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theshoesofatiredman · 7 months

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I'm revisiting a part of The High School Survival Guide: Making the Most of the Best Time of Your Life (so far) by Adam Palmer. It's a Christian book despite the fact that the title makes it seem totally areligious, and I read parts of it when I was in high school. It was the first time I ever read about being gay in a book. I found a free version online and while I didn't think the Bible could shock me anymore my mouth dropped open at this:

Apparently the MSG version of this passage really says the quiet part out loud. Gay people aren't even human / lose the knowledge of how to be human. Not sure how that works. There's such a dissonance between the tone of this verse and the tone of the text in the book too.

GEE I WONDER WHY??? How strange that Christians, who believe their sacred text claims that homosexual acts strip people of God, love, and their humanity, view homosexuality as 'icky' and 'gross.' In fact, I would think they'd think much worse in that scenario and treat gay people far worse. In fact, it kinda seems like you're downplaying the absolutely brutal treatment and systemic discrimination of gay people that was carried out in the name of Jesus.

And all of this is being aimed at (presumably Christian) teenagers who think they might be gay. There's no real advice here other than to surrender to god and to seek accountability.

I was keenly aware as a gay Christian that I was at the center of a culture war I did not want to be a part of. People out beyond my religious community were fighting for an acceptance and celebration of homosexuality that I thought was harmful and sinful. People inside my religious community had all kinds of incorrect ideas about gay people and I didn't think there was much space for me to be "out of the closet" even if I stayed single, celibate, and god-fearing. And I had no idea what to do about any of it.

I didn't come out to anyone until after high school. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and the weight was still heavy. God did not make it easier, did not lift the burden of homosexuality from me. I had plenty of accountability in my life, constantly watched by helicopter parents with Internet filters, confessing sin regularly in men's groups (both before and after I started to tell people I 'struggled with same-sex attraction). 'Accountability' only served to intensify my shame.

The only time things got easier was when I started to take God out of the equation, when I started to see my sexuality as a part of myself to embrace rather than excise. Christians will drone on and on about how Christ sets people free from their sins. In my experience, to be free of my sin I had to first be free of Christ.

#I thought this book was when I encountered the “actually gay people just have a bad relationship with their same sex parents” argument but #turns out that's not the case #which is not helpful for the other thing I was writing but now im making this post #this book is so crazy too like it really neatly packages the evangelical worldview and aims it at high schoolers #Rereading it is eerie cause it's presenting stuff that's nearly exactly what I believed as a Christian #but it's not like my entire worldview came from this book #I don't remember even reading this book all the way through and I doubt I did #it's just very good at bottling up the theological waters in which I as swimming and serving it to in its simplest form #exvangelical #tw: homophobia #cw: homophobia #homophobia #ex christian #ex fundamentalist #ex fundie #ex religious #apostate #gay exvangelical #religious trauma #shoesofatiredman

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autismsupersoldier · 2 months

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every day of my life im thinking of this image

because i am a person full of love and i am worried i express it too much or to the wrong person and what if everyone thinks im a freak or weird or too pushy or have ulterior motives. its spilling out even though i try to keep myself upright and i am so worried that someone doesnt see that as genuine and thinks im weird weird weird. but on the other hand i just try to not care. i know its genuine and i trust the people around me to trust me that they can set a boundary with me about it if its too much. and not call me a freak. or something. i dont know

#i just sent a positive ask to someone and i read it over five times hoping its not too much #i am still worried its too much but so far every time i sent or told something like that to someone else #they were delighted #and i also try to go off of #how id feel if someone told me that #and id be happy #god idk #help #call me peter falk on the set of columbo the way i am always uncertain about everything even if i do a good job #ive been reading a book about the making of columbo #and the way peter acted there resonates with me #ghn gghghh #tommyspeak #JUST REALISED THIS TOO IS DANIIL. WHATEVER. FUCK MY LIFE BING BONG

