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#'you just want a vagina'? probably the fuck not! so maybe fuckin check yourself and you wont lose transmasc friends.

snekdood · 5 months

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anyways tired of this mean spirited ass website

#maybe im the only trans person who actually hates being reminded of my anatomy idk #its fine if a trans girl says 'you just want a penis!!' but if i say the same thing but w vagina im sure i'd get a million ppl yelling at m #hmmst.#i kinna just think we let ppl slide by w that shit toward transmascs too much. everyone else can be transphobic #towards us directly or even indirectly but if i inched anywhere near the same shit yall say suddenly its an issue #its the same shit w the fucking theyfab shit. doesnt matter if it negatively effects transmascs to some ppl at all apparently #but if i start goin around calling people femmab we'd prolly have issues huh?#can we explain this? are we just doing the whole reversing gender roles to feel woke and Not transphobic #bc its not any better just saying trans girls are the uwu ones who need to be protected and you cant make them cry instead of having that #thrust upon us- ya dont just get to reverse them and act like you're Doing something #anyways you dont get to protect trans girls from any perceived harm and then leave trans guys in the dust sorry idc #fuck off and die ig idk. or be better.#and no- obligatory: im not saying trans women oppress trans men.#if me critiquing your actions = me saying you're 'oppressing me' every time then you're #probably an insufferable person to be around anyways. but assuming good faith from some of the ppl possibly reading this #and whom i wish would assume good faith on my part as well- i do think we let trans women get away w shit that if trans men #did the same shit in reverse everyone would get in a pissy fit about it #and i dont think the solution is to let us do it too i think the solution is some of yall need to check yourselves and internalize the whol #'would you like it if someone said that to you' shit and changing things where it applies like. would you like it if i said to you that #'you just want a vagina'? probably the fuck not! so maybe fuckin check yourself and you wont lose transmasc friends.

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bedbellyandbeyond · 5 years

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Dawson Grace

Story Post; I’m real proud of this one. :-)

After two days at APID, Nathan's sprain was starting to feel like it was almost healed. He walked on it a bit during the day but at night he was told the wolf would limp around his room looking for food. The guards on duty in his ward were given a small supply of food to toss in for him but ultimately it wasn’t enough to sate his appetite and he woke up very hungry every day. Reid had examined his neck wound when it had needed new dressing and it was confirmed as an animal bite, likely a wolf. Any deeper, and it could have been fatal. But it was healing fast so he didn’t have to worry about it. Reid had also had the chance now to look at Nathan in his wolf form and on the second morning, he had information he needed to divulge to the Kindergarten teacher. Nathan brought his breakfast up to Reid's office with him because he couldn’t believe how hungry he was now that the wolf couldn’t hunt. “Can you believe I was trying to transition into vegetarianism before I was bitten?” Nathan asked, picking up a piece of bacon off his bacon pile of a plate and shoving it in his face.

