#FINISHED 'A LIE AWAY'
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finally back home from my family's and ready to put last year to rest with the
2023 fic writing roundup
Total 2023 Word Count: 95,451 published words, but 116,360 words written for the year
Total 2023 Hits: 25,513
Other 2023 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 1,272; Comment threads: 198; Bookmarks: 252; Subscriptions: 158.
Total 2022 Word Count: 36,969 published words, but 132,549 words logged for the year
Total 2022 Hits: 17,797
Other 2022 AO3 Stats: Kudos:
1,910; Comment threads: 111; Bookmarks: 259; Subscriptions: 20.
links and titles to 2023 works
[cw's nancy drew] couldn't help noticing the gold mines glistening in your skin (3,966 words) - a birthday gift for bethany! what if nancy and ace hooked up pre-canon?
[never have i ever] one more last try (4,323 words) - for the girlies* who were/are incensed that the nhie writers had the audacity to make bad benvi sex canon and then UNINTERESTING. *it's me, i'm girlies
[cw's nancy drew] first contact (849 words) - nancy and ace texting can be poetry if you hold my hand and just believe!
[never have i ever] answering machines & how your voice says it’s gonna get back to me someday (3,163 words) - devi and ben's relationship through their first year at university as told by the voicemails they leave each other
[never have i ever] a lie away from getting you into the mood (77,482 words) - i mean. how could i possibly sum this one up? d/b FWB, sure, but also so much more than that. bitty spark 'verse pt 2.
[never have i ever] to nestle deep into the safe-keeping (3,440 words) - in a now time-honored tradition, i wrote rose some smut for her birthday! d/b being soft and in love their first year of university.
[cw's nancy drew] it’ll hurt like a mother when your foot comes out (2,228 words) - drew crew hike to commemorate a real life hike! fun!
Favorite Fic: 'gold mines' is a strong contender, but. you know it's 'lie away'. how could it be anything else? i spent a year and a half writing it and i finished the fuck out of it despite the tornado that stirred up my personal life this year. i don't know that i've ever been prouder of a fic. almost certainly not.
Hardest Fic: also 'a lie away'. the amount of material that i wrote and then scrapped because it wasn't right was A Lot.
Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2024? haven't done a prompt game in a while! think it might be time to pull out that song lyric one, i've been gifted some exceptional music that way.
that said, though, when i do have all day to sit down and write, i've found myself more interested in chipping away at something longer-form. then again, it's been a while since i exercised the prompt-filling muscle in my writer brain, and i don't want that muscle to lose definition entirely. we'll see, i suppose.
What was the best thing about 2023? I FUCKING FINISHED 'A LIE AWAY' I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT
What was the worst thing about 2022? woof. i sure did split from my partner of a decade. which has actually been incredibly good for me, but living through it was a bit fucky, as you can imagine.
which makes this a great time to nod at 'answering machines' for being perfect creative fun and getting me out of my head during the worst of the breakup. looking at the title alone can make my brain stutter, though, it's a time capsule from such a tumultuous period in my life. probably doesn't help that i used a song from my unofficial breakup album to title the fic. i love you, 'answering machines'. i cannot fathom rereading you at this time.
Any last thoughts for 2023? i am content. the year was good to me, all things considered.
Goals for 2024
fuck around with devi the vampire slayer
original fiction???
fall head over heels for another show
continue writing devi/ben even if the audience for it dissipates entirely
#fic roundup#fanfic#i didn't meet the word count goal i'd set for myself#but i honestly don't care#you know what i did do?#FINISHED 'A LIE AWAY'#fuckyeahfuckyeahfuckyeahfuckyeahfuckyeah
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"mind helping me with the straps, love?"