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p4nishers · 9 months

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ok but the fact that "aziraphale is softening. they haven't spoken in a hundred years: he's realizing they're still friends" and "there's no need to thank me that's what...friends...are for" was in the same night is making me go INSANE

#we NEED to talk more abt the 1941 ep im so serious im not normal about it like i had such high expectations and it suppressed them all.#am i disappointed there wasn't a rejection scene like i predicted?? yes ofc but also aziraphale said he did the apology dance that year so #i wonder what else could've fucking happened #but anyway. let's focus on what DID happen: aziraphale literally GLOWING with love in the car. crowley telling him to shut up cause of a #compliment. aziraphale helping crowley out and crowley looking at him like 'you'd do that for me?'. crowley not only letting aziraphale #practice magic with him but ACTIVELY playing a character to help him and i mean that scene was literally just crowley flirting with him #crowley indulging aziraphale by going to the magic shop with him and agreeing to participate in his show despite the fact that he NEVER EVEN #SHOT A GUN BEFORE. him just leafing thru the guidebook till he realizes there's a miracle blocker than starting to frantically flip thru it #her hands SHAKING on the gun and them being so afraid of hurting az. 'no paperwork :))' sure my guy that's what u r so happy about ofc #'but do u really think it went well' 'absolutely' with such sincerity. the book description saying smth abt ifa demon were to happen across #aziraphale they should report it immediately to the demon crowley. 'you could've just walked away' 'well you said 'trust me'' 'and you did'#its just. its one of my favorite eps it's so nice #good omens #azicrow #good omens s2 #aziracrow #go s2 spoilers #go s2 #good omens script book #good omens s2 spoilers #aziraphale x crowley

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pixelatedraindrops · 11 days

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How would the NDA handle a sick Vivia? And/or what would Vivia be like when he's sick?

Honestly, a sick Vivia probably isn't too much different from a normal Vivia... XD Like if he's just feverish he'd probably just be a little more sleepy than usual and maybe just not listen when people are speaking to him. I think for anyone to know he's sick, he'd need more symptoms that actually make it more obvious. Especially audible ones (sneezing/coughing/sniffling/raspy vocals)

As for how the NDA would handle him? First of all, I think Yakou would try to get him out of the fireplace to lay down somewhere more comfortable, but it wouldn't work and Vivia would stay put... X'D So Yakou instructs the NDA to get Vivia blankets and pillows, tea/water, ice, soup, and medicine. And maybe a nice new book to read. (though they'd probably fail to get one Vivia actually likes, and the only one who even slightly has a clue about his taste in literature is yuma... x'D) So they each buy a different type of book.

But poor Vivia would be too tired to move and too dizzy to read any books on his own. So to cheer him up, the NDA decides to each take turns reading their chosen books to Vivia. A little NDA storytelling circle around the fireplace to help the sick and tired spectral detective feel better and maybe help him to go to sleep~ ^-^ Yuma has a novel he actually likes, Desuhiko gets a romance/comedy novel, Fubuki gets an adventure novel, Halara gets a book about cats. And Yakou?? He probably just reads the newspaper to him... XD

Even if Vivia doesn't care for some of the genres, he feels too much peace to care so he smiles all bundled in a big warm blanket and laying his chin on a soft pillow as he hears all his friends read different stories to him to help him feel better <3

#pixel answers #whumpcode #rain code #vivia twilight #sicknaro #whumpcode ask #its storytime for veeva <3 #his favorite time #only everyone's joining in :3 #I love me a good sick day scenario where there's storytelling involved to make the sickie feel better <3 #its perfect for this book loving sleepy detective c:#plus poor thing probably never got any stories from his real family ;-;#well now his new family can help with that~ ^-^

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alizalayne · 10 months

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(wakes up as if from a 100 years of dreaming ) well i believe i have finished inking beetle and the chimera carnival

#that’s book 2 #i had a lovely time at a pride author event the other day and some people asked about the book #and it was difficult to like explain its slowness except that there was a full 1 year where my publisher wasn’t sure they wanted it #and then 2 years of work while i had many many many health problems and so did my family #and it is so long… it is SO long #but it is quite simply very very very good #i will have help coloring it so hopefully it will be out in a year and a half

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oozeandgoo-art · 4 months

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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.

