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Fragile Things - Yandere!Childe x Reader
At least he’s regretful when a punishment goes too far…
cws: kidnapping, isolation related punishments, yandere, self harm, softer yandere, heavier content.
1k words
~~~
“Baby, hey, look—look at me.” He was speaking firmly, his hands on your wrists, restraining you. Keeping you from clawing your skin any more than you already had.
You were absolutely inconsolable, babbling words even you couldn’t discern, sobbing, shaking. “No—no I-I—Ajax. A-Ajax.”
“That’s right. That’s right. Eyes on me. Oh baby. Too harsh? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so rough—”
You only broke down further, each hiccuping sob dragging you deeper as you tried to curl in on yourself.
Ajax hadn’t just kidnapped you. He’d been extremely thorough in breaking you. So thorough, a more logical you would have realized he underestimated how much you could take.
You’d been isolated, for the most part. Trying to escape the cabin in the snowy wilderness was not a good idea. Partially because, well, snow. And partially because it was easy to track people in the snow.
When he—inevitably—did catch you, he was upset. You knew the risk of punishment when you made the choice, but what he did was different to what you expected.
Your wrists, ankles, and neck all ached badly. For over a week you were locked up and shackled. And not the kind of locked up you were before the attempt. No, there wasn’t a warm cabin, a fireplace, or Tartaglia’s sloppy attempts at keeping you happy. A fucking closet. No light, windows. Ajax didn’t even speak to you when he left you food.
It was so different to everything you’d ever known, growing up in the free rolling hills of Mondstadt. You already struggled in the confines of the cabin, but kept silent and still in such a small space?
A week of that, and now he decided you were good. That you’d probably learnt your lessons. But that morning, when he went to let you out, to welcome you back with a teasing ‘I hope you learnt your lesson’ and a patronizing hug, he found you… in a less than desirable state.
Shivering not from cold, throat raspy and raw, eyes trained on the ground. You didn’t even notice him at first. Not as he spoke, each shackle falling off with a click. Not as his mood shifted as the light from the hallway illuminated your skin.
You’d been clawing at it, to the point of bleeding, stretching your limited dexterity in order to anxiously and unconsciously hurt yourself. Like a caged bird plucking it’s own feathers from stress. You’d only been brought to reality when he picked you up, jerking away from him as tears sprung to your eyes again.
He said something you didn’t process as you tried to stand up, stumbling like a doe on new legs, vision gray around the edges.
You weren’t sure how it all went down. But somehow you two ended up on the couch, settled between his thighs, your back to his chest as you shaked and begged and tried to get away, only partially aware. “No no no no—Ajax please.”
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, I got you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He repeated, letting you claw at his forearms instead of your own skin. “Breath, breath little dove. It’s okay, It's all over baby. I’m sorry, it was too much, wasn’t it? You’re too fragile for me to be mean like that.”
You continued your quick, flighty, panicked breaths as he gently tried to get you back to reality. Eventually, you’d slowed down, settling against his chest, eyes still wide and breaths still quick. Like a live rabbit in the hands of a trapper.
“You with me, baby?” He asked gently. As your chest struggled to rise and fall again, you gave a quick nod, not looking up at him. Your eyes were trained on some far off spot, pretending to be anywhere else other than that damn closet. You weren’t sure you even realized—truly realized—you’d left. “There we go. There. That’s better darling. See? Everything’s alright now.”
“E-everything's alright…” you repeated, nodding to yourself.
“Yeah. See? Not too bad. I’m sorry for your punishment, I got all caught up in my emotions. I should have known you wouldn’t do that well alone, without me.” He laid his cheek on the top of your head, voice taking on something fond. A content sigh sounded above you. “You’re so soft. I need to be careful not to break you. But you need to be careful too, baby.”
You didn’t say anything for a moment, before squeaking out a soft, “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, no more escape attempts. Okay?” He said, and you nodded. He ran his fingers through your hair, having let go of your wrists when you weren’t paying attention. His blunt nails, worn from hard work, scratched gently at your scalp. “That’s right.”
It continued for some amount of time. It was hard to tell, really. You were on the edge of freaking out but somehow also falling asleep. Everything ached, from your ribs to your wrists.
At some point, he grabbed them again. Gentler this time. He lifted one, holding it gently as his thumb rubbed at your self inflicted injuries.
You felt like a caged bird, bars too tight and owner too inexperienced to keep you from plucking your own feathers from stress.
He sighed above you, and you turned your head away so as to not look at him. “Poor thing.” The condescending words felt strangely genuine as he laid his cheek on the top of your head. “It’s okay, I’ll take the week off and we can fix this, okay baby?”
He quieted for a moment, and belatedly you realized he wanted a response. You made a small, hollow noise of acknowledgement, which came out raspy from your throat.
He sighed again, as if this was so hard on him. It was hard to find the energy to be angry though. So you just stayed silent as he dropped your wrist and dragged you closer to him. He was cold to the touch, but even his love was warmer than isolation.
~
Not quite sure how this one managed to be both softer and rougher than my usual works. Sorry it was so short! And yes, the next part of traitor readers will be coming… eventually. I’m having a touch of trouble formatting it which is getting in the way of be writing it. Side note, I’ve expanded my fandoms open for requests! HxH and to a lesser degree HSR!
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"This is not love, Scaramouche..."
CW: Domestic Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Human Trafficking, Manhandling, Self-deprecation, Toxic Cycle, Implied Stalking, and Gaslighting
A/N: GUYS!! Just to remind that I do not condone the actions I write for my yandere oneshots. This is only explorations of how abuse or toxicity affects a person. There may be inaccuracies, but I always try to make it as accurate as possible and always give respect, especially towards victims.
-----
The words you uttered did nothing but make your husband rage. His eyes turned sharper, and his scowl even deeper. He tightened his grip over the whip he has been using to punish you yet again over something menial.
He would always say that it may be menial to you but it is detrimental to him. As the spouse of the Balladeer, Scaramouche, every action you make will be reflected to him. So, every action you do that is not to his taste meant that he married a slob, a whore and every insult under the Sun.
There was this one time when the Jester visited Scaramouche's manor. Your husband was not home at that moment so you decided to be proper host and offer tea to the harbinger.
The Jester had an overwhelming presence that made you shake. So when you were pouring him tea, you have accidentally spilled some over his white coat. With terrified eyes, you bowed your head to the ground and begged for your life.
Fortunately, he spared you and told you that he will have it washed when he leaves. Unfortunately, your husband witnessed the whole thing. He pulled you into an empty room and berated you over how you embarrassed him with your actions.
For the second time of that day, you apologized with your head down and just took all the insults he threw at you.
After taking all the abuse for years, you have finally had enough. You do not even care what would happen to you when you confront him.
Death?
Yes, you had nothing to lose anymore when all he ever did was take everything from you.
"What would you even know about love?"
He went there. In all honestly, you should not have been this surprised, but you can always count on your husband to know how to hurt you.
"More than you ever will..."
Saying it felt freeing. There is not an ounce of fear in your body, not even anger. You felt happy. Without raising your head, you know that he shaking in anger, maybe even grinding his teeth.
A few seconds pass, but nothing happened. There was only an uncomfortable silence surrounding the both of you.
"You do, don't you?"
He walked closer and made you look at him in the eyes.
"But that's what I love about you."
He slapped you hard to the point you fell to your side. The wounds you have gotten prior from his previous punishment throbbed and started bleeding again.
Tears started to form from the corner of your eyes. You held the cheek he slapped and smiled bitterly.
"As I said again, this putrid thing you force on me will never be love."
You stood up from the ground and stared at your husband.
"Every single day, I have to tell myself that what we have is just something other couples go through. But I know deep down, it's wrong, and abnormal."
You walked closer to him and softly held his hands.
"What did I do to deserve this?"
Scaramouche's face softened. He tenderly held your bruised cheek and placed a kiss on it.
"You deserve everything. My love, my wrath, my loneliness, my happiness, every single one of it."
-----
Love truly is a fascinating thing.
How cruel of your husband to choose you to be the receiver of his putrid love. A man who will forever stay young while you grow older and inevitably leave him all alone again.
Maybe, that is why he shows you all of himself. He knows that one day you will not be there by his side to give him comfort. Even if the comfort he feels from you might be just like warmth from an already extinguished bonfire.
You did love this awful husband of yours once upon a time. But now, you do not know what to feel for him. Anger? Sadness? Regret for even meeting him one faithful day?
In a rare occasion where he will allow you to explore the outside world again with him by your side, you have always thought of running away. It will be futile as he is much more stronger and faster than you could ever be. But if you do hypothetically escape, where will you go?
You were a nobody, prior your life with Scaramouche. Not even one person ever knew of your existence. Just some orphan who was able to survive the unforgiving world by stealing from other people. That is until you messed with the wrong person and was taken to a human trafficking ring.
Other orphans like you from the ring had their names taken away. Nobodies who did not bother to care for each other, because caring for someone in a dangerous place meant weakness that can be taken advantage of.
When The Balladeer suddenly visited the ring, you were ecstatic.
Finally, there might be a chance for freedom for you from this wretched place. Finally, a place far better than this one.
You did everything you could to make him notice you. Made yourself look pitiful in hopes that he would glance and choose you.
But, he never did. Instead he chose a young boy from beside you.
"I'll take this one. And make it quick."
"Certainly, my Lord!"
It did not work. Of course, it would not work. Who in their right mind would choose someone as weak as you. The Balladeer probably already have a specific person in his mind.
You were not able to stop the tears from coming out your eyes.
It was probably the most pathetic you have ever felt. Not even once have you cried when you were beaten and starved by your captors. But you just know yourself that you will never be able to escape this place.
This place will be your resting place.
"Hm... I'll take this one too."
In your self-wallowing, you did not even notice that the Balladeer is standing right in front of your cage. Only then you noticed when you were roughly grabbed by the arm and dragged away by his men.
The boy he picked was nowhere to be seen.
In your shock, you can not even verbalize how thankful you are of him. So, you just cried again.
"Again with the crying. I order you to stop that or I'll be sending you back in that hellhole."
You dried your eyes quickly from his threat, in fear that he will make true of his promise. However, the dirt from the shirt you have been wearing since you were taken stung your eyes, which caused you to tear up more.
"Tch. You can't even follow orders properly."
You started to tremble from the glare he sent your way.
"I apologize, my Lord! T-the dirt from my shirt just stung my eyes that's all. I hope you can forgive my mistake!"
Just before he says something, you have arrived at a wooden carriage. Inside, you can see the boy from before curled at the furthest corner. The man gripping your arm let go of it and ordered you to get in.
After that initial interaction with the Balladeer, you have seen him until a year later.
-----
You loved Scaramouche with all your heart. He is probably the only person your heart will ever know to love. Even after everything, your husband will always be the one you adore.
The pathetic, worthless you who will always crawl back to him after every punishment. Seeking his love and forgiveness.
After all, who else would be able to withstand his overbearing, opressive love?
"I will always love you..."
The way you said it was bitter, but accepting.
Your husband only stared as he pulled your head to lay on his shoulder. The scent of his sakura cologne filling your senses. He held you tight as if he was afraid to lose you.
"You know I will never leave you..."
You hugged him as you contemplate about the life you have lived.
"Hm... I will not let you even if you tried."
A laugh went out of your mouth at his response towards you. Your shoulders were shaking as you cried.
-----
It has been a long time since you last saw the Balladeer. It took you some time to fully adapt to your new environment. As a new orphan recruit of the Fatui, you were given a new name by your coworkers.
Pavel.
They told you it meant "small". Which you guess is understandable since you are the shortest of all the recruits. It does not mean you are happy with it.
Work in the Fatui can sometimes be very boring or hectic. It is currently in its hectic stage since you have received news of the Balladeer visiting to check on how things are going.
"Pavel! Can you help me with auditing?"
Lev.
He was the boy you were with when the two of you were bought by the Balladeer. Just like how you were given a nonsensical name, Lev was also a victim of it. Your coworkers said that Lev meant "lion", as they are always reminded of a lion when they see the boy.
Over the course of a year, the two of you have grown closer to the point of seeing each other as family. Although, you two are close, not once have the two of you ever shared about your lives prior the Fatui.
"Alright, which part should I help you with?"
The boy gave you a thankful look. He then handed you another notepad to write into and pointed over a pile of papers on a table not far from him.
"Just those. Don't worry, I already finished most of it. I just want to take a quick break. My head is killing me."
You gave him a pat in the head and let out a sigh.
"Remember to visit the clinic."
He let out a laugh and exited the room.
You proceeded to audit the pile of papers. It was quite peaceful, even if there a bustle of people just outside of the room. Everyone is working hard to await the arrival of their Habinger.
It has been a while since you last saw the Balladeer. No other interactions happened between the two of you after being forced in the carriage.
He probably got his hands full the moment we arrived at Snezhnaya. Even with his youthful face, he is still a cutthroat harbinger.
"To think there's someone lurking in this room"
You jumped from your spot as you heard a voice just behind you. You turned around and saw the person everyone has been preparing for to arrive.
"L-lord Scaramouche!"
You kneeled one leg on the ground as you greeted the Balladeer with respect.
"Rise."
You stood up and maintained yourself to not anger him. Knowing his temperament from what your coworkers have told you, he is not to be messed with.
"What are you currently doing?"
You showed him your notepad.
"I am currently auditing some papers right now, my Lord."
He let out a sound of acknowledgement as he waved his hand.
"Follow me."
Without wasting a second, you walked in front of him and opened the door, then went behind him to follow.
The two of you walked in silence as the people around you stopped what they were doing and kneeled towards their Lord.
"We welcome you, Lord Scaramouche!"
The Balladeer waved his hand and everyone piped down. He spoke of an event that every single Fatui member must attend to. A festival that let those with family to go back home and spend time with them.
Everyone was excited and have started talking amongst themselves after the Balladeer has explained the situation.
The two of you walked back to the room where the two of you met and saw Lev already working on the audit.
"Lord Scaramouche!"
He kneeled and bowed his head.
"Are you the one who was supposed to be auditing?"
The boy gulped from the inquiry.
"Yes, my Lord. I have asked Pavel to cover for me for a while as a I go visit the clinic to get some medications."
The Balladeer glared down at him.
"I order you to never do that again. Do the job given to you, even if you're sick. I don't care what excuses you have."
"A-affirmative, my Lord..."
After all of that, you have never seen Lev again. You were taken by the Balladeer and have started working directly under him.
Your old coworkers who you thought you were close with never interacted with you again. Every time you try to talk to them, they will make an excuse to run away from you.
It made you feel disappointed as you feel alone once again.
-----
"Do you really think my love for you is disgusting?"
Scaramouche's hug constricted you body against him. It is getting more difficult to breathe.
"Yes. It's so disgusting that it makes me want to puke."
Perhaps you have a death wish, but you know yourself that your husband would never let you die until he has his fill of you.
"How brave of you to be truthful to me. But I guess that's what I love about you. Only you will I ever allow to insult me like this."
His grip on you became even more tighter as he place his head on the junction of your neck and shoulder.
A disgusted part of you tells you to push him away, but then there is that lovesick part of you that feels comforted in the pain of his hug. The dichotomy between your emotions leaves you breathless.
He knows how to play with your heart. Maybe he already knew how much he has wrapped you around his finger. He might as well have actually tied invisible strings around your joints like a puppet.
It sometimes makes you feel confused of what you should be even doing. Since everything you have ever done seems to have only inconvenienced him.
"Love is supposed to make me feel safe in your company, Scaramouche. Not once have you ever tried to make me feel safe."
You started to comb his hair with your fingers.
"But for some reason, I feel even more safe knowing that you hurt me. All the insults and the pain you have forsaken me with, I openly accepted"
Scaramouche rubbed your back as he kept his silence.
"We are so different from each other. Yet, we are unfortunately perfect together."
-----
It has been a month since you started working for the Balladeer. He never called you by the name that was given to you by your former coworkers. For some odd reason, he asked for your real name.
"My real name is (Name), my Lord."
It was the name left to you by your mother before abandoning you in the streets as a child. You never had much use of it as nobody would ask a dirty rat like yourself for it.
"(Name)..."
The way the Balladeer whispered your name sent shivers down your spine. Your cheeks started to have a rosy hue from how he kept repeating it under his breath.
It made you feel strange as this is not a befitting behavior from a subordinate.
"If you do not mind me asking, my Lord?"
He stared at you
"Speak."
You clasped your hands together as you finally asked your question.
"May I visit a friend of mine for my day off this coming Saturday?"
The air around suddenly became heavy.
"No, you can not. After all, there's nobody waiting for you anymore."
Even in such an icy environment, sweat started to fall from your forehead.
"Pardon?"
The Balladeer let out a chuckle as he placed his cheek in his hand."
"I have eyes everywhere. What do you think happened to him?"
Without even answering him, you bolted out of his office and ran through the cold weather. You were determined to see the answer for yourself and hope to whichever archon is listening to you to this one time to grant you goodwill.
Your lungs started burning from how much you are inhaling the cold air. But it never even made you stop running as you finally reached the apartment complex specifically built for Fatui agents.
Since the you and Lev came together, they made it so to make the two of you roommates. It was a fairly average room for two, but since you two are always at work, it is kept quite boring. Only Lev's action figures are strewn over the place.
You opened the door with the key you have kept in your person.
"LEV?!"
There was no reply to your call. Only silence and an equally empty room with no warmth. Lev's action figures were nowhere to be seen.
"I guess no one's home."
Is there truly no archon who will ever listen to you? Is this why back in the human trafficking ring, nobody formed friendships with each other?
"Since you've already seen your answer, let's head back."
With nothing else to do in an empty room, you followed the Balladeer back to his office.
The silence in the office was deafening as he signed the papers you have handed to him. Only the noise of his pen scratching the paper surrounds the both of you.
"What if I tell you that I'm meant to be a god? Would you worship me?"
You stared at him.
"If that is what you want from me, my Lord. Then yes, I will worship you."
He blinked at you.
"What a fascinating answer. However, it's not what I'm looking for. And here you wonder why the gods don't listen to the likes of you."
What else does he want from you then?
-----
"I finally have what is rightfully mine. That annoying fox and that dumb traveler made it all too easy."
Scaramouche is currently bandaging the wounds he has inflicted on you while recounting the story of obtaining the electro gnosis. To be frank, you could care less of what he thinks as you do not like gods.
"What's your plan now?"
He glared at you as if you have just asked the stupidest of quesitons.
"Become a god, what else?"
You laughed.
"How boring."
Your husband dropped your arm and stood up from the bed. He carried with him the first-aid kit back to the bathroom. You laid down your bed and await his return.
When he went back, he made you pull the blanket over the two of you.
"I'll not be back for a few weeks. Even if I don't want to, I have to since only that bastard the Doctor can do something about it."
You frowned at him.
"The Doctor is dubious at best. Are you really sure?"
Scaramouche pulled the blanket over the two of you to shut you up.
He may be hundreds of years old, he can never stop being a brat. But you guess, that is one of the few things you find endearing about him. Even if there are more bad things than good things you can see about him, your heart will always beat for him and him only.
You hope this endeavor of his is finally the thing the ends him.
"Even to the end, I will never be apart from you. For you are the only one I have left to lose."
#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x reader#yandere scaramouche#tw yandere#yandere genshin x you#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x you
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HE SMELLS STINKY.
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"How would you hold me in your arms?"
CW: Physical abuse (scara broke your wrist)
The Balladeer scoffed when he heard the question.
It was a stupid question coming from an equally stupid mortal. However, he can't complain too much as he married the same stupid mortal in this lifetime.
Your eyebrows were furrowed as you await his answer.
Yes, you are truly stupid for needing an answer for such a stupid question. Nothing will be enough for someone like you. Someone who will never live long enough to see him become a god.
So, he humored you.
"Why would I even hold someone like you?"
It was spiteful, as he intended. Maybe with an answer like that you would finally shut up and let him enjoy his tea.
"Why did you marry me then?"
Another stupid question. This time he is not entertaining you.
Slamming his cup down, he glared at you from across the chabudai. Some tea spilled from his cup and drip down his hand. Fortunately, it does not hurt him.
He grabbed your wrist and squeezed. You let out a hiss as you reached out with your other hand and grabbed his hand.
"I thought you're wondering how I would hold you? Is this not how you envisioned it?"
Tears started forming from the corner of your eyes as you tightened your grip to make him let go. However, he only squeezed tighter which made you start clawing at his hand.
He let out a small tsk at your futile attempts to free yourself from his grip.
"What? Are you afraid...?"
You started to shake as you feel your wrist breaking from the pressure.
"Remember this, and remember well..."
He smiled softly and raised his other hand to brush some stray hair away from your face.
"This is the only way I would hold you to make sure you would never even dare of thinking of leaving."
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file #1: the piss fic.
part of the FREAK SHIT MARCH evidence packet.
pairing: yandere!neuvillette x reader (genshin).
length: 3.2k.
warnings: fem!reader, non/con, omorashi, semi-public sex, humiliation/degradation play, unhealthy relationships, obsessive behavior, and unbalanced power dynamics.
The first sign that something was deeply, deeply wrong should’ve been the small glass bottle perched on the edge of your bedside table – filled to the brim with water so clear and so pristine that you might’ve thought it was empty, had you been a touch more optimistic.
You blinked once, then twice before summoning the strength to sit up, confusion and well-earned paranoia fighting to clear the fog over your exhaustion addled mind. Neuvillette stood at the foot of your bed, already dressed and currently focused on securing his cravat with a pointed intensity, or so he seemed to want you to believe. “What’s that?”
“Water. Fresh from the finest springs in Fontaine.” He allowed for a lengthy pause, then went on. “Admittedly, I thought you would’ve been more familiar with the concept.”
“I know what—” You started to defend yourself, then thought better of it – gritting your teeth as you snatched the bottle from the tabletop. It was odorless, unclouded, and as far as you could tell, containing a negligible amount of a foreign entity’s bodily fluids. All good signs, but Neuvillette wasn’t the caretaker type, and he knew you weren’t the type to want to be taken care of. You’d learned, over time, that any explicit display of his fondness for you was to be followed immediately by a demand that you reciprocate that fondness or, more realistically, grit your teeth and bear it while he poured further ‘affection’ onto you. “Is it… Is it supposed to be for me?”
“If you’d like for it to be.”
“And you didn’t put anything—”
“Please, love.” His voice was flat, but gentle. “I’d hate to find myself in the middle of an interrogation so early in the morning.”
You were more than tempted to refuse, but your dry throat and bleary mind provided ample motivation. With no small amount of reluctance, you brought the mouth of the bottle to your lips before pulling it away just as quickly, sending Neuvillette a half-hearted glare. “What are you getting out of this?”
At that, he folded. There was an airy sigh, a slight shake to his head, a notable pause before his answer – less hesitant and more measured, tempered. “As long as you’re under this roof rather than that of the Fortress of Meropide, you’re within my guard. That means your health and well-being is my responsibility, as well as your containment.” You opened your mouth, but he went on before you had the chance to cut in. “Left to your own devices, you’re prone to neglecting yourself. Is it so wrong of me to want to correct that?”
You shrunk into yourself, glowering. You could’ve done without the reminder that he saw your personality as something to ‘correct’, but compared to his methods, nudging you towards hydration was a negligible offense. “Fine,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him. “But don’t get it into your head that I’m some… some incompetent child that’s going to start crying for your help every five seconds.”
His only response was a soft smile, as tender as it was ingenuine.
~
A member of his personal staff left your breakfast (Neuvillette never ate with you – in fact, you were beginning to wonder if he ate at all) in front of the door a few minutes later, and Neuvillette made sure you’d finished the bottle of water, everything on the tray, and an additional glass of bulle fruit juice before he let you dress. Usually, you were allowed to entertain yourself while he attended to his responsibilities as the Iudex, but today, you were taken by the hand and guided to his office – keeping your eyes on the floor as you passed by the secretaries and bureaucrats that populated most of the Palais Mermonia’s administrative floors. You might’ve had Neuvillette’s favor (however much you could’ve gone without it), but in Fontaine, a criminal record wasn’t an easy thing to erase. You tried not to draw too much attention from those who surely thought you should’ve been buried underneath the nearest ocean and forgotten. “I miss you most in the dull hours of the early morning,” he said, when you asked him why you were being denied your usual freedoms. “Bear with me just this once, and I might be able to find time for a stroll through the palace gardens, this afternoon.”
