The waves continued to lap against the shore. Push and pull. Breathe in, breathe out.

“What triggered it?”

The question was quiet, and so out of the blue it took Wilbur a moment to realize Tommy had asked it.

“What do you mean?” Wilbur asked.

“Your panic attack,” Tommy clarified, his hair tickling Wilbur’s cheek again. “Was it random, or did something trigger it?”

"Your Name Is A Triangle" by @bonesandthebees​

song i drew this to alt version under the cut

"Twitter" Ramblings

I just did a big thread on twitter that I'm gonna cross post here because idk I feel like it has some good thoughts. Sorry if it sounds a bit weird here since it was a bit disjointed and cause its Twitter posts™

For Context: I, in my immense worrying, decided to go through my entire following list on twitter and try to see if they had a tumblr or art station to follow in case Twitter really does truly burn to the ground.

---

Yippie! ive hit the point of worrying that im now actually scrolling through every person i follow to see if they have a Tumblr or Art Station or w/e the fuck

I ended up finishing this last night... all 1,527 people i follow... absolutely deranged behavior... but now i have the peace of mind that i follow a decent chunk on another social media...

I wont lie everything thats been going on with [Twitter] because of HIM is legitimately deeply concerning to me... No other social media works like Twitter does for artists seeking employment... Like i know im not popular [on Twitter], but it widens the base to connect with others

and having said base immensely increases job prospects. Literally my friend recently got a job with the assistance of Twitter connections (and i couldnt be happier for them). Its a very real thing, and unfortunately to my knowledge, no other true social media has anything similar

Like sure you could make the case that its on Art Station or LinkedIn too but to me those are far too professional and more just "gallery sites". Same with deviant art and New Grounds those are also just gallery sites I have a gallery, its my portfolio website.

I think if things really do go to shit, I of course still wont delete my twitter... but any actual interaction with people will be greatly reduced and mostly move to tumblr, even though my following is way tinier [on Tumblr]... It'll mostly become "i just share art [on Twitter] and thats it"

I know people are making Lists and such to keep track of people but like... when a site is becoming actively hostile to you for not spending money on it??? i dont want to spend my time here...

again this isnt the "im leaving cya bye forever" post im still sticking around till everything truly burns to the ground... but i definitely needed to set up alternate places to share my work far sooner (other than instagram cause lord i hate insta)

If thoughts do end up getting shared [on Twitter] after everything (stuff like this) itll probably just be crossposted from tumblr since it has a button to post to twitter (idk how it works though lol)

So again, to all the people that follow me and enjoy my work. Please follow me on other social media. My links are on my website at the top right.

I just hope it turns around for this site

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I know following doesnt matter as much here on Tumblr (the site literally does not show your follower count to anyone but you)... but i genuinely hope i can get back to even my small twitter numbers... Like dont worry im not a massive clout chaser or anything...

but posting into a void to only receive interactions in the single digits really does fucking sting.

Like at least on Twitter or Insta i can post stuff and will average around like... 30-50 likes on a post... which of course isnt a lot, but its nice seeing my friends among them and the occasional new person and hoping that seeing my work at least made them smile to see it. anyways im just hoping anyone that followed me on twitter will find me here and that i can make some new friends with people here too.

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.  then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.  i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while. 

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

This World Is Ours P6 Of ?

REAL LIFE: POST-APOCOLYPSE COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: SMUTTY 

Y/N POV:

