#Alexander Kerner | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bruhlsbees · 3 years

Text

garden of eden ; 2/5 || alex kerner x fem!reader

gif credit to @/lovecafes

summary: alex misses reader and reader misses alex - except reader knows that here on out things between them won't be the same and she wonders how much more she can take of seeing alex as a stranger

pairing: alex kerner x fem!reader

word count: 6,605

warnings: drinking (reader and alex), smoking (reader), angst angst and more angst

a/n: yeah i know what you're thinking - dreyma, didn't you already post this? yes...but my peanut brain accidentally deleted the main post instead of my reblogged post when i was clearing out my account so now you get it again

After spending two days at the hospital, you finally managed to convince Alex to leave - go home, shower, and get some sleep while Ariane took watch. It was difficult, getting Alex to actually leave his mother’s side, but when the doctor even insisted, Alex finally gave in.

You were seated on his bed, holding a pair of clean jeans and a flannel in your lap while you waited for Alex to come out of the bathroom. You didn’t know what to say to him, as he hardly spoke more than a few words with you since the night of the protest. It wasn’t that you were angry with him, you understood completely why he was so quiet, but it hurt you as his best friend to know that right now there wasn’t anything you could do to help him.

When the door to his bedroom finally opened, Alex walking in with the towel around his waist, you smiled weakly and extended your hands out to give him his clean clothes. He took them carefully, nodding his head as he pulled them close to his chest.

“I wasn’t sure what it was that you wanted to wear. I just dug out something I’ve seen you wear before.” You explained, turning around on the bed so your back faced him, giving him the semi-privacy he needed to change.

“This works...thank you.” You heard him respond quietly before the sounds of his clothes shuffling filled the room.

The flash of movement caught your eye and your attention adverted to the right, towards the mirror that sat at his desk. You didn’t turn your head, but you could see out of the corner of your eye the pale color of his leg, your eyes moving up his calf and his thighs before seeing his-

“You don’t have to stick around you know.”

Jumping, your eyes pulled back from the mirror and towards Alex who was crawling around you onto his bed, his body flopping onto his stomach as he pulled the pillows in under his head. You frowned, leaning forward on your knees as you peered down at him.

“Do you really want to be alone right now?” You questioned, watching as his eyes peeked open, looking ahead of him before his head moved so you could see his face, a weak smile spreading across his cheeks before he shook his head ‘no’.

“No, you’re right...I just…” He let out a sigh and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling while you laid beside him on your own back, stuck against him as if glue held you two together. “I just don’t know what to feel right now.”

Frowning yourself, you leaned your head against his shoulder, feeling him wrap his right arm around you to hold you close, “It’s a lot to take in, Alex, you don’t have to pick how you feel. You’re hurting and trying to get by. That’s more than anyone could ask of you.”

You felt him squeeze your arm, pulling you closer to his chest until you rolled on your stomach, hugging him as your chin rested against his chest now, looking up at him as he looked down at you.

“Why don’t you go and get some sleep, okay? I’ll go out and get us something to eat. Then, we can head back up to the hospital if you’d like to sit with your mom.”

Alex’s frown turned into a smile which made you only smile back. You sat up on your knees and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple, not wanting to irritate any injuries he had during the protest. Your chest tightened at the feeling of him leaning into your kiss before you finally had to pull away.

“Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be back shortly.”

Alex nodded his head and blinked tiredly as he adjusted his position once again to his stomach, holding the extra pillows close to his chest while his face was buried in the one under him. You didn’t even make it out of his room before hearing his light snores.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Things hadn’t been the same since Christiane fell into her coma. Each day passed with new changes coming to Germany, yet at the same time nothing with you changing at all. Alex spent most days at the hospital with his mother, working during his free time at his new job selling satellites - and when he wasn’t working or with his mother, he was seeing his new girlfriend, Lara.

Of course you were happy for Alex, what kind of friend would you be if you weren’t? But you couldn’t lie, you missed what you and him shared. Now that Lara was around, you felt like you were put off to the side, ignored, and forgotten. What moments you used to share with Alex were now spent with Ariane when she was home from work with baby Paula, sometimes in the company of her boyfriend, Rainer.

