Me, a person whose chosen middle name literally means ‘salmon’:

[video by tommcgovern27. original caption: this one's going out to anyone living in a studio apartment rn]

I’m honestly in awe that they don’t understand this is exactly what their protests are doing

Happy to announce the protests at my Canadian university successfully made me, a jew, go back to where i came from. I am back in Israel now 🫶

Considering how old the Kingdom of Israel is, this sounds like a self-own of a yo mama joke

“My grandmother is older than israel” and my grandmother is old enough to remember when arabs wouldn’t dream of calling themselves Palestinians

Mine too :^)

How the turntables… revolve.

the comments i'm akjghdfa

https://twitter.com/YisraelChaiAdam/status/1784269922710753682

These are my faves:

my own addition, for the OGs of late 2000s internet:

Nice antisemitism, jackass

I’ve never hidden the fact that I resent huge chunks of Jewish tradition, same as with pretty much every religion. I’ve worn the fact that I am an LGBT atheist on my sleeve since my teen years.

The funny thing about your stupid-ass accusation is that I dislike Judaism because it hurts Jews, whether it be through ethnonationalist sentiment pushing it into senseless wars and motivating war criminals (well, this goes for Islam as well), through what it does to women and LGBT people, and of course through infant circumcision (which can cause deformities and even death—rarely, but these numbers compound).

But you know what? At least I’m not bending over backwards to pretend it’s something it’s not, unlike practically every Jew on this platform.

את.ה מוזמנ.ת לקפוץ לי, ועדיף מעזרת הנשים

You do realise 99.99% of US Jews hate JVP? No? Too busy jamming your head up your asshole to bother finding anything out before talking?

You do realize I was talking about a particular subset of US Jews (and it’s always them, maybe Canadians), who are particularly prominent on this platform? No? Too busy not knowing Hebrew and pretending fundamental Jewish texts don’t say what they actually say and Judaism is all about some watered down US-liberal-friendly version of tikkun olam?

OK, find me a sympathetic description of Pharaoh in the Talmud.

בוא נראה אותך יא טמבל בגרוש, יאללה עוד אחד גם כן, החסר משוגעים אנוכי

שומע יא אידיוט תפסיק לתקוף יהודים אמריקאים ולקרוא להם לא יהודים? מאיפה אתה חושב שאנחנו הגענו? לפני מאה שנה גם אנחנו היינו בגלות. תחשוב מה שאתה רוצה על יהדות רפורמית אבל מאיפה הטימטום לחשוב שלראות את האויבים שלנו כאשכרה אנשים זה לא יהודי, ומאיפה הטמטום שיהודים בגלות ברחבי העולם הם לא יהודים.

סתום ת'פה ותפסיק לפגוע בקהילה של עצמך כפרה.

I’m gonna take the opportunity and respond both to your stupid bullshit and the stuff I got from @spacelazarwolf and @the-catboy-minyan with this image:

This kind of bullshit is a perfect example of why so-called ‘American Jews’ get on my last nerve. They are not actually a part of the culture, they engage with it on an extremely shallow level, and then have the nerve to barge in and pretend they fucking own it. (Here is another example. Here is another one.) So no, I am not ‘threatened’ by them, I am deeply irritated. (Much the same way Irish and Scottish people in those countries are irritated by Plastic Paddies boastfully claiming to be descendants of Robert the Bruce, by the way.)

I don’t know who you are, anon, but I do NOT appreciate your bullshit strawmanning. I did not say this applies to all Americans, and certainly not to all Jews living abroad. I am talking about this type which does not do the absolute bare minimum, which is, first and foremost, speaking Hebrew. This is the one major thing that Jews have in common outside of religious practice: the lingua franca Jews have used for millennia (yes, even beyond religious practice—read some Shlomo Haramati), without which you might be in touch with your own community but your link to Jewishness as a whole will be hobbled.

