ugh god I KNOW hating modern art is a fascist dogwhistle but also

every time I see something about it I’m just like

okay

but

I DO hate it

((Mod, since you value respecting different opinions and everything, something's recently happened: the Youtuber Kubz Scouts said he didn't like a character and was happy they died, so fans of that character are now screaming insults at him and demanding that he be "canceled". Because if there's one thing that drives Danganronpa fans into a screaming at the top of their lungs frenzy, it's other people daring to have a different, and perhaps unpopular, opinion about fictional characters.))

//Did you want my opinion on this? Because I can’t really give you one, since I haven’t watched his DR playthroughs and I’m not at all interested in internet drama.

//As for that kind behavior, if you do want my opinion on that, I’ll do my best to provide. I’ll put it under here for anyone who’s not interested.

Let’s not pretend this is exclusive to Danganronpa fans or that this is a new development. I remember the days when everyone was playing Undertale and anyone who didn’t go for the Pacifist Run and didn’t do everything perfectly was subject to a lot of discontent. Hell, I remember when Superwholock was a thing and people genuinely and unironically used threats like “You messed with the wrong fandom.”

Someone disliking a game or a character in a game is not a personal attack on you because you like them. We cannot assume that just because someone likes or dislikes something, they are by extension directing their feelings toward people who do not share their feelings on the matter. I examine media on its own merits and never try to list the fandom as a reason why I dislike something. Media and fandom are exclusive things and we can talk about the problems and merits of one, the other, or both.

This is the biggest one: Cancelling is not a real thing, at least not the way many of us think it is. There are people who’ve been “cancelled” and yet still have fans, still talk about things the same way, and still have a voice in public despite doing shitty things or just things deemed “unacceptable” by some group of people. Cancelling is more often than not just momentary outrage followed by mass attempts at character assassination, and it’s often filled with baseless accusations and quotes pulled out of context rather than real evidence for bad behavior. And in most cases, it will fade away. While I absolutely do think that people should be held accountable after saying and doing horrible things, there are people who’ve been “cancelled” for honest mistakes or behaviors they themselves did not realize were bad, or even for very minor things like people not liking the way they draw or for not liking a popular character. And this kind of thing really just takes the form of sending hate mail and demanding that they disappear or die. The kind of behavior people are supposed to discourage in any circumstance. The thing I dislike the most about this behavior is not just that it’s just reskinned cyberbullying, but that it actually makes the problems worse. When you harass and insult people for not holding your opinion, that is not going to endear them or anyone to your side. In fact, it’s probably going to make them stick to their opinions even harder. And when that happens, it makes it so easy for shitty people to co-opt that as a sign of how irrational and cruel your side is. It also hurts that it feels like most people who engage in this stuff think they’re doing the world a favor, when all they’re doing is harassing someone whose reputation they don’t have the power to destroy. I think most people do this either because they’re genuinely ignorant of their inability to really damage someone’s credibility, that they think it makes them a good person for stopping “unacceptable” behavior, or maybe they’re just in it for the drama, because it’s “fun”. But what really hurts the most is this expectation many of us now have, that we’re one opinion or one stupid post away from getting showered with hate mail, doxxed and maybe even pushed to the brink of suicide, and for things that we may not have even meant. To be crystal clear, I will not excuse genuinely repulsive behavior and you shouldn’t either, but this is not the way to handle it. If you want people to change their opinions or understand where they went wrong, communicate with them and help them understand. You need to engage with them openly and kindly. Compassion is the key. I say this not for the people who’ve been “cancelled”, but for the people who think it’s a good idea: it can be so easy, but you will not get anyone to agree with you just by answering hate with hate, and you will never be able to completely silence anyone in today’s world. You simply won’t. Most importantly, this kind of behavior does not put you on a moral high ground, it makes you no better than the people you claim to be standing against. Sending death threats and hate mail to people is wrong regardless of who’s doing it, and if one person does it, you’d be the bigger person by not responding to them. Most of all though, remember Hanlon’s Razor: never attribute to malice what can equally be attributed to ignorance. Some people make mistakes and post things without realizing what exactly they mean- I’ve done this myself and I had people point out how bad they were, so I simply deleted the posts. People are often much better and more understanding than they’re given credit for and I want people to understand that. And if you try and get them to listen, but they still refuse to see things your way, ignore them. Move on from them and try to find people who will. You can’t simply force opposition out of existence, but you can try to at least get more people to see things your way through kind words, sharing of thoughts and understanding alternative viewpoints. I would never ask anyone following me to try and “cancel” people who don’t like my writing. I want to encourage kind communication and open discussion, because that’s how we learn and how we improve. What I do ask is that you be good to others and to yourselves, ignore the drama, and talk openly and kindly with other people. Compassion and understanding is how things truly improve.

