#And they are lovely. And bright. And queer. And make songs about how important platonic love and friendship is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

disasterbialert · 4 years

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So, I finished The Untamed and ok ok I think I have collected most of my thoughts about it. (I’m late, so I guess these thoughts don’t really matter, but I wanted to put them somewhere and here seemed like the place.) SO here’s a post absolutely NO ONE WANTS and imma do it anyway cool cool.

Firstly: love. This entire show is about love. Obviously other things too ok I’m simplifying for the sake of my point. But importantly it is about love. The love for our families, found, made and blood. The love of soulmates, romantic and platonic. The love of humanity, of the people known and unknown, love for them purely because they are human and are therefore deserving of love. The love inherent in honour and duty, the sacrifices made for that love. Loving someone—bravely, in the face of every adversity, despite being told it’s wrong. Learning to be true to that love, learning to love faithfully, learning to love, to show love, to be loved.

Bless the tireless translators. Y’all. The work you do is often thankless but y’all are so valued. Thank you.

The music. I actually don’t have the words for this, I can only thank the composers and musicians for the gifts they have blessed us with. My heart my heart my heart.

The costumes, set, props and cinematography are all so exquisite. I’m not an expert in any of these fields but I can see the care and detail paid to each facet of this show. What an absolute visual joy. Stunning.

And now, the characters.

I’ll start with the ladies. They deserved so much more. We deserved to have more than just one by the end, but I understand this wasn’t their story (still hurts tho).

Jiang Yanli. Proof that kindness is powerful. Her heart holds entire worlds. She is not weak (don’t even try me I swear to the gods). She holds her family together. She takes care of her siblings. She feeds their bodies and their souls. WWX is right—JZX does not deserve her but that’s because nobody does. But Jiang Yanli deserves to be happy, therefore her marriage to the Flower Peacock is valid purely bc it makes her happy. She stands up for what’s right, she will not compromise her morals, she will defend her family to her last breath (and so she does💔). She does not harden herself, she does not have to. Her patience and kindness, her softness, her gentleness—things that are seen as weaknesses or inferiorities—are what put her above all around her. She is gracious, she is strong, she is loving, she is determined, she is brave. She deserved better.

Wen Qing. A queen. A powerhouse. The most brilliant mind. A lightning-quick and sharp-bladed tongue. She loves Wen Ning so much and her love is powerful, just as Jiang Yanli’s. Her dedication and devotion to her people, her true family, not just a name, is incredible, inspiring. Why? Because she’s not perfect. So she learns. She grows. She becomes herself. When she’s at the Burial Mounds, she essentially adopts WWX as another younger brother, caring for him because she knows he won’t care for himself, and she does so out of love and respect. But she never replaces Jiang Yanli. She is keenly aware of all she perceives WWX loses because he aids them. Hence the pivotal, crucial: I’m sorry and thank you. She walks to what she knows is her own death with her head held high and her hand in her brother’s, offering love and support and what protection she can to the end. She does not flinch. She does not bow. She fights with all of her and surrenders with grace not reflected by those she surrenders to. Honestly I could write an entire thesis on Wen Qing but I’ll cry too hard so I’ll just leave it here that she deserved better, she deserved to live, she deserved to be free.

Mian Mian. Mian motherfucking Mian. Here is a woman who stares injustice full in the face and says no fucking way, says over my dead body, says you and what army old man. Strips the robes of the hypocritical off her own damn body, throws them at the feet of a false god and walks out, back straight, head held high. She makes her own way in the world, carves out her own life, finds love and happiness and lives. She does not compromise. She does not bow. She fights and she wins and she is glorious. And she lives she lives she lives.

Yu ZiYuan. I may be in the minority here but that’s ok. No I don’t approve of her abuse, just gonna nip that one in the bud right out of the gate. Was she fair? No. Was she cruel? Yes. Was she an incredible fighter who fought for her family, for her home? Who showed raw courage and furious strength in the face of insurmountable odds? Who loved a man with her whole bitter heart, loved her children with that same fractured heart? Was clearly the subject of spiteful rumour and vicious gossip and did not let it defeat her? Refused to bow to anyone? I do not like her, do not like how her bitterness made her cruel. But seeing her wield her blade, take wound after wound, witness the death of her love, then take her own blade and rob the monsters invading her home of the satisfaction of taking her life, took her own life with her own hands because that’s how she did everything in her life so why the fuck wouldn’t she do it in death too, who crawled her way to the man she loved, laced their fingers together so he wouldn’t die alone, so they could both die held? How can I not respect her.

Ok. The lads.

Jiang Cheng is a man-child idiot with the emotional expression range of a loquat, an inferiority complex the size of the moon and self-worth issues going back farther than the Big Bang, and I love him, ok? He loves so hard and so much and it is heartwrenching that he cannot communicate that. Some of his best moments are actually in the background, which is both funny and terribly sad. His rage is at times ridiculous, at times frustrating, at times all he has left, his joy is bright but brief, his grief is devastating. Watching JY greet WWX after the 3 months in the Burial Mounds. The entire temple scene. Crying on his knees. We were to be the Heroes of Yunmeng. Take care. Fuck me right in my feelings ok.

Wen Ning is so fucking precious and I would die for him for all eternity. What an absolute gift his character is. I honestly can’t write much more about him because I’ll cry. But special mentions to his interactions with A-Yuan/Lan SiZhui and the incredible scene where he reveals to Jiang Cheng the truth about his/WWX’s golden core. Unparalleled emotional intensity. The equal parts tenderness and fierceness of his love is breathtaking.

And the loves.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. There is a lot of tragedy in The Untamed. There is great sadness in the main plot line and even in the small side plots. The Ballad of Song Lan and Xian Xingchen (as it’s come to be known in my head) is for me the most devastating and poignant. They just wanted to do good, to wander the world together and do their part to make it a better and safer place. It’s noble, yes, but it’s also so human, so close to home. Because we all want that, to know that we can do some good before we leave this world. They do not want to be involved in the petty squabbles, the undignified and cruel vying for power and dominance. They simply want to live and be. The fact that both of their deaths are pointless, could have been avoided, are the faults of poor timing and terrible terrible luck and cruel turns fate is almost what makes it sadder. Xue Yang screams that XXC is not better than him, that his righteousness and the righteous way he has attempted to live his life is all for naught. And then he is immediately proven wrong—XXC’s heartbreak means he can’t become XY’s puppet. SL is free from XY’s control and avenges himself and XXC. Which is also somehow just as devastating. That XXC and SL were so close, so very close to being together, to living, to making it, but didn’t. Nothing grand or heroic about their deaths—just the unknown and unpredictable nature of life. There is no rhyme or reason, no big important plan, no fate or destiny. They both simply die as we all one day will. And it is their potential cut short, the love and life they could’ve had, that hurts the most. They are not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying: they do not get their second chance, their reunion, their happily ever after. The look shared between SL and LWJ—the shared grief, the recognition, the understanding—and LWJ’s brief and unelaborated-on comment to WWX ‘how fortunate’ speaks volumes. How fortunate you came back/I found you/that’s not us when it could’ve been. That final shot of SL walking away and the brief out-of-focus moment of XXC walking beside him—particularly when it’s echoed with the parallel of WWX and LWJ—chokes me every time.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Soulmates in every sense of the word. Their song. Their bunnies. Their child. The years they were robbed of. The yearning. The pining. The loyalty. The growth. The love the love the love. The loss the loss the loss. Every Lan Zhan. Every Wei Ying. Every glance. Every soft breath. Every gentle touch. The tenderness. The intimacy. The quiet acceptance. Their love story is one of the ages and, on a personal note as a queer person, what a gift it is to see a queer love story like this. (even when censored as a bromance, which like I mean, they tried but the glances alone are +9000 gay pining but whatever and yes I am making a joke because I’m crying don’t look at me)