"yeah we are playing ladies first" he says "and gentelmen just before" I add he just smirks "can't argue with that logic" he says while pulling of his shirt and tossing it away not that it really made any differnce to me "your turn y/n" I then pull my skirt as high as it will go before it's revealing my underwear I can see he's watching me like a hawk but I dont mind becuase I can see on his face he's allready stuggleing as soon as I'm done I just look at him expectently he sits for a little while I presume thinking of what to do next till I speek up "are you gonna do anything or are you allready out of idea's" "no I not out of idea's baby girl" he says in a sly voice crap the voice and that nickname now I'm worried but there was not much else he could do I calm my head and keep my breathing steady so he isnt aware of the fact it's sort of working I think for a second then reaslie exactly what to do "my turn" I say before sliping my hand under my shirt and doing a rather skilled thing as removing my bra without removing my shirt he watched me with wide eye's as I drag the bra out and hold it up then let it fall to the floor as I smirk at him I can see by his face if he's not about to snap it isnt far off he's definatly cracking he has to shut his eyes for a second to calm himself down a bit but before I've really paid any attention boom crap he's done it the troursers are donw ever so slightly and the lines are there and there obvious I can't help but stare and there is nothing I can do now I'm cracking to I can't stand it one more sly word or calling me by that name again and I'm over I even have to choke down a whine that threatens to leap out of my mouth but I sit calmly let out a breath even thoguht it comes out jagged and sharp and he smirks even more obviously knowing full well why "you can give up at any time y/n" he says "not on your life" I say still trying to sound confident but I knew what I was going to do I pick up my bra and cleverly put it back on under my shirt then it's off with the shirt leaving me in just my bra , skirt and underwear but I'm not finished I start twisting and moving my bra around with my hands like I'm fixing it I'm not looking at him but I can hear the almost chocked moan in his thout from here as he stares I just giggle and stick my tonuge out at him like a child but from what I can tell he's to deep I thoguht to respond I can see any second he's over plus he's used up almost every option he had wich is good becuase I'm not sure if theres more I can do not if I can't touch him if I could this would be much easiler but I'm positive if we could touch this game would have been over five seconds after it started then while I was zoned out for one simple second sort of stareing at him he's undoing his trousers peroperly and sliding them down not much but enought to make clear his boxers and his erection I am stareing I wasnt sure it was posible to stare at a boy this much for this long and not get bored how the hell did I sleep in the same room as this boy for months and not even notice what was down there how I dont understand it how when we where seventeen did I see it all and didnt really think about it and now I'm at this point felling any second I'm gonna either smash completly or explode but he's not finished his turn yet I'm almost confused at what I'm seeing the only real way to descripe it would be doing what I was yesterday but to himself and groaning oh god this is one difficult game all of a sudden as soon as he took his hand away from himself I just sat there not sure what I was now gonna do one more word and that was it and right on que as if he could read my mind "your turn baby girl" he says in the slyest voice I have ever heard and yep I'm gone but I can still fake it I sit still a bit bewildered but I can stay I have defiantly snapped the only thing going across my mind was that I needed to get my hands on him and fast I didnt just want him I needed him but I can keep my guard up for long enoguh to end this game my next move would have to be ground breaking something I know would smash him to bits then it hit me fake it I then licked my lips and leaned back on the sofa so my head was on the arm rest I pull my skirt down to the knee lenght it's ment to be then sliped my hand under the waist band of the skirt I'm not going to do anything I'm just going to fake it becuase I know faking it is enoguh I slightly move my rist so it looks like I'm doing something then with supriseing realisum I moan and groun making it obvious what I'm ment to be doing I even arch my back a couple of times opening my mouth and shutting my eyes I can only just see when I open my eyes he's gone I can see it in his face he's gone becuase he can't keep his eyes of me for a second and he can't shut his mouth and I think he's makeing more noice then I am as soon as I think he's had enoguh I remove my hand from my skirt and stay laid back I even pretent to lick my fingers before sitting up slowly leting out a breath I can see it can't take it before I've really got back to how I was before he on top of me he obviosuly jumped onto me laying me back down there hardly and inch between us at all "well I guess that means I win then" I say smriking at him "I guess it does babygirl but this isnt over is it" he say's oh god I pray to god he calls me that forever now but I dont really need to answer I just wrap my arms around his neck as we both pull in for the most passion filled snog in history full of tention neither of us going