“And how is school going?” Ariane asked, pushing some eggs onto your plate. You smiled and thanked her, bouncing Paula in your lap as you poked the eggs onto your fork, taking a bite before shrugging.

“Okay, I guess. Don’t really see the point in going to school just to get a piece of paper that says, ‘Look everyone! I know how to write!’,” You earned a laugh from Rainer and a smile from Ariane as she sat on one side of the table in between yourself and Rainer, “I don’t know...it’s going to help me get a better job somewhere outside of here, but it sure does cost an arm and a leg just to do it.”

You scarfed down the rest of your eggs, holding Paula close in your lap as you now chewed at the toast, enjoying the savory flavor of the salty butter that was lathered on the bread.

“Have you told Alex your plans? About wanting to move and go out of the country?” It was Rainer who finally spoke up, knowing that you and Alex were close. Truthfully you hadn’t thought of telling Alex - the two of you had been on your own paths as of recent and it just didn’t come to mind.

“No...I actually haven’t thought to tell him, to tell you the truth.” You admitted, looking up from your plate and towards Rainer and Ariane. They both had the same expression: wanting to tell you that you needed to, but also being sensitive to the situation as it was clear you were hurting in some way.

When Paula began to fuss, you passed her over to Ariane who held her, rocking her in her arms before feeding her small bites of fruit off of her plate. You watched with a smile on your face, arms loosely crossed in front of you. It was wrong of you to think, but every time you saw Paula you only wondered if that was something you could have one day...a baby, and not just a baby with anyone, a baby with Alex.

You didn’t realize that the thought had brought tears to your eyes until you felt Ariane’s hand on your shoulder. Looking at her hand before at her, you could only chuckle weakly, shaking your head as you wiped away your tears.

“I’m sorry, I just...miss him, I guess.” You brought your right hand up to your mouth and began to bite at your nails, listening to the clicking noise of your nail as you nibbled against the nail bed.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I know the two of you are going through something right now, whether for better or worse, but he still cares about you. He’s not going to admit it because he’s too stubborn and blinded by love right now, but he misses you and I know he’s thinking of you. Just give him some time.”

You nodded at Ariane’s comment, your mouth twitching slightly before you cleared your throat, picking up your plate to set in the sink before letting out a sigh, “Thanks for breakfast...I should probably get going though. It was a long night at work.”

Ariane nodded and smiled weakly at you. You had been working at the local club as a bartender and took the closing shift most nights, prompting you to not get home until close to seven in the morning most days that you worked. It was hell, but it paid the bills and worked with your school schedule.

“You take care of yourself, okay? Call if you need anything.”

On your way out, you gave Ariane and Rainer a hug, kissing the top of Paula’s head before finally departing the Kerner residence. You let out a yawn as you made your way down the hallway, going down the steps as Alex was heading up them.

When the two of you caught glances, Alex broke out into a smile and stopped in front of you, blocking your path from leaving.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Alex questioned, leaning against the handle for the stairs. You smiled tiredly, motioning towards their apartment.

“I got out of work and I stopped by to see Ariane. We usually have breakfast on the days that I work since I get out around the time she’s up. I help out with Paula while she’s getting around for work or just wanting to sleep in.”

He nodded, smiling weakly as he scanned over you. Alex noticed how tired you looked, how you looked sadder than usual. The past few months had gone by so fast for Alex - with everything going on with work, his mother, and Lara, he realized in that moment that the two of you have hardly had the time to see each other. When he looked at you, it was like looking at a complete stranger.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” Alex asked, taking a step up higher, looking down at you now as he stood on the step that was above the one you were at, turning so his back was now facing his apartment and down at you.

You shook your head, a smile pulling across your cheeks, “No, um. Just going to hang out. I got the night off of work the next couple days so I’m just going to be laying arou-”

“Great! I’ll stop by then tonight. How does nine sound? I was going to go up and see my mother, but once I’m done I can stop by!” Alex didn’t mean to cut you off, but he was excited to see you again, catch up like old times.

And you didn’t mind, you were ecstatic to be able to lay on your couch with him again and watch whatever shitty movie he picked out. You wanted to tell him he could come over now if he wanted, but you didn’t want to sound too eager, that and he did say he was going to go see his mother.

