(golbaby au) marcy the big sis

random thoughts about better handling the calypsos

i’m just gonna ramble a bit on ideas that maybe could have been done a bit better while still keeping the whole ‘The twins are streamers’ idea of the story and as much as the base lore as possible

I think the beginning is pretty ok.  Typhon and his wife find Nekrotafeyo, have kids and stay on the planet. Tyreen and Troy are conjoined and have to be seperated in some way leaving Tyreen stronger then Troy and Tyreen kills her mother with her siren powers. Typhon thinks of Troy and Tyreen as sorts of ‘monsters’ or at least Tyreen. here’s where im thinking we add a bit more lore or change things up.  Typhon doesn’t hate the kids,  but holds a resentment towards them, kinda like he did but even more so. Maybe some bursts of anger or breakdowns along with the fact that Typhon could technically build the ship at any time to leave but doesn’t want to makes the twins uneasy of their dad. They’re lonely. There’s no other humans on the planet and just weird creatures and stuff they don’t understand. They become starved to meet people, and with dad telling stories all the time they wonder if this is some sort of punishment for them.  One day dad snaps pretty bad on one of the twins as the whole siren/dead mom/ being alone on a planet is hard and the Twins decide that enough is enough. So much like in the actual lore, they work on the ship behind dads back but instead of really going out there to seek stardom and ‘escape the cage’ it’s more of a ‘scared and we’re fed up with this world’ I know it’s kinda the same so far but like i said the beginning is pretty ok except for really the goal of ‘being the biggest star in the sky’ I can see that as still being a goal of the Twins but really they is no reason explained for in it in game. If we maybe made the approach that Typhon didn’t treat the Twins right at times, was a wreck, overprotective along with the stories he told and maybe the fact that when the got to Pandora seeking their own lifes and meeting other people for the first time the see all the great stuff about Typhon. And they get pissed. ‘That’s not who dad is, dad isn’t like that he’s an asshole, he treated us so bad, kept us there, told us we were monsters’ So in order to get back at dad they decide that their gonna be ‘bigger stars’ then him by becoming even better vault hunters. They are gonna open more vaults, do more with them, just so they can get more popular then their dad and wipe his name clear from history. So they decide to try to open the great vault, a feat only heard of in legends. They get the cult following of the bandits, perhaps leaning more towards a sympathetic attitude towards them then streamery ‘your our fans’ they’re still assholes, they want revenge on their dad more then anything and use people to get what they want but i just feel like even a small change like that would make things a little bit more motivated and make more sense.  As for the whole streaming aesthetic of the twins it’s... not the best. Yes it’s popular now but that’s just it. It’s kinda a trend. Handsome Jack is a good villian cause part of his reasoning and character isn’t back on a trend idea, he’s kinda timeless in that sense. Now if we took the idea of streamers and just sort of replaced it more with the cult like stuff as cults have been around forever then it may work. No real references to Let’s plays or tiers of subscribers or youtube poops. Maybe take more inspiration from real cults and just have them broadcast it through the echonet.  In a way they’d still be streamers, could still have charisma as most cult leaders do have but it’s less dated in a sense.  More towards the god king and queen, doing this for them, going to the great vault because they are prophets of some sort more then just because they are streamers and cult mentality with fans. You’d still have that undertone of streamers/internet personalities just not as in your face about it ya know? Also i’d like to see a bit more on the mom. We have no idea what she looked like, just her name and her supposed personality. Maybe not alot but just enough to make it interesting. Like maybe Tyreen or Troy wearing something of hers, or an echo log with a message of her talking found on Nekrotafeyo or with the Twins or a picture ya know? Maybe the twins would idolize her more then the dad then and maybe twist her ideas around in some way to go against Typhon or use her words as an intensive to start shit. Oh and don’t make Typhon a ‘Turd Farmer’ what the hell is even that. He can be goofy but like...really? And stop having the Twins use that as insults it gets real old quick. Typhon could have any other low shitty job. I get that it’s suppose to be like ‘i came from nothing and now im something’ but he could have just been a different farmer. I do like the fact that Typhon looks nothing like how he’s really depicted so that’s pretty good but the design for him is maybe a bit too off like yeah that’s not what I was expecting but it also seems a bit off? Also less talk about their sex lives.  I don’t wanna know where Typhon fucked. I don’t want Troy to fuck Aurelia (which Aurelia got messed up in this game tbh she should have been handled better and differently) The only one I could accept is Tyreen  hinting a bit that she can’t have a love life cause she some how kills people during. That’s what I could accept cause that’s just another tragic thing to put on her. But like I wouldn’t rub  it in or be like ‘OH HEY I CAN’T FUCK’ like have it be some off hand thing to just make you realize ‘oh that’s actually really sad and would fuck with someone mentally’ Other Twin things. Maya’s death could work if it was maybe played a bit better but I think it’d be more interesting to show what Troy could do without siren powers and instead being some sort of weak, leach that has alot of accessories like his arm to help him cope. Like hell give him the split mouth everyone wanted. Show off the fact he had a sword more. He was the tech guy show off his weird tech shit. Have him maybe slowly change cause of wanting to be better and fucking himself up into a monster or because he took so much energy from Tyreen. Don’t have Troy die before Tyreen. Have them start to have that spiral into sibling fighting to just down right different views like how they were going to the point in the end where they’re really just sick of each others shit but are still doing this to prove a point and have them both merge with the Destroyer but while in the Destroyer fight have periods where the destroyer is attacking itself or does attacks that include weirdly tearing itself appart. Like show that even though they ended up back together (cause its a good book end to the being together at birth) they just fucking hate each other now.  Make Troy fell just as much as a threat as Tyreen instead os just second fiddle

Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”

So lets start off with in the ends it is all completely and utterly my own fault.I should have been able to see the signs. I should have been a better person, friend, fiance, man, and most importantly a dad.

Where do I even begin?

I felt like I worked so hard for my family I was creating in my own way, making money in my own way. Got a house with the beautiful mother of my little boy, things were good for awhile, than rough, than covid, than bad. But before that we lived in an apartment, and the things i was doing and the substances (alcohol and adderal) were my coping mech. I would stay up for days, not eat, constantly trying to make every dollar I could to make sure we had a place to live freely. ( we both grew up in not so good broken homes). She made little mistakes one that completely don’t matter and are way overlooked, love her with all my heart. 

but the drugs and alcohol started getting to me, i became irritable constantly, never wanted to leave, hated everyone. I was always mad, always needed my way. Than I cheated once and thank god that she took me back even after that. Honestly she did a ton and most of all the work. She is one of the most dedicated and hard working woman/mothers I have ever come acrossed. She never stops making sure our son has everything he needs plus more, working constant hours at terrible jobs, sometimes with terrible people. I didnt see the stress it was putting on her, the constant cries for just down time for herself, or her need to want to go out and do things. I held her inside and caged away. ( not literally lol) I really should have been showing her off and paying for her countless nights to go out and have fun with her friends because honestly she fucking deserves and deserved it. I couldn’t be any happier that, that woman is the mother to OUR beautiful little boy. After my first few mistakes I just started tumbling downhill. Never stopped making them. I am so fucking sorry and truly dislike the person i became over all of it. After all that we had our son, and we put down a down payment on a home. We moved in things were good for awhile, than rough because of my laziness and lack of will to do anything ever. It was a mixture of that but also a mix of me actually being comfortable where I was at for once in my life. I finally had a place I could call a home, I FINALLY HAD A REAL family I could call my own. So i just got more lazy, I just began to lackadiscally relax all the time and do nothing, didn’t help unpack, barely got stuff done around the house. The stress built on her alot, and I saw it. She wanted me to get a job, a real job. So I would be a man. And I agree with her, I was not a man, and honestly probably still not, but I am trying to be for our son. I wish her too but I know I lost that part of me. She would come home and just want to relax, but would have to cook and take care of our son. She needed time alone but also out, and I never gave her either. Im so dumb for alot of things, but honestly losing her has to be by far the dumbest thing I could have done besides trying to take my own life after the fact. I wish we could have fixed it, I wish we could have communicated better. We both have mental issues, more me than her by far, and hers were probably caused by me in the end. But we got super bad right around christmas time, real bad, i was basically staying upstairs in my gaming room, my clothes were in the dressers anymore, they were up there. But like two weeks prior of one of the worst days of my life, things started to seem almost better. We were getting along again, I was seeing a smile in her face that I haven’t seen in so long. I feel so deeply, and honestly from the start of our relationship/ friendship her smile has always been my most fav thing about her. She even came an said to me “ why don’t you put your clothes back in the dresser, you have a family here, and we love you” because we got into an agruement over me being constantly needy and clingy. I was begging for her attentions for months but I didnt realize she didnt want to give it to me because I wasnt a man but I also was just ruining her along the way.  So that night I didn’t move my clothes becasue it was late, but I got off the couch went downstairs and got into bed with my beautiful family. A week or two passes. I could tell she was being a little off. and at night one night she looks over to our son while were all in bed together and says I think daddy and I are better just as friends. Right away I teared up and began to cry because im so broken down at this point but purely because of my own causes. She says to me “ what you dont like the sounds of beings just friends” I said no, I love you, and so much more. She didn’t want to hear it, she didnt want to give me an ultimatum, or tell me what I had to work on. But she was in the complete right by far. So I eventually get quiet roll over and fall asleep crying. the next early morning I wake up to her flustered trying to pee. Our son wakes up so easily, so immediatley he gets up and follows her to the bathroom, its probably 630 am so Im dead asleep. I wake up and go right to the bathroom and she yells at me because she can’t go pee alone ever. In no mean tone or nothing I just said baby wake me up and Ill grab him for you anytime, and immediatley it started a fight because of the lurking thing from the night before. She said that we were toxic, that if we continued to be together now and longer that we couldn’t fix it and that we would always stay toxic. Clearly I didnt agree with that, begged and pleaded. It