#Amos disassociating
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#the expanse#amos burton#jim holden#amos appreciation#holden gotta holden#james broadcast emotions holden#The friends that can disassociate together stay together#they need each other#jamos#oh captain my captain#roci family dynamics#When on Ilus#unconditional acceptance#This bond they share#Season 4
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There's a bitter taste in his throat and a thrumming sound in his head that won't subside. He doesn't notice the wider than usual berth that people give him as he stalks his way back towards the apartment he shares with Desi. Part of him would be relieved, if he had. The other part of him was begging for someone to get in his way, to slow him down, or make a comment.
Most people had more survival instinct than he did, though, and it wasn't like his reputation wasn't fairly well known to the locals.
His palm and fingers ached, and he let himself relish in the feel of it. It was safer than letting his attention drift to the stiffness in his shoulders, and the howling in his chest.
He had a thought, that maybe he should stop by the clinic, get the pretty doctor lady to deal with it, before he went back to the apartment. But Desi was waiting. Desi needed an answer.
She was fine. Hannah was fine. Sleeping it off. Slept through it. No monsters under the bed. Just one at the door.
He knows his legs are moving. He knows his heart is beating. His lungs fill with air, and release it. He can feel the blood drip down his palm, trails of it down his fingers.
He makes a mental note to pick up a new hand terminal.
He feels like he's moving through the world in tunnel vision.
It takes longer than he wants for the door to chime in recognition and let him into the apartment.
"She's fine." He can't tell if the words come out flat or if they come out in a snarl.
@aeternals / desi gets a starter.
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We're Still Here
Pairings: Max Lord x GN!POC!Reader, established relationship, no use of Y/N, racial background is purposefully left ambiguous but please let me know if it does not read as such!
Word Count: 1.2k+
Warnings: Angsty comfort fic, racial trauma (implied that things were said to reader though nothing explicit), disassociation, feelings of dread and alienization, cultural food as a comfort (only descriptor given is that is has a distinct smell), Max being egregious with Spanish petnames
Summary: When the weight of racial prejudice becomes too much Max is there to help you hold it.
A/N: Truthfully I'm a bit nervous posting this. This is very reflective of my own experience and how I deal with such situations. I wrote it primarily for myself, but I hope others can find comfort in it as well <3
"I'm home!" Max calls out to you. He shrugs the suit jacket from his shoulders, and abandons his shoes at the door. Your lack of response catches him off guard. "Baby?" He calls once more.
As he approaches the living room, he's disturbed by the overwhelming silence. Then, he sees you. Curled up tightly on his favorite recliner, tucked under a blanket. A look on your face that makes his heart break.
"Ay mi amor." He says with a sigh…
He knew that look in your eyes. A look he's worn many times himself. A look of anger. Of despair. Of embarrassment. Of a great intangible sorrow. One that weighed more than all the riches of the world combined.
Max rushes to your side, kneeling beside you, "What happened?"
The silence is deafening in his ears. He knows, there's nothing to be said. In a strange way, the specifics of it didn't really matter. What happened had passed. Whatever it was, had already burrowed itself so deep in your heart there was no removing it. But that does not mean, he couldn't help you hold it.
"Come to me." Max wraps his arms tight around you, enclosing you in his warmth. "You don't have to tell me…but I am here to help. You're safe now."
You let yourself melt into his arms. Burrowing your tear stained cheeks into his neck. A faint scent of cologne still lingers on his collar. Though fear still rips through you with every movement, you begin to allow yourself to feel safe. A tingle of regret at your own lack of response…but what was there to say? To speak the words back into the world would only taint your tongue with that bitter flavor. Maybe once your body recovers from the shock. Maybe after the rage settles like dust after a sandstorm. Maybe after that burn in your heart was soothed to a low ache. Maybe then you'd be able to say. For now all you could do was feel.
Max holds you, rubbing your back. Wiping your tears. Sprinkling soft kisses across your face. Spilling words of affirmation and admiration like a fountain.
"Mi amor…
mi cielo
I know it hurts
I love you
Todo mi mundo
Estrelita
You're perfect
You matter
Te amo."
Despite the confidence of his proclamations, Max felt at his core helpless. There was no amount of riches that could help. No gift. Nor trip. Even a party in your honor, would be meaningless as long as your heart remained fractured. All he could do was wait with you. Holding your hand through the darkness.
Hours pass with little progress. The sun passing overhead. Max remains at your side. Only abandoning you to fetch you cups of water which you reluctantly drink. His large hand resting over your stomach, doesn't miss the light rumble of hunger.
"Bebita?" He pleads, "You should eat something."
You shake your head meekly, intent on not meeting his gaze. "Not hungry."
"Ay mi corazon…" Max pouts up at you, his gaze softening. "I know something that will help. Let me." He sits up momentarily, quick to dial up a familiar number on his cellphone. Walking over to the farside of the room and whispering indiscernible words to the person on the other end. Before returning back to your side. "Your surprise will be here soon." He says with a soft smile.
