@modestmuses​ said: 'i need advice' (from snufkin! not allowing you to be mentally ill this time lol)

ask my muses for advice [open]

"Oh, you came to the right place, my man!” Jerry says with a wide, charming smile. “I’m, like, the fucking king of advice. Whatever’s eating you, ol’ Jerry-Bear can get that shit sorted.” He sits up a little from where he’s sitting against the wall of the gas station to better regard the person in front of him.

It’s late in the afternoon, creeping into early evening as the sun just begins to set over the horizon, and right now Jerry is one of two employees on shift. Jack is off today, leaving Jerry and Tony in charge until he comes to take over tomorrow morning. So far, it’s been a pretty slow day, with very few customers rolling in, so Jerry hadn’t felt bad at all about stepping out back behind the dumpster to pop some mushrooms. Tony can take care of the front on his own.

It was at that point that someone approached him, asking for advice.

Perhaps if Jerry wasn’t high right now, he might have pointed out some of the other’s more unusual features, more likely to crack a joke than anything else. As it stands, though, Jerry is, in fact, tripping balls. That fact combined with the general weirdness at the gas station that has, very quickly, become a daily occurrence means that Jerry doesn’t register anything weird or strange about his new acquaintance.

All Jerry cares about is that there’s a cool as hell-looking little dude in a sick-ass hat asking him for advice, and he is going to happily deliver said advice. Sure, Jerry doesn’t remember exactly what the dude asked him about, but he knows exactly what kind of advice to offer anyway and barrels full-steam ahead.

“Alright,” he says seriously, holding up one finger to emphasize his point, “the first thing you need to do is make sure there’s as little as possible that physically ties you to the scene of the crime. I’m talking fingerprints, hair, blood, whatever--you gotta really get in there and make sure shit is fuckin spotless. But not too spotless, ‘cause that’s also a red flag. Pigs are always getting smarter and you should always assume that if they have any reason to suspect you, they will. Your job isn’t to get rid of everything, just to make sure they have as few reasons as they can get.”

He’s still smiling as he speaks, carefree and dopey, as he holds up a second finger. His tone is casual, as though he’s having a conversation with a friend about the weather or the baseball game last weekend.

“Next, make sure you have an airtight alibi,” he says instead of either of those things. “I’m serious--this might seem a bit easier, but trust me, you gotta make sure there’s no holes anywhere in your story. You need people to vouch for you, receipts, timestamps--whatever you can do, get it sorted.”

Not once does it occur to Jerry that this very likely isn’t the kind of advice he was being asked for. Nevertheless, he continues, holding up a third finger.

“Now, disposing of the body itself is a bit harder, but really there’s a lot more room to be creative there, depending on what exactly it is you’re trying to accomplish,” he hums, reaching up to scratch his stubble with his free hand. "If you want them to disappear without a trace, that’s one thing, but if you want the body to be found to send someone a message, that’s a whole ‘nother fuckin’ ballgame, brother.”

i miss them sometimes

happy pride to whatever tf these two have

in my head this is what i look like 

rewatched helluva boss from the pilot ep and i got to s1 ep3 and i just noticed VEROSIKA DOESNT EVEN TOUCH BLITZO LMAO SHE JUST PUT HER HAND OVER VORTEX'S

im actually going to k word all harries that blatently show their attraction to h only when he wears a black suit🔪

I got 99 problems and I think having a tail would solve the vast majority of them

I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?

Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic

If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️‍🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know

I'm in Burning Shores and I'm waiting for the moment where I feel like Seykaloy feels too rushed or whatever. Bc it doesn't. Idk what I was suppose to notice or feel negatively about their teaming up. I've shipped Aloy for less just bc I thought she had chemistry with whoever. I was shipping her half-heartedly, like crack-ship-ish even though I knew nothing was canonly there with the Oseram, Silga. It's not too rushed omg 😂

what if i gave iwaizumi lesbian moms

IM SO FUCKING GAY FOR THIS DUMBASS HELP

I’m SORRY but seeing the cherry magic movie pull out a 2014 phunnoh from lovesick style of fake kiss IN 2022 HAD ME DEAD, like be fucking for real lmaooooooo 💀💀💀

"80% of your community is white" lmao ugly moids really be thinking that ACTUAL women from Iran, Turkiye, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, South Korea, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Cuba and ALL African countries are not mostly radical feminists who have 0 desire to coddle men like you... you WISH we were all from the Woke States of Trannyland, don't you, Scrottie? you even speak like a moid

this is so funny i'm an indigenous american born with a vagina and an intersex condition. how's that 'we can always tell' goin for ya? also hilariously white of you to decide how lgb feminists in other countries, many with third gender systems of their own and only experiencing third gender discrimination as a direct result of white colonialism and imperialism, would identify if they were more savvy to your insane ideaology that gets those exact same women of color kicked out of international sports for being 'too masculine.' "there's nothing white supremacist about forcing indigenous populations to believe in our white european gender system while ensuring the eradication of their own!!!"

and quit obsessing over what people's genitals may or may not look like, you pervert.

oh god forbid women do anything on this webbed site

I get being frustrated at one out of two gay characters getting killed off after one episode but also comparing joffrey to (show) loras who was reduced to a gay joke after s2 then spent s5-6 getting hatecrimed is um. Maybe not the best idea lol

WAKE TF UP NEW MAIN INTEREST JUST DROPPED (oiled up gay men fighting) AND IT'S KENGAN ASHURA RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH