#But me personally don't care if he lives or dies
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The person who saved my life, and the person who made me want to live again, were all you.
Writing this to echo what @thedeathdeelers said in her post. I'm a Seon Jae softie through and through, and yet, when anyone questions Im Sol's choices or calls her names, I want to flip a table pretty much because have you seen the effects her choices have had on people?
Because of Im Sol's choices her mom doesn't have a burn injury on her hand.
Because of Im Sol's choices their house didn't completely burn down.
Because of Im Sol's choices Hyun Joo finally has the best of both worlds, with no regrets about letting go of something for the other. Her brother who was struggling with no motivation or luck whatsoever is definitely better off now.
Because of Im Sol's choices we even have a Tae Sung in the story, otherwise all we knew at the beginning, in episode 1, was he was some guy who dropped out of school after getting into a fight over something. Not the best first introduction to a character (who goes on to become the best second ML ever). I am the most proud about Tae Sung's transformation, because you can see that even in high school, underneath the 'bad boy' facade, he craved some genuine care and attention and guidance, which Im Sol the haelmoni, the yeppo noona provided.
Im Sol's choices allowed Seon Jae in Alt 2023 to live guilt-free for 14 years (where they confess), instead of him suffering that mental anguish and longing for 15 years out of guilt which the OG Seon Jae had to go through. And we all know what my feelings are about that version of him.
Because of Im Sol's choices, Sonagi exists (/-ed). Because if the 19yo Im Sol had not held the umbrella over him, giving him that dazzling smile of hers that is sunburst and blinding and contagious, capable of stirring storms within the heart, our boy would not be smitten and a loser and a goner for life (well, lives). And now we all know what that means when she chooses not to do that.
If Im Sol's choices have made anyone's life harder, it's Im Sol herself. She carries around the memories of THREE++ timelines, with the love of her life dying/almost dying in EVERY one of them. She goes through life as if she really didn't live through all that trauma that is enough to drive someone insane. She knows her Seon Jae is gone, for good, and all she has are memories that don't even exist in this timeline, memories that not even a single person can corroborate. You know how utterly helpless and hopeless that sounds like? She has a person in this timeline that resembles her Seon Jae, but she has to constantly remind herself he is not her person, her Seon-Jae, he better not be if she wants to see him alive. Going around in the city and seeing his posters/ads with his face on it, or stumbling onto him and seeing him staring at her with no recognition whatsoever? It's not easy. Becoming a complete stranger to someone who was once your everything, who could've been your everything. Not easy.
And she decides to carry on with life still because deep down she knows that's what Seon Jae would want, that's what Seon Jae had taught her: to live for the people who are thankful to have her around, to live to see another day, rain or shine. She loves life, lives life, as a token of gratitude to Seon Jae. She lives because when she says You saved my life, and you made me live to him, those are not just words she is casually throwing around. She is thankful that he made her find reasons to live one more day, and she is going to pay him back by living a worthwhile life. Because Seon Jae truly wants/ed that. He literally died wanting that, putting her life before him, because he wanted her to live, and by living, I mean not just breathing and spending the remainder of her life with survivor's guilt. Going back to this epic confession scene, he says all that because he is afraid of how Im Sol would go on with her life if he's no more. Here, he wants her to know that she doesn't need to blame herself, or suffer, because it is his choice to save her, and it'll all be worth it to him if she gets to live the best life she possibly can.
Just like Seon Jae in any timeline never stopped living or appreciating the good things in life despite longing for Im Sol for more than a decade, she will live and keep her love for him alive through herself. Even if she comes back home at the end of the day to cry in secret, or breaks down in tears in public places.
If Im Sol didn't make the choices she did, we won't have a Seon Jae to begin with.
#Lovely Runner#Byeon Woo Seok#Kim Hye Yoon#Sun Jae#Im Sol#Seon Jae#선재 업고 튀어#kdrama#kdrama recommendations#east asian drama#still not sure if she spent 15 years back in the past is true#but she's been through more than enough already#and yeah I totally gifed my own video edit because the way she cries? and has that LOOK in her eyes? T-T#this is an incoherent mess cuz my brain is too tired and thinking about Im Sol is quite traumatizing
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Yoda and the Story of Zhuangzi's wife
We've all heard Yoda's words about letting go in Revenge of the Sith,
"Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side…Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is."
It's one of the phrases most often used to call Yoda unfeeling, cold, mean to Anakin, etcetera, and I would like to look at the same lesson presented in nearly the same circumstance, but one with does not have Anakin, and therefore everyone's feelings about Anakin, plastered all over it.
The story of Zhuangzi's wife is a taoist one which was brought up to me as a point of comparison by @tai-feng:
莊子妻死，惠子弔之，莊子則方箕踞鼓盆而歌。惠子曰：與人居長子，老身死，不哭亦足矣，又鼓盆而歌，不亦甚乎。
Zhuangzi's wife died. When Huizi (his friend) went to convey his condolences, he found Zhuangzi sitting with his legs sprawled out, pounding on a tub and singing. "You lived with her, she brought up your children and grew old," said Huizi. "It should be enough simply not to weep at her death. But pounding on a tub and singing—this is going too far, isn't it?"
