spooky tuesday is a (now not so new!) podcast where we’re breaking down all of our favorite slashers, thrillers, monster movies and black comedies on the new scariest day of the week.

if what you wanted for christmas was a whole bunch of jokes about male genitalia, well, you must've been a very good little spooky this year! for our latest installment of b-cember — and our last episode of spooky tuesday until 2024 — we decided to spice up the season with santa's slay (2005), a holiday horror featuring wrestling star goldberg as jolly old saint nick. take a look under the tree and you'll find a flick full of all three grindhouse Gs, enough innuendo to kill a flying bison, and more than a few familiar faces. there's no better way to celebrate, so join us as we close out the year with a father christmas who could clothesline mannheim and his signature steamroller move with ease.

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Santa's Slay (2005)

Santa’s Slay is almost good. Writer/director David Steiman tries - and fails - to make a movie that's "so bad it's good" on purpose but when he indulges in holiday-themed puns and gruesome slayings, you'll have a good time. Call me sick, but seeing people drowned in eggnog, skewered with candy canes, blown up with trick presents and run by Santa's sleigh, it’s ghoulish fun. All that’s missing is a story worth watching to bring all the Yuletide carnage together.

The result of a virgin birth through a woman and Satan, Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) indulged in yearly massacres from which Christians protected themselves using Christmas Mass. In 1005 A.D., an angel defeated him in a curling match and sentenced him to be nice and deliver presents for 1,000 years. Now, it’s 2005 and he’s eager to indulge in his bloody ways again.

The film’s highlights are the various killings. Some of them you see coming. Others take you by surprise. Cinema had to include someone getting skewered by a menorah eventually and if that’s the sort of thing you want to see, you’ve got it here. There is also a rather charming homage to the ‘60s Rankin/Bass Christmas specials that’s sure to put a smile on your face. It’s so ridiculous it actually works.

Every other aspect of the film disappoints. The special effects are dodgy but that’s ok. You wouldn’t mind so much because they can - at times - enhance the dark humor. The insurmountable issue is the “plot”, which should’ve been tossed away and redone completely. For the most part, there is no story. Santa randomly shows up and kills everyone in sight while making puns - if I never hear "ho ho hoes" again, it will be too soon. It’s funny (for the most part) but not so original that audiences won’t be left wanting more. When Mr. Claus isn’t leaving bloody footprints in the snow, we follow Nicholas Joseph Yuleson (Douglas Smith) and his girlfriend, Mary McKenzie (Emilie de Ravin) trying in vain to warn everyone in the town of Hell of what’s happening. It gets repetitive fast.

I know what you’re thinking. Santa came from a virgin birth. The other principal characters (other than Nick’s grandpa, played by Robert Culp) are “Joseph” and Mary, the hero’s first name is Nicholas. There’s got to be some connection between them, some twist at the end that proves these people were destined to battle, right? No, there isn’t. This is why I'm complaining about the writing. The names seem to have been chosen out of a hat at random instead of serving a satisfying purpose. In fact, when you look at the big picture, you’ll realize Nicholas has no impact on this story whatsoever. The dialogue is clunky, meandering and primarily included to pad out the movie - "say anything, as long as it helps us reach feature-length running time". At 78 minutes, Santa's Slay is more of an elongated sketch than a proper film. The ending is abrupt and unsatisfactory and the film is sloppy. A great example comes right at the beginning. The picture opens with pages of illuminated manuscript detailing through illustration the “true” story of Santa Claus but the text surrounding the drawings isn’t even Greek; it’s just random characters with occasional cast member names thrown in. At least it sets your expectations appropriately.

Santa’s Slay is bad but not so bad you can’t have somewhat of a good time with it. If you throw this on the TV during your holiday get-together, your guests can occasionally look at what's on the screen, rub their eyes in bewilderment and instantly have something to chat about. Sitting down and paying attention would only mean becoming appalled by the sloppy execution. If you choose to watch Santa's Slay, stick around for the admittedly cleverly done end credits, particularly if you’re a fan of the WWE. (November 27, 2020)

Lenora's Midnight Rental - Santa's Slay with David Steiman Season 2 Stoc...

