ohgy gets his first nhl goal and the helmet from wally :)

ooh becky msmargaretmurry i have to ask about your rnh thoughts here because while i have never been in the oiler trenches and do not (Do Not!!!) intend to start now, i have been watching on the sidelines since the hall and eberle days and i LOVE to hear your opinions

oh thank you for asking anon!! for context i started watching the oilers on purpose in like 2010ish (i had a friend who was super into hall/eberle and i was NOT immune to that) — i do not claim to be an expert on any of this at all, this is just based on my own experiences and thoughts and ponderings. also for the record i think rnh is great. he is an oiler i am extremely fond of, and i'm glad he seems to have found a solid role there that he's content with and has found success in.

so to me the ryan nugent-hopkins of it all goes something like this:

when the oilers drafted taylor hall first overall in 2010, HE was supposed to be the savior of the franchise. the oilers had lost in the scf in 2006 and then immediately not made the playoffs for four straight years and no one was happy. they drafted taylor, hyped him up SO hard — this era was kind of the the advent of current Online Content era and they were making little videos of him arriving in edmonton, showing him around, fans recognizing him on the street. i feel like nowadays thall's stock as a player is like "good but not GREAT" but you must understand that when he was drafted first overall they were expecting him to be GREAT. him, plus hot young swedes linus omark and magnus pääjärvi, plus canadian world juniors hero jordan eberle had the oilers faithful (and the oilers front office) CONVINCED they were going to be turning things around. people were making t-shirts that said

HALL Omark Paajarvi Eberle

— HOPE, you see???

anyway obviously that season did not actually go that great. they finished last in the league. i think they won something like 25 games all season. and they wound up with another first overall pick, which was our boy, the nuge.

and the thing is, ryan was expected to be very good, but he was NOT expected to be the savior of the franchise. that was already taylor hall's job. there was a lot of concern his rookie season about him being too skinny and not strong enough to really make an impact at the nhl level yet (and to be fair, he DID look like a baby deer out there). the people and the powers that be were very much like, we're glad to have him, we think he'll be a great piece of this rebuild, but there was much more willingness to be like, okay well he might need a few years to finish baking.

rnh's rookie season was better than the season before, but it was still not good. they did not come close to making the playoffs. they were still very bad. the blue jackets were also very bad, and a friend and i drove to columbus and got seats on the glass for oilers/jackets for like $50. extremely funny experience, 10/10, do recommend.

(not relevant to this narrative but a very fun fact imo is that despite the oilers but godawful that season, 2011–12 had two of my favorite oilers games i ever watched: sam gagner's 8-point night against chicago, and a 9-2 win ALSO against chicago, who was one of the best teams in the league at the time. as a bl*ckhawks hater then and now, watching this clown car oilers team run roughshod over chicago brought me immeasurable joy.)

however, the only one of the young stars who was REALLY living up to expectations at this point was jordan eberle? iirc he lead the team in goals AND assists that year. the masses were starting to get impatient with the performances of the other young stars, especially first overall franchise savior taylor hall.

and the oilers won another draft lottery. (you can imagine at this point the rest of the league was already pretty sick of the oilers winning draft lotteries.) they drafted nail yakupov first overall. i am not going to dive deeply into the yakupov saga, because we would be here all night, but suffice to say that, no, he did not live up to first overall expectations, but also, yes, he was very much punished for Being Russian In Edmonton, and those two things cannot be untangled from each other. however, in the context of the nuge of it all, this leaves rnh in an interesting and particular spot: he is still not expected to be taylor hall, and wow he looks like such a nice pick compared to yakupov. rnh is playing pretty well! not all-star numbers or anything, but again, he's not the cornerstone of the franchise rebuild. he is an important brick, but not the foundation.

not like the rebuild is working anyway. with their arsenal of three straight first overall draft picks (and canadian world juniors hero jordan eberle), edmonton misses the playoffs for the seventh straight season. and then they miss them again. and then they miss them again. and it's not even like assigned franchise savior taylor hall is playing poorly — other than one slump of a season he is consistently putting up 50+ point seasons, including one 80 point season! but the oilers as a team are still a laughingstock in the league. it's not just that they're missing the playoffs. they are consistently near the bottom of the league.

to be clear, i don't think this was the fault of the players. i think the oilers were (are) pretty shit at management and were (are) pretty shit at prospect development. i think that when you have a team with that many decent-to-good players and you can't get out of the basement that the problem is systemic. but god forbid the front office take a good long look inward to diagnose the problem within themselves. no, the problem was that assigned franchise savior taylor hall was not doing his job (saving the franchise).

not that there wasn't any frustration toward other players, including rnh. there was frustration toward the team as a whole, but hall often bore the brunt of it. omark and pääjärvi were gone by around 2014. eberle was still well-liked but it was kind of accepted that he wasn't going to change the fate of the organization. the idea that the oilers needed to ship hall out becaue HE was the problem was in the air before the 2015 draft lottery.

and then the oilers won the 2015 draft lottery, and with it, connor mcdavid. people were not happy. (please click on this link it's so funny.) the oilers were so bad at this point that it was just generally accepted that connor going to the oilers meant the prime of his generational-talent career would be wasted by an incompetent team. honestly not really feeling like we've been proven wrong at this exact point in time!

however: connor mcdavid? brand new savior! way better savior than taylor hall ever would have been! the last five years of rebuild weren't REALLY a rebuild, the real rebuild was going to start with mcdavid!

and where is the nuge in all this? he has been pretty quietly plugging away, turning into a very good and reliable nhl player. a consistent 40–50 ish point player, not bad! fast forward a few seasons into the mcdavid era and he's putting up 80 points, 100 points! he's the longest-tenured oiler. the edmonton people and powers that be seem to really value him! which is really awesome.

this is not to say that there was never any "nuge should be better" discourse or any frustration with him when the team was doing so badly, because there was absolutely frustration with the whole team, including him. i do distinctly remember hearing the phrase "the oilers need more from ryan nugent-hopkins" more than once on the broadcasts. nuge finding his role on the team and the notable success he's had in more recent seasons has been a process, even though he hasn't ever been ~bad at the nhl level. however, imo, his positioning between noted disappointments hall and yakupov and also assigned saviors hall and mcdavid did put him in a unique position where people had a little more patience with him and blamed him less for the team's struggles than his fellow first overalls.

i do still miss the kid line sometimes though.

SEATTLE KRAKEN PLAYER PRIMER

I promised the beautiful @madroxed a Seattle Kraken current player primer so she can get into a West Coast (best coast) NHL team and then I went mad so it ended up too long for ask box without a read more. So here it is for your enjoyment, babe. 🦑

IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW:

1. When Kraken started playing their first season in 2021, there was a lot of discussion about the expansion plan, how many years they would take to become as successful as other expansion teams (cough VGK). That plan… has not fully panned out. So even though they made it to the playoffs last year, they're not super successful this season and likely won't squeeze their way into a wild card spot. This is okay because the Kraken are full of love.

2. This is important enough to say twice: THE KRAKEN PLAYERS ARE FULL OF LOVE. They don't need to be good if they're having fun and being friends! And they are!

3. Kraken has no captain right now, just four As. Democracy, baby! Every game there is tons of talk on reddit about how it's a good thing because it's made the guys closer, or how it's a bad thing because they don't have a leader and they keep losing. IDK, it's just our thing. There will be a C eventually.

4. There's a joke on tiktok that Kraken is a team of beautiful shy horses, treated badly on their last teams and now learning to love again. Keep this in mind when you see them interacting with Coach Hakstol. They all deserve to have their hooves (skates) farrier-ed gently, ribbons braided into their manes and to be tenderly fed sugar cubes. Anyways.

5. Haha, Seattle runs on love and tentacles.

THE OLDIES:

- Jordan Eberle (Jordy, Ebby, Ebs, Ebber) - Ebs was MY MAN for the longest time because I was soooo fond of him and the mid aughts pre-McDavid Oiler rookie crew. Now he's 33 years old, everyone calls him dad, and just had his 1000th game ceremony. It makes me verklempt.