莊子曰：不然。是其始死也，我獨何能無概然。察其始而本無生，非徒無生也，而本無形，非徒無形也，而本無氣。雜乎芒芴之間，變而有氣，氣變而有形，形變而有生，今又變而之死，是相與為春秋冬夏四時行也。
Zhuangzi said, "You're wrong. When she first died, do you think I didn't grieve like anyone else? But I looked back to her beginning and the time before she was born. Not only the time before she was born, but the time before she had a body. Not only the time before she had a body, but the time before she had a spirit. In the midst of the jumble of wonder and mystery a change took place and she had a spirit. Another change and she had a body. Another change and she was born. Now there's been another change and she's dead. It's just like the progression of the four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter."
人且偃然寢於巨室，而我噭噭然隨而哭之，自以為不通乎命，故止也。
"Now she's going to lie down peacefully in a vast room. If I were to follow after her bawling and sobbing, it would show that I don't understand anything about fate. So I stopped."
— Zhuangzi, chapter 18 (Watson translation)
Zhuangzi is perhaps gentler than Yoda in the way he presents the lesson; he leads Huizi through his own thought process to his ultimate conclusion rather than stating a pure philosophical ideal, but his circumstances are also different than Yoda's.
Huizi serves as a stand in for a student listening to the story for the first time. He is totally naive to the lesson Zhuangzi has to teach him.
Anakin comes to Yoda as an adult, seeking advice, not as a child whose every decision should have to be monitored by the adults around him. When Anakin is unwilling to share the details of his situation, it is not Yoda's place to interrogate him for those details or solve his problems for him.
Personally, (no one rip me apart for oversimplifying a little here) I do not interrogate my friends for every detail anytime they say they are having a rough time, no matter how curious I might be. I listen to the details they want to share, ask for clarifying details if they are relevant, and if I am told enough to recognize a way I could help, I offer them that help. If they refuse my help, or do not offer me a way to help, I offer what advice or what comfort I can. I do not barge into their life and start making decisions for them, because they are adults with reasonable understandings of the world and are more capable of making decisions for themselves than I am, no matter how much I want to be able to make all their problems go away.
To put it another way, I let go of my curiosity, my desire to prove myself helpful, and my desire for a perfect world in order to respect the autonomy of my friends by allowing them to decide how to live and what help to accept.
Anakin gives Yoda nothing to work with except that he is having visions of the possible pain, suffering, or death of someone close to him. They are in the middle of a war, there is pain, suffering, and death everywhere. The person closest to Anakin that Yoda knows about is Obi-Wan, another adult that can take care of himself. Frankly, even if Yoda suspected anything, Padmé is an adult who can take care of herself.
Anakin is an adult who comes to Yoda for advice, not a child seeking an intervention, and Yoda offers him the best advice he has, in a manner that Anakin clearly understands, because he responds to the speech by asking,
"What must I do, Master Yoda?"
He understands what Yoda is saying and asks more about what it means for him. This is the moment where he implies, truthfully or not, that he is ready to learn the lesson, and that he can deal with the problem on his own. There is nothing else Yoda can to without more concrete details but offer him a final instruction,
"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."
Sometimes the idea that George Lucas had religious inspirations outside of Christianity when it came to the central themes of Star Wars is greatly distrusted in the fandom, but a lot of Star Wars actually validates the fact that he was interested in a lot more than borrowing Samurai aesthetics. It is more common, in my experience, to see the eastern influenced parts of Jedi philosophy denigrated, misunderstood, and over-simplified than the parts which are influenced by christianity.
To me it is difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile concepts of unconditional love and absolute forgiveness without also understanding what it means to let go of attachment.
#star wars#yoda#master yoda#anakin skywalker#revenge of the sith#taoism#letting go#jedi#jedi philosophy#star wars yeeteth
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So I thought of something... I HATED Sesshoumaru in the beginning, reminded me of all my brother's bad traits back then (we are now best friends). It was after he adopted Rin he started becoming a better person, like some others become better people when they become parents. So it was the two of the, a father-daughter combo I liked, without the other, they aren't much. Just see the time Sesshoumaru kills a man and uses his arm while Ah-Un watches over Rin while they go to steal tessaiga and kill Inuyasha again. Now again, he's just awful. It's not before he appreciates human lives because she introduces her to the good sides of humanity (like some children introduce their parents to the beautiful and not cynical parts of the world), he starts to see that their lives also have their worth and becomes a better person. Some characters come as duos to be whole..!
You bring on some excellent, absolutely valid points.
For me, it comes down to the fact that I usually find stoic characters such as Sesshomaru – with very few exceptions – extremely uninteresting.
As a woman of color who is very passionate about everything I hold dear – my family especially – Sesshomaru is particularly hard to relate to. And everything I've said so far also applies to Kikyo.
I understand the appeal, it's just that he never did it for me. It feels like the very reasons why people love him so much are precisely the things that drive me away.
For instance, his character design is gorgeous, but I've never felt attracted to him and, even if I had, his cold personality would have nipped that in the bud.
Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love morally grey characters. Sesshomaru just didn't make it to the cut because he has the charisma of a water cracker.
The few things I actually enjoy about his character – the dynamic between him and Rin, his almost romance with Kagura, the unexplored idea of a relationship with Kikyo – aren't even about him per se, but about other characters.