to take out hands of each other for a second I think even if someone walked in right now we wouldnt stop within a few seconds his hands are on my thighs edgeing closer to you know where I can't take it that game snapped up both theres no stoping us now so I just put my hand to his pants dont even flirt just staright up hand staight there I know he doesnt mind because he's moaning into my mouth as I move my hand  till I break away anoyed at myself he looks down at me a little anoyed I know what he thinks that I'm just going to teaste when I catch my breath "bedroom now" I say between jagged breaths he just smirks and crawls off of me then stands I almost dont have the strengh to but I dont have to within seconds he's picked me up and I'm over his shoulder we're both laughing but before we can reach out bedroom door we can here someone a familiar voice comeing down the corriodr it sounded like his mother he drops me to the floor quickly both of us trying to find away to cover this up before she gets into the flat he quickly does up his pants I run of into our room I mean I'm basicly in my underwear theres no way I'm covering that up I quickly slip on a top and pull my skirt down as far as posible then run back and see lilly Thomas's mother lucky we where heading to our room anyway that would have been difficult to explain if she found us on the sofa she looks at us both I dont think she suspects anything but she doesnt look like she interly belives we werent doing anything "Thomas why dont you have a shirt on" she asks "I uh- just got out the shower mum" he says she looks a bit curious but I'm sure she doesnt think we where doing anything "right okay well put some clothes on you stupid boy, your father will be home in a minuet" she said well thats why she doesnt look very happy "why I thoguht dad was working till next month on a long shift" Thomas replys "he was but we have been called to the watchers I'm not sure why but I'm sure we'll find out so we have to go there in a bit" she explains "and how long will you uh be" he says I can tell from his voice he's obviously fired up and would very much like his mother to leave and leave quickly but I'm in agreement with that to be honest "why" she asks us both "no real reason just currious is all" he answers "well, not that long we both just have to change then head of" she replys "okay"Thomas replys obviously not that happy about it I can tell he would much rather her walk out again and him get his hands back on me again "I'm going for a shower tell your father when he gets here where I am and to change thank you Thomas" she says as she walks of into the bathroom as soon as we hear her lock the door he turns to me and pins me against the wall snogging me again its horrible becuase I know I can't do anything becuase neither of us would like to get caught by his parents it was like a teasting snog becuse we both wanted it could go somewhere we just knew we couldnt it didnt stop us both from letting our hands roam around each other that it untill we hear the door again and we both quickly knock it off and step away from each other as andrwes steps in the door "after noon kids" he says to us both not sure why he's started calling us that recently he looks me up and down then looks to Thomas a little bit confused "uh Thomas quick word in the kitchen" Thomas then nodds and walks of into the kitchen area with his dad but I can still hear them "Thomas have I missed something" his father asks "no,no,no why" Thomas replys quickly "well I dont want to pry but why is one of your shirts and one of her's on the floor by the sofa" andrwes say's I look over crap we didnt think about that but we did the best we could given the time we had to not make it obvious thats what we are doing "I just had a- shower and she had one earlier- and I uh moved the washing basket and they fell out" he answers I will atmit for on the spot that is a good alibi "really yeah okay and uh well I dont know if you think it's obvious or not Thomas but you uh have an erection" his father said to him in a wishper "no-no-no I dont" he stuttered in reply "Thomas it's obvioius do you now mind telling me whats going on" "we were doing somthing and mum walked in" "I thoguht you two went all like that with each other" "that was saturday this is monday big changes have been made" "like?" "like" Thomas said pointing to our bedroom andwers then walked over to our room and looked in the door "oh one bed now for you two then well just for the love of god dont tell your mother , and if I was you I would atleast try to sort that proplem out " "I would but mum turned up" he said walking back over and putting his arm back around me "alright," andwers said "just asking if it was the sofa how far was it" he whispered to us both "second base" I say "oh god definatly dont tell your mother ever even if your very drunk never tell your mother" he says walking of into his room as soon as we both know the doors shut we're at it again in some small ways it was horrible like this to the extent I pull away only seconds into it he looks at me slightly confused "what" "I'm sorry Thomas I can't do this" "what" "I can't do it when I know your parents are here, and I hate this teaser snogging it does nothing in my opinion" "oh but babygirl" he complained "no Thomas I know we're both got snapped in the game but we can't now the moemnts gone" "ow stupid mother" he says to the door of the bathroom "WHAT WAS THAT Thomas" I here his mother shout "nothing mum" he says back