He just signed a 2-yr contract this month, which people agree is mostly because of his role on the team and less because of his points (which are just okay).

He is also a noted Nickleback fan :(

Also, Jordan Eberle... naked... singing.

- Jared McCann (Canner, also Jordan's on-ice wife) - Kraken's lead scorer right now. Has the saddest backstory ever (he's had troubles with his teams since draft) but the Kraken team loves him. I love him too. Jordan was in his wedding party! Fun fact: Canner is the one who KISSED Ebs' head after an OT win this year, the organization framed & posted the picture, and it's the most romantic thing that has ever happened on Kraken ice. Recognized PC gamer boy. He also wears really really ugly hats with his game day suits.

- Philipp Grubauer (Grubi, The German Gentleman) - Gruuuuu. The more experienced goalie on the team. Noted horse girl (loves horses, there's a video all about his volunteer efforts with them). Gets a lot of undeserved shit from dude fans for being a conservative goalie, the man is NOT gonna move. He straight up close lined a player yesterday because they got too close to his crease lol.

- Vince Dunn - You already know this guy. Feral, but also submissive and breedable. I sent you the "screaming with a bloody face" vid but here's one where he drop gloves for a Matty hit and another from Juniors where he fights OFF ICE. His nickname is Dunner but because he's a pretty princess, he also goes by "Vincess" in hrpf. He's very popular this season both for his looks and his performance this season. Unfortunately injured right now due to a bad hit. Noted "gamer (fornite) boy" lol.

- Adam Larsson - You also know this guy. Big Cat. Quiet but a leader to the D rookies. Surprisingly funny - he's a silent prankster and the custom t-shirts this season with his face on it were a hit. Outside the hrpf space, he's engaged to a beautiful blonde Swede and about to be a dad this month.

- Jaden Schwartz (Schwartzy) - Peak millennial. Is it wrong that I think Schwartzy is the hottest Kraken after Vince? Because I don't care. He gives hot dad, with two dogs with girl names.

He changed his hockey number to match his sister's who died of cancer :'( Has been injured a lot this season and we miss him :'(

- Yanni Gourde (Gourdo) - FERAL!! FRENCH (CANADIAN)!!!! A tiktok star, sassy, charming, and also part of the team leadership.

Married and dad to little girls, who he has allowed Matty to babysit, if you can believe it. There was a super cute vid of them at the pumpkin patch this year. I'm a proud member of the GOURDO IS HOT club but even people with bad eyes and no love for goofy faces love Yanni.

- Andre Burakovsky (Burky) - You might remember him from his Cap or Av days. He's a beautiful little bird who is so good at scoring but so broken. The man has two Stanley Cups but he's played like 2 games for Kraken where he was both healthy & productive lol. People ship him with Gru sometimes in hrpf because they have cute nicknames for each other and also vacation together. He also just had a baby like two months ago so my sisters and I call him a teen mom even though he's like 29, lmaoo.

- Pierre-Edouard Bellemare (Belly) - His shirt is always off in every video I have ever seen him in. Handsome. Beard. French, like literally from France, but we won't hold it against him. He's an older guy who was brought in to help the team with offense (which we badly need).

- Oliver Bjorkstrand (Bjorky) - I always describe Bjorky as like a less handsome Dylan O'Brien if he played hockey. A chill, smiley dude who cares a lot. He played in Portland for the Winterhawks back in Juniors and I saw him a lot there! He's playing super well this year, he even was at the ASG!

THE YOUNG ONES:

- Matty Beniers (Matty, Benny) - OUR BEAUTIFUL FIRST DRAFT EVER. A baby boy. Ebs and Canner are his mom and dad. If you're on tiktok, he made that viral "Yes, Yes, Nope, Nope" sound while mic'd up.

He's growing up :') but also is having kind of a bad season :'( Part of the planned growth of the Kraken team though!

- Will Borgen (Borgy) - One of the baby D. He kinda looks like Canner but more frog. Matty and Borgy are roommates & pretty much BEST FRIENDS during the season. There's a lot of good locker room videos of them giving each other shit. He has also bullied Karts lol. Self describes himself as a little deer.

- Joey Daccord (Joey, Dacs) - Baby goalie. Gives the F1 recaps on tiktok. One of the biggest joys of my year so far was chanting "Joey" in the crowd after his shutout in the Winter Classic. Sometimes he strays too far from the net and makes boo boos. We love & cherish him.

- Kailer Yamamoto (Yamo, Yams, Yammer) - Little man. So little. Great at shootouts & stealing teammate's jerseys. He's the only Washingtonian on the team. Was a Oilers rookie and I've heard he featured in the whole Draisital hrpf narrative thing (idk I'm not an Oilers fan rn lol). Has a terrible goatee right now.

There's a funny af tweet about a reporter seeing a huge cheering section for him at a game and assumed it was friends & family but went over and it was just random people rooting for Yamo purely because he's short.

- Ryker Evans - The newest baby D. Has the deadest eyes you will ever see but he also spent an entire Firebirds youtube interview series just hanging out in a child's pool. He's played great since being called up from the Firebirds and we love him. So new he doesn't have a Breaking the Ice sheet yet :( Also his middle name is GARTH!

- Tye Kartye (Karts) - It's important that you know his last name is pronounced like "Cart-che" but even the announcers say "Car-ti-eh" like the jewelry brand. A quiet-ish sweetheart but also kind of spicy while playing. Rooms with Ryker. They're flirty and have been since the Firebirds. Scored his first NHL goal in his first NHL game, during the Kraken's first ever playoffs!

- Cale (& Haydn) Fleury - REAL LIFE BROTHERS. Not actually related to Flower. Haydn is on the Lightning now and we miss him. Cale mostly plays for the Firebirds but he's developing well and has gotten called up several times this season.

- Ryan Winterton (Wints) - A goofy little baby. He's still playing mostly with the Firebirds but he had his NHL debut this season.

- Shane Wright - I don't actually know his nickname. (EDIT: I have been informed it is Shaner or Wrighter!) Big boy. Our SECOND DRAFT EVER. Playing with the minor leagues right now. We'll see him playing a line on Kraken next season or so, probably (?). If Coach Dave is willing.

THE OTHERS (THAT I OFTEN FORGET ABOUT):

- Brandon Tanev - Turbo. He's fast. Has beautiful long hair. Keeps getting hit by pucks because he's in the way. Fun fact: he helped start the 'Kraken are horses' thing because there was a video on Tiktok where an equipment manager was adjusting his skates and they used a hoof care video sound and it went viral. We might lose him when he's a free agent and that's fine.

- Jamie Oleksiak - Big Rig, Riggy. In my shit list right now because he's playing bad and I hate his stupid credit card commercial that they always play during games. Member of the 'my sister is prettier and a better athlete than me' club. People speculate there's a chance we might lose him over the summer when his no-trade clause opens up as well. He's often Borgy's d-partner, and he and Borgy are very very sweet though.

- Tomas Tatar - Tuna, he's fun and nice. I like his accent. Sometimes I forget he exists.

- Eeli Tolvanen - Tolvy. I also sometimes forget about him. Sorry. He's a buddy to everyone on the team though.

- Justin Shultz - Shultzy, he's fine. Gets injured a lot. Not the best player. I think we're gonna lose him eventually too.

- Brian Dumoulin - Dumo, he's also fine. He's won a couple Stanley Cups. Cute baby face for an older player but he gives a kinda empty brain, 'there's not a thought behind those eyes' feeling lol.

HOPE THIS HELPS. I ALSO HOPE THEY DON'T CRUSH THIS PRIMER OVER THE OFF SEASON WITH TRADES LOL but who knows. Whatever happens, happens. Just remember this team runs on love (and tentacles).

1-5 for roo :3

1: how old is your sim?

As of now, he's 28, he's a crusty ass old man </3

2: when is your sim's birthday?

same as mine, but not the same year, 10/05/1995

3: what is your sim's zodiac sign?

leeeeeebra 🤧

4: what is your sim's ethnicity?

Roo is pure Swede :) (and can barely fucking speak Swedish ☠️)

5: Does your sim have any nicknames?

