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honesttoglob · 5 months

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Ok so few thoughts on the Season 2 Bigtop Burger Supercut:

- Apparently the "freakazoids" that Cesare and the underworld have been keeping tabs on are Cryptids. I had suspected the freakazoids in question might be demons as Hell is taking some responsibility for them but they're cryptids??? Man, that just makes me sad, leave bigfoot alone :(((((

- One of the cryptids pictured is Flatwoods Monster, who, according to legend, is also an alien. The other two appear to be Mothman and though I'm a bit fuzzy on this one some sort of bigfoot or yeti creature. He's wearing a lil stetson hat. Did Cesare use the stetson hat trick before?

- The second still shown in the credits appears to be Munkustrap descending onto Earth on some sort of spacecraft as the Bigtop and Zomburger crews watch. They appear to be in the same positions/outfits as when Cesare whack-a-moled Steve into hell. Which is????? Idk what to make of that. Could Flatwoods Monster have some kind of alien technology that they used to contact Clown World? Are we finally gonna have Clown vs Undead War??????? I wonder how Munkustrap will react to seeing other clowns in the pink-yellow-blue spotted outfit which Tim, Penny and Billie are wearing, which seems to be a pattern which all banished clowns are exiled in. Looking forward to see how he looks now that he's aged! Also, I like that this scene implies the Zomburger and Bigtop gangs stick together! Which I want them too! SO BADLY!!!

- As @fr0stmask mentioned in a reply on this post, the spacecraft Munkustrap is seen on is actually a tire, as in the musical Cats, cats who are deemed worthy are sent up to the Heaviside Layer on a TIRE!!! Thanks for the info!

- What if the Cats performance is literal, and one clown actually gets sent "up to the heaviside layer", and that's what happened to Munkustrap and how he got the tire spacecraft. Steve got booted out via banishment and Munkustrap was chosen to ascend, but in the end they both ended up in the same place.

- Frances, Conrad and Allen look visibly upset when they realize Cesare isn't actually proposing a truce and is still up to his antagonistic bullshit.

- The image of Cesare in his weird little Cabinet of Dr. Caligari coffin makes my stomach do little back filps. We've seen Tim, Penny, Billie, Frances, Conrad, Allen, and Steve all in their own homes (For Steve it's his truck where he sleeps) but Never Cesare! Seeing him in there makes me nervous honestly because in the image, his box/cabinet has two doors on its front, with no handles inside, which suggests it closes from the outside and he's "stored" in there and deanimated (seeing as his eyes are closed and this is the only time we've seen him at rest) when not in use. This would add metaphorical meaning to Cesare's comments about being a puppet vendor, as now that's all he is- a puppet. He looks like a little doll being stored in his box. This seems to suggest something I've long suspected, that the "1000 year sentence" Cesare is being held on by the underworld may be bullshit, and he won't actually be allowed to go on retirement. Instead, this idea of his sentence one day ending is merely meant to motivate and control him, like a carrot being held in front of a horse. Could that candle shown at the end be his lifeforce? When its lit maybe he's animate, while when its snuffed out, he's a lifeless husk kept in a box.

- You think Cesare's and Steve's footie pajamas have a similar narrative role? Like to make them easily identifiable as rejects (in Steve's case) or property (in Cesare's case)? You think they're just meant to be dehumanizing or a source of shame?

- Tim was the first one to find Steve, which makes me feel fucked up that Steve still doesn't know his name and seems to mis-name him the most :(((((( Tom and Toby???????? I mean I get that my man likely has memory issues, he's very old and he hit his head very hard on the ground and he refuses to go easy on that fckng juul

- Baby Tim is so cute and handsome I'm dying

- The alley Steve emerges into in the after credits scene seems to rememble the alley with the hole in the ground that Conrad recounts Cesare getting money from. Is this because the underworld was able to track Steve's ascent through the ground to Earth's surface? Is this the same hole Cesare enters and exits the underworld from?

- Also, Steve spits out some rocks when he reaches the surface. U think that's how he started thinking of rocks as food? They just kimda got in ther and he thought "mmmnm yummy!"

- Based on the timelime and my own calcumalations, Steve landed in Sweden, creating the crater which is now known as the Siljan ring, and emerged a whole continent over in North America (at least I'm assuming the show takes place in North America. The driving wheel is on the left side, right? And everyone has American accents? (Except Tim) Is that enough?)

I have a theory that Penny reminds Steve of his own mother. Both women have the same voice actress (Lindsay Small-Butera, my beloved ;-;), and in season one, while Steve is high, once he hears Penny's voice, he shapeshifts into his child form (which I think might have been the last time he saw his mom before she dropped him off at Christian-Acting Camp) and asks her for soup. He's even in the same Little Lord Fontleroy outift. Also, at the Food Truck Expo, when Steve sees Cesare approaching him, he hides behind Penny's back. Also, they have a similar appearance in hair color and clown makeup.

- Speaking of Steve's family, in the scene where Steve is about to be shot into space, there are three clowns who stick out from the crowd. One, with a haircut resembling Steve's mother's on the right (I believe this is her), Munkustrap in the center (at least I believe this is him, their hair and faces are similar) and a male figure on the left. I believe this figure on the left is Steve's father, and Munkustrap is either Steve's brother or past love interest (I think him being his brother is more realistic because him being Steve's love interest and sending him into space is I think too dark even for this show).

- I think the clown actors in Cats may only refer to eachother by their character names. Munkustrap is given no other name, and Steve being stripped of his name as "Old Deut" is seen as a big deal.

- I noticed whenever male clowns get old, their hair develops into sort of a tonsure style with a little dollop of hair sitting right in the middle of their bald spot. Peanut has this, along with Steve's father, and Steve is also developing this as well, based on the wicked widow's peak he has whenever his hat is off.

- bro I wanna see Cesare and Munkustrap interact so bad. What if they get jealous of eachother like, "No! I'm the only emo twink that gets to make Steve's life a living hell, who the fck are you???"

- I want them. To fight lol

- Cat fight!!!!!

- I may be stretching with this one but Munkustrap and Cesare just look kinda visually similar to me? At least with the black onesie and the dark unkempt hair. You think there's a reason for that? Or is it more metaphorical, as in these are just two people who have an impact on Steve's life in that they do their best to not let him fit in with the general society?

- In the still of Munkustrap descending from the sky, Conrad is build like a brick shit house frfr

Just needed to get these thoughts out of my head so they don't weigh down on my humors and make me bad at art and work and remembering to eat food and sleep and bathe and breathe for the next however many months it is before another episode O-O

#bigtop burger #worthikids #btb #btb steve #btb cesare

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breesays · 3 years

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All's well that ends well

It's been a fairly dramatic week(s). Time elapsed since last blog? Is there a specific word for that? SINCE LAST MISSIVE? Whatever. We had VISITORS for the first time in a year and a half. First my mom - a dream, because she was so excited to be the first one to get Des out of the crib in the morning and snuggle him. WE SLEEP INNNN. And then my mother in law, also with those toddler huggin' arms - but less mobile. Des is a sweet boy but I also believe he has a good gauge on who he can run circles around. We've been blessed with kind neighbors who are quick to swoop in and follow Des around when one of us is at work and one of us is at the (could be a 2-4 hour wait?) animal hospital. But any amount of guests makes me feel like I'm on an episode of hoarders. It's a give\take in terms of comfort vs cash. Closeness and cleanliness. Etc.

Archie Archie Archie. This effin cinnamon roll of a cat really pushes the boundaries of my emotions. If you're a regular reader you might recall we came home early from our winter "vacay" because he was being elusive on the baby monitors (and to our cat-sitting angel neighbors) and I had a meltdown. WELL. Imagine said feline having physical, tangible troubles. Troubles in the shape of a blue ribbon (foreign linear object) used to adorn one of Desmond's birthday gifts. A SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLAR RIBBON. Please higher powers earth energy let my investment in pet insurance be worth it. I will record a testimonial if you he she they'd like.

He was puking normal stomach stuff and then water and then blood and then we were at an animal hospital. A BIRTHDAY GIFT crippled Archie because we didn't pick up the blue fucking ribbon. DO YOU KNOW THE CYCLE OF EMOTIONS I WENT THROUGH. Not immediately. I had to answer calls absorb information make decisions. But once he was out of surgery I just cried and cried and cried because of all the scenarios I had to walk through. I didn't want to eat dinner I just wanted to CRY. You can't give those scenarios space on your head at the time because - I don't know about you but - when I am most upset I don't even have a voice. I have this cry-croak. So I can't go there, I just can't, if I want to get things done. About an hour after we got word that he was safely post-op I also had a mini-meltdown because Archie sleeps with stuffed animals - we say he has many "babies" - and he was sleeping in the hospital apart from us apart from his babies... what if he couldn't sleep? My Aunt Jen suggested we call the hospital and ask if we could bring it in. I asked Tim to call because I was too cry-croaky to even ask. Both a yes and a no would have warranted the same inaudible reaction. So I got to take him his (heart) baby and a shirt that Tim had worn that day. I like to think it helped him, but I know it mostly helped me.

Now he is home and recovering in the [1-door] Large dog crate I ran out and bought him at Petco half an hour after we brought him home. It's in the kitchen. Today I bought him accompanying food bowls and a cushion. We checked his scar and offered him wet food after the vet called to check in. I now picture all vets, even female ones, as Ted from Schitt's Creek. On a Schitt's Creek personality test, I got Ted. So really, it's Ted's fault I cried so much worrying about Archie.

In that same time frame, on Saturday morning I felt like I got hit by a truck. I got the 2nd dose of the Moderna vaccine at 2pm the day before. For real, I hadn't been that all-over-achey since I was in a car accident. Des was very moody, too. So I felt sore and powerless and I wanted to hold him and play with him but I felt hot and cold and just ill. We were scheduled to pick up Archie at 4:30PM. I, an introvert, had been glued to the phone since Thursday night. Did I mention I smashed my face against a wall that has ALWAYS BEEN THERE? My nose bled. TALK ABOUT TAXING, MAN.

But here we are on a Monday night and I made it we made it you made it. I'm tired, I have therapy tomorrow. We do once a month so I kind of have to decide which can of worms to pop open, if there are multiple. Probably best if I make notes ahead of time.

The tangential stuff:

Des loves "hot thai noodles" (direct quote)

I bought a pair of CHELSEA boots to make my ROMPER look more upscale

We're watching Call The Midwife and I simply don't understand how anyone could accidentally have 8 children

Ask the questions before it's too late

Is anyone talking to Gen Z about homebuying? Or maybe a better title would be "throwing your money into the fire or?" because I wish someone had engaged the elder millennials nope this needs editing.