#pov playable dottore:#genshin impact#dottore#wip#ok so my headcanon is that dottore has to have made some failed clones and he experiments on them before recycling them bYE#he may be restrained but at least they didn't take away his drIp#THIS HAS BEEN FESTERING IN MY BRAIN LIKE A PLAGUE#LITERAL ROT#dies of perspective#i will do my best to finish this#<<(me when lie)#procrastination doodles
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everlasting spring
#i just finished liehuo everyone stand 10 feet away from me im about to explode#lhjc#lie huo jiao chou#drowning sorrows in raging fire#sheng lingyuan#xuan ji#jiling#:'(((((((( looks ruefully into the distance...that really was...when that raging fire (clenches fist) just drowns the sorrow#doods#portfolio
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rate the outfit
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 2#yakuza series#yakuza kiwami 2#yakuza 2#daigo dojima#snap sketches#see i did it i told you i'd do it#pov: you are at hot topic and trying to find something (he does not work there don't ask him)#segway section into something toally unrelated to people who do not frequent my blog :)#everyone else go away. unless you wanna keep reading 😳#i watched Not Quite Dead Yet while i was finishing a comm and WHAT a movie#it made me want to call my dad so you know it was good 😭#IT WAS CUTE THO FR i really loved how all th details of the movie tied in in the later sections#like the password being nanase's name but through the period table's numbers... stop that was cute#feels weird to say that as a highlight but i genuinely thought it was cute 😔#im not gonna lie tho when nanase was lookin through her dad's phone brother was emo#i think a lot about what would happen when people i love die and i always think of doing that.. like still texting them.. and whatever..#lemme move on from the somber moment thojVAERLKVA PLEASE when her dad was in the afterlife tho#HER MOM WAS SO CUTE both like. physically and just personality wise#we saw her for ten minutes and i have also fallen in love with her idc#they had to game end her cause they knew if we got to see any more scenes with her and kei i'd start crying i KNOW they'd be cute together#together more than what we got to see anyway... we know what i mean...#THE ENDING SHOT WAS ESP SO CUTE STOPPPP kinda creepy with her just. In Limbo but then she just. DEATH !! 👆#nanase's song to her dad at the funeral had me :(( too im so weak for dads and their kids reconciling/having a nice relationship stop#big L for her not signing up for a record label tho idc like OK its sweet she's working with her dad BUT CMONNNNN#you can do both queen.... i would prefer you do it alone cause Kid Falls In Line always makes me want to chew glass#BUT i will excuse it this time.. i repeat for The End Shot that was cute and the rest of the movie was lovely so ill let it slide#final note before i use up all my tags again i loved her concert outfit 😔give me them bracelets girl i cant find any
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There’s a voice in my head whispering for me to delete my art. All of it. Even the stuff I’m proud of, the stuff I know is genuinely beautiful. Toss the sketches into the flames, that voice whispers. Feed the bonfire with likenesses that are never quite exact enough. Log onto that website, and orphan every last story. The ones that are beloved after years, and the ones with hits that never seem to rise. Dig through the drive, find all of those half-finished, hopeful works in progress. Flush them down the drain. Take it out back, shoot the thing you love the most. Take it out back and bury it as deep as you can punch the shovel. Delete your art, that voice whispers. Delete your footprint, that voice whispers.
To create is to be seen. To create is to be unequivocally present. To create is to prove you were here, you were here and you could—however briefly—touch a stranger’s soul.
Delete your art, that voice whispers.
I have never heard a voice so vitally in need of being ignored.
#depression#art#writing#art in the age of mental illness#I wake up sometimes burning with the impulse#‘no one’s reading anyway’ that voice lies#‘no one likes it anyway’ that voice lies#‘you’ll never finish it anyway’ that voice lies#‘delete your art. who will notice?’#it’s a lie. it’s always a lie. when it’s your art that voice tells you delete#when it’s you that voice tells you to delete#it’s a lie. recognize it. recognize it and box it up in a soundproofed room.#and throw away the damn key
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wip wednesday 🎄
it's wednesday here already so starting today off with a new wip lol
sooo, i said a few days ago that I'm not gonna write a christmas fic bc im focusing on my wips, but... today at work i made myself sad by randomly thinking about buckley christmas (no idea what prompted that lol) and buck talking to eddie about his childhood christmas and a new idea was born hah
it's gonna be mostly cute and fluffy tho i promise haha
so here's a lil snippet I literally just wrote so ofc it's gonna get edited and polished later lol
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There’s maybe twenty minutes of the movie left, and Eddie feels like he’s starting to doze off as well, when he hears Buck sigh, and it sounds almost sad. Eddie turns his head to look at his best friend.
“What’s up?” he whispers, glancing down between them to make sure his kid is still asleep.
“Nothing.” Buck shakes his head softly, continuing to look at the screen with this longing expression. Eddie frowns and looks at the TV, too. (...) “I just-” Buck starts before Eddie’s tired brain can start connecting the dots. “Nevermind, it’s stupid.”