“Nine works great! Just come in, I’ll have the door unlocked for you.” You smiled when he leaned forward, kissing your cheek before squeezing your shoulder, heading up the stairs and to his apartment to rest for a bit before going to the hospital.

Watching as he disappeared into his apartment, you smiled weakly and looked down, running your knuckles over your cheek before turning and making your way down the rest of the flight of stairs before outside onto the street.

By the time you made it home, you were already dozing off, stumbling through your apartment until you managed to make it to your room. You pushed off your jeans and grabbed the bottom of your shirt, pulling it up off you before finally crashing down into your bed.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep for. You imagined all day given the fact that outside your window it was pitch black out now. Letting out a sigh, you rolled onto your back and sat up, stretching your arms above your head until you heard the satisfying crack in your back.

As you got out of bed, you pulled one of your old shirts off the floor, putting it on before pulling up a pair of sweatpants. You would be damned if you put on a pair of jeans again that evening. Making your way out of your bedroom, you made your way into the kitchen to get a glass of water, pulling a glass off the counter and filling it up through the sink.

While drinking the water, you noticed that it was going on eleven when it finally clicked with you that Alex should have been there. Frowning, you looked into your living room to see if maybe he was there and you had just missed him. When he wasn’t sitting in his usual spot on the couch, you decided to call his apartment, hoping that he was there.

Listening as the phone rang, you toyed with the phone cord, silently hoping that he would answer. When the phone finally clicked, you straightened up, “Alex? It’s-”

“Sorry, it’s Rainer...it’s a little late don’t you think? Everything okay?” Your shoulders sank at the sound of Rainer’s voice, feeling bad now for calling when it was rather late.

“I’m sorry Rainer, I just- Alex was supposed to be over a couple hours ago and he still isn’t here. I was just wondering if maybe he was there and just overslept.”

There was a silence on the other end, as if Rainer was thinking about what to say next. You became worried when he sighed, hearing him clear his throat.

“Sorry, but he isn’t here. I think he went out with Lara a couple hours ago. Not sure where but he hasn’t been home for a while now. Stopped by after seeing Mama and hasn’t been back since,” Your silence didn’t go unnoticed, Rainer continuing on, “Was he supposed to meet you? I can go and try and find him for you-”

“No, Rainer, that won’t be needed...thank you though, I-” You paused, biting down on your tongue harshly to stop yourself from crying. When you began to taste the iron from your blood, you pulled your teeth from your tongue and let out a sigh, “Just let him know that I need to talk to him...whenever he gets the chance...if I woke Ariane or Paula, I’m sorry. Thanks, Rainer.”

Before he could get another word out, you slammed the phone against the wall on the mount, your hand still wrapped tightly around the base of the phone. You felt like an idiot, getting so excited to see Alex just for him to stand you up. It wouldn’t have hurt as bad if it were anyone else, but your best friend - Alex, your better half. Did you do something that upset him? Did he not want to see you anymore?

Deciding that right now you didn’t have it in you to dwell on it, you moved to the living room and sat on the couch, flipping the television set on before aimlessly watching whatever crap was on that would take your mind off of the real world for just a few minutes.

You felt numb, not a single emotion running through you other than straight numbness. It felt hard to concentrate on the show, the feeling in your chest tightening. You pulled at the front of your shirt, whining slightly as your body sank with despair. You wanted Alex there with you, not out with Lara. You didn’t care if it was selfish, why did you have to get the short end of the stick?

Just as you felt the tears beginning to well up in your eyes, you heard the door open, Alex coming in with two six packs in either hand, the bottles clinking as he shut the door behind him.

“I’m sorry I’m late! Lara and I went out for a bit. Forgot I had those plans before I had ran into you-”

His words mumbled out when he saw you on the couch, gripping your shirt and obviously on the verge of crying. Setting the cases down, Alex didn’t bother to take his jacket or shoes off, making his way to the couch before sitting beside you, his hands moving to your face as he lifted your head up carefully, looking at you.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” He moved your hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear before his thumbs swiped away the stray tears that had escaped and fallen down your cheeks.

It all was too much, at that moment. One second you were on the verge of a meltdown because Alex stood you up and the next he was in front of you, holding you as you cried. How could you tell him how you were feeling without making things awkward?

