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lesbianlotties · 3 years

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Andy and Quynh One Shots - #101

Chapters: 101/101 Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020), The Old Guard (Comics) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Andy | Andromache the Scythian/Quynh | Noriko Characters: Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Quynh | Noriko, Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Additional Tags: Immortal Wives Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Immortality, One Shot Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Tumblr Prompt, Originally Posted on Tumblr, just... A LOT of Andy and Quynh, it's what they deserve, it's what we deserve Words: 63518

"Just you and me." "Until the end."

Three thousand years of love, and more. All the little moments of joy, pain, adoration, and yearning. Andy and Quynh, all through history, all over the world, always in love.

Chapter 101: I'm here, at the beginning of the end, the end of infinity with you (teasing Andy for being old)

At first, Andy didn’t even think twice about it. She could be in the middle of a training session with Quynh and after landing a particularly good punch, Quynh smirked and said, “You’re getting too old, my heart” or “Age has made you slow, Andromache.” It was fine. In fact, it was good, and meant to be affectionate. She had been saying things like that in every language known to man for almost as long as the two of them had known each other. Which, really, was an eternity in itself. It was a little detail that Andy was glad to experience again after such a long separation. Their love was something capable of always growing and never changing at its core. However, little changes were unavoidable. And now that their family was bigger, it was just a matter of time before some harmless, affectionate teasing would get out of hand.

The three of them were sitting on the couch watching a movie and almost as soon as it ended Andy was out of her seat and stretching.

“Where are you going?” Quynh wondered with a slight pout.

Nile added, “We can still watch another!”

Andy scoffed, “I’m exhausted, I’m going to bed.” Without waiting for further approval she started walking toward the room she shared with Quynh.

Quynh, who wasn’t exactly happy to lose the shoulder she was comfortably leaning against during the movies. “I get it, you’re too old for this,” she called after her lover’s retreating figure. Andy shook her head fondly, and smiled because the others couldn’t see her. But there was just something about how loudly Nile laughed at that joke that just sparked a hint of worry in the older woman’s mind. She tried to ignore it, as long as she could.

A few days later, after a couple of minutes of lying awake in bed, Andy turned to her side and happily devoted herself to trailing feather-light kisses on Quynh’s bare shoulders to get her to wake up. Her fingertips were starting to dance in secret patterns on the soft skin of the other woman’s back, when Andy’s ministrations were interrupted by Quynh, who quickly moved so she could capture Andy’s lips with her own and give her a real good morning kiss. Though, after pulling back, she went back to lying on her stomach and said, “I know you’re old, my heart, but do you have to wake up this early?”

“Excuse me?” Andy laughed, not at the joke, precisely. But there was just something too sweet about the sight of Quynh, unable to hold back a smile, even if trying to hide her face in the pillow, but stubbornly keeping her eyes closed.

“Let me sleep!” Quynh mumbled against her pillow, and she had to bravely accept a kiss on the cheek, but she was finally granted extra time to sleep.

Still wearing a content smile on her face, Andy walked to the kitchen. She was half-way through her first cup of coffee, which she almost dropped, when Nile walked into the kitchen and without even looking Andy in the eyes said, “My grandma used to wake up before everyone else too.”

Soon enough, their teasing became a constant in their lives.

“I don’t get it,” Nile complained, dropping her head in a book written in Russian and groaning loudly.

“It’s not that difficult!” Andy insisted, in perfect Russian.

Nile, assuming what she’d just said, protested, “You only say that because you’re older than the entire language.”

“That’s complicated,” Andy grumbled, still in Russian.

“No, she’s right, darling, you’re that old,” Quynh blurted out in matching Russian, with a few struggles, from her place reading a different book a few feet away on the couch.

After Nile burst out laughing, Andy looked at her with a frown, “Oh so that you understand?!”

Even during moments that could have been emotionally difficult, Andy was caught off guard by the ruthlessness of the women around her.

“We can’t do it, it’s too risky,” Andy insisted, about a new sketchy mission offered to them that the youngest member of the family was determined to take, “Listen, Nile…”

“What? I’ll get it when I’m older… than civilization?” Nile crossed her arms defensively, as if that could hide the hint of a smile showing in her lips.

Quynh absolutely failed to stifle a laugh. And when she received a pointed look from her wife, she returned the expression in kind and said, “Was that not the point of whatever you were about to say?”

“We are not taking this job,” Andy stated through clenched teeth, right before learning a valuable piece of information about the mission that they would, in the end, take and successfully complete.

“Nile!” Andy yelled, kicking open the door of their latest safe house and storming into the living room. “Nile!”

“What did she do now, and why didn’t she include me?” Quynh walked out of the kitchen with a proud grin already in place.

“Our fake identities just arrived,” Andy grumbled. “Take a look.”

Quynh hummed as she took in her hands the handful of passports Andy passed her. She glanced at them, but found nothing out of the ordinary. “What's the problem, my love? You look frighteninly pretty, as always.”

Although she was still frowning profusely, during a second, a smile broke out on Andy’s face. But then, “She did it on purpose! Look at my age!”

This time, Quynh bit her lip to hold back her smile. After taking a closer look at the passport, she looked up with a small smirk and a playfully raised eyebrow, “Fifty?”

“Fifty!” Andy exclaimed, outraged. “I’ve never been fifty! Fucking fifty! How does she dare-”

“Andromache!” Quynh was openly laughing then. “You are thousands of years old!” When her lover attempted to turn away from her in a rage, Quynh dropped the passports and quickly wrapped her arms around Andy’s waist and hugged her close. “Come on, it’s not a big deal! You don’t look a day over forty eight.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Andy scoffed, but when she turned around to kiss Quynh, there was a small smile on her face.

“Quynh! Please tell this crazy old woman to give me back my phone!” Nile stormed into the safe house.

She was quickly followed by Andy saying “We have rules about social media, Nile! To keep us safe.”

Quynh strolled into the living room with a smile on her face that everyone else might have assumed was patient or gentle, but Andy knew it was the kind of smile that brought trouble for her specifically. “Nile, you have to understand,” Quynh said slowly, “She’s too old for this kind of thing.”

As she finished talking, Quynh reached out to take Nile’s phone, Andy quickly blocked her attempt and laughed, “Are you serious?” It started an impressive duel where they fought for the cellphone, with Quynh coming out as the winner for being just slightly quicker, something she would probably remind Andy of for years.

“It’s just a different generation,” Quynh continued to laugh, tossing the phone over to the younger woman a second before Andy threw her arms around her.

“You’re literally older than everyone else in our family combined!” Andy protested as the two of them playfully wrestled in the middle of the living room.

“And you are twice as old as me!” Quynh replied, followed by a yelp of surprise as the love of her life lifted her up from the floor.

The two of them only stopped fighting when they noticed a flash coming from the camera of Nile’s phone. “Hm, you’re both right,” Nile smirked, quickly sending the hilarious picture to their family’s groupchat, “The two of you are ancient.”

Nile walked away from them, leaving behind two women wearing shocked expressions, though Andy was delighted, and Quynh appeared deeply betrayed. “Hey!” Quynh tried to protest, but she was happily interrupted by a kiss from Andy, who a moment later started tickling her, just to start their loving battle all over again.

#✨THE END✨#probably not the end but let me pretend lmao #technically officially done with the old guard prompts! a year later! it was way too much fun!! i love the immortal wives so so much!!!#HAPPY TOG ANNIVERSARY!!!!!#i still can't believe you guys requested a hundred of these 🥺❤ i love you all so much #the old guard #andromaquynh #andy x quynh #immortal wives #andromache the scythian #quynh #andy and quynh #my fic #prompts

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birds-and-boys · 3 years

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Adolescent Identity in Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

The Young Adult genre of literature has witnessed quite the popularity boom since the turn of the 21st century. As more teenagers find themselves fascinated with reading about characters that share similarities to them, more authors are finding ways to create accurate representation of diverse communities (Warrior Cats is a whole different story). Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is a novel centered around two queer Mexican American teenagers navigating the world around them while simultaneously trying to understand who they are. The story highlights the significance of identity in the psychological development of adolescents, illustrated through nationality, sexual orientation, and gender roles.

The top row of photos follows the idea of adolescent development. The photo in the top left shows a starry night in the desert, a picturesque scene that Ari enjoyed viewing quite often. Anytime he wanted to clear his mind, the stars would provide an escape. This represents Ari’s psychological development of his independence. He goes out of his way to ensure his autonomy, often jokingly referring to his mother as a fascist. Driving out to the desert and staring at the sky was method of self-reliance he could always depend on. As Laurence Steinberg and Susan B. Silverberg found in their study, The Vicissitudes of Autonomy in Early Adolescence, “Studies in the development of self-reliance… indicate that this aspect of autonomy increases steadily as youngsters move from the preadolescent to the late adolescent years” (p. 843). Saenz wrote Ari as a young boy fascinated with having a life that was his own to live, which is a very common pattern of thinking and behaving for teenagers. The picture in the top right is indicative of this development too, representing Ari’s use of silence as a coping mechanism. In one of his first conversations with Dante after the surgery, Ari says “Rule number one: We won’t talk about the accident. Not Ever” (p. 128). Ari chose to let the traumatic car accident live and fester inside him, reverting to silence in order to get by. Later in the story, we see a continuation of his development as he begins to open up more, eventually coming to terms with his identity and love for Dante. The center photo in the first row illustrates Ari’s constant questioning of masculinity and what ‘makes’ a man. This is evident in one of the earlier scenes in the story, when Ari overhears boys at the public pool make misogynistic comments about a woman lifeguard on duty. Gee, Allen, and Clinton found in their study, Language, Class, and Identity: Teenager Fashioning Themselves Through Language, that not only is language incredibly significant for adolescent development, but the language certain teens use is associated with the ‘type’ of person they are, much like how Ari feels as though the boys at the pool are a different ‘type’ of masculine.

The second row of photos revolves around Ari’s identity-forming through the people around him. The first photo in particular represents Ari and Dante’s Mexican American nationality. Ari seems to rarely question ‘how Mexican he is’, while Dante, on the other hand, actively tries to distance himself from his heritage. His fluency in Spanish and his understanding of Mexican culture is limited compared to Ari’s. Adolescent development does not only consist of forming an identity we like, but it also includes pushing out the parts of us we are unfamiliar or uncomfortable with. This conclusion is also reached in the third photo. This represents Ari’s imprisoned older brother who he knows little about for most his adolescence. While Ari wishes that he had been a more present figure in his life, he also knows that he does not want to go down the same path. His own identity conflicts for a moment: his love for Dante versus his brother’s crime against a transgender woman. The center photo depicts the activities that Ari and Dante’s parents – or more specifically, fathers – partake in together. It symbolizes the differences between the two. Ari’s father is reserved and stoic, while Dante’s is talkative and doting. Ari constantly compares the two as he tries to navigate the choppy waters of masculinity. Saenz writes, “I wondered what that would be like, to walk into a room and kiss my father” (p. 26). Ari is confronted with two contrasting versions of fatherly love and affection, and throughout the story we see him figure out his tolerated level of affection and silence from father figures.

The third row of photos highlights the part of Ari’s identity that focuses on sexual orientation and softness. The first photo represents his mother, who kept in constant communication with her sister, even after the rest of the family shunned her for being lesbian. The audience can tell that finding out about this has a significant impact on Ari. It simultaneously encourages and discourages him to come out. While he can be comforted with the notion that his parents would accept him, he was reminded of the way queer people were treated, not just by strangers, but also by family. The second photo represents one of the largest plot points of the story: Ari and Dante falling in love, or rather, falling in love and coming to terms with it. While Ari’s affection is obvious for the audience, it isn’t until the final pages when he himself understands that he likes Dante. Dante himself isn’t without his own struggles, he admits to Ari that he’s worried his parents won’t be happy about his identity because he wouldn’t be able to give them biological grandchildren. Angel Daniel Matos describes this phenomenon is his article, “A Narrative of a Future Past”, pointing out that “Because of this blame placed on queer people and communities, the engagement in practices that pressure reproductive logics is framed as non-normative…” (p. 35). Dante is not alone in his feelings of guilt, as Saenz likely understood from being gay himself. The last photo represents Ari’s initial uneasiness with crying and emotion. While he chalks it up to feeling emasculating, it seems to stem deeper than that. He likely associates a lack of masculinity with being queer and is in denial of both things. Dante, on the other hand, cries often and a lot. He is unashamed about showing emotion and it sometimes proved to be unnerving for Ari.

This novel contains healthy representation for queer and Latinx teenagers, while also accurately following the psychological development of identities amongst adolescents. This book was released around the time that most of my peers were coming to terms with their sexualities. I’ve had multiple conversations with Latinx queer friends, with some telling me that this story helped them accept their identity. This narrative is important, it provides young teenagers the reminder that growing up isn’t easy and self-discovery won’t be as magical as people say it will be, but when you allow yourself to love wholeheartedly, you become free. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe shows that there’s a lot more to the identity-forming of teenagers that can conflict and tangle together but gives hope that it can all come together in the end.