No part of you wanted to spend your day rotting on a loveseat in a dusty corner of his frigid office, but the promise of being able to step outside (a privilege you were rarely afforded) was irresistible. You dutifully nursed a lukewarm cup of bland peppermint tea as he sorted through decade-old casefiles, made a show of gulping down a mug of hot chocolate brought to you by a doe-eyed melusine while Neuvillette reviewed evidence for an upcoming trial, and managed to hold a strained smile when a man with a wide smile and a jarring laugh stopped by with two armfuls of vintage wines – gifts for the Iudex from a wealthy merchant hoping to buy for the favor of Fontaine’s most influential. Since Neuvillette didn’t have a taste for anything with more flavor than morning dew, you were called over to sample each in generous portions as their conversation stretched on and on and on.
By the time the man took his leave, your thoughts were fuzzy around the edges, your lips were stained red, and there was a pressure on your lower stomach that you didn’t care for. You made it about a minute, then another after his departure before pushing yourself to your feet and starting for the door. If you were quick, you shouldn’t have to weather the disdainful looks of too many of Neuvillette’s—
“Dearest?”
You cursed under your breath, glancing over your shoulder. Neuvillette spared a small smile when he caught your eye, tapping his knee. “If you have a moment?”
Your grin faltered. “I… I was hoping to—”
“It’s rather important.”
You pursed your lips, but relented. You’d already done your time. You weren’t going to jeopardize your reward, now.
Irritation written clearly across your expression, you made your way to Neuvillette and, with another tap to his thigh by way of command, clambered into his lap. He positioned you to his preferences; Your legs thrown over one armrest while your back rested against the other, your shoulder pressed gingerly to his chest – the contact minimal, but enough to earn a sigh, a feather-light kiss to your cheek. One of his hands settled on your waist while the other cupped your chin, tracing over your jaw for a moment before dropping lower – to the lace of your low neckline, then your stomach, where it settled. You tried not to squirm as he lowered his head, his cold breath fanning over your neck before his lips came to rest against the side of your throat. “Such a beautiful thing,” he muttered, his voice low enough to reverberate against your skin. “I’ll have to get you another dress in this color. It’s unbearable, just how lovely it looks on you.”
The praise was far from alien, but no less frigid for its familiarity. Whereas his wardrobe seemed to contain only the harshest of blacks, the purest of whites, and the richest of blues, he favored you in softer tones, faded pastels and desaturated hues that always made you feel like a doll, buried in sheets of silk and lace and left to gather dust on a forgotten shelf. The style, too, was a distinct departure from what he preferred for himself; all plunging necklines and full skirts and lacey bodices pulled so tight, you were tempted them to a proper corset. It was far from immodest, even for a setting so formal, but the length of your skirt never seemed to stop his hand from slipping under the many layers of fine material, his gloved fingers skirting over the length of your clothed slit. You felt his lips ghost over the side of your neck, the points of his unnaturally sharp teeth grazing over your jugular, but you shoved him away before he could make contact. “Wait, Neuvillette, I—I don’t—”
Your voice gave out, and Neuvillette raised his head curiously. “Is something wrong, my love?”
“I… I, uh…” You balled your fists in your lap. “I can’t, right now.”
You couldn’t remember ever seeing his smile so wide. “You… can’t?”
“Shut your mouth,” you mumbled, face burning with humiliation. “I… I have to use the restroom.”
It sounded so pathetic, so childish. More out of embarrassment than anything, you moved to stand, but Neuvillette’s sudden stock of mercy had evidently run dry. With an airy laugh, his arm found its way to your waist, his hand slipping under the thin fabric of your panties. Now, he chose not to waste time – the pad of his thumb finding your clit and pushing slow, languid circles into the sensitive bundle of nerves. You couldn’t temper your reaction, your elbow jutting into his chest as you jerked away from his abrupt touch, but Neuvillette held you tight, his fingertips digging into your hip as two of his fingers skimmed over your entrance, the leather of his gloves smooth and freezing against your cunt. Your stomach ached, your eyes flitting unconsciously towards the very much unlocked door of his office, but if Neuvillette noticed your lasting hesitancy, it wasn’t enough to stop him from pressing a lingering, open-mouthed kiss into the corner of your jaw, then the crook of your neck. Usually, you tried to bear his unwanted affection with a silent grimace, but you couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably as he gathered the arousal slowly starting to drip down your thighs. “Neuvillette, I don’t want to—”
“Hush, now. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Another kiss, this one to the dip of your shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about anything, I’ll take care of you.”
“I’m not worried, I’m—” You started to protest, but Neuvillette cut you off with a sudden nip to the tender patch just above your jugular. You weren’t enjoying this, you didn’t want to enjoy anything, but it would’ve been impossible not to feel something as his cool breath fanned over your neck, your chest, as his thumb fell away and he ground the heel of his palm into your clit, drawing a pained whine out of the back of your throat.
It took a conscious effort to keep your mind off of the fullness sitting heavy in the base of your stomach, to stop yourself from squirming quite so pitifully as he pushed two fingers into you with a cruel sort of ease. His pace was just as slow as it had been when he was only toying with your clit, but you didn’t know whether to curse or be thankful for the lethargic, ebbing way he pumped his digits into you, only ever pausing to spread them apart when his knuckles were flush to your entrance, when he knew he’d be taking advantage of the most vulnerable parts of you. Despite his vice-like hold on your waist, it took a considerable effort to stop yourself from swaying, from shifting, from moving in any way beyond the little, inevitable bucks of your hips you just couldn’t seem to suppress when his fingers brushed against that soft, sensitive spot inside of you. Moving only made it worse. Everything only seemed to make it worse, and it was only getting harder to ignore the pressure mounting against the walls of your bla—
Without warning, the hand on your waist fell to your hip. On moment, you were laid across his lap, and the next, you were straddling his thighs, your back pressed against his chest and your ass slotted against the now unignorable bulge in his pants. Whatever complaints you might’ve had about the previous angle were tripled in an instant. A third finger was forced into your cunt alongside the last two, the stretch immediately turning from awkward to unbearable. You thought you’d gotten used to the size of his hands, his monstrous tongue, even his twin cocks, but suddenly, it was like you were being forced to take him for the first time again, every new quirk and flick of his wrist bringing tears to your eyes, drawing fractured whimpers from deep in your chest. You tried to raise your hands, to cover your face, to make the thought of crying in front of him for the first time in months that much less devastating, but Neuvillette was faster – his hand finding your chin, tilting your head back and tearing away any foolish thoughts you might’ve had about hiding from him. His mouth crashed into yours with enough force to bruise your lips, his tongue shoving its way past your teeth and raking over your own with an almost zealous desperation – a type he rarely showed. His mouth moved against yours for a second, then another before he let out a throaty growl, the noise rough and gravely. If it hadn’t known it was coming from such a refined man, you might’ve taken it for that of an animal. “You still taste like that bastard’s grime.” It was the angriest you’d ever heard him. “To taint such divine purity with such wretched filth – it should be a crime, no, a sin.”
And yet, he was already reaching for the wine glass on the corner of his desk – still half full of a sugared white variety, nearly colorless if it wasn’t for the slight, pinkish tint to its hue. You tried to twist away as he raised the glass to your mouth, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to run, and it only took a few seconds for him to slot the curved rim against your lips, to tilt the glass back and fill your mouth with sickeningly sweet alcohol. It was too hasty, too clumsy – wine splashing against your face, trickling out of the corner of your mouth despite your feeble attempts to swallow it down and save yourself just an ounce of further embarrassment. You’d barely managed a mouthful when Neuvillette’s patience gave out – the glass falling away, shattering on the floor of his office as his hand dropped to your midriff, groping at your bloated stomach while his fingers pounded into your aching core. “Stop,” you managed, between broken moans. “Stop, Neuvi’, I can’t— I don’t want to— Stop.”
He let you whine and mewl, twisted and thrash, but it didn’t make a difference. Neuvillette only nuzzled into the nape of your neck, laughing as he spoke over your pitiful noises. “It’s alright, love,” he muttered, the harsh edge of his tone softened by heady affection. “You don’t have to fight it. I promise, I’ll take care of you.”
You tried to reach for the edge of his desk, to make one last desperate attempt to pull yourself away from him, but it was already too late. You clenched your eyes shut as you came undone on his fingertips, as some badly beaten wall inside of you finally gave out and an awful, awful warmth sopped into the fabric of your gown and trickled down your thighs. You didn’t want to look, didn’t want to know how bad the damage was, but as Neuvillette nursed you through your stilted climax, you couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling open and dropping to the dark stain slowly spreading in the lap of your skirt, couldn’t stop yourself from hearing Neuvillette’s deep, rumbling groan as your… your accident began to soak into the priceless fabric of his pants. This time, he didn’t stop you when your hands shot up to cover your face, to muffle your broken cries as he finally drew back, pulling out of you entirely for the first time since he hauled you into his lap.
There was a second of stillness, of sweet-nothings muttered into the curve of your throat, but whatever relief you might’ve been able to feel was quickly replaced with a jarring, painful sort of vertigo as Neuvillette’s hands fell to your hips and he lifted you onto his desk – your chest pressed flat to the chilled wood and your ass raised high enough for your shirts to pool around your waist. You sobbed unabashedly as your ruined panties were torn away entirely, as the flat of Neuvillette’s tongue ran over the length of your slit, his saliva only adding to the terrible blend of slick and piss and mess leaking out of you. Any concerns he might’ve held for your pleasure were forgotten as he lapped and licked at your pussy, his tongue fucking shallowly into your cunt as his fingertips bit into your waist. If your nerves hadn’t been so fried, if your mind hadn’t been so clouded with embarrassment and despair and pure, undiluted humiliation, you wouldn’t have been able to feel anything worth salvaging, but somehow, you found little, wavering moans breaking through your incoherent sobbing, something other than pain and pressure beginning to coil in the pit of your stomach. You buried your face in your arms as you clenched around his tongue against your will, as Neuvillette left you whimpering and grinding against his mouth, helpless to stop your pathetic body from doing anything he wanted it to.
It was only when the final aftershocks of your second climax faded and the first pangs of piercing overstimulation began to set in that he pulled away, panting as he straightened his back. He didn’t so much collapse onto you as deliberately drape his form over yours – his chest pressing into your back as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. “Perfect,” he mumbled, voice distant, dream-like. “So perfect for me. You did beautifully.”
Your only response was another wobbling cry, a trembling sniffle. You couldn’t so much as imagine attempting to stand on your own, but Neuvillette didn’t seem to need you to. With one arm wrapped around your midriff and the other underneath the bend of your knees, he pulled you against his chest and hummed softly as you sank into his shoulder, your ruined dress falling into place like a leaden shroud around you. You decided, in that moment, that you would burn it as soon as possible, as thoroughly as possible. Neuvillette’s chambers didn’t have a fireplace and you’d never found so much as a candle within the walls of the Palais Mermonia, but that didn’t matter. You’d get rid of it if you had to break down the furniture for kindling.
“Can I…” You melted further into him, your eyes drooping before shutting entirely. “Can I go back to my room, please?”
“Soon enough.” He pressed a tender, lingering kiss into your temple. In your dazed state, you could nearly miss the scrape of pointed fangs against delicate skin, as he pulled away.
“I believe I promised you a walk through our gardens, first?”
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A Dance With the Dragon (Yandere Neuvillette x Reader)
[Part 1 — The Tides Beckon]
The last thing you expected was to have caught the eye of Fontaine’s Chief Justice. You have no choice but to be swept into the dragon’s dance.
It all started with your realization that Fontaine has some rather intriguing laws.
For as long as you could recall, you had aspired to become a marine biologist. Though you hailed from Mondstadt, you forged your curiosity in the tide pools and lakes around the edges of the region. You scoured over any novel you could find on marine ecology and animal behavior, spending endless hours lost in the Knights of Favonius library. On your thirteenth birthday, your parents bought you a Kamera, which launched your career in wildlife photography and research. You even went on to publish a book cataloguing pictures of your nation’s aquatic life. It came to no one’s surprise, then, when you were gifted with a hydro vision.
Although you loved your life in Mondstadt, the vast waters that surrounded the Land of Hydro beckoned you like the pull of a tide. So, on your twenty-fifth birthday, you parted with your family and homeland, traversing across Teyvat and experiencing its many wonders. You relished in the culture and cuisine in Liyue and marveled at the natural architecture of Sumeru’s forests. Yet nothing would ever be as breathtaking as your first glimpse at Fontaine, at the granite peaks rising above the crystalline waters teeming with life of all forms.
You had secured employment with a group researching the sudden uptick in seal strandings across the nation, taking you across Fontaine’s many beaches. Your main base was located near Romaritime Harbor, which prompted you to spend your lunch breaks exploring the Court of Fontaine.
You made quick friends with the Melusines, some of whom were still a bit nervous being around humans; however, you found their stories of the ocean fascinating and often invited them to join you for lunches or strolls through the city.
One in particular, Carole, had become your close friend after you encountered her being pelted with rocks by a mob of Fontainians. You didn’t hesitate to use your vision to immobilize the rocks and create a barrier around Carole, quickly ushering her to safety. You couldn’t comprehend the prejudices directed towards her and the other Melusines, but after that incident, you made sure to keep an eye out for all of your little friends.
One day, on one of your walks, you ran into said Melusine. She seemed despondent that only a handful of citizens were interested in her hand painted posters, so you decided to treat her to lunch and pastries to cheer her up. That’s when you first caught wind of the Hydro Dragon.
“Well, if you’re worried about the seals, you might call upon the Hydro Sovereign himself!” Carole chirped.
You tipped your head curiously, lowering the cup in your hands onto the cafe table. “Don’t you mean herself? Although I’ve never met the Hydro Archon, I’ve heard others refer to her as ‘Lady’ Furina.”
Carole shook her hands back and forth in front of her. “Oh, no, I mean the Hydro Dragon! He is responsible for keeping watch over Fontaine, which includes all of its resources and residents. I’ve heard that with every sea creature that passes, the heavens open and the dragon sheds his tears in mourning.” She took a bite of her croissant. “I have a feeling he’d be willing to help.”
You tapped your chin in thought. “You don’t say. Well, we are in a bit of a drought, which could be contributing to the beachings… Perhaps I’ll ask this Hydro Sovereign for his favor.”
On the days you were dispatched to Fontaine’s eastern beaches, you opted to sit by the Fountain of Lucine to wish for the Hydro Dragon’s help. It had become a tradition for you to do so ever since your conversation with Carole, for you swore that every time you prayed to his name, rain would grace the shores the next day.
During those research trips, your coworkers would invite you to attend trials at the Opera Epiclese, though you politely declined each time. You had no particular interest in the Opera and were much more inclined to spending your time outside and uninvolved with the court’s theatrics. Besides, you considered yourself to be a model citizen, so the proceedings of the court were beyond your worries.
Or so you thought.
~*~
The incident that led to your arrest was the violation of the order “no domestic pets shall be named after Furina”. Apparently the otter that paddled around the Harbor each morning was undignified of the title of “Focalotter”. You had thought the name quite clever and humorous—that is, until a horde of Gardes surrounded you during your shift one afternoon.
You were detained and led into the Opera immediately, which was where you currently found yourself. You frowned at the relatively large crowd—which, much to your dismay, included most of your coworkers—dispersed throughout the hall. Had they all come just to spectate your trial? Standing alone on the isolated balcony, you felt like an insect under a magnifying glass, an insignificant pest to be probed at for entertainment.
“And how do you plead?”
The deep, commanding voice above you wrenched you from your thoughts. Turning your eyes up, your (e/c) orbs were met with a penetrating gaze.
Pinning you with his lavender and silver eyes from atop his chair at the center of the court was none other than the Chief Justice of Fontaine, the Iudex himself, the face of the law in the Court. Monsieur Neuvillette.
This wasn’t your first interaction with the man.
Shortly your move to Fontaine, you had stumbled across his path. At first, it was just sightings from afar; he would be leaving the Opera, or purchasing a drink (Wait, is he paying for water?) from your favorite cafe. Your favorite flowers also began to appear at your doorstep, each time with a brief, cryptic note, usually something along the lines of To my little pearl —Sincerely, your guardian dragon. You didn’t think anything of it; if anything, it confirmed that your prayers to the Hydro Sovereign had been heard.
Then, however, Neuvillette began to periodically show up around your research stations, claiming to be investigating a court case. Even though the Iudex’s public appearances were supposedly rare, none of your coworkers, yourself included, thought to question his authority, answering his inquiries regarding the base’s activities to the best of your abilities.
You noticed that he tended to speak to you the most, even asking personal inquiries like your favorite drinks, foods, books, and hobbies, and about your marine photography especially. It must be part of the investigation, you rationalized. He was nothing but gentlemanly and always kept conversations curt and to the point, offering you a gentle smile as he departed.
If only you knew the true extent of his desires.
~*~
Naturally, he first caught wind of you from the Melusines. As his closest advisor, Carole regularly joined him for afternoon tea, and though he was not one for idle talk, the manner in which his friend spoke of you sparked his intrigue.
“And when those meanies were throwing rocks at me, (Y/n) was the only one who intervened! If it weren’t for her, I don’t know what would have happened…” Carole rubbed her head, as if remembering the sharp pain.
Neuvillette placed a hand over his heart. “I am eternally grateful for her presence. I cannot stand the thought of any harm befalling you.” The hydro dragon looked out the window of his study to the ocean, deep in thought. “Perhaps you could introduce me. It appears I have much to thank her for.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Carole raised a finger. “She mentioned lots of seal beachings recently, so I suggested that requesting rain from a certain dragon could assist her work!”
Neuvillette nodded, a slight smile pulling at his lips. “Ah, so that is why I’ve been hearing Hydro Dragon, Hydro Dragon echoing throughout my mind the past few weeks. You have quite the imagination, my friend.”
Carole shrugged playfully. “Hasn’t it been raining more often lately? Seems like her prayers worked!”
That they had, as Neuvillette could attest to.
The first time he heard your soft voice calling to him, he had sent rain the following morning—not for you, but for the seals. His position barred him from forming close relationships with humans, so the notion of attending to your inquiry face-to-face was eliminated immediately.
But when you returned again and again to implore for rain, he couldn’t deny his interest. The day after Carole informed him that his little supplicant and Carole’s hero were one in the same, he knew he had to meet you. He had actually left the Opera to see you for himself; whether he would actually converse with you was still uncertain, but your voice tickled an itch that he needed to scratched.
Neuvillette was an experienced and composed man, but setting his sights on you for the first time stole his breath. This, he thought, must be what it feels like to drown.
Your smile shone brighter than a Beryl conch, and your scent floated around him, sweeter than any marcotte. The light shimmering from the hydro vision on your hip reflected back in your eyes, giving them the appearance of twin pools of blue. You were sitting on a bench by the Fountain, a Kamera in hand as you gestured excitedly towards the screen. To your right was a Melusine he knew well, Kiara, who was clearly enraptured with the technology.
Though he knew of your kindness towards the Melusines—jumping in to save Carole alone was grounds for a medal of peace—seeing it before him sent the waters around his heart roiling. The Iudex was moved by the fact that, despite being a foreigner to Fontaine’s customs, you treated them with the utmost respect, going out of your way to befriend and include them in your daily life. Many citizens of Fontaine still harbored prejudice against the Melusines, but you… You even used she/her pronouns when referring to them, implementing the very law that he set forth.
“I use this for my research on seal behavior and conservation,” you explained to Kiara. “Having pictures of each individual helps us identify them in the future. We even give them silly names sometimes. See this one here? We call him Mr. Sealie, and this otter I like to call…”
When the pink Melusine started giggling over the nickname of your otter, a plan formed in his mind.
Whether attributable to his sense of justice or his draconic instincts, he knew one thing for certain. Like a shining pearl, you must be cherished and protected—and who better to serve than the Hydro Sovereign?
~*~
Those eyes will be my downfall.
Purple and silver locked with (e/c). Despite being newly appointed to the court, Neuvillette was the embodiment of both poise and intimidation. The very air around him seemed to shimmer with power and unyielding authority. His breathtaking eyes swirled with emotions—was that desire or disinterest?—you could not even begin to decipher in your current position.
Archons, help me.
You cleared your throat, hoping you didn’t appear too nervous in front of the judge. “Although I admit to using a version of the Hydro Archon’s name when referring to that otter, I was unaware of such a law against doing so. I’m not originally from Fontaine, so some of its, uh…lesser discussed laws are new to me.”
Neuvillette gazed around the courtroom as the crowd devoured the trial before them. It was baffling how naive humans could be sometimes; of course there was no rule against applying a silly nickname to a pet.
That is, until this morning when he had signed it into law.
Seeing you frightened and alone in the defendant’s box, however, was torture. It took all of his willpower to not to engulf you in his strong arms like waves around sand. But he had to maintain the facade of immovable judicator for a bit longer in order to mold you to his tide. Retaining his mask of composure, Neuvillette continued, “You do realize that previous defendants have been jailed for far less, correct?”
Frustration and fear flared within you. “But I—”
“Desecration of Lady Furina’s name is of the highest offense. Your behavior will not be excused, neither by myself nor the Oratrice.” Neuvillette raised the paper with your verdict, barely glancing over the words before he spoke. “The verdict stands: you, (Y/n) (L/n), are guilty.”
You clenched your fists heatedly. There was no arguing with the Iudex. Clearly, the polite and considerate version of Neuvillette that you had encountered earlier was an anomaly, for the figure looming above you was the complete opposite. Cold, calculating. Distant. A whirlpool cresting a bottomless sea.
Had this been his plan all along? Had you been the subject of his investigation? But why?
“However, because you are not from Fontaine, I will offer you a choice.”
You blinked up at the Justice, a knot of unease forming in your stomach. A choice? What choice did you truly have here? You pursed your lips warily but nodded for him to continue.
Neuvillete raised a gloved finger. “The first: you will serve a life sentence in the Fortress of Meropide.”
A wave of despair seared your insides like a brand. That was your fate? To be trapped beneath the region where you had always longed to live, never to feel the salty wind on your face or hear the calls of seals and gulls again? Surely, the second option was less cruel?
“Or, alternatively: you will dedicate your life to the court. You will abide by its laws without question and with unwavering commitment. You will relinquish your freedom; you will not be permitted to leave Fontaine and will be bound to this place for eternity.”
A choked sob escaped your lips. No matter what you chose, your life’s work and passion would be extinguished. You would be forced to either become an actress in the court’s performance or resign your soul to a watery grave.
Both option chained you to the Region of Hydro forever.
But one option at least granted you a semblance of freedom—a notion that you soon learned was as transitory as a bubble in water.
The crack of a cane against wood resounded through the Opera, quickly silencing the crowd’s mutterings over your sentence. “What is your decision?”
You could have heard a pin drop as the audience waited in rapt anticipation for your answer.
“I…I choose the latter,” you declared, tilting your chin up. You maintained direct eye contact with the Iudex all the while, holding onto your last bit of pride.
You could have sworn you saw Neuvillette release a breath of relief. “Very well. I hereby adjourn the court. Gardes, please escort the defendant to my office for further instruction.”
Two Gardes led you out of the Opera and onto an Aquabus to the city. They informed you that you would now be living in the Palais Mermonia and your duties would begin immediately. When you asked about retrieving your belongings and notifying your family, the Gardes exchanged glances.
“That won’t be necessary,” one said cryptically. “Monsieur Neuvillette will page your relatives and have your possessions seized.”
You frowned, wishing to object, but the Palais doors loomed before you like the entrance to a monster’s lair. You gulped but swallowed your fears, straightening your back pridefully as you were ushered inside and into the Chief Justice’s office. The bolting of the lock from the outside set alarm bells off immediately.
Neuvillette stood from his seat as you walked in. He coughed awkwardly, red dusting across his pale complexion. “Ah, Lady (Y/n). I do apologize for such a fast-paced series of events. You must be exhausted.” He motioned towards the sofa adjacent to his workspace. “Please, sit.”
You blinked at him in surprise. What happened to the unwavering judge from the court? Why was he suddenly treating you kindly? And why in the Archons’ names was he blushing of all things? Unsure how else to react, you obeyed and settled into your seat, with Neuvillette taking his own on the sofa across from you.
Neuvillette poured you a glass of what appeared to be plain water into an exquisitely ornamented cup. You took it wordlessly, noticing his eyes flare with a silver glow when your fingers brushed his own. Gripping his own cup, he raised the chalice towards you. “To a long and dedicated future together.”
You sketched a brow curiously but raised your glass in tandem to…whatever that was supposed to mean. “To not being in prison, I guess.”
“Indeed.” A breathy chuckle followed. “Now, I’m sure you’re wondering as to what this whole business regarding your sentence is.” Neuvillette took a long sip from his chalice. He frowned slightly when you simply placed yours on the coffee table separating the two of you. “Although you may have thought you’d be completing droll office work, your duties will be a tad unorthodox.”