#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading #oc #im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people #im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though #besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol #sketch #god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking #colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING #and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement #it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it #put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead #ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it #the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does #rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares #which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down #and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 5 months

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Phullo there, I’d like to ask you a question! I hope I won’t be such a bothersome.

So, I’m planning to write a story about Laughingstock and since I find your storytelling very pleasing I figured it’d be a great idea to ask for your advice about the writing!

My Idea in general for this story is just Howdy taking a day off from working in his bodega. And basically, he’ll be just wearing normal clothes.. shocking truly.

And thennn, Barnaby and Howdy accidentally stumbled into each other’s path. They later then of course had a very long conversation that lasted until evening maybe.

Of course there’ll be some fishy moments like them looking at each other with goggly eyes and other cheesy romantic nonsense- but it’s just mainly them having their usual conversation with a ‘couple’ of jokes here and there. It’s supposed to be a sweet memory for them to remember basically.

So, what I’m really trying to ask you for is- how the heck do you start a story exactly and not make it into just the dialogues? Like, I want my story to be kind of long but I’m afraid it’ll be just them, y’know, talking and I really don’t want it to be boring.. therefore, I really need your help.

I am so sorry if it’s such a bad timing considering the fact that you just had an interview which I am very proud for you for that! Even if it didn’t go as expected at least you did good half of it.

Soo, yeah! I’d very much appreciate your advice and I am sooo sorry that this was soo long!!! And again, a bad timing too.. but hey if you got any time, please consider answering. Thank you..

Also any response yet? On the interview of course.

hmmm... in my experience and Knowledge Accumulated Over The Years via reading And writing... the best place to start is to just drop in. no story introduction, no "it was a dark and stormy night", just Start. it sounds like your story begins with Howdy taking the day off, so maybe kick off with him getting ready / choosing an outfit, or w/ him reflexively almost opening the store before he stops and chides himself for almost forgetting that he's taking the day off

to combat the dialogue, maybe detail him leaving the bodega to go into the neighborhood. what does he see? hear? feel both physically and mentally? is there anyone else out and about? set the scene! ive been struggling with this too lately since i haven't seriously written in a while and i haven't been reading actual books

WHICH! IMPORTANT TANGENTS!! read well-written books, Not fanfic! im not saying dont read fanfic ever or i'd be the world's biggest hypocrite, but also read actual books. it's important to study how published authors write, how stories are structured, dialogue and action. because these books have more often then not gone through a Rigorous screening process. multiple drafts, beta readers, publishers reading it with great scrutiny before agreeing to publish - of course there are exceptions, but a lot of books are the highest quality they can be, and will outshine most fics. because, and i say all of this as good things, fics are unregulated. most dont have beta readers. a lot are from amateur authors new to the scene. there will be spelling mistakes, weird grammar & sentence structure, etc - most fics have Entirely different writing styles from each other. so if you only read fanfic, That is what your brain will learn, and it's gonna be harder for you to write. published books have less variation in styles, and the styles are subtler. there's less spelling mistakes if any, so your spelling will improve. your internal vocabulary will expand. even if you don't consciously study what you read, your brain will pick up on & internalize patterns, how action works, how dialogue works, how to structure a story, all that good stuff. if you want, i can recommend well-written books! i've been an avid reader since... like, ever. i've got recs galore! you can tell me your preferred genre & literary interest and i'll probably have something for you! and if you're not big on books, well... get out of your comfort zone lmao, books are fucking awesome and i guarantee there are plenty out there that you would love.

and when you're writing dialogue, intersperse it with little actions or the main povs' internal dialogue. if there's a natural lull in the conversation, explore that lull! what do the characters do in this moment? what's going on around them? sprinkle bits of setting in so that your reader knows where they are and what's going on.