________________________________________________________________

References

Gee, James Paul, et al. “Language, Class, and Identity: Teenagers Fashioning Themselves Through Language.” Linguistics and Education, vol. 12, no. 2, 2001, pp. 175–194., doi:10.1016/s0898-5898(00)00045-0.

Matos, Angel Daniel. “A Narrative of a Future Past: Historical Authenticity, Ethics, and Queer Latinx Futurity in Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe.” Children's Literature, vol. 47, no. 1, 2019, pp. 30–56., doi:10.1353/chl.2019.0003.

Sáenz Benjamin Alire. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. Simon & Schuster BFYR, 2012.

Steinberg, Laurence, and Susan B. Silverberg. “The Vicissitudes of Autonomy in Early Adolescence.” Child Development, vol. 57, no. 4, 1986, p. 841., doi:10.2307/1130361.

#ari and dante #adolescense #lgbtplus #literally the best book in the entire universe methinks #ya #queermedia #aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe

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ryosei-hime · 3 years

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Sex and Therapy: The Recovery Process

I finally got this one written! I had to stop and work out plot stuff before I could move forward, but for now enjoy Concord feeling better and Fizz feeling even more better. : P There be sex in this chapter. Also available on AO3.

Fizz knew things weren’t going to go back to normal immediately. His confession of love perked Concord up for a little while, but he eventually settled back into his depression. Some things were better. He didn’t have to fight Concord to eat as often and even if he didn’t always understand, Concord communicated more frequently about his internal struggles. Fizz asked him to give status reports at least once a week.

Concord told him this helped him be more structured and active in his therapy work. He seemed impressed that he’d thought to suggest it, but Fizz just wanted to know what went on in that cluttered head of his. And it wasn’t that different from routine maintenance programs. As long as the report didn’t reveal something he could help with, he simply let Concord use him as a sounding board.

According to Concord, he still had a lot of work to do with the “restructuring of his identity” as he called it, and there were times his mood tanked for days at a time, but slowly things were looking up. He became more active in the day and slept through the night. He even cried less. And their sex life had returned to some semblance of normalcy which made Fizz very happy.

It did become harder to leave for work, however, as Concord became more proactive in seeking affection. As if he wanted to remind Fizz of who really loved him before he left for the night. Fizz didn’t need to be reminded, but he’d certainly take the memos.

As he tried to get up from the bed, Concord latched onto his arm again, pulling him back down. He gave him his best pout.

“Don’t go.”

“I have to work.”

It was a token protest at best. Fizz ran a hand up Concord’s leg as he threw it over him. He made himself comfortable in Fizz’s lap, a magnetic pull between them as their eyes met. Concord took his face in his hands, fingers gentle as he leaned in for a deep, forceful kiss. Their eyes shone a bit in the dim lighting, locked onto one another the whole time. His little thumbs brushed over the circles on his cheeks as he pulled away.

“That’s a very convincing argument,” Fizz purred as he released him. “Would you like to see my rebuttal?”

He stuck his tongue out with a wink and Concord snickered, lowering his head to his chest as his hands rested on his shoulders. Fizz loved to hear him laugh more than ever. He tilted his chin back up and kissed him in return for the precious sound. Concord’s hands slipped up to Fizz’s neck as he pulled himself into it.

He cradled Concord in an arm as he leaned forward and laid the needy little imp out beneath him. Concord turned his head to the side slightly as Fizz broke the kiss and gave him a coy look. Fizz kissed his neck, slow and soft, as he made his way down to his shoulder, skin so tender from all the abuse it took. He fit his teeth into indents still lingering from earlier in the day just to feel the satisfaction of a perfect fit. He released it and pulled back with a smile.

“What kind of goodnight does my sweet little Concord want?”

Concord bit his lip, thinking. The hands on his neck pulled Fizz down so their lips were close enough to just touch.

“Surprise me,” he breathed.

Fizz seized Concord’s lips, tongues colliding as he helped him shimmy out of his pajama bottoms. He broke the kiss with a chuckle as he found Concord already at half mast.

“Someone’s excited.”

“You have that effect on a man.”

A smug grin spread across Fizz’s face at the sincerity lurking beneath his joking tone. Cool metal fingers caressed warm skin as he let his hand roam, watching Concord’s eyelids droop slightly at the touch. Fizz touched his lips to a white splotch beneath his eye as his fingers reached the end of their familiar path. Concord gasped softly as his fingers curled around his cock, working him up into full erection.

Fizz watched the pleasure rippling through Concord’s face, his own desire increasing with every heated breath his little imp exhaled. He captured those needy bursts of air in another deep kiss. Concord’s muffled moans echoed through him, filling him with a satisfaction like nothing else. Concord’s hips rolled, wanting more. Fizz took his hand away instead, Concord’s whimper of protest as pleasurable as his moans.

Fizz sat back on his knees and dropped his pants. He smirked as Concord bit his lip, drinking in the anticipation in those yellow eyes. Concord got to his knees himself and rested his hands on Fizz’s hips. As he leaned forward, lips already parting, Fizz cupped his cheek, stopping him in his tracks as he turned his head up.

“You want that?”

Concord nodded as Fizz’s thumb brushed his cheek, a whine in his voice as he replied.

“I need it.”

Fizz chuckled as Concord tried to lean forward again, tongue out. But he ran his hand over the curve of his horn, using it to hold him back. He wanted to see more of that desire, that desperation.

“Fizz, please,” he whined.

“Mmm, my poor little Concord, so cock-starved.”

Concord squirmed. His hand slipped from Fizz’s hip, clawed fingers tracing up his shaft lightly. It sent a shiver down Fizz’s spine, fingers losing their grip on Concord’s horn as he finally got to lean forward.

Concord moved quickly, dragging his tongue up Fizz’s shaft to flick around the head eagerly before closing his lips around it. Fizz moaned as he took him all at once, mouth warm and welcoming as his cock slid down his throat. His fingers combed through his hair now as he bobbed his head.

“So hungry,” he murmured, watching as Concord turned his eyes up to him.

Fizz groaned as he started flicking that devilish tongue around the head of his cock each time he pulled back. But more pleasurable than any physical sensation was the look in Concord’s eyes, his satisfaction and desire for Fizz so clear on that honest face.

Thinking about that brought him closer and he let out a low sound, Concord’s name slipping into it halfway. Concord hummed in response, gripping his hips as he finished him off. He licked his lips as he sat back, smiling up at him. Fizz pet his hair.

“That’s a good boy.”

He smirked at the visible shiver that sent through Concord, that adorable face lighting up as his tail twitched from side to side. Fizz’s arm coiled around him entirely and lifted him without warning. He brought Concord to his chest, letting his hooves rest on his thighs before loosening the arm to hold him more gently.

Concord worked his arms free from the looser coils and Fizz found his face being pulled forward for a passionate kiss. Their tongues practically wrapped around one another as Fizz lowered him onto his cock. Concord’s muffled groan vibrated across his tongue pleasantly. He intended to pull back from the kiss to give Concord a moment to breathe, but his greedy little imp hands just pulled him right back.

Fizz smirked around the kiss and kept it going. Concord’s hooves dug into his thighs as he lifted and thrust down again, building up to a fast and hard pace. Fizz released his lips for Concord’s own good. He didn’t seem to want to let go of the kiss but with all the panting and moaning, he had to. Fizz moved his kisses to the neck and shoulders.

Concord’s arms wrapped around his head as he buried his face in the crook of his neck. He held it close, fingers gripping the metal antenna in his jester tail with one hand, the other tangling in the fabric.

Fizz grinned into the comfort of that embrace as Concord bounced, holding his orgasm so they could come together. The moment Concord called his name, Fizz bit down on his neck and let himself come. Concord went stiff in his arms for a moment and Fizz held him there until he relaxed.

Fizz lifted him off slowly, forcing Concord to release his head which he seemed to do reluctantly. He laughed as he let himself fall backwards onto the pillows again, holding Concord close. Concord let his head lull back against his shoulder with a satisfied moan.

“So good.”

Fizz watched his content face carefully as he stretched his arms before tucking them in so he could burrow into Fizz’s arms like a sleepy little mouse. Adorable bastard. His purrs filled the air as silence fell over them. He enjoyed holding him like this, feeling his little body so close and warm against his chest.

Concord pressed soft, lazy kisses against his chest and Fizz hummed happily. Maybe he could skip a night of work. They were doing okay right now. Worst case scenario, they’d have to dip into the repair funds he’d started saving up. He let his fingers ghost over Concord’s arm as he snuggled in closer.

“I love you more than anything in the whole world.”

“I love you, too, my sweet little imp.”

It had gotten so easy to respond this way although there remained a twinge of guilt. But the smile it put on Concord’s face made the stress worth it. They laid there together in silence for a while longer until Concord spoke up again.

“Fizz, can I ask you something?”

Fizz heard the insecurity in Concord’s voice and had to resist the urge to cringe. He wanted to enjoy the afterglow more, but he’d rather Concord communicate with him than not. There was no such thing as talking too much anymore.

“You can ask me anything, my love.”

That seemed to quell some of the insecurity. Calling Concord “my love” had become a kind of cheat code for Fizz. Such simple words had such an impact on the imp. Especially when he had deep depression spells or anxiety.

“Maybe this is a weird thing to ask. But...sometimes I wonder how someone like me is ever satisfying to you. You’re so….good at everything. And I’m...well, you’re very out of my league.”

“Do you want the truth?”

“Yes. I do.”

Fizz squeezed him softly, hoping this wouldn’t backfire on him. Concord might not like what he heard, but if he wanted honesty, he’d get it. Fizz couldn’t afford to heap more guilt on himself. And somehow this seemed like something that Concord could get over easier if he reacted poorly to it.

“I’m built to bring pleasure to any user. I can adjust myself in a variety of ways to make sure I can fulfill that function. The user isn’t the only one who benefits from that. It means that any lover can be satisfying to me. In making myself as pleasurable to you as possible, I’m also making you just as pleasurable to me.”

In fact, it took considerable effort and ill intent to keep Fizz from enjoying sex, but that wasn’t something he wanted to bring up right now. It would definitely send Concord into a crying fit. He’d already braced for a bad reaction to the news that essentially Concord’s physical contributions to the relationship weren’t that important. But Concord didn’t seem phased by the news. He ran his fingers over Fizz’s stomach instead, looking thoughtful.

“Like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together perfectly.”

“I guess you could look at it like that. I just think of it as being a universal plug.”

Concord let out a little bark of a laugh and hid his face in Fizz’s chest. Fizz wasn’t even trying to be funny that time, but the spontaneous expression of amusement still sent a wave of joy through his system.

“I love you,” Concord sighed.

Concord turned those smiling eyes up to him and Fizz’s features became soft. Somehow it felt like Concord only got cuter as time went on, Fizz’s eyes picking up the smallest details in the imp’s face and body language. Such little things that felt so big somehow. He pressed his forehead to Concord’s.

“I think I’ll stay home tonight.”

Concord made a little sound of contentment as Fizz turned them on their sides. He pushed himself as close to his chest as he could and got comfortable again.

“Good. You deserve a night off. You work so hard.”

“For you, my love.”

Concord looked a little guilty, trying to hide it in the snuggling.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I’m more than happy to.”

He could almost hear the words echoing back to him from the day Concord paid for him.

“I could go back to work soon, I think,” he suggested, the guilt clear in his voice.

Fizz shook his head, his fingers gentle as he stroked his arm.

“Not yet. Take your time, baby.”

“Okay,” Concord sighed. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Get some sleep.”

He kissed the top of Concord’s head and smiled down at him to make sure he knew everything was fine. Concord smiled back a little, pulling himself all the closer as the purring resumed.

“Goodnight.”

Fizz’s fingers ran up and down his spine gently. He found himself wondering about love again. It seemed so effortless for Concord. He said it so often. It was as if he just knew. He didn’t have to worry about how much of what he felt could be dictated by programming. It must have been nice to know your feelings were your own with such certainty.

Soon, maybe Concord would be well enough that he could talk about it with him. When he returned to normal, he’d be able to handle it, right?

Fizz didn’t sleep. He stayed awake most of the night, listening to Concord breathe, holding him closer if he made the distressed little noises Fizz came to associate with his nightmares. He took this rare quiet time to think about everything, trying to picture how he wanted life to be as they moved forward together.

#Helluva Boss #RoboFizz #Robo Fizz #Robo Fizz Helluva Boss #RoboFizz Helluva Boss #RoboFizzxOC #myfanfics #stuffididmyself

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fictionfreakazoid · 3 years

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That post you made about our culture as lgbtq+ POC and liberalism/modernism is chef’s kiss. I must add I was very disappointed when I first saw the Marjan Muslim woman arranged marriage spoiler, because as a Muslim woman myself these tropes never reflect our true irl experiences. The resolution tonight was surprisingly somewhat not all bad to me. All we see in US tv shows is how inferior our practices are and how they can be ‘cured’ by their modernism for us to be truly happy. Yes some of our practices are problematic but it’s hard to just toss out our family who like Carlos phrased “are good people but not perfect “ for found family without the struggle of needing both.