Compare this to Inuyasha, a male lead who's actually interesting, charismatic and three-dimensional. It's not a secret that his relationship with Kagome is my favorite thing about him, but take that away completely – along with his character development – and I'd still be crazy invested on his journey as an anti-hero because that's how compelling and relatable he is.
Sesshomaru, on the other hand, works just fine as an antagonistic side character, but to be honest, every time there was an episode centered on him I wish I was watching literally anything else. Toga and Izayoi's love story, Koga and the wolf tribe or just the Inugang doind whatever: any one of those sound way more appealing to me.
You say some characters come as duos to be whole and I agree, but it's also true that this can lead people to not care about them as individuals, which is exactly my case.
I guess people can interpret Sesshomaru as someone who was just seeking for his father's approval, but even this sounds more like headcanon than anything actually explored in the show. Sesshomaru feeling overlooked doesn't necessarily means Toga overlooked him.
He is biased and entitled and we never got to see Toga's perspective on their relationship, but the fact that he left Tenseiga to Sesshomaru shows that he knew his son well and loved him enough to give him what he needed instead of what he wanted, even if Sesshomaru couldn't understand his act of love for what it was at first.
It was never about Toga's legacy – because Tenseiga is just a part of it as Tessaiga – and it was never about his broken up family – because he didn't seem to give a shit about his mother. It was about Sesshomaru's hurt ego at seeing his half demon, "bastard" brother getting the sword he judged to be more powerful.
I'll give credit where credit is due and say that from all the Inuyasha characters who were supposed to be morally grey – Kikyo, Koga, etc – he was the one who had the best written redemption arc by far, Kagura being the exception.
I just don't think it's as perfect as people make it out to be. It was good and natural for where the story stopped – anything else would have felt forced–, but he still had a long way to go before I stopped seeing him as a lowkey racist, spoiled little brat.
Even if Toga had if fact neglect him and this fact had been properly shown, it still doesn't justify nor erase the awful things he did, especially to Inuyasha, who had to go through way worse stuff than daddy issues, mostly because of him.
Abandoning Inuyasha as a child and using the memory of his mother to steal the sword their father had rightfully left to him are just a few examples of why I think a fraternal relationship between these two is broken beyond repair.
It's great that Sesshomaru did become a better person – not that the bar was too high anyway –, but it shouldn't be on Inuyasha to forgive and forget just like that. Especially because Sesshomaru never even put on the effort to apologize and make things right.
#I mean come on#The guy is a giant loser#Inuyasha always hands him his ass#Pretty much every evil plan is not even his idea but Jaken's#And honestly I'd take Inuyasha's more boyish look over his any day of the week#He bores me#And I honestly don't think he'd have as many stans if y'all didn't have the hots for him#Which is totally okay and I get it#You can like a character for whatever reason#But me personally don't care if he lives or dies#There I said it#Sidmailing
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don't hug me i'm scared episode 6 electricity is really something when you're autistic, huh. yellow guy is made fun of all his life by his only friends and laughed at for being "stupid" when all he needed was a change of batteries but no one would listen to him and give him the accommodations he needed and deserved and when he finally did get new batteries and become more clearheaded his friends didn't like him any better. they stopped making fun of him, sure, but they didn't like that he was "smart" all of a sudden, because they'd gotten used to him being "the stupid one". and he looked in the mirror and saw his former self, and his reflection asked him, "have we gone wrong? they seem upset with us" because the truth is even if the way you are now is more comfortable for you, even if it doesn't hurt to think anymore, people will only ever like you if you're the Right Kind of autistic/adhd/traumatized/whatever. have we gone wrong? have we gone wrong? that's what you always ask yourself. "maybe they're not in charge of us anymore." "maybe they never were." and his reflection walks away, as if accepting that the others will think what they will think, and it won't matter, because yellow guy is his own person, no matter how difficult it is for him to articulate his thoughts, and he doesn't need their approval to think. "maybe they never were."
#dhmis#don't hug me i'm scared#yellow guy's conversation with his reflection lives in my head rent free just so you know.#it's so important to me that although he's 'awakened' now- the part of him that's sensitive to what other people think#is still represented by his former self. the 'stupid' version of him. the naive hopeful kid who was mesmerized by a butterfly#and wanted to work with coworkers in a factory and missed duck so much when he died he dug him up#and hated himself for being 'stupid in the head' when he forgot the computer password.#even when yellow guy is clearheaded enough to see through the fabric of his reality#that part of him is still very much present and important in his life and thought processes.#it confuses me that some people seem to see the batteries as a metaphor for a 'cure' for autism or whatever.#to me the batteries are like adhd or schizophrenia medication or antidepressants. they make life easier#while you're dealing with a condition that would normally make moving through a neurotypical world pretty hard.#yellow guy is still the same person. he still cares about his friends' opinions. he's just much more clearheaded and articulate than usual.