At this, your brows furrowed. Wasn’t that what all those employees you had passed in the Palais foyer had been doing—pushing papers? You had cringed at the dark bags under many of their eyes, at how many were asleep at their desks, imagining how similar you’ll look once your sentence was completed. But based on Neuvillette’s words, it sounded like you would be doing something very different.
Oh, Archons. I’m fucked.
You braced yourself to speak, but Neuvillette beat you to it.
“You are to be my wife.”
You blinked once, twice, waiting for the punchline of the joke.
Neuvillette merely stared at you with his hands folded across his lap, waiting for your response.
After a pregnant pause, you couldn’t help the stunned scoff that escaped your lips. “You can’t be serious.”
“Quite, I’m afraid.”
You shook your head. “With all due respect, Monsieur—”
“Please, call me Neuvillette.”
Ignoring him, you continued, “I did not agree to be your wife.”
The Chief Justice leaned back against the posh blue cushions of the sofa. “Although that may be the case, you are in no position to refuse. In fact, your sentence mandates that you follow my orders.”
You stood abruptly, sending your goblet toppling over and spilling its contents across the table. “Marriage was not a part of that sentence.” Which was ridiculous to begin with, you added to yourself. I mean, a life sentence for a pet name? It’s almost like he wanted me arrested.
Neuvillette sighed and flicked his wrist, causing the chalice to right itself and the water to refill. “Marriage is the highest form of dedication, no? Is that not what you pledged to?”
“I dedicated my life to the court,” you clarified.
“My dear, I am the court.”
You emitted a low hiss, turning to the door. “I’m leaving.”
Before you could take more than a step, Neuvillette moved towards you faster than a crack of lightning across the sea. His large frame straddled yours, pinning you against the sofa. He grabbed your dominant wrist, a foreign bubbling under your skin erecting the hairs on your arms. Your mind reached out for your hydro powers to defend yourself, only to be crushed with the realization that your vision had been confiscated at the court.
Despite your struggles, you could only watch in terror as a glowing silver-blue mark in the shape of a dragon burned across the length of your arm. The leviathan’s scaly body twisted in ringlets up your forearm and bicep, ending in a slender head with twin horns that crested your shoulder.
As soon as Neuvillette loosed his grip, you shoved him away, panting heavily. The mark had already disappeared, but you could still feel the ghost of it under your skin.“What have you done?” you whispered breathlessly.
In total contrast to your own contorted expression, Neuvillette appeared completely calm. He smoothed out his robes and adjusted his jabot. “I have lived for centuries, and I have many centuries more. I’ve merely gifted some of them to you.”
Your body began to shake, from fear, sadness, or rage you did not know. “I don’t want them.”
“You do remember that you promised to serve the court for eternity, don’t you? How do you expect to persist by my side otherwise?”
Eyes locked on the exit, you tried for a different tactic. “Take me to the Fortress of Meropide.”
Neuvillette’s expression darkened, his patience clearly thinning. “I will not.”
Your eyes shifted back to his. Although Neuvillette intimidated you beyond belief, you’d be damned if you didn’t go down without fighting for your life’s hard work. “I want to change my sentence.”
He glanced down at your arm. “It’s a bit too late for that, my dear.” Taking your hand in his, he pulled you to his chest. His form towered over you, capable of resting his chin on the top of your head. “Please, understand. I mean to keep you from harm, even if it means being your jailor.”
“You’re insane,” you hissed, futility attempting to pull away. “Let go of me!”
Neuvillette’s grip was relentless. You stilled when you felt claws ghost up your back in a silent warning. “That is one thing I will never do.”
The fight in you slowly ebbed away—for now. Your resistance was clearly moot, like a gnat trying to down a dragon. You’d have to play the long game to learn how to get under his skin—and how to rid your own of this new mark. “I will find a way out of this,” was all you could promise, refusing to meet his eyes.
A deep sigh sounded above you. Neuvillette took a step back, looking at you with such longing you thought you’d combust on the spot. With one last stroke of your cheek, he strode towards the office’s exit and unlocked the door with a flick of his wrist. Looking over his shoulder, he fixed you with a forlorn gaze. “By the time you realize your place here, there will be nothing for you to escape to. Only I will remain.” He once more turned his back to you and stepped out of the room.
You suddenly paled, realizing the implication of his words. If his declaration was true and you were to live as long as him, then your family, your career, the world as you know it would be completely gone. Your only company, your only solace, the only one who would remember your name, would be him. “Wait, no, you can’t—!”
He closed the doors.
~*~
Neuvillette was many things, but a liar was not one of them.
True to his word, you remained locked almost exclusively in the Palais Mermonia. On the rare occasions he let you outside, the Iudex served as your only company, diligently making sure you were hidden. Your vision was permanently taken, supposedly to prevent danger to yourself. It didn’t go unnoticed when he would wear it on his hip at important or potentially volatile trials. When you finally asked—or growled at him, really—why he kept it on his person, he had merely frowned and replied, “I originally thought the idea of a fake vision preposterous, I admit. I have no need for one. Yet having it feels as if you are constantly by my side.”
The draconic tattoo he had branded onto your arm not only extended your lifespan but also gave you a minuscule drop of his abilities—though only when you were in his presence (and most definitely not against him—you had tried). That allowed the two of you to transport to and breath in the depths of Fontaine whenever you begged to go out. In his mind, it was perfect—not only was the sea his realm, but no one and nothing could touch you. You were his alone to hold, to see, to have.
Those trips were torture for you. Free, but trapped; floating, but tied down to the man who was supposed to be the symbol of justice.
You, on the other hand, had tried a variety of (fruitless) tactics to convince the judge to free you. Any attempt at conversation or advance in his part was met with either vitriol or indifference on your part. You had once tried to charm him into letting his guard down, hoping you could sneak away while he was preoccupied at the court. This plan epically backfired on you when he mistook your subtle touches as permission to devour you with kisses and love bites, covering you in bruises from his sharp teeth for the next week. You wouldn’t so much as let him tap your shoulder for the next month after—the spark of silver in his eyes while he kissed you foretold of a deep, overwhelming desire that far surpassed simple kisses. You feared what might occur if the composed Chief Justice were given the opportunity to release his more primal urges.
And so, each day was passed much in the same:
1) Wake up on the floor or couch of his suite in the Palais—like hell you’d be sharing a bed with him. Oh, how he had tried in the beginning to usher you into bed, into his arms. It was childish, yes, but at least your refusal have you some semblance of autonomy.
2) Ponder on how you would greet Neuvillette that day.
3) Choose between fury or pretending he didn’t exist, typically the latter.
4) Look for a way to escape after he left for the Opera. Fail.
5) Spend most of the day scouring court cases in his office for clues to overturn your cause. Fail again.
6) Look out the window pitifully at the water beyond the Court of Fontaine (were the levels rising?). You often thought of your family back in Mondstadt; what were they told of your imprisonment, if anything? How long had you been stuck with the Chief Justice? The days blurred like ink in water.
7) Immediately exit the office towards his attached suite the moment he returned—any other room was preferable to his suffocating presence.
Today, though, he had chosen to interrupt your musings out the window before you could make your exit.
“You know, I find the beauty of the bright sunlight is best appreciated from the indoors through a window.”
Turning your head from the glass pane, your attention was brought to the figure standing in the doorway. He was wearing nothing but a simple pair of dark blue slacks and a white tunic, his robes hooked over his arm. At the start of your captivity you had mused how strange it was to see him without his normal ornamentation; now his comparatively plain appearance was a daily sight for you.
You crossed your arms and leaned against the window, relishing the heat from the coastal sun against your back. It was nothing like the dark pits he practically dragged you to now that you could breathe underwater. “Personally, I prefer to enjoy it with the company of a cool breeze by the shoreline.”
The Chief Justice loosed a deep sigh as he approached you. He extended his palm, caressing your cheek gently. “If you desire it so, I will rearrange some meetings and escort you—”
Below the waves, where he clung to you like a Lumitoile to a rock? “No need. Present company would ruin the experience. I prefer to be above water.”
Neuvillette had the audacity to wince at your retort. “So you instead choose to wallow in your self-inflicted solitude?”
You wanted to laugh at the hurt edge to his voice. Self-inflicted your ass—every moment of your life now centered on him, depended on his permission. Solitude was a disguise for any reprieve you could get from his constant attempts to court you.
The ironic part was that, if he had approached you normally, you could have seen yourself falling for him. He brought and cooked your favorite foods and beverages, showered you with gifts and books on photography, and tried his utmost to make you comfortable.
But you knew it was as nothing but glitter in a gilded cage. Neuvillette had drowned your whole world. So no, you wouldn’t act like any of this is normal.
Resisting the urge to bite his bare hand, you glared at your captor. “You could simply, oh, I don’t know, let me go.”
Neuvillette’s jaw tightened. His patience might run deeper than the Trench of Elton, but it was not everlasting. “We’ve discussed this.”
At that, you shrugged his hand off. “Can I at least speak with my family? My friends?”
A pained look flickered across Neuvillette’s face. “That isn’t possible.”
Your lip curled in response to his expression. “Don’t act like you actually care.”
Pursing his lips, he settled onto the window seat next to you. Though you were twitching with the urge to escape, he placed a large hand on your thigh, a gentle warning. “(Y/n), there’s something we must discuss.”
You narrowed your eyes, though your heart rate spiked. By now, he recognized your silence as a sign to continue.
“Do you wish to walk around the Court of Fontaine with me?”
Blinking, your throat dried. You swore you heard him wrong. “I’m sorry?”
Neuvillette squeezed your leg in what he thought was a comforting manner. His eyes—fuck, you had to admit they were wickedly beautiful, silver and sharp as a sword—never left your own. “You have been justified in your anger with me. I have restricted you for far too long. I would like to extend an olive branch, if you will—an agreement that we will both retain civility. I will grant you freedoms, but you must adhere to your sentence. Any deviation will not be tolerated.”
Your head was spinning, so you didn’t even consider the implications of his words. He was letting you out. “Can we go now?”
Neuvillette smiled softly. “Of course.” Standing, he offered you a hand. You tentatively took it, more awestruck than anything as he unlocked the doors to the outside. You’d finally get to see your family, your colleagues, the sun—!
Fontaine was unrecognizable.
The last time you seen the square of the Statue of the Seven, the roads were cobblestone. Now, strange machines roamed the paved streets, clearly serving as sentinels. None of the shops or restaurants were familiar—your favorite coffee shop, where you had so many chats with Carole, was now boasting signs for upscale fashion. A Melusine hopped by, wearing a Garde’s uniform, something that you remembered as being rare due to the increased chances of them being targeted. Your heart rate spiked in worry when the Melusine approached a group of children and their parents, only for a stunned expression to hit you when the creature was hugged by a little girl, her parents cooing in delight.
“Where…what?” you stammered. Fontaine had seemingly changed overnight—at least in your experience of time. Dread pooled in your stomach.
You attempted to pull your arm away from him, but his grip on you was steadfast. That same pained look from before marred his handsome features. “I did not lie when I said you have nothing to return to.” The Chief Justice sounded melancholic—he wished it hadn’t come to this, but he had to eliminate any prompts for you to leave.
“No, no.” Your heart dropped. “What… What year is it?”
The silence that followed was all you needed to know.
“How many years has it been, Neuvillette?” you repeated, your voice cracking with a desperate tone.
For once, Neuvillette avoided eye contact with you. He simply gestured towards a bulletin board, where the latest issue of The Steambird (at least one thing was consistent) was posted. You tore it from its pin, choking back a sob as you read the date.
Hands shaking, the issue fell to the ground. It landed in a puddle, its edges slowing soaking and blurring the ink. A steady rain had started to fall, quickly turning into a torrential downpour.
It had been over four hundred years since Neuvillette had taken you.
If it weren’t for Neuvillete’s hand on your hip, you would have crumpled to your knees. “H-how?”
Neuvillete looked to the skies solemnly. “Time passes differently for us long-lived species.” You cringed at his use of us, and how he actually sounded remorseful. “But this is our opportunity for a fresh start.”
Silent tears streamed down your face. For what could you do? Everyone and everything you knew was gone. Lost to the sea of time forever. You had nothing.
He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, placing a delicate kiss on the top of your head. “Cry not, my little pearl. No matter how many centuries pass, you will always have me.”
~*~
Neuvillette was many things.
And now, just as he dreamed since the moment he set his eyes on you, he was your everything.
And yet, you refused to drown.
As the years flowed like water through a stream, you began to learn the beat of Neuvillette’s dance. His emotions, his moods, his thoughts, all reflected themselves within the waltz of his life, and soon maneuvering around the steps became second nature to you. The balance of power laid within the count, and you were determined to be the one leading,
The dragon wanted to dance? So be it.
You’d give him the most challenging dance of his life.
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Yandere Thoma/Ayato X GN Reader
Warnings: Posted in comments to avoid spoilers, please read them if you wish to avoid potential triggers.
Word Count: 20k (Full Fic)
Chapter option: Part 1 ( 4 Chapters, +-5k ea)
It's disgusting, it is discomfort incarnate to have such foresight into the fate of the world and yet be bound to its own laws of destiny, especially when what you were sure was to take place is altered. You no longer have any ground of understanding except the uncanny feeling that things are not as they should be, to be so similar and yet be so changed. You knew things will end up alright, as long as you do not interfere then Inazumas political warfare will reach a peaceful end and it did. You watched, noted those ‘special’ to the world, those who have a story, a life, a reason and you took the responsibility of not getting involved and it worked. You became an npc, avoided any confrontation with those deemed ‘special’, avoided any influence in the ‘plot’, watched as a hero came, a nation saved and a people newly united. It worked. Your foresight was correct yet… things changed. With no base to rely on, how were you to know what the ‘future’ must be, how were you to know what to avoid, who to avoid and what minor choice may change a future? The hero has left, gone to Sumeru you guess, no, you know, you know the hero leaves for a new nation but so has your foresight and with that comes the change. The one day gathering supplies, one day speaking to a fellow npc to fill some sort of social need, one day being in the ‘dark’ and you've caused a spark.
“Oh Aoi, good morning to you!”
He didn't speak to you, it was directed to the npc shopkeep you were chatting with and yet it grabbed your attention. Thoma is ‘special’, Thoma is relevant and so he must be avoided and you failed.
Thoma spoke of how lovely the nights have been, of the soft whistles of sea, even to npcs Thoma was a gentleman starting conversation. He then noted how ‘unique’ your eyes are, a depth to them he's never seen before. That comment frightened you, made you rush to leave, to stop the change. Quickly you felt a hand on your shoulder,
“Please excuse my rudeness but how about we have a stroll? I know its unfair of me to ask a stranger such a thing but… you remind me of a home away from home, if you would grant me such a pleasure that is.” he ended with a chuckle. You have been so realistic up to this point, so good at avoiding ‘change’ but you have a heart and knew all too well that whatever feeling Thoma is experiencing is something important to him. You have a heart and so you accept. A single light hearted stroll became a weekly meet at the shop front, ‘coincidentally’, which became a personal relationship which became a friend. It's alright though, Thomas is a social guy, he's close with many npcs who never impacted the ‘plot’, you can be one such npc, that's fine. Change is fine.
It's not fine. Meeting with Thoma you eventually met with other ‘special’ individuals you knew by name before they even knew of your existence. It's a weird feeling to know a person before getting to meet them, all the private details, their worries, their joys and yet to remain oblivious.
“A formal greeting from the Kamisato Clan, I am glad to see Thoma has a new friend. Do treat him well, sadly I must make short of this meet.” and the man who is most likely the most influential to whatever ‘plot’ is to come of Inazuma greeted. Kamisato Ayato was amongst your top ‘DO NOT ENGAGE’ list other than the archon herself and yet somehow naive bliss and a VERY convincing plea(almost suspiciously good) from Thoma to have lunch by the beaches near the residence of the Kamisato Clan lead you right into his ‘life’. You have no ‘life’, you are meant to have no ‘life’, no value or effect and yet by each interaction with those deemed ‘special’ by the world your plans crumble.
Ayato then promptly bowed and walked out the residents gate, a body guard joining him as he started his track along the path you had just taken towards the city.
“Ah right, he has that meeting. A pity, if his schedule was more open I would have asked for him to join us.” Thoma turned to you with a quick hesitant smile, “he's really not as imposing as you may think he is. Ah well… maybe he still is but just in a different way then what the people expect. If you'd like, maybe I could let you know when my lord and I are doing something casual, if you would be comfortable with that of course. I forget just how intimidating the idea of being casual with a clan lord can be to someone who doesn't know him as well as I do.”
“Thank you for the offer Thoma but I'd like it if we just kept it the two of us. You are right, the idea is a little frightening right now.”
You knew what Thoma meant by all that, he means that Ayato is a genuine person underneath his political mask. Ayato is a brother, a friend and a man caring for those deemed under his protection and to those lucky enough to see under his mask they may be met with the unlucky fate of becoming a target to his mischievous nature.
Still, the idea of getting involved with someone so influential is nauseating even if just for something ‘casual' as Thoma has in mind. In truth you shouldn't even be here, here near the Kamisato Clan, here near someone like Thoma, here in Teyvat in the first place. You shouldn't be here.
“I see, that's expected haha.” Thoma smiled at you wildly, reaffirmed at the idea of something going on in his mind (if only knowing what said idea was was as easy as opening a character profile and reading a line directly out of his thoughts) “Well we are still here for a good time. Let me get that blanket and pillows for the beach quickly. You are going to love it!” Thoma quickly skipped into the yard of the clans walls while you waited outside and watched as the npcs you recognized patterned around the area. That one person at the commission board, you had forgotten his name by now after fulfilling Inazumas reputation months ago. There was the old lady sweeping in the yard, what did she comment on again? … … it never came to you, it was all forgetful anyway. A sudden feeling of envy hit you. They were forgetful, oh how lovely that would be to ease your nerves. To know that each day the sun rises you can follow your coded script without fear of altering the fate of the very universe by the time the sun goes down. Wow, you've messed up haha.
Thoma returned quickly as promised, a blanket and two pillows clutched under one arm as a basket was held in another but probably most heavy of all was the giant smile on his face, wrinkling his cheeks with a sense of genuine happiness. No wonder you messed up, it would be impossible to say no to him. It's all his fault and yet you felt you could never put the blame on him.
“Well, sorry to have starved you of your lunch for so long, we are nearly there and I can't wait to see your reaction.” Thoma then lead you through a short path of the surrounding forest and down towards the beach.
Perhaps your recollection of the game isn't accurate, you could have sworn a group of enemies should be nearby the beach here but all along the coast line was just gentle laps of the waves upon white sand. Thoma layed out the blanket with little worries evident on his face, he placed both pillows down then removed his shoes, each unclad foot stepping on the blanket to avoid spreading sand all over it, you promptly did the same, sitting down and placing the basket you had down next to his.
“This place is lovely at any time of the day but especially during sunset, I would have asked for you to join then but I feared it would make things inconvenient for you but still, spending the afternoon here is just lovely nonetheless.” he criss crossed his legs and then beamed at you.
“Come on then, don't keep me waiting, I'm dying to try out one of your baked goods.”
Right. One of the first things you did when you realised you were now living in the game was (panic, cry, internally scream in confusion as to how this has happened and if your world will keep on going and you aren't in it) actually to set up an identity for yourself. Running around and claiming to have come from another world and how you somehow know very personal details of select people and the future fate of the nation would lead to either your banishment or a future altered and possibly worse where peace was not founded, the resistance killed off and the entire plot of the ‘game’ thrown off. Not a good idea. Instead you tried to incorporate yourself into the ‘npc lifestyle’ as quickly as possible. You came up with a backstory that befit this world, you are a failed Sumeru scholar who has come to Inazuma to lead a new simple life outside of your failures. (In truth you stole inspiration for the backstory from some npc you think was on Sangonomiya Island.) It makes sense, people you tell won't ask you more about your past details in fear of being insensitive and Sumeru scholars are sometimes brought to Inazuma. You explained your (fake) predicament to a shop vendor who referenced you to the local baker who took you on. Now you bake goods behind the walls, don't face any customers and have a very npc-like backstory and job. You set yourself up well which was helped by all the knowledge you have of this world. Too bad you messed up all that work and are sat in front of someone ‘special’. Maybe you can salvage the situation, maybe it's not as bad as you think it is, you only have ‘maybes’ which isn't helpful since you had a ‘definitely’ to rely on before Inazumas ‘quest’ was finished by the hero.
You just smile at Thoma and reach your basket. “I made some simple bread rolls and brought some butter and jam but I also made some black sesame biscuits before leaving work. Thanks again for convincing my boss to let me off early today, things get busy there.”
“Not a problem, I don't often take days off either but I think I just needed a break today and imagined it would be a nice chance to get to know you more. How about you pass me one of your rolls in exchange for a serving of okonomiyaki? Sorry it's probably cold by now but should still be good.” He reached into his basket taking out some wooden containers as well as some cloths, likely for cleaning any spillages, and handed you one with you exchanging and giving him a roll and butter from your pack.
You both nibbled at each other's creations, the bread rolls were still slightly warm on the inside since you had baked them before leaving, which Thoma commented on how lovely it is with the butter. The okonomiyaki you took pieces out of was cold but packed with various spices and toppings which really highlighted Thomas skills.
“I just love that we can do this!” Thoma announced after his last bite. “I love getting to make and share things with friends, it's touching the combined effort put into it as well as the delicious outcome we get to enjoy. Haha, my lord and I do a similar thing but its outcome is not as enjoyable as warmed bread and butter, if anything it's concerning haha. Remember how earlier I said how he can be a little intimidating, our little cook outs are one such example. I really have to steel myself for those.” he chuckled and then leaned down on his elbows.
Once again, what he's trying to explain is something you already know of but need to act oblivious to. You have to convince yourself to be unaware and yet need to be aware enough to avoid ‘changing’ anything, this task has grown rather wearing but is essential to keep up your act.
“Oh? How could cooking together turn out so threatening? You two are close though.” He laughed
“It's because we are close that he feels he can torment me with his cooking. I swear, I'm surprised I haven't kneeled over and died yet. Worst part is he knows it's tomenting, it's the best part to him! Agh- I've had so many of my own treats I've made be ruined by whatever his plan is. Haha, it's amusing to look back on but just so daunting at the moment. When I said we could do something ‘casual’ with him I do not mean having one of these cook outs haha, I could never subject you to that.”
The nature of the conversation stayed light hearted, you both exchanging from your baskets while sharing stories or light hearted moments, you had altered your side of things a little, you spoke truth of personal events but under the filter to fit with your backstory, that way lies couldn't catch up with you or forgetting lots of little made up details. The outing was rather pressuring in concept, so much could go wrong since you are involved, but in reality it was very nice. You had kept yourself back a lot when it comes to building relationships with the people around you in fear of your influence potentially changing something important but you are still human and still have social needs but even people like your boss, coworkers and the shop vendors you chat with in passing never fit what it meant to have a friend, to have someone to sit next to and simply have a good time with.
Maybe you've been in this world for too long, you fear you may slip into making a ‘normal’ life here now that you've had a taste of what it means to ‘live’.
The sun started moving, waves became more rash upon the shore and the signs of the afternoon turning to evening became evident. You started packing up your basket and containers, lightly chatting on with Thoma about the seaside. To the side you heard footsteps and Thoma sat himself up straight to look at the oncomer.
“Oh! Done with the meeting my lord?”
Your hand slipped in fright, the container lid clattering as you tried to put it with its matching box. Shit, why is he here? Shouldn't Ayato be too busy? Isn't that one of his whole character points? Not once was ‘strolls on the beach’ mentioned in any of his character lines. You looked up and smiled at him in greeting, your face tugged up tensely and trying very hard to look at ease. You decided it would be easier to let Thoma handle him and just got back to packing your things away.
“Good evening to you too,” he chuckled softly and shifted his gloves, “the meet is done without any problems. When I got back home I wondered if you were still out here, seems I was right. I can now also fix a prominent mistake of mine.”
Even though you tried your hardest to avoid eye contact and look busy it's not like you had mountains to put away, you were left empty handed with a pair of well polished shoes in front of you, their sheen contrasted with the speaks of sand now defiling them. You took a breath in and looked up properly to meet his gaze.
“I do apologise for being so rash earlier, I would have liked a proper introduction. As you can surmise i am Ayato, Thoma has mentioned of you before and I am glad to have the honor of meeting you in person.” he smiled in greeting, no doubt he would have offered a hand or a bow if you both were at the same height but for now a smile would do.
“Right, it is truly an honour Lord Ayato. Thank you for extending your welcome to me.” you bowed slightly.
He laughed slightly, deeply amused.