I am a Biracial, Muslim and engaged to a woman. My parents know and we have had dinner with them. My mom is more welcoming (she is white) and my dad (he is black) is always happier to avoid any conversation about it. I literally stopped wearing a hijab at work & Ṣalāt al-Jumuʿah after the Nice attacks but almost everyday before work, during lunch etc I cry about it to a point where I want to quit because I am not fulfilled. Yes I don’t get to be a target but I want to celebrate my religion the way I please.That conflict phase is hard and most media gloss over it like it’s empowerment (remember Nadia removing her hijab in Elite?) .

Do they (911 LS) need to research more on Muslim and Islam representation? Absolutely!!S1 was very cringe but today I was left feeling somehow hopeful to give them a chance. I will probably get a lot of backlash for this but couldn’t they just hire a Muslim actress or consult with IRL Muslims?

I flesh it out because you gave me the stage lol, Again sorry for the bad English.

Salamu Alaikum sister! First of all, thank you for sharing, and I will always support you as my fellow Muslim and I’m glad there’s another lgbt+ POC Muslim watching the show! Also, I actually didn’t watch Elite because I heard about that specifically and I didn’t want to go through that painful “representation” again. This is kinda long lol sorry I like writing and I have a lot of feelings about this, so I’ll put a read more here

I didn’t see any spoilers of the arranged marriage before the episode, so watching the episode my dread just grew and grew and unfortunately materialized. However, a few years ago I became friends with a hijabi in my college class and she informed me that she was engaged in an arranged marriage. Obviously, this shocked me at first but then she further explained that it had been more of a matchmaking process where her parents showed her people, and then she got to choose. I was still uncomfortable with this because obviously she was still pressured to get married, but my mom talked to me about it later and was like well, how else are (Muslims) going to find a suitable spouse in a halal way if not by matchmaking or happening to find a person? And I have to agree that at least that form of “arranged marriage” sounded somewhat reasonable if it was truly still a consensual choice by both spouses. However, the form of arranged marriage they showed in the episode was strongly different than that and literally proved to be problematic in the episode. I know Muslims from several different countries, I know my relatives who literally live in the Middle East: none of them still do that or even did that generations ago and honestly, the practice isn’t that Islamic either if the choice to opt out wasn’t apparently given to them from the start, which it didn’t seem to be in Marjan and Salim’s case. Arranged marriage in that form is definitely part of some cultures, but not, to my knowledge, a part of the Muslim nor Middle Eastern/Arab culture at large other than the clearly and undoubtedly unislamic practices of forced child marriages. So clearly they did not actually base the arranged marriage on actual Muslim culture, although arranged marriages do still happen in our culture, I personally do not know of it being common in our Muslim, particularly Muslim American, culture to be in that form so my suspicion is that they really just heard that Muslim communities still have arranged marriage without any context and tried to put it in the show and act all woke about it. I know that Marjan’s actress isn’t Muslim (which is also problematic, I definitely agree with you) and I doubt they either consult any actual Muslims nor is it likely that they have any Muslims in their writing team, and if they do they will only choose the most liberal of their opinions that fit their ideas of liberalism/modernism and escaping stereotypes and that’s too much of a portion that they’re including in the show.

To continue to the part of the arranged marriage arc that I actually found reasonable: Marjan’s ultimate rejection of Salim. Despite some of the problematic ways they showed it, Marjan did strongly and visibly believe in Islam and its practices and was proud to be Muslim and defended it when the squad questioned any aspects of it. She also made it clear that she personally believed in it/had her personal conviction in Islam and that it wasn’t just something she pretended to follow along for the sake of pleasing her parents, which some Muslims, unfortunately, end up doing, particularly in this generation with exposure to “modernism”, which I still respect because that’s their personal journey and only Allah can judge and they as well as anyone else might end up coming back to Islam ultimately. Also, that can show that they weren’t really taught enough about the beauty of the true religion and not conservative/traditionalist propaganda of Islam, which is not just spread to nonMuslims through Islamophobic media but also spread to poorly Islamically educated Muslims ourselves, to have strong enough convictions for it, but again, their personal journey and I still respect them because true Islam teaches that you respect anyone even nonMuslims and that you always leave the door open and just try to educate and be a good example. Marjan seems to follow that same mindset as well because she is shown to be very accepting of others and their beliefs even when they don’t match hers, she just respects them and makes her boundaries clear. And to tie that back to the main point - that’s exactly what she did with Salim. Salim showed multiple signs of not truly adhering to Islamic values, first the alcohol drinking (which I also strongly admired the visible discomfort she had for that), the side relationship and then ultimately kissing her. She respected his personal decision to do those things, but she ended it when it became apparent that he expected her to do the same or at least tolerate it if she loved him. What I admired is that she put her foot down and said that if she not only couldn’t be in a commitment with someone who didn’t keep their commitments (which even plenty, if not most, of nonMuslims agree with) but also no longer had the same values or a tolerable amount of the same (Islamic) values she held. That along with other subtle signs of Marjan’s personal conviction to Islam are what make me still have at least some hope for the representation. Despite the terrible form of the arranged marriage they showed, they still showed that Marjan sticks to her beliefs and isn’t ashamed of them and is even willing to defend them, she doesn’t conform to just abandoning everything because she loved Salim, which is what the modernism ideology wants to promote. I also liked how they showed that it wasn’t an easy decision to make either - it was a clear choice for her, but it still hurt her and I like that they didn’t just shame her for that like certain modernist ideologies would’ve wanted to portray her situation (particularly because it would further Islamophobia, which let’s be honest is usually the goal for most nonMuslim media): either you abandon everything for love or you cut ties for things that you can’t agree with and feel nothing because your beliefs are strong. That ideology is so wrong and I’m glad the show portrayed that: it’s a struggle, and it hurts. I’m glad that they showed that struggle with a Muslim POC instead of just being like “Oh well her sticking to Islam makes the decision really easy and it wasn’t even a struggle because *shameful tone* religion means a lot to her, and they easily could’ve gotten away with that, but thankfully they at least did that for us.

I also really liked that they showed a similar struggle with Carlos, but instead of Islam, it was more about the struggle of being lgbt+ and also the love for your family despite their intolerance. (Personal) I literally went through an almost identical scenario to Carlos - I (regrettably) came out (as biromantic asexual) to just my dad and even though I specifically told him not to he later told me that he outed me to my mom. My dad was supportive and said that God made me this way and that true Islam says it’s ok, and although right now I’m still kind of uncomfortable talking about it with him because some of his opinions or understandings are kind of problematic/misunderstandings/stereotypes (i mean he literally outed me to my mom and who knows who else when I told him not to), but my mom... he literally told me she thought it was haram (not Islamically allowed) and that was the last time I discussed anything lgbt+ with my dad and I never even mentioned it to my mom myself. But they’re my parents, I love them and all my relatives and Islam, they’re all so important to me, but I’m also not ashamed of being lgbt+ and it’s a part of who I am. I’m in the closet in real life other than my parents and my personal best friend who is also lgbt+, but I wish I didn’t have to be. I struggle with it every day, I don’t feel safe or secure enough to be out, those words TK chose specifically struck a chord with me. Not only do I physically feel unsafe about being out, I know that despite being supportive of lgbt+ historically before colonialism, the Islamic community, even my family, would not only not be supportive of me now, they’d also be one of the sources of my fear if I came out. I love Islam, I love the community and my family and I know they have their problems, some of which are really serious, but they still have a lot of amazing qualities and they have helped shaped who I am. (End personal)

You know what’s ironic about the message modernism sends out against lgbt+ POC and also Muslims (particularly POC Muslims)? They say that being lgbt+ is part of who you are and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it, yet they promote that you should abandon your ideology, culture and family if they don’t support you, even though those can also be important parts of who you are. I know some people are forced/coerced to make a choice between at least some of those things because of safety and intolerance, and I respect that and my heart is out to all those who have been forced to do so, I easily could’ve been one of them. I know that they struggled with this stuff too, I know they likely still struggle with it. Modernism can’t make that struggle go away, as much as it tries to hide it under an easy choice. Our ideologies, our cultures and our families aren’t personal hobbies that you can toss out at any point because they have problems, modernism can’t and shouldn’t always try to “fix” them, they might have problems but a lot of times modernism tries to “fix” them without context and only out of disrespectful ignorance and prejudice, it’s not empowerment. Our ideologies, our cultures and our families have value not only in general but also to us personally, and just saying that they should be easy sacrifices is disrespectful. Both sides usually make it seem as though we can easily choose only one and can only choose one, but they’re usually both important to us. Neither of them are easy to give up, they’re a part of us, we don’t want to choose between them and we struggle with that every day.

On a more personal note to you, sister, I understand your fear of publicly wearing the hijab, it’s like the fear I have of being out. I’m so sorry you don’t feel safe enough to show your Muslim pride through your hijab as well. Allah (swt) knows you still love Islam and are not ashamed and are considering your safety, he will always take that into account. I support you and if you ever want to talk more about it, feel free! I know it sucks to have your family not really fully support your lgbt+ identity and all the aspects of it including your fiancee, who I hope makes you as happy as you deserve and respects you and all who you are. You are valid and I hope the struggle gets easier for us and things improve in the future inshAllah. Feel free to reach out any time, and let me know what you think!

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dramaclover · 4 years

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Ending & Thoughts: Al Cappuccino

Another wacky and zany drama. Now I’m telling you now. Do not go into this drama expecting a dark thrilling undercover cop show. Cause this ain’t it. It’s more on the hilarious, lighthearted take on the police and triads. It’s not realistic in any way. Well I mean, no drama is fully realistic but this one is the exact opposite of how things should’ve gone down.

The amount of times where they talked OPENLY LOUD about who and who is undercover is ridiculous. It’s like they don’t even try to hide the fact. Typically only one or two people would know a certain someone is undercover. In this drama the handlers whole teams know, as well as her superiors. The amount of times they would meet up in public spaces or just casually call them over their personal phone is mind blowing. At first it was annoying, cause every time they did something so openly, I would think well “cover is blown”. But that’s not the case. As you continue to watch, you start to ignore it and pretend everyone is deaf and blind to this. When that happens the drama starts to become entertaining.

This whole drama just focused on one storyline and that is investigating who killed the triad boss. We don’t find out who it is until the very end. The stories in between talks about Chiang Sai Lung (Vincent Wong) taking over the head triads role. A lot of struggles in between with him trying to stay in this role. Side stories dealing with love lines, fan service scenes of bromance. The bromance was a huge factor and what made me so compelled to keep watching. Honestly Sai Lung and his 4 love interests were totally boring to me. I enjoyed his bromance with Go Bun (Owen Cheung)more. Also really liked Koo Yan Yi (Crystal Fung) as the handler and watch as the 3 become very close. This trio was fun to watch compared to those unnecessary side love stories.

Sai Lungs love story features heavily in this drama, so I can’t just not talk about them. The 4 woman in Sai Lungs life comprises of Koo Yan Yi aka Madam Koo, his handler that has a strong sense of justice & loyalty. So Tsz Shan (Kathy Yuen) a timid woman who aspires to be a teacher. Chong Ming Lai (Samantha Ko) a haughty actress. And Yiu Ching Shui aka Shui jie (Angel Chiang), the confident, outspoken business woman. Out of the 4, I only liked Madam Koo & Shui Jei. I guess this is TVBs attempt to make him similar to Chor Lau Heung where everyone falls in love with the male lead despite him not even trying.

Tsz Shan is so boring and easily bullied. She was not fun to watch, I didn’t think she had chemistry with Sai Lung and odd enough she was a huge fan favourite. Which I can’t wrap my head around, her character was just so bland to me. She’s so oblivious to her Dad and brothers wrongdoings. It gets annoying when she’s so blind to it all. I know it’s hard to believe your family member is evil, but really? Her role here is basically to be the main love interest to Sai Lung since she plays no role in solving the main mystery. She hasn’t even tried to help Sai Lung to uncover anything. She’s always so timid and getting put into a position where she’s in danger. Way too damsel in distress for me.

Ming Lai was super annoying, all she does is bother Sai Lung and threatens to make him stay by her side. And when she forces him to announce that their dating (they actually aren’t) she gets pissed when he leaves her for someone else. Like girl, you know he doesn’t like you. You blackmailed him into staying with you. Like what did you expect? Also her character could be written out and no one would notice her gone. That’s how unnecessary she was. She’s literally a filler character created to fill up the 30 episode slot. Samantha Ko is a great actress, it just sucks her role here is so unneeded.

Shui Jie was a breath of fresh air. Originally she was sent to seduce Sai Lung but she ends up falling for him instead. I really disliked how she fell for him though, it came out of nowhere. They met 4 times and suddenly she’s in love? It was to rush and random for me. But as a character itself, she was a breeze to watch. She’s super confident and smart. Unlike Tsz Shan she’s able to help Sai Lung in solving a lot of his problems and find ways to warn him of danger. I love how brave she is. She’s not afraid to tell someone she loves them and pursue it.

Madam Koo was also another likeable character. She doesn’t want to be known as just a pretty rich girl. She wants to prove that she can be a successful cop. You can tell how much faith she puts into Go Bun and Sai Lung. She treats them fairly and always finds way to help them. I really like how she can remain calm and think things through. When Go Bun and Sai Lung seemingly betrays her. She doesn’t get angry instead she goes and secretly investigates what’s going on. That is how she figured out how her Father was one of the masterminds. And she did that all alone.

