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lotussokka · 4 years

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so i had a thought: you know tropes of the closet romance novelist and of the virgin erotica novelist? now make it zuko, but keep it in the canon universe

WARNING: discussion of sexual content (18+ please), mentions of alcohol, mention of a minor (17) reading sexual content, and overtones you may find acephobic. this starts 5–6yrs post-canon.

if you are under 18 and you have opened this to read it anyway, that’s no longer my responsibility as i have warned you, but please do not interact with this post either way (please dont like, rb, or reply)

part 2 • part 3 • part 4

so firelord zuko — who has never had sex — secretly writes dirty scrolls under a pseudonym and somehow they become famous

maybe bc he just hasnt had the opportunity or bc he’s busy and it hasn’t been a priority. maybe he’s Waiting for the Right Person™, he doesnt feel ready, or he’s worried about the power imbalance from being the firelord. maybe he’s on the ace spectrum... whichever you vibe with the most works bc it really doesn’t matter. sex isn’t essential and virginity is a bullshit construct but it is pivotal to this narrative so if that’s a problem for you, this isn’t the post for you

it starts with an erotically charged poem appreciating the male form that he anonymously submits to a new caldera city literary society

zuko thought he was writing artsy commentary about how people’s bodies have been misused as tools of war and how we’re reverting back to our natural form but its REALLY horny instead of wise

@zukostransboyfriend said, as i’m sure many of you are thinking: and sokka, known lover of poetry,

but NO youre all getting ahead of me. there are more steps!

so he writes another one since the first one was such a hit — still not realizing he’s essentially writing softcore porn

he doesnt think anything of it bc its not Sex™ and he’s seen a few dirty scrolls and they were crude and always heterosexual and his appreciation of watching the guards spar is purely out of his joy of seeing their strength and agility not being used for war anymore and for no other reason

the poems get fairly popular in the city and uncle iroh comes to visit and zuko is like “uncle i think your proverbs have finally sunk in! ive been writing these poems about healing from the war and i want to know what you’d think!”

uncle iroh starts reading one and its a bit flowery in its language but not unpleasantly so and then zuko starts talking about Hands and he looks up at zuko trying to figure out if he knows

ZUKO DOES NOT KNOW

AND HE ISNT ABLE TO LOOK HIS UNCLE IN THE EYE FOR DAYS

BC WTF

now that he knows, he stops writing them but then it becomes a big thing in the caldera bc the Dragon of the Caldera has stopped writing

its like the theft of the mona lisa, now that its gone everyone is interested and speculating about the identity of the dragon of the caldera

and thats when it starts spreading to neighboring villages and islands and then out of the fire nation (but zuko doesnt know this until much later)

mai knows it’s him, not bc hes told her but bc she knows him and she knows that poem 6 was specifically about the soldier-turned-guard that recently requested to start working as a gardener bc 1.) the specificity of the concept and 2.) “come on zuko youre so obvious. you were just about drooling when he brought in that wheelbarrow of mulch”

zukostransboyfriend added: If he’s sexy enough pushing around some mulch then he deserves a poem or two

(the gardener is very sexy and zuko wrote multiple lines comparing him to the strength of the earth but the gentleness of an orchid with so many flower metaphors that definitely sound like theyre about sex but it was just zuko doing a really bad impression of his uncle)

he does some Gay Panic about it to her bc mlm/wlw solidarity ✊✊ and some angsting about how hes Tainted by associating with such a vile perverse art

and mai is like “you’re so fucking dramatic its just sex”

zuko is Not appeased by that reply so she sits up, looks him in the eye, and says, "look. sex isnt the perverse, scary thing you think it is. your father is just weird, and controlling, and probably fear-mongered you about ‘purity of the royal bloodline’ and ‘being soiled by the touch of men’ (#trans zuko lyfe 5ever) or whatever, but that’s not how it really is. you know that, right?”

and finally after a few nights of stewing and pacing his chambers about it, he decides to try to write another poem

and its Bad

bc he was thinking about the detached impersonal graphic porn scrolls he stumbled upon during his banishment and thinking thats what sex is when he wrote it

but he submits it anyway and theres scandal bc

does the Dragon have a copycat? (the literary group confirms that the new poem was written in the same hand as the others.)

has the Dragon lost their muse?

or worse, have they started seeing some and theyve been focusing their passion on him?