“Everyone always says they're trying to go vegetarian,” Reid said. “It's when they actually are that counts… And even then, it's a lost cause. This world is doomed regardless of what we eat now… Anyway, I'd like to talk to you about something rather unusual that I observed about you as the wolf.” “Okay,” Nathan said, trying to ignore the doctor's nihilistic statement. “Are you aware that when you become the wolf…” Reid said pulling up pictures on his computer. “…you also become female?” Nathan frowned. “I'm sorry… What?” “A guard noticed it the night before so last night after your transformation, we sedated you and took a proper look,” Reid said, turning his monitor for Nathan to see. They were close up photographs of the wolf's genitalia and chest. “Your wolf form is female.” Nathan's eyes widened. “You've got to be kidding… That's me?” “Aye.” “So you took pictures of my private parts?” “To show you. You understand that at this time, you were an animal.” “Wolf or not, I'm still a human with privacy rights!” “Except that you aren’t human in your wolf form. That's biology.” Nathan put his head in his hands, completely irritated. “…So you're trying to tell me that when I become the wolf, I become a girl?” Reid rolled his eyes. “Yes, you develop a vagina. Nathan, you need to calm down. So far, this has proved inconsequential, however it does give us more information about your condition and raises more questions. Like ‘Why do you become female?’ ‘Is this standard for werewolves?’ ‘Does this have something to do with the female that attacked you the other night?’ It's a lead, Nathan.” “Reid, I'm a lot more concerned with the fact that I have a literal sex change every night the moon wants to fuck me up!” Nathan said standing up. “Nathan. You need to sit down and calm down,” Reid said in a serious tone. “You have lycanthropy. You should be more concerned with the fact that you become an animal than that you swap sexual organs. What's in your pants doesn’t define who you are.” Nathan rolled his lips and sat back down crossing his arms. He'd forgotten he was talking to a transgender man. “…I'm sorry, Reid.” Reid waved it off. “Now, I understand your frustration but you shouldn't fret. We’re still just trying to help you.” “…Have you updated my case worker yet?” Nathan asked. “I sent out a report earlier this morning,” Reid said. “It wasn’t graphic, if that's your concern.” Nathan shook his head. “It's fine… At least… Now I know what Dax was trying to say before…” “Dax?” Reid asked. “Who, Dax Olivier? The teacher?” “Yeah, I slept over at his place the other day and he thought I was trans because he said he didn't see a dick on the wolf,” Nathan said. “You slept over?” Reid's eyebrows bounced. “It's not like that!” Nathan quickly snapped. “We went to another teacher's place for dinner because apparently we'd be teaching his kids and his…nibling. But I turned into the wolf when Dax was driving me home so he took me to his place because he didn’t want to leave me alone at my house or something like that… He didn’t get hurt because I was still injured so the wolf was really chill around him, I guess…” “Sounds like he likes you,” Reid said. “He doesn’t! We just met!” “Why else would he look at your genitals?” “You took PICTURES of my genitals.” “I'm a doctor. Dax is a teacher. And he probably does like you because I already told you, everybody probably wants to fuck you just a little bit because of the pheromones.” “I really don’t need to hear that…” Nathan said. “I'm not looking to date anyone.” “Understandable considering how your last relationship ended,” Reid commented. “Don’t talk about Hugh,” Nathan said. “I never want to think of that again.” “Well, luckily the quarter should have ended last night,” Reid said. “You can go home and do all the dating you want.” Nathan pulled out his phone and checked his moon cycles. “You're right… But I'm still not dating. I don’t want to put anyone else in danger.” “Such a lonely existence for a werewolf…” Reid hummed. “If only someone shared your affliction… Oh, right! Your werebear friend! He's very attractive.” “He kidnapped me!” Nathan snapped. “Did he though?” Reid said. “I had a chance to speak with him when I was stitching up that nasty gash on his face. Claims you did it, and you're an ungrateful little bastard who'll get yourself killed without him watching over you.” “He lied about his name. He's clearly a liar. And a criminal.” Nathan crossed his arms. “He ate people.” “Allegedly,” Reid said. “You should talk to him.” “I plan to,” Nathan said. “I need answers. Do you know where they're keeping him?” “Yes, he's in holding. You'll need a visitor's pass,” Reid said. “High security. Considered dangerous.” “And you want me to date him,” Nathan said. “Just because he's considered dangerous doesn’t mean he is,” Reid huffed. “Off you go then. I'll send a request for them to get you the pass once you're down there.” “What floor?” Nathan asked. “B15,” Reid said. “Code 1315.” “Thanks…�� Nathan got up carefully, still a little wobbly on his feet from the sprain. “Whoa, are you good?” Reid asked. “Want your crutch?” “I'll just bring it with me…” Nathan said picking up the crutch and carrying it. He left the doctor's office and went to the elevator to take it down. He wondered if B15 was the lowest floor. The elevator only had a few surface level buttons, and then all the basement floors had to be punched in, some with codes, so Nathan hadn’t a clue how deep the facilities actually went considering every floor after B10 needed a code. When the elevator clunked to a halt and opened to B15, Nathan got out and was met with a small room with a security desk in a cage. “Name,” the guard at the desk asked. “Nathan Cassidy.” A visitor’s pass on a lanyard was pushed through a slit in the cage and Nathan took it and placed it around his neck. A steel door opened beside the cage. “Visiting room, third on the left. Room 1503. Do not enter any other rooms,” the guard said. “Okay. Thank you,” Nathan said, a little surprised at how fast Reid had gotten him the visitor's pass. “Call me.” Nathan blinked then looked at the guard who pointed to the visitor's pass. Flipping it over, he saw a note with a phone number on it. He blushed and just hurried along through the door. Three doors down and he was in the right spot. He walked in a found a very small room with glass divider down the middle through a table with a microphone and chair on either side. No one else was in the room yet so he walked over and sat down. After a few moments of waiting, there was a loud buzz and a door on the other side opened. Kent, or Dawson, or whatever his name was came in, glaring at Nathan. Nathan leaned his crutch on the table and pushed the button on the microphone. “…Can you hear me?” The other man visibly sighed, sat down, and pressed the button. “Yeah.” “What is your name?” “Dawson Grace.” “Why'd you lie to me about your name?” “Kent’s my middle name.” “Why didn’t you say so just now?” “Because Dawson Kent Grace sounds like garbage. Been going by Kent for a long time now. Now why’re you actually here, kid?” Kent asked. Nathan frowned and rubbed his neck. “I want to know what you know about me… Why you saved me.” “I woulda