TL;DR: I am so thankful The Untamed/CQL/MDZS and all of its adaptations (the source material included obvs) exists. I am so thankful to the writers, translators, casts, crews, creators. I am thankful for the community of fans that exist that love it as I do, who share that love and passion—whether through passionate discussion, rich fanfic or mind-blowing fanart. I am thankful I live in a time where content like this exists and can be shared. I learned a whole lot and I’m so grateful there aren’t even words. Love y’all. I’m gonna go be soft now. 💙

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komoryriku · 4 years

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Queering KH Part 4: Hearts in Tune

Actually KH Finally lol

Pictured: Riku humming Sora’s name in a soft, adoring, wistful voice the way a swooning straight person sighs the name of their beloved of the opposite gender.

Kingdom Hearts gives off so many subtextual signals of queer coding that it genuinely BAFFLES me how people can really believe it is straight. You may be wondering what makes me so confident in that when there has not been anything in the games to explicitly prove any of the characters are not straight, and I will be happy to tell you. It is because in order to believe Kingdom Hearts is straight, you have to ignore WAY too much subtext. To truly believe that Sora is in love with Kairi and only coded to be interested in Kairi, you have to ignore his questioning of what love is. You have to ignore the combined keyblade he shares with Riku. You have to ignore how much the narrative is driving him to understand that Riku is his most important, cherished person. This all goes doubly for Riku who has a coming out story not unlike Elsa’s metaphorical one, in which his love for Sora is his greatest source of strength. You have to pretend the necklace gifting plot point is entirely straight and cannot possibly mean anything homoromantic. You have to ignore the way Sora cries while clutching Riku’s hand compared to his subdued and non-emotional reunion with Kairi- that’s just too much “accidental subtext” for me to confidently ignore lol. Intentional or not, KH is Gay~

Here’s how we’re gonna do this.

So where the hell do I even begin with coding KH? Well- I can’t possibly queer the whole of KH text in 1 summer, so what I plan to do is this:

Give you the tools to understand KH’s coding so that you can code it yourself~

Queer a few major KH scenes so that everyone can see that the proof is in the pudding.

I’m gonna try to break down various scenes to decode them and queer them so you can see what’s at play in KH. Originally when this meta was a single doc, I was only gonna cover 4 scenes. But since I’m breaking it into parts to update at my leisure, I’m gonna just add scenes and meta as I go~

Now without further ado:

How the Hearts in Tune scene is Gay Coded

This shouldn’t be too hard at all.~

This scene is almost too easy.

The scene opens with Sora bringing Mickey the sound idea he found but as it turns out, one sound idea is not enough. Sora tells us not to worry because he has a friend who is always picking up the slack for him. Likewise, on Riku’s end, he brings his sound idea to Mickey and is surprised to see that Sora’s sound idea is necessary to complete the song.

Once the sound ideas meet, this beautiful visual plays out in which the 2 sound ideas swirl around each other and the soundtrack title “Dearly Beloved” plays.

Now, there are several things I want to note about this sequence- heck this visual alone before we move on.

Recall earlier when I discussed Shiki’s point that blue and pink (likewise blue and red) “go together”, romantically.

I will let the visual of Sora’s sheet music being pink while Riku’s is blue speak for itself. But I will also add how this ties into the yin and yang themes I’m about to discuss:

Yin and Yang

This concept gets its own section because it’s such an influential concept in so many aspects of various cultures around the globe.

Yin and Yang is an eastern philosophy which illustrates the concept of dualism. In short, it is the concept that 2 opposite halves are complements to a whole. The original term in fact translates to dark-bright.

I am neither a philosophy professor or student so I will keep this as brief as I can and simply encourage you to study up on Yin and Yang at your own leisure. I will however paste this section from wikipedia because I think it is extremely helpful information to have for studying eastern media in general.

Yin and Yang: husbanded opposing forces. Dark-Light, Moon-Sun, Chaos-Order, Winter-Summer, Negative-Positive.

Female (Yin)-Male (Yang): Yes this is often used in a heteronormative heterosexual context because people are homophobic and believe in gender binaries, unfortunately, but I implore you to consider the concept in more figurative, spiritual, aesthetic themes, especially since Yin and Yang is a much grander philosophy than mere sexuality discourse; it’s about complementary forces creating a whole.

For shipping purposes, think opposites attract. Think concepts that are traditionally associated with femininity meshing with concepts that are traditionally associated with masculinity. Queer media has a wonderful way of subverting heteronormative Yin and Yang tropes by showing that cis-hetero standards can be hypocritically non-compliant with the complementary concept.

Rather than thinking of this, 2 heteros in love based on being just- the same person with opposite genders:

Think of this, same gendered couples with complementary personalities:

Think about how an aloof scrappy butchy vampire queen attracts an uptight calculating femme princess.

Think about how this goody-goody dumb jock with a martyring hero complex attracts this naughty cunning jock with a self-loathing villaness complex.

And now think about how badly we need more canonical mlm couples in children’s media lol. Oops my finger slipped. But I’m getting ahead of myself lol.

The concepts of interconnected opposite forces are so important and prominent in literature throughout the world, but yin and yang is ESPECIALLY important in Kingdom Hearts because it is a story that explicitly explores Light and Dark forces. It explores how they both oppose one another in catastrophic ways,

and how they complement each other in harmonious ways.

Getting ahead of myself again… But hey speaking of harmony, back to the matter at hand.

Hearts in Tune.

This scene shows a number of romantic symbols. As I was saying before the yin and yang tangent, pink and blue (nee red and blue) are already symbols of romantic suggestion. And in the case of them representing 2 parts of a whole song, these song pieces act as complementary halves, adding another layer of dualism to the scene. Furthermore, the music sheets swirl around each other in a yin and yang fashion. Harmony has been achieved. This lets us know these forces belong together. These forces representing Sora and Riku. They are husbanded together. These 2 hearts in question are part of each other. In fact, Mickey even says so:

Perhaps most damning, however, is that the song in question is “Dearly Beloved”, arguably the theme song for Kingdom Hearts as far as the score goes. I’m sure it goes without say that “Dearly Beloved” is not only in itself a romantic sounding phrase but it is also the phrase specifically said by officiators of weddings to the congregation before the wedding vows are exchanged. “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today…”

I will also mention that Riku’s dream eater symbol visible in the shot is specifically designed based on a bleeding heart flower, a symbol of passionate love. Credit to Steam for pointing this out here, please follow them and read their posts they are magically delicious:

So almost everything about this scene is aesthetically romantically coded, and I didn’t even mention the fact that Dream Drop Distance’s whole color palette is themed with rainbows, which as I said earlier is absolutely still a gay symbol in Japan. Note the rainbow of colors animating from the sheet music.