and zuko angsts about the fact that it’s so bad and gets drunk with mai and toph (she showed up to visit and somehow immediately found out. he has no idea how considering she cant read. and he doesnt want to think about his Little Sister reading his dirty poetry even if she is almost 18 now)

zukostransboyfriend added: toph who cannot read: im a literary critic now

mai is like “so what if it’s bad? it’s not like you wanted to write good porn”

zuko is very much not satisfied with that answer

but then toph imparts toph-ly wisdom and tells him “if you wrote good poems when you were talking about the Beauty Of Healing From The War or whatever, then just write more thinking about that”

it takes a while for him to finally get the courage to write another one.... weirdly enough this one is about aang. zuko is uncomfortable about the fact that what he wrote about his friend and the beauty of the four elements is probably highly erotic but also its the first draft that was good enough to get the okay from ty lee (who has become his unofficial editor via mai) so he submits it

and the city Loves it

and then zuko gets on a roll bc he’s figured out how to intentionally write what people read as good porn by writing some sentimental emotional-release to deal with his stressful job

meanwhile the poems are being circulated around the world and being compiled into small pamphlets and then into larger books (won shi tong sighs as his knowledge seekers bring him yet another of the firelord’s dirty poetry books to put in the burnt out fire nation wing

part 2 • part 3 • part 4

#zukka #zuko #zukka hc #atla hc #atla #parts 2 and 4 need a little work before i post them but 3 is done (i'll hopefully post the second part this evening)#and an enormous shoutout to ben zukostransboyfriend for enduring me typing out this hc for a solid 2.5 hours the other night #i personally hc zuko as being on the aspec but yes im ace. yes im horny. we exist.#but if you dont thats not in conflict with any part of this #toph&zuko #mai&zuko #mine #totally okay to reblog if you are a legal adult #i will come back to link the other posts as i post them #nsft #alcohol /

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zeroconnectionn · 5 years

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been writing braime au drabbles on my priv acct for fun but i cant finish any of them so..... to those looking for ideas, here are some au’s that i can’t get off my mind and would love to see more of in ao3/tumblr (under the cut bc it’s so long im so sorry):

crimson peak - i mean c’mon... it’s perfect guys.....i have no idea who would play dr. alan though. maybe the hound??? but like platonic

real steel - lisTEN i couldnt stop thinking about this all day... selwyn is jaime’s former boxing coach... which makes brienne his old-and-soon-to-be-rekindled flame that practiced w him back in the day... cersei + robert are dead and there’s a custody battle over lil tommen.... jaime, his “nephew” tommen, and brienne teach Oath, the sparring robot some killer boxing moves and fight their way to robo championship, becoming a family

pacific rim - i found only one on ao3!! braime would totally be drift compatible and the best part is that cersei doesnt have to be evil here. in my drabble, jaime loses cersei and his right hand to a category 5 kaiju attack. cue angst. he retires as a pilot but decides to stay at the base to train cadets (the real reason he cant pilot anymore is because he keeps chasing after cersei in the drift, clinging onto her memory desperately ohoho). brienne is one of the cadets he trains but jaime cant stand her naivete and b/w outlook on the world (deep down tho, its because he once held the same ideals as she did that resulted in cersei’s death. he sees her as a liability to her future co-pilot) so he picks on her a lot. brienne, sick of his shit, boldly challenges him to a duel, setting the terms that if she wins, jaime has to stop picking on her but if he wins, she has to quit the jaeger programme. to NO ONE’S SURPRISE, the duels ends w a tie! i named their jaeger Ursa Maiden because... you know...

battle: los angeles - is there enough military fics?? lance corporal tarth kicking alien ass and saving staff sergeant lannister gives me strength

harry potter - WE COULD DO SO MANY THINGS WITH THIS... brienne the halfblood hufflepuff prefect and jaime the pureblood gryffindor troublemaker. rival quidditch captains? best duelers of their respective years? eventual auror partners? all three, because destiny has fated them to be together always? also consider: jaime was said to have murdered the then minister of magic but was not sentenced to azkaban thanks to tywin pulling a few strings. and honourable, hardworking brienne, the first hufflepuff and woman to get an Outstanding in DADA for NEWTS, the first person to best jaime aka the lion of gryffindor in a duel, and the one lucky enough to be mentored by auror!Renly. also i think we can all agree jaime would say “wait til my father hears about this” to get out of trouble