Yessirrrr, as I've mentioned, his actual name is Harvey, and obviously, the name/nickname he goes by is ~Roo~, although some other nicknames he has is Rookie (pronounced Roo - key, and that's a non-canon/not-in-universe nickname I have for him, I also call him Rookie Pookie LMFAO), his siblings sometimes call him Harv (the only ppl he'll let call him that) or, if they're using Roo, they call him Rooey (cuz Kangaroo and Joey? 🤧😭), his mom used to call his Havvy as a baby (when she was actual actively present in his life) and sometimes tries to call him Havvy to get him to forgive her ;') (it never works but it breaks his heart everytime) *forgot to mention this pre-post but whenever I make Roo but genderswapped, I always call him Roo-ella LMAO

Lucas Raymond? ❤️🤍

specialest guy in the world....

First impression

immediately smitten w him because i think my first real impression beyond just kind of generally being aware of his existence was the mojoe show guest episodes and he's sooo sillysweet in those i was like okay! i love you now!

Impression now

love him. sillysweet guy of all time. i love that he's like... a locker room guy it seems like. everyone LOVE and SUPPORT sweet baby ray. i think he's def going to end up in some sort of leadership role sooner rather than later because he's very like... levelheaded and mature for someone his age. he is deeply underrated as well like he's sooo talented can we please get this guy some accolades...

Favorite moment

the video where the guys are guessing which one of them the little kids drew where he's like. deeply offended that they drew him with red hair is so funny to me like king... is it that serious

Idea for a story

Unpopular opinion

none. he's perfect <3

Favorite relationship

literally love the molucas rookie littermates arc like That's my best friend she's a real bad bitch. very fun and sweet to me also love his appreciation for all his fellow swedes. a real guys guy

Favorite headcanon

i knowww he listens to the most grating annoying music but he thinks everyone likes it like he really strikes me as like a "techno in the locker room" guy and he's truly just trying to contribute to the vibe but it is NOT helping

SHARE THE FORBIDDEN MURDER SWEDE KNOWLEDGE.

Please.

I feel like most of this info is already scattered through my tumblr  because I never fucking shut up about him so apologies for the self links but here are some of my favorite Backstrom trivia off the top of my head.

It’s objectively hilarious that his full name really is Lars Nicklas Backstrom

In his rookie season with the Caps, he finished with 69 points (14 goals and 55 assists) so, NICE.

When asked for his favorite author at one of his first official Capitals interviews in 2007, he said "I don't read." x

In addition to his one NHL All Star Game, he was named to and scored two goals, including the game-winner, in the 2008 NHL YoungStar game, which was... definitely a thing the NHL used to do in conjunction with the ASG! He was named to the 2009 one as well and didn’t play, and after that the NHL discontinued the YoungStar game altogether, so it’s not impossible to theorize Nicklas Backstorm personally killed the YoungStar games himself. x

Doesn’t like/is afraid of dogs, which is why he always gets assigned puppies for the Caps Canine Calendar shoots. x

He bought ex-teammate Jose Theodore’s house in 2010. Apparently it has six bedrooms, eight baths, a fitness room, a wine cellar, a theater, and, uh, an Irish pub. x

In their first season, he and Ovechkin became roadie roommates when Alex Semin had an ankle injury for two months, though later Ovechkin went back to rooming with Semin, and Backstrom settled down with Mike Green as his permanent roadie roommate. x

He possibly has magical powers because of the Swedish product dunder honung, AKA “thunder honey”, (AKA title of his sex tape). x

Caps trainers thought he was too heavy when he came in as a rookie and he’d be more mobile if he dropped weight, so they had him wear a weighted vest to show him how he could improve with less weight, and instead of being too slow he was the best player on the ice and their plan completely backfired, which was hilarious. Thicklas Backstrom don’t give a shit about your weight vest. x

In fact, Mike Babcock, despite being a shit human being, has one of the more astute observations of Backstrom’s size with: “As much as you pressure Backstrom, he puts his big ass into you and he holds you off and he makes those (elite) plays.” x

He didn’t get his hair cut during his rookie season because he had his own hair designer back home and he didn’t trust the hair salons in America. x

In the pregame hype videos he’s been known as both “Mr Cool” (Super Friends intro) and “Super Swede” (the other weird superhero intro, Caps did a lot of those) xx

The only time he’s been suspended in the NHL was in 2012. He got a match penalty after Game Three against Boston (so that one doesn't really count as a penalty so much as a public service) for pushing his stick into Peverley’s face after time expired and got Shanabanned for-- hang on, lemme quote: “Even though Backstrom might have felt threatened by Peverley’s stick, the fact is Peverley is in a defensive stance and it is Backstrom who is approaching him. Backstrom’s reaction is excessive and reckless.“

(Additional fun fact: Of note, three of the four Young Guns-- Ovechkin, Backstorm, Green, and Semin-- all got suspended for various reasons that season and, as usual, Sasha Semin was the lone slacker.)

He bought bespoke hats for the entire team in the 2008-2009 season. x

He bought ipads for the entire team when he signed his new contract in 2010. x

He and Ovi used to to do this special goal celly thing with each other where they would skate together and then jump up and bump chests or shoulders and it was ADORABLE. x

I know I reblog it at least once a year but when he and Ovi and Mike Green were babies, they used to sleep over at each other’s houses and go to football games the next day in each other’s clothes. ALSO ADORABLE. x

In 2010 he was stopped for “failure to obtain a county decal within 30 days.” Charges were eventually dropped. x

There was a 2009 Cabbie Presents segment where he taught Cabbie how to say Swedish pick up lines and I am absolutely furious my link to it no longer works. He also had a Caps video segment where he berated various Caps fans on Swedish pronunciation of other tourist phrases, so here’s that. x

HE ALWAYS HAS SNUS IN HIS LOWER LIP OR JAMMED IN HIS POCKET please be careful Nicky that stuff is not good for you. x.

Per Isabelle Kurshudyan, the previous Caps beat writer, he’s quiet but not shy-- she describes him as sarcastic and super smart. x

This could seriously go on and on, I have way too much brain space devoted to him.

how did you get in to hockey being from the uk?

HA Good question nonnie. The answer is my friend Aleks (@aleksrothis). Aleks is an awesome human being (go follow them if you like stars and erm... finns/swedes? And Finns and Swedes who are also Stars).

So for a while, I would read everything Aleks wrote because I worship the very ground that Aleks walks upon. (but not in a creepy way) and then they started producing Hockey RPF and I was like nooooo Aleks NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

And for a while, it existed like that, Aleks would be all: ooooh hockey and I'd be all Aleks NOOOO

And then for a while Aleks was like: oh yeah, also there is this awesome thing called OMG Check Please. And I was like: Is it hockey? Aleks would be like: It's hockey and a comic? And I would be like: I hate both hockey AND COMICS. Hard pass.

And then I read it.

And then I was like. Fine. OK, this made up hockey is fine. They're adorable. Besides Bitty used to be a figure skater so that's fine.

And aleks was like: HERE IS JEFF SKINNER

And I was like damnit. Fine. Share me a fic you think I'll like

And aleks was like: There's this GREAT fic about a micropenis and a man named Tom

And I was like: Those are both HARD NOs for me. I do not read about men named Tom. I also am not really into micropenises.

And aleks said: Trust me

And I said: Fine. Fuck it. How bad could it be.

And so I read the Tom Wilson Micropenis fic. If you haven't read it. YOU REALLY SHOULD. It is the most lifechanging piece of fic I know.

Then I was like: Fine. Ok. Maybe hockey fic isn't ALL bad. What else do you think I would like

Aleks goes: You would REALLY LIKE NESTING

And then, after a little light reading (aka everything under the nesting tag on ao3) I was like: Huh, I have a concept for a nesting fic, but I need a team with like, an older goalie, a mature goalie, and then like, a bunch of lil babies

And aleks goes: LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE NEW YORK RANGERS: THIS IS HENKE LUNDQVIST.

And I was gone. Hook. Line. Sinker.

SO, in short. Aleks. OMGCP. Tom Wilson having a very teeeeny cock. Hank Lundqvist.