So in terms of the atmosphere of the scene, its already incredibly homoromantic in every way I can think of. But what about the dialogue?

Well lets talk about the dialogue. Dialogue should always been read with care when you’re trying to queer a text. Often a lot of queer messaging in a text is subtextual. This means the text itself may actually say something gay, but you have to read further into it. This is an old method of queer writing designed to protect the writer from getting in trouble for their gay crimes.

Historical aside on this: If you’ve ever read Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, you may have note that Lord Henry can never just simply say that he is gay, lest Oscar Wilde be charged for homosexuality in 19th century England. Instead, Lord Henry simply tells us he is married to a woman, but makes it clear throughout the text that this marriage is mostly performative and he is not emotionally invested in it whatsoever, going against the puritanical, heternormative ideals of Victorian prudery. Lord Henry is by contrast MUCH more invested in following the life and times of his very close friend Dorian Gray, with whom he shares a hedonistic philosophy in the name of Fin de siècle. Not to be a downer but for the sake of understanding how real this subject of oppressed gay censorship is, despite keeping the homosexual themes as purely subtext, Oscar Wilde was tried and convicted of homosexuality and this book was used against him in court.

What we are privileged to have today with KH is a cutscene and not just a script. Meaning we have visuals, animation, voice acting, musical cues, etc etc to follow along with to enhance our subtext.

On Sora’s end of the conversation, Mickey points out that the song is incomplete with just his sound idea alone, and Sora tells him not to worry, as Riku is his dependable friend who will fill in where he fails. The text in the official English translation is:

Mickey: That's strange... Is one Sound Idea not enough?

Sora: Don't worry. I've got a friend out there who will help. He's always

picking up the slack for me.

This on its own sounds platonic. But note just how affectionate Sora’s voice acting is when he says it. Not only that, he clutches his heart to let us know how close he is to Riku and how much his connection with Riku matters to him. How much confidence he has in this friend he cares so much about. He then closes his eyes after saying it, smiling up in the air blissfully while he waits for their hearts to make their connection and finish the song.

Once it is finished, Mickey remarks that their sounds joined together to make something more powerful. Sora then says looking thoughtful, “Yeah. Two forces are better than one. Right, Riku?”

Following this, Sora leaves to fight the boss.

On Riku’s side, Mickey questions what happened, and Riku looks up thoughtfully, and says tenderly, “Sora.”

Mickey comments “Sora? Funny... Just hearing that name kinda makes me wanna smile.” and Riku tells him warmly, “Yeah. That's how he is.”

Mickey then goes on to say some really shippy stuff:

“Whaddaya know... Riku and Sora. The Sound Ideas you two set free joined together. And when they did, they made a great and powerful harmony.”

Riku then nods and tells Mickey brightly that “Sora can find the brightest part of anything, and pull off miracles like there's nothing to it. It's pretty hard not to smile around him.”

And I would like to pause to look at that line. “It’s pretty hard not to smile around him.” Although Mickey says the same thing, that just hearing Sora’s name invokes a smile, we sense a somewhat deeper meaning in Riku saying it. Why is that? Well, for one thing this game is entirely about Riku protecting Sora and exploring how much Sora actually means to him. This game is continuing Riku’s redemption arc from KH2, but it is also doing something perhaps even more important: it is providing him a journey of self discovery. This test resets Sora and Riku to level 1 so to speak, not just in their powers but even their models revert to variations of their KH1 selves. This helps to underscore Riku re-examining himself and his feelings.

And then guess what? Mickey makes some even SHIPPIER commentary. He exclaims “Wow! No wonder the music sounded like so much fun. But I bet he's got you to thank for that. Having such a good friend means he could really enjoy it.”

Riku is taken aback by this comment. “Huh?”

Mickey continues, expressing some extremely yin and yang themed sentiments,

“It's like each of you is holding on to a little part of the other. Your hearts are always in tune, so they're free to sing. Gosh, I hope I can be part of the team someday.”

Mickey did us a wonderful favor and expressed to us explicitly, for those who didn’t understand the romantic coding of the scene already, that Sora and Riku are a good match. Mickey tells Riku that the music sounded like fun in English, that it was a happy, pleasurable time, and tells him that Sora has Riku for a friend which is what must have made it so enjoyable.

So from this dialogue we get assurance that Sora and Riku are two very close friends, whose hearts are connected, and they are 2 powerful forces that merge into an even greater one. Their hearts are in tune.

Now if this were a scene about a boy and a girl, I doubt anyone would question whether it was romantic. Why should we be asked to look at it platonically just because it is 2 boys? The romantic imagery is clear.

And let me ask you this while we’re still on the subject of Dream Drop Distance:

According to Riku’s character files, he had previously thought of Sora as a little brother, and tried to be a cool older brother to him.

He then tells us that this has changed. What did it change to?

The surface level, heteronormative answer would say it changed to them being merely friends.

But isn’t that an odd regression? After all, found family is a thing, and that’s a bit weird for him to question since there is no reason for those feelings to change on that notion. If Sora loved him like a brother, that clearly hasn’t changed. Riku clearly loves Sora as deeply, so that didn’t change. The other problem with this phenomenon Riku is dealing with is that there is no reason for him to feel this strange sense of repression we keep seeing over this change. He is constantly holding back on some feelings for Sora but platonic and brotherly feelings are entirely acceptable. What is it that he is hiding? What sort of feelings for Sora would be hidden?

From the Kh2 Novel:

He really did want to see Sora and talk. But that was impossible with this appearance. The things that mattered the most were what he couldn’t tell Sora. It had always been that way.

What sort of feelings might be systemically oppressed?

This scene is pretty much EXACTLY what I would do to say as explicitly as possible that Riku is gay without being able to say it outright due to censorship.

#soriku #sora kh #riku kh #kingdom hearts #dream drop distance

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notveryglittery · 5 years

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star light, star bright

it’s @blinksinbewilderment‘s birthday!!! you know what she likes a lot? romantic analogical and brotherly prinxiety :) it’s a quick little bulletfic with lots of extra bonus background ships. i really treasure our friendship, blink, i hope you have a day that shines as brightly as you do, and that you feel as much happiness as i do whenever i get to talk to you <3!!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

brotherly prinxiety

big bro ro

virgil goes to roman for advice on how to ask out his long-time crush logan

roman initially teases him relentlessly because anyone with eyes can see logan has liked virgil back for at least three quarters of that long-time

when roman realizes the two are in fact blind pining oblivious dummies, he jumps at the chance to help this ship sail as smoothly as it can from where it’s been docked for far too long

roman is obviously a Professional Matchmaker - look, his name is in the word “romance”

(never mind the fact that patton is the one who swept roman off his feet with a romantic declaration at the top of a ferris wheel underneath a bright full moon)

(they’ve definitely let roman live this down. absolutely no one brings it up at every given opportunity)

so roman teaches virgil all of the important things to woo one’s true love (“he isn’t my true love,” virgil gripes, hoping roman doesn’t notice how hard he blushes. roman notices.) this includes: practicing of poetic confessions, the perfect combination of flowers in bouquets, romcom movie marathons.

to virgil’s mortification, roman invites patton to one of their lessons. to virgil’s further humiliation, patton’s brother declan tags along, and it turns out virgil’s to practice his confession on declan because he’s got that same dry wit and humor as logan, and surely he can offer the best reactions.