Berthold Gone Wild from Panic on Vimeo.

Berthold Gone Wild. It takes just one Berthold to explain the wild animation process!

Meet Berthold – a fictional character guiding you through the unpredictable twists and turns of production places some don’t even know about. Kick-off meeting. Script. Storyboard. Visual treatment. Voice-over. Audio design. Step by step and frame by frame, he reveals the endless freedom of motion, sound, and action only possible in the world of animation.

Produced by Panic Creative Directors: Edijs Vucens, Gints Gutmanis, Rita Steimane Directors: Roberts Kulenko, Gints Gutmanis Script: Edijs Vucens Executive Producer: Laura Zavodska Producers: Rita Steimane, Elina Alaine Look Development: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Art Director: Gints Gutmanis Storyboard: Gints Gutmanis Animatic: Roberts Kulenko Design: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Veronika Horban Animation Leads: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Rough Keys, Tie-Down, Clean Up: Kyrylo Novikov, Anastasia Titarenko, David Stumpf 2D Animation & Compositing: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Vadim Luks, Vince Hurtu, Alexey Rovkov, Francois Edrich Schonken, Eduards Balodis, Gints Gutmanis 3D modelling & Animation: Geoffrey Trusler Voice Over Actors: Dick Terhune, Christine Cullingworth Music Design: Arturs Liepins Sound Design: Arturs Liepins, Jeff Moberg

~ panicstudio.tv instagram.com/panicstudio facebook.com/panicstudiotv dribbble.com/panicstudio behance.net/panicstudiotv

Berthold Gone Wild from Panic on Vimeo.

Berthold Gone Wild. It takes just one Berthold to explain the wild animation process!

Meet Berthold – a fictional character guiding you through the unpredictable twists and turns of production places some don’t even know about. Kick-off meeting. Script. Storyboard. Visual treatment. Voice-over. Audio design. Step by step and frame by frame, he reveals the endless freedom of motion, sound, and action only possible in the world of animation.

Produced by Panic Creative Directors: Edijs Vucens, Gints Gutmanis, Rita Steimane Directors: Roberts Kulenko, Gints Gutmanis Script: Edijs Vucens Executive Producer: Laura Zavodska Producers: Rita Steimane, Elina Alaine Look Development: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Art Director: Gints Gutmanis Storyboard: Gints Gutmanis Animatic: Roberts Kulenko Design: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Veronika Horban Animation Leads: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Rough Keys, Tie-Down, Clean Up: Kyrylo Novikov, Anastasia Titarenko, David Stumpf 2D Animation & Compositing: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Vadim Luks, Vince Hurtu, Alexey Rovkov, Francois Edrich Schonken, Eduards Balodis, Gints Gutmanis 3D modelling & Animation: Geoffrey Trusler Voice Over Actors: Dick Terhune, Christine Cullingworth Music Design: Arturs Liepins Sound Design: Arturs Liepins, Jeff Moberg

~ panicstudio.tv instagram.com/panicstudio facebook.com/panicstudiotv dribbble.com/panicstudio behance.net/panicstudiotv

Berthold Gone Wild from Panic on Vimeo.

Berthold Gone Wild. It takes just one Berthold to explain the wild animation process!

Meet Berthold – a fictional character guiding you through the unpredictable twists and turns of production places some don’t even know about. Kick-off meeting. Script. Storyboard. Visual treatment. Voice-over. Audio design. Step by step and frame by frame, he reveals the endless freedom of motion, sound, and action only possible in the world of animation.

Produced by Panic Creative Directors: Edijs Vucens, Gints Gutmanis, Rita Steimane Directors: Roberts Kulenko, Gints Gutmanis Script: Edijs Vucens Executive Producer: Laura Zavodska Producers: Rita Steimane, Elina Alaine Look Development: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Art Director: Gints Gutmanis Storyboard: Gints Gutmanis Animatic: Roberts Kulenko Design: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Veronika Horban Animation Leads: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Rough Keys, Tie-Down, Clean Up: Kyrylo Novikov, Anastasia Titarenko, David Stumpf 2D Animation & Compositing: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Vadim Luks, Vince Hurtu, Alexey Rovkov, Francois Edrich Schonken, Eduards Balodis, Gints Gutmanis 3D modelling & Animation: Geoffrey Trusler Voice Over Actors: Dick Terhune, Christine Cullingworth Music Design: Arturs Liepins Sound Design: Jeff Moberg

~ panicstudio.tv instagram.com/panicstudio facebook.com/panicstudiotv dribbble.com/panicstudio behance.net/panicstudiotv

Berthold Gone Wild from Panic on Vimeo.