the walking dead - dudes i have not been able to stop thinking about this au too, like jaime and brienne from opposing communities, meeting each other during a supply run and fighting over a jackpot supply of Useful Things but when they’re just about to kill each other over it- SURPRISE! a convenient horde appears! they become temporary allies to survive, somehow saving each others’ asses along the way, jaime getting bit on his hand trying to save her and brienne repaying the favour by chopping off his hand to stop the infection, they spend a week in an abandoned cabin in the woods to recuperate, jaime bathing in the river with her where he explains why he had to kill the twd!aerys + possible romance, confusion w where they stand w each other and whether or not they can continue this fragile alliance if they go back home, jaime selfishly telling her they could just stay here in the cabin, start a new life together and never go back to their respective communities, brienne saying she can’t bc there are people to protect back home (from his people) so she leaves, jaime leaves too because cersei’s back home but he’s worried that the next time he meets brienne, it’ll be as enemies.... do y’alls feel this

superheroes - jaime is the perfect charismatic speedster?? and brienne w super strength??? if u guys play ttrpgs, jaime would be The Legacy or The Reformed and brienne the Transformed in Masks

kingsman - brienne is lancelot and tyrion is merlin AMIRITE

dragon age - (da:o timeline) brienne, a templar from lothering saves jaime, one of the commanders of king cailan’s army and survivor of the Battle of Ostagar who was captured by howe’s men and labelled a traitor (he’d be in one of the cages like Sten!). eventually they get conscripted into the grey wardens by the Warden, becoming the Warden’s travelling companions. would be cute if the Warden wanted to save time and send them off on a treaty mission together. also how perfect would it be if the couslands were the starks... rendon howe could be littlefinger too...

mass effect - i friggin loved me3 multiplayer so i can totally see brienne as a n7 destroyer and jaime as a n7 slayer. the two of them would’ve made such a good team that they were considered instrumental to the reaper’s defeat on earth. also they totally survive the war and settle down in the citadel and adopt a bunch of alien + human orphans. maybe before the war, they were spectres who butt heads a lot bc of diff mission interests.

the proposal - I NEED TO KNOW, HAS ANYONE DONE THIS YET??? bc if there is, i wanna read it immediately. in my head, jaime could be the jerk boss who begs brienne to marry him to avoid getting deported. but instead of going back to tarth that weekend, they go to casterly rock to meet jamie’s family. same premise as the 2009 film, but slightly different and way more fun with cersei and tyrion around. also consider: the image of gwen dancing and singing to Get Low

to all the boys i’ve loved before - okay... hear me out... lara jean is brienne, kitty is arya, and sansa is margot but younger than brienne and instead of college, she’s in paris for a highschool student exchange programme. brienne is also a step-sister to the girls, cat took her in after her parents’ deaths. MEANWHILE josh is teen!sandor who sansa broke up with before she left for paris but is still best friends with brienne, peter is jaime(!!!) who kissed her during truth or dare years ago, and lucas is of course renly!! also gen is cersei but jamie’s cousin instead of sister. this is so complicated but i find it so cute still?????

i found this au from a prompt list on tumblr and its perfect: “single parents whose children are rivals in a talent show/ sports competition”. the children are tommen and arya, but brienne is arya’s foster mum since cate and ned’s death

naruto - ok so they’re both from different villages but become allies for a dangerous mission.... or brienne is hunting jaime bc he’s a missing nin from her village (catelyn would make a great kage holy shit).... whatever it is, you could totally work in a bath house scene :)

bleach - BRIENNE IS ASSIGNED TO JAIME’S DIVISION AS HIS NEW LIEUTENANT IMAGINE THEIR DYNAMIC sometimes i lay awake thinking about how tite kubo would draw brienne and jaime. [holding a butter knife] he better not give her ginormous boobs

where rainbows end/love rosie - y’all feel this too or is it just me, like just the idea of brienne opening a beach hotel in tarth... i need more brienne by the ocean fics in my life tbh. also im such a sucker for fics made up of purely texts between the characters then ending it with them meeting ahdasdjadsjad anyway Jaime is Alex and Hyle as Greg.

I Wish I Could Write These But Should You Find It Equally Interesting To Write About, Please, By All Means, Take My Brain Juice And Make It Beautiful And Let Me Know So I Can Give You Kudos And Comments Full of Squealing and Love

#jaime x brienne #braime #brienne of tarth #im fairly new here so if i didnt notice these au's in ao3 im terribly sorry #still reading as many fics as i can during the cny holidays #i used to use ellipses ironically but look at me now #this list is so long i have no life i just spend it thinking about my otp together in different universes #i have too many fandoms yeesh

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