Now, as for Pharaoh, here is what Jewish scripture and exegesis has to say about him. Notably, here is how the Talmud describes him physically. This is not a flattering description, it’s barely humanizing, it repeatedly refers to him as evil with the only thing resembling a redeeming characteristic being that he charged at the front of his advancing army as a form of showing respect to God by confronting him personally at that one particular time. The thing about ‘forgivenss’ is particularly galling, as it is specifically pointed out that he explicitly refused to repent, and he is outright stated to be an evil fool. Compare and contrast with Christian scripture.

This is another thing you need to be meaningfully Jewish: you need to actually engage with Jewish tradition and texts (and to do that, you need to—once again, say it with me—speak Hebrew). Once again, that brand of ‘American Jews’ are not doing that, but rather watering down the real deal to something palatable to their own sensibilities, regardless of whatever actual traditions they might have to trample along the way.

And the worst part of it? Now Israeli teens who socialize primarily online and speak English instead, a language they are not native speakers of, are getting in on this bullshit and become indistinguishable from their ilk at a glance. Hell, a few years I even saw one claiming the Jewish Bible was originally in Yiddish on Reddit.

So quit your LARPing, quit your harping, and kindly fuck off.

שומע יא אידיוט תפסיק לתקוף יהודים אמריקאים ולקרוא להם לא יהודים? מאיפה אתה חושב שאנחנו הגענו? לפני מאה שנה גם אנחנו היינו בגלות. תחשוב מה שאתה רוצה על יהדות רפורמית אבל מאיפה הטימטום לחשוב שלראות את האויבים שלנו כאשכרה אנשים זה לא יהודי, ומאיפה הטמטום שיהודים בגלות ברחבי העולם הם לא יהודים.

סתום ת'פה ותפסיק לפגוע בקהילה של עצמך כפרה.

I’m gonna take the opportunity and respond both to your stupid bullshit and the stuff I got from @spacelazarwolf and @the-catboy-minyan with this image:

This kind of bullshit is a perfect example of why so-called ‘American Jews’ get on my last nerve. They are not actually a part of the culture, they engage with it on an extremely shallow level, and then have the nerve to barge in and pretend they fucking own it. (Here is another example. Here is another one.) So no, I am not ‘threatened’ by them, I am deeply irritated. (Much the same way Irish and Scottish people in those countries are irritated by Plastic Paddies boastfully claiming to be descendants of Robert the Bruce, by the way.)

I don’t know who you are, anon, but I do NOT appreciate your bullshit strawmanning. I did not say this applies to all Americans, and certainly not to all Jews living abroad. I am talking about this type which does not do the absolute bare minimum, which is, first and foremost, speaking Hebrew. This is the one major thing that Jews have in common outside of religious practice: the lingua franca Jews have used for millennia (yes, even beyond religious practice—read some Shlomo Haramati), without which you might be in touch with your own community but your link to Jewishness as a whole will be hobbled.

Now, as for Pharaoh, here is what Jewish scripture and exegesis has to say about him. Notably, here is how the Talmud describes him physically. This is not a flattering description, it’s barely humanizing, it repeatedly refers to him as evil with the only thing resembling a redeeming characteristic being that he charged at the front of his advancing army as a form of showing respect to God by confronting him personally at that one particular time. The thing about ‘forgivenss’ is particularly galling, as it is specifically pointed out that he explicitly refused to repent, and he is outright stated to be an evil fool. Compare and contrast with Christian scripture.

This is another thing you need to be meaningfully Jewish: you need to actually engage with Jewish tradition and texts (and to do that, you need to—once again, say it with me—speak Hebrew). Once again, that brand of ‘American Jews’ are not doing that, but rather watering down the real deal to something palatable to their own sensibilities, regardless of whatever actual traditions they might have to trample along the way.

And the worst part of it? Now Israeli teens who socialize primarily online and speak English instead, a language they are not native speakers of, are getting in on this bullshit and become indistinguishable from their ilk at a glance. Hell, a few years I even saw one claiming the Jewish Bible was originally in Yiddish on Reddit.