“Do just call me Ayato in private like this and last I recall, yes my property is in the area but that doesn't warrant me the entire beach side. In truth I have not welcomed you at all.”
Thoma sighed slightly, “My lord please don't tease them so readily, I would like to eventually re invite them here but I can't do that if you've scared them away.”
“Of course, maybe then I can truly offer my welcome and they may join us to tea in the confines of the clan.”
Thoma sighed again at the slight continuation of Ayato's mischief. You took the opportunity of their exchange as an opening and stood up.
“Thank you for the food today Thoma and for bringing me to such a lovely place. I'll get going before it gets too late.”
“Oh, let me walk you back then.”
You shook your head in defiance, “No need, I know the way and it doesn't make sense for you to walk all the way just to have to return. Bringing me here was amazing in itself.”
You turned to Ayato and bowed again, less in respect and more so to keep away from eye contact.
“Thank you again Lord Ayato. Stay well.” and quickly you make your way off the sands of the beach and towards the trek back home into the outer city.
Thoma and Ayato stayed still, simply watching you go in silence until you were out of eyesight. It was Ayato that broke the silence.
“You are sure they do not carry any ill intent?” he said monotonously, still looking at the spot you disappeared to.
“I am sure. They are a decent person and I double checked, they don't have a past linked to any organisation. Sure they are rather anxious, I see it often, a little skittish at times and slightly paranoid but it's not at the prospect of the clan. Haha, if you've taught me anything it's to be aware of people's intentions, if anything they are trying to run away rather than to get close. I can assure you, they don't have an agenda against the clan.”
Ayato breathed out, then turned himself to properly look at Thoma, his face relieved. “If that's your judgement it must be true then.”
…
An odd moment of silence spread between the two of them on the beach, both looking out as the sky took on warmer hues of yellow and orange clashing with its deeper blues.
“You've been coming here a lot more recently and to have invited a friend here as well, has your mind been on your homeland?”
Thoma chuckled and leaned back out on the blanket, now dusted with sand and corners crinkled after the day's events, “I have. Thinking about the mountains of Mondstadt and all the memories just out there across the ocean. It's not in a sad sense, not at all, it's just that recently-,” he paused, looking away from the ocean and down to his lap, slightly gnawing on his lip in thought, “recently i've felt more… connected with myself. It's a nice feeling if not slightly concerning. I feel I'm getting to know myself better but it also just clearly shows how much I have yet to discover.” He sighed, closed his eyes and fully laid down on his back.
Ayato looked down on his friend, doing as he does best and figuring out just what was going on in his mind, his feelings, the reasons for such feelings and the potential catalysts that brought them about. He kneeled down onto the blanket beside his friend, form straight from a lifetime of practice.
“Does your new friend have anything to do with it?” he asks only to be met with silence, Ayato doesn't need an answer, he already knows it's true but just why that is so is still unknown.
“It isn't that you have fallen for them have you? I didn't think of you as one for love to occur after a reasonably short time.”
Thoma opened his eyes languidly and responded this time.
“I don't think it is love. Not yet but… i'd say i've definitely fallen for them haha, in whatever way that is i'm not sure but it feels… unbridled in nature.” he closed his eyes once more and shook his head at his own emotions. He tugged on a smile and relieved himself of his weighing thoughts, “So i'd appreciate it if you don't chase them away okay? I look forward to figuring out what's going on with both myself and with them.”
Ayato nodded wordlessly, not needing to disturb the quiet with a response.
…
“Ayato, did you notice the look in their eyes? It truly just- it just instantly made me feel like I was reliving my home town but also… not. It was familiar but also so foreign.”
“I hadn't gotten a good look at them in truth. They seemed rather determined in keeping their eyesight on anything but me.”
Thoma nodded in acknowledgement, “Makes sense. I do hope they warm up to the idea of the three of us doing something together eventually. Haha, once they've settled their nerves they are very comforting to talk with, I think you'd like them.”
Comfortable silence stretched along the two, the shades of yellow and orange in the sky deepening to reds and purples. In time Ayato stood up, no doubt with the intent of work to finish. He turned to leave before side glancing at Thoma.
“The nobushi that often occupy these beaches, you've disposed of them correct?”
“Did it just this morning to make sure the beach was safe for today as well as to clear out the threat they bring.”
Ayato sighed in annoyance.
“I still can't believe those ruffians believe they outwit us, thinking being close to the clan means they may spot our vulnerabilities.” he shook his head slightly, like the ‘danger’ the oathless samurai possessed was nothing but a pesky fly.
He then made his way back to the clan home leaving Thoma to steep in his own thoughts.
It was after this interaction that you decided to cut things down. At first you imagined Thoma to be the safest ‘special’ person to come across, given how social he is and loved by many you could become a face in the crowd while also tending to your social needs and appeasing Thoma who, and you still wonder why, wanted to get closer to you. Following the path you've taken recently, of course you were wrong, in fact Thoma should have been on that list of ‘DO NOT ENGAGE’ for the very reason you thought it was safe to: he's social. Very quickly you had realised in your time meeting with him that he would smile and wave to many walking by, one such instance was panic inducing when you noticed Yoimiya come over to greet him. Before she had fully skipped up to the both of you you had promptly dismissed yourself and ran back to the confines of your walls to avoid meeting someone so ‘special’.
This was Thomas' problem, he is the network that is connected to so many ‘characters’ that by staying by his side means undoubtedly meeting with the others. Today's incident was clearly that, you met Ayato, you were right there at the clan bordering the line of stepping into the grounds of one of the most impactful places of Inazuma and it was Thoma that had convinced you to do so. You had been too lenient on your rules recently, too selfish. You don't follow these rules you've written up for yourself because you want to but because you know it's for the better of the future and altering such a future because you can't stay inline is selfish to every being in Teyvat that could possibly be influenced by your choices.
To live means to influence your environment, to live means to leave an impression that proves your existence. You wish for nothing right now other than to ‘die’, be void of life and find comfort in that, to finally release the stress of what it means to have all this information of the world and not belong in it but you are still human, you have needs to fulfil and ‘dying’ is not one of them.
It was time to cut Thoma off, it hurt because you knew it would hurt him but it would be better this way. That night you closed your eyes to rest, determined on your new path but gut wrenching in a myriad of emotions, fear, pressure, uncertainty, sadness. You haven't slept well ever since coming to this world and that night was no different. You fell asleep cursing the ground you walk on, cursing the details that swamped your mind, cursing your very existence and the trouble it causes to both this world and yourself.
Separating yourself from Thoma was simple, firstly you changed your shopping time, no longer ‘coincidentally’ meeting with him like you had these last few weeks. Secondly, you asked your boss for more work, that way you have an excuse. You aren't a ‘bad person’ for suddenly leaving Thoma, no it’s because work has been busy and you just don't have the time. This system worked, you hadn't stumbled on him while in the city and the few times he did come to your workplace you simply told him that you were busy and needed to get back to work. This system went on for weeks and was perfect for devoiding your existence of ‘live’, which yes was depressive, you could feel yourself go mad at the amount of work you put on yourself and lack of outlet, but it worked. The extra work did help with the issue of mora as well (the value of mora being confusing ingame where how a single egg was 400 mora and yet 1 mora is represented as a single coin but you realised quickly it was just the ingame market system) which lightened the financial strain a little. You worked from early mornings to late nights, arms dead by the end of the day. In truth you know it isn't a healthy cycle, often coming home and skipping meals just to bathe and sleep, but it was necessary.
Inazumas rains soaked the land, luckily no thunder was present but the trek from the city to nearby village was still made difficult in the wet weather. Your eyes focusing and unfocusing, legs on autodrive walking you towards a particular customer of your workplace who the boss is very fond of. The old lady you were delivering to had been coming to the bakery for years but in her age can no longer make the walk to the city. Your boss found it mandatory to provide for such a loyal customer and so your weekly walk to deliver her breads was on the way.
In the rain was silence, just the sound of your wet shoes on the mud and the rhythmic clank of the wooden box you carried and its latch. The world began to blur, shapes and colours combining as the rain obscure your vision and the melody of your steps, the rain's patter and the wooden latch soothed your mind. Peaceful, a sleepwalk yet not unconscious.
Peace is never retained.
“Look, a stray lamb. Ha! The rain brings fortune indeed.” a swallowed out voice but a few steps away from you got you out of your daze. A wandering samurai, perhaps 3 all together, walked from the side of the path towards you from the river. If this had been ingame the confrontation would be nothing more but an annoyance, 4 ‘characters’ to choose from to easily snuff them out or the option to just run away until they gave up chase. In reality this confrontation means little less than a deathly denouement. Heavily armed, well trained men with seemingly no morals and a thirst for sick entertainment against a human bering no vision, a basket of bread and a fatigued body leaves little wonder as to how this will end. Panic arose at the realisation, the very human phenomenon of ‘fight or flight’ kicking in, and as a baby bird strives to the air you push off your feet, adrenaline quickly awakening your senses and urged your body to a change of direction and just as a fledgling's first flight you fall. Hard. Your mind may have awoken but your body had not caught the message, instead you lay your head in the dirt, all motive diminished, just your sad existence lay bare for a bunch of hostile mobs, stupid coding of copy paste enemies, to take your life. In all honesty this is perfect, you wish to retain as accurate to an npc life as possible? What better way than to die a meaningless death. That brought enough comfort to you to allow yourself to close your eyes (disregarding the other factors such as shock, exhaustion and most likely a concussion from the fall)
Perhaps a few of your questions will be answered now, if you die here will you reawaken into your own world? Will the months of lifetime in this fictitious game be nothing but a dream or will you truly die and merely sink into the mud as nothing more than a mistake upon this world? Neither as it seems the feeling of the rain pelting on your body ended, the sounds of swords being drawn and clashing washed away and your head, though still paining, layed on something far more welcoming than wet earth.
“Are you regaining consciousness then?” you feel hands lean your body up, a hand moving you face side to side prompting your eyes to open. They are met with the analytically eyes of Ayato still looking over your features for whatever wear and tear you may have gathered.
“To have fallen so gracefully in such a life threatening moment, truly your abilities are unmatched to any I have seen before. I am surprised you garner such mud and bruising, I had expected you to be dressed in only the most comfortable of clothing by the way you so effortlessly went to rest.” Oh for fucks sake-
You properly awaken, now relying on your own balance to stay sitting upright and Ayato moving his hands away only to have his eyes peering closer to you. You swipe at your face, lumps of mud clinging to your hand in turn. You heave a sigh just to gather yourself for a moment before speaking.
“What happened? Why would you be here if it means I'm not dead? Ah- sorry,” you jumped into accusations before even giving thanks, not suspicious in the slightest, “my head is still sore. Sorry, I must thank you for rescuing me, I would be dead if not for you.”
Ayato hummed and nodded his head. “To answer your question, I was on my way to the city before the rain started, not wanting to get wet. I waited here under this shelter until I saw you stumble right into that group of noboshira and now we are sat here. As for your apology, it's accepted, you are welcome.”
Why was he acting like this? Mischievous sure but with a slight hint of pride or cockiness in vulgar terms. Sure he's a noble but usually he adores the ‘polite lord’ act rather than ‘cocky aristocrat’. His attitude reminded you of how he interacts with those he deems ‘close’ rather than a stranger he's met only once. Yes you are close with Thoma which may influence how he sees you but surely not to the extent of you two being ‘close’ in turn.
And still you must play the fool, be gracious and oblivious like you could never tell between his mask and his true face.
“Thank you so much Lord Ayato, truly you've saved my life.”
You stand to bow, to leave but he holds your wrist at the movement.
“Do not move so hastily now, the rain is still ongoing and I would not like to see a recurrence of you laying in the mud, no matter how amusing the first time may have been. Do sit back down.”
No denying that, no matter how much you wanted to make distance between the two of you, trying to run away would only cause more problems. You sit back down on the bench, a rickety structure just outside the village with hardly enough space for two. You look to the ground at your feet, watching as rain drops just a few inches away. Ayato sighs, made clear you have no intent of starting a conversation. Perhaps his political side kicks back in, going blunt and straight to the point.
“You have been avoiding Thoma these last weeks, he's become distressed at the idea he's done something wrong.” you do not reply.
“Is it because of my involvement? I understand you may be pressured by our difference in class but both Thoma and I have made it clear that should not be a problem when in private so why is it you fear me? I have seen those intimidated by my title but your anxiety runs deeper than that. I personally don't care as much but if it distracts your relation with Thoma then I suggest it should be dealt with.”
This questioning is unnerving, it is tearing right to the point where the only truth is to reveal the true origin of your situation. That cannot happen so you reply with what you usually do, not exactly a lie but a truth wrapped along with missing context.
You fake a sigh, “My Lord I am… I am an introverted person by nature. When Thoma approached me I- I accepted his conversations not to be rude and i do genuinely enjoy being with him but i- he's a social person, I knew he was and it was uncomfortable for me to get involved but I tried it's just the moment I met with someone such as yourself, someone so… powerful I realised just how large his social circle is. I can't keep it up, being with him means being with others and I can't handle that.” it was the truth, yes you played it up a bit but hopefully it's an explanation Ayato would accept.
“So you do not consider your friendship special enough to warrant such efforts?”
“No!” you lift your head to him, for once properly looking at him, “It is, he is special, he is special beyond your understanding it's just that… I don't fit in, I don't belong by his side and meeting you and others just proves that.”
Ayato looked at you for a moment, seemingly lost in your words, perhaps not understanding the phrasing you used but he quickly morphed back into his usual laid back but self assured look.
“Was that your decision to make?” He let out a soft huff of air and looked forward to the oncoming rain. Why did he wish to avoid the rain? Given his character trailer where he casually accepts it, his skills being water based and summoning quite literal rain not to mention the casual manner his attacks have him kneeling right into it, how could he act so off put by walking along when the storm was hardly harsh, a summer spray in truth, you wouldn't have accepted going on this delivery if the weather was any worse.
“It's comforting. Something I can appreciate both from a distance and up close. Water has a tendency of being both stubborn and flexible, it moves as it wishes and chips away at that it deems in its way. When in motion it is hard to stop, when stagnate it proves hard to move.”
Ayato turned back to you, eyes alight with something more than just his blue hues, they appeared with a sheen, not from the gloss of tears but of something you couldn't exactly tell what it embodied. Without a character profile to read it actually is very hard to tell what goes on in his mind.
“Such waters remind me of you. So stubborn in some label you've put yourself under and yet so quick to wash away when it is threatened. You call such a label as being ‘introverted’ but I imagine it's something more isn't it? Perhaps it is insensitive of me to get into, from Thoma I hear you've had an unfortunate past in your time as a scholar and the depths of your reason may lay there but if you truly wish to integrate into a life in Inazuma then avoiding the people you come across, myself and especially Thoma, all under the pretext of being ‘introverted’, then you will find your burdens much heavier.”
In a very storylike fashion the rains seemed to ease, droplets turning to drizzle. Ayato stood up and readjusted his coat cuffs, “At the very least explain to Thoma your reasons, I did not exaggerate when I said he has become distraught.”
You stood in turn, head buzzing but no longer in the previous pain. You nodded to Ayato, your anxieties haven't shown any actual proof and yet you hurt someone who has shown nothing but kindness and acceptance to you, it is wrong.
“I will, you are right.”
Ayato offered his hand to you for a hand shake, both as an untold promise to explain yourself to Thoma and as a simple goodbye gesture, you shook it with a strong resolve.
“I look forward to hearing more about you in the future. Do keep yourself well and avoid potential naps in the mud, it's not the most comfortable of places.” he smiled at you with a cheeky glint of amusement before turning his back and walking to the direction of the city.
You sat back down on the bench, intent on waiting out the remaining drizzle, and leaned against its wooden pillars. It's all so conflicting, when you try to do right for this world you hurt and confuse those around you, if you try to appease the people around you you risk threatening their future. You bare a cursed mind of information, a cursed existence upon this plane, it isn't right to affect others by the curse you bare but it also isn't right to devoid someone so giving as Thoma.
You sit and contemplate until the drizzle gives way, your carry box placed by your feet filled with breads untouched by dirt and still awaiting their destination.
Ayato strolls along the path to the city, it is not his usual reasoning for taking the trip but still a reason worth doing so. Along his path all threats had been eliminated, you should arrive just fine but it wasn't that which plagued his mind, rather it was a soft sense of amusement, a sense of glee that left him softly chuckling to himself. He adjusted the cuffs of his gloves, a sign to his Shuumatsuban in hiding that they are to leave him for a moment, once the soft shuffling of unseen ninja pass he turns is view to your direction, the distance hindering the sight, he needed a moment to himself, to gather all possible elements at play to give reason to his unspoken questions.
“As expected, Thoma was right, they do hold some degree of depth.”.
The words Ayato left with you clung to your mind, in all this time interacting with ‘characters’ you haven't once seen anything alter the course of the world yet. Perhaps it's a twisted Butterfly effect and your actions have changed something you cannot see but Teyvat was still intact and no news of a newly declared war has come about (for whatever reasons your actions may potentially had started a war in the first place). Perhaps the time of paranoia can finally come to an end and you can ‘live' a little, truly live here if it means spending the rest of your life in this world. You also owe it to Thoma. You've done everything in your power to avoid him when he's done nothing less but show genuine interest in getting closer to you and with Ayato's words you can confirm that you've hurt him. In your time knowing him, truly knowing him, not as a character reading lines of script, not as a collection of pixels on a screen but as a real person with flesh and feelings, it's really made you appreciate him more than anything one could feel for a fictional character. Thoma is not fictional in this world and in this world he looked to you for a friendship, you lead him on in your weakness and now he has to face the loss because of your choices. Ayato was right, you truly don't have the right to make this decision but the least you can do is make up for your mistakes and keep your promises. Teyvat isn't going to fall apart just because you want a friend, what led you to think you could change the fate of the universe in the first place? Fate is a strong thing, it will not break so easily just because you exist. The rest of the ‘plot’ will go on as normal, the ‘hero’ is most likely still in Sumeru sorting out their issues and that ‘hero’ can go on and change Teyvats fate, you can sit still, live a normal life and they can keep the story going.
You decide the best way to apologise is to show Thoma you genuinely care and the best way to do that, (other than actually talking to him) is to do what he's already established means a lot to him, make something. Thoma loves to see the effort people put into something much more than the actual execution of it. You are hardly a master baker yet he savours what you bake like it's been done by a professional, so play to your strengths. You finish your work day, inform your boss you will no longer be taking the overtime and rest for the day. Not wanting to rush into things too quickly you wait a few days and in your spare time make a batch of miso butter cookies and a simple fresh loaf of shokupan on the day you decide to meet him. It being a weekend you were off work but that also meant Thoma wouldn't be in the city, he does his trips here only during the week when he needs specific supplies for his upkeep of the clans residence. Taking a walk to the Kamisato Clan is quite the walk but you owe it to him to get this done, he can't be the one to keep chasing after you, you need to show you want to be close as well.
You arrive midday, the walls of the clan still so daunting, and walk to the entrance where the clans guards await, noticing your presence long before you could actually stand before them.
“Good day, I am here to deliver something to Thoma.”
The guard eyes you but responds, “He's out. If you have any deliveries you can leave them here where they will be checked before entering the clan.”
Thoma isn't here? Shit. That makes this whole thing a bust.
“Do you know where he's gone or when he'll come back? I'd prefer to see him in person.”
“No. Please leave any packages here and-” the guard was cut off as the man of the house walked up to the entrance, Ayato offered a slight smile, perhaps to ease your nerves at the guard's menacing stance though that is his job, before turning to said guard.
“They are a guest and are welcome to the clan. Thank you for serving your duties but they are free to enter.”
The guard bowed and uttered a small, “Yes my lord.”
Ayato then stood to the side to allow you in, his arm outstretching the direction in welcoming.
“Ayaka and I were just having tea in the break of our schedules. Please do join us.”
Well it seems you will be meeting Ayaka (for the second time), not expected, not something you were prepared for but if you are to truly let go of your worries then meeting Ayaka should not be a problem.
You follow suit and see Ayaka sitting at the table on the outside courtyard, she smiled in greeting as you and Ayato approached.
“It is a pleasure to meet you, I am Ayaka Kamisato.” she nodded in greeting. It's a little difficult to respond to people such as Ayaka and Ayato whom are so versed in proper Inazumaian etiquette but you've been in Inazuma for long enough to have picked up some things. You bow slightly in turn, “A pleasure as well Lady Ayaka, thank you for welcoming me to your home.” You responded in a similar way when first meeting Ayato though you imagine conversing with him from now on would be a lot more relaxed after your previous meetings. Said man indicated for you to sit beside his sister which you did, form a lot less refined compared to the pair of siblings.
“Ayaka, this is the person Thoma has been talking about as of late. A new friend to the Kamisato Clan.”
“Oh! It's truly wonderful to put a face to a name. Thoma has spoken only positives about you. What brings you here?”
You look down to the wooden box in your hand, your apology gift.
“I need to speak with Thoma and give him something.”
You don't even need to look at Ayato to know that he's fully aware of what your meeting with Thoma is all about.
“I see. He's gone out for a walk at the moment but should be back soon. Anyway,” it felt like ice drawn at the blunt way she changed the topic. She quickly turned back to Ayato, more specifically the paper in her hands, with a look of true delight on her face.
“The travellers' tales of Sumeru are incredible! Such a different place but the stories they are embarking on are memorising.” her eyes had a sheen to them, not the gloss of tears but of something you couldn't exactly tell what it embodied.
“Their letter details so much, the food, the culture, the people as well as all the situations they've ended up in.” she giggles, lifting her hand to cover her joy but not truly caring about it since she was in such comfortable company which is… odd considering you just met.
Ayato looks at you with a quick strained smile, almost to say, ‘sorry she's overlooking you’ but quickly returned to paying his attention to Ayaka.
“I am not surprised they often find themself in trouble haha though it is good to know they are enjoying their time there. Do they mention when they may return to Inazuma?”
Ayaka looks slightly dejected at that, “No. They say they need to stay in Sumeru for now but will come to the next major festival if they can.” she takes a deep breath in and releases it. “I hope it's soon. I want to hear all these stories from their mouth rather than just as words on a page.”
So Ayaka also has that ‘crush’ on the traveller which was very heavily implied in the game. That must be the reason she is so relaxed and open with her emotions here.
She looked back down at the letter, a soft smile developing. “I hear Yoimiya is planning on taking a trip to Sumeru in the future, perhaps I can ask her to deliver a token from me to the traveller while she is there.”
Ayato's smile remained as always listening to his sister but the small crinkle of the wrinkles by his eyes increased slightly for but a moment before relaxing. His wrinkles… a pity the game models of the characters didn't implement small details such as those. It would have been interesting to see what small features the characters had ‘realistically’ that weren't shown. Would Jean have bags around her eyes? Would Albedos skin have a slight difference of texture than normal? Perhaps Cyno has a more defined tan or Xiangling having slight burn blisters on her hands from cooking and her vision? You've only had a closer look at Thoma and he was so much more ‘real’ than just a 2D image which was slightly unsettling at first but normal now. What interesting things to think about…
“How about you join her?”
Your fascination died instantly. What? No, Ayaka will NOT be joining Yoimiya, that's not how it goes. Ayaka will deny or something will stop her.
“Really? But what of my responsibilities? I don't even know if she'd accept me joining.” Exactly.
“Do not fret, I will have your duties covered and Yoiymiya is your friend, I think she'd appreciate getting to share the trip with you. You deserve a break as well and I see no better opportunity than this.” No, no, no, no you won't because she's not going.
Ayaka stood up, elation beaming off of her while she clutched the letter closer to her.
“Thank you brother! Oh I must ask Yoimiya right away!”
She bowed and made haste out the residence not even sparing you a glance, to her you were a nobody. Her mind was solely on making this trip. You sat in shock, in the past her forgetting about you would be amazing, proof of your ‘npcness’ but you only felt stunned. Ayaka doesn't go to Sumeru, only Yoiymiya does for her second story quest, Ayaka is not involved, Ayaka does not show up, Ayaka is not part of that plot!
“I'm glad she can have a chance to experience the world outside the residence though having to cover for her duties will prove tedious.” Ayato shook his head, then chuckled. “But I'm not opposed to it for this.”
Just how- how has your involvement changed this?! It must be your fault, it can only be your fault, the story has gone on exactly as it was shown in the game so why is this different? What could you have done to make Ayaka go?
“Hmm?” Ayato noticed your silence, “Is something the matter?”
You swallow the spit that had accumulated in your mouth and regained as much composure as possible. “Yes yes I am fine I just- I just need to go have a quick walk by myself. I will be back soon.” It's all you could say. Your mind switched to autodrive in shock and walked you away, neither mind nor eyes truly focusing on anything but your legs walking you a path you've taken many times before yet never once stepped on, into the forests behind the clan house.