told you if you hadn’t hit me in the face with my favourite rack of antlers and ran off,” Kent said, getting cross. “I’d been hiding for twenty fuckin’ years and now it’s all over because you wouldn’t fuckin’ listen.” “You scared me. And you were holding me against my will,” Nathan said. “I wasn’t… Ugh!” Kent slammed his fist down on the table. “I wasn’t holding you to anything! I was protecting you!” “Why?” Nathan asked, recoiling a bit. “Because you’re fuckin’ helpless, you weak fuckin’ dog,” Kent growled. “If I hadn’t protected your scrawny ass, those other wolves woulda taken you out. They fuckin’ hate you.” “Why?” “No! I’m not answering any more of your fuckin’ questions,” Kent groaned. “I wasted so much fuckin’ time on you and all I get in return is fuckin’ arrested. You know, if they send me back, I could get the death sentence!” “…They still do that?” Nathan asked. “Yeah. They do.” “Well… I mean, I didn’t commit the crime…” “Oh. I see. Of course you believe them.” Kent leaned back in his chair and said something but the microphone wasn't on. Nathan pressed his button again. “…I didn’t hear that.” Kent leaned in real close the glass and pressed the button. “I didn’t kill those people. Alright? I was framed.” Nathan frowned. “Why should I trust you?” “Doesn’t fuckin' matter to me if you trust me or not,” Kent growled. “You're the reason I'm in here. You're the one coming down here wanting answers to your own fuckin' problems. You don’t care about me. You don’t trust me. Why should I care about you? Why should I trust you?” “Maybe I can help you,” Nathan said. “I can…um… I can put you in contact with my case worker, Korsgaard. Or maybe Demers. I heard he’s really good.” “Good at what? I’m an American citizen with a criminal record,” Kent said. “They’ll just deport me.” “Maybe you could claim asylum,” Nathan said. “I’ve heard of cases where people are ordered for deportation and still stay here another fifteen years somehow, despite repeat offences. Clearly there’s loopholes to take advantage of.” “…” Kent narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” “Maybe I don’t, but my case worker does,” Nathan said. “These guys have a soft spot for nonhumans and whatever. They get that it’s hard to live like we do and sometimes that crosses the line. If you get on good terms with them, they might try to help you out. But you can’t resist.” Kent crossed his arms but then realised this disabled him from being able to talk. He uncrossed and pressed the button. “You’re sayin’ all that like you believe me.” Nathan nodded. “…I might as well.” Kent lifted his chin. “Apologise then.” Nathan frowned and tilted his head. “Don’t give me that,” Kent said. “Apologise.” Nathan sighed and looked down. “I’m sorry…Kent… That I didn’t believe you and got you caught.” “And cut my mug up!” Kent said pointing to the stitches across his face. “And for cutting up your face.” Kent huffed and leaned against the table, pressing the button. “Have you figured out what happens to ya when you transform? You get lady parts down there.” Nathan winced. “Yeah, not new.” “What that means is you were bit by the alpha female,” Kent said. “Alpha female werewolves breed only more females, doesn’t matter if the human has a cock. That’s why they try not to go after men. They don’t want mixed sex werewolves like you around.” Nathan took it in and then furrowed his brow. “…So they’re trying to kill me because I’m a man?” “‘Xactly.” “That’s… That’s crazy,” Nathan said. “It’s not my fault I transformed. It’s theirs!” “Yeah, and they’re trying to clean up their mess,” Kent said. “Took me til the other night to figure it out. I used to just pick you up and drop you back chez you before sun up, so I didn’t know you were a man. Couldn’t figure out why they were after ya until you brought those agents out with ya and I had to keep you at my place ‘til the sun.” “So you… You're the reason I'd wake up in my backyard?” Nathan asked. “Yeah.” “How do you know where I live?” “Scent.” “And you never thought to wait and see who I turned back into?” “I'm a wanted man,” Kent said. “I don't stick around for shit.” “You stuck around Canada a long time though,” Nathan commented. “Canada's big. Almost as big as the States,” Kent stated. “It is bigger than the States,” Nathan said. Kent frowned. “Can't be.” “It is. Look at a map.” “What are you, a teacher?” “Yeah, actually. I am.” Kent groaned. “I fuckin' hate teachers.” Nathan frowned, personally offended. “Why?” “Know-it-alls who think they're making a difference but are just a tool in the education system set on sucking the life and love of learning out of helpless children.” Nathan fumed. “Hey, I… Fuck you!” “Really? That’s your best come back?” Kent snorted. “You need to get off your high horse. You and I are animals, not people. Not to these guys. Not to anyone. They just want to look at us and use us and exploit us. You think they're helping you, but they used you as bait to find me and others like us.” Nathan sighed and glared at Kent. “You act like you're smart but you took the bait. Why?” Kent huffed. “I don't know why. I pitied you, maybe. Thought I could do something good. Clearly I wasted my time.” Nathan grit his teeth. “Pity yourself.” Kent rolled his eyes. “Is that all?” “Maybe…” Nathan thought for a minute. “No, when… When the APID agents were searching for me, they said their technology blacked out. Was that you?” “Oh…” Kent rubbed his chin, scratching at his stubble. “You like that, huh? Nice little alien tech toy I found.” “It's alien?” Nathan repeated. “What does it do?” “Exactly what you said,” Kent said. “I call it ‘the blackout’. No technology within a quarter mile radius can work properly. Stops them from tracking me.” Nathan looked away in thought. “You had a radio though.” “Bingo.” Nathan raised his eyebrows and looked at Kent. “The radio's the blackout machine?” “Did you even actually look at my radio or did you just hear it?” Kent asked. “It can receive radio waves while also knocking out other tech." “That doesn’t sound like it should work that way…” Nathan said. Kent shrugged. “Well it does. It’s alien. They know more than we do about how things work, I figure.” Nathan did his best to take a mental note of everything he’d said so far. “Okay… I think that’s it.” He got up but then thought for a moment and pressed the mic button again. “Thank you. And I’m sorry…I got you put in here, I guess.” He turned and started to leave. “Hey,” Kent said assertively. “Turn around. I’m not done.” Nathan huffed and turned back around, crossing his arms. “You know, you’re really rude,” Kent said. “You come in here, angry at me for givin’ you my middle name, but you never even told me your name.” Nathan blinked, and then blushed in embarrassment, realising he really hadn’t even thought about that. He leaned down to push the button again. “It’s Nathan. Nathan Cassidy. Sorry… I thought…” “Nate, huh?” Kent grinned. “That’s pretty boring.” “I don’t go by Nate. It’s Nathan.” “Whatever you say, Nate. Bye now.” Nathan pursed his lips and huffed before grabbing his crutch. “You’re really… You know what, I don’t even care. Bye.” “You’ll be back.” “Whatever. Dawson.” Nathan left and let the door slam shut behind him.