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"The newly widowed Elizabeth (Woodville) was exceptionally vulnerable. Several of the trustees responsible for her jointure refused to hand over the manors that were meant to sustain her in her widowhood. Moreover, her brother-in-law, Edward Grey, had seized estates that her son Thomas should have inherited from his paternal grandfather, while her mother-in-law’s new young husband, Sir John Bourchier, had prevailed on Lady Ferrers to settle her principal properties on them jointly for life, ensuring that Thomas would have to wait far longer for this inheritance too. Rivers and Scales were pardoned in July 1461 and swiftly moved into the Yorkist establishment, which perhaps explains the success of the chancery suits Elizabeth launched to regain her jointure. Her son’s inheritance proved harder to recover. By 1463, Rivers was often in (Edward IV's) company and on his council, but Elizabeth needed someone with much stronger influence over the King. She turned to a distant kinsman, William, Lord Hastings, the King’s chamberlain. Hastings drove a very hard bargain for his aid but it was probably amid these negotiations that the King’s desire for Elizabeth was kindled."
-J.L. Laynesmith, "Elizabeth Woodville: the Knight's Widow", "Later Plantagenet and Wars of the Roses Consorts: Power, Influence, and Dynasty"
#historicwomendaily#elizabeth woodville#Elizabeth really had terrible in-laws#And these people weren't even the worst of them - that particular award goes to Richard of Gloucester#As complicated as her first widowhood sounds it was a breeze compared to the literal nightmare she went through during her second.#Honestly though: part me wonders what Elizabeth's first marriage was like because we know absolutely nothing about it.#The marriage itself is a blank slate but the fact that her husband's parents & siblings were so indifferent and uncooperative#to her - and their own kid-grandchildren?? - after he died indicates that his family may have been rather dysfunctional imo?#Certainly they (or most of them) don't seem to have cared about the wellbeing or dignity of his young and newly widowed wife which#doesn't exactly suggest closeness or support during the marriage itself from their end.#Elizabeth doesn't mention John Gray in her deathbed will either though she mentions Edward IV. She may have thought it was#'inappropriate' to mention her first husband beside her significantly higher-ranked second husband...but she DOES mention her son by#her first marriage - which would have drawn attention to it anyway - alongside her royal daughter so that's unlikely to have been a reason.#Maybe it was simply the passage of time? She and John had been married for very few years and she lived such a different life after that#So it's possible that her first marriage simply seemed very distant and faraway to her.#Alternatively it may have simply been undivided affection for Edward IV (her husband of 19 years who she married for love)#which fits well into the relatively personal nature of her will.#Of course we don't actually know anything about any of this and this is all pure wild speculation on my end...but I'm curious.#It's really a shame how little we actually know about Elizabeth's life - made worse by the very limited primary records of Edward IV's#reign and the fact that his chamber records don't survive. And it's even more frustrating that this is so rarely actually acknowledged#by historians. I'd argue we know far more about the life & interests of most other 'prominent' women of the Wars of the Roses#(sans the Neville sisters) than we do about Elizabeth Woodville.
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taking opinions
#on the lore side of things. the face paint is the face paint their dad wore and they wore it once they went back to the village#after he died. they kept wearing it as a connection to him and to their home#but they don't think of that place as home anymore and really. ppl there kind of ostracized them and their mom#on the personal side of things whenever i write um. [redacted]. fic. i have to think about if cori's facepaint is smear proof.#and also just generally water proof. she lives on an island for two months.#which no one cares about but ME but still. and also i just think they have a lot of colors on their head.#but also im attached to it so idk :/ maybe i could retcon them to be tattoos??#to clarify if i took it away it would be post-enw cori deciding they didn't want to wear it anymore#they have a new home and they can see their mom again bc she left the village and maybe its not the right fit anymore. but maybe it still i#idk!!#i need a text post tag
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By the way, I am still thinking about the Greater Boston Season 4 finale, and I am obsessed with the idea that when you have days where you wake feeling strange and unsettled without any identifiable cause, it might be because someone who you never met but who would have narrated you kindly has passed on out of the world.
#Greater Boston podcast#greater Boston#I am obsessed with a city of people all feeling like something is off. like something has shifted. like something has been lost#and they don't know why#but it's because Leon is no longer there#It's because there was a ghost in the narrative who cared so deeply about people and now he's gone#And the thing is Leon wasn't some kind of special chosen one#He was just a guy who loved his friends/family and lived by his Google Calendar and died on a rollercoaster and ended up in a crystal ball#And I like that#He was weird but he was ordinary#And yet his life and death and true passing mattered so much#Normally narratives about people having a kind of supernatural awareness of someone dying don't really resonate with me#but this one did. And I think it's partly cos I care about Leon so much#and partly cos people experienced a vague hard-to-identify feeling rather than a dramatic vision#and partly cos people who didn't know him were included in that awareness#Maybe every person deserves that their passing out of the world be marked like that#Greater Boston spoilers#Greater Boston podcast spoilers#The empty man posteth
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Something that SEEERIOUSLY isn’t talked about enough among Rodrigue fans is how Rodrigue (almost? or generally) always refers to Dimitri as “Your/His Highness” except in the moment that Dimitri’s life was at risk right in front of Rodrigue and Rodrigue shielded him with his own body.
Rodrigue is always respectful and aware of their stations, but none of that matters when Dimitri is almost killed. Rodrigue reacts emotionally without station in mind, forgetting to refer to him in an “appropriate” manner and reacting instead in a more intimate manner (i.e. using a person’s name instead of their title).