(declan thinks this is very stupid but he and virgil are also kind of frenemies and so declan will take any blackmail he can get his hands on)

it goes about as well as you think it would

meanwhile, one logan sanders is trying to smother himself with a pillow

“babe, you of all people should know how physically impossible it is to do that”

logan throws the pillow at his queer platonic partner

by some miracle, remy dodges it and manages not to spill a single drop of his starbucks

so as we all know, logan has been pining for virgil for quite a few years now, and as we also all know, he is a blind oblivious dummie

remy is surprised his ears haven’t fallen off yet with how much logan gushes about virgil

it would be cute if it hadn’t gotten really old like a year and a half ago

(okay, it’s still pretty cute but remy thinks a lot of things about logan are cute) (like, hello, the utter look of concentration on his face when he’s deciding which tie matches his outfit best?)

remy wants logan as happy as he can be, of course, but virgil is… well, remy and virgil kind of had some issues sophomore year that they never really resolved.

it doesn’t really interfere with their relationship now given the dynamic of their friend group. they kinda tolerate each other. but remy’s gotta give virgil the Talk - you know the one, “you so much as even think about hurting logan and they’ll never find your body”

remy and roman definitely haven’t been texting each other updates over the months, why would you even insinuate something so devious

after many shenanigans and montages of:

roman helping bolster virgil’s confidence

big bro ro helps virgil to perfect all the makeup tricks he’s learned on his own over the years. virgil understands now just how good winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man can make you feel.

he really does get better with pick up lines and flirting; he stumbles sometimes but it feels effortless and that’s the important part.

declan jokingly threatening to steal logan away if virgil didn’t get on with it

while virgil knows declan’s aroace ass would never, virgil does not know that logan likes him back, and so this still seems like an entirely plausible thing to worry and stress about

sometimes, declan drapes himself over logan and heckles him into a debate; partially to see virgil get all flustered over logan all worked up, partially to encourage virgil to hurry up already, wouldn’t he like to be in logan’s space like this?

remy dropping hints around virgil about logan’s newest interests

virgil and logan might be close friends who have been mutually pining over each other for years, but there’s still things they don’t tell each other, or don’t get the chance to share. if remy happens to let slip that logan wants desperately to visit the new exhibit at the observatory, well, that’s neither here nor there.

and he does give virgil the Talk, a few nights before the plan is set into motion. in the same go, they mostly remedy their past issues. by the end of it, virgil wonders how it’s possible for someone to be so threatening while using pet names like “babe,” “sweetie,” and “honey” every other sentence.

eventually, virgil is deemed Ready. it is Time.

halloween is virgil’s favorite holiday and because logan loves virgil, he also loves halloween. sure, all the sweets are a health hazard, and trick-or-treating really isn’t the safest tradition, and ghosts do not exist - but virgil glows during this season. he adds autumnal colors to his wardrobe and it really is not fair how good he looks in oranges, and browns, and deep greens.

(in case we aren’t all on the same page yet, logan is Very Very Gay.)

everyone is at remy’s house. it’s definitely one of the biggest homes in their small town and so this is where a lot of the holiday parties tend to take place. the dormir family is also generally just really well liked. which means more people than invited show up but if anyone knows how to throw and manage a party, it’s remy.

anyway the plan is that virgil and logan finally get together at this party so that they can finally go trick or treating with the gang in matching costumes

it is so lame and virgil would rather forsake trick or treating completely but also he may or may not have been planning couple’s costumes for like four years now

everything is going really well!

roman and patton are social butterflies, flitting from the dance floor to the kitchen to the backyard. they’re dressed up as she-ra and perfuma, respectively. roman’s even threaded led lights into the underskirt and cape so that he’s actually glowing. patton’s flowers aren’t just a crown atop his head, they twist and weave along his arms, around his torso, and down his legs.

remy wears the same thing every year to the party: pajamas and a ridiculous pair of slippers. he saves the extravagant costumes for halloween night. he truly is a spectacular host, making sure drinks and snacks are restocked, that nothing’s being broken, and checking in on those who don’t handle the crowds too well.

logan’s dressed in a very impressive le petit prince costume - it’s so good, it might as well be a full on cosplay. (virgil definitely isn’t swooning, what?) logan sticks close to the edges of rooms, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.

(in, for example, virgil’s arms, on the dance floor, swaying to a slow song.)

virgil is dressed as jack skellington and declan in a creepily accurate oogie boogie - everywhere he goes, plastic insects fall out of his costume. patton’s shrieks of terror at seeing the fake spiders keeps startling the party guests.

eventually - totally not by plan or anything - logan and virgil end up in the backyard together, on the old wooden swing bench on the porch. it’s nearing midnight and the crickets are chirping and there’s an owl hooting nearby somewhere. the moon is obscured on this cloudy night.

virgil thinks it’s perfectly spooky and atmospheric

logan doesn’t need to see the stars in the sky when they’re sparkling so brightly in virgil’s eyes

logan’s feet barely reach the floor and so virgil uses his heel to push them back and forth. thankfully, both of their costumes keep them warm enough in the chilly fall weather. (though they, of course, could always do to be a little bit warmer.)

virgil’s breathing is measured and it’s super obvious he’s counting them in his head. logan scoots closer and lays a hand over virgil’s. his breath hitches.

“there is something i would like to tell you,” logan begins.

the record scratch in virgil’s head sounds loud enough that everyone at the party should be able to hear it

“for the… last couple of years, i have harb-”

“hold on,” virgil interrupts, loud and sudden. “hold - wait a seco - there’s no way you’re -”

logan normally finds all manners of virgil’s speech patterns endearing but right about now, logan has a finite amount of courage and it is quickly running out

“- going to tell me right now-”

“of course i love you.”

virgil’s jaw promptly snaps shut

(he’s been working so hard on this and all this time??????)

virgil isn’t really aware of the high-pitched noise he’s making until logan reaches out and firmly presses a hand over his mouth.

“it is my fault that you have not known it all the while,”

(and the way logan says it, like a treasured line from a fairytale. virgil’s sure he’d recognize it if he could think at all.)

“i understand if you do not reciprocate these feelings and i apologize if i have made you uncomfortable with my confession,” logan is saying now while virgil’s still working on rebooting. logan lowers his hand. “i hope that this will not negatively impact our friendship. i care deeply for you and-”

virgil’s systems spark back to life and he interrupts again, this time with a short bark of laughter.

“l, oh my god, no offense, but i’ve been building up to this night for months and you just-” he has to pause to stifle his laughter. he’s equal parts giddy because logan likes him back and frustrated because logan’s liked him back for years and neither of them had done anything about it until now.

logan looks confused.

virgil wants nothing more than to kiss him.

“i’m in love with you” bulldozes over his brain-to-mouth filter instead

logan looks confused, elated, overwhelmed, stunning, he blushes so prettily, virgil thinks, and all of his practice must pay off, because the next move he makes is easy.

at some point, they’d turned towards each other. virgil’s hand cups logan’s face. leaning closer, virgil’s gaze lowers to logan’s lips, and then back up. who knew eye contact alone could be this electrifying?

“can i kiss you?” virgil murmurs.