APID prison uniforms are green because aliens~

Vi: Well, I never... That’s a huge generalisation. Only approximately 14% of known extraterrestrial species and races are green. Lino: Yeah, that’s racist. And...speciesist.

#lore #Nathan #Kent #Reid #werewolf #werebear #newBBB

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burkedeboer · 6 years

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Wanting, Before the Storm

1 F, 2 M.

Stranded on a Colorado mountain pass is a beautiful car that is broken on the inside. Its frantic riders are two beautiful people who are broken on the inside. After a one night stand, the coke-addled pair of lovers ripped off the St. Louis mob and hit the highway for California. Now the mob comes from the east. A blizzard comes from the west.

This is a story of bad decisions.

First read at the Oregon Playwrights Society, February 2016. First staged at Western Oregon University, February 2017. Full text below the break.

Along the highway. VALENTINA CAVALLARO stands in the cold. She wears a Halloween costume, the sort that is bought on the cheap and shows a lot of leg. HORSE is in the car grinding the starter. He wears a helmet that would announce him as a centurion legionnaire, were it not for the fact that, like his arms bracers, it is plastic. They are that reckless age that allows one to behave as they do.

Evening is settling. A storm’s coming.

VALENTINA God damn it, Val.

HORSE Huh?

VALENTINA How in the fuck… (She sighs, looks around. A pause. And then - )

HORSE What?!

VALENTINA I wasn’t talking to you! (She produces her cell phone, looks at it.) Fuck.

HORSE (Hops out of the car, but knocks his head against the doorframe. He nearly sprawls out on the ground but catches himself. He flings the helmet.) This goddamn thing!

VALENTINA One bar. Come on, just gimme one bar…

HORSE I think there was one in Wanting.

VALENTINA What?

HORSE That town we went through? I think there was a bar in that town back there.

VALENTINA What the fuck are you talking about?

HORSE I don’t know. (He goes to the hood of the car, opens it.) You know anything about motors?

VALENTINA Horse, I don’t even know what this car is.

HORSE Really?

VALENTINA Don’t say shit.

HORSE Huh?

VALENTINA I see it in your eyes, you were gonna say some shit. Just don’t.

HORSE Maybe I wasn’t!

VALENTINA Then it’ll be easy for you.

HORSE These cocksuckin’... (Rips the plastic Roman arm bracers off.) Why are we still in our costumes?

VALENTINA It’s not like you gave us time to change.

HORSE You got any cell service?

VALENTINA No! I don’t! Cars don't break down: your car breaks down. I always have service: now I don't have service. And everyone in the world owns a cell phone, except for your broke ass. That’s just the way it works, isn’t it?

HORSE (Putting his arms around her.) Yeah, but you know what babe?

VALENTINA What’s that.

HORSE Your luck can only change if you keep playing.

VALENTINA Did that philosophy work for you in Kansas City?

HORSE (Breaking – back to the engine.) Yeah, yeah. Kansas City was an anomaly. (He fights and rips a part out from the engine. He looks at it. He’s not sure what it is.)

VALENTINA It’s not even luck at this point, it’s fate. Destiny. I’m going to die. And if it doesn’t happen in Chicago, or St. Louis, it’ll happen here. Buttfuck Nowhere, Colorado.

HORSE If that’s what this place is called maybe we should stay here a while.

VALENTINA Horse.

HORSE Ah, it’s not that serious anyway.

VALENTINA It’s not? You went a hundred all across Kansas because it’s not that serious?

HORSE I only hit a hundred a couple times!

VALENTINA Talking the whole time about “beating the snow.” “Gotta beat the snow.”

HORSE Well she’s a Mustang, babe.

VALENTINA …Okay?

HORSE Don’t worry about it, I’m gonna head back into town and sniff out a mechanic.