a short week

I know this is the first thing that i post after last Wednesday and i know that i said that i will keep posting stuff and work but although i didn't it doesn't mean that i didn't attempt to i guess it still counts as sth lets say half point. Basically i started writing the next day but i got interrupted so i saved all i had written in a draft so that next time i start writing i can keep it from where i was. Untill now all my posts were directly written in tumblr so excuse me if sth is not correct but im not doing this anymore probably. So after i got back to work and finnished my post i posted it and idk why but the only thing that appeared on my wall was the first draft that i saved and the rest was gone. Like two days after i wrote it all over again and even more it was like 1500 words and after i posted it it didn't appear on my wall and again all my work was lost idk why and what happened but i was feeling really bad... Basically today i will write all i had written on thise posts cause i remember most of it cause i already wrote it twice. So basically is is also the event of the last week. It was a change of my lifestyle so that i will study more and be more efficient at my studying. I said to myself that i will spend most of my time in the library and gonna go home only when i eat or sleep even i could take a lunch with me so at least i get used to trying to study. Basically i think it was a pretty positive change but honestly im not doing enough work for all the time i spend in the lib so im not efficient enough. I need to be more focused and i need to remove all the distractions. I also need to know what i am doing cause often i just open 5 different works and try to work on all of them  and at the end im not doing anything so at least i know what i need to do and thats what think is so helpful about it. So basically last week on wednesday i wrote my latest post actually i think they were two so I just had that decision to lock myself in the librarry i called it the first day in the bunker and thats how i named my post that i never released. After the lecture i went out to kebab rush so that i take my lunch cause its really easy to get hungry while studying so i had a good lunch with my wriends. After that there was a guest lecture. A very famous and good graphic designes was here to explain some stuff to us. I forgot his name i wrote it down but lost it with my first post. So he was showing us his work and saying why it was good he shiwed us some of his ancient designs from the era before internet. They weren't anything special to me but i bare in mind that there was no internet and media back than so im capable to appreciate it. There were some interesting ideas if maps made for pedestrians on streets and airport things and stuff like that. I think that was insightful but only to kniw it in any case its always good to know where the things came from but honestly i dont think it was worthed. I did learned some stuff but it was really hard for me to focuse. Honestly the lecture was so boring. I sware i was the only one trying to pay attention. Everyone around me were sleeping or scrolling through the facebook news feed. The designer once gave example how somebody said to him to be quiet and said loudly "Shhhhh" And my friends got suddenly scared of that thinkin he says that to them cause they've been talking among them. Although they've been quiet the designes was also quiet and we all were sleepy and was so easy to fall asleep. My tutors didn't like the fact that there werent many people cause it wasn't mandatory and people just don't wanna go to this lectures cause they are straight boring. My tutors didn't stay till the end and probably they had some classes but idk i still think that they were just borred and i think that they just pretend to be interested just to give us the right example cause if they are not should we actually be. See people start to lose interest in these lectures cause they are all boring. Than after that frankly i just wanted to go home but i tryed to make the right decision and go to the library so that i can study. I didn't have my catalogue started. At least the work on computer. But i was having the idea so i didn't have to take time for plans. I started with the basics and that made the illustration... Damn that simple illustration took me soo long at least a few hours after that i was placing the different elements like date and place some text about the exhibition and such things. I couldnt finnish it. It was really hard fir me to concentrate and create interesting ideas the graphic design skills were missing i made everything quite basic. At least the folding was more more interesting so is not the wirst thing ever but i was having a bit more to finish it. I stayed in the lib from like 2 to 9 and than i came come made some food for dinner and for the next day cause i cant afford kebab rush every day i wanna study at the library after uni