“I’m sorry that I ran late. I tried to call you but you didn’t answer. I assumed you were asleep and that I would just stop by after and see if you were awake.” You nodded and took a deep breath, moving your hands to rest on the top of his before pushing him away, leaning back on the couch away from him.

“It’s fine, Alex...I just...had a nightmare.” You lied, your attention turning back towards the television. You hated lying to Alex, lying in general for that matter, but in that moment you were too hurt to even try and explain how you were feeling. It wouldn’t make sense to him and if anything - it would only make things worse.

Alex seemed to believe the half-ass lie, or at least pretend that he believed what you were saying. Shrugging off his jacket, Alex kicked his shoes off and to the side before leaning into the couch closer towards you, resting his chin against your knees.

“You wanna talk about it? I can spend the night if you don’t want to be alone.” His offer was sweet, generous, sincere - if it were any other night, you would have agreed easily, but tonight, tonight you realized that maybe you just wanted to be alone and away from Alex.

“No, that’s fine, Alex. I’ll be okay.” You moved again, standing up off the couch and in the middle of the room, looking at him from his spot on the couch, a confused expression on his face.

“Look, I’m sorry for how the past few months have been. I know I haven’t been around that much, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna stop being friends. You know that right?” He stood up now, making his way towards you and catching your arms before you could step away, holding you in place.

“You’re my best friend, nothing is going to change that. I know you might not be overly fond of Lara, but she wants to get to know you. She knows how much you mean to me and she wants you to hang out with us sometime. Why don’t you come and hang out with us the next time we go out? I’d love to have my two favorite girls with me.”

You fell silent, not sure how to respond to him. You knew that you were being cold towards Lara - and she didn’t deserve it, but you were hurting and it was too much for you to try and pretend that you liked your best friend’s, who you were in love with, girlfriend. Taking his hands, you pushed him away and sighed.

“I’ll think about it...but I don’t really want to be the third wheel on one of your guys’ dates-”

“Third wheel? No, not it won’t be like that! I mean, if you want I can see if Denis would join us. Maybe you two could hit it off?” Alex suggested, smiling at you from his spot in front of you.

Denis. Alex’s other close friend that he worked with. It wasn’t that you disliked Denis or found him to be ugly, but he wasn’t Alex. Alex was the one you wanted, not Denis.

“Denis...you trying to set me up with him now? No thanks, Alex...he’s not my type.” Moving around Alex, you went to the couch and pulled a beer from the pack that Alex had brought, cracking it open before taking a generous chug, sighing once you pulled away and wiped your mouth.

You heard Alex move behind you, his arms wrapping around your shoulders as he hugged you from behind. You finally gave in and leaned slightly into his hold, the bottle of beer still in your hand.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You just seem...off. You’d tell me if I did something to upset you, right?” Alex ran his thumbs along your arms, his chin rested on your shoulder. The guilty feeling from lying flipped in your stomach, making you feel sick.

“I started school again,” You confessed, deciding that maybe now would be the time to tell him, “I started last week for the summer semester. If I make it through this semester just fine, I’ll be able to graduate by fall.”

Pulling away, Alex turned you so that you were facing him. While he wasn’t stoked, or at least showing it, he didn’t seem to be angry, just hurt.

“That’s great...why didn’t you tell me?” His eyebrows furrowed as his puppy dog eyes fell, looking as though he had just been kicked. Why did he have to make things so hard?

Biting down on your bottom lip, you shrugged, “I just- I didn’t know how to say it...that and I just feel like I haven’t got the chance to say it. With you gone all the time, it’s just not something that I think of when I see you.”

Alex didn’t say anything, nodding once before turning, making his way to the living room again, pulling a beer from the case and cracking it open, taking a sip as he looked out your window. You joined him after a couple seconds, standing at the other side of the couch, watching him sit in his thoughts.

“I’m happy for you, I am, I just. I don’t know, feels like whenever I see you anymore, it’s like I’m looking at someone I don’t know,” He looked down the handle of his beer, watching the auburn liquid inside swirl around the glass before stopping and lifting his head up and towards you, “It sucks just not being around you like I used to be.”