"Max I don't -"
"Let me help you, mi amor." He says firmly, delivering a comforting kiss to your nose. "I'll always take care of you."
You let him wrap himself around you, your own personal shield from the world. Guarding you from all the hurt that exists outside the walls of your shared home. But you were safe here. Always safe here. Always loved here. Time passes, as you two watch the sun melt into the city skyline, just as your worldly worries slowly melt away in his presence.
A faint scent lingers in the air. Drafting you in a sense of home. It's subtle at first. Igniting vague memories of a lighter existence. Then building. Deeper. Richer. Prouder. The scent coiling in your stomach and making you ache with a sudden hunger.
"Max? That smell, is that-"
A soft smile on his face, he answers "Yes, Estrellita. Your favorite."
Another tear springs from your eyes, this time not of sorrow but from an overfill of love. You were unsure of exactly when the cook had made their way into the kitchen, but at this moment you could not care less. "You mean-?"
He nods, "It's your surprise!" His arms squeeze around you in a tight hug. "You deserve it, Mi corazon."
"Max…" you murmur his name, burying your head into the crook of his neck. Rubbing your cheek against the softened collar of his shirt. A soft ring is heard from the kitchen, the telltale sign that dinner is ready to be served.
Max wraps his hands around yours, luring you up off the seat. "Come mi amor." He says softly, guiding you to the kitchen.
Though the weight of the world still sat heavy upon your figure, that familiar aroma emboldened you with each step closer. Max seats you at the table wanting to serve it to you himself. He plates a considerable portion, knowing that you had been denying yourself most of the day.
"Mi estrellita" Max beckons you, drawing your eyes to him. "This is all for you." He says as he sets the dish before you. The sight of which brings a stinging tear to your eye. The aromas alone fill you with a loving warmth. "Bebita?" he calls again, lifting a portion to your lips.
You let him feed you. The delicate combination of flavors perfectly balance on your tongue. Filling the empty cavern that overtook you with something new. Something beautiful.
"There there." Max encourages you, bringing another portion to your tongue "Eat up."
Though you were starved, it almost feels like too much. But you were too tired to fight it. So you give. Leaning into the intimacy of the act. Letting Max nourish not just your body, but your heart. Those beautiful hands feeding you. Bright brown eyes focused on yours. To be seen by him. To be known. To be loved. Was a gift all its own.
"My baby." He says with a smile, delivering a soft kiss to your temple. "You are so wonderful mi amor…" Max's eyes fall over to the dishes set out before the two of you. "And this-" Max sends you a mischievous smirk as he swipes a small bit off your plate for himself. "Is just a part of that. Of you. Of your culture." His voice is somehow even softer than before, warm brown eyes on you. "So beautiful. So strong." Soft hands encase yours. "How could something so good ever be bad?"
Another wave of tears flood your eyes as the question settles into your deepest insecurities. Challenging any lingering self-consciousness with the overwhelming love you held in your heart. And as the delicious smell and taste still swirl around you Max's words purge your mind of the cruel words before; leaving only the echo of his admiration in its place.
"I know it hurts Bebita. Remember how beautiful everything you are is. Do not deny yourself that luxury." Max's broad frame fills your vision. The too big world closes in on just the two of you. His warm hands grasp yours. Big brown eyes peering into your tear filled ones. "We are still here. And that means everything."
"Max-" you cry out, falling into his embrace. The shared sorrow between you feels much more bearable than before. Your lips catch his in a soft kiss. As you melt into each other, you can't help but smile. The taste of home upon his lips.
#am writes#max lord#gn!reader#poc!reader#max lord comfort fic#max lord x reader#max lord fanfic#max lord fanfiction
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40, 48, 52, 73 <3
40. What is your relationship with family like?
Not good. I really only bond with my brothers, everyone else I disassociate from.
48. Favourite album?
Either Doja Cat's Planet Her or AMO by Bring Me The Horizon
52. Would you rather lose your arms or legs?
Legs. I would like to continue my habit of fidgeting.
73. What is your deepest fear?
Oop. I would probably trigger myself if I posted online about it.
#the fact i dont like using the word parent for mine says a lot 😐#i sorta fixate on the song rather than the album#its why S.H.I.T by bmth was in my listening history for 3 weeks alone 😭#i can tell u privately if u want :)#nessa plays 🤡#Emily <3
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Helaman Chapter 9, Part 4. "Bloody Rags."
26 Behold I say unto you: Go to the house of Seantum, who is the��brother of Seezoram, and say unto him—
27 Has Nephi, the pretended prophet, who doth prophesy so much evil concerning this people, agreed with thee, in the which ye have murdered Seezoram, who is your brother?
28 And behold, he shall say unto you, Nay.
29 And ye shall say unto him: Have ye murdered your brother?
30 And he shall stand with fear, and wist not what to say. And behold, he shall deny unto you; and he shall make as if he were astonished; nevertheless, he shall declare unto you that he is innocent.
31 But behold, ye shall examine him, and ye shall find blood upon the skirts of his cloak.
32 And when ye have seen this, ye shall say: From whence cometh this blood? Do we not know that it is the blood of your brother?