Would you ever be interested in talking about your Marquises of Serault?

Of course, I love my de Seraults!! I am sorry it took me so long to get round to posting this, I suck at the writing thing. Technically only Arnauld, my scholar is Marquis, and my huntress, Roselle, is his sister but I’ve done a playthrough of Last Court with her as Marquis too.

Arnauld and Roselle are twins and both developed magic when they were ten, within a week of each other. Their mother looked at her options, sighed, and hired an apostate to teach them magic secretly because welp, at least Serault is full of apostates. The tutor is the Plainspoken Seneschal, because of course Arnauld wants to keep the person who advised him most as a child on as his adviser. Other than their parents and the tutor, the only person who knows is the Cheery Baron, because their mother told him almost immediately. He dislikes magic a lot and would never acknowledge to either of them that he knows, but he’s never going to betray his best friend’s children over this. I just really like the idea that Serault is full of mages though, since we already know it’s full of magic.

Anyway, Arnauld, being the Scholar, is a nerd. He grows up spending his time inside as much as he can and searches out his great grandfather’s books on magic and studies them excitedly. He’s the Responsible Sibling, and it’s clear growing up that he’s the one their mother will choose to be Marquis after her. Which doesn’t stop him being a sarcastic little shit a lot of the time. Roselle meanwhile, spends her childhood begging their mother and the Cheery Baron to let her go hunting with them, and when not watched closely, regularly attempts to run off to play in the Applewoods. They both enjoy learning magic. Roselle will wait until Arnauld has found and perfected a new spell and then copy what he’s doing, finding it easier and a lot less time consuming than reading about herself. Arnauld is incredibly bitter that she can become as good as he is really quickly, when it’s him who put all the work in. They squabble constantly, but they’re best friends who forever have each other’s backs.

Their mother dies when they’re 20, leaving Arnauld as her heir. She arranges for Roselle to be married to His Dour Lordship, the Marquis of Alyons, so her son has a new alliance to start him off. Roselle, who is very much the Rebellious Princess trope at this point is Not Thrilled. But she goes through with her arranged marriage and she grudgingly helps her husband to govern, and she discovers that in a marquisate that isn’t ignored and avoided by the rest of Orlais, there’s a lot more playing of the Game. And the Game is fun. Hunting remains her real passion, but the Game isn’t too different. You hunt your prey carefully and subtly, and if you’re doing it well they won’t notice until it’s too late, and then you strike and destroy them. Roselle becomes an expert and ruthless player and settles in happily to ruling Alyons with His Dour Lordship, sometimes helping him in the Game and sometimes working against him for her own benefit.

Arnauld, meanwhile, has Serault to rule, and he loves his marquisate but it is kind of the most disastrous place in all Thedas, and ruling Serault, you can never get a fucking break. He becomes more and more of a snarky little shit as time goes on and gives up on acting like a Proper orlesian noble. It’s not like that’ll get him anywhere anyway when Serault’s as despised as it is, and he’d rather help his people. In game, he tends to have high freedom and low dignity. Which he’s happy with, because his people are happy. Even if he’d like them to stop being such ungrateful bastards most of the time.

