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truths89 · 6 years

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Wounded Healer Discovers Her Limitations

There are certain truths that we can only discover for ourselves. Since writing my article in the Fall 2019 edition of City Voices, much has been elucidated. Between August and November of 2019, I had met my aspirations and still felt unsatisfied. As I had intended, I applied to Yeshiva University for their Wurzweiler School of Social Work Program. I applied on August 20th, the deadline, and by the 22nd, I had a student identification number. At work, I desired the role of Case Manager, which at the time exclusively required an MSW or Master’s degree. Due to the bail reform and expansions within the Supervised Release Program for pretrial services with justice-involved individuals, bachelor’s level case management was available. I didn’t immediately apply because it was adult-specific and I had a desire to work with young adults, ages 16-24. I was encouraged to apply for the position by my colleagues. It took about two weeks to receive the job offer, with a salary in the mid-50s. I was convinced that I was on my path—The Path—to the perceived greatness I wished to embody.

During my short time at Yeshiva University, an excellent institution, I was introduced to tremendous knowledge and a plethora of theories on human behavior. As a Jew, I was elated to attend Yeshiva, enthusiastic, and enthralled with the newness of it all. I held my professors in high esteem and was very respectful and appreciative of my classmates. I submitted some online assignments and wrote two papers, one a midterm, before withdrawing on November 8th, 2019. Although the papers received A’s, I found the process of learning about trauma and healing in an academic institution to be inexplicably triggering and retraumatizing. There was this approach of objective distancing that felt disconnected from the very statistics on the trauma that we studied. I took three classes at Yeshiva. In two of those classes, the professors distributed the Adverse Childhood Experience survey. I have a score of 9. The highest is 10. Of the questions in the survey, domestic violence between my caregivers was never witnessed, but intimate partner violence was very present.

I began to feel too wounded to facilitate the healing of others. Although I had withdrawn from Yeshiva University, I was promoted to Adolescent Case Manager as of November 18th, 2019, ten days after withdrawing from graduate school. I felt confident that if I focused on work and remained committed to my mental health treatment process, along with self-care practices, that I could maintain my work/life balance. This was upheaved when I performed an intake for two young men who were both charged with crimes of sexual violence against young girls. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, who is currently naming and owning experiences of abuse that were normalized, I simply could not hold my seat at the table. After much deliberation, I applied for the Family Medical Leave Act and Short-term Disability as of January 6th, 2020. I write these words in late February, from a ranch in New Mexico, completely uncertain of my future.

Even so, I deeply believe that wounded healers can be exceptional in their ability to encourage and support the personal transformation of their peers. My pride instructed me that I required an MSW and a higher salary to execute such an intention. Humility is a wise teacher. It is not a matter of what you do, but why and how you do it. The creative impact is my intention. I thoroughly enjoy listening and processing and empowering people. My definitive dream is to live off the land, with a farm, in an adobe home, in a sustainable manner, and with the community. Whatever path that is aligned with my values and ethics that can actualize said dream, shall be explored. I intend on being content and graceful. I have faith in the process. This is my journey.

* * * * * * *

Flash forward to Corona times, Rosh Hashanah is upon us. Between February and September, my life has been full of abundance. I was in London to experience an art exhibit by Genesis Tramaine at the Almine Rech Gallery when the travel restrictions were declared. I recall being seated at a dinner reception after the opening of the art exhibit with Bernard Ruiz-Picasso, who after scrolling through my Instagram post suggested I explore the medium of music. The flight from London to Norway, and finally, back to New York was surreal. I returned to my employer at the end of March. I have been working remotely since that time. I currently have about 30 clients on my caseload and find it very manageable. I have also immersed myself into a community with JFREJ (Jews for Racial and Economic Justice) and Ammud: Jews of Color Torah Academy. I am currently enrolled in the Certification in Jewish Ethics and Social Justice at The Jewish Theological Seminary. Additionally, through a membership funded by my employer with SWEET (Supporting Wellbeing through Empowerment, Education, and Training), I am enrolled in two certificate programs: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Psychotherapy.

Every day I challenge myself to surrender to the present. To do my best and to be most forgiving when I do not meet my own expectations. I have chosen to love myself as though I were my own child and my own mother; the abundance in such a task is life-giving. HaShem loves me, Spirit loves me, and I love me. How could I ever be lost? My path is of my own divining.