“Hey.” Eddie moves his foot to shove lightly at Buck’s. “I’m sure whatever it is, it’s not stupid. You know you can tell me anything, right?” he adds quietly, and Buck looks at him with a small awed smile and shiny eyes.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” he clears his throat, then looks down to make sure he didn’t wake Christopher. Eddie can’t help a smile. “Okay. Uh, it’s gonna be so silly, so don’t laugh.” he averts his eyes back to the screen, and if it was any lighter, Eddie’s sure he’d see a slight blush on his cheeks.
“I would never.” Eddie answers, and Buck just raises an eyebrow with one more glance towards him. They both know they love making fun of and teasing each other, that’s true. However, Eddie has a feeling this is going to be more sad than funny.
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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @weewootruck @loserdiaz @evanbegins @steadfastsaturnsrings @ladydorian05 @malewifediaz @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @911-on-abc @hoodie-buck @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @thewolvesof1998 @lover-of-mine @jamespearce9-1-1 @giddyupbuck @spotsandsocks @daffi-990 @exhuastedpigeon @disasterbuckdiaz @buckaroosheart @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @king-buckley
#wip wednesday#fic snippet#buddie#buddie fic#buddie wip#wikiangela writes#my writing#my wips#buddie christmas fic#<- that's what im tagging it for now to not give too much away haha#new wip#me: i def won't write a christmas fic this year (lie)#listen i didn't *want* to write a christmas fic but it just came to me and im kinda excited lol#hopefully ill finish it by christmas#lol im posting snippets of different fics all the time lately bc my brain can't focus on one single thing and its so annoying haha
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can’t be as comprehensive in the waking hours
#yet that caption is somewhat of a lie (?)#cw: alcohol#the comfort character ever ok. i’m wasting away. love you sarbente you deserve so much#can anyone confirm that shes canonically a lightweight bc even if not she def is to me#dunno if i wanna post the rest of the doodles from this board bc these are the only ones ‘finished’ and look good to me 😔 but maybe#good morning to everyone <3#my art#mid fight masses#sarvente#ruvyzvat#ruvente#almost always gotta sneak one in there. for Me
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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.
That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.
I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.
I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!
#personal data hacking is my passion#someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now#including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and#trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later#I’m so proud of that#you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works#we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments#anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze#love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal#trauma evolution#my Waffle House index#this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too#more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance#are able to and going to yes keep getting better#long many-milestone path-journeys of potential#like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting#stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future#time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it#all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry
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just made the worst PowerPoint of my life and i’m going to turn it in for five million points
#lie - it’s actually just not done yet#but i also don’t feel like doing it - this is my issue#it isn’t due until next Sunday but i also need it done today for Personal Reasons#so we are Vibing i suppose#my geography final is done and i should probably just turn it in#but Also i don’t trust my professor to not be a HUGE freak and grade it right away#and i do NOT need that kind of stress rn#i’ll probably turn it in right before i leave for the concert tonight#bc I’ll be so stressed i won’t give a shit#but in the meantime there are other finals to finish#which like UGHHHHHHHHHHHH#but also they’re all literally almost done and i have plenty of time - I just have to Do It#and i will#but first: Lunch.
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You never know if Wormgo is gonna feel mischievous and steal the drawing tablet
he could be stealing it right now!
#i spent a normal amount of time on this (lie)#answered#ghost worm au#phone art#anyway by 'put away' i mean i just put the cable away. tablet itself is still technically out#ghost worm ingo#submas au#ingo#but yeah. phone art. it's been a while since ive done anything involved on my phone lol#eventually i gave up making it look clean and just. finished#like just straight up left out a detail or two in some cases
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bad astrology by flower face