Roselle visits Serault with His Dour Lordship mid-game, by which point Arnauld and Roselle don’t see each other often, and have almost given up writing to each other. Roselle’s changed a lot since she lived in Serault, and Arnauld feels like he doesn’t know her anymore. He would never have expected his rebellious sister to be lecturing him on how to better play the Game. She helps him take down the wyvern to cure the Acerbic Dowager, and mocks him for his failure at hunting and it’s almost like the old days again, but the rest of the time, their relationship is a little strained. After locking His Dour Lordship in his dungeons, Arnauld asks Roselle how much she knew about her husband’s plot. She just smiles at him and tells him she’s glad at how he’s improving at the Game.

In the game, Arnauld has the Smiling Guildmistress as his adviser, the Wayward Bard as his lover, the Dashing Outlaw as his accomplice and the Silent Hunter as his bodyguard. Storywise, I’m not sure about the Silent Hunter, I just can’t find anything to do with him, and Arnauld doesn’t seem to connect with him at all? Possibly the Dashing Outlaw does some bodyguarding stuff too, and then I guess the Wayward Bard likes jumping in front of knives for Arnauld. Like I really enjoy the “someone tries to assassinate you and the Bard jumps in front of you, and then complains that he doesn’t want to be healed because scars make him look rakish” card. And it comes up so often that I feel like the Bard just employs people to pretend to stab Arnauld, so he can save him and look dashing and heroic. And then Arnauld patrons like five scholars who got thrown out of the University of Orlais to make him jealous. They flirt in fun ways.

The Dashing Outlaw is a close friend of both Arnauld and Roselle. Her outlaw-ing sometimes takes her all the way to Alyons, and during the start of Roselle’s time there, when she often runs away to the woods, she confides in the Outlaw a lot. Neither of the twins are entirely sure how the Outlaw first discovered they’re apostates, but she knows and she’s cool with it, and that means she’s one of the very few people they can actually talk to about it. Arnauld also tells the Bard, after they start dating, which looking back when not slightly tipsy he realises was not the Best idea, but the Bard thinks it’s sexy, so it all worked out.

The Outlaw was Arnauld’s accomplice a while before the start of the game and he started sleeping with the Bard either shortly before or after the start. Until finding out about the Divine though, Arnauld was happy with the Plainspoken Seneschal as his adviser. He only went looking for a “better” one during the stress of trying to get Serault sorted out ready for the Divine’s visit, but never wanted to actually get rid of his Seneschal. It does create a rift between the two of them for a while though. (When I played Roselle as Marquis, she took the Acerbic Dowager as her adviser, the Elegant Abbess as her lover, the Purveyor of Teas as her accomplice and the Dashing Outlaw as her bodyguard.)

Anyway, apart from replacing his seneschal as his adviser, Arnauld starts becoming more willing to play the Game. When the Divine arrives, he happily puts on the ridiculously impractical and uncomfortable glass mask that he wants to roll his eyes at, and he overlooks his morals about blackmail being unacceptable to play every secret he’s gathered for everything it’s worth. After the ceremony is over and Serault’s reputation is restored again, Arnauld sits by himself and takes off his mask and cries because he hates what he’s become. And it doesn’t help that he’s incredibly lonely after dumping and exiling his boyfriend.

Arnauld was Not Happy about the Wayward Bard cheating on him with the serving girl. Their relationship was Definitely Just Casual, Haha, No Feelings Here, but as time went on, it started getting more serious and it got harder for them both to ignore the feelings that Totally weren’t there. I see the Bard’s cheating as him getting scared, and not feeling good enough, and wanting to show that he wasn’t good enough. Which Arnauld kind of got, but he was mad and hurt. He dropped everything to go riding into the forest to rescue the Bard and cut his way through the maze to him, injuries be damned, but afterwards he yelled that he never cared anyway, it was just a bit of fun, but he’s angry at the Bard for risking his reputation like this, and the Bard yells back asking when Arnauld’s ever cared about his reputation and things escalate, and Arnauld ends up exiling the Bard from Serault. Later, the Dashing Outlaw turns up to see if Arnauld’s okay and he insists, with his make up ruined by tears and half way through his sixth glass of wine that he’s fine. She doesn’t exactly buy it.