33 And then shall he tremble, and shall look pale, even as if death had come upon him.
34 And then shall ye say: Because of this fear and this paleness which has come upon your face, behold, we know that thou art guilty.
35 And then shall greater fear come upon him; and then shall he confess unto you, and deny no more that he has done this murder.
36 And then shall he say unto you, that I, Nephi, know nothing concerning the matter save it were given unto me by the power of God. And then shall ye know that I am an honest man, and that I am sent unto you from God.
Seantum means "instead, hatred of the one beside."
The verb שנא (sane') is identical to the noun שנא (shena') meaning sleep, save for the symbols that at some point in the middle ages were added to the ancient Hebrew text by the Masoretes to preserve its assumed original pronunciation. Our verb שנא (sane') means to hate and is the antithesis of the verb אהב ('aheb), which means to love.
This latter verb is not as emotionally charged as our English verb to love; it mostly describes a motion towards someone or something in order to acquire it, join with it or become intimately acquainted with it. Our verb שנא (sane') means precisely the opposite: a motion away from someone or something with the intent to disassociate from it and forget about it.
Our verb may describe hate between people (Genesis 26:27, Judges 11:7, Isaiah 60:15) but frequently also of YHWH towards people or some of their behaviors (Amos 6:8, Hosea 9:15, Malachi 2:16).
From this verb derive:
The adjective שניא (sani'), meaning the hated (the hated wife; Deuteronomy 21:15 only).
The feminine noun שנאה (sin'a), meaning a hating or hatred (Numbers 35:20, Deuteronomy 1:27, Proverbs 25:10).
ant= alternative to
um=
The feminine juxtaposition עמה ('umma), meaning against, beside.
Seantum is apparently alighed with Ceezoram, the "faith of the people."
Nephi's objective for sending a delegation to the House of Hatred after the murder of a Chief Judge is to confirm there is evidence of a murder and declare the situation "ritually impure", meaning it wasn't an accident, but the result of a sinful pattern. This is indicated by the presence of the pallor in the subject of the interrogation:
"Most of the parshah of Tazria tells us the laws of diagnosing and quarantining a metzora (leper).
It begins that if a person notices a white patch develop on his skin, he should be brought before a Kohen, and only a Kohen can pronounce a person ritually impure on account of tzaraat.
If the Kohen sees that hair inside the patch changed from its original color to white or that the white patch appears “deeper” than the skin around it,1 it is definitely tzaraat, and he pronounces the person ritually impure. If, however, he doesn't see one of these signs, the Kohen will quarantine the person for seven days.
On the seventh day, the Kohen reexamines the person. If he sees one of the signs or if the patch became bigger, he is pronounced impure. If it becomes smaller or darker than the usual shades of tzaraat,2 it is not tzaraat. If it is the same as it was during the first examination, the Kohen quarantines him for another seven days.
On the seventh day,3 the Kohen reexamines him as before, and the same rules apply, except that this time, if the patch remains the same, it is not tzaraat, and he is pronounced ritually pure.
In a case that the Kohen determined that it was indeed not tzaraat, the person must wash his clothes and go to the mikvah, and he is pure. Even though he is not a metzora, he was considered impure, but at a lesser level of impurity."
One must never have blood on one's clothes. The shedding of blood is forbidden. All of the steps leading to the shedding of blood- hatred, bigotry, homophobia, Pro-Life, Anti-Semitism, transphobia, racism, all of these are ritually impure practices that lead to the shedding of blood and they are also forbidden.
As for how Nephi came to understand all of these things "by the Power of God", the Value in Gematria is 12154, יבאהד, yebah d, similar to obadiah, The verb עבד ('abad) means to work or serve, and the noun עבד ('ebed) denotes someone who works: from a slave to a hired expert. The Greek equivalent of this noun is δουλος (doulos).
This means Nephi is a "skilled worker" who is able to default to the Law and the Spirit interchangeably due to the fact he is very well trained in the Torah and lives in an upright manner that excels at demonstrating said training.
He is the opposing force to a House of Brotherly Hatred.
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M!Kylar with knife play (consensual&non-con) and M!Eden with gunplay (idem) ?
Oh fuck yes. I'm making this non-con cause the reader not being aware that they won't hurt them just adds to it imo.
This one's long
NSFW below (tw non-con)
Eden
Its after you've been at the cabin for several days, but you just keep misbehaving.
He's been good to you hasn't he? He's fed you, washed you, kept you warm at night.
Eden stares into the mirror, seeing the scratch you've left on his cheek, right next to his eye.
You need to learn your place, the hard way.
His rifle would be too big, but he has a handgun hidden away. He ejects the cartridge, taking the amo out and puts it back in to make it look like its loaded.
When he leaves his cabin to see you crying on the grass, still tied to the tree where he left you, clothes back into place.
You sit up when you see him, wiping the tears away and looking down.
His boots come into your vision, but you don't look up, just snivelling and shaking.
