hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

I'm about to do some REACHING are you ready

the unspoken name is good because it contains not only fucked up gods and fucked up lesbians and fucked up inter-dimensional travel but also my favorite trope: really fucked up psuedo-sibling dynamics

wild gets kept up at night by the fact that twilight saw him doing some absurdly idiotic and embarrassing things

I have said this before but me being self proclaimed number 1 Ryoma fan and that being possibly literal-bc even if this bro had fans before me I might’ve simply done the most for him by talking about him so much + being the first to write fics that are in depth studies on his trauma across canons-I gotta say if there’s one other character I rotate a lot that isn’t him it’s probably Kei. (Shocking it’s not Hayato even if I do think about him too- but it’s usually associated with Ryoma bc gays 🗿)

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Kei would be my favorite and only isn’t because she doesn’t exist in many other canons yet my brain rotates the endless possibilities of how to incorporate her. I’ve already written a fic where she’s in shin vs neo verse which worked surprisingly well but I’ve been thinking how universally she could appear in other things. (Whether it be fitting her into a idea of a possible Go team in New or just a new canon completely) I think what I’ve narrow it down to is that she could be like- in Michirus role? Like she’s the supporting female who isn’t a pilot but helps out the real occasionally which I think would align very well especially with the original manga role she has of being Hayato’s assistant. And even if Hayato isn’t grandpa mode yet he still very much is in Saotomes position at that point. Not sure if she’d Hayato’s biological kid to further parallel Saotome and Michiru given well Hayato already adopts the Go team and his wife is irrelevant LOL.

I have no idea if I’ll ever write this specific idea but I’m still- rotating it cause this is such a easy way to get around “picking between Sho or Kei as the 2nd pilot” since both of them can still exist even if one doesn’t get to pilot, idm my supporting females. (Granted there could always be like- plot line where Sho gets hurt so Kei is temporary pilot but I can’t remember if Getter ever really did this since “once your hurt your ass is basically replaced” lol)

Man hates his god

under the cut is the absolute last i will be speaking on this subject matter.

let me firstly just put it out there how fucking ridiculous it is that i have to even address this discourse, and remind a fandom of, let's face it. fully grown adults. (or mostly fully grown adults) how to behave in a fandom. no one in the fandom should be seriously getting bullied over something as miniscule as a dating timeline that literally none of us can pinpoint, and i'm not the only one from the looks of it who is receiving this kind of backlash. all we know is that one of them said near the end of s5 (can't remember who) that they had been dating for "a few months". a relatively loose term that from my understanding means any number 3(to 7???) or higher, so you can interpret that number to fit your narrative any way you like, idgaf. but i am going to tell you this once and for all now....

grow... the fuck up. stop cowardly hiding behind anon calling people stupid for how they personally view the timeline. you do not know everything just because you have gone through a pregnancy, and have no right to belittle anyone who has not gone through a pregnancy. (because "oh they got together after angela got pregnant and she gave birth at the end of the season, and it takes 9 months to make a baby blah, blah, blah — god shut uppp!!!!!)

if it really matters that fucking much to you to go all sherlock holmes and go on do a deep dive to figure out the timeline, cool. you do you. i personally do not care to invest so much of my time hypothesizing on something so confusing that i can't confirm, and that you cannot confirm either.

february will come around the corner soon enough and we can all huddle around our tv's and wait for confirmation that again, let's face it! we're never likely to get. at least not in the first few eps anyway.

until then chenford fam... i want you to do better, and be kinder to people. i'm honestly so disappointed to see such a darkness come from this fandom.

I do sometimes find it really annoying that most of the things I do right now are At Least tangentially related to a trauma I lived through.