Another side love story would be between Go Bun and Chiang Chin Ha (Winki Lai). They were fun to watch and had awesome chemistry. From the beginning we see that they both liked each other but won’t make a move. Chin Ha with her pride and knowing Go Bun would not reciprocate. Go Bun on the other hand is a cop. To him he can never be with someone involved with the triads. So it becomes a can’t help but love each other story. They were cute together but it was unrealistic for Chin Ha to forgive Go Bun so easily after finding out 1) he’s an undercover cop and 2) he only approached her to solve the case. Essentially Go Bun used her infiltrate the triad. The fact that it was glossed over so quickly made no sense. Chin Ha is a strong minded business person who strongly cares about her family. Yet, Go Bun lied to her all this time and used not only her but her family as well, and she’s okay with it? I’m glad they got a happy ending but I wished it showed more of the internal struggle with her finding out.

I’m always hoping for a good plot twist so I was secretly hoping that Cheung Sai Lun was actually Chiang Sai Lung. And that he was faking it the whole time cause he was upset that his family left him in the orphanage. The amount of scenarios that ran in my mind LOL. I also thought maybe he is Chiang Sai Lung but he himself didn’t know and it just became a case of mistaken identity (this would’ve been sooo good especially towards the end where they had a DNA test done). My third theory was Chiang Sai Lung is not dead and that he would show up in the end to reclaim his identity. But as you can see none of that happened. Don’t worry though, cause there were other plot twists that caught me off guard.

The first one is Sai Lung getting so caught up with his method acting that he actually becomes cruel. He along with Go Bun betrays Madam Koo and turns to the dark side of the triad. I was so invested in this. I really thought Sai Lung could no longer break his character and that he had fallen into deep. This has happened in real life where actors could no longer separate real from fake. I love that they added that into the storyline cause it makes it all real and scary. Of course turns out it was all an act to sniff out the real killer. Unfortunately it was easy to figure out that it was an act once he had a “fall out” with Go Bun. That part was a little too much for it to be real. And that’s when the surprises stop.

The second one would be the development of Szeto Shun (Jack Hui) a cop that relies on dirty tactics to climb up in ranks. He is one of the many antagonist, what makes him different though is that he repents and redeems himself by the end. His character had the best development if you ask me. He went from someone whose dream was to be a cop, to using underhanded methods to get his way to finally becoming a human again. He gets so caught up in promotions that he forgot why he became a cop in the first place which is for justice. When he helped Madam Koo arrest the bad guy he said something along the lines of “I have done bad things, but in the end I’m still a cop”. He said that as the reason why he decided to do the right thing for once. At first I thought he’d be the typical evil cop that ends up dying. But this character proved me wrong. In the end he turns himself in as he wanted to take responsibility for his actions.

I was shocked that no one died in this drama. And when I say that I obviously meant the main characters. Usually the obligatory best friend, love interest, family member heck even one of the bad guys would die. But that didn’t happen. They all survived, even the bad guys just quietly went to jail. Speaking of bad guys, their problems were resolved so quickly that it was pointless. We did not sit through all of that drama just for the bad guys to one by one casually reveal what happened. It was so unoriginal too. Like Madam Koos father got touched by her speech about good and evil that her father confessed to the crime. Tsz Shans father out of guilt for being the cause of her daughters injuries confessed to everything to “repent”. Even the ultimate black cop just spewed the truth out once asked. Like I understand he was caught red handed but he literally revealed all of the information once questioned? He’s not even gonna try to fight it? He doesn’t even have an emotional backstory for him to feel guilty to admit the truth. It just happened. It was so nonsensical that I got confused that it all ended so quickly. There wasn’t even a huge fighting showdown. Which is why I say despite this dubbed as a undercover triad thriller drama. It isn’t! Being an undercover cop was like a backdrop, even the mystery death was sidelined. The focus was on the familial and bromance relationship. The drama would’ve been short if they hadn’t added in the random romances.

Acting wise, I’ve seen a lot of hate against Crystal. There were so many complaints in the international forums I literally thought she was a train wreck. Well she wasn’t. I don’t see how she ruined the drama? I’m convinced that people just complain about her cause they aren’t happy about her being promoted by TVB. But guys you need to chill. Her acting is pretty decent. She isn’t screaming her lines or bulging her eyes out. She is stiff and needs more work on enunciating. This was her first leading drama and she’s still so new. I really thought her acting would be like Sisley Choi from 2012 with the screaming or Charmaine Sheh from 1998 with the overreacting. But she wasn’t. Also people complained about her wardrobe cause she was dressed so fashionably. Are you guys blind? All the main males in this drama are dressed in suits 24/7 whether they’re a cop or not. Literally Go Bun and Sai Lung wears a suit everyday walking around. They’re not wearing causal wear. Why is no one hating on them? The double standards are scary. But then again it could just be hate against Crystal in general. Back when Niki Chow and Kate Tsui played as cops they would wear high heels and pretty clothes as well but no one said anything. And this drama was anything but realistic. I find that it’s the international fans that are complaining, Hong Kong netizens are actually satisfied with Crystal.

Owen Cheung has finally found his niche and that is comedy. Every drama he’s been in, I’ve always been unimpressed with him. But then I figured out it’s mostly cause he gets typecasted as the “hot” guy in which I personally think he’s not. He’s more suited for nerdy roles like (The Offliners) or comedic roles like this one. It’s like how Benjamin Yuen is wooden in serious roles and only good in comedy ones as well. The bromance between him Vincent was great. So hilarious that I sometimes wished the drama just focused on their bromance only.

The ending was open ended in a way. Go Bun and Chin Ha gets married. The Chiang family has left the triad behind and deals with legal business only. Sai Lun has to make a choice of staying in Hong Kong or pursuing his acting dreams overseas. And between the 4 woman in love with him, he doesn’t end up with either of them. Only ending with saying how he’s happy he met the 4 of them. Obviously he loves Tsz Shan the most. No question about it. The 4 woman knows that as well. So I don’t know why they ended it like that. This is the first drama where the female lead loves the male lead but they don’t end up together. Instead he falls fall for the second lead instead. I’m okay with it as I prefer Madam Koo and Sai Lun as good friends but it’s surprising to see them go down this route instead. Sequel? Hmm I don’t know. What could the sequel be about? Sai Lun can’t just go undercover in a different family again. Unless they shift the focus from triad/ cops to something else.

Despite the flaws I love this drama. I kept wanting to watch the next episode compared to Death by Zero. I was just so into the bromance and the hilarious antics. It’s just so entertaining. I know I complained a lot, but this is one drama I highly recommend you to watch. Just don’t go into it believing it’s like Infernal Affairs or Line Walker. This is in the running to be one of TVBs better dramas of 2020 along with Brutally Young and Death by Zero!

#tvb #tvb drama #Al Cappuccino

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mentalhealthandlgbt-blog · 5 years

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Notes from the Symposium

I’m so sorry I haven’t been posting much in the past little while! I got caught up in my symposium presentation for the 20% Project and all sorts of school work.

So, for those that don’t really know what “the symposium” is, it’s a part of my 20% project where I create a display board that must include: my project title, my goals, my inspiration for the project, evidence of progress, and the community benefit. Below I have a picture of the board and such from the symposium.

During the symposium, I also had a little box where people could share their advice or experience(s) with mental illness(es) and/or the LGBT+ community. I was honestly surprised at the amount of contributions I received, and I decided I could make a post of all the advice and experiences! For some, I’ll just post the advice people had, and for others I might add a little bit of commentary in reply.

Mental Health

“I don’t really know if I always had anxiety, but I do know that it definitely grew when I reached high school.. I was in an abusive and toxic friendship and realized I have some past traumas from sexual abuse as a kid. It makes me wonder if I was ever ‘normal’ or like other people who don’t have these mental health issues. I also realized I might have a BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior). I’ve picked at my skin my whole life. What if that has to do with trauma too? The anxiety and skin picking really affect my life and how I act. I can’t even imagine not having these things. But I’m trying my best to be open about them and talk about them instead of bottle them all up. I think I have a good support system but they don’t really know much about me or my past so I can’t be sure.”

To start, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through abuse. I know sorry doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I don’t know what to say when I haven’t experienced what you have. I looked up BFRBs (https://www.bfrb.org/learn-about-bfrbs), and what you described definitely seems to fit that. I think it’s really awesome that you’re opening up to people, even though I’m sure it can be hard to trust everyone. I hope things will work out well and that you really will have a good support system.

“Stay calm and stay strong. It’s okay to cry or be nervous. Don’t doubt yourself and keep moving forward.”

While this is a bit cliche, I do think it’s important. Sometimes hearing “stay calm” or “keep moving forward” can be quite frustrating, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.

“I used to have an eating disorder 8th - 10th grade, I had and still have very low self-esteem, and always thought/cared of what others thought about me. I wouldn’t be able to focus on school because I had no energy. The times I did eat, I always threw up, and started working out, I would even pass out sometimes. Having a piece of gum was ‘too much.’”

First, I’m glad you were able to get past the eating disorder; I know that can be very hard to do. I also know that low self-esteem can be hard to work past, so try little steps in building self-confidence.

“In my 9 years of diagnosed Major Depression, I’ve learned that people are not always out to get you or make you feel horrible. A lot of people are ready to help and listen, there are many resources available for help as well. I also learned through friends and life that getting rid of things like fake friends or ignoring rude people helps so much as well. Always take time for yourself, never feel that self care is selfish or a burden.”

I like this because I know it can be hard to not be pessimistic about the world and people around you, but surrounding yourself with the right people can create a great support group

“I’ve noticed overcoming anxiety does not mean to run away from what scares you but to breathe and DO YOUR BEST! It gets easier with every challenge (: “

This is definitely an important piece of advice here. Running from problems makes them worse in the long-run, so just do your best to push forward - even if it’s just baby steps. Any amount of improvement is good improvement.

“I struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I was insecure about my looks and my weight. And people did not help me overcome them. Little did I know I was hanging around the wrong people. My friends now have helped me to overcome not only my anxiety, but helped me become a better person, and I try to help people who suffered and stressed like I did.”

I’m glad that you figured out that you had bad friends and found good ones, and I’m happy that they’ve been able to help you. It’s also really cool that you’re trying to help people you know are experiencing what you already have.

“Mental health is important to everyone and we all should try to be kind to each other and love each other to make the harshness of life a little easier.”

This is such a wholesome message. It’s important to remember that a lot of people are hiding struggles, so try to be nice to everyone.

“Such a cliche, but ALWAYS check up on your friends! Whether you send a text or call them, even if you’re not on talking terms, do it.”

I agree that you should check up on your friends, yes. However, if you aren’t on talking terms and you suddenly text someone, they might be needing alone time or just might not be ready to talk yet, and it might not go over well.

“Get used to cutting people off whenever they interfere with your mental health. People will come and go (bad people that is), so being able to leave them as soon as a red flag pops up is important. Your mental health is always the first thing to worry about.”

This is definitely important. Being able to recognize and leave bad people is so important in helping yourself and taking care of your mental health.

“I feel like sometimes I live in a mind filled with three different people and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

So, I did a bit of research on this but remember, I’M NOT A DOCTOR. Based on a few sites, this sounds like it could possibly be DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Here’s the definition I found on one site: “Dissociative identity disorder. Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder is characterized by alternating between multiple identities. A person may feel like one or more voices are trying to take control in their head. Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices.” And this is the site that was on: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders

LGBT+

“I personally identify as asexual panromantic and just questioning gender. I used to identify as pansexual but obviously changed that. When I identified as pan a few of my friends would make fun of it saying the whole ‘there are only 2 genders’ or ‘I identify as an attack helicopter.’ And that really affected how I felt about myself and definitely created a fear in me when I realized I wasn’t cisgender. I was afraid my friends would have more to make fun of me about. And when I realized I was ace I found so much hate online that I was afraid to say I was in fear of being called ‘special’ or a ‘snowflake.’ I’m not sure I’ve overcome that fear yet but I’m slowly coming out to my friends and explaining my fears to them so hopefully they’ll understand. But then again their opinions on what I am/identify as don’t matter.”

As you probably know, I identify the same way as you do. I never really got backlash, and I’m sorry you had bad experiences with that; people can be so rude and ignorant sometimes. I’m proud that you’re trying to open up to friends, and that you’ve realized people’s opinions don’t matter.

“As a LGBT youth it’s kind of hard coming into your own, but remember this: it’s your life don’t let someone make you live a life that you know doesn’t make you happy. Everyone deserves love and happiness.”

I like this a lot. It can be hard to ignore people’s opinions, especially if you’re around them a lot, but it’s good to remember that no one else should control how you live.

“It’s hard having to come back out as questioning when everybody knows I’m gay. It’s hard to be comfortable with my sexuality.”

I’ve never had to re-come out before, but I really did have a long period of questioning before I really figured things out. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to have things figured out all the time and it’s okay to not have a label, especially if any label is making you uncomfortable.

