21 weeks

Damn. It was a busy week. first the hospital. then this negative message. but in the end everything went a little bit. Of course my belly grows every day and I sit on the couch all day as recommended. My clothes are still stretching. I'm also happy about that because I can't go shopping. I hope that my cervix lengthens again, which may well be possible, if it is unlikely, since the twins should squeeze when they are tall. we will see a belly update again.

very developed and active babies.

my belly is only growing. I'm speechless.

My angel baby

June 6, 2020 

To my little angel,

I don't know how to start. It happened all so fast. I still can't believe it. We were both doing great. I just had my ultrasound last Friday and you were still happily kicking inside my tummy. You came out without any warning. We did not have much pain. You were still breathing and fighting while I was praying. I may have not hold you in my arms. I may not have heard you laugh and cry. I may not have played with you and taught you how to dance. But in a few months that I have carried you inside of me, we were happy. You made us very happy. You made me believe that I am capable of doing something great and made me look forward to the days ahead. 

Our sweet little angel. My baby girl. Our little warrior. Our baby Ysabella Maeve. I prayed for you that's why I never questioned God why He has taken you away from me, from us. Your Daddy and I will always carry you in our heart and soul. I may not had the chance to see you grow and raise you, but I am still your mother. You are my baby, and I am your Mommy. Thank you, sweetie. You made me believe in myself again. I am still in pain and I know these scars will never fade. But I know you will always be here, wiping my tears and pain away.

Love always and forever,Mommy

Just before I was pregnant vs 21 weeks pregnant

It’s been way overdue. Yesterday my #sundayvibes was to go back to my zen routine. It’s been months that I haven’t been back to @truerestnapa . When I started with #IVF it was my calming place, #truerestfloatspa + #meditating + #yoga + #soundhealing . 😂 I pretty much did it all. And I absolutely loved how much I ended connecting with myself. Give yourself your #metime Bella and those activities that make your heart smile. I need to share more about my pre work going into my #ivfjourney . I dreamed so much of sharing float with my baby, and here we are #21weekspregnant and counting! 🙏🏼❤️🤰🏻Feeling so grateful. Feliz inicio de semana. Y recuerden. La vida es demasiado corta. Descubre, saborea y brinda. ¡Vale! 😍 Muahhhh un beso enorme desde #napa 😘 wends :) . . . #sundayfunday #napavale #napavalley #selfiesunday #behappy #gratefulheart #winecountryliving #floattherapy #floatspa #lovemetime #napablogger (at True REST Float Spa) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7i6wwrHR4d/?igshid=jh974viiu2am

Oh hello, bump! 🤰🏽 resting just over my keyboard 💕 can't wait for these next few months and for this little one to blossom 👶🏽🌸👭🏽 . . . . . #bump #bumplife #growing #pregnant #twomoms #twomomtribe #samesexparents #babygirl #baby #loveislove #patience #lesbiancouplegoals #lesbianlovinglife #lesbianmoms #lesbianfollow #lesbianaf #21weeks #21weekspregnant #snowedin #snowday #snow #2020 #samesexmarriage #lesbiansofig #lesbianrelationship #lesbiansofinstgram #lesbiana #lgbtqfamily #lgbtcommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/B7eVFfShebw/?igshid=ta2gsu873647

Why yes I am walking around dressed up as my DND character for Mother's Day. Because I can. · 📸: @xianmemento · · #dnd #Orisha #MothersDay #cosplay #dungeonsanddragons #babybump #21weekspregnant #pregnant #babyboy (at The Grove) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxYQVTSjZzW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tzd8x9v3iizz

Thoughts

Every time I get on here I say its been a minute since I have wrote on here, & that’s just because life has been so busy & crazy lately!  I am currently a little over 21 weeks pregnant & my Husband & I are over the moon excited that in about 4 ish months, our sweet baby Ethan will be here in our arms!  Having a baby is something that we have prayed & prayed about!  My nerves are always so on edge right now just worrying that I am not doing something right or that the littlest thing I do could harm our baby.  These last 2 weeks or so I have had a couple scares!  Mainly with the amniotic fluid around the baby.  First it was low, then the next day it was fine.  I went for an ultrasound a week later & they said it was low so my OB sent me to a high risk OB, where they said it looked fine.  It’s been such a roller coaster.  Then the next day after going to the high risk OB, I leaked (only one time) a clear fluid down my leg & got all worried.  Went to get checked, which everything turned out to be okay.  It’s just been crazy!  I just want to give birth to our perfect baby boy without any complications.  