I have a continuing plot after the end of the game, which I don’t want to get too into detail with because with, but might maybe one day write a fic about. Maybe. Anyway, the main plot points of it are:

Arnauld spends a bunch of time angsting about What Has He Become, and missing the Bard a lot, and getting close to giving up everything he’s got for Serault.

The Anchoress, who Arnauld of course invited back to live with him, gets caught doing magic, and Arnauld magics to protect her, in front of a massive audience, so, welp, there’s everything lost, but a part of him feels free now.

The Dashing Outlaw helps him escape the wrath of a whole bunch of nobles and disguises him as just an Ordinary Citizen who no one will notice.

While no one’s really ruling Serault and everything is a disaster, His Dour Lordship is freed from the dungeons. He is later killed by an apostate. Roselle, of course, had absolutely nothing to do with it, and is totally cut up about inheriting her husband’s marquisate and getting to rule it.

Meanwhile, the Chantry is in a shambles after the Breach opened up and the templar order really aren’t sure what to do with their lives. When they hear about the massive amount of apostacy and bullshit going on in Serault, a group of templars upset about not being able to slaughter mages as often anymore perk up and declare an exalted march on serault. (It’s not a Proper exalted march, since there’s no divine and their authorisation is “well this one grand cleric Somewhere said it was okay”, but they’re able to stir up a lot of people against Serault so it’s definitely a big Threat.)

The Bard spies on their plans and then comes back to Serault to warn Arnauld about what’s happening

Arnauld convinces his people to let him lead a fight against the exalted march and makes a speech about magic being good and serault being perfect however much the world is always against them and all that good shit

The Horned Knight and his people turn up to help fight because he and Arnauld can put all differences aside for the good of Serault

Except they’re still really outnumbered and even if they win, so many people will die oh no

Arnauld and the Bard talk stuff out and kiss since welp, they’re facing almost certain death now.

And then Alyons’ army turns up to help because fuck the Game, as if Roselle is going to let her home be destroyed or her brother be murdered.

Arnauld and Roselle talk, and Roselle apologises for how distant she’s been in the past few years. She’s glad of how she changed, but her heart will always lie here. And then the twins do magic. Half of Serault does magic. A very small number of the Alyons army do magic too. They win.

Arnauld announces that the rest of the world can fuck off, Serault is staying here, and it’s staying full of apostates, and if you’re going to ignore and hate us all again, so what? Serault’s not selling out to you.

(There’s a maybe-plot where Arnauld gives up being Marquis, because the Elusive Iconoclast wasn’t wrong, there is no reason being noble-born means he should get to rule, and Arnauld’s desperation to hang onto being In Charge because he Knows Best is a definite character flaw, but idk quite where to go with that, so we will See.)

Also, I have a Thing where Roselle and Arnauld always take off their masks when doing magic. They spend their whole lives pretending to be people they’re not, and they’re only their real selves when maskless.

So since I’m apparently in the process of cleaning house right now (which I am not particularly happy about, but oh well), I guess I’d rather rip that particular band-aid off in one go. Dear followers, full disclosure, I hold the following unpopular (at least on here) opinions that I don’t usually mention. (long-ass post behind the cut)

If you disagree with me, feel free to stay around and have a civil debate with me on any post I make or reblog (except for this one, I won’t answer).

If you feel like you don’t want to follow someone with my opinions, don’t hesitate to unfollow or even block if you want. Everyone should have the right to decide who they interact with.

If, however, you are planning to be a jerk about it, you can go fuck right out of my space and stay out. I have reached the end of my patience here. If I see any more posts on my dash that imply I’m a worthless person for an opinion I hold or an identity I have, I’m going to unfollow you. If you insult me personally, I’m going to block you.

Opinions below:

- Ironic misandry and similar jokes intended to “punch up” at entire groups of privileged people are eye-roll-inducing at best and harmful at worst, both to our activist causes as a whole and to vulnerable individuals caught in the splash damage.