#truths89 #poetry #zisaaziza #peer sepecialist #peer support #howie the harp #community access #mental health #wellness #wounded healer #case amanger #non profit #forensic #no one is disposable #healing tools are necessary #self care #blessings #abundance #HaShem

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myfamilystoryjmm · 3 years

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Aliza R. - “All For the Boss”

When I decided to do my family story, I immediately thought about my great great great grandfather Rabbi Yakov Yosef Herman. Due to extreme financial hardships Reb Yakov Yosef’s family immigrated to America. After some time in America they realized how hard it was for a Jew to hold down a job while keeping Shabbos so his family decided to go back to Russia leaving him to fend for himself. He stayed with some distant cousins who agreed to provide him with a room for the price of $ 1.00 a week. He worked as a handy boy at a fur shop for the salary of a $ 1.25. It was one of the rare places that were closed on Shabbos. $ 1.00 went to his hosts and the remaining quarter he used for his personal needs. Several weeks passed until, suddenly, one Friday afternoon, his cousins informed him that if he wanted to remain with them, he had to pay $1.25 a week. What would happen to his savings now? And how would he be able to buy tickets he was saving for? With choking sobs he ran from their house and into the street, not knowing where to go. It was erev Shabbos too, but nevertheless, he resolved to never return to his cousins. with the few cents he had in his pocket he bought 3 challahs for Shabbat. Shabbos came and found a loney, forsaken boy sitting on a hard bench in a deserted park. So he made kiddush over 2 challas and hungrily ate one of them. That was his Friday night seudah, and he spent the long night huddled on the hard bench. When morning came he made a vow that when he married and established a home of his own he would never sit down at his Shabbos table or yom tov table without having guests - homeless, poor, hungry orchim - around his table. And indeed, if we look ahead about 8 years we’ll be able to see the home that he established. A home of hospitality and hachnosas orchim. The Shabbos on the bark bench was over, and that very matzo’ei Shabbos, he found a cheaper place to stay. Four years had passed since he last saw his family, but finally the longed-for day arrived when he was able to send for his family. By that time, another ticket was needed for the new brother he never met. It was a joyful day for the Herman family when they were at last united. I love the story because it teaches me many things such as don't give up, you can accomplish anything when you put your mind to it, to always help those in need, and most of all to always have faith in Hashem. My art piece features my great great great grandfather sitting on the bench. The book he is sitting on is called “ All For The Boss” which was written by my great great great grandfather's daughter which tells us about his life. The background is the sun setting in the sky and all the people on the branches are my family.

#MFS: 2021 #MFS: Aliza R

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reallyseverepuppy · 3 years

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https://networthandsalary.com/mushfiqul-hashem/

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expatimes · 4 years

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Scandal rocks subsidized items

KUWAIT CITY, Oct 15: The parliamentary Business Environment Improvement Committee on Thursday voted on several bills and proposals which were discussed in previous meetings, says Committee Chairman MP Khalid Al Fadalah. He disclosed the committee voted against the bill amending National Fund for Small and Medium Enterprises (SMEs) Law No. 98/2013, because the law was amended in the second half of the current parliamentary term.

He affirmed completion of all the bills in the agenda of the committee, stressing the achievement rate of the committee is one hundred percent contrary to the claim of a local daily claiming that its achievement is zero percent. He added the committee is working on its final report and it will be submitted to the National Assembly Secretariat General upon completion. Meanwhile, the Handicapped Affairs Committee discussed the proposal to give a physically handicapped individual with normal mental faculty a chance to decide his custodian (father or mother). The second bill is on assigning two persons to take care of those with severe disabilities such as quadriplegia. The suggested amendments are in line with the international criteria.

On the other hand, MP Khalil Abul recently discussed with Deputy Prime Minister, State Minister for Cabinet Affairs and Minister of Interior Anas Al-Saleh the incidents in the Central Jail including the prison guards who assaulted inmates. He said the minister promised to form a fact-finding committee to determine the factors leading to the incidents and ways to prevent their recurrence.

In another development, several MPs commented on the smuggling of large quantities of subsidized foodstuff to some Arab countries. MP Nasser Al Doussari stressed the importance of toughening the monitoring process in order to control the distribution of subsidized commodities. He called on the concerned institutions to replace expatriate employees assigned in the warehouses for subsidized items with citizens.

MP Safa Al-Hashem said that she previously warned Minister of Commerce and Industry Khalid Al-Rawdan about the smuggling of subsidized commodities, adding the time has come to Kuwaitize jobs in this field. She asserted the distribution of subsidized foodstuff must be organized to ensure they are given only to deserving citizens – those with low salaries. She stressed it is unacceptable that citizens with high salaries are getting subsidized commodities.

Furthermore, Chairman of Youth and Sport Committee MP Ahmed Al-Fadl said the committee held its last meeting for this term to complete important reports. He explained the achievement rate of the committee is not determined through the number of accomplished bills, but the quality of these bills.

On the coronavirus issue, he urged the health authorities to double check the protocol on sterilization, especially in the intensive care units of some hospitals. He said several patients were confined in intensive care units due to coronavirus, but they suffered from other serious diseases like blood poisoning. He supported his claim with the statements of the relatives of these patients. He clarified the relatives of these patients are not demanding for compensation, as they rather want to prevent the recurrence of such errors.

Moreover, MP Adel Al-Damkhi revealed he forwarded a letter to the Assembly calling for the withdrawal of the bill on amending the Election Law; but the concerned committee ignored it, even if it was first submitted on Jan 15, 2017. He pointed out the bill stipulates that each voter is allowed to vote for two candidates in the constituency where he lives.

He also expressed disappointment over the refusal of the National Assembly Office to schedule a special session to discuss proposals related to the Election Law. In addition, Al-Damkhi expressed satisfaction over the recent decisions concerning the Judicial Authority; stressing the Executive Authority is in need of reform as well. He asserted whoever was part of the era of corruption cannot be part of the era of reform.

By Saeed Mahmoud Saleh Arab Times Staff

The post Scandal rocks subsidized items appeared first on ARAB TIMES - KUWAIT NEWS.

#kuwait Read full article: https://expatimes.com/?p=11962&feed_id=10101

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biogossipy · 4 years

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footballmanageraddict · 2 months

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Pentagon Pursuit | Part 41 | Huge Record Signing

#FM24 #PentagonPursuit Part 41: Huge Record Signing. Robaato Rasamu shells out £79m on a centre back and snaps up wonderkid midfielder Serhiy Mazurenko as he seeks to close the chasm between #VfBStuttgart and a relentless #FCBayern. Read here:

VfB Stuttgart enjoyed a strong season but found themselves well short of a relentless Bayern, who’d now won 30 Bundesliga titles on the bounce. So Robaato Rasamu felt changes were needed to attempt to close the gap in his third season in Germany. The best thing about managing in Germany was the huge finances available. Stuttgart began the 2042/43 campaign with £200m in the bank and a £90m…

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sarajoymerkin · 4 years

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Yankel and the Days of Rest

“Yankel! You fool, wake up,” Yehuda, the town butcher said.

Yankel woke with a start.

“Whaaaa... Yes. what?” he stammered.

Yehuda chuckled and slapped Yankel on the back. “I saw you doing this yesterday too. You might want to stay awake if you’re going to finish learning Jonah by Rosh Hashana. The Kollel doesn’t like slackers.”

“I was not... I...” Yankel said. “Did the Rebbe notice?”

“Not this time. But be careful. The Rebbe will take away your salary if he finds out. And who knows, someone might tell him.”

Yankel glared at Yehuda as he made his way back to his seat to continue his daily Torah learning. At least I didn’t cause the entire Kollel to eat non-kosher chicken, Yankel thought. He gathered his Tanakh and commentary books and hurried to leave, ashamed of himself and the mean thoughts he just had.

***

That night Yankel decided to go to sleep an hour early, much to his wife Rochel’s chagrin.

“I have to finish Jonah in two weeks for Rosh Hashana or I will lose the money. The Kollel needs me. Everyone is learning different sections. If I don’t learn mine, we won’t be able to finish the entire Tanakh in time for the holiday” Yankel said.

“We always go to sleep at ten,” she complained, “Almost every night since last year when we were married, we have gone to sleep at ten. I don’t see why we need to change our entire schedule because you fell asleep a few times at the Kollel. I was hoping to finish my book tonight but now there will be no time.”

“I didn’t say you had to come with me,” Yankel mumbled.

“Fine then. But if you wake up early tomorrow because of all this extra sleep, you better not wake me too.” With that said, Rochel stomped off to the den to read her book.