So quit your LARPing, quit your harping, and kindly fuck off.

Maybe you should’ve spend a bit more, then:

I’m using the English version because I don’t believe you speak Hebrew, which is the absolute basic requirement for being Jewish in any meaningful way and not just an Ashkenazi–American who is, first and foremost, American (derogatory).

prince of egypt is not a christian movie. the exodus is a jewish story. it’s found in other religions, and can even have a heightened level of significance, like for black (specifically african american) christians. but it is a jewish story from jewish scripture written from a jewish perspective about jewish persecution. enjoy it all you want. but don’t go on about how much you love prince of egypt then erase the fundamental jewish spirit of it.

You’re looking at it, stupid. Read Exodus 32. And also read up on how Jewish tradition actually depicts the stone tablets, because you obviously need to.

עוד אהבל אמריקאי שבטוח שהוא ”יהודי תרבותית” כי הוא למד מלה וחצי מסבתא שלו ביידיש, די נשבר כבר הזין

prince of egypt is not a christian movie. the exodus is a jewish story. it’s found in other religions, and can even have a heightened level of significance, like for black (specifically african american) christians. but it is a jewish story from jewish scripture written from a jewish perspective about jewish persecution. enjoy it all you want. but don’t go on about how much you love prince of egypt then erase the fundamental jewish spirit of it.

Oh hello there Mr. ‘Expert Jew who Has Worked in a Church for 14 Years’ or whatever, nice of you to join us. Could you be so kind as to tell us how Pharaoh is described in the Talmud? And how Yemeni children tell the story about him in the seder?

יאללה סע סע מפה יא רפורמי בחאווה

prince of egypt is not a christian movie. the exodus is a jewish story. it’s found in other religions, and can even have a heightened level of significance, like for black (specifically african american) christians. but it is a jewish story from jewish scripture written from a jewish perspective about jewish persecution. enjoy it all you want. but don’t go on about how much you love prince of egypt then erase the fundamental jewish spirit of it.

Can you please calm down about jews

No, because I don’t want them killed by Hamas as the world chides them for their self-defence or LARPed as by Ashkenazi–Americans who don’t speak a word of Hebrew and think going to a Reform temple and practise yoga there makes them anything like the real deal.

‘Judaism doesn’t believe they have the one true g-d’

Bait used to be believable

prince of egypt is not a christian movie. the exodus is a jewish story. it’s found in other religions, and can even have a heightened level of significance, like for black (specifically african american) christians. but it is a jewish story from jewish scripture written from a jewish perspective about jewish persecution. enjoy it all you want. but don’t go on about how much you love prince of egypt then erase the fundamental jewish spirit of it.

Schrödinger’s Israeli: fleeing the land and murdering Gazan children simultaneously

Well, what else can you expect from a self-described Stalinist, and a Finnish one to boot

Imagine if they had to flee on foot while carrying all their belonging and children.

Also how convenient that they have a second land where to flee.. 🙃

If yall truly were native to israel and "belonged" there yall would not flee. Yall would stay and defend your land.

Too bad your goverment is hiding under civilians

Are you kidding? Portraying Pharaoh as sympathetic and human is intensely non-Jewish, and the last shot of Moses looking over the people worshipping the Golden Calf with the words ‘deliver us’ sung over them is a barely obscured Christian message. If you think this is ‘fundamentally Jewish’ and not Christian you’re probably not very familiar with either tradition.

prince of egypt is not a christian movie. the exodus is a jewish story. it’s found in other religions, and can even have a heightened level of significance, like for black (specifically african american) christians. but it is a jewish story from jewish scripture written from a jewish perspective about jewish persecution. enjoy it all you want. but don’t go on about how much you love prince of egypt then erase the fundamental jewish spirit of it.

OK hear me out

Haggadah on Ice

[translation: suddenly i realize that the haggadah is sort of a musical] x

Happy birthday dipshit, glad you’re smoked, I hope you’re reborn as a worm in hell for a billion years