turned into the most heated agruement I have probably ever been in with some I have loved. I regret everything rotten and mean thing I said in my angry judgement. I didn’t mean any of it. I love every part of that woman, still even after all the things that have happened. and that she has maybe or maybe not done. But I was kicked out that day with nothing but my computer, xbox, wallet, monitor, and a handful of clothes. That is the day I LOST EVERYTHING my entire world. My entire dream, everything I began to strive but also wanted in my life. A home, a family, a beautiful wife, mother, and children. I went into a complete and utter psychotic break and was nuts. still am. I made her life hell, I scared her, I threatened her with taking our son away from her. So many things I did not mean but I would never do. Our son needs both of us, but most imnportantly he needs his mother. She worked and works so hard for him day in and day out and takes such good care of him. Sorry I needed to let it out somewhere, everyone near just says go fuck someone go do this. BUT NONE OF THAT is going to make me feel better, none of that is going to bring back my family, none of that is going to even help progress, if anything it would make things worse. So I sit and I remain forever loyal to who I would love to call my fiance still.  But where I wanted to get at is WHAT the actual FUCK do you do when you lose EVERYTHING.She was my bestfriend, my everything, honestly probably the only reason geniune person I had in my life for a really long time so It was even worse, I had noone to turn to. No where to go. Noone wanted me . Noone wants me. I was just angry bringing everyone down around me after. Constantly drinking and just being stupid. Im really trying to get a better handle on things now though for my son. What kills me the most is before we had Wesser bean, she got preg before and had a miscarrage. Which kills both of us mentally, but more her than anything. That is her body, and that beautiful child was growing inside of her. We weren’t going to try again for the sake of our sanities after that. But on some of our long talking nights with one another we agreed that we wanted to try again, we wanted a family. But we promised to each other that we would never NO matter what let our children grow up like we did. In a broken home, a broken family. I want my son to be able to wake up next to his mother and father every living day and be able to enjoy all his little ups and downs. But I ruined that. I caused everything, I am the reason I lost everything. I am still so utterly confused and dont know where to go or what to do. My mind is always worrying about those two because they arent in arms reach and I cant be there quick enough. I still worry about her a ton even though everyone tells me I shouldn’t but that was my best freaking friend from almost the instant she curved me the first time. Thats the woman I loved, the woman I wanted to marry, the one I called fiance, but most importantly the mother to our child. So I will never stop worrying, or caring about it. I wish I had anyone, anyone that wouldn’t just push me off, or just give me some petty advice to go do some petty stuff like its going to slap her in the face? No becauses it not, she doesn’t love the piece of poop I am, nothing is going to slap her beautiful face. I would give anything to go back, fix some mistake, and be a man for them. Honestly I over think, thats my biggest issue. I love this girl to death, and I know im not adequate and she hasn’t had time to have fun or do the things she wanted too. But no matter what she has done, said, did, or didn’t do I would probably still take it like a grain of salt and do anything to immediately be back in her home, what I used to call home with them. To be a man, to be better. To be a dad. To be everything. Her and my son are my only lights, without them I just see darkness and it consumes me and just makes me want to do nothing, but it should burn a fire in me. I want them near by, cheering me on, but also helping me steer back onto the right path when im going astray. Its been three months now since I have been home, Since I have been able to sleep next to my son and wake up to his little smiling face. To be able to feel the warmth and hear my best friends voice on a daily basis. Shit three months since I have even slept on a mattress. about 2 months ago I took a estimated count of 32-45 pills of multiple different varieties. From pain killers, to adderal, to anti depressants, and sleeping pills. All one big mix. Got stupid drunk on top of it and tried taking my own life. I went to go lay down finally about an hour after I finished all the pills because I didnt feel well. The second my head hit the pillow I started throwing up really bad. I could not stop, I could not breathe. And the whole time All I could see Is my sons face. crying. not knowing where I went, What happened. Or why I was such a coward I would do that. about 5 minutes into me hurling I started to really not be able to breathe, I almost couldn’t choke the words out from the back of the trailer, I screamed as hard as I could from an ambulance. My mom came running in and looked at me and asked seriously If i needed it or not. I looked back and told her I would die if she didn’t. She called, I ended up waking up 3-6 hours later in a hospital bed completely and utterly confused but so fucking ashamed. They had a therapist or someone in there waiting for me to wake up, I guess I said somethings in my delusions of substance. But about after 15 minutes of talking to him and him seeing my sit. He looked at me told me they pumped my stom, and that If I didnt make that call My son wouldn’t have a father. Hearing him say that still kills me. I messed up big that time. they released me within 25 minutes of waking me up. no shoes, no shirts, puke covered pants, no cell phone at 630 am. What a wonderful hospital right? Try to take my life and they save it, but let me go just like I was nothing. I got to a near by store called for a ride and waited. Showed up home at my moms more ashamed and more sad because of yet another terrible choice I made. Tonight is the first night aubs have let me have our son alone for a time period. And for a solid 15 minutes I Couldn’t stop but also wanting to apologize so much to my son. He just came up to me gave me a big wesser hug, layed on me, and let me sing to him for 30 mins just like mummy used to do so he could fall asleep.  I never felt a love like I do for my boy, loving a human like aubrey is wonderful and beyond one of a kind, but loving your child and their love back is something words alone cannot describe. I can’t ever be so sorry that I ever tried that, that I ever would do that to my son. He deserves so much better. I am slowly trying tho too. Not alot of people know because noone cares and I just want to be alone but I scraped together the last remainder of any cash or any value I had left and got 4k. Didn’t sell our wedding ring or anything for that money. (its worth is 4.2-5.5k) I be holding onto that thing like its my life, I constantly catch myself grabbing it and wearing it still like a loser lol.Went and looked at a little trailer today, needs gutted almost, decent amount of work. Guy was asking 4k. with the work it needed I went balls deep said 2, he hit me with 2.5k If the mobile home park accepts my background check hopefully Ill finally have a little place I can lay my head. Its been a rough three months, homeless I would say, couch hopping, place to place. I am done now. I am fed up with myself but with everyone and everything around me. I need to be better for my son, so this is my start and my little way I guess. I have been applying countless places, All I want to do is dive all my time into some form of work/ works and be alone unless my son ( his mother included one could wish) is the company. My bills would be utterly dumb cheap. I just want to work and help her out to provide but keep the beautiful home she chose for her future family. I want to be able to make sure I can reassure her she won’t lose that roof, or that she can go out and eat, or wes can have that toy. She works to damn hard to lose it. It was like a movie too, third house on the realtors listings. We walk through the front door threshold, immediate second she turned around with the smile I fell inlove with and said this is the one. AND BY god when this woman says she wants something or is going to do something, she fucking does it, does it well, sticks it to ya, and does it kick. Immediately she got an offer in and she got her home. I’ll never be able to fix the mistakes and wrongs I did. Never be able to give back all the time and tears and heartache I caused her and her family countless times. But I want to be able to be part of my sons life, to atleast try to atone for the terrible things I did. I want 0 pity by the way. This was soley for me. For me to let stuff out. I will forever love aub snuffalfugus. and of course our beautiful boy Wesley. I would do anything, give anything, forgive and forget anything this second to see her walking up to me holding our little man and say “does daddy wanna come home” or “ dad come home” or “ i think its time dad comes home”. I understand I never will get that chance and by far I never will get that chance. I understand I did this, I created this, and I am the one to blame. I pray to god every night that maybe right now just wasn’t the exact time or what we needed. That he will lead our path back together one day. I see glimmers of hope in dumb things, but thats my over thinking. I love that freaking beautiful furrowed browed woman and our son so much. and with me being gone, I can’t tell if shes struggling, I can’t tell if she cares, I can’t tell if she thinks about us, our old family, or the things that happened. She has such a good poker face, shes so good at holding things in. But she has been glowing, has been looking more beautiful than ever with her hair all curly and down. She is constantly in her phone texting and smiling, and when I say that I in no form care who or about what, I care that the fact that the smile is there and its the real one. She seems happier, healthier, and more together than ever and I hope that its not a front, not that it matters because shes a strong ass mom and she kicked thru it. I love seeing her happy. I love seeing her look good. i absolutely adore the fucking smile. I am trying to come to terms that maybe I wasn’t the right one, That I couldn’t make her happy, but I was placed there to get her through a time , but also for her to have our beautiful son. Now that he has come, she has seen that I wasn’t much of really anything, so she bettered herself. But even if shes not with me, as long as she is safe, our son is safe, they have a warm roof above their heads, and full tummies than I can’t complain. That is what im striving for. To just be able to simplify their lifes but to see her smile again, and I have been seeing it and she rockkkkk that shit. Everytime I see her I get into my feelings, but tonight hit me for some reason. Tonight really had/has me thinking. Forever stay our beautiful little chunk Wesser. I love you both. 