Yankel headed to bed and said his nightly prayers. Shema Yisroel Hashem Aloheinu Hashem Echad, he whispered with his right hand covering his eyes. Then he continued with a prayer of his own, please Hashem, help me stay awake at the Kollel tomorrow. Rochel and I need the money. My tailoring business is not doing well this winter and the Kollel is all we have, I don’t want the Rebbe to find out and lower my stipend, please Hashem please. I know that I have been distant lately. But I’ve just been so busy and haven’t had the time to pray three times a day like I’m supposed to. Oy. What will I do if Yehuda tells the Rebbe to get back in his favor. Hashem listen to my prayers and help me. Amen.

***

The next day Yankel woke up at his normal rising time. He put on one of his many white button-down shirts, black pants, and his worn-out shoes. Rochel was waiting for him in the kitchen with fresh bread and his favorite black tea; a peace offering. He nodded to thank her, washed his hands, and said Baruch atah Hashem Aloheinu melech haolam hamotzei lechem min haeretz, the traditional blessing on bread.

That day, he did everything he could to say awake. He drank two cups of Rochel’s strongest tea. He wore his itchiest pants and a white-button-down with sleeves that pinched his arms when he bent them. He even stuck snow down his back to stay cold. He started by learning that week’s Torah portion, the parasha. Stories about the Jews in the desert. No problem. After an hour, Yankel decided it was time for him to to switch to Jonah.

He slept for four hours that day.

He woke up to a piece of crumpled paper hitting his head. “Hey Yankie! I thought you were supposed to be learning Jonah, not about Joseph’s dreams,” Yehuda called from a few rows back. A couple of the men around him laughed. Yankel grumbled and wiped his eyes. He glanced around and was relieved to see the Rebbe sitting up in front with a group, oblivious to what had happened.

Yehuda smiled as he watched Yankel look around the room. This could be my chance to be a part of the community again, he thought.

Yehuda was infamous around the Kollel for the time he shechted a chicken incorrectly. In order to do it properly, one had to take an exceptionally sharp blade and slice the chicken’s neck as quickly as possible. This lowers the animal's suffering and leaves minimal space for fault. But, if there is even the smallest imperfection on the knife, the chicken is rendered non-kosher. Yehuda knew this law quite well. He studied for years in advance to becoming a trust-worthy butcher and was checked up on daily by a special Rabbi, called a mashgiach. But one fateful day, Yehuda accidentally shechted ten chickens with a faulty knife. He realized afterwards what he had done and made the choice to package and sell them as kosher. The mashgiach had already visited and knew nothing of it. Later that day, the Rebbe of the Kollel stopped into Yehuda’s store and purchased all ten of the non-kosher chickens. Yehuda didn’t say a word. The Rebbe used it to make his town-famous cholent – the stew that was served to the congregation weekly after the Shabbos prayers. Two weeks later, while drunk on Purim night, Yehuda blurted out to the Rebbe what he had done. The Rebbe called for a mandatory one-day fast among the congregation and instituted a full-time mashgiach at Yehuda’s shop. Business slowed for him and Yehuda began to spend more and more time in the Kollel, hoping to find a means of atonement in his learning.

***

The biting cold Polish wind smacked against Yankel’s face as he ran home. He worried that Yehuda would tell the Rebbe about his sleeping issue. Despite the Torah’s strict laws against speaking ill of a neighbor, Yankel wouldn’t be surprised if Yehuda used this chance to get closer to the Rebbe and prove himself to be trustworthy once again.

He barged through the door and fell in Rochel’s arms. She was taken aback by this since they rarely showed each other physical affection other than the rare fingertip touch while passing the salt, and their monthly attempts at childbearing. Yankel was lucky that Rochel was not in niddah at the time, the period after a woman menstruates but has not purified herself, or they would have sinned for simply touching.

“I feel asleep again today,” he choked out amidst catching his breath.

“Oh dear, maybe this was God’s way of punishing you for disrespecting your wife’s wishes last night.”

“Not now Rochel, this is serious. Jonah will take me at least a month to get through and at this rate I won’t be done until Yom Kippur. The worst part is, you know the Rubins’ son, that butcher Yehuda? He keeps giving me trouble.”

“Those Rubins. His mother Chava stole my place in line at the baker's last week and got the last Challah. Not a trustworthy family I tell you. Oh! But have you tried speaking to the Rebbe?”

“I couldn’t. He'd stop my Kollel payments and you know how slow my tailor commissions get in the winter.”

“Yankel you need to go to the Rebbe, he will be understanding. We need this money.”

“No Rochel I just couldn’t. I’ll be the laugh of the town. Poor Yankel can’t stay awake...”

“Just go talk to the Rebbe,” Rochel snapped.