Walking in the tanuki filled forest may not have been the best idea, you recall ingame how Hilichurls and Fatui mages are ‘spawned’ here yet your walk was nothing but peaceful. The sound of the stream was somewhat calming, it helped you to think logically. Just because Ayaka says she's going to go on this trip doesn't mean she actually will, something will happen that will prohibit her from going to Sumeru. She is a very important character, her absence in Inazuma may cause something terrible to happen that didn't ingame. Maybe she helps a person in need ‘canonically’ but because in this existence she leaves for Sumeru she isn't there to save said person, that person dies or many people die which could upset their families which could cause them to lose faith in the (police) which could lead to disrupt in the city which could… which could… leave blood spilt?
You stopped your rambling thoughts, eyes zoning in on the pools of blood on the moss covered stones. Whatever caused this is nothing you should get involved in, until a sound of a strangled hiss, electro energy popping and fizzing in the air, a shriek of vengeance and then… nothing. The sound came from further ahead to the right behind a large mound, you watch to see the source, feet ready to run away as the slightest threat. Footsteps sounded and around the bend came a semi dirt covered Thoma, looking ahead with a solemn expression, seemingly dazed. His chest huffed out periodic breaths of air to regain himself and latestly wiped off his brow and took out a cloth and dabbed at the specks of blood on his clothes and arms, while doing so he turned and saw you standing motionless, eyes awide and still in semi shock. Almost instantly devastation fell upon his face, his eyes sunk in immediate sadness, he just looked at you for a second, whatever his thoughts were were his own, before quickly putting the cloth away and rushed to step towards you.
“Please just- i'm just doing my duty, I don't mean-, i'm not…” the more he tried to justify himself the more he seemed to sink into his own hole.
“I know this looks bad, you are the last person I'd want to see me like this but-” he took a deep breath in, steeled himself to elaborate properly, “it's to protect the clan. Fatui spies, rogue samurai, rival clans, a lot of them come here to spy on the clan or put us at risk, i'm just doing my duty and protecting the people who protect me.” he looked at you earnestly, hoping for your understanding, hoping you don't see him as a murderer, hoping to retrain the image of an amicable person but his soft smile of a plea also held the acceptance that you may not acknowledge his reasonings, that you'd turn your back and leave.
You do understand, you do know Thoma isn't a harmless friendly face, that he can and will do what must be done for the people he cares about, it's just that… it's a little hard to easily be calmed even with that notion when the very real blood and remains of that dedication is shown spewed across the forests floor, it's not something any ‘average’ person would not react to but still, this is Thoma, he has his reasons, it was done in the name of goodwill and he's trying to explain it to you.
You take a few steps towards him and offer a hesitant smile, “I get it, I don't see you as any less than before.”
Before you even regain your senses properly you feel his arms around you, tight and secure, his hand cupping the back of your head and hiding his face in your shoulder, so desperate to have the reassurance that it's okay but still hesitant to look at you, like you may change your mind.
“Thank you… archons above I was worried I've scared you. My word, that's the last thing I'd want…” she shook his head slightly, took one last deep breath and moved back up, his hands grasping your shoulders lightly, you could see his face up close now and he finally allowed himself to look at you, his face held a smile. “I am so happy to see you!” the heavy atmosphere diminished as Thomas usual radiance shone, “Haha, what are you doing here? It's been ages, the last place I thought I'd see you was all the way here.”
“Oh yeah, I actually came to apologise about that, about being distant. It wasn't right of me to just cut you off, I'm sorry.”
He stayed silent, only looking at you, his eyes softened and nose wrinkled in his genuine expression of embrace. “Dont worry about it, I was clingy, I'm just glad to know you are here now. I'm really happy about that.” he chuckled and shifted his weight to point you back up the path to the Kamisato residence.
“Let's go catch up shall we?”
On the walk back up you explained to Thoma your ‘reason’ for avoiding him (your half lie, half truth reason), the same one you told Ayato. You are shy and get intimidated by how social he is. Thoma nodded at your explanation, expressed his apologies for not noticing your discomfort and promised from now on he'll be more aware when you are together and not encourage meeting with others you aren't comfortable with. The walk was nice, a bit strained because of the topic but after all the knots had been loosened it felt good to be relaxed with him again.
You two entered the Yashiro court again, Ayato still sat at the table reading through some papers. Thoma turned to you, “Oh sorry, meeting with Ayato was one of the things that made you uncomfortable right? We could go somewhere else to catch up?”
“No it's alright, I met with him earlier when I arrived. I told him I'd return so it would be rude not to haha.”
The noise must have alerted said man, Ayato peaked his head up and greeted the both of you with a smile as you walked towards him and sat down.
“The both of you have returned safely from your walks then, it's good to see. How was it?”
Thoma hesitantly chuckled, “Haha, came across some trouble but nothing I can't iron out. Otherwise we just had a little talk.”
Ayato nodded and hummed.
You remember your carrier box filled with the apology gifts for Thoma and opened it.
“Thoma, I made some more biscuits and bread and wanted to give them to you, to further state my apology.”
“oh? Perfect then, we can have them with tea.” Ayato must have had someone refill the teapot while you were away as Thoma poured you both cups of steamed golden liquid and refilled Ayatos. Thoma took a biscuit and devoured it in delight, did he always over exaggerate when eating the things you baked or was his reaction authentic?
“Ayato, would you like one? They really are divine.”
“No thank you. It would be wrong of me to strip you of your joy haha.”
It was odd but so welcoming to be able to have a casual conversation with the two. It seemed easy to get lost in Thomas stories, he seemed fully invested in everything he spoke of and when listening he truly captured every word. Ayato, though not as vocal as Thoma when he did speak his words were like a maze you'd have to do a small mental puzzle to understand if they were a wise response or a guileful remark coming from his teasing nature. Though harder to understand, Ayato's words were still a welcoming part of the conversation as the three of you went on to drink and share.
Ayato shuffled his papers, putting them to the side, even on his supposed break he was reading through documents, Thoma hummed, took a quick look around then returned his gaze on Ayato.
“Where is Lady Ayaka? I thought you two were having this tea break to discuss something.”
Oh wait… Ayaka…
“Yes, she received a letter from the traveller today and was eager to share it, haha she truly is fascinated with that adventurer. She's not here at the moment however, she's gone to speak with Yoimiya. She says Yoimiya will be taking a trip to Sumeru in the future and has gone to ask if she may join.”
“Oh that's wonderful!-” Thoma hesitated, “Oh but doesn't she have some important meetings lined up these coming months with the shrine? There were those exchanges that need to be made, some deliberations about the upcoming festivals… as supportive as I am about her going on a trip, it doesn't seem doable with just how much is installed for these next 3 or 4 months.”
Oh Thoma you are truly a blessing, not only are you a true friend but you reestablished that the ‘plot’ wont change. You mouth a soundless thanks to him.
Ayato hummed and tapped his quill* rhythmically on the table. “That is true but I want Ayaka to enjoy her years and not only focus herself on clan affairs, this trip is a good first opportunity to see the world outside Inazuma and with Yoiymiya as her travel partner I do not doubt they will have a good time. As for the workload-” Ayato reached over to the paper stack and shifted through them, “I was busying myself with planning and rearranging the meetings and visits she had in the time I expect her departure will be. It is more work but it will be rewarding, you'll see.”
Thoma seemed confused, it seemed from the look on his face he was doing the same as you when it comes to Ayato's words, figuring out the puzzle but if there was an underlying meaning to his words you didn't detect them, Ayato was simply stating facts and expectations yet Thomas silence ment he was looking for more than just that. Whatever mental games Thoma was tackling he must have failed, he chuckled and melted back into his relaxed self.
“I'm glad then, it will be good for her.”
No… no this isn't right. There will be something, something will stop her from going, there must be.
“mhm, I only await to hear back from her and her meet with Yoiymiya, I don't see any reason why she would decline.”
Yoiymiya will decline, she will, she must.
“oh? Are you okay?” Ayato looks at you in concern, he puts his quill* down and gives you his full attention.
“Is something the matter? Whatever it is, I am sure we can address it.”
“No, no its okay I just realised- I had some serious stuff to do for work which i've forgotten.”
Ayato's face turns to mock surprise, you know he didn't believe you but he doesn't comment on it, Thoma does the same but you can detect the small quiver of his smile in disappointment that you are leaving so soon.
“Oh dear! Do you need help getting back home?”
“no no, i'll be fine thank you” you rush to stand up and then smile down to the two. “Thank you for today but I must go. Enjoy your afternoon.” you rush pleasantries and are out the gate before the two could press you further on your actions.
You've done it again, you came here to try to fix things but you've just made a mess. You can try to fix it tomorrow, for now the more pressing thoughts of the potential Sumeru trip Ayaka will go on drowned out any other thoughts. You walk home rushed, the long walk not helping much to ease your nerves, you can only hope fate will prevail and Ayaka will stay in Inazuma.
Ayato and Thoma sat in silence as you left, mutual understanding of the odd nature of your departure yet not wanting to address it.
“So… your ‘walk’ was fruitful then?”
“Just a few stray Hilichurls and a Fatui mage but it's been sorted.”
“Thoma, you know securing the perimeter is not part of your duties, you needn't lie about the reasoning for going out.”
Thoma did not respond.
Ayato breathed in deeply, “I am not opposed to you going out to release your emotions but I worry you may get caught up in them only to further feed into your obsessions.”
“I'm not obsessed! I'm just-” he grit his teeth in his own turmoil, “I don't want to label these feelings as ‘obsession’, that wouldn't be right to them. I don't know, I still don't know. When they stopped talking to me it felt like I'd lose them forever, that everyday I don’t see them with my own eyes is a day that they may disappear and I know that sounds obsessive but… but I don't want to call it that. I just don't…”
Ayato soaked up his friend's words like a sponge and as always his responses were either clear or muddled with undertone, this time Thoma could tell instantly Ayato's words were transparent.
“You need not worry yourself about labelling your feelings then, you two are back in contact and there is still a future for you to explore what the emotions you are holding mean. Just do not lose sight of your health and those around you, even obsession can be tamed. “
The next few months were both easier and harder than the times you were avoiding Thoma. Sure, you lessened your workload and your health improved, you stayed in contact with Thoma, not as much as before but still enough to bond over. It was good to have a friend again and the feeling was mutual, every time you did meet he seemed eager to enjoy it to its fullest. You had even met with Ayato a few more times, never to the extent of Thoma but at least it became comfortable to sit and have tea with the both of them in a relaxed manner but that was the positives, the looming threat of Ayaka changing the plot was a heavy cloud always looming. The few occasions she saw you she was cordial and respectful but her interest glossed right over like you didn't even exist. She and Yoimiya made plans, fulfilled the work she could and now here you stand on the beach you woke up on exactly 2 years ago, 2 years since you randomly came to be here in Teyvat, the same day fate was changed and both Yoimiya and Ayaka were set sail for Sumeru.
In blunt terms, youve fucked up. This was pure proof of your paranoia, this was proof your existence can cause the plot to change and the realisation of just how helpless you are in this situation dawned on you. The very act of your existence, whether you interact with those deemed ‘special’ or not, can and will change the story and you can only wonder if it will end well or if you've led something to doom.
It's not fair, it's not fair at all. Even though you've been friendly with Thoma recently it's not like you can truly confide in him and he's just a painful reminder of your mistakes. The burden of wearing this responsibility, one you didn't even know how to fulfil, one you failed to fulfil, it's unfair. You are only human, you have needs to fulfil and ‘dying’ isn't one of them…
But
But is it moral to be so selfish as to care about your own being when putting the risk of others on the line? Ayaka is gone from Inazuma, just how many people was she meant to interact with if she stayed? How will her presence in Sumeru affect the story? If you guess right the ‘hero' should be done with the main quest of Sumeru if it means Yoimiyas story quest can start but what if something happens that prohibits the plot for future stories? What of Ayakas presence delays the ‘hero’, even for a minute, in which that minute was originally meant for something in the greater scheme of things?
This is awful… this isn't right. Not only has living become so difficult because of the constant nagging of anxieties and worries but you also have the potential to be responsible for disaster simply by existing.
It isn't right… it isn't right you afflict this world with your existence and the threat it brings.
Two years ago when you awoke on this beach you hoped to retain a normal life, perhaps find a way back home but at the very least, set up a life for yourself, an npc life but at least something. It's only fitting that you felt you had to come here, to kneel in the sand and watch how its granules slip through your fingers, it's because you exist that this sand is moving… it's only fitting that you finally come to the conclusion that you must die while being here. This is the place of your ‘birth’ into this world, perhaps it can be the place of your death as well. Not ‘death’, not some convoluted meaning of ‘dying' and becoming a new person, no you need to die. You need to die to ensure the people of Teyvat can remain on course. You are the virus here, you are the disease you need… you need to die.
Tears ran down your cheeks at such a resolute statement, sure youve thought about it all but now and truly you've decided that this is it, that you must do this. It's not like you want to die, not on a personal scale, but on a mental and emotional scale all this is too much, too much to bear and too much to live through.
It's not fair to leave the people you've so selfishly afflicted with your presence without giving them a reason but you are too much of a coward to tell it to their face. It wouldnt go well if you were to stand infront of Thoma and tell him you were going to kill yourself, thats for sure but at the very least he could get some form of an explanation.
You decide tonight is not the night you die, that would be tomorrow, you stand up from the ground and walk home, the weight of your choice still as raw as the moment you decide it, death is no light matter after all.
You get home, a small space a person like yourself could afford, only the basics of furniture and 2 rooms. There under your door lay a letter, you pick it up and sit at your table where unblemished paper sat to become future suicide notes. Taking a look at the letter it was sealed in wax, the crest of the Kamisato Clan dug into its mass.
You open it,
‘Dearist XXXX
May this letter find you well. Both Thoma and myself wish to invite you for a stay at the Kamisato Clan as both a guest and a friend. The changing season brings a beautiful opportunity to witness it first hand as the trees take on their new hues and the oceans change their tides, you are welcomed to join us. Thoma sends his best wishes but asks for them to properly be said in person rather than in post. We eagerly await your response.
Signed
Ayato’
Haha… how casual for a man like him… haha… haha here you are preparing to write letters announcing your death to them and yet they think only of including you in their lives. Haha… how horrible, how utterly vile it is to be able to experience emotions such as these. These feelings only prove your point more. You put the letter to the side and stared blankly at the response you are going to reply with, oh of only it were as optimistic and welcoming as theirs was.
You tried to make it easy for both yourself and those intended to read it. You state that the mistakes of your past have lay heavy on you and that death is the only relief, that you are sorry you cannot return the sentiment of friendship and must lay your mistakes to rest.
To Thoma you leave a more personal note, telling him that he made your life here in Inazuma so much better, that it was only in the moments with him you forgot your ‘mistakes’ for even a moment and for that you are grateful. It's true, it's only Thoma who made you forget the fact you don't belong here when you spend time with him. Sending this letter to him is assured to rip his heart, he sees you as a friend and he's going to beat himself at the thought that he did not help you enough to make you feel you'd want to stay, that he wasn't a good friend, which is not true at all but you know there is little you can do to convince him otherwise. In a moment of distressed induced vulnerability, with tears in your eyes you state something so cliche as that perhaps in another life you two may be able to have the friendship you both craved in this life, if only there is a case of reincarnation and you may be born in the same universe as him and live that life with no burdens or guilt of your existence.
To Ayato you are more cordial, less emotional or descriptive but you tell him that he was right on that day in the rain, that there is a deeper problem than you just being ‘introverted’, otherwise you keep it professional.
After the hardest two were done it was rather simple, it's not like you have any friends or family to write to and sending a letter to the street vendor you buy from doesnt make sense. You do write a letter and tell your boss that you simply will not be returning to work, you don't say why, and that you thank him for all the opportunities and help he has given you.
For once it was easy to fall asleep, for the first time in 2 years the moment you lay your head on your pillow you were unconscious. For once you've felt the release of the burden you feel and the comfort that will come when your plague on this world is done. You are so tired and finally you can rest.
The next day went on simply, it was a weekday and you went to work, in the afternoon you submitted your letters to the post and walked back home, taking in the scenery of Inazuma. This will be the last time you walk these streets. You wait at home quietly, have a decent meal and enjoy the sounds from outside of leaves and people. You felt in an odd state all the way through the day, like your senses were hypersensitive noticing the slightest thing around you which was lovely. You got to focus on the squirrles you passed on your way to work, the smell of baked bread smelled heavenly once again like it had the first day you were in the bakery, the pink and purple blossoms of the trees were so vibrant on your way home. You had given the shop vendor a smile and a wave as you passed her, that day you felt no burden, no grief. You only had one more step to take, the hard part was already over with.
In the late evening you stood by that beach again, the view was incredible. You sat down in the sand and got comfortable leaning against a rock and letting the tide touch the tips of your toes. You were naughty today, you bought enough substances from clinics or herb stands to be sure you felt good in your last moments. You took them quickly and then rested your head back against the rock, letting the sound of waves softly crashing, leaves rustling and the odd animal chirp lull your mind. It took some effort not to fall asleep just yet, you blinked your eyes harshly and woke yourself up a bit. This part was slightly uncomfortable, the beach you woke up on had a slight cliff, nothing you'd die by jumping off of, it was just a little steep incline but it was enough. You took a large rock from nearby and rolled it closer to the edge, tying a rope around and around your ankle. Drowning didn't seem like a peaceful death but at least like this your body can be washed into the sea where it can decay in peace without traumatising a random person strolling the beach. You relaxed and took out the large knife you had brought with you. Bleeding out decreases the time by knocking yourself out and not having enough energy to wake up in the water and struggle. You should be numb enough now. You closed your eyes and cut lengthwise, both arms, a leg… you tried your neck but even drugged up that was beyond doable. You didn't even register when you had stopped, you didn't see the blood flowing or feel the pain as it pooled, slowly your will died out as everything became hazed. It was a feeling, not a good or bad one, you couldn't even think. You felt the weight on your ankle tug, your consciousness dropping and allowing the gravity to pull you away. Black.
You woke up. You woke up. Dazed, in pain but you did. Your eyes opened lightly, luckily it wasn't very bright. Slowly your mind awoke as well, you saw the walls and crest oh so familiar of the Kamisato Clan, of its low light lanterns on the floor and dark wood trims. What were you doing here? What were you even doing?
Each of your senses woke up from the shock they were in and soon your ears picked up sound, at first the static was all you could hear until it was voices. You inclined your head to where the sound came from. Thoma and Ayato sat at a table, what they were talking about was inaudible. Why? Why were you here?
Everything slowly came back to you, what you did, why you did it and mainly the fact that you should be dead right now and yet you were here. Panic arose which was enough adrenaline to push your body and mind completely awake. You shuffled up and looked at the two. Thoma turned at the movement and instantly reached out for you, arms cradling your head which he buried his to your shoulder, a grasp seeking for comfort yet trying to give support.
“Archons above you're awake. My word… oh my word…,” he softly cried into your shoulder but picked his head up to look at you, “Why?! Why did you do that? Why did you feel…” his face was morphed into true distress, his eyes red and slightly swollen from no doubt a long time of distress but renewed with fresh tears. “Please, you are here, you are here and yet you wanted to go-” he choked, “Why, I nearly lost you.” his head fell back down to rest onto you, “I nearly lost you…”
His arms held you tightly, confirming that you were there.
Ayato finally announced himself with a soft clear of his throat, he stayed sitting at a distance.
“Thoma, they are safe and alive. We confirmed this the moment we got them here. “ he took a moment, thinking over his words. “How about you go prepare us a pot of tea and eats and we can discuss this once we all have gathered ourselves?”
Thoma lifted himself back up, “yes… yes you are right” he gave you a squeeze and a haste kiss on the crown of your head before standing and giving you a very strained smile, ‘everything is going to be okay’ it read. Quickly he turned and sped walked out as if staying in the room for too long would prohibit him from ever leaving you. Now it was just you and Ayato.
“Come sit please or do you need assistance getting up?”
You look down at your body, arms and legs patched up in bandages and feeling weak but with a struggled attempt you found you could stand up and walk to him before nearly falling into a sitting position and looking at him. He knows what's happened, he knows the aftermath and you don't.
Ayato sighed and shifted at papers on his desk, 2 in particular, the ones you had sent out.
“We got these well after we had saved you from your incident,” he looked up to you with something of a harsh look, “you can thank the fact one of my shibatsu were watching and stopped you from falling and promptly brought you here.”
He sighed, closed his eyes tense for a moment then released and folded the papers neatly. He returned his gaze back to you.
“I know, or at least suspect, what elements are at play here. The identity you have made for yourself here as an ex Sumeru scholar, that is false, correct?”
How… How did he figure that out?
“You need to speak now, for your and Thomas' betterment. No more lies, no more half trues, no more hiding because after an event such as the one you pulled yesterday I will no longer allow such threats so please, speak.”
You opened your mouth, it felt hoarse and sore. This is it. No more hiding, no more rules or running away, he can see it all, he will know, he probably does already.
“Yes.” is all you say.
An odd assortment of a smile crosses his face, not happy but at least pleased for the development, he then went back to his blunt nature.
“I will even be so bold as to say you are not here from Teyvat, correct?”
“Yes” tears built at your eyes. 2 years of work gone, 2 years of struggling to keep the truth bound, the thing you tried to die for to keep all gone.
“There are matters I do not understand, such as the truth of the reason for your attempt yesterday but what I do know is that you are not of Teyvat, that the way my sister looks at the Traveller is the exact same way Thoma looks at you, bewitched by some foreign entity.”
What?
“I know that the Traveller is not of Teyvat, they themself have stated this to both Ayaka and myself and it was a stretch at first to make the claim you were the same as them for the simple reason that Thoma fell for you as Ayaka did for the traveller but what perhaps confirmed my suspicion was when I felt that pull as well. For some reason the way my sister described her fondness for the traveller it was only you I could imagine, when I saw Thomas eyes alight in excitement at seeing you I could tell exactly what it is since I feel the same. For nearly no reason this feeling appeared.”
He cleared his throat and continued, “I didn't only come to this conclusion based on feeling, I, as I do with all those who involve themself with the members of the clan, had research done into your past. There is no record of your existence in any school of Sumeru, there is no record of anything proving of your past, no family line or even record of you arriving by boat which is all recorded by name, yours were on no such documents.”
He sighs and then relaxes his shoulders, like he is glad he's gotten the hard part over.
“Do not worry, I can assure you I see you no less as I did before and I can promise that Thoma is the same, he in fact needs to know the truth. I have not told him of my own discoveries just yet but when he gets back I hope you reveal the light of truth on everything here and the burden you decided to relieve yourself of.”
It's hard to actually listen to him, you are too busy swimming through the currents of your own thoughts to really hear what he has to say, if you had you'd have noticed just how fond he really was being, the slight curve of his forehead in concern, the way he spoke in a tone confident but also reassuring. Ayato is a man who puts his family, friends and the clan first, even in this instance he was doing that, whatever his personal feelings on the matter were they were subdued.
You look down to the table and see the fruits of your labour, sour, distasteful fruits that bore no other purpose but to make one sick on consumption: your letters. It seemed a good idea at first but now the sight of your handwriting was nauseating, you couldn't even bare properly rereading it, to see those words you meant to be comforting only being a stain and reminder to the people who had to read them of the bilious nature of your actions. Poor Thoma…
You had no words for Ayato, not out of fear or resentment but simply because it felt like you had disappointed him, the only way you could try to make this all better is to come clean about everything, he's made it clear, there is no more hiding. Now the weighting doom of changing the course of fate didn't matter, what mattered is the crestfallen frown on his face and mellow gaze, what mattered was the troubled Thoma in the other room whom grasped at you to stay so tightly even through all the torment you've lead him though. It's over, not the good kind of ‘over' like dying would have been, your life would be over and the secrets and threat you bring would have been over, no the ‘over’ you experience is the loss of hope. Its over, all the attempts and work, the secrets and efforts made to try keep this world as safe from changing as possible was all over.
Ayato let you mull in silence, he cleared his desk and closed his eyes in wait. Not long after Thoma returned, kettle in hand and cups at the ready. He seemed quiet, more collected and focused on the task of pouring tea before sitting next to you, his folded knee jutting up and down being the only show of his nerves. He took a breath, turned to you and smiled.
“I really do just want you to know I am happy you are still here, that I want to give you all the support and care I can to make sure you know you being here is just so important. I know that I don't understand everything you've gone through and that me saying all this doesn't help make it easier but-” he had to grit his teeth, his voice stirred slightly and slight beads of tears brimmed at his eyes,”but you don't have to be alone. Right now or even dealing with your past, you don't have to be alone.”