ok done word vommiting, think im ready to cry if off in the shower lmao. 

Zila Umbra (Fairy Tail)

 (Kat)

I'm not sure if I've reviewed this before, but I don't think I have. Let's begin.

I was asked to delete the art by the artist, so I have. It was very well done, though.

i haven’t written her complete background yet but i have it written in my minD

This is off to a rocky start...

I’m curious about the issue with putting the ideas down on the profile, but I’m not here to nitpick.

Hello, yes, this is my blog, where I nitpick things. Enjoy your stay!

sOOSOoo her name is Zila Umbra and shes a lil bae and im still kinda n the process of designing her character so yee

Don't describe your OC as a 'bae' or I will kill you violently.

Also, 'bae' means 'poop' in Danish...

ok so when she was younger she found out that she could talk to the dead,

Okay, no. We haven't seen any ghosts in Fairy Tail other than Mavis, but she's only there because of her residual magic and the guild seal that acts as an extension. This is not Supernatural, contrary to the gif I just used.

and it completely paranoid her and her parents.

That's kind of mild....?

Just paranoid?

Her parents where completely religion based and basically thought she was the spawn of satan or something

The only church I can think of in Fairy Tail is the Church of Zentopia, and that was a filler arc. So please explain why her parents are Fairy Tail puritans.

and sent her off to a mental hospital that completely isolated her from others besides her ghosts

And they didn't just say 'Oh, that's your magic'? No, they just jumped to "SATAN!"

and thats really not something a little girl should have to deal with sOOOO she made friends with one specific ghost who actually turned out to be her mentor in magic.

That's... convenient.

She taught her that the reason she hears all the ghosts and voices is because of the eye she was born with is basically the sorce of most her magical energy so she started covering it up and her everlasting headache went away.

...No. Just no. That is not a thing. WHEN DID THE HEADACHE THING COME IN? Body parts are never magic in Fairy Tail, other than Erza's artificial eye. 

She was also taught that if she wore sage it would ward off bad spirits, so she put some sage in a small vile and put that on necklace and put the necklace around her neck and she wears it to this day uwu.

THIS IS NOT SUPERNATURAL.

she still could talk to ghosts and stuff though.

Oh yes, all benefits and no cons. She can still use her magic usually even though she covered up her eye?

Her mentor ( her name is darcy) taught her all the basics of magic and such as she lived in her little cell.

This is too dark for Fairy Tail.

Darcy though specialized in shadow magic, so she passed it on to zila (along with some knowlege on spells that let you use ghosts as your allies and stuff).

This is not okay. 

once zila had been taught all she could darcy taught her how escape and about a guild called fairy tail she could go to for help

Why wasn't she like 'Go to a soup kitchen' or a homeless shelter, but nooo, let's go to a MAGIC GUILD.

Also, Darcy is a ghost. Of course she's an expert at escaping. She can WALK THROUGH WALLS.

Zila made it out succsesfully after 3 years of being isolated ( and thus began her fear of being alone uwu)

i don't think she'd be able to function properly in society after being isolated for three freaking years.

once she made it to the guild she was let in and made friends quickly ( which really suprised her because she haddnt interacted with real people in like forever eheh)

Like I said, she wouldn't be able to function properly. She'd be quiet and reserved.

This is so improbable I CANNOT EVEN.

out of the children in the group

She is a CHILD WHO WAS IN ASYLUM FOR THREE YEARS WITH NOBODY BUT GHOSTS. ERZA WAS TRAUMATIZED WHEN SHE JOINED THE GUILD AFTER THE TOWER OF HEAVEN DEBACLE. SHE HAD TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS. SHE TOOK A VERY LONG TIME TO ADJUST. THAT'S JUST BEING HUMAN. THIS GIRL IS DEFYING LOGIC. BEING ALONE FOR SO LONG WOULD HAVE A SUBSTANTIAL IMPACT ON HER PSYCHE. 

and was usually the peace maker between gray and natsu bUT ITS ONLY BECUASE SHE LOVES THem,

She literally just stole Erza's job.

once erza came she was always trying to talk to her and make sure she wasnt sad because she felt sorry for her and knew that if she was going to be alone that it would be sad

It feels like this OC is ripping of Erza's struggle. 

anddddddd yeAH THATS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY BUT THEYRE BASICALLY BEST BUDS KINDA ANd they go on jobs together a lot ( like i imagine her being with erza when they came into the story line )

If she's S Class, I will scream.

shes such a little sweatheart too.

I am suffering.

Vehemently. 

She hums when she fights easy battles 

That... makes her sound insane. Nobody does that in Fairy Tail.

and will only cry if someone tells her its okay  

That is not good for your mental health.

Personality wise shes veRY VERY VERY VERY LOYAL AND PROTECTIVE OF HER FRIENDS

Oh gee, I didn't see this cliché coming.

LIke if she let a friend get hurt when she couldve prevented it she would be so dispointed.

Of freaking course.

Like every OC ever.