"Are you sorry?" he asks, voice flat and bereft of expression.
You pitifully nod, still looking down.
"I don't believe you," he brings the gun to your head, loving how you jump when you feel it press against your skull.
"You're gonna take my cock out and suck me off till I finish. If you bite me, I'll pull the trigger, do you understand?"
You don't respond, your whole body shaking from fear.
"Do you understand?"
His raised voice scares you into nodding and you slowly raise your hands, fumbling with the fly as you try to free his length, but the constant reminder of death makes you want to throw up.
Eventually you get it out, pumping the hard length once or twice before pressing your tembling lips to the head.
You could already taste his salty pre-cum as you kiss the slit, kitten licks from your tongue cleaning it up.
"Hurry up," Eden demands. He's stood so still, you'd think he was a statue if he want so warm to the touch.
You're hesitant as you take it into your mouth, jaw having to stretch to fit the impressive girth.
You weren't even half way down when it hit the back of your throat, making you gag and tears stinging your eyes.
You try to bob your head, licking and sucking where you could with your hands rubbing the length you couldn't fit.
The last thing you wanted was for Eden to grasp your hair and shove his cock down your throat, so you keep pushing to fit more of him in your mouth, tears now streaming down your face from the effort.
You risk looking up and through your bleary eyes you can see Eden is staring straight at you. You immediately close your eyes and concentrate on hollowing your cheeks.
The hand not holding the gun starts twirling you hair between its fingers.
"See how much easier it is when you behave? Isn't this better than me pinning you down and fucking your throat? You don't have to fight me. You'll be safe and cared for here, you just have to be good."
His voice doesn't waver saying those words, and you want it to, need it to. You need some evidence that he's close and this is over because all you can smell, taste and feel right now is him, the man that abducted you, raped you and demanded you be his happy little partner.
You whimper around his length as you sob and the hand in your hair tightens.
"That's it. Keep doing it like that."
The gun shifts, idly trailing down the side of your face, cold metal tickling your skin. Its terrifying.
Eden thinks it's almost an affectionate caress, the barrel of the gun wetting from your tears.
By now you're about three quarters of the way down his cock, throat burning from the stretch. Drool drips from your mouth and your face is drenched in your own tears.
His cock twitches and you further your efforts. He's getting close, just a little more, you can do this.
With one last push you force yourself down so that your nose is stuffed in his thick public hair, trying to to gag as you feel something warm sliding down your throat.
Eden cums hard, the lewd sight of his seed spilling out of the corner of your mouth exactly what he wanted it to be.
You pull off and start coughing, clutching your neck ad you try to recover and Eden crouches in front of you.
He brings the gun up, pressing it to your lips.
"You got your tears on it. Salts not good for metal. Lick it clean," it's a simple request compared to what you just did.
Carefully, your tongue licks the barrel, eyes looking blank.
He places a kiss on your forehead when you're done.
Theres a click, making you look up and see Eden eject the ammo cartridge, turning it to you.
It was empty.
"Next time it'll be loaded," he warns. His harsh eyes tell you he isn't lying.
Kylar
It wasn't supposed to be like this. You were both doing so well, you loved each other, but you just kept doing more and more to make him worry.
Winking at strangers, not kissing him around Robin, leaving him when he asked you to stay.
Was there someone else? Were you lying to him?
It doesn't matter, not anymore. He'll make you love him. You'll have to after he proves how much he cares.
You look so beautiful, chained by your wrists to that mattress. You're still in your school uniform, but won't be for long.
You had stopped crying a while ago, Kylar had wiped the tears from your eyes and kissed your cheeks, letting you know it would all be okay, you'd be happy, you'll see.
You look panicked when he flashes his knife.
"It's okay, I promise. I won't hurt you. Do you trust me?"
You look into his wide green eyes, aware that any little mistake would make him snap. Would he hurt you? Would he kill you? You didn't want to find out.
You stay still as he approaches and let him press you back into the mattress. Head turning to the side as he climbs on top and brings his knife to your shirt.
One by one he cuts off the buttons, revealing your sweet flesh beneath. Then he moves to shredding the shirt so he can take it off fully without removing your shackles.
Next is the bottoms, tearing sounds louder than they should be.
"I love you so much," he whispers into your skin as he kisses your tummy.
Finally, your underwear is removed and you're laying bare before your supposed boyfriend.
You didn't understand why you were here. You'd been faithful, you'd loved him whole-heartedly. Why had be brought you here, away from the world?
You begin to disassociate as his mouth teases your sex, memories of sitting with him at the fountain flashing through your eyes. He'd been so cute then, blushing and full of wonder when you let him touch your hair.
Kylar could see the far-off look in your eyes. That wouldn't do, not at all.
The tapping of cold metal against your thigh brings you back, eyes fluttering down to stare into his as he pulls off of you with a wet pop.
The blade digs into your thigh a little, not enough to hurt, but enough that you can't ignore it.
"Don't look away from me. Watch me make you feel good," he looks deranged as he looks up at you.
He gets back to work, this time refusing to break eye contact.