- I’m sex positive. That includes kinks. Even the ones I personally find gross. As long as all participants and onlookers give their full and uncoerced consent and all participants have the knowledge to do whatever they are doing safely (or are aware of any remaining risks), I think people should be allowed to live their fantasies as much as they damn well please, without uninvolved people judging them. And if you think that a person’s “gross” kinks are a reflection on what they actually think of people and society in a non-sexual context without any evidence of that apart from the fact that they have a kink, then I think you’re mind-reading in a very uncharitable manner and you should stop.

- The term “onlookers” does not include people who deliberately seek out kinky material that squicks or triggers them. If it’s clearly tagged and you go looking for it and find it, the consequences are on you and you alone.

- The same goes for fictional content. In fact, I don’t believe there’s such a thing as fictional content that should be “forbidden” to produce and while no story should be exempt from analysis and criticism, likewise no story justifies harassing the author over it. No, not even the weird-ass underage ship over there or the person shipping the villain with the cinnamon roll hero. Also if you think that someone who enjoys reading or writing about a thing in a fictional context must condone that thing in real life without any evidence apart from their fictional likes and dislikes, again, you are mind-reading in a very uncharitable manner and you should stop. There are a bazillion reasons why someone might enjoy problematic content, few of them are “‘Cause I want to do this evil thing for real” and none of them are any of your business unless the person in question ACTUALLY does the evil thing for real, in which case it’s no longer a matter of fictional tastes anyway.

- Uncoerced consent means “In the mind of the person giving it”. I don’t accept “But they were brainwashed by society”. It is literally impossible to differentiate between societal preferences and “natural” preferences (if such a thing even exists beyond the things we literally need for basic survival). If you ask a person “Does this thing truly make you happy” and they answer “This thing truly makes me happy” - then for all intents and purposes it truly makes them happy and you’ll just have to accept that. Period. (Which, incidentally, applies to non-sexual things like lifestyle and clothing as well.)

- Just in general, trying to destroy gender roles by criticising individual people for their likes and dislikes is counter-productive.

- Doxxing may sometimes be justified, but it is never ever justified to spread personal information that you haven’t verified and are absolutely certain is true. That shit destroys people’s lives. Just. Don’t.

- I think it is morally questionable to escalate violence unless you are sure it’s necessary to prevent further harm. (E.g. Don’t reply with insults to someone asking a polite question or - more relevant to the current discourse - don’t answer verbal violence with physical violence.) Which means: No, I don’t think punching nazis is always a good thing unless it is in literal self defence or defence of someone who can’t defend themselves, in which case, punch away, I mean, obviously. The reason I think that, apart from the moral ambiguity, is that you are not going to scare them into shutting up. The internet exists. They can spread their filth anonymously without running any danger of being harmed. At best they’re going to stop saying this shit on the street until they’ve recruited enough people that they no longer need to feel scared and then we’ve got a serious problem on our hands. Besides, if you punch a nazi, you run the risk of making them into a martyr and giving them proof that they are, in fact, under threat from the outside. Congratulations, you have now made it harder for people to leave that swamp. I think what we need to do is find out why people join groups like that (and no “Because they’re evil” isn’t an answer. People aren’t born evil.) and work on removing those factors, if at all possible. At the same time we need to make sure the nazi groups in question look as ridiculous as they are and that everyone knows they’re WRONG, goddammit! Punching them isn’t going to do either of those things (vuvuzela-ing over their bullshit might accomplish one of those things.) Let everyone know that neo-nazi views are absolutely unacceptable and not just because “they’re not politically correct and you might get punched if you say that stuff out loud but secretly lots of people think that way” but because they are WRONG and MONSTROUS. Educate people about what nazism actually means and do it early and frequently so that they know before they run danger of being recruited. (Of course, having the state on your side helps, but unfortunately in the US that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon from the looks of it, so unlike us here in Germany, you’re on your own, which does make things harder. Punching still isn’t going to solve the problem.)