She DOSENT like seeing a people she cares about in pain

Nobody does, sweetheart.

so she’ll do her best to prevent it like rub natsus back while they’re on a train or in a car or somethin u kno.

Not even Lucy does that. Nobody wants him to puke on them. 

Shes pretty caring and forgiving unless you break a promise or betray the guild or somethin, but shes not overly forgiving of people who used to be bad and are now good unless shes had time to understand them and stuff idk. ALSO PLS DONT TrY TO HURT JUST HER FRIENDS IN FRONT OF HER BECAUSE SHES GOING TO tRY AND KILL U NO MERCy.

Wow, I so haven't seen that before in my three years of reviewing OCs.

ALSO she’ll straight up be like “I love you” if she loves you bUT JUST AS A FRIEND OK if she loves u romantically shes gonna hide it a bunch or iF SHE FInds out that you like her shes gonna blush all the time around you

Please no.

You know, for someone who was stuck in an asylum, alone, for three years, she sure acts like a normal teenage girl.

and just omg i love her.

You don't put that on an OCs profile.

You just don't.

She’s also pretty comfortable around people she knows so like if she’s on a train or somethin she will use grays shoulder as a pillow because iTS COLD AND SHES TIRED AND NOBODY CARES BECause it’s her and it’s completely normal for her.

Juvia would mind. Juvia would mind a lot. And so would Gray, to be honest. 

OveRALL SHES NICE AND FRIENDly and shes a pretty strong fighter and stuff and shes calm and optimistic and encouraging even though when shes fighting shes scaRY

There are no flaws anywhere.

a babe ok shes just a babe 

The more you say that, the more I want to kill her.

negative characteristic wise shes really paranoid still due to all the ghosts and shit,

Wouldn't she be used to that? Also, can't she keep away the bad ghosts?

SHE HAS THAT BIG FEAR OF BEING ALONE LIke she will stay by whoever shes with and usually they make sure they stay by her too because they kNOW SHES SCARED AS FRICK OF BEING ALONe.

The creator is trying to make a flaw. But these will not effect the OC in critical moments. 

but if shes confined in a place and has no idea if people are near her or not shes rEALLY SCARED EVEN THOUGH SHES A TOUGH MOMMA SHES SCAREd.

You are running in circles here. What is her weakness? The situation you provided would scare anyone! 

shes forgetfull but wont ever forget things really important eheh,

Yay, another weakness that isn't a weakness. 

I do this all the time. Many people do. You aren't a special snowflake.

she can get really anxious and worried for others, and when you upset her in a fight she might get upset and start being reckless but yOU REALLY GOTTA TUG ON THOSE HEART STRINGS (unless ur like ’ ima kill ur bud’ then its really easy for her to go cray on you, but usually

Okay, no. That is literally Natsu. This person is ripping other characters off.

Also, that was a run on sentence. It stars at "She's forgetful" and ends at "when that happens uwu." USE PUNCTUATION.

if the person being threatened is with her they’ll calm her down and she’ll be able to fight in a less reckless way), but once you do she goes a little insane and is more powerfull but gets hurt eaiser and dosent even care just as long as she fucks the other person up aND SHELL TELL EM TOO idk shes really violent/crazy/scary/blood-thirsty when that happens uwu.

What happened to "She's such a lovable sweetheart?"

Shes super ’ no mercy’ in fights too, mainly because thats what darcy taught her,

Was Darcy evil? Because in Fairy Tail, mercy is a virtue. Lucy would hate her if she showed no mercy. Even Natsu shows mercy, though he goes kind of ballistic if someone threatens his friends (especially Lucy). How did she get in if she shows no mercy? How did she even make friends?

and because she has no trust in the enemy to not hurt her after shes won. 

That doesn't justify that.

She has a bad sense of humor too ok shes a cutie

OH YES, SHE'S STILL A CUTIE.

Zila also has a little ghost friend named Boo ( it’s cliche but idec) who wears a bow with a spell that let’s other people see her on it.

Is Boo more powerful than Mavis now? Because Mavis's residual energy let the members of the guild with a mark see her, but that was the only reason. Nobody else could. But apparently, Boo is so powerful everyone can see her. 

Boo would have to be god-like in terms of power.

I call nonsense on that.

Boo is only with Zila when theyre ina care-free environment but Boo can’t talk and can only use facial expressions. Boo is bae too

If you call something 'bae' one more time, I am going to lose it.

Also, what sense does that make?

None.

(also heres what her eyes look like without her eye patch uwu)

That is such a generic thing to do with an OC.

Literally, just no.

Overall, this OC was terrible. She had no flaws, no weaknesses, and her ghost friend had god-like powers. I cannot even. I'll see you guys later.