With the threat of the blade, you swallow your saliva and try to smile. It's strained and looks more like a grimace, but it'll do.
"You make me feel so good, Kylar. I'm so lucky to have you," you whimper out, hoping it'll help calm him.
His eyes narrow before he gives a harsh suck, your hips jumping slightly, but he draws the knife back before it can pierce your skin.
He's teasing you over and over, the pleasure building up and causing all of your muscles to clench in preparation for your release.
You're on the edge when you feel the knife tickling your skin and Kylar gently presses it against your public mound.
You cum then, seed/juices covering his face as you let out little 'oh's and 'ah's.
He withdraws when you stop twitching against his mouth, kissing his way up your body.
He traces the blade over your cheek as he observes you.
"Let's get you into your wedding clothes now, shall we?"
#degrees of lewdity eden#degrees of lewdity kylar#degrees of lewdity#spill your guts#anonymous#tw noncon#tw knifeplay#tw gunplay
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Imagine watching amos damn near disassociate and go through it because of what just happened and sitting back with the only take away being that amos is rad because he’s such a ‘bad ads’
I JUST...Amos is my favorite character, I was drawn to him halfway through season 1 cause I was like, “Damn! This guy is capable of some radical empathy!” I know Amos is considered to be the “fandom favorite”, but MAN, so many people seem to only like him cause he’s Strong™️ and punches people. But like, that whole scene in the shower was so good! Not because Amos was beating the shit out of people, but because of how they framed it. I don’t get how you look at that scene, where Amos is clearly disassociating, definitely seems to be acting on autopilot, and just walk away disappointed that there wasn’t...more punching?
Plus, I feel like it takes a lot away from Wes, who has been very vocal about the fact that he did a lot of research and read a lot of the key works on trauma to better understand Amos and respectfully portray trauma on screen. Wes was so good in that scene! It was such a vulnerable moment for Amos, one of the few times in the show we’ve really seen him peeled back like that. It’s just so frustrating seeing people take all that away from Amos as a character and Wes as an actor.
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Amos! :D
Dear, dear Amos.
How I feel about this character
I fucking love Amos. He’s the type of character everyone who stans a villainous character wishes they were lol Someone who takes responsibility for their past and their actions and actively works on becoming the person they want to be. Yes, Naomi and Holden are his compasses but it’s Amos who is putting in the work. He’s the one steering the ship and it’s heartbreaking and painful and sometimes frightening, but amazing.
All the people I ship romantically with this character
Prax. Dear lord, why can’t praxos be a thing.
My non-romantic OTP for this character
Naomi. Their relationship is so beautiful, even when it’s painful. And it’s painful because of how much they mean to each other. With limited episodes, I understand why it can’t be as deep as I want it to be, but I live for all of their little touches and moments.
My unpopular opinion about this character
Thankfully, I think it’s shifting to being an unpopular opinion in itself, but I’m so tired of people referring to him as a sociopath. Amos is the furthest thing from a sociopath. He disassociates and compartmentalizes but those are survival tactics and he’s actively coping with both of them. Does he slip up, yes, but a few lapses doesn’t mean that he’s some unfeeling rage monster. Amos knows who he is, he knows what his skillsets are and what he brings to the table. Amos also knows who he wants to be, find people to use as beacons, and gets himself to where he wants to be. Watching everything integrate is one of the reasons Amos is so damn interesting.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon
I was going to say something about Naomi, but going into s4, I really, really can’t wait to see the dynamic between him and holden shift. They’re forced to bond in a way that they haven’t before and the outcome is such a solid friendship. They’ve already come a long way from s1 but these are the first steps where they actively choose each other, build a respect that can’t be broken, and find out how much they mean to each other in a way that makes me sniffle in the best and absolute worst way.
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Week 18 Roundup! And as of now, we have 21 weeks left for this round!
Title: Io Che Amo Solo Te
Collaborator: HogwartsToAlexandria
Link: AO3
Square Filled: C3 - FREE SQUARE
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: Nightmares, Coping, Music, Pre-Relationship, Fluff
Summary: Bucky's nightmares are frequent and, honestly, a pain to get through until the music starts playing and everything slows down and he can breathe again.
Word Count: 1490
-----------------------------------
Title: How To Save A Life (It Just Might Be Yours) - Chapter 5: The Cost of Parenting
Collaborator: rebelmeg
Link: AO3
Square Filled: U3 - language
Ship: Bucky & Tony
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: non-graphic violence, implied/referenced brainwashing, accidental baby acquisition, childcare shenanigans, recovered memories, found family, nightmares, implied/referenced torture, hurt/comfort, medical situations
Summary: James makes the hard choices that come with being a good parent, and Tony says his first word.
Word Count: 7268
-----------------------------------
Title: In Summer Moonlight
Collaborator: rinnwrites
Link: AO3
Square Filled: U5 - penny for your thoughts
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: coda, no powers AU
Summary: Five years after the events of Stars Can't Shine, Bucky and Tony reflect on how far they've come and where they're going.