“i can’t think of anything i’d like more,” logan responds.

(back in the house, declan grumpily shoves a twenty dollar bill into roman’s hands.)

a week and a half later will find virgil and logan in matching costumes. for their shared interest in astronomy, they’ve lowkey always been called the “starlight gays” amongst their friends, and their costumes certainly help solidify it.

logan is wearing dark jeans and a navy button down. with roman’s help, he’s lit up like the night sky; led lights form constellations that, if asked, logan will explain in a heart beat. from his shoulders trails a glittering black cape that catches the light just right (it’s impractical for trick or treating but the way virgil keeps wrapping himself up in it, snuggling close to logan’s side… well)

virgil’s the opposite in whites and greys, though he’s glowing as well, a near match to the full moon in the sky. he seems exceptionally pleased with the makeup he’s done for the costume, silver and blue and sparkling.

(they look like they should be at a con, honestly, instead of out for one night collecting candy, but it’s cute, and that’s all that matters)

and of course, they live happily ever after

(with only the slightest of teasing for the rest of their lives about their slow burn romance)

#analogical #romantic analogical #analogical fan fiction #brotherly prinxiety #sanders sides fan fiction #qpr losleep #brotherly moceit #romantic royality #human au #dani writes #blink #HBD DARLING I LOVE YOU!!

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huphilpuffs · 4 years

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creator tag meme 2019

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves!

Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by the lovelies @obsessivelymoody, @tortitabby, @det395, @iamalwaysclowning and @outphan! thank you all so so so much for thinking of me 💛

this year was a pretty quiet fandom year for me, ngl. between dnp being more quiet than usual and my life getting pretty hectic between uni, working the summer, and my health issues I just haven’t had the time or energy to create works as much as I used to. but!! I did still manage to post/update 11 fics (idk how many words because ao3 says 134 792 but uhhh that includes all of flares so *shrug*) and a few edits! and I’m mostly proud of what I did put out this year. and I immensely appreciate the friends and community this fandom has continued to offer me 💛

1. flares

okay so I didn’t technically post this in 2019, but I have updated it and it remains my baby so! here it is! (you all know it was coming lets be real.) this story, despite the slow updates, is always such a joy to write. emotionally draining for sure, but there’s something so ... cathartic about being able to write the world as I experience it for once. I’m so proud of how far this story has come and where I intend to bring it in 2020, and am soooo beyond grateful for everyone who has stuck with it since 2018. also, the comments from fellow chronically ill people talking about how they relate make my day/week/month/year and I’m eternally grateful!

2. the scariest part (is letting go)

okay this fest fic got veryyy out of hand but I’m super happy with how it turned out? exploring the dynamics of internalized homophobia while in a queer relationship was just ... very interesting to write. and forced me to think about my own relationship to my sexuality a lot. and gave me a new perspective on the last decade (!!!) of dnp.

3. family (found)

this was my first time writing something so heavily platonic-relationship centric and I just ... adored it? there’s so much nuance in non-romantic relationships and writing about family dynamics, especially when it’s so sweet and developed over the course of so long, and writing it was just :’) also i fully expected it to flop but it’s one of my best performing fics this year so! thank you!

4. this random edit idk it doesn’t have a title

I edited very very little this year, but right after dan came out I had so much inspiration to play with bright colours and new, authentic dan. the first panel of this edit in particular was really experimental for me and I’m so proud of how it came out. also 12/10 to that song by alex g. I really want to go back to it more in 2020 (even though the fact that I quit again like 2 weeks after he came out may appear to contradict that).

5. simple kind of love

there’s nothing super special about this fic in terms of writing, tbh, but it was my first attempt at writing femslash and I love it for that alone. it still makes me soft to think about and not just because I high key had a crush on my RA in first year and mayyy not be totally over it

honourable mention: having the courage to exist project

doing this as an honourable mention because I’m not very proud of the editing/graphic itself but I’m really proud of the concept and am very glad it was something I could put together for everyone who chose to participate 💛

I’m super late to this so I’m not gonna tag anyone but to all the lovely creators out there, if you want to do this, please do. it’s so important to let yourself be proud of yourself sometimes!

#callie does life

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collegegal789 · 4 years

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Hello all of cyberspace. I don’t know why I’m putting this all out into the world, I guess to find myself some kind of clarity. And also because when I share bits and pieces of this with others, it reminds me that this is real. That this isn’t some shit I’m just making up. I’m worried everyday that I’m making up these thoughts and feelings that I’m having. And everyday I find a new concern or inconsistency in this narrative that I’m writing for myself, by myself.

I don’t expect anyone to read this, I’m assuming this is just for me to spill my thoughts. But if you have any insightful help you’d like to give me, I’m all ears.

The first time someone ever asked me if I was straight, it took me a second to think about it. I was 17 years old, and I had only ever had one boyfriend, which had been not a fun experience, and all I knew was that I always had crushes on men. I wasn’t boy crazy, quite the opposite actually. I never understood my friends who were so obsessed with their boyfriends, or so obsessed with getting a boyfriend. I would like guys from afar and leave it at that. It was rare when there was ever more action than that. Boys for the most part always made me uncomfortable. I can name the men on one hand that I’ve felt totally comfortable around in just a platonic way. I normally had crush or two per school year, often only based on one, and sometimes only, conversation we had. I never felt that thing that they say you feel in the movies. That knot in your stomach- your heart constantly feeling like it’s about to burst. If you told me to list the reasons why I liked my current crush, I don’t think it would’ve been a long list. Maybe only a few generic adjectives long. So basically, one guy named Jack was the same as another guy named Jack to me.

And when those crushes suddenly showed signs of becoming something more, I ran away from that situation was quickly as my little legs could take me. When my first boyfriend told me over text message that he had a boner for me, I honestly felt like I was going to vomit. The idea repulsed me. If that’s not a sign that this wasn’t a relationship I wanted to be in, then I don’t know what is. When I told my mom that I had a plan to break up with him in the school library the next day, I was fucking beaming like it was my wedding day. The literal happiest day of my life. And what’s sad about all of this is that he was the nicest guy... such a damn sweetheart. He literally composed me a song for my birthday, and I refused to let him kiss me for the entirety of our relationship.

That was my last romantic entanglement until college. For the rest of high school I had a few crushes here or there, but kind of just guys that I “liked” because they were nice to me. Which is a terrible reason to like someone. But that was what I did. And then I liked some guy my first semester of college. He was a sweet kid, and the most I had actively tried to flirt with someone in my entire life. But my efforts were minimal, and he and I both had our separate shit going on, so that story isn’t too exciting.

But I’m forgetting someone really important, someone who came before that sweet 5’ 4” rapper from my freshman seminar. Someone who I never even met, but who made a lightbulb go off in my brain that I had never realized was there before. And it was a girl.