Most people wouldn’t dare to refer to their prince by their first name, but Rodrigue forgets all that the moment Dimtiri is in danger. He follows up that familial intimacy by calling Dimitri “my boy”. In a way it’s like Rodrigue's formalities are just forced expectations that are ingrained into him, because his actual instinct is to refer to Dimitri in a familial way. If he doesn’t have time to think about what he’s saying, it will be Dimitri’s name that he uses because that’s how he truly thinks of Dimitri.
He doesn’t solely view Dimitri as his prince. He views Dimitri as family, and in a setting where royalty exists, it’s so important to the relationship in question when that societal expectation is broken, simply because it tells you exactly what that character thinks of their royalty.
When royalty’s life is in danger, it would even make sense for people to hesitate because if they do anything, they might also be in danger and generally humans instinctually prioritize their own life (even if they do really want to step in to help). That typically is not the case with humans regarding loved ones, where that instinct instead changes to an instinct where they automatically step in to protect people dear to them - especially parents to their children. Parents - not just in humans but in most forms of life (cats, dogs, etc) - are extremely protective of their children and react without a second - even a first - thought, because it’s not a thought at all when they see their children in danger. It’s a base reaction.
Rodrigue wasn’t witnessing his prince being attacked. He was witnessing his son being attacked, and he reacted as a father would - not as a knight, a vassal or anyone under Dimitri’s station and how they would be expected to react to protect him. Dimitri didn’t have to be his blood son for him to react the same way a blood parent would. Dimitri wasn’t born to him but he was Rodrigue’s son all the same and he couldn’t accept his boy being harmed.
I love that his reaction is exactly the same as what Lambert would have done. I love that in that one moment when he didn’t have time to think about his word choice, such important stations meant absolutely nothing to him. I love that what was important to him was Dimitri the person, and not Dimitri the prince. I love that at the very end, he died knowing his boy was safe and alive. I love that, when he starts reusing “Your Highness”, it’s only after the immediate danger has passed and he has time to actually process his word choice again, because it really drives home how quickly and thoughtlessly he reacted to seeing Dimitri in danger when he dropped formalities to use his first name.
He also didn’t tell him to live for the people or live because he was a prince. He wanted Dimitri to remember to live for himself and likely died with the hope that those being his last words would be taken much more heavily and sincerely, and give Dimitri a lot to think about in regard to caring for himself as a person and not just seeing himself as a prince/future king, because Rodrigue also saw him as a person.
Not only did Rodrigue protect his son (which mind you must have been extremely important to him after already losing a son. Can you imagine how devastated he would be to lose another child? This time he saved a son from death, which he was unable to do previously and he wasn’t present to be able to even try), but he gave Dimitri the thing Dimitri desired the most from those he loved: he treated Dimitri like a regular person who needed to live his own life for himself, and in the single most critical moment to Rodrigue, forgot to use titles and formalities and openly expressed his true feelings just by using Dimitri’s name alone.
Dimitri never liked all those stuffy behaviors and titles. He just wanted to be a person. Rodrigue, his family, gave him that at Rodrigue’s very end, explicitly informing Dimitri that was how this man always thought of him just from that one moment of Rodrigue’s feelings slipping through. He was always keeping up appearances, but Dimitri was always just Dimitri to him.
Also, Rodrigue says “please tell me it wasn’t in vain”. Remember, Rodrigue’s son died in vain. Glenn didn’t actually get to protect Dimitri. Earlier, Rodrigue stated that Dimitri’s injuries left him on the verge of death. Glenn didn’t die protecting him. Glenn died in a tragedy. Nothing Glenn did that day that led to his death actually helped Dimitri survive. Dimitri survived because Gilbert found him in time.
Rodrigue knows that and doesn’t want another person dear to Dimitri to die a death that didn’t need to happen. He also doesn’t want it to be in vain because if it was, he would have died being unable to protect his son. Rodrigue “died for what he believed in”, but he died because he thoughtlessly, without hesitation, died to save his son. He believed in Dimitri, but he also believed Dimitri to be his child as much as Glenn and Felix ever were.
Even though Glenn did die in vain, he attempted to die keeping his best friend alive. He believed in his best friend, just like Lambert believed in his son to be able to saved if he ever went astray.
Before Rodrigue dies, he last thoughts are of Lambert, but also his promise to Lambert, which was about Dimtiri.
Rodrigue was always thinking of his family throughout the whole game (literally, he brings up Felix to Byleth regularly and brings up Glenn throughout the story as well), and that extended to Lambert and Dimtiri. At the very last, he literally died like he lived, and that was for his family.
#DCB Comments#Rodrigue#Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius#I just love that Rodrigue wasn't living solely as the right hand of a king#It wasn't about who was in power that he acted like he did for them#If you notice too he never really talks about Rufus as if he simply doesn't care for him either way#Rufus is still part of the royal family but he doesn't get the same treatment from Rodrigue as Lambert and Dimitri#It's not about ''they're my king and prince''. It's not about being in a slightly lesser station than them that he saved Dimitri#For him it was always about family first and his position after even if HE himself didn't realize that#If Rufus was about to die would Rodrigue die for him? Probably not. He may be a royal but if Rodrigue died for him#he couldn't be alive to watch over the people he actually cares about. Say Rufus was about to die but Lambert and Dimitri weren't even there#Here he wouldn't even have a choice to make of ''do I die for Rufus or live for them''. I think he simply just... wouldn't do it#He might /fight/ to keep him alive but I don't think he would shield Rufus with his own body. That line of thinking makes me think#that again it's not about status. It's about who he considers family and who is important to him just like any other person would react#It's bc he loves those two that he behaves the way he does and does what he does for them. I think if he didn't love the people in power#he wouldn't treat them like he does simply bc they're in power. I think he only treats him like he does bc of affection#Like I really think if Rodrigue had to choose between Faerghus or Dimitri and/or Lambert that he'd pick those two over#Faerghus itself bc tbh Rodrigue is really just like anyone else. He has priorities preferences and biases#I ofc think he'd be torn abt it but I think he'd ultimately choose people he sees as family over anything else#i love you rodrigue achille fraldarius
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like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.