Berthold Gone Wild. It takes just one Berthold to explain the wild animation process!

Meet Berthold – a fictional character guiding you through the unpredictable twists and turns of production places some don’t even know about. Kick-off meeting. Script. Storyboard. Visual treatment. Voice-over. Audio design. Step by step and frame by frame, he reveals the endless freedom of motion, sound, and action only possible in the world of animation.

Produced by Panic Creative Directors: Edijs Vucens, Gints Gutmanis, Rita Steimane Directors: Roberts Kulenko, Gints Gutmanis Script: Edijs Vucens Executive Producer: Laura Zavodska Producers: Rita Steimane, Elina Alaine Look Development: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Art Director: Gints Gutmanis Storyboard: Gints Gutmanis Animatic: Roberts Kulenko Design: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Veronika Horban Animation Leads: Gints Gutmanis, Vladimirs Karsecjans Rough Keys, Tie-Down, Clean Up: Kyrylo Novikov, Anastasia Titarenko, David Stumpf 2D Animation & Compositing: Vladimirs Karsecjans, Vadim Luks, Vince Hurtu, Alexey Rovkov, Francois Edrich Schonken, Eduards Balodis, Gints Gutmanis 3D modelling & Animation: Geoffrey Trusler Voice Over Actors: Dick Terhune, Christine Cullingworth Music Design: Arturs Liepins Sound Design: Jeff Moberg

~ panicstudio.tv instagram.com/panicstudio facebook.com/panicstudiotv dribbble.com/panicstudio behance.net/panicstudiotv

Santa's Slay (2005)

Santa's Slay (2005) Dir. David Steiman

Is Jackie too symmetrical for ya, Steiman? Although I agree, Ryan's kid is rather bland

Too traditional. He reminds me of Michelangelo’s David. The face, the body... tired. Done before. Too simple. Aphrodite needs new and unique sacrifices, which I am always hoping to provide -Steinman

🎄 12 Days of Christmas Horror Ladies 🎄

Emilie de Ravin as Mary ‘Mac’ Mackenzie

Santa’s Slay (2005) - dir. David Steiman

Santa's Slay - USA, 2005 - reviews

Santa's Slay - USA, 2005

‘He’s making a list… pray you’re not on it!’

Santa’s Slay is a 2005 American dark comedy horror feature film written and directed by David Steiman. The movie stars former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg as Santa Claus.

Plot:

On Christmas Eve of 2005, the Mason family is enjoying Christmas dinner when Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) comes down the chimney and kills them all. This opening scene…

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92. David Steiman - "They Live" (1988)

92. David Steiman – “They Live” (1988)

Three time You Should Love Wrestling guest, and acclaimed director David Steiman (director of Santa’s Slay starring Bill Goldberg) comes back to lend his filmmaking expertise in a discussion of John Carpenter’s 1988 cult classic “They Live” staring Rowdy Roddy Piper. David surprised and delights the boys with his head to toe Rowdy Roddy Piper costume he wore to the recording. And the crew breaks…

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Cinema Eclectica Episode 97 - A Very Special Star Wars Christmas

It's Christmas, and as always we celebrate the festive season in our own eccentric way ...

Christmas is a-coming, and here we are with our annual special episode! We take this opportunity to look a selection of films set around the 25th December (or thereabouts), but with a slightly skewed take on the festive season including “Blast of Silence”, “Krampus”, “Three Wishes for Cinderella” and “Santa’s Slay”. Our final Feature Presentation of 2016 is the latest prequel addition to the Star…

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I'm listening to Santa's Slay by David Steiman, Kelly Moon. iTunes