Your breathing hitched, chest lurched and fresh tears escaped, how couldn't you? You tried to cover your mouth of noises but couldn't help but curl into yourself and cry, you don't want to do this anymore, you want his support, you want to confide in him, you want to live. Thoma rubbed your back while you cried, gentle reaffirming strokes and just let you release all the build up. After regaining yourself you lifted yourself back up, swallowed the last fragments of tears and tried to secure yourself. You took some breaths and calmed down. Thoma held your shoulder, a physical display of support, you looked up and only saw Ayato watching with an unreadable expression. Right, you need to come clean. To… get it over with…
“Thoma, thank you for this, I'm sorry, I really am.” You could tell he tried to speak, to tell you it's okay or not your fault or something along those lines but he kept himself quiet and let you speak.
“I’ll… I'll come clean about it all, about everything.” This is it. “I'm not originally from Teyvat, I believe you know the Traveller and how they aren't either? Yeah I'm something like that. So no, I'm not from Sumeru or have lived here my whole life. Just woke up one day from my world into this one and… that was that. No explanation, no guide, no help…”
Ayato had no reaction, he knew, Thoma was wide eyed in shock but stayed silent, to him you shared memories of your ‘past’, to hear what you have shared with him was wrapped in falsification was… hurtful to know that what he did know of you was all a lie in his eyes but still, he remained silent and let you continue.
“I'm sorry, I am. I didn't want to lie and a lot of the stuff I did say is true. I just… I just covered it up to match my story of being from Sumeru.”
“It-It must be hard” Thoma meekly said, “to have lost everything, your home and family… I can see why things have been so hard and confusing for you.”
You nodded to his words. It is hard, it is bloody hard. All the plans you had made for your future, your loved ones and hopes… you'll never get to see them bloom, you'll never get to see the person you hoped you'd become because you had been stripped away from everything. The extra layer of knowing what world you came into and the threat you caused of course did not help lighten the load.
You've been away for 2 years and there is no hope of going back but you are here now and have to deal with the present.
“So that's basically it.”
Ayato's frown deepened, “There is more.” his words cut through the air bluntly. “There is more to the story you haven't told us, many things that don't add up-”
“Ayato please,” Thoma interrupted him, “let them say what they need and-”
“No, they said they would clear things up here and I will make sure it is so.” he moved his gaze back to you, it was penetrating into your soul nearly emotionlessly. “So I will ask, what is the truth to your ‘introvert’ label? Why distance yourself from others at random when in your position you are needing as much support as possible?”
Shit… shit shit shit, you can't even keep this? You can't even keep the fact you know this is a game secret? Whatever… he's right, you said you'd come clean.
“... I know things I really shouldn't if I was to make a life here. It may be confusing but in short the world of Teyvat is not where I was born but I know of it, I know of its people and some of its history and even select parts of its future. I was just… trying not to change the story. I was never supposed to be here, me being here goes against what's supposed to happen- I was scared I'd change something and things would go bad, that the good endings won't happen because I've done something so I tried to distance myself from it all but i've failed! I've failed and the story has changed and I don't know what's going to happen next!”
Thoma was quiet, now this was a bit too much for him to respond to but predicting the unpredictable is Ayato's strong suit, he didn't falter his questioning even at such a bizarre statement such as the one you made.
“Why? What element has changed that pushes you to believe you’ve doomed this world?”
“Ayaka left! She's not supposed to! I don't know how or why me existing changed the story but Ayaka was supposed to stay here in Inazuma and only Yoiymiya goes to Sumeru. Now its all wrong and I don't know just what else i've affected.”
Silence for a moment, Thoma still doing his best to soak in everything while Ayato shifted his gaze away from you, when he spoke he still refused to look you in the eye. “Hmm, seems your paranoia was proven right then, it is your presence that has changed the future you believe was to take place and in truth the fault is mine.” He looked back at you, “See when I heard of Ayakas excitement in the potential trip to Sumeru I thought it would be a great opportunity, not only for her to gain new experiences but also to ask you something i've had my mind on for a while.” Thoma perked at this, recognising what Ayato was referring to.
“I had hoped to ask you to extend your services to the Kamisato clan, in whatever element suited you, I assume in the kitchen though Thoma did not disagree with the idea of potentially aiding him in his duties.” What? He wanted you to join the clan? Why? Like reading your mind he answered your unspoken questions, “See I thought you being stationed here may help the issue you seemed to have about your ‘introvertness’ with Thoma as well as providing a fresh start for you to reforge your relation with him, of course this would all be a suggestion and if you didn't agree then there is no loss and you can simply continue as you were. That is why I encouraged Ayaka to go, not only for herself but to allow you some space to get used to the idea of potentially staying here.” So that's why… but still, why?!
Thoma interrupted your thoughts, a fresh wave of excitement running through him, “But it's okay now! Now you've let us know everything and sure it's a little hard for me to understand right now but things have been cleared up and everything can go back to normal! We can work on things together and you can rely on us for help so all the other stuff can just be put to the side for now.”
“I must disagree with that Thoma, things cannot go back to normal.” Both you and Thoma turned to Ayato for his explanation, “See they have brought forth an issue, if there is supposedly a prewritten fate we follow and such story has a good end, that their influence can change such story and has already proven to do so then… that is something to consider as a threat.”
“What? No, Ayato-”
“Thoma, I am not suggesting we take the route they tried, their death is not a solution but rather I suggest the best way to reduce the effect they have is to narrow the area of impact of their presence.” Thoma sat himself back down and listened, his ability to understand Ayato far surpassed your own, you only heard his words, Thoma was on the same scale as him. “Ah, so you suggest they stay here?”
Huh? No, that still doesn't solve the issue though! You are still going to change stuff, being in the clan may make it even worse!
“I'm sorry but that can't happen!” you state, you cant let them doom themselves,”I can't stay here, you've seen I change the things around me so me being here is not a solution.”
“And what do you suggest then? Death is not an answer. Wherever you go you will impact the environment around you, is it not wise to be in an area that is accustomed to handling threats and problems? To be within the vicinity and means of a place such as here with people like Ayaka and myself whom can negate such issues? That is even under the assumption you can cause damage with your existence, all we know is that you can change this supposed ‘plot’ but have you seen any actual harm come from it?”
Your silence answers him.
“Right, though it is important to be concerned and prepared. Staying here is no prison I can assure you,” his smile brightens up to a chuckle “in fact my original plan was for it to be a holiday for you. The environment is interesting to explore, there is much you can learn from the people here and most of all friends who are willing to show you support which it seems you so desperately need. To me there is no questioning it, staying here is the best course of action for you.”
You could have thought up a retort, some explanation as to why he was wrong and why going back to your ‘normal’ life was better but there is a certain air around Ayato in moments like this where doubting his reasoning is unheard of and denying them is impossible. He was right, he's always right after all.
“Are you sure? Are you sure this is all… this is all okay? Is me being here okay?”
“For further confirmation, yes it is. Thoma?”
Thoma grasped your shoulder again and leaned to your side, a great wave of support rushing from him, “I think it's an awesome plan. You don't have to worry about a thing, we’ll all have it settled for you!”
“Right, could you go make sure their room is properly prepared? I'd imagine they need some rest after all this. A proper, peaceful sleep can do wonders to soothe the soul and you will find no safer place than under my roof. “
Thoma used your shoulder for a moment to get himself back up, “I'll be back in a jiffy okay!” and made a quick pass to the backrooms.
You and Ayato watched him go in silence, when he was out of sight and out of earshot Ayato repositioned himself.
“He does not know about the foreign effect you may have on him. Once again it is only a theory to suggest that just because you and the Traveller are not of Teyvat you have some bewitching effect but there are some elements of truth to such a theory, still I think it is unwise to tell him this. To tell him his feelings are fabricated would break him…” Ayato closed his eyes and sighed, he looked tired, “And it truly would be a shame to name these-those feelings as false.”
That wouldn't be good… “Okay, I won't tell him about it. … …” you really are tired, your mind isnt working as it should anymore. The adrenaline of shock has worn down and the latent feeling of exhaustion had begun to ebb its way through your very bones, at a moment of self reflection you felt your arms so much heavier to hold, legs stiffened all while the dim pain of the wounds across your body became recognisable. A good rest is what you need…
Ayato didn't say a word after, only left you to your own musings.
“It's all set up! There are fresh towels and guest clothes if you want to bathe but otherwise it was all pretty much done!” Thoma did a slight jog to your side and offered you a hand, “You need help getting there?”
You look up at him, for a room rather dim he outshone the very sun itself. “I think I just want to rest for now, i'll bathe later.” You reach up and take his hand, do a little wobble as you reconnect with the notion of having to walk, Thoma readily supplied his elbow for you to hold onto as well as you got your balance.
“Alrighty. Just hold on and don't shy away from leaning your weight on me okay? I've got you.” you two take a few tentative steps to test it out, walking seemed doable now.
“I'll send them off to bed, i'll be back shortly my lord.”
Ayato looked back at you two and gifted a smile, “Rest well then.” you did a slight nod in return.
Even with the support of Thoma and still retaining the ability to walk the short trip down the hall seemed so much more of a struggle then it should have. Not only was your body in dull pain but your mind was simply tired, overrun and everything slowly seemed to mesh into each other. Thoma was true to his word and kept you upright, guiding you to a neatly made bed and gently easing you into the cushioning. After 2 years of a cheap bed and your most recent nap being in the sand and hardwood floor the feeling of high quality bedding was sensational, a moment of respite from feelings and thoughts.
“You all settled in?” Thomas' voice sounded muffled in your half sleep state but you registered him with a nod.
“I'm glad…”
The cushions you lay on shuffled, his weight sat nearby you. “You know you really did scare me there, when I saw- when you were brought here in the state you were I didn't know what to do, something so unlike me. I didn't know if I wanted to rush for medical care or just to slump down beside you and cover you.” He leaned down, his head lay on the mattress beside your shoulder, his one arm wrapped around you, an awkward hug of one person sitting and another laying down. “At least I can do this now, please just let me indulge in this for a little, everything is just a lot to take in still.” He sighed out his tension then shifted his head to lean slightly on yours. “I know this is wrong of me but in truth I can be rather selfish. I want to be selfish here and not only show you how much I care for you but also how much I love you which is wrong because… because I don't love you. It would be insensitive to both you and myself to label this obsessive feeling as ‘love’ and I don't want to do that… Only now, only now will I be a little selfish and join in the delusion that this is love.”
…
“but I want to make this scalding passion of deranged obsession into the soft warmth I know it can be, of genuine endearment and not just an infatuation.”
He lifted himself to finally look at you, he had tears running down his face, “So you can't go. You can't leave me until that happens. You can't leave until I can properly say I love you, okay? I'll be here every step of the way, you can lean on me, you can trust me and I'll give you my everything so please give it your all and just… keep finding the incentive to keep going.” He pursed his lips in a strained attempt of a smile, gave up on trying and instead leant back down to give the crown of your head a kiss. He got up and stood by your side. “Sleep well, I'm sure tomorrow will be the start to a beautiful new future.” He closed the door and left.
If you had been in a more stable sense of mind there was a lot you could have responded to him, the not-so love confession, the odd descriptions of desperation and just how close he got but your mind was fazed, Thoma gave you nothing but comfort as you went to bed, he hugged you and told you it will be okay and that was nice, the feeling of the linin was nice, the chance to close your eyes was nice… He left you off with a nice feeling.
“All is settled then?”
“Yep, they should have no problem falling asleep, they were practically already unconscious once we got there.”
Ayato laughed and Thoma sat back at his original position, by now Ayato had taken out some late night documents to go over while waiting.
“So, did you tell them?”
“Hmm? Which part?”
“haha, your feelings Thoma, knowing you you would have.”
Thoma on reflex scratched the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly at being so easily caught.
“Yeah I did though with the state they were in they probably didn't hear any of it.”
“Which is why you felt you could tell them hmm?” Ayato looked up to Thoma with a knowing eye, “You are just as bad as me you know.”
“haha, have I been caught? You really can't blame me though, I learnt all my skills from you.”
“And yet at times I wonder if you are even more skilled than I when it comes to swaying one's mind.”
“yeah…” Thoma dulled off, “I'm still confused about it all. I care, that part is undoubted and all the time we spent together really means something but I just can't put my hand on all these feelings. It's not what I think love feels like, not entirely. Haaaa, all I know is that I want to be by them and I guess that will do for now until I figure it all out.” Thoma shifted his weight and got more comfortable, “What about you though? Such feelings are just disruptive to you, right?”
Ayato hummed,”Perhaps but that is nothing I can't deal with and as you can see I am dealing with it. I do hope the notion of sharing isn't distasteful to you, I know we've met a consensus about this but I want to ensure we are on the same page here. Your friendship is much too important to risk over miscommunication.”
“haha of course! Your feelings are just as valid as mine.”
“Good.” Ayato smiled fondly then returned to his papers. Thoma sighed in mock exhaustion, “That's the face you pull when you're thinking about work. Haha, I will leave you to your important papers, do not work too much and fall asleep at your desk again, okay? You don't want to be ruining your back at such a young age.”
“haha. Yes Thoma, good night.”
“Goodnight my lord, just let me know if you need anything done alright!”
“You know I will.”
Ayato shook his head at his friends teasing, it is fun when Thoma is the one responding with tauts of his own. Thoma left Ayato to his business in the slightly dimmed room.
For as much as Thoma has grown around Ayato, for being the closest person to understand him and balance the position of respectful employee and casual friend, it is still funny to Ayato how he can still be so oblivious to things. Of course his mind is not only on work, however could it be when finally you were in his home, in his care and finally he can display his… love.
Rest is crucial for recovery, on any normal day you'd let guilt swallow you for staying in bed for as long as you have this day, waking up in the late morning and simply laying in bed till afternoon, this is peak sloth behaviour but in all you deserve it, you are on ‘holiday’ you are allowed to be a little lazy here. After waking up you had gone through quite a bit of internal conflict, between failing to ‘delete’ yourself of this world, revealing everything, going through the motions and now seemingly stuck here it's all just a lot to process. There is joy brought from the relief that you no longer must carry these burdens but also disgust that you have let the situation get to the state that it is in now. Everythings changed yet at the core nothing has. When your mind tired of thinking it just wallowed in the present feelings, how lovely the bedding is, how scenic the light looks coming from the window, how lovely the atmosphere of the room is, you had been left off with such a lovely feeling last night, odd considering the nature the night took, but for some reason everything just felt so comfortable when you let your mind just dissipated and ease into the surroundings. Eventually you figured you should get up, that there was enough strength in your legs to keep you steady. You got changed into the provided clean clothes and left to find someone to ask about getting something to eat. It's rather awkward walking these halls not knowing where you are meant to be but Thoma and Ayato said you were a guest so it should be fine. You reached the main clearing where Ayato's desk sat, where you three conversed last night, and as if nothing had changed since then Ayato was sat exactly where he had been left off, his eyes scanning papers and writing or editing others, he placed his brush down as you entered.
“Good afrternoon, I hope you were able to sleep well. Shall I arrange for someone to prepare you a meal?”
It's still slightly odd to be casual with Ayato after last night but if this is how things are going to go from now on then you truly do need to get used to it.
“Yes and yes please, thank you.” you gave a slight bow, you can't help being awkward no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise.
Ayato chuckled, of course he did, he saw the world in 4D compared to you, of course he found something funny. “Then please, have a seat. Any meal requirements?”
You word off your response and Ayato relays it to a staff member he calls in. After the order was completed Ayato went back to his work while also starting the conversation, hes easily noticed a pattern when it comes to your reluctance to initiate it in your own stead.
“Now that you have some free time from work, are there any activities you'd like to try? I want you to consider your time here as a holiday and for that I will provide whatever materials you need to make that happen.”
“Oh, no. I'd just like to relax for a bit before making any plans on activities.”
“haha, I meant anything to help with that. Do let me know when you think of anything, there are very few items I cannot provide so the options are yours to demand.”
“mhm…” you nod your head but say little else. Ayato lets this slide and allows you to sit in your peace. In time a well prepared meal is brought to you, you sit to the side of the room and eat with yourself as company, as it has been for the last 2 years. 2… years… Your previous life really is just gone now, everything is gone. You don't have anything, you don't have to do anything, you don't have- no you do have some things. You have a supportive friend, Thoma, you have… Ayato perhaps? He says he will provide for you. What else do you have?
Nothing, you cant even say you have your own life to live, you cant even do that.
Quickly you swallow down both your thoughts and the least of your meal, you've brooded enough today doing it more won't help. You thank the person who takes what remains of your meal and then rejoin Ayato who, much to your surprise, has not left his spot (the surprise being sarcastic since it would shock no one to see the head of a clan swamped in governmental affairs). You walk back up to his table almost as if awaiting orders or just something to tell you what to do, where you should be just anything to help alleviate the concern of not being where you belong. Ayato let his brush lay back on the table, he closed his eyes and sighed as an indulgent smile graced his face. When he looked back up to where you so awkwardly stood he showed only adoration shortly broken as he shakes his head with a chuckle.
“This may surprise you, I know this isn't the proper setting to say this,’ he stood up and made his way to you, “but I do so enjoy being unpredictable and I can't pass up on this opportunity.” he stood right in front of you, posture poised and proper but radiating only mischief. “My dear I must confess i've come to love you.”
Huh-
You feel a hand on your cheek. “There it is, what a pretty expression.”
huh…
The hand cups around your flesh, leather to skin, chill to warmth.
“It's true. I do adore you-”
“no…”
“hmm?”
“you can't…”
“haha, really I can-”
“No. You Can't!”
You grit your teeth as you feel your hands begin to shake. He can't, he can't love you, that's too much, too much of an impact. The change, the change that could come from him LOVING you, no its too much. Your hands move to grip the arm reached to you, “you- you can't. You just- that's not how… how any, any of-” you are crying again, surprising how your body still has enough tears to shed after everything. You can't feel your legs anymore, they aren't working again, your hands are shaking, they aren't working again, you can't feel yourself breath, you are not working again. You don't register yourself fall, you only see the rise of doom again. Everything was fine, you had JUST accepted your situation but you can't accept this. This is going to change everything- it's so hard to breathe…
Ayato kneeled down with you, he held his one arm to your waist leaning you into him as his other cradled the back of your head, fingers intertwining between the strands of your hair and stroking along in a calm motion.
“I was scared of this but I felt it best to tell you now. In truth I was devastated with the events of yesterday but held on for as much as I could to secure everyone, it is only fair I am open to you as you were with us.”
no-
“The love I have for you is true and it would be my greatest honour to support you as I do with my clan, with you as a part of the clan.”
no-
“I understand your fears, whatever concerns you have of the future changing. I want you to know I am well resourced to handle them.”
You can only cry.
“It is early for me to confess but it is my sign to you that I hope for a future where we may share such a sentiment. We can grow together and face your fears together.”
why-
His hand strokes feel reassuring…
"Your tears remind me of the rain, both comforting and disturbing. How I cringe at each drop yet yearn to hear them patter against me. My dear please do remember for each storm or drizzle you bring to me I will open my arms for whichever embrace you bring."
You lean back into him, he's got you.
“To know you are here is reassurance enough, I want- I do love you.”
For as comforting as his hold is, for how easy it feels to accept his words it all feels murky. You lay in the sun-touched waters of the ocean, warm as it engulfs you in the most pleasing manner but it is sticky, it clings to you and you cannot shake the feeling of the undercurrent grasping at your ankle slowly leading you deeper into its embrace, it's easier to accept.
Ayato is right, he's always right and here he is offering you his love. You have been given the best opportunity you could ever achieve considering your situation, you have been given the freedom to finally ‘live’. With Thoma supporting you and Ayato willing to address any threat that may come you have been given a beautiful new start at a paranoid free life and not only that but to be graced as to have someone love you as well? It's amazing, you are so lucky.
“That's it my dear, I am here at your side.”
You sink into his arms, your cries can finally stop. “If we believe that tomorrow will come, we can bear a hardship today. For today, tomorrow and everyday that follows you may cry, you may hurt but you will never be alone. Alright? Do not feel pressured by my confession, I merely want to show you that you are loved.”
Ayato sighs deeply and readjusts to hold you tighter, lays his head on yours and remains quiet but the stroking of his hand never stops. The time flows by easily, your arms stop shaking, your breathing returns, you can sense your body's weight so clearly but you can feel the pillar that is Ayato keeping you up.
"Thank you." you mumble eventually
Ayato hums in question
"Thank you for everything. thank you for… loving me"
You can feel the wide smile grace Ayato, “You needn't thank me for something so natural.”
You don't clearly register the world around you while enveloped in Ayato's hold but you can hear footsteps, someone speaking, someone sitting nearby. Ayato's shoulder is cool and refreshing, the hand that holds yours at the side is cosy and tender, you are so lucky.
An explanation blurb for those who want to read some of the reasonings for how i went about this
Header done by me cause i felt like whipping up a quick pixel art
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more deltarune sansnomaly cuz its feeding the ideas a lot
bonus:
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The Hawk and The Sparrow
*Blows the dust bunnies off of this one* This one has been sitting for a minute and by a minute, I mean like the beginning of the Sumeru chapter. It's amazing what a week off of work does for the creative mind.
Characters: Alhaitham, Kaveh, GN reader (no pronouns or descriptions used for reader)
Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+, Yandere themes, Yandere Behavior, Power Imbalance, Master/apprentice dynamic, Abuse of power, Kidnapping, Non-Consensual Touching, Dark themes, not smut (sorry), angst My bad writing, Anything Else I Missed
“There you are, sparrow.” It took you a few seconds to react, but when you did, your entire body froze. While the intrusion of Alhaitham’s voice wasn’t a terrible surprise, you hadn’t expected it this soon. He had been away on business, with no word on when he might return. It had been your hope that when he returned he would be so exhausted from his weeks away that he would simply go home. As you had left the city this morning, your mind had conjured images of him standing at the city gates, impatiently tapping his foot as he waited for you to return or even him patrolling the border as you leered at it from a distance. You should have considered that he wouldn’t be satisfied with simply waiting. It was a foregone conclusion that upon his return to the city, one of the first people he would want to see would be you. If you weren’t where he expected you to be, then he was more than capable of finding you. “Thank you for making me spend most of my final day off searching half of Sumeru for you.” On instinct, you focused on the drawing in your lap. You knew better than to give him your full attention right away. Alhaitham’s acuity when it came to mind games was second to none. It was a talent few knew he possessed. For those that did, they were, well you were wary to enter into such a battle with him. It was easier to act coy or feign stupidity. At least then you would only have to endure a lecture versus accepting what Alhaitham felt were the full consequences of your actions.
“A tad dramatic, don’t you think? Don’t tell me Kaveh is starting to rub off on you.” His low growl echoed across the small clearing, causing you to smirk.
“Tell me, was your intention to press your luck today or are you merely interested in testing my lack of patience the instant I return?” Your smirk widened at the hint of irritation in his normally smooth voice.
“Would you believe me if I said neither?” You briefly looked up from your sketch, glancing over your shoulder at him. “Since your return was open ended, I had no clue when I would see you again. I am merely enjoying the day.” Behind you, the soles of his ornate shoes brushed across the grass as he stepped further into the clearing. “Really?” There was a chuckle. “Does your enjoyment necessitate the need for no escort, no Akasha terminal, and no word to Kaveh as to your whereabouts?” He clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Do you have an explanation for me or shall I just add it to the list of infractions that occurred in my absence?” You swallowed, your smirk softly falling. In your world, Alhaitham’s absence had been a blessing. Kaveh was far less observant when it came to what you did and who you spoke to. You had more than taken advantage of the lack of supervision when it came to getting a few things done. It was improbable that Alhaitham had found them all in such a short amount of time, but it wasn’t entirely impossible either. You had long suspected Alhaitham had put a second set of eyes on you before he left, just to ensure you were behaving as you should.
Since Alhaitham’s departure, there had been one too many instances of the same group of eremites being near you for it not to be the case. You briefly wondered exactly how many so-called infractions of his ridiculous rules had gotten back to him. Had there been daily reports or would that be too much? The trip to Port Ormos wasn’t too bad, but you doubted he was willing to pay someone or a set of someones to go back and forth everyday. Maybe every few days? It was hard for you to say. Still, a small worry began to creep its way up your spine. What did he know? What had he been told? As he said, there was a list. Your mind slowly began to spin at how long it could actually be.
“The akasha shouldn’t be a terrible surprise. You know that silly thing hurts my ear if I wear it for too long. It does me no good outside of the city, so I left it behind.” The slight quiver in your voice nearly gave you away. You could see it in how his body shifted, his hips turning so he could block your only exit from view.