She played Sheila in an amateur production of Hair my mom and I saw about a month before I left for college. We were sitting in our seats, watching the show, and I was thinking to myself oh the guy who plays Burger is so cute. And then this girl entered the stage. I couldn’t tell you what her face looked like, but she was tall and thin and had long, shiny brown hair. She was a girl who I all my life had looked at and thought, god why don’t I look like her. One who I would be so jealous of that I would spend days and weeks and months thinking about and looking up pictures of and obsessing over endlessly until I found another attractive girl to obsess over. But this was different. As I stared at her, I felt a different sensation wash over my body. I was entranced by her. It felt like I was staring at the sun, and it was too bright and beautiful and it would melt your eyes, but you couldn’t look away. It was the first moment that I was knowingly staring at a girl I was attracted too. And I kept forcing myself to look at Burger, because I knew he was hot and that if any of my friends had been there, he would be the one they were gagging over. But it was her, for me. Watching her onstage made me feel things I didn’t know were there. And sitting next to my mom DIDNT make this any easier. I left that show being more confused than I had ever been in my life. But it had sparked a thought in me that hadn’t ever crossed my mind before. What if I like women too?

Then I started college, and I got busy. I was taking classes, meeting new friends, working on shows, living in a dorm, and making some time to think about the cute boy in my freshman seminar. I would say to myself, god I want to date him and be with him, but I never made the effort. Never really tried to make something happen, and I never did before. I always claimed my less than stealer romantic life was because I hadn’t found the right person, or I just wasn’t good at opening up. But now I realize I just never wanted it. I never wanted any of it.

The girl from that show was the seed, the beginnings of an idea of a consideration of an identity. It wasn’t until Elyse when that seed sprouted.

I remember exactly what she was wearing the day I met her. She had her jet black hair in two French braids that laid on her shoulders. She was wearing this fuzzy long sleeved orange sweater and these blue checkered pants that tapered perfectly at her ankle where her doc martins started. She has the most intense chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen, that easily danced from humor to frustration in a matter of seconds. I don’t even remember how the crush hit me. Normally with guys it would be after one measly conversation. One that I can remember because it was the only one we had had. Or because we were friends and I thought that, like in the movies, that had to mean that I should like him as something more. I couldn’t even tell you if we had any one on one conversations. We were in a group setting with at least 10 other people. I don’t even know how long it took for me to realize the feelings that I was having. But when it hit, boy did they hit hard. I had a crush on a girl. I felt the way with all of my crushes from my past, but it hit a bit harder. I was so confused and lost and I felt like my entire perception of who I was was just gone. I would work around campus at night and listen to my music, regrettable a playlist at first titled something like “Lesbian Feelz”, and then something more broad like “Let’s figure this shit out.”

Well I feel like this is getting very long so I’m gonna speed through some things. The rest of that semester was really bizarre for me. Elyse was dating someone, so nothing ever panned our. Plus she was a senior while I was a lowly freshman, so the chances of something happening were small to begin with. Had a shorty summer at work, and then started my sophomore year without much to report. No new crushes, a majorlly fucking sad family thing, and a lot of pent up stress about my production the following semester. I had also recognized a few of my first queer celebrity crushes, which included Ellen Page, Kristen Stewart, and the literal love of my life, Lauren Patten. I felt more watching Lauren Patten sing You Oughta Know than I felt about any guy ever.

Okay... I’ve realized this is terribly long so I will make a Part 2.

If you made it this far... WOW. You’re a really great person. And if not, I don’t blame you. This is shit is complicated and long.

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spnmetafromheaven · 6 years

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Breakdown of the Cupid Scene from 08x23 “Sacrifice”

After rewatching “Sacrifice” for probably the fifth time, I can honestly say my favorite scene from the episode has to be in the bar where Dean and Cas are waiting for Cupid to arrive. I remember the first time I watched it, it didn’t hit me too deeply; a few laughs here and there and the pleasant surprise of queer representation where the audience is the least likely to expect it. The complexity of the scene, however, is subtly genius and I need to rant about it.

(Prepare for an excessive amount of overanalyzing and the use of image-stills below the cut)

So, right away, we see Dean waiting at a bar by himself.

(Shocking, I know). Following his line of sight, we can infer that Dean is watching something, likely a tv screen above the bar. Right afterward, we are shown this clip:

A man with a bow and arrow. So, already we can make the connection that this is the television show Dean is watching as he waits at the bar. (I’m pointing this out to explain that this is how “subtext” works. While it’s never explicitly confirmed this is the tv show Dean’s watching, editing and visual cues invite viewers to make this valid conclusion. The scene is filled with even more subtext for us to unravel on an even deeper level.)

By its inclusion, we know that there is something important about this imagery. Placed in a scene about trying to find Cupid, it isn’t too hard to make the connection that the archer is mean to symbolize Cupid’s bow - the very thing the characters are after in this episode.

This clip of the tv screen is taken from Dean’s perspective. We just saw him watching something over the bar, and now the creators are giving us some information on what exactly Dean’s focused on. Then, we get this image:

The man is aiming his bow and arrow straight at the audience - or is he? As we know, this angle is taken from Dean’s perspective where he is still sitting by himself at the bar. So what do we see after this?

Cas walking up from behind Dean.

What’s interesting to note is that the bar actually has two entrances. There’s the door behind Dean that Cas walks through, and there’s another door at the end of the bar off to Dean’s left. (We see Cupid use this door for her entrance later). But the writers specifically wanted Cas walking up behind Dean. It’s even directed in the original script (courtesy of SupernaturalWiki):

[DEAN is seen sitting at the bar watching a hunter on the bars TV aim his bow at the TV screen. CASTIEL walks in the door that’s behind DEAN and sits on the stool next to him.]

But why is it important to have Castiel walk up behind Dean? Well, prior to Cas’s entrance, the last thing we saw was the image of the archer aiming at the tv screen. From Dean’s perspective, it would look like the archer is aiming at him and/or behind him. Cas’s entrance sets him right in line with the archer’s bow.

The context of this scene is crucial: Dean and Cas are focused on finding Cupid’s bow; a tool used to signify two people falling in love. The general audience knows how Cupid bow’s works in most mythology, with pre-destined lovers being shot with a magical arrow. The writers of the scene are likely depending on this pre-existing knowledge for viewers to pick up on these metaphorical clues, i.e. aiming a bow and arrow = someone destined to fall in love.

So, right away we have this image of Dean and Cas being aimed at with a bow and arrow in the context of looking for Cupid’s bow. It’s a visual cue that is meant to carry romantic connotations. If this seems like too much of an interpretative stretch for some, I can also point out that the writers use this same visual metaphor later on in the scene for a canonically romantic couple.

So after Cas sits next to Dean, the two greet each other. At one point, Dean refers to the bartender further down the bar:

DEAN

Free drinks. Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life.

Which is followed by this nice compositional parallel:

Dean and Cas at one end of the bar, and the bartender and a customer at the other. The fact that they are the only ones at the bar at this time only further emphasizes the mirroring images.

And so, Dean and Cas start talking about their plans for the future.

DEAN

Talk to me. Are you sure about this? I mean, it's one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you -- you're -- you're boarding up Heaven, and you're locking the door behind you.

CASTIEL

Yeah. I know.

DEAN

You did a lot of damage up there, man. You think they're just gonna let that slide?

CASTIEL

Do you mean do I think they'll kill me? Yeah, they might.

DEAN

So this is it? E.T. goes home.

During their exchange, Dean discovers that Cas is likely to die at the hands of the Angels once the trials are done and they are able to seal up Heaven. It’s a realization that he is likely to never see Cas again.

Admittedly, it’s a heavy topic.