~Kat

Okay, I'm looking to get a cockatiel. I've been looking into them for WEEKS now, but I still feel unprepared, and I really want to get some actual first-hand knowledge from a person. I'm really not sure what to ask specifically! ^^; Any tips you'd give me, this being my second bird--after a budgie--and my first cockatiel? (Any knowledge at all would be helpful! from recommended cage size to what might be a good healthy diet!~) Please and thank you~~

hey darling!!! god sorry its taken me forty years to get to my ask, i’ve been so swamped at work IT SUCKS

THIS IS GONNA BE LONG

OKAY, HERE IS THE INFO I CAN GIVE YA FOR A COCKATIEL:

1) ALWAYS ADOPT. i know you see that cute birbo in the pet store window, but please, PLEASE, refrain from purchasing him.  there are currently THOUSANDS of homeless birds in north america alone that need you to be their guardian. i know you want to save that baby from the pet store, but doing so continues the cycle.  they’ll just replace him and the horror continues.

2) GET THE BIGGEST CAGE YOU CAN AFFORD! do not listen to what the pet store clerk says (lol i worked in a pet store and straight up i would discourage people from birds EVERYDAY and tell them to rescue and that none of our cages are big enough, and they listened and adopted and im surprised the boss didn’t find out and fire me HAHAHHA) i would go to a bird specialty store to find your cage - you want to make sure it is durable enough, the bar spacing is correct (for a cockatiel you want them no more than half an inch space, theyre little and you dont want them to get stuck!!) i suggest powder coated cages, they’re easiest to clean the poop out of!!!!

3) GOOD DIET IS SO IMPORTANT. STAY AWAY FROM SEED!!!! seed despite popular belief is not very good for them.  it causes fatty liver disease and can make them ill and shorten their lifespan. (rose is now put on milk thistle-it buffersthe liver, as from the shit sanctuary she was from… god knows what she ate so now im in the process of getting her liver spiffy clean!) a good PELLET DIET is SO, SO SO SO IMPORTANT. and dont be discouraged, it is very hard to change a birb from seed diet to pellet.  so you have to change it over gradually and honestly, it can take a year to get that done.  rose is picky as hell, but i found a pellet she likes which are the Zupreem fruit pellets.  they’re not the healthiest, but they’ll do as now she is eating by herself.  i used to have to hand feed her ALL THE TIME like the diva she is.

 Here is a list of good pellets!! (from best to ok)

- Goldenfeast Goldenobles (quinoa based instead of corn, i wanna change rose to this when she’s ready!!)

- Harrisons Fine High Potency (start with high potency and then go to adult formula - gives em the nutrients they need for switching. corn based, and not my fav but it is vet reccommended but id say goldenfeast is better as corn aint that great)

- Pretty Bird (fruity and like, kinda okay? its better than zupreem lmfao but its very sweet, and makes their poo colourful)

- Zupreem (available at most pet stores, comes in fruit, veggie, nut, and natural flavours. what Rose eats and its a pretty good food. i believe its corn and soy based, not the best, and there is sugar in it, but its a good starter for your bird as they will most likely eat it because its colourful and sweet!!! from having Rose on a pellet diet - her plumage looks AMAZING)

all those brands come in different size pellets, i would go with the SMALLEST as it is easier for them to eat, and if you mix it with seed it kinda blends in hehe

4) DON’T JUST FEED PELLETS. A birbos diet should be 80% pellets (give or take) and 20% fruits, veggies, grains, and good stuff!!!! making a chop is a good idea, and you can freeze it and take out some everyday for their breakfast/dinner!!! Rose is very picky, and a rescue may be too, but do some research on what good fresh foods are good for birds!!! rose’s fav are zuchinni, peppers, pasta, scrambled egg (shes obsessed with egg) and chinese snow pear!!!

5) LOTS OF TOYS, AND THINGS TO DO!!! PIMP out their cage with dope toys, various perches and material (AVOID SAND ONES, HURTS THEIR TOES. get natural wood, rope (if u know they wont shred and accidentally eat it) and various thicknesses!!!) and im not saying spend a fortune (whcih i have with rose omfg) undyed popsicle sticks are amazing, paper, toilet paper rolls, cardboard etc they LOVE. but also, a good store bought toy is nice too!!! but most you can make from home!! plus i have a store where i have handmade toys, ill be posting more selection too!!

6) BE PATIENT WITH THE BABY! they most likely won’t warm up to you RIGHT AWAY (i mean they might, depends on their personality!) so do not feel discouraged if they dont want to play or cuddle right away. and heck, they may not even like cuddles. they’re as much as individuals as we are as humans. rose is usually attached to my shoulder all day, but some days honestly she just plays by herself and doesn’t want me to play with her HAHAHA. when you bring them home, introduce them to their cage and let them hang inside and get used to it.  sit near them and chat and offer some millet and let them come to you.  its a whole new world for them, so allow them some time!!!