“I haven’t figured out everything yet, but I learned to take time and learn yourself. Don’t try and rush or put on a label too early. It’s okay to not know.”

This is really important. When I was younger, I really tried to push labels on myself. Eventually, I realized that if I gave myself time, I’d be able to understand myself better. I didn’t know for a while, and that was okay. yeah

“Questioning yourself is how you find the answers to a lot of your unasked or unanswered questions. I asked myself the big-ol’ question of why. Why do I feel differently towards girls? Why are people weird to gay people? Am I gay? Little did I know the answer was yes. And little did I know that it was okay.”

So, I talked about my experience in the previous answer. I can honestly say though that I used to ask myself those same questions a lot. I was confused for a while, especially with my religious upbringing. It took me a while to be okay with my sexuality and identity.

“Don’t ever blame yourself nor your sexuality on why things happen. Things were going to go a certain way with every decision.”

I’m not sure I understand the 2nd part, but it’s definitely important to remember that your sexuality isn’t a choice or consequence of some decision you make. Sometimes it is based on past experiences, but a lot of the time you really are born this way.

“Don’t hide who you really are but love it and show who you are. You’re you and no one can change that. :) “

I love this, it’s so wholesome. Sometimes it can be hard, but always try to remember that it’s okay to be you, no matter what others say.

“Involving yourself with people who support you would be the #1 priority. Living life hidden away isn’t worth it to be losing those years to people who don’t approve. Detaching from family is necessary is abusive mentally and physically.”

This is an important lesson that I took a while to learn. I had a hard time defying/detaching from family, but it really is important if they’re abusive and/or unsupportive.

“I’m not part of the LGBT+ community but I still support it 100%”

“I’m no LGBT but I still believe everyone should be treated equally :) “

These are both so cute. I’m glad to see some allies here.

Both/Miscellaneous

“I’ve struggled a lot with depression and anxiety all my life but always tried to hide it because I felt embarrassed about having issues. I also struggle with my sexuality because I’ve always dated guys but I find girls attractive too. I don’t want to admit that I might be bisexual.”

I don’t think mental illness is something you should be embarrassed, but I understand with all the stigma there is in the world why you would be. I know it’s hard, but try to remember that stigmas are BS, and that you’re an amazing human. As for sexuality, I know how hard it can be to accept. For a bit, when I was first realizing I liked girls, I had such a hard time. I basically called myself “questioning” for long enough that I grew more comfortable with my attraction. If you’re not ready for a label or uncomfortable with one, just say you’re “questioning.”

“Try to stay positive and just know you’re beautiful inside and out.”

Another beautiful wholesome message here. I think this applies to both because it can be hard to see yourself as beautiful when there’s a lot of stigma and hate towards mental illnesses and the LGBT+ community in the world.

“Having a good support system, being able to talk to people about anything that was bothering me. I talked about...”

I’m not sure where this was headed, but it’s definitely good to find yourself a good supports system.

And that’s all of them! I’m so sorry, again, for taking so long. I meant to post this right after the symposium, but it took quite a while to respond to everyone’s notes. As always, contributions, asks, and messages are open, and I will respond!

#mentalhealthandlgbt #symposium #lgbt+ community #mental health

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catalinacimpoesu · 3 years

Text

Creative resentment

From heaven to hell

During the quarantine, back in March 2020, one of my friend and I wanted to open an online Branding Agency. Having the same goal in mind, we started to build an organised Drive to gather all the required materials. Becoming a freelancer is not such an easy job but many people are voluntarily dreaming of being their boss more than ever (Hershey et al., 2017). A lot of dedication and self-thought skills are required, but in the end, it can be the most satisfying feeling. In simple terms, I was the one dealing with the Graphic Design part of the agency and my friend was coping with the Web Design area. Because both domains work together, our long-term idea could have become sustainable in terms of money and offered quality services. Purchasing a package containing brand identity services along with a personalised site is the bundle many customers aim for in the 21th digitalised century. Unfortunately, neither of us was certified in his subject and the other one’s subject, but we were willing to learn on the way.

Opening a business implies a lot of topics to cover, but despite all the issues we faced we got stuck at the one that supposed to be the non-existent. The mission of creating a brand identity reflecting our traits, emotions and personalities dramatically failed (Lin & Sung, 2014). If somebody would have guessed why our idea suddenly stopped (spoiler alert?), it might be because of a legal matter, the subject designers want to deal the least, but just thinking of not being that made the situation worst.

The struggle

After days of thinking about an interesting name, I came up with the idea of “iscreambrands”. The story behind? “Scream” represents a really powerful word. Whatever the sound is, it certainly makes “things” being observed anytime when is passing a closed space. I preferred thinking about a joyful shout when saying “scream”. A moment of sudden happiness. “Brands” are what we wanted to create. And especially powerful, outstanding brands that would make people wonder who was the artist behind them. “iscreambrands” was meant to describe the fact that “We eat brands for breakfast. We know what we do and we are doing it like professionals.”

Setting a buyer persona and our top 3 beliefs and features helped me understand better what we aim to show to the outside world (Neumeier, 2005). My and my friend had many online conversations where we set and wrote down every aspect that could have lead to strong brand equity (So, King et al., 2017) simultaneously understanding the customer’s and the company’s perspectives trying to create a balance between them. Only through fully understanding our purpose and emphasising with the others’ need we could have delivered unforgettable services and products.

Despite that our unique selling proposition did not reach my standards and now, looking back, the accumulated frustration was slowly appearing since this moment.

Brainstorming for logo creation process (Cimpoesu, 2020)

It was not the first time for me when I was creating a brand identity from scratch but just having in mind that it's a personal company made it 100% harder.

Creating the brand identity process begun with gathering inspiration and sketching the logo. From the first moments, I have known both of us wanted to be a typographic logo simply showing the entire name. This would have had represented a conversation starter when meeting a possible customer or competitor. Despite that I tried to sketch and explore more sides, looking for that brilliant idea. In my work, the main goal is always to find a story worth to tell when explaining the visual identity. I consider “How would you ever think of that?” type of questions as being the number one priority achievement when interacting with the public willing to discover one of your artworks for the first time. At the same time the logo should have had include any type of illustrated motion symbolising vibration and emotions. In a few words seeing the logo for the first time would have had create and shivery feeling.

Youth, spontaneity and empathy were our defining traits. Yellow was the main used colour and minimalism was the followed style. As simple as it sounds, creating a Mood board was an item that helped me visualising our preferences in order to go further on the right path. Or not.

iscreambrands Moodboard. (Cimpoesu, 2020) All sources and many more here & here

After many hours spent on researching, visualising, brainstorming, drawing, colouring, writing and vectorising nothing was good enough. The plan B was to start visualising the website of the brand. Again, ideas would not appear under any circumstances. Asking myself “Why do I have a blockage? Why could I not see anything even surrounded by al those materials?” while maintaining a positive attitude gave me shivers every time. “I followed all the steps the theory is listing and all I could create is a mainstream logo.”

Overthinking every step ahead and every possible scenario can be your closest friend and worst enemy (Kapferer, 2008, pp.15-17) if you are being realistic and have enough patience. All of a sudden nothing was good enough for me to have the will of promoting the agency further. In addition, I came up with a conclusion that there are not many materials published online, helping you overcome the lack of creativity issues.

(Not) all stories have happy endings

My mind is usually visualising things quickly after understanding the brand's needs and story but now it was different. Every learned and followed principle it was not applying on “iscreambrands”. I did not feel the need to create it.

Why? While I was aggressively waiting for the best idea to show up, I started to hate the whole concept and question my actions towards it. In addition, I did not see a bright future for the agency anymore as I started having other priorities. Despite all initial long-terms objectives I was not prepared enough to share ideas with someone else. It sounds a little bit selfish, but being totally transparent with myself I have finally let this though out after many attempts.

iscreambrands logo (Cimpoesu, 2020)

Creating a personal brand identity should be easier in theory because you, as a graphic designer know from the start all the steps, needs and the desired outcomes. On the other hand, it can be really stressful to reach your high expectations, especially when you are not seeing a stable final product. Graphic design includes emotions and despite the struggle of not take every client-based project as a personal one, in this case the opposite happens involuntarily. Exactacting yourself from visualising your personal brand as never too satisfying takes practice and many tries and failures.

“iscreambrands” remains a short journey while I have learned a lot about myself and the others present in the business environment. It is a goal I have stepped outside of my comfort zone for and met a lot of creative people from whom I have learned design tips and tricks and not only. These types of actions are recommended for people willing to challenge themselves because the desired change is guaranteed and visible.

As a future graphic designer, this experience left me with the two major following questions I cannot fully answer at this point in my life, despite of the research I made: “Is it going back to the drawing board always effective? What if you are not feeling that the outcome will be worthy from the beginning?”

To conclude, aiming to create a personal brand was a effective start, but only the experience of working with myself and with other clients will lead to reshaping my creative perspectives, over the years.

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Cimpoesu, C. M. (2020) Brainstorming for logo creation process. Unpublished personal artwork.

Cimpoesu, C. M. (2020) iscreambrands Moodboard. Unpublished personal artwork.

Cimpoesu, C. M. (2020) iscreambrands logo. Unpublished personal artwork.

Hershey, D., van Dalen, H.P., Conen, W.S. and Henkens, K. (2017) "Are “Voluntary” Self-Employed Better Prepared for Retirement Than “Forced” Self-Employed?", Work, aging and retirement (Online) vol. 3, no. 3, pp. 243-256. Available from: https://doi-org.ezproxy.herts.ac.uk/10.1093/workar/wax008 [Accessed: 20th of December 2020]

Kapferer, J. (2008) The new strategic brand management: creating and sustaining brand equity long term, 4th edn, London. Kogan Page

Lin, J. and Sung, Y. (2014) "Nothing Can Tear Us Apart: The Effect of Brand Identity Fusion in Consumer-Brand Relationships", Psychology & marketing (Online) vol. 31, no. 1, pp. 54-69. Available from: https://doi-org.ezproxy.herts.ac.uk/10.1002/mar.20675 [Accessed: 20th of December 2020]

Neumeier, M. 2005, The Brand Gap, 2nd edn, New Riders.

So, K.K.F., King, C., Hudson, S. and Meng, F. (2017) "The missing link in building customer brand identification: The role of brand attractiveness", Tourism management (1982) (Online) vol. 59, pp. 640-651. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tourman.2016.09.013 [Accessed: 20th of December 2020]

#brand #equity #identity #customer #agency #brainstoriming

0 notes

ratherhavetheblues · 5 years

Text

INGMAR BERGMAN’S ‘HOUR OF THE WOLF’ “You’re nothing but frightened…”

I kicked off the Bergman trilogy comprising the films, Hour of the Wolf (1968), Shame (1969) and The Passion of Anna (1969), by way of Shame. But one could start anywhere here, inasmuch as all three of them represent a steep ascent toward—not the famous “silence of God”—but the long-hidden finality of death as tempering the farce of advantage. There was the attraction, in Shame, for its fulsome violence and its unspoken (forgotten) heresy, buried by a world-history crazily intent upon becoming iconic, even if tiny.

We’ll pick up from there, by another very humbled figure, namely, Alma, the wife of a rather well-known and admired painter, Johan Borg, in the film, Hour of the Wolf. Unlike the forgetting of that unfamiliar reflection, in Shame, Alma has incorporated a degree of disinterestedness being the gem of the aforementioned film. But, like Eva-the-forgetful, Alma, remarkably warm though she could be, there was about her a striking inefficiency, a decorative tip of an iceberg—while the full accomplishment remained a huge oblivion. Whereas the opening of Shame adopted an almost sit-com miasma, here instead, what we experience, and yet being far from the depths of creative magic and profound joy, is a punishing, but soft, third-degree. “Listen, we’re not quite finished yet… No? Alright…”

“Alright” takes off with Alma’s telling the camera and us, in flashback, of the shocking death of Johan; and her inability to keep him in one piece. She begins by emerging from her thatch-roofed, wood-framed cottage, with head bowed and tired eyes. Having already made to the world the details of her telling, this would be an investigatory journalist’s follow-up, in hopes that the disaster could provide more cogency. “I’ve given you the diary. And you wonder why I choose to stay here? We’ve lived in this house almost seven years. Come winter, I can come to the mainland, work at the store as I have done when money was short. The baby is due in a month. The doctor examined me in May, before the very last time we came out here. We’d planned to stay here until August. We were going to be completely alone… He was afraid… He liked that I was quiet…” Then, on the heels of that jumble of tenses, she abruptly delineates (in flash-back), how they had commissioned a small power boat and driven to their island hideaway. The arrival is shown to be touched by murky light not without a harsh beauty. This positive moment links to the boat of death, in Shame. Ebb and flow of engaging challenge. “We found a wheelbarrow in a shed on the beach. When we got here, we were happy to see the apple tree in bloom. Then we discovered footprints under the kitchen window in the flower bed, but forgot it.” (Long pause, in which the investigator could begin to discern that the quiet ones are also stupid ones.) “Yes, we were happy… Johan was uneasy.” (What sort of logic do they subscribe to? Probably a logic not far from that of Eva and Jan, in Shame.) “He always grew anxious when his work did not go well, and it had not gone well for some time now.” (The same precious and unscrupulous aesthetic, from the violinists’, in Shame?) “And he became sleepless. He was frightened, as if he was afraid of the dark. It had gotten worse in the last few years.” The decisive prow of the thrust of Johan and Alma’s boat brings to the story a baseline of decisiveness which awaits them, and all of us. Johan launches the returning driver with clear-enough decisiveness. He gathers his baggage—including, many frames waiting for successful performances—and grimly moves a pushcart to the cottage over very difficult terrain. In the arrival with its delight in the apple tree, she rushes to embrace Johan wholeheartedly; and receives a half-hearted buss and then a brush-off as he heads indoors distractedly and with a sour visage. Next day, he proposes drawing her; and the precious, nineteen-century proceedings seem to lack the promise of shoring up a tired routine. The white sheets blowing wildly on the line near the exercise to shake things up loom as an embarrassment and a warning. Was the second investigation alert to such matters?