As Dean and Cas talk, there is actually a song being played in the background at a fairly faint level. The song is titled, “I’m So Blue” by Katie Thompson. (Here’s a link for anyone’s interested. It’s a beautiful song, I totally recommend listening to it). The lyrics can be heard at the time of Cas’s entrance and throughout his and Dean’s dialogue. The song goes:

You love me so but let me go

Now I'll never know

How our love would go

Waiting, watching the stars up above

Hoping that I could win back your love

I'm so blue without you

Thought our love was true

Then you found someone new

So yeah. It’s a love song- a tragic one about losing a lover and never knowing what could have been. These lyrics eerily mirror the topic of Dean and Cas’s discussion - about Castiel going back “up” to Heaven, likely for good. So once again, we see romantic connotations underlying Cas and Dean’s interactions set there by the creators.

For a scene where a man is supposed to find his soulmate, however, a love song isn’t entirely out of place. For all we know, this song wasn’t meant to be connected to Cas and Dean in any way. Yet, the lyrics are rather depressing for someone who is meant to be meeting their soulmate, let alone the fact that the bartender and his soulmate already have their own song to signify their transition to lovers.

The moment the two fall in love, “Nice to Be with You” by Gallery starts to play. Along with being played at a volume the audience can actually register, the lyrics of the song are way more fitting to the moment of finding your true love:

Oh, it's so nice to be with you

I love all the things ya say and do

And it's so nice to hear you say

You're gonna please me in every way

Honey, I got the notion you're causin' commotion in my soul

Baby, you and me have got somethin' that's real

I know it's gonna last a lifetime

Looking back to the scene, Dean and Cas finish their conversation and we finally see the entrance of Cupid.

Like most of the general audience at this point, Dean and Cas see the woman enter the bar and automatically assume she is the bartender’s soulmate. Dean especially comments on the “obvious” tension between the two will be lovers.

DEAN

Holy crud, this is like the first five minutes of every porno I've ever seen.

As the woman makes her entrance, the bartender signs some papers and introduces the man sitting at the bar.

[DWIGHT takes the pen and signs.]

DWIGHT [introducing GAIL to the MAN at the bar.]

Gail, Rod.

ROD

Ma'am.

DWIGHT

Rod rides a stool here most days.

So here we learn that the customer, Rod, is actually a regular at the bar. Regular enough for the bartender, Dwight, to remember his name and where he often chooses to sit. It’s safe to assume that Dwight and Rod have known each other long before this specific night, and are probably friends. This lets the audience entertain the idea that true love has the potential of happening even in the midst of a seemingly platonic friendship. This could be a not-so-subtle jab at viewers that maybe this potential can found in other relationships on screen as well…

Interestingly, Rod is also wearing a bright red hat. For the dark interior of the bar and his other neutral clothing choices, Rod’s red hat stands out like a lighthouse. From a set design perspective, it’s clear that the viewer's eye is meant to be drawn to Rod’s hat. When Cupid first enters the bar, Rod even makes sure to tip his hat towards her, drawing the viewer’s attention even further to what’s printed on there.

A pair of wings.

A pair of wings that, as an audience, we can connect to the Angel sitting just a few feet down the bar.

Cupid, of course, does her work and touches the shoulders of Dwight and Rod to make them fall in love. Her quick exit afterward leaves Dean and Cas obviously confused, yet this is soon cleared up.

Right after Cupid’s departure, Dwight and Rod look to the television screen where once again, there is an archer with a bow and arrow. Composition wise, this shot is pretty awesome. The brim of Rod’s bright red hat is pointing towards the archer, who in turn is drawing back his bow to point an invisible arrow to the right, which is where we see Dwight. The viewer’s eyes are meant to bounce from one to the other - from Rod, to the bow, to Dwight - thus, making the connection.

Rod himself looks to the right, following the viewer’s eyes as they land on Dwight. As the two make eye contact, “Nice to Be with You” hits its opening chorus and the two fall in love.

So, in summary, the two characters fated to be in love - who were old friends before this - are connected by the visual cues of a bow and arrow. Sound familiar? Because, as a reminder, this was the way Dean and Cas were introduced into the same scene just moments earlier. (i.e. Dean waiting at the bar, the arrow pointing towards/behind him, and Cas making his entrance right afterward from the same direction).

And a reminder, these details were deliberate!

Dean and Cas:

[DEAN is seen sitting at the bar watching a hunter on the bars TV aim his bow at the TV screen. CASTIEL walks in the door that’s behind DEAN and sits on the stool next to him.]

Dwight and Rod:

[DWIGHT and ROD stare at the hunter on TV as he displays the use of his bow.]

To wrap up the scene, Dean and Cas finally realize their mistake. Just like the general audience, they hadn’t thought to consider that Dwight’s soulmate may not be a girl. They assumed Dwight’s heterosexuality.

The show itself presents Dwight as an extremely masculine character. Appearance-wise, he has a wild head of hair and a scruffy beard. He’s wearing a neutral-toned plaid flannel, making connections to the rough outdoors and physical labor. He’s even sporting a few scars and bruises from the bar fight earlier that day.

The first time the audience even meets Dwight, it’s when he’s pulling out a gun to protect his bar and patrons.

He’s bold, tough, and willing to get his own hands dirty to protect those around him. He even gets tossed around a bit, earning him a few bloody wounds that he patches up later before returning right back to work later that same night.

Here, we even see him doing some physical labor, picking up the heavy beer cases and moving them behind the bar.

So as far as the audience has seen him, Dwight is a very masculine character. He shoots guns, he gets bloody, and he even serves alcohol for a living, doing all the hard work and manual labor himself. This is what makes his queer sexuality even more of a surprise to the general audience - because Dwight isn’t the image society thinks of when it thinks of queer men. In this way, Dwight challenges the stereotypes of what we understand “masculine” to be.

Out of all the characters in the scene, Dean is the one that most personifies this moment of confusion. Unlike Cas who gets up and follows Cupid out the door, it takes Dean a moment to process this realization, as it probably goes against everything he had been expecting just moments before (As a reminder to the, “This is like the first five minutes of every porno I've ever seen” line). I won’t go too deep in analysis over Dean’s expressions in this scene - I think everyone can make their own interpretation of what’s going through his head here - but I’ll leave some screenshots as a reference.

And that concludes the analysis of the Cupid/bar scene! So, in summary,

While waiting to find Cupid’s bow, Dean watches a tv screen where an archer aims behind Dean, which is exactly when Cas makes his entrance from the same direction

While Dean and Cas talk about how they may never see each other again, “I’m So Blue” - a love song about someone who lost their lover - plays behind them

Dwight and Rod parallel Cas and Dean in multiple ways throughout the scene, including scene composition, Rod’s hat having wings, being old time friends, and the tv archer aiming from Rod to Dwight

Dean and Cas personify the heteronormative perspective of the general audience by assuming the woman (Cupid) was Dwight’s soulmate; along with Dean’s observation of the “sexual tension” between the two. Both of which, we learn, are inaccurate.

So, yeah, while just a few minutes long, this scene is jam-packed with amazing things to unravel after just the first viewing.