VALENTINA What, you’re gonna leave me here?

HORSE Someone needs to stay. Just to watch the car.

VALENTINA Stay here, watch the car, freeze to death. I got it.

HORSE You can wait inside, can’t ya? Turn on the heater.

VALENTINA …Oh my God.

HORSE Huh?

VALENTINA Don’t worry about it.

HORSE That’s what I’m saying! It won’t be long, beautiful. Two shakes. (exits)

VALENTINA (Watches him go with lustful appreciation. After he’s significantly gone, she shakes her head.) God damn it, Val. That’s how the fuck you got here. (Pulls off the veil and tosses it with the other Halloween scraps.) I’m an embarrassment. Left St. Louis, left the casino, left Stephen, all for fucking California? Not even California, because I’m going to die on this mountain pass. So it’s all for… Some country bumpkin talking about California. (She checks her phone again – a gasp of pleasant surprise. She quickly dials, then speaks into it.) …Hey, Stevie baby. I know, I know-… I’m in Colorado. …Yeah, well. …I want to come home. …Good! Then come get me. …Along the highway, straight through Kansas, and, uh, what was that? …What? I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that… Yeah. Yeah, I’m with Horse so what. …Yeah, we got all the coke, but we’re broke down outside of fucking “Wanting.” That’s the name of the town. Wanting, Colorado. As in “I’m not Wanting to be in Colorado.” …I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. …No, the-… What? (She listens a bit to the utter nothingness on the line. Looks at her phone. Rages at it. Sighs.) Okay. This is fine. Horse is right, I just need to, ah… Need to relax. (From the backseat of the car she produces a duffel bag. From this she begins to knuckle up a bump of coke.) Just a bump. Just taking the edge off. For clarity! (Does the bump.) Okay!! For clarity… I completely lack self-control, that’s clear. Because evidently I’m ruled by my vagina. That is clear. That tight butt of his, those arms. And that smile. That’s really all it took? Damn it, Drunk Valentina. Okay. Past Me is an asshole. Present Me is paying the price for it. And unless Present Me makes some better decisions, Future Me is totally fucked. (Does another bump.) Now things are twice as clear. If I get back to St. Louis, I can go back to The Sundowner. They can’t fire me. I’m Valentina fucking Cavallaro, they can’t fire me! So I go back to work, and Stephen will take me back. He always does. Sweet Stephen. As well he should though, ‘cause it’s his fucking fault, moving to St. Louis. Wouldn’t have happened if we stayed in Chicago. But okay, there we go. Right? Just get a motel, and wait for Stephen. It’s not the worst plan. There have probably been worse plans. Like going to California with someone you’ve only known for four hours. That was pretty fucking stupid. This dumbass cowpuncher. Well, he’s not so dumb. He cleaned house in that basement game after all, and Fat Daniel was playing in that. Fat Daniel never loses, especially at Texas Hold ‘Em. The family always makes sure of that. You’d have to be a halfway genius to pull that off. So you got to admit, he’s pretty sharp. And he’s pretty fine. But for fuck’s sake. What do I care about a tight ass? Why is that so important? What am I gonna do, am I gonna fuck that ass? … I could. I mean if he wants to stay in Buttfuck Nowhere a while. Christ. Don’t even know anything about the son of a bitch. I know he’s from Omaha. Or at least that’s what he said. Might as well believe him, at this point. I know he calls himself “Horse.” Jesus. That’s real classy, you know, a man calling himself “Horse.” At least the name fits or I’d really be mad. And that’s how you let yourself get suckered. …But then again… Why is that a bad thing? That’s something else I don’t know. What’s so bad about feeling good? That’s why you work in the first place: to have money, to buy things, to feel good. So what the fuck, why are you beating yourself up? It’s all going to be okay. (After a moment, a realization.) He is going to kill him though. Stephen is going to kill him. He’s going to walk Horse out into the woods, and he’s going to shoot him in the head. (Horse enters with TRAVIS.)

HORSE But if you could do it without having to tow her I’d really appreciate it.

TRAVIS I’m sure you would.

VALENTINA He’s going to make me watch too.

TRAVIS ’68 Fastback! I think I might have to tow this after all.

HORSE Oh?

TRAVIS To my house. Park it in the car port.

HORSE Oh yeah. (Climbs into the car and begins to dig through the back seat.)

TRAVIS I’ve got a 2007 GT, this would look real good right next to it, the classic and the current. (Sees engine) Jesus H. W. Bush.

HORSE Uh, there’s – baby, can you hand him that thing? On the ground out there?

VALENTINA The helmet?

HORSE The what? The… No, that thing.

VALENTINA Right. Here, he took this out. (She hands him the part. He looks at it. Sighs and nods.)

HORSE (Emerges, holding a pool cue case.) Yeah, that didn’t look right to me.

TRAVIS Well it shouldn’t have looked wrong. (Goes to work.)

HORSE (Sees duffel bag.) Whoa. Yeah, let’s put that away. (He does, and then sits in the driver’s seat to screw the two-piece cue together.)