Word Count: 686
-----------------------------------
Title: Snapshots
Collaborator: AvengersCompound (emilyevanston)
Link: AO3
Square Filled: K2 - Delinquent
Ship: Bucky/Reader
Rating: Explicit
Major Tags: Enemies to friends to lovers, Fluff and Smut
Summary: Before Bucky Barnes became the Winter Soldier he had a life and plans for the future. A lot of them involving you. Bucky asks you and your friends out, but you aren’t so quick to fall for his charms.
Word Count: 1511
-----------------------------------
Title: Out in the open
Collaborator: journeythroughtherain
Link: AO3
Square Filled: Y5 - Tony Stark/Iron Man
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: secret identity, love confessions, misunderstandings, getting together
Summary: Being in love with two people at once is not easy, just ask Bucky Barnes. Luckily for him, the two people he's in love with have a bit more in common than he first thought.
Word Count:755
-----------------------------------
Title: baby love me lights out
Collaborator: nightwideopen
Link: AO3
Square Filled: K4 - Protectiveness
Ship: WinterHawk
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: Kidnapping, Mention of Torture, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Established Relationship
Summary: “Oh my God.” They’re in Bruce’s lab with most of the lights out, watching Clint emit bright white light that’s started to fade just a little bit, but not enough because he’s still, for all intents and purposes, bioluminescent. “Yeah, Tony,” Bucky says flatly, “‘Oh my God’ definitely covers it.”
Word Count: 5195
-----------------------------------
Title: New beginnings
Collaborator: journeythroughtherain
Link: AO3
Square Filled: K5 - Just do it
Ship: Bucky & Tony
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: friendship, healing, forgiveness
Summary: Because sometimes, recovery takes more than time.
Word Count: 962
-----------------------------------
Title: Chained To My Heart - Chapter 3
Collaborator: Startrekkingaroundasgard
Link: AO3
Square Filled: C3 - free space
Ship: WinterHawk
Rating: Not Rated
Major Tags: handcuffs, feelings, hurt/comfort, disassociation, past torture, hallucinations
Summary: Clint comforts Bucky after a mild episode.
Word Count: 5992
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Title: Your Idiot White Boy
Collaborator: rebelmeg
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B1 - Sam Wilson/Falcon
Ship: Sam & Rhodey
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: best friends, Avengers family, For Science!, shenanigans
Summary: Sam and Rhodey are amused and exasperated with the idiot white boys in their lives.
Word Count: 1422
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Title: How To Save A Life (It Just Might Be Yours) - Chapter 7: Starting Over
Collaborator: rebelmeg
Link: AO3
Square Filled: K1 – promise
Ship: Bucky & Tony
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: non-graphic violence, implied/referenced brainwashing, accidental baby acquisition, childcare shenanigans, recovered memories, found family, nightmares, implied/referenced torture, hurt/comfort, medical situations
Summary: James makes a promise, takes precautions to keep Hydra off his trail, and Tony starts showing signs of his genius.
Word Count: 11,472
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Title: How To Save A Life (It Just Might Be Yours) - Chapter 9: A Ghost From The Past
Collaborator: rebelmeg
Link: AO3
Square Filled: Y4 – Peggy Carter
Ship: Bucky & Tony
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: non-graphic violence, implied/referenced brainwashing, accidental baby acquisition, childcare shenanigans, recovered memories, found family, nightmares, implied/referenced torture, hurt/comfort
Summary: James and Tony settle in their new place in Washington DC, and a familiar face from the past brings unexpected panic.
Word Count: 14,948
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Title: Joystick
Collaborator: Judy_The_Dreamer
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B4 - AU: A/B/O
Ship: Stuckony
Rating: Explicit
Major Tags: ABO, power dynamics, porn with plot, explicit sexual content, sexual dysfunction
Summary: Relationships between two alphas are not all roses and moonshine as Bucky and Steve discover after seventy years of separation. Their reconnection brings some unresolved problems to the fore, and no one seems to have the solution. Liberated omega poster boy Tony has to step in and show these boys what they've been doing wrong.
Word Count: 4147
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Title: Gotta Fly (Before You Can Run)
Collaborator: tisfan
Link: AO3
Square Filled: C5 - Bucky Bear
Ship: WinterIron
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: animal transformation, shapeshifting, social commentary
Summary: Today is the day everyone finds out what animal they’ll be able to shift into for the rest of their lives. Tony is sure he’s going to be a dung beetle.
Word Count: 2216
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Title: How To Save A Life (It Just Might Be Yours) - Chapter 10: Past Meets Future
Collaborator: rebelmeg
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B4 – old ghosts
Ship: Bucky & Tony
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: non-graphic violence, implied/referenced brainwashing, accidental baby acquisition, childcare shenanigans, recovered memories, found family, nightmares, implied/referenced torture, hurt/comfort
Summary: James, Tony, and Peggy spend the afternoon together.