I don't know if I've actually lost weight but I'm at that point where I'm happy my pants are falling off but also annoyed because who even owns BELTS?

Mamas don't let your cats grow up to be ribbon-eaters.

#breesays #parenting

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the-art-pile · 6 years

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The Golden Boy

Ship: Ryan Haywood/ Gavin Free (Freewood)

Word Count: 1,999

Prompt: Gavin has the whole crew wrapped around his finger. His words flutter around them and they do as they command. Why would they deny their golden boy?

Notes: This started as a kind of character study of my favorite headcanon of Golden Boy!Gavin and turned into a self-indulgent Freewood thing that makes no sense. Anyway, enjoy!

AO3

Most of the other crews and gangs saw Gavin as a side piece, an accessory that the Fakes lugged around, and who could blame them? At meetings, he hung off Geoff’s arm and simpered. He crooned into Geoff’s ear about wanting something and later others would seem him with said item, whether it be some sort of jewelry or fancy gadget. Some tried to use that little detail to their advantage, a way to hit the Fakes at their weak spot but little did they know, Gavin wasn’t a weak spot, and every other crew had to learn this the hard way.

Their first mistake was assuming that Gavin was Ramsey’s twink. To be fair to them, the evidence they were presented with gave them no indication that he wasn’t. In meetings, Gavin was plastered to Ramsey’s side. He would stroke his hand up and down his chest and fan his eyelashes up to the kingpin. A picture of sinful innocence. They never realized it was an act. They watched as the blonde-tipped male flirted with the leader. None of the others of the crew made any movement of discomfort at the display and a couple would roll their eyes in annoyance. They were none the wiser.

When the Fakes first started up, it was just Ramsey, Pattillo, and the Golden Boy. They watched as the Golden Boy earned his name. His finery becoming finer with each successful heist, and jaws dropped when the golden pistol made its appearance. Reports of Ramsey appearing in the jewelry shops starting springing up, and they were surprised to find that it wasn’t to case them, but a legitimate purchase. The procured items soon making an appearance on the Golden Boy. Thus, the idea of the Golden Boy being a sugar baby and Ramsey his sugar daddy was born.

This idea was shut down immediately by those that spent an iota of time with the Fakes. Whether it be a gun for hire or held for interrogation, these people tried to dissuade the rumors. Many even claiming that Ramsey wasn’t even the leader. They yelled about how it was the Golden Boy. Gavin was the one who pulled the strings, but no one believed them. To them, Gavin was simply the Golden Boy, a glorified kept boy.

When Mogar joined the Fakes, people were understandably afraid as he was a known pyromaniac, but at the same time, their fears were quelled as the arsonist would be on a leash under Ramsey. They were fucking wrong. If Mogar and the Golden Boy were seen within an inch of each other during a heist you fucking ran if you knew what was good for you. A well-placed word or two from the Golden Boy and suddenly the building was exploding and you were watching your hopes and dreams die. If you had made it out that is.

If you saw the two at a bar, your alcohol intake dropped drastically. You weren’t having a good time anymore. You’re cautious and watchful, waiting for the newbies that don’t know any better. You see the nudge and the whisper and suddenly Mogar’s eyes are burning. It’s 5 v 1 and the five are losing. No one intervenes. The fight only stops when the others are unconscious or the Golden Boy decides the fun is out of the moment. He then takes Mogar by the arm and saunters out.

If you receive a report of the Golden Boy and Pattillo being seen, you avoid the streets. There’s no telling when one of the speed demons will come flying around the corner. Or even come in guns blazing with a new attack chopper. There were no restraints on the two.

Monster trucks barreled down the roads. A jet swoops too close for comfort. No vehicle or location is entirely safe while the Golden Boy and Pattillo are out.

Most outside the crew didn’t see the effect the Golden Boy has on Rimmy Tim. They only saw the aftermath. The ever-changing rainbow of hair. The reduced amount of words one week that was later met with the rumor that he had basically fried the inside of his mouth with sour candy,

The list went on. Little dares and bets that Gavin would present to Jeremy and would accept with little hesitation. Gavin knew not to go too far, but he couldn’t help but test it once or twice. See how far he could push the purple and orange man.

He wasn’t disappointed with the results.

Most can’t pick up on the Golden Boy and Vagabond dynamic. Even the crew couldn’t until it was thrust into their face. Gavin’s hypotheticals and seemingly idiotic questions were met with groans and eye rolls from the other members of the crew, including the Vagabond. There were those times though when the crew saw the Vagabond’s eyes sparkle a bit and suddenly he and Gavin were at each other's throats debating the everything to do with the little question. Multiple times the rest of the crew feared they were going to have to stop Ryan from killing Gavin. What shocked them the most was they would be in the middle of an intense verbal battle when would say some inane line, and they’d both stop, laugh, then go their separate ways while the crew stood blinking in awe.

They all knew that Gavin had all of them wrapped around his ring clad fingers, even Ryan. They could be driving somewhere for a heist, nothing going wrong, a simple peaceful ride. A motorcyclist would appear aways in front of them, and Gavin would lean over, hand caressing Ryan’s arm. A ‘please’ pressed to the mask covered ear and suddenly the cyclist was pasted across the window and hood of the car. The rest of them would laugh at the poor man’s demise, but they’d miss the knowing smirk pasted across their Golden boy’s face.

No one really questioned why Ryan listened to Gavin, seeing as they all did it. Blinded by their own trapping, they missed the gentle touches and whispered words before both disappeared. Later, they’d assume they were just hooking up, something they didn’t put past Gavin. No one visited Gavin’s or Ryan’s apartment, if they did, they’d realize they didn’t have a separate apartment. They lived together. In a house. With two cats and a dog, that the neighbor girl was all too enthusiastic to watch when they got busy. In fact, the couple was well liked in their neighborhood, and the crew never knew about it till they were forced to bunker down there one day. They soon learned that Ryan and Gavin had each other wrapped around their fingers, with silver bands.

~ “FUCKING GET DOWN!”

“WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY!”

The heist had been going well. The stealth part had gone phenomenal, the rest following through with their parts perfectly. That was until another crew showed up. They knew too much about their whereabouts with the heist meaning that they had to take care of a mole once they got out of this situation.

In a bullet-riddled vehicle, the crew is screaming through their coms. Talks about where to go as they race down the streets, a few of them being bandaged as the conversation goes on. If they had a mole, they obviously couldn’t go to any of their safe houses. They were probably already compromised. The talks turned to going to someone’s apartment. Michael vetoed his, as it was mostly just a front for civilian life and he mostly stayed at the penthouse. Geoff and Jack obviously lived at the penthouse. Jeremy had an apartment and volunteered, but was shot down because it was too small. They then turned to Gavin. He liked to spend money and the crew was assuming that he probably spent tons of money on some sort of bachelor pad. Their questioning leads to a blushing Gavin.

“Um, Ry? Can we fit everyone?”

“Probably, though they might have to bunk together in the guest rooms.”

This lead to them freaking out because holy shit they live together?! The long drive to their neighborhood brought up even more frantic questioned that was simply met with a silent Gavin and Ryan. When Ryan stops them in front of their house, the two turn to the crew and sigh.

“You’re gonna have to wait a bit until you can come in. We had a dinner party planned with the neighbors, plus we gotta pay the babysitter.”

“YOU HAVE KIDS!?”

“Furry kids, yeah,” Ryan snorts, “Hope no one is allergic to cats or dogs.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“No Geoff, I’m fucking Gavin, very lovingly I might add.”

Four hours later and Gavin and Ryan return to the vehicles, dressed up and smelling of home cooked food. The crew watches as they wave at some of the people down the street before ushering them inside. What greets is so domestic that some of them feel like they stepped through a portal into an alternate reality. They can see the touches of Gavin and Ryan respectively throughout the humble abode. There’s a cat curled up in an armchair and one staring down at them from the cabinets. The giant ass dog that bounces up to them makes them all recoil. The animal bowls through them in excitement.

“THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“This good girl is Strudel. The lazy ass is Pancake, and the lurker is Raspberry.”

“Why are your animals named after food?”

“Why not.”

Lindsey descends on Pancake, causing purring to overlay the current conversation. Slowly the crew settles down and Raspberry comes down from her perch to be pet after a bit. The panic of the earlier ambush seems to be completely gone now and a different panic sets in. Geoff is the one that breaks the silence.

“Since when did you two live together?”

“I think we’re coming up on seven years.”

Any and all movement that had been occurring grinds to a halt at that.

“We, uh, we’ve only been a crew for, um, three years?”

Simultaneously, Ryan and Gavin raise their left hands, displaying matching silver bands. There’s no sound for a second or two before suddenly they all break out screaming and yelling, a few going over to the pair to examine the jewelry more closely.

“Kinda surprised you guys didn’t know… I mean we were in the newspaper and on the news for a few days after our wedding because someone wanted Ry dead, and shot it up with a bunch of hired guns. News crews were hounding us for weeks.”

“THAT WAS YOU GUYS!? I WAS FUCKING ON THAT JOB!”

“Small fucking world, huh?”

“Can we go back to the fact that they’re fucking married?”

“Yeah, the fuck you guys?”

“Well, we obviously started by dating.”

“No fucking shit.”

“Gav was just a hacker when we met, but he still had a mouth on him. We both were freelancing and got hired for the same job, and just kinda clicked? We’d meet up outside work and stuff. It was kinda an unspoken thing that we were dating, and then about a year after meeting, I proposed. Moved here, adopted our kids, became the token gay couple here, met you guys… Short and sweet.”

“Why the fuck did you act like you haven’t met before when we brought you into the crew?”

“Eh, just a game we like to play.”

“YOU SPENT ALMOST A YEAR AT THE PENTHOUSE CAUSE YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T HAVE A HOME?!”

“Again, little game. Gotta spice life up sometimes, and Ryan and I may have been fighting at one point during that and I stayed at the penthouse as a way to cool off.”

“Un-fucking-believable.”

“You try living with his snore denying ass and then tell me that living in the penthouse wasn’t justified. Took a fucking sleep study to convince him to buy snore strips.”

“This is too fucking domestic for me. Show me where I’m sleeping.”

