#‘you must complete these XYZ tasks and then explain in detail why you deserve love before you can recieve it’
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I’m not a “showing gentle compassion and understanding” to myself kind of person, I’m a “lol look at this loser let’s kick em in the dick!” kind of person
#it’s madness#whoever said I don’t deserve compassion was wrong but also#they managed to carve that shit into the grey matter between my ears#‘you must complete these XYZ tasks and then explain in detail why you deserve love before you can recieve it’#‘I’m 12!’ lol#‘oh you’re happy? why?’ ‘idk because I’m happy’ ‘because isn’t an answer’#like bro#then what’s worse is that even though I’ve cut that person outta my life all that shit got so engrained#that now *I* repeat it back to myself and tell myself it’s true lmao#imma go die#literally parroting what someone who told me to kms told me for years#I’m trying to show myself live without guilt#I bought an iced coffee I didn’t even NEED the other day! and no guilt!#I went for a walk on my own and ate a pasty in a graveyard#no guilt#nada#mornings are hard#that’s all#(it’s 11am I’ve just been too paralysed with fear to move for the last 3 1/2 hours)
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