I feel like I need to be doing more to prepare for the baby.  We aren’t turning my Husband’s office into the nursery until late August.  The baby will be in our room anyways for the first few months in his bassinet, & since my Husband uses his office literally all the time, we don’t want to take it away just yet!  We aren’t really even taking it away!  We are splitting the room 60/40 & giving Ethan the bigger half!  Still, we may start on it a little sooner than August because I feel like I need to be doing more to prepare.

Fast forward 2 days

I am really bad about finishing a post!  Sometimes it takes a few days.  So I logged onto Instagram last night & seen a celebrity that I follow lost her baby at 20 weeks.  Her & her Husband went in at her 20 week appointment for her anatomy scan & to find out the gender of their precious baby, & there was no heartbeat!  This absolutely breaks my heart.  No matter if someone is 5 weeks pregnant or 20 weeks pregnant, it hurts just as much!  I feel like just by reading this, my anxiety goes up tremendously.  I am about to be 22 weeks pregnant in 2 days & I know that anything can happen at anytime to my sweet baby boy!  I pray to God every single day that he keep him safe inside my womb & that I can continue to have a safe pregnancy & delivery a healthy baby boy!  My Husband & I have wanted this for so very long & we over halfway there.  November is not too far away, yet it seems like forever!  I am just ready to have my sweet boy in my arms!  He is so loved already.  I am just taking it one day at a time & trying to make sure I do everything I possibly can do to remain healthy & do more to stay healthy.  

Now, I am off to spend time with our family for Independence Day.  Family is the most important thing to me!  

<3

we get to say goodbye to this little backyard soon! on to the next step with our growing family! 🦋 #changes #21weekspregnant #growingfamily #3rdbaby #motherhoodrising #mama #sunshine #newbeginnings #grateful #peaceful (at Ohio) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxpgOo2Fu35/?igshid=2x5i8srvm7ch

Do people still say “on fleek”? I’d like to put forth the argument that my bump is “on fleek.” #21weekspregnant #21weeks https://www.instagram.com/p/BuYt_T7B9l-KvkkphlpX8FXiEFD-6Qh1JkS7ic0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=i4hbb5sma0ns

My aesthetic is #yummymummy #21weekspregnant #christmas #topshop #hopelesslingerie #myaesthetic #妊娠 #もう5ヶ月 #赤ちゃん https://www.instagram.com/p/Br_hR4PHlPn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=sx7t7yh6saw6

A comparison of my 3 pregnancies at #21WeeksPregnant 💛💙💜 My children, my loves, my life! #SoonToBeMomOf3 #MyBiggestBlessing #IAmComplete #PregnancyJourney #RainbowBabies #2Rainbows1Miracle https://www.instagram.com/p/Cbn_LcEL2cWp2O0zLmfmQH58E94mZPBX1IWR_w0/?utm_medium=tumblr

16th March 2020

I respect every single pregnant woman. This stomach ache must be terrible. At least they are with me. According to the doctor, everything is ok. My stomach is soft as butter. I rub it in every day so that I don't have any stretch marks later.

Little lady waving away 💖 #babygirl #pregnant #scan #21weekspregnant

As ruler of the bardic iron throne I promise to not burn your cities to prove a point. You're welcome. But seriously, thank you to everyone at @dndbeyond and everyone that voted for me Bard of Superior Inspiration at the D and D Beyond Night of Bardic Inspiration karaoke event. I would sleep in this crown if I could. What a great way to kick off my DnD live weekend! I'll be walking around all weekend and I'll be playing with my @sirens_show family at 11 am Saturday and on the mainstage at 5:30 pm. The Sirens will also be doing a meet and greet Sunday at noon. I look forward to meeting all of you. · · · 📸: @yerawizardkelly 👗: @jcrew · #nightofbards #DnDlive2019 #dnd #dungeonsanddragons #babybump #21weekspregnant #pregnant #bard #jcrew (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxjRk-zjQEP/?igshid=1ah90tnuqnjwh

A size of a pomegranate now. Feels much bigger than that! 😆 Find I have to eat small meals now else I feel so bloated after like I’m going to explode! #21weekspregnant #pregnancy #pcospregnancy #pregnancybump #babybump #halfwaythere #2maxihealth (at London, United Kingdom)

opening my heart space to all the things this life has to offer 🌿🍃🌿🦋 thank you to all of the people in my life who show me they value our friendship. i only hope i can give that back in the most loving, caring way. enjoy this beautiful day! 🌸 * * * * * come flow with me this weekend :)🌿🕉 * ✨Saturday 11AM Hot Power @sourceenergyyoga * ✨Sunday 12:30PM Power Vinyasa @thestudiocleveland * * * * #yoga #yogateacher #gratitude #heartchakra #nature #21weekspregnant #love #mindfulmovement #spiritualpractice (at Ohio) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxiAJ52lFRx/?igshid=ov80ir0bly69