“I can’t I—”

“I’m pregnant Yankel.”

“Pregnant?”

“I was waiting a few more weeks to tell you so there would be no i’yin hara on the baby. I’m already two months pregnant. But, please Yankie. We’re going to need all the money we can get right now, and I can’t have you losing it. See what the Rebbe has to say.”

“We’re having a baby? A son? My son? Oh Rochel. But the Rebbe—”

“Yankel.”

“I can just pretend I did the learning. I’ve done Jonah before I can just use old knowledge if anyone asks me about it. I can do that it will be fine. The Rebbe doesn’t need to know. It will be fine.”

“Yankel, if you don’t tell him than that Yehuda will. Go.”

***

Yankel hurried back out into the snow to go see the Rebbe. He reached the Kollel just as Yehuda was leaving for the night.

“Back again, eh? Thinking about spending the night?” Yehuda said.

“Yehuda, not now please.”

“Someone’s in a mood, perhaps a quick nap would help.”

“I said NOT NOW. Rochel is pregnant and I need this money and I can’t have—”

“Wait. Rochel is pregnant?” Yehuda’s face softened.

“Yes, and I can’t have you—”

“Yankel mazol tov woah. I’m so sorry for making fun of you I had no idea. Mazol tov, mazol tov.”

“What?”

“Listen, the Kollel salary is barely enough for me to support my six children, and ever since last year with the chicken, you remember?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, my meat sales have been down, and I’ve been struggling to get by. Oy what a fool I was to give you so much trouble. Forgive me Yankel please! I didn’t mean any harm I just hoped the people would finally forget about me with you falling asleep like that. And I—”

“Yehuda calm down, it is fine, now I just need to go in there and face the Rebbe.”

“No. Don’t. I thought I could go to him about the chicken and I haven’t heard the end of it. Let me try to help you stay awake. It’s the least I can do.”

***

Rochel was already asleep by the time Yankel returned that night. She left a plate of meat and potatoes out on the table with a note that read: Yankie, I’m off to bed since I do not know how long your talk with the Rebbe will take. I hope it went well. This baby has made me more tired than I thought I would be. So, make sure you clean up after yourself. I don’t need more work than I already have. Also, do not wake me tomorrow morning. Doctor Schwartz said I should get as much rest as I can with all my stress right now. Layla Tov. Sleep well, not like you have much of a problem doing that. Ha!

Yankel smirked and placed the letter aside. Rochel was always making him laugh. It was the reason he chose to marry her over that Leah that the matchmaker tried to set him up with. Leah was from a much wealthier family, but he couldn’t get Rochel out of his head. And now they were going to have a baby together. A baby! Yankel couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he jawed his way through the tough slab of meat.

He decided to sleep on the couch that night. He didn’t want to disturb Rochel and he had told Yehuda that he would be at the Kollel early the next morning.

***

The waves shoved themselves against Yankel’s frail body. He pushed as hard as he could to swim against the rough current, but it felt like he was swimming in place. The whale was not far behind fighting its own battle against the heavy waters. It let out a loud, long wail that shook Yankel’s body as he swam. The whale would catch up to him eventually. This was a truth Yankel could feel. But for now, all he could do was swim.

***

The next day the pair sat together in the Beit Midrash at the crack of dawn.

“Yehuda, thank you again for doing this. Todah rabah. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, but I just can’t seem to stay awake.”

“Well why don’t we learn a bit of parasha together first and then move on to Jonah?

“I tried that already...”

“Oy okay. How about we just try learning Jonah together then?”

“But Yehuda don’t you have your own portions to—”

“They didn’t give me any.”

“Oh.”

“The Rebbe still thinks I’m impure and won’t let me take part in communal learning. Not until I finish revisiting the laws of kosher and shechting.”

“I’m so sorry I—”

“It’s fine. Now, let’s learn about teshuva huh? I’ll read the first section. Try to keep up.” Yehuda winked and began to read. “Vayehi d’var Hashem el Yonah ben Amitai leymor.” He translated, “And Hashem spoke to Jonah the son of Amitai saying:” But by then, Yankel was already dreaming about swimming desperately through the ocean, chased by a giant blue whale.

Yehuda shook Yankel, who snapped his head up. “Oy” is all Yankel could say.

“Why don’t you try read a posuk instead?” Yehuda said.

Yankel opened his Tanakh to Jonah, section one. He felt his eyelids getting heavy and his heartbeat slow. “I...” He yawned and began to drift off into a continuation of his earlier dream.

