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alltheworldsinmyhead · 2 years

Text

STILL ON THAT TIGHTROPE

chapter 4: JORDIE

Jordie doesn’t feel much, nowadays.

All emotions and physical sensations are something faraway and distant, locked behind glass the way he is locked inside his corpse. But he does feel tired, non-stop. Corpses don’t speak and corpses don’t move, but sometimes he thinks he could try to, if not for the never-ending exhaustion of swimming in a river of magic. It had been flowing through him every minute and every hour since that one single moment in the dark waters of Ketterdam harbor, when Kaz held onto him with all his might and wished, and wished, and wished.

But then again, without Kaz twisting the very fabric of the universe into this little snowglobe of heaven and using Jordie as an anchor to do it, Jordie would not be here in the first place, would he? He would be somewhere else, or nowhere at all. But not here. Not like this.

He doesn’t hold it against Kaz, though. Kaz is clueless. He locks himself and those around him, wishes for more and more, and creates dead-ends and inescapable cages without even noticing. It is terrifying to watch - or would be, if, again, Jordie could muster the feeling.

The crows nest inside his tent and keep him company, and they are nice enough, he supposes. All these lost kids who wanted to escape into the fairytale and paid the price. He wonders how much human is left in them; or are they just birds now, using bird-logic and dreaming bird-dreams? He hopes they don’t suffer his fate.

Better to be a bird than a corpse. At least they can fly.

It’s funny how time works. How infinity works.

How it works now that he’s dead.

Dead, how heavy this word used to be. His Ma, dead in her bed. His Da, dead on his field. Jordie, dead in the Ketterdam gutter. And back now, and dead once again, and over and over.

He doesn’t dream, of course, but his mind - escapes, dragging him back to the past ever-so-often. And the Circus, with its grass and sky and smells of homecooked meals, only helps preserve his memory. Kaz really did pay attention to the details … but then again, he has always been a smart kid. Smarter than anyone gave him credit for. When Jordie gazes out through the round hole at the top of his tent and sees the night sky and the stars, he’s eight again, laying on the field with his baby brother and stargazing, wheat swishing around them. He’s twelve, about to leave home with his baby brother’s hand in his, walking the dirt road leading them to a ferry. He’s never his true age - he’s never thirteen. There is not a trace of Ketterdam in the Circus.

And yet he is thirteen. Thirty. Three hundred.

Dead and gone, and alive, buzzing with life. Electric, when Kaz goes to sleep with this little Suli girl by his side and he dreams of her laughter. Jordie savors the aftertaste of this feeling - love, love, so strong that he’s almost - almost true. Almost real. As if the authenticity of Kaz’s emotions had an echo strong enough to replicate the beating of Jordie’s heart.

He likes her, Inej. Likes how she stepped into this world and made Kaz smile again. How she keeps on disarming him with her steel will, how she fascinates him with the pure strength of her faith. He likes the rest too - liked all of the kids that passed through the Circus, and mourned them all, as much a ghost can mourn. But he likes Inej best, and Jesper second, even when he hates him for his overconfidence and easy charm.

He thinks he used to be like that himself, a tiny bit. Once upon a time, on the streets of Ketterdam, when he expected everything to fall down in front of his feet like a golden rain of coins. He fancied himself the King of Dreams, then.

But it was Kaz who got the coin, and it was Kaz who got the wish.

And it might be all just a product of his bored brain anyway. It is only so long one can stare at the crows and the glittery walls of his tent before they turn mad. Maybe he is mad already, for being a living corpse. Maybe none of his memories are true. Maybe Jordie has always been there, haunting this magical and strange place, an anchor and a prisoner. Maybe Jordan Johannus Rietveld never existed in the first place. Maybe there was no Ma, or Da; never the farmhouse and the orchard and the fields.

Maybe, just maybe. Maybe none of it is real, nor ever was.

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#kanej #kanej ff #kanej fanfiction #kanej fic #six of crows #six of crows fanfiction #six of crows fic #soc #soc ff #the night circus

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flashhwing · 5 years

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Birdflash for the ask game?? ;)

who wakes up first in the morning

Wally is SUCH a morning owl. he’s up and dressed has a pot of coffee going and eggs on the stove before Dick’s alarm even goes off

who’s the first to fall asleep at night

also Wally, partially because Dick is patrolling most nights. sometimes Wally tries to stay up to wait for him, but ultimately he knows Dick’ll be getting back Too Late

what they playfully tease each other over

okay literally everyone who dates Dick will tease him about the brooding thing, we gotta get that out of the way. that being said .... Dick and Wally will tease eachh other about e v e r y t h i n g. how Dick drinks too much coffee, how Wally eats too much everything, how Dick will get So Invested in soap operas and romcoms, how Wally jumps when the toast is ready, the scaly shorts, the fact that Kid Flash is a terrible hero name. anything is fair game with them

what they do when the other’s having a bad day

It Is Time For Comforting Nostalgia. they’ll build a blanket fort, make some hot cocoa, watch Star Wars, play Nintendo. every year their lives get harder and more complicated, and they can’t escape that, but taking a day every once in a while to pretend they’re kids again helps

how they say ‘i’m sorry’ after arguments

I think Wally can admit he’s wrong, but has a hard time actually saying “I’m sorry” unless he did something extreme. so he’ll give Dick time and space to cool off, then sort of act like everything’s normal to show no hard feelings, but he’ll be a little more joking, a little more affectionate, a little more thoughtful.

Dick will readily say sorry. he’ll let Wally’s display of normalcy go on for a few minutes then pull him close and say he’s sorry, and that he forgives Wally, and he loves him.

which one’s more ticklish

Dick is, but his reflexes take the fun out of tickling him

their favourite rainy day activities

if they’ve both got the day off and nowhere to go, they’ll blast 2000′s pop punk and dance around each other while they cook some kind of four-course Alfred-approved dinner (three courses for Wally, one course for Dick)

how they surprise each other

Wally knows he can’t plan a surprise for Dick, so he doesn’t. but if he’s Out and About and something catches his eye that reminds him of Dick, he’ll get it -- some small trinket that’s just the right shade of blue, a DVD of that really weird indie movie they watched as teenagers and then could never find again, that Specific Brand of coffee Dick likes that isn’t in grocery stores. one time he passed a vintage/thrift store selling a snowglobe with “Haly’s Circus - the Flying Graysons” engraved on the base, with a little family of sculpted trapeze artists against a circus tent backdrop in the bulb.

their most sickening shows of public affection

they flirt. Constantly. they’ve been going steady for YEARS and they’ll still flirt like honeymoon-struck teenagers, with their cheesy pickup lines and grabbing each other’s asses. give it a rest, you two

send me a pairing and I’ll tell you ...

#birdflash #dickwally #asks #ask meme #nuage-s-den

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