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fullscoreshenanigans · 1 year

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My guess for what Norman says to Ayshe in chapter 160, rooted in the realization he comes to at the end of chapter 153

that includes, but is not limited to, what @hylialeia succinctly articulates in this post:

the promised neverland is like…community and collectivism as sanctuary. self sacrifice as betrayal.

From very early on, Norman makes it clear that he views himself as disposable due to a paradoxical combination of pride and lack of self-worth.

(Chapter 4)

He takes pride in his capabilities afforded to him by his intelligence, though never to the point of haughty displays of arrogance in front of the majority of his family. (He mostly reserves his impishness and smug displays for Ray, a relationship both boys are fond of when there isn't the looming threat of demons and shipments over their heads.)

(Chapter 26)

The paradoxical lack of self-worth stems from him being a perfectionist

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 10)

and him frequently placing those he loves on pedestals, which leads him to keep them at a distance at times for fear of them being tainted by him (ironically weakening the reach of their positive influence on him that helps curb this) and being seen as vulnerable.

(Chapter 4)

It's also established that Norman has a very rigid sense of morality, being willing to use and discard Ray in the escape plan before seeking insight from Emma when he believed Ray's motive was to save his own skin. Both worsen when he's isolated from the balance and positive influence of his family.

(Chapter 121 | Chapter 129)

Despite how he frames himself as being the same approachable Norman from Grace Field, there's a distance he enforces on his end as he positions himself as the stoic patriarch of the family. He wants to keep them close, but he will not let them in and consult with them on how he plans to secure his proposed paradise. He's so thoroughly convinced he needs to sacrifice his soul doing things he would have thought twice about if he didn't think he was going to die within a year.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 5)

He places a stark divide between himself and Emma & Ray, the latter being highly ironic and comedic in the most heartbreaking way because he refuses to see the parallels of Ray's situation at Grace Field in his own.

Ray was so set on getting Emma and Norman out that he denied them their voices on the matter of his death, which was a resounding "no," the brief two-week period where Norman was so hurt by his betrayal he was considered throwing him away not withstanding against the near lifelong period where he considered Ray a treasured friend. He placed them on a pedestal, unwilling to grant himself grace or humanity in light of the terrible circumstances he found himself in when both of them felt he was worth saving. He was terrified at the uncertainty that came from any deviation in his plan he hadn't accounted for.

(S1 Episode 4)

Norman was also terrified of uncertainty back then, which was why he lied to Emma and Ray about escaping and hiding in the forest by himself despite their rebuttal to his claim that there was no other way. He made the choice that their lives were more worthy than his knowing how much it would hurt them, and while done with noble intentions and out of love, that betrayal still stung.

Almost two years later, he's willing to betray them again. They're more prepared this time, though.

(Chapter 153)

Even with all the chaos going on outside in the imperial capital, they don't strong arm him into submission and drag him out of there. They clearly communicate with him, tell him they don't like that distance he's imposed to prevent them from seeing his flaws and his fears because he doesn't need to be perfect for them in order to be worthy of their love. They would rather walk beside him in uncertainty than to an assured future without him.

Living is harder than dying, though, in that he now has to contend with the fallout of his choices, from the larger ones that threw an entire world into chaos, down to the ones with a single victim (four if we count the wolves).

(Chapter 139 | Mystic Code Book Chapter 6 Q&A)

Norman knows he's made a grievous error as soon as Ayshe starts speaking, yet he neither makes an attempt to correct the groups’ inferences based on their own experiences with the demons at Lambda, nor does he try to apologize to her during the months she spends at the paradise hideout. Not that an apology would be worth anything to her—he's just destroyed her life—but it's the attempt that counts. We can't say for sure he wouldn't have tried to make amends after the assault on the capital, but like Emma says, he's a coward about certain things; he might have been content to just let that go unanswered, figuring him dying fulfills her wish, albeit it wouldn't be by her hand.

But despite knowing that Don and Gilda were in the capital thanks to Emma and Ray, and that he had sent Ayshe with Don and Gilda to search for Mujika and Sonju, he still visibly blanches at the sight of her, the lines around his eyes given him a slightly more haggard look as he realizes, now that he's committed to living with Emma, Ray, and the rest of his family, he needs to address this in some way.

He takes a moment to consider how to best approach this, given how they're running on limited time. Ultimately, he decides it's better to indirectly come clean that he's known about her grudge since they first met by speaking to her in the near-forgotten tongue her father taught her. It might have been sweet and thoughtful in another life, speaking in a language that was dear to her heart, but here it ends up being somewhat insulting.