- Also, given that it’s not my circus, not my monkeys, I don’t have any opinions on being trans with/without dysphoria or whether or not the term queer should be used as an umbrella term or not or whether there should be two As for Asexual and Ally but I’ve heard enough arguments on both sides that I don’t think either side is 100 % wrong and evil and horrible.

- And also: I hate the term Social Justice Warrior because of the way it’s being used by people who are just generally against social justice, but I think we do need a term for bullying-under-the-guise-of-activism, because it is definitely a thing that happens.

- Also, the black and white worldview around here is draining as fuck. Again, people are not born evil. They have a reason for their opinions. That reason is frequently bullshit or downright horrible but in those cases there is a chance that they might be argued out of it or at least someone who’s on the fence could see your argument and go “Hey, that activist’s opinions make more sense”. Don’t get me wrong, nobody has to argue with bigots. Hell, I don’t want to do it either. But for the love of all that is good and holy, let the people who WANT to and feel equipped to do it, do so without revoking their social justice advocate card.

So yeah, do with this information what you will.

A Reflection on Romance

I want to preface my musings by saying that, since my divorce I have sworn off romantic relationships. The immediate response from most people in regards to that statement is “Oh no! You can’t give up on love because of one bad experience!” 

Well, I’m not. I’m conceding defeat after 7 failed relationships, 1 failed marriage and more than 30 damaging romantic & sexual encounters with more than 30 individual men overall. I’m admitting that the problem, generally speaking, came from within myself as much as it came from the influencing social constructs outside my control. I’m taking an indefinite leave of absence from the battlefield of love in order to work on myself and to prioritize building up my own life before I have to worry about building a relationship with anyone else. To keep that commitment, I had to close the door on romance completely. I allowed the bitterness and rage to salt the earth of my love and swore I would never again seek out the waters of affection. 

With that being said, lately I’ve felt a warm breeze in the spaces of my heart where I had thought nothing would ever be permitted to grow again. 

I'm learning to live I'm trying to be better I'm learning to give But I don't know if I'm a giver

Certainly, I’m still in no position to be dating, but my perspective on love and relationships has finally grown enough---I have finally grown enough---that I feel if given another chance, maybe there are a few things I would do right this time around. In the past, I was simply so desperate to find someone who would fill the void inside me that anyone who spent a little time and attention on me became an Object of Affection. I would get caught up in Fantasy and Expectation, imaging how our True Love would progress. I would distort, discolor and break myself just to re-make myself into the image of the kind of woman they desired. I knew nothing of who I was. I knew everything about who I wasn’t. 

After being rejected, neglected, used, and never fully understanding how my own behavior played into their hands, I spent some time thinking that Men were the Enemy. Then I spent some time realizing that I was the Enemy. Forgiving myself was harder than forgiving them. 

I’ve dedicated the last few years to getting to know myself. Learning my limits, my expectations, my wants & needs, my likes & dislikes, my morals & principles. My goals & dreams. I’ve learned how to take care of myself, and how to manage my life so that I feel more in control. I’ve reduced my stress levels to a minimum and managed to claw my way out of debt. My mood is incredibly stable, in comparison with the past, and although self-harm is a still a flickering threat that appears in my darkest hours, the frequency is drastically reduced. 

As a part of that process, I’ve begun to examine my expectations for the future. Do I really want to live the life of a hermit, completely alone somewhere in the woods? The important thing to remember I think, is that I could still be happy there. But maybe it’s not the sum and total of what I want. Maybe I do want a family of my own, even if its just me and a partner (esp. if its just that). Maybe I do want to dedicate the time and effort to building a relationship with someone besides myself. 

As these thoughts grew, I began to think about who I would want to share that life with. I never used to waste time speculating on that before. I watched too many girls and women craft ephemeral Prince Charmings in their minds, leaving them forever disappointed by a reality full of flawed human beings. But I thought, there is some sense in putting together a blueprint of what you want in a partner. Chemistry is all well and good but a real, longterm relationship takes commitment, shared goals, shared morals, shared principles & values. These things are more important than whether or not he has green eyes and dark hair. So, in some small back corner of my brain, I put together an idea of who my partner would be. 