The coil in your stomach began to burn - at this point you wanted to snap, let him know how you felt, but you were too scared to upset Alex. You already didn’t see him anymore, if you said the wrong thing, would he just stop coming around all together?

But before you could even attempt to get a word out, Alex had turned, making his way towards you and extending his empty hand to you, wrapping his grasp around your arm and giving you a squeeze.

“Why don’t we set something up? Yeah? We can do something like we used to. I come over and we watch a movie, I stay the night - sleep on this god awful couch and then complain while you make breakfast-”

“Hey!” You began, a laugh escaping your throat, “This couch is nice! And I tell you all the time you can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch. But you never let me!”

Alex shook his head at your laugh and grinned back at you, the oh so familiar crooked grin of his finally making an appearance. God did you miss him. Why did you have to have it so bad for him? You hummed in thought, as if thinking on the proposal, moving from your stance beside the couch and down onto your couch, eyes flicking up towards him as you watched him move and sit beside you, your lips falling back to kiss the bottle of your beer, taking a sip.

“Fine, but I want it to be just the two of us,” You began, watching as he cocked his head to the side, as if trying to think of who else would come, “I don’t want it to end up being some third wheel bullshit-”

“It won’t. Okay?” He grabbed your face and made you look at him, eyebrows furrowed, “Do you not like Lara or something? Why don’t you ever want to hang out with us?”

You couldn’t help the laugh that came from you, pulling back to look at Alex quizzled, “Are you serious right now? Alex, how would you feel if I was seeing someone and asked you to hang out with us all the time? Watching us hug and kiss while you’re off to the side? You wouldn’t like it.”

Of course you were right, he couldn’t deny that - but sometimes he never realized how difficult it was to balance spending time with Lara, his family, and you. Before it was so easy, having you be around all the time even with his family there, but now it felt like you were hardly around when he was there - like you were avoiding him.

Deciding that an argument wouldn’t help anything, you gave into his sad demeanor, leaning forward and nudging him, catching his attention as he looked up.

“Watching shitty movies and you eating my leftovers was our thing - I don’t want to share that with anyone else,” You explained, glancing around before your shoulders dropped, a sigh escaping your lips, “But, if it’ll make you happy, I’ll go out with you and Lara more...but only on the nights I’m not working the next day! Deal?”

And it was, at least enough of one for Alex to agree to. He leaned forward and went to kiss you cheek, in a friendly sort of way of course, but before he could you leaned back, pretending to not notice him trying to lean in, clearing your throat awkwardly.

But Alex did notice, and his heart sank, looking down before shuffling his posture back ahead, moving down the couch a bit to give you space, taking a swig of his beer and eyeing the television. Did he royally fuck up? His head was spinning with so many thoughts he wasn’t sure what to think anymore. Maybe he was just reading into it?

Meanwhile you were in the same spot, eyeing the television as you both sat in silence now, drinking your beer and watching whatever channel you had on before Alex showed up. You were in your own thoughts, toying with what you should say next. Maybe, maybe, if you just told him how you felt, things would be easier...but then again, what if they weren’t?

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Going to the club on your day off wasn’t something that you were thrilled to do - but you promised Alex that you would hang out with him and Lara more. You were trying your hardest to be there more for Alex, get close with him again, but it was so hard, too hard.

The club around you was busy, the atmosphere hot and heavy with the scent of sweat, mixed colognes and perfumes, and booze. The music was too loud for your liking and it was this reason alone you were never working that night - because if you had to deal with this circus, you would be fried.

The music had been so long, in fact, that you weren’t even aware of Lara talking with you until Alex nudged his elbow into your ribs, causing you to hiss out in pain, your head snapping towards Alex.

“What the fuc-”

“Lara asked you a question!” Alex yelled over the music, his face a bit greasy from the sweat that accumulated over time, Lara beside him smiling shyly.

You let out a sigh and let your eyes finally fall from Alex and to Lara, lips pulling into a thin line.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Can you say it again?” And she nodded so sweetly, leaning forward so you could hear her better. Your chest tightened when her lips were next to your ear. You wondered how many times she leaned into Alex like this, how many times the two of them kissed each other and looked at one another the way you wished Alex looked at you.

“Alex says you’re going to school! What are you studying?”

Her voice was a little too loud, but you knew she was only trying to have you hear her over the music. Lara was nothing but nice, which made you hate the moment more - how much you realized you had been comparing yourself to her.

“Writing!” You explained, watching her flinch slightly at how loud you were in her ear, “I’d like to write a novel someday.”

Alex must have heard you because when you and Lara pulled away he looked at you, head tilted, “I didn’t know that!”

“Yeah well, you never asked!”

You didn’t mean for it to come off so brash, but it seemed to be that way, the three of you falling silent, all looking away and taking a sip of your own drinks. It was Lara who finally broke the awkward silence, pulling on Alex’s sleeve with a smile. Watching him lean down, she whispered something in his ear that caused him to smile, his cheeks growing pink as he nodded, standing up to look over at you.

“Lara and I are gonna go check something out, we’ll be back.” He rushed, being pulled by Lara through the crowd.

Watching them become smaller and smaller before finally disappearing, you turned towards the bar, shaking your head before finishing the rest of your drink, waving the bartender down for another. You felt your heart racing and your head spin, digging into your coat pocket for your carton of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it. Taking a deep inhale, you let your body calm with the exhale, the smoke blowing out above you.

“Don’t you know smoking kills?”

Frowning, you turned to your right and looked at the guy beside you now, a smile on his face. He looked familiar, but you couldn’t place yet where you had seen him from. He seemed nervous, when you looked at him annoyed before clearing his throat.

“Um, the protest? You fell and scraped your hands when you were chasing after your friend.” He explained and then it finally clicked with you, your head shaking slightly.

“That’s right, hey, I’m sorry!” You glanced at the cigarette and went to put it out before he waved it off, explaining that you didn’t have to and that he was only kidding.

“Could be putting a lot worse in your body, I’m sure,” He teased, smiling at you before extending his hand out politely, “I’m Raymond, but mostly everyone just calls me Ray.”

You took his hand and shook it, smiling back as you told him your own, “Ray, that’s a nice name.” You complimented, pulling your hand away to pick up your drink, taking a sip as he laughed.

“My mother would be pleased to hear that, she always felt like she picked the wrong name, or rather letting my father pick the name.” He explained, picking up his own drink to take a sip.

“Mother carries baby for nine months, just to push said baby out and not get to even name them?” You tsked and shook your head, smirking at Raymond, “That just doesn’t seem right.”

“Yes well, I’m sure if you said that to my mother now she’d ask where you were twenty-eight years ago.”

It felt so natural, hitting it off with Raymond the way you did, going back and forth without a second to think of what to say next. It was nice, and for a split moment it made you forget about why you were even there in the first place, and how you ended up being left behind while Alex and Lara went and did who only knows what.

“I’d have to tell your mother that I wasn’t even thought of yet, and unfortunately she’d still be letting her husband pick such an awful name.”

Thankfully Raymond knew you were only teasing, at least he had hoped so. He let out a laugh that matched yours and before he could ask for your number, the two of you were interrupted by some familiar company.

“What’s going on?” Alex questioned, one hand holding the bottle to his beer, the other squeezing Lara’s. He didn’t look jealous necessarily, but the brotherly instincts of his were kicking in and he wasn’t too pleased to see some strange man sitting next to you.

You turned your attention from Raymond and to Alex, a frown on your face. Was he serious right now? He left you, were you supposed to just wait around until he was done sucking faces with Lara?

“This is Raymond. He’s my friend,” You ignored the look Raymond gave you, the smile toying on his face while you continued, “He helped me at the protest you dragged me to. When you ran off from me. Remember?”

It was now that you and Alex were both looking at each other in a way you hadn’t before. Actual anger. Both of you were glaring now, nostrils flared as you waited daringly to see who would talk next. But finally Lara stepped in, placing her hand on Alex’s chest.

“Why don’t we get out of here, yeah? It’s late and we all have things going on tomorrow. I’m sure you both want to get to bed.” She tugged at Alex’s shirt, trying to get his attention before he said or did anything he regretted.

“Yeah, Alex, you have work. Probably for the better.” Your snarky remark didn’t help anything, and Alex could only scoff, rolling his eyes before turning towards Lara, and without another word or even a goodbye, the two of them were off, heading out of the club and leaving you alone again with Raymond.