“It’s a requirement of the Akademiya that you wear one.” You scoffed, trying to hide the unease that was washing over you.
“Since when are you concerned about upholding the Akademiya’s mandates? I wonder how they would feel about your latest excursion.” You lazily drug the graphite across the page, acting like you still cared about your landscape.
“My latest excursion was at their request.” Unlike yours, which was not. “I thought we discussed your little sketching trips the last time you tried this.” The discussion being that after you had successfully vanished from his sight for an entire day, Alhaitham informed you that you were not allowed to leave the city alone again.
“I’m not a child, Haitham. I resent being treated like one.” You added a little bite to your tone in the vain hope that he might pick up on your displeasure. “I needed reference material for a project. Since I was refused a kamera, I decided the only way to get it was to make a few sketches.” You made the conscious choice to not elaborate beyond what you had already said. It was easier to let him admonish you for what he did know, versus adding to your troubles by telling him something he hadn’t discovered yet, which you doubted was very little. His thoroughness when it came to you knew no bounds. That’s why your efforts to keep your secrets hidden was an exhausting affair. “The distance is trivial, it shouldn’t require an escort. Even if it did, all your favorites have gotten outrageous with their fees. I can use a stick and get equal protection.” You heard him scoff at the suggestion. “As for Kaveh, he was nowhere to be found. I wasn’t interested in searching the entire city just to tell him I was going a stone’s throw away. Though if he really is that worried, he could have asked the forest rangers. I passed their lookout on my way here and told them where I was.”
“I’m aware.” There was a long pause. You could feel his eyes on you; searching, scanning, and assessing your figure for anything he might find out of the ordinary. Much too what you imagined was his disappointment, there wasn’t anything egregious. Outside of your missing akasha terminal, you were as he preferred you. The only thing he could fuss about was the amount of sun your exposed neck, shoulders, and back had seen. Then again, he might also take it as a blessing. There was little doubt that Alhaitham would probably jump at the chance to rub aloe into your irritated flesh. “Your location is inconsequential. You’ve been found.” He grated that out in what you guessed was an effort to hide his apparent relief.
Alhaitham had been anxious about you using his extended trip as an excuse to vanish from Sumeru. There had been the less than ideal suggestion of you going with him, but he had rejected it at the last minute. Having you with him was a liability he couldn’t afford. Hence his need for curfews, boundaries, and you being left under Kaveh’s less than observant eye. The last thing Alhaitham wanted was to lose his precious control over your life and more importantly, you without having a say in the matter. You had already tried to leave his mastery and pursue other opportunities outside of Sumeru on more than one occasion. Each attempt had been met with a strict punishment and an ever tightening grip on your finances.
Because you were apprenticed to him, he had the right to take everything you made for himself. Much to your chagrin, it was a right he exercised often. There was always a long winded speech about your lack of responsibility or your foolish ways before he took your hard earned money from you. Anything he returned to you was the result of his so-called generosity. As your master, he was expected to provide for you. But your definition of being provided for was far different than his. He viewed your needs as requiring the basic essentials and nothing more. Anything extra had to be requested and in some cases begged for. If he granted your wish, then the item would be purchased for you rather than him giving you the money. He was well aware of the danger that came with handing you a bag of Mora and letting you galavant around with it. The one and only time he had done that, he had barely caught you at the docks before the ship had sailed.
“Though since you refuse to wear your Akasha Terminal as you’ve been asked to.” You flinched at how he drew out the word asked. “I may employ Kaveh’s suggestion of sewing little bells into your clothes or maybe I’ll just hang a large one around your neck.” Like he would a pet. The ridiculousness of that made you want to throw your sketch pad at him. You reviled that he kept tabs on you. His incessant need to hover over you was suffocating. Not wearing your accursed Akasha Terminal was one of the few ways you could insure some level of privacy from him, even if it was short lived.
“I think some would find that terribly disruptive. Most professors demand silence during the lectures. I doubt they would be welcoming of such a distraction, even if it came from the grand oiseau himself.” You heard an annoyed huff come from behind you. “Since I’m outside the city and the Akademiya, I doubt Kaveh’s precious bells would have proved useful.” Alhaitham grunted in response. “If anything, wouldn’t they draw danger to me?”
“He also made mention of locking you in my study should I decide to go away again. He was quite vocal about how difficult you’ve been in my absence.” It was laughable to think you had been the difficult one. Despite your best effort to keep up appearances while going behind Alhaitham’s back, Kaveh made it especially challenging to do so. Visual contact had, at least in terms of him laying eyes on you, been impossible. If you could find him, he had been face down on Lambad’s bar or passed out on Alhaitham’s couch in a fit of exhaustion. In your desperation to not alert Alhaitham that something was amiss, you had been reduced to leaving notes in Kaveh’s hand as proof of your daily check-ins. The last thing you needed or wanted was for your keeper to come back early because he believed you had fled his ever present eye before you had actually done it.
“Not that I feel it’s a reasonable solution, but why save that particular joy for your infrequent trips outside the city? You already watch me morning, noon, and night when I’m at the Akademiya. I’m surprised you haven’t insisted I enjoy that delight so you can observe me as I sleep.” Your sarcasm wasn’t lost on him. Nor did it do much to improve his mood. You could feel his eyes burning a hole in your back.
“If I thought it plausible, I might.” His voice had a tone you didn’t like. His normally condescending manner had degraded into a quiet outrage that sent a small shiver all over your body. The last time you had heard that tone, he had shown you exactly how much power he had over your life. It wasn’t an experience you wanted to repeat. “Regrettably, I lack a cage large enough to keep you confined for any real length of time.” He had moved closer, his cape swirling the air between you. “Kaveh is as tired of your shenanigans as I am. It seems whatever sympathy he had for you has run out. He mentioned that he was all too eager to design you something before I came searching for you. Maybe I’ll take him up on it.” A heavy silence fell between you. Your mind silently debated whether he was serious or not. Alhaitham wasn’t one to jest about punishment. His one insistence was the expectation of his rules being followed. But the notion that he would bring himself to completely confine you as a means of controlling you was a step too far, even for him. Allowing you your liberty, more importantly allowing you the chance to shine was a positive reflection on him and the Akademiya as a whole. Even if his reputation wasn’t entirely important to him, you doubted he wanted that to change, unless he had discovered your largest transgression before you had the chance to do anything about it.
A glance over your shoulder told you all you needed to know. His clenched jaw and stormy eyes were an indication of exactly how livid he was. His fury went beyond his previously listed reasons for being here. While not wearing your Akasha terminal, having no escort and the most egregious of all, failing to inform Kaveh of your whereabouts were simple infractions. They weren’t anything you hadn’t done before. They were behaviors that Alhaitham found at worst, annoying. He had tried to curb them, but generally speaking they brought little more than being restricted to spending your free time in his office for a few days. This was different. This was a level you hadn’t pushed him too before. This meant only one thing.
Silently, Alhaitham reached into a pocket that was concealed by his cloak, pulling out a wax sealed piece of parchment. Your eyes fixated on it, your entire body going cold when he held it in front of you. “Interestingly, this was waiting for me when I returned.” You felt your mouth go dry as you continued to stare at it, your heart sinking like a stone as he ran his fingers over the broken seal. “Kaveh told me it was delivered to the house this morning.” Of course it was. You closed your eyes, grinding your jaw for a moment. Word had reached you that it was being sent. You had thought that the Akademiya might be kind enough to send it to Alhaitham’s office. Then you would have had a chance to retrieve it before he ever got word of it, but fate had not been kind to you. Instead, it had been sent directly to Alhaitham’s home, likely because that would be the first place he would go once he returned. The confirmation that Kaveh had received it meant that Alhaitham had been alerted to it almost instantly. It was probably what triggered Alhaitham’s unexpected return and his confrontation with you now. “Here I thought we had buried the concept for good. Yet-” He let out a breathy chuckle. “You are always full of surprises, aren’t you?” You slowly opened your eyes at the sound of him shifting his weight. The light clinking of ornate embellishments of his outfit broke the silence between you filling the void. “Do you have any kind of defense?” Not that it would save you. He already had more than enough cause to punish you. The letter in his hand was just the icing on the proverbial cake.
You impassively shook your head while you continued to focus on the piece of paper in his hand. He had you. There wasn't a lie in the world that could save you from him. You knew what you had done. More so, you knew the lengths you had gone to get it. The document in question was the proverbial carrot that Alhaitham had dangled in front of you ever since he had taken you under his wing. Your freedom relied on it, your sanity depended on it. Your eyes focused on the stamped seal of approval from the Akademiya. They traced every bump, every dip of the wax. Even the break where it had been opened burned its way into your memory. How could it not? It wasn’t everyday one received a graduation letter from the Akademiya. It was even less likely for you, since your master and benefactor had denied you of it ever since you had come under his tutelage.
It hadn’t taken you long to figure out that your main roadblock to your future was Alhaitham himself. He had found you on one of your trips through Sumeru. You had set up a small stall in the streets of Port Ormos, peddling sketches and caricatures to tourists while you made a study of the port. You remembered it and him at first because he had spent nearly an hour looking over the pieces you had on offer. He had been especially engrossed with a study of the ruins near Ay-Khanoum. After three additional visits that same day, he deemed you worthy enough to speak to. His curiosity was mainly about how you had reached the ruins, but he also asked other questions; where had you learned, who you were apprenticed under, and the most damning of all, were you traveling with anyone? His reaction when you had answered no to his final question was something you should have been wary of. From that time until you were ready to leave Port Ormos, he had lingered close to your stall. Even after you had moved it to a more crowded area, he still found you. Patrons taking an interest in you wasn’t anything new. You’d had many offers to stay in the different villages and towns that you had visited. Alhaitham was not the first person to offer to keep you in comfort so you wouldn’t have to endure the life of a wandering artist. Even if that life was entirely your choice. To him, someone of your talent deserved to have their skill honed to the highest level. It was a privilege to study at the Akademiya. You should consider yourself fortunate that such a distinguished and respected figure within the Akademiya was willing to personally sponsor the next step in your education. Nevermind that it was a privilege that you had never wanted or asked for. It was enough that Alhaitham wanted it for you and whatever he wanted, he got. The mind games he so expertly played made sure of that.
Under the guidance of your darshan, your skill had grown exponentially. Some had even gone so far as to say your skill exceeded Alhaitham’s at his current age, nevermind his younger self. The man himself was pleased with your progression. At least, you thought he was pleased. Your overall academic progress never seemed to matter to him. He instead insisted on you following his ever increasing, ever suffocating list of rules. You had thought to leave when it all started. When he first began to tighten his hold on you. In the beginning, Alhaitham had been largely content to simply observe you. It hadn’t mattered if you were in the public spaces of the Akademiya or in the privacy of one of the many art studios, those of eyes of his seemed to follow you wherever you went. You had diverged on many occasions, trying your best to shake the oppressive presence of your sponsor. The result had been Alhaitham leaving his proverbial perch to track you down. Once back in his field of vision, he tightened his hold on you, slowly and steadily trapping you in his firm grip. By the time you realized what was going on, it was far too late to do anything about it. Instead your escape attempts were thwarted, your departure from the Akademiya refused.
It was hard to remember when his attention had changed from observational to physical. He wasn’t terribly affectionate, yet he always managed to let his fingers linger on yours whenever he would take the graphite from you to show you something. That escalated into those same fingers toying with the sensitive skin of your neck while he hovered over you in the evening. You had tried to minimize the unwanted contact by moving your studio time to earlier in the day. Your hope was to be back in your apartment before he finished work, but luck was not on your side. Like everything else in your life, Alhaitham held a specific level of control over both you and your schedule. Your class times had been optimized to fit with his schedule. The moment you had tried to adjust anything to suit yourself, it was mysteriously shifted back. When questioned why, the registrar merely shrugged. The only excuse that was offered was that the studios were a distracting place during the day. A student of your advanced capability deserved peace and quiet to work. That was why everyone was seemingly insistent that you take an evening slot. Nevermind that it gave Alhaitham all the privacy he could ever want when it came to you. In those moments, the main focus of his attention was your neck and shoulders. Delicate fingers would run along your nape and collar bones while he watched you sketch. A heavy hand often laid upon your shoulder while you practiced your writing. In the very late hours, when it was assured you were alone, his lips would find themselves behind your ear, softly pressing into your sensitive skin. You had tried to stop it, first by asking him, then by telling him, but he had refused. Instead, he got bolder. He exercised his authority over you, by commanding that you keep his favorite spots exposed for his pleasure. When you defied him by hiding them with scarves and other items, he retaliated. Your wardrobe was changed overnight. It was the first of many humiliations to come.
“I want to leave Haitham.” Your eyes didn’t falter from their fixation on the letter. Your voice didn’t even so much as tremble. Not when your freedom was in the palm of his hand. His continued control of your life had only cemented your resolve to be rid of him once and for all. The letter meant that upon your official graduation, you would be released from your apprenticeship to Alhaitham. According to the laws of the Akademiya it meant that in some aspects, namely the financial ones, he would have to yield his control of you. Once that happened, you would be able to trigger the final part of your plan. “I’m tired of this place.” You were tired of his demands. You were tired of being a possession. You were tired of him. “I want to travel again.” You wanted to put as much distance between you and him as was humanly possible. Even if it meant living on a boat in the middle of the ocean for the rest of your life, you were prepared to do so. Just to be rid of him.
“And you believe I’ll allow any of that.” His tone was like acid, burning you word after word as he disregarded your reasons for wanting to get away. It wasn’t like he was blind to them. Alhaitham was all too aware of them. This wasn’t a new conversation for either of you. There had been numerous occasions where you had demanded he let you leave, only to be thwarted by the very piece of paper that was now in his hand. As long as you didn’t have it, he could keep you.
“It doesn’t matter if you do or you don’t.” You finally tore your eyes away from the letter, craning your neck upward so you could stare into his malicious gaze. “That piece of paper severs your hold over me.” According to the Akademiya, you were free.
The news of that went over as well as you expected it too. Losing was not something Alhaitham was accustomed to, especially when the source of his defeat was someone he viewed as inferior. He had gone to great lengths to insure that you would never graduate. The fury that raged in his eyes when he realized you had gotten around all of them was akin to a hurricane. Menacing and swirling and desperate. He was dangerous when he was like this. You knew that, yet you stood firm in both your reasons and your actions. Any punishments incurred from here on out would fall under the purview of the law. You could bring his actions up to the Matra and they would be obligated to investigate. It was one of the many benefits your graduation had brought you. More so, he wouldn’t be able to prevent it. The letter meant everything had become official. Your graduation and your subsequent release from his care had been registered in the official records. If Alhaitham tried to deny you had graduated, all the matra needed to do to confirm it was check the lists. “No.” His hand tightened around the letter, crushing the piece of paper with almost no effort. “Have I not told you countless times that you are not ready to move forward, yet you are insistent on disobeying me.”
“If not now, when?” You stood up releasing some of the anger that had been pent up inside of you. “I know you think me stupid. I know you view me as blind.” You matched his harsh tone, spitting every word at him in the hope that they would hurt him as much as you wanted them too. “But I won’t be ensnared in your trap any longer.” You took a shallow breath, mentally steadying yourself. “I want my life back. I was fine before you tricked me into joining the Akademiya. I’ve been miserable since. I’ve had my fill of it. I don’t want anything more to do with it or you!” His lips curled into a sneer.
“Is that so?” He took a step forward, his grip tightening even further around the letter. “Did you ask for my blessing before you did this? Did I grant you my permission to do such a thing?” He reached for you and on instinct you leaned back, tossing the only weapon you had at him in the hope it would stop him.
“I have an offer.” It worked.
Alhaitham stopped where he stood, his eyes growing wide at that statement. His face shifted from anger to disbelief to something you didn’t recognize in a matter of seconds. He almost looked as if he hadn’t heard you correctly. But he had. You knew he had. The anger that practically radiated off his frame told you he had.
“I beg your pardon.” The tone of the statement cut right through your confidence. Admitting you had a way out had been a mistake. It had been your intention to never reveal it, at least not until you were well and truly away from him. The letter explaining your escape route, along with your packed bags were back at your apartment. Your intention was to leave the second you had your graduation letter, but that plan had been obviously foiled. Now you had realized Alhaitham’s worst fear for him, in the hope that it would deter him from pressing you any further. It was a foolish move on your part. One you would later come to regret. “I- have an- offer.” You tried to swallow the lump that had formed in your throat, but it was as persistent as his scowl. “The- the court of Fontaine. They wrote again-” The Palais Mermonia was in desperate need of a courtroom sketch artist. They had written months ago after one of your old sketches had ended up in the Palais. Alhaitham had insisted you turn it down, because he needed you here. Now they had written again, this time more urgently. They had even offered you an advance, just to tempt you with the concept of acceptance. “They increased their offer from before.” You couldn’t refuse. Not when the position and the money were your ticket out of Sumeru. “I want out, Haitham.” You said that with every ounce of force in your body, hoping to get your point across.
An extended silence passed between you two, one that was filled by the sound of the wind as it whipped around you.
“Fine.” That answer confounded you. Fine? After years of refusals and torments he finally agrees? It didn’t seem right. It didn’t feel right. Alhaitham wasn’t one to give up, nor did he readily accept defeat. Especially when he had been caught off guard. That meant one thing; there was a catch, somewhere. You knew Alhaitham well enough to know that if there was one plan, then there were at least seven back ups. The man didn’t breathe without a contingency in place. That’s why his sudden acquiescence, especially when he was still seething from your previous conversation, seemed out of sorts. Because it was. There was a trick up his nonexistent sleeve.
“I’m sorry, what?” You furrowed your eyebrows at him, hesitant to show him the confusion that was radiating through your body.
“You want out of the Akademiya? Fine.” His words were clipped and sharp, lacking any real sincerity. “I’ll grant that to you. You’re out. It saves me the trouble of purging the records once we return to the city.” You gently shook your head.
“I want out of Sumeru, Haitham. I want my own life.” An odd, almost all knowing smirk crossed his lips.
“I’ll give you that as well.” You blinked at him, your eyes as wide as saucers. For a brief moment you actually thought your brain had broken and your ears deceived you. He agreed? “If you do one thing for me.” There it was. You wanted to laugh at how predictable he could be sometimes. “From now, until you leave Sumeru, you will wear your Akasha terminal.” He reached around behind him, pulling the accursed thing from his pocket. He offered it to you, expectantly waiting for you to take it. You would not deny that it felt too good to be true. After everything had put you through, you could not shake the feeling that you were being deceived once again.
“That’s it?” Your eyes kept moving between his face and the terminal in his hand. “All I have to do is wear this until I leave and I’m free?” The smirk grew larger and with it, so did your hesitation. You didn’t want to trust it or him really. All you had to do was wear your akasha terminal until you left Sumeru and he would let you go free? The offer was too easy. Too simple. Two things Alhaitham never was. There was also the complete lack of a second option to consider. If you refused, what would happen? Would he drag you back to the city kicking and screaming? Would he purge your graduation as a means of keeping you? It was hard to say, hard to know. But that was the point. You were gambling on two unknowns; could you really trust him to do as he said or could you stand whatever punishment he deemed most appropriate? It didn’t matter. You were damned either way. “You’ll truly let me go?”
“Do as I ask and I will happily grant you the new life you seek.”
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You should’ve listened to your instincts. You should’ve run as fast as you could. You should’ve removed the akasha terminal before going to bed that night. If you had, you wouldn’t have had to face the horrific reality that greeted you when next woke.
A new life. That’s what he had said. Do as he asked and he would grant you a new life. You had been foolish enough to believe that Alhaitham would do the right thing and allow you the new life you had made for yourself. You weren’t to know that when he had sent you home that night, that the Akademiya would be running an experiment. That everyone wearing an Akasha terminal within a specific radius would be pulled into a deep slumber for an undetermined amount of time. Alhaitham though, through his privileged position at the Akademiya, had. It was why the deal he had offered had been so ungodly simple. All he needed was for you to be wearing the terminal while you slept. Once in the experiment’s hold, he could do as he liked to you, for as long as the experiment lasted. Which was what led you here.
It had been an odd sensation to wake up in the room or rather the cell you would be forced to call home. At the start, you couldn’t quite place it. The ornate woodwork that ran along the ceiling and the cushions beneath you were both entirely unfamiliar. Your apartment and your bed, both of which you firmly remembered falling asleep in, were much simpler. Alhaitham had refused the idea of allowing you anything remotely grand. If you wanted splendor, you could find it in his home. So you had long settled for the simplicity of your surroundings. That’s why the silks and the satins, the ornate carvings, and the gilded bars felt entirely out of place; because they weren’t yours. This was not your apartment. You thought them to be part of another dream. A bizarre image created by your mind due the stress of the last few days. Alhaitham had said he would let you go. He had promised it. Yet as the terror of reality slowly began creeping its way into your bones, you tried to lie and tell yourself this wasn’t real. He hadn’t. He couldn’t. No, you were leaving for Fontaine in the morning. Alhaitham was going to let you go. You kept telling yourself that, right up until you turned your head, finding the man himself staring back at you through the bars of your new gilded cage.
He didn’t speak to you. Not initially. He just stared, as he liked to do in the quieter moments. He allowed you the privilege of assessing your present circumstances on your own. Of letting you reach your own conclusion when it came to what they meant. He granted you the rare right to the blinding rage that filled you to the brim after the reality of your situation finally sunk in. He had lied to you. He had tricked you. He had trapped you. There would be no escape. He had finally acted on the overarching threat that had hung over your head like a blade waiting to strike. Alhaitham had made you his.
“Haitham?” Your voice quivered as your barely maintained control of it. Gods above how you just wanted to scream at him. Even if it would be deemed unnecessary at this stage, you still wanted to. If nothing else than to release the emotions that were threatening to suffocate you.
“You must have still been tired from all your exertions while I was away.” The flat calm of his voice incensed you further. The sheer audacity of the man to be unaffected by the looming consequences of his actions sent you to another level where your fury was concerned. Even if there was nothing you could physically do to him, Alhaitham could have had the good manners to sound somewhat remorseful for the fact that he had tricked you. “I took your akasha terminal off hours ago.” You tried to take a deep breath to calm yourself, knowing full well it would do nothing to help. The deep, stuttering quality of the release of it matched the wrath that was vibrating through your body. “Did you sleep well?” An absurd question all things considered.
“What’s going on?” You sat up fully, using the cold metal bars as a means of support when you could finally manage to stand. “What have you done?”
He rose from his place on the sofa opposite the cage, taking one last moment to look you over before he closed the distance between you. It wasn’t a large gap, in fact, he closed in what felt like a second. To you though, it felt like an eternity. He was savoring his victory. The look of utter satisfaction he gave you when he stopped in front of you nearly made you take his face off. The only thing that stopped you was that it was well out of your reach.
“I cannot admire you to my own satisfaction if you are in Fontaine, sparrow.” He confidently reached out, the pads of his fingers running down the column of your neck, daring to pause long enough at the base so he could brush his thumb over your exposed collarbone. “I shudder to think what could have happened to you had you slipped away.” You would be free. That’s what would have happened. You would be in Fontaine and completely free of him. “This is a much better arrangement, don’t you think?”
“How is this better?!” Hot tears began to stream down your face, burning your skin more with each drop that rolled across your cheeks. “I’m behind bars because of you!” The idea that he acted on his threat to confine you to this degree was not the worst part of this, but it was the most horrifying. Alhaitham always held himself to such a high standard of logic and reason. It was impossible to believe that he would go to such a barbaric level just to maintain his control over you.
“I did warn you about the cage. What a pity that you didn’t listen.” Your fingers tightened around the bars. “All you had to do was behave and I would have left you at liberty.” He chuckled. “Such a shame you couldn’t even manage that.” Behave. He meant stay. The price of your liberty was staying in Sumeru until one of you died. Had you just done that, you would have woken up in your bed or at worst his. Instead, you had pressed the offer from Fontaine. You had demanded he let you go. You actually tried to leave. Now in his mind, you had to pay the price for your folly.
“HAITHAM” Your fingers released the bars long enough for you to slap them in pure frustration. “This isn’t fair- this isn’t legal!” He didn’t fight you on either point, he didn’t need to. You were correct on both counts, you knew you were. Confining you was not an ideal solution for him, but your disobedience had forced his hand. You had turned his worst fear into a reality and that was something Alhaitham wasn’t about to allow. “Let me out!” You hit the cage again, more for effect than anything else.
“Or?” He retracted his hand from you, folding his arms in amusement, almost challenging you to threaten him. “You’ll scream?” He shrugged. “Go ahead, no one will hear you.” You swallowed, not liking the dangerous glint in his eyes.