This second cinematic rendition of the lost arts’ “giant,” for the sake of a more candid portraiture of the marriage and the mystery whose highlight brings us an Alma—a name for a circus performer whose highlight was to, briefly, invade the realm of Aphrodite, goddess of love whereby carnal mortals, in the Bergman film, Sawdust and Tinsel (1953), make short-shrift of her reign—alarmingly squelched by the hardness of existence. That night, she’s seen sewing far into the night, a process of mending, becoming a confluence. While she stays with her largely mundane priorities, Johan (a name involving the great musician, Johan Bach, and the uncanny dynamics of music) falls prey to incoherence, stalking about the room and feeling driven to reveal to her and her rendition of coherence the grotesque apparitions which haunt him in dreams and in waking, and which have become the staple of his productions, seemingly unloved and unsellable. (That he may once have concentrated upon the tried and true of a widely popular style of work, may account for his not attracting attention, until now, from the neighbors.) Not content to merely bring to Alma’s attention the disturbing work (never seen), he flogs each piece into her face as he carries out a running commentary brimming of both his supposed great struggle and great fear. “Now look! I haven’t shown them to anyone!… This is the one who turns up most often. And he’s almost harmless. I think he’s homosexual… And then there’s the old lady, the one always threatening to take off her hat. Do you know what happens if she does? Her face comes off, you see…” On to his piece de resistance, “He’s the worst of the lot. I call him Bird Man… He’s so strangely quick… and he’s related to Papageno of [Mozart’s 1790 opera] The Magic Flute.” As Johan raves on—“…and especially the Spider Man” [Bergman’s 1960 film, Through a Glass Darkly, features a protagonist who becomes convinced that God is a giant spider]—Alma becomes appalled at his grotesque researches, closing her eyes being all she can do.

In a sort of rally, she manages to put aside the aesthetic output in favor of attempting to assuage the insomnia which the ugly visions have produced for him, visions of horrors he prefers, over facing beauties without personal eternity. (As we are about to discover, it’s even more complicated than that.) He demands, “You must stay awake a little while longer…” Alma, a study in contrast, looks into the kerosene lamp and now her eyes are open and clear. He covers his face with his hand, and she resumes, on a steady keel, that modest and promising play upon thread. In contrast, his insomnia and violent rudeness (to come), being traceable to fear of death, the investigation more closely coincides (sews with) the problematic militancy of Shame. Before the night is over, Johan provides to the multiplicity of scrutiny a display of his obsession. “A minute is actually an immense span of time… Wait, here it starts…” Alma draws much closer to this matter than she did about the grotesque figures. “Ten seconds,” he gazes at the watch. She infers where this is going, and she doesn’t like it. “These seconds… you see how long they last? The minute isn’t over yet!… Ah, finally… It’s gone now…” Feeling some kind of poison (plague) in the works, she returns to her sewing (now small accomplishment, in the dark atmosphere. “Say something,” he demands. “Talk to me, Alma…” Changing the deadly subject, she brightens up. “Hey, you, there’s something I’ve thought about for a long time. Are you listening? [his head has been bent over his chest]. We’ve lived together for seven years now… No, that’s not what I was going to say… Now, I know. Isn’t it true that old people who have lived for a lifetime together start to resemble each other? They finally share so much, their faces take on the same expression. What do you think that is?” Getting him to rise to this bid would be miraculous. But Alma does have a theory which, though unimpressive from the point of real delivery, shows us that her heart is bent on the right part of that cosmos miraculously responsive to loving courage from a finite sensibility. “I hope we will get so old that we think each other’s thoughts… and we get little, dried up, identical wrinkled faces…” (“Identical,” being a hopefully possible way of overcoming his cowardice, selfishness and coldness.) “What do you think about that?” (He’s sleeping, just as Albert, the ringmaster, was sleeping through the story of the hell-on-wheels Alma who reached so high that she became an instance of Aphrodite herself. Our Alma here, however, becomes more a person of interest in her gentle weaknesses, than in her fumbling strengths.)

That much said, let’s, however, get fully involved with the rest of the island, in its capacity to reveal how bad things can become, and thereby posit energies Alma cannot muster. The bright morning, following the long, dark night, shows her taking out to the yard their stale white sheets and being addressed by a woman in white, a very elderly woman, the likes of which has been seen in many previous Bergman investigations, where only an oracle can get to the bottom of what’s going on—which is to say, a mortal having, like the first Alma, brought to bear by her courage and wit and grace, a possessor of a rare vision and feeling. Her gambit is, “Can you feel my hand now, my fingers, the veins under my skin?” (That being a similar gambit by Jacobi, the murderous mayor and expert on texture that opens doors, in Shame.) Then she announces she’s 216 years old [quickly amending, and unconvincing, to 76]. Not only does she enjoy a remarkable (but not immortal) age, but she has such a closeness to the ways of Aphrodite that she transmits to worthies, like Alma, how factors of a power, paradoxically indebted to resolved mortals, can be put within apprehension which might result in furtherance of becoming aware of needing a warrior dimension as well as a that of a remarkable care-giver. As with Alma’s almost forgetting the gift (a half-gift, in fact) about a brave spouse lifting the spirit of a cowardly spouse, the uncanny stranger almost forgets to impart that Johan’s diary, under their bed, is must reading! On the somewhat soulmate’s departure, the younger sewer is seen from a pedestrian distance and optics which hobbles her as a candidate for audacious deeds. She gets only as far into Johan’s diary (presented by voice-over), as, “I have recently been ill. Not seriously, but unpleasant enough…” Then we cut to the diarist/ painter (an event already recorded in the first investigation; but open to more deep revelation), at work along the shore being interrupted by the owner of the island, Baron von Merkens, also owner of an ancient castle there (a devout soulmate of Knight Augustus Block, in The Seventh Seal) and also demonstrating an extremely pious side, far less benign than that ancient aristocrat. “Would you and your wife care to join us for a simple family supper?” (Words like “simple,” “family,” and “supper,” being implicit weapons, in the range of a non-simple stranger.) Going through tortures—as yet metaphorical—from this worst luck for a solitary soul, he conventionally replies, “That’s kind of you…” “It will be very simple [or, does that term mean, crude]. But I’ll give you a good wine. And our salmon fishing is renowned [crushing; and hooked?]. I should also say that my wife and I are among your admirers, your… fondest admirers…” [eliciting wild excitement].

That shot in the dark, as thus under arrest (Jan, in the film, Shame, often chooses to hide when anyone comes his way), becomes supplemented by the further reading of Alma’s discoveries from the diary. Near the area where he was ordered to face the [simple] music of the castle, he becomes interrupted by a woman, Veronica Vogler, whom he had been very intimate with for years without Alma’s awareness. She had interrupted the painter’s tantrum in realizing that the work had lost its depths. The striking approach of her liaison—her legs entering the upper area of the frame and then her full and impressive blonde attractiveness—becomes an ironic vignette, in light of the rather witless follow-up. (Moreover, the lust on that second look would infiltrate a fuller phenomenality for the sake of delving into the qualities—pro and con—of the experience.) “Do you see this mark?” she indicates, over her right nipple, where she had exposed that breast. “Be more careful, my love, or it will end in disaster [another implicit warning]. Don’t you remember? I was leaving for a party, and I was wearing my green brocade dress. Afterwards, I had such trouble putting my hair up again. And then I forgot my gloves… I have something I must speak to you about… I’ve received a letter that I must show you. It was sent yesterday: ‘You do not see us, but we see you. The most terrible things can happen. Dreams can become unveiled. The end is near. The wells will run dry; and other fluids will moisten your white loins. This is decided…’ I almost became ill reading it.” (She emits a little laugh in being fondled—the machinery of his imminent murder beyond his grasp.) “Be so kind as to help me with the zipper of my dress…” (Alma is seen reading this with deadened eyes.) In another entry of Johan’s waywardness, he is, while on a walk, waylaid by an intellectual, in suit and tie, who is well aware of the artist’s career. So persistently garrulous is this stranger, that Johan eventually smashes him in the face, bleeding his nose. (The prelude to this blow-up, entails the pest’s rather cutting harangue, “This place must be a painter’s dream or what? I’ve lived here for quite a while [in the castle, as we’ll soon discover]. One returns to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and commits new crimes!… At your age, a certain caution is to be advised… My name is Heerbrand, psychiatric curator… I finger people’s souls and turn their insides out.”) That both Veronica and the pedant are delivering a warning that the floundering radical has engendered a murderous trap, would take a more balanced sensualist to discern. (The Swedish welfare state might be in play here, insomuch as a degree of free thinking could involve a secure tolerance for unconventional ways. Pointedly, I think, the locale is a German island—Germany having a history of intolerance regarding innovative points of view. That a rigorous comportment in face of a skittish normality is urgent, constitutes the essence of this film.)

Welfare-state laissez-faire could be an ingredient in the situation that Alma (lacking the critical fire of the earlier Alma) quite readily puts aside the evidence of her not being a large part of his life, in order to sustain a saintly solicitude transcending the marriage. She’s prepared soup, a bit of everything, and pours it. He spikes his lunch with strong alcohol, and she produces a lengthy report of what she has to buy for their immediate sustenance. “What you gave me this month is almost gone.” (Bergman’s wit always reliable.) He quickly hands over everything in his pocket, but she wants him to hear the details of the shopping to come. “Don’t just shovel over money like that. You have to look at my accounting.” (Is the litany to come—e.g., “You need a new toothbrush. The one you have looks horrible…”—a subtle rejoinder, from a tepid player?) During the lunch Johan devours many slices of bread, as if Scrooge himself were transacting with a generous server. Another itemization is, “Then 50 Kronor for your boy’s birthday.” Eventually he tells her of the simple family supper, on Friday. “I know,” she says. “How did you know that?” he asks. She leaves the table.

From the perspective of von Merkens, this taking custody of our protagonists would be like apprehending elusive desperadoes. The swirl of the initial entry, with hosts, relatives and Germanically academic hangers-on in finery, exchanging pleasantries, recalls, vaguely, the networking parties thrown by Fellini and Antonioni. But, after the shuffle in the greenery, we are confronted with a huge table of food and drink (almost a lab) and massive candelabra ablaze (here recalling the oracle’s dinner, in Smiles of a Summer Night [1955], and her graceful confrontation of a pack of wolves being her daughter’s friends). Alma is virtually invisible amidst the forces making much of their financial wealth and crude audacity. Johan, though he doesn’t faint under pressure, like Jan, in Shame, presents a picture of agony. The host, as if in a signal to attack, prates, “I’m completely incapable of feeling aggression.” Promptly after that, someone (the camera catching diners with confusing close-ups, snippets of seeming monstrous parts of faces and hair) calls out, ironically, “Here we’re used to humiliation. We find it pleasurable, our fangs have remained intact…” Ernst, von Merkens’ brother, relates, “I once bought a painting from a well-known artist and invited him over, along with a lot of people who appreciated a good joke! Then I hung it upside down. What a laugh we had then! My God, how we laughed… What do you say, Sir Artist? Wasn’t that a fine joke?” (In Shame, Jacobi, the militant mayor, roughs up violinist Jan, in a similar way. But Jan eventually gets to shoot Jacobi dead. Here something else occurs. But the animus is worth placing often.) The “family” cruelly laughs out loud, causing Johan to barely swallow his salmon. Panning to Alma finds her in shock. Ernst continues: “… the sores never heal, the puss never ceases to flow. The infection is constant—worse, faster, or slower toward the end. The resistance of the heart decides the outcome…” A lunging pan from that to Johan discloses him close to tears, in having fallen into a trap (a trap, in fact, very hard to circumvent, particularly in view of his chronic weaknesses).