Kind, Generous, Empathetic & Thoughtful - no more machismo. No more manly men. Give me a Phil Dunphy, give me a Marco Diaz, give me a Steven Universe. I want a man who isn’t ashamed to have a soul.

Physically active/loves nature - particularly for outdoor type things like hiking with me and Jamie. I intend to be an Amazonian Warrior and I want someone who will motivate me to do it by keeping healthy activity a regular part of our lives.

Outgoing - I can be very introverted, so someone who could balance that trait in me would be great

Close to their family but not obsessed - I’m not close to my family, it’s an experience I’ve completely missed and frankly, tight knit clans make me uncomfortable. But I’d like to be with someone who does know how a close family feels, and will bring that to the relationship. 

Humble - Any man who can’t admit his own faults will never survive an encounter with me, let alone a relationship. I am unforgiving in the face of unyielding arrogance & pride because I recognize these as negative traits of my own and if I have to swallow my pride sometimes then by the fucking stars so do you. 

Now, I’m not about to go sign up on tinder or any other dating service and start interviewing, ahem I mean dating random strangers to find a suitable life mate. Dating is exhausting, I have no stomach for it. Getting to know new people is exhausting, especially under the pretext of “I’m getting to know you to see if I want to bone you regularly someday”. Not to mention the fact that I have zero interest in casual sex and most people these days go about dating with the expectation that sex is one of the first items you check off the menu. 

I used to do casual sex. I used to have one night stands. In all those years of sexual activity, I have never orgasmed with someone. It’s not because I’m a closeted lesbian, I can assure you. It is very definitely because, in all those years of shallow beds, I never searched my soul deep enough to realize how highly I value intimacy. It is sacrosanct in my soul. I prefer to reserve it for someone who has truly earned the honor. Every single sexual partner I’ve ever had, every single time I’ve had sex, even in my short lived marriage, I dissociated during the act. I tuned out. I put on some basic Sex Noises and checked out the back door. Because I wasn’t ready to do it at all, I just thought I had to. 

Things are different now. I understand my own boundaries, I’ve learned to listen to the voice in my head when it says “No.” I know what I want from a partner in a relationship and I’m prepared to police behavior that I find unacceptable. I’m not so afraid of being alone that I would be unwilling to leave someone who seemed unsuitable nor am I going to change who I am just to attract someone I think I want. 

I believe that if you pursue the things you are passionate about, if you build the life you want to live, the right person will be found within it. They’ll come to you. Not by magic, or by divine intervention, but by the intent with which you choose to live. So I’m remaining dedicated to improving myself and my life and building a future I will be content to live in, regardless of the company I keep, but I am now leaving the door open should someone enter my life who would be willing to make it even greater by my side. 

Trump, The No-Achiever

Several times over the last couple of weeks I have seen as usual, online repubs trying to brag what achievements trump has done. They are always the same as if they all have the same list. We won’t get into how the supposed achievements have been made at the sacrifice of other departments budgets but I find it interesting as I create anti trump memes and talk bad about him and his badministration about all the things he hasn’t done. And I don’t mean promised broken, of which there are so many, but i mean things we feared he would do that he simply has not. Or the many things he says he is thinking about but then never gets back to. We all know that he is completely full of shit but when we break down all the things he has and has not done, we can see that he is pretty ineffectual. We say now that he may go down as the worst president ever but i think he will actually go down as the most worthless one ever. Let’s look at things he has not done, shall we?

Trump’s FY 2020 budget makes cuts to education, causing over two trillion in cuts to supporting effective instruction through state grants, almost 35,000 pay cuts to teachers salaries, over one trillion to 21st CLCC after school programs, causing over a million and half students to lose services, and over one trillion in cuts to student support and academic enrichment programs. His fan club can claim all day that immigrants won’t benefit any more from their tax dollars but let’s face it, fanatical trump supporter’s kids will be hit harder and who is really paying the bill anyway? MAGA hat wearers have already let us know they don’t have much money...