#one of my favorite writers left because they couldn't deal anymore and one of my favorite writers turned out to have shit views and one of#my favorite writers left because of something that was partly my fault and one of my favorite writers stopped writing because of two of the#others and one of my favorite writers hurt someone i love over and over and over and one of my favorite writers left because they were the#someone i love. two of the big names hate queer folk that don't align with their ideals and half the artists left for twitter or for dead.#the man himself left because criticism always becomes cruelty and people lie to make themselves feel good.#the editors all turned their accounts private and my favorite told me on livestream that i was good and starting somewhere but then forgot#my name. and i thought maybe i was the bitter one but then i look at some of the other people who have been here so long and wonder why#they even bother anymore because they care more about complaining with everything j.ack does than anyone who actually enjoys his stuff.#and you know i poked fun at *** for a lot of things. some deserved some not. and one of them was the fact that she compared fandom#to warfare. and yes that's still silly i don't think it's a fair comparison but i do know that she wasn't fully wrong.#when you've been here for a long time and ive Been here for a long time you start to get really used to names and faces#and the change can be like waking up to a new wallpaper in your room. not a bad one just a new one.#i don't want to pretend that this fandom is just a silly little hobby for me when lets be honest i know some of yalls personal lives a#little too dearly for that. ive loved people here ive lost people here the first person who showed me this place fucking DIED and i still#lose it sometimes over the fact that he would have loved jameson so much and we couldve been closer friends had he stayed alive a few more#years. so yeah. sorry for being fucking cringy or whatever but there have been times where i've felt like im on a sinking ship watching#everybody else row away and i refuse to go. so like. cool. cool. im glad things are good again but i never really got to process the bad#things.
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hello, please pray for me that I don't get a DS3 NPC killed because I'm trying to NOT use a walkthru or guide for once, thank u
#delete later#dark souls 3#i am.... scared#I already had an NPC jump into a fight I thought I messed up that he DEFINITELY COULD HAVE DIED IN#and it stressed me out so much#sometimes I wish I was a bad person and cared less about NPCs but I just........ want everyone to live LOL#like if they die *beyond* my control when I'm not around? yeah okay whatever#when i COULD have saved them tho by making a better choice? .......yikes#(or like Bloodborne again where my lack of ability got Eileen killed the first time 'round and I'm STILL upset about it)#uh in other news if u DO know of a good (WRITTEN) walkthru or guide for DS3... plz tell me#having played DS1 - Bloodborne rn I have lost all trust in both wikis I used to use lmaoooooo#well okay maybe not ALL - but enough I only look up specific things and not actual 'guides'#i ended up having to switch to an IGN guide for DS2 because I was tired of reading things that were wrong#which mind u was probably a fault of the whole 'SotFS' edition changes#BUT STILL AT LEAST *SAY* WHAT VERSION THE WALKTHRU IS FOR#okay im done the rant - I actually really liked DS2 so don't misinterpret that as me actually being mad lololol#im avoiding a guide or walkthru tho cuz I relied WAY too much on them for the other games (besides Bloodborne)#and I wanted to go in a little more blind because my friend (who has played it) is also hiding things from me to be a surprise hahaha
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zombie apocalypse is the worst saddest just straight up worst not it thing to happen in sci fi movie. if that happened irl bye. BYE. either my loved ones make it through it WITH me or like it is done cause if i am the only one who is surviving?? because of whatever reason if im the only one surviving?? what is the point what is the fucking point
#i just watched one of my fav youtubers watch train to busan that movie is so hell#but fr like if everybody i love dies in the apocalypse#okay *live for your dreams* or wtv lets get logical for a moment.#for the world to recover from that and for life to start again it will take years and i dont think im making it through if every single per#person i love is gone. at least one of them has to survive cause i genuinely don't see the point in living if they aren't here#the ONLY scenario that makes sense to me is either everybody or at least one person i love and i survive OR#i sacrfice myself and someone i love survives#if neither of those things happens best believe i will sacrifice myself for people who still have their family & friends to take care of#like that couple w the pregnant lady in train to busan oh mygod i would have made sure that man lived he was such a gem of a human
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it's because the bear wouldn't kill me just for being a woman. the bear doesn't kill me for fun. the bear can be shouted at, and will leave me alone. the bear won't make a tiktok complaining about how i crossed to the other side of the path when i saw him coming. if a bear kills me, it's just being a bear: it cannot understand logic. it is not acting out of malice - just fear or hunger.