plus, exploring the non-dialogue sections of your story can, and often will, spark inspiration in your brain for scenes and actions to fill out the story if you want it to be long (but also! if you just want to write the scene of their conversation, that's the beauty of fanfic - there's no requirements. do whatever you want lmao). when Howdy is going into town, maybe Wally calls him over for a quick pose - does Howdy say yes or no, and how does that decision change the story? maybe Julie invites him to join her in a game, or Eddie stops to talk to Howdy about him being out and about. maybe there are some complaints over the bodega not being open. what's the lead-up to Howdy and Barnaby running into each other? do they literally run into each other? what happens when they do? those are just a few possibilities of many!

remember, when you're writing, you're that story's god. you can do literally fucking anything. you decide what the characters do, where they go, what happens in their world. that mindset should help you bolster the plot instead of just "these two characters have a conversation", yk?

i hope this helps!

#im so serious i am talking from personal experience #the quality of my writing improves after reading an actual book / when im reading one alongside writing #which is why im getting myself back into it #i spent a while not reading books and boyyyyy howdy have i suffered for it!#i miss when i was in elementary school reading at least one full length book a week...#BUT BOOKS HELP. GOOD BOOKS #not the fuckin cookie cutter booktok recs that're just a bunch of tropes slapped together #im talkin about the quality stuff.#im talkin about authors who really see the art in writing & storytelling #rambles from the bog #but also do take everything i say with a grain of salt #i have a lot of room for improvement myself & as with my art im an Entirely Self Taught Writer #so im by no means an expert on the subject! im a medium level writer at best <3 #and im not saying that in a derogatory way! it just means i have a ways to go in becoming a legitimately good writer #& reaching the level that i want. its something to strive for!#also thank you! ive never done an interview before so i really have nothing to compare it to!

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herarcadewasteland · 9 months

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Bite Me

A/N: I have no fucking clue what to title this, it's just Renfield x Reader cause i just watched it and brain went brrrr. Also such a funny movie, 10/10 recommend if gore/violence doesn’t bother you cause Dracula and shit. so many tags TT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting in Mulates with a cup of coffee and your laptop, you sighed. Robert was supposed to have met up with you over an hour ago. It wasn’t uncommon for him to vanish for hours upon hours at a time only to show up looking ruffled and frantic as he panted for breath clearly having ran from wherever he was. But this was pushing a new record, the waitress giving you a knowing look as you popped your back and cracked your neck.

“Just the bill please, thanks.”, you sighed once more as the waitress walked off for your bill.

The door slamming open made you jump as you turned to look at what the disturbance was, Renfield sprinting through the tables to reach your side with his usual messy hair. He gathered you into a tight hug as you huffed at him.

“You almost made a new record for how late you are for dates, Renny.”

The nickname made him smile sheepishly as he met your annoyed gaze, your own softening at his genuine guilt. He nodded and pulled you to the door as you frantically dropped the cash onto the table you were sat at.

“I know, I know. I am sorry for making you wait, Y/N. I attended that meeting last minute.”

You hummed in thought and let him drag you to a drab and downright sketchy studio apartment building a little more than halfway across town. The sign blinked at you with its last letters as you stumbled up the stairs, Renfields smile growing as you neared an apartment on the corner of the floor. Birds chirped their goodbyes as you walked into the air conditioned space with yet another sigh, your clammy hand slipping from Roberts as you toured the small and obviously recently cleaned area. The bright orange, green and pink trimmed walls hurt your eyes before you got used to it, the motivational posters stuck all over the walls making you smile at Renfield as he gave you a vibrant one in return.

“Renny it looks great. I thought you were staying with your grandmother though? Will she be okay on her own?”

Robert nodded and wrapped his arms around your waist, his bright yellow and orange jacket falling like a blanket around you as he towered above your frame. A kiss landed on the top of your head as he chuckled.