It was painfully obvious something was going on between you and Alex, but Raymond knew it wasn’t his place to ask. He turned back towards the bar like you had, taking a drink before leaning towards you, “If you need a ride home I can give you one.”

His kind gesture was almost too nice for you at that moment, a soft chuckle pushing through your lips as you wiped away your tears that had fallen, “Thanks, but I don’t live that far. I can make it home okay.”

You stood up and gathered your things, stuffing them in your pocket, ready to turn and head out before stopping, glancing at Raymond before sighing. You leaned forward and pulled a napkin from the holder and dug out a pen from your pocket, scribbling your phone number and apartment number before handing it to him.

He smiled at the napkin and looked up at you, blushing when you kissed his cheek suddenly, “Call me sometime.” You suggested, squeezing his shoulder before finally heading through the crowd and out of the club, at this point all your worries over Alex out the window once the cold hair hit your face.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

June, 1990

You hadn’t spoken to Alex in a week, not since the incident at the club. With your busy schedule already and your newfound friendship with Raymond, you didn’t have time to dwell on whether or not Alex was pissed at you for finally standing up. If he wanted to say something, he could tell it to you in person.

It was finally summer and your class load was picking up. You were fortunate enough to have an easy time adjusting everything around your work and school schedule, but you hadn’t realized how many days you’d spend doing homework before going to work. It was agonizing. Having to read countless chapters and fill in the reading form before going and dealing with assholes only tested your patience more. You longed for a day off, a proper day off.

Raymond liked to come over during the day before you went into work, laying on your floor doing whatever it was that he was doing while you laid on the couch, reading through your textbook - your eyes lulling heavy as you became bored. The television seemed to be drowned out as your eyes closed, mouth falling open in a steady breathing before you were interrupted by the sudden harsh ring of the telephone.

Jumping from your spot on the couch, you made your way over Raymond, careful to not trip over him and into the kitchen, pulling the phone off the wall.

“Hello-”

“Oh thank goodness!” It was Ariane, and she seemed to be in a rush, Paula in the background crying as she clearly was getting around for something. “Has Alex called you yet? Are you coming?”

You were so out of it that you had to cling onto the phone mount for support, eyebrows furrowed at the wall, glancing up only for a second when you saw Raymond approach, standing beside you worried.

“Ariane, slow down. I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Mama! She’s awake. Alex said she woke up only a few minutes ago. I’m heading to the hospital to go see her. Do you need a ride?”

Your attention fell back to Raymond, lips pulled in a tight line as you silently debated with yourself. Deep down you knew that you should go, support Alex and Ariane despite everything that had happened, but the pettiness in you that grew, it overtook the sincerity.

“That’s okay, Ariane. You two deserve some time together with her. I’ll come up and see her once she’s been up for a while, okay?”

Ariane didn’t seem to be upset by your answer, much to your pleasure, and baby Paula finally stopped crying in the background. Ariane let out a sigh of relief before going back to the call with you.

“Okay, I’ll let you know when she can have visitors, yes? If I call and you’re at work I’ll leave a message. I’ll talk to you soon!”

When you heard the other line click and hang up, you placed the phone back on the wall, your expression dropping for a second, but enough for Raymond to notice.

“What is it? Is everything okay?” He extended his hand out towards you and placed it on your shoulder, squeezing you gently while you brought your hand up to cover his.

“Yes, I’m fine, Ray. Alex and Ariane’s mother, Christiane, she’s awake.”

Raymond nodded and smiled, “That’s great! Are you going to go see her later?”

You nodded back and sighed, “Yes, I want them to have some time with her alone before anyone else shows up. I figure that’s only the polite thing to do.” You moved around Raymond and back to the couch, going back to your textbook as your thoughts began to spin.

While Christiane was awake, meaning something of your life was going back to normal, you knew that overall nothing would be the same. Things had changed far too much in the past eight months for it to be how they used to be. You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew from here on out, you were only going to be tested - and your one hope was that in the end, Alex would still be at your side.

#garden of eden #alex kerner #alexander kerner #alex kerner x you #alex kerner x reader #alex kerner imagine #alex kerner smut #goodbye lenin #good bye lenin #daniel brühl #daniel bruehl #daniel bruhl

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