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megafighter343 · 2 months

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Rewriting Dragonball Evolution

So, I typed this up some many years ago, but never posted it anywhere. The tragic passing of Akira Toriyama brought this back into my thoughts and I figured you folks at Tumblr would get a kick out of it.

Rewriting Dragonball Evolution

Dragonball Evolution is essentially the standard bearer for bad live-action films based on anime. It wasn't the first,with the Guyver films first starting the trend, but it's considered the biggest example of how Hollywood just doesn't get anime. It comes across like a game of Telephone of the plot of the original Dragon Ball, but mixed with 2000s Hollywood sensibilities; Goku is a broody teen, Chi Chi is a love interest, Bulma has just a single streak of blue hair, there's a race-against-the-clock eclipse, the Dragon Balls can show visions, the Kamehameha Wave is called “Airbending” and so many more.

But can it be made better? Maybe not a masterpiece, but an entertaining blockbuster and not a miserable failure that we got? Well, I'm gonna give it a try. Now, this isn't gonna be a full re-adaptation, with casting changes and all that. No, the main focus here is taking the story we've been given and do whatever is needed to make it better, more faithful to the source while still being able to draw in an outsider audience. I'll be going scene to scene, giving them tune-ups, adding and removing where necessary. Ready? Let's Go!

Scene 1: The Awakening of Demon King Piccolo

First, we start with the opening, where we get the legend of the Demon King Piccolo, sealed away by the Mafuba. We come upon a village under siege by the Red Ribbon Army. Yep, we're bringing in the Red Ribbon Army, just for this opening. The siege is overseen by General Blue, who has been informed of a Dragon Ball in the area, accompanied by the somewhat clumsy rookie soldier, Mai. Yeah, we're adding Mai to the Red Ribbon Army for the movie as a greenhorn private in the troops.

The people are threatened, one of them dropping a pot in front of the General and reaching for it in a panic. The General is amused by his behavior and picks up the pot, taunting the old man (“What is this? Some kind of rice cooker?”) and playing with it while the old man begs him to leave it alone. He's speaking his native language, but the clearest words are stuff like “Mafuba” and “Daimao Piccolo” before General Blue kicks him aside and throws the pot onto the ground, smashing it.

General Blue laughs, joined in by a few troops, before they go back to their search for the Dragon Ball. However, out from the shattered Mafuba, Piccolo emerges and he slaughters everyone. Villagers, soldiers, they are all nothing in comparison. The only one who survives the onslaught is Mai, who had the sense to hide during Piccolo's rampage. She pleads for her life, swearing fealty to Piccolo. Piccolo, after a brief, silent stare at Mai, walks away and then comes back with a Dragon Ball clutched his hand. He will spare her as long as she aids him in finding the Dragon Balls.

Title Sequence

Scene 2: Training with Grandpa Gohan

Now we cut to the scene the movie actually started with, where Goku and Grandpa Gohan are training. Important here is that we make sure that while Goku is a teen, he still retains a lot of his more distinct characteristics as a happy-go-lucky, fight-happy kind of guy. This isn't Peter Parker, it's Son Goku. The two spar with Goku winning, rather than losing. Here, the situation pressed is less Goku's friendless background, but that he's starting to surpass Grandpa Gohan, and that perhaps its time for him to move on to a new teacher in martial arts. The scene's major piece of importance is that as a token of congratulation, Goku is entrusted by Gohan with his most sacred possession, the Four-Star Dragon Ball.

Scene 3: Party!

Yes, there is a party in this one, but we also cut out the school stuff. Goku was homeschooled by Grandpa Gohan, though he probably doesn't know all that much since he was more interested in fighting. The party isn't for Chi-Chi, though it is held in Chi-Chi's homeland of Fire Mountain. See, it's someone's birthday! Unlike the original movie where it was Goku's (and how the hell would Gohan even know his day of birth? Does he just go with the day he found him as a baby?) this time it's the birthday of Grandpa Gohan's mentor; Roshi.

The scene introduces us to a few classic Dragon Ball characters at once; There's the Ox King, Roshi, the Ox King's daughter Chi-Chi and Roshi's apprentice, Krillin. The important notes for this scene is Goku and Gohan arriving during an exhibition between Krillin and Chi-Chi. The fight draws Goku's eyes, both drawn by the advanced techniques Krillin is using and the fact that Chi-Chi is hot and more importantly, a really good fighter. Chi-Chi wins the fight and we get a little Meet Cute between her and Goku to set up their romance.

