Bjorn, teaching Thorfinn how to drive: Careful Thorfinn! You almost hit Askeladd

Thorfinn, putting the car in reverse: Let me try again

Thorfinn doesn’t get enough credit for how deeply he knew and understood Askeladd. Throughout their time together, despite being blinded with rage and hatred towards him, he was still able to discern that he was no ordinary Viking. Sure, Askeladd was merciless, the leader of a group of mercenaries who ordered and committed countless atrocities, hell, even he liked to convince himself that he was nothing more than just that, but everything about him was strikingly different. There was an air to him that wasn't that of an ordinary and mindless Norse man. So many subtle hints had been scattered throughout to showcase that, even before his true identity was revealed. Dawn at the Age of Twilight comes to mind as glaring proof of how Askeladd and his men had always been in completely different places mentally. Still, given that Thorfinn had been on a mission and rarely ever used his head during that period, one wouldn't expect him to have picked up on any of it. But it isn't till later on in farmland arc that it's shown that he had in fact always seen it all, and that night was likely when it had all clicked for him. In his vision Askeladd was not knee deep in the lake of blood; he was separated from the uncouth lot, only having to dirty his hands when necessary. He was also watching from atop a Roman column. It makes me giddy to think that despite that dumbass reaction of Thorfinn’s after their heartfelt (albeit one sided) talk that night, he had actually registered everything Askeladd had told him about the Romans and time and all that deep stuff and even later on deduced that he might have descended from them.

This comes as a sort of follow-up to this because it’s been on my mind since I’d shared it, but Thorfinn wasn’t only a dumb child screaming to kill Askeladd throughout the decade he’d spent with him. He was unconsciously assimilating him, getting attached to him, to what his presence represented in his life, depending on him, making him the center of his world, and that was likely why he’d never had the heart to actually deal the final blow and kill him. Why his body and mind failed him whenever they’d duel. Why he could never think straight when facing him. It’s a twisted, unhinged father/son relationship, where Askeladd had the upper hand because he knew the world better, knew to set aside his true feelings better and to use Thorfinn to the fullest, while Thorfinn did not. For over half of his life, Thorfinn had only known the world through Askeladd, he’d only defined his existence through the killing of Askeladd, so subconsciously, there was a deep and tucked away realization that taking away Askeladd would incontrovertibly strip him of everything. Literally everything. And that was why he always stood by, long enough for Askeladd to rile him up and eventually blind him, render him inefficient in battle, and subsequently beat him in duels, just so that there could be another one. Here Askeladd’s quote about everyone being a slave to something comes to mind. I’d like to mention an addition to it that was later introduced in attack on titan through Kenny but with a very fascinating revelation: “Everyone had to be drunk on something to keep pushing on.” Surely enough, Thorfinn was not only a slave to the idea of killing Askeladd and avenging his father, but it was what he got drunk on, what kept him alive, what made him push through. That fantasy was his motivation to keep wading through this nightmare and gave him validation for his choices; it helped him disconnect from everything else, avoid taking a step back and confronting his emotions, accepting the possibility that what he’d allowed himself to become was a disappointment to the very same father he was so desperate to avenge and his legacy. So it was a double-edged sword, because yes this kid has embarked in this destructive, revenge journey where he ended up being raised by a group of mercenaries whose boss he claims he hates and can’t wait to kill, but he also needs those very people and especially said boss to keep living because what else does he have going on for himself outside of that? What would he live for if that is gone?

Not sure if my rambling makes any sense. I had a clear idea where I was going with this at first but then went adrift lmao anyway, to wrap this up, I love to think that at some point along the way, in the deepest depths of his heart, Thorfinn had understood that Askeladd had nothing personal against his father, and his hatred for Askeladd had waned long before his death; it’d long turned into some other (not very healthy still) emotion, but he only realized it after he’d been gone.

askeland saga....

askeladd pov

Vinland saga + text messages

Vinland saga + AO3 tags

The San Francisco Examiner, California, February 25, 1935

The San Francisco Examiner, California, February 25, 1935

headphones aren't enough i need to inject the song into my bloodstream and have it be the only thing i hear while floating in 0 gravity

Rainer Maria Rilke, Poems to Night

we diagnose you with a creeping sense of alienation forever. incurable

Let me tell you a story. It goes like this: my father is the worst man alive, and i am his favourite daughter

— on fathers, mirrors, and unwanted inheritances.