and also i can't wake up early enough so that i can have breakfast. The next day we were having crits and i woke up on time i wasn't really sleepy but it was raining a lot so i waited to stop and i was late with less than an hour but i got on tine for the crit session. I got some feedback on the catalogue i did the previous day. I also got to talk to Zornitsa. She was guest lately and halping us and giving us some feedback. I was lucky that she was bulgarian as well so we were talking to  each other to more understandable language for me so i got mire insightfull feedback. For now i had changed the type cause of her advice and some other stuff. That was the work that we should have been doing while the others have been doing the gifs for the web site. Damn this site... Before i know that we gotta do coding it  from scratch i thought that im actually having some chances to pass but niw man... I feel so fucked. Basically i hate coding. Everyone hates coding. And if i wanted to study coding i would sign up for programming cause its better paid that design. We are suppesed to learn to code for half a month and all the lessons we are having are once a week and we should also make the camplicate design of a site and code it that way so is not a simple cading and i had never done this. It sucks for me cause even for the lessons that we are having in uni im so far behind  cause in the begining of the course i went to bulgaria for my concert and i was having a bit of a trouble there and missed the first few lessons and than when i was back i just couldn't catch up with the group. Everyone have been doing some crazy stuff and i didn't understand anything. Im also having a dislection and its not only hard for me to read huge amounts of text. Like books and stuff. Here theres no logic context and sentences. Heres signs like dots slashes and colins and stuff. All that so confusing to me end don't get me started on when i make a mistake and i have to find it where is... Is cool that when a code isn't working its says where is the mistake but it takes a lot of copying ant stuff like that. You know thats why i never corect my posts its so hard to find and correct all my mistakes cause i just can't see them. I know it sounds stupid but i guess theres sth wrong with me. Is not that bad im handling in normally but im concerned that i might not be able to pass the module cause if that soecific breaf. The problem is that i should be doing it on my own and all the things i borrow fro another weds i have to mention them so i was planning to save the skeleton of some simple site and than change it like the pics banners and words similar to mine i can at least try but even that is not allowed so im really worried and i aint got no idea what should i be doing maybe i can try doing it my way and than say that it was actually me the one who wrote it its at least possible to pass it like that and if not i cant imagine honestly starting from scrach it will take  ages fir me to finnish it... I will focus now on the other stuff and leave it for latter cause at least i wanna get sth ready. So after the feedback from Zornitsa i was trying to be helpful to my group for the group project for the web site.  I was just standing there for atendance and litterally loosing my time i couldn't understand shit that was happening and i was getting tired of doing nothing and honestly i soent way too much time there i don't think that my team actually needs me but ill be there to help if enything else. Eventually we've been working untill 4 or 5 o'clock and actually i was verry tired so altho this was the second day of the "locked in the bunker" Series i was feeling that we actually had done some work like for the day i was having enough feedback and we had done some parts of the group project on top of that i was quite sleepy and it was a real challenge fir me not to leave. So i came home and on the way back i spread some CVs so i can say that although i didn't go to the library today i had done enough work and was a quite productive day. Honestly i forgot what i was doing the rest of the day but i think that i went to bed a bit more late. Next morning i got up late again, had breakfast and than i played a game that we recently bought and im starting to get quite adicted so i played for a bit. I wanted to go letter to the library to go study so  in order to avoid playing for hours that game and waste my day i put an alarm so that i know when is time to go. I went than to the librarry and i started writing in my blog basically rewriting this post. I was writing it for like an hour and half and than im almost sure that i posted it but.. Yeah i did post it but than i checked my profile to see how it looks like, and i didn't see it at first so i waited a bit. I refreshed the app a bit times rested my internet and i was feeling so bad... At least i know now to write it always on my NOTES app cause there everything i write is saved automatically. So