Please note for the purposes of this illustration Aleks has been tillyfied. Aleks comes across 0% like this. But we blame Aleks for everything. This is why I owe Aleks QUITE A LOT. (Aleks also did the beta for the Henke Nesting With His Rookies Fic, which was an EFFORT I AM SURE).

Aleks is also responsible for a. taking me to see my first live hockey games (GO TOP CATS!) and also enabling Mini-Tilly's Penguin's addiction/Sidby Crosby Adoration. Aleks is in actual fact PEAK responsible, and at my wedding, my mother introduced Aleks to people with the words "This is Aleks, Aleks is Tilly's responsible adult." It is, sadly, SO VERY TRUE.

Everyone pray for Aleks. Nobody deserves to be burdened with me.

This turned into a love letter of sorts. OH WELL. LOVE YOU

2021: Full-Time Drivers

Up to date as of 3/4/2021.

(Under a cut because this is going to be a looooooong post as usual)

(Yes I used last year’s official mugshots don’t @ me)

Sebastian Bourdais

A four-time ChampCar champion, he has also raced in F1 for Toro Rosso and competed in both the 24 hours of Le Mans and the 24 hours of Daytona. One of the most experienced drivers on the grid. In the six seasons he has spent in Indycar, he has competed in 74 races, had six wins, and two poles. Last season he only raced in three events for A.J. Foyt Enterprises, and competed in the IMSA WeatherTech Series. This season he will race the 14 entry for A.J. Foyt Enterprises.

Scott Dixon

No one really knows how he is so good at racing in Indycar. He is the defending champion going into this season and has a total of six Indycar championships and one Indy 500 title to his name. He has often been compared to Lewis Hamilton. In the 18 seasons he has spent in Indycar, he has competed in 289 races, had 49 wins, and 29 poles, and is one of the winningest drivers in Indycar history. This season he will continue to race the 9 entry for Chip Ganassi Racing.

Marcus Ericsson

After competing in 97 races for the Sauber F1 Team, he signed with Chip Ganassi and began racing in Indycar. He will be starting his third full season in the sport. In his previous two seasons, he competed in 18 races and has one podium finish. He will continue to drive the 8 entry for Chip Ganassi Racing.

Jack Harvey

He competed in many forms of racing prior to his Indycar debut in 2017 including British F3, GP3, and Indy Lights, and was the 2012 British F3 champion. Prior to 2020, he drove only part-time for Meyer-Shank Racing as they tried to find their way into the series full-time. In the four seasons he has raced in Indycar, he competed in 29 races and has one podium finish. He will continue to race the 60 entry for Meyer-Shank Racing in his second full season.

Colton Herta

He staked his name in the history books by becoming the youngest Indycar race winner at COTA in 2019. The son of Brian Herta, he has quickly become a fan-favorite and a strong competitor. In his two seasons (plus the season finale of 2018) in Indycar, he has competed in 32 races, had three wins, and four poles. This season he will drive the 26 Andretti Autosport entry, taking over the car vacated by Zach Veach.

James Hinchcliffe

A fan favorite, returning to full-time status this season. Makes a podcast with Alexander Rossi called ‘Off Track with Hinch and Rossi’. Has also competed on Dancing with the Stars and was a part time broadcaster for NBCSN. In his 10 seasons in Indycar, he has achieved six wins, 17 podium finishes, and one pole position. This season he will drive the 29 entry for Andretti Autosport.

Ryan Hunter-Reay

Affectionately nicknamed ‘Captain America’, and the victim of an unfortunate sandwich meat ad campaign. He was crowned series champion in 2012 and became Indy 500 champion in 2014. He can often be seen on the grid with his two kids, often dressed in mini firesuits to match. In his 14 seasons, he has competed in 211 races, had 16 wins, and six poles. He will continue to race the 28 entry for Andretti Autosport.

Ed Jones

Not a familiar face to new fans, but he’s done this song and dance before. He last raced in Indycar in 2018, and has raced previously for Dale Coyne Racing, Chip Ganassi Racing, and Ed Carpenter Racing. This will be his first official racing ride since the 2018 season. In his previous three seasons, he scored three podium finishes. This season, he will race the 18 car for Dale Coyne Racing with Vasser-Sullivan.

Dalton Kellett

He is much less frightening than the above picture makes him out to be (I promise). He has worked his way up the Road to Indy ladder and made his Indycar debut last season, driving part time for A.J. Foyt Enterprises, while also competing in the IMSA WeatherTech Series. Makes a podcast called D2Speedcast. He competed in five races last season and his best finish was 20th at Road America (both). This season he will race the 4 entry for A.J. Foyt Enterprises in his first full season in Indycar.

Scott McLaughlin

One of only two rookies on the Indycar grid this season (but can either of them really be called rookies?). He is a three-time Australian Supercars champion and raced for Team Penske before they decided to pull their Supercars program. He made his debut in the season finale of the 2020 season at St. Petersburg though he failed to finish. He will race the 3 entry for Team Penske.

Josef Newgarden

He is a two-time Indycar Series champion, an Indy Lights champion, and a strong fan favorite. He has starred in many PR campaigns such as “Josef Newgarden Incognito”, “The Offseason”, “Shirts4Sage”, and “The Penske Games”. Has a vlog titled #AdmitOne. In his nine seasons in Indycar, he has competed in 148 races, has 18 wins, and 11 poles. He will drive the 2 entry (formerly the 1 entry) for Team Penske.

Pato O’Ward

Another driver who ascended to Indycar through the Road to Indy program, he was the Indy Lights Champion in 2018. Last season was his first full season in Indycar, though he’s raced part time before then. Came oh so close to having his first Indycar win last season, but couldn’t make it to that top step of the podium. In his previous three years in Indycar, he has four podium finishes and one pole position. This season he will continue to race the 5 car for Arrow McLaren SP.

Simon Pagenaud

Can hula-hoop on a regular day (not really). He is the 2016 series champion and the 2019 Indy 500 Champion. As evidenced by the Penske Games, good at racing and not party games. His dog Norman is also pictured on his Baby Borg-Warner Trophy. In his previous 10 seasons, he has achieved 15 wins, 35 podium finishes, and 14 pole positions. This season, he will continue to drive the 22 entry for Team Penske.

Alex Palou

He has competed previously in Super GT, Super Formula, and F3 European Championship. Last season was his rookie season driving for Dale Coyne Racing, and he achieved one podium finish. This season, he will race the 10 car for Chip Ganassi Racing.

Will Power

If you’re not following his Instagram you’re missing out. One of the most successful active drivers in Indycar. He is the 2014 series champion and 2018 Indycar champion. In his 13 seasons in Indycar (not including the three years in Champ Car prior to the merge), he has achieved 37 wins, 70 podium finishes, and 52 pole positions. This season he will continue to drive the 12 entry for Team Penske.

Graham Rahal

He’s the son of 1986 Indy 500 Champion Bobby Rahal, and an avid car guy. Owns a performance shop and regularly hosts Cars and Coffee there. Probably the tallest driver in the paddock. In his previous 13 seasons, he has achieved six wins, 25 podium finishes, and three pole positions. This season he will continue to drive the 15 entry for Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing.

Felix Rosenqvist

One of two Swedes currently racing in the Indycar Series. He has previously raced in DTM and F3 European Championship. In his previous two seasons in Indycar, he has achieved one win, three podiums, and one pole position. This season, he will race the 7 car for Arrow McLaren SP.

Alexander Rossi

A fan favorite, but can’t do donuts correctly. Makes a podcast with James Hinchcliffe called ‘Off Track with Hinch and Rossi’ where they talk about everything except racing. He is the 2016 Indy 500 Champion and has raced in F1 for Marussia. In his five seasons in Indycar, he has achieved seven wins, 23 podiums, and six pole positions. This season he will continue to race the 27 entry for Andretti Autosport.

Takuma Sato

Nicknamed ‘Taco’ by his team, currently the only Japanese driver in the field. He is the defending Indy 500 champion and has won the 500 twice. Previously raced in F1 for Jordan, BAR, and Super Aguri. In his 11 seasons in Indycar, he has achieved six wins, 14 podium finishes, and 10 pole positions. This season he will continue to race the 30 entry for Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing.