“She will be quite alright. I have made sure she is settled in and comfortable to be on her own while I’m away.”

You nodded to him as you left his hold to wander the small space some more, your eyes roaming the posters and landing on a book that lay on the bedside-table.

“What in the- Renny! I thought you said you quit that job!”, you huffed at him in exasperation as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Well I was going to, but something came up and I didn’t have the chance. I’ll quit soon, I promise. It’s just complicated.”

“I know Renny but you have more power now, that asshole boss of yours isn’t here to stop you from sending in a letter of resignation.”

He shook his head as he shushed you, his arms wrapping around you again as he shook slightly against you. Your eyes closed as you relaxed in his hold, his breathing calming as yours did. Turning your head to admire his features, you smiled. He had this boyish charm about him with the aura of danger and desperation. It was so uniquely Renfield that you smiled brighter. He caught onto your smile as he looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, his finger booping your nose. Going cross-eyed involuntarily, you giggled at him.

“Renny why~! You know I go cross-eyed every time! It’s not fun.”, you pouted up at the laughing man as he ruffled your hair.

He acknowledged your statement with confirmation that yeah he did know, but his eyes stayed trained on your pouted lips as you blinked at him innocently. Quickly leaning down to capture your lips in a kiss, you let out a gasp as he pulled you even closer.

Getting lost in the kiss, neither of you noticed the door opening slowly as a polished black shoe stepped through the frame dramatically.

“Marvelous attire, very colourful.”, a voice droned from the door as you parted from the kiss to catch a glimpse of a pale man in a sparkly suit before Renfield pushed you into the adjoining room frantically, his eyes panicked and holding desperation as he shut the door on you.

The voice carried through the door as you pressed your ear against it in an attempt to hear if Robert was alright, “You look like the kind of boy who has to fight ‘em off!”

A wheeze laughed followed as Renfields hesitant laugh filtered through, making you tense against the door,

“So I suppose that’s a “no” for you bringing me my dinner tonight, hmmm?”

“A no? No.”, Roberts voice was clearly terrified of the idea behind saying no to whoever this sparkly pale dude was.

“Nooo?”, it was drawn out sarcastically and almost mockingly.

“No, not a no.”

“No not mm?”, the man drawled as he took an audible sip of something.

“Uhm...Yes. Big yes to dinner!”, you could hear the over-exaggerated enthusiasm behind Roberts voice as he struggled to please whoever that man was, “A feast. A full feast, Master. In fact, I’m so glad you’re here...”

You could hear pacing and clinking as he busied himself with one thing or another as he stalled for an excuse.

“I was actually on my way to see you!”, the clinking got more frantic.

“Oh you were on your waaaaay.”, the disappointment and judgement was clear in the drawl of the man’s voice.

“Yes but I had uhm, too many bodies.”

“Oh you-you have bodies hm?”, the mocking was at full force as Renfield stumbled through his sentences while your confusion grew rapidly.

“Too- too many!”, the clinking gained speed with his voice, “So many bodies that I couldn't carry them all! You should have seen it.”

He paced over to the door, mouthing a silent apology as he opened it to glance at you briefly to busy himself anxiously. A disbelieving “Mhm” meeting your ears.

“You see the problem is, my back has really been playing up! Anyway, the plan is to rent a U-Haul and that way I’ll be able to get all the bodies...”

His entire sentence was backed by even more sarcastic “Mhmm”’s as you peeked through a small crack in the door.

“You know what? It’s so silly but you don’t have to worry, um, and I-I won’t bother you my- my problems.”, Renfield's shrug and self pitying laugh made you furrow your eyebrows as you watched.

“No, no~”, the sparkly dressed man stood slowly as he spoke, “Please, tell me all about your problems.”

The ‘please’ was backed with a growl as Renfield stood with lowered shoulders, hoping to avoid whatever was coming his way as ‘problems’ was emphasised with hatred.