“We’re in the middle of the city.” Your complete lack of confidence in that statement was all too apparent. The truth was, you didn’t know that for sure. It was an assumption that he had taken the route of least resistance and brought you to his home. But you had been unconscious when he had done so. The sobering reality was, you could be anywhere. Sumeru was rife with caves and ruins alike. There were any number of places where one could hide a person or themselves if they needed to. Places that the matra didn’t know of or places they didn’t care to go. Places that Alhaitham was prepared to take advantage of, should he need to.
“Are we?” There was a small smirk. “Are you sure about that?” Your only response was to look away from him. Having to stare at his smug expression was making you sick. “Would you like a hint?”
“How is this even possible?” You turned back, fixing him with a glare, blatantly ignoring his question. “The last time we spoke, you told me you didn’t have this. The threat to lock me away was an idle one at best.”
“Didn’t I? Interesting that you know what may or may not be in my possession at any given time.” You shook your head in complete denial. He had only just forced you back from the woods yesterday. There was no way he could have gotten this in the span of a night. Either you had been asleep for a lot longer than you thought or something else was going on. “If you’re good, I’ll consider letting you out later to stretch your legs for a bit.” If not, he would keep you locked away for days, even weeks before he would consider letting you out again. Even with your exceptional capability to refuse him at nearly every turn, you could not deny that Alhaitham held all the cards. If you would not offer your compliance freely, then he could demand it in other ways. He could force it if it was absolutely necessary, but he would wear you down long before he ever got to that point. The burden of being held captive wasn’t resting on him. Alhaitham was free. He could do as he pleased and you knew it pleased him just to have you. Your presence was enough to satiate any desire he might have. He could easily lose himself in a book and be fine with forcing you to wait to the point that you were willing to beg him for a scrap of attention. Meanwhile, all you could do was stare at the door of your cell and pray that you didn’t descend into madness from the sheer boredom of it all. “I know it’s a foreign concept for you to behave yourself where I’m concerned, but perhaps you could practice it while I’m otherwise engaged today. It’s not like you have anything else to do.” The incredulous nature of his statement caused you to only be able to gape at him in horror.
Alhaitham’s expectation of you being good, was for you to be utterly compliant to his whims. He expected your gratitude and your adoration in equal measure. Your inability to express either frustrated him to no end. You supposed he felt your current situation would fix that. To achieve an ounce of freedom, you had to do what he wanted. You had to obey. There were no more second chances or mild infractions. Alhaitham’s intentions were all too clear. You become what he wanted you to be. Period. “Kaveh will be in to check on you once he gets back from his errands. Considering he’s as irritated as I am with you, I’m sure a little obedience would go a long way mending the proverbial fence with him.”
“Fuck off.” You spat that at him the hope that it would have some effect on him. It did, but only from the standpoint that it made Alhaitham angrier. You could see it in his eyes when they grew harder, glossing over with the cold apathy that he had mastered.
“Language.” You went to say it again, this time louder, hopefully loud enough that someone would hear, but he cut you off. “Don’t doubt me when I tell you I have all that I need to correct your mistakes. Your language is one of them.” There was a brief pause. “I’ll give you a pass on that little outburst because you’re upset. Perhaps rightfully so. But don’t make the same mistake with your language again. If you choose to continue to scream obscenities at me, then you’ll do so from behind a gag until you know better. Am I clear?” You let out a slow breath, flaring your nostrils at him as you did. God you wanted to try him. You wanted to dare him to act on his threat, just to see if he would follow through on it. You half considered it, until you looked over the bars again. He had gone so far as to build you a cage. A gag or anything else he had squirreled away would be nothing in comparison. “Sparrow. Answer me, courteously.”
“I hate you.” You weren’t about to give him the acquiescence he desired. Not today at any rate. “This isn’t even remotely close to fair.” Your hands came around the bars, gripping them with all you had.
“It isn’t fair that you were going to sneak away either. Yet you still tried. Consider this your punishment.” He indicated the cage. “When you learn to stay as you should, then I might be persuaded to let you out for an extended period of time, with supervision.” Stay as you should, like a dog. Gods help you. Your previous fury, which hadn’t been subdued by his motives finally succeeded in escaping, launching itself at him with every ounce of strength you had in your body. The bars of the cage rattled in unison with your screams as you pounded against the door to your cell. Much like Alhaitham, it didn’t move. It held firm, keeping you exactly where he wanted you as he took in your tantrum. He watched you fail and cry and scream until you were reduced to a crumpled puddle at his feet, quietly sobbing out what was left of your rage. There was nothing more to do, there was nothing more to say. To your own horror you had to accept the truth, that despite all your careful planning, Alhaitham had still managed to find a way to win.
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some time later, that was how Kaveh found you; crumpled against the cage in a broken heap. Enrant tears still fell as you couldn’t quite bring your emotions into check, but your sobbing had long ceased. The only reason it had, was because you had no more energy to do so. Whatever means Alhaitham and Kaveh had been using to keep you alive while you slept weren’t being employed now that you were awake. That meant you were reliant on them to supply you with what you needed to survive. Something you were sure would depend on your behavior and how obedient you choose to be. Knowing Alhaitham, the more you humiliated yourself for his benefit, the better. If you refused, he could starve the defiance right out of you.
“Paradisah?” You flinched at the sound of Kaveh’s voice. He had slipped in a while ago. Like Alhaitham, Kaveh was keen to observe as well. It was an annoying trait they both shared. You wished though, that like Alhaitham, Kaveh had remained silent. You weren’t ready for him. Your anger at Alhaitham, at least the first incarnation of it, had only just subsided. Kaveh didn’t necessarily deserve the tail end of it, simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Had you the energy for it, you would have given him the fresh anger he had earned all on his own. Instead you limply sat there, ignoring him. It was the only defense you could muster. “Darling-” He quickly moved closer, the metal details of his outfit clinking and clanking with every swift step. “Darling, are you alright?” Out of all the statements and questions you had heard today, that took the cake on being the stupidest. Were you alright? You had been abducted and told you would stay locked in some form of a cage for the rest of your life. Of course you weren’t alright. Why would he ask that? “I only just got here. Alhaitham left a note saying to check on you. He mentioned that you might be upset.” Might be. Might be.
You turned, your head tilting up in utter disbelief as your tired, red rimmed eyes found Kaveh’s. Might be upset. Things that might upset you were things like the coffee shop being out of your favorite blend or being denied art supplies that you needed for a project. Suggesting that you might be upset at your present circumstances was perhaps the understatement of the millenia. There was no might be about it. You had gone well past the point of upset and gone nuclear. The only thing that seemed to contain it was your own mental exhaustion. “Paradi, please don’t be like that. It’s-” He let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s not that bad. Truly it’s not.” For the first time, you were thankful for the bars that separated you from Kaveh. Had they not been there, then there was a very real chance you might have killed him where he stood.
“Are you mad?” You didn’t bother to soften your tone for his benefit, not when he was acting like this was the most normal thing in the world. “I’m locked in a cage, Kaveh. A cage.” The anger you thought you didn’t have for him sparked, rapidly reigniting the ashes of the inferno that had been burning inside of you. “Why?” The question had been a rhetorical one, but the blonde scoffed, deciding it needed to be answered.
“Because you gave him no other choice!” You watched as Kaveh planted his hands on his narrow hips. “Not to take his side in this, but you did it first! You-” He weakly gestured to you, letting his one hand fall back to his side. “You went behind his back! You went behind my back! By the way, Fontaine? Really?” Kaveh fixed you with a look of utter contempt. “And for so little too.” He shook his head in disgust. “You should at least get what you’re worth if you’re going to try something this stupid.” Like he was one to talk. Kaveh was Sumeru’s reigning king of foolish endeavors and stupid mistakes. The reason for his personal troubles were because he lacked the common sense he was born with.
“I wanted my life back. I already live on a pittance, what’s the difference if I do it here or in Fontaine?” The difference was that Alhaitham and Kaveh wouldn’t be with you. While he tried to disguise it as pity or even empathy, Kaveh was every bit as bad as Alhaitham when it came to controlling your life. He didn’t use money or even his position to keep you where he wanted you. Instead, Kaveh’s violent mood swings often played a large role in getting you to do what he wanted. It was easier to comply with his poor pitiful me act than to deal with the outbursts that would follow should you refuse. “I didn’t think you would be one to lecture me about wanting to get away.” You fixed him with a hard look. “Aren’t you always going on about paying off your debts and getting away from him once and for all? Why am I any different? Why do I have to be the one that’s locked in the cage?”
“Because you won’t listen!” The force in Kaveh’s voice temporarily silenced you. He stomped so hard his entire outfit rang in your ears. “All we want is to take care of you!” He took a deep breath, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Are you that ungrateful? You were sleeping in ruins and shady inns before you came here.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “We’ve offered you a life, a home. Sure Alhaitham is wretched and the whole mora thing is annoying, but does that alone constitute betrayal?” The word be slammed into you like a sack of bricks.
“Betrayal?” You could hardly voice the word. Did Kaveh really believe that?
“Yes!” He pointed at you. “Betrayal. You have done nothing but lie to me for the last few weeks. Outside of one or two incidents, I thought we were getting along splendidly. I was ready to give him a glowing report so that he might cut you a little slack. Instead you betrayed me. You went behind my back multiple times to make arrangements for your new life in Fontaine. Then you scared the living daylights out of me when you took your little sketching trip into the woods. They delivered your graduation letter that morning and when I went to find you so we could talk about it, you were gone! I thought you had tried to run. I spent my day combing Sumeru City trying to find you!” You wanted to feel guilty about that, but you couldn’t quite manage it. Kaveh’s willing participation in this whole fiasco seemed to kill any remorse you tried to have. “Do you think so little of me that you would do that to me? After everything we’ve been through, you would just leave me behind to deal with his fury?” That you did feel slightly sorry about. You had from the beginning.
Kaveh was as much of a victim of Alhaitham as you were. While you had to deal with Alhaitham’s wandering hands and his incessant control, Kaveh had to endure endless rounds of verbal abuse that were hurled at him on a minute by minute basis when he and Alhaitham were together. Even if it was mostly brought on by Kaveh’s general attitude, Alhaitham almost always went for the jugular where Kaveh was concerned. There had been plenty of instances where Kaveh had limped away from a fight with Alhaitham, only to lick his wounds in the tavern. The difference between you and Kaveh though was Kaveh’s continued participation in Alhaitham’s scheme to keep you in Sumeru. That’s why you only felt slightly bad about your failed escape. Kaveh deserved many things, but the one thing he didn’t deserve was to face the brunt of Alhaitham’s anger when the truth of your escape finally came to light. That didn’t mean you hadn’t been prepared to force him to suffer for the sake of your freedom. If the consequences of you leaving forced Kaveh to realize his own hypocrisy at the hands of Alhaitham, then it was a price you were willing to pay. That at least would be some justice for what had happened to you. Now, there would be none.
“Right, because you’re the victim in this.” Kaveh managed to look a little wounded by that. “Do you think so little of your own ideals that you would cast them aside to imprison me?” The look he gave you was akin to being sucker punched. You could see the wheels spinning in his head. You watched the guilt work its way across his face as he finally took in your situation.
“I- I didn’t want you to wake up in there.” Was that supposed to make you feel better? Were you supposed to thank him for his thoughtfulness despite the fact he willingly participated in your abduction? “Even with your betrayal, I advocated that you would be more comfortable out here.” Kaveh briefly gestured at the couch that sat along the wall closest to him. “We could always lock you in later, but I felt it would be better for you not to wake up behind bars. Alhaitham- he disagreed with me. He insisted that things had to remain as normal for us as possible. Nothing could look or feel amiss. I told him I would stay with you, but-” Kaveh shook his head. Obviously that suggestion hadn’t gone much further than that. “In the end, he’s right. We had to consider all that you had done, all you could do. You could hurt yourself, or something else could happen.” Like alert the matra and try to get away. “We both felt that this was better. Safer for everyone.” Safer. You wanted to laugh. You wanted to scream. Safer for who exactly? Them? You? “I know you’re upset.” He tried to sound gentle about it. Despite screaming at you only a few minutes prior, Kaveh was trying his best to be the good cop to Alhaitham’s bad cop. He was trying so desperately to add a silver lining to an abysmal situation. You wouldn’t accept it though. No amount of honeyed words would ever fool you again. “If you listen to him then it won’t be for long. He told me he might even let you out for a while later.” Fresh tears stung your eyes as you gripped the bars with all you had. “You’d like that right? To be out, to walk around? You were under for so long. I’m sure it would feel great just to stretch your legs. Oh! Just think, we could all have meals together, just like we used too.” Like some bastardized version of a family. Despite being famished, you nearly wretched at the thought. “Wouldn’t that be grand?” Kaveh offered you a genuine smile in an effort to disguise the fact that what he had just said was completely revolting. We could all have meals together, just like we used too. As if you hadn’t been forced to eat with them the first time. As if anything would ever be like it used too ever again. How could this meal or any others make up for the fact that your life had been stolen from you? Years of work, years of training, years of studying all made useless by the cold bars that held you in place. You had been reduced to no better than their pet. Something they were preparing to mold and train into a mindless thing. “Why don’t I make you some Pani Puri? You like that don’t you? I think we-” God you couldn’t stand him anymore. You couldn’t stand his incessant need to ignore the obvious. You hated him. You hated Alhaitham. You would rather be left to rot in the prison they had built for you before you would tolerate being in their presence for one more second.
“Leave.” It took him a second to process what you said. Initially you thought he hadn’t heard you or that you had only said it in your mind based on the confusion that was written across his face. His expression changed a moment later, resembling that of a kicked puppy.
“Darling, I -” He took a step towards you.
“I said-” You turned away from him, not wanting to see his face again. “Leave.” You tried to add some force to that, but it didn’t really work. The word came out as some weak, warbling thing that was barely discernible. Still though, he understood. You heard him take a breath, as if to say one last thing to you, but he refrained. Needless platitudes of encouragement or pleas for you to reconsider wouldn’t do him any good. You had already refused to hear them. Instead, the only sound you wanted to hear was the gentle clanking of Kaveh’s outfit as he slowly moved away. After what you guessed were a few minutes, he granted you that. Leaving you to the fate that Alhaitham had decided for you.
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Some Chainsaw Man fan-character idea
His name is Dan and he can send people into the void by doing the hand camera pose
Bonus doodle of his little brother who occasionally helps him hunt (because Dan ends up bed-ridden for days if he spams his ability)
He basically has the ability to send you to somewhere like the backrooms 😂
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[Post in English]
Something Nyx and I want to publicly address, regarding the recent allegations in the Glitchtale Crew's Discord Server and it's moderators.
I really apologize for the upcoming wall of text. These are our Twitter threads I have pasted them here, in case you don't have access to said platform. I have also added some additional notes to provide more context.
All details under the line:
NyxTheShield: (Transcription from his official twitter thread)
I read some mean comments lately and I just wanna be super clear: I havent been related to Glitchtale since at least 2022. I never considered myself part of the community and went through some much shit while doing stuff for it that my mental health was completely destroyed.
For people who thought I was an admin of the server, that was just in paper. I was constantly de-admin'd, demodded and kicked from the server through the years for simple stuff like asking the rest of the mod team to not say slurs or standing up against the Midnight Crew.
I personally left the server for a long while because I really did not want to be around some of the people there.
All of this happened years ago (from 2016~ to around 2020). On the early years, my full income came from Youtube/Glitchtale. I was a broke college student and my economic stability depended on it.
Despite this, and making literally hundred of tracks and hours of music for the series, most of the income came from my own ad revenue. I was paid less than 2000 USD for all of the work. Essentially, I was paid in exposure.
This wouldn't have been an issue for me if at least I got to keep my artistic vision with the series. That didn't hold true for long.
From the second season and onwards, and in multiple instances, I would score the entire OST for the episode, watch the episode when it released, and then find out a completely new section of the episode (usually a battle scene) with music from somebody else
This was completely demotivating to me because I wasn't being paid, the tracks would not fit the rest of the OST at all, and most of the income I made from the battle scenes.
I had to work for weeks trying to compose music for glorified powerpoint presentations (Basically everything that's not a battle scene on the series was just still frames of characters barely moving) and do all the heavy lifting and I wasn't even let known about the guest tracks.
This added to the feeling of having absolutely no power within the community. I don't know if this was intentional or not (I don't wanna presume malice), but all of these things together contributed to me distancing myself from the community.
Honestly, there is A LOT more shit that went down these early years that are extremely traumatic to me that I would prefer to not talk about unless completely necessary, but I feel this is a good amount of context for what I wanna talk about next.
As you might be aware, extremely serious (and true) allegations were made against Camila and his partner, Veir, which was accused of grooming minors from 2015 to 2021
There are really good videos out there explaining the entire timeline of what transpired, but I specifically wanna talk about 2020.
(Jakei's note: Links to said videos are here: [1] [2] [3])
In that year, a public document was made by my head mod CrystalFlame alongside 2 other mods in the GT server, that exposed Veir and their actions. This document went mostly unnoticed.
Even more, Crystal went through a lot of abuse for coming forward about their abuse and was almost ostracized from the UT AU community because of this.
Because of this, I was asked directly by one of the victims (and also representing the other victims) to please not speak up (Citing that they just wanted to move on and didn't want to involve themselves with more problems and expose themselves)
All the info was kept very vague from me, including the people who were involved, the extent of the stuff that went down, etc But I knew enough to know it was serious.
I followed their request and didn't speak up publicly about this, but I banned Veir from my server, warned all of my mods and people close to me in those circles about Veir, and constantly tried to get Camila to please adress the situation.
Despite this, she did not listen and we all know how stuff went down later in 2022, where the allegations came back again with full force. This time around I wasnt asked to stay silent so I spread the word around and confronted the entire mod team. I was shortly banned after that.
I needed to address this because this thing has been eating me alive for years. I was intentionally kept in the dark about a lot of context and nuance that would have completely changed my mind about speaking up or not about what happened in 2020.
Everything is easier in retrospective, and with the knowledge I now have about the situation I know for a fact that I would have spoken up about all that happened. But being asked directly to not speak up by the victims was something that goes against what I am
Sorry for the long rant, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I am tired of having to deal with this kind of stuff. As a content creator/public figure I am trying my hardest to keep the communities I am active in as safe as possible.
I feel I could have done more for the Glitchtale community regarding the grooming situation, but all of the years of abuse that I endured really fucked up my judgement. I am not very good at dealing with people and I always trust the people close to help me for this kind of stuff
Sadly, in this case, those same people who were close to me were also the victims, so they couldnt have known or had a way to help me out, I should have helped them instead.
Most if not all of what was described in this thread is backed up by screenshots, chat logs, and direct testimony from the people who were involved during this time.
I don't want to direct hate to anyone or start a witchhunt, I am doing this purely to decompress a bit and try to vent some of the trauma I experienced all these years.
============================================
Jakei: (Transcription from my official twitter thread)
I would also like to share my experiences about my relationship with the Glitchtale Creator, Camila Cuevas. Publicly, we appeared as close friends, but in reality, that friendship was based on bullying and mistreatment, and this affected my mental health deeply.
Years have passed, and the memories still cause me pain. I decided to remain silent, but after the revelations of grooming cases in her community, I realized I wasn’t being too sensitive. The time has come to speak up about my experiences.
During the early years of Underverse, I was dealing with a serious depressive episode. Simultaneous internal and external pressures as an independent artist amplified my mental strain.
Meeting Camila felt like finding a genuine friend who shared my passion for the fandom and understood the struggles of being a content creator amidst toxicity.
At my lowest, I became compliant to doing things that I didn’t want to, just to keep people around me happy. For Camila, this meant allowing her to belittle my work and make me the butt of her jokes.
Only our veteran followers may remember the 'roasting games' between us on Tumblr (consisting of mutual insults), a spectacle where she'd always win. However, it was a game she privately forced me to "play" and I ended up accepting, despite the discomfort it caused me.
These 'games' would give her a cool and strong image in the fandom while painting me as the dumb, 'cringe-worthy' friend. In essence, I became her personal punching bag, unknowingly reinforcing his reputation.
Camila's favorite term to demean my series 'Underverse' was “Cancerverse”. It felt like a constant contest where she'd always position herself as the superior writer and animator simply because my story and animation techniques didn't fit her standards.
Years of being subjected to her ridicule left my self-esteem in ruins. I was okay with the negative feedback by some fans, but when my 'friend' publicly disrespected my art, it made me question my abilities as an artist.
I can't deny there were times when she gave me advice to deal with hate or hurtful comments. However, her damaging comments and treatment outweighed those moments of support.
My depressive state worsened around July 2017, where I had accepted people pushing me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with, while being part of Camila's demeaning games, just to appease her ego.
I was introduced to Nyx during this time, he offered his music for my series, and eventually we started dating. We met in person in Chile, where I also met Camila. I hoped our friendship would strengthen but everything felt the same.
Before I moved to Chile with Nyx, Camila reached out to me in dms, attempting to turn me against him because he opposed the use of slurs in the GT server. She claimed Nyx was being 'brainwashed' by his American friends belonging to the black and LGBTQ+ communities.
She made fun of my dating choices, suggesting I was entering a toxic relationship, while showing off her relationship with her then-boyfriend (later exposed as a pedophile).
She even quoted her own mother assuring me that Nyx would 'get back to normal', and if it didn’t happen, she would let me live in her house, almost like if she was telling me that Nyx would hurt me or make me feel miserable.
It only took Nyx 3 months to realize that the GT server was going in the wrong way. I initially felt compelled to defend Camila due to my inferiority complex, but soon realized Nyx was right.
(Jakei's note: Not only Nyx was right, a lot of people that called her out over the years were right, yet they were not listened to at the time)
Even then, I found it difficult to distance myself from Camila due to the false sense of obligation I felt towards her. My fear of her making fun of my work kept me from interacting with others in the short period of time I stayed in her Discord server.
I was afraid that she and her echo chamber would talk behind my back, something that I found out was happening in private chats until recent years.
Rebuilding my self-esteem wasn't an easy task. I began noticing the red flags – Camila's lack of respect not only for me but Nyx also, the emotional manipulation Nyx was suffering from Veir (something he used to do all the time with his other victims), her attempts to 'roast' me in front of her family and fans in the Underverse/Glitchtale meetings, and her constant criticism of my artstyle not being compatible to hers in the few collabs we made.
All these 'small' instances, dismissed as insignificant by many, caused me immense pain while treating my depression. I felt it was too late to express how I felt, as I feared being labeled as attention-seeking or oversensitive by her and her fanbase.
Ironically, the moment she talked about her traumas after being bullied in the past, her feelings were the only ones that mattered any time she was involved in a problematic situation in the fandom and deserved to be the only to get pats in the back.
I never expected a sincere apology, as I was convinced she didn't remember or didn't care about the hurt she caused. I tried to maintain a facade of good terms with her, both publicly and privately.
Eventually, I distanced myself from her, unfriending her and banning her from my own server even if she didn't interact there. I started focusing on my own work and the people who appreciated it. Despite this, the aftermath of the bullying continued to affect me.
Everything fell into place when the grooming accusations against her former boyfriend and server mods came to light. It was a shocking revelation, but it validated all my doubts and fears about her.
The purpose of sharing my experiences is not to stir up drama, but to address the concerns of those worried about my association with Camila. I want to make it clear that I will never tolerate such behavior.
Although the things I did for her in the past cannot be erased, I hope Camila at least deletes the animation remake I did for her and all the collabs that boosted her views for free, though I'm not optimistic about it happening.
As I've matured, my hope is that she and her crew learn from their mistakes, start behaving like adults, and take responsibility for their actions in their future projects and with their new followers.
But I'm skeptical about any real change, especially if their server continues to exist. The best course of action for me was to cut all ties with Camila and Glitchtale.
NyxTheShield (now my husband) and I have endured too much from our treatment by Camila. We no longer want to be associated with her or Glitchtale. It's a chapter of our lives that we wish to close.
It's time for us to focus on recovering our mental health, as remaining silent is only prolonging our pain. We have been working to improve our mental and physical health over the past few years and this is a crucial part of our healing process.
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My followup to the ruins video. Snowdin pacifist
Or at least, part of it. I had a bigger idea I had to cut down on. might finish the full thing when I have time.
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have I talked about how my two cats love each other so much and they literally do everything together and they’re always piled all over each other like
even when they’re not sleeping they’re just hanging out
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Short comic, while I work on something bigger on the side.
It is nevertheless a very important topic. A lot of seabirds die because they eat plastic. They feed their chicks with the waste. It’s really tragic.
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