#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#ITS DONE OMG ITS FINISHED#what do I do now. with my life (ranking)#also ive decided i am gonna do literary analysis. on all of em#literally i have NO idea if anyone cares. well. i do bc I care and tbh that's enough to me#<- guys look im living so healthy#anyways this was a blast#hope somebody has at least discovered flower face trhu me bc its one of my fav artists#mitos incredible life#mine art tag#also im sorry the like long scenes 3 and 4 arent on beat :/ i love that song but it has so long instrumental stuff and idk what to do there#ALSO!! i had it all planned out like at least half in my docs (like always)#and then in the middle i was like 'omg what if I only show jackie-after-the-argument and shauna-after-jackies-dead'#(excluding the argument and the flashbacks (they used to hear us thru the floor))#which was. restricting. very much#also meaning was changed (originally wanted jackie to have the line 'idc if ure not made for me' but the only scene i could think of was th#ure hungry for and that was the next scene already so.)#anyways this was originally gonna be lottienat before i started with The Shark In Your Water#bc I thiught it fit them SO well. (still do) but now I like have to get away from the jackieshauna thought and then ill do the lottienat#probably#omg also I want everyone (who has read this far. whoever would do that) to know i was running on like 25 screen#recordings and 3 jackieshauna scene packs form yt#that's why. I dknt have that many clips alright im not using like 10 scenes over n over on purpose#gotta go but im gonna make a wrap post thingy once im back slay#no actually I get like average 7 notes (<- that's a lie Idk bc I didnt count) but im proud of myself this is amazing#ive wanted to do smth similiar alr#but it was some album by alec benjamin and a different thing for every song (like a poem‚ a painting or a play)#but I lost motivation this is the first thing that i actually pulled though all the way I think#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water
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hello friends i am back. just had a mental reset in a weird way but i feel much better now so i'm back to being silly goofy on tumblr
#rae irl#i had a very strange time away not gonna lie#i'm not counting the few hours i was here on saturday as being back really#but now i'm back to annoy you all#well sort of. i'll probably be on less next week for work reasons but i'll still be here#anyway accidentally formed a cult while i was gone#also had an entire mental breakdown and drank on a school night#realized i'm the only staff member at my job in my 30s and the next oldest is 5 years younger than me#send immediate assistance my desk mate quit so i am all alone and no one snarks with me#started watching anime again and also finished a book series i've been trying to read for years#there's more but i'm too tired and cold to keep typing#time to go reblog some things
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Contemplating throwing myself off the tallest roof I can find because I couldn’t finish rawnsyf today due to power outages so enjoy this adorable photo of Marcia and the chapter will be up tomorrow assuming I don’t throw myself on the blade first.
#I’m vibrating with rage* about not having this chapter out today I need you to know this#*on the verge of tears because I feel disappointed with myself despite the extenuating circumstances that caused the delay#technically my editor gave me the ok to post it but that’s only because she fell asleep and I know she will be upset if I post it#before she gets to touch the ending#anyways I’m gonna go cry because I am VERY emotionally unstable right now and very mad at myself!!!!!#even though it is the snow and the winds fault and I didn’t have any access to the internet or cellular until 9pm!!!#like yeah I didn’t finish because 50mph winds destroyed my city and brought everything to a screeching halt#but also what if I am the biggest failure ever hm did you consider that#anyways self loathing over (me when I lie)#look how cute Marcia is#she has the best smile for real :)#drag race#rpdr#rpdr 15#drag race 15#marcia#marcia x3#marcia marcia marcia#rawnsyf#running away will never set you free#miz cracker
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something something breaking the circle of violence the child inherits from their parent and saying “we could do better for the sake of our children” in spite of past mistreatment and trauma and poisoned ambitions, passed down like an heirloom.
#idk watching Kratos shed tears made me lie down for an hour#in other words I just finished God of War: Ragnarok#and I am completely blown away#by writing by character work by pretty much everything#gow#gow ragnarok#god of war#video games
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What did you do in the past, then? — Yeah, I wonder.
#project moon#library of ruina#video games#my art#my finished stuff#OMG OMG OMG GUYS SHE'S AN UNWILLING PART OF THE CONSTANT CYCLE OF REBIRTH!!! (SCREAMS CUTELY#anyway chipped away at this all week i wouldve finished it earlier but school has been fuckinf tiring i will not lie#catching up on sleep and drawing time this weekend...thumbs up emoji
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I am writing a thousand words of this wip a day and ONLY a thousand words of this wip a day, dammit. This year I will enforce some goddamn moderation if it kills me (and frankly, it might).
#love I say this as if I am enforcing moderation in any other aspect of my life or even with writing otherwise.#I also need to go read fifty pages before bed so I can keep chipping away at my absurd book goal#I am a VERY REASONABLE PERSON WITH ATTAINABLE GOALS (lie)#but anyway uwu I'm making this work and also doing insane things while I'm at it#gotta finish this book gotta write another book gotta write some short stories gotta write a novella#WANNA WRITE SOME FIC ALSO BUT WITH WHAT TIME#I will actually feel a lot better once I have more of a backlog of original stuff built up again.#like I have a SHIT TON but it's all mostly shit? like it's old lmao#and a lot of it I am not interested in anymore for genre reasons (namely I am just not really planning to go back to writing YA)#like unless it was for something commissioned. that's a different subject.#I can WRITE that but that's not really what I'm working on anymore.#ANYWAY toddling off to go do some reading about the deep sea. cool cool cool cool
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