Rinus VeeKay

The only Dutch driver on the grid, last season’s Rookie of the Year. He is also the 2018 Pro Mazda Champion and has also raced in Indy Lights. In his rookie year in Indycar, he achieved one podium finish and one pole position. This season he will continue to race the 21 entry for Ed Carpenter Racing.

oh no we CAN'T talk abt burky and Nate bc I'm gonna explode I swear I will just COMBUST

YOU MEAN how Nate was just like... I’m gonna... figure out what this guy needs to do to get going because he is TOO talented... for his point average... and I know he can do better.. and then he told burky to shoot more... and now burky is gonna get the best season of his career... and Nate just kinda watches out for burky?? Encourages him?? Makes him laugh during warm up?? We all said Gabe was gonna adopt Burky because of the Swedish thing but Gabe has an actual baby and so Nate was like... I could do with another hot Swede... Burky shall be my rookie (even though he’s not a rookie) and I will love and care for him and make sure he thrives

I was just at ikea so imagine nicky and ovi buying an ikea crib for their unborn baby and nicky insisting that he be the one to put it together bc”im the Swede and no offense but I know you’re gonna give up halfway through” anyways ovi refuses to let nicky even touch a wretch bc “what if it hurts the baby?? you need to relax I’ll put the whole nursery together” nicky was going to argue but the WHOLE nursery? he’s gonna go take a bath and let ovi do his thing. anyways 3 hours later he comes 1/2

out and finds all of the rookies being led by Andre as they put together all the ikea furniture. the walls have been painted and ovi and his team of rookies have actually done a pretty good job. Nicky is pleasantly surprised (especially bc he KNEW that ovi was gonna call Andre, but he didn’t think that’d be any help bc Andre is like the only Swede in existence who can’t assemble ikea furniture) ovi sees nickys little smile and jumps ovi like “see nicky! you can relax I’ve got it handled” 2/2

-

OHHHH

Characters for the Interactive Story:

Babies/Rookies/Rookie-Not-Rookies:

Yanni Gourde - Leader of the Baby Bolts, Captain Crunch, Now a Sophomore Bolt and a tiger with ADD

Matthew Peca “Matty” - Flirtatious, Best friend of Yanni and Adam’s

Brettulet Howden “Brett”/”Bretty” - Now a Ranger, Damsel pretty boy

Jonne Tammela “Tammy” - Sassy Finn

Otto Somppi “Somps” - In love with Vladdy Namestnikov

Taylor Raddysh “Raddy” - In a long-distance relationship with Brett

Libor Hajek “Libas” - Now a Ranger, Dragon (sidekick of Vesey’s)

Anthony Cirelli “Tony”/”Cirsy” - Loves the theatre

Mikhail Sergachev “Misha” - Babysitter

Brayden Point “Bray”/”Pointer”/”Pointsy” - Baby Bolt, Yanni’s best friend

Adam Erne “Addy”/”Rottie” - Rottweiler

Alexey Lipanov “Lippy” - Giggly, outgoing, baby Vladdy

Alex Volkov “Volky” - Quiet, stern, loves snickerdoodles, a baby Kuch

Mitchell Stephens - Easily annoyed, but loves to joke and is quick to become jealous; New Captain Crunch

Olivier Archambault “Archy” - Problem drinker/partier, young TJ

Carter Verhaeghe “Vera” - Know-it-all, smartie

Dominik Masin “Domy” - Baby who gets jealous of other babies

Matthew Spencer “Spenny” - Shane’s older, more protective brother-type

Shane Conacher “Little Cons” - Loves to hug and smile, a baby

Alex Barre-Boulet “Bear” - Quiet, shy kid

Bolts/Ex-Bolts/NHLers:

Vladislav Namestnikov “Vladdy” - Temporarily trapped in NY

Tyler Johnson “TJ”/”Johnny” - Chief of worrying

Nikita Kucherov “Kuch”/”Kuchy” - Cookie-loving black wolf shapeshifter

Ondrej Palat “Pally” - Babysitter to Kuch

Victor Hedman “Heddy” - Grumpy Defenseman

Steven Stamkos “Stammer” - Vladdy’s father, Captain of the Lightning

Ryan Callahan “Cally” - Loves Arby’s and pranking, protective father of Bray, Yanni, Adam and Matty

Andrej Sustr “Shu” - “I’m A Giraffe!”

Alex Killorn “Killer” - “Your mom” jokes

Anton Stralman “Stralsy” - Papa Stralsy, wise beyond his years, oldest Bolt

Slater Koekkoek - Likes naps -- Naperoonskis

Jake Dotchin “Dotch” - Stupid, frat boy

Jonathan Drouin “Jo” - Used to tell “your mom” jokes, now rots in Montreal

Brian Boyle “Boyler” - Proud papa, now a New Jersey Devil

JT Brown - Gamer, now an Anaheim Duck

JT Miller “Millsy” - Anti-Vladdy, serious, straddles the insanity line and is often questioned about being good or evil, but he’s a sweetheart

Ryan McDonough “Donut” - Former Ranger, knowledgeable about breaking and entering

Andrei Vasilevskiy “Vasy” - Loves to hug and likes kitties

Jimmy Vesey “Vese” - Former bad guy, who is reformed and builds a group known as the VPF

Pavel Buchnevich “Buch”/”Buchy” - Russian-speaking Jaguar who loves Broccoli

Jesper Fast “Jessie” - Hyper Border Collie puppy who is dangerprone

Chris Kreider “Kreids” - Captain #1 of the NYR

Lias Andersson - Giggly Swede

Filip Chytil “Cheetos” - Giggly Czech, loved by Zuccs and Mika

Neal Pionk “Pisy” - Shy Baby Ranger, who is very limited in his outgoing-ness (shy to strangers)

Mika Zibanejad “Ziby” - Captain #2 of the NYR, Arctic Fox

Mats Zuccarello “Zuccs” - Captain #3 of the NYR (Killed in the beginning of Story 2)

Brady Skjei “Sky” - Vesey’s ex, who still cares about him (Killed in the beginning of Story 2)

Ryan Spooner “Spoons” - DJ-type, in charge of music (Killed in the beginning of Story 2)

Brendan Gallagher “Gally” - Reformed Villain, Evil was ousted from him when he attacked Vladdy and “exploded”, Red Dragon

Artturi Lehkonen “Lehky” - Gally and Chucky’s adoptive child, also Vladdy’s

Alex Galchenyuk “Chucky” - Gally’s mate, Purple Dragon

RIP:

Jason Garrison “Garry” - Dead

Braydon Coburn “Coby” - Dead

Valtteri Filppula “Val”/”Fil” - Philly/Dead

Nikita Nesterov “Nesty” - Dead

Cedric Paquette “Ceddy” - Dead

Ryan Lohin - Dead, Impaled by Andrew Shaw’s spike

Villains:

Taylor Hall “Hallsy” - New Jersey’s Villain

Jonathan Drouin “Jo” - New Montreal Villain

Andrew Shaw “Shawzy” - Dragon

Shea Weber - Jo’s sidekick/bodyguard tough guy, does the dirty work mostly

Matthew Tkachuk - Calgary’s Bad Boy

Garnet Hathaway - Tkachuk’s sidekick partner

CANTLON: (TU) PACK END 2019 WITH WIN OVER SOUND TIGERS

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - The Hartford Wolf Pack ended 2019 by holding off a late surge from the visiting Bridgeport Sound Tigers to edge out their in-state and division rivals 3-2 at the XL Center before a crows of 2,617. The first place Wolf Pack's record improves to 19-8-2-5 (45 points). They now have a two point lead over the second place Providence Bruins in the Atlantic Division. The Baby Bruins were idle. Bridgeport's record falls to 13-17-4-1 (31 points). The Sound Tigers are in sixth place in the Atlantic. The Wolf Pack hit the road for a key visit to Providence on Friday and then they head to Utica to face the Comets on Saturday. The Wolf Pack maintained their perfect mark with a lead going into the third period (15-0-1-2) and improve their home record to 14-1-0-2. Their next game at home is on January 10th against the Charlotte Checkers. The last five minutes of the game were played almost exclusively in the Wolf Pack's end of the ice. A brilliant combination of Wolf Pack goalie Igor Shesterkin and the team's defense prevented the Sound Tigers from tying the game and forcing overtime. “We were just sitting back," said the Pack's head coach, Kris Knoblauch. "We had played, especially in the second, just a simple game. Nothing flashy. We got a really good defensive effort, especially at the end with some big blocks for Shesty. We got away from that at the end on their push back, but we prevailed.” The Sound Tigers crept up to within one goal after veteran Andrew Ladd made a perfect redirect while in front of the net on Sebastian Aho’s right point shot at 14:05. After that, the sticks appeared to have gotten gripped a little tighter. “Its always like that with Bridgeport. Nothing is happening, and next thing you know, they're right there. We made some big blocks for Shesty. Anytime we can make a block for him we’ll get one or two back from him. It was a good way to end the year with a win,” Matt Beleskey remarked. D-Man, Darren Raddysh, made one of those key blocks and was able get the puck off the boards out of the zone. Beleskey blocked one as well, taking one off his chest in a mad scramble in the Wolf Pack end of the ice in the final 1:31 after the Sound Tigers had pulled their goaltender, Jakub Skarek, for the extra attacker. To start the second period, Sound Tigers head coach, Brent Thompson, sought to change their fortunes by switching goalies from starter, Jared Coreau to Skarek, a Czech rookie. The Wolf Pack kept the Sound Tigers at bay for most of the game. The Pack's top defensive pairing of Raddysh and Vincent LoVerde were particularly solid against the AHL's hottest goal scorer, Keiffer Bellows. They holding him to just one shot. Bellows is coming off a hat-trick in his last game and has scored a goal in five straight, eight of nine and 12 of his last 13. “They have been our top defensive combination so far this season. It was our whole defense (that quieted Bellows) and the forwards coming back helped in that effort,”said Knoblauch. Raddysh downplayed his efforts including the blocked shots, in shutting Bellows down. “We’ve been trying to get in front of shots and trying to help Shesty out as much as possible. I was lucky enough to get in front of that one. We did a good job getting to the middle of the ice and trying to help him out in any way possible.” The Wolf Pack built a first period lead on two goals in a 31-second span. The first came when Beleskey was in front and was stopped by Coreau on a point blank chance, but he stayed with it and tracked down the loose puck. Beleskey fired the puck below the goal line toward the net looking to connect with Phil Di Giuseppe, but the puck went off Bridgeport's defenseman, Parker Wotherspoon, and into the net at 8:18. It was his ninth goal of the season. “He was out of the net, so I knew if I just threw it in front and hoped for the best and it kinda worked out,” Beleskey said with a sly grin. “Phil made a great pass. It was bouncing around a bit, but I stayed with it and it went in for us.” Raddysh took an errant clearing attempt that went awry off of a one-handed golf-swing at the puck by the Sound Tigers, Arnaud Durandeau. Raddysh retrieved the puck at center ice and put it off the right wing boards past the Sound Tigers. He went and collected his own dump in off the right-wing half-wall inside the Sound Tigers end of the ice. Raddysh skated deep on the to the goal line and fired from the sharpest angle shot imaginable and incredibly beat Coreau to the far side at 8:49. It gave the Pack a 2-0 lead. It was his fourth goal of the season. “I don’t know what I was doing. I kinda blacked out on that one,” Raddysh said with a laugh in talking about his solo effort. ”I was just lucky enough to get it back and get it in.” For Knoblauch the play was a part of Raddysh he saw when he coached him in juniors. “I saw him doing that pretty regularly in Erie, and tonight that goal and his very strong play in his own end was the reason we got the win.” The Wolf Pack used the power play to grab a 3-0 lead late in the first period. All five players touched the puck on the play. Nick Ebert was on the right-wing and found Yegor Rykov at the center point. Rykov fired a solid and low shot to the front of the net. Beleskey was there in front of the goalie and deflected it. Coreau made the save, but Beleskey then found the loose puck and chipped in his second goal of the period at 18:28 for the 3-0 lead. The Sound Tigers broke the shutout just 1:25 later. Ex-Pack captain Ryan Bourque slipped the pick to Otto Koivula in the slot. Despite lots of traffic, Koivula put in his third of season past Shesterkin, who was screened, and placed the puck inside the left-wing post with 16.3 left on the clock. LINES: Nieves - Kravtsov - Di Guiseppe O’Regan - Lettieri - Gettinger Jones - Beleskey - Gropp Zerter-Gossage - Fox - McBride Raddysh - LoVerde Keane - Geersten Rykov - Ebert SCRATCHES: Patrick Newell (upper body, day-to-day) Jeff Taylor (healthy) Lias Andersson (suspension) Gabriel Fontaine (shoulder surgery, season-ending) NOTES: The Wolf Pack close out the 2019 calendar year with attendance that continues to decline. They had a season-best number against the Providence of 5,685, and a poor showing with an early holiday game of 2,617. Presently, the Wolf Pack average just 3,555 a game. That puts them in the 27th spot in the AHL. Right behind them, at 3,222 is Bridgeport, followed by Binghamton, Stockton, and Belleville. The generic TV commercials don't appear to be making any impact. Spectra and the CRDA have to make a more substantial effort to match the team’s success this season. Recycling night, with reusable straws are not exactly a high-end, high-quality promotion. How about bringing back the scarf night? Perhaps with a classy white one this time? How about the plaid-padded ear muffs/snow hat? A fan was spotted wearing one in October at a New York Yankees - Minnesota Twins playoff game. Ex-Pack, Chris Mueller, was involved in an AHL trade. The Syracuse Crunch's parent club, the Tampa Bay Lightning, sent Mueller to the Anaheim Ducks for defenseman Patrick Sieloff. Mueller returns for a second stint with the San Diego Gulls. Ex-Pack, Dan De Salvo, signed a PTO with Cleveland. He was playing with the South Carolina Stingrays (ECHL). Ex-CT Whale, Wojtek Wolski, after playing for HC Ambri-Piotta (Switzerland-LNA) in the just-concluded Spengler Cup, signs a deal to play for the rest of the season with HC Ocelari Trinec (Czech Republic-CEL). The team is near the Polish border. Wolski is a Polish native. Wolski started the season with Kunlun (China-KHL). Team Canada won its fourth title in the last five years at the just concluded Spengler Cup for the 16th time breaking a tie for most titles with host HC Davos. In the championship final, the Canadians shutout HC Trinec 4-0 with ex-Sound Tiger, Dustin Jeffrey. scoring twice and was the tournament’s top scorer. The team was led by GM, Sean Burke, the ex-Hartford Whaler, and assistant coach was another ex-Whaler in Paul Coffey. The runner-up, HC Ocelari Trinec, featured ex-Sound Tiger, Tomas Marcinko, and former CT Whale, Tomas Kundratek. At today’s WJC action Sweden shutout Slovakia who is coached by ex-Whaler, Robert Petrovicky. The score was 5-0. Rangers prospect, Karl Henriksson, picked up an assist for the Swedes. With four power play goals in the first period, five for the game, Canada knocked off the host Czech Republic squad, 7-2. Due to an injury to their starting goalie, Lukas Parik, the Czechs used Nick Malik, 17, the youngest player in the tournament. Malik is the youngest son of former Whaler, Ranger, and Beast of New Haven defenseman, Marek Malik. Canada's GM is former Whaler, Mark Hunter. Their goalie coach is all-time Wolf Pack great, Jason LaBarbera. The US squad will play Finland in the quarterfinals of the medal round Thursday at 11:30am EST (NHL Network). UCONN will own the building Friday against Northeastern in a Hockey East meeting. The game is coming off a split at the Ledyard Classic at Dartmouth College. UCONN lost on late goal to Dartmouth 4-3 in the final game despite two goals from Carter Turnbull (Nanaimo, BC). UCONN still has people talking about how they got to the final by tying the game in the waning micro seconds against the St. Lawrence University Saints, tying the game at two and forcing overtime. With their goaltender pulled for an extra attacker, freshmen rearguard, Carter Berger, took a shot from dead center at the blue line. The puck hit off the chest of St. Lawrence's Callum Cusinato and bounced. The puck got whacked toward the net by UCONN sophomore forward, Jonny Evans, and hit the skates of forward, Jachym Kondelik. It spun on its edge and swooped into the net off the open left-wing side. The goal was credited to senior, Sasha Payusov, who registered the goal with .03 seconds left in the game. The other major story coming out of the game was that junior goalie Bradley Stone (London, England) made his first varsity start at the last minute due to the illness to starting UCONN netminder, Tomas Vomacka. Stone made 21 saves in regulation and overtime and then was scintillating in a nine-round shootout. He stopped eight-of-the-nine sent at him. Turnbull ended things in round nine. Read the full article

Blackhawks Player Nicknames (according to Second City Hockey.com) [03\23\2017]

Andrew Desjardins #11 (currently free agent) Desi, Dijon, Colonel Mustard. Not Ben Smith, but was traded for him. Depth forward.