#freewood #fake ah crew #fanfic #FAHC #fahc!Jack #fahc!Ryan #fahc!Geoff #fahc!Michael #vagabond #ragehappy #golden boy gavin #my writing #fahc!Jeremy

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iwastoldthisisgoodforme · 5 years

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3.6.19

Woke up and went to Chatswood for Woolies/Chemist Warehouse. I sent Reiko a text to see if she was free that night.

I wanted to eat lunch at Lentils before my class so I headed straight from Chatswood station to Newtown and had a quick lunch.

Reiko texted me right before class saying she was free. I texted her during the break to ask if she had been to Vivid and if she wanted to go. Acting class. Only Tigran, Isobel, and Zach from the 7-10 class. But I knew a few more people from rep/make up classes like Bart, Josh, and Peter.

I was sent downstairs with the newbies for some reason. Ruby, the tutor, was just as confused as I was as to why I was sent down. Chris ended up sending Bart down to do the door while I do the activity. There were three new people this term, two girls, Kat and Maddie, on their first day and some Indian girl who had already taken a few classes. While they were doing their beginner stuff, I went back upstairs to grab some cards. Reiko said she hadn’t been to Vivid and wanted to go so I said let’s go around 630. I did the activity with Bart (I decided to build a house of cards since my original plan was to throw the cards). Since I had repped with Bart before, I thought it was easier to connect with him compared to the doors/script scenes I had done with others for the first time. Ruby’s feedback (I just wanted to point out here that Ruby has some big tits) was the usual ones that I got that I need to have a stronger point of view and really take things personally. There were moments I did have that stronger point of view but she said she would’ve probably done things quicker than I did. I told her I had more patience than more people with others so I may seem slow to react but she said that was fine but having a stronger point of view would drive things forward faster. She also said she saw my script scene with Isobel and said it was good work to my surprise.

After class, I headed straight to Central to see Vivid with Reiko. The timing was very good because as soon as I exited the ticket gates, she turned around and saw me. I couldn’t believe the timing. I asked her what she did today and she said she went to a cafe with a friend. Her friend is a ballet teacher that is Japanese so I asked what her name was (Yu). She said her friend has a stalker who is an old man and would show up at the restaurant she worked at and even gave her some present with a letter. I said how gross that was and she agreed. I then told her about Steve and how he used to stalk Riona and I would tease Riona whenever he showed up and be like “your boyfriend is here!” Reiko found this funny and I told her that he would stalk her next. She told me there was a waiter at the cafe who was Australian but could speak Japanese very fluently because he had lived in Japan for a little while. I asked if he was old but she said no maybe he lived there when he was 15. As we got close to the Opera House, she commented on the light beams from the buildings. I also told her that there was a Japanese trial who was also a ballet teacher which is why I asked what her friend’s name was. We saw some mirror thing in front of the Opera House and took a few pictures of it. I told her that you could climb the bridge but it was expensive and she said how scary that was. There were some food stalls nearby and I asked if she ate dinner but she said she hadn’t. She asked if I was hungry and I said a little and she said we could get food at the stall but I said later. We then took pictures of the bridge which we said were beautiful. We saw the projections on the Opera House but didn’t know what was on. Reiko guessed flowers but laughed when I said bacteria. We looked back at the city and commented on how the buildings were lit up. We headed over to The Rocks side of Circular Quay and commented on the professional cameras some people were using. I asked if Reiko brought any cameras but she said just some disposable ones. I told her I had a professional camera but didn’t really know how to use it which made her laugh. I also told her how hotels here are more like bars than actual hotels which surprised her. I asked her if she has her RSA but she said she doesn’t because she couldn’t understand the English in the course so she couldn’t bother with it. Getting close to Gelatissimo, we saw illuminated light poles and she told me it reminds her of some festivals in Japan. She asked if there are many festivals in the US and I said no but the US is still fun. I said there’s lots of things to do in California and we have Disneyland. Florida also has Disneyworld. As we passed the station, I told her I needed to use the toilet so she waited while I went. We saw the Customs House building with the projections on there so we checked it out. One had a whale and she told me the Japanese name for whale is kujire which I knew from Trevor Noah. I asked her if she is a good swimmer but she said no, she can only do crawl. The projection after that was of a scuba diver so I asked her if she ever did scuba diving and she said she had a license but just the first level. I jokingly told her to teach me. She asked if I ever went scuba diving and I told her yes, here in Australia at the Great Barrier Reef. She was totally jealous and asked if I saw anything interesting. I told her I saw coral and also Nemo which made her even more jealous. She said she really wants to go and I said I want to go again.

As we got closer to the Museum of Contemporary Art, there was some Samsung Exhibit so we checked that out. While waiting in line, I asked which she liked more, the Australian accent or American accent. She said probably the American accent since she couldn’t understand Australian English and I told her not to worry since Americans couldn’t understand Australians either. There were some phones you could touch that made the poles light up and also some bendy things that I tried to hit Reiko with but missed so she just laughed. There was also some LED hopscotch thing and some slide but the wait was a little bit long (about 30 min) and the slide wasn’t very long so we didn’t bother. While she was looking at the hopscotch thing I went to look at another one of the phone displays and she laughed at me and asked where I went. There were also some LED hula hoops and Reiko and I commented on how good two teenagers were at it since they barely moved. There was also a little girl who was trying it but wasn’t very good at it. She was quite entertained despite not being very good at it so it was very cute. Reiko and I walked left after that and checked out some glowing spheres. I commented on how they were a little dirty which Reiko laughed and agreed with. Afterwards, we went to check out more of The Rocks. As we walked deeper in, she said how old it felt and how the buildings were reminiscent of Europe or something. When I agreed with her on something and said, “Sou, sou, sou” she found this humorous for some reason. We got to the bar where Yingying and I had a few drinks and we saw that there was some kind of projection on the tunnel so we headed there. She told me how she went to The Rocks before to buy some souvenir bags for her brother. Her brother wanted 10 of them and they were $20 each so in total it was quite expensive. She felt a little embarrassed buying so many.

I asked her how old her brother was and she said 29. She told me that she was 25. I asked when her birthday was and she said January 27 so I asked if she was born in 94 and she confirmed. As we got closer to the bridge, we realized the projection was a Pixar thing so we hurried over. There were a lot of people watching it too and after we recorded some videos I realized some people were lying down to watch it so I suggested we lie down too. There were some mats for people to lay down on thankfully and two people left as we arrived. Reiko laid the other way initially but I told her to turn around so it wasn’t upside down. It felt nice laying down next to her and this was probably my favorite part of the night. I asked her what Pixar movie she enjoyed the most and she said Finding Nemo. I asked her what the name of Coco was in Japan and she said it was, “Remember Me” and was surprised when I told her it was different and also how Rapunzel had a different name too. She actually hadn’t seen Coco before but wanted to watch it. I told her Wall.E was very good (she asked if it was about a robot who was alone) and it almost made me cry. But Toy Story also hit me in a certain way. When footage of Cars showed up, I told her about California Adventure and how the most fun ride was Cars because you race. She said she liked roller coasters and I told her it was similar. We clapped after it showed the timeline of Pixar movies.

We headed back to German bar and took a left this time. I asked if she likes cats but she said she looks dogs more. There were some LED drum things with a weird display that we played with for a little while. She asked me also about Disneyland and what was the other amusement park in California and I told her Universal Studios Hollywood. Heading back, I asked if she wanted to eat and she said yes. She asked what I wanted to eat and I said anything. I asked her what her favorite food was and she said Japanese was number one. I told her I liked Korean. I saw some food trucks by the water/cruise terminal so we went down there. First however, we saw some white walker spiral shit under the cruise terminal so we took some pictures of that. We saw some small thing people were lining up for nearby so we went and checked it out. There was a small queue so we waited. I asked her if she likes sweets and she said she did. I asked her if she tried Australian sweets and she told me about some cake thingy that said was too sweet. I asked if she like Tim Tams and she loved them. But she really likes dark chocolate so I recommended to her digestives with dark chocolate so she said she would try. I also asked if she had tried a Golden Gaytime before and she had. I asked her what her favorite Japanese food was and she said number one was miso. Number two was karaage. Number three was Japanese pickles. She said it was very basic choices. She asked what I liked and I said it was a tie between curry and shabu shabu. She was quite surprised about the curry but girls don’t seem to like curry. Inside the exhibit, it was something similar to the silhouette screen thing that Jenny and I played with at the Exploratorium. We played with it briefly then went on to get food. There was some people doing some Indian dance underneath the white walker spiral thing and I commented on how there were only two Indian people and the rest were Australian or something. There was a donut stall nearby so we checked that out. It looked pretty good and she asked if I wanted to try but I said later. We checked out some real food first. The first stall we saw was a Filipino food truck but there were a lot of dessert items including one that sold stroopwafels. There was also milk tea and some other dessert items but they had some wraps and hot dogs as well. Reiko ended up deciding on a hot dog with jalapenos and while she was paying for that, I ordered the lechon bowl. She came over to the Filipino food truck and we checked out the stroopwafel truck. They had the stroopwafels but also some ice cream sandwiches, including a stroopwafel ice cream sandwich. We checked back at the hot dog stall and they had apparently already called her number. She apologized and they had to remake it for her. I commented on how quick that was. We went back to the Filipino food stall and I got my lechon bowl. I told her how much I loved pork belly. We found one of the standing tables to eat at as the old couple before was just leaving. We tried each other’s food. Her’s was spicy but delicious. I took out my hand sanitizer before I ate and gave her some as well which she was really appreciative about. We talked about being a barista, as she wanted to work in a cafe. She thought steaming the milk is hard but I told her it’s easy. I asked if she can do latte art but she said no. I told her the place I am a barista at only uses soy mik so it was quite hard. After we finished eating, we decided to get dessert at the stroopwafel place.

While we were waiting in line, she said I could decide and I asked her if the ice cream was ok so I decided on that. I asked her if she traveled often. She said she had been to Europe (Germany, France, Italy, Spain, UK?), Taiwan, Guam, Philippines, and New Zealand. She said she went to New Zealand for about two weeks with just a backpack and two friends. She mainly stayed at hostels and did a lot of the planning last minute which was really fun but didn’t camp anywhere.