#supernatural meta #scene analysis #destiel #08.23 #outside world analysis #parallels #text #images

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stretchjournalemerson · 3 years

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Girlhood: The Forgotten Céline Sciamma Film We All Should Have Seen

By Ivy Miller

It is not a hot take to question the usefulness of queer films that seem to insist on being white, old and reminiscent of each other. In fact, when Potrait of a Lady on Fire came out, and I told my gay friends about it, they practically rolled their eyes. Many of my friends who happen to be young, queer, and women of color, were understandably not going to scramble to applaud another white woman for making another film about white women—even if these ones were in love.

What may have surprised my friends however, as it certainly surprised me, was to learn that the director behind Potrait of a Lady on Fire had made very different films prior to her lesbian period piece. In fact, Céline Sciamma made three coming of age queer films all before Potrait of a Lady on Fire, and the last one in particular stands far apart; Sciamma’s Girlhood is everything that Potrait of a Lady on Fire could never be. Girlhood (2014) is about a young black adult named Marieme growing up in the suburbs of France. We follow Marieme as she confronts issues with race, gender, poverty and sexuality alike, all while finding joyous moments with her friends that strike just as genuine a chord.

Girlhood starts with a montage of people playing American football who we can’t tell are girls until they victoriously take off their helmets in a group huddle, and we see their proud wide grins as they shout to each other. While some of the girls are revealed to be wearing eyeshadow and lipstick, and sporting long hair under their helmets, others are shown to wear black streaks as their only make up and display nearly shaved heads. This small detail becomes increasingly relevant throughout the film; it's as if the masculine football armor—with room for a plethora of identities underneath it—foreshadows the fact that our lead Mariame will continuously change her clothes and hair as she tries to discover where both her power and comfort lies. At one point Mariame exactly mirrors the friend group she makes, and wears a stolen tight dress and shimmery makeup after all the girls have dressed up altogether in a modest hotel room. This scene is arguably the most fun we see Mariame and her friends have on screen—which is only fair considering Sciamma makes the conscious choice to cut the playful montage to the entirety of Rihanna’s “Shine Bright Like a Diamond.” At the start of the song the girls have gotten to know each other a bit, but by the end of the song we are convinced of the magic of a girls night in to cement a group of girls together as true friends.

Mariame makes friends and she makes mistakes. For instance, it is hard not to wince when we hear Mariame’s younger sister accuse Mariame of becoming just like their older, and abusive, brother. Furthermore, when Mariame seems to be leaving one dangerous situation only to “escape” to another, we root for her friends when they try to attempt to forbid her from doing so. However, only moments after the harsh exchange takes place, Mariame says simply to her friends: “make me laugh.” In response, her friend Adiotuo looks briefly right into the camera —and thus intimately into our eyes—right before she tells us and Mariame that the charismatic leader of the group, Lady, is actually named Sophie. This exchange is exemplary of what Girlhood does so well: it lets its characters be vulnerable, and even miserable, but it is never too long before they are funny, caring and defiant once again.

Before allowing Adiotou to say her “real” name, Lady says a very important line: “my name’s Lady, it’ll be on my grave.” In this sense Lady will not be defined by her birth given name, instead the only name that matters is the one she chooses to die with. As the captive audience, we know Lady’s real name is Lady because we have watched her friends and her world use that name, just as we will stand with and recognize Mariame when she starts to look a bit different. Towards the end of the film, we see Mariame wearing a binder and with very short hair. It is unclear if this outfit is for her physical protection against the seemingly violent men she works with, or is reflective of what Mariame feels her true form may be. When we then watch Mariame slow dance with a girl we are reminded of the deep loyalty and fondness that she once had for her old friend Lady, and we wonder if the friendship we had witnessed earlier carried a different kind of love than just platonic.

These are questions that Girlhood doesn’t answer. Admittedly, this can be frustrating, as sometimes as a witness to Mariame’s life we want her to answer our questions. Especially by the end of the film one may find themselves expecting Mariame to define herself to us—and more importantly to those around her. As I watched Girlhood, I waited for a dramatic monologue: a moment in the film devoted to Mariame telling her world who she is and who she isn’t. It is not a spoiler to say that this moment does not come. Mariame does not tell us—or her friends, or the men she works with, or her first boyfriend, or her family— who she is, but perhaps this is simply because Mariame does not know yet. Meaning, Girlhood’s nuance in its exploration of gender and sexuality seems to lend to a larger truth. The truth being that Mariame is still growing up, she’s still finding out who she is, and the film won’t announce or clarify an answer that Mariame hasn’t discovered for herself.

There is beauty in this nuance, and for many queer individuals alike, there is also a universal truth in addition to Mariame’s personal one. Just as Mariame does not have the words, or space, to verbalize her being yet, many queer youth may take comfort in watching Mariame and knowing they are not alone in not being able to define themselves. I watched Girlhood on a couch next to my dad and his girlfriend, both of whom know I am a lesbian. What they may not know however, is that sometimes this label feels inadequate in explaining how I feel about my sexuality and particularly how I relate to my gender. What a personal relief it was then, to watch a film called Girlhood that had no interest in prescribing to a definition or experience of womanhood that I—and so many others—have become increasingly severed from.

However, Girlhood tells the intricate story of a Mariame, a black woman, growing up in a community that is deeply affected by the product of France’s racism. Mariame and her friends all live in public housing and, through the lens of the film, it appears as though there are no white people who live in these apartment buildings. Furthermore, Mariame, although certainly not defined by her world’s limitations, undoubtedly has to deal with the intersection of racism and sexism throughout her daily life. In this crucial way most of Mariame’s experience of “girlhood” is nothing like mine— but that shouldn’t make this film any less meaningful to me. Often I hear people like me who are white and queer equate how much they like a film to how much they relate to it; but how can we push for diversity and at the same time only desire to watch films that tell the stories of people who look like us. Of course there were still moments and scenes in Girlhood where I “saw myself” in the characters, but I ask again: why is seeing yourself in a film more meaningful than being able to see someone else?

After I watched Girlhood I called my friends and told them they had to watch it. I did not promise them that they would love it, but I was able to promise them that it wasn’t another film about white gay women for white gay women. I was also able to promise them that the film wasn’t a period piece. I told them what I will, in a sense, tell you: while Girlhood and its beautifully portrayed Mariame may have not made it to the big screens in 2014 like its younger and estranged sister, Portrait of a Lady on Fire did in 2020, the film and Mariame deserve a place on your screen at home and, if given, they will likely find a place to stay in your mind long after.

Where to Watch: Hulu (with premium subscription), Amazon Prime ($2.99 to Rent), Youtube ($2.99 to Rent), Itunes ($4.99 to Rent), Apple TV ($4.99 to Rent).

Acknowledgements

Before writing this piece I had never written a film review. Of course I had watched films, analyzed films, texted my friends and family to demand they watch a film, but writing a review is a different story. To write a review of a film is in a sense to quantify its value, and to be honest I never felt I was worthy of doing this. Who was I, as a nineteen year old, to think my opinions on a film should matter to anyone? However, as we entered the “Literary Review” Unit of Research Writing I realized that this would be my opportunity to write a review for a film that I felt had been looked over by mainstream audiences and critics alike. I may not have felt worthy of writing a review of Girlhood, but I knew the film was worthy of a better review than I had been able to find scouring on the internet. I would like to thank my professor Livia Meneghin for encouraging me each step of the way, and for helping me to create a review that I think reflects the beauty and importance of Girlhood.

#stretch2021 #film review

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