to spend this one last weekend with you and then we'll decide your fate after that. We'll decide if you stay or go. But, let's just get away for a weekend," His positive encouragement is enough to make you want to agree wholeheartedly.

"Okay," You whisper and his face brightens enough to make your dark surroundings feel blinding.

"Then let's go, you know what your parents are like. They wouldn't want you to step a foot out of here with me," He points out, his hand gripping yours with more certainty than ever.

Tom goes to pull you away and it is in that moment that everything just stops. The shattering blow was an unmistakable sound and so was the ear bursting thud that followed. And, then, a stumbling silence.

"What wa-" Tom begins but he sees the way your eyes glaze over. The way your hand falls out of his and the way he's sure your heart audibly stops. It is only then that his eyes follow yours, tracing the invisible path to where you couldn't bare to rip your gaze from.

Unmistakable.

You could see how their hands were trembling, and how the trophy fit into them with a deathly uncertainty, a foreign power. Their eyes held a fury that was washed over with a sheer shock at what their own actions had just caused. And their stumbling feet told you that their mind still hadn't processed what their instincts had just caused.

"No," Tom shakes his head, feet chasing after the scene like they'd run fast enough to rewind it, "No, no, no, no,"

It was as clear as day in the dim setting. Her body, unforgivingly lifeless in the scarlet pooling of her once rushing blood. Her eyes, fluttered shut to echo a false hope that she was peaceful, only to be shattered by the ragged wound across her styled hair.

"What have you done?" Tom yells, his eyes diverting around every single feature of this mess.

The trophy clattered to the floor in another bone shuddering clash. And you could see how their hands trembled, a vision of thankfulness for the power they were able ro release from grip.

"She- she knew too much," They stumbled over the words like it wasn't their mouth saying them and it wasn't their hands that had just stopped all knowledge she could have held.

It was in that moment you could see how unreal this all seemed to Tom. In front of him was no longer a person he knew. It was a person he was sure he never wanted to meet. Because, behind trembling hands and crying eyes, there was someone who had just killed another. A murderer. His brother.

"She knew about the gang, and she knew about the pregnancy test," He shakes and the movement is recognisable in his fearful words, "And then I heard her talking to you (y/n), she knew about the necklace and us and Harrison,"

Tom can't possibly rip his eyes away from the boy in front of him but you know he's wishing he could be anywhere else. That he could wake up and have his younger brother again, and not this tainted form of the boy he once was.

"Okay, you need to get out of here," You nod, certain of your unsure words, "Go through the back alley to your house and stay there until we tell you to come back. We'll just say you didn't feel well and you came back once you heard something had happened,"

He looks at you and his eyes are blurring with a terrified haze.

"Tom, me and you need to go. We'll go to the gym and just say that we went there after the whole fiasco at the ball to spend some time together. Nobody will question it," You say to him and it is only then that he makes eye contact with you.

"Tom, am I going to prison?" The younger holland brother asks, and it is only then that he truly starts to cry.

"Hey, hey," Tom steps over to him and grips his shoulders, "You're my brother. I'd do anything for you. That's what it means to be a Holland, okay Harry?"

And then he's running.

You force yourself with everything to look down at the lifeless body. The dried blood that stained her hair and trailed down her face. It all felt too gone. Like she'd been gone for far too long.

"We need to get rid of that fucking trophy," You mention and you're sure that everything around you is spinning apart from that blood soaked weapon.

"T-Tom?"

Both of you look up to see Sam stood frozen in the doorway of the swimming pool, looking between you and Tom like he wanted to run as far away from you as possible.

"Sam, buddy, we need you to do something," Tom states, "I need you to take that trophy, go out the back door, and get it as far away from here as possible,"

Sam can't help but listen to the words of his brother, whom he was willing to trust with his life.

"It was Harry, wasn't it?" He says as his hands grasp the cold, twisted metal of the trophy.

"Now's not the time," Tom replies, still refusing to confirm it yet, "Get out of here, go!"

It is as soon as his brothers are out of here that you see Tom decline. He runs his hands through his hair and you're sure he can feel everything around him crumbling.

"Babe, come on, we can't stay here," You grab at his hand and start pulling him toward the door, wanting to get as far away from the scene as your mind would let you run.

And the two of you set off like there's a fire at your heels. But what really chased at your escape was much worse than any fire could muster. It was the glass eyes of your blood relation, at the cold hands of Tom's own brother.

You're sprinting down the corridor behind Tom and watch as his hands tug at the tie around his neck, throwing it's silk to the floor in an absentminded throw. The restriction in his chest was impossible to stop.

And you were running - away from a fate that was far too sickening to fathom.

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