My queue was in the middle of 1968 India trip posts during the anniversary of Brian Epstein’s death and the statue unveiling, so it got me thinking about the connection of these two events.

It’s easy to forget the link between the two because they’re technically 6 months apart. But it feels underappreciated how much Brian’s specter looms large over the entire India trip. And not just because they delay the grief process several months in the name of Paul’s favorite coping mechanism. But because Brian dies the week they first meet the Maharishi:

Tuesday, August 22: The band’s first recording session since June; they record takes 1-8 of Your Mother Should Know

Wednesday, August 23: Recording take 9 of Your Mother Should Know and Brian stops by

Thursday, August 24: The Beatles first meet the Maharishi at a lecture in London. At the end of the day, they hold a press conference, get a 90-min private meeting with the Maharishi, and plan to go to Bangor, Wales for a 10-day training in Transcendental Meditation (TM) the next day.

Friday, August 25: They travel to Wales, the first time in years they’re traveling without Brian or Mal or Neil, and it’s chaotic; after they arrive, they get a message from Brian saying he will join them on Monday.

Saturday, August 26: Following a day of training, they renounce drugs in a press conference (well, LSD at least). Brian spur of the moment drives back to London from Kingsley Hill after the guests he invited for the weekend don’t make it.

Sunday, August 27: Brian dies from an overdose of sleeping pills the previous night; he’s found around noon, the Beatles are inducted into TM before the news about Brian reaches them. They had a private meeting with Maharishi about their grief (he talks about reincarnation and the need for positive thoughts about Brian to help this process). Then Paul goes back to London while John and George are forced to make a statement for reporters staked outside.

Monday, August 28: Paul presents the idea for the MMT film and convinces them to keep working rather than go to India now.

That’s one week.

Whether you want to look at it as fate, consequence, or coincidence, TM and Brian’s death are linked forever because of this timing. The simple act of losing Brian factors into the disparate grief reactions and subsequent burnout symptoms seen visibly in each band member after India and across the next year. But this timing would haunt anyone. And not just because those around Brian report him feeling jealous about their diverted attention toward the guru this week. Just dumb what ifs that grief can haunt your brain with: what if they hadn’t heard about the lecture, what if they hadn’t gone on the Bangor trip or had invited Brian to join them on the train, what if they hadn’t appeared on camera announcing they were giving up drugs because of the Maharishi’s influence, etc etc etc.

This link between TM and Brian’s death is especially worth considering for John, who I believe is the only one who ever directly expresses guilt over his death. This isn’t unique as he expressed guilt for all deaths around him in an opaque way believing he’s a curse on people he loves. But it also is understandable because he had some warning. Pete Shotton talks about a worrying tape message John receives from Brian a few days before. Brian’s father died only 6 weeks prior, and Brian’s secretary finds a suicide note dated just before that. There seems to be some uniformity among those closest to him at this time that while he may have been actively considering suicide earlier in the summer, he wouldn’t have after his father passed out of concern for his mother. Still, even with the idea it was all just a terrible accident, those dumb what ifs would creep up in a case like this.

When you add in that Bangor is a spur of the moment trip, that it’s the first one they’ve taken in years without Brian’s planning and guidance, and that telling Brian or inviting him to join them seems like an afterthought? Well, it’s not hard to see how that close link and the guilt that it inspires would have factored into John’s desperation for finding that answer in India. And his anger when it doesn’t deliver. It looks like a desperation to make a consequential choice matter. Searching for the answer to life guided by a holy man makes TM and the Bangor trip meaningful. It makes it important. But to a guilt-filled brain, the idea the man is a fraud means Brian died for nothing. It’s a 60 foot drop into the earth, nothing but a deep dark hole of emptiness.

Now add that John shares with Brian more than just a tendency for depression.

For @ncwhereman ⛵🥰

Brian Epstein dressed for the races, 1963

The Fifth Beatle

THE BEATLES and BRIAN EPSTEIN arriving back to London at Heathrow Airport after their stint in Paris. February 5, 1964.

redraw of this photo of brian and john :3

eppy POV? eppy POV.

🕊Remembering Brian Epstein (September 19, 1934 - August 27, 1967) 🕊

You must be out of your mind. These boys are going to explode. I am completely confident that one day they will be bigger than Elvis Presley. -Brian Epstein

I think that when they left home, when they left Liverpool and came to live in London, they were still very young. And I think that really they saw Brian as a patriarchal figure. -Pattie Boyd

Yeah, the thing that most impressed me about Brian, and we weren't close friends, but I watched him, y'know, work with the Beatles, he actually cared almost more than any manager I've ever seen. He was so deeply committed. And, y'know, his biggest fear was ever putting a foot wrong or ever making a mistake. Y'know, he really wanted to get everything right and he wanted everything to be special. -Peter Asher

Ever since Mr. Epstein passed away, it’s never been the same. -George Harrison

Look at him, he's so happee

For the request: a sleepy Tankman! (Like bro just woke up and has a cup of coffee or whatever)

Sure! :]

Eepy guy ^.^!

The following day, two of the Beatles were sitting in the Kardomah café. Their Wednesday-night Cavern residency was preceded this week by a lunchtime session, and John and Paul were still in the habit of staying in town on such days, idling away afternoons in “the KD.” This time they were chatting to one of John’s old mates from art school, who then said, “I believe Brian Epstein is managing you—which one of you does he fancy?” It was just a bit of lads’ banter, something that often came up behind Brian’s back, along with digs about him being Jewish. Nothing more would have been said about it if one of the two Beatles (or both) hadn’t then relayed the comment to Brian’s face. He was mortified. It was a stain on his character; it was combustible, in view of homosexual acts being illegal; and, because he was still denying this side of his life to the Beatles, it was a direct challenge for him to respond. Forty-eight hours later, Brian turned the matter over to his lawyer; and seven days after passing the comment, John’s friend from art school was dumped deep in it.

We have been consulted by Mr. Brian Epstein who instructs us that on the February 21st last in the Kardomah Café, Church Street, Liverpool, you uttered a certain highly malicious and defamatory statement concerning him to two members of the Beatles. We are instructed that in the course of a conversation you said, “I believe Brian Epstein is managing you. Which one of you does he fancy?” The unwarranted innuendo contained in that remark is perfectly clear and is one to which our client takes the gravest possible exception and the damaging nature of which has caused him considerable anxiety and distress. He is not prepared to tolerate the utterance of such remarks by you and we accordingly have to require that we receive by return your written apology together with an undertaking that this or similar remarks will not be made by you in the future.

The apology and undertaking arrived by return of post and that was the end of the matter—but it was another hard and damaging episode for Brian.

From Tune In (Ch. 25: Feb 6–Mar 8, 1961)

“The Beatles were still very respectful and polite but there was a real friendship building here. But they were proud northern lads and there were moments when they wanted to discuss things with their sophisticated new manager man to man. I remember one night in the Tower Ballroom, New Brighton, when the six of us were having a drink. Brian had been to the bar and I had bought the second round. Suddenly, I felt a tap on the knee under the table. It was John indicating to me that he was embarassed to find that he hadn’t the price of a round on him and yet he anxiously wanted to stand his round. I slipped him a £1 note under the table and instantly heard John grandly asking Brian if he felt like another.” - Alistair Taylor, With the Beatles

sometimes I just really miss Brian Epstein

beatles reddit: 1966 edition

I stumbled upon two photos of a very cozy looking Brian! ♡

John: we wouldn't last two minutes without Eppy.

John:

John: don't tell him I said that