We ate the ice cream sandwich (we chose the one with Oreos) by the water and I let her have the first bite. We took turns eating from it which may have gotten me sick since I had a sore throat later that night. Every time we passed it on, we said thanks and one time I said “domo” which made her think that I am 100% Japanese. I told her no and she said how when she took English school she was pre-intermediate but now is about the intermediate level. She said my Japanese is pre-intermediate but I told her it’s only pre-beginner which she laughed and denied. We started walking towards the bridge again and got to a point where we could see the bridge and Luna Park. She was saying how in Gold Coast there was a lot of Japanese and Koreans but when she started working in Kintaro, she realized she really needs to learn English. I told her that Aussies had a funny way of speaking Japanese like how they pronounced gyoza and karaage. I told her I could teach her English slang and told her how Masa taught me some Japanese slang like LonParis but she had never heard of that. She taught me one word when a comedian makes a joke but nobody is laughing which had to do something along the lines of sliding. I taught her the meanings of freaky and she laughed when I told her the sexual meanings. I also taught her the slang of “basic” and said sometimes I didn’t understand the young people slang. I also told her about the Korean guy who came in and asked if Masa’s daughter was Masa which we laughed strongly about. I also told her about Gen and how slow he was, which she found funny as well. There was also some ballet display thing which I asked if that was her friend. I asked how she thought of Kintaro, and she said Masa is funny, Yuri is not scary, and she likes Yosi the most I said Yosi is always laughing. I thought how she is still new though since she hasn't seen Masa's dark side. I did agree with her though that Masa is funny and I told her about my first day when I heard him say fuck that customer. We walked more towards the bridge and passed by a hotel which Reiko asked if it was a hotel or not. I asked her if I had an accent and she said she could tell I was a foreigner but it was almost there. She told me the waiter she mentioned earlier had good pronunciation since had lived in Japan. There were some hanging light beads we saw and went to check them out. I asked her if she wanted to take a picture so I took a few pictures of her and she took a few pictures of me. We walked closer to Luna Park and took a few pictures of that. I asked if she wanted to go to Luna Park but she checked the time. As we headed back, she told me how she had a trial in Macquarie Park at a cafe. She said if she got the job, she would probably reduce her shifts at Kintaro since that would be too much. I thought about telling her that I had a trial as well but I decided not to. I told her I had thought about working on a cruise, especially for second year work but it was quite difficult to find a job in that since it had so many requirements.

As we got closer to the station, we saw some illumination on the museum’s side that we checked out briefly. I asked her if she takes the train to Chatswood and asked where did I go. I told her I could take the train to Chatswood too which she was surprised about because of the geography but I told her I could take a bus from there so we jumped on the same train. She asked if I was working tomorrow and I said no day off and she said the same which made me a little surprised. She said she is working Wednesday but in the kitchen. I wondered who would be working on the floor tomorrow since she wasn’t and she said probably Steven. I guess Steven would be working with me on the floor Wednesday. I asked her if she knew what she would be doing in the kitchen and she said she would be doing Christine’s section and I told her Masa is picky about that section. I wondered why she was doing Christine’s section and then I remembered that Christine couldn’t work on one day and it must have been Wednesday. I asked if she had Friday off and she did so I told her Masa told us. She said her Japanese friends from Gold Coast were visiting so she had to show them around. We had to transfer at Wynyard so we didn’t bother sitting down. I asked her how tall she is and she said something close to 160 cm. She asked how tall I was and she guessed 180 at first which I said was close so she guessed again. She was on target as she said 185 and I asked her how she knew and then asked her if she’s a stalker which made her laugh. She said she needs to buy me a present.

On the train, she asked me if America was dangerous because of guns and I joked that I had a gun in school. I told her that when most people find out I’m American, they ask if I have a gun which she found amusing. She also told me how the Yakuza in Japan used to be very distinct with the way they dressed and their tattoos but now they look like a normal person. I asked if they still speak rough but she didn’t seem to fully understand my question. I noticed on the train that her legs were crossed when sitting and pointed away from me but by the end of the train ride they were in a bit more neutral position. She had to transfer trains at Chatswood so she stayed at the station while I had told her that I transferred to a bus so we said our goodbyes. I told her thank you for today and we said goodbye and goodnight. Overall, I enjoy spending time with Reiko but I don’t know how interested in me she (even just as a friend) really is since she is quite talkative with me and friendly but she doesn’t ask me back many things like what did I do today or what my age is (Riona would ask these things). In some ways I feel like she is only interested in me because I’m American and said I would be her guide. Probably just overthinking it though since she isn’t particularly snobby or uninterested like Rina was.

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queennicoleinboots · 4 years

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Chapter 8 of Completely Out of Sync: Too Many Frustrations of the New Millennium – Joebear Saves the Day, or Tries to Anyway

I know I said that I would do anything for Xara, my beautiful wife that I love literally more than the world itself, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t need this shit today. I had a ton of errands to run, but a bunch of random shit stopped me from doing that today. And now my car is too fucked up for me to even process what the fuck just happened to me. Of course, never fails. Whenever I need to do something, random shit fucks up my day for no reason. I went in the apartment to ATTEMPT to find Xara’s credit card, but the putrid smell of cat piss and shit greeted me.

“Ughhh! What the fuck is that?” I asked aloud.

I went to the cat room, and it turns out that there was a MASS cat diarrhea explosion all over the room.

“Garfield, Oreo, Kissy, your asses have exploded. What the fuck did you eat? Oh God, it’s bad,” I said as I laughed in disbelief.

Oreo, senior passed away on December 11, 2018. It was a very sad day. On the same day, Xara and I went to the Humane Society and got Cupid. At first, Cupid was a beautiful fine cat, but she turned out to be a real bitch, so I cloned her before I ate her. I named her clone Kissy because it turns out that Cupid was a match-making demon who ended up making love to his mother. I wasn’t about to name my cat after a demon by mistake again, so this new cat was named Kissy.

Two years later, Kissy needed a friend because Garfield was frankly getting too old to deal with her bullshit. So, I looked on Craigslist and found Miss Oreo, our new black and white kitten. She is a beautiful kitten, but she gets into literally everything. She even knows how to use a computer and a smart phone. She watched Inland Empire with my wife until two hours in. That was too much bullshit even for Miss Oreo. Right now, I feel like I am in a real life version of Inland Empire.

I definitely couldn’t process what happened in the cat litter box room. I gagged before I immediately threw the litter pans in the parking lot. I was certain that a few cat turds hit some of the other cars in the lot, but I didn’t care. I hurled the mats soaked in piss and diarrhea into the lot near another vehicle. I then proceeded to sweep, mop, and wash down the mats and the cat room itself. I mopped the room and washed the walls four times. I turned the fan on in the room before drying the mats and putting them back in the room. I emptied some large plastic containers, put them in the cat room, and poured litter into them.

“Ughh! FUCK THAT!” I screamed as I took a shower. I doused myself in body wash and hot ass water. I then used a hair-dryer to dry myself off. Then, I continued my search for the credit card for five minutes before calling Xara.

“BAE WHUH! I am just not moving. They are full force with this circus parade bullshit,” she responded.

“Ugh. Gotta love Georgia. Uhh! Let’s have a parade in Monday morning traffic. Huh Duh Duh Durr… Durrr! No IQ here,” I went on a rampage.

Xara laughed hysterically. “’Yeah, really, baebae. What do you need?”

“Where did you put the card?” I asked.

“First drawer in my desk,” she answered.

“Thank you,” I said as I found it and put it in my pocket. “Now I can get the fuck out of here.”

“Thank God. Tim Black is fucked up,” she said.

“Yeah. I can’t believe the Veterans Administration is actually holding people hostage over this Coronavirus bullshit. My God, this is getting out of hand,” I said. “Always something.”

“Tell me about it. UGH! I gotta go. Lorraine Black is calling AGAIN. Goddammit! Here we go,” she said before her call disconnected.

I sighed angrily as I headed out of the door. I knew nothing about Lorraine Black other than the fact that she and her husband, Tim Black, argued about everything and anything, including the movie, A Christmas Story. It sounds like they have the same relationship that we had for the first few months after my mother passed away in 2015. It was a rough time for everyone. I have the same questions then as I did now: What the fuck? Why is this happening?

At least my engine started before I drove like a bear out of the littered parking lot. That parking lot was filled with random wires, plastic pieces, bottles, cat litter pans, cat shit, and other random bullshit. Fuck it! No other resident of this apartment complex works. They walk around like duhhh hurr durr. They sway their shoulders back and forth like they’re cool and all of that and a bag of chips. Like, we’re not in high school anymore. Please stop walking like that. No one is going to take you seriously. They can clean this shit up. Fuck ‘em. I pay over $800 in rent, and I am the only person besides Xara who fucking works in this neighborhood. Ugh. I wish these people had hobbies. I have to work and hear their monkey shit outside of my window every single day of my life. Ugh. So over it. I have to drive around these idiots, too. Sometimes, when I drive, the truck in front of me just stops driving. Like, what the fuck? Did your brain explode or something, dude? What the fuck happened? And now two assholes are in two different lanes driving at the same speed. I wish these lower life forms would just fuck off already. I swear they must have come from UNG! University of North Georgia. ‘Where did your graduate from?’ ‘I GRADUATED FROM UNG!’ Fucking morons. Each year I live here, I feel like my IQ goes down about 15 points. Oh God.

I was finally at the Enterprise where I could rent a car that would drive to wherever the fuck Lorraine Black was and to where Tim Black was held hostage. I walked up to the front desk and asked for a cheap vehicle to rent.

“How long will you need it? Do you have a driver’s license and proof of insurance?” the sales person asked.

“For at least two days, please,” I said as I handed him my driver’s license and proof of car insurance.

“What kind of vehicle do you need?” the sales person asked.

“THE CHEAPEST ONE YA GOT,” I said.

“We have a Nissan Versa 2009 for $40.86 per day,” he said.

“Holy Shit, no thanks. That’s highway robbery!” I said as I turned around and walked out.

Fuck that price. I wasn’t about to pay $40 a day for a car when two years ago, I paid $23.99 for a car at the same location. I understand that inflation exists, especially in 2020, but get the fuck out of here. I’m not paying that price. I’m going to try somewhere else. So, I turned on my smartphone and started looking up cheaper alternatives to rental cars.

I looked up Budget Car Rental and found something that would be better. I made my reservation online because I didn’t want to fuck with humanity. For a two-day rental, I only paid $73.98. Yeah, $40 a day is a rip-off. Fuck off with that.

After driving a few more minutes in this fucked-up traffic, I picked up my vehicle from the Budget Car Rental. The dude at the register was actually half-decent.

“I’ll take you to your car, sir,” he said as he led me to the vehicle. I followed him and got in the car.

“Thank you. Have a nice day!” I said as I started to drive away. I added a little laugh because I could.

“You, too, sir. Thank you for business! Come back in two days!” he screamed as I drove away.