Yehuda watched him in amazement. He took it upon himself to nudge Yankel every few seconds to keep himself awake. He would nudge Yankel, Yankel would shake awake, look down at the book, and immediately begin to fall asleep again.

After a few attempts, Yehuda decided it was time to try something new. He poked Yankel. He poked and poked and poked and poked.

“Stop that! I’m not falling asleep but now I can’t focus at all,” Yankel said.

“I don’t know what else to do” Yehuda said, “Maybe it’s time to talk to the Rebbe.”

Yankel sighed. “Tomorrow. For now, let’s at least get some of your kosher law learning out of the way. If I can stay awake for something that boring, how much more so should I be able to for Jonah.”

***

The house smelled of chicken soup and warmth as Yankel entered, trapping the cold wind outside behind him.

“I know it’s only Wednesday, but I was craving a matzo ball,” Rochel called from the kitchen. “I promise I promise I will make another batch for Shabbos. Oh! And don’t worry, I bought chicken from that butcher Tuvia. Did not want to help out that Yehuda Rubin in any way.”

Yankel entered the kitchen and took in the sight of his beautiful wife. He could already see the baby bump forming, or maybe he was just imagining it.

“Chicken soup will be fine for dinner,” he said. “And from now on only buy from Yehuda. I was so foolish to judge him so quickly—”

“What?” Rochel said.

“Sit down, let me tell you about what has happened.”

After dinner, Rochel decided that Yankel should go straight to the Rebbe’s house and speak to him there.

“There is no time to waste,” she said. “Rosh Hashana is in two weeks; I’ve even started to cook already! If you don’t figure this out now you will not be able to fulfill your learning in time.”

“I’ll go. But if the Rebbe doesn’t have an answer, I don’t know what we’ll do,” Yankel said.

“Watch your tongue. The Rebbe always has an answer.”

***

Yankel trekked through the icy wind as it shoved itself against his bare face. He reached the house he was looking for and banged on the door, eager to get out of the cold.

“Yankel? What are you doing here? It’s late,” Yehuda said.

“I am on the way to the Rebbe’s house and I want you to come with me,” Yankel answered.

“What? Why? And come in, come in, you look like a ghost.” Yankel walked inside and sat by the fire. “So,” Yehuda continued. “Why should I come with you? My presence surely will not help matters.”

“Yes, but I need someone there to help the Rebbe understand the situation. Please Yehuda come with me. I won’t ask anything from you again.”

Yehuda sighed and nodded.

***

The Rebbe’s house was small and worn out. Some Rebbes chose to live with wealth, but he refused all but a basic salary from the Kollel’s donors—the wealthy Jews from Krakow—and gave the rest to the congregation.

The Rebbe’s face displayed a mix of confusion and exhaustion when he opened the door.

“Rebbe, I am so sorry to bother you at this hour. I have a problem I need to discuss with you,” Yankel said.

“Come in,” the Rebbe replied with a slow gesture towards the kitchen table that sat right by the entrance of the small house. He paused when he noticed Yehuda, and then made his way over to the chair at the head of the table.

"It’s that... I... Well... You see...” Yankel said.

“Oy. What Yankel is trying to say is that he keeps falling asleep whenever he tries to learn his portion for Rosh Hashana,” Yehuda said.

“Asleep?” the Rebbe questioned.

“Yes. And no matter what we did to try and keep him awake it didn’t work. He won’t finish his learning in time. And, if he can’t stay awake, he won’t be able to start at all,” Yehuda said.

“I see. And what happens when you fall asleep, Yankel? Do you dream at all?” the Rebbe said.

“Yes!” Yankel said with a newfound confidence. “I keep having the same dream every time I sleep, not just at the Kollel. I’m swimming and there is a whale chasing me. Sometimes it lets out a huge wail and I can feel it shaking me. But I always wake up right before it catches up.”

The Rebbe thought for a moment. “I see. Yes. I see. Okay. Yankel you must fast for the next two days and treat them as if they were a Yom Kippur. Clearly there is something in your past that requires atonement. The wail of the whale leads to me believe that you have been neglecting your prayers to Hashem. Is that true?”

“Yes, Rebbe,” Yankel said.

“Oy. Say all three prayers with immense concentration, both days. At the end of the second day I will sound a shofar for you, to banish your sins.”

“Yes Rebbe, thank you,” Yankel said.

Of course, if at that point you are still having this issue, I will have to ask you to give up your portion until it is resloved. But I do believe this should work.”