Word Count: 14,948
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Title: How To Save A Life (It Just Might Be Yours) - Chapter 11: Trying Hard
Collaborator: rebelmeg
Link: AO3
Square Filled: K4 – apology
Ship: Bucky & Tony
Rating: Teen
Major Tags: non-graphic violence, implied/referenced brainwashing, accidental baby acquisition, childcare shenanigans, recovered memories, found family, nightmares, implied/referenced torture, hurt/comfort
Summary: James makes an apology, makes sacrifices, and is reassured that it's all worth it.
Word Count: 16,530
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Title: The weight of you
Collaborator: Bill_Longbow
Link: AO3
Square Filled: B4 - Vulnerability
Ship: Stucky
Rating: Gen
Major Tags: recovery, nightmares, protective Steve, memory loss, nightmares
Summary: After Hydra, Bucky can't stand restraints but he still craves the sensory feeling of being held down so Steve discovers that if he drapes his huge bulky body over Bucky's, he can not only restrain him from moving, but he can also offer comfort and safely and serenity and it's such a relief for the both of them.
Word Count: 4328
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Aleksandr Voltaire
Age: 20
Height: 6’ 0”
Weight: 175 lbs
Hair color: Dark blond
Eye color: Teal
Nationality: American
Family: Mother - Nadiya Voltaire (Living), Father - Allen Voltaire (Living), Grandmother - Elizabeth Voltaire (Deceased)
Appearance: Aleksandr is pale, medium build and has has dark blond hair that is cut too short on the sides. He has a long, rectangular face that is still looks kid like. His eyelids are permanently bruised giving them a purple tint. His eyes are a seafoam green. His favored apparel items are dress shirts, ties, and slacks or jeans. His shirts are usually buttoned incorrectly and a little on the baggy side.
Personality: Aleksandr is bashful and impulsive as well as anxious. He's not fit to be in the streets and usually sticks with Gregori who he's somewhat codependent on. He is afraid of pain but has a very high tolerance for it due to being beat by people so often. Because of this he has issues with touch and people invading his personal space. But he'll invade someone else's for their hair, nail clippings etc. He lacks repulsion in most cases but is empathetic. He also talks at a higher, softer register closer to that of a child. Aleksandr has an impulse to put things in his mouth especially things he can use his stand on such as hair trimming, nail clippings, and personal effects. He is very unsocialized and doesn't quite understand why he is not “normal” but has a desire to be “normal.” He feels like a burden on most people but also feels like he has nowhere else to go.
Stand: Forum
Stand appearance: Forum appears as a semi transparent, purple blob with a large singular eye roughly three feet long. It can stretch up the five feet and change its shape. It has a tail like appendage regardless of what form it takes.
Stand ability: Forum is a stand with psychometric properties and can see thirty seconds of a person's life backwards or forwards in time if holding an object previously owned by a person or a part of their body ie hair, nail clippings, teeth, bone etc. Can be as specific as necessary if time and date is the focus. However to see forward in time he would need the DNA or the item the person had after every time they made a decision that could alter the future. Thus making it’s precognition unreliable.
Early Life: Aleksandr was born in Spokane, Washington. His parents were both immigrants. His father was English. His mother Ukrainian. Growing up he was always odd. His impulses as well as his strange knowledge of people made those around him uncomfortable. He was often scolded and told to keep his strange tendencies to himself. Since he was an only child he played with his stand calling it “his friend.” This only made his parents more concerned. Outside the house he was often picked on. People seemed to generally lack any kind of pity or compassion toward him. Even if he did nothing to provoke any other kids would still find a reason to hurt him. He countered this by attempting to blackmail them by using his stand. Unfortunately it made things worse and furthered his bullying.
He accidentally discovered his mother was having an affair when he was twelve and mentioned it when his father was yet again berated him about his behavior. His home life soon became full of constant fighting between his parents. With the neglect at home and the bullying at school Aleksandr distanced himself from other people, rarely bothering with them. As he got older his parents started paying attention to him again and were considering getting him help. He wanted to show them that his stand was indeed real but the only other stand user he ever met was his grandmother who died a few years prior. In some misplaced attempt prove his point he decided acquire one of his grandmother's possessions from her grave. He was caught by security in the process and arrested. By court order he was institutionalized for four years. Upon his release he found out his parents ended up divorcing. Both assumed the other took him and Aleksandr was left to fend for himself. Doing only what he knew best he attempted to blackmail people for money. He was forced into joining Winter Sun when he attempted to blackmail a higher ranking member. His knowledge on them made him a possible threat. When the passed his initiation he was made to join the information unit lead by Prizrak Volkov. He was paired with Gregori Amos who keeps him by his side. His unit was eventually disbanded and was just recently reinstated.
Random facts:
※His stand keeps him from getting mild illnesses. He has never had a cold in his life.
※He use to go by the nickname Sasha but has grown to hate it.
※He has his own finger bone in his possession after Gregori used his stand on him. Rather than tell the truth to have it put back he asked to keep it.
※Aleksander keeps books with pouches in them to keep and organize his collection of clippings. He already has a bookshelf worth.