Artem Anisimov #15 Arty, Arty Party, Ani. Our long-awaited 2C. Friend of Annette Frontpresence.

Artemi Panarin #72 (now with Columbus Blue Jackets) Pan, Bread Man, Panera Bread, Snake. No one is quite sure how to spell his first name. Undrafted, caused much salt among fans of other teams when he won the Calder Trophy for best NHL rookie at the age of 24.

Brent Seabrook #7 Seabs, Biscuit (a reference to Seabiscuit), The Captain Whisperer (after he stepped into the box to comfort Toews after his third crappy penalty in the process of losing to Detroit in Game 4 in the 2013 playoffs). Nacho Seabre (admitted weakness for nachos and pizza).  Affectionately known as "(my) Seabsie boy" to his teammates. If he looks slow on the ice it's probably because he ate too many nachos. Gave his son Carter the middle name of "Seven,” but alleges it was his wife's idea.

Brian Campbell #51 (now retired) Soupy (like Campbell's soup, generic nickname for anyone with this last name), Soup Dogg, Ginger (the hair), 51 Phantom.

Corey Crawford #50 Crow, Watcher (the Watcher on the Wall from Game of Thrones), Crawful (generally used sarcastically), Crawsome. As this is Chicago, the victim of a perpetual goalie controversy despite performing as an elite NHL starter for the last four seasons. His glove hand/blocker/five-hole sucks and we'll never win anything with him in net. He's a fucking beauty (quote from his Cup parade speech where he was totally non-sober and dropped two f-bombs).

Dennis Rasmussen #70 (now with Anaheim Ducks) Moose, Raz. Swedish defensive forward.

Duncan Keith #2 Duncs, Jigsaw (reference to character from Saw, because his teammates claim he's kind of psycho scary and methodical), Teeth, in reference to his heroism in the 2010 WCF, losing 7 teeth in Game 4 and only missing a few shifts, Bambi because of how fast he skates (he has crazy good conditioning and routinely has the highest TOI of the team). Inspired the phrase 'Chicago Runs on Duncan'.

John Hayden #40 Hayds, Hayder.

Johnny Oduya #27 Odie, Oh do ya? eg, "I think his last name has a lot of pun-potential." "Oh, do ya?" Jeremy Roenick is jealous now because Oduya's wearing his old number, but Roenick thinks it should be retired.

Jonathan Toews #19 Jonny, Tazer, Captain, Best Captain, Captain Marvel (he wears the C and he's the best/marvelous, obviously), Captain Serious (because he is one serious motherfucker, although glimpses of him off-guard on camera suggest his off-ice personality has a large component of goofy weirdo), Captain Lardass (from an angry Twitter comment), Captain Seriously [Adjective]. Draws comparisons to Grumpy Cat (Kaner's feline equivalent is Lil Bub) and to a hockeybot who does not understand human emotions, due to his hilariously incongruous facial expressions in any given situation (see also Toewsface)

Jordin Tootoo #22 Toots, Two two and other such puns. Depth forward, here for the grit.

Marcus Kruger #16 (now with Carolina Hurricanes) Krugs, Frogger (because he likes to play in traffic, gets crunched a lot, yet has many lives), Freddy (his team nickname, from Nightmare on Elm Street), The Plan All Along (according to Stan Bowman, his call-up from Europe in late 2011 was "all part of the plan"). "Kruger is mashed, gets away with the puck" - commentary from Foley, and the story of his life. As Tracey Myers once put it, his tombstone will read, "Kruger took a hit to make a play.”

Marian Hossa #81 Hoss, Panda (originally sad panda, a name acquired during the playoffs while he playing for Detroit, shortened to Panda when he joined the Hawks), Gossamer (from autocorrect), HE IS MARIAN HOSSA AND YOU ARE NOT, because few can do what he does. Likes KitKats, as they are "good for you!"

He is a hockey demigod, a fact acknowledged by everyone including the official twitter. His name may be substituted for "God" in common phrases, eg "Oh my Hossa!"

Michal Kempny #6 Lemony, via autocorrect. Third pair dman.

Michal Rozsival #32 Rozi, Rozsi. Elderly depth dman, looks like an elf. Will still be signing 1-year deals with the Hawks when Toews and Kane have retired.

Nick Schmaltz #8 KFC (Schmaltz means chicken fat), Biggy Schmaltz. Playmaking center drafted from UND (this worked out well last time they tried it), snatched from under the noses of the St Louis Blues when Stan traded up in the draft. Brother Jordan is a Blues prospect. Chicago Mission alum.

Niklas Hjalmarsson #4 (now with Arizona Coyotes) Hjammer, Hammer, Meatball (because he was the original Swede Hawk), Jelly (his AHL nickname), Super Nintendo Chalmers (Simpsons reference), Jarbles (the LA announcers clearly mislaid the Swedish names cheatsheet in the WCF and called him Jarbleson), Swedish Viking (description by Jonny Oduya). His leg bones have been upgraded to titanium, judging by the number of shots he blocks.

Patrick Kane #88 Kaner, Lazy, Showtime, wee blond ninja, Black Magic for what he does with the puck, from a quote by former SCHer gmh - "...but the devil lives inside this kid, I swear it. It rises out of him in a mist, this baby-faced defiant wrathful version of Pat Kane, escapes his bodily confines to perform satanic miracles all over the offensive zone. The only thing more fearsome than that assist was the keep-in preceding it. The only thing more unholy than his face is his black magic."

Richard Panik #14 Visa (due to visa issues when joining the team), Panik at the UC!, or Disco for obvious reasons. His name is actually pronounced PAH-neek but hockey never lets a bad pun go to waste.

Ryan Hartman #38 Hartzy. Giving Seabrook a run for his money for "Best Hair" on the team. Another Illinois native/Chicago Mission kid.

Scott Darling #33 (now with Carolina Hurricanes) Oh My, Clem - from the song "Oh my darling Clementine.” A native of Lemont (or maybe Aurora according to one confused commentator), is very tall.

Tanner Kero #67 Depth center.

Tomas Jurco #13 Part of Stan's secret plan to collect all the Slovaks in the NHL in case any of them grow up into Hossas.

Trevor van Riemsdyk #57 (now with Carolina Hurricanes) TVR, Smiley van Smiley due to his happy demeanor in interviews. Brother of James/JVR.

Prospects/IceHogs

Tyler Motte #64 (now with Columbus Blue Jackets) Apple Sauce, Motter.

Vinnie Hinostroza #48 Cousin Vinnie. Bartlett native and ex-Chicago Mission kid.

Brandon Mashinter #53 Mash, Manshitter Here to maintain the quota of players called Brandon and occasionally punch things.

To see the rest of the article, go to: https://www.secondcityhockey.com/2017/3/23/13762402/guide-nicknames-jargon-slang-blackhawks-fans

Ruined My Lip Gloss- Elias Lindholm

Ok I like how this one turned out despite writing it at 3 am! Oh well! So I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you thought!