With that, Yankel and Yehuda headed out. The Rebbe shook Yankel’s hand as he exited. He made eye contact with Yehuda and nodded.

“Thank you, Yehuda,” the Rebbe said, “for trying to help Yankel.”

***

“Tekiyah Gedolah,” the Rebbe announced and blew the shofar two days later. A loud trumpet-like noise emerged as the Rebbe’s cheeks turned red. “Best of luck with your learning tomorrow Yankel,” he said.

The next morning, Yankel arrived at the Kollel and was surprised to find Yehuda there waiting for him.

“I figured you might need someone to poke you,” Yehuda said.

The two men sat down at what was now becoming their usual table. Yehuda opened the Tanakh slowly, for dramatic effect.

“Ready?” he asked Yankel.

“Yes.” Yankel took a deep breath, “Okay. Vayehi d’var Hashem el Yonah ben Amitai leymor. Did I do it? Am I awake?”

“You did it!” Yehuda responded. They rejoiced and hugged each other.

Over the following ten days, Yankel and Yehuda spent hours in the Kollel learning all of Jonah. Yehuda supplied chicken for lunch daily, which delighted Rochel since it meant she didn’t have to work to make it for Yankel. By the time Rosh Hashana came, they had not only finished Jonah, but had almost finished learning all of the laws of Kosher.

***

Six months later a beautiful baby boy was born to Yankel and Rochel. They held a bris meliah at the Kollel, with a special chicken cholent, sponsored by Yehuda. When it came time to name the boy, Yankel announced that he would be called Yehuda, after the most righteous man he knew. News of this spread around the community and no more than a week later, Yehuda was invited to the Rebbe’s Sabbath dinner for the first time in two years.

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younes-ben-amara · 5 years

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— Hashem E. Zahran (@HEZahran) April 25, 2019

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newstfionline · 7 years

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Gaza Dating Site Matches Widows to Men Seeking 2nd (or 3rd) Wife

By Majd Al Waheidi, NY Times, June 4, 2017

GAZA CITY--He was looking for a woman with particular attributes, hopefully a widow of a man killed in the struggle against Israel, without children, between 25 and 30, from southern Gaza. Her requirement was no less important: She was looking for a married man.

For Majdi and Ghada Abu Mustafa, their simultaneous search for a spouse turned out well, and the pair are now married.

“She is beautiful and a widow of a martyr at the same time,” Mr. Abu Mustafa said, using the word preferred by Palestinians for a killed fighter, often a terrorist to Israelis. She is the second of his two wives.

“When I get wealthy, I will marry the third wife.”

The couple met on Wesal--it means communion or reunion in Arabic--a first-of-its-kind matchmaking website in Gaza. It has been successful, and not just because Tinder and other dating apps are banned or severely frowned on here.

Its founder knows his demographic well: residents of the religiously conservative Gaza Strip, with its culture of resistance. Some 1,400 men have been killed in the three wars with Israel since 2008, leaving many widows who would like to remarry. Tradition, however, can make it difficult for them to wed single men.

Mr. Abu Mustafa, 34, a math teacher, said he had no specific reasons to get married again, but said he did wish to give “dignity” to a widow. Ms. Abu Mustafa’s first husband died during the conflict between Hamas and Israel in 2012.

Islam permits a man to have up to four wives.

“Our men fight wars and die. Women stay alive,” said the site’s founder, Hashem Sheikha. “This is why my project supports polygamy.”

Mr. Sheikha, 33, a Palestinian born in Saudi Arabia, said the site has led to 160 weddings since it started in March, he said, and more than half the marriage requests involved men seeking a second or third wife (though not yet a fourth).

“We want to spread joy and connections between people” and help them with “finding love and peace after going through a lot of suffering,” he said.

“Women who lost their men during the last three wars have difficult lives and few options,” said Reham Owda, a Gaza-based writer and analyst of women’s issues. “In most cases the husband’s family pressures the woman to marry the brother in law to control her life and seize any financial aid she receives.”

Ms. Owda added that if the widow’s husband is affiliated with a political party, it might intervene and pressure the woman to marry a man from the same group, and she will often agree because she is struggling financially and the group will pay her a salary.

“This matchmaking service is positive because it encourages these women to choose the potential husband without fear and pressure in this religious and patriarchal society,” Ms. Owda said.

Wesal not only facilitates marriages for widows, but also for the divorced and those who have never married.