※He barely has any coping mechanisms and just mostly disassociates when things get overwhelming.
※After nearly screwing up a certain job he was punished and had his left pinkie cut off.
※Aleksander and Gregori have an agreement that if Aleksandr is ever fatally wounded and beyond saving that Gregori gets to put him out of his misery.
※He sweats a lot and profusely. He's extremely self conscious about it and how he smells. He showers at least twice a day.
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From this touch
To this touch
To this touch
To this touch
#the expanse#amos burton#jim holden#oh captain my captain#amos appreciation#Jamos#amos disassociating ❤️🩹#righteous af & murder snuggles bff#holden gotta holden#everybody needs an amos#this bond#touch as a love language#consistency#holden’s having all the feelings for his best buddy & bae#when on ilus#keyboard smash of emotions#what they mean to each other#roci family dynamics#amos is complicated#holden’s love equality
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Okay google, how do i tell whether or not im dying
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The transition from fallout 4 to new vegas is so stressful @~@ the mechanics and graphics are so different...there's no melee in new vegas! Like, being able to bash with your gun! That was the only way I learned how to git Gud! And the character creation is butt ugly in it too.
However I'm happy to get back into it. So much nostalgia...I can do without the background music having that missile whistle noise though. It made me disassociate from hell to back lmao.
My courier is named Amos. I don't know a lot about him yet though! I'll keep things posted
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amos burton ...
I know everyone says he’s autistic or a sociopath but I honestly don’t see that.
I prefer the authors’ interpretation of him as being disassociative - that seems to better describe what I read/see. I’ve written at length about Amos before (book spoilers!) and I still believe that he has a sense of right and wrong/morality even if it’s only to the extent that he knows his judgment is off so he needs to rely on a Naomi or a Holden to recalibrate from time to time - but you’ll see in the quotes from Caliban’s War that sometimes he’s the one leading the way in terms of moral guidance... when Holden loses the plot.
#amos burton#the expanse#amos is not a sociopath#amos is not autistic#book spoilers#and this is not just because amos is my favourite character
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Sometimes I really feel like an outsider looking in, feeling like I’ll never be able to fit in to Singaporean society. Maybe on the surface it seems like I’ll be OK, but my insides are so disconnected from all of it, and I constantly feel like I’m residing on the fringes. You know, sometimes I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of pretense and I feel like an alien. I feel like (and I don’t mean to sound whiny but this genuinely hurts and affects me) that no one can ever truly understand me, and this results in a disassociation from everyone and overwhelming loneliness. Feeling like I don’t belong. I just look at all these people I know, and I just feel like I can’t relate to them at all.
And I hate so many things about sg culture. To put it simply lol sgreans are not “woke” at all.. Am I one of the only few that finds it disgusting that Amos Y (don’t wanna say his full name cuz I don’t wanna be googleable lol) was arrested??? He was sixteen and put in an adult prison. How is that not inhumane? And the stigma on everything, the stigma on mental health.. It just makes me feel like I have to hide these parts of me for the rest of my life. Am I living in a post apocalyptic world wtf. You know my school has special provisions for people with mental health issues? Would there even even be such a thing back home
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amos & zee!
who is more likely to hurt the other?: the only time i think either of them could hurt the other is if amos disassociated around her and did something by mistake, but i can’t see them ever really hurting each other who is emotionally stronger?: zakiyaah iswho is physically stronger?: amos. zee is weak as hell tbhwho is more likely to break a bone?: maybe amos? or zakiyaah being clumsy while she’s super drunk which has happened beforewho knows best what to say to upset the other?: they’ve never really done anything like that to the other person, but i feel like both of them have the capability to say something wrong to upset the otherwho is most likely to apologise first after an argument?: kiyaah probably would, she hates having conflict going on for too longwho treats who’s wounds more often?: zakiyaah treats amos’ wounds more oftenwho is in constant need of comfort?: amos probably is, and kiyaah’s more than willing to give that to themwho gets more jealous?: zakiyaah does, but she would never say anything about it to amoswho’s most likely to walk out on the other?: i don’t see either of them walking out on the other honestly!who will propose?: maybe amos? or they’ll be one of those couples who just buy the rings and plan the wedding and talk about it without it being a big dealwho has the most difficult parents?: maybe kiyaah? it’s mainly because of her dad who’s super strict and tough, but otherwise their parents are pretty goodwho initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?: both of them do!who comes up for the other all the time?: zakiyaah does!who hogs the blankets?: i don’t think either of them would hog the blankets, especially since if they sleep together kiyaah is snuggled up to amos the entire timewho gets more sad?: amos does who is better at cheering the other up?: zakiyaah tries her best to cheer them up whenever they need itwho’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?: amos probably does this to her, she’s always trying to make jokes about something when she doesn’t have to be seriouswho is more streetwise?: zakiyaah is!who is more wise?: amos is for surewho’s the shyest?: amos is, but both of them have their shy momentswho boasts about the other more?: zakiyaah boasts about amos morewho sits on who’s lap?: zakiyaah sits on amos’ lap
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