We also get some formalities, Goku and Gohan meeting Roshi and Krillin, exchanging names and setting up Krillin as comic relief. You know, he hits on girls and gets turned down, but he and Goku get along great. Plus, because it's a party for Roshi, we get servers in bunny suits! The Ox King knows that old pervert well.

Happy birthday, Roshi!

For some fanservice, we get a brief scene of Krillin offering flowers to one of the servers, who turns them down due to “allergies” and the main course is a pig roasting on a spit (sorry, Oolong.)

We get a scene between Goku and Chi-Chi with them away from the party, engaging in small talk. Chi-Chi spills the beans to Goku about how her dad has a Dragon Ball. Goku, surprised, sneakily shows Chi-Chi his own Dragon Ball. This turns out to be a mistake as Mai, disguised as a server, overhears how there's a Dragon Ball in Fire Mountain.

Scene 4: Party's Over!

The party gets attacked by Piccolo, Goku and Chi-Chi running back and seeing the carnage unfold. Piccolo has claimed another Dragon Ball and is now threatening Grandpa Gohan for the location of his Dragon Ball. Gohan refuses to talk and holds Piccolo off, telling Goku to get away. Goku, Chi-Chi and Krillin manage to escape, but Gohan dies in the process. Maybe have Goku hand the Dragon Ball to Krillin and try to save his Grandpa, but getting swatted away by Piccolo.

Happy birthday, Roshi...

Scene 5: Enter Bulma

Goku, Chi-Chi and Krillin return to the ruins of Fire Mountain, checking for survivors. Ox King and Roshi made it, but obviously Gohan did not. As they're grieving, a motorcycle arrives on the scene, driven by Bulma Briefs of Capsule Corp. She demands to know what happened to her Promethean Orb, no one knowing what she's referring to until she notes that she picked up on its energy signature. She pulls up her scanner, scanning over the group and getting heavy beeps from Goku. She pulls a gun on him and tells him to empty his pockets. Goku does, pulling out his Dragon Ball.

Bulma tries to take it, but Goku blocks her, telling her just what the Dragon Ball really is, how they summon the great dragon Shenron who will grant a wish. Bulma, who had been using one as an energy source, is disbelieving of the true nature of the Dragon Balls, but sees that it's not her Dragon Ball, as it only has four stars while hers had five.

Goku gets her up to speed as to what happened and Bulma is talked into joining up with them to try and get back the Dragon Balls, needing her tracking device, which she redubs the Dragon Radar. As they prepare to depart, Goku talks to Roshi, asking for a chance to train under him. Roshi agrees, Goku and Krillin high-fiving at the news, the dorks.

Scene 6: Building Up Power

So, we begin the journey proper, Goku carrying everyone's stuff on his back and running alongside whatever vehicle Bulma whips up for the rest of the crew. This time, Chi-Chi is part of the team from the start, plus they got Krillin added and an early Roshi. They make a stop at Roshi's home on Turtle Island to pick up his Dragon Ball and then do some training before seeking out their third Dragon Ball. Goku starts learning the signature move of the Turtle Style, the Kamehameha.

Meanwhile, Piccolo decides to build up an army of his own sons, either through blood or eggs. Within little time, three sons are born in front of Piccolo and Mai; Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum (sorry, Piano.) He sends them out to seek the next Dragon Ball, the Sons of Piccolo taking off.

Scene 7: In The Bandit's Trap

During their search for their third Dragon Ball, they get dropped into a trap, but Goku and Krillin jump their way out, confronting the thief Yamcha (who probably has a pet cat, Puar. Sadly, he can't talk here.) Yamcha challenges them for the money and valuables. Krillin steps up first, holding as well as he can before being knocked back into the hole and onto the still stuck Roshi. Yamcha challenges Goku next, but Goku tells him to hang on since he's using his Power Pole (yes, he has that in this version) to help Chi-Chi and Bulma out of the trap. This ends up being Yamcha's downfall as the sight of two pretty girls results in his shyness kicking in hard so when Goku squares up, Yamcha is so unfocused that he gets taken out with ease.

They eventually convince Yamcha to join up with them to gather the Dragon Balls (Yamcha joining so he can wish to get rid of his shyness.) We have a quick search for the next Dragon Ball. This leads them into the path of the Sons of Piccolo. The three square up with one of the three male fighters; Yamcha vs. Cymbal, Krillin vs. Tambourine and Goku vs. Drum. The three sons win their fights, but Roshi is able to step in and actually proves he's still got it, blasting right through Cymbal with a Kamehameha. Tambourine and Drum go into retreat as they are outnumbered and it looks like the other three are getting up. This clears the path for our heroes to collect their third Dragon Ball.