Part of Wesal’s immediate success appears to be how closely it hews to Gazan tradition, despite the digital medium. When completing an application, people must address several questions important to those looking for a spouse here: place of residence, occupation, salary, marital status, number of children. And there are some traditional terms that users must accept: “I swear by Allah the Great that all my information is accurate, and that I won’t use this website for entertainment.”

What Wesal does not have is profile photos or any online chatting functionality, to protect the privacy of women and because both would be considered “haram,” or forbidden under Islamic law, Mr. Sheikha said.

“We are the halal version of American dating websites,” he said, using the word that connotes what is acceptable under Islamic tradition.

Wesal is ad-supported, plus a man and a woman who get married after meeting on the site are supposed to pay $100 each.

Though popular, with some 100,000 visitors in a population of two million people in Gaza, the website is not universally liked.

Amal Seyam, the head of the nongovernmental Gaza’s Women Affairs Association, said the service appeared to have come at an opportune time to take advantage of changes in Gazan society.

“Polygamy has hit high rates in Gaza over the few past years, seemingly due to an increase in people’s religious inclination, especially after Hamas took power in 2007,” Ms. Seyam said, referring to the militant group that rules over Gaza.

Marriage rates over all have been on the decline in Gaza, and divorce is on the rise because of high poverty and unemployment rates, said the head of the Supreme Sharia Judicial Council in Gaza, Sheikh Hassan al-Jojo. Hamas itself has been trying to encourage marriage by paying the equivalent of $1,500 to any male who memorizes the Quran, a bit of cash to help finance the next step in life.

Sheikh Abdul Khaleq Buhaisi, another official with the Sharia Council, which has authority over weddings, said he preferred more traditionally arranged marriages, often through a khattaba--a woman who pays home visits in the company of the groom’s mother to search for brides.

The khattaba inspects the prospective bride: body shape, skin color, teeth, hair and other physical features. Traditionally, the polite way for a groom’s family to signal a proposal request is to ask to go to the bride’s family’s house for a cup of coffee.

With the Wesal service, a prospective groom receives a woman’s address when the two have exchanged “likes” online. The man then has 48 hours to propose, something still typically done over the traditional coffee at her home.

Kholoud Sobouh, 27, said she got tired of being shown to men who knocked on her door with their mothers to propose. Through Wesal, she and her fiancé met in less than 24 hours. She requested an educated man who didn’t smoke and who could secure a home in Gaza. Her fiancé, Tareq--Ms. Sobouh did not want to give his surname, for fear of being criticized for meeting her spouse online--said he wanted a tall, light-skinned woman with religious manners. It will be the first marriage for both.

“Wesal service is the best discovery of my life,” Ms. Sobouh said. “I am the one who will get married, not my family or the society.”

In some cases, Wesal’s founder acts something like a traditional khattaba.

Nour Ahmad, 25, left Gaza after her family finally agreed to let her marry a Palestinian man living in Saudi Arabia.

“The founder of Wesal came to my family and convinced them that the man is honest and wants to marry me,” Ms. Ahmad said. “I said yes because I wanted a man who is not jobless, who has a good life and works on his future.”

Mr. Sheikha, Wesal’s founder, says he wants the site to challenge longstanding customs surrounding matchmaking in Gaza, and to give women more agency in the process. “Our website encourages them to search for husbands by themselves, to truly choose and say what they like in the man,” he said. “We also fight old traditions that say divorced women should not get married.”

But while Mr. Sheikha is in favor of more options for women in the selection of a spouse, he is not a strong supporter of the choice to remain single. In addition to helping widows and the divorced find husbands, he said he hoped the site would also address “an increase in the number of spinsters in their 20s and 30s. The Arabic proverb says living in the shadow of a man is better than living in the shadow of a wall, which means that having a husband is better than staying unmarried.”

Mr. Sheikha said he was currently looking for a second wife himself and that he preferred she be a widow.

The site has also found favor among divorced men.

Rami Shatali, 38, works in a biscuit factory, earns less than 1,000 shekels a month, or not quite $300, and has four daughters living with him in the Al Maghazi refugee camp from an earlier marriage that ended in divorce.

His new wife, Majd Shatali, 26, also divorced and with a son, found him on Wesal in March.

“I felt like I was the happiest man in the world on my wedding day,” Mr. Shatali said, “because I found a woman who madly fell in love with me, the one who could make me forget all about my pain.”

#Gaza #Wesal #matchmaking website in Gaza

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