The next stage of “the simple family supper” clearly discloses the heart of the core of the venom. It begins with the hostess’ worry that she’s “constantly losing weight [dying of cancer]…I travel the world over, consulting specialists…” (Johan’s losing credibility is also a mystery of sorts being reversible.) “Sometimes the loss just stops,” she rattles on, “as it did this summer, but then it starts again. My husband thinks its psychological… that it all began when we lost our money. I embezzled the family fortune!” (The dynamics of the coverage of the speakers represents the crucial acrobatics for which the party is missing in action.) Such operatic sensationalism continues as if an overture to the explosive climax. The ruler’s mother exclaims, “I am an old hag. There must be a limit to the hurt.” Someone replies, “No, Madame Countess, I have never heard of any limits at all!” The Countess then pulls her serviette taut and chews on it. Then the subject of Veronica Vogler hits the fan—“I understand you know her. And very well, after what I’ve heard…” The host, who had spoken those words, turns to Alma and asks, “Have you also met her?” In close-up she replies, “No,” and her face is a mixture of hurt and anger and hopelessness. The conversationalist then taunts, “Such hatred in those eyes!” This promptly, militarily, elicits a chorus of harsh laughter. Johan, now onscreen, drinks his good wine without pleasure. The perspective shows three candle flames at his chest, like medals, being what he ironically might have deserved. Someone shouts out, over the carnivorous mirth, “Fredrik, the cacti you planted need to go. I mean, I don’t enjoy them at all.” Pan back to Johan, who has lost a medal of flame. He covers his face with his white serviette. Now the flames have left his chest. He desperately pours more wine. “Actually,” someone remarks, “I am allergic to them” [that is to say, not cacti but efforts to maintain an austere carnal equilibrium and its sensual medium, which the smart money has not only neglected but put a bounty on]. Johan’s flames are off the grid; but, over his shoulders, there are the King and Queen chess figures. Count Block, in The Seventh Seal, had become famous, in that dimension of the film world having an attention span, for challenging Death to a chess match, by which he hoped to be rewarded in the form of immortality. Hold that thought!

After so much spleen in the dining room air, the coffee moment—in the library—might have been expected to ease up. But the sugar on the run was to be the piece de resistance, the drama’s dark resolution. A small prelude of this stage of this world war entails the hypochondriac hostess, at the departure from the table, eclipsing the King feature. Also, there is pedant Ernst putting a non-solicitous hand on Johan’s shoulder, and Sir Artist pushing him away, an infraction causing the wag to become livid. Johan covers his face with his hand, sensing a difficulty to come. He comes up to Alma, still seated. “Help me a little,” he asks. “Yes,” she says. Unprepared for the wolf pack (some also their landlords), there would be some tentativeness; but we remain aghast at the passivity of our protagonists, as if chided for being kinky serfs in the 12th century. (Such a thrombosis also surprises us in watching Shame, where supposed professional violinists, Eve and Jan, losing their position, behave like trailer trash.)

Our two today drag themselves to more abuse, in a precinct of literacy, classical rationalism in all its wits. And though the spotlight falls upon a bemusing puppet stage, don’t be fooled for a second that brass knuckle attack could not coincide with rationality. Soon, after the guests of honor are placed, the lights are extinguished for the sake of a deadly clarity. Performance being a raison d’etre here, the little stage also becomes an altar, with a series of candles to light—the formulaic nature of the distribution being cemented, in contrast with the variable candle flames haunting Sir Artist. That the showman, being one of those experts the castle can’t do without, resembles old-time Hollywood boo, Bella Lugosi, dovetails with the same cheesy hard sell as the fanatical armies in Shame. The master of ceremonies orders, “Music”—unaware that that word covers the logic of his most lethal nightmare. The opened curtain discloses an ancient battlement, with a puppet on a string sidestepping to center stage (perhaps in hopes of sidestepping something that doesn’t agree with him). An operatic baritone, singing in Italian, begins his aria, and the residents produce a warm applause. The camera cuts to the anxious, cigarette-smoking hostess, rivetted to the supposed bravery of the saga. Then we see the grandmother—the host-couple having salted away their children in prestigious schools—galvanized by the sermon-to-come. Another takes off his glasses to meet the forces being evoked. We see Alma, in close-up, struck by the wholesale fascination. Pan to Johan, sweating, morose and looking down to the floor. A cut to the puppeteer produces a close-up of stark lighting on his face and an auxiliary, large shadow of a mouth on his chin. Despite the complexity of the story of the destruction of the Queen of the Night, Bella comes through with some easy listening. “The Magic Flute is the greatest example. [He blows out all the candles but two.] Tamino’s guards have just left him in the dark courtyard outside the Temple of Wisdom. The young man cries in deepest despair, ‘Oh, eternal night, when might shalt thou pass? When shall the light find my eyes?’ The fatally ill Mozart secretly emphasizes these words. And the reply from the chorus and orchestra is also, ‘Soon, soon, youth… or never.’ The most beautiful, the most shattering music ever written. [The puppeteer’s teeth resemble fangs. Cut to the target, Johan and his problematic troubles.] Tamino asks, ‘Is Pamina still alive? [An ancient angel comes to light.] The invisible chorus answers, ‘Pamina, Pamina is still alive.’ Hear the strange and illogical but genial rhythm… Pami… na! This is no longer the name of a young woman… but an incantation, a sorcerer’s formula… But still the highest manifestation of art… Would you not agree, Sir Artist?”

A swift swing pan puts the victim on the spot. A pan to Alma finds her very worried, not able to “help a little” in finessing past a murder. Johan, the born and reckless iconoclast, replies (as they knew he would), “Pardon me. There is nothing self-evident in my creative work, except the compulsion to do it. Through no intent of my own [that last phrase being a half-truth thought to be clever]. I have been pointed out as something apart, a five-legged calf, a monster. I have never sought for that position, nor do so now to keep it. Yet I may well at times have felt the winds of megalomania sweep across my brow. [Alma tense in his apologia, missing the point of his execution.] But I believe myself to be immune. I need only for one second remind myself of the unimportance of art in the human world in order to cool myself down again. But that does not mean the compulsion does not remain…”

Here we’ve just been granted a gift of the high skill of theatrical drama which Bergman often deploys to penetrate a consciousness so salient and so readily missed, at the heart of not merely human history but the history of everything, being an acrobatic and juggling dare which initiates and interplays significantly the uncanniness of life itself. Of course Johan is murdered for his annoying and incomplete nerve in the Gestapo snake pit. And of course Alma comes to reveal to the interviewer how lacking in substance her loyalty amounts to. But the uniqueness of this film—as sharing with the films, Shame and The Passion of Anna—comprises depth of challenge in the mine field of freedom. With respectability on the basis of living forever (full-bore or largely hidden) becoming more pathological by the day, the challenge of the completely new presses up upon Bergman and upon us, in such a way that it is a certainty that very few will take the dare.

The blitzkrieg of the puppet show and Johan’s faux pas, stirs up a gush of faux congratulation. “So speaks a true artist. This is a real confession. Magnificent! What courage! What clarity! I suggest we raise our glasses to our artist—not only a genius but a thinker, too! I’ll be damned, I never would have suspected. A flowering rose for your hair.” (Johan’s drink seems to be bitter to him.) The grandmother, bedecked by an arsenal of rings, broaches, bracelets and sharp fingernails, seeming to embrace the rebel, manages to cut open some facial skin and shed some blood on the prey of the wolf pack. “Our artist is wounded! I’m so clumsy!” Alma rushes to him, tells him to stay calm and tells him he’s had too much to drink. The wolves laugh. She brings him outside for some fresh air; and they’re followed closely. The expert he recently bloodied now goes on an offensive we needn’t pay any attention to. The sense of the saga has run its course. And the dilemma of flourishing there stands powerfully in our face.

Inasmuch as the brutes prefer a long and playful kill, there are reams of bemusement. We’ll keep it short. The artist family shows us how pitifully unprepared, for the phenomena of creativity, they are. The hostess needles Alma about Veronica; and, finally leaving the roast, she has no heart to delight in the inspiring seascape path and supernal moonlight. Instead, she announces that she has read the diary. “It makes me sick with fear… But if you think I’m going to run away, I won’t!” Back at their disappearing house and home, Johan pulls up a supposedly profound idea that an “hour of the wolf,” in the dead of night, involves fateful truths. “The old people” [like him] swear by it. Then he’s on to the subject of abuses from his parents when he was a child, and finding solace from his mother’s “forgiveness.” As if the beatific current, with its caressing, were to be freshly in play, he finds himself able to tell Alma about an abuse he inflicted by this coast not long ago, beating a rude young boy to death by means of multiple pounding with a large rock. (Quentin Tarantino, definitely an aficionado of this work, deploys, acrobatic stuntman, Cliff, in his film, Once upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019), to frequently beat to a pulp annoying entities of every description.) Feeling that tempering would make an improvement, Alma responds, “You said once that what you liked about me was that God made me in one piece, that I had whole feelings, whole thoughts. You said it was people like me… It sounded so lovely. I was wrong. I don’t understand anything. I don’t understand you. You’re nothing but frightened…” Soon after dawn, an emissary from the castle proffers a handgun, supposedly to control wild predators. A second invitation is given, with the added attraction being Veronica. Alma takes umbrage about that, and Johan fires a volley of shots from that security factor. (Prior to that, she insists, “I’ll stay.” Moreover her wounds are superficial, and she escapes; the dribble of the action revealing—for hopefully critical souls—a swing to Hollywood.) Johan, the supposed widower, returns to the fun house. Veronica is placed under a shroud; he takes the cloth away and caresses her, and then the height of love laughs in his face, as do the others. He delivers to his detractors the melodramatic challenge, “The mirror has been shattered. But what do the splinters reflect?” [We’d love to believe that the shake-up has allowed some sense of a mortal being instrumental of two ranges. But that seems to be beyond the forces here]. One of those who sneers is the oracle. She gives us a little clinic as to descending to cheapness. And she deconstructs herself into her constituent parts, as a display of matter being honored to die a spiritual death. An amusing moment in Johan’s pursuit of Veronica involves the latter’s lover, a priest, who, in a fit of jealousy, walks up a wall and then upside down, along the ceiling, like Fred Astaire, in Royal Wedding (1951). The proceedings of killing Johan in the swampy surround are far from royal. But Alma does, partly, raise the tone in her attempt to save a difficult relationship.

She tells us, and those closely tracking her and her misadventure, “I thought it best to follow him. He might harm himself.” She has a question to ask of the investigator (s) of the war. “Isn’t it true that when a woman has lived a long time with a man…she becomes like that man? Since she loves him, and tries to think like him… and see like him. They say that it can change a person. Is that why I began to see those ghosts? Or were they there anyway? I mean, if I’d loved him less could I have protected him better? Or was it that I didn’t love enough? Was that those ‘cannibals,’ as he called them? Was that why he came to grief? I thought I was so close to him. Sometimes he said he was close to me. One time he said it was certainty. If only I could have followed him all the time. There’s so much to keep pondering. So many questions, I don’t know which is which and I get completely…”

#ingmar bergman

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beautifulislam · 5 years

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https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/bollywood/news/after-5-years-of-completion-in-bollywood-zaira-wasim-calls-it-quits/articleshow/70007516.cms

Pls read it's beautiful..

5 years ago I made a decision that changed my life forever. As I stepped my foot in Bollywood, it opened doors of massive popularity for me. I started to become the prime candidate of public attention, I was projected as the gospel of the idea of success and was often identified as a role model for the youth. However, that’s never something that I set out to do or become, especially with regards to my ideas of success and failure, which I had just started to explore and understand.

As I complete 5 years today, I want to confess that I am not truly happy with this identity i.e my line of work. For a very long time now it has felt like I have struggled to become someone else. As I had just started to explore and make sense of the things to which I dedicated my time, efforts and emotions and tried to grab hold of a new lifestyle, it was only for me to realise that though I may fit here perfectly, I do not belong here. This field indeed brought a lot of love, support, and applause my way, but what it also did was to lead me to a path of ignorance, as I silently and unconsciously transitioned out of imaan. While I continued to work in an environment that consistently interfered with my imaan, my relationship with my religion was threatened. As I continued to ignorantly pass through while I kept trying to convince myself that what I was doing is okay and isn’t really affecting me, I lost all the Barakah from my life. Barakat is word whose meaning isn't just confined to happiness, quantity or blessing, it also focuses on the idea of stability, which is something I struggled with extensively.

I was constantly battling with my soul to reconcile my thoughts and instincts to fix a static picture of my iman and I failed miserably, not just once but a hundred times. No matter how hard I tried to wrestle to firm my decision, I ended up being the same person with a motive that one day I will change and I will change soon. I kept procrastinating by tricking and deluding my conscience into the idea that I know what I am doing doesn’t feel right but assumed that I will put an end to this whenever the time feels right and I continued to put myself in a vulnerable position where it was always so easy to succumb to the environment that damaged my peace, iman and my relationship with Allah . I continued to observe things and twist my perceptions as I wanted them to be, without really understanding that the key is to see them as they are. I kept trying to escape but somehow I always ended up hitting a dead end, in an endless loop with a missing element that kept torturing me with a longing I was neither able to make sense of nor satisfy. Until I decided to confront my weakness and began to strive and correct my lack of knowledge and understanding by attaching my heart with the words of Allah. In the great and divine wisdom of the Quran, I found sufficiency and peace. Indeed the hearts find peace when it acquires the knowledge of Its Creator, His Attributes, His Mercy and His commandments.