Again, it's clear he's worried by the sweat forming on his face, but he accepts whatever her reaction will be to both the message itself and how it's delivered.

Another possibility of his original plan could have been that, after everything was settled with ending the Neverland, he might have offered up his life to her out of a mix of atonement for what he had done and fear of succumbing to even worse seizures, assuming the death she would offer him would be quicker and less painful.

But that was before he internalized what Emma and Ray told him in the imperial throne room, words they've shared and stressed to each other

(Chapter 15 | Chapter 38)

and words that have been stressed to them by Gilda, Don, and the rest of the Grace Field escapees.

(Chapter 48)

Don't bear pain and suffering on your own; it's okay to be vulnerable and ask for help. Don't dismiss your needs and deem them as selfish or unworthy; it's okay to want some things for yourself. Don't think so inconsequentially of your life that you would casually throw it away; you have people who care about you and an impact on the world around you.

Now, even if she has every right to claim it, he won't willingly offering his life to Ayshe. That's not to say she couldn't just take it—again, he's already accepted whatever feelings she might hold, and he's no match for her physical prowess—but he's dedicating his life to his family now in earnest, which includes taking their and his own considerations on matters into account.

Think it's very poignant that after Ayshe's reaction, Emma and Ray are the only other people shown reacting to what Norman says to her.

With the little touch of having the layout of the panel reminiscent of this one from chapter 153: Ray on the left, Emma on the right. Two people who have been integral parts of Norman's life since before he could even remember. However one chooses to interpret their relationship, I don't think it's far-fetched to conclude they're somehow related to what Norman's saying there.

The boy is quick to move on, no doubt because what he says is true. They really don't have time to do more, even though that's what Ayshe deserves, and Norman knows it. But on top of being scared for their friends and family back at the base, I believe that though he accepts the most likely outcome of Ayshe being upset with him, the perfectionist in him is glad to take refuge in this immediate threat. It allows him to avoid confronting a major mistake he made that he can't conceive a satisfactory resolution for, if only for a bit longer.

And Ayshe is just…kind of left with what Norman's said. Like, “you absolute bastard. Not only did you know the demon language and knew what I was saying back when you murdered my father and knew you fucked up for months, but you still just can’t concede control of the situation to the wronged party and are trying to dictate how this resolution will play out.”

He doesn't ask her how she's doing, how she felt because of what he ordered, or engage with her in any dialogue, barely allowing her any time to react before moving on. Her eyes are obscured, there's a bit of sweat on her face, and her jaw and fist are clenched while the background takes on a common downcast pattern seen in manga. It's clear she does not take it well.

And yet it could have been much worse if Ayshe hadn't seen how much Don and Gilda cared about him and considered him someone worth saving.

(Chapter 139)

While immediately suspecting Norman was using them as bait to draw out Mujika and Sonju in chapter 135, they were absolutely ecstatic at the thought of him reconsidering, and this was right after Ayshe told them he was responsible for her father dying.

(Chapter 144)

And even when their initial suspicions were proven correct and Gilda knows she has no right to ask, she still makes a tearful plea to Mujika to help them stop Norman, not just for the demons to be spared from his plan, but for his sake too, before it "will be irrevocable" for him.

This love strikes Ayshe to her core and is the greatest source of her conflict at Norman's declaration. Family is everything to her, and though she's only known them for a few short days, it becomes apparent Don and Gilda share that sentiment.

She's privy to both the reunion hug between Don, Emma, Gilda, and Ray and the one between Don, Gilda, and Norman. It's obvious these three other children are all important to them, even the one who so gravely wronged her. It all might have gone off without a peep from Ayshe if Norman hadn't addressed her in the way he had. After viscerally knowing that pain of loss, she wouldn't want to inflict it on her new companions, especially since he appears to be repentant.

But then he dumps the fact he's known of his error since they met on her lap, brooking no room for discussion from her, and her fury is reignited. She remains unwilling to follow through on her vow of revenge, but that doesn't mean she has to be fond of him.

Two years out from Norman's declaration that appears to still be the case, with him looking remorseful but accepting of their current relationship, because he knows there's nothing he can do to return her father to her. However, Ayshe is willing to be in physical proximity to him, and even allows him to hold one of her newborn wolf cubs. Even if their relationship might always be strained, she's holding him to what he said that day about living for his family and valuing his own life enough that he's able to bring more good into the world.

Finally, the length of the English translations of demon speech in comparison to number of characters used in the demon language:

(Chapter 48)

While not a direct match, "I'm sorry, but my life isn't mine alone to forfeit anymore" is within the rough range of the lengths these sentences tend to run in relation to the number of demon characters (two under or over).

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