VALENTINA Just trying to stay warm.

HORSE It is a bit chilly, huh? I might have to warm up myself in a bit.

TRAVIS Where you kids from anyhow?

HORSE Huh?

TRAVIS Would you quit grunting so much? “Huh.” You kick a pig on the butt and it says “Huh.”

HORSE What?

TRAVIS That’s better.

HORSE …What?! (Goes to hop out of the car. Hits his head on the frame again, and this time he does lay himself out.)

VALENTINA How do those clouds look to you?

HORSE (Sits up) I’m not a fuckin’ weather man.

TRAVIS Where’d you learn to talk like that in front of a lady?

HORSE Could you-

VALENTINA Yeah, why do you cuss so much? (Horse scowls. She laughs.)

HORSE (Gathers up himself and his cue.) Could you just… Could you just fix the motor?

TRAVIS I’m trying. It’s a process.

HORSE Yeah, I’m sure. Well, I’m off again.

VALENTINA What?

HORSE I was right, they do have a bar in town. With four pool tables. I’ve got some money to make.

VALENTINA Horse.

HORSE Yeah, babe.

VALENTINA I’m gonna need you to not. Right now. Okay?

HORSE Wh-... Aw, shit, you don’t gotta worry about Travis, he’s just fixing the motor.

VALENTINA I’m talking about this. (Gestures at the cue.) This was why you had to leave St. Louis. This was why you said we couldn’t stop in Kansas City.

HORSE Uh, no it’s not.

VALENTINA No?

HORSE This is not why I had to leave Kansas City and St. Louis.

VALENTINA Really.

HORSE That was because of poker, horse racing, and sports bets. This is pool!

VALENTINA Well when you put it like that.

HORSE How about I put it like this: that redneck bar was full of cowboys and oilers. It was like Texas football in there. They got all that cattle and oil money and if it’s not burning holes in their pockets yet, all I’ve gotta do is strike the match.

VALENTINA You just threw like three metaphors and a simile at me, give me a second to digest that.

TRAVIS I wouldn’t try to hustle any of those roughnecks.

HORSE Aw, I’m not worried about bravado, Trav. Everywhere you go thinks it’s the toughest place in the world. (to Valentina) And I’ll tell ya something else. St. Louis, Kansas City, Omaha, there was all organization there. The Sons of Silence, the Irish mob, and the folks you work for. The Italian folks. This outfit is just some working stiffs.

VALENTINA “Folks.” “Outfit.” Who the fuck are you?

HORSE I’m your man.

TRAVIS All right, now, I got after him for swearing in front of you. You don’t get off the hook.

VALENTINA If I wanted any shit from you I’d scrape it off your teeth. (to Horse) Wait, Omaha?

HORSE …Omaha. It’s where I’m from.

VALENTINA Right. You said that. But you never said that you were run out of Omaha.

HORSE …Well. I was.

VALENTINA What happened in Omaha?

HORSE Don’t worry about Omaha.

TRAVIS You guys sound like Peyton Manning before the snap.

HORSE (processes this, then laughs) “Omaha! Hut hut!” Yeah, this is Broncos country, huh? Better get outta here.

TRAVIS You a Chiefs fan?

HORSE Naw, Vikings. I look too good in purple.

VALENTINA Oh no, it’s not gonna work out.

HORSE What?

VALENTINA I’m a Bears fan. Obviously.

HORSE Hey, I can be a Bears fan. You saying I can’t be a Bears fan? Well I’m a Bears fan now, who gives a shit.

VALENTINA Is switching teams that easy?

HORSE For you, beautiful, anything’s easy.

VALENTINA Horse… (They make out.)

TRAVIS Not to interrupt anything but…

HORSE Yeah?

TRAVIS But I will anyway. I do have to haul this into the shop.

HORSE No, please, no you fuckin’ don’t.

TRAVIS You’re right, I don’t. I could just leave you stranded here.

HORSE You haven’t even tried to start it again. (He runs to the car. The cue doesn’t fit through the door and he bounces off and goes rolling.)

TRAVIS Well your starter’s wore down so I don’t really need to. That’s just one of the problems.

HORSE Fine! You know what. Fine. Guess we’ll stay the night here.

TRAVIS Probably gonna stay a couple.

VALENTINA Oh no.

HORSE (Pops trunk, begins unloading bags) Don’t worry, baby, that just means we get to see all the sights of Wanting. Almost seven thousand people here, something’s got to entertain them.

VALENTINA What about… I thought we needed to beat the snow?

TRAVIS You’ll definitely need to beat the snow. This rig will not handle in it at all.

VALENTINA And what about those clouds? Just look out there, the snow’s coming.

HORSE That’s one possibility.

TRAVIS Those clouds do look pretty rank.

HORSE They might not even start dumping until they’re on the other side of us.

TRAVIS No, son, just look out there, over the foothills. Look, come over here and look.

HORSE (Now getting bags from the backseat.) I don’t need to look! I don’t need to look.

TRAVIS You can see it down over the foothills. It’s already snowing, and it’s coming this way.