Thank God that was over with. I did put my GPS in the rental car, so I put the address that Xara gave me into the GPS to pick up Lorraine Black. I saw that I was going to Statham, which is where the nearest 5G tower is to us. I was starting to get nervous like I always do. I called Xara.

“Yes, bae. I’m almost at work,” Xara said.

“Please tell Lorraine Black that I am on my way,” I commanded of her.

“I will, my love,” she answered.

“Thank you. I’m on my way,” I said.

“I’ll let her know,” she said.

“Oh brother. Here we go, an interesting drive to the 5G tower,” I said as I sighed.

“Sorry, baebae. Thank you, baebae!” she said.

“Welcome. Love you,” I said.

“Love you, too, sweeeeetie!” she said in her typical operatic voice.

I hung up the phone. At least I don’t have to use my own car for this annoying drive. Sigh! I have a life outside of bailing baby boomers out of stupid bullshit, but I do it for my bae. This is a part of being a good Christian. More people stopped driving in front of me. I swear, Georgia is the most ignorant place I have ever seen in my life.

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cksmart-world · 5 years

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The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

by Christopher Smart

July 16, 2019

Inland Port: You Call That A Riot?

That was no riot. Please. Melee, maybe. Two dozen protesters and four dozen cops. Huh. It was more like Romper Room. But the way the news media was carrying on you'd think it was Chicago in 1968 — now that was a riot. And poor Gov. Gary Herbert — “tantamount to terrorism,” he bellowed. Was he hallucinating? Nonetheless, you have to hand it to the protesters — they did get a lot of attention. Now, everyone is wondering, what the heck is an inland port? Generally speaking, it's a sea of warehouses and manufacturing plants along with non-stop train and truck traffic. If state planners have their way, it will be immense. But the truth is that Salt Lake City zoned the area west of Redwood Road and south of I-80 for light industrial decades ago. More recently Mayor Jackie Biskupski signed an agreement for the north side of the freeway west of the airport to be developed in a similar manner. It looked like such a gold mine that former House Speaker Greg Hughes and his band of pirates seized it for themselves, er uh, the state of Utah. Somebody's gonna make bank — but it's not the taxpayers. All they get is traffic jams and air pollution. It's enough to make you want to protest. But maybe next time, kids, you could practice up a bit.

Alien Confab Is A Go!

If aliens like crowds, they'll really love this. An estimated 200,000 people say they will meet at Area 51 in Nevada on Sept. 20 at 3 a.m. to search for evidence of extraterrestrials. And you thought Burning Man was weird. Imagine the entire population of Salt Lake City scouring the desert for aliens at the same time. Talk about close encounters. And just think of the logistics — who'll bring the Porta Potties? But don't bother true believers with details. For decades folks have said that galactic visitors frequented the place. The 1947 crash of a spaceship near Roswell, New Mexico is evidence that aliens are among us. The Pentagon insists that UFO was nothing more than a weather balloon. But what about the little, green men? Obviously it was another Defense Department coverup. Since then, at least four spacecraft landings have been witnessed by citizen UFO-ologists. Finally in 2017, the DOD had to confirm that there was, in fact, a $22 million government program to collect and analyze “anomalous aerospace threats.” Ahah! We do have visitors from outer space. Maybe they could do something about Sean Hannity.

Go Back Where You Came From

Donald Trump had one thing right when he told congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Rashida Tlaib of Michigan and Ayanna S. Pressley of Massachusetts to back to their troubled and broken countries — the U.S. is troubled and broken. Thank you Mr. Trump. But the staff here at Smart Bomb decided to see if we could actually go back to where we came from. So we spit into a cup and sent it off to Ancestry.com But when the results came back it became complicated. No one on the staff had forebears that came from just one place. There was Ireland and Wales, Scotland and Germany, Sweden and Italy and on and on. We know, we know, it's quite WASPy and white. And that's why Donald Trump doesn't want us to go back there — not that we could. For one thing, they don't have baseball. But Ayanna Pressely's people came over here many centuries ago in chains. That was long before Donald Trump's grandfather, Frederick immigrated in 1885. Trump actually could go back, but you're right, Wilson, they probably wouldn't take him in Germany. They think he's something of dangerous nut case. Imagine that.

Paul “Come-Lately” Ryan: Trump's A Dipshit

Former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is no scaredy-cat boot-licker. No siree, Bob. President Donald Trump is a horrid person who doesn't know dung from shoe polish, he says in a new book, "American Carnage," by Tim Alberta. Unlike his former colleagues who remain in Congress, Ryan is standing up to the insulter-in-chief. "I'm telling you, Trump didn't know anything about government. I wanted to scold him all the time." Sure, he's saying these things now from the safety of his Michigan sofa, far from the gory gridiron of Washington, but Ryan insists he's always felt that way and people just don't understand how courageous he really is. Ryan sucked up to Trump like a lilting violet, he explained, only so he could steer the president away from making “bad decisions.” He is, in reality, an unheralded hero. Some critics say he's too late taking a stand against insidious buffoonery, but they don't understand how mean the president can be. Ryan just could not take two more years with Trump, so he hit the "escape hatch.” There's an old saying about people remaining silent in the face of evil, but don't ask Republicans what it is, they're busy sucking up to Trump so he doesn't make bad decisions.

Well, that's it for another sizzling week here at Smart Bomb, where the staff has taken to bathing in ice tea (no sweetener, thank you), while reading the very last issue of Mad Magazine. But if you think it's hot now, just give it 30 years — climate change models indicate that Salt Lake City will resemble Phoenix, Arizona. Too bad Global Warming isn't a hoax. Maybe the aliens could help us out with their greenhouse gas vacuums. That would be cool (no pun intended, hah). OK Wilson, tell the band to put down their beers and take us out with something for our friends on their way to Area 51:

Woke up this morning with light in my eyes / And then realized it was still dark outside / It was a light comin' down from the sky / I don't know who or why / Hey Mr.Spaceman, won't you please take me along / I won't do anything wrong / Hey Mr.Spaceman, won't you please take me along for a ride...

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lindyhunt · 6 years

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How True Are Your Memories? One Writer Investigates—and Asks if It Really Matters

I don’t know how long I’d been crying when my mother hit the brakes of our truck and pulled to the side of a country road. It was late August, and I’d just turned nine. The next month, I’d planned to start Grade 4 with my friends, but now we were on an unfamiliar road, driving north to a new house in a strange city.

The covered truck bed was packed with pets and other breakables: There was Ally, a stray cat we’d rescued from a tree; Goudreau, a dog who looked like a cross between a corgi and a German shepherd; and my rabbit, Twitcher, whose cage was wedged among the picture frames.

The sun had softened the vinyl upholstery, and my bare legs stuck to my seat. The farther down the road we drove, the more hysterical I became, swallowing air the way a drowning swimmer inhales water. I was at a loss: for the home we left behind, for the friends who would continue their lives without me, for the blank terror of a new place. At some point, the tears became so disruptive that it was impossible for my mother to drive any farther.

Even events categorically unpleasant seemed comforting—like the time my father hitched a ride on my toboggan and knocked his head on the frozen ground after I hit a bump and then staggered home to nurse a concussion.

Looking back, I can diagnose this as my first bout of nostalgia. My memories of home became preserved as if in amber. It was the place where we tapped the maple trees for sap to make syrup, where my brother and I skated on a homemade ice rink, where I spent countless Saturdays hiding under my bed reading books, whether or not the sun was shining. Even events categorically unpleasant seemed comforting—like the time my father hitched a ride on my toboggan and knocked his head on the frozen ground after I hit a bump and then staggered home to nurse a concussion.

But something about these stories (let’s call them what they are) seems too smooth, as if time and recollection have polished them to a suspect shine. Could I, under oath (or even around a dinner table with my family, remembering times past), wholeheartedly endorse their accuracy? Is nostalgia merely self-deception, full of tiny lies we tell ourselves to reframe the past or, worse, put ourselves in the best light? Did I really enjoy trudging through the backyard on a cold day checking buckets for sap? Was my father secretly angry when I zoomed down the hill on the toboggan without a thought for how dangerous it might be? And just how hysterical was I during that tear-filled drive? Or, as I suspect, is that memory shaped by what came after: the bullying at my new school, the sense that our family had been better before the move?

Could I, under oath (or even around a dinner table with my family, remembering times past), wholeheartedly endorse their accuracy? Is nostalgia merely self-deception, full of tiny lies we tell ourselves to reframe the past or, worse, put ourselves in the best light?

Memories, of course, are changeable things, subject to the bias of hindsight—we continually reshape the events of the past to suit the emotions of the present. Scientists now know that, like DNA, memories can be contaminated. Multiple tellings alter them. The first time an eyewitness recalls a crime, their recollection may be pure, but grill them before a jury once or twice and the story that emerges can become a blurry facsimile. Likewise, new information and experiences can change what Joan Didion describes as “the stories we tell ourselves in order to live.” For a long time, I’ve had the firm belief that my father went home early the night we were tobogganing to nurse his banged-up head with a glass of whisky and that I had dutifully trundled along soon after because I felt guilty and because I was worried I’d hurt him. (I had, but he would be fine.) Yet my story is full of gaps, like a half-remembered dream. How much of that memory is shaded by the knowledge that my father would go on to have quite a battle with whisky, one he wouldn’t win? And though the memory is clearly nostalgic and even funny (remember that time I kinda hurt Dad?), it is a sad story to put on the page.

Just because they look real when you screen these short movies in the mind’s eye doesn’t mean they are. Perhaps the easiest person to deceive is oneself.

“Memory might well be described as the incessant construction of the past and be seen as just one aspect of our tendency to confabulate,” the late Robert Todd Carroll, an academic and professional skeptic, once warned. Confabulate: a wonderful word, larded with judgment yet almost naughty. One researcher put it another way: “Memory is not a stable phenomenon.” I had hung on to childhood memories as resolute, immutable and, most of all, categorically true. Details seem to lend my memories a certain verisimilitude. But just because they look real when you screen these short movies in the mind’s eye doesn’t mean they are. Perhaps the easiest person to deceive is oneself.

For a long time, nostalgia was considered an affliction, even a mental disorder. Derived from the Greek words nostos (homecoming) and algos (pain), the term was coined in the 17th century to describe a fierce homesickness among soldiers. Back then, those who were considered most susceptible—soldiers far from home, children away from their parents for the first time, young labourers removed from their families—were punished with leeching, bullying or worse. (One military doctor in post-Civil War America proposed public shaming to rid homesick troops of their weak will.)