bell hooks once wrote about how porches might be the only outside space left for women - it is still the domain of the house while it is also outside-but-safe. when i am in the woods, i am in the bear's home, and he has a right to defend his property. outside spaces - anywhere at night, certain parks in the day - those are often implicitly "owned" by men. i cannot explain the feeling of knowing when you have entered a man's "territory." you walk into a place and just know you are in their space. you get a sick sense - you're in danger.
the other day a group of about 8 men were fooling around in the woods while i walked my dog. i had to go around, take the extra 3 miles just to avoid them. it's okay, i like walking. this wasn't even a #feminism moment. it was just a tuesday.
what a plain and easy question. only one of the situations is seen as a tragic accident. i would rather die and have a park bench erected in my honor rather than have my family questioned about why they let me, an adult, walk in the woods in the first place when i should really be at home in the kitchen.
i worked in retail and food service. i have had women say and do absolutely heinous and abusive things to me - not because i was a woman, but because i was there, and they were angry. the way men treated me when angry was different - it was because i was a woman. you can always feel the difference, how there's an undertone of i'd hurt you worse if i could get away with it. i keep seeing people try to cite stupid statistics. why is there always a strange rage whenever women agree on things? like men can argue their way out of our lived experiences? it isn't a buzzfeed quiz - which of these traumas are you? 10 super cute ways not to fear strange men.
i have actually (thrice!) seen a bear in the wild, by the way. i died each time, obviously, and am a ghost writing to you. (it was scary but completely and utterly fine). the second encounter was a black bear with her cub. she looked at me like - do we have to do this or are we good? my dog was busy sniffing a bush, completely nonreactive. i felt like i was in a sitcom: feminist poet reacts - does she actually mean she'd choose the bear? my only thought was - she's so beautiful. her paws are massive.
and there's a part of me that feels the rage spinning out in a corner. why do we have to come up with quippy little comments in order to teach men empathy. would you rather die in a car accident or due to a mugging? and would you rather your house burn down due to an electrical fire or due to arson? gee willikers - it's almost like we're human people, and want to risk the accident versus the intention.
i would rather my last thought be oh shit, a bear rather than i'm a person too. why doesn't that matter? why don't you care?
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fuck
#I am under so much stress and heartache right now#that I really am just being held together by the thinnest thread right now#my dysphoria is through the roof#and I feel like the people I care about don't and never will really see me as a woman#and on top of that everytime I step in my parents' house I surrounded by pretransition photos on me#including a fucking painting of me as 4 year old done by my homophobic uncle thats hanging prominently in the living room#and I will lose my shit if one more person close to me or someone i care about dies#because everytime i turn around another person drops dead#including a man I viewed as a pinnacle of strength and wit wasting away slowly from brain cancer#and everywhere i turn people i care about are having health issues crop up#including my father who i already worried working himself to death from always helping people#having to have a procedure done that im so worried he's not going to actually rest and recover from#that im trying to trick him into getting addicted to a video game so that he'll fucking sit down#and im still worried that ive nuked several of my relationships with people through a combination of trauma response and my own stupidity#and i know healing takes time but i have an incessant need to fix things that ive inherited from my father#and while money isnt to much of an issue now#if i dont find a job and one that i enjoy soon im going to lose my fucking mind from just sitting around my house all day#like i really shouldnt have quit my old job even though i hated it because being unemployed is so much worse#also while minor im freaking out about finding a new RPG for my gaming group to play#because i feel like ive let them down by prematurely ending our current campaign because i cant move forward with it#and if i dont find some proper stress relief soon#im going to hurl myself against a wall
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Introducing Follower gang!
There. Finally did all the Bishops follower designs!
The 7 deadly sins
And some other follower gang, done with lineart this time because the other 2 pieces made me lose my soul for how long they took.
(Also a small HC if I may: Dr. Sozonius is trapped inside the mushroom on Sozos head, while the actual mushroom is controlling his body)
+ some more doodles
Info about the 7 Sins and more doodles below:
Jeg represents Greed - he was one of the first of Lamb's followers. (At first, it was very difficult for Lambert to indoctrinate people, due to their inexperience, this guy was like the 5th or so) Jeg has...a very specific personality to say the least, yet the Lamb can't help but be fond of him. They eventually nominate him the Tax enforcer role and...That might've been the worst decision of their life. But they did not take the role away. Jeg acts smug 24/7 and relishes in his new power, but deep down, dudes pretty insecure, ( but don't tell anyone!) He used to have a huge crush on the lamb, but then Narinder and eventually the other bishops came, and since their leader was for some reason head over heels for the ex god of death, Jeg grew bitter and often got into fights with Nari, as well as charging him and his other siblings more than the average follower. Though he's mostly mellowed out since then.
Brash represents Gluttony They despise Helob, since they used to fight for "food" a lot, and eventually Brash got really injured and was found by the Lamb. She tried to eat them, but was quickly disarmed. Despite this, they decided to spare him and bring his sorry ass back to the cult to indoctrinate. They were very cunning and didn't trust the lamb either, but eventually they cooled off and accepted the new life. She still eats people tho, just not from the cult, otherwise jail or *worse*
Yara represents Pride She is one of the core followers. She's very strict and somewhat self-centered, she likes things done her way, or if not her way, the lambs way. Period. No one else can boss her around or even give a helpful advice. She's actually a pretty stand up deer, and despite being incredibly stubborn still makes a good friend. She gets along with most people though Brash annoys her, since he keeps snatching body parts off corpses. She has always been extremely devoted to the lamb and will be annoyed if any follower dissents and tries to preach against them. She wasn't surprised in the slightest when they eventually took down all the bishops.