7) and the most controversial topic… TO CLIP OR NOT TO CLIP? okay, my two cents on clipping goes as written.  if it is safer for them in your house, please get their wings properly by an avian vet or an experienced staff memeber at a bird specialty store. clipping them incorrectly can cause balance issues and confidence issues and trust issues. NEVER CLIP THEM YOURSELF AS THEIR OWNER. THEYLL BE PISSED AF. and most likely scared of you. if your house is unsafe -ie people coming in and out, small space, lots of windows, forgetful people that leave windows open, PLEASE CLIP THEM. it will save their life and prevent any deadly accidents.

if you HAVE THE SPACE. and know that they will be safe, and you believe they will be okay, leave them flighted!! it is much easier i must say having smaller birds flighted as they won’t be as cramped in a house as a big bird would be.  Rose is flightless as she chews her flight feathers, but they are growing back.  and even if they all did, my place is way to small to allow her to fly properly so i would keep her clipped for her safety.  also, if there was an emergency - such as a fire - it is much easier to evacuate a flightless bird than a flighted one.  i have really bad ocd when it comes to impulsive thinking and i obsess over how i would get rose out in a fire all the time… so keep a pillow case by the cage, and if god forbid that happened, grab your baby, toss em in the pillow case (protects them from smoke inhalation) AND HIGH TALE THEE FUCK OUT OF THERE. and that would be easier if they are clipped… just food for thought.  

anyway i hope this helped you and others maybe too!! im sorry this took forever to get to, my lifes been insane.  please do TONS OF RESEARCH TOO and look into rescues. if you need any more help let me know my love

Reflection 7.10.18

I suppose I should write this today. I'm almost at bryn mawr so I def dont have a lot of time left but I may as well write what I can. I had a pretty chill day yesterday! I worked on a few more sweater designs for a sorority at UIUC for Dad's Weekend and they ended really enjoying it! I was glad! I could've taken my break at 1pm but I was so close to finishing and didn't want to forget anything so i just pushed through for another hour! Wendys was super packed and right after ordering, I headed to the restroom and let out a really big poop. Then I headed back and patiently waited for my order. I should've spoken up sooner but I didn't until about half an hour later. At least the workers were kind enough to get me new nuggets and upgrade my fries to a medium! C: the soda machine took forever tho bc one of them was getting replaced so everyone relied on the only other one open. But I ate, watched a couple vids, and overall had a good time. By the time I finished, it was time to head back to the office so i just decided to go to walmart after work instead. i worked some more on the resource guide----im hoping to finish the majority of it today besides putting pics from other SDI clubs as well as a welcome message from them. And I'm excited to take on whatever new client tasks they have in store for me today. I will probably send Jon an email, letting him know that i will try to learn fusion but making a 3D mockup is really product design and itll take me a while to get even the basics down. It's not even a thing of laziness. This is literally not my job. All the mockups and rebranding is fine but this isn't what i do. Anyways, after that, I headed to walmart and tried to take advantage of an apple barrel 2 for 1 deal! So I gathered all my colors and it amounted to around $10. But then I found an artist's starter kit for only $5 with less paint but better quality! So I opted for that option instead. Looking back, i hope it was the right called to make bc I do have a lot of orders to fulfill... Heres to hoping a little paint can go a long way! I should've gotten a bottle of white and black too... Maybe i'll get those during my lunch break! what is this Anyways, I also found simple brushes with a brushed tip for $3! What a steal. I was mainly looking for tiny brushes so I'm glad I found them! After all that, i headed home, dropped my stuff off, chilled for 2min, and headed back out to the grocery store! I was careful not to get anything too heavy or things I knew i wouldn't use and my total came out to $38.40. My cashier was really nice and let me grab tomatoes really quick while he was checking me out, even though the store was closing soon. I bought two bags of bagels as well as two types of cheese bc ik those can go pretty fast. overall, I think I did a pretty good job! And I reached my 10k goal! Although I did change it to 7k... Maybe i'll switch it back. Don't want it to be too easy! But yeah! Then I put all those away, prepared a bagel sandwich for dinner and lunch for today(which I forgot this morning :( i guess i can eat it again for dinner) and overall felt pretty accomplished! Oh! I also stopped by target looking for white vinegar to clean with and almost bought vitamin water bc why not but decided against it! And! I even reloaded my laundry card so I'm hoping to knock that outta the park either today or tomorrow. And then I went home, cleaned the toilet, floor, and sink and started on the shower but I'm going to finish that once the maintenance guys unclog our drain. Thats also something i did. Submit a maintenance request! Oh! And I nominated myself for wayup's top 100 interns. It doesnt actually mean anything and I'm not taking it that seriously but I still think it'd be a cool thing to say! And I'm still kinda awkward with songbee but we're definitely better now. And I thanked p josh for the discussion and had a good time chatting with our walking group. Thank you God for such a blessed day!