Yet nostalgia persists, and about 20 years ago, researchers began to wonder if it wasn’t such a bad thing after all. “Nostalgia doesn’t trigger distress; distress triggers nostalgia,” Dr. Clay Routledge, behavioural scientist and author, has said. And though loneliness, loss or big changes, such as a long-distance move, can put people in a wistful frame of mind, reminiscing itself has a surprisingly comforting effect.

“You end up with a stronger feeling of belonging and affiliation, and you become more generous toward others.”

“Nostalgic stories often start badly, with some kind of problem, but then they tend to end well, thanks to help from someone close to you,” Dr. Constantine Sedikides, a social and personality psychology professor at the University of Southampton in England, has said. “So you end up with a stronger feeling of belonging and affiliation, and you become more generous toward others.” That song lyric you loved long ago, that melody you remember, the holiday you took with someone no longer alive… These are the sorts of things that set us fondly wandering down memory lane. The smell of the woods does it for me. It brings back memories of driving at 15 kilometres an hour down the bumpy dirt road to my grandparents’ cottage on the shores of Lake Huron, windows rolled down, our dog poking his head out and his nose twitching madly.

Whether or not such recollections are based on cold, hard fact, nostalgia makes us more empathic and less alienated. It connects us with our family and friends and, perhaps most important, fosters what psychologists call self-continuity. “Nostalgia compensates for uncomfortable states—for example, people with feelings of meaninglessness or a discontinuity between past and present,” Dr. Tim Wildschut, a Dutch researcher who collaborates with Sedikides, told The Guardian when their research on the benefits of nostalgia made headlines in 2014. Far from being a “demonic disorder,” as it was once considered, wistful thinking is good for us.

“Nostalgia compensates for uncomfortable states—for example, people with feelings of meaninglessness or a discontinuity between past and present.”

Wildschut—who long ago left the Netherlands to live in America and then England and knows a thing or two about homesickness—has even prescribed it as a kind of vitamin to “promote emotional equilibrium.” Today, speaking from his office in Southampton, he says, “Nostalgia moves you away from a purely hedonistic view of happiness.” It is proof, he says, that happiness and sadness have their place in a meaningful life. “Even though we’re told we ought to be happy and not sad,” he says, “people are quite good at reconciling both.”

“A lot of research shows that all memory is reconstructed, and the same is undoubtedly true for nostalgia, but whether memory is accurate has little bearing on what I’m interested in,” he says. These days, Wildschut is interested in the neurological foundations of nostalgia, something scientists are hazy on, and whether it’s an emotion that might help people process threatening or traumatic events. He wants to know what the purpose of it is and how it might be harnessed.

“Even though we’re told we ought to be happy and not sad, people are quite good at reconciling both.”

Turns out, it is possible to reconcile the good and the bad, the happy and sad, in one go. So does it matter how truthful I am being when I recount that fated toboggan ride one winter decades ago? The story reminds me of my childhood and how much I love my father and, of course, how much I miss him. But then I summon that memory and he’s here with me somehow. Now, whether that winter night in small-town Ontario unfolded precisely the way I describe it is another question—and one that I’m not convinced matters. “Memory fades, memory adjusts, memory conforms to what we think we remember,” wrote Didion, who once boasted that the kinds of memories that ended up in her notebook were “lies.”

“Memory fades, memory adjusts, memory conforms to what we think we remember.”

Wildschut is right that these little fibs are beside the point. Still, reflecting on some of these stories has made me wonder whether I’ve simply told myself the wrong stories—grafted details and meaning on them that they didn’t have at the time. As an adult, I criss-crossed Canada—Ontario, Quebec, Alberta, Saskatchewan—and then settled in England. Yet, in many ways, that first move, from the small town where I was born, was the most profound. And so I returned to my childhood home one August day not long ago, this time bringing my camera.

I slowed the rental car down as I approached and parked near the curb. The house, though smaller than I remember it—funny how memories make much of our childhood seem larger than life—looked exactly the same: white with blue shutters, a long swath of grass at the front and stone steps leading down to that sprawling backyard where we’d tapped our maple trees. There was another minivan in the driveway, another family there now making their own memories. For some reason, this didn’t make me jealous or sad. Either time had faded the pain of leaving or I was able to recognize my affection for what it was: nostalgia not for the home before me but for the place in my mind’s eye—for my childhood. Call these memories lies, call them confabulations, but that will do nothing to discredit their purpose—or their power.

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nailtravels · 6 years

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They stared at the news reports all week and tuned in to NOAA satellite footage for Hurricane Michael updates. It had been true for years, but now these people could honestly say they were in the cone of uncertainty. The category 2 storm had just left the Caribbean and was gaining strength as it plowed north through the Gulf of Mexico, heading straight to the Big Bend area of Florida and Suwannee Roots Revival at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. Ask Dog Island and Cedar Key what it’s like when a hurricane smashes into the beaches in this part of the world. Ask Mama Lila’s guesthouse on Fort Morgan beach. When hurricane force winds lift the water up and out of its basin, things disappear. Maybe not the best place to ride out a hurricane. With folks from Tallahassee evacuated all the way to Fort Myers, what kind of derainged animals would drive straight toward the storm to go camping in the woods at a music festival? A rare breed, to be sure and it certainly boggles the mind.

It was a family reunion in every sense of the word. Friends made at Suwannee Music Park are as strong as the bonds of kin folk and tend to last for years. As time passes, the family membership continues to swell to the point where there are no strangers in the park. Welcome to Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: Feeder Band Family Reunion

Oteil and Friends, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

000 WTNT34 KNHC 082041 TCPAT4 BULLETIN Hurricane Michael Advisory Number 9 NWS National Hurricane Center Miami FL AL142018 400 PM CDT Mon Oct 08 2018 …MICHAEL BRINGING HURRICANE-FORCE WINDS AND HEAVY RAINFALL TO WESTERN CUBA… …STORM SURGE AND HURRICANE WARNINGS ISSUED FOR THE NORTHEASTERN GULF COAST…

A Hurricane Warning has been issued for the Gulf Coast of Florida from the Alabama/Florida border eastward to Suwannee River.

Folks like Moonshine Gary and Shannon traveled east on I-10, navigating fallen trees on the interstate with emergency vehicles close behind them. Others drove straight through the eye of the storm, headed for Live Oak. The group that met up Tuesday night, set up camp in the woods and waited together for the worst of the storm. By that time it had strengthened to a category 4 and it was anyone’s guess what was going to happen if the storm landed near Live Oak. As it would turn out, the hurricane turned left as the night went on and smashed into Panama City. Other than a few, light sprinkles, the park and party crowd remained untouched. The rest of the weekend showcased weather so perfect it could only be Suwannee Roots Revival.

Once again, the Kamp Happiness relaxation installation served as a commons area for this year’s family reunion. Friends made at Suwannee Music Park can be as stout as any kin folk and as the years pass, festival friends end up at each other’s weddings and funerals. They came all the way from South Carolina, Virginia, Georgia and all parts Florida. They brought their vans, trucks and recreation vehicles and surrounded each other like a wagon train. The RV crowd hooked up by the bat house, giving everyone a reason to occasionally visit the farm field. Thank you Peanut for the purple butterfly and the mad skins.

Thugish behavior to be sure, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Keller Williams’ PettyGrass Featuring The HillBenders, Suwanee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Royal, Josh and Smiteesha

Tim looking sharp, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Leftover Salmon, Suwannee Roots Revival: photo by Jason Nail

Little Steve, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Oteil and Friends, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Josh cooking Sunday breakfast, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Kamp Happiness, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Moonpie and Sunshine enjoying some time, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018:

Cierra and Shannon, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Dirt bath, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

New at Suwannee Roots Revival:

Roots Welcomes Darth Waffle: The newest member of the Suwannee Roots Revival media team hit the dirt running and covered the entire festival from withers to brisket. Katie Walthall could be seen dragging her camera to and fro, backstage and yonder, catching great photographs of the performers and festivarians. A media pass will only get you so far. For some places, it takes a lanyard and a great pair of legs. Check out the beautiful writing and photographs on her website and like her social media outlets on Facebook and Instagram.

Waffle and Splenda, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Dead Cat Pleasure Palace Hours of Operation: Since MagnoliaFest 2002, the Dead Cat Pleasure Palace has been providing a “sense of place” for festivarians everywhere and most certainly at the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. It’s open-air relaxation station serves as a perfect place to enjoy a cuddle puddle next to the roaring campfire. For years this commons area has effectively served the needs of festival participants while also meeting the needs of Kamp Happiness personel when it comes to the much needed and deserved rest that comes after a day of intensly passionate sillineszs. Up until this year, everyone’s consideration and personal responsibility had been appreciated, but due to this year’s repeated incidents and a few bad apples, new guidelines have been enacted. Imagine the scenario; It’s 5:30 am and you’ve finished playing bluegrass music at Slopprygrass. Your head hurts and your fingers are cracked and tired. It’s all you can do to drag your dirty, bare feet back to your own campsite. As you get ready to crawl into your tent for a few, scant hours of rest, you notice a form sleeping under the covers, in the darkness. Who could this be? You came here by yourself and playing “hard to want” has worked out predictably poorly. But this could certainly be preceived as some kind of overt message. perhaps a seriously flirty advance by a desperate, unknown caller. It would be stranger than fiction. Only after inspecting closer and finding the dirty, bare feet were probably size 11 and belonged to a young Auburn graduate who had drank too many shots of warm crotch whiskey. Precious he was, all bundled up in great grandmother’s quilts. With a cool front, pushed in by the storm, it was going to be a chilly night and no one needs to catch a sniffle. There’s always tomorrow night.

Ask your mom if all cops are racist.

Hey bitch, get out of my tent. Lady, you’re fine right where you are. Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jill Wickham The next night would prove to be no better. A lovely causasian couple found their way into the palace toward the close of the night, in hopes of finding some Wifi and complete some photo editing discuised as soft-core pornography. They would close out the evening popping each other’s chigger bites and again, fall into a blissful slumber in a hotel whose blinking neon sign clearly read, “No Vacancy”. Check our website and social media sites for updates, but until further notice, the Pleasure Palace hours of operation are from nine until nine. Thank you, in advance, for your consideration.