How ‘bout ‘dem jobs? Unemployment may be down but how many people are working minimum wage jobs or two or even three jobs to make it? Hell, i have two. According to a report by ProPublica, appearing in Rolling Stone this year, trump has only creates .008% of the jobs he claims to have created. And let’s face it, presidents don’t create jobs, employers do. Stop giving presidents so much credit for things they have little control over. Just because we are led to believe that if a president says that things are good that suddenly companies start hiring like crazy simply is not true. If it was true, you would have experienced that miracle over and over again. But you have not. And neither has anyone you know. 

trump is rolling back eighty-three environmental rules. That isn’t him not doing something but it certainly is him not caring for the environment. According to the LA Times this month, “The Trump administration has quietly dismantled or cut back multiple programs that were created after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks to help detect and prevent terrorism involving weapons of mass destruction.” That is more of nothing by doing something that is unacceptable. But maybe I am getting off topic. I said I would concentrate on things he has NOT done. Let’s reset the story here...

Trump claims dems in Congress are getting nothing done. He tweeted that btw. “Their heart is not into Infrastructure, lower drug prices, pre-existing conditions and our great Vets,” Trump tweeted. “All they are geared up to do, six committees, is squander time, day after day, trying to find anything which will be bad for me.” Such a child... This from Vox in May of this year: “Trump is objectively wrong; House Democrats haven’t been squandering time. In addition to their investigations, they’ve been passing legislation at a rapid clip. In all, the House has taken up 51 bills, resolutions, and suspensions since January — 49 of which they’ve passed. This includes a slate of bills to attempt to end the longest government shutdown in history, the result of a protracted fight between Trump and Congress over border wall funding.Ironically, over the past two weeks, the House has passed bills to address most of the issues Trump mentioned in his tweet. They recently passed a bill to lower prescription drug prices, and another one to protect preexisting conditions. The House also passed nine bills on veterans issues this week alone, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi noted at her weekly press conference. On Thursday, Democrats tried to present Trump their infrastructure plan before he walked out of their meeting.” So in the end, those The GOP seeks to keep from power are the only ones doing anything constructive, or FOR THE PEOPLE. Big surprise. We saw this during eight years of Obama and eight years of W. Why change? Almost twenty years now of being handed shit by republicans and no voters on their side notice? No wonder blue states are more successful than red ones, but you would have to go back in this blog site to see the evidence of that. Will you? You should.

I keep getting that “trump destroyed the caliphate” crap. These people didn’t even know the meaning of that word before Hannity or some loser on Fox Lose let them know that is wasn’t spot remover for their dishwashers. A  Politico article from a couple months ago said “Just two weeks after President Donald Trump triumphantly declared the “100 percent” defeat of ISIS’s caliphate, his national security advisor, John Bolton, admitted on television that “the ISIS threat will remain”. Does Bolton want to keep the shooting going or is he simply stating a fact that ISIS is NOT defeated like donnie says it is? Hard to tell with these freaks, and they ARE freaks. If they lived on your block you would likely dislike them and stay away form them and their weird friends. Unless you are one of THEM. Which you are not, because you would not have read this far.

The list of lacking achievements goes on for trump but time is running out. The good thing is that we have not been dragged into a new war, even if it looks like Bolton may be pushing for a conflict with Iran. If we can just stay out of that then I’m fine with the lack of things trump has done and hope that the next administration will make some sense and do the job they are paid and elected to do, as I hope the voters will take up their civic responsibility and vote for the right reasons and not for some bullshitter. If people can’t vote like adults then I’d prefer they stay home on election day. There is reason people must be eighteen to vote. I’m sick of adults voting like six year olds. And acting like them too. If one can’t mature up and act like a human then why infect us with their lack of morals and maturity and then get upset when those of us who vote in their best interest regardless of their lunacy try to help them because they refuse to help themselves. We do it because we care...