HORSE Then let it snow. Let it dump everything it’s got on the foothills, and we’ll just go south. Go around it. Take the long way to California. Hell, it might even quit at any moment.

TRAVIS I doubt the odds of that one.

HORSE The smallest odds have the biggest payouts.

TRAVIS So am I towing your car or not?

VALENTINA We need to get out of here, babe.

HORSE Aw... Aw man.

VALENTINA What?

HORSE You never called me “babe” before.

VALENTINA That wasn’t the important part of that sentence.

HORSE It was a pretty great part though.

VALENTINA Okay, babe, listen to me.

HORSE Listening.

VALENTINA We need to leave.

HORSE I don’t see why. We’re already not beating the snow, supposedly. You’ve got to play the hand you’re dealt; all there is to it.

VALENTINA I think we need to get this snow between us and…

HORSE And what? St. Louis? They’re not that sore over me.

VALENTINA You’d be surprised.

HORSE Would I?

VALENTINA My fiancé’s coming.

HORSE Huh?

VALENTINA My fiancé. I told him where we were.

HORSE Well why’d you do that?

VALENTINA I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking clearly. But I am now, and-

HORSE You can whip this into shape at your shop, Trav?

TRAVIS I can get it going again.

HORSE Tonight?

TRAVIS No not tonight. It’s past five, my shop’s closed.

HORSE Can’t ya open it?

TRAVIS I can. I won’t.

HORSE Well aren’t you a lotta help. How long’ll this take?

TRAVIS Couple days, I said.

HORSE Couple days, he said. Then I guess I get to meet this chump. You’re really engaged?

VALENTINA Technically, yes.

HORSE What’s “technically” mean?

VALENTINA He asked me to marry him and I said yes.

HORSE When was this?

VALENTINA June.

HORSE June? And you’re not married by October?

TRAVIS It’s November now.

HORSE It’s November now! Even worse.

VALENTINA We were planning for spring.

HORSE Well ain’t that just fucking typical. I wouldn’t marry you in spring. I wouldn’t be so typical. You’re not a typical girl.

VALENTINA We’re engaged. And he’s coming after us.

HORSE “Engaged.” You sign anything?

VALENTINA No.

HORSE You shake on it?

VALENTINA No.

HORSE

Then what the hell.

TRAVIS You generally don’t shake on engagements.

HORSE Stay outta this, Travis. (to Valentina) So how ‘bout it?

VALENTINA How ‘bout what?

HORSE It’s not spring right now. I’m ready to go. Dump the chump, trade your draft pick.

VALENTINA You’re asking me to marry you?

HORSE Yeah. Look. (Takes the ring off her finger. Gets on his knee.) Valentina-… Uh… Valentina. Would you make me the happiest man in the world?

VALENTINA Oh my fucking God.

HORSE I’ve never been with anyone as good as you. I bust four nuts last night.

VALENTINA You really wanna get married, Horse?

HORSE Only if you’d have me.

VALENTINA You fucking know it, baby. (He rises, picking her up. They kiss. Travis slow claps.)

HORSE Let’s stop in Vegas. Find us an Elvis.

TRAVIS You don’t even need to go to Vegas.

HORSE Nuh uh?

TRAVIS No. Colorado doesn’t have a waiting period for marriage licenses either.

HORSE Well… Well what do you think, beautiful?

VALENTINA Get married here?

HORSE Go find the justice of the peace of Wanting, Colorado. It’s the American thing to do.

VALENTINA Sure. And the car is old. All that poker money is new.

HORSE Yeah yeah yeah, there you go. And all the coke is “borrowed.”

VALENTINA That’s right, it is.

HORSE What’s next?

VALENTINA Uhh...

TRAVIS Something blue.

VALENTINA Oh yeah!

HORSE How about my Levis?

VALENTINA I think I need to be wearing the blue thing.

HORSE (Sets to kicking off his boots.) Well we can take care of that quick enough.

VALENTINA We’ve got everything we need right here! Yeah, let’s do it. Let’s fucking do it. (They make out, Horse pulling off his pants.)

TRAVIS I for one am very happy for you. I’m gonna go get that tow truck now. (exits)

HORSE All right. (Hands Valentina his pants. Peers out to the west as he puts his boots back on and she puts on the jeans.) Damn, that is a storm. I told you though, didn’t I? I told you Halloween was the shift. It’s like flipping a switch, it’s autumn one day, then November starts and suddenly everything freezes over. Suddenly there’s frost on the pumpkin.

VALENTINA You sound like a farmer.

HORSE Yeah, huh? The weather is serious conversation for my people.

VALENTINA I’m a little scared, Horse.

HORSE You don’t gotta be scared, it’s just some snow.

VALENTINA He knows where we are. He’s coming after us.

HORSE Who? Your ex?

VALENTINA Yeah.

HORSE Well, from what I know about him he sure likes to take his time. Let him come. And let the snows come too. The micks, the Omaha bail bondsmen, those Sons of Silence sonsabitches, let ‘em come. Bring ‘em all on. Who is this chump anyway? Your ex, what’s his story?

VALENTINA He works for the family. He works with me.

HORSE What, at The Sundowner?

VALENTINA Yeah. All of our St. Louis operations are through the casino.

HORSE What was his name?

VALENTINA Stephen.

HORSE Stephen at The Sundowner? One of the bouncers?

VALENTINA That’s one of his jobs.

HORSE Yeah it is, isn’t it. Stephen Vacchese?

VALENTINA You know him.

HORSE Sure. He’s weak. Not physically, of course. But emotionally.

VALENTINA You’re totally right. I could never put it into words.

HORSE I could kick his ass. Emotionally.

VALENTINA You’re so right.

HORSE You’re too much woman for a guy like that. You can see it in his eyes, how nice he is.

VALENTINA I mean… He has killed people before.

HORSE Oh. Has he really?

VALENTINA Two guys. That I know of.

HORSE Why’d he kill ‘em?

VALENTINA I don’t know. We told him to, I guess.

HORSE “We?”

VALENTINA Yeah, you know. The Cavallaros.

HORSE Oh. You’re a Cavallaro. Right.

VALENTINA Yeah.

HORSE Your last name’s Cavallaro.

VALENTINA Did you not know that?

HORSE

You don’t just “work at The Sundowner.”

VALENTINA I’m not cooking the books or anything. But yeah. I’m a Cavallaro.

HORSE Okay. Okay. (He goes to the duffel bag.) See, but that’s just what I was saying, isn’t it? He’s weak. Just because he’s told to kill someone, he does it. Not because he wants to, just because he’s told. See, I’m an asshole like that, I’ve never killed anybody. (He palms a handful of coke.) Ain’t a man on the goddamn planet can make me kill someone. Call me an asshole. I accept it.

VALENTINA What’s the matter?

HORSE Nothing’s the matter. I just need to clear my head.

VALENTINA For clarity.

HORSE For clarity! (Snorts the coke in a wild rip, dusting his entire face.)

VALENTINA Horse…

HORSE Yeah baby!

VALENTINA It’s starting to snow.

HORSE You’re telling me! (Rubs his gums. He looks to the sky.) Ah. Huh. Okay. You know what. This actually solves all our problems.

VALENTINA I thought we were trying to avoid the snow.

HORSE See, if you’re a Cavallaro and we get married, then the Cavallaros won’t want to kill me. They can’t kill me. I’ll be in the family.

VALENTINA Just like they can’t fire me.

HORSE Yeah. What? Yeah! They can’t fire this beautiful woman, and that’s exactly who’s vouching for me. If this beautiful woman vouches for me.

VALENTINA I’ll vouch for you.

HORSE Aw, babe. You got my back.

VALENTINA Of course! It’s the best part of you. (She twirls her hand and at the command he spins around for a booty dance. She squeals with glee.)

HORSE And Kansas City won’t be able to touch me either or they’d be starting a war with Chicago.

VALENTINA They probably wouldn’t go to war over you.

HORSE Huh?

VALENTINA Chicago. My dad. Probably wouldn’t go to war if you got killed.

HORSE Well, I know that, I just mean, fuckin’… Kansas City don’t know that! It’s like the Cold War, baby, the Cuban Missile Crisis. The fear of bombs being dropped is enough to stop the bombs from dropping.

VALENTINA Yeah, okay!

HORSE So Chicago can’t touch me, Kansas City won’t touch me, St. Louis is smoothed over… Hell, I don’t need to go to California. And since I don’t need to live off these winnings in California, I can use them to pay off Omaha. Hot damn. I fuckin’ love you babe.

VALENTINA I love you.

HORSE You’re saving my skin right now in a million ways. We just need to seal the deal. Which means – (He offers his hand. She shakes it.) Babe.

VALENTINA I love you too.

HORSE Remember what I was saying earlier, about luck changing? I think our luck has changed, don’t you? (He climbs into the car, this time without incident.) And when your luck is good you’ve got to ride that luck. As long as luck is giving, you’ve got to keep on taking. (The starter grinds and then FIRES UP! Cheers from the two and HORSE bolts from the car. He slams the hood. They run , gathering all their bags and pitching them frantically into the trunk. Each with bags in hand, they collide, but don’t quite go tumbling. They laugh, they kiss. Then the car gurgles and dies.) Well I'll be a son of a bitch.

VALENTINA ...You’re a wanted felon, right?

HORSE Huh?

VALENTINA If there are bail bondsmen after you. You’re a felon. For jumping bail? If we go to the justice of the peace, that'll come up.

HORSE Oh. Oh yeah. Odds are they would. (At this, his eyes light up.) Odds are!

VALENTINA The odds are against us.

HORSE Just where we want 'em. Come on babe, let’s get back to town before we’re totally froze!

The storm is swelling. He crouches, offering his back. She jumps onto him, pool cue in hand as a lance. Their laughter is drowned out by the howling wind. It comes in fierce and freezing. They gallop off, unaware that the storm has set upon them.

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