Thorn represents Envy He had a pretty terrible life before the cult. When he was brought in, she was bitter about her newfound situation. He wasn't very trusting of the lamb and thought they expected something out of her (which technically they did, but it's just work). He envies the fools who are so oblivious and just do everything as they're told and let their lives be guided by some amateur god. Similar to the other two, he puts on a mask, He often acts overly saccharine to hide his true feelings, but doesn't have any bad intentions. (Most of the time) She does genuinely like some people, but others, he only pretends to like to appease the lamb or to blackmail them. He hates when the people he actually cares about are threatened.
Jermo represents Wrath Jermo absolutely does not trust anyone. Similar to Thorn, and most other followers tbh, their life was absolutely horrible prior to the cult. They trusted some people, they got betrayed, and almost died several times because of it. It was extremely difficult for the lamb to make them stop dissenting. They legit had to give them the loyalty necklace in order for them to finally stop dissenting. Jermo keeps getting into fights with other followers, because they feel as though everyone is always against them or is constantly judging them. (They're technically not wrong) They've died 5 times, because they keep getting into fights with other followers. Lamb strongly considered keeping them dead, but decided to challenge themself with them (also they're too cuddly to just be killed off) Despite their many, *many* flaws, Thorn has a huge crush on them, since he's one of the people who managed to see their soft side. Jermo, deep, deep, deep down actually cares a lot, but they've been hurt too much by everyone, so they retaliate for the same stuff to not repeat.
Herett represents Lust At some point, she passingly heard about the cult and since it seemed like a peaceful place from the rumors (and also had hot people in it) she eagerly joined in. She's usually in the kitchen area, if not hanging around the love tent or babysitting some kids. She crushes on almost everyone, but for some reason she hates Kallamar (legit in my actual game she rejected him so hard, despite having the lustful trait and not caring prior)
Mateo represents Sloth Is perhaps the 1st or 2nd of Lambs followers, so they're absolutely not letting go of him, dudes lived 4 long lives and is tired of it, he keeps switching jobs since with age he's been slacking off more. He's currently stuck as a janitor (he hates it) He's also one of the few people who managed to befriend Jermo, his mellow, don't care attitude is somewhat comforting to them. Aside that, he gets along with almost everyone, as best as he can at least.
Not much else to say about the gang in the third pic but Riley and Dannie are platonic bffs and were forced to babysit kids when the lamb was crusading. The lamb was a little incompetent here to give carnivores children to take care of, but thankfully they actually managed to be good with them and got used to being on nanny duty.
The capybara (Beige) is a retired teacher and adopted a little owlet to take care of (Chip)
While Femur is our below yellow cat, and that's my HC name for him. He's a gatherer here.
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl toww#cotl leshy#cotl helet#cotl kallamar#cotl shamura#cotl oc#cotl ocs#cotl sozo#cotl yellow cat#more ocs#cotl fanart
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Wake up babe!!! new AU just dropped
So..what is this Collector Wally AU?
Collector Wally is an insane collector who collects the souls of his copies from other alternate universes. His own universe was destroyed due to the overload of time and space from the numerous of AU's, he lost all his friends and loved ones. Now he seeks revenge. Collector Wally lives in a mansionin in a sort of hidden pocket dimension with his little assistant cleaner Helper Wally. (yeah!! two Wallys!!!) There he keeps his collection of souls and paintings.
Collector found Helper in one of the completely destroyed universes all alone, he felt bad for a small version of himself, so he sheltered him in his mansion as an employee. Now the guy works for the man as a personal cleaner, cleaning every corner in the mansion. After his own universe was destroyed, it really affected his personality, now he is closed and silent sour little guy.
(They are like lord Hater and commander Peepers you know, but Collecor is a little more serious and Helper is more tired and doesn't care about this shi-)
Since y/n died in their universes, in this universe y/n was found by Collector in a god-forsaken universe to which they do not even belong. They don't remember their past, knowing only that their own no longer exists. Collector was amused and interested, so he took y/n to his mansion, now they share the duties with Helper.
I'M LAZY SO I'LL TELL THE REST NEXT TIME......SORRY....
And it's just a concept, so uh yeah
Sorry if you find any mistakes here and if you want, you can ask me questions and I will answer <3
#welcome home#welcome home au#wally darling#wally x y/n#CollectorWally! au#HelperWallyC! au#welcome home arg#my art :0)
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Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-
Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)
The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.
Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)
He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.
The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-
It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?
He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀
And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.
And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-
He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.
I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.
That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.
It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.
And what makes you feel more alive than love?
Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.
He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.
He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.
Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.
Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.
He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-
Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠
The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.
I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.
Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.
Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher
#sbg#school bus graveyard#school bus graveyard webtoon#sbg (webtoon)#aiden clark#ashlyn banner#aidlyn#aiden x ashlyn#im gonna scream#rip my teeth out#idk idk#im just mentally ill about them 🫠#tw obsessive behavior
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