Scene 8: The 23rd Tenkaichi Budokai

This is the location of the final Dragon Ball, so four of our fighters enter the tournament to ensure their chances of winning while Piccolo and Mai also take spots. The tournament mostly goes to montages for the first round, so here's a quick bracket.

Goku d.. Tienshinhan (Yeah, we'll have Tien cameo here and lose out to Goku in the first round)

Chi-Chi d. Yajirobe (Another cameo! Chi-Chi makes quick work of everyone's pudgy samurai friend.)

Mai d. Yamcha (Poor Yamcha, just can't catch a break...)

Piccolo d. Krillin (It's a harsh beatdown. Thank Kami that Roshi brought Senzu Beans for after rough fights. It'd be tempting to kill off Krillin here, but it'd also be kind of unfair since he still hasn't really won any fights. Eh, I'll let him live.)

This sets up for the semi-finals, where Goku wins against Chi-Chi and Piccolo wins his match by count-out. Curious that Mai didn't show up... something Bulma and Yamcha go to investigate. We get Piccolo vs. Goku, which goes in Piccolo's favor at first, but then Goku lands some good hits in. However, the match ends via ring-out after Piccolo takes a Kamehameha that he easily could've avoided. You know, maybe he could've DODGED!

But hey, Goku wins the tournament and is about to be given his prize... only to find that the Dragon Ball has been stolen! Gasp! Not just that, Bulma comes up and tells him that their Dragon Balls have gone missing too! Double Gasp! Meanwhile, Roshi had gone off to seek Master Mutaito's help in learning Mafuba in the hopes of sealing away Piccolo again, returning with a new sealing pot to put him in.

Scene 9: Chasing the Dragon

We get to Piccolo's castle, the Demon King preparing to summon Shenron, but the heroes catch up to him. We get the split off for fights as Krillin takes on Tambourine again, Yamcha goes up against Drum and Mai fights Chi-Chi. Meanwhile, Goku and Roshi make their way to Piccolo, Roshi attempting the Mafuba but failing, like he did in the original.

Things aren't going great for Piccolo's army as Krillin lobs Tambourine's head off with a Destructo Disc (though if the MPAA doesn't like that, we can replace it with a simple Kamehameha) Yamcha beats the Drum with Wolf Fang Fist and Chi-Chi puts Mai out for the count. However, Piccolo does kill Master Roshi, leaving it all up to Goku. Now, important to note here is that Goku doesn't turn into the Oozaru. That's not a plot point at all because Goku just doesn't have his tail. Eclipse, full moon, doesn't matter. No tail, no Oozaru, just Goku vs. Piccolo, round 3.

Scene 10: Make a Wish, Goku!

Goku wins by propelling himself with the Kamehameha and punching right through Piccolo, like he did in the source material. Then he summons Shenron and uses his power to revive those killed by Piccolo. Shenron agrees, but tells Goku that there is one who refuses to return from the afterlife. When asked, he gives the name: Son Gohan. Goku demands to know why, so Shenron's eyes flash and an astral projection of Gohan's spirit comes to talk to Goku.

He tells Goku that he has lived a full life and is happy to move on and that Goku no longer needs him. He has grown into an excellent fighter and a great young man. He tells Goku to keep training under Master Roshi, to seek out the next great fight and all that good stuff before finally saying goodbye. Goku says goodbye as well before his grandpa's spirit vanishes. Shenron finally grants the wish, reviving Roshi and any others killed by Piccolo, the Dragon Balls going inert and not unusable for a year.

The crew leaves the scene victorious, with hook-ups for Goku and Chi-Chi and Yamcha and Bulma, both couples kissing and Krillin turning to Roshi and telling him “Not gonna happen, old man.” We get a few laughs as the heroes ride off into the sunset, Goku running alongside their car.

Post-Credits Scene

The post-credits takes us to the ruins of Piccolo Castle, Mai recovering and seeing Piccolo and his sons dead. She leaves to find her way back to the Red Ribbon Army. However, deep in the castle ruins, a vial of Piccolo's blood cracks open and slowly from it emerges... Piccolo.

So, that's how I would've written Dragonball Evolution. For the most part, the bare formula does get us a point A to point B with plenty of action and comedy like you'd expect from Dragon Ball. Would it have been a better movie? I think so, though I will admit the cast does bloat up quite a bit thanks to the addition of Krillin and Piccolo's sons, but as long as I gave them stuff to do, the whole thing works well, I think.

Hope you all enjoyed this little thought experiment.

Rest in Peace, Akira Toriyama.

#dragon ball #dragonball evolution #rewrite #Am I the first person to ever use the dragonball evolution tag?#In almost 17 years no one has ever blogged about this terrible movie?

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