You burst from the room to stand next to Renfield as the pale man paused in his stride to eye you up and down as Robert pulled you close to hide you from view even as you peaked from around his arm to watch the man carefully.

“Tell me all about the gun-wielding criminals who came after you for killing their men because you were protecting so-called innocent people.”

The way he spoke his last two words was bone chilling as his clawed hand extended towards your lover with an almost threatening flick as his hand rested on his hip behind his back.

“I’m-I’m sorry.”, Renfield spoke softly and hesitantly, his arms pushing you back further as he shifted in place, “I’m sorry Master, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?”, the eyebrow raises the man gave were almost comical if not for the promise of pain written in his jagged smile and dead eyes as he let out a wheezed chuckle, “Are you actually suggesting that anything you could do would hurt...me?!”

HIs voice raised as he threw the vase of flowers to the ground with a loud smash to match his raised voice as Renfield raised his hands to his hips in an attempt to non-verbally console the man as he stuttered through an apology.

“No. No no no no no no, Master, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... I didn’t mean that.”

He was nearly cut off in his apology as he grabbed your hand for moral support while you watched the man comb his greasy hair back from his forehead with a disgusting smile.

“No, no. It’s alright- it’s alright. It’s alright.”

“Really-?”

“No, it’s, yeah.”, he finished combing his hair and held out a placating hand towards the two of you, “Let me explain something to you, okay?”

The ‘okay’ left an uneasy feeling in your stomach as he toned it like he was talking to a child. His hand pointing dramatically with each word,

“I was wrong about you. I should’ve realized what you were capable of when you were so eager to join me.”

His menacing steps forward caused Renfield to step back with a worried expression, your feet matching his movements as you backed away slowly from the approaching man.

“I don’t think I was eager,”, Robert looked down in contemplation with eyebrows furrowed further, “I think that you caught me at a low moment and you maybe manipulated me too.”

“No, no no, no, no...”

The sparkly dressed pale man furrowed his own eyebrows in confusion as Renfield continued on his explanation before his denial clashed with Roberts sentences.

“And you just caught me at a low moment, and used some of your power...”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I use my power for a lot of things, but I didn’t need to use it on you. You were a lawyer who wanted to get rich off a real-estate deal. You’re the one who used me!”

Renfield cowered slightly to the side to block you fully from the mans view as he continued his degrading.

“You used my power because you were a husk! An empty void that nothing can fill. The only thing that gave your life meaning was my power! The power you used to bring me victims while you pretended to be one yourself!”

His voice raised to a shout as you glanced up at Renfields face, his eyes full of tears as he listened. Roberts eyes closed with a shaky nod as he swallowed harshly, his hand squeezing yours tightly as the pale man sighed loudly.

“However, I am the real victim here! I am the one you swore to protect! And you...”, his breathing grew rough and loud as he glanced at you with narrowed eyes, seething with anger. “Abandoned ME!”

The clenched fists of the man made you tremble and grasp at the back of Renfields jacket tighter as he shook his head again, his voice soft and full of tears.

“No. That’s not true.”

The man leaned in with a mocking smirk, “Just like you abandoned your wife and your daughter.”

The smug look you caught on the mans face while he placed a clawed finger on his lips made you seethe. He was getting off on humiliating your lover and for what? Some kind of power trip he only got from Renfield? You tugged on Roberts jacket slightly as he looked down with more tears in his eyes.

“That’s not... I didn’t...I didn’t abandon them.”, he whimpered slightly through his sentence, grip getting tighter on your hand.

“Look into your own eyes, Renfield. You’re the monster, Renfield, not me.”

Robert shook his violently as he made eye contact fleetingly with the man, his sharp-topped finger pointing at him mockingly and almost proud,

“It’s you.”

“No. No.”, Renfields hands shook as he let go of yours to point back at the man, “That’s enough.”

Robert took slight steps around you, making sure you were still protected by his body even though the man's eyes scanned you up and down like he could see every memory you had. Renfield walked back to stand in front of you as the greasy haired man panted from his anger, his eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as Robert held up the book in front of him. “How To Defend Yourself Against A Narcissist” held between the three of you in a defensive position.