Warning: none?

Anon Request: Can you write one about jeff skinner and elias lindholm being your friends but elias has a crush on you but doesn't want to turn things weird in your friendship or something like this... i don't know if you'll understand kkk... sorry the poor english

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

              "Just tell her" Jeff said. You stopped in the hallway, listening.

              You really shouldn't eavesdrop again, but you were pretty sure this revelation wasn't going to be as scarring as the last one.

              "I can't. She means too much" Elias said.

              "You found a girlfriend, Eli?" you teased as you entered the room, cutting off that conversation. You really didn't want to know about her, it hurt too much to even think about Elias dating someone else, but you were his friend. That's it. "Is she pretty? Do I know her?" Jeff laughed.

              "Good luck buddy. She'll never let it go now!" You rolled your eyes and moved to sit on the couch between your two friends. It was rare that you got to see them much during the hockey season due to their crazy schedule, but now that they had a few days off before they went back home, you were spending all your free time with them.

              You had known the pair since you had run into Elias when he was a baby rookie Cane.

              And by run into, you meant literally.

              You were jogging in the park and looked down at your iPod to change the song and BAM! He came out of nowhere. You ended up knocking him on his butt and falling on top of him. He laughed and helped you up, his long hair plastered to his head with sweat. He asked if you wanted to go for coffee and you had agreed eagerly. You had ended up finishing your jog with him and before he bought you coffee. You talked for hours about your lives and everything in them.

              You had thought it was a date.

              He invited you to hang out with Jeff the next day and you had immediately loved Jeff's personality. You had quickly become friends with the Canadian and the three of you were inseparable until the hockey season started.

              Halfway through your first season as a Canes fan, Elias introduced you to his new girlfriend.

              You cried for hours that night to Jeff as you drank away your pain about why Elias led you on like that.

              The next day, you both pretended to not remember that night, which you were very thankful for.

              Here you were, four seasons later, still pining over him as you acted like you were just his best friend.

              And now he found another girl.

              "No it's nothing (Y/N)."

              "Oh I see." You nodded and looked at Jeff. "It's a boy, he just doesn't want you to tell everyone." You looked back at Elias wide eyed. "Is it Jeff? It's ok if it is. Everyone loves Jeff."

              "Oh my god" Elias said, dropping his head back on the couch. "It's not Jeff!"

              "Oh!" Jeff leaned forward, squishing you closer to Elias. "Is it Jaccob?"

              "Oh! It's Cam" you teased.

              "Nah he's already married and very happy with Cody" Jeff added.

              "Ah, no!" You shared a look with Jeff, both turning a large grin to the Swede.

              "Eddie!" you said together.

              "I hate you both" Elias said, throwing a pillow at you. You laughed and grabbed the pillow holding on tight.

              "Come on" you coaxed. "You can tell us anything!" Elias looked in your eyes briefly before looking away. "It can't be that bad."

              "Jeff already knows" he mumbled. You turned to Jeff wide eyed.

              "Who?"  you breathed. Jeff shrugged.

              "That's not for me to say." He stood and kissed the top of your head in a brotherly way. "I'm going to go and finish packing. You two talk." Jeff shot Elias a look you and left you alone.

              "Well that was rude!" you huffed, turning to Elias. "I thought we were going to watch a movie before he left tomorrow? Fine. I get to choose the movie. You picked last time." You picked up the remote and started scrolling through Netflix.

              "(Y/N)" Elias said.

              "Hmmm?" You looked over at him. "Woah. Who shot your dog?" you asked.

              "I don't have a dog?" You laughed at Elias’ confused expression.

              "No you look really sad and-" you cut yourself off. "What's wrong, Eli?"

              "Ok so you apparently heard us talking?"

              "I mean only a few lines, but enough to understand you're talking about a girl." Elias nodded. "What's up?"

              "How would you tell her?"

              "That you liked her?" you questioned. He nodded. "Get some flowers and tell her you like her and ask her out."

              "What if I don't have flowers?" he asked, suddenly looking panicked.

              "Chill. It's ok. No flowers. Just tell her how you feel."

              "I really like you" he blurted. You smiled and nodded.

              "Yeah just like that." Elias dropped his head back, groaning. "What?" He sat up suddenly and turned on the couch, facing you. You mirrored him and waited.

              "No. I mean the girl I was talking about, (Y/N), was you. I like you. As more than my friend."

              "What?" you blurted. He reached out and took your hand in his, linking your fingers together.

              "The guys have been giving me shit all season for not telling you." He took a deep breath. "I've liked you since the moment uh..." Elias squinted his eyes in concentration. "What was her name?" You laughed.

              "It doesn't matter."

              "Ok well yeah ever since she left. I uh... Jeff told me about the night I introduced you. I didn't realize you felt that way and I saw you with Jeff and figured you wanted someone else."

              "Are you an idiot?" you asked, starting to get mad.

              "No? Yes? I don't know!"

              "Elias Viktor Zebulon Lindholm I am going to smack you. Why didn't you say anything if you knew?"  you demanded.

              "I thought maybe you had changed your mind and I couldn't ruin our friendship over it." He paused. "I couldn't lose you." You pulled your hand from his and stood up, walking towards the door. "(Y/N)? Where are you going?" he asked frantically as he rushed to catch you.

              "To go pack for our trip to Sweden" you replied.

              "What?" You turned to look at him.

              "You can't tell me you want to be my boyfriend before you LEAVE for another CONTINENT, Eli. You're taking me with you."

              "Wait. So... I didn't ruin anything?" You rolled your eyes. You crowded his space and put your hand on the back of his neck, pulling it down so you could reach his lips. Elias' hands immediately grasped your hips, pulling you closer. As the need for air became overwhelming, you pulled apart.

              "You did ruin something" you said. Elias gave you a confused look. You swiped your thumb over his bottom lip, holding it up for him to see the sparkles. "My lip gloss."

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There we go! Men am I right? XD Anyway! Up next: Alex Wennberg!

"hank is not eddies side hoe"some would beg to differ with some of the pictures the gc has of them but oh my when people get added rip in pieces because some of the memes are from way too far back ad it's just too late to explain them so only the og gc really Understands but it's still fun and one time hank isn't available for the love and one of the baby swedes is like "eddie i know u got a thing with hank but i miss my boyfriend too so?"and eddie loves that kid forever(there are many pictures)

the og gc is always a lit time, like it’s the one case where the vets are more lit than the rookies

and when that baby swede comes to eddie he almost starts crying and he just pulls this kid into his lap and they get to snuggle, except this time eddie’s the big spoon, so it’s different for him, but it still helps to be near someone warm

that starts up another meme discussion where it’s like “is eddie training a new one in hank’s absence?” and “why won’t eddie just go to joel: 25 reasons why hank is the superior twin” which just gets joel’s goat so damn hard

and these two trade stories about their boyfriend/husband and what they miss about them and just talk it out - eddie finally gets to give dating advice (which, seeing as he’s an only child, he’s incredibly excited about but has never actually done it before) and it’s just really sweet and cute

but the real question is, who is the baby swede

hi can you just talk about nylander a bit because i love happy rants and i love him and i'm so happy he scored tonight

(get ready for the most incoherent thing you have ever read)okay okay my beautiful baby swede,, 

he always looks so good?? his hair is so silky and looks so soft

his cute ass smile, why is his face so nice and jaw so chiseled??

his relationship with his brother is so beautiful, they’re so supportive and proud of each other and I love that they are like down the road from each other and it just makes the Sabres/Leafs rivalry better

can you believe that his dads first goal was assisted by Brooks Laich and his first goal was too,

once I saw a meme that William Nylander is evolving like pokemon and its’ the best thing ever, he is buiLT, his arms,, just yesss 

Always wearing booty shorts

his bff Kapanen, I cant wait until he transitions into a centre and Kapanen is on his wing, THINK OF THIS ANON what a line

and his hockey?? is so good?? his vision on the ice, his speed, his ability to drive play and run a line and he’s only in his rookie season!!, HIS AWESOME SHOT, urgh I love so much that he is a Leaf

all praise Will Ny the Hockey Guy