and it's not news. i don't know why this came into mind when i write titles for my blog venting post. oh well. it stays!!
talk about rotating. i'm rotating too!!!! as in, in the grand cycle of living the day again and again and again and sometime it kind of reeks the same monotonous mundane routine that i actually need a stern scolding to be reminded i... i have things to do. i don't make sense. whatever.
i had another counseling yesterday. at this point i think i'm just using it as an excuse for me to tell another person what's bothering me and cry. i guess that's the point of it too. i figured i'm on a certain degree are an insecure person. at the same time i'm also a rather lazy person. but also the fact that i bother to show up and do counseling meant i want to get better. in what way, i don't know. i just don't want to be in a slump like i let myself few days, few months ago.
faith and beliefs reconcile like volatile waters with me. sometime it's rising strong, other time it's rather calm and other times i felt like i betrayed it and made excuse why it's justified. it's not...
re: academia. i... i was panicked. i guess i'm... late? for a lot of things. and i do, underestimate the scale of how much it would burden me. and also... the thing with insecurity. i don't... i find it hard to convince i can do it. although i can. (i'm trying... okay... affirmation and positive things).
i'm still as lame as ever. i still have thoughts about being alone at my graduation day. or my i don't know, final thesis trial. or whatever. or about my physical appearance. there's a lot. but for now, i'll trust, i guess.
i've been listening to few of songs in my native language. i've been shallow, thinking all of it are undeemed for my taste, but turned out i was being a prick. legit some of them hits me hard because i can listen and understand the lyrics without thinking double the effort to translate. and man, okay... i still don't like overly obscene and lovestruck love songs BUT!!! i'm not against listening those!
also this song have been staying in my mind the moment i remember it exist. it's どぅまいべすと by キノシタ. such a cute and bubbly song. i can only understand do my best, do my best! but well. I'LL DO MY BEST!!!!
Glory! It’s great to be alive! I want to dance! (Want to dance!)
More? (More!) More! Laugh some more! I want to see that sparkling future
Steady! Steady! Even if it rains, let us carry through!