basically i was trying to code my site cause there was no way fir me to start doing all this stuff all over again so i decided to change the topic cause for almost two hours of writing i was soo fed up and i mean... The way im writing is i just pick up my phone i concentrate and  i start instantly writing everything that comes to my mind and is almost with no pauses, maybe only when i need to translate some words but apart from that i am constantly writing and i think that this is one of the little things that i can keep my atention to... maybe its because my phone is much smaller and i can controll where it is and keep my focus where it should be and for the computers in the library they are too big and it takes more of my peripheral sight and amont with it i see other distracting things and.. Idk its just much more easy for my phone to keep my atention instead of the PCs. The only thing thats holding me back from writing in my post is i guess the will to actually start writing its like i know that right now i might be free but i fill probably decude to do sth stupid in the next 10 min and i don't actually wanna spend an hour writing. Good ting would be to write befire i go to bed and orobably i could make this as a habit but right now its rather sth that i wanna do but i never do. So i spent the rest of the day trying to make the code for my site and i saw how hard it actually is to check all the codes and make them work property and i got kinda depressed about it cause honesty idk how im gonna pass it.. Basically untill now  i was focusing more on my other stuff like the catalogue and the poster cause this is a thing that i still have to do and is the most denanding thing cause i need to be in track with the lectures so that im having propper feedback. And this is sth that i learned from the last semester that if i dont have corect feedback than i will have many incorect things and at least when im handing out my breafs i would have talked to my tutors and i would know what they are looking for  to be done and i will have it done till then so if theres anything that i didn't do well i will know it cause they already told me. So thats for friday. Honestly i forgot what i was doing on saturday and sunday i know that one of the days i almost finnished my catalogue at least i made it look better i had my poster almost done basically i dont know what actually i should be doing on it anymore i took Zornitsas advice so i changed the type that i was using and than i repaired the little details. And about the catalogue i ictually folded it and i saw that i was having some technical issues so now i have to repair tham but it wont take too much time. On monday i was working no the modules from my last year and unfortunately on tuesday i couldn't attend on my lectures cause i was having a job interview finally.. It was about a work in a hotel on the road between Coventry and Birmingham. I was instructed to take the bust to go to one of the stops and than i should have been waiting for the hotel minibus that would take me to the hotel. So what happened. I went there an hour earlier so that im sure that everything is all right. Than when the time came i started to look for that car and i didnt see it. I called the hotel number but nobody picked up the phone. I kept looking for it than i saw it going  the oposite direction without to stop. I was calling them again for like 20 min  than a woman picked up the phone. I explained the situation and wanted from her to connect me with the man who sent me the invitation. In another 20 he called me. And told me that in an hour i will have to wait for another car. The point was that i was cold and my hands were blue yet from cold. But i needed that job so i waited for it. This time i instantly saw it and got there. It drove me to the hotel there i saw the man i was having conversation with before. He interviewed me, i think i did well but unfortunately i didn't have enough expirience and depending on the other peoples expirience he will write me in a week if i get the job. The think that worries me i that i lied in my cv that i used to work in a bar for a few months but honestly if i didnt write it i wouldn't be called anyway. He asked me some interesting questions and i got to answer all of them and than i got to talk to him so i tryed to convince him that im actually really good about that job. It was well done. Im really hoping to come up well for me. So than i went home but when i got to the bus station i got the bus the other way to Birmingham. I know... I just can't change. Ive always been like that and i swear im still trying... I got home at 6 it was a long travel. I didn't have time and energy to study so i had a dinner maybe played some game and went to bed and thats basically my last week. I think that it was quite busy and its much more productive than before. I hope that in the future ill get used to being more efficient and productive at what im doing.