I am living in a university dorm right now, it's a very typical thing to do, but most people return to their family home during the weekends and only really stay in the dorms because they have classes in the week and having to go from their home to the classes, especially the 9 am classes, can be heavy if they live somewhat further away. I stay in my dorm the entire week. For Reasons I don't want to go back to my old home for longer than half a day to drop my laundry and leave with clean clothes, some food and a chat with my mother. I wouldn't feel good doing so anymore, but mentioning that is weird because most people (except internationals because going to a full on other country just for the weekend, every weekend, would be a bit dumb) return to their home (My dorm feels more like home to me right now than my old house did btw).

When I say I stay in my dorm people are somewhat confused, as it on its own already implies that something must not be that good at the familial home for me to not go there for the weekends. By the simple fact I don't go back it's already implied there is something wrong, and it's true, there Is something wrong, but I can't just start explaining the whole thing, it's not really appropriate for most conversations, and I simply don't want to open up about this part of my traumas. So I just have to quickly and very blatantly brush off that fact and the unpleasant implications to continue the conversation without making it awkward and it's so annoying.

Most of my weird trauma responses at least have the added thing that if I don't verbalize them nobody will really notice. I am good at hiding them, I kinda had to, but this dorm situation is such a blatant sign of something Weird (and not the good kind) that I cannot hide since my actions on their own imply a situation already.

I am somewhat good at dealing with all of these issues, brushing off The Problems is a typical part of normal conversations, but it does get frustrating sometimes when I get severely affected by something traumatic, and it's The Only reason that my problem happened, but I cannot talk about it in casual conversations because of how heavy and intense it is. I have to vaguely mention The Horrors (They Are Complex) and move on before I make my conversation partner uncomfortable. It happened when I had to miss a class because of a severe relapse in my mental health, it happens every time I mention I stay in my dorm the weekends, it happens whenever I get too jittery and weird because of stress (I don't even always know Why I am stressed) and I just cannot explain anything about the cause because it's too heavy for most people to hear. (I do understand that fact, it makes sense you're not going to tell classmates casually about the horrific stuff you went through in your personal life, but it fucking gets annoying when it is fully related to a situation and I have to Shut The Fuck Up anyway.)

It's just frustrating to me that I have to deal with all these Weird Things because of trauma, and everyone sees them, but I cannot explain where they come from truthfully because of how much they are. It's in this weird middle state where people See I am weird hurt, but they don't Know why. I do things differently for reasons they can assume are unpleasant, but I cannot ever truly explain everything to them.

how's the post eeaao life treating you

Please! Please! Can we... can we just stop fighting? I know you are all fighting because you are scared and confused. I'm confused too. All day... I don't know what the heck is going on. But somehow, this feels like it's all my fault. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind.

unironically bossgat lives in my brain rent free

Also. The weird girl in school feeling of both intense jealousy and violent repulsion towards "normal" girls.

ran into my ex best friend today. so that sucked.

.

Mlb series 5 finale spoilers //

Feel like the whole time through miraculous the message was don't make the wish actually because the price won't be worth it and then they turn around and do that???? And Nathalie's still alive??? And everyone remembers monarch despite that talk about the universe being unwritten in ephemeral and also why is no one questioning why Emilie is here suddenly. I'm so. Gah. Whats the moral of the story, its okay to go mad in search of power so long as you make sure you're the only one to suffer for it. I thought this was gonna be one of the first animated kids shows to cover such serious topics of life threatening illness and making one of the main characters an orphan during the peak of the show rather than being one since the beginning and they fucking? Just made it all better? I know it can't be too dark because it's a kids show but what happened to consequences for your actions? What happened to balance??? Whos taken nathalies place of eternal sleep. Is no one ever gonna give adrien a heads up about the significance of those rings.

Lila is the only bitch I respect I can't believe they made adrien spend the whole episode rocking back and forth in his sensory deprivation chamber from trauma and Felix! Bruh! Was he spending the episode asking mummy to make him hot chocolate while he tried to track the location of the deprivation chamber. What the heck is in this for tomoe??

eyrie brings a certain level of “I have two canons” that I don’t really appreciate