Free Range Strange: The brightest and best in bluegrass and hippy-funk wasn’t always playing on the main stage. Tim, Sunnie Rae and Chase from Free Range Strange took a break from their busy Florida touring schedule to visit the jam circles of Roots Revival. Thanks to all who participated in sharing a beautiful noise, especially Sunnie Rae, who helped make everyone look a little better. Both Tim and Chase were lovely additions to nearly every bluegrass circle, and other than a few scattered instances loosely labeled as “moral terpitude”, confusion and tweakish behavior was unusually scant.

Roadtrip Mojo: After several festivals, we finally hooked up with Jeff from RoadTrip Mojo. Through Spring, Wannee and Lockn’, it was time to band with our new brothers in the Florida social media intereweb. Check out their website and get in on one of their sweet camping giveaways. If the statute of limitations has, indeed passed, there promises to be more foot-stomping fun at Hulaween in just a few days. Eeeek.

These flowers are just one of the reasons Kamp Happiness installation has been so successful, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Personal Fires: Don’t get all heady just because someone in your camp wants to have a personal fire. Sometimes things can get a little intense around the group fire and it’s a pleasure to back into your own space while your head unwraps itself. Unfortunately, in this case, a new Hawaiian shirt from Eddie W. caught fire from a candle in the Dab Den and filled the room with carcinogenic rayon gas before emergency services arrived. Considering the levels of responsibility usually associated with the Dead Cat Society, the reason for this incident has been traced back to Beth’s Million Dollar Bacon.

Samantha Fish, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Suwannee is for lovers: Congratulations to Zane and Dr. Jen who got engaged at this year’s party. Be wary single festivarians. Music weekends in the woods are great places to meet crazy hippy chicks and before you know it, you’re proposing during Keller’s Bluegrass Gospel Church. It’s about as dangerous at a gondola at Telluride.

Kamp Happiness and friends, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018:

Where’s TooMuch?: For the fifth year, the folks at Kamp Happiness were good enough to let us dangle in their camp and share in their fellowship and music. Their blinking art installation served as a musical campsite and meeting spot for many of the Suwannee regulars. String music could be heard flowing from the camp all hours of the day or night. Morning versions of “New Dehli Train” set the stage for greatness into late night jams as the Kamp Happiness Family Band somehow managed to hold togerther a lengthy set of bluegrass classics in four-part harmony. Kamp Happiness VIP award winner for 2018 was Thomas Gerard Larose, who managed to entertain the troops with his morning Deadhead lounge piano stylings and prepare homemade barbecue tempe in spite of his recently debilitating hot tub injury. Thanks to Peter, Darth Waffle and Moonpie for assisting with the loading and unloading of his production equipment. Who knew one could use a handicap trailer to sneak contraband booze into the venue? if you’re self medicated and attempt a swan dive into a hot tub, you may well end up braking your shell. Especially when the bones are so old as to render modern, carbon dating equipment virtually useless. After a certain passage of time, one’s bones become brittle and maintain the structural integrity of burnt paper.

Leftover Salmon playing Dr. John, Suwannee Roots Revival: photo by Jason Nail

Let Oteil Sing: Roots welcomed Bassist Oteil Burbridge and his Oteil & Friends project featuring guitarists John Kadlecik and Scott Metzger, multi-instrumentalits Jason Crosby, drummer Jay Lane, percussionist Weedie Braimah and vocalist Alfreda Gerald. They tore up Thursday night with their unique sound and set the tempo for a long night of music and laughter.

Oteil and Friends, Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: photo by Jason Nail

Golf carts: Thanks to Kendall, Ted, Cameron and Kent for keeping the golf carts rotating timely and efficiently throughout the park. It can be a long haul from the bat house to the Loop and it’s nice to catch a lift, especially with some hillbilly driving while blind. From now on, local officials have mandated that remote breathalyzers be attached to the ignition systems of every golf cart in the park. These protective measures were put in place after Kendall drove his golf cart off the metal bridge into the Suwannee River. As time passes, his memory shall never fade.

Some go for the music. The rock and roll jams on stage, Leftover Salmon and all the late night pickin’ circles one can stomach. Some come for the sauce. The handles of warm crotch whiskey and double IPAs along with one of the best combos of the festival, sangria and Aderol. Have no illusions dear heart, these are worthwhile pursuits, but the last real reason to see this and most other festivals is the family. Goofballs and slack jawed rednecks from the contiguous U.S., all heading to the same place, in spite of the hurricane west wind.

As always, thanks to Erin Scholze at Dreamspider Publicity and Events for letting nailtravels and Kamp Happiness be small cogs in the larger machine of beautiful fellowship and fun. Best job ever.

So take a nap and a shower. Get those feet clean and wash the smoke out of those clothes. Hulaween is next week and it will be another round of finest and brightest anywhere. Look for the South Florida charter of Kamp Happiness next to the Poncho Tree and Luke’s Lake. Live

Suwannee Roots Revival 2018: Feeder Band Family Reunion They stared at the news reports all week and tuned in to NOAA satellite footage for Hurricane Michael updates.

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bikechatter · 7 years

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Interbike 2017 show report: Trends and new products

The bicycle industry’s annual trade show sets up in Las Vegas each year. (Photos: James Buckroyd, usually)

James Buckroyd is a professional product designer who happens to be addicted to cycling and is always seeking out the perfect route and the perfect piece of gear. He blogs at BuckyRides.com. His last review was Chrome’s Hondo backpack.

Last week I headed to Interbike Vegas 2017, where cycling industry veterans gathered to show off the latest trends and technology in cycling. The first two days of Interbike were the “Outdoor Demo,” where cycling industry pros get to view and ride new bicycles, followed by three days of trade show. With three exhibition halls full of gear, Interbike gives you a glimpse of the future.

Trends “Smart” becomes integrated The influx of smart technologies is finally surfacing in the bicycle world, from integrated GPS on e-bikes to speakerphones in helmets. Electronic technologies are blurring the lines between accessories and finding themselves in new products and previously mechanical-only items.

Electricity opens the door for more riders E-bikes, e-bikes and more e-bikes. For those deep in the cycling world, the mention of motors on a bike can be controversial and start a passionate discussion, whether in regard racing or bike lane etiquette. Without being political, I can say the amount of diversity in e-bikes this year has exploded: Mountain, road, commuter, commuter drop bar, cruiser, folding and cargo bikes. There are more consumer options from the lower price points to $10,000 luxury urban transportation, catering to a wide range of categories with technology platforms from Bosch, Yamaha and Shimano.

Safety is king In years past, the speedy lines of high end road bikes and the new geometries of mountain bikes led the way. Now, safety is king and accessories that provide safety and visibility are growing – from turn indicators built into helmets to GPS safe traffic routing. The bike light market is moving into the equivalent of the auto industries daytime running lights and hi viz is a staple in apparel lines. As an industry priority, safety is here to stay and technological developments only push things forward.

Innovations

The area of new exhibitors revealed helmet maker Annee London. The new helmet design is made from dense fabric material, which folds like a candy wrapper down to the size of an ipad mini. Pretty cool in itself. The material is said to have a 6-7 year life and have a much higher impact absorption than regular helmets. The innovation was inspired by personal empathy and while what you see here are development prototypes, I cannot wait to see if this starts any sparks in the industry.

Ever wrecked your bikes by running them into the top of your garage? If it hasn’t happened to you, you probably know someone who has and the damage to the bikes and the car are not minor. Raacked decided to take this on with some gadget wizardry. An ultrasonic sensor mounted on your roof rack measures proximity and when it senses an obstacle it wirelessly triggers a warning system on the inside your car. $125 to prevent thousands in damage–that’s an easy one in my mind. Raacked is aiming to go to market at approx. $125 a unit in the early 2018 timeframe, and is looking to bring a kickstarter to life soon: www.raacked.com.

Speaking of e-bikes, Stromer, a well known brand, had a couple of special editions with an impressive list of features: The LTD ST2 (only 555 of which will be made globally) and the top of the line ST2S. Stromer make the flagship of e-bikes and these come at flagship prices, $7,999 and $9,999. Packed full of tech, the Swiss have thought out every detail on this rear-wheel-drive e-bike. GPS tracking, remote bike locking, theft motor disablement, electronic diagnostics, 110 mile range, integrated smart lighting, variable brake lighting and get this -regenerative electricity to charge the battery while going down hills (how much charge would you get out of Thompson/ Cornell from skyline?). All this comes in a stylish package built with the quality of a German car.

SKS launched a line of clever lighting products integrated to stem and rear fender called Monkey Link. As well as being highly visible and stylish, the products include a powerful assisted magnetic snap attachment for easy on and off, and also internal wiring integration (called connect) is provided for e-bikes. Rear fender lights are $29 to $35, front lights from $59 to $99.

Local Hits

Tim from Kool Stop, based in Lake Oswego, brought a few new products to the show, including e-bike specific brake pads and revised compounds on their classic orange/black combination pads.

Being a huge cat fan, Meghan from Nutcase Helmets in Portland was really excited to tell us about the great success of the quirky “Space Cats.” This irreverent yet adorable design seems to appeal to a lot of people.

Also for 2017/2018 from Nutcase: a new color palette for the Tracer helmet line, whose minimal modern looks have a lot of appeal to various types of riders from the commuter to the mountain biker. On the arty side, Nutcase is currently looking for new entrants in their Artist series, which encourages submissions of designs for helmets.

Joel from Lake Oswego-based Yakima Racks really wanted to talk about a nifty new product to make life a little easier. Anyone with a hitch knows that it can really get in the way when accessing other gear in the car or truck. The BackSwing ($299, available April 2018) allows you to swing out any hitch rack (tray or mast style) – well out of the way even with bikes loaded, extending out and rotating the rack 90 degrees. This means getting gear in the back of the car and carrying bikes has never been quicker, easier and less bruises on your ankles. It’s a slick little mod that can also retrofit a lot of existing hitch mounted racks rated to 250lbs.

Yakima also announced a special edition Camo Skyrise tent colab with Poler available for the holiday season.

Made in The USA

Phil Wood came out with a new rear hub system, the 2nd generation consisting of 5 double row pawls and a 40 engagement points on the ratchet ring, for better faster power transfer. The new design also has the advantage of easy servicing with common tools and replaceable pawls. Phil also launched this cute mini hub for Bromton wheels plus a 1 1/8 to 1.5″ headset.

— James Buckroyd, @jbucky1 on Twitter

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reallygroovyninja · 7 years

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This took me forever to fill out and my answers are boring

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Below are some questions pertaining to LGBT+ women, conveniently categorized. Have others send you random numbers (there’s 130 of them), or simply answer them yourself. Please reblog!