“What?”, the pale man voiced his confusion over the book held in shaky hands as you grasped the back of Roberts jacket.

Renfield sighed and opened the book with shaking hands, the pages sticking together as he fought to open the book to a specific page, the other man’s confusion palpable as he leaned forward to see exactly what was happening.

“I will no longer tolerate abuse.”, Renfields shaky voice filled the confused silence as he stood straighter.

The man laughed hysterically, his back bending from the disbelief of what he heard and the strong laughter.

“Stop laughing.”, Renfield mumbled grumpily as he flicked through to another page, “I deserve love.”

Roberts “Master” raised an eyebrow at the statement, his eyes flickering towards you and back to Renfield as though connecting something in his head.

“I deserve happiness.” Robert was sure in his statement, his tears clearly subsiding as he spoke stronger only to be shut down again.

“You deserve only suffering!”

Renfield let out a shaky sigh as he flipped to a new page, taking slow steps back as you followed, “Uhm, I know being undead, it’s a painful existence, it is, and I empathize with your pain.”

He gestured lightly with an expression one could only consider as empathy. The man gestures back as he continues approaching the two of you, his disdain extremely clear on his face and his words.

“Oh please. Illuminate me. Let me learn from you. I will find everyone you have ever loved and I will drain them. I will reduce this...this...”

Renfield continued backing up with you, his body lowering in a cower, “S-Studio apartment?”

“Studio apartment until it’s ash!”

“Uh, uh...”, Roberts back hit your chest with a light thud as you got cornered easily, your hand finding his biceps as the pale guy kept approaching while you both looked around in realization of your positioning, “Affirmations. Affirmations.”

The man snarled down at you as you both shrunk closer to the ground in an effort to get away from the enclosed space and intimidating aura.

Renfields head snapped from the pages to look up at the man and back down again repeatedly, “Uh, I’m enough. Uhm, I deserve some happiness.”

His fingers trailed over the pages as he flipped them, “There is some other stuff I have to say...”

The frantic boys page flipping was interrupted by the man as he ripped the book from his shaking hands with a snarl, “Who put these ideas in your head?”

Renfield cowered further into you as he flipped the book around in his clawed hands, eyes finding the stamp of the church on the back of it. A light growl left his mouth between pointed teeth as he snarled down at you both, his hand reaching behind Robert to pull you from behind him easily. A gasp left you as he held you against his chest, his claw pressing against your chest as he stared down Renfield.

“Of course.”, he chucked the book at Renfields head as he covered it with his hands in fear as he stared at the ground. “The church.”

Renfield looked up in fear, meeting your terrified eyes as he shook in his spot, “Let her go, she’s not a church goer. She’s atheist! Perhaps even a little spiritual! She practices witchcraft in her spare time if she feels like it!”

A growl left him as his claw lowered and pierced through your stomach, your eyes widening in pain as blood trickled from the wound. Robert sat up in fear, his eyes pleading with the man as his cold eyes watched Renfields every move.

“Bring me my dinner by tomorrow or she won’t live to see it. Only I can awaken her now, act fast Renfield. You wanted to be the good guy so go ahead and play the good guy. You have until Midnight tomorrow or I’ll come back and finish her off.”

A gust of wind filled the apartment and you fell to the ground unconscious, your blood soaking into carpet as Renfield cradled your head carefully,

“I’ll be the hero just for you, Y/N. No matter what it takes.”

~~~~~~~~

A/N: I’m not very proud of the ending or the full thing in general, it was so much better in my head and a lot less repetitive and much more reader involved... kinda happy with it though. lemme know what you thought?

#renfield #renfield x reader #its such a good m #help renfield is precious #send help #im invested in this #fem!reader #im watching it for a second time in 3 hours #the one scene is so good #aka when renfield uses the narcissist book against dracula #such great writing power behind it i had to

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