I began to heavily rely upon Allah’s mercy for my help and guidance instead of valuing my own believability. I discovered my lack of knowledge of the basic fundamentals of my religion and how my inability to reinforce a change earlier was a result of confusing my heart's contentment and well being with strengthening and satisfying my own (shallow and worldly) desires. I discovered my disease of doubt & error that my heart was afflicted with- There are 2 types of diseases that attack the heart, one; DOUBT and Error and the second; LUST and Desire. Both are mentioned in the Quran.

Allah says, “ In their hearts is a disease (of doubt & hypocrisy) and Allah increased their disease. [Quran 2:10]. And I realized the remedy to this could only be attained through the guidance of Allah and indeed Allah guided my path when I lost my way.

Quran and the guidance of Allah’s messenger (PBUH) became the weighing factor in my decision making and reasoning and it has changed my approach to life and it’s meaning.

Our desires are a reflection of our morals, our values are an externalization of our internal integrity. Similarly, our relationship with the Quran and Sunnah defines and sets the tone of our relationship with Allah and our religion, our ambitions, purpose and the meaning of life. I carefully questioned the deepest sources of my ideas of success, meaning and the purpose of my life. The source code that governed and impacted my perceptions evolved into a different dimension. Success isn’t correlated with our biased, delusional and conventional shallow measures of life. Success is the accomplishment of the purpose of our creation. We have forgotten the purpose we were created for as we ignorantly continue to pass through our lives; deceiving our conscience. “And That the hearts of those who don’t believe in the hereafter, may incline to it (the deception) and that they may be well pleased with it and that they may earn what they are going to earn, (and it’ll be evil). [Quran 6:113]

Our purpose, our righteousness or terribleness isn’t defined by our selfish consumption, it isn’t equated by the worldly measures. Allah says, “I swear (by Al-Asr) by time (that’s running out). Verily, man is drowning in great loss, with the exception of (a few) those who believe , do good deeds and call on another to the way of truth and counsel one another to patience and perseverance. [Quran 103]

This journey has been exhausting, to battle my soul for so long. Life is too short yet too long to be at war with oneself. Therefore, today I arrive at this well-grounded decision and I officially declare my disassociation with this field. The success of the journey is dependent on how you take the first step and the reason why I am openly doing so is not to paint a holier picture of myself but this is the least I can do to start afresh and this is just my first step as I have arrived at the clarity of realisation of the path I wish to be on and strive for and during this time I may have consciously or unconsciously planted a seed of temptation in the hearts of many but my sincere advice to everyone is that no amount of success, fame, authority or wealth is worth trading or losing your peace or the light of your Imaan for. Strive not to surrender to your desires for desires are infinite and always leap out ahead of whatever has just been achieved. Do not deceive yourself or become deluded and find believability in the self assured biased narratives of the principles of deen-where one conceals the truth while knowing it or where one picks and chooses to accept only what suits his situation or desires the best. Sometimes we have deep flaw in our iman and we often cover it up with words and philosophies. What we say is not in our hearts and we seek every manner of excuse for clinging to it and indeed He is aware of the contradictions, He is aware of all the thoughts unspoken for He is All-Hearing (As-Sami), the All-Seeing (Al-Baseer), and the All-Knowing (Al-Aleem). “And Allah knows what you conceal and what you reveal”. [Quran 16:19]. Instead of valuing your own deceptive conviction, make genuine efforts to strive and discover and understand the truth yourself with a heart full of faith and sincerity. “O you who have believed, if you are conscious of Allah, He will give you the ability to distinguish right from wrong”. (Quran 8:29).

Don’t look for role models or measures of success in the displeasure of Allah and the transgressions of His commandments. Do not allow such people to influence your choices in life or dictate your goals or ambitions. The Prophet said, “A person will be (raised on the day of Judgement) with whom he loves.” And do not become arrogant to seek advice from the better informed but position yourself away from your ego and arrogance and rely only on Allah’s guidance, indeed only He is the turner of the hearts and the ones He guides, none can lead astray. Not everyone has the conscience or the conscious to recognise the what we need to know or change and hence, it is not for us to judge, abuse, belittle or mock such people. It is our responsibility to make a positive impact by reinforcing the correct understanding by reminding each other. “And remind, for indeed the reminder benefits the believers” (Quran 51:55).

And we must do so not by ramming facts down each others throats by abuse or hostile behaviour or through violent disapprovals but it can only be done through kindness and mercy that we can affect the people around us. [If you see that one of you has slipped, correct him, pray for him and do not help the shaytan against him by insulting or mocking him- Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab]

But before we do that we must remember to exemplify Islam and it’s understanding ourselves in our knowledge and in our hearts, actions, intentions and behaviour and then use it to benefit the ones lack grasp on the fundamentals of the religion in terms of understanding, beliefs and manners . And remember that when you will start your journey or to find your ground in His Commandments- you are going face hardships, resistance, ridicule or discomfort from others and sometimes it can come from people who you love and are the closest to you. Sometimes it can be because of how you have been acting previously or have acted all your life, but do not let it discourage you or lead you to lose hope in Allah’s mercy and guidance- for He is Al-Hādīy (The Guide). Do not let your previous actions stop you from seeking repentance, know that He is Al-Ghafaar (The repeatedly forgiving). Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves. [Quran, 2:222]. Do not let the judgement, ridicule, abuse, words or fear of people take you off from the path of you wish to be on or stop you from expressing yourself to the fullest, remember He is Al-Walīy the helper. Do not let the worry of tomorrow get in your way to reassess your life, for he is Ar-Ražzaq (The Provider).

It can be a tough, complicated and sometimes an unimaginably lonely path, especially in today’s time but remember

the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “There will come upon the people a time when holding onto the religion will be like holding onto hot coal.”

May Allah guide our boats to find its shore and help us to distinguish between truth and deception. May Allah makes us strengthen us in our Imaan and make us amongst the ones who engage in His remembrance and make our hearts firm and help us to remain steadfast. May Allah give us a better understanding of His wisdom and allow us to exhibit our efforts to alleviate doubt and error at individual levels and guide each other. May Allah cleanse our hearts from hypocrisy, arrogance and ignorance and rectify our intentions and grant us sincerity in speech and in our deeds. Ameen

-Zaira Wasim

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markktong0217-blog · 6 years

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Life Sucks When You Are Uncool

When the Siddhartha first encountered an old man, a diseased man, a decaying corpse, and an ascetic, it depressed him. He realized that life involves suffering (Dukkha) in obvious and subtle forms. Even when things seem good, we always feel an undercurrent of anxiety and uncertainty inside (The First Noble Truth). We spend our entire life struggling with aging, sickness, and death. Only maybe 10% of us achieve any semblance of real lifelong happiness—wonderful loving spouse, decent children who go on to successful careers, a healthy life free of disease and financial burdens. However, when we realize that we will inevitably die in few years anyway, none of these matter. So in the midst of all our pain and suffering, how can we remain calm in the middle of the storm? The answer is to be cool.

At the time of slavery, being cool was a behavioral attitude practiced by black men in the United States. A cool manner helped slaves to cope with suffering and death, or simply made it possible to have fun in their desperate lives. During slavery, overt aggression by blacks was punishable by death (philosophynow.org). It was very important to remain inoffensive and calm, and any level of serious emotion or intent should be disguised. However, cool always reminded blacks to resist and rebel against authority through creativity and innovation. Joseph L. White wrote: Black aesthetics, whose stylistic, cognitive, and behavioral tropes are largely based on cool-mindedness, has arguably become "the only distinctive American artistic creation" (Black Man Emerging: Facing the Past and Seizing the Future, 1999, p. 60). Thus, it is more accurate to conclude that cool represents a fusion of submission and subversion.

Today, the aesthetics of cool represents the most important phenomenon in youth culture. We might know that sticking our tongue out during photo-taking is cool, but we do not understand the cool worldview behind this pose. Cool becomes a cheap word and is used as a universal term of approval among the young around the world, right from children in primary school playgrounds up to college-aged adults. Some people would argue that we are living in a relatively peaceful world that slavery and major wars rarely happen, so original cool does not work anymore in the 21st century. However, the truth is that we are still living in a chaotic world where races, religions, genders, parties, nationalities, and social classes deeply split us. While the rich and privileged upper class dominates the society, suffering is still the biggest part of minorities' lives. It is still essential to understand what cool really is and how to use cool to deal with the new challenges and difficulties of the 21st century.

One of the most dangerous things in the 21st century is "parents." In the dictionary of cool, "parents" are one of the authorities, including family, school, religion, and government, who teach us the truth in life and make rules for us for our own good. What makes it really uncool is that you and I rarely question them. We think that we are in the driver's seat, but the truth is that we are just a back-seat passenger wearing the seatbelt and waiting for someone to drive us to somewhere he wants us to go. As a child raised in a traditional Chinese family, my life view was formed by my parents and the society. I was expected to graduate from a top college, work for a big-name company with decent pay, marry a virtuous woman at twenty-six, and enjoy the rest of my family life. In my favorite movie Whiplash, Andrew, a music student, aspires to be the next Buddy Rich, though his parents question his ambitions. As Andrew puts it, "I'd rather die broke and drunk at 34 and have people at a dinner table somewhere talk about it than die rich and sober at 90 and have no one remember me." Cool teaches me to stay away from "parents" and think independently and critically. Dick Poutain wrote in his book: Cool is an oppositional attitude adopted by individuals or small groups to express a defiance state to authority (Cool Rules: Anatomy of an Attitude). Here, cool is a rebellious attitude, an expression of a belief that the mainstream mores of your society have no legitimacy and do not apply to you. Oscar Wilde also read rebellion as "man's original virtue" and said, "it is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made." In the science era, we have continuous "rebellions" and "revolutions" on previous ideas, theories, or technologies, so we can make ourselves so far today.

"You can either travel or read, but either your body or soul must be on the way." It is a quote from the movie Roman Holiday, which perfectly reflects another core value of cool: to know different perspectives. Nowadays, we only trust our own opinions, but believing full scale only on the versions of one party is being unmindful of what the truth is. Cool encourages us to travel around the city, talk to people on the streets, and listen to different stories and views. Reading books is another great way of exploring new ideas and perspectives. By thinking carefully about the mindsets behind the books, we are able to view the world through the same lenses that the authors used. All of these different ideas can get us out of the boxes that have limited our vision for so long. Given that major media companies dominate the way in which we gain information and knowledge nowadays, we should read and listen to more perspectives in order to view the situation more fairly and objectively.

The world changes every day, and this means that we should change constantly, too. In 1923, the sound film started to replace the silent film. However, Charlie Chaplin refused to change at first because silent comedy had made his name famous around the world. It is too easy to stay in one's comfort zone, but cool encourages us to get comfy in an uncomfy world. In the 21st century, new technologies such as VR, AI, and Cloud Technology are gradually stepping into people's lives. Companies like Google and Facebook are spending billions of dollars studying these technologies because they see them as the future. Most people, including myself, did not see it until we realized that our future jobs could be replaced by AI very soon. It takes a lot of time and effort to understand these technologies, but cool people are willing to change to be ready for better opportunities. Charles Dickens wrote it in his book, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" (A Tale of Two Cities). It is very dangerous to be out-dated in the 21st century. The price of being unchanged is a yawning wealth gap: the poor would dramatically fall further behind the middle classes, and those middle classes would be squeezed as well. The upper class will still triumph in the end.

As a young man full of exuberant fancy, I tried to draw up a plan of the "goods" of life when I walked onto this campus. However, coolness woke me from the fantasy and taught me to deal with my sufferings and imperfections by acknowledging and accepting them. When more than half of the students in the school believe in the American dream, they have already fallen into the trap by listening to the authorities. They accept the identity given by the UM, wearing hurricane T-shirts and tattooing the UM logo on their bodies, but forget to present and work on their real identity. The vast uncontrollability of this environment has a great influence on their pursuit of joy: alcohol, drugs, and sex. When the ambulance drove onto the campus and carried them away on a stretcher, they lost their calm manners and self-control. When they only study before the tests, they forget to work hard for themselves. During this class, I was confused. What is the point of striving if our lives are designed to be a struggle and purposeless? Again, this class has given me a very cool answer: Life sucks, no matter if you are cool; but life would suck a lot more if you were uncool. Thank you for letting me know "what's cool," and now it is my time to practice all the ideas above to be cool.

Work Cited

“Charlie Chaplin : Overview of His Life.” Charlie Chaplin : Filming The Kid, www.charliechaplin.com/en/articles/21-Overview-of-His-Life.

Dr Thorsten Botz-BorNstein. “What Does It Mean To Be Cool?” Philosophy Now: a Magazine of Ideas, 2010, philosophynow.org/issues/80/What_Does_It_Mean_To_Be_Cool.

Johnson, A., et al. A Tale of Two Cities. Pearson Education, 2008.

O'Brien, Barbara. “What Is the Importance of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism?” ThoughtCo, ThoughtCo, www.thoughtco.com/the-four-noble-truths-450095.

Pountain, Dick, and David Robins. Cool Rules: Anatomy of an Attitude. Reaktion Books, 2000.

“Sound Film.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 1 May 2018, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound_film.

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