SEXUALITY & COMING OUT:

1. How do you define your sexuality? Lesbian

2. What pronouns do you use to identify yourself? Me, Myself and I – I am not into the whole pronoun thing

3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls? 11 or 12

4. At what age did you come to terms with your sexuality? 17

5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization? It was a more gradual realization

6. How did your sexuality make you feel before you came out? Confused af

7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality? Talking to someone who made me realize my feelings were ok to have.

8. At what age did you first come out? 18

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? A friend and she stated ”About damn time”

10. Do your parents know about your sexuality? My dad had already passed away so I don’t know if he ever suspected. I am betting he did and yes, my mom knows.

11. How out are you? Very. I don’t hide the fact

12. Do you now identify as something different than when you first came out? I do. I kinda waffled with bi for a year or so.

13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know? I think most people suspected my attraction to females

14. Has coming out lost you any friends? Not that I was aware of. Coming out when I did at 18 and then moving out of state for college I lost contact with people.

15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality? I judge the situation. It does come out eventually but I am not going to advertise it in work situations etc.

16. How difficult do you find it to sympathize with straight women? I have no problem with it

17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? No

18. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. – Anyone could be a little bit gay in the right situation

19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time you find yourself attracted to other girls? n/a

20. Do you think it is possible to be a true 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed towards one gender? Most bisexuals I have met have said I am bisexual but lean towards whatever. I guess it’s possible to be attracted to either sex equally

21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or staring at a cute girl? When I was single I would do it all the time

22. How accurate is your gaydar? I think when they were passing out gaydar I got in the line for male gaydar. I can pick a gay man out of a crowded room but be totally oblivious to women.

RELATIONSHIPS & DATING:

23. What is your current relationship status? Married

24. What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person? 8 years and yes

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl? I was nervous and I remember thinking fuck I am actually kissing a girl.

26. Are you a virgin? If not, what gender did you lose your virginity to? Sorry not a gold star lesbian

27. What is your ideal first date? Something simple like a walk in the park just getting to talk with each other

28. What personality trait are you most attracted to? It’s a toss-up between sense of humor and intelligence

29. How flirty are you? Not very flirty at all.

30. Would you ever want to get married, if not already? I am married

31 Do you want have children someday? Yes

32. Would you ever want to give birth? We decided as a couple if we had children I would try to conceive

33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend? Not as much now as when I was single

34. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? No

35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? Unfortunately, yes

36. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? No

37. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Yes

38. Have you ever dated a guy? Yes

39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you? Not that I am aware of and no

40. Has another girl ever hit on you? Yes

41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? Of course, what lesbian hasn’t

42. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s significantly older than you? Yes, to a college professor

43. Would you ever date a trans woman? Hmm, I guess if I was attracted to them I could give it a shot

44. Have you ever had a profile on a LGBT dating website or app? yes

45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? I don’t think there is a best place because I know people who have met their s/o in all kinds of different places.

46. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? I am not a hopeless romantic but I can be very romantic when I want to be.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to? No and I think I would look weird with super short hair.

48. Is your nose pierced? No

49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings? Not my thing but I’m not going to judge you if you do.

50. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? No

51. How muscular are you? I will go with I am toned but far from muscular

52. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? I was when I was little but grew out of it

53. Have you ever been told that you’re too pretty to be gay? Yes

54. Have you ever been mistaken as a dude? No

FASHION STYLE:

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often? I do but not very often these days. The joys of being a work at home employee

56. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often? I can wear high heels but don’t do it very often

57. How much jewelry do you typically wear? I am not a big jewelry person so necklace, watch and normally my wedding band but it needs to be resized. My fingers are thinner now

58. How much makeup do you typically wear? I’m a minimalist unless the occasion calls for more

59. How often do you wear a bra? Every day

60. How often do you wear flannel? Only in the winter and on occasion.

61. Have you ever worn a suit? Not a men’s suit

62. Do you wear any shoes such as combat boots, Doc Martins or Timberlands? I live in the Northeast so everyone owns Tims for the winter

63. Do you carry a purse? Sometimes

64. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? Not very often but I do own a few

65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? I love men’s basketball shorts. So damn comfy and perfect for lounging around in

66. Have you ever dressed in complete drag? No

67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? Yes

68. If you want to get married, do you think you will wear a dress? I think if we renewed our vows I would

ENTERTAINMENT:

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? I don’t think I have one

70. Have you ever watched The L Word? Some of the seasons

71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace? I have seen a few episodes

72. Have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? I have but I get annoyed with the bickering

73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television? Stop killing off the gays and we would be in better shape

74. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Etheridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? I don’t go out of my way to listen to them

75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers? Yes

76. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed movie? Not really

77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website? I guess After Ellen

78. Do you read any LGBT magazines? No

79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations? I have but nothing I can think of to recommend at the moment

80. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? Considering most lesbian porn is for men to get off on it would seem there isn’t but some does exist.

THIS OR THAT:

81. Boobs or butts? I do love both but its butts for me

82. Beer or wine? I don’t drink either. I am a hard liquor kind of girl

83. Ellen or Portia? I guess Portia. I am totally not into Ellen at all.

BEING (SOMEWHAT) RANDOM:

84. How much do you like cats? I own one

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? Yes

86. How many LGBT friends do you have? A few

87. Do you have any LGBT relatives? I’m not that close to many of my relatives but I am sure there are a couple in there

88. Have you ever used any words (or variations of) such as lesbian, queer, gay, or homosexual as a password? Thanks for the suggestion I have never used any of those

89. How outdoorsy are you? I don’t consider myself outdoorsy

90. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or pickup truck? I do own an SUV

91. How many rainbow items do you own? I have a couple gay pride shirts

92. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11)? No

93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? Never heard of it

94. Have you ever attended a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) type of club? Not even in college

95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? No

96. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? Yes

97. Have you ever been part of a softball team? In high school I was on the team

98. Do you skateboard or longboard at all? Not in a while. I would probably bust my ass skateboarding

99. Do you play any video games? That is my stress reliever at times

FROM 1-10, HOW ATTRACTIVE ARE:

100. Muscular women? 4

101. Women who wear glasses? 10 – Glasses are fucking sexy

102. Women who are covered with tattoos? 4

103. Women who are covered with piercings? 1

104. Curvy/plus-sized women? 7 – I don’t mind curves at all

105. Women with short hair? 5

106. Highly intelligent women? 8

107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)? 5

108. Masculine/butch women? 5

GETTING SERIOUS:

109. What does equality mean to you? Just like the definition - the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.

110. Do you consider yourself a feminist? I do

111. Do you eat meat at all? I love a good steak

112. Are you religious at all? I’m not into organized religion but I have my beliefs

113. Did you vote for Hillary Clinton? Yes

114. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? Doesn’t bother me

115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic? I dislike it

116. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, homo, or tranny? I don’t say them

117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use? Unisex bathrooms so we can end this debate

118. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? I have no problem with it at all.

119. Have you ever been called a gay slur? Yes

120. Have you ever been queer bashed? No

121. Have you ever been discriminated against because or your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain. No

122. Does it really get better? As I get older I find it does get better.

123. How did you feel on June 26, 2015? My marriage was finally legal

124. How accepting of LGBT people is the city/community you live in? I’ve never encountered an issue

125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”? No

126. How annoyed are you with how heteronormative society is? Doesn’t bother me

127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with? gay men are feminine and less of a man because they are gay.

128. Is there anything about the LGBT community that you wish you knew before coming out? How judgmental some people are within the LGBT community

129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? You don’t have to put a label on your sexuality. Sometimes it just takes time to figure things out.

130. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to come out? Don’t let people pressure you to come out. Do it on your own terms.

#all about me #and my sexuality

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insideazusapacific · 7 years

Photo

A Moving Piece

I’ve been having trouble writing a story recently. You see, it involves helping a friend move.

A group of us got together one Saturday morning to drive over to our friend’s place. We wanted to help her and her husband pack up their moving truck before they had to head out for their new place. She was responsible for bringing this ragtag group of students together in the first place. She was the one that made us a team of leaders during our sophomore year.

It was the least we could do.

By the time we had moved most of her gear out of her house, the sun was well on its way in its path across the sky. A droplet of sweat ran down the side of my face and hit the ground below. I blinked and tried to swallow enough air to slow down my heartbeat. Holding a water bottle in my hand, I looked across the yard before heading back into the house to help with the cleaning. Her cat was perched in the window, watching us all intently.

Eventually, we began packing the van to capacity. At one point, we all stood looking at the nearly full moving van, wondering if we could fit at least one more piece of furniture which sat on the lawn. Upon picking up the stray coffee table and failing to use it as an unconventional Tetris piece of a nearly flawless round so far, we set it back down on the lawn and stared at it, trying to figure out what to do with it.

“You know,” remarked my friend, “It seems as though there are parts of my life that stick out from the rest. It doesn’t all neatly fit together.”

Another friend leaned on his knee, tipped his baseball cap back, and squinted at the sun which had almost reached its height.

“Shame,” he said.

There’s a joke that runs through the School of Theology that ministry would run perfectly if there weren’t any people in it. Of course, people are not projects. But sometimes we like to think that way, because it would be so much simpler if we could reach a point where we could check off a box with someone and be finished with them so that we can get on with a more important task. But by doing that, by limiting how a person may grow and develop and interact with the world around us, we miss out on being fully present with them in the moment, wherever life draws them.

We miss out on being fully ourselves, I think.

Scot McKnight recently commented on this notion in a blog of his where he states that:

The idea that relationships are not a strategy is potent; and the sad commentary proceeds to say that often relationships are seen as a strategy, a means to accomplish great things — except love and relationship are not what is really wanted. We want to appear relational so people will like what we have to offer. It’s the difference between wanting a good marriage and loving the person you married.

I enjoy a good story, a story in which the chapters open and close without much fuss, and interact with one another to build the general plot. Chapters don't bleed into one another. There are defined borders to each one. At times, I like to imagine that the characters within the boundaries of a single chapter are completely new people, separate from all the other different people in all the other different chapters, because, let's face it, every one of us is a different person from one moment to another.

To be most ourselves then, we must be able to constantly make room for those we find ourselves with as they write their own story, even when their own plot takes them away from us.

When we treat our relationships as an end instead of a means, when we make people our first priority instead of a side project, we are given a front row seat for the unfolding story that is before us.

And sometimes, being a witness to that beautiful story means staying behind, waving goodbye to a moving truck driving off into the